If on a Winter's Night
by Touchstone67
Summary: One fateful, winter's night, Edward and Jasper's lives are turned upside down. Is their relationship strong enough to withstand the aftermath, or will they be driven apart forever? Rated M for sexual situations, language. AH J/E slash
1. I Want You

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- *deep breath* okay, here we go! I am going to warn you now, this will be an angsty, bumpy ride, but have faith. I am going out on a limb with this story, and hope you all will join me for the journey. More A/N at the bottom

Big thanks to OnTheTurningAway for her beta on this.

I've wanted to write this story since November of 2009 but was too wrapped up in S&S/L&F and then M&A came along. Dannie has listened to me talk about this idea for eight months, and because of the anticipated angst, I had to threaten her with bodily harm to be my prereader…so this story is for her. Love you lots, bb!

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night we hadn't wanted each other so bad._

"**~~**"

Hard stone, cracked from attempts to break through their impenetrable protection, surrounded him. His heart was safely locked behind the fortress, not even a drawbridge allowing visitors across the long dried up moat of emotions.

Only unlike a real fortress, this one hadn't taken years to construct.

It had only taken one night.

One horrific, terrifying night that left his eyes empty of light, hands empty of mine, legs empty of energy and life.

Watching from a distance, I stood quietly by a tree, desperately trying to recognize this new boy behind the walls, wondering if he still had my heart.

"**~~**"

"Take that, bitch," I yelled into the microphone with glee. Defeating level eighty Death Knights in PVP might not have been such a great victory since they had been nerfed, but it still made me smile. I glanced at the muted television and saw the time clicking away down in the lower right hand corner.

Less than forty minutes.

I shifted in my high back micro-suede chair to ease the throbbing in my pants. Pretty fucking sad when just looking at a God damn clock could get me hard. Being a raging hormonal teenager, it was to be expected that just about anything got me hard, but it wasn't only my hormones that were raging.

Sighing, I palmed my cock, just to ease the pressure, I told myself. Only the more I rubbed, the more my cock ached. I leaned forward, hissing at the friction of my jeans against my growing erection, and pulled my curtain aside, relieved when I saw the snow had lightened from a steady fall to flurries. There was a new coating on my driveway since I had shoveled a few hours before, but nothing that a car couldn't make it through. It didn't snow often in Forks, and when it did it was usually heavy and wet and fucking sucked to drive in.

"Dusk," I heard in the headphones over my ears. "You still there?"

"Yeah, yeah," I turned back to my monitor.

"Thought you were bailing on me," he admitted in my ear.

"Not a chance," I replied, grabbing my mouse, readying for the next round of attacks. Next to me on my desk, my iPhone began to play "Let it Be" and I quickly pulled my headset off to answer it.

"Hey," I said into the phone. It was only one simple word, and yet I couldn't contain the fucking giddiness in my voice.

"Hey, I just got off," he greeted and I could hear the faint sound of The Beatles in the background. Listening closely, I knew he had disc three, Abbey Road, playing. I could also tell you what the other five discs in his CD player were, and what kind of mood he was in from the disc he played. I smiled when I recognized "I Want You".

It was a song I knew well; he had whispered those very words into my ear many times. Leaning in, his lips would nibble my earlobe as he murmured, "I want you, I want you so bad," and then proceeded to grind his hard cock against mine, showing me just how bad he wanted me.

Trust me, I wanted him just as bad.

"Aren't you supposed to wait and do that with me?" I chuckled, not paying any attention to my monitor or the faint voice I heard coming from the headphones. Now that I'd heard his voice, my game, the runs, everything, was completely forgotten. It had only been a mere distraction anyway, something to pass the time while I waited for him.

"Haha, very funny. I just got off _work_," he stressed the last word. "What time is it?"

Shuffling through the mass of homework and shit on my desk I found the remote and spun my chair around toward the television. I aimed the remote at it, un-muted the volume and looked at the bottom corner again.

"Tick tock, Jasper," he laughed when I didn't reply quickly enough.

"It's eleven thirty," I finally answered, tossing the remote back on the mess on my desk, certain to be swallowed up by yet another English essay I had no intentions of writing. Well, at least not during my Christmas vacation…seriously, what teacher gives homework over the holidays? Santa had better put coal in her fucking stocking.

"Plenty of time," he said, and I practically heard him step on the gas.

"How are the roads?"

"Not bad, pretty clear."

"Did you get me a sub?" I asked, and right on cue, my stomach growled.

"Oh, shit, I knew I forgot something," he teased.

"Shut the fuck up," I retorted with a grin, and out of the corner of my eye I saw the demise of Dusk, his ghostly shadow standing there waiting. Somehow, I couldn't bring myself to care.

"It's right next to me," he assured me. "Should we eat before or after?"

"Definitely after, I plan on working up one hell of an appetite."

"Mmm," he moaned into the phone and I could almost feel his breath in my ear, all hot and moist and ready. "See you soon, love."

"Be safe, baby," I whispered before hanging up. It was how we ended every conversation.

Slipping the headset back on, I said goodbye to the Pally I had promised to give a few free runs to and logged off. He'd be pissed at me for ditching him, and I'd get a lot of shit for it later, but I wasn't worried about it. Edward was coming over; he took priority over everything and everyone. After I set the headset on my desk again, I stood up and stretched, forcing myself not to look at the time on the television again.

But I failed.

Twenty minutes.

In twenty minutes, or less than that if I was fucking lucky, I would have Edward's dick in my mouth…or mine in his.

I laughed at the irony of the big, silver disco ball dropping at the same time that I hoped his balls would be dropping right into my….

The phone vibrated on my desk again, and played "The Imperial March" from "Star Wars", a much less welcome ringtone.

Yeah, I was a geek, sue me.

"Hey, Mom," I answered with a heavy sigh.

"Hey, how's everything going?" she asked absently, not entirely concentrating on the conversation.

"Everything's fine."

"Is Edward coming?"

_Not yet, _I snickered to myself.

"Yeah, he's on his way."

"There's food in the fridge, leftover pizza, some milk…oh, and cookies on the count-"

"I know, Mom, you told me about a thousand times before you left, remember?" I asked, making no real attempt to hide my frustration.

"Okay, okay. We're all checked in at the Renaissance, we'll be home tomorrow afternoon."

"Got it, see you then," I rushed out, hoping she would take the hint.

She did.

"Bye, Jasper, have fun, oh, and happy New Year," she said before hanging up. Relieved, I hit the end button and put the phone on my bed, which was pristinely made if I did say so myself. As soon as I had gotten back from my morning run, I had changed my sheets and washed my blankets, ignoring the strange looks my mother gave me as I walked by her with an armload of fleece and cotton. I had spent most of the afternoon working on the homework I had refused to do, and then spent a few precious minutes with Edward before he had left for work.

He had barely walked into my room before I had the door closed and pushed him up against it. Surprised, he moaned into the kiss, his fingers weaving through my hair as I pressed my weight against him. I wasn't beyond thrusting into him a bit…alright, a fucking lot.

Breaking the kiss, my lips traveled over his jaw line to his ear. "There's just something about this forest green polo shirt that drives me wild," I admitted in a hoarse whisper.

His chest rumbled against me when he laughed. "That's just sick, Jasper. I swear, no matter what my mother washes it in, it still smells like the restaurant all the time."

Nuzzling my nose against his neck, I inhaled deeply, taking in his masculine scent mixed with the slight minty odor of his body wash. "Mmm, I disagree, all I smell is the incredible scent of eau de Cullen," I finished in my poor French accent.

"Fucking dork," he breathed as he tilted his head to give the dork more access to the spot right above his collar. When he felt me take the skin between my teeth and suck, he tensed. "No hickys."

Sighing, I released his skin and pulled away, giving him my best pout. "But…"

"No buts, last time I had to explain why I was wearing a turtleneck… in fucking August."

The pout turned to a smirk. "I just wanted to be sure everyone knew you were taken."

He leveled his gaze at me. "You wanted to embarrass the shit out of me because you knew Jessica and Bella were going to be there," he accused correctly.

"I can neither confirm nor deny," I smiled before leaning back in and capturing his lips before he could protest anymore. Several long minutes later, he pushed me away, my hands still buried in his hair, messing it up just that much more. "Don't go," I pleaded.

"I have to. I'll be back before midnight, I promise." Looking down, my hair fell in front of my face and I nodded. His hand went to my chin and he forced me to look up at him. "You okay?" Long fingers grazed my cheek to my hair, pushing the errant strands away from my face and securing them behind my ear.

Ignoring his question, I asked one of my own. "Are you nervous?"

It was a simple question, but it brought a scarlet rush to his cheeks before he shook his head. "No."

"Really?"

"Really."

"How come?"

"Because it's you, and I love you and you love me…and it's our time." His voice soothed my frayed nerves, coating them with a potent silkiness and comfort that worked every time.

"Our time," I repeated, putting my forehead to his. "See you at midnight?"

"Midnight."

As I kissed him one last time, I felt his hand move behind him, searching for the doorknob. Once he found his goal, he used his other than to push me back a step so that he could open the door.

"I love you," he mouthed once the door was opened.

"I love you, too," I whispered. "Be safe, baby."

"See you soon, love," he had promised, and then he was gone.

I muted the television again, put my phone into the iHome and selected my 'Edward' playlist, smiling when I heard the first song. It was the first song we had danced to. After I turned off the lights, I lit a candle and slapped some cologne on before finally laying down on my bed to wait.

I shifted my weight; I tossed and turned trying to find just the right position to be in when he walked through my door. I was aiming toward sexy, gorgeous, and undeniable but what I achieved was more along the lines of awkward, desperate, and really fucking eager.

The night had been almost two years in the making, two long years of denying our sexuality, our relationship, ourselves and our cocks.

After two very fucking long years, we were finally going to make love.

My parents had conveniently decided to spend New Year's Eve in Seattle with my mother's sister, leaving me home alone.

All alone.

Well, not completely, because in less than ten minutes, I was going to have company.

Naked Edward company.

Suddenly nervous, I rolled over and opened the drawer to my bedside table, exhaling when I saw the bottle of lube and condoms.

The lube was well used, but the condoms…those were new, never opened.

Well, besides the one I had taken out to try on, a practice run of sorts. I was a track athlete, you always took a practice lap, and the last thing I wanted to be was ready to enter Edward only to be delayed by fumbling with the condom.

I didn't expect the night to be perfect. Losing your virginity at seventeen, especially to your boyfriend, was never perfect, but it didn't matter.

It was Edward, and that alone would make it perfect.

It was something I had imagined countless times, our bodies joining together in all sorts of intimate ways, some we had experimented with, others new to us both, all of them bringing us an insane amount of pleasure. In my head, I heard the whispered words of love, the cries and moans of ecstasy, and the screams of each other's names as we breached places never before discovered. My heart raced at the thought of waking up with Edward in my arms, perhaps his cock pressed against my ass, wanting to go for a second found before my parents got home.

Moaning, I rolled onto my back and let my hand skim my chest, over my abdomen, to the bulge under my jeans. I wondered if I should get naked or if he wanted to do that part. Undressing each other suddenly sounded so fucking erotic, and time consuming. Thinking it best to be prepared, I unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans, it would just speed things along once he arrived. I couldn't resist my hand as it snuck under the waistband of my briefs. Hissing when my fingers grazed the head of my cock, I debated on whether or not masturbating would relax me.

Whipping my hand out, I decided no when I thought of the hurt look on Edward's face when he saw I had started without him. We'd had our share of mutual wanks, it was something we both enjoyed watching the other do. Nothing was sexier than Edward stroking himself, his shirt pulled up to his chest, his pants down around his thighs. It drove me insane when his head would fall back and his bottom lip was tugged between his teeth. The sounds he made, skin rubbing skin and soft moans, did me in, and I never failed to come before he did. Afterwards while we cleaned up, he would always brag about his superior endurance skills. I always rolled my eyes, although I knew once I was in him, once I felt his tight ass around my cock, I wouldn't last more than a few minutes. My cock throbbed at the image of Edward lying beneath me, spread and ready and hard.

Curious, I turned my head to the side and checked the time.

Midnight.

The disco ball was dropping and Edward's balls were nowhere to be seen.

"Fuck," I muttered under my breath before reaching over and picking up my phone. Dialing, I waited for him to answer.

He didn't.

"What the fuck," I sighed, putting the phone back in the cradle, waiting all of a minute before picking it up and redialing his number three more times. "Where the fuck is he?" Closing my eyes, I focused on his image, _knowing_ that any second it would become reality.

I didn't know when I had fallen asleep, when my mind had finally given up the fight and let the slumber creep in, but I remembered my last thought was that when I opened my eyes again, he would be there with me.

The Imperial March woke me up and I groaned, having no idea what time it was or if I had been asleep for minutes or hours, but I rolled onto my side and blindly reached for my phone.

"Yeah," I mumbled sleepily. When I heard the soft crying, I was immediately awake, my eyes opening wide as I sat up. "Mom?"

It was muffled, but I could distinctly hear sobs.

"Mom," I said louder. "Are you okay? Is Dad okay?" I asked, my voice strained as I fought to maintain control. Looking at the clock on the table, I checked the time.

Four in the morning.

The curtain was still pulled aside a little, and my eyes went to the window. The snow was falling heavier, fat flakes floating randomly, aimlessly in the night sky. They were in a hotel three hours away, but perhaps my father had gone out for a late night snack, perhaps they had been on their way someplace after dinner, perhaps my world was about to implode.

"Mom?" I repeated in a weak voice, my heart pounding in my chest, anxiety tightening its long, strong tentacles around it, crushing the air from my lungs. I had no idea what was wrong, but it was something awful.

Then she said the words I feared more than all others.

"Jasper…it's Edward."

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

Put your mind at ease, Edward is _not_ dead.

A few details~ the chapters will alternate between both Jasper and Edward pov, they will also probably be shorter than my typical length, which given the angst level might be a good thing. I am going to attempt to have updates on the opposite weeks of M&A, if not sooner, assuming RL doesn't interfere too much. I'm not sure on length of the story yet, but it will be 10+ chapters at least, knowing me, more than likely more.

Dannie and I are excited to announce round two of The Slash awards! Nominations start August first, so get ready to pick out your favorite slash kiss, ILY, Domsper, Inkward etc. Details are here http:/ theslashawards DOT blogspot DOT com - Follow us on twitter theslashawards

Lastly, M&A was nominated for Best Slash for a Golden Lemon Award (M&A, lemons? Really?) You can see the other nominees and vote here http:/ www DOT goldenlemonawards DOT com


	2. Nothing's Gonna Change my World

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- Thank you to everyone that read, reviewed, alerted or favorited Winter's Night. I can't begin to tell you how personal this story is to me, or how much it means to me, and to be able to finally put it down after so long is such a relief. I hope you all continue to read, and hopefully enjoy, it.

ETA: I've received a few PMs and reviews from readers who had read this at work and ended up teary...so this chapter (entire story?) might not be SFW.

Big thanks to OnTheTurningAway for her beta.

This fic wouldn't be here without Dannie, who replied to my endless phone calls and text messages about this chapter, giving me support as well as telling me when to stfu and stop worrying.

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night we weren't so fragile…_

"**~~**"

"…there," she apparently repeated, placing a hand on my jean-covered knee for attention. Jumping at her touch, I pulled one of the ear buds out while simultaneously pausing my iPhone.

"Huh?"

"We're almost there," she said again, her voice quiet and tired. "About another twenty minutes."

I nodded and popped the ear bud back in, leaning my head back against the seat of the old Camry, staring out the window at…absolutely nothing.

Trees, houses, cars, and signs all passed by at a blinding pace and meant nothing. Well, they did mean that I was one more house, car, or tree closer to Seattle, closer to seeing him. Scrolling through my Edward playlist, I selected "Something" and concentrated on George's soothing voice instead of the ones screaming in my head.

I refused to listen to those voices; I refused to believe for one second that they could be right.

That Edward might be gone.

'_Something in the way he moves…'_

It had been something in the way he moved…and talked, and looked, and touched.

With Edward it had been everything, and something I had never felt before.

A bit less than a year before I had moved to Forks from Texas, I had figured out I was gay. My friend Peter and I had been playing a pickup game of football and just after I had made an incredible catch, he tackled me, pinning me to the ground with his solid weight as he tried to wrestle the ball from my grip, his body grinding and moving against mine. As wonderful as it had felt, I relinquished the ball to him when I felt my cock twitch and begin to harden.

That wasn't supposed to happen, not with a boy on top of you anyway. I was young, but I knew enough to know that it wasn't right. Only it turned out it was right, at least for me. After that, I began to experiment when I masturbated, picturing boys in all kinds of compromising positions, dressed and undressed, and I would come hard, harder than I'd ever come before.

Even though I had bitched and moaned to my parents about having to move, warning them about how much I was going to hate the people, the weather, the school, just fucking everything, the second I walked into the school and saw him, all weird fucked up red hair and greener than green eyes, I stopped complaining. In fact, when I had walked into biology and saw the empty seat next to him, not only did I stop complaining, but I jumped for fucking joy.

Well, on the inside anyway.

On the outside, I had kept my cool, sat down, and nodded toward him with a low, drawled out 'hey'. He returned the 'hey' and upped it with a 'new here?'

Physically, he did it for me in every way; my heart raced, halted, or skipped, my cock hardened and my cheeks flushed whenever he was near, or flashed me one of his dazzling, crooked grins. It didn't matter if he was talking to me or just near me, alone with me or in a crowd, my body always reacted the same way. There were definitely moments of embarrassment, especially once he realized he had such an effect on me. As I got know to Edward better, I realized it wasn't just his body that I was attracted to, but rather everything else about him as well; the way he ran his hand through his hair when he was nervous, the way he always kissed his mother goodnight, or the way he always seemed to know just what I needed to hear.

It wasn't just _something_, it was truly everything.

'_Somewhere in his smile he knows, that I don't need no other lover…'_

I smiled to myself because it was true and he fucking knew it. I knew that for me, there would never be another. No one would ever touch my life, or own my heart, the way he did.

On Sunday mornings his parents would go out for an early brunch, leaving Edward and I alone. After I had abandoned the air mattress the night before for the comfort and warmth of his embrace, we would wake up, lazy and languid in each other's arms, our limbs tangled together. Pushing my bed-head hair from my face, his honey-tinged voice would whisper the sweetest words, always making them sound so fucking dirty that my already hard cock would twitch. Sometimes he would take my morning wood into his hands while I took his and we would jerk each other off. Other times, we would lay side by side, our eyes locked as we masturbated together. He knew what it took to get me off, what touch, what words, what look, and he never failed to do it to me in record time. Afterward, he would lie on top of me, my cum-covered hand still weakly gripping my cock, his smile telling me he knew, he knew I was forever his.

And he had been so fucking right.

It hadn't always been like that of course.

In fact, Edward had been dating Bella Swan for five months when I first met him. I admit my heart sank a bit when I first met Bella, but I noticed he shied away from her touch when she went to move his hair from his forehead. Over the next few weeks I began to study them, specifically him, more closely. He seemed to avoid physical contact with her, but would give her smiles and winks. He never leaned toward her, never whispered in her ear, or made any sexual innuendos. Hell, he didn't even hold her hand. Had he not introduced her as his girlfriend, I would have put her into the category of platonic friend.

But I didn't automatically jump to the idea that Edward was gay, far from it actually. I had assumed he was shy, or against public displays of affection, but that didn't mean that in private he wasn't all up in her girly parts.

Regardless of telling myself not to, I held out a small bit of hope that maybe, just maybe, Edward would be like me, like _that_.

I hadn't come out to anyone. Being gay scared me, and being gay in Texas had scared the shit out of me, so I stayed in the closet with the door locked and barricaded. While Forks might have been more accepting, I still didn't chance it. I had made a few friends and was doing well in school, I wasn't about to trash it all by coming out.

About a month after I had moved there, Bella had gone with her friends for a girls' night out and Edward had called me, bored. Minutes later, he was in my room and I was showing him the joys of World of Warcraft. We had sat at my desk, me in my computer chair, him in the one we had borrowed from the den, and while I was attempting to show him my character and realm, I found myself able to only concentrate on one thing.

How fucking good he smelled.

It wasn't perfume or aftershave or some shit, it was just _him_; all woodsy, pine and fresh grass mixed with a masculine musk. He would lean toward me, pointing at the monitor to ask a question, and all I could do was inhale deeply.

Quirking a brow at me, he asked in a sympathetic voice, "Do you have asthma?"

Laughing, I shook my head at his ironic question. Ironic because not only did I not have asthma, but I jogged about four miles every morning.

Later that night, he lay on a sleeping bag on the floor next to my bed in nothing but cotton pajama pants with little reindeers on them, and asked me questions about Texas and my friends there. I tried my best to answer him, but I couldn't help but stare at his bare chest and enjoy the fact that my cock was tingling.

More than fucking tingling, it was getting hard. Maybe not poke-your-eye-out, rock hard, but definitely not just hanging-with-my-friend-soft either.

Suspicious at my difficulty answering his simple questions, he had watched me with those intense green eyes and when he glanced down my body, I swear he'd seen my growing erection even under the blanket and pajamas.

After he had fallen asleep, soft, wispy breaths coming steadily from him, I let my hand sneak under my pants to my still semi-hard cock and began to stroke it, feeling myself growing harder by the passing of each image of Edward behind my eyes. When he sighed next to me, my cock twitched and hardened even more. I stroked hard and fast, containing the moans I would have normally released. My hips thrust into my hand, fucking it at will until I felt my balls tighten and then I reached next to me, grabbing a tissue from my table, covering the head of my cock just as it released cum in short, angry bursts. Sighing, I cleaned up and put the tissue in the drawer, opening it slowly so it didn't squeak, and then rolled over onto my side, turning my back to Edward. My breaths were still short, the last sensations of my orgasm still traveling through me, my mind wracked with guilt and shame.

I had just done the worst thing ever.

I had just masturbated to the sounds of my straight best friend while pictures of him naked had flashed through my imagination like my own little personal Edward porn show.

As I finally fell asleep, I wondered if he had ever done that before.

After that night, I was more confused than ever about my feelings toward Edward. Part me insisted I let things be, remain his friend and enjoy his company. But then I would lie in bed before school and jerk off to thoughts of Edward, only to feel guilt ridden afterwards.

It didn't stop me though.

The months passed and Edward and I had remained status fucking quo.

Until one fateful day the summer between our sophomore and junior years when…

"We're here," she said loud enough for me to hear her over Paul's singing. Focusing my eyes, I saw the enormous building as we pulled around the circular drive in front, stopping near two men in black jackets. "Valet workers," she answered before I thought to ask. I hadn't been doing much thinking, in fact, I had only one thought since she had called me about eight hours before.

_Please let him be okay._

Getting out, I looked up at the building, a modern design with huge arcing ground level lined with curved windows. There was a second level with graduated sections, each covered with a large mirrored window. It definitely did not look like a hospital. I was no stranger to hospitals, my mother and Edward's father both worked at Forks Hospital and I had been there countless times, but it had been to see one of them, never for something like this.

Waiting by my mother's side while she spoke with someone at the information desk, I saw her mouth moving but even though my headphones weren't in, I couldn't hear a word she said. All I could hear was the thumping of my heart forcing the blood through my veins in a mad rush. Everything else was white noise, mumbles and murmurs, nothing definite, no actual words.

I was both acutely aware and numb at the same time. While I felt the prickling of my skin from the slight breeze when someone walked by, each worried beat of my heart, each muscle that tensed in me, I was only vaguely aware of those around me, their movements and words. It took great concentration and focus for the words to shift through my haze enough to comprehend them.

Silently, I followed my mother as she navigated us to a set of elevators, and after getting on, I saw her push the button for the fourth floor. When the doors opened, we stepped off and her hand was on my wrist, stopping me. For the first time since she had come home, I looked at her, really looked at her. Her eyes were bloodshot from crying, although I hadn't remembered seeing her cry, and there were dark circles under them from lack of sleep. Briefly, I wondered if I looked the same way. I hadn't even looked in a mirror before I'd left, but I didn't care what I looked like.

After she had called me, I had stayed awake. Unable to focus on anything, I'd wandered aimlessly around the empty house. From room to room, I paced through the silence, my thoughts racing with images that horrified me. By the time my parents had walked through the door, I was a trembling mess, my nerves shot to hell, but I was dressed and ready to go. When she had said she needed to change clothes before we left, I complained, muttering under my breath.

Didn't she understand, I didn't have time, I _had_ to leave, I had to get to him.

"Wait," she said and then took a deep breath, her tiny fingers surprisingly strong around my wrist. "I don't know many details yet, but I know…I know it's bad. I told you some last night but he was due to have surgery this morning and I don't know the results yet. I promise to try to find out what I can, but it might be confusing down there. There might be a lot of family and friends, all wanting answers, okay?"

I nodded, shifting my weight a little and looking everywhere but at her. I knew she was trying to prepare me for what I might see but all she did was scare the shit out of me.

She continued, "It's not going to be pretty. It was bad, there will be cuts, bruises. He might not look much like Edward."

Again, I nodded. I didn't care what he looked like. I just wanted to see him, to verify he was alive.

"Okay, let's go," she said, shaking her head a bit before leading me down a hall to our left. I saw signs on the walls for ORs, recovery, and the intensive care unit, which was where we were headed. As we passed nurses and rooms, she began speaking again. "Carlisle, Esme and Alice are all here. I think his grandparents are on their way from Chicago."

"Is he okay?" I asked, my voice sounding distant and slightly hoarse. There was a slight misstep in her walk and she hesitated before replying. My heart lurched, the confines of my chest no longer able to contain the ache I felt.

"It doesn't look good,' she answered honestly.

So far all I knew was that he was alive and in critical condition. We turned a few more corners and I felt sick to my stomach, bile rose in my throat with each step that brought us closer to Edward. I kept my head down, staring at my mother's heels as they clacked on the tiled floor, refusing to acknowledge the scene around me.

"The Volvo was supposed to keep him safe, Carlisle! Safe! What the hell happened?" a frantic voice begged to know.

I recognized the voice and looked up to see Mrs. Cullen and Dr. Cullen standing a few doors down, her tiny fists banging on his chest as she stared up at him with a tear streaked face. She was sobbing, her normally perfect hair was a tangled mess and her clothes were wrinkled.

_The Volvo._

It had been Edward's pride and joy. His parents had given it to him shortly after he had turned sixteen and gotten his license. It wasn't new, far from it actually, but they had purchased a new one for themselves and thought it would keep Edward safe. He didn't care how uncool a car it was, it was all his and he was fucking proud of it.

The day he had gotten it, he called me immediately, raving about all the features, but always focusing on the sound system and how great The Beatles would sound on it. The next morning he showed up at my house before school. Hearing him beep his horn, I ran down the stairs with my backpack on and went out the door to greet him. Standing proudly beside the shiny silver Volvo, his arms out wide, he beamed a crooked grin at me. I shook my head, making no attempt to hide my smile, and reached out to grab his shirt. We were almost the same height, he was only an inch shorter than me, and our lips met easily, effortlessly in our good morning kiss. My day never officially started until his lips met mine. Chaste, deep, tongue or not, it didn't matter, I just needed his touch. Weaving his fingers into my still damp hair, he moaned into the kiss and my cock began to harden at the sound. His lithe body was firm and eager beneath my hands, muscles rippling and flexing under cotton with each subtle movement. With one hand wrapped around his neck, I pushed him against his car with a gentle thud and thrust into him once before breaking the kiss.

"Don't tease me, baby," I warned him, pressing my hips to his, "or you will have to deal with this later."

"Is that a promise?" he said, wiggling his eyebrows at me and dropping his hands to my ass for a grope.

"Mmmm, most definitely."

"I don't work today, do you have practice?" he asked between kisses, his lips softly mumbling against mine.

"No, but I have a meet."

He sighed sadly.

"Home or away?"

"Home."

His hands squeezed my ass again and he jerked his hips forward. "I love home meets. I love being able to watch you run, all sweaty and panting, just how I like you."

"Perv," I teased.

"You love this perv."

"I do," I agreed completely.

He released me with one last kiss. "But now we must go learn and get smart," he joked as he pushed me away and went to the driver's side. "So what do you think of my baby?"

I opened the door and climbed in. "Edward, I've been in this car a thousand times."

"Well, yeah, but that was when it was my parent's car. It's much cooler now that it's mine," he said as he put the key in. Then he looked at me and began to go over the features in great detail. Smiling, I listened to him, watching his face get all animated and excited. "And listen," he said as he hit play on the CD player. The Beatles came through the speakers. "Sounds great, doesn't it?" he asked, positively giddy. "Buckle up, Jasper."

I agreed and leaned over, kissing him on the cheek. "You're so fucking adorable."

Blushing, he rolled his eyes and then pulled out of my driveway with "I Want You" playing so loudly my neighbors could hear it.

"Esme," I heard my mother say as Mrs. Cullen turned and headed toward us, falling into my mother's open arms. "I'm so sorry," my mother said, rubbing a hand up and down Mrs. Cullen's back until she eventually pulled away, wiping a few stray tears. "Any updates?"

Edward's mother shook her head and then turned to me. Not sure what to do, I gave her a weak smile and then imitated my mother and opened my arms. She returned my hug, her embrace much stronger than I would have expected. Clenching my eyes, I tried to think of something to say, something comforting and soothing, but all I could think of was 'I love him'. Not exactly what she would have been expecting to hear, at least not the way I meant it.

Instead, I said nothing and just held her.

"Thanks for coming," she said as she released me. Reaching up she brushed my hair off my face, tucking it behind my ear, her movements much like her son's the last time I had seen him. "He'd be happy to know you're here."

Turning, she led us down the hall to where Dr. Cullen stood, his face as tired and worn as his wife's. Alice was next to him, her tiny frame dwarfed by his. There was so much of my Edward in her, their hair color was nothing alike, but like his, hers stuck out in almost every direction. While Edward's hair stuck up because it was unruly, or because my fingers had traveled through it one too many times, Alice's was purposely styled to defy gravity. Her eyes were the same brilliant green and she shared his straight nose and high cheek bones. It was almost painful to look at her unmarred, perfect features and see the strong resemblance to Edward.

Hugs and worried words were exchanged again. Dr. Cullen let us know that Edward was still in surgery and that they had run into some complications. Swallowing at his grim words, I looked down at the floor and willed myself to keep my emotions in check. Not letting anyone at that hospital know that Edward was so much more to me than my best friend was going to be the hardest thing I had ever done. It was hard enough to hide it every day, to not touch him as casually in public as I did in private. It was a constant struggle, one that ran so deep it had become part of me. With time I had learned to resist the unwavering urges to run my fingers through his silky hair, or caress his cheek when he was stressed, or even just sit too closely to him at the lunch table. He and I had become so adapt at keeping our relationship to friend status in public that sometimes even I forgot we were more. But then he would look at me, even in a crowded cafeteria or sitting in the stands at a track meet, his eyes would somehow find mine. There was no mistaking the hungry glint in his eyes as that of a best friend.

It was that of a lover, a soul mate.

But harder than suppressing my urge to touch him would be masking my worry for him that obviously went far and above that of a friend, even as close as we were. How was I supposed to not let them know that part of me was in that OR, and if he didn't come out of it, well, fuck, then neither did I.

"Jasper?" my mother put her hand on my arm and my head jerked up. "I said, why don't we go sit down in the waiting room." Weakly, I nodded and followed them to a private waiting room a few doors down, filled with uncomfortable, non-descript plastic chairs and one short couch that probably pulled out into an even more uncomfortable bed. A television hung on the wall and a few tables with magazines were scattered between the chairs. Dr. Cullen shut the door behind us, closing out the sound of the outside world, but not the sights. The windows allowed a perfect view of the hallway.

Slumping into a chair, I pulled out my iPhone and put my buds back into my ears. After clicking play, I began to hear Lennon's voice tell me that nothing's gonna change my world.

That was just it. My world had changed because of the beautiful boy whose life was now in the hands of surgeons. They didn't know him; he was nothing but another patient to them, nothing but another notch in the belt toward their God complex.

They didn't know that he was everything to me.

They didn't know that he snorted when he laughed too hard.

They didn't know that he always brought me a sub from work.

They didn't know that he had worked his ass off to earn his 'A' in AP Chemistry.

They didn't know that he was in love with a boy who meant everything in the world to him.

Outside the room, the universe continued, changing every second, every second that Edward walked the line between life and death, people went on with their lives; patients came and left, visitors hugged relatives, doctors gave orders.

I hated them all. I hated how they got to smile and hug and love while I sat there wondering if Edward would ever do any of those things again.

Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and concentrated on another hallway many miles away.

I slammed the locker closed and he was there. Jumping, I shook my head. "Jesus, Cullen, you scared the shit out of me," I said, slinging my backpack over my shoulder. Glancing around, he gave me a quick wink.

"Sorry, love," he whispered. "Just wanted to say hey."

"Hey," I said followed by a contented sigh. Looking down both directions of the hall, I saw it was empty and I pushed him against the locker, placing a knee between his thighs.

"Damn," he whispered, his head falling back against the lockers with a bang as my lips went to my favorite spot, the sensitive flesh of his neck right above the collar of his tee shirt. I quickly nibbled up to his earlobe where I let out a long, wet breath.

"I love how you taste," I murmured before standing up straight and adjusting my suddenly tight jeans. He growled and wrapped his hand around my neck, pulling my lips to his for a quick kiss. It was risky, we both knew it, but sometimes we chanced it anyway. Part of me wondered if he didn't want to get caught, to be forced out instead of us having to decide the right time.

"Likewise," he smiled as he broke the kiss. "See you in chem?"

"Yep. Be safe, baby."

"See ya soon, love," he replied, already heading down the hall to his class, breaking into a run when he realized he was going to be late. Watching his long legs loping down the hall did nothing to ease my growing erection.

Edward was a natural athlete, his body sinewy and lean, conditioned from years of playing sports and swimming in his parent's pool. While he excelled at basketball, he could hold his own at just about anything he tried. I had tried several times to convince him to join the track team with me, but he insisted that basketball was his sport. He did agreed to start jogging with me every morning, Meeting me at my house at five, we would run a few miles at a moderate pace, his stride easily matching my experienced one. We usually ran in silence, the cadence of our breaths and the steady pounding of our feet the only sounds. In our own world, we could sometimes jog so close that our sweaty arms would graze. Even with our eyes staring straight ahead, we were keenly aware of each other and the electricity that hummed and mingled around us.

Startled when I felt the hand on my knee, I opened my eyes and found my mother giving me a weak smile.

"Here," she said, handing me some white tissues. "Don't be afraid to let it out, honey."

Confused, I took the tissues and clutched them in my hand. When I looked down at my iPhone to change songs, I saw drops of water on the screen. Hesitantly I reached up and felt my cheeks, surprised when I felt dampness. How long had I been crying? Glancing up, I saw Alice in a chair similar to mine, her own face marked with tears, her arms wrapped around her legs while she rested her chin on her knees. I should have been embarrassed that I had cried in front of her and Edward's parents, but I wasn't. When she saw me watching her, she gave me a small, encouraging smile. I tried to return it, I tried to force the corner of my lips up but they just wouldn't work.

Just then there was a knock and the door opened to reveal a doctor dressed literally head to foot in blue scrubs, a mask hanging loosely around his neck.

"Dr. Cullen?" he asked, holding out his hand as Dr. Cullen stood and greeted the surgeon. Pulling my headphones out, I took a deep breath.

This was it. My life was either going to be okay or end in the next few seconds.

After glancing at us, the surgeon asked if it was okay to speak in front of us, and Dr. Cullen nodded and said, 'they are like family.'

Taking the surgical cap off his head, the doctor walked to a chair and sat down. "Edward is out of surgery and in recovery. There were a few complications, but we were able to take care of those. The injury was more severe than we first thought…"

He kept talking but I had heard what I needed to hear.

Edward had survived.

I began to wonder; what would I say when I saw him, should I joke about the accident and not getting my sub, or should I be more serious and sympathetic? I knew I would want to touch him and hold him but I was pretty sure his parents might think that was odd if I were to hold his hand. In my muted world, I saw Mrs. Cullen burst into tears, violently shaking her head back and forth. Alice remained unchanged except for the increased amount of tears that ran down her face.

Confused, I looked to my mother and saw her run her hand through her hair, tears steadily streaming down her cheeks.

What the fuck had I missed?

I kept telling myself to focus, to listen, but all I heard was what sounded like Charlie Brown's teacher. I cleared my head just in time to hear the surgeon say, "I'm so sorry."

After patting Dr. Cullen's shoulder, he stood and walked out, closing the door behind him. Suddenly, Dr. Cullen, the strongest, smartest man I knew, buried his face in his hands, his sobs loud and furious.

"Mom?" I murmured uncertainly, my heart racing. Perhaps my thoughts on Edward being okay were premature. "What's wrong?"

She didn't answer; instead she went to Mrs. Cullen's side and took her into her arms. "It'll be okay, Esme, ssshhh," she comforted her. Glancing back and forth between my mother, Mrs. Cullen and Dr. Cullen, I grew more afraid by the second. I felt my own cheeks dampen again and I didn't even know why, all I knew was something was very fucking seriously wrong.

"Dr. Cullen?" I asked in a shaky voice when my mother had failed to respond. Dabbing his eyes, he looked up at me. "What's wrong with Edward?"

_Please, please, please_…

He moved to next to me, placing on gentle hand on my knee.

"Jasper," he began, taking a deep breath. "Edward was in a head on collision. The force of the accident caused an extension fracture near his L1-"

"Seatbelt…" I blurted out without thinking, and then smiled, relieved at my revelation. Everything would be fine, Edward would be fine, he always, _always,_ wore his seatbelt.

After a few confused seconds, he caught on to what I was saying. "Yes, he had his seatbelt on. But being hit head on snapped his upper body forward while keeping his lower body contained. While the seatbelt kept him from being thrown from the car, it also partially caused his injury."

My hope diminished. I nodded to him as though I understood what he had said, and he continued with the diagnosis.

"At the scene they put him in a collar and on a backboard, but his SCI was confirmed by a CT scan, MRI and X-ray they did as soon as he arrived. They put him on Methylprecnisolone, which helped the swelling, but the ligaments and tendons around the fracture were torn, giving him no support. In order to try to stabilize his spine, they did surgery to insert a plate and screws. When they got in there, they realized it was more extensive then they first thought, and they found hairline fractures further up his spine…"

I saw his mouth moving as he spoke to me, I even heard the words he said, but they made no sense to me. Why was Edward's mother crying? I glanced over at her wrapped in my mother's embrace as they consoled each other.

"…collapsed lung, fractured ribs, concussion, lots of lacerations and contusions. The SCI is their major concern, we won't know for sure the extent of the damage until he is alert and able to complete a few tests…."

Tests…alert…fractures…words I recognized but they meant nothing mixed with what else he had said. When he paused to take a breath and wipe his face, I interrupted.

"But Dr. Cullen, what does all that mean? I don't understand," I whispered desperately.

_Please, tell me._

Over Dr. Cullen's shoulder, my mother looked at me with grief in her eyes. I could see she wanted to let Mrs. Cullen go and move to comfort me. Why would she need to comfort me?

Edward was okay.

"Jasper, Edward is…" Dr. Cullen started, and then let out a sob, as if saying whatever it was for the first time somehow made it more real.

I began shaking my head and my hands went to my hair, fisting it. Clenching my eyes, I refused to listen.

"No…no…no…he's okay…has to be…okay…"

I felt strong hands on my wrists as Dr. Cullen grabbed them and pulled them from my hair. When he held them on my lap, I opened my eyes and saw strands of long blond hair weaving through my fingers.

"Jasper, listen to me," his voice had changed from worried father to clinical doctor. He was calm and confident, far different than he had been only seconds before.

If I closed my eyes, refused to hear, then it couldn't be true. I saw him glance over his shoulder at my mother, she had apparently asked him something and he told her he had it under control. Biting my bottom lip, I looked pleadingly at her.

_Help me._

A tangy, bitter taste coated my tongue and I reflexively swallowed it as I heard Dr. Cullen say 'Damn, it, Jasper…' but I didn't understand what I had done wrong. Then there was a tissue being pressed against my lip, his other hand was clasping my shoulder.

"Keep this on it," he instructed. He brought my hand up to the tissues to replace his hand with mine. When I felt the damp tissue against my fingers, I pulled it away and saw the crimson circle spreading through the thin fibers. Licking my lip, I felt the gash my own teeth had created.

It should have hurt, or stung, or something, but I felt nothing.

My mother let Mrs. Cullen go and moved next to me, her hand on mine in my lap. I wondered if she could feel the hairs in my hand.

"It's okay, Jasper," she told me, but her voice said otherwise; it said 'be scared, this is horrible'. It was full of sadness.

"Dr. Cullen?" I whispered hoarsely.

Hanging his head for a long minute, he gathered some courage, and then gathered more when he glanced at Mrs. Cullen's tear-streaked face. I had never seen him look so…tired. Beyond fucking exhausted, he had aged years in one night.

"Jasper, son, Edward is …" another deep breath, "Edward is paralyzed from the waist down."

Blinking, I stared at him, my eyes going from the lips that had said the words to his eyes to find the truth.

It was there.

My Edward, my beautiful, strong boy was paralyzed.

I had only one thought.

"No."

"**~~**

Thanks for reading~

So…yeah. I did mention angsty and a bumpy ride, right? I've had a few readers ask if this will be as angsty as S&S/L&F, my answer…no, it will be worse.

Dannie and I are excited to announce round two of The Slash awards! Nominations are accepted until August 22, so pick out your favorite slash kiss, ILY, Domsper, Inkward etc. Details are here http:/ theslashawards DOT blogspot DOT com - Follow us on twitter theslashawards

I've added links to the banners for L&F, M&A, Winter's Night and S&S to my profile.


	3. Don't Leave Me Waiting Here

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- Thank you for the wonderful support for this story. I'm honored by the response, and hope that you all continue to read, and enjoy, the journey these two will take. I also want to say that this story will concentrate heavily on Jasper/Edward and their relationship. While both families will be regularly included, there won't be many other characters other than cameos.

Oh, and remember I said the chapters would probably be shorter than my usual? Apparently I lied.

I know there were tears last time, so a warning- there *might* be more this chapter. Probably NSFW.

Big thanks to OnTheTurningAway for her beta, and to Sasha for her fantastic insight.

This fic wouldn't be here without Dannie, who is ready to throw in the towel but stays because I threaten her and she loves me.

Now more Jasper pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night the road wasn't long and winding…_

"**~~**"

"That…that can't be right, he can't be…" I stopped, unable to even say the word. I didn't want to believe it, there must have been a mistake. Doctors make mistakes all the time, but the look on Dr. Cullen's face, the grief in his eyes, the welling tears, told me there was no mistake.

Edward was…

"Can I see him?" I asked Dr. Cullen suddenly, my entire body shaking at the diagnosis.

_I need to see him. _

"Not yet, son. He's still in recovery, but once he gets into a room maybe you can," Dr. Cullen replied, giving my shoulder a semi-encouraging pat. Then he stood up and rejoined Mrs. Cullen on the couch, the plastic squeaking as he sat down.

My mother ruffled my hair gently. "You okay?" she asked, examining my swelling lip with her clinical nurse's eye, but I knew it wasn't my lip she was asking about.

How could I tell her that I would never be okay again? If Edward wasn't okay, then neither was I. Instead, I nodded and reached for my iPhone, swiping away the drops of water that had apparently fallen on it again. Absently I put the ear buds in as she moved to sit in the chair next to me. Laying her head back, she closed her eyes, tears silently rolling down her cheeks. Alice had moved from her solitude to her parents, seeking their comfort. They embraced her, their able child, tightly, enveloping her into their arms like a cocoon of protection and love.

Everywhere I looked, there were tears of grief, of loss.

My Edward playlist picked up where I had paused it and Paul began to sing about a long and winding road. Letting out a long, shaky breath, I closed my eyes and pictured my Edward.

"Feels so good," he moaned in my ear as my hands gripped his hips tighter. His forehead rested on my shoulder as he straddled me in the front seat of the Volvo, his erratic breaths tickling my neck. "So close, are you close?" he asked desperately. Unable to speak, I nodded and made an embarrassing noise that was somewhere between a grunt and a growl. Chuckling, he wantonly thrust his hips toward me.

"Clothes…got to go…" I mumbled, my fingers fumbling with the button of his jeans. "Need more."

He lifted his head, his eyes scanning the parking lot through the steamed up windows for students and teachers before returning it to my shoulder. "Okay, but just a bit," he relented eagerly as my hand stroked the ridge of cock through his jeans.

Relieved, I frantically unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, opening the flaps wide. Reaching in, I pulled the elastic of his briefs away enough to get my hand in. Putting his forehead back on my shoulder, his shifted his weight so I could touch him easier.

"Fuck," he hissed when I wrapped my fingers around his cock and stroked once. "Oh, God."

I felt his nails dig into the flesh on my shoulders as his hips jerked forward into my grasp and his back arched. He was so erotic, writhing on my lap, his body completely being manipulated by my touch and words. The rapt look in his eyes, their heavy lids covering the lust they held, revealed his ecstasy to me. My other hand remained on his hip, guiding his movements into my hand.

"Yeah, baby, that's it. Fuck my hand, fuck it hard," I whispered, my panting breaths skimming his flushed cheek. His body trembled from the effort of chasing his release, sitting there on the edge just waiting for the push that only I could give him. His cock twitched in my hand, and I darted my tongue out to trace the shell of his ear. "You like it when I talk dirty, don't you, baby?"

Shallow breaths dampened my neck and I felt him nod against my cheek.

"I love your cock, so wet for me, so hard. A few more weeks and you'll be mine in every way, baby. I can't wait until we fuck, you're gonna be so tight. Wanna feel your cum, baby, wanna feel-"

Grunting, his entire body tensed in my lap, his thighs clenched mine with muscles I didn't know he had and a second later, his cock erupted into my hand, releasing his thick cum in steady bursts.

"Mmmm, so fucking hot," I moaned, my own hips thrusting up into his as I sought my own orgasm. The friction of my jeans, and even the painful pressure of my zipper, teased me as I felt my hand tighten around his semi-hard cock. For my sake, he kept thrusting into my hand, providing me with the pressure I needed by rubbing his crotch up and down my erection. I felt his fingers in the curls at the nape of my neck, fisting them, tangling them as he turned his head a bit, his mouth finding the tender skin of my neck.

"You're so beautiful, Jasper," he mumbled softly. My boy might have liked the dirty talk, but for me it was his honest and deep love for me that never failed to bring me the most pleasure. The coil that had been bunched low in my abdomen sprang free and my orgasm ripped through me viciously, every muscle clenching as they greedily absorbed the high they had been craving, my cock exploding in the confines of my jeans. I let loose a loud cry, which Edward quickly muffled with a kiss, his mouth covering mine as he devoured me. We sat there with the scent of our arousals thick and musky in the air as we caught our breath and waited for our hearts to resume their normal rates. Slowly, Edward broke the kiss, putting his forehead to mine.

"Damn," I chuckled as my haze began to clear. "That was better than downing the Lich King on twenty-five man, heroic."

Laughing, he shook his head. "You're such a dork."

"Mmm, but you love me anyway," I reminded him.

"I do," he agreed with a crooked smile.

"I don't suppose you have some extra jeans in here?" I asked hopefully, not really wanting to spend the rest of the day with cum drying on my dick.

"Nope, but I have a pair of shorts."

"Edward, it's December," I replied with a raised brow. He shrugged and with a slight moan, pulled his cock free from my hand. Bringing my hand up to my mouth, I licked what was left of his cum off my fingers and palm.

"Drives me crazy when you do shit like that," he groaned, his eyes gazing at my lips as I traced them with my tongue.

"I know," I said, winking at him.

"We gotta go," he sighed, the first warning bell for the next class ringing faintly in the distance. Leaning back, he stuffed his cock back into his underwear and did his jeans back up. With one last kiss to the tip of my nose, he climbed off me and got out of the car. I heard the back door open and then felt his hand tapping my shoulder. "Here."

I spent the rest of my school day coming up with a reason why I was wearing neon orange running shorts and not the jeans I had started the day dressed in. If heard one more girl whistle at my legs, I was going to shoot Edward.

"Nice shorts," Edward smirked as I walked between the rows of desks in history. Tossing him a glare, I slumped into the chair beside him. Leaning toward me, he lowered his voice. "Wasn't it worth it?"

I couldn't contain the smile, and without looking at him, I nodded. "But from now on we're keeping spare jeans in your car."

His laugh, happy and free, reached my ears and warmed me from the inside out.

My heart clenched at the memory, the vision of a healthy, perfect Edward so fresh, so ingrained, that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't imagine him any other way. I always saw him moving, upright and eager to get going, his energy infectious to anyone around him. Prying one eye open, I dared to glance around the room. Nothing had changed except Mrs. Cullen now held a mug of coffee between her hands while her husband was on his phone, probably with his work. Alice had returned to her seat, her knees drawn up to her chest with her arms around them as she laid her cheek on them, her tiny frame looking even smaller in her worried state. On the table next to her was a stuffed snowman holding a 'happy holidays' sign in his stick hands. Why was that there?

Then I remembered it was New Year's Day.

It was the day after we should have lost our virginity. We should have woken up in each other's warm, loving embrace, perhaps even have a repeat performance from the night before. Instead, Edward was fighting a battle he didn't even know existed yet.

I glance at my phone for the time; a little over twelve hours since I had heard his voice, eighteen since I had seen and touched him.

The door swung open and the surgeon entered again. Although he was still dressed in scrubs, he had taken off the robe, booties, and mask. I debated taking my headphones out to listen to him, but then my heart sank with the possibilities as to why he was there. Had something happened, was it worse than expected? I wasn't sure I could handle it.

Clenching my eyes closed again, I felt my lips moving as I mouthed the words over and over.

_He's okay, he's okay, he's okay…_

I jumped when I felt a hand on my knee, my eyes opening wide to see my mother looking concerned. I pulled the buds from my ears.

We were alone.

"Where…" I began but faltered quickly, my heart pounding in my chest. Nervously, I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth and I could almost feel the sting from the fresh gash.

"They went to see Edward. He's out of recovery and in a room," she supplied to my half asked question.

"He's out?"

Nodding, she covered my hands with hers. "Yes, but he's heavily sedated to help with the pain and keep him still."

"Can I see him?" I felt my voice shake and I wondered if she could hear the tremor that I made no effort to disguise.

"Maybe in a while. Let his family spend some time with him. This is a lot for them to take in."

Suddenly I felt incredibly selfish. I had thought of nothing but Edward and I, and what it all meant for us, completely forgetting his family. Completely forgetting they'd almost lost their only son, that Alice had come close to losing her big brother.

"I'm going to get a coffee or something, do you want anything?"

Looking at her, but not seeing her, I think I shook my head and she nodded in understanding. When the door closed behind her, I buried my face in my hands, my breaths labored and shallow as my chest heaved. As soon as I began to feel the grief, I shook my head, refusing to let it overwhelm me. Pulling my hands away, I took a few deep breaths, gathering what little strength I had before my mother returned. I couldn't let her see me like that, I had to be stronger, I had to act like the best friend and not the boyfriend.

Quickly, I put my headphones back in and hit play. "Real Love" began and I took another calming breath. My real love needed me and I was going to be strong for him. My eyes found a spot on the floor and I focused on it, letting my mind think of nothing but the beat and soothing sounds of the voices singing to me.

I never saw the door open, I never heard her heels on the tile, I never smelled the aroma of the coffee she carried, but somehow she ended up sitting next to me, slowly sipping the steaming liquid. Comforted by her presence, I closed my eyes again and laid my head against the back of the chair.

"…him now," I heard just as I felt the hand on my shoulder, gently shaking me. Forcing my eyes opened, I found Dr. Cullen standing before me, his face swollen from crying, but he made no attempt to hide his damp cheeks.

"Huh?" I heard myself ask under the sound of the music in my ears. I think there were others in the room with us but I wasn't sure.

"You can go see him now," he repeated quietly and then sat down next to me. "But first, let me tell you what to expect." I sat up straighter, my heart clenching in my chest with both fear and anxiousness. "Other than his spinal injury, he doesn't have any other broken bones, but there are bandages on the abrasions he received. There are bruises and cuts on his face, and one of his eyes is quite swollen. There is an IV hooked up, and various other machines monitoring his status, so you might hear beeping. Until he is more stable, he has an oxygen tube in his nose to help him breathe. Don't be surprised if he doesn't look much like himself right now, okay? You can't stay long, just for a few minutes."

I didn't move.

He paused, and tilted his head, eyeing me cautiously. "You don't have to go in; it's okay if you can't."

_I have to see him._

"I'm okay," I lied in a whisper.

"Room two-oh-five. Down the hall on the right," he directed me and then gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. When I stood, my legs felt weak. I gave my mother a glance as I reached for the handle on the door and at her nod, I opened and turned right down the hall.

Standing outside his room, I took a deep breath. I could see a curtain, half closed, and I could hear machines beeping and clicking and hissing, all keeping vigil over his vitals. The end of a hospital bed was visible, and I saw the outline of legs under a white flannel blanket.

Edward's legs.

Legs that would no longer support him, no longer run him down the court to do a game winning layup, no longer kick to propel him through the water of his pool.

Frozen in place, I glanced down the hall in both directions, wondering how many others had stood there, facing the same fears I was. Looking back at the end of the bed, I wiped at my eyes, trying to clear the blurriness from them, and took a step into his room. Slowly, I made my way toward him, my eyes staring at the tiled floor until I felt the curtain brush my arm. I forced my gaze up, telling myself to take in every detail; the mechanics of the bed, the table that was sitting next to him, the design on the faded blanket, but I knew it was only a way to delay looking at Edward.

To face what had happened to him.

What I was responsible for.

Machines surrounded him, some standing on their own, others attached to the wall, each one with a purpose of tracking his body, every breath, beat and movement. Monitors recorded his life, their beeps comforting in an odd way. The sterile room was dim, a small light over his bed provided a heavenly glow onto him. Behind his head, the wall was covered with baskets, buttons and tubes, all having some sort of unknown purpose. I bumped into something and looked down at the chair that sat next to his bed, probably where Mrs. Cullen at sat to hold his hand and soothe him.

Skipping his legs that lay still beneath the blanket, I found myself staring at his left hand, unmarred and looking completely normal. Forcing my eyes further, I saw bandages wrapped around his forearm, traveling all the way up under the sleeve of his paisley-printed gown. His chest rose and fell steadily, reassuring me he was indeed alive, his lungs filling with air with each quiet breath. My eyes went to my favorite spot, his neck right above his gown, and I was relieved to see it was unharmed. Sucking in a breath, I forced myself to finally look at his face.

_Oh my God._

A sob escaped me and my body suddenly weakened. I grabbed the chair and fell into it.

Dr. Cullen's warning was tame compared to what I saw. His face, still beautiful and perfect, was covered in bruises and small scattered, uncovered cuts. What wasn't bruised was covered by white gauze bandages, one along his forehead and another on his jaw. His right eye was swollen, discolored red and purple. The plush lower lip I loved to nibble was decorated with a nasty gash and his top one looked like he had been punched. His right arm appeared to be absent of bandages, but an IV needle was inserted into the back of his hand and clip of some kind was on his index finger. His bed was slightly inclined, his torso raised a bit higher than his legs.

For all his injuries, his looked peaceful, as if he was sleeping comfortably.

And for the moment, he was. There was no pain, no knowledge of the news he was going to face when he woke up. He had no idea of the turn his life had taken.

Skimming over his battered and broken body, I forced my eyes to the outline of his legs, knowing I had been avoiding them all along.

They seemed…normal.

Long, thick, muscles present even in their still state, I wanted to reach out and poke him to get a reflex reaction from him, make him stir and move and kick. Perhaps if I looked at them long enough, studied them, I would see them move, see some sort of twitch or jerk.

I saw nothing but complete stillness.

Returning my gaze to his left hand, my own itched to grab it, clench it and never let it go.

But I was afraid.

I was afraid to wake him up, of getting caught, and of hurting him.

Glancing behind me, I placed my hand on the edge of the bed, my fingers stretching to brush along the back of his hand. His skin was soft and warm, just like it should have been.

"Edward," I heard my own raspy voice. "Baby, please…." I stopped, having no idea what I wanted.

_Please wake up._

_Please walk._

_Please love me. _

All I could think of was_ please_.

Not sure how long I had alone with him, I kept the tips of my fingers pressed against his hand and I bowed my head, the tears falling directly from my eyes to my lap.

"I told you to be safe, baby. You were supposed to be safe," I whispered to him barely stroking the back of his hand. There was no reaction to my words, he remained motionless, his body stagnant in response.

"Jasper?"

I jumped, my fingers retreating from his hand back into my clench fist. She walked up behind me, putting her hand on my shoulder. Swiping at my eyes, I didn't look at her.

"You okay?"

I don't know if I responded to her question but I asked her one of my own, my eyes never leaving him. "Why him, Mom? He's such a good person, why would this happen to him? He doesn't deserve this."

She stood behind me, her hand rubbing small circles on my shoulder.

"I wish I knew, Jasper. All I know is that, well, sometimes we can't make sense of things like this. They just," she paused, her hand stilling as she searched for the right word, "happen."

I shook my head, her answer wasn't good enough. There had to be a reason why it was him and not someone else; why such a beautiful boy with a soul of an angel would be forced to suffer.

"Can he hear me?"

"I don't know but they say that patients can hear long before they become conscious." Time passed and neither of us moved. "We should go," she said, taking her hand from me. "We need to find a hotel room before it's too late."

Late? I glanced up and for the first time noticed the windows that lined the wall opposite us, and saw the darkening sky.

"I'm not leaving."

"Jasper, we can come back tomorrow. Let's go get something to eat and sleep," she said in her 'don't argue with me' voice.

"I'll be right out." I waited a minute until I was sure she had left and then reached out for his hand, taking it completely in mine, needing him to feel me, to know I was there.

"I'll be back, baby. I love you," I whispered for his ears only, hoping my mother was right and that he could hear me. Somehow I stood up, feeling the tremors in my legs as they carried me from his bedside to the hallway. At the door, I turned around, unable to see his face around the curtain.

"Be safe, baby," I murmured to him.

_See ya soon, love._

"**~~**"

I followed her into the room, kicked off my shoes and flopped onto one of the beds, burying my face into a pillow.

"Do you want me to order room service?" she asked from behind me. Shaking my head, I turned onto my side. "Jasper, you have to eat. I'm going to order you a burger and fries." She didn't wait for a reply before picking up the phone.

Closing my eyes, I wished I was back at the hospital with Edward. I heard her moving around the room, and there was the faint sound of a television. The food arrived and she told me to come eat.

"In a little while," I mumbled to her, reaching for my headphones. She raised her brows at me and I sighed. Resigned, I move to the edge of the bed and grabbed the plate of food, picking at the fries. I put them in my mouth, chewing and swallowing but not tasting them.

"We can go by the hospital tomorrow morning but then we need to head home," she announced as she took a bit of her sandwich.

"I'm staying."

"Jasper-"

"I can stay with the Cullens. They won't mind," I challenged her, knowing that she knew I was right.

"No, they won't. But don't you think they have enough to deal with right now? They still need to tell Edward when he wakes up, make arrangements to move him back to Forks once he's stable enough. Get him closer to home."

"I won't be in the way. Maybe I could even help," I choked out, realizing it was a losing battle.

"School starts tomorrow and I've got work. We can stay until early afternoon, then we need to head home. We've got a three hour drive ahead of us."

The conversion was done. I had no fight left in me and if I pushed it too hard, she would begin to wonder why I was so desperate to remain in Seattle. I tossed the rest of my fries on the plate and lay back down, never touching the burger. When she was done eating, she turned off the lights and television. Neither of us had a change of clothes, so we both lay dressed on our separate beds.

In the darkness of the room, I felt alone even though my mother was sleeping closer to me than she did at our house. My heart ached, twisting and tugging in every direction with each thought of Edward. He must have felt so alone in his forced slumber. Dr. Cullen said he was staying in his room with him all night, but had sent Alice and Mrs. Cullen to the hotel with us. We were going to met them the next morning to go back to the hospital.

Certain my mother was asleep, I reached for my phone. Bringing it to life, I went straight to my pictures. I might not be able to be with him physically, but I could at least see him. Tapping on the folder named 'us', I started a slideshow. One after the other, pictures of Edward and me from the past two years flashed on the screen.

A Cullen family barbeque where Alice took a picture of Edward and me doing cannonballs into the deep end of the pool.

My birthday party six months ago, taken in my room late at night after everyone had gone to bed. Sated smiles on our faces gave away our euphoric condition. In the picture, we appear shirtless, but actually we were naked, having just climaxed from mutual blowjobs. There was still a lust induced haze in both our eyes that only we would recognize.

After the championship track meet the year before, Edward's arm slung on my shoulders, my second place medal hanging from a ribbon around my neck while both of us smiled up at the camera that I held up high.

Edward's family on vacation, Alice and Edward in between their parents, everyone smiling and tan, palm trees in the background.

Another taken only a week before, Christmas Eve at my house. It was of my Edward alone, sitting in front of our decorated tree, giving me a crooked grin, a knowing glint in deep in his moss green eyes.

One taken in Edward's driveway by his mother. Edward was carrying me on his back, my arms wrapped around his neck, his hands tucked in under my thighs. We were both laughing so hard he could barely stand up.

_Barely stand up._

Now I'd be thankful if he could barely stand up.

The tears came faster, stronger, sobs racking my body as I shook trying them keep them silent. My heart ached, tightening. I wasn't grieving for Edward, I was mourning for what he had lost, a future he would miss out on, a future now irrevocably changed. Taking short gulps of air, I slowly unclamped the constraints around my chest. Through the tears I forced myself to watch the slideshow again while Paul sang to me about his long and winding road.

There was going to be a long, hard winding road ahead but I was going to go down it with him - no matter what.

Exhaustion began to finally overtake me, and as my eyes drifted closed their last image was of a smiling Edward.

"**~~**"

I hadn't stopped yawning since my mother had woken me an hour earlier. Sleep, if it could be called that, had been pitiful at best. Not from my body tossing and turning but from the spinning of my mind. I had slept with my ear buds in all night, waking up often to the sounds of John or Paul crooning in my ear, sometimes lulling me back to sleep, other times reminding me of the unknown that lay ahead.

The first blissful seconds after I woke up, it all seemed like a bad dream, something awful that happens to other people, not to Edward. Then reality harshly and cruelly set in, stealing my breath and tightening the invisible band clenching my heart.

My mother had gone down to the hotel store while I got up. When she returned, she tossed a bag with a toothbrush, comb and deodorant onto my bed and went into the bathroom. I went through the motions of making myself presentable, not that it mattered, and then we headed to meet Mrs. Cullen and Alice.

After driving them to the hospital, my mother and I were sitting in the ICU waiting room again while the Cullens visited with Edward. My mother sipped her coffee and stared out the window.

Turning away, I stared at the floor, hit pause on my phone and pulled an ear bud out.

"What's going to happen?" I heard myself ask her the question that had been going through my mind for hours.

It was a loaded question, opened ended and difficult to answer.

She looked over at me, seemingly surprised at hearing my voice. Taking another sip of her coffee, she thought about my question and then put on her nurse voice. It was a voice I had heard often, anytime I had been injured as a child, her nurse voice would take over her mother tone to keep me calm.

"I spoke with Dr. Cullen earlier, and he told me that once Edward is stable enough they will med-flight him back to Forks and admit him into our hospital. He will be there for a few weeks, maybe more. There are problems that could arise with his condition, so they need to keep an eye on him. But considering his father is a doctor, Edward might get to go home quicker than the average patient in his condition."

_His condition_.

"What about school?" I squeaked out.

"He won't be back for awhile, Jasper," she said sympathetically.

Keeping my head down, my eyes pretending to scan something on my phone, I dared to ask what I really wanted to know.

"Will he ever walk again?" I whispered, almost afraid to say the words aloud. Swallowing hard, I waited for her reply. She got up and moved to the chair next to me, patting my knee.

"Once he wakes up, they will run a few tests to see how much information his brain is receiving from below his injury, which will determine his ability to move. I know that the fact that he made it through his first twenty-four hours ups his survival rate."

"You didn't answer my question," I said, finally pulling my eyes from the floor to look at her. Her words might not have answered my question, but her grim expression did.

"It's unlikely, but…" she thought carefully before continuing, "there's always hope."

_Hope. _

Edward's fate, his very future, was now contained to that one word.

The door opened and the Cullens walked in. My mother stood and hugged a sobbing Mrs. Cullen, holding her tight and saying something in her ear. Alice returned to her spot from the day before and curled up into a protective ball of denial. Dr. Cullen walked over to me and put a hand on my shoulder. Looking up, I tried, really tried, to give him a smile.

I failed.

"How's he doing?" I asked weakly.

"He's stable, which is about all we can ask for right now," he replied quietly and then sat in the seat my mother had just left. "Would you like to see him?"

I told myself not to cry at his considerate offer. Such simple words, a simple question and it filled me, swelling my heart in the confines of my chest. I wanted to scream yes at the top of my lungs, but instead I just nodded and kept my emotions in check.

"There are no restrictions on his visitors now so you can stay longer than yesterday. If one of his nurses or doctors comes in, you may have to leave, but other than that, stay and visit. Talk to him. He needs you, Jasper. He will need his friend to help him through this."

There was that word again.

_Friend._

Biting my lip, I nodded again and glanced at my mother as I stood. She and Mrs. Cullen were sitting, holding hands and talking quietly. Clenching my phone in my hand, I left the room and turned down the hall.

Knowing what to expect, I walked into his room less tentatively than the day before. Keeping my eyes on the floor, I went directly to the chair next to his bed and sat down, relieved when my eyes found his left hand exactly where it had been the day before. Casually, I put my hand on the edge of his bed, the flannel blanket soft under my palm as I stretched my fingers out to him, my tips caressing the back of his hand in short strokes. I jumped when his hand twitched at my touch, his fingers jerking reflexively and I gasped and looked around to see if anyone else saw it.

"Edward?" I whispered as if we were not alone. "Can you hear me?"

I glanced between his hand and his face, looking for any signs of recognition. His eyes didn't miraculously open, his lips didn't curl up into a familiar smile, in fact, there was no reaction whatsoever.

Putting my hand back on the edge of the bed, I peeked over my shoulder, wishing I had thought to close the door. I reached around behind me and slid the curtain to block us from those walking by. More comfortable, I let my fingers reach out for his warmth again, starting with gentle, feather-light touches.

"Your dad said I should talk to you. I don't know if you can hear me, but, baby, I love you." I spoke in a tone so low that even if he had been awake he would have had a hard time hearing me. "I miss you, your voice, your kisses. Everything…I miss everything."

He remained motionless.

"I know you're scared, baby. I am too, but we'll get through this. You and me, we can do anything together, remember? This is just a bump in our long and winding road. "

Quoting the song inspired me and I reached for into my pocket for my iPhone. Scrolling through, I tapped music and then leaned over the bed, putting one bud in my ear and the other in his. I hit play and Paul began singing Edward's favorite song, telling us that there will be an answer if we just let it be.

As the song played, I got brave and let my finger tips freely skim over his hand and I even let them wander up his arm to the edge of the bandage. Keeping my eyes on his face, I watched him intently, looking for any signs of my Edward. His eye was less swollen, although the bruises hadn't faded, and his lip looked like it was healing. Next to him, a monitor tracked his heart rate while another watched his blood pressure. It was amazing really, how the slightest change in him would be caught and doctors would be alerted. Two IV bags hung on a hook; I assumed one was the medicine that was keeping him from me while the other provided hydration.

The doctors might not know much about him, what kind of person he was, but they were watching him closely, ready to solve any problems that came up.

As the song finished and the next one began, I glanced behind me and then grasped his hand in mine. Afraid to move it, I lowered my lips to it. Amazed at how warm he felt, how normal, I brushed my lips across his skin a few times before planting a kiss in the middle. Keeping his hand in mine, I scrolled through my phone with my other until I found what I was looking for. Selecting the folder, I opened a picture and then held it up to him.

"Remember this one?" I asked him, holding the phone up as if his bright green eyes were open and looking. "It was a cookout at your house. Your dad grilled those huge steaks, and," I began laughing as the memory came back to me. "Remember he was turning one of them and then your mom screamed at us for jumping in the pool and he dropped it on the ground? He was so pissed at us." I finished the story, the picture of us by his poolside on my screen. Moving to the next, I sighed.

It was the one from my birthday.

Lowering my voice to a whisper, I described the picture to him. "This one is from my birthday. Remember we had just come and you were laying on top me and said we needed to take a birthday picture in our birthday suits." I felt my cheeks flush as I described the memory to him. "We had to take ten pictures to get one where you couldn't tell we were naked. That night was so hot, baby. Remember? We sixty-nined for the first time. It was amazing."

I realized my hand was moving over his, stroking him as I talked. When I stopped, his finger twitched.

Perhaps he could hear me, feel my touch.

Encouraged, I went to the next picture.

"Here's us at the championship track meet last year. That asshole from La Push had just beaten me in the eight-hundred. I was disappointed and when I got off the track, you came up to me and said how I was always number one to you. You always know what to say."

The next image appeared.

"This one is your family vacation, I can't remember where you went that year. Cancun maybe? You look so beautiful with a tan." I waited for the next image. "Christmas at my house. I wanted to take a picture of you with your present in front of the tree and all you wanted to do was…" I felt my cheeks warm, "ya know," I said shyly. Fondling the braided leather around my wrist, right where he had put it, I debated on undoing it for the first time and putting it on his wrist to wear. I wanted him to have something of mine, something tethering us together while we were separated, something to remind him of me.

"I want to leave this with you, but I don't know if they have rules about that kinda stuff here," I told him before looking around the room for some sort of poster of restrictions, like you see in classroom or outside of restaurants.

My favorite picture came up next.

The piggy back ride.

"Your mom asked you to rake the yard and you tricked me into coming over to help. All I did was complain the entire time until you promised me a blowjob as my payment. When your mom called us into dinner, I groaned about my sore feet and legs, so you tossed me on your back. I don't know why your mom took the picture but it's one of my favorites. Good thing she couldn't hear the dirty words I was whispering in your ear. You were laughing so hard," I finished wistfully.

I went through each picture, describing them all in great detail, when, where, and what we were doing. The entire time, Edward's playlist continued in our ears, the music drowning out the sounds of the hospital around us.

Just as the last image of us appeared on the screen, I heard a knock on the door a second before footsteps entering. Releasing his hand like it had been on fire, I jumped back, accidently yanking the bud from his ear.

"Shit," I muttered. "Sorry, ba-Edward."

A nurse turned the corner of the curtain.

"I thought I heard someone in here. I'm Anna," she greeted.

"Jasper," I said quietly, stuffing my phone into my pocket.

"Brother? Friend?"

_Soulmate. _

"Friend."

She nodded and went to work. Picking up his hand, she adjusted the clip on his finger, and then she pressed buttons on several of the machines, writing all the numbers down on a clipboard.

"I need to change his bag, you okay with that?"

I nodded, although I had no idea what she was talking about. On the opposite side of the bed, she lifted his blanket, folding it back over him and for the first time, I got to see his bare legs.

There were a few bruises, but nothing he wouldn't have gotten during a rough game of basketball. His skin was pale, light brown hair still dusted his calves and thighs. I looked away when she pushed his gown aside, not wanting to embarrass him. Dainty hands clinically checked the tube that had been inserted into his dick and then she covered him back up before disconnecting a full bag from the side of bed. She quickly replaced it with an empty one and pulled the blanket back down.

"All done," she said, giving his leg one last pat. "Keep talking to him, they say people can hear their loved ones," she encouraged with a smile before stepping around his bed with the bag in her hand.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, what's up?"

"Can he wear a…um a leather… um bracelet?" I stammered, feeling my cheeks warm. Trying not to smile, her eyes flashed to my wrist and the flush on my face increased.

"I'm sorry, ICU patients aren't allowed to wear any kind of jewelry," she said apologetically. "Anything else?"

I shook my head, keeping my eyes downward.

"If you need anything, let me know," she smiled and headed for the door.

"Thanks," I mumbled as an afterthought as she left.

This was Edward's life now. Nurses, doctors, _strangers_ touching him intimately, their hands in places only mine and Edward's, and I supposed his mother's, had ever been.

It didn't seem right.

Nothing seemed right anymore.

The most athletic, creative, and beautiful person I had ever known was broken beyond repair, reminding me just how fragile we were. There was nothing the doctors' education and degrees or technology could do for him; they couldn't put him back together again, they had failed him.

I had failed him.

If it hadn't been for me, if I hadn't told him to be at my house by midnight, if I hadn't convinced him that that night would be a perfect first time to lose ourselves to each other…

The tears began to fall again, and I just…let them. Gripping his hand in mine, probably too tight, I stared at his quiet legs.

"Edward, I'm so sorry, baby." I stopped, taking a breath before I began sobbing. "Oh my God, baby, this is all my fault. You were rushing to me. _I'm_ the reason you're here like this." Wiping my eyes, I looked up at his face. "Forgive me. I don't know what I'd do without you. Please…"

My chest heaved with the shallow breaths I took, the gasps bringing too little oxygen into my lungs. I wanted to crawl into the bed next to him, hold him. Standing, I released his hand and placed my palm over his heart, feeling the heat of his flesh through the thin cotton of the gown. With one last look toward the door behind me, I bent over and gently placed my head on his chest.

Beneath my ear, his heart beat steadily, solidly, like nothing had changed. It was strong and secure. One after the other, the guilt fell from my eyes, over my face and onto his chest.

"Baby," I whispered to him, "I love you so fucking much. Always… always, no matter what, I love you."

I wasn't sure how long I remained like that, listening to the life beat inside him. His body heat warmed my cheek as I lifted my hand from the edge of the bed and held it out over his thighs. Trembling fingers slowly lowering until they rested on his leg.

It was firm, hard and so very still.

Stroking it, I watched my hand move over the blanket, wishing my touch could will his legs to move, that my energy would flow from me into him where he needed it most. Every time we touched, there was a bolt of electricity that shot through us, at first it had scared the shit out of us, but we gradually got used to the fact that every caress, no matter how small, would cause skipping heartbeats.

The tears continued to fall until there were none left. Minutes or hours, I had no idea how long I was with him but I knew my mother would be coming for me soon. Turning my head, I placed a kiss on his heart.

"I love you. I'll be back as soon as I can," I murmured into his chest before standing up. Unable to resist, I ran one fingertip down his cheek to his lips. "Be safe, baby."

Wiping my eyes, I turned and walked away from Edward.

"**~~**"

I had no idea what time it was, not that it mattered anyway. Since we had left the hospital in Seattle, time had all but stopped for me. Dr. Cullen had promised to call me each day to let me know how Edward was doing, and I had spent half of the ride home fighting the desire to argue with my mother, to convince her why I could stay in Seattle with the Cullens.

The house was quiet, my mother had ordered pizza after we got home and went to bed shortly after. I think my father had stayed up for awhile but I had gone up to my room right after dinner and hadn't left it since. My computer beckoned to me from my desk, and even though I was sure there were a ton of unread messages, I couldn't bring myself to care.

The room was completely dark except for the hazy, blue glow of the iHome on the table next to my bed. Lying flat on my back, I stared at the ceiling, my hands by my sides, my legs out straight. Keeping them as still as possible, I tried to imagine what it would feel like to not be able to use them.

Would they feel heavy or light? Would they feel any touch or nothing at all?

Keeping them rigid and together, I pushed myself up on my elbows and watched my feet. The more I concentrated on them, the more relaxed they felt. Under my blanket, they looked just like Edward's had.

But there was one big difference between his legs and mine.

Mine worked.

Rolling over, I glanced at the time.

Two in the morning.

I had to get up for school in less than four hours and I hadn't even closed my eyes in an attempt to sleep. I had listened to music while I tossed and turned until I couldn't take it anymore. Flipping the blanket off me, I got out of bed and padded downstairs. As I turned the corner at the bottom of the stairs, the falling snow outside caught my eye and I found myself standing at the front door.

Opening it, I stepped outside, my legs carrying me down the porch steps until I was standing in the snow in nothing but flannel pants.

The only sound was the flakes falling mesmerizingly through the branches and landing on the ground, covering everything with a blanket of purity and rebirth. Everywhere I looked was white; our cars, the driveway, the pile of leaves I had never picked up, the shovel I had left out from New Year's Eve. Tilting my head back, feeling the specks of dampness on my face, I looked up into the inky black sky marred by the tiny white dots falling from heaven.

_Heaven._

Perhaps the doctors couldn't help him but maybe someone else could.

"Please, God…I'll do anything_, anything_, just don't take his legs, please," I begged. I clenched my eyes to stop the tears, but instead, they rolled down the side of face to my neck.

Maybe there was something _I_ could do.

"Take mine instead," I bartered through gritted teeth, my balled fists hitting the sides of my thighs. "Take my legs and give him his. Please take mine," I begged, repeating it over and over. "He doesn't deserve this… please."

Weak, I fell to my knees, the snow doing nothing to cushion me from the pavement underneath. Choking back more tears, I wrapped my arms around my chest as I finally began to feel the cold seeping through my numb skin, my thin pants unable to keep the chill out.

The bartering hadn't worked, I could still feel my legs.

Sighing, I opened my eyes, the snow gathering on my lashes quickly.

"Please, God, I beg you, take mine. Don't do this to him," I pleaded from my knees. "It's my fault he was driving on that road, not his. Forgive me for wanting him, I know it's wrong but I love him so much, he's everything to me. We're everything to each other. Give him his legs, please, please. This will destroy him. He loves basketball and if he can't…" My voice cracked with the reality of his future of not being able to play basketball again, at least not the way he knew it.

"Just let him walk. I love him, God," I began to sob between the words of my whispered prayer. Slowly, I stood up on strong, steady legs. Shivering, I turned and went into the house, my legs easily taking the steps by two. It was so effortless for me, my muscles working in tandem to move me, the motion so natural and unconscious that I didn't even have to think about it. I could go anywhere I wanted to on a whim, no planning involved.

Something that would never happen for Edward again.

After closing the door, I headed for the living room. Our Christmas tree still sat in the corner, my father had left its lights on, their pale color twinkling in the dark room. Somehow I ended up sitting on the floor next to it. I knew I should grab the blanket off the couch to warm up with but I didn't. I just sat there, my knees up to my chest with my arms around them. As I stared at the flickering lights, I remembered much happier times when Edward had sat in front of it about a week before.

"No, you first," he said, shoving the wrapped present at me. My parents had gone to bed, leaving Edward and I alone downstairs to exchange gifts. Since they had gone upstairs, Edward had been all over me, his hands touching me everywhere, constantly caressing the most sensitive areas, the places he knew drove me wild. He was impossible to resist, the desire in his eyes did nothing but fuel the growing erection in my pants, but I insisted we open presents first. Plush lips pouted as he looked up at me through his dark lashes.

Like I said, impossible to resist.

Keeping it 'G' rated until we were sure my parents were alseep, we sat facing each other on the floor next to the tree. Rolling my eyes, I took his gift, unable to contain my heart racing in anticipation.

"What is it?"

"Open it, dork," he sighed, his eyes bright with excitement. Pulling the tape off, I ripped the shiny, green paper open to reveal a small, white box. I took the cover off and gasped.

"You remembered?" I whispered. A few months before we had been surfing the web at Edward's house and had found some nice leather bracelets. I had found one I really liked but it was out of my unemployed price range. That one now sat on a pillow of cotton in the box, and looked even more perfect up close.

"Here," he said, smiling. Taking the bracelet from the box, he clasped the chocolate brown braided leather around my right wrist. Holding my wrist out a bit, I admired it. "Do you like it?" he asked nervously.

"I love it, it's perfect, thank you," I answered before wrapping my hand around his neck and pulling him into a brief kiss.

"There's another part, but it's kind of stupid," he said, lowering his head and blushing. Before I could say anything, he reached behind him and pulled out a thin envelope. I could tell it was a CD of some sort, and assumed he had made me a CD mix. After all, we weren't beyond that rite of passage. In a black marker, he had written two words.

_For you._

"I had to make it sorta code in case anyone found it," he explained. Getting up, I popped it into the CD player and grabbed the remote before returning to my place in front of him, our knees barely touching when I sat down again. The room slowly filled with the sound of music. The piano I recognized right away, the song I did not.

"It's beautiful," I said, listening closely. The melody was soothing, rising and happy all at the same time."Is it The Beatles?" I asked, pretty confident I knew all their music because of Edward, but maybe it was long lost song.

"Do you like it?" he asked, biting his lip.

"Yeah, it's really pretty, perfect."

"I wrote it…for you," his cheeks darkened and he ducked his head bashfully.

"You _wrote_ this? Like composed it?" I asked in awe. His talent never ceased to amaze me. Nodding, he looked down at our nearly touching knees, and I felt his hand rubbing mine. "Edward, it's amazing. C'mere." Pulling him to me for another kiss, our lips met while I braced my hands on his thighs, debating on deepening the kiss. "You are so fucking amazing, baby," I murmured as I pulled away.

"Shut up," he said, embarrassed. "I've been working on it for a few months now. You inspired me. I love you."

"I love you, too. Now you need to open yours," I returned, handing him his present. The wrapping was poor, but I hoped he wouldn't care. I don't think he did because he ripped through it and his eyes widened shock.

"You didn't!" he said, barely taking his eyes off his gift to look up at me. Nodding, I adopted the blush he had and prayed like he liked it.

It had taken me the better part of four months to complete, between school, track, family and Edward. I had sat in my room well past my bedtime many on nights working in the dim light trying to get the shading just right. In Edward's hands sat an 11x14 framed pencil drawing of his favorite Beatles picture. It was all four of them standing together, looking off in the distance, a slight smile on Paul's face as he hid behind Ringo.

I didn't have a steady job like Edward, and what little money I did have wasn't enough to get what I had really wanted to - a signed copy of the White Album. So one day I had casually asked him what his favorite picture of The Beatles was and he had showed me the one he was holding.

Silent, he just sat and stared at it. I was about to ask if it was okay and I saw a tear fall from his eye onto the glass.

"Jasper, I don't know what to say. It's…beautiful. You're beautiful and talented and perfect," he sighed, finally looking up at me.

"You like it?"

"The best present I've ever received," he admitted.

"Better than Rocky?" I asked, referring to the puppy he had gotten for Christmas when he was five.

"Better," he confirmed.

Grinning, I leaned forward and captured his lips with mine again, and wasn't surprised when his tongue wanted entrance.

"I'm sure they're asleep," he mumbled when his lips left mine and began a trail down my neck. "Come on, just touching okay?"

My head lolled back, his lips wet and warm and everywhere at once, perfectly synchronized with his wandering hands. Long fingers tickled my skin as they dipped under the hem of my tee shirt, raising it higher and higher until he pulled back and lifted it over my head.

"Lay down," he commanded. Doing as he asked, I grabbed his shirt and took it with me, pulling it over his head and tossing it aside. Laying flush on top of me, our bare chests seared into each other, my nipples pebbled instantly at his touch. Groaning, I plunged my hand into his hair, bringing his mouth back to mine, sucking his tongue into my mouth.

"Fuck, baby," I groaned as his mouth left mine again and he began to slid his body down mine, leaving goosebumps in the wake of his touch. Pushing himself up onto his knees between my spread legs, he kept his eyes on mine as he hooked his thumbs into his cotton pants and yanked them down over his ass, freeing his erection. He chuckled when my eyes went to his cock, hard and thick and ready, as I licked my lips.

"Up," he said, his hands on the elastic of my pants. I lifted my hips and in one swift motion, he had pulled my pants and briefs down to my thighs. Groaning at the site, he stared at me while I lay aroused and wanting beneath him. Lowering himself on top of me again, he lined our cocks up, both slickened from our fluids, and began to thrust his hips back and forth over mine.

I had never felt anything to fucking incredible in my life.

It was raw and feral and loving all at the same time, much how I imagined us making love would be. Uncontainable passion drove us as his pace immediately quickened to propel us. We grunted and moaned, our breaths labored, our hips insistent, our movements erratic in our need. Keeping our mouths fused, Edward humped me, his bare cock rubbing against mine. I arched my back, driving my hips up into his and wrapping my legs around his waist, keeping him to me as I neared my orgasm.

I needed him just as close.

Breaking the kiss, I moved my mouth to his ear, my wet tongue licking and lapping every inch I could reach.

"Baby, if I shifted just right, you'd slipped inside me. We could take these pants off and slide you into my hot, tight ass. We'd be fucking. Wouldn't that feel good? I know I can't wait to fuck you, I want to fuck you so bad, Edward," I whispered breathlessly into his ear. "It's all I think about."

"Fuck…more," he gasped, his hips quickening and I knew he was only thrusts away.

"I love the way your cock feels against mine, hard and slick. Next week when we fuck, I'm going to make you come so fucking hard," I encouraged him.

Grunting one last time, his entire body stilled and tensed, his muscles freezing until the first wave of his climax hit him and his cock erupted between us. His cum was warm as it coated our stomachs and cocks, slickening them even more. I never stopped my movements, my cock still seeking the friction of his, my hands were on his ass, grinding him into me furiously even as he came.

I didn't care if my parents, or the entire fucking neighborhood, walked in on us right then, there was no way I was going to stop.

I felt his breaths on my shoulder and neck, his hips jerking with the last of his orgasm.

"Come for me," was all he said and my cock twitched and released creamy cum in long streams between us. Clenching my teeth, I hissed, trying to stay as quiet as possible in the heat of the moment. The orgasm ebbed, hitting me in weakening pulses until I finally relaxed, completely sated. Edward's weight on me was pleasant and he lifted his head to kiss me again.

"Merry Christmas ,love," he said between the unhurried meetings of our lips.

"Merry Christmas, Edward," I returned, my mind and body and heart completely owned by him.

After we had cleaned up our bodies and wrapping paper, we sat side by side, our backs against the couch while we watched the tree lights dance. I laid my head on his shoulder and he nuzzled his cheek in my hair.

"Are you worried about college? Like living there alone and stuff?" I randomly blurted out. I felt him shake his head.

"No. What's to worry about? It will be you and me, and together, we can do anything, right?"

Suddenly empowered, I nodded. "Anything," I repeated. "I love you, Edward."

I felt his breath warm my head as he sighed in contentment. "I love you too, Jasper."

The lights of the tree blurred through my tears as I sat against the couch alone, the fingers of my left hand absently turning the braided leather around my right wrist. I hadn't taken it off since he had placed it there.

He was so far away.

Alone.

Rubbing a hand up and down my calves, I worked some warmth back into them, feeling the pins and needles spreading as I thawed out.

Might legs might work, but I never used them for anything worthy. I ran track, big deal. I had won a few medals here and there, but where had they gotten me? From that night, I vowed to make my legs useful, and the only thing that would make them worthy was using them to help Edward.

I would become his legs.

Reaching over, I hit play on the stereo and Edward's music quietly filled the room. No music, regardless of what Edward thought about The Beatles, would ever compare to his masterpiece. Resting my cheek on my knee, I watched the lights, my body slightly swaying to the music.

I never heard her footsteps, I never saw her until she was standing directly in front of me with her fingers clenched around the phone in her hand. Who was she calling that late?

I went to ask, but then saw the worried look on her face; her sleepy eyes were barely open but were filled with fear. In my chest, my heart skipped several beats, something it had been doing often since I had found out about Edward's accident. Afraid to ask her what was wrong, I just stared up at her, swallowing hard, the fear choking me.

She took a deep breath.

"Jasper, Edward's awake."

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

I think we've got the first Edward pov coming up next chapter.

For more information on SCIs, please visit http: / www DOT christopherreeve DOT org

Seattle is ranked #1 for most livable city for those living in a wheelchair. Oddly, Lubbock, Texas is #10 (that is where M&A Peter is from. Js.)

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	4. Half the Man I Used to Be

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- *deep breath* I can't remember the last time I fretted over a chapter as much as I have this one. I know, I say that every time, but seriously, I have no nails left, my lips are sore from biting them and I texted or called Dannie a thousand times a day. It's amazing she hasn't changed her phone number. Her opinion and faith in my work is why this story is here.

For those daring enough to read this and suffer through with the boys, a huge thank you! I can't say it enough. Not sure a tissue warning is necessary for this chapter…I know it got to me in a few places.

Big thanks to OnTheTurningAway for her beta, and to Sasha for her insight.

Now Edward pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night my life hadn't changed in an instant…_

"**~~**"

Things were clouded and hazy.

It was like everything was just out of my grasp. Even if I squinted my eyes and reached out as far as I could, I still couldn't touch them, or even make out what 'they' were. A thick fog wrapped itself around me, encasing me in a mist I longed to be free of. The feeling of confusion and heaviness that enveloped me was far too strong for me to push through. Time had no meaning, and I was vaguely aware that it must be passing but…

My eyes, no matter my efforts, refused to open, my ears refused to hear, and I would once again succumb to the welcoming darkness that enticed me with promises of relief and rest.

Occasionally there were presences.

Clinical, gentle, simple.

They were brief, quickly assessing before skittering away.

Love and sadness and familiarity.

Long spans of my empty time were spent in the warmth of these presences. My mind called to me to wake up, to acknowledge them, but my body dragged me unwillingly further into the dense fog.

Another presence, alone.

Warm and strong, loving and calm.

I couldn't see or hear him but I knew it was him.

The senses of security and comfort that surrounded me were undeniably from him. His presence was like no other that had neared me. Pooling all of my energy, what little I had, into a single finger drained me, but I had to let him know I felt him, acknowledge his presence with a sign. My lips were still and my eyes refused to open, but my heart swelled in my chest. I could feel the blood rushing through my arms, all the way down to my hand that I forced to moved.

The sense of him neared, overwhelming me, my heart beating right under his heat.

And when it was gone, I fell into a blankness that seemed deeper than before. As the long tentacles of the emptiness gripped me, pulling me from the slight grasp his presence had had on me, my mind called to him.

_Stay._

_Help._

But it was gone and I sank.

When I gave in, letting the fog settle back over my mind, I had no focus, no clear thought, only vague images and flashes of a girl and man and a woman, of a car and cold.

Of him.

The images of him were clearer, not as faded and muted as the ones before, but still opaque.

I was sitting, someplace bright and warm, and he was floating toward me with tan skin and blond waves. In my chest, my heart abnormally skipped a beat and I tried to pull my eyes away but he held them until he sat down. It was a new sensation, an attraction I had never felt before.

We were both floating, our skin was wet and we were surrounded by a cool blue and gold heat. Soft lips met mine for the first time; large hands tested the texture of my hair, heartbeats skipped together as his chest pressed to mine.

I was floating on something warm and downy, my body feeling more relaxed than it ever had before, something was cooling on the bare goose-bumped skin of my stomach. He looked up at me from between my legs, long hair cover his eyes, but not his blush or smug smile. Not just skipping that time, my heart was pounding so hard it almost burst from me.

The grieving presences returned, magnified and multiplied from earlier, scaring me. I let the heaviness coax me under its blanket with promises of protection.

From what, I didn't know.

Something flickered. For the first time, I sensed a change in light. Dark shadows crossed and ran with each other, teasing me with their dance across my eyelids.

Sounds, muffled and mumbled, began to reach my ears. I concentrated on the noises, trying to identify them, trying to figure out….

"Edward?"

It was a voice, one I knew.

I felt constricted, held down by a powerful strength, like someone had tied me to a bed. Every part of me felt stiff, my nerves gradually became less weighed down and more attentive, but still weakened by the long time in the darkness.

Mom.

"Can you hear me? It's mom."

Focusing every ounce of determination in me, I finally felt my mouth form a word, "Mom." My own voice sounded foreign, raspy and rough.

"Oh my God," her delicate voice replied with more relief than I had ever thought possible. Strong hands gripped one of mine and I felt their warmth. "I'm here, sweetheart, I'm here," she sobbed, suddenly sounding sad as well as relieved.

Wanting to turn to her, I took a deep breath and let it out before attempting to shift my body, and failing. My head was too heavy, too secured to the blackness to move it. Refocusing my efforts, I slowly, so very slowly, opened my eyes.

It was dark, just like it had been before my eyes were opened, only I could see dim lights in the distance and blurry ones up close.

Sighing, she stood up and leaned over me so I could see her without having to turn my head. Her hand went to my hair and I felt her brush it off my face, her hands remaining in it longer than usual.

"Edward," she repeated as I tried to blink away the blurriness that seemed to encompass everything near and far. "Sweetheart, I'm here."

Feeling the dry, cracked skin of my lips when I licked them, I tried speaking again. "Where…" I choked out.

When she ran the back of her hand down my cheek, I felt pain and I flinched. "Sorry," she said, jerking her hand back. "We're in a hospital in Seattle."

More confused than ever, the murkiness of my brain unable to understand what she was saying, I forced my eyes completely open and I saw her for the first time.

Her face was red and puffy, and she had dark circles under her wet eyes. Long, brown hair was pulled back, messy pieces sticking out around her face. She looked drained and gaunt.

She was sick and we were here for her. My heart raced with the horrible thoughts of her diagnosis.

Sensing my confusion, she clarified. "You were in an accident on New Year's Eve. Do you remember?" she hedged gently, the expression on her face completely understanding if I said no.

New Year's Eve.

I had worked the night shift and cleaned up after work. Snow had gathered on the ground when I left, and I started the car, heading toward Jasper's, we were going to….

Oh my God.

_Jasper._

Closing my eyes, I was assaulted by unwelcome images, ones no longer dulled by the blackness.

_Bright lights blinding me, a blaring horn, screeching tires, squealing brakes, crunching metal and shattering glass. _

It had been loud and quick and painful.

I nodded. "Yeah, a little."

Something wet touched my face, but until she gently wiped it away with her thumb I hadn't realized it was a tear.

"Jasper?" I slurred, a clenching around my chest stealing my breath. One of her hands squeezed mine and she dabbed at my face with a tissue.

"He's fine, sweetheart. He was here earlier."

"I know," I whispered, almost proud of myself for recognizing his soul even when consciousness had eluded me, keeping mine at a forced distance. She smiled down at me, but it wasn't her usual bright smile, it was weak and contorted. "Is he here?"

"No, his mother had to go back to work, they left this afternoon, but I will call her and let her know you're awake." She sat back down next to me, and I relaxed, my head finally falling to the side so I could see her.

Gradually, I began to feel my muscles again, although I still lacked any control over them. I felt her hand covering mine, I felt a sting on my left arm and a dull ache in my head. Tears steadily streamed down her face as she took a few deep breaths.

"Mom, what's wrong?"

She ignored me and reached for her bag. "I'm going to call your father and let him know you're awake."

"Where is he?" My voice still sounded weak and rough, but with each word that passed, I began to feel more confident.

"He's at the hotel. He stayed with you last night, but tonight I had him take Alice to get some rest and I stayed," she explained before dialing his number. She spoke in hushed tones, her hand running through her hair a few times before I heard her say 'okay, see you soon', and then sitting down and putting her phone away.

"He's on his way. He said to tell you he loves you," she said, giving me a genuine smile for the first time. "Why don't you rest until he gets here," she suggested, her hand stroking my left arm. Nodding, I sighed and felt…nothing. I closed my eyes, the numbness trying to claim me again.

"**~~**"

"Edward?" The voice was deeper, the hand holding mine rougher while another methodically skimmed my face and arms. I felt small, cool touches on my wrist, fingers and face.

They seemed feminine.

Then a small voice spoke. "His vitals are strong, Dr. Cullen. His blood pressure is elevated, but that's to be expected with the sedative he's been on."

He cleared his throat, something he always did when he was nervous, and repeated my name. They were heavy, but I managed to open my eyes and slowly began to focus on him next to me.

"If you need anything, just beep," the tiny voice said quietly.

"Thanks, Sandy," my father replied. Then a girl passed in front of me, offering me a glance and sympathetic smile before she was gone. The room was still dark, the only light slicing through the blackness when she had opened the door but it was extinguished when the door slid closed.

"Hey, son," he said as he stood next to me, looking down at me. "How ya doing? Any pain?"

Oddly enough, no.

I shook my head, and just as I did so, a sharp pain stabbed my forehead and I gasped. But my head was the only place I felt anything.

"Try to stay still, you suffered a concussion, but the headache should start to ease soon. We're keeping it dark in here to ease the light sensitivity."

"Where's mom?" I asked, looking around the room as much as I could, but I was barely able to make out anything past my father's form. "She's in the waiting room with Alice. I'll get her in a minute, I just wanted to check you over."

Of course he did, it was his job. Any injuries I had suffered as a child were always tended to by my father; bumps, bruises, cuts and scrapes. Even the broken arm I had in third grade had been casted by him. He knew every scar on my body as well as Jasper and I did.

While I recalled fondly how I had gotten each wound, he always remembered them by the technical terms. The length of the '_abrasion_' not cut, the '_swelling_', not bump, the '_fracture_', not break. '_contusion_', not bruise. To me it was not that I broke my arm, but that I had fallen ten feet to do it, something I was pretty damn proud of. I had survived, and even got a cast as my reward.

"Are you up for a talk?" he asked, his solid hand giving my shoulder a squeeze. I imagined they would want to know about the accident. It wasn't a talk I was looking forward to, not even sure I could recall what had happened in detail, but I wanted to get it over with. I hated disappointing my parents; the look my mother would give me for my carelessness would haunt me forever.

Resigned, I nodded and he gave me an encouraging smile. "I'll go get your mother," he said and then disappeared.

Alone in the room, I glanced around, my eyes having adjusted to the darkness. I saw a table near the bed, a chair and a large door, which I assumed was the bathroom. On my right were windows overlooking… I couldn't quite remember where my mother had said we were.

Wait.

In the distance I saw the distinct shape of the Space Needle.

How the hell had I ended up in Seattle? My accident had been in Forks.

My breath hitched in my throat and my heart began to pound in my chest as the panic set in. Just I went to push myself up, the door opened and my parents walked in. My mother was in my father's embrace as he led her to me.

"Why am I in Seattle?" I asked, grabbing the bedrail with my left hand to pull myself up. My body felt so weak and…heavy.

My mother rushed to my side, grabbing my hand. "Lie down, you're going to hurt yourself."

Somewhat comforted by her motherly tone, I lay back and relaxed. My father walked to my other side and took my hand in both of his.

"Edward," he began, his hands holding mine. "We've got something to tell you."

Frantically, I glanced between my sobbing mother and weeping father and my eyes grew wide.

"The accident was bad, you were hit head on," he paused, taking a breath. "You had your seatbelt on, but the impact of the collision was enormous and… you were severely injured. We kept you sedated to ease the burden on your body."

I could tell he was trying very hard to use terms I could understand, but the doctor in him kept trying to come out.

"Dad?"

Against my mother's wishes, I attempted to sit up again, using my abdominal muscles instead of my arms. My father's hand was on my shoulder, pushing me back down.

"Don't, Edward. Listen to me," he pleaded quietly. "Son, you suffered a fracture in your spine near your L1. They did surgery but they weren't able to repair the damage. I'm afraid…" he stopped as the father in him overwhelmed the doctor and a sob escaped him.

Tears streamed down my cheeks and I had no idea why. I had never been so scared in my life. I couldn't remember ever seeing my father cry.

My mother took over for him. "Sweetheart, the doctors did everything they could, but…well," she hesitated and inhaled deeply. Then looking into my eyes, she said the words that would forever define me. "You're paralyzed from the waist down."

_Paralyzed. _

_Waist down._

I had heard her but I didn't believe her.

"I don't understand," I said. When I had first been freed of the darkness, even briefly, reality had been veiled, my body still under the influence of the blackness that I hadn't thought about what had caused the heaviness I had felt.

When they didn't reply, I said disbelievingly, "No, there must be a mistake. It's not true."

It must have been an awful dream, any minute I knew I was going to feel Jasper's warm hand shaking me, his face smiling at me, still satisfied from our love making the night before.

His hand didn't wake me, didn't save me from the nightmare I was in.

My breaths were shallow, the constriction on my chest stealing what little air I was taking in, and my eyes went to my legs. I had been so focused on escaping the darkness that I hadn't even realized that I hadn't been able to move them. Ignoring my mother's protests, I clamped my hands on the bedrails and pulled myself upright, wide eyes taking in the lifeless limbs beneath the blanket.

Everything else forgotten, I stared at them, using everything I had in me, air, energy, blood, _everything_, to make them move. My head throbbed with the effort, my eyes narrowed, my lips pursed. Growling as I tensed, my knuckles turning white from the grip on the metal bars, I willed them to move, twitch, jerk, anything.

They did nothing.

I felt nothing.

Letting go of one rail, I reached down and pulled the blanket off, exposing my pale legs.

"Sweetheart, please," my mother begged beside me. Shaking my head defiantly, I fisted my hand and then brought it down onto my thigh.

Nothing.

"What the fuck," I hissed, and brought my fist down onto my other leg.

Nothing.

Just as I raised my hand for a third time, my father grabbed my hand.

"Edward," he said calmly, his voice soothing, a hint of the doctor tone, and I let go of the rail and fell back onto the bed. The shallow breaths had turned to short gasps alternating with heaving ones as my mind raced and ached with what was happening.

I didn't understand. I had been fine, I had taken precautions, I had a seatbelt on, I had been safe. Fuck, I drove a fucking Volvo.

And there I lay.

Still.

"Edward, stop," he demanded. My head throbbed from the movement and thoughts.

Confused, I turned to the doctor, my father, the one that had healed every injury I had ever gotten.

"You can fix me, right, Dad? You've always fixed me before." I pleaded, trembling with uncertainty and hope; hope that he would say 'Yes, son, I've got it all under control'.

But he didn't.

Instead, he hung his head in shame, and then slowly shook it side to side. "I wish I could, son, I wish I could," he whispered. My mother took my hand again, quietly stroking it as she watched me, helpless.

"How long?"

His neat brows furrowed and he tilted his head. "How long?" he repeated.

"Yeah, how long will I be like this?" I snapped. There was a hardness to my voice, as weak as it was, that I couldn't help. My mother released a loud sob, but I kept my eyes on my father. I saw him glance at her, for support or reassurance, I didn't know, but when his eyes returned to mine, I had my answer.

"I'm sorry, Edward," he sighed sadly, wiping at the tears that continued to fall from his eyes.

"It's permanent?" I asked, my eyes falling from his and back to my legs. They suddenly seemed thinner and paler. "It can't be," I whispered, shaking my head back and forth, attempting to force myself awake from the nightmare.

"Why don't we wait to talk to the surgeon tomorrow and see what he has to say. I know they will want to run a few tests now that you are awake."

Resigned, tired and weakened by the news, I nodded and closed my eyes.

I wanted the blackness back. The freedom and completeness that it offered me, that I would never feel again. As I willingly drifted off into the darkness, taking its comforting hand, I heard the faint cries of my parents.

_Sighing, he bent over and picked up another armful of leaves. "Tell me again why I'm doing this?" _

"_Because you love me," I grinned at him, holding the bag open for him to dump the leaves in. Raising an eyebrow, he bent over for another armload. _

"_Not sure that's enough of a reason," he teased. "You called me and promised a 'great day of fun outside', 'maybe even a jog' you said." Dumping more leaves in the bag I held, he glared at me. "Liar."_

_Laughing, I shook my head. "Technically we are outside, and we can jog after dinner." _

"_And the fun? Where's the fun?" He bent over, wiggling his ass in front of me. "No jogging for me. My back is gonna kill me enough as it is. Don't you have a yard guy that can do all this shit?" _

"_Nope, my dad doesn't see any sense in that when he 'has two very able bodied, young, healthy men who can do it'." _

_Jasper groaned and kicked the leaves. _

"_Oh, that'll help. What are you, twelve?" In his classic Jasper way, he pouted his delicious lips and lowered his beautiful baby blues. My cock twitched at the thought of those lips wrapped around my cock as he looked up at me with those smoldering eyes. I glanced toward the front door before leaning in a bit too close for a friend and murmured in his ear. "I'll give you the blow job of your life tonight if you help me," I offered, knowing the favor would be eagerly returned. _

_Instantly, his energy increased, a huge smug smile on his face as he worked three times faster than he had before. All afternoon, we raked and bagged leaves, throwing each other into a few piles here and there. He managed to not complain…much. _

_Just as we were almost done with the last pile, my mother stepped onto the porch and yelled to us that dinner was done. The sun had started to set and I realized we had been raking for over five hours. Our yard was huge compared to those nearby, and the forest that lined three sides that constantly dropped leaves into it didn't help. Tossing his rake down with a satisfied smile, Jasper arched his back and lifted his arms above his head, his sweatshirt riding up just enough to tease me. When he caught me looking, he smiled and nudged me. _

"_Later, you get to see a lot more. In fact, I think you need to give me a massage too, oh and a foot rub. My feet are killing me."_

"_Those weren't part of the deal, wimp," I said, closing the last bag and lifting it. _

"_I'm renegotiating part of the contract," he called out to me as I walked away with the bag on my shoulder. _

_After setting it down with the other twenty we had filled, I went back to Jasper and found him tilting his body side to side to work out the kinks. "Never know you're some big track athlete." _

"_Key word 'track', not raking athlete," he grimaced. _

_I turned my back to him. "C'mere," I said over my shoulder. Hesitating, he took a step forward until his chest was almost touching my back. Even through my sweatshirt, I could feel his body heat. _

"_Yeah?" he asked breathlessly. I knew his heart was racing at our closeness, I also knew his eyes were darting from me to the kitchen window where my mother had a clear view of us. _

"_Hop on," I said, holding my arms out and bracing my body for the impact of his weight._

"_Serious?"_

"_If it'll stop your bitching, yeah." _

_Just as he went to hop on, he hesitated and leaned closer. "I still get the blowjob though, right?" _

"_Oh, most definitely. That is my reward as much as yours," I replied, looking over my shoulder at him and licking my lips. _

_Laughing, he took a step back and then I felt his hands on my shoulders as he jumped up onto my back. Just his legs gripped my waist and I grabbed under his knees and shifted him up a bit for a better position so I could hold him easier. Resting his weight on my back, he wrapped his arms around my neck and put his mouth next to my ear. _

"_Giddy up, boy," he chuckled. Trying not to laugh, I headed for my porch, the already huge yard growing larger with each step. "Mmmm, love feeling you move against me like this," he moaned in my ear. I knew he was aware of where we were, that we could be seen, and he kept it looking innocent. _

_But what came out of his mouth was anything but. _

"_I'm getting hard from my cock rubbing against your back." He pressed into my back more, letting me feel just how hard he was getting. It always amazed me, how instantly excited we both got whenever we touched. I'd never been with another guy, but I knew no one would ever make me feel the way he did. _

"_Shut the fuck up," I warned, shifting his weight again, "or I'm going to drop you." _

_He ignored me. "Can you feel it, baby? My cock, hard and ready for your lips to wrap around it and suck me off." _

"_Jasper," I panted, not sure if I was out of breath because of his weight or his words. A movement ahead caught my eye and I looked up to see my mother on the porch with something in her hands. _

"_Think she knows her son gives good head?" he asked me. "How much I want to come down his throat and scream his name?" _

_I began laughing; my cheeks reddening, thankful my mother would think it was from carrying his heavy ass and not his perverted words. _

_Truth was I could have carried him for miles, I felt strong, solid and useful. Carrying Jasper was only difficult because of the erection he was causing me. _

"_I can't believe you're saying that shit," I chuckled. _

"_Aw, you love it when I talk to you like this," he mused truthfully. "When I tell you how much I want to suck your- Oh hey, Mrs. C," he said, changing gears amazingly fast as we arrived near the porch. _

_She waved and held up a camera. Stopping, I shifted Jasper's weight and we smiled up at her while she took the picture. _

_Never breaking his smile, he promised, "Your cock is mine later." _

_I stumbled when I started laughing, barely making it to the steps before setting him down. _

_She took our picture, laughing along with us, although for an entirely different reason. "Come get dinner, boys," she said, turning and going inside. Just as I went to open the door, Jasper grabbed my arm. _

"_Will it always be like this?" he asked quietly and suddenly. _

"_Like what?" _

"_This way between us. The spark or chemistry, or whatever the fuck you want to call it." _

"_Of course." I tugged him out of the doorway to the corner of the porch. "You're it for me, Jasper. I have no plans to spend a second with anyone who isn't you."_

_A blush crept to his cheeks and he lowered his eyes. "What if something happens? What if we don't get into the same college, what if I don't get into any college, what if we come out and…" he babbled worriedly. _

"_Love, stop. Just stop." I wrapped my arms around him, taking a chance and pulling him to me. "Trust me. You and I are together forever, no matter what. College, families…nothing will stand in our way. I promise." _

"_But-"_

"_With everything that I am, I promise."_

_I felt his body relax as my words sunk in and he released his fear. I knew the feeling, when he was in my arms, my fears disappeared too. _

"_I love you," he murmured. _

"_I love you, too," I whispered as I let him go. "We gotta get inside." Nodding, he turned and I followed him inside my house. _

"_Something smells great, Mrs. Cullen," he greeted as he walked toward the kitchen. Standing in the doorway, I took off my sweatshirt and watched Jasper laugh when my mother teased him about something. _

_It was a simple moment, Jasper in my kitchen, getting a drink from our fridge and helping my mother reach something in the upper cupboards, but my heart still burst from sheer fucking joy. _

_We were happy and healthy with our entire futures ahead of us. _

My eyes snapped opened, the darkness of the room suffocating, my heart racing as I looked around and finally realized where I was. For the brief time I walked the line of consciousness, I had forgotten the turn my life had taken, for those precious seconds before reality had savagely settled in, I had forgotten. Squinting, I made out a body in the chair next to my bed and from the width of the shoulders, I knew it was my father.

The dream came back to me, fresh and raw and real, as if I had been living it all over again. My body had been strong enough to spend hours raking leaves and carrying Jasper. The dream had been a cruel reminder of what I could no longer do.

There would be no more.

My father slept less than a few feet away, but I had never felt more alone.

Clenching my eyes to ward off the rush of emotions I felt coming, I turned my head away from my dad, forcing myself to remain quiet as the tears slid down my cheeks.

"**~~**"

"How are you feeling today, Edward?" the doctor greeted as he pulled my curtain aside and stood tall at the end of my bed.

What kind of question was that? I was seventeen and my life had just been turned upside down.

Picking up my chart, his eyes skimmed the information. "It's great to see you awake, you look good, all things considered."

His was too damn cheery.

When I never answered, he finally looked up from his chart to glance over me. The sun had barely risen; I hadn't been awake more than a few minutes.

Blinking, I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands. "Okay, I guess," I finally replied.

"My name's Dr. Sullivan, I did your surgery the night you came in. I'm a spinal surgeon here that specializes in pediatrics. Obviously you're not a child, but you still have some growing left in you, so given your age, they called me in." He put the clipboard back down and moved to my side, glancing at the machines and their monitors.

"Where are my parents?"

Not looking at me, he replied. "They headed out for some coffee when I arrived. I wanted a few minutes alone with you, see how you were doing. How's the headache?" he asked as he leaned forward and put his fingers on my head, moving them and pressing slightly. "Any pain?"

"I had some earlier, and it hurts if the light is too bright."

"That's to be expected. You're lucky your head injury wasn't worse."

_Yeah, real lucky. _

After a long minute, he sat on the edge of my bed, placing his stethoscope over my chest in different spots.

"Deep breaths," he directed. Doing my best to follow his instructions, I inhaled deeply. "Can you pull yourself upright?" Using the bedrails, I slowly pulled myself up until I was almost sitting. Reaching around me, he placed a cool hand on me and pressed the stethoscope to my flesh, moving it after each breath I took.

"Very good. Your lungs and heart sound great. You might feel groggy until the sedatives work out of your system." Putting the stethoscope around his neck, he looked at me. "I want to do a few tests, nothing difficult, but I want to find out what kind of damage we're talking about, okay? Then we can discuss the results and go from there. Are you up for it?"

I thought for a second and then nodded.

"Great," he said as he stood back up. Turning to me, he took my hand in his and placed our palms flat against each other. "Push against me as hard as you can."

I pushed and he resisted, I was younger and stronger but he had more leverage and was able to counteract my strength. He moved to my other side and repeated it.

"Now make a fist, flex your fingers, and pick up this pencil," he instructed, placing a pencil on the table. I did everything with both hands. "Excellent." Then he took the blanket off my legs and I turned away, refusing to look at the betraying limbs. He pulled a small pin out of his pocket. "Now, I'm going to poke you in different sensory points, if you feel it, you let me know, okay?"

Just then my parents walked back in, my dad giving me a smile before greeting Dr. Sullivan. My mother sat in the chair and sipped her coffee.

"Ready?" Dr. Sullivan asked after pushing my gown aside, uncovering my hips and penis. I blushed and saw my mother advert her eyes to the floor. Nodding, I watched as he lowered the pin toward my right hip before closing my eyes. I assumed he had begun, and I waited, praying for the sweet pain.

I was just about to give up all hope and I felt a slight sensation, it was dull but I felt it, and I opened my eyes, practically screaming.

"I felt that!"

My mother jumped and her eyes went to my father.

"I felt something, I swear," I repeated, looking at Dr. Sullivan.

"Very good, Edward. Let me try that spot again." He did it again and I watched as the pin pierced near the inside of my left thigh. "Anything?"

"Yeah, it's dull, but I feel something. That's good, right? That means I'm going to be okay, right?" I asked, unable to contain the relief and excitement I felt. Grinning, I didn't even care my dick was laying there with a tube in it for all to see, I didn't care that I reeked of body odor, I was going to be okay.

My high lasted until I looked at my father and saw the worry in his eyes, concern masking his face.

"It's good," Dr. Sullivan replied, "But it's not enough, Edward. There were eleven other pin pricks, and you barely felt one of them."

"But I felt it," I said, clinging to the hope it had given me.

"Yes, and that's good, that means there is some information traveling up your spine, but it seems the injury is a bit further up than we thought, affecting you from the T12 down."

"No," I said, refusing to acknowledge whatever shitty news he was going to tell me. "This isn't forever, is it?" I asked desperately, turning to him as he covered me back up and moved to my feet. Lifting one of my legs, he supported my calf with one hand and placed his other against the bottom of my foot.

"We'll talk about that in a minute," he said. "Now push against my hand, Edward. Use all your strength."

I did, I swear I did, but he never flinched, never moved, not even a fucking twitch.

"Very good," he said calmly as he placed my leg down and picked up my other one, putting it in the same position. It was the strangest thing, watching him touch me, move me, and yet, I felt none of it. It was if it was happening to someone else. "Push."

Gritting my teeth, I focused all my strength and growled as I forced my body weight against his hand.

He never moved.

Exhausted, I fell back onto the bed, my breaths heavy as I willed myself to feel something.

"Good job, Edward." He put my foot down and laid the blanket back over my legs. After writing a few things down on the clipboard, he put his pen away and went over to the window. Leaning his back against it, he folded his arms over his chest and looked at me with understanding eyes.

"You're a smart man, Edward, so I'm not going to BS you. I think you want to know how it is and what to expect, yes?"

Nervous, I nodded and took a deep breath.

"I've already talked to your parents earlier today, so this won't really come as news to them but they wanted to be here when I explained it all to you. I'm sure with a doctor as a father, you've heard some of these terms before but if you don't understand anything, just ask, okay?"

I nodded again.

On my left side, I felt my mother's hand cover mine, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"I understand the collision you were in was head on. The impact caused your upper body to snap forward while your lower body remained in place from the seatbelt. The force of this snap was similar to whiplash but more severe. It caused a lot of trauma to your spinal cord along with many small fractures and one larger one near your T12, right between your T12 and L1. T being thoracic, L being lumbar. He reached beside him and grabbed a paper.

When he held it up, I saw it was a diagram of the spine. Taking out his pen again, he pointed to a part in the lower section. This is your T12 and your L1. The thoracic region affects movement from your chest down, while the lumbar affects the hips and legs. The trauma is low enough on you that your chest and arms remain unaffected, which is good news. Understand everything so far?"

"Yeah," I answered, swallowing hard.

"When your spine is injured, the information that travels through it doesn't make it to the brain. There is no communication between what is going on below the injury and your brain. However, with the slight sensation you felt, your injury is categorized as incomplete. This means that some information is reaching the brain and there was not a complete sever of the cord itself. Now, with the location of your injury, your hips and legs are affected, as are your bladder, bowels and penis. There is no way for these organs to tell your brain they need to release, so this will be up to you now. "

He paused, letting the news sink in.

"Any questions so far?"

Just one.

"I just need to know if I'll walk again," I said in shaky voice. He took a long time before answering, my hope diminishing more with each second.

"That's unlikely, but not entirely impossible," he replied compassionately. The tears rolled down my cheeks and my mother stood up, leaned over and hugged me. Closing my eyes, I leaned my head against her, soaking up the small amount of comfort she could offer her broken son. "You're young, Edward, there is a chance, albeit slim, that you'll regain more sensation. The general rule of thumb is whatever you feel six months post injury is what you will have for the remainder of your life, but there have been cases, unusual circumstances where people have recovered. With your injury being incomplete, there is not a complete lack of hope." He folded the paper back up and glanced at my father. "That being said, it is unlikely and you will probably be in a wheelchair for the remainder of your life."

I felt my mother's embrace tightened and she moved her mouth to my ear. "I love you, and I know you can do it, sweetheart. You'll be okay," she whispered before releasing me and standing up. "Where do we go from here?" she asked Dr. Sullivan.

"We can arrange a med-flight back to the hospital in Forks, where he can stay until he is fit to go home. I want him on antibiotics and some steroids for a least another ten days, and then you can take him home. Normally, we have the patients go to rehab to learn everything but given that Carlisle is a doctor, Edward can do most of his rehab at home. I think Edward would be more comfortable there anyway."

"What kind of rehab?" I asked, swiping at my cheeks.

"Physical therapy will work your muscles. Just because you don't feel them doesn't mean they can't be used. They need to stay moving or other problems can occur. Also, you will need to build upper body strength for the chair and moving yourself in and out of it. We'll probably start you PT four times a week, eventually working down to a few times a week. Occupational therapy will teach you how to care for yourself; bathing, catheter, bowel movements, and general moving around your house. We can arrange for both to work with you in your home."

My father walked up to the bed and put his hand on my foot. I saw it there, but I didn't fe….

Sighing, I tried to smile at him, to let him know I was okay but I would have been lying. I had heard all the terms, I even understood most of what the doctor said, but all I really heard was that I would be half a man for the rest of my life.

All I felt was I'd rather be dead.

"Why don't you get some rest, I'll be back later today to check on you and see if we can arrange for your flight sometime tomorrow, okay? You need anything, ring the nurses, and if your head starts to hurt more let them know."Dr. Sullivan gave me a smile and then nodded to my father before heading out of the room.

My parents stood on either side of my bed, my mom holding my hand while my dad kept trying to give me a smile. After a few minutes of silence, all of us dealing with the news in our own way my father shifted his weight.

"Dr. Sullivan is a great doctor, Edward," he stated.

"Not good enough apparently," I sighed, "or else I'd be walking."

"They did what they could, some of the best spinal surgeons in the country work here," he softly scolded me. My mother did what all mother's do and treaded us delicately through the emotions with her touches and looks. Then she changed the subject.

"Alice is outside, she wants to come in and see you."

Alice.

My younger sister who pranced everywhere she went with enough endless energy to power a city.

"Okay," I said, drying my face with my blanket. My father left for a second and returned with Alice. I heard her dainty footsteps on the tile before she turned the corner of the curtain. As small as ever, she looked more frail and tired than I had ever seen her look. Even when she had suffered from pneumonia, she had looked better.

"Hey," she said as she walked up to the bed.

"We'll leave you two alone for a few minutes," my mom said, glancing at my dad. Obediently, he followed her out the door.

Stiffly, Alice stood next to the bed. Attempting to keep her eyes from my legs, she focused on my face. "How are you feeling?"

Shrugging, I frowned. "Not very well apparently," I snapped. Immediately, I felt guilty for my comment, and when I saw the tears brimming in her eyes, I swore under my breath. "Sorry," I mumbled. "Just feeling pretty shitty right now, ya know?"

"It's alright," she shrugged. "I just…I was pretty scared. We all were. I thought mom was going to go crazy while we were waiting, and Jasper, he was like a zombie."

My heart leapt at his name.

"Jasper?"

She tentatively sat on the edge of my bed, curling one leg up under her. "Yeah, he was here. I think he got here a few hours after we did. I don't remember. He and his mom stayed overnight but then they had to leave…" She bit her lip thoughtfully. "Yesterday, I think. I kinda lost track of time."

"Was he okay?"

"I didn't talk to him but he sure didn't look okay. He took the news pretty hard, crying, shaking. Then he just kinda shut down. I think we all did. Mom said you were on your way to see him?"

Flashes from the accident hit me and I closed my eyes, barely nodding. "We were going to…"

_Make love._

"… hang out New Year's Eve and go to the movies the next day," I recalled.

"Can you come home soon?"

"I guess they are going to try to fly me to dad's hospital, but I'll be there for a week I think. Then I guess I can go home. But I don't know…I don't know how."

"What?"

I stared out the window, past her short, black hair, to the city outside. "My bedroom is upstairs. Where will I sleep?"

"Don't worry about that stuff, Edward. Mom and dad will take care of it all, you know that."

"Yeah, I guess."

The door swung open and a nurse walked in. "I need to do a few things, can you wait outside?" she asked Alice as she picked up my chart. Alice nodded, stood up and headed for the door, only to turn around and practically throw herself at me, wrapping her arms around my neck as much as she could.

"See you tomorrow." Her voice was muffled my shoulder, then she let me go and almost ran from the room. Shutting my eyes, I let the nurse do her work and I floated away to a better place, images of Jasper with leaves in his hair taking the place of sterile white walls and catheter bags.

I must have fallen asleep because when I woke up, it was dark again. My mother sat in the chair next to my bed reading a magazine.

"Where's dad?"

She looked up, surprised to see me awake, and smiled at me. "Hey, sweetheart. He took Alice to get some dinner. Neither of them have eaten much since we arrived. How are you feeling?"

Closing my eyes, the sleep not quite out of my system. "Okay, I guess."

"We'll get through this, we'll be okay," she reassured me with a fake confidence I knew she didn't feel.

"How, Mom? I'm seventeen and I'm going to be stuck in a chair for the rest of my life? How the fuck is that okay?" I snarled, an uncontainable anger welling up inside me that I couldn't control, and wasn't sure I wanted to. I expected her to scold me for swearing, but she just looked at me wide-eyed.

"I…It will be," she stumbled.

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that. Maybe you'll be okay, but not me. I won't ever be okay, Mom. Think of what this means? No college scholarship. My hopes of playing college basketball are gone, fuck, my chances of getting into the college I wanted are gone. Think of the work that will need to be done to the house just so I can get in the damn thing. My bedroom? Upstairs. I don't see you or dad carrying me to bed every night. So tell me again, how is this going to be okay?"

Sighing, she put her hand on mine and looked at me with her motherly stare. "Because I refuse to believe otherwise, that's how."

Turning away from her, I gazed out the window, ignoring her reflection in the glass, focusing on the blurry city lights, on the world that had continued on regardless of what had happened to me.

We stayed like that for what seemed like a long time, the room silent except for her occasional sniffle and the sounds of the machines beside me. When my father walked in, he sensed the mood immediately and walked over to my mother, giving her a supportive hug. He stood beside her with a hand on her shoulder while her hand was on mine. Every now and then I felt her thumb rub my hand. I never tried to pull it away from her and eventually, I returned one of her tender squeezes.

I felt my mother stand, giving my hand a pat.

"Would you like one of us to stay with you tonight?" she asked. It was such a Mom thing to do, she was leaving me the option of being alone. Even though I knew she wanted to stay and not let me out of her sight, she knew that I needed it.

Shaking my head, I said, "No, go get some sleep. I'll be fine. I can call if I need you."

"Okay, sweetheart, we'll be back first thing in the morning. Maybe we can get you home." Bending over, she packed up her bag and then put it on her shoulder.

"Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you leave me your phone?"

The look of confusion on her face was brief, but she pulled it from her bag and put it on the table.

"Thanks," I said, trying my best to give her a smile.

"Try to get some rest," she said as she leaned over to hug me. "We love you."

My dad hugged me after, telling me he loved me and then they both headed out.

Darkness surrounded me quickly, and I let it fall over me, thick and comforting and lonely. Tears poured from my eyes, and I let them. They did me no good, I knew it, nothing would, but I felt a release from them that I hadn't felt any other way.

A teenager's body, young, strong and virile was now nothing more than a shell housing my soul. My emotions went from anger to denial and back to anger. The entire time, I asked why me, what had I done?

Lying there, I felt everything; my heart beat, the blood flowing through my veins, the cuts and bruises on my face.

Everything.

Except my legs.

I needed something to calm the storm of thoughts in my head.

I needed him.

Reaching over to the table, I picked up my mother's cell phone and checked the time.

Two in the morning.

It was too late. I dropped the phone onto my bed next to me, but kept my hand on it.

_Be safe, baby._

"Fuck it," I murmured, picking the phone up and dialing the number. I knew he must have been asleep, but he answered on the second ring even though he probably didn't recognize my mother's number.

"Hello?" He sounded exhausted. I didn't know why I called him. I didn't know what I needed, and yet I needed everything, nothing of which he could give me.

But he could just be.

When I spoke, my voice was quiet and soft, shaking at the joy of simply hearing him again. "Sing to me," I requested without another word.

He gasped, and then did what I needed him to do, knowing exactly what I needed to hear. In the sweetest voice I'd had ever heard, he began.

"When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,  
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.  
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,  
speaking words of wisdom, let it be, baby, let it be."

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

Ummm.. so how was it? I hope I did him some justice...

Reminder: Voting will begin on August 30th for the Slash Awards http:/ theslashawards DOT blogspot DOT com - Follow us on twitter theslashawards. Winter's Night is up for Best Angst and Banner. M&A is also up for several awards.

At the end of each chapter, I'm going to be posting little bit of info on SCIs. If anyone is interested in reading more about them, PM me. Go here to donate to SCI research : http: / www DOT christopherreeve DOT org

82% of those with a SCI are male, 56% are between the ages of 16 and 30.


	5. I Will Sing a Lullabye

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N-This little story has already exceeded 200 reviews and has over 300 readers on alert. Seriously, thank you all! I know I've said this before, but this story is very personal to me, and while I enjoy writing these boys, it's nice to know others enjoy reading them as well. Please continue to leave a review, or PM if you feel more comfortable, and let me know what you think.

Oh, apparently, I lied *points to word count* and this story will easily be over ten chapters. Not sure if that will make you all happy or sad…

This chapter might be angsty….just saying.

Big thanks to OnTheTurningAway for her beta.

Now Jpov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night he had been alone on the road …_

"**~~**"

Surrounded by the darkness of my room, I lay on my back, singing into the phone.

The house was completely still, it had been for the past several hours. After I had come home from school, I had gone straight to my room and threw myself onto my bed. When my mother had come up to get me for dinner, I told her I wasn't hungry and had homework to finish. She didn't buy my excuse but she closed my door anyway, leaving me alone with my grief. It wasn't long after that I had crawled into bed, hoping that somehow sleep might find me, carry me away on its dreamy wings to a place where Edward was okay and we were together.

Eventually, I had fallen asleep, but it was restless and rough.

The vibration of my iPhone on the table next to my bed had been enough to wake me up, and I didn't even look at the number before mumbling hello. He had only said three words, but my heart filled, the emptiness of not being with him briefly satisfied by his distant presence.

By the time I reached the last verse, I was struggling to keep myself together. On the other end of the phone I heard small gasps and knew the tears were falling for him as well. As much as it killed me to hear, to know he was suffering, I kept singing.

It was what he needed and I wasn't going to stop.

Immediately after finishing Let it Be, I began Imagine.

Imagine you can walk.

Imagine this isn't happening.

Imagine I'm there to hold your hand.

He had often told me I was the dreamer between us while he was the more practical one. He was right, I played a game in a reality that didn't exist and watched movies and read books about aliens and alternate realities. Hell, I could tell you more about the Hoth System than I could my own state.

He planned out our futures while I only dreamed about them.

My voice was quiet, almost a whisper, but the words flowed from me without even thinking of them. I found my hand tapping on my knee to keep the time of the song, the pauses in beat allowing me to hear him, his slight movements and reassuring breaths.

There was so much I wanted to ask him, to tell him. From his soft voice and the crying, I knew he had been told his diagnosis, and my already broken heart shattered all over again. A brief flash of anger hit me, pissed at my mother for not allowing me to stay and be with him when he found out, or at the very least, see him afterward. I couldn't imagine how terrified he must be, lying in that sterile room, alone and facing a future changed forever.

I knew his parents loved him and would do everything for him, but there was no way they could know what their son was going through. There was no way for any of us to know.

When I finished, I paused, not sure if I should sing again. The quiet was long enough to hear him sigh between a sobs. Waiting, I clutched the phone to my ear, silently begging him to talk to me.

Just as I went to begin another song, he spoke in a weak, tired voice. "I gotta go."

"Baby, no, no, please stay with me. We don't have to talk, ju-"

"I gotta go," he repeated quietly before the phone went dead. I wanted to call him back, make him talk to me, but I knew he couldn't and I wasn't about to force him to do something he wasn't able to do.

Instead, I let the phone fall from my ear to the bed and I rolled over onto my side. Bringing my knees up, I wrapped my arms around my chest and began crying.

Again.

A new dawn broke, just like it had every day since New Year's Eve, and I rolled out of bed. Not even showering before dressing, I mechanically went through the motions of my morning routine. Just as I left my room, I remembered I had to walk; there would be no Edward to pick me up. Instead of the thin sweatshirt I usually wore, I snagged my heavy, track team sweatshirt off the floor, my name and number embroidered on the sleeve. Pushing back the memories of Edward picking me up for school in the Volvo, of our standard morning kiss, of the handholding we did as he drove us short distance, I grabbed my bag, headed out the door and began my walk to school.

Each step in the frigid air was a reminder of what I could still do, of the ability Edward no longer had. Each footprint I left behind in the snow was one of guilt, a physical reminder of the heaviness I had felt building in me since finding out about Edward. I had played the 'what if' game many times in my head, even telling myself the guilt was ridiculous, that accidents just happen sometimes.

It never helped. I always went back to if he hadn't been on his way to see me, he would be safe. If he hadn't been driving too fast on the slippery roads in his rush to get to me, he would be safe. If he hadn't been distracted by our phone call, he would be safe. All those possibilities, and many more, weighed in my mind, and no matter the difference in the causes, the reason he had been on those roads that late had night had been because of me. If he had just gone home after work, he would have been home long before the accident happened.

There was no denying I was the reason he was paralyzed.

When I felt the tears welling up, I forced myself to concentrate on the physical sensations I felt. The cold mist falling, the little puffs of expelled air I could see as I breathed, the wetness of my sneakers from walking in the snow.

Walking up the steps at school, I felt eyes on me. My hair was dirty and barely combed, my eyes had dark circles under them and I wasn't even sure my clothes were clean, they may have been the same ones I wore the day before. I looked like hell, but I didn't give a shit.

"Hey, Jasper," a small voice said behind me. I glanced over my shoulder and saw Bella following me up the steps.

"Hey," I replied, acknowledging her as I kept going. She was quicker than I gave her credit for and she took the next steps by two and caught up to me.

"What?" I snapped, stopping at the top of the steps to look down on her. There was a deep flush to her cheeks and her hair was tucked under her hood.

She lowered her eyes. "I just wanted to say I was sorry to hear about Edward."

The steady wave of people parted to make room for us standing in their way, some giving us frustrated looks while others completely ignored us. Tugging on her sweatshirt, I pulled her to the side, out of the path of the crowd.

"What do you know?" I asked her, keeping my voice low.

"When my father picked me up at the airport last night, he told me Edward had been in an accident. He said it was pretty bad and Edward had been flown to Seattle. He didn't know anything else."

"Yeah, it was pretty bad."

"Have you seen him?"

"Yeah, but not for long."

"Is he okay?"

How the fuck was I supposed to answer that?

Edward would always care for her. Even after their breakup they had remained friends, and I knew he wouldn't want her to find out about him from someone else.

"Listen, I'm going to tell you something that needs to stay between us, okay? No one else knows but I think Edward would want you to know."

"Okay," she replied hesitantly.

Pulling my lip between my teeth, I debated on how to tell her. Was there a standard Hallmark phrase for your ex-boyfriend is paralyzed?

"Bella, there was an injury to his spine and…"

"Oh my God, no, no, no," she said, shaking her head violently. When I saw the tears forming in her eyes, I pulled her to me in a tight hug, my chin resting on her head. My sweatshirt muffled her cries as we ignored the stream of curious glances from the onlookers.

"Sssh, between you and me, right, Bella?" I reminded her as I pulled her away from me and looked into her big, brown eyes.

"How bad?"

"Waist down," I admitted softly. A new round of tears started and I hugged her again. "We gotta get to class, you going to be okay?"

After a few seconds, she nodded, sniffling loudly as she pulled out of my arms. "Will you meet me for lunch?"

I had planned on leaving at lunch and skipping my afternoon classes.

"Sure, I'll look for you."

She wiped her eyes with her sweatshirt and then looked up at me. "Thanks for telling me. I'll see you at lunch." She turned and went inside. The kids were long gone and the last bell rang before I finally opened the door and headed for my first class.

The morning dragged, I sat in class after class, listening but not hearing, reading but not understanding, words in the books mingled together, moving and jumping as I attempted to focus on them. Around me the world moved forward. Eric had a fight with Angela, Mike had made it to third base with some random girl and one of my teachers had had a baby. Mostly, I ignored the few questions I got about Edward, brushing them off with a shrug or saying I didn't know, but it was only a matter of time before they all found out.

Lunch arrived and I reluctantly headed for the cafeteria to meet Bella. I found her sitting at a table near the windows, a tray of uneaten food sitting in front of her. I didn't even pretend to eat; I skipped the lunch line and walked over to her.

"Hey," I sighed, sitting down. When she looked up, I saw the tear stained cheeks and felt a new wave of guilt. I shouldn't have told her, at least not where and when I had. "I'm a fucking ass, Bella, I shouldn't have told you at school."

"No, no, it's okay. I'm glad you did, I just…I just don't know what to think, ya know? It's just so overwhelming. Part of me is in shock and I expect him to come waltzing back in here and run up behind me, scaring the shit out of me like he does. Another part of me can't help but think about his future, college and kids, and then another part wonders about all the little stuff, like how will he get around his house and drive a car?"

Absently, she played with the food on her tray, pushing her fork through it but never actually bringing it up to her mouth.

"Yeah, I know," I agreed.

"What did he say? Is he okay, scared?"

"I haven't talked to him," I half lied, lowering my eyes to a spot on the table. "He was asleep when I saw him."

"Oh," she replied, finally pushing her tray away and tucking some hair behind her ear. When Edward and Bella were dating, I had been jealous of her. The freedom she had with him, to touch him, call him anytime, blatantly stare at him without anyone getting fucking wigged out. All the things she did were perfectly acceptable. For me, they had been unattainable things I dreamt of doing. I admit when he told me they had broken up, my heart had skipped about a hundred beats. Their breakup certainly wasn't evidence that he was gay, far from it, but it freed up his time, and gave me a reason to give him one of those manly half-hugs.

The sudden urge to see him, or at least talk to him, overwhelmed me and a band tightened around my chest as I sucked in deep breath. I felt tears prickling at the corners of my eyes and I had to leave, I had to be alone.

"Listen, I gotta go, can we talk later?"

"Yeah, sure," she said, nodding.

"Bye," I barely got out before I was standing, practically running for the door. I felt hundreds of pairs of eyes on me as I bolted through the doors and into the cold.

The walk home was long even though I jogged most of it, and when I turned the corner to my house, I sprinted to the front door. As soon as I was inside, I went to my room and woke up my computer, sighing impatiently as I waited for Google to load.

After a quick search, I found what I needed and picked up my phone.

"Seattle General Hospital, how may I direct your call?"

"Can I speak to Edward Cullen please? He's a patient in ICU."

"One minute," a woman replied and I could hear her punching keys on a keyboard. "Cullen?"

"Yes."

"Mr. Cullen was transferred to another hospital today."

"He was? To where?" I asked urgently.

"I'm sorry, I can only give out that information to family."

If I was fucking family, I would have known he had been fucking transferred.

Hanging up without a thank you, I tossed the phone on my bed and fell back beside it, sighing and hitting the bed with my fist in frustration. My entire body was tense, ready to spring after being completely on edge since we had left Seattle.

The not knowing was killing me.

The not seeing Edward was killing me.

Inspired, I picked up the phone and went to my call log to find the number Edward had called me from. I took a chance and called it.

"Hello, you have reached Esme Cullen, I can't take your call right now, but if you leave a message, I'll get back to you as soon as possible."

For a split second, I panicked on whether or not I should leave a message and then my instincts took over. "Hi, Mrs. Cullen, it's Jasper. I was just wondering how Edward is doing. Umm, thanks, bye."

After I hung up, I let my eyes drift closed, sleep slowly falling over me. The sound of the door slamming downstairs woke me up and I bolted upright just as my mother knocked on my door.

"Hey," she said, leaning against the door jamb. "How was school?"

Sitting on the edge of my bed, I shrugged.

"Esme called me this morning just after I got to work. Edward was transferred to Fork's General today. He arrived this afternoon by med-flight."

_Edward was in Forks. _

Keeping my reaction contained, I nodded and asked, "Is he doing okay? Did you see him? When can I see him?"

So much for containment.

She folded her arms across her chest and waited before answering. "I saw him briefly, just to check in on him and let him know if he needed anything, he could call me. Physically, he is doing as well as can be expected, but he has a long road ahead. Emotionally, he was up and down. I wasn't with him long, but I could see the fear in his eyes, and he snapped at the nurses a few times. As for seeing him, I'm not sure that's a good idea right now."

"But-"

She put a hand up to stop me. "I know your anxious, but remember this is a lot for him and his family to take in. Let them have some time to adjust, let him get used to the diagnosis. Maybe in a few days you can go over after school, okay?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "If you see him tomorrow, tell him I said hi," I requested. It sounded so childish, so casual.

'_Hey, Edward, I know you're paralyzed and all but Jasper says hi.'_

What I really wanted to tell him was that I was sorry and I loved him.

"Dinner will be done in about thirty minutes."

"I'm not hungry." When she didn't reply, I looked up and saw her motherly raised brow.

"You need to eat."

"Not tonight. I'll grab something in the morning. I'm going to get my homework done and go to bed," I said, pulling off my sneakers and throwing them on the floor for added effect.

"Don't forget," she chided and then closed my door. I stripped off my sweatshirt and grabbed my earbuds before lying on my bed, my phone in my hand in case he called. Paul's voice soothed me as he began to sing Hey Jude.

"_So this is your room?" he asked, his eyes scanning my walls as he stepped into my bedroom. I sat on the edge of the bed and watched him intently as he wandered around my room for the first time._

"_Yep, pretty boring, huh?"_

_Reaching out, he spun my solar system model that hung from my ceiling and laughed when he saw the Jabba the Hut statue on my dresser. _

"_That's pretty fucking cool," he laughed. "All you need is Princess Leia in her slave costume and it'd be perfect." _

_I shrugged. "I never got what was so hot about that," I blurted out before I realized what I had potentially admitted. "I mean, um, it's not like Jabba could do anything, he was too fat." I wondered if he noticed that while most boys my age would have had a poster of Leia dressed as a slave, I had a poster of the Millennium Falcon. _

_It was his turn to shrug. "Yeah, I guess, but she sure looked fine." _

_He continued to explore my room, leaving no inch unexamined, and I began to rethink my invitation to keep him busy while Bella was out with her girlfriends. Curious, he didn't hesitate to touch almost everything. Nervous, my knee bounced and I gnawed continuously on my bottom lip. _

"_Jasper is an old fashioned name," he stated as he fingered my DVD collection, smirking when he realized they were alphabetized and grouped by genre. _

"_Yeah, it is…_Edward_."_

"_Point taken," he laughed, glancing over his shoulder at me. _

"_I was named after my parents," I explained, keeping my eyes trained on the back of his head and not his ass. _

"_Last name or something?_

"_No," I chuckled. "My dad is Jason, my mom is Peri, so when they couldn't decide on a boy's name, they combined them and made Jasper."_

"_Cool. Hey, nice computer," he changed the subject as he moved the mouse to see bring it to life. The image of my desktop was the logo for WoW and he furrowed his brows. "What's that?" he asked, pointing to it. _

"_A game I play online."_

"_Is it fun?"_

"_Fuck yeah, "I replied, jumping up eagerly. "Want me to show you?" _

"_Sure," he said. I sat in the desk chair, clicking on the icon and logging in. "It's this great MPRP game where you-."_

"_MPRP?"_

_Blushing, I whispered, "Multi-person role playing."I moved the mouse__. "Basically, you pick a race you want to be and you level him up. There's dungeons to fight in, a massive story line full of quests. And you get to do it all with other people. Like, the way dungeons work is you have..." Without meaning to, I prattled on about the basics of clearing a heroic dungeon. _

_When I glanced over at him to make sure he was listening, I saw a glazed look in his eyes and I sighed. It was a look I was used to; just about everyone that didn't play WoW had it when I tried to explain the importance of realms and guilds. Immediately, I felt like an idiot, a fucking geeky idiot. I had I hoped to impress him with my relatively clean room and neat things and all I had done was stun him silent with my dorkiness. I paused, trying to decide what to do, how to regain some coolness back. Just when I had thought all was lost, he pointed to screen. _

"_So when you attack, this guy here takes most of the blows for the team?" he asked, actually sounding interested. _

"_Basically, yeah." _

"_Huh." He watched the monitor as I moved my character around. "Well, what about those guys?" _

_Excited at his interest, fake or not, I turned to him. "If you want, there's a chair in the den, I can get it for you?"_

"_Sure."_

_Forgetting the game, focusing more on Edward not being scared away, I ran to den and grabbed my mom's desk chair. Lugging it back into my room, I put it next to mine and Edward moved to it from my bed. _

"_Thanks, man," he said, inching it closer to the desk. "Tell me more about those guys," he said, pointing to the elves._

_So I did. For the next thirty minutes, I played and explained while he watched and asked a few questions. Sometimes he would get the glazed over look, and I couldn't decide if he was really interested or just pretending to be. _

_But I decided it didn't matter. All that did matter was how fucking good he smelled. Every time he moved, I caught a whiff of woodsy pine, like he was wearing a Christmas tree around his neck. I don't know if it was his body wash or if he always smelled like that up close, but I fucking breathed it deep every chance I had. _

"_Edward, I…."_

The room was completely dark, not even the screensaver on my monitor was moving, when I felt my iPhone vibrate. At some point, my grasp on it had loosened but it was still in my palm. Jumping, I ripped the earbuds out and hit answer.

"Hello," I whispered. For a few seconds, there was silence, and then I heard a long breath. "Edward?"

A sob.

"Oh, baby, I'm here. Okay? I'm here, I'm here. Do you want me to sing?" I gasped, my voice low and raspy.

There was no response other than another muffled cry.

Without further prompting, I began.

"Yesterday,  
All my troubles seemed so far away,  
Now it looks as though they're here to stay,  
Oh, I believe in yesterday."

I barely made it through the song, my voice cracking several times near the end as I desperately tried to not let him hear the tears that were streaming down my cheeks. Just like the night before, he was quiet except for an occasional sniffle. Afraid he would leave if I gave him the chance, as soon as I was finished, I began the next song.

"The long and winding road  
That leads to your door  
Will never disappear  
I've seen that road before  
It always leads me here  
Lead me to your door."

As soon as I was done, I took a breath and went to start another.

"I gotta go," he cried, and that time, before I could even protest, he hung up.

"Fuck," I growled, tempted to throw my phone across the room. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."

During my frustration, the tears dried and I took a few deep breaths. Glancing at my phone I saw it was a little after three in the morning. I knew I shouldn't do it, but I needed to. I needed him, more than ever, I needed him. I shoved my feet into my sneakers, put my phone in my pocket and grabbed the sweatshirt I had taken off earlier. As quietly as possible I headed down the hallway toward the wooden stairs. Carefully dodging the squeaky ones, I reached the bottom and found my mother's bag on the table. After digging out her car keys, I paused before opening the door, making sure they weren't going to catch me, and then stepped outside in the ink black night.

As I started the car up and put it into reverse, I hoped like fuck they couldn't hear it. The hospital was only about a ten minute drive and the car was just starting to warm up as I pulled into the main parking lot. I was able to park close given the hour, and headed inside. While the emergency area was busier, the main lobby was silent as I walked through the automatic doors and headed toward the elevators. Pressing button four, I waited against the back wall, my reflection in the doors blurred and distorted as I dinged past three floors. When the doors opened, I got off and, without even reading the signs, headed for ICU.

As the nurses' station came into view, I began to have second thoughts. It was almost four in the morning, visiting hours obviously not in effect. Pulling my hood up, I lowered my chin and walked purposely past the desk, glancing at each door for Edward's name. Not paying attention to where I was going, it wasn't surprising when I ran smack into a nurse walking out of a room.

"Oh, sorry," she apologized automatically before actually looking up at me. "Jasper?"

"Yeah," I sighed, shifting back and forth on my feet.

"Why are you here at this hour? Everything okay?"

"Um, I'm here to see Edward," I murmured.

"Visiting hours don't begin for several hours," she informed me with a raised brow. She knew I knew damn well when visiting hours were. There was very little that Edward or I didn't know about the hospital.

"I know, but…listen, can I just see him? I promise, I'll be really quick, I swear. Just for a few minutes," I begged. I saw a flicker of sympathy in her eyes before she looked down the hall around me.

"Where's Peri? Is she with you?"

"No, I drove myself," I admitted, biting my lip.

"Does she even know you're here?" she asked and when I didn't reply right away, she shook her head. "She's going to kill me if she finds out."

"I won't tell her," I promised, holding onto some hope.

"Room four-oh-seven. You've got ten minutes and then I'm kicking your ass out, got it?"

"Got it, thanks, Mrs. Fuller," I gave her a weak, but grateful, smile and headed for his room.

"Ten minutes," she called out to me as I turned the corner. His room was three doors down on the left, his door partially open. Praying he was there alone, I pressed my hand against the door and pushed it opened enough to get in.

While my eyes adjusted to the dark room, I could see only the outline of his body. Moonlight streamed in from the large windows next to his bed, casting an eerie glow over him. I could see his head was turned toward the windows and his normally crazy hair was flattened. As with all ICU rooms, the only furniture was a chair, table and his bed, along with the assorted equipment monitoring him.

With slow, heavy steps, I walked toward him, having no idea what I was going to say when he saw me. As I neared his bed, my heart pounded and I flexed my hands a few times. When I glanced around, I saw a cell phone on his table, along with the paperback book _The Sun Also Rises_ that we were reading for American Lit. I almost smiled; it was just like Edward to not let anything interfere with his grades.

"Edward?" I whispered.

He looked so…fragile.

It wasn't that he was thin or even much paler than normal; it was something else, like an aura of complete defeat and grief surrounded him.

He had already given up.

I didn't have to talk to him to hear it, or see it in his eyes to confirm it, I could just feel it. In that room, at nearly dawn, I felt the despair weighing in his heart.

Shaken, I wrapped my arms around my chest, and almost dropped to my knees. I reached out for the edge of the bed, clutching the soft flannel in my hand to steady myself while I stared at him.

Clueless to my presence, he was sound asleep, his eyes fluttering under his lids, his lips pursing and frowning in his restless slumber. In Seattle, his sleep had been peaceful and unknowing. Now it was full of as much torment as his waking hours were. There was no more peaceful rest, now his dreams were full of the things he used to be able to do, of a strong healthy body, or worse, maybe he was plagued by nightmares of the accident, of crushed metal and shattering glass, of blood and bruises.

I longed to touch him, run my hands over his healing face, to feel his warmth, even if only at the tips of my fingers. The swelling had gone down and the bruises had begun to fade, changing from deep purples to muted yellows and greens. The bandages on his head had been changed and were smaller than before. My eyes roamed over his battered face, my mind recalling his features as the perfect ones etched in my memory. Each of his wounds was a reminder of why he was really there. His legs, still long and firm, lay useless under his blanket; my prayers of returning them to him had gone unanswered. In his sleep, his brows furrowed, as if he was thinking, and his lips moved but he made no sound.

Desperately, I wanted to wake him up, show him I was there, that I loved him.

Instead, I sighed and watched him until my ten minutes were up. Mrs. Fuller would be back to check on me any second. Before she came back, I leaned over Edward, putting my face as close to his as I dared without waking him.

"I love you so much, Edward. We're going to get through this, I promise. You and me. I love you."

Wiping my eyes, I turned for the door, my feet feeling heavier than ever as they carried me from his side. At the door, I turned to him one last time.

"Be safe, baby," I murmured.

His reply wasn't his usual 'See ya soon, love.'

"It's all your fault," a faint, raspy voice said from behind the curtain. Gasping, I looked around the room for another person that I knew wasn't there.

"I know," I replied, my fingers wiping the guilty tears from my cheeks. "I'm sorry."

My heart felt crushed, like a vise gripped and twisted it. Even in his sleep, he knew I was the reason he was laying in that room.

Ignoring Mrs. Fuller when she called out to me as I jogged by, I ran for the car. Unlocking it and barely getting inside before I burst, sobs escaping me loudly, viciously tearing through my body in heaving breaths and savage cries. Tears poured from my eyes as I leaned my head on the steering wheel, my sides ached from crying, my eyes were swollen and my heart…was broken.

I don't remember the drive home, my body automatically tiptoeing into the house and up the stairs. I had less than an hour before my alarm was going to go off. Pulling off the sweatshirt, I collapsed onto the bed and buried my head in my pillows, hoping the downy material would silence my cries.

"**~~**"

"You look like shit, Whitlock," Newton whispered from behind me in English. I ignored him and slouched further down in my seat, trying and failing to become invisible. "Where the hell is Cullen? He was supposed to help me on this project, he hasn't been here and he's not answering his phone."

I sighed and leaned back enough so he could hear me. "Family emergency," I partially lied.

"Fuck, how long?"

"Don't know."

"Damn it. Well, if you talk to him, tell him thanks a lot. Now I have to do the fucking project alone."

Like I cared.

Rubbing my eyes, I yawned and checked the time.

An hour until lunch, three until I was done for the day.

How did these people expect me to focus on school when my life was falling apart around me? My future was laying less than fifteen minutes away, grieving for his past and dreading his future, while I had to learn about the difference between a sonnet and a limerick. I didn't give a fuck about trochaic or iambic metres.

Everything had never seemed more useless or more in perspective than it did then. None of it really mattered. Had my life been the same, had Edward been sitting at the desk next to me like normal, I would have been paying attention-well, at least when I wasn't trying to look at him- and I might have even enjoyed the class.

Now, I wanted out. Of everything.

When the bell rang, I left the classroom and headed to my locker. Bella was there waiting for me, looking a bit better than she had at lunch the day before, but she still looked sad.

"Hey," she greeted, moving to the side as I reached for my locker. "You talk to him yet?"

Shaking my head, I opened the door and grabbed a book.

"My dad said the guy was arraigned yesterday."

I turned my attention to her. "What guy?"

"The guy who hit Edward." I knew another car had been involved but nothing more than that. Honestly, I hadn't cared about anything other than Edward. "You didn't know?"

"I knew there was another car but…" I trailed off, losing my train of thought as I began to wonder what had caused the accident.

Slippery roads wasn't usually reasons to arrest someone for causing an accident.

"Jasper, the other driver was drunk. They arrested him at the hospital after the accident."

"Drunk?"

"Yeah."

Edward was paralyzed, his entire future changed because some fuckup couldn't handle his alcohol and then was stupid enough to get behind the wheel of a car. Who had let him drive? A bartender, a friend, host of a party?

"I gotta go," I said.

For the second time in two days, I turned and ran from Bella.

"Jasper?" I heard her call out after me, but by the time I realized I should have stopped, I was sprinting for the exit. Outside the door, I stopped, my sides already heaving, not from the sprint, but from the realization that Edward's injury was even more tragic.

A happy and perfect teenage boy had been on his way to his boyfriend's from work and because of some fucking asshole's decision to get shitfaced and then drive, that teenage boy was going to face the rest of his life from a wheelchair.

Bending over, I put my hands on my knees and took a few deep breaths. I heard the door open behind me, I might have even heard her call my name, but a second later, I was running again.

At my house, I ran upstairs and booted up my computer. After typing in the URL for our local newspaper, I scanned the recent articles.

_**Teen boy injured in accident**_

_An unidentified teenage boy was severely injured in a two car collision on New Year's Eve. The driver of the other car, James Veli, suffered from minor injuries and was later arrested by local deputies for driving while intoxicated after failing the blood test. His arraignment is scheduled for January third. The status of the boy is unknown at this time._

Stunned, I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes.

_Severely injured. _

_James Veli._

_Driving while intoxicated. _

I read those words over and over.

"FUCK!" I screamed as loud and for as long as possible. I closed the browser and after pulling my phone out of my pocket, realized I had a missed call. Tapping the voicemail button, I waited for the message.

"Hello, Jasper. It's Esm-Mrs. Cullen. Edward is okay, he was transferred to Forks General and has settled in here for awhile. I know you're probably eager to see him, why don't you call me later tonight and we'll find a good time. I'll tell him you said hi."

Sighing, I hung up.

I couldn't wait until later. I hit her number and waited as it rang.

"Hello?"

I jumped up from my chair, suddenly anxious, and began to pace my room.

"Mrs. Cullen? It's Jasper."

"Oh, Jasper. How are you?"

She sounded better, although definitely not the outgoing mother I knew her to be, the one who could give June Cleaver a run for her money. I heard muffled sounds and a deep voice. My heart leaped at the thought she might be with Edward right then.

"Um, okay I guess. I was calling to see how Edward is and when I can see him," I rushed out all at once.

"Hold on, dear," she said and there was the distinct sound of a hand covering the speaker. Pressing my phone as tightly to my ear as possible, desperate to hear his voice, I closed my eyes and listened. There was mumbling, his deep voice replying to her. She uncovered the phone and I heard her ask "Are you sure? Okay." She paused, and then she spoke to me. "Jasper?"

"Yeah?" I said nervously.

"Sweetheart, he's not really up for any visitors right now. Why don't you check with me tomorrow, okay?"

Devastated, I mumbled, "Okay."

"It's just been," she stopped, and I heard the faint clicking of her heels on the tile, "a hard time for him. For all of us. I know he's going to want to see you, he's going to need you, but right now he's not really feeling much like himself."

"I understand."

But I didn't really. If it had been me lying there, I would want no one but Edward next to me, his voice, his touch, _his _reassurances. I wanted to give him all those things too, but he wasn't going to let me. I had never felt more lost. When he had been asleep, I could at least visit him. Now he had the choice to see me and didn't want to.

Biting my lip, I tried to not let her know I was crying at his rejection.

"Is there anything I can do?" I asked, hopeful that she could find some use for me, some reason for me to exist.

"He's missing a lot of school. Carlisle and I are going there tomorrow to pick up some things. We're hoping between tutors and some online work, he can keep up. Can you gather his assignments and keep track of them?"

"Sure," I sighed. I had gone from his lover to the person who brings over his homework. It wasn't fair to Mrs. Cullen, I knew it, but I couldn't keep the bitterness from my voice.

"Okay, Jasper, I have to get back to him. I'll try to call you tomorrow, sweetheart."

"Thanks, Mrs. Cullen," I said and then before I forgot. "Tell him I said hi, okay?"

"Of course. Bye, Jasper."

"Bye."She hung up.

I tossed my phone on my nightstand, and then picked up the lamp next to it and slammed it against my door, reveling in the way the ceramic fell to the floor in large shards. Next was the model of Jabba on my dresser, along with everything else I pushed off it with one swipe of my arm along the top. Randomly I moved around my room, throwing everything not nailed down. I pulled out my dresser drawers and dumped them, I ripped my blankets and sheets off my bed, I picked up my desk chair and threw it against a wall, creating a huge dent. Rage flowed through me freely, my pent up frustration finally finding an outlet in destruction.

I left only two things untouched, my computer and my phone. At least I had enough sense to not break either of them.

When I was finished, picture frames were shattered, homework, books and magazines lay strewn everywhere, my curtains were falling off the rods that hung loosely from their hooks, my bed was stripped and there were clothes covering my entire floor. Standing in the middle of it all with my hands fisted at my sides, I felt better, less tense than I had been but my muscles were still bunched and coiled, begging for release.

I needed more.

Yanking off my sweatshirt, I left my tee shirt on as I tugged my jeans off and dug through the clothes on the floor for a pair of running shorts. Once they were on, I grabbed my unharmed phone and earbuds and jogged down the stairs.

Outside, there was a light, cold drizzle falling as I jumped off the porch and put my earbuds in. Without stretching, I broke into a run and headed down the long and winding road. My feet pounded the pavement, stride after stride I tried to outrun the pain that nipped at my heels. My lungs burned as I rhythmically inhaled the cool air, my muscles ached under the strain of my pace, and my mind swirled with thoughts and memories.

But I pushed myself more, forcing my body to its limits, concentrating on the physical pain from running instead of the pain from emotions.

Instead of tears, sweat dripped down my face, my vision blurred as I ran in my own world, the music deafening in my ears but I could barely hear it. I ran faster, relishing in the suffocation my lungs felt, the shallow gasps I drew in with each step. Pumping my arms, I continued to run, ignoring everything around me, trying to block out the images of Edward that flickered through my mind.

_His fingertips tracing my lips after our first kiss._

_The look of ecstasy on his face as he came when I gave him his first blow job._

_The crooked smile on his face every morning when he waited for me by his car._

_The battered and bloodied face as he lay still in a dark room. _

Shaking my head, I growled and panted while taking longer, faster strides, my pace much faster than any I'd ever done before. My damp clothes clung to my body with a mixture of sweat and rain, I was sure I was cold but my skin had gone numb.

I wished the rest of me would.

When I reached four miles, I kept going, settling into a blinding pace that strained me.

Hours later, I returned home, having lost track of the miles I ran, I had jogged slowly on the way home, fatigue overwhelming my body. I turned down the driveway and saw my mother's car.

"Shit," I mumbled. Having no choice, I went inside. She called out to me as I passed the kitchen.

"Want to explain your room?"

Sighing, I leaned against the wall in the hall and let my head thump against it.

"Jasper?" she coaxed. Never moving to see me, she continued to cook dinner.

"I'll clean it up," I said, starting to go up the stairs. "I gotta shower first."

Not waiting for a reply, I trudged up the steps and into my room where I grabbed clean clothes from my floor and then went to shower.

I was drying off my hair when she knocked on my door, pushing it open a bit to fit through.

"You okay?" she asked as her eyes scanned my devastated room. I threw the towel on the floor and nodded. "Bad day?"

"You could say that." I knelt and began to pick up the broken pieces of the lamp. "Did you know Edward was hit by a drunk driver?"

She paused before replying. "How did you find out?"

I dumped the pieces into my trash. "Bella told me he was arraigned yesterday. Does Edward know?"

She sighed and sat down on my bed. "I don't know. He was pretty upset today. I heard him crying a few times, and then there was some yelling. I'm not sure what he knows about the accident."

"I talked to Mrs. Cullen today. I wanted to see Edward but she said he wasn't up for visitors," I admitted quietly as I started to stuff clothes into my drawers.

"You going to refold those?"

"Nope."

Another sigh. "Jasper, I know this has been difficult on you too, I understand that. Trust me. But life…well, it goes on, and you're both going to have some adjusting to do. Give him some time, sweetheart, he'll come around."

I slammed the drawer closed with a satisfied push and turned to face her. "Will he?"

"Yes."

"He just seems…different." I regretted saying it, thinking she might want to know how I knew he was different.

"Of course he does. He's going through a huge change, and not a good one. There is going to be some denial and anger, and just about every other known emotion. All you can do is be ready when he is, okay?"

"It's going to have to be, I guess." I tossed more clothes in another drawer.

"Do you want some help?"

"Nah, I got it. Thanks."

She stood up and looked around the room again. "Don't stay up all night."

Little did she know that I wanted to stay up all night and wait for him to call.

"I won't," I outright lied.

Turned out it wasn't a lie. After a few more hours of cleaning, I laid on the bed, clutching my phone in my hand and closing my eyes. Exhausted from the run and cleaning, I fell into a light sleep.

The sun was up when I woke up panicking. The Beatles were playing softly in my ear and it took me a few seconds to remember where I was. As soon as my eyes were open, guilt flooded me and I looked at my phone for the missed call.

There were none.

He hadn't called.

"Fuck," I sighed. I couldn't decide which was worse, him not calling at all or thinking I had missed his call. My mother knocked on my door.

"I'm off to work, see you tonight," she said, not even opening the door.

"Okay," I replied, rolling over onto my stomach.

"Any plans today?"

"Just finish up in here I guess," I mumbled through a yawn.

"Okay, bye."

I never replied. After taking a moment to wake up, I grabbed what I thought might be clean clothes and headed for the shower.

School was school. After a few days of ignoring everything and anyone around me, I began to listen more closely and paid remote attention in class. I even went to all my classes. If I was going to be Edward's designated tutor, I was going to do it well. When each class ended, I went up to the teacher, explaining without details what had happened to Edward and that I needed his work. They were all sympathetic and offered their help as they piled the work into my arms. With my earbuds in, I read the latest American Lit assignment as I sat in the cafeteria alone.

I walked the halls alone, I sat in class alone, I felt…alone.

It was one of the longest days of my life, and further proof of how much Edward was a part of my life. Even if he wasn't in my class, I looked forward to lunch with him, or the ride home, or seeing a glimpse of him in the halls. Without him there, I had nothing and I felt his absence in everything.

I just really fucking missed him.

When I got home and walked into my partially devastated room, I was just about ready to give up; I couldn't do it without him anymore.

I needed him.

I dialed Mrs. Cullen's number. Clearing my throat before she answered, I waited while it rang.

"Hello?" she whispered.

"Hi, Mrs. Cullen, it's Jasper again."

"Hold on," she said quietly.

I could hear her move and then she spoke in her normal voice. "Sorry, Jasper. Edward is sleeping and I didn't want to wake him up. He had a difficult night last night."

My heart halted. "Is he okay?"

"He's better now. He had some phantom pain and was screaming it from it."

"Phantom pain? Like a ghost?"

"Sort of. It's when you think you feel pain even though you can't really. In his mind, the pain seems very real even though there is no actual pain in his body."

He was suffering and I couldn't do shit about it.

"They sedated him and he slept the rest of the night. He's still sleeping now."

"Can I see him today?"

"I'm not sure, Jasper. I'll check with him when he wakes up and have him call you if he's up to it, okay?"

"Sure," I said, discouraged and frustrated. "Thanks, Mrs. Cullen. Oh, I got his homework."

"Thank you, Jasper. I know he'll appreciate it. We all do."

"No problem," I replied sadly.

"Bye, Jasper."

I put my phone on the table and began cleaning some more, picking up the homework and stuff I had knocked off my desk. When I bent over to grab one of my binders, I heard a crunch and moved the clothing I had stepped on. Underneath was a picture in a simple frame, now broken and covered in shattered glass. Picking it up, I sat on the edge of my bed and stared at it.

It was Edward and I, taken the previous summer when we had gone camping overnight alone for the first time. It had been my birthday present from my parents. They had even bought us a tent, and let Edward drive us an hour north to a secluded campground. The tent was barely big enough for us to stretch out in, but we managed.

The sun had barely set, our dinner of hotdogs hadn't even been digested when Edward stretched and dramatically yawned by the fire we had built. Claiming he was 'so tired' and needed sleep right away, he got up and headed for the tent, knowing I would be right behind him. Seconds later, I was eyeing the fire, debating on putting it out before following him. Leaving it, I shimmied into the tent and within a minute, we were both undressed and writhing together on the sleeping bags we had laid out. The sun having warmed it all day, the tent was hot and stuffy, and smelled of pure arousal.

Laying there pressed against each other, we listened to the sounds of the night outside, but it wasn't long before we were making sounds of our own.

"Mmmm, so good," he moaned as he climbed on top of me. Our hands were everywhere they could reach, skimming over sweat-slickened skin, tugging on unruly hair and stroking hard cocks. We had brought each other to edge a few times before backing off, wanting to prolong our night. As he lay on me, his eyes dark with desire and a lopsided grin of lust on his face, his hips pressed into mine.

"Wanna try something new?" he asked me, his nose nuzzling along my jaw line as I arched my head back.

"Yeah," I moaned. I was so fucking horny I would have agreed to just about anything right then, even making love. We had been sexually active for a year, taking our time moving from base to base, enjoying each and everyone to the fullest extent before moving on. Call us old fashioned, but we enjoyed the timely exploration of each other's bodies.

"Want to try sixty-nining?" he whispered in my ear as his cock slid along my own. Eagerly, I nodded. We had both become quite good at giving head; it was my favorite thing to do to Edward. Nothing compared to the way he squirmed under my touch, the way he watched me so intently until he couldn't anymore, until he was so close he had to shut his eyes.

And the sounds. The sounds he made, the moans and groans and whimpers, all made me so fucking hard.

When Edward lips were still fused to my neck, I tugged on his hair. "Baby, you gonna move?" I asked breathlessly, eager to start. If he stayed grinding on top of me much longer, I was going to come. "Close, wanna come in your mouth," I begged. I felt his teeth on my skin as he marked me, low enough so it would be covered by my tee shirt.

I loved his possessive side.

Edward rolled off me, a bit reluctantly, and then took a deep breath. Pushing up on my elbows, I watched him next to me, his body firm and needy, his cock hard and thick.

"Fuck, you're beautiful. So fucking perfect," I sighed, running a hand over his chest, down his abdomen and to his cock. I gripped him, pumping him gently.

Blushing, he rolled his eyes. "And you're blind," he teased, embarrassed.

"I have twenty-twenty vision, baby," I returned, pretending to be offended.

"If you keep touching me, there won't be any sixty-nine," he groaned. Pulling his hips from my grasp, he chuckled when I pouted and then turned so his head was at my feet. Straddling my hips, he moved himself back until I had a beautiful, and close, view of his ass. I stared at it until I felt his hot breath on my cock right before I felt his fingers in my curls. When I didn't move, he glanced at me over his shoulder.

"Something wrong?" he asked with a raised brow.

Lust-stunned, I shook my head. "No, just…"

"Then get to it," he chuckled, wiggling his ass in my face.

Didn't need to tell me twice.

Lying down, I pulled on his hips until his cock lined up with my mouth, and then I waited with an open mouth as he lowered himself. His salty taste enveloped my mouth, his skin was velvet soft against my lips.

"Shit," he groaned, his hips instinctively thrusting down, the angle allowing him to push deep into my throat. Holding off a gag, I kept my head still and let him fuck my mouth. My hands didn't remain still though; they were constantly kneading and spreading his ass. Preoccupied with the sensations, he forgot what he was supposed to be doing and his forehead rested on my thigh, his panting breaths washing over my cock as he gave himself over to me. Unabashedly, he continued to move his hips, plunging his cock into my mouth, the vibrations of my moans encouraging him further.

After a few more concentrated thrusts, I felt his tongue along my cock, working from base to tip in long laps. I wanted to beg for more, plead for him to take me into his mouth but all I could do was moan and lift my hips up. He took the opportunity to slide a hand under my ass while the other grabbed the base of my cock. Suddenly, he released me and pulled his cock from my mouth.

"On your side," he gasped. He rolled off me, his hands never leaving my hips. After I shifted my position, the head of his cock rubbing along my lips, I felt his wet mouth take me in.

"Fuck," I groaned, my hips reflexively jerking into his mouth as he devoured every inch of me. "Oh my God, oh my God," I praised, my entire body focused on one thing - keeping his mouth on me. He set a steady rhythm, bobbing his head up and down my cock and I felt him moan in frustration after I had ignored his for too long. Pulling his hips to me, I licked the slit on the flared head of his cock before dipping my tongue in it. He responded with a long shudder.

So I did it again.

Then I moved my lips to his sac, taking in one, then the other, lavishing them both with equal attention, slurping, licking and sucking.

Focusing on him while my own body climbed higher was more difficult than I thought it would be. I had thought I was an unselfish lover, but when I had his mouth on my dick, I didn't think of much else besides how fucking good it felt. When I took his cock back into my mouth, the new angle didn't allow him to go as deep, but I made up for it by hollowing out my cheeks and sucking.

"Yeah," he said, releasing me. His cock pulsed in my mouth and I knew he was already close. The heady, musky scent of him filled my lungs and I eagerly breathed him in with shallow breaths. I stopped moving when I felt his hips taking over, setting his own pace. He slid his cock in and out of my mouth, his body tensing as he neared his orgasm. While his head rested on the inside of my thigh, his hand was still on my cock, languidly stroking it. "Close, so close…feels so good…" he mumbled into my heated flesh. My cock twitched at his words. My fingers spread his ass, one teasing his entrance, and after a few more thrusts of his hips, I felt his cock jerk in my mouth.

"Ugh, coming," he grunted as his entire body stilled and his cock erupted. Short, steady bursts of warm cum flooded my mouth, some dribbling out the sides when I didn't swallow quickly enough. "Fuck, yeah, yeah," he whimpered until his body relaxed while the last of his orgasm flowed through him. Releasing him, I let my head fall onto my arm, my body so tense I felt ready to burst, literally.

"Baby, need it so bad, gotta come," I attempted to explain.

"Sorry," he blushed, lifting his head off my leg. With his cock out of my mouth, he was able to move more freely, and he took me in deep, my cock tapping the back of his throat as he thoroughly worked me. Digging my nails into his thigh, I tried to keep still, to not take over.

"More, more," I pleaded, the warmth in my abdomen beginning to spread outward. He sucked hard and moaned at the same time and I came undone, my cock jettisoning seed down his throat. Grunts and growls and other keening sounds escaped me as my body rocked and quivered with each surge of my climax.

"Oh my…"

"God," I finished for him as he rolled onto his back.

"And every other spiritual being," he chuckled, and then paused, taking a deep breath. "Seriously though, that was amazing. We definitely need to do that again."

I turned myself around so we were face to face and snuggled against him. "Agreed. Like in about ten minutes?"

He laughed, his chest vibrating under my head as I lay draped across his warm, sticky body.

"Where's your phone? We need to take a birthday picture in our birthday suits," he suggested.

"Kinky," I joked. "It's in my backpack."

He reached my bag and felt inside the pocket, pulling my phone out before climbing on top of me again. Laying his back flush against my chest, he rested his head on my shoulder.

"Smile," he warned before taking our picture. We laughed at the result, clearly showing us naked. He repositioned the phone and took another. It was several more attempts before he took one where we looked only shirtless and not completely nude.

Although, if you looked close enough, the satisfied glaze in our eyes and lazy smiles were evidence of our activities.

"Wanna go sit by the fire?" I asked after our picture taking. Nodding, he grabbed the extra sleeping bag and we crawled out of the tent. After setting one bag on the ground, he sat on it, opening his arms up to me and draping the other sleeping bag over his shoulders to hide us. I moved between his spread legs, letting him support my body by leaning back into him. I loved feeling his cock twitch when my back rubbed against it.

He put his chin on my shoulder. "Keep it up, Whitlock, and we will be sixty-nining all fucking night."

I tilted my head and looked at him. "That's a problem how?"

Wrapping his arms around my waist, he pulled me closer. Naked and sated, we watched the flames flicker and dance. His long legs stretched out before us, my fingers resting on his thighs, absently caressing them, enjoying the way his sensitive muscles quivered under my light tough.

"This was a perfect birthday," I sighed happily.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Just imagine how good New Year's will be," he whispered seductively. We had already planned when our first time would be, although sometimes I wondered if either of us would make it that long.

"Mmm. Normally, I'm not a fan of winter but I can't fucking wait for it this year."

"Me either," he agreed, moving the hair off the back of my neck to place a kiss there. I trembled, goose bumps rising all over my body. "Gonna be so good, love. You, me…fucking."

I groaned at the thought, his husky timbre going straight to my dick.

"Better than the Violet Drake achievement?"

"I love it when you speak geek," he sighed contentedly. We held each other and watched the fire until it had slowed burned down to smoldering coals. "Ready for round two?"

"Baby, I was ready an hour ago," I said, taking his hand from my waist and putting it on my throbbing cock. "I think you need to take care of me."

"Why don't you step into my office?" he offered, pushing me away from him so we could get up. We returned quickly to the tent, feasting on each other a few more times before finally falling into a deep sleep in each other's embrace to the sounds of the night and murmured words of love.

Forcing myself from the memory, I took the picture out of the frame. Edward's bright smile mocking me as he stood next to me in his fishing hat with stupid lures hanging off it. His arm was around my shoulders as we both grinned at the camera I had held in front of us. Gently, I ran my fingers over his features, tracing his eyes and lips.

With a heavy sigh, I put the picture on my desk and continued to clean. It took hours, but I made slow progress. Sitting at my desk when I was finished, I gathered all of Edward's homework and organized it for him by date and class, even using sticky tabs to write notes on. I heard my father come home, followed shortly by my mother. I hadn't even realized it had gotten so late.

Left with nothing to do, I opened Google on my browser and typed in 'spinal cord injury', amazed when almost two million results appeared. Just as I clicked on the first link, my phone vibrated on the desk. When I saw it was a text message from Mrs. Cullen, my heart leaped, and then raced with anticipation of possibly being able to see Edward.

The message wasn't from Mrs. Cullen, it was from Edward.

_Don't try to see me. Leave me alone._

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

I know it seems like the boys have been apart a long time, and we are all eager for them to reunite, but remember, in their time it has only been a few days. Hang in there! I promise!

The average cost for the first year after an SCI is $198,000 and over a lifetime (injured at 25 years old) is $428,000. Only 52% of those injured are covered by health insurance. Percentage of SCI individuals unemployed eight years after injury is 63%.

Winter's Night has been nominated for two Slash Awards (Best Banner-on my profile- and Best Angst), be sure to vote for your favorites here: http:/theslashawards (DOT)blogspot(DOT)com/2010/08/now-voting-is-really-open(DOT)html

WN doesn't have a thread on Twilighted, but we do discuss it on the M&A thread, so feel free to join us there http:/www (DOT)twilighted(DOT)net/forum/viewtopic(DOT)php?f=44&t=9674


	6. Making His World a Little Colder

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- First, Winter's Night won Best Angst in The Slash Awards!~ thank you everyone for voting for the boys ~and Ealasaid77 reviewed Winter's Night on Twislash this past week! Thank you Ealasaid77!

I've been accused of making people cry at work, on a plane, trains, buses, school and in bed, so I want to give some tissue warning, although I think it's only in a few places.

Thank you, thank you for all the reviews and favorites and alerts. The support I've received for this story has warmed my heart! Kisses to all of you!

This story wouldn't be here (neither would my nails) if not for Dannie. She rocks my world. Oh, and she stepped into my vacationing beta shoes this week as well!

Now Edward pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night I had been able to say no to him…_

"**~~**"

I hadn't heard from him in two days, five hours and forty six minutes.

I had told him to stay away, so why was I surprised when he had actually listened to me? Jasper always did as I asked; he was always willing to do what I needed, whether it was waiting to have sex, or staying up extra late to explain the difference between the battles of Chickamauga and Chattanooga to me. It didn't matter how large or small my request, Jasper always followed through.

It was one of the many things I had loved about him.

The days had been physically exhausting. My body was no longer succumbing to the meds they were giving me, excruciating pain radiated down my legs, wrapping tight around my muscles, squeezing them like a fucking vise grip. The sounds of my screams reverberated throughout the small room, probably scaring the shit out of those in the rooms next to me, but I didn't give a fuck.

It hurt like a mother fucker and I didn't care who knew it.

At first, I actually got excited from the pain, thinking perhaps I was cured, that I was the one-in-a-million boy that had overcome the odds and regained feeling, but the doctors quickly brought me back to reality, crushing any hope the agony had brought me.

They claimed it was 'phantom' pain, my mind tricking me into thinking the nerves in my legs were working, into feeling pain that couldn't possibly exist. There was no reasonable explanation for it, my legs, for all purposes, were fine, completely still and uninjured under the blanket. Yet, all I felt was a burning and twisting that forced me to release words I'm sure my mother never expected to hear me say in her presence.

There was no relief, my body ached and begged to be freed from the pain. They pumped the drugs into me faster, upping the dosage so much that I was barely conscious most of the time. I welcomed the darkness again, the comfort it brought me, the emptiness where there was no pain, no mangled and useless legs, no boy that could never want me again.

The last time I had called him, I hadn't even been able to speak, the only sound I had made had been a weak, pathetic sob. But even without my asking, he broke into song, somehow managing to sooth me with the sad words of days long past, of a yesterday that would be the only happiness I would ever know. When he was done, I'd had barely been able to tell him I had to go, I just…couldn't stay.

I could never be what he wanted or needed anymore, and I used that as my excuse for leaving. Deep down, I knew it was more than that. In the dark recesses of my heart, I knew I blamed him for the accident.

It wasn't like he had been driving. He hadn't even been with me, not physically anyway. Of course, Jasper was always with me, his voice always in my ears, his breath on my lips, his hand in mine, his heartbeat flowing through my veins. It had been like that since I had first seen him, first felt that aura of goodness and warmth that embraced him. I don't think he had any idea how much I fell for him in those first few seconds, the way my heart raced and ached and become completely devoted to every breath he took all at the same time. Every minute I spent with him after that was just confirmation that with him was where I belonged.

And I had belonged with him on New Year's Eve. It was going to be our night. After more than a year of being together, we were finally going to make love, our bodies meeting in a way that we would never share with anyone else.

We were young, foolish and deeply in love.

Had we not planned to be together that night, had he not asked me for that to have been that night of all nights, I would have been home, safely tucked into my bed with my working legs stretched out before me.

But he had asked.

A few weeks before, I had dropped him off at his house after school and after a quick kiss in his kitchen while Alice waited in my car for me, I left him to drive her to her friend's house. Later that night, I lay on my bed, George's voice crooning to me as I attempted to read the latest chapter assignment in "The Sun Also Rises" when Jasper called me, his voice five octaves higher than usual.

"Love, calm down, I can't understand a word you're saying," I interrupted his babbling. He took a few deep breaths and when he spoke again, his voice was back to his husky drawl with only a hint of the girly squeal left in it.

"I said, my parents are going away for New Year's. To Seattle."

"Okay," I replied, not quite sure I was catching on to the hidden meaning.

He sighed, frustrated with my lack of espionage. "Baby, we, you and me, we can be alone."

"Alone?"

Another heavy sigh.

"Jasper, we're alone a lot," I reminded him.

"Yes, I know, but Edward, this is alone. Alone, A L O N E,_ alone_," he repeated in different variations until it sunk in.

"OH!" I yelped, finally catching on. "Alone."

"Light finally dawns," he teased lightly. "So, what do you think? I mean, we've been talking about, ya know…"

It was so fucking adorable how embarrassed he got when we talked about sex when we weren't actually having it. But if his dick was in my mouth, he had no shame in expressing his dirty thoughts to me out loud.

"Having sex? Making love? Fucking?" I whispered, teasing him right back.

"Yes," he said, exasperated. "All of those. So…what do you think?"

"They will be gone all night?" I asked, my hand suddenly finding a hold of my cock through my jeans as I lay on my bed.

"All night," he confirmed, and as I heard him moving around, my cock imagined he was doing much the same as I was, only naked. "Won't be back until late New Year's Day."

"Mmm," I moaned into the phone. "Sounds good. Making love to you all night, then waking up with you in my arms, only to be able to do it again."

"Jesus," he gasped, his voice heavy with need. "Don't say shit like that, baby, making me hard."

"Yeah? Me too," I agreed, my hand putting pressure on my cock. "Should we do it?"

"New Year's? Definitely." I could practically see him nodding, his eyes bright with excitement, his curls bouncing around his face.

"Well that too, but I meant have phone sex."

"Oh." He paused and I heard more movement, then the distinct sound of his door closing. "I like that idea. Can you? Are you alone?"

"Yeah, my parents took Alice out to dinner, I told them I had too much homework."

We had only done it once before, when Jasper had been grounded for staying out too late one night and for skipping school the next day. There was nothing quite like hearing Jasper's slight drawl talk me through masturbation and orgasm, except for having him lay next to me as he did it. Although having him on the phone was a close second.

"What are you wearing?" he asked, his voice dropping even lower. He would have made a fucking hot phone sex operator.

"Jeans and my Abbey Road shirt."

"Take them off," he demanded and I immediately complied. Sitting up, I set the phone down and stripped my shirt off before undoing my jeans and shimmying out of them, kicking them off my bed.

"Now just my underwear."

"Mmmm. Me too, but I have it pulled down. Got my cock in my hand. So hard it aches, baby. Aches for your touch."

"Yeah? My hands or my mouth?" I asked him, already breathlessly, my own cock throbbing at the question. I pushed my briefs down enough to free my erection, pumping it with a loose fist a few times before gripping tighter.

"Hand. Your fingers are so strong from playing the piano, they grip me so tight. Love it when you touch me, stroke me," he murmured into my ear.

"I love touching you," I agreed, my handing sweeping over the head the head of my cock to gather the fluid for lube. "I love watching you when I touch you."

"Yeah?" he sounded surprised, but he wasn't. He knew the sight of him writhing under my touch drove me to the edge quicker than almost anything.

"Yeah, when you lose control, when your hips just go crazy and your body goes all tense. Fuck, so hot," I described, my fingers tightening around my dick. "Wish you were here so you could suck on my nipples."

"Oh fuck," he moaned at the suggestion. He loved my nipples, teasing them, pinching them, and while it felt good, I liked his fascination with my cock much more. "I wish I was there too, lying next to you while you jerked me off."

My hips started thrusting up into my fist, fucking it wantonly, the tingling already beginning to spread low in my groin. If I came so fast just by talking with Jasper, I wasn't going last more than five minutes when we made love.

"I want you, Jasper, I want you so fucking bad," I admitted, my body tensing as I pictured him on the bed next to me, watching me with his fucking intense blue eyes. My balls drew up tight and I desperately wanted to touch them, tug on them, but with the phone in one hand and my cock in the other, they remained neglected.

Biting down on my lip, I released a groan.

"Fuck, baby. You sound so fucking hot making those sounds," he whimpered. "So close, wanna come, baby, gotta come."

"Touch me, Jasper, fuck me, make my body yours forever," I whispered and heard him gasp.

"Fuck, coming," he cried out, a carnal groan escaping him while I pictured his body tensing, his cock releasing his load onto the smooth skin covering his defined abs. The hours Jasper had put in running not only benefited him but me as well, as I was the one that got to ogle the end result of his working out.

"Mmm, that's it, love, come for me. Come all over me."

"Fuck, yeah, yeah," he moaned, his breaths shallow."Your turn, baby. I want to hear you come for me now. Feel me there with you, my hand on your cock, my mouth on your nipples."

"More," I pleaded, my cock throbbing in my hand as my pace increased and I chased my climax. I was in my own world, I could practically feel Jasper's naked body, his heat radiating around me as he jerked me off and whispered in my ear.

"My hand wrapped tight around your cock, feeling its weight in my hand. My fingers playing with your balls, pulling them that way you like, touching your hole."

"More," I begged again, my hand furiously pumping my cock. "Want you, love, want you so bad."

"I want you too, baby. I want to fuck you so hard, feel that tight ass around me, hear you scream my-"

"Fuck," I grunted, my back arching off the bed as my cock pulsed in my hand and erupted, warm cum landing in stripes over my chest. The sweet feeling of my climax was still strong and steady in my body, the nerves still twitching throughout me when I heard the door downstairs open and close. "Oh shit," I whispered into the phone.

"Mmm, what?" Jasper replied, his voice still heavy with his climax.

"Gottago, myparentsjustcamehome," I said urgently as I reached for my tee shirt. My heart clenched at the idea of wiping my cum off me with my Abbey Road tee, but desperate times called for desperate measures. I heard Jasper laughing heartily on the other end.

"Oh my God, classic," he chuckled. "Okay, baby. Call me later. Love you."

"Love you, too. Bye." I went to hit end and paused, putting the phone back to my ear. "Wait! Jas, you there?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks," I whispered before clicking end and tossing the phone on my bed. "Jesus," I moaned as I brushed the cotton over my sensitive cock, still seeping pleasure when I tucked it back into my underwear.

"Edward? We're back," my mother called out, her footsteps nearing my door. Frantic, I tossed my tee onto the floor and dove for my pants, barely getting them up my thighs when she knocked on my door.

"Just a sec," I answered, hissing when the zipper grazed my semi hard on. I ran a hand through my hair, and then shirtless and breathless, I opened the door to see my mother standing there with a look of patience on her face. "Sorry," I shrugged. "I was just…dancing."

"Dancing?" she raised a brow listening to the song playing. "To Hey Jude?" she asked skeptically.

"Yeah. Love this song," I said, running a hand through my hair.

She glanced around the room. "Get your homework done in between your…dancing?"

Nodding, I glanced at the books piled on the floor next to my bed, clearly unopened. "Yeah, it's all done," I lied.

"Okay, see you in the morning then," she said. Just before she turned to go, she stopped and leaned into my room, inhaling deeply. "Edward, empty your trash, it smells awful in here."

"I will," I promised as she closed the door behind her and I collapsed onto the bed. Picking up my phone, I dialed Jasper again. He was still laughing when he answered.

"Did your mom find you with your cock in your hand?"

"No," I denied. "But she smelled it. Told me I needed to empty the trash."

That started a new round of laughter from Jasper. We hung up about an hour later, my homework still not done, my Abbey Road tee shirt stained with my cum, and with plans to lose my virginity on New Year's Eve.

I had never been more content.

Had he never called me that night, if his parents hadn't planned to go out of town, I wouldn't have been on that road at that hour. I was supposed to work the day shift but someone had asked to switch with me and I had agreed. It put a damper on our night's plans but Jasper didn't mind. By the time I closed up, I was so fucking eager to get to him, to feel him in my arms, to finally have sex, I could barely see straight.

The roads had been covered with a packed down snow and a light sleet was falling when I left work. I had felt the car slip as I pulled out onto the road, but I sped anyway.

It was a Volvo, they were built to handle that shit.

If I hadn't been going to see Jasper, to be with him, I would have taken a different route. I would have been driving slower. I never would have been in an accident.

I would still be able to walk.

Finally, the drugs kicked in and lulled me into the black abyss that I longed for. The darkness claimed me, taking away the pain in my legs and my heart.

In the darkness, the presences were back, some stronger and more secure than before, others still faint and temporary. I swear I felt his presence as well, his warmth and grief striking me hard during the long nights. Though, I don't think he was really there, but rather a ghost of him that my soul had made to keep me company.

When I would wake, my eyes would be heavy with the loss of him and from the tears that constantly threatened to fall. My breaths were as weak and worthless as my legs, my mind full of nothing but thoughts of him no matter how many times I tried to ignore them.

There wasn't anything anyone could do. They couldn't fix my legs, they couldn't change time, they couldn't do anything for me. I know my parents would have done anything to have their able-bodied son back. No one would want the trouble I was going to cause. The bills, the work, the care…all of it.

My parents had stayed with me the first night I was in Forks, but after that, they entrusted my care to my father's colleagues and went home every night. My father began working again, often able to stop in and see me during his work day.

It was the morning of the third day when I was staring out the window, my mother sitting beside me in the chair reading, that my father walked in.

"Edward," he said and I slowly turned my head from the window to him and realized he wasn't alone. There was a young girl by his side. She was petite but with curves, a bright smile, long, dark, wavy hair and eyes so brown they were almost black. "This is Maria, she will be your PT. We are thinking that as soon as the phantom pain is under control, we are going to discharge you and once you are settled in at home, Maria will be by daily to work with you."

Smiling, she held her hand out toward me. "Nice to meet you, Edward."

I sighed heavily, glancing at her hand before finally reaching out with my own and grasping it weakly.

"Feels like you need to start working out," she kidded me and I glared at her. My mother stood and introduced herself, then proceeded to ask a few question regarding equipment Maria would need at the house.

"How are you feeling today?" my father asked me as he looked over my chart. I shrugged and turned back to the window. Outside, the sun strained to shine through the clouds.

I wanted to tell it to give the fuck up, there was no way the clouds would give way to sunshine.

"Edward?" he asked again, waiting.

"The pain seems better. Tired," I mumbled.

"To be expected with the meds you're getting. We're going to try to wean you off those tonight and see how the pain goes. If all goes well, you should be home in a few days." He actually sounded excited.

How could he possibly be excited by having his invalid son home where they would have to care for me twenty-four-seven?

I felt a small hand on my arm and I turned my head. "I'll probably see you in a few days. It was good to meet you, Edward," Maria smiled and patted my arm before leaving, followed closely by my father.

"She seems nice," my mother commented. "Very knowledgeable. And cute too," she added.

"Yeah, because her being cute will matter so much," I snapped. Trying to ignore the look of her hurt on her face as she turned back to her book, I closed my eyes.

When I woke up, I was alone and a light snow was falling outside. My hands reached for my mother's phone on the table. Little did she know it was my lifeline to Jasper, it had been what had kept me going. Until I realized there was nothing he could do for me, singing to me in the middle of the night was not going to make everything alright. There was no cure for what ailed me, inside or out.

The guilt and anger quickly ate at me, like a cancer that masticated throughout my body, soaking through the fibers, hardening them until I felt almost nothing.

But it was late at night, alone in the dark that I felt weak, that the hardening would crack and I wanted to call him, to apologize and beg him to sing to me. I had no doubt he would forgive me, it was who Jasper was.

Clutching the phone in my hand, I let the tears roll down my cheeks, their trail so familiar from the previous nights. My chest would heave as the sobs hit me in waves, the phantom pain in my legs nothing compared to the agony in my chest. There was only one person that could heal me, no doctors or nurses or drugs were going to be able take away the emptiness I dwelled in.

The one soul that could fix me was the one I could no longer turn to.

"Jasper," I whispered, clenching my eyes closed, the tears falling freely. "Why, love…why me, why us," I asked the empty room. I cried as images of a smiling Jasper flashed behind my closed lids, tawny hair and blue eyes shining with mischief. Eventually, I drifted back to sleep, nightmares of screams and blinding lights haunting me.

The next few days were a blur. I was weaned from the meds as the phantom pain faded, and they redid the sensory test on me, the results being slightly worse than they had been first time. My father blamed the strong narcotics still in my system and reminded me that there was a long time before the six months were up.

When my father told me I was being discharged the next day, I should have been excited. I was going home, to my own room, my own bed, surrounded not by strangers, but by family.

I might have been going home but I wasn't going back to my old life. That life had been ruined and left behind on the side of a snowy road. That boy who had left work eager to get to his boyfriend didn't exist anymore.

And the sooner that everyone realized that, the better.

My thoughts were interrupted by Jasper's mother as she walked in and greeted me with a happy voice.

"Morning, Edward. I heard you're going home tomorrow? That's wonderful news, you must be excited."

"Very," I replied, not even bothering to hide the sarcasm.

Ignoring my comment, she looked at my mother. "Esme, I'm going to show you how to change his catheter and move his bowels. His OT will show him when he gets settled at home so he will be able to do it himself, but until then, you will have to do it."

"What? No, no. My mother is not changing…is not doing _that_," I argued. It was bad enough that Jasper's mother had seen my cock, now she was going to show it to my mother? Simultaneously they both looked at me, twin sympathetic stares as they considered the best way to approach me.

"Honey," my mother began. "It's not like I haven't seen everything before."

I glared at her. "Yeah, when I was _four_. Why can't dad do it? He is a doctor," I asked hopefully. At least he was another guy, and familiar with the equipment and all.

"Edward," Jasper's mom began, taking a different approach, "your father works some long hours and won't be home all the time. If this needs to be done when he is gone, someone needs to know how to do it. As soon as your OT shows you how to do it yourself then your mother won't have to but until then, it will need to be changed."

Sighing, I didn't acknowledge what she had said. Instead, I turned my head to the side, away from them, refusing to watch them touch me. I felt a cool breeze on my abdomen as my gown was pushed aside, my bare, limp cock resting against my thigh, the tube of the catheter running out of it and into the bag that hung on the side of my bed.

"First, you take his penis in your non-dominant hand, pull it straight and taut, then swab the head with a sterile lubricant. Make sure to press here so the slit opens and then…"

I stopped listening, blocking out the technical terms Mrs. Whitlock used and the way my mother would occasionally ask a question about my cock. My cheeks were hot from the embarrassment, and if I could have felt it, I know my cock was shrinking in fear as well. It seemed hours later when I felt the movement of my gown and knew they were finished.

"You need to watch for signs of infection, any weeping or an inflamed head," Mrs. Whitlock explained to my mother. "Okay Edward, ready to use the bathroom?"

Using the bathroom was always the worst part of the day.

Resigned, I nodded and she called in Emmett, one of the male nurses. They rolled me onto my left side and while Emmett held my right leg up and bent toward my chest, my ass spread and open for them to examine, Mrs. Whitlock began to talk to my mother.

"Be sure to wear gloves and lube your finger, then slowly insert the tip into his anus," she began and I clenched my eyes shut. My heart pounded in my chest as I lay there for them to prod, my body being clinically manipulated. The only person that had ever touched me so intimately had been Jasper. Never had I imagined anyone else would have their finger in my ass, especially not my either of our mothers.

Mrs. Whitlock continued to explain to my mother the importance of regular bowel maintenance to avoid impaction, using enemas and accidents.

"If he has continued accidents, he might have to resort to wearing a diaper," Jasper's mother said quietly, as if I couldn't hear her.

I wasn't sure my life could get any worse.

I was seventeen, in the prime of my life, and I had to worry about wearing a fucking diaper.

Burying my head in my pillow as much as I could, I hid my cheek as a tear ran down it.

"It will probably take a few minutes to stimulate him, then get him to the toilet as quick as you can. Once he is able to do it himself, he can get himself onto the toilet and stimulate himself, then sit and wait until his bowels move. If they don't begin to empty about ten minutes later, you might need to stimulate again. The entire process can take up to an hour, so be sure to leave plenty of time. It's also best if it is done about the same time every day," Mrs. Whitlock said as Emmett placed my leg back down and rolled me onto my back. He disconnected my urine bag and then put my arm over his shoulder and his other arm went under my back before lifting me from the bed and carrying me to the bathroom to sit me on the toilet. After making sure I was comfortable enough, he gave me a small smile.

"You all set for a bit?" he asked before walking out. Tears dampened my cheeks as I nodded. He paused before leaving. "Hey, it'll be okay. You'll be doing this by yourself at home, don't worry."

A sob caught in my throat when I refused to let it escape at his kind words. With a sympathetic smile, he walked out and closed the door behind him, leaving me alone and out of view. I stared at my pale feet on the tiled floor and pushed the gown aside to see my calves. They were ghostly white, my skin not having nearly the color that Jasper's did. Even after living in Forks for a few years, his flesh had still maintained a beautiful honey hue. Inspecting them further, I noticed my calves seemed thinner, the muscles going to waste in their unused state. Was it possible that they would show the effects so soon after the accident? Sighing, I covered them back up.

I sat on the toilet, hoping my body and gravity were doing their job until there was a knock on the door.

"You okay, Edward?" my mother asked.

"Yeah," I sighed. "A few more minutes."

"Have you gone?" she asked, opening the door without asking. They stood there, watching me expectantly.

"I think so," I mumbled. Sitting there on the toilet in my hospital gown, my filthy hair plastered to my head, my ass and back exposed as I tried to shit while my mother and Mrs. Whitlock watched was the most humiliating experiences of my life.

Even more humiliating than coming in less than thirty seconds when Jasper had given me my first blow job.

"It's just normal bodily functions, Edward" my mother said, catching onto my embarrassment. "We all do it."

My head snapped up and I didn't care if she saw the streaks on my cheeks. "Yes, we all do it; only some of us don't have to do it with a fucking audience watching now, do they? Or have someone else's finger in their ass in order to it," I snarled at her, my eyes narrowing into a glare. My mother looked shocked and embarrassed. She went to speak, but Mrs. Whitlock stopped her.

"No, don't, Esme. It's completely understandable, and his reaction is totally normal," she defended me. "Why don't we give him some more privacy? Edward, when you're done, just call, I'll be right here." She ushered my mother out and then closed the door again.

When I was alone, I put my elbows on my knees and buried my face in my hands, the tears coming a bit faster. As a teenager, I was used to raging hormones and being ruled by emotions, but the conflict of emotions inside me was overwhelming.

Pity, embarrassment, hate, anger, guilt, grief, loneliness…

I felt each one just as intense as the next, some for only seconds, others felt like I would have them for the rest of my life. Helpless to wade through them all, to make sense of any of them, I let them overpower me, ruling my decisions and thoughts.

Deep down, I knew my mother was only trying to help. I understood her need to be prepared, to know what do if I needed it, but she had no idea how difficult it was for me to give up control over the simplest of things, such as going to the bathroom.

Taking a shower.

Dressing myself.

Things that people, including myself, had taken for granted. Never again would I feel the need to use the bathroom. For me it would become a scheduled daily event, sticking my finger up my ass would become part of my routine, like shaving or brushing my teeth. If I was going to have a finger up my ass, I wanted it to be because I was going to be thoroughly fucked, not to use the toilet.

Taking a few deep breaths, I sat up straight and wiped my eyes with some tissue before calling out to them.

"I think I'm done."

The door slowly creaked open and Mrs. Whitlock poked her head in before slipping through the opening and closing it behind her. She kneeled in front of me, covering my hands with hers.

"Edward, I want to apologize. I know this must be so hard for you, and sometimes I forget that the patient is not…well, not just another patient. I know it can't be easy to have your best friend's mother touching you so…intimately. I tried to make you more comfortable by being a bit more clinical so I didn't embarrass you, but it turns out I did that anyway."

I kept my eyes trained to the tiled floor.

"Everything you're feeling, it's all completely normal. I know this is a huge change for you, but it does get better, I swear. You will be more independent soon, and you won't have to rely on your mother or anyone else to move you or help you with personal things."

She leaned in and put her arms around me, which was awkward considering I was still sitting on the toilet.

"Thanks, Mrs. Whitlock," I mumbled into her shoulder before pulling back.

"Now, you should probably take a shower before you leave, so you don't have to take one until the OT visits your house and shows you how."

I nodded hesitantly. "Okay," I whispered, wiping my cheeks.

"Do you think you can wipe yourself while I get Emmett to help you shower?"

"Yeah, I think so," I nodded. She ruffled my messy hair and stood up.

"I'll be right back," she said and walked out, closing the door behind her. After I cleaned myself off with the moist wipes, there was a knock on the door and Emmett opened it up.

"You decent?" he joked as he walked in. "Need a shower, eh?"

"Yeah, it's been awhile, I'm pretty ripe," I tried to joke back.

He shrugged his large shoulders. "No big, I'm sure I've smelled worse at the gym." He moved to my side, easily scooping me up into his arms, lifting me and placing me in the heavy duty plastic chair sitting near the back of the shower.

"Take your gown off," he instructed as he closed the door tight then started the water, angling the spray away from me while I reached behind my neck and untied the gown. Sliding it off my arms, I tossed it onto the floor. "I'm going to slide your cat out, okay?" Without waiting for my response, he gripped my flaccid cock while pulling the tubing out and tossing it into the trash.

"Want me to show you how to shower?" he offered.

"Yeah, please."

Smiling, he took the shower hose down. "If you don't have a lower one at your house, you can just leave it hanging so you can reach it. Probably be easier if you have a bathroom that just you use so that you can leave the chair in it. Have your parents discussed making the house more wheelchair friendly?"

He tested the temperature of the water and then ran it over my legs, gradually moving it higher. While I was still embarrassed as fuck to be naked in front of a guy that wasn't Jasper, I was thankful that at least it wasn't my mother. The water was hot, steam circled up and around us quickly as he moved the hose around to my back.

"Not really. I've been kinda out of it with the pain meds," I finally answered. The water felt relaxing, it was the first shower I'd had since I had left for work on New Year's Eve and I was amazed at how such a simple thing could feel so uplifting. Tilting my head back, he ran the water thoroughly over my hair, soaking it before putting the showerhead back in the holder.

"They should definitely redo the bathroom and kitchen; those are the hardest areas of a house for a wheelchair. Reaching things like dishes and the microwave, ya know? Showers are easier if they are big enough for you to wheel your chair up to it to get into the shower chair. The OT will go through all that stuff with you." He reached around me and grabbed some soap off a ledge. "Easier to use the gel stuff, bars slip and if they fall out of reach, you're shit outta luck. Use one of those puffy things too. I know they're kind of girly, but they're easier to grip. Make sure you clean your legs well, even your feet. You're going to sweat differently now, so you want to make sure you don't get irritated. You'll want to shower every few days, but you probably won't have to do it every day."

I nodded and watched him soap up my legs, amazed that he was practically man-handling me and I didn't feel a God damn thing. Methodically, he moved up my legs until he was at my hips where he squeezed the sponge onto my dick before taking it into his hand and lathering it up even more, moving the sponge under it and around my balls. He moved my legs further apart and cleaned between them.

I prayed like hell that I wouldn't get hard.

Suddenly, I panicked. I felt my cheeks blushing just at the thought of asking a virtual stranger about my future, but the topic was not one I wanted to discuss with my father or some OT stranger. Not that Emmett was a friend, but he was a guy, and one that had helped me on a daily basis. I only hoped the answer to my question would give me some small glimmer of hope in my miserable existence.

"Um, can I ask you a question," I said, closing my eyes so I could pretend his hands weren't on my cock.

"Shoot," he said, thankfully moving the sponge to my chest.

"What about…um…" I stopped and cleared my throat, "sex?"

He smiled but kept working. "What do you mean? Can you have it?" he asked, glancing at me as he ran the soapy sponge over my shoulders. "Lean forward a bit."

Biting my lip, I leaned forward. "Yeah, can I have sex?"

He tossed the sponge onto the ledge and grabbed the shampoo, pouring some onto his hand. "It's different for everyone with a SCI. I don't know exactly where your injury is, but it's probably not entirely impossible. And it might not be exactly what you were doing before. You will need to be careful though."

"What do you mean?" I asked, leaning my head back so he could lather up my hair. His touch was far from Jasper's but it was nice to have someone touching me in way that didn't involve catheters or needles.

"Getting hard might be difficult, and if you do get hard, you probably won't feel it. Sometimes guys need Viagra to help them get an erection."

Viagra at seventeen. Fucking great.

"Ejaculating can be dangerous too. Depends on your injury though."

"Jesus," I muttered, closing my eyes. "Can it get any worse?"

He grabbed the shower head and turned the water back on, letting it warm up before moving it toward me. "Why don't you rinse, see if you can move around okay."

I took the hose from him and followed the same path he had, starting at my feet I sprayed my legs, slowly working up to my hips. Avoiding his eyes, I grabbed my cock and pulled it up so I could rinse my balls and between my legs, just as I would have in the shower at home. Then I moved the water over my abs, chest and around to my shoulders.

"Ya know, they say that sex can be really good for paraplegics. If you can get hard, you can still enter a girl and given your condition, she'd have to ride you, which is a pretty nice view, if you get my drift," he said quietly, wiggling his eyebrows.

I snorted at the mention of a girl and tilted my head back to rinse out the shampoo, running my hand through it several times until it felt squeaky clean.

"Looks good," he said, inspecting my work. "You know, Edward, there are other ways than intercourse to get a girl off."

Blushing, I nodded. While I knew nothing about getting a girl off, I was a pro at getting Jasper off without intercourse.

"Done?"

"I think so," I said, handing him the shower head. He checked me over, making sure I was rinsed off and then handed me a towel.

"Dry what you can reach and I will do the rest."

Rubbing the towel along my legs, I worked my way up. When I handed it to him, he dried my back and then tossed the towel onto the floor.

"Do you have any clothes or do you have to wear a gown?"

"I don't know, my mom might have something."

He opened the door a bit and I heard him asking my mother. There was movement and then he appeared with my plaid flannel pajama pants and my Abbey Road tee shirt. The sight of it brought tears to the edges of my eyes. It was something so…me. My body had changed, my mentality had changed, but my clothes hadn't. It was as if my old life was meeting my new one for the first time.

"Beatles fan, eh?"

"Yeah."

"They're cool. No underwear," he sighed. "But you've got a cat in anyway, so probably better." He lifted me from the shower chair back to the toilet where he helped me dress. Dressing was hard, it took a lot of fucking effort, but in the end, I realized Mrs. Whitlock was right, that eventually, I would be able to do these things for myself.

When Emmett carried me out to the room, I actually felt slightly human again. I was bathed and in clean clothes. I'd even been able to brush my teeth and use deodorant. Before he left, Emmett gave me a fist bump and leaned down.

"You have any more questions about you know what, page me," he said, handing me a crumpled piece of paper with his number on it.

"Thanks," I said sincerely. My mother sat in the chair and waited until Emmett left before looking directly at me.

"You look better."

I wanted to say I felt better, and I guess in some small way I did, but my heart still ached with an unbearable pain. Having a shower and clean hair felt good, but it didn't take away Jasper's absence. Instead of replying, I just nodded.

Mrs. Whitlock came back in after Emmett had left, and I sighed at the new catheter tube in her hand.

"Esme, you want to give this one a try?" she asked, holding the tube up.

"Sure," my mother said, standing. When I felt her cool hands lifting my tee shirt, I turned my head toward the window and closed my eyes. I couldn't feel it, but I knew they had pulled my cock through the opening in my pants and were preparing it for the catheter once again.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I ignored them, their voices and movement, the fact that they were touching me and concentrated on a hazy blue sky over wheat blowing in the wind.

Apparently taking a shower and being humiliated was enough to exhaust me and I fell asleep, only partially waking up when my mother said she was leaving and when dinner arrived. I left the tray untouched on the table.

Food was the last thing I wanted.

What I was wanted was unattainable, and yet only a week before I had wanted so much out of my life; finish high school, go to college, have a career I enjoyed, perhaps one of playing the piano or maybe a music teacher.

But more than anything, the one thing that had mattered to me above and beyond school or career or even family, was to be with Jasper. I had never anticipated anything other than a long life with him by my side. Between us, I was the practical one, the planner, the one that made lists and double checked everything. Jasper was ruled by his emotions, he was spontaneous and carefree. But I had a secret, one

I had been ashamed to tell Jasper, for he would laugh his ass off if he knew the truth.

I often daydreamed about our future together.

Not just having sex with him, which I dreamt about a lot, but also all the stupid things that people in love think about.

In class, I'd stare out the window and imagine us walking through a park and doing silly things watching street performers while we ate hotdogs.

I saw Christmases near a fireplace with the lights from a tree twinkling as he opened the perfect gift from me.

I saw myself walking through the door after a long day at work and Jasper's bright smile greeting me right before his lips met mine, taking away the stress of the day, replacing it with his warmth and love.

Mostly, I saw us standing before a minister, our hands clasped as we exchanged heartfelt vows. I even knew what color tie would look best on Jasper and what flavor our cake would be. Often my imagination was so vivid that I could even see the golden summer sun reflecting in his hair right before we were pronounced husband and husband.

These would be the images that would haunt me for the rest of my life. Images of things no longer possible, even in my daydreams. There would be no walks in the park for me, no walking through the door after work or standing before a minister.

Those images of happiness had been replaced by my reality, one of wheelchairs and physical therapy.

Ones of me alone with no Jasper by my side.

My sleep was restless, his presence haunting my dreams, the grief and sadness of it pushing me to the edges of consciousness several times. Uselessly I clawed my way through the dark, desperately trying to reach out to his presence, if only to take away his sadness for a few seconds. The anger and blame I had placed on him temporarily brushed aside as I struggled to open my eyes.

Thick and heavy with a broken sleep, my eyes opened slowly, but in time to see a shadowy figure walking out of my door, taking the warmth with it.

"Jasper," I whispered to the empty room. "Come back…."

As the tears began, I realized it was for the best. My heart tightened with the anger and rage I felt toward everyone, including him.

"**~~**"

My father pulled his Volvo into our driveway and I shifted uncomfortably in the back seat, glancing around the neighborhood nervously.

"Home sweet home," my mother exclaimed as she undid her seatbelt.

It had been a long morning spent with doctors and nurses as they prepared me and my family for my discharge. I had been given strict restrictions on my activities, instructions on the meds I had to take and therapies I was to expect. Finally, after agreeing to their demands, Emmett lifted me from my hospital bed and into a wheelchair for the first time.

It was comfortable enough, the leather back supportive but flexible. Emmett adjusted the footrest to the right height, placing my sneakered feet on it, contorted in a way that couldn't possibly be comfortable, but I it's not like I could feel them to tell. My father stood behind me after I was settled with his hands on my shoulders.

Sadly, I ran my hands over the smooth, metal handrims on the outside of the wheels. I watched the foreign motion of my hands over the metal, testing the movement.

It was a feeling I was going to have to get used to.

Beside me, my mother waited, holding my bag as she chatted with Mrs. Whitlock. Finally, the paperwork we'd been waiting on was completed and I was free to leave.

Jasper's mother walked over and gave me a hug. "Don't shut him out," she whispered in my ear. "You'll need him."

Stunned, I could only nod and avoid her eyes as she moved away. My father leaned over my shoulder.

"Ready?" he asked, smiling, going to push my chair.

"I can do it," I said shortly, shrugging his hands away and gripping the handrims with my own. With a heavy sigh, I pushed the wheels forward, surprised at how easily the chair moved with only a bit of effort. Pushing it again, I wheeled myself out the door and clumsily turned left toward the elevators, only slightly aware the cheers and claps and good luck wishes from the nurses as they watched me leave.

Sniffling behind me, my mother wiped her tears as she watched her newly disabled son in his wheelchair for the first time. My father thanked everyone as we passed them, saying he'd see them soon.

Getting into the car had been a challenge, but between my father and me, we had managed. Then he folded up my chair and put it in his trunk along with my small bag before getting behind the wheel and driving us home.

The house looked the same as it had the last time I'd left it with the exception of one change.

"When did you have time to build a ramp?" I asked my father, surprised. It led from the driveway to the end of our porch, where the railing had been removed. It looked sturdy, with thick wood and handrails; it was even stained to match our house.

"I didn't," he replied, turning to me. "Jason Whitlock did."

I shouldn't have been surprised. He owned a small construction company and he and my dad were friendly. It only made sense that he would be the one my father would ask to help with the changes to the house.

As if he heard me, my father continued, "I didn't even ask. I just came home one day and found him and Jasper here working on it. They finished it in two days. Came back the next to take the measurements for the-"

He kept talking but I had stopped listening after he'd said _Jasper. _Jasper had been to my house when I wasn't, working on something for me, to make my life easier.

I should have felt glad, happy he'd been there but I didn't. Instead I wondered if he had done it because he felt guilty and building the ramp had helped relieve some of that feeling.

"…ready?"

Not waiting for my reply, my dad opened my door, the wheelchair already waiting for me. Using the door and my father's shoulder, I pulled myself from the car to the chair, once again brushing his hands away when he went to push me.

My hands went to the rims and I slowly pushed myself toward the house, ignoring the few neighbors that stood near their doors and windows to watch the cripple arrive home.

I wheeled myself up the ramp to the front door, where I faced my first of what I knew would be many obstacles. How the fuck was I supposed to open the door, hold it and get inside all at once? My mother ran up and grabbed the door, opening it.

"I can do it," I snarled before pushing past her and into the house. They followed closely behind me.

The furniture in the living room had been rearranged so there were wider spaces between the couches and chairs, the small area rugs had been removed, leaving the shiny wood floor exposed. I glanced around into the kitchen, which look unchanged and then pushed myself to the bottom of the stairs. When my wheels hit the bottom step, I looked longingly to the top of them.

Less than two weeks before I could bound up those very same steps, taking them two by two.

My mother set the bag down and walked to my side. "We moved your room downstairs," she offered quietly.

"Where?" I asked, looking up at her. I used to look down at her, standing a full six inches taller than her.

"Your father's office. We moved all your furniture, clothes, everything. There isn't a closet in there yet, but we're having one built."

The anger and resentment crumbled a little at her words, their thoughtfulness and generosity chipping away at the cold emotions I harbored. I glanced down the hall, which barely looked wide enough for my chair, toward his office…now my bedroom.

"Why don't you get settled in, call us if you need anything. We'll call out for dinner. Alice should be home in a few hours," my mother called out.

My father gave me a pat on the back as I past him on the way down the hall. My arms brushed the wall as when I released the rims to grip them again, but I fit down the hall and after banging into the doorjamb a few times, managed to turn into my new bedroom.

Only it wasn't new. They had managed to set it up almost the exact same way it had been upstairs. Even the clutter on my dresser was the same.

Including my favorite picture of Jasper and me.

Stretching, I reached up to touch the picture, to trace his beautiful, rosy lips but it sat too far back on the dresser and no matter what angle I tried, I couldn't reach it.

Jerking my hand back like I'd been burned, I spun the chair around, my chest constricting more with each breath. Frantically, I looked around my room for a distraction and found my eyes going to my laptop. There was no desk chair, so I wheeled up to the desk and booted up the laptop, opening iTunes once it was running.

Not paying attention to the song selected, I clicked play and "I Wanna be Your Man" started. A smile almost crossed my lips until I realized it was the song I'd been dancing to before I had left for work the night of the accident.

Rage overwhelmed me, my heart pounded erratically in my chest and I slammed my laptop closed and pushed myself back from the desk, only to bump into my bed.

"FUCK!" I screamed. Spinning around, I beat my bed with my fists, my pillows bouncing with each blow my mattress absorbed. Irrational and fucking pissed off, I beat my mattress until I was out of breath and exhausted. When my arms ached, I backed up and went over to the window. The bay window was larger than the one I'd had in my old room and overlooked the backyard. Parking the chair in front of it, I stared out at the pool.

Images of a sleek body moving through the blue water struck me, I could almost feel the chill of the air on wet skin and the heat of his body unexpectedly near mine. Unable to resist, my eyes drifted back to the picture on my dresser.

It had been taken on Jasper's birthday about a year and a half before. He had celebrated with his family early and then joined mine for a barbeque and swimming. Alice had been taking a photography class and was snapping pictures like crazy. She insisted on getting an action shot of Jasper and I doing cannonballs, but after she had taken one of us sitting on the edge of the pool, Jasper's arm slung around my shoulders. After dinner, my parents and Alice had gone inside, leaving Jasper and I alone in the pool. The mid summer sun was low in the sky, casting long lines of oranges through the leaves of the trees while Jasper and I floated in the water, arguing about what the best Beatles album was.

I couldn't believe he questioned my knowledge of The Beatles.

When I had teased him about a reference he made to WoW, he tipped over the raft I was on. As I pushed up through the water, shaking my head, I heard his laughter. Suddenly, he stopped and was just staring at me. Self consciously, I ran a hand over my face and through my hair.

"Something on my face, man?" I asked. He didn't reply, he just continued to stare at me, really intensely, with his bottom lip between his teeth. Slowly he moved toward me, a feral look in his eyes, one of pure hunger and need. "Jasper, you're freaking me out," I half joked. Every two steps back I took, he took one forward, stalking me in the contained area, gradually backing me into a corner.

Was it because I hadn't gotten him a present?

"Jasper, sorry about the present, dude, I'll get one tomorrow, I swear," I promised, my voice low and husky from… the water. My promise didn't seem to matter, if anything, his eyes darkened at the sound of my voice. When my back pressed up against the cement lip of the pool, I stopped, crouching down almost on my knees as he neared me. He stopped less than a foot from me, so close I could feel his body heat and hear his heart pound unreasonably in his chest. Even with the raw look in his darkened eyes and the way his chest was heaving, I was anything but scared.

His erratic heartbeats matched my own; both our breaths were quick and shallow, and our tongues darted to nervously lick our lips.

I'd known there was something between Jasper and I for a long time, but I had pushed the unfamiliar strong feelings aside, dismissing them as the beginning bonds of a strong friendship, something I'd never had but had always yearned for.

Little did I know it was love.

There was something tangible about the way I felt about jasper. Sometimes I felt as if I could reach out and touch what we had, wrap it around us both.

"I don't care about the present," he finally murmured.

"I just didn't know what to get you," I mumbled an excuse. He moved even closer, if either of us took a deep breath, our chests would touch. My hands were at my side, making small circles uselessly in the water. He put his hands on the cement behind me, caging me in his loose embrace. With a final glance toward my house, he slowly leaned his head toward me, tilting it ever so slightly. My eyes widened.

"Please don't hate me," he whispered right before he pressed his lips to mine. I gasped, my body reacting to his touch with charges of energy, similar to the ones I felt when we weren't touching, only a million times stronger. His lips were surprisingly soft and felt cool from the water, and tasted of chlorine and barbeque sauce.

I'd never tasted anything better.

What did it all mean? I was sixteen and hadn't had many friends before Jasper, but I knew friends didn't kiss like that. I had only kissed one person, and that had been Bella.

I knew one thing for certain…her kisses had nothing on Jasper's.

It wasn't that he was a better kisser, although he was, it was something else entirely. An encompassing feeling that I had never felt with Bella, one that not only made my lips tingle, but every other part of me tingle as well, including my cock. Had I been standing, my knees would have most definitely been weak.

The fact that I liked kissing Jasper, and that I pretty much wanted to do nothing but kiss Jasper forever, answered what I had questioned for so long.

I was gay.

Beginning to panic, I went to push him away, but instead found myself reaching for his hair, fisting the curls I had secretly admired. Testing my reaction, he brushed his lips back and forth over mine.

Each time my heart skipped a beat, and then proceeded to continue pounding.

When he released a soft moan, I tilted my head a bit more, encouraging more of his beautiful sounds. After a few more tender sweeps of his lips over mine, he pulled away, keeping his eyes closed, fearing my rejection.

Only I didn't reject him. My eyes gazed at his face, suddenly no longer just Jasper, but a different Jasper, a beautiful Jasper.

_My Jasper. _

Tentatively, I reached out, the tip of my index finger tracing the lips that had bravely touched mine. His breath hitched and he opened his eyes, their normal sky blue stormy with desire. Gazing at me, he stayed perfectly still while my fingers mapped his face, touching all the features I had longed to feel.

For so long I had denied what I had wanted, I had denied he was anything more than a friend. But there in my pool on a warm summer night, he had taken a chance, risked our friendship to explore what we might become.

Silently, I watched the mixture of emotions in his eyes, the confusion and excitement, each one passing briefly before finally settling on what could only be defined as love.

"Edward," he began, his voice barely audible, "I never…"

Before he could continue, I released his hair and wrapped my hand around his neck, pulling his lips back to mine. The kiss never deepened, our tongues remained in our own mouths, but we both released heady moans and he inched forward until his weight was pinning me to the side of the pool, the rough cement scraping my back. His hands slid along the edge until they rested on my sides, holding me loosely but firmly.

When I felt his erection press against my hip, I groaned and broke the kiss. My fingers fumbled in his hair, grasping, clutching, anything to keep him close, to make him do that again. Panting, he put his forehead to mine, his eyes skimming my face, always focusing on my lips before he would rip his gaze away with effort.

He tried to speak again. Shaking my head, I stopped him. It wasn't that I thought he would ruin the moment, it was more that there was nothing he could say that would change my mind.

I wanted him.

In every way, I wanted him. More than I had ever wanted anything in my life.

"Don't," I said, nuzzling his cheek with my nose. "Just stay like this."

"If you insist," he teased, his voice gravely with the desire he was attempting to contain. Only I felt his desire, and it was hard and rubbing along my own. We stood almost still with only small movements of our bodies, a caress, twitch or graze, each one leading to a soft moan. "Jesus, Edward," he said quietly.

Once we had touched, it was if we couldn't get enough of each other, but our time was limited. We were both aware we could get caught at any second, the darkness only partially hiding our close position. For long moments, we just held each other in a tangle of experimental touches and brief kisses along damp, cooled skin.

"Was that your first kiss?" I asked, a smile teasing the corners of my mouth. Blushing, he looked away and nodded. "And?" I prompted, more than thrilled I had been the first person to touch his lips.

"It was amazing and I wanna do it again. As. Soon. As. Fucking. Possible," he chuckled before pulling me to him again. "Would it scare the shit out of you if I told you I want you?" he asked hesitantly, his voice cracking with his own fear.

"No," I replied breathlessly before reaching up for his lips again. Perhaps I could show him how unafraid I was when he told me he wanted me. Perhaps I could show him just how much I wanted him in return. The flat planes of our chests met as one of his knees worked between mine, his thigh brushing along my growing erection. Hissing, I jerked my hips toward his, encouraging him to do it again.

Suddenly, the light in my kitchen turned on, illuminating the patio. Breaking the kiss, Jasper jumped back, his eyes wide as he stared at the door, waiting for someone to walk out and tell us what they had seen.

It never happened.

"Hey," I said, reaching for his hand under the water, taking it in mine and curling my fingers around his. "We're alone, it's okay. No one saw us. Probably just my mom doing the dishes," I reassured him.

Gradually, he let me pull him back to me, though he left some space between us. Standing up to my full height, I lifted myself from the pool and sat on the cement.

"Come here," I murmured, settling him between my spread knees. Nervously, he kept one eye on the door and one eye on me. It didn't escape me that I was suddenly the one comforting him when he had been the one that kissed me first. "You okay?"

Turning his attention to me, he grinned, wide and honest. "I'm fucking better than okay."

Smiling, I brought his hand up to my mouth and kissed it.

"Are you?"

I considered his question for a few seconds. Physically, I was definitely more than okay. Emotionally, I was in heaven, but that didn't meant that I wasn't confused with the thousands of questions and issues we had to face.

"Yeah, but we need to talk."

Hanging his head, he looked defeated, the passion in his eyes had been replaced by worry.

"No, no, nothing like that. I mean, I want this, us, but we need to talk about what we're going to do."

Relieved, he sighed and agreed. "Yeah, but can we do it tomorrow?"

I nodded and then selfishly leaned in for another amazing kiss. He shivered, although I wasn't sure if it was from the chilled night air or the affects of my lips on his. Trembles repeatedly racked my own body, but I knew mine were not from being cold.

Because I was far from cold.

We had stayed in the pool for about another hour, always touching in some way, even if it was just holding hands under the surface of the water. The night would forever be number one on my list of top ten best nights of my life. While we did more physically in the months after that, that had been the night that Jasper had taken a risk, a chance on love, and it had paid off for us both.

Sighing, I stared out at the pool, now covered for the winter, remembering when two boys had kissed in it, realizing they were in love.

"Edward?" my mother murmured from the other side of the door. It would be so easy to ignore her fake cheeriness and tell her I wanted to be alone. Apparently, I took too long to answer and she opened the door and walked in. "Everything alright?"

"Can you move that picture please," I asked, motioning to the picture on my dresser. "Just turn it around or something."

"Sure, but why, honey?"

"Just do it," I snapped, instantly regretting my tone. "Sorry, Mom."

Eyeing me, she walked to the dresser, easily reaching the frame and laying it flat on the wood. Returning to me, she kissed my forehead.

"It's okay."

No, it wasn't but it was now my life.

"I just came in to tell you I just heard from your school. Your father and I think it's a good idea to get you caught up as soon as possible so you don't fall further behind. We contacted the school for a tutor, well not really a tutor, just someone to come over every day with your work, go over what was done in your classes. Catch you up with what you've missed and then keep you up to date until you can go back."

"I don't want to go back," I stated flatly.

"Edward, you have to go back, but not for a few weeks at the very least," she replied. I hung my head and exhaled a long breath.

Going back to face all those…able-bodied students was salt on my already gaping wound.

"The tutor will be here in about an hour," she said. "Do you want anything to eat? Your father is going to go pick up dinner."

I glanced over my shoulder. "Wait, what? The tutor kid is coming today?"

Immediately, I pictured the nerd that used to sit in front of Jasper and me in biology. The girl was a fucking genius, and between her glasses, braces and curly brown hair, she was the epitome of a nerd. The differences between nerd and geeks had often been a topic of debate between Jasper and I. After seeing his room for the first time, I had made the mistake of calling him a nerd, to which he got very offended and proudly declared himself a geek, not a nerd. Then he proceeded to go into great detail about differences.

Nodding, she leaned down and kissed my head. "I told you we wanted to get you caught up as soon as possible."

"Yeah, but today?" I whined pathetically.

"Yes, today. He won't be here long. The visits will be short so they don't wear you out."

_He._

She walked to the door and I spun the chair around. "Mom, who is it, who's coming?" As soon as the words had left my lips and she winked at me, I knew exactly who it was.

My heart began to race in my chest.

_Jasper._

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

The kiss might have seemed sudden, but we will gradually learn about their relationship before the kiss and what led up to Jasper feeling brave enough to kiss Edward.

WN doesn't have a thread on Twilighted, but we do discuss it on the M&A thread, so feel free to join us there http:/www (DOT)twilighted(DOT)net/forum/viewtopic(DOT)php?f=44&t=9674

Generallythere are two ways the bladder works after a spinal cord injury. Spastic or Reflex Bladder means that when your bladder fills with urine, a reflex automatically triggers he bladder to empty. The problem with a spastic bladder is you do not know when the bladder will empty. Spastic or Reflex bladder usually occurs when the injury is above the T12 level. The choices in bladder management methods for an individual with a spastic/reflex bladder include ICP, indwelling catheter (Foley), and condom catheter(males). Flaccid or non-reflex bladder means one's reflexes may be sluggish or absent. You may not feel when the bladder is full. It then becomes over-distended or stretched. This can cause the urine to back up through the urethras to the kidneys. Individuals with injuries below T12/L1 usually have a flaccid bladder. The bladder management program most commonly used with flaccid bladder is ICP. Due to the location of Edward's injury, he has a flaccid bladder, and he will eventually not have a catheter in all the time, but rather only when he has to empty, which will be several times a day. If you want to know what his process will be here, go here http:/www DOT youtube DOT com/watch?v=Lj_5qzYgNRc (warning! It is an instructional video, but there are adult images.)

Next update, emptying bowels ( just kidding. Sort of.)


	7. Hello Goodbye

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N-This chapter is angsty, even by my standards, so I'm issuing a box of tissues warning. Oh, and we can add taxi cab to the list of places where people have cried while reading Winter's Night. This chapter is a bit long, especially given the angst level, but it all really needed to be together in one chapter.

Thank you, thank you for all the reviews and favorites and alerts. The support I've received for this story has warmed my heart! Kisses in a pool to all of you!

Thanks to OfTheTurningAway for her beta on this chapter.

Hugs to Dannie, who read this chapter far more times than she wanted to.

Now Jasper pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night if hadn't blamed me…_

"**~~**"

He had asked me to stay away and I had…while he was awake.

But the nights were mine.

It had become routine to crawl under my blankets completely dressed and lay there waiting until my clock read two am. Then I would get up and quietly sneak out of the house, shuffling sleepily through the snow to the car. The drive to the hospital was always silent, my iPhone sitting on the seat next to me as I habitually traveled the route I knew all too well.

Mrs. Fuller didn't even blink anymore when I numbly walked down the hall toward Edward's room. She had covered up my nightly visits, somehow understanding my deep seated need to be there with him. Maybe she knew there was something more than friendship, I didn't know and I didn't care, as long as she let me see him without telling anyone.

His room was always dark, shadows cast from the buildings and trees outside danced along the stark white walls in the dim light of the monitors that still watched over his progress. Hesitantly, I would make my way to his side, never daring to sit because I was too afraid I wouldn't be able to move quickly enough if he woke up. Instead, I would stand next to him, my hand usually hovering over his, feeling the heat radiating from him, spanning the mere centimeters that separated us. Even though it killed me to be there, to be so close and yet so far away, I felt a calmness when I was with him, watching his deep even breaths, that I didn't feel anywhere else. I knew there was anger and resentment for me building inside him but they were absent in his slumber, and I felt nothing but his soothing presence. I would watch him sleep, sometimes peacefully, but usually his body would quiver and tremble with the dreams behind his closed eyelids.

My boy was still beautiful. I could still see his handsome face underneath the pale, gaunt skin, his thick lashes over the dark circles under his eyes, the unique shades of bronze and copper in his hair even though it lay flatted and greasy against his scalp. None of those mattered, he was still Edward, he was still my…everything.

He had lost his faith in me. He undoubtedly blamed me for his accident and deep down, drunk driver or not, he was right.

And I think that was what hurt the most. I couldn't argue with his logic, I couldn't deny that I wanted him at my house, that I wanted him there for midnight. The road he had been on was one that led to my house, not his. It had been me that had put him in the path of a drunk driver.

My voice always caught in my throat, indecisive on whether or not I should talk to him when I wasn't supposed to be there. The urge to tell him how much I missed him, loved him and ached for him was strong, but in the end, the only words that ever squeaked out were a whispered "I'm sorry."

Night after night, it was the same. I would stay for the ten minutes Mrs. Fuller allowed before leaving with damp streaks marring my cheeks. My tears froze in the cold air as I walked to the car, always falling much faster once I was safely inside.

While the ride there was done in silence, the road home was done to the sound of my sobbing.

The visits had been going on for almost a week before my father came to me one morning as I was walking out the door for school. Stopping me with a hand on my shoulder, he motioned for me to pull my earbuds out.

"I'm taking the afternoon off to go to the Cullen's. Do you want to go with me?" he asked as he put on his heavy jacket.

"What for?"

"I talked to Carlisle yesterday and he doesn't have a ramp for Edward yet. He was looking at those aluminum ones, but they're not nearly as nice as wood, so I'm going to build him one. I could use your help."

"Yeah, okay, sure," I agreed with a shrug, trying to act more casual than I felt. Inside my chest, my heart raced at the thought of being at Edward's house. If he was going to discard me from his life, at least I was going to do something useful with my time. "I'll meet you there after school."

He nodded and opened the door, going to his truck as I headed for the sidewalk and to school.

Once I arrived on the small campus, my body automatically moved me through the day, my feet taking me to my classes, my mind only picking up pieces of the lectures and reading and labs before I would stumble my way to lunch. Sitting alone at the table in the corner every day, I ignored the curious looks and put up an invisible shield that no one dared penetrate.

Except for one.

She would walk in, get her lunch and then appear before me, never asking to sit, but just doing it, pushing my books out of her way to set her tray down. Her chatter was incessant and meaningless, but it was something. Even if I never looked up at her once, Bella continued to talk, asking questions that she never expected me to answer, flipping her hair over her shoulder as she gossiped about nothing and everything. It was the only sense of normal I had in my life.

She acted as though nothing had changed, as if Edward were sitting next to me like he usually did, rolling his eyes at her pathetic jokes or tossing out his opinion on the latest gossip about the junior prom.

But he wasn't there.

Sometimes it was hard to ignore her; sometimes I would find my eyes drifting from the pages of my lit book to her delicate face and sympathetic dark brown eyes. They would light up when I gave her the attention she craved, and when I smiled once, I thought she was going to throw a party.

"Well, it's about fucking time," she whispered, her foot tapping mine under the table. "Wasn't so hard, was it?"

Shrugging, I sighed and looked back at my book, grateful for her presence.

The rumor mill had been working overtime around us since Edward's accident. I heard everything from Edward had been decapitated and they reattached his head to he and the other driver had been playing chicken on the snowy road.

As if Edward would ever do anything so irresponsible.

They had no idea who Edward really was. They saw someone handsome, intelligent, and well-behaved. Little did they all know he was even more perfect than they suspected.

They had no idea what a wonderful, incredible person he was. How he would help the person in front of him in line at the store if they were short on cash, or hold doors for mothers and their children, or the way he hugged my mother whenever he left our house.

They had no idea that he planned out his future carefully, choosing a college where he could play basketball and I could study history. How he always made sure his car was tuned up and the oil was changed right on schedule. How he worked all those hours, putting the money into a savings account for college.

I had avoided most of the questions that bombarded me every day about his condition. The other students finally got the hint when I would ignore their taps on my shoulders in class or shrug when they asked about him in the hallway.

Finally the day ended and with one last weak smile to Bella, I burst through the doors and into a jog, setting a quick pace all the way to the Cullen's. When I arrived, my father was already there, the back of his truck open as he unloaded plywood and two by fours. My dad had worked construction for as long as I could remember, but it wasn't until we had moved to Forks that he had taken the chance and started his own small carpentry business. At first, things had been slow but he gradually built a clientele and word of his quality craftsmanship spread and pretty soon he had more work than he could handle alone and began to hire a few assistants.

He waved me over and began to instruct me on the placement and layout of the ramp. I worked diligently, following my dad's instructions I removed part of the railing around the porch and began to place planks down. I had helped him out sometimes during vacations and the summer; I knew my way around the basic tools and was comfortable handling them.

When I buckled the tool belt around my hips, I remembered the first time Edward had seen me wear it. I had been working for my father the summer before and Edward had dropped by the worksite for lunch, and I'd pulled him around the side of the building out of view. Shirtless and tanned, I stood before him, the leather tool belt slung low on my hips as the sweat ran down my chest. I reached up and wiped the drool off his chin.

"Baby, stop," I blushed, shifting from foot to foot under his hungry stare. "Why are you here?"

"I brought you lunch," he said, holding up a bag with a sub and soda in it."And I wanted to see my stud work with studs."

"And you call me a dork? That was pitiful," I laughed. His eyes roamed my bare torso, settling on the belt over my jeans.

"I think this is the hottest thing I've ever seen," he said quietly, a husky tone to his voice that went straight to my dick. Suddenly, I was thankful for the loose carpenter-style jeans. "So tell me, Mr. Carpenter Man, do you know how to use your tool? Can you hammer…me with it?"

"Shut the fuck up," I mumbled shyly. In bed, I could talk dirty to Edward and think nothing of it, but when he spoke like that in public, my cheeks flushed and my cock hardened. I pushed my hair back off my face and he groaned loudly.

"Do that again," he requested, licking his lips. Chuckling, I shook my hair back into my face and then brought my hand back up, grazing it over my abdomen and chest before running it through my sweaty hair and pushing it off my face.

"Oh God," he whispered. "I gotta go…um take care of something. You coming over tonight?"

After a long glance at his cock, I looked at him. "Yeah, definitely."

"Good. Might I suggest wearing nothing but that tool belt?" he half joked.

"I promise I'll bring it with me. Be safe, baby," I whispered, brushing my fingers along the back of his hand before he turned to leave.

"See ya, love."

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for lunch," I grinned, dimples and all, holding up the food.

"Oh, trust me, it was my pleasure. I might have to make arrangements to bring you lunch every day," he winked.

Things had been so easy for us then. Our biggest problem had been what new position to try or who got head first. Though that wasn't entirely true.

We were still in the closet with no plans of coming out any time soon.

It had been something we discussed a few times, but neither of us was ready to face the disappointment we knew was coming. We were pretty sure both families would accept us being gay but we knew they would be disappointed regardless. There would be no Whitlock grandchildren for my parents, and the Cullen name would end with Edward. We also knew the extra fear we were going to put into their hearts, fear for our health, safety and worry over the discrimination we might face on a daily basis.

It was more than either of us were willing to put on them then. We had decided that after we graduated, we would sit them down and tell them. Tell them that we were in love, that this was forever, that we would face any problems head on and together.

Little did we know then that the biggest obstacle we would face would have nothing to do with being gay.

By the time Mrs. Cullen pulled into the driveway from her daily visit with Edward, we were about halfway done with the ramp. Kneeling on the ground measuring the angle of a piece of wood, I watched through my hair as Mrs. Cullen got out of her car and walked over to my father, smiling and shaking his hand. I couldn't hear them, but I knew she was updating my dad on Edward's condition. After she went inside, we continued to work. When the sun had set, my father pulled out two large portable lights and lit up the yard so we could work in the dark.

Occasionally we spoke, exchanging questions about school or what to do next, but mostly we worked in silence, leaving me to my thoughts. The air was brisk and I pulled the hood of my sweatshirt up before cupping my hands and breathing into them. For hours, we worked until our hands were so numb we were both becoming clumsy.

"Let's call it a night, Jasper. We can finish tomorrow," he said as he flicked the lights off. We cleaned up the supplies and were just about to get into the truck when Edward's father pulled in. Standing on the passenger side of the truck, I saw him get out with a look of utter shock on his face as he walked up to my father.

"Jason, I don't…" he stuttered and my dad shook his head, stopping him.

"It's the least I can do, Carlisle. I know you'd do the same for me," my father said. As Mr. Cullen looked over the partially built ramp, I saw him wipe a tear from his cheek.

"Thank you, Jason, Jasper. This is…well, it's pretty incredible. I don't suppose…" he trailed off, unsure how to continue.

"What?" my father prompted.

"Well, we need some work done inside too. We are going to turn my office into Edward's bedroom but we need to have the downstairs bathroom remodeled for him. It's not nearly big enough for him and his wheelchair."

My father put a hand on Mr. Cullen's shoulder. "Don't worry about it, Carlisle. I can do it. In fact, how about tomorrow you show me what you need and then I will talk to my guys about it? I know they will donate their time and I will donate the supplies I have if you can get the rest."

"Absolutely, thank you, Jason." Mr. Cullen looked over the truck at me standing there bouncing up and down with my arms wrapped around my chest trying to warm up. "How are you, Jasper, everything alright?"

_Fuck no._

It wouldn't be alright until Edward was back in my life. Until he had forgiven me.

"Yeah, I guess," I replied quietly.

"Hang in there, son. It'll be okay," he said with a half smile. "Thanks again, Jason. You will have to let me pay you for the work."

"Absolutely not. This is done on my time, not the business's," my father replied. They said goodbye and Mr. Cullen made his way into the house as my dad and I got into his truck. We rode home in silence as I stared out the window of the cab, watching the houses and mailboxes go by while my mind rested on a boy in a room who I couldn't wait to see again.

At home, I ate dinner and then went up to my room, tossing my bag onto the floor before sitting at my desk and booting up my computer. While waiting, I shuffled through the masses of printed papers from various websites on paraplegics ranging in everything from basic care to sexual relations. I had printed out every article I thought would help, reading them instead of homework.

Diligently, I had studied Edward's condition. I learned everything about the spinal cord and injuries to it; statistics, causes, costs, drugs, surgeries, self care, possible ongoing problems…everything. In his absence, it made me feel closer to him to know more about what we was facing, about what had happened to his body.

I opened the browser and went to the bookmarks, clicking on the forums I had been visiting recently to see if anyone had replied to the post I had made in the teen thread.

When I saw a reply to my post, I clicked on it.

_Hey Hopeless Dusk, welcome the forums. Like you, I'm gay and my boyfriend is paralyzed. He dove headfirst into a river and severed his cord at his T7 so I know what you are going through. You've probably heard it before but all you can do is be there for him. No matter what he does or says, remember it's not you he is angry at. There will be really bad days and really good days. Just let him know that you aren't going anywhere no matter what. _

_If you ever want to talk about the more personal stuff, you can email me at _

I opened my email and sent him note of thanks and said that I was sure I would have questions for him in the future. Moving to my bed with the papers I had printed out the night before, my homework sat unopened next to me as I began to read more on flaccid bowels and urinary tract infections.

At some point between the differences of intermittent catheters and suppositories, I had fallen asleep, not waking up until almost five in the morning, too late to visit Edward. Pissed at myself for oversleeping, I rolled over and stared at the ceiling. My thoughts were overwhelmed with images of him, ones of him in the hospital room, frightened and alone. If only he knew I felt the exact same way.

At school, Bella sat with me at lunch again, tossing her bag on the table and dropping her tray.

"Jesus," I mumbled at the loud sound. My nose had been buried in my physics book, reading the homework I had neglected to do the night before.

"Oh, he does speak," she said sarcastically. "I was beginning to wonder if you were even alive."

"Whatever. I don't ask you to sit here," I reminded her in a gruff voice, not even looking up.

"No, you don't but I thought maybe you'd like the company considering your best friend is going to be gone for awhile. I also thought that, oh I don't know, maybe we could talk and share our grief."

"Why would I want to share it? Why would you want me to?" I said, exasperated at her persistence. Why couldn't she just leave me the fuck alone?

"Because we're friends, Jasper. Edward is important to both of us. I'm just as sad over what happened to him as you. I heard he is going home soon, is that true?"

"I don't know."

"You haven't talked to him?"

I shook my head and closed my book. Physics was useless shit anyway.

"He hasn't been up for visitors," I sighed.

"Oh. I was going to go over this weekend but maybe I should wait."

"Yeah," was all I said before gathering up my books. "I gotta get to class. See ya."

Before she could even say goodbye, I was walking away.

After school, I met my father at the Cullen's again, remembering to wear my heavy track team sweatshirt to stay warm. He greeted me with a 'how was school' and then tossed me the nail gun. Apparently he had arrived a few hours before because the ramp was almost completed, with only a few more pieces to add before we could stain it. Putting in my earbuds, I selected my Edward playlist, grimacing when John told me all I needed was love.

It was going to take a fuck ton more than love.

We worked into the night again, only pausing to say hi to Mrs. Cullen when she arrived home and drink the hot cocoa she brought out for us. When Mr. Cullen got home, he took my father inside to go over what the house needed while I finished up on the ramp. The first coat of the stain had been applied, and I began the second coat, singing "Got to Get You into My Life" to myself.

The door opened and Mrs. Cullen stepped out onto the porch. Pulling the headphones off, I looked up.

"Can I talk to you a minute, Jasper?"

"Sure, ma'am," I said, standing up and brushing the snow off my knees before walking up the ramp to her.

"It's beautiful, by the way. You both do impeccable work."

"Thank you."

"Jasper, Edward is coming home tomorrow but he will still be out of school for at least two or three more weeks. I know I've already asked you to gather his work-"

"Do you need it? I've got it all at home," I interrupted. "I can go get it right now."

"No, dear, that's okay, thank you, we appreciate it. However, I've been in touch with the school and they fear he is going to fall too far behind unless he has a tutor of sorts."

"A tutor?"

Edward was the smartest person I knew, how could he possibly need a tutor?

"Well, not a tutor exactly, but someone to help him catch up on what he's missed, and go over the current lessons so that when he returns it will be like he didn't miss anything. I was hoping you would be willing to be that person?"

"Me?"

"Yes, you have a lot of the same classes, I know you will be here anyway, so might as well put you to work," she said, winking at me. "And I know Edward would feel more comfortable with you than anyone else."

"I…uh…um…" I stuttered, my mind reeling with scenarios of being kicked out on my ass by Edward when he saw me. Then again, it was a way to get my foot in his door. He wouldn't have a choice; he would have to see me. "Sure. Whatever I can do to help," I finally answered.

"Great, I'll call you tomorrow with more details after I talk to the school. Thanks for everything, Jasper. I know he'll appreciate it."

_Or hate me even more. _

"No problem."

My dad appeared at the door, giving Mrs. Cullen a hug before we headed to the truck. On the way home he said he'd finish the ramp the next day while I was at school and I told him I might be helping Edward catch up with schoolwork.

I excused myself after dinner and went up to my room. Not even bothering with my computer, I flopped onto my bed, set my alarm and grabbed the article on reflexive erections. I woke up at two and began my nightly routine. The drive to the hospital was especially cold, my body shivering even though the heat was on full blast in the car. Mrs. Fuller nodded at me as I walked down the hall and turned into Edward's room.

My breath caught in my throat like it did every time I saw him. Hiding in the long shadows, I walked to his side and stared at him. His fingers twitched when I went to put my hand over his and my eyes darted to his to be sure they were still closed. I was dying to touch him, to feel his skin, his pulse, even run my fingers along his cheek or through his dirty hair.

Anything.

Even though he was only a few feet from me, his hand even less than that, I felt him slipping through my grasp. The tenuous hold I had on us by visiting every night was weakening by the second, by every unspoken word and every missed caress. My heart constricted in my chest, the grip of agony tightening with each breath I took, each tear that rolled down my cheek.

With a quiet 'I'm sorry,' I turned and headed for the door, pausing only for a second when I heard his sleepy, raspy 'Jasper'. Letting the door swing closed behind me, I sprinted down the hallway, trying to find my way through the tears. Sitting in the car, my life fell apart around me and I clawed for some semblance of the life I had known, the life that was fading away quickly. Taking a few deep breaths, I started the car and drove home, my mind repeating his voice in my head.

I walked in my door, put my mom's keys in her bag and turned for the stairs.

"Where have you been?" she asked from behind me. With a sigh, I stopped but didn't turn to face her. I knew without looking she was sitting on the couch, her feet curled up under her and a cup of tea in her hands.

"Nowhere," I replied, hanging my head down.

"You've been at the hospital, haven't you?" she asked, already knowing the answer. Glancing at her over my shoulder, I confirmed her suspicions.

"I'm going to bed," I said before taking the stairs two by two. She didn't try to stop me.

"**~~**"

"Sure, Mrs. Cullen, I can be there about four," I answered as I paced back and forth in my room, running my hand through my hair constantly. "Okay, great, see you then."

Pressing end, I tossed my phone onto my bed as I bolted from my room and down the hall. Skidding into the bathroom, I pulled the seat up, barely making it to my knees before my stomach began to heave up its non-existent contents. It seemed like forever that my muscles constricted to push up nothing but bile. Panting, I hovered over the toilet, my sweaty forehead resting on the cold porcelain until I felt most of the nausea had passed. Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I sat back against the wall, and bringing my knees up, I put my head on them.

Behind closed eyes, I saw him in front of me, kneeling with his hands covering mind, his fingers lightly stroking my heated flesh.

"It's going to be okay, Jasper," he promised. "We can get through anything together, remember?"

With a tear streaked face, I looked up at the ghostly image of him, wishing he was really there. Squinting my eyes, I watched him slowly fade away.

"Wait, don't go…please don't go," I begged, reaching out for a boy that had never really been there. Deep down, I knew it was all my imagination, that Edward was somewhere else, and that the lack of sleep had began to play tricks on me. Sliding down the wall, I curled up on my side and let it all out, the frustration, fear, grief, misery…all of it. My stomach had already emptied, now it was time for my heart to do the same.

The tears ran down my face and neck, soaking the collar of my shirt as I willed myself off the floor, each small movement proof that I was still alive even though my heart had stopped beating. Pulling myself up to the sink, I looked at myself in the mirror for the first time in days.

A broken boy returned my stare, bloodshot eyes, dirty, greasy hair, unshaven pale skin and black circles greeting me in my reflection. I splashed some water on my face and brushed my teeth before heading back to my room to change my shirt.

The room I used to love, that was once my escape from the world and my parents, what used to be my solace had become my jail cell. Everything in it reminded me of a happier time. Reflections of Edward and I and the love that used to be was everywhere, from the picture on my nightstand, to the wallpaper on my computer to the seashell on my bookshelf, even the shirt on top of the dirty laundry, they were all reminders of a dream that had been lost.

Of broken promises.

I had less than an hour before I had to be at Edward's and I spent it lying on my bed with "Hey Jude" playing at full blast in my ears. After the eighth replay, I sat up and took a few deep breaths before grabbing my bag and stuffing all of the homework I had gathered for Edward into it.

I didn't jog to his house; I walked at a slow pace, barely putting one heavy, clumsy foot in front of the other until they reluctantly brought me to his house. My eyes went to Mr. Cullen's car in the driveway, rarely home midday, and my heart skipped a beat with the reality of knowing why he was there.

Edward was home.

I walked up the new ramp instead of the steps, knowing Edward had traveled it for the first time not long before, and if I looked really close, I could see the tracks of his wheels in the fallen sleet. With one last deep breath, I knocked on the door and immediately heard shuffling inside.

It was no surprise when Mrs. Cullen opened it and greeted me with a hug, pulling me into the house at the same time. She glanced outside before closing the door and turning to me.

"Did you run?" she asked, concerned.

"I walked," I answered, slipping my bag off my shoulder.

"Jasper Whitlock! It's freezing outside and you have nothing but a sweatshirt on. Carlisle could have gone and picked you up," she chastised me.

As if on cue, Mr. Cullen walked in and held his hand out for me. "Jasper, son, good to see you again."

"He walked here," she told him with an unmistakably motherly tone.

"Jasper?" he asked, looking at me, and I nodded.

"My parents are at work," I shrugged. "I run everywhere. It's not a big deal."

I cringed as soon as the words had left my mouth, tossing around the word run so lightly, claiming the skill to put one foot in front of the other was an easy task when their son had just lost the ability to do so.

"I'm sorry, that was-"

"Don't worry about it, Jasper," his mother stopped me with a hand on my arm. "You don't need to censor yourself around us."

Part of me wanted to ask about Edward. Now that I had my new knowledge about his injury, I wanted to know exact details about his condition. I also wanted to ask them insane questions about the most random things, such as 'how about them Seahawks' but it was just a ploy to avoid him, to avoid walking into his room and facing the reality of seeing him in a wheelchair.

"Esme, why don't you go get some hot cocoa for us while I talk to Jasper for a minute?" Mr. Cullen suggested and she headed for the kitchen. "Sit, Jasper."

Doing as he asked, I put my bag on the floor and sat in the chair across from him.

"I wanted to give you an idea on what to expect before you go down there," he said, leaning forward. It was just like the hospital where he'd had to warn me about seeing Edward for the first time. I knew he couldn't possibly look worse than he had in lying in the hospital bed. Even though I was conscious I was biting my lip, I couldn't stop. "He looks much better than he did in the hospital. His bruises are almost gone, the cuts are healing well and his color is coming back."

"Okay," I answered, unsure what else to say. "That's good."

"Yes, it is. But there is more. There are no monitors like the hospital. He is free to move around at will with some limitations. He is still too weak to get from the chair to his bed by himself but that will come soon. There is a catheter bag hanging on the side of his chair. He looks like Edward but…well, there are other differences. He's gone through a traumatic event and he is still trying to wrap his mind around everything that happened and what it means. Emotionally, he is all over the place. One minute, he's sad, the next he is accepting. There are outbursts of anger as well."

Oh, I expected more than an outburst.

"Okay. Um…is there…ah…anything I should say?"

"Just whatever comes naturally. You two are best friends, you've been there for each other before, just be there for him now, Jasper. If he lashes out, don't listen to him. He just needs time to adjust. He'll come around."

Mrs. Cullen walked in and handed us each a mug of cocoa before sitting next to her husband. I sipped it, ignoring the burn as it went down my throat. The slower I sipped, the longer I could put off seeing him.

Mr. Cullen continued. "His PT and OT are coming over tomorrow, they will start his therapy and we're hoping he will be back to school in about two weeks. Do you think you can come over every day after school to work with him?"

"Yeah, no problem," I replied quietly.

"He's down in my old office. We brought his bedroom downstairs to make it easier on him, and us."

"No more than an hour," Mrs. Cullen reminded me.

As if he would let me stay an hour.

"Okay," I said slowly, and then realized they were hinting I should go see him. Setting the mug down on the table, I gave them a smile, picked up my bag and headed down the hall toward Edward's new room. My stomach churned with each step, my feet scuffling along the wood floor until I was standing in front of the door. With a pounding heart, I knocked once and waited.

There was no response.

Glancing down the hall toward the living room, I knocked again.

And waited.

No response.

Mrs. Cullen peaked around the corner at the end of the hall. "Just go in, he's waiting."

Nodding, I turned the knob slowly before pushing the door open. My eyes were immediately drawn to him. His back was to me as he sat in his chair in front of the window that overlooked the backyard and their pool. Other than the very slight rising of his shoulders as he breathed, he was completely still, almost marble-like. His hair had been washed and was back to its natural disarray, although the colors seemed to have lost some of their brilliance.

What struck me the most was the chair, and how intimidating it was. It wasn't like he was sitting in a desk chair or a big armchair with his leg hanging over the armrest. There was no mistaking the wheelchair for anything other than what it was.

A prison.

The back and seat were black leather that gave a bit under his weight. The wheels were huge and covered in a black rubber, and a smaller metal wheel was just outside it, probably for his hands to push. A shiny metal frame led up to the handles where there were rubber grips. His feet rested at an uncomfortable angle on hard plastic squares.

Regardless of what he was in, the hospital bed or the chair, it was still Edward. When I released the breath I had apparently been holding, I saw this jaw twitch and then tense.

"Hi," I choked out. I wanted to step forward, I wanted to go to him, to kneel by his side and put my head on his lap, I wanted to feel his reassuring touch in my hair, telling me it was going to be alright. I wanted him to look at me, want me, forgive me. My feet didn't move, I was glued to the spot near the door, my heart racing and thumping more with each second that passed.

Tearing my eyes from him, I glanced around his new room for the first time. It was set up almost exactly like his one upstairs, only there was no desk chair and there was an extra table in the corner of the room. On it were piles of boxes of catheter bags, tubes, rubber gloves, iodine pads, and adult diapers.

That's when I felt the tears on my cheeks.

I didn't know what to say first. Apologize for everything, beg for his forgiveness, or just go on like nothing had changed.

Maybe I should do something else all together. Communicate with him in a way that had soothed him before.

Setting my bag down on his bed, I forced myself to take one step closer. Still behind him, I began in a whisper.

"When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,  
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.  
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,  
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.  
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,  
there will be an answer, let it be.  
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,  
there will be an answer. Let it be."

I made it through two verses before he spoke.

"Leave."

My breath caught in my throat, I was thankful to hear his velvet voice, even in its new rougher tone.

"Edward, I-"

"NOW!" he roared, but his body remained lifeless.

Stunned at the amount of rage in one small word, I instinctively took a step backwards. I glanced down at my bag on his bed, the work for him filling it to the max.

Everything in me told me to leave, to run and never go back. The odds were stacked insurmountably against us, and there was no fighting them.

He was paralyzed and blamed me for it.

I needed to get out of there, apologize to Mrs. Cullen and tell her she needed to find someone else, perhaps Bella. I needed to go home and weep for all we had lost; for all that we would never know.

I needed to do all those things.

But something made me sit down on the bed. Opening my bag, I pulled out history book, figuring it was best to start with something easy for me.

"Mr. Richards sends his best and said that you can take the two tests you missed when you get back. Until then, he wanted me to help you study for them. We're still working on the battles Grant fought Lee. We had to write a two page essay on why we think neither side was declared the winner."

My hands shook as I flipped through the pages of the book, concentrating on the words in front of me even when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. It was slight, but his head had tilted and he was almost glancing at me over his shoulder.

"Why are you still here?" he asked, his voice hard but not nearly as loud as before.

"To tutor you," I mumbled.

"Tutor me? We both know I'm smarter than you," he snorted. Keeping my eyes on the book, I refused to look at him, to grant him my attention just so he could yell at me.

"And we both know I've been at school the past two weeks and you haven't," I reminded him sharply.

His eyes rolled before he turned back to the window. "I can catch up on my own just fine."

"Fine, but I'm not leaving. Your mom asked me to do this, and I'm going to." I shifted on his bed and began to read. "The Battle of Spotsylvania Court House was the second major battle in Lieutenant General Ulysses Grant's Overland Campaign. The battle was fought in the Rapidan-Rappahannock river area of central Virginia, a region where more than 100,000 men on both sides fell between 1862 and 1864. The Confederates won the race to Spotsylvania and each army began to take up new positions north of the small town. As Union forces probed Confederate skirmish lines to determine the placement of defending forces, Union VI Corps commander Major General John Sedgwick was killed by a sharpshooter; he was succeeded by Major General Horatio G. Wright. Lee deployed his men in a trench line stretching more than four miles, with artillery placed that would allow-"

"Will you shut the fuck up already," he sighed, his head dropping back onto the leather backrest.

"-fire on any attacking force. There was only one major weakness in Lee's line—an exposed salient known as the 'Mule Shoe' extending more than a mile in front of the main trench line. Lee recognized this weakness during the fighting. They actually broke the Confederate line, and the Second Corps had a hard time driving the-"

"Get out," he growled when I had ignored him.

"So that is one of the battles that needs to be mentioned in the essay, the other is-"

"GO!"

"The Battle of the Wilderness, fought in May of 1864. It was the first battle of Lt. Gen. Ulysses S. Grant's 1864 Virginia Overland Campaign against Gen. Robert E. Lee and the Confederate Army of Northern Virginia. Both armies suffered heavy casualties, a harbinger of a bloody war of attrition by Grant against Lee's army and, eventually, the Confederate capital, Richmond, Virginia. The battle was tactically inconclusive, as Grant disengaged and continued his offensive."

The door pushed opened and Mrs. Cullen poked her head inside. "How are you two doing? Need anything? Some snacks or drinks?"

My stomach twisted at the thought of food. "I'm good, thanks, Mrs. Cullen."

"Edward?"

"I'm fine," he snapped. I looked at his mom in time to see the flash of pain before she covered it.

"If you need anything…." She closed the door a little.

"You don't have to treat her like shit, ya know. You're pissed at me, don't take this out on her."

Finally a reaction, he spun the chair, slowly and clumsily, bumping into the end of the bed as he did so.

"Why not? She is the reason _you're_ here right now, isn't she?"

Hurt, I stared at him, seeing him conscious and face to face for the first time since he'd left my room on New Year's Eve. He looked like he had in the hospital bed, pale and thin, although his body was hidden under the jeans and Beatles tee shirt he wore. The eyes that used to look at me with love now glared at me, filled with rage and disgust.

But he still took my breath away.

Desperately I searched those green eyes for some trace of the love he'd once had, but the loathing and despair was thick, clouding anything that he had felt before the accident. The longer we stared at each other, the faster my heart pounded. I felt my chest heaving like I had just run a race, but I was completely still, caught under his trance of revulsion. It was a battle of wills; neither of us was going to give up easily. He was trying to use his anger to scare me away, and honestly, I was fucking petrified, but I remained on the bed.

Ever since I bugged him day and night for over a month until he finally let me wear his coveted Abbey Road tee shirt, Edward said I was the most stubborn person he knew. I was putting that stubbornness to the test.

He broke the silence first.

"I fucking hate you," he spat at me. "You're nothing but a nuisance. Don't know what I ever fucking saw in you. This," he said with contempt, motioning to his lifeless legs, "is all your fucking fault."

The words cut deep through any hope I'd had for us, but even as my heart broke with his honesty, I let him continue because if it was what he needed, I was going to give it to him, it was the least I could do. I would have given him anything, even if it was my shattered heart on a platter.

Fuck, if they could do leg transplants, I would have cut mine off for him.

Holding his gaze, I refused to look at his legs. I refused to hide the tears that rolled down my face.

"Edward, I'd give you my legs if I could, I swear I would," I whispered.

He shook his head disbelievingly. "Sure you would, Mr. Track Star. You think you'd give up being able to run your five minute mile to sit in a chair the rest of your fucking life?"

I swallowed hard. "Yes, for you I would," I almost sobbed. "I would give up anything to turn back time."

He eyed me warily, judging my words, and the truth behind them, before speaking again. "You can't turn back time, but you can get your ass out of my fucking room and not come back," he said harshly before fumbling with his chair and turning it back toward the window. For a few more minutes, I sat on his bed and stared at the back of his head, the tears running freely down my cheeks. After swiping at them, I pulled his books out my bag and put them on his bed.

Standing, I put my empty bag on my shoulder and turned for the door. As I put on my hand on the knob, I looked at him one last time over my shoulder.

"I know you don't like me very much right now, but I still love you," I whispered softly. The next words on my lips were the habitual 'be safe, baby,' but suddenly they seemed useless. It was too late for wishing for his safety. I opened the door and walked out of his room but I refused to walk out of his life.

Mrs. Cullen was in the kitchen and heard me coming down the hall. "Did you make some progress?" she asked, wiping her hands on a towel.

_Abso-fucking-lutely none. _

"A bit, but he seemed kinda tired," I replied.

"We'll see you tomorrow after school then?"

"You bet," I gave her a small smile before heading for the door.

He was trying to wipe me from his life, but I was part of his history, and I wasn't going anywhere.

"**~~**"

At four o'clock, I knocked on the Cullen's door and waited for Mrs. Cullen to answer. I had barely slept the night before, the circles under my eyes so dark I looked like I'd been in a fight and lost. Bella even commented on the weight I'd lost and that maybe I needed to start taking better care of myself.

I scoffed at her suggestion.

If he was suffering, then I was going to suffer right along with him.

After school, I had gone home for a few minutes, organizing the work I had gathered for Edward before heading to his house. Outwardly, I hoped the meeting would go better than the day before, that perhaps he had worked off his anger and he would be more accepting of my presence, but deep down I knew he would be as pissed. It was that realization that had made my steps slow and awkward as I shuffled along the slushy sidewalk.

Mrs. Cullen answered the door, her normally hopeful expression had been replaced by one of exhaustion and worry.

"Come in, Jasper," she said, ushering me inside her home. "Want some hot chocolate."

"Sure," I agree, knowing she would make it regardless. "How's Edward today?" I asked as I followed her into their kitchen.

Sighing heavily, she put the pot on the stove. "He's having a hard time adjusting. Carlisle says it's normal but…I don't know."

I stood in the doorway, unsure what to offer for comfort. She was a second mother to me, but I felt awkward and unsure how to react to her words.

"His physical therapist came by this morning, and as soon as she entered his room, he promptly told her to…well, he asked her not so politely to leave."

I almost chuckled at the way she covered up Edward's foul language.

"Then his occupational therapist came by to show him how to change his catheter and he told her to keep her hands off him or he'd sue her for harassment." She turned to me. "She promptly left and said I needed to have a talk with him. They are both coming back tomorrow to try again."

"I'm sorry," I said to her, to him, to them all. If it hadn't been for me, she wouldn't be standing in front of me nearly in tears. Her son would be standing by my side and not stuck in a chair down the hall.

"I offered to help him shower but he refused. I had to change his catheter earlier and he just shut his eyes and banged his hands on his bed the entire time. I know it's not easy for him, but I don't know what else to do, Jasper. Until he learns to do it himself, I have to…"

I nodded, having no idea what to do or say.

We stood in the kitchen in an uncomfortable silence while the water worked to a boil. When it was done, she poured it into a mug and handed it to me.

"Good luck," she mumbled as I thanked her and headed down the hall to face him once again.

I didn't even bother to knock, I pushed his door opened and wasn't surprised to find him in much the same position as the day before. His tee shirt was different and his hair dirtier, but other than that he was exactly the same.

Facing the window, looking out over the pool, his face was stone cold, his body still. I knew his heart was beating and his mind was racing, but he showed no other signs of life. He didn't even twitch when I walked in. I knew Edward, I knew he heard me walk down the hall, he knew I was there; he just chose not to acknowledge me. Sitting down on the bed, I pulled out the new work for him and opened up our physics book.

"We began a section on thermodynamics in physics today," I began quietly, hoping he couldn't hear the trembling of my voice, "which are systems that are able to transfer thermal energy into at least one other form of energy. The laws of thermodynamics were developed as some of the most fundamental rules which are followed when a thermodynamic system goes through some sort of energy change."

Glancing up from the book, I looked for a reaction.

Nothing.

Sighing, I continued. "The laws of thermodynamics do not concern themselves with the specific how and why of heat transfer, which makes sense for laws that were formulated before atomic theory was fully adopted. They deal with the sum total of energy and heat transitions within a system, and do not take into account the specific nature of heat transference on the atomic or molecular level," I read directly from the book. Monotonously, I continued to read and review everything we'd gone over in school. I also filled in his homework for him considering he wasn't going to do it himself.

"The next question is 'define the zero law of thermodynamics.' What do you think that is?" I asked him, tapping the pencil against the book as I waited for his response. After a minute of silence, I answered. "It's two systems in thermal equilibrium with a third system that are in thermal equilibrium to each other."

I wrote down the answer on his homework while he stared out the window, never acknowledging my presence in any way. I wondered how he could be so still for so long. I asked him more physics questions that I answered myself, until finally, the paper was complete. Slamming the book closed, I looked around his room, looking for something to give me an idea on what to do or say.

"Baby, I don't know what to do," I admitted quietly. "I just know…I know this is hard on you, on your parents, but I also know you can do it. Remember," I began to sound almost hopefully when the memory came back to me, "When I broke my ankle skiing over vacation last year?" I didn't wait for him to respond. "Remember how I was stuck on crutches for fucking six weeks? I couldn't go up stairs without you holding my arm; I could barely make it down the hall. Remember how you came over every day and went over the work I'd missed? I do. I remember you coming over every day and in between make out sessions, you helped me study. I remember being so mad that I was going to miss the start of spring track, and that if I missed one meet, I would be disqualified from the regionals. I was so mad, but you were there for me, Edward. Every day, no matter what, you were there. Even though I yelled at you, you didn't go anywhere." I felt my chin lift defiantly. "Well, I'm not going anywhere either, so you better fucking get used to seeing me around here."

Finished with my speech, I stood and grabbed my bag. "I'll see you tomorrow," I said before opening the door and leaving. I said good bye to his mother on the way. She asked me how it went and I shrugged.

"It could have been worse," I replied. "See you tomorrow?"

"Same time."

"Okay, see ya then." I walked out into the brisk air, noticing it wasn't nearly as cold outside as it had been in his room.

At home, I skipped dinner and went right to my room, actually turning on the television for the first time in weeks before lying on the bed and beginning my own homework. I flipped through a few channels before settling on an old eighties movie. It played in the background as I worked on my calculus.

"…I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen."

The words caught my attention and I looked up, suddenly very interested in the movie. Watching it, I got an idea. It was a cheesy, but I was willing to do anything. I unplugged my iHome, grabbed my iPhone and headed downstairs.

"I'm going out, can I use the car?" I asked my mother as she and my father watched TV in the living room.

"Where are you going? It's kind of late."

"Edward's," I admitted. "I won't be long, just have to drop off another book for him."

Her eyes dropped to my iHome but she nodded anyway. I took the keys from her bag and went to her car. Parking down the street from his house, I got out, bringing my iHome with me. When I saw that both Mr. and Mrs. Cullen's cars were gone, I thanked whoever was watching over me. Opening the gate to their backyard, I snuck around their house until I was in front of the window Edward stared out of. The curtains were closed, but there was a light on.

After setting up my iPhone, I selected the song I wanted and hit play, turning it up loud enough for him to hear. Then I raised it high above my head, stretching my arms out so much that the sweatshirt I had on rode up and I felt the cold air brushing across my stomach. A few seconds later, the song started.

_Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time  
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you  
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you pulled me out of time  
And hung me on a line  
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you _

I shifted uncomfortably, my arms already beginning to ache from the unusual position.

Please, baby, please…

_Maybe I'm a man and maybe I'm a lonely man  
Who's in the middle of something  
That he doesn't really understand  
Maybe I'm a man and maybe you're the only one  
Who could ever help me  
Baby won't you help me understand _

The song replayed two more times, my arms screaming at me to lower them, but I refused. Gritting my teeth, I held it even higher.

I had to have better luck than Lloyd Dobler.

Watching the window for any type of movement, I wondered what I expected him to do. Open the window and say all is forgiven? Invite me in for coffee and cake? Tell me to fuck off?

Just as the song went to start the fourth time, I saw the curtains on their patio door move to the side and then it began to open. My heart skipped and I hit pause on the iHome.

"Jasper?" a small voice asked as the door slid opened further. "What are you doing out here?"

Lowering the iHome, I tried to hide it under my sweatshirt.

"Hey, Alice. I'm….ah, nothing. Just came to drop a book off for Edward and got looking at the pool. "

She walked over, her arms folded over her chest as she glanced from the covered pool to me.

"It's a little chilly for a swim, isn't it?" she joked.

"Yeah," I chuckled nervously. "Well, I should go."

"What about the book?" she asked with a skeptical brow.

"Oh, the book…I um left it in my car," I lied. I'll just bring it by tomorrow. "Night."

"Night," she said as she turned to go back inside. Bolting through the gate, I ran to the car and got in, tossing the iHome into the seat before starting up the car.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck._

"Edward's right, I'm a fucking idiot," I murmured to myself as I pulled out and headed home.

"**~~**"

The next day after school, I paced my room again, my stomach in knots before going over to see him. His work was already in my bag, my bed was covered with papers on the latest drug therapies for SCIs and my earbuds were tightly in my ears blasting "In my Life".

He had shut me out, tearing me apart, leaving my chest a gaping open hole where my heart used to be. The heart that beat with every breath he took, every word he spoke, every touch he had graced me with.

His life was different now. I got that, really.

I was going to try to be patient until he would return to me, but my confidence in him coming back was dwindling quickly. The longer I waited, the more I realized he wasn't going to do it alone. He needed me to help him realize his life would continue. I was going make it my duty, my crusade, to see him complete once again.

He had to know how we didn't make sense without the other. Eventually, he'd have to listen to me, he couldn't stay silent forever, there had to be a way to break through his fortress, and I was determined to find out what it was. Tossing the strap over my shoulder, I grabbed my bag and headed out.

"Hi, Mrs. Cullen," I said as she opened the door. My stomach instantly heaved when I caught the faint scent of her cooking. I hadn't eaten in days, my stomach refusing to keep anything down except water.

"Hi, Jasper," she greeted in a tired voice. "Come in."

I followed her inside to the kitchen where the water for the hot cocoa was already boiling.

"How is he today?" I asked quietly as she poured a mug of water.

"He refused his physical therapist again; she said she won't come over again until she hears from us. I am going to have Carlisle talk to him tonight. See if he can talk some sense into him."

I leaned against the counter and sipped the cocoa.

"How is he with you? Has he told you anything?" she asked me.

Slowly, I shook my head. "He doesn't speak."

"He just stares out the window?" she asked even though she already knew the answer, and I nodded. Sighing, she closed her eyes. "I just wish I knew how to help him through this. I feel so useless."

"You're not useless. Like Mr. Cullen said, it's going to take some time."

She gave me a weak smile and I left for his room. In the hall, I took a deep breath, preparing myself for what might behind the door.

I pushed it open and immediately noticed the stench of body odor mixed with the slightly bitter scent of urine. Edward was in his chair, facing the window, his head resting against the leather back, his eyes seemed to be glazed over and unfocused as he stared out the window. Formally shiny, thick hair now lay flattened to his scalp in clumps. His tee shirt was different from the day before but instead of jeans he wore cotton pajama pants.

The boy in the hospital who had fought so hard to stay alive was gone, replaced by one who had given up on life, who was refusing to live what remaining life he had. Second chances and miracles meant nothing to him. He was a shell of the boy I loved. Empty eyes and a hardened muscle had taken the place of the bright emerald irises and generous heart he'd once had.

I was heartbroken that he blamed me for the accident, that he would never love me the way he once had but I was more heartbroken over seeing him like that, so desolate, barren of happiness and love. If me walking out of his life would give him his spark back, I would have done it in a second. As much as it would kill me, I would do it.

"Edward?" I began, setting my bag down on his bed. I walked around to the front of him. Kneeling, I put my hands on his knees and looked up at him, ignoring the tears that prickled the edges of my eyes. "Baby, let me in please. Let me try to help you." I reached for his hand, it was limp and cool, but I was encouraged when he didn't rip it from my grasp. I placed his palm against my wet cheek. "Feel me? I'm here, baby. Just tell me what you need me to do."

I waited for his hand to cup my cheek, for his thumb to stroke my tears away.

Neither one happened.

"You promised that we'd make it through anything, Edward, with everything that you are, you promised me, remember?" I stroked his hand with both of mine, trying to give him warmth, some life back into his body. "Remember all the good times, baby? We can have those again, I swear. Just let me in, talk to me. Please," I whispered between sobs. I was vaguely aware of the door being open, that there was a chance I would be heard, but at that point, I didn't care.

"Show me something, baby, show me you're still here with me…please, I need you."

Desperately, I looked around his room in search for something to trigger him. Standing up, I shuffled through the stuff on his desk and then moved to his dresser, finding a picture frame turned over. Lifting it, I saw a picture of Edward and me smiling.

I knew exactly when it had been taken.

Holding the picture, I kneeled in front of him again and held it up.

"Remember this? It was my sixteenth birthday, remember? I do. I remember everything that led up to that moment. The moment when I kissed you." I felt my body begin to tremble. "I remember I was so nervous. Every time you were near me, my heart would just pound in my chest and I knew you felt it. God, I remember wanting to hold your hand so bad that night, I remember watching you lick the barbeque sauce off your fingers and blushing when you caught me staring at you."

I looked up at him, his hollow eyes still gazing out the window.

"For about a week, I knew that was going to be the night I was going to kiss you. I had been testing you for a long time, brushing up against you when I passed you in the hall, laying so close to you when we watched TV that I could feel your body heat. You never moved away, baby, you didn't mind me being so close. Then…then there was the hug the night before. I don't remember why you hugged me, but I remember my heart racing and the way you buried your face into my neck and I felt your breath. I swear you even kissed me there. I knew then, baby. I knew you wanted me but were too afraid."

Sighing, I put the picture on his bed and took his hands in mine again.

"That kiss was the best thing I've ever done, Edward. Even if I walk out of here today and never see you again, that kiss will be the smartest thing I've ever done and I won't ever regret it."

I glanced over my shoulder, out to the pool.

"Is that why you stare at the pool? Because it reminds you of us?" He didn't answer, and I turned back to him. "We had good times in it. God, remember the blowjob?" I whispered. "Jesus, that was hot."

Still nothing. He was motionless, void of any sign of life.

I tried a different approach.

"Is this what you want, Edward? Do you want to be nothing? Sit here and waste your fucking life away? Have your mommy change your catheter and wear a diaper at fucking seventeen years old? This isn't the Edward I know and love. The one I know would be fighting to get his life back, for some independence. Not sitting here like a vegetable. Because that is exactly what you're doing, Edward. You are fucking wasting away to nothing. Just look at yourself, the Edward I love would never do this to himself." My voice had grown hard and cold. Dropping his hands, I stood up and glared down at him as he continued to ignore me. His eyes were vacant, never flinching or even twitching at the cruelty of my words.

"Know what? I don't fucking care anymore. Do whatever the fuck you want, it's your miserable life, live it however you fucking want to. You want me gone, you fucking got it. I'll leave your work on your bed, asshole."

My heart pounded and tightened in my chest as I dumped the work out onto his bed and promptly headed for the door. With once last glance at him, I saw a single tear rolling down his cheek and I knew…I knew the fortress had been cracked and the walls were starting to slowly fall. Smiling a real smile for the first time in weeks, I walked out of his room, vowing to come back every day and bitch at him if that was what it was going to take.

"Bye, Mrs. Cullen," I said to her as I passed the kitchen. "See ya tomorrow."

"Everything okay?" she called out.

"Yeah, everything's fine," I said, and for once, I was starting to believe my lie. I closed their door behind me, taking a deep breath and letting it out before heading down their driveway and toward my house.

I was less than a hundred yards away when my phone vibrated in my pocket. Pulling it out, I readied myself for the message I knew was there.

_Get the fuck back in here._

"_**~~**"_

Thanks for reading~

Forgive Edward, he's going through something pretty traumatic. Who knew Jasper was so stubborn, eh? His stubbornness sure is coming in handy right now.

If you want to donate to help SCI research, or just read more about it, please visit http:/www DOT christopherreeve DOT org


	8. The World Upon Your Shoulders

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N-Well, I thought the last chapter was angsty, this one I don't know, but the end has gotten me every time I've read it. We need to add 'don't read while in the presence of children' to the list (they ask questions when they see someone crying.)

I normally don't mention songs in A/N, but listen to He Ain't Heavy on repeat when you get to the last scene. Trust me. ( http:/www DOT youtube DOT com/watch?v=C1KtScrqtbc )

Thank you, thank you for all the reviews and favorites and alerts. The support this story has received blows me away.

Thanks to OfTheTurningAway for her beta on this chapter.

Hugs to Dannie, who told me the end is exactly what I wanted it to be.

Now Edward pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night if he hadn't been so stubborn…_

"**~~**"

I knew he was there before he had walked into my room, before I had even heard him talking to my parents. There was a connection Jasper and I had always had, whether it was something as corny as our souls recognizing each other and reaching out for their missing half or something less complex, but no less magical.

I simply sensed his presence.

Much like I had in the hospital, I felt a warmth when he was near, I felt his emotions emanating from him, stretching down the hall, through the wood and into the room where they surrounded and suffocated me.

Anguish, anxiousness, and overwhelming guilt.

A corner of my lip turned up in satisfaction at the last emotion. It was almost the most powerful one I felt, second only to…

Shaking my head, I refused to admit that emotion anymore. It had done me no good and would serve no purpose in the future. It was a constant conflict inside me, the battle between admitting I still felt it and denying its existence all together. My mother had once told me that there was nothing more powerful than love, not money, evil, or lust. She said that love conquered all and that it was all we needed in life. Foolishly, I had believed her. How could I not? I had witnessed love's strong grasp. I had seen my parents survive daily ups and downs and my father's crazy hours at the hospital. I had stood next to Jasper while his parents fought daily, their marriage on the brink of divorce until they reacquainted themselves with their love and let it guide them through the darker times.

How could I not believe in the power of love when it had led me to a beautiful boy who stole my heart with his pure soul, sparkling eyes, dimpled smile and honey-colored hair?

_A boy._

I was never supposed to love a boy. Not that my parents we anti-gay, it was more that they just assumed it wasn't something they would ever have to face. After all, their son was straight and dating a pretty girl who was utterly devoted to him. But it was the love of a boy that had lured me away, who had showed me what love _really_ was, and it wasn't uncomfortable silences and awkward touches in the backseat of a car.

Love was being able to speak without talking, it was an ache that denied you breath when you were apart, it was hands and lips exploring areas that you realized you were always meant to know.

Love was Jasper.

Like thousands of times before, I heard his footsteps, and their hesitation, in the hall. Keeping my eyes trained on the pool, I heard the light knock. Even though I refused to let it, my heart raced with the thought of him being only a few feet away.

His scent, his voice, and his body were all within touching distance for the first time in weeks.

He knocked again and then opened the door.

The anxiousness I had felt from him when he had first entered the house disappeared as soon as he stepped into my room. It was replaced by pity when he saw me the portable prison that was now my home. When he began to sing, my heart stopped. Stealing myself for the onslaught of emotions that always hovered around him, I tensed every muscle I could, my upper body tiring quickly as my hands gripped the arms of the chair until my knuckles turned white.

Why was he even fucking here? Did anyone really think I gave a shit about school?

It took all my energy to just sit there, to just listen to him as he ignored my requests to leave and began to recite our schoolwork. Jasper's stubbornness had been something I had been on the receiving end of more than once. Most recently it had been because of my coveted Abbey Road tee shirt, ironically one he had given to me only a few months before.

My parents had gone out for the night and Alice was at a friend's, leaving Jasper and I alone at my house. There was some stupid horror movie on TV that Jasper had insisted we watch. While he watched the movie, I watched him. I was sitting on the couch with my feet on the table and Jasper was lying with his head on my lap. My cock loved every time he laughed and his head bobbed up and down.

"Dude, I can totally feel your erection poking my ear," he said absently, his eyes never leaving the TV.

"Stop teasing me then," I countered, my hand weaving into his hair, separating his curls one by one. It was my favorite hobby. Well, besides sucking his cock. He had once teased me that maybe instead of a pianist I should be a hair stylist. I had told him I guess was good with my hands and then I pushed him into the pool.

"I'm not teasing you, I'm watching the movie," he reminded me.

"Love, your head is in my lap. That totally constitutes teasing."

I groaned when he laughed. Tilting his head back, he looked up at me, the mischievous glint in his eye one I had seen often.

"I'll make a deal with you. You let me wear this tomorrow," he said, tugging on the hem of my Abbey Road tee shirt, "and I'll give you a bj every day before school for the next week."

I had many Beatles tee shirts, about a dozen at last count, everything from the psychedelic tie-dyed Sgt. Pepper's to the simplistic Hard Day's Night, but Abbey Road was my favorite. Nothing came between me and the faded black tee shirt. He knew that.

'What if something happens to it?"

"Nothing will happen to it," he replied. "Promise."

"And if I say no?"

He turned back to the TV. "Then you don't get anything."

I had thought he meant I wouldn't get the head before school, but no, he meant _anything_. He refused to kiss me or hold my hand much less anything more physical. After four days, I was going insane and called him late one night.

"Please, Jas, give me something," I begged.

"Gonna let me wear the shirt?" he replied and I could hear the smile in his voice. He took my silence as a no and the battle of wills continued, one I knew I was going to eventually lose, but kept fighting anyway.

Then I got a brilliant idea. I had gotten off to Jasper's voice before, if I just kept him talking about anything, I could jerk off while he was on the phone. Thinking I was finally going to get some relief, I yanked my pajama pants down past my throbbing erection and wrapped my hand around it. I then heard movement on the other end of the phone, the distinct sound of skin on skin as he began to masturbate. He proceeded to fill my ears with moans and whispers of how good it felt and how hard he was. I wanted to hang up, teach him a lesson, but I was enraptured by every noise he made. Stroking myself to his sounds, I chuckled thinking he was helping me get off even if he didn't want to. Then he grunted, and I could practically see his back arching off his bed as his cock pulsed and shot his cum all over his chest.

"That was great, felt so fucking good stroking my hard, thick cock like that, but I gotta go. I love you, be safe, baby."

Then he was gone.

Leaving me hard as a rock to fuck my own fist.

Again.

"Fuck," I muttered, forced to finish myself to my imagination instead of the real thing.

He teased me relentlessly for the next three days; coming over to swim and diving off the side of the pool all sleek and wet, eating spaghetti for dinner and licking the sauce off his lips, and bending over in class to pick up his books, his tight ass right in my face. He would lean across me at lunch to reach his books, brushing his arm along mine, or drink his water extra slow, knowing I was watching his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed, imagining he was swallowing something besides water. Jasper knew what buttons of mine to push, and he pushed them all. Each move he made was an effort to entice a response from me and he was a fucking master at his art. After two more days, my dick was chafed from all the self pleasure and was aching for his lips. In school the next day, I walked up behind him at his locker.

"You win," I sighed, hanging my head in defeat. Even with his back to me, I knew he was wearing a shit eating grin.

"Win what, Edward?" he said my name in a velvety drawl.

I fucking hated him.

Leaning a shoulder against a locker, I glared at him. "You can wear the shirt."

Finally turning to me, he cocked an eyebrow. "Had a change of heart? What brought that on?"

"Shut the fuck up. My dick is fucking raw because of you."

Wide eyed innocence fit him well. "I didn't do a thing," he denied with a smirk.

"Exactly."

Laughing, he looked around before leaning toward me. With his lips at my ear, his breath on my neck, he spoke. "I knew you'd come around, baby. Just a matter of time. Wear it tomorrow, then I will be by tomorrow night to get it and thank you all proper like."

"Thank me how?"

"With exactly how I promised," he said, winking. My twitched at the thought of finally getting some real relief.

"Why do you want me to wear it first?"

"So it smells like you."

_Oh._

He slammed his locker closed and headed to class, wiggling his ass along the way.

Fucking tease.

The next day, he did everything he could to draw my attention to his lips. Just when I felt like I was going to explode from frustration, he showed up on my doorstep that night and dragged me up to my room. After he took off his own shirt, he peeled my Abbey Road tee shirt off me and then pulled it over his head. I had to admit, it looked fucking incredible on him. Bringing the hem to his nose, he inhaled deeply.

"Smells so fucking good," he muttered before dropping to his knees and undoing my pants. I barely got my door closed before my aching cock was seeking the depths of his throat. Wrapping his full lips around me, he watched me from under his lashes as I thoroughly fucked his face until I came hard in his mouth, my cock erupting in long streams of cum down his throat. After, I thanked him, and his stubborn streak.

At school the next day, seeing him strut confidently down the hallway in my tee shirt was one of the sexiest things ever, and I wondered why I'd never thought of it sooner.

I never expected the same stubbornness that had made him tease me mercilessly for over a week to be the same one that kept him on my bed reading to me in a shaky voice. My mother came in, claiming she wanted to know if we wanted anything but I knew she just wanted to check up on me. His being there was her fault. Somehow she had arranged for him to be the one who helped me.

I didn't need his fucking help.

After she left, Jasper finally confronted me, challenging the way I had spoken to her with a fight I knew he had in him but had rarely seen. Rage flowed through me, taking the place of any other emotion I had been feeling, every working nerve in my body fired and heated. Without thinking, I turned the chair, facing him for the first time since the day of the accident.

As angry as I was, I wasn't prepared to see him again. Nothing could have prepared me for the look of sheer defeat on his face. There were dark circles under his tired eyes. His cheeks were pale and his lips chapped and dry. Wheat colored hair was unwashed and tangled, his clothes wrinkled and dirty.

But he still took my breath away.

He was acting brave, his stubborn streak providing what courage he had, but I saw his eyes and they were dark with uncertainty. He was weak and ripe for the taking. Like a lion hunting his prey, I stared at him, catching him in my gaze of contempt and disgust. Each second that passed, I felt him weaken, cowing further into a corner.

To look at him, to see him, brought me nothing but agony.

I finally broke the silence, telling him what I really thought of him. Channeling all the anguish and loathing that had been building in me for weeks, I released the pure rage on him. Through clenched teeth I told him how useless and worthless he was. Each word stung him, I saw it in the tears that rolled down his cheeks. He was a raw, opened wound and I was pouring salt on it.

I reveled in the anger. It fed me, gave me control and power in a situation where I was completely powerless over something as basic as taking a piss.

He hurt and I thrived on it.

Worse yet, I meant every word I said.

Finally, he got up and left, but not before telling me he loved me. Holding it together until I knew he was out of my house, I turned the chair back to the window and fell apart. I allowed myself a few minutes of crying, of wallowing in what once was. It tore me apart, my insides were twisting and churning, and I felt like I was being dissected. By the time my mother came back in, I had gathered myself, the mask was back in place, my heart had hardened once again and the walls were slowly being rebuilt. When she knelt in front of me to undo my pants and pull my limp cock out, my eyes trained on the covered pool, unaware that I was losing focus on the outside world.

"It was nice to see Jasper again," she said and I ignored her. "I think it will be good for you to concentrate on some schoolwork. Focus on something other than….this," she finished, nodding to the chair. Swiping the head of my cock with iodine, she removed the tube and put it aside and began to insert a new one. "Once the OT comes tomorrow, you will probably be able to do this on your own."

From my higher position, I glared down at her. "Just what I want, someone else handling my dick," I snarled.

"Don't speak like that," she scolded me quietly.

"What? You can touch my dick but I can't say the word? Would you prefer cock, penis, shaft, johnson, dong, cum-"

"EDWARD!" she yelled as she stood up. Smirking, I looked up at her, my _dick _hanging out of my pants. She stared at me, trying to find some semblance of her son in the broken boy before her. When she found nothing but cold, dark eyes and mean smile, she straightened her hair and took a deep breath.

"Put your…yourself away. Dinner will be here soon."

She left and I looked down at my lap, my cock laying there with a thin, clear tube coming out of the slit. Sighing, I reached down and gently stuffed myself back in my pants before doing them up with fumbling fingers.

When my mother came in later with a few pills to 'help me rest', I eagerly put them in my mouth, gulping down the water she gave me. Then I sat back and waited for the numbness to claim me.

"**~~**"

_The sunlight was warm as it filtered through the canopy of leaves above us. His body sparkled as the light hit the water that had beaded on his skin. When he felt me looking at him, he turned his head, opening one eye._

"_I can feel the lust floating off ya, baby. I thought you wanted to come out here to swim?" _

_The river flowed before us, bubbling and rushing downstream as we lay on the shoreline to dry off. _

"_Swimming is overrated," I said, inching closer so that our arms were touching from shoulder to fingertip. _

"_Mmm, that is it. But as I recall when I tried to get a little action back at the house, you said 'No, Jasper, we need to leave'."_

_Sighing at him, I turned my head toward the sun and closed my eyes. "Fine," I conceded. Instantly, I felt his breath on my bicep as he placed a kiss there. _

"_You disappoint me, Cullen. Giving up so fast. I've been in tougher situations in WoW when I've been trying to get to level eighty and I've learned you can't give up." _

_Desperately, I tried to stop the smile but it was useless against his warm breath, the fucking sexy tone of his voice, and his hand skimming over my chest. His lips moved along my shoulder as he leaned over me. _

_My hand went to his, pushing it down over my growing erection. I felt his lips vibrate against me in approval. _

"_Never give up, huh? You sound like a Disney movie."_

_Pulling his lips away from my body, he looked down at me. "I'm just saying that you can't ever give up on what you want."_

_I lifted myself to my elbows, his body moving in perfect sync with mine. "And what do you want?"_

_He didn't answer right away like I expected him to. There was no witty comeback, no words laced with sarcasm. Instead, he gazed at me, his eyes searching mine for something I didn't know but he must have found it because eventually he smiled. _

"_I want to tell you something," he said quietly. "Something important."_

_Intrigued, I quirked a brow. "I already know you're sporting a hard on." _

"_I'm serious, Edward," he sighed._

"_Okay, sorry," I mumbled guiltily. _

"_When I first met you, I knew I wanted you, and not just your body, but everything about you. I wanted to know your dreams, your secrets. But even though you were…umm…straight and dating Bella, I never gave up hope that someday you'd…well, you'd be with me like this."_

"_You mean wet, half naked and hard?" I grinned. _

"_Edward, I love you," he blurted out, a blush rushing to his cheeks immediately after his admission. It was the first time the word love had been used between us to express emotion. We had said 'oh, I love it when you suck my cock', but nothing that defined what we were, or what we had felt all along. _

"_You what?" I asked, trying hard to contain my pounding heart. I would have done just about anything to hear him say it again. _

_Exhaling slowly, he repeated it. "Edward, I love you. I've been in love with you for a long time. You don't have to say it back, but I wanted you to know how much you mean to me. I won't ever love anyone the way I do you. Being with you, near you, it's just…perfect. Everything about you amazes me. You make me so fucking happy that I want to burst into song."_

_He paused, a smirk on his face before he began singing softly. _

"_Love, love me do.  
You know I love you,  
I'll always be true,  
So please, love me do."  
_

"_C'mere," I whispered. Leaning forward the few inches that separated us, I pressed my lips to his, sweeping them across a few times before curving a hand behind his neck and deepening the kiss. He responded with a moan, our tongues entwining as we kissed lazily. He had the most beautiful lips, full, soft, lush and so fucking kissable. I could easily kiss him for hours. In fact, we'd had many marathon make out sessions, usually in my room while my parents were downstairs. His hips were bucking against my thigh when he finally broke the kiss. I wouldn't let him move far though, keeping his forehead to mine. _

"_I love you, too," I admitted breathlessly, the words falling naturally and easily from me. If I was completely honest with myself, I had been in love with him in some way since the first day I had seen him. His face lit up like a boy on Christmas morning, his eyes shining with uncontained happiness. _

"_Yeah?"_

"_Yeah. For a long time."_

"_See what can happen when you never give up?" _

"_Never give up," I echoed with a smile before pulling him back to me for another kiss. His body moved to lay flush on mine, sinking into me as we celebrated our love._

The curtains were rudely pulled aside, allowing the sun to cut across my closed eyes.

"Edward?" my father's deep voice pulled me from the dream. Opening an eye, I saw him standing next to my bed while my mother opened up the rest of my curtains. "Ready to get up?"

My father was there to help my mother get me ready for the day. They had developed a routine. They would wake me together, and then my mother would change my catheter while my father shaved. When he returned, they would pull off my pants, roll me to my side and he would hold my leg up for my mother while she stuck a gloved finger in my ass for a few minutes. Then my father would carry me to the bathroom and sit me on the toilet. He would then turn on the water in the sink and hand me my toothbrush. While they waited for me to shit, my father would dress for work and my mother would go start breakfast. When I felt I was done, I'd yell and they would come back for me. My father would carry me into the bedroom and help my mother dress me before he'd put me in the chair, kiss my hair and leave for work.

That was what had become of my life.

The guy who would have gotten himself ready, driven to his boyfriend's house for a good morning kiss, then sat in six hours of classes and basketball practice was now reduced to doing nothing but staring out a dirty window, watching the world fade away.

My breakfast sat uneaten on the bed while I bumped and pushed my way to my desk. I booted up my computer, typing 'spinal cord injury' into the search engine, shocked when over two million hits came up.

"Maria is here," my mother said from my doorway. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw the woman from the hospital standing next to her.

"Hello, Edward," she greeted.

"Get the fuck out," I snapped before turning back to the computer.

"Edward," my mother sighed. They must have exchanged a look or two because next thing I knew, my mother was gone and Maria was alone with me in my room.

"Are you ready to begin?" she asked.

"Fuck off."

"That's not going to help," she replied, walking around my room. "Why don't you come over here and we'll start easy. I can show you some basic exercises you can do in the chair to start building up your upper body strength."

Hanging my head back, I growled. "Leave me alone. I am plenty strong enough without your help."

"Oh, I see. You're a tough man and don't need anyone's help."

"Exactly. Now leave."

The bed squeaked when she sat down on its edge. "I've dealt with your type before. You don't scare me."

"I'm not trying to scare you, I am trying to get you the fuck out of my room."

"Are you going to do the physical therapy on your own? Who's going to help you work your legs?"

Clumsily, I turned my chair to face her. "Does it fucking matter? They are useless anyway, who the fuck cares if they are in shape."

She glanced down at them and then let her eyes travel appreciatively over me. "Do you know what happens to muscles when they don't get used? They shrivel up. They will be nothing but skin covering bone."

I shrugged. "I don't care. Now get out."

Sighing, she stood and walked to the door. "Think about it. I'll be back tomorrow."

"Don't bother."

Maria left and my mother appeared in her place.

"Edward, you can't talk to people like that. I know you're hurting right now, but that doesn't give you the-"

"GET OUT!" I roared.

I swear the walls shook from the anger in my voice. Gasping, she stood stunned, like a deer caught in headlights, and stared at me. My nostrils flared with the large gulps of air I took in, my hands clenching the handrims tightly, as if I could do more than just fucking sit there. Stepping back, she looked down and then closed the door with a gentle click. Closing the computer, I wheeled myself to the window, my eyes automatically falling to the hazy snow covered pool. I refused to wipe the tears that fell. If I wiped them, then I was acknowledging their existence. Every few minutes, I would hear the door open briefly before it would close again. She brought lunch in, setting it on my bed. I never even turned to see what it was.

Time stood still even though I witnessed the sun pass through the sky. I thought of nothing and everything. My mind moved quickly through memories, interrupted only by my realizations of how much my life had changed. How those memories would never happen again.

The things I would never do began to invade my mind, tightening the band around my heart and solidifying those walls. It was to those thoughts that I fell asleep in the chair, my head bolting up when the door opened again and my mother entered.

"Edward, the occupational therapist is here. Her name is Jane," she introduced hesitantly.

"Leave," I sighed, exhausted.

"We're good, Mrs. Cullen, thanks," Jane said in a high pitched voice. "Hello, Edward." She walked over to me, setting a bag on the floor. "We've got a lot of stuff to cover, but we're going to start today with teaching you how to change your catheter."

She dramatically snapped on a pair of gloves and I rolled my eyes. Confident, she kneeled in front of me and looked up at me.

"Do you want to undo them?" she asked, motioning to my pants. If she was going to insist on staying, I might as well have a little fun.

"Have at it," I smirked, waving a hand toward my crotch. I watched as her tiny hands worked my button open and then lowered my zipper. Opening the flaps of my jeans, she reached into the hole of my briefs and pulled out my cock. She was pretty enough, straight blond hair and big brown eyes.

"While you're down there, I haven't gotten any head for awhile, what do you say about wrapping those pretty red lips around my cock? Do you mind?" I smirked, satisfied.

"Yeah, I do actually," she mumbled. Laying my cock across her opened palm, I watched as she reached for the iodine swabs.

"Get your hands off my dick," I growled when my other approach hadn't worked.

Ignoring me, she continued "First, make sure the head is clean, use at least one swab-"

"I said, let go of my dick."

"Then squeeze the head to open the slit so you can slide the tube out. Remember it's natural for your penis to twitch for a few minutes. You can wait for it to stop before proceeding. These bags are one time use only, so you put the catheter in, empty your bladder, and then remove it. You won't have to keep it in all the time. It will be more convenient for you."

"Lady, if you don't let go of me, I am going to sue you for sexual harassment."

Apparently, those were the magic words and she let me go.

"Fine. I will tell your mother to come change it for you."

She quickly gathered her things and left me sitting there with my dick hanging out.

"Two down, one to go," I snickered to myself. "Mom, come put my _dick_ away," I called out over my shoulder. Obediently, she came in and did as asked, never saying a word.

I spent the rest of the day preparing myself for him, for the rush of emotions I knew would assault me when he entered my room. Each minute that passed, I built up strength, I would need every ounce when he came. He would not be nearly as easy to get rid of as the girls had been.

I took a few deep breaths when I felt him enter the house and then heard his hushed voice in the kitchen and heavy footsteps in the hall. Walking in, he made himself comfortable on my bed and began to talk to me about physics.

As if I fucking cared.

Keeping my jaw tense, I tried not to listen as he spoke, as his velvety soft voice, roughened with tears, washed over me. I tried not to look over my shoulder to catch a quick glimpse of his waves or long body. I tried not to let my heart beat for him.

I tried not to love him.

Behind me, I heard the scratching of a pencil as he filled in the homework I was supposed to be doing. I imagined the way his hand moved over the paper, the way he held the pencil tight in his fingers. Closing my eyes, I felt those same fingers in my hair, running through gently as I lay my head on his shoulder and released all that I was, exposing all the fears I felt, the guilt and shame in the way I was treating everyone. He would understand, he would console me, comfort me and promise to love me no matter what I had done. It would be so easy to welcome his love, to use it and let it nurture me.

It would also be wrong.

While he spoke, I dreamed. I dreamed of those days in school when I would look outside and wonder about our future, where we would go to college or get married. It had been so easy for us, so easy and natural to love him, to let him love me.

It could never be that way again.

Suddenly, he wasn't talking about homework anymore, but reminding me of when he'd broken his ankle the year before. I remembered his frustration, only a fraction of what I was feeling.

"Come on, Jas, just a few more feet," I encouraged him as I guided him down the hall. Grunting, he awkwardly maneuvered himself on the crutches, bumping into the wall as he finally reached his bedroom.

"Fucking crutches," he muttered as he fell onto his bed, tossing the crutches to the ground. "Hate the fucking things."

I picked them up and laid them near his bed where he could reach them when he needed to get up again. He didn't thank me, instead he attempted to move himself on his bed, the heavy cast around his foot hindering his normally lithe movements.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," he sighed when he knocked his phone off his table. Picking it up, I put it back and then sat on the edge of the bed next to him. Exhaling heavily, he looked at me. He had been skiing with his parents and while Jasper was normally a decent skier, he had fallen just right and ended up with a broken ankle and six weeks in a cast.

"What the fuck am I going to do?"

"About?" I rubbed a hand up and down his thigh.

"Track. If this is on for six weeks, I'll miss the first meet for sure. I won't be eligible for the regionals. Why the fuck did this have to happen now?" There was anger and frustration in his voice, his eyes were wild as they darkened. Leaning his head back, he banged it against his headboard.

"Fuck."

"Aw, love," I sighed in sympathy. Reaching out, I tapped his door closed with my foot before moving closer to him. "It'll all work out."

"All that work this winter is shot to hell. All that running in the fucking snow and ice, freezing my fucking balls off, all for fucking nothing." His fists clenched at his side as he resisted the urge to strike out and hit something. I was an easy target. I would have let him hit me.

"Could they make an exception? Maybe if you went to the committee or something?"

"They don't make exceptions, Edward," he snapped and I recoiled at his anger. "Just go," he said closing his eyes. I knew he wasn't angry at me, he just feared saying something hurtful.

"I'll go, but I'm coming back later," I warned. Standing, I placed a kiss on his forehead and then left. Less than two hours later I was back, homework in hand and sitting in his desk chair while I went over it with him. He complained and whined the entire time, but he did it. I promised for every right answer, we could kiss for a minute.

We kissed for a long time that night.

His voice knocked away the memory. "Well, I'm not going anywhere either, so you better fucking get used to seeing me around here. I'll see you tomorrow."

The door closed behind him and I sighed in relief.

Relief he was gone.

Relief he was coming back.

There was knock a few minutes later and my mother entered.

"Your father is insisting he and I go out for dinner. We won't be gone more than an hour. Alice is going to order pizza."

I nodded, continuing to stare out the window until she got up and left. It wasn't long before my door was opening and Alice entered.

"I'm going to order dinner, what kind of pizza do you want? Sausage?"

"I don't care."

"Veggie? Extra cheese?" she continued endlessly.

"Alice, I don't care. Order whatever you want."

She was quiet, but didn't leave the room, instead she walked around, examining everything. I heard her picking things up and putting them back down.

"Alice?"

"Hmm?"

"Leave…please."

"Okay," she mumbled and left my room. I watched the sun set behind the trees, my body going more numb with time. When my door opened again, I hung my head.

"Fucking Grand Central Station," I muttered under my breath.

"Dinner will be here soon," my mother said.

I hesitated before answering, speaking to the window when I finally replied. "I'm not hungry."

"Edward," she sighed, moving closer. "You haven't eaten all day. Remember the doctors said you needed to keep a balanced diet and make sure you get enough protein."

"I don't think takeout pizza will fill those requirements. I'm not eating," I finished in a definite voice.

"Fine. I should change your catheter before we go so you don't have to worry about it." Without waiting for a response, she went over to the table and grabbed two gloves. She kneeled before me, keeping her eyes on her hands as she undid my pants and pulled my cock out. I didn't feel her hands on me, or the cool swipe of the iodine or the catheter being pulled out inch by inch. After it was out, she waited while my cock twitched from the intrusion.

"The man who hit you was arraigned. He was charged with DWI, reckless driving, and-"

"What are you talking about?" I asked, confused, my eyes snapping from the window to her.

"The man who hit you. He was arraigned, but he made bail," she said as she took my cock back in her hands, squeezing the head to open the slit before wiping it again. I was stunned in the way she had delivered the revelation so calmly. I saw the tube slowly being inserted, and for once, I didn't care she was touching me.

"No. What do you mean _he_ hit me?"

"Edward, what do you remember from that night?"

_I was supposed to make love with Jasper._

I thought about it - quick, hard images from that night raced through my mind.

"Not much. I left work, the car slipped a bit on the roads, but they didn't seem too bad. I called Jasper to let him know I was on my way and after I hung up…" I shook my head and closed my eyes. "There were bright lights, like out of nowhere in front of the car, and I swerved to try to avoid them and they just got closer and closer until…"

_Locking tires, crunching metal, shattering glass. _

Squeezing my eyes shut, I bought my hands up to my ears, covering them as I rocked back and forth.

"No, no, no…"

"Ssshh," she offered, quickly putting my penis back in my pants and doing them up. "Edward, Edward, it's okay."

Shaking, but not crying, I opened my eyes and looked at her.

"He was drunk?"

She nodded. "He swerved into your lane, sweetheart. And with the snowy roads, there was no way for you to avoid him. He hit you head on."

I had vaguely remembered the doctor mentioning I had been hit head on, that someone else had been involved, but after that, I had been so focused on myself that I had completely blocked it out.

"He's okay?"

"For the most part, yes. I think he suffered a broken arm, lots of cuts and bruises, but overall he's alright."

"But he was drunk?" I asked again.

"They tested his blood at the hospital, he was well over the limit. Chief Swan arrested him there. He was arraigned, made bail."

"What happens now?"

"Depends on if he makes a plea with the state or not."

"But he could get away with it?"

"I don't know, sweetheart. I guess that is a possibility."

We both heard the front door open and close.

"Your father's home, I should go get ready, unless you want me to stay home?"

"No, I'm fine. Go out with dad."

Standing, she kissed my forehead and then closed my curtains, ending my connection to the outside world. "I'll have your father come in to help you get into bed before we go, okay?"

I nodded. Before she opened the door to leave, I called out.

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry."

_For everything_.

"I know, sweetheart."

My father appeared a few minutes later to find me half on my bed, half in my chair. I hadn't realized how much effort doing something so simple would be.

"Jesus, Edward," he mumbled, rushing to my aide. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he huffed and lifted me onto the bed before dropping me. Flopping down on my stomach, my face mashed into the mattress, I pushed myself up onto my hands and dragged my lower body up the bed until I was near my pillows.

"Holy shit," I panted when I finally was able to roll onto my side.

"What were you doing?" he asked, moving the chair out of his way. "Are you okay?"

His hands automatically began checking me over, skimming my legs, checking for damage.

"I'm fine, Dad." I sighed, flipping onto my back, leaving my legs awkwardly twisted.

"You could hurt yourself and not know it. You need to be more careful." He moved my legs for me, lifting them and placing them down next to each other. "Do you want me to help you change?"

"Yeah."

He got clothes from my dresser and returned to me. I sat up and pulled my tee shirt off, putting on the one he tossed me. Then I lay back down and undid my pants so he could tug them down my legs. He put my feet into the pajamas, gradually moving them up to my thighs. I grabbed his neck and using what strength I had, I pulled my body off the bed enough for him to get the pants over my hips.

Exhausted, I let go of him and fell back.

"I need to start working out," he muttered. "You okay if I take your mother out for dinner? We won't be long, I just want to get her out of the house."

"I'll be fine. I've got Alice if I need something."

He nodded and gave my leg a pat. "See you in the morning."

"Night, Dad."

He left and I was there alone. I couldn't remember the last time I'd had a more tiring day and I felt my eyes drifting closed without having any of the pills my father usually gave me to help me sleep.

_The car was mangled. I heard a horn blaring. I felt stinging all over my body. The deflated airbag obstructed my view when I lifted my head. I was pinned behind the wheel and my lungs felt like they were crushed, each breath more painful than the one before it. _

"_Help," I gasped out to no one. It was cold, I was going numb, darkness readying to take me away, to wipe the pain and life from my body. _

"_Edward," he whispered. "Baby, you okay?" _

_Somehow I found the strength to open my eye that wasn't swollen shut and saw my angel standing outside my car. _

"_Jasper?" I whispered. I felt hands and warmth. _

"_I'm here, baby. You're safe, I'm here to rescue you." _

_My head lolled to the side as I tried to focus on his beautiful face. When my eyes closed again, I knew I was safe, I knew Jasper would take care of me. The darkness left, replaced with a golden glow and a soft reassuring voice. _

_Help was on the way. I was going to be okay. Jasper was there. _

Startled, I woke up, my chest heaving as I panted. Taking a few calming breaths, I realized my hands were fisting the blanket under me. The room was dark except for the small light in the corner my father must have turned on before he left. I wanted to roll onto my side, but it took too much effort, so I laid there staring at ceiling.

That's when I heard it, the faint, but very distinct sound of Paul's voice coming from outside. Squinting, I looked out the window, but saw nothing through the curtains.

_Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time  
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you  
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you pulled me out of time  
And hung me on a line  
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you _

"What the fuck," I whispered, trying to push myself upright. Tilting my head, I listened closely, trying to figure out where exactly it was coming from. I even picked up my iPod to make sure it wasn't playing the song and I was hearing it through the headphones.

Then it just stopped.

I swear I heard low voices and then nothing. Just when I was going to call for Alice, she knocked and opened my door. She was carrying a few slices of pizza on a plate and set it on the table next to my bed.

"Do you mind telling me what Jasper was doing outside?"

_Jasper?_

"Huh?"

"I just found Jasper out by the pool with his iHome playing some Beatles crap."

I let the insult slide, my mind still trying to wrap around Jasper being outside my window.

"He was playing music?"

"Yeah, but he stopped as soon as I opened the door. He said he was here to give you a book but he had left it in the car."

She sat on the edge of my bed, curling a leg up under her and looked at me expectantly, waiting for an answer I couldn't provide.

"So?"

"I have no idea why he was here. He was here earlier for homework, maybe he did forget a book."

"That's bullshit and you know it," she shot back. "Tell me what's going on. Did you guys have a fight?"

Closing my eyes, I avoided her questions. It was not something I wanted to discuss with anyone much less with my little sister.

"No," I lied.

"Someday you'll tell me," she sighed and I felt her stand up. "I brought you some pizza."

I opened my eyes. "Thanks, Alice."

"No problem. If you need anything, yell. I'll be out in the living room until mom and dad get home."

Her bedroom was upstairs but she was staying on the first floor in case I needed her. With a small smile, she left.

Turning my head away from the door, I felt the first of many tears begin to fall. He'd been there, outside playing the song that had been deemed ours one day the previous summer.

I was lying naked in the grass, one hand under my head, the other in Jasper's hair as he lay on his side next to me. Sprawled and naked, his head rested on my hip. Both of our bodies were sated and used. He had just swallowed my second load and his third was coating the grass near him. The sun beamed down on us in the secluded meadow as the scent of wildflowers hung in the air. It was our secret spot, one we had stumbled across hiking one day. We went there when we needed to be away from everyone and just be us. No pretending or lying or hiding. We could be as loud as we wanted, as open and free with our touches and words as we needed to be. When we were there, the rest of the world faded away until it was only our breaths and shared heartbeats that existed.

"Baby?"

"Mmm?"

"What should be our wedding song?" he asked, his breath washing over my softening cock, his fingers lightly grazing the insides of my thighs.

"I Like You so Much Better When You're Naked?"

He nipped my cock.

"Ow, shit, love. Careful with the goods."

"I'm serious."

"So was I," I chuckled. Twisting his silky curls around my finger, I watched the sun shine off his golden hair. I felt his purr vibrate through him and into me, making me feel safe and happy. "Wedding song…let me think." I closed my eyes. The sun's rays warmed our skin, coloring Jasper's even darker and making mine…slightly less pale. Only seconds later, I knew the perfect song. "I got it."

Curious, he lifted his head, resting his chin on my hipbone. Looking down my chest at him, I smiled at his beautiful, serene face. Jasper was too good to be true, an angel sent to watch over me. I tried not to question how someone as incredible as Jasper had fallen for me. I just accepted it and reveled in his love.

He was nothing short of amazing.

"Maybe I'm Amazed."

A smiled blossomed across his face. "Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time."

"Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you."

"It's perfect," he agreed, lying his head back down, his waves tickling my stomach as he placed his cheek on the base of my cock. "Should we get married in the summer?"

"Definitely. An outside wedding." I could have told him what he was going to wear, what flowers would be in our lapels and even what our rings would look like but I didn't want him to know just how much thought I had put into it. He teased me enough as it was.

"I can't wait," he sighed happily.

"Me either, Jasper. Me either."

We fell asleep under the blue sky, our bodies tired and our hearts full.

Turning my head, I looked toward my dresser, to the picture that lay face down on it. Quick flashes of the dream I'd had went through my head, images of Jasper saving me, pulling the door off the wrecked car with brute force and then carrying me from it and tending to my injuries. Each touch was followed by a soft 'I'm here, baby. You're going to be okay'.

How I wished it was true.

How I wished he could save me.

Jasper had once been my savior, my hero. He had proven his bravery when he had kissed me in the pool that night, taking that chance on an uncommon love. Now he caused nothing but agony so strong it took my limp, shallow breath away. My heart that had once been full and bursting with his love had become a small shriveled muscle filled with more pain than I felt in the crippled body that housed my angry, broken soul. The waters were troubled, there was no life raft for us, no bridge to cross and get us safely to the other side. I was going to drown him, it was only a matter of time.

I grabbed my iPod and put in the earbuds. Scrolling through the list of songs, I settled on _our_ song, turning the volume up and drowning out everything around me. The song played over and over as I slowly drifted back to sleep, tears drying on my cheeks. No matter how much I denied it, his love was an echo in my heart, the faint thumping still there buried under the darkness.

"**~~**"

I sent Maria away the second she walked into my room. I had no use for her. Who cared if my body became even more useless? Who cared if it took me five minutes longer to get from the chair to my bed? It wasn't that I wanted my mother to touch me and manipulate my body, it was more that I just … didn't care anymore.

About anything.

My world had gone from perfect to tragic in the span of one night. No longer could I care for myself, much less feel love for another. My body and mind grew exhausted, succumbing to the numbness more with each day that passed. It was just easier that way.

Not caring was so much easier than fighting.

I just wanted it all gone.

I hadn't even let them change my clothes. It didn't matter if I was in dirty pajamas if I never left the house. Body odor hung in the air of my room, my hair was filthy and beginning to stick to my scalp. I hadn't even brushed my teeth.

None of it mattered.

Sitting in front of the window, I stared out it, seeing nothing but daylight. My eyes no longer took in the details of the trees or patio. I waited until I knew it was time for him to come, and sure enough, I heard the door open and close exactly when I knew it would.

His footsteps were heavy as he walked down the hall, but he only paused for a second before opening the door and walking in. Unlike the previous days, he didn't jump right into the work. Instead, I heard his bag hit the bed and then he walked over to me. Kneeling, he put his hands on my knees.

I felt…warmth.

Logically, I felt nothing. I only knew his hands were on my knees because I saw them there, but I _felt _his touch everywhere else.

"Edward? Baby, let me in please. Let me try to help you."

My hand felt so warm when he took it and placed it against his wet cheek. Vaguely my heart thought I should react to him, stroke his cheek and wipe away his sadness. My brain reminded me that I was in the chair because of him. The drunk driver had been the cause of my accident, but Jasper had put me in his path.

"Feel me? I'm here, baby. Just tell me what you need me to do. You promised that we'd make it through anything, Edward, with everything that you are, you promised me, remember?"

Stroking my hand with both of his, he willed his life into me, only to find it blocked by the fortress I had spent weeks building, and all night securing.

"Remember all the good times, baby? We can have those again, I swear. Just let me in, talk to me. Please," he whispered between sobs. "Show me something, baby, show me you're still here with me…please, I need you."

I had nothing to show him.

Suddenly, he was gone, taking his warmth with him. I felt it gradually fade from my body, like a light slowly dimming until he returned with something in his hands. I didn't have to look at it to know he had found the picture of us.

"Remember this? It was my sixteenth birthday, remember? I do. I remember everything that led up to that moment. The moment when I kissed you. I remember I was so nervous. Every time you were near me, my heart would just pound in my chest and I knew you felt it. God, I remember wanting to hold your hand so bad that night, I remember watching you lick the barbeque sauce off your fingers and blushing when you caught me staring at you."

I heard him talking, I could even make out a few words here and there, but it was all surreal, dreamlike and distant. We were on different sides of a thick fog, unable to see or hear each other through it. All I saw was the window and nothing beyond it.

"For about a week, I knew that was going to be the night I was going to kiss you. I had been testing you for a long time, brushing up against you when I passed you in the hall, laying so close to you when we watched TV that I could feel your body heat. You never moved away, baby, you didn't mind me being so close. Then…then there was the hug the night before. I don't remember why you hugged me, but I remember my heart racing and the way you buried your face into my neck and I felt your breath. I swear you even kissed me there. I knew then, baby. I knew you wanted me but were too afraid."

The warmth was back when he put his hands on mine again.

"That kiss was the best thing I've ever done, Edward. Even if I walk out of here today and never see you again, that kiss will be the smartest thing I've ever done and I won't ever regret it. Is that why you stare at the pool? Because it reminds you of us? We had good times in it. God, remember the blowjob? Jesus, that was hot."

Was it? I could barely recall the feeling of his lips on me, or how he had made me feel special and wanted and loved beyond words.

His warmth turned hot even as his voice grew cold.

"Is this what you want, Edward? Do you want to be nothing? Sit here and waste your fucking life away? Have your mommy change your catheter and wear a diaper at fucking seventeen years old? This isn't the Edward I know and love. The one I know would be fighting to get his life back, for some independence. Not sitting here like a vegetable. Because that is exactly what you're doing, Edward. You are fucking wasting away to nothing. Just look at yourself, the Edward I love would never do this to himself."

But I wasn't the Edward he loved. That boy didn't exist anymore, he never would again. Didn't he understand that I wanted to waste away, I _wanted_ to be empty and alone. Didn't he know it was so much easier?

Dropping my hands, he stood up. I felt the weight of his glare, but I saw nothing but the blue of his jeans as my eyes remained unfocused on anything. His words didn't hurt, they didn't sting like I knew they should.

"Know what? I don't fucking care anymore. Do whatever the fuck you want, it's your miserable life, live it however you fucking want to. You want me gone, you fucking got it. I'll leave your work on your bed, asshole."

The words were cruel, mean, impulsive, and I knew he meant them. I also heard the love wrapped around each and every one.

He meant that too.

He was pushing me, holding me up while I clawed for the solid ground to rest on. It was then that I knew no matter what I did or said, he wasn't going to give up on me even if I had given up on us both. His words said he was walking out of my room for good, but we both knew it wasn't true.

He could never stay away from me.

And I couldn't stand to be away from him.

No matter how much I hated him right then, how much I blamed him for what had happened, I could no longer deny I needed him. Even if it was to remain numb, I needed him to help me do it. It was a miserable life, and I didn't _want_ him in it with me, but I _needed_ him in it with me.

So badly I needed him.

The tear rolled down my face. It was alone and followed by no others but it was enough to revive my heart. The door closed behind me and I flinched. For the first time in days, I had a reaction to something.

I had a reaction to him leaving.

Taking a deep breath, I looked out the window.

Gradually the branches of the trees became clear. I could make out the color of the fence, and even see the wind blowing the snow off the roof of the shed. The things that had been blurry for days became clear and colored. My life wasn't fading to black and white anymore.

The fight that wanted that color back in my life was awakened. It was weak and exhausted but it was there, a feeble beat in the depths of my heart.

I wanted my life back.

This wasn't who I was. I was Edward fucking Cullen, a boy strong in mind, if not body, and in love with a savior.

It was too late for Jasper to save me, but it was him that made me realize that just perhaps, in some small way, I could save myself.

Gasping for breath, I let the feeling build in me, no longer forcing it away. It overwhelmed me in a new way, gripping my very life, ripping it away from the forces that had contained it. The feeling wasn't alone, it rode the backs of anger and frustration, each of them returning with a vengeance, but if they were the cost of my life, I'd take them, and something told me Jasper would too.

Without even realizing it, I had backed my chair up. Turning it slowly, I pushed myself to my table and grabbed my cell phone. My eyes were blurry as I tapped the message out, not even hesitating when I hit send. Tossing the phone onto my bed, I pushed the chair back and waited.

My heart raced and time stopped.

When he opened the door, I felt a rush of relief. Not from me, but from him. I also saw beads of sweat on his forehead, he was either nervous or had run, or both. Once he was in the room and his eyes met mine, I knew I had done the right thing.

I knew no matter what was said, no matter how much we might be altered, there was no turning back for either of us.

I was completely still as he closed the door behind him, his eyes never leaving mine as he moved to the bed. Setting his bag on the floor, he sat down on the bed. His nerves began to wear him down, his tongue darting out to lick his dry lips before he tugging his bottom lip between his teeth to gnaw on it. His knee bounced and he shifted his weight.

But his eyes never left mine.

Unlike before when he was my prey, we were now on more equal footing. Although I might have been the one in the chair, I still had the upper hand. Whether he let me have it, or I staked the claim on my own, I wasn't certain.

"So…" he began quietly. "What do you want to go over first?" Finally, he broke the stare and reached around for the nearest book. "Calculus?"

"Why are you here?"

He eyes returned to mine. "You asked, no, _told_, me to come back." There was no doubting the satisfaction in his voice. "I assumed you wanted to go over more homework."

"Fine," I replied in a steely voice, motioning to the books. His hand was shaking as he opened the book and flipped through the pages.

"Umm…just trying to figure out where we left off in class," he stuttered, his eyes darting between me and the book as if he thought I might disappear if he took too long. I wanted to tell him that unless we were going downhill, I was pretty sure I couldn't outrun him. "It was chapter nineteen. No, wait, twenty. I think it was twenty, well, maybe not."

I almost smiled.

Instead, I waited while he flipped back and forth in the book.

"Aw fuck it, I can't remember." He sighed heavily, hanging his head and then slamming the book closed. Resting my elbows on the arms of the chair, I watched him debate with himself. "Can we just talk?"

I shrugged my shoulders. I wasn't sure what I wanted, I was pretty fucking clueless actually. All I knew was that he could somehow help me get there.

"I know you're going through a lot of shit," he began, speaking to the floor. "And I'm sorry, Edward. I'm so sorry. For everything, I'm sorry. I love you so fucking much and it kills me to see you like this."

His tears began to fall, slowly running down his face, and he just let them.

"The day after your accident when you were in surgery, I was so scared. I barely remember anything from those few days but I remember being so scared that you weren't going to live. I remember thinking if you died, my life was over. I remember feeling happy when the doctor told us you had survived, but then everyone was crying…"

He buried his face in his hands. I made no move to comfort him. When he spoke again, his voice was muffled.

"I remember when I found out you were paralyzed, I didn't believe it. There was no way that you could be paralyzed. Then I thought, I didn't care if you were, I was just grateful you were alive."

"Grateful I'm alive?" My own voice sounded foreign, oddly raspy.

Lifting his head from his hands, he nodded.

"Grateful? Grateful that I have to lay naked on my bed while my mother has to stick her fingers up my fucking ass in order to get me to shit? Or maybe I should be grateful that instead of walking into the bathroom and whipping out my dick to take a piss, I have to sit here and watch my fucking mother touch my cock, pulling a tube from it and put another one in just so I don't piss myself or get a bladder infection. Perhaps I should be thankful that I have to watch every fucking thing that I eat so I don't get fat, or constipated, or diarrhea."

His eyes widened more with each word, but I kept going. Tensing every muscle I could still control, I felt the power the anger gave me as it began to finally flow freely through my veins, nourishing me more than any sympathy ever had.

"Want to know what it's like to take a bath? You want to sit naked on a chair while your mother or father washes you? Washes your hair, you dick, your balls, your ass? How about that I have to have someone help me dress and get in and out of bed. Do you realize all the shit I can't do anymore, Jasper? Fuck walking, there is no more basketball, no driving, no swimming, no running. Jasper, there's no fucking for me. Ever. I can't have sex. Welcome to my fucking nightmare, Jasper."

I knew the tears were falling, I didn't fucking care, they only made me stronger. I felt my throat tighten, my hands fisting so hard my nails were digging into my palms.

"So fuck you, Jasper, fuck you and your gratefulness. Maybe you can be grateful for your life, but I think I'd rather not be living mine right now."

Staring silently at me, he just sat there with no reaction to my words other than his steady tears. Maybe I had shocked him into my reality.

Swallowing hard, he ran his palms across his cheeks. "Don't say that. I love you, and I'd rather have you here like this than not at all."

"I'd rather not be here than be like this," I admitted quietly. "I don't want to be half a man."

"You're not," he said angrily. Shaking my head, I tore my eyes from him and looked back out the window to the pool, the place that held so many good memories for me.

Our first kiss, sunbathing naked, family barbeques, cannon balls, blow jobs…

"I blame you," I whispered. I turned the chair and wheeled myself back to the window, falling into the familiar trance as I neared it.

"But I thought the other driver was-"

"Drunk." I supplied for him. "He was. But it was you who put me on that road, Jasper. You put me in his path. You put me in this chair."

I heard him stand. Stopping next to me, he looked out the window with me.

"I didn't know, Edward. I didn't know that would happen. If I could change time, if it could have been me instead of you, if I could trade places with you…anything, I swear I'd do it."

"Doesn't do me any fucking good now, does it? We can wish for shit all we want, and it doesn't change that I'm in this fucking chair for the rest of my life."

"You can live your life the best you can. Don't give up, Edward."

"That's easy for you to say. You can walk," I sighed, closing my eyes. Out of nowhere, the resentment crested inside me, threatening to spill over if not released. I needed him gone before he was a causality of it like me. "Get the fuck out."

"What?"

"Leave, get out."

"Edward-"

"Are you fucking deaf? GO!"

If he didn't leave, I was going to cause him more harm than even he deserved. I couldn't do anything anymore, but maybe I could protect him from myself. He was confused, he had felt we were making progress.

"But-"

"Get. The. Fuck. Out."

Instead of leaving, he fucking moved in front of me, blocking my view of the window. Lifting my chin, I glared up at him, hating that I felt short and small compared to his tall, lanky body. We used to look eye to eye.

"I get it. You blame me. You're in a fucking wheelchair. You can't walk. So fucking what? That doesn't give you the right to treat me, or anyone else for that matter, like shit," he said through clenched teeth, containing his fury so my mother wouldn't hear.

Stunned at his anger, that it almost matched my own, I just stared at him.

"You're so pissed at me, then fucking hit me."

He didn't think I'd do it, not even when I lifted my hands off the armrests and fisted them tightly. Challenging me, he raised an eyebrow.

"Do it."

So I did.

With every ounce of strength I had left, I struck out at him, my fist landing square in his stomach. Satisfied with the sound of the air escaping him, I hit him again and again. His body withstood the blows, accepting them one by one.

"I fucking hate you!" I yelled. "This is your fault. I hate you!"

I knew I was probably bruising him, but he never wavered under the force of my punches as I wailed on him.

"Come on, harder," he encouraged in panting breaths, his hands clenching at his sides. He grunted when I hit him, but quickly readied himself for another. "Fucking wimp, can't you hit me any harder than that? You hit like a fucking girl."

Enraged, I drew back and landed a quick jab to his ribcage, ignoring the defining crack that I heard. His body stumbled backwards, his arm instinctively covering his abdomen for protection. After taking a deep breath, he recovered and stood there waiting for another.

Waiting for his punishment.

"I wish it was you," I snarled. "I fucking hate…"

The words drifted off, they became stuck between the sobs that had overtaken me. I couldn't see through the tears, even my target of his stomach became blurry. My throws weakened, landing with less force on his thighs and sides. Exhausted, I fell forward, knowing he would be there to catch me.

And he was.

Wrapping his arms around me, he held my head to his stomach, hissing when he bent over to press me tightly to him. Slowly he lowered himself to his knees, keeping his arms around me the entire time. I melted into his embrace, molding my broken body to his complete one, finally accepting his offer of unconditional support. Moving my head to his shoulder, I felt his fingers weave through my hair. Under his comforting touch, my heart returned to a normal pace, beating with his love. Everything that had built up for weeks cascaded out of me in powerful waves, cresting to wails until it finally ebbed into quiet whimpers. The waves eroded the stone and mortar wall I had so carefully built, crumbling more each time his hand rubbed my back, with each of his fragile whispers, until he was kneeling in a pile of rubble. My body ached from the unnatural position, my hands fisted his hair and tee shirt, keeping him tethered to me in any way possible. Long fingers were threading through my dirty hair, soothing away any doubts I had. I cried on his shoulder, my tears easily soaking his shirt and dampening the skin of his neck, until I had nothing left.

I was empty, a void except for his warmth that he shared with me.

Not lifting my head, I sighed heavily, my breath washing over him, and I felt him tremble. My eyes were almost swollen shut from their release.

"Why me? Why not someone else? A fucking drunk driver fucking took my life away. He took _our_ lives away. I just want to die."

His arms tightened around me, pulling me impossibly closer, and I burrowed my face into the crook of his neck, using his warmth and scent for strength. His presence enveloped me as much as his body did, welcoming me back into his soul readily. The words that had been spoken out of anger faded from our memories, replaced with murmured assurances of forgiveness and love no matter what. He lifted the burden of my life from my weakened shoulders, taking it onto his as well, sharing my paralysis, reminding me that I wasn't alone.

And I never would be.

"I'm so tired, love, so tired," I admitted, mumbling into his heated, wet skin.

I felt his head against mine, his nose nuzzling my hair as he whispered in my ear.

"I know, baby, I know."

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

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	9. Hold Me, Love Me

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- Your response to the last chapter totally blew me away. Thank you so much to everyone that has read, reviewed, recommended, and cried over this story. The list of 'no read zones' is getting longer, I love seeing the different places where people read boy lovin'!

These boys are so dear to me, and I can't express how much I appreciate the support they've gotten. This chapter is a bit angsty, slight tissue warning, but there's a first date flashback to keep you going.

Thanks to OfTheTurningAway for her beta on this chapter.

Hugs to Dannie, who read this chapter numerous times even though she felt like shit. Get well soon, bb!

Now Jasper pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night I hadn't given him my heart…_

"**~~**"

He just…let me hold him.

For what seemed like hours, I held him as he sobbed into my neck. With each breath of his that caressed and warmed my damp skin, I felt the anger fade from his body, leaving a powerful grief behind in its wake. Grief that overwhelmed his already weakened body, sending waves of anguish through him, his upper body shaking and trembling as he clung to me with every ounce of strength he had left. His fingers clutched my shirt, occasionally wandering to the end of my curls, as if to remind himself I was really there. When I felt his grip loosen, I tightened my own. I wasn't going to let him leave my arms…ever again.

No matter what he said or how hard he hit me, I wasn't going anywhere.

Wrapped in my arms, he let me support his weight, my own body tiring quickly from my lack of sleep. With every breath I took, a sharp pain coursed through my chest, radiating around to my back. I didn't have to be a doctor to know a rib was cracked, maybe even broken, but it didn't matter.

I would suffer through much more than a broken rib if it helped Edward.

The collar of my shirt was soaked from Edward's release. My own tears rolled steadily down my cheeks and onto his hair, his soft, filthy, beautiful hair. I kissed his head and held him even tighter. Blunt nails dug into my skin, surely leaving marks behind, but the pain paled in comparison to my rib. In my own way, I tried to take away his pain and replace it with my love, our love. Hurtful words had been said and then were forgotten.

I tried to shoulder the burden of his injury, of his future, wanting nothing else than to let him know he wasn't alone.

And he never would be again.

All he had to do was let me in.

I never should have left him broken to begin with, I should have pushed harder, sooner, but when I look back, I know neither of us had been ready. We needed to mourn his loss in our own way, and I knew we were far from done. He was there in my arms again, but I knew it was for only a brief time until he rebuilt the walls. His withdrawal mirrored my own and scared the shit out of me. I needed to do something to break him free of the numbness and darkness that had threatened to drag him under forever, because if it dragged him, it was going to take me with it.

As his sobs weakened to the occasional gasp and sniffle, I felt his breaths begin to even out, his body melting to mine, letting me support him completely in his unnatural position. His knees were digging into my ribs, but I knew he had no idea that they were. My body screamed at me to move away, to ease the burn, but I only moved closer. When I flinched, he felt it.

"You're hurt," he sighed, his voice rough.

"I'm fine."

I heard someone walk by his door and Edward stiffened. When he attempted to pull back, I held him to me.

"They might see," he mumbled into my neck, relaxing back into my embrace, his fingers fisting my tee shirt even tighter.

"I don't care. Let them see," I whispered.

"Alice…" he began but didn't finish, and I didn't ask. The room darkened around us, the last shreds of daylight bowing behind the trees. My arms were stiff from the effort of holding him so tight and my entire body ached, but I didn't move, and neither did Edward. Closing my eyes, I rocked us slightly side to side. Softly, for his ears only, I began to sing.

"Take a sad song and make it better  
Remember to let me into your heart  
Then you can start to make it better

And any time you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain  
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders"

His hair tickled my lips as they moved against his head. I sang every Beatles song I knew the words to, keeping him in my embrace the entire time, his head on my shoulder, my lips in his hair. A steady, moist breath brushed over my collarbone and I felt his hold on my tee shirt loosen. When I began to sing "Here Comes the Sun", I heard a soft snore come from him. Pausing, I lifted my head from his and looked down at him.

He was asleep.

His lips were parted, his cheeks stained with the tracks of his tears, his eyes red and puffy, his wet eyelashes clumped together.

He was so beautiful.

As slowly and carefully as I could, I released him with one arm and slid it under his knees. With one arm still around his back and the other under his legs, I took a deep, agonizing breath.

"Hold on to me, baby," I murmured before using my legs and pushing us upright. Both my legs had fallen asleep and filled with the familiar pins and needles as soon as I moved. "Fuck," I hissed when his body weight pressed against my chest. I clenched my jaw and exhaled. Once I was standing, I stopped, making sure he was still asleep and to steady myself. His head was still resting on my shoulder, his body slumped against me. Edward was almost my height and weighed more than I did, having built up more muscle playing basketball than I did running. He was not easy to carry.

Yet, I'd never lifted anything lighter.

Lifting my foot, I pushed his chair out of the way before taking the few but long steps to his bed. When I felt the edge of it against my shins, I went to set him down but paused.

I didn't want to let him go so soon.

He was warm, and even with the strain on my body, he felt so good in my arms. His head lolled on my shoulder and I leaned mine down, brushing my lips across his once. Holding him firmly, I leaned over his bed and slowly lowered him onto it. My body screamed in pain, my rib cracking as I placed him on the bed. Limply his head fell back onto his pillow and I slid my arms out from under him. His legs were twisted awkwardly and I lifted them, placing them side by side before I grabbed his blanket and pulled it up to his chest. Standing over him, I watched him sleep peacefully. I brushed his hair off his forehead, running my hands through it just once.

He was still my beautiful boy.

My chest began to heave, my body gave out and I fell to my knees. Using the bed to catch me, I fell against it, folding my arms and burying my head in them to muffle the sound as the sobs that Edward had released earlier now claimed me. Each one that wracked my body took away some of the frustration and uselessness I had felt over the past few weeks, but nothing could take away the misery I felt for him. How could something like this happen to such a wonderful person? He had asked why him, why us, and I shared his confusion.

Why him?

Why not me?

Every breath hurt more than the last and I tried in vain to control it. Instead, the pain emptied from me, ebbing in potent surges until finally there was nothing left inside me but my love for him. Lifting my head, I dried my eyes with his blanket. When I went to take a deep breath, my lungs revolted with a piercing pain. Gingerly, I stood up and went to his door, opening it a bit before peeking outside. The hall was clear and I crossed it into their bathroom. My father was in the process of redoing their bathroom to make it easier for Edward. He had already widened the doorway and replaced the bathtub with a large shower that Edward could wheel his chair into. Inside the shower was a white plastic chair and handrails on the wall. The tile floor had been torn up and the vanity still needed to be replaced with one that Edward could pull up to, and the mirror had to be lowered. Closing the door, I went to the vanity, opening every drawer, shuffling through them all.

There was a doctor in the house, they had to have what I was looking for. Squatting, I gasped at the burn when I leaned forward to look in the last drawer.

"Fucking finally." I grabbed the gauze wrap and stood up, pulling off my tee shirt and tossing it on the counter. "Holy shit," I mumbled when I saw my reflection.

My abdomen and sides were covered in bruises, deep purple, blues and yellows mingled together, blending seamlessly into each other.

My boy could pack a punch.

The darkest bruise ran along the rib that was cracked, which I almost expected to see protruding from me. My fingers skimmed along the bruises, and I found myself smiling in satisfaction. Each and every one had been worth it. Unrolling some gauze, I reached around behind me and began to wrap it around my chest, concentrating where I suspected the cracked rib was. The gauze offered some support and made it slightly easier to breathe, but it still hurt like hell. I used the entire roll, tucking the ends in when I was done. After putting my tee shirt back on, I snuck back into Edward's room.

He was still sleeping, his head turned the side a bit, his mouth open as he snored quietly. Sitting in his wheelchair, I put my feet up on his bed and just watched him. What I really wanted to do was climb into bed with him, lay next to him, pull him into my arms and continue to hold him, but if we got caught, he'd never forgive me.

I didn't want to sleep, I didn't want to close my eyes, but they fluttered closed despite my effort. My last conscious image was of a sleeping Edward turning his head toward me, a slight smile on his lips.

"You mean a date?" he whispered harshly into his phone. From the other end, I heard his door close.

"Yes, Edward, a date," I sighed. "I am asking you on a date, will you let me take you out?"

I sat on my bed, absently picking at the lint on the comforter. He was quiet as he considered my question.

"A date," he repeated for the third time.

"Is it so hard to believe that I want to take you out? Are you worried about the kiss afterward? Because we've already done that, and it was wonderful," I reminded him with a smile. I could practically see his blush. "You _are_ my boyfriend, right?"

It had been a week since I had kissed him in the pool that fateful evening. Since then, we had only dared to kiss one more time, but it had been for over an hour in his bedroom a few days later when his family was out. Our lips had met over and over, in light, teasing kisses and in deep, tongue fucking kisses. Our tongues had explored and tasted lips, jaws, and necks. Even though I had initiated our first kiss, it was Edward who had more experience. My lips had never touched anything besides my mother's cheek and the back of my own hand. Edward had been with Bella, and they had done a hell of a lot more than kiss.

When he had pulled away, I ran my hands through his hair and asked him if he'd be my boyfriend. With wide eyes that dazzled me and a silly grin on his face, he'd nodded, mumbling yes before he kissed me again.

"Yes, of course," he sighed. "I just…I never thought about… like a date?"

"Just say yes, baby."

"Baby?"

"Oh, sorry," I muttered, swearing at myself for the slip. In my fantasies, I called him by his pet name but I'd never said it aloud to him.

"I like it," he admitted in a soft voice. "I need one for you though."

"Stud? Boytoy? Fuckhot boyfriend?" I offered. "Any of those will do."

"I was thinking more like sweetheart, sugar or honey," he countered.

"Not nearly as sexy," I chuckled. "So, the date, Edward? Yes or no?"

If he was trying to hide the fact he was grinning, he failed. "Yes, I'll go out with you," he finally answered.

"I sense a but."

"But," he continued, "I'm not ready for anyone to know, our parents, friends…Bella."

"I understand. I'm okay with that, I'm not in a rush," I agreed eagerly, my heart pounding and my stomach doing flip flops over his answer.

The boy of my dreams was going to go out on a date with me.

Now I had to decide where to take him.

"When?"

"Friday night, I'll pick you up at seven."

"Ummm…"

"Fine, I'll meet you there."

"Where?"

"I don't know yet, I'll let you know."

"Okay. I need to find something to wear," he said, only half joking.

"You mean you own something besides Beatles tee shirts?"

"Shut up, asshole," he teased. I lay back on my bed, my mind swimming with date ideas, my heart swelling more with every word he said. We talked for about an hour, our banter going back and forth until I heard him yawn.

"Go to bed, I'll see you tomorrow," I yawned. Fucking things were contagious.

"Okay, night, Jasper."

"Night…baby. Be safe for me."

"See ya soon."

I spent the next two days avoiding his pestering questions about where I was taking him while trying to think of someplace special. He sent me text messages while I was work, left voice mail in the middle of night, all inquiring about the date location. It was fucking cuter than hell.

Forks wasn't exactly thriving with nightlife for teenagers, especially gay ones. Even though I wanted to scream to everyone that he'd said yes, I kept our secret, and after awhile began to enjoy it. To everyone else the casual touches and looks were nothing, but they each meant something to me. The longing looks while we ate dinner with his parents meant 'I can't wait to get you alone later', while the brushes of his arm the kitchen as we did the dishes meant 'you're mine'. Since I knew I couldn't exactly take him out and parade him around publically for our date, I had to find someplace private or we would just end up acting like the best friends we were to the outside world.

Friday arrived, and I woke up way fucking earlier than I should have. My eyes snapped open when I realized my phone was ringing. Blindly, I felt for my phone and brought it to my ear as I rolled over onto my side.

"'Ello?" I mumbled.

"Have you decided yet?" he asked cheerily, and wide fucking awake.

"Edward?"

"Do your other boyfriends call you at seven in the morning?"

"Not if they want to live, they don't."

"Come on, it's a beautiful day, and we have a date tonight."

My mood instantly brightened.

"It's Friday," I stated.

"My boyfriend, Mr. Einstein," he chuckled.

"Fuck you."

"Definitely someday, but until then, where are we going?"

Sighing, I grinned and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. "It's a surprise, baby. Meet me at the movie theater at six."

"What movie are we seeing? Can I get popcorn?"

"I never said we were seeing a movie, just meet me there."

"Fine," he huffed. "I really want popcorn though. With butter."

"I know you do. And you will eat all the good buttered pieces off the top and leave the rest for me."

Laughing, he agreed. "Well, yeah, got a problem with that?"

"Not at all."

And I really didn't.

"So what should I wear?"

"Something sexy, baby," I moaned.

"Say that again?" he said breathlessly.

"Something sexy, baby," I repeated in a low, sleepy voice.

"God damn. Okay, um, I have to go, Jasper. I have to…get ready to help my dad…do something."

My own hand was wandering down my body. Edward's voice was making my usual morning wood a lot harder.

"Have fun with that, baby. Think of me while you're…working. I know I will be thinking of you while I get ready for work."

"Shit. Fuck, Jasper. Don't put those images in my head." I could envision his blush. "See ya."

"Bye, baby. Be safe."

I spent the day helping my dad on a job site, lugging around tools and wood, but he bought me lunch and paid me thirty dollars in cash. As soon as I was done, I ran to the store and picked up what I needed for my date with Edward. Once I was home, I took a nice long, hot shower. I thought it best to jerk off before seeing Edward so I wasn't sporting a fucking hard on the entire date.

After coming once to the image of him lying naked on my bed, his legs spread while his hand ran over his body, I finished lathering up my hair. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Edward in the shower with me, watching me. By the time I was rinsing my hair, I was fucking hard again.

"Fuck it," I sighed as my fingers wrapped around my dick and I jerked off again, this time to Edward looking up at me from his knees. My cock wasn't even in his mouth and I was grunting as my cum sprayed the shower walls. Jesus, if I came before he'd even touched me in my fantasy, I was never going to last when the real thing happened.

I dressed in jeans and my favorite tee shirt and then packed a backpack of supplies before heading downstairs.

"Going out?" my father asked when I passed him in the kitchen.

"Yeah, heading to the movies with Edward and some other guys," I lied.

Part of me felt bad about lying to my parents, I had never really lied before. Maybe the occasional pretending to be sick to get out of school but that had been it. But for the past year, I had been harboring a huge secret from them, and now I was dragging Edward into the closet with me.

It just wasn't time to tell them.

Especially about Edward.

He eyed me as I grabbed food from the fridge and stuffed it in a small cooler I had on the floor.

"In case we get thirsty," I shrugged, holding up two Cokes.

"And hungry apparently," he commented when I tossed some grapes in. He raised a brow but let me continue uninterrupted. Closing the door with my foot, I put the backpack on and gave him a wave.

"Be back later."

"Bye, have fun."

Oh, I planned to.

When I walked up to the theater, Edward was already there. He looked amazing. Edward would look hot even in a garbage bag, but in jeans and a white button down shirt, he stole my breath. He pushed off the wall when he saw me and my heart leapt when I saw his smile grow bigger and his eyes shine more.

"Hey," he greeted, casual to everyone else, but so personal to me.

"Hey. Ready?"

He nodded, but looked longingly at the candy counter.

"Next time, I promise. With lots of butter," I laughed, nudging his side with my elbow. "Where's your car?"

We walked to his car and then I gave him instructions on where to go, ignoring his questions about what was in the bag and cooler. When I had him pull over to the side of the road, he turned the car off and I saw his brows knit together.

"Hey, this is-"

"Yep, let's go."

We got out and I led him to the entrance. He followed me on the narrow path, and while I was sure he knew where we were going, he never said anything, not even more questions. About half an hour later we exited the forest and entered the meadow.

About a week after school had gotten out Edward had had an urge to go hiking and dragged me along. I complained the entire time, but had no problem following his sweet ass as he climbed over fallen trees. It was by accident that we had found a meadow in the middle of the forest, a safe haven of sorts. When I had been trying to pick a place for our first date, someplace where we could be alone, the meadow seemed perfect.

Dusk settled around us, the sun casting purples and pinks low across the sky. I stopped in the middle of the field of wildflowers and turned to him with a grin on my face.

I was pretty fucking proud of myself.

"So?" I asked anxiously when he was quiet. Maybe he thought it was corny or stupid. Maybe he really did want that popcorn.

His eyes skimmed the meadow, the flowers and tree line before landing on me. Two strides later, I was in his arms as his lips crashed into mine in a breathtaking kiss. The cooler fell from my hands when I moved them to his hair, pulling him even closer. His tongue swept across mine, coaxing his way deeper briefly before retreating and tracing my lips. I missed his touch when he pulled away.

"Wow," I gasped. "A 'gee this is nice' would have done."

"No, it wouldn't have, because this is perfect."

I couldn't help but grin like a fool.

"There's more," I told him. Breaking free of his hold, I took the backpack off and opened it up, pulling out a blanket. He took it from me and spread it out while I emptied my bag. We sat down, our legs stretched out in front of us, our shoulders touching and our pinkie fingers entwined as we watched the sunset.

Sighing, he leaned his head on my shoulder.

"It's beautiful."

"You're beautiful," I said, kissing his hair. "Mmm, smells so good."

"I used some of my mom's shampoo."

"And you call me a girl."

I kissed him again. The sun lowered, leaving a night sky behind, and the meadow grew darker. I reached for the battery lantern and turned it on.

"What, no candles?" he teased.

"I wanted candles, but I didn't want to piss off Smokey the Bear."

"Good thinking. We don't need any pissed off bears."

I grabbed the cooler and opened it, pulling out our dinner and the Cokes. Feeling sillier by the second as he watched me set it all up, I bit my lip.

"This is stupid, huh?" I sighed, looking over the spread of chips, grapes and peanut butter and Fluff sandwiches, complete with paper plates and napkins. Smiling, he cupped my cheek with his hand.

"Not stupid at all, very romantic," he assured me.

"I just wanted it to be special. You've done all this first date shit with Bella and I…I just wanted it to be as good."

"It's better, Jasper, because it's you."

He always knew the right thing to say. It was like his superhero power or something.

"Well, eat up," I motioned to the food. He grabbed a sandwich and Coke as he crossed his legs in front of him. "I can't believe you'd never had peanut butter and Fluff until last week. It's like a staple food. Should have its own fucking food group. Best shit ever."

He shrugged. "I led a sheltered childhood, but fuck, it sure is good." Biting into it, he moaned and rolled his eyes.

"Don't do that," I hissed, shifting my weight, resisting the urge to adjust my cock.

Perhaps I should have jerked off three times.

Gazing at me, he deliberately moaned again, and then he had the fucking nerve to stick his tongue out and lick the sticky Fluff off his lips.

Stupid fucking Fluff.

"Mmmm, taste so good," he dragged out.

Groaning, I closed my eyes and tried to imagine something besides his velvet tongue gliding along his lush lips. He laughed and took a sip of his soda.

"Can't say I'm sorry, I kinda like see you all worked up," he half apologized.

"Keep doing shit like that and you will see a lot more than 'worked up'," I threatened as I picked up my own sandwich. "Oh, I almost forgot!" Leaning back, I opened the bag and pulled out my iHome and phone. I set them up and turned it on, selecting the playlist I had made a few weeks before. Edward's eyebrows rose when he heard the first beats of "I Want You".

"Jasper, this isn't your typical music."

"It's growing on me," I shrugged. Eyeing me, he leaned around me and grabbed my phone.

"Edward's Songs?" he asked when he saw the name of the playlist. Blushing, I took another bite of my sandwich and shrugged. "You made a playlist for me?"

"For me. Songs that remind me of you," I admitted shyly before snatching my phone from his loose grip and putting it back in the iHome. "I listen to them sometimes."

"Like when?"

"None of your fucking business," I mumbled.

"It's my playlist, that makes it my business," he surmised, tilting his head and pouting.

"Fine. I listen to it every night when I'm…trying to fall asleep."

"You do?" he asked. He seemed surprised that I thought about him when we weren't together. He really had no clue.

"Edward, I've dreamed about this night, being with you like this for awhile. Pretty much since the day we met."

He swallowed, his eyes holding and reading mine as he realized what I was admitting.

"I've had a crush on you for a long time," I reiterated. "Kissing you last week was something I'd wanted to do for months. It wasn't a spur of the moment thing for me."

Blushing when I mentioned the kiss, he finally looked away and took another bite of his sandwich. He remembered how affected he'd been, how he had reacted to having a boy's lips touch his.

"Can I ask you something, Jasper?" When I nodded, he continued. "When did you know you were…ya know."

"Gay?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know an exact date, but it was several months before I moved here. I had figured out I was different when all my guy friends talked about tits and I had no interest in listening. "

He nodded and sipped his drink.

"A girl asked me out once."

His eyes shot to mine. "Really? And?"

"And I said no. When my friend Peter found out, he went on and on about how stupid I was because she was smoking hot. To me, he was the smoking hot one. I said no to the girl because we didn't have anything in common, I hadn't even noticed her looks."

Edward chuckled.

"Then one day I was playing football with some friends and Peter tackled me. I started to get hard when he was on top of me." I felt the heat in my cheeks as I admitted that to someone for the first time. "That night, I was lying on my bed and I thought about the smoking hot girl while I touched myself. Nothing happened. But when I thought about Peter on top of me, I got hard real fucking fast."

I finished my sandwich while I watched Edward digest what I had just told him. The emotions flashed across his eyes and I saw them all, curiosity, desire, confusion, but the one that surprised me the most was when they darkened with jealousy. Studying his hands, he picked at the grass, pulling it out and letting it go before ripping more.

"I don't like the idea of you with someone else," he murmured. "It bothers me."

My heart swelled with his admission and I bit my lip to stop from smiling. Instead, I asked him the same question.

"When did you know?"

Caught off guard, he looked up at me, and then sighed as he looked back down at his hands in the grass.

"When I realized I got jealous when you were with someone else." He leaned back on his palms and looked at me. "About a month after you moved here, you asked me to go see some movie, but I had to do something with Bella and couldn't go. You said you'd just go with someone else, and you did."

"Seth," I remembered. Broad shoulders, muscled chest and trim waist, Seth had deep black hair and the darkest eyes I'd ever seen, and a great laugh. His dark skin was smooth and the tribal tattoo he had on his bicep did wonders for my cock, but Seth was definitely, positively, absolutely straight.

Still, he was easy on the eyes.

"He was hot," I winked at Edward.

"Whatever," he growled. "At first, I was fine but then when I was with Bella, I started getting sick thinking about you with someone else. I hated the idea of someone else hearing your stupid jokes or hearing your laugh."

"Stupid jokes?" I pouted.

He rolled his eyes and continued. "I dropped Bella off early and as soon as I got home, I called you and was so fucking relieved when you answered, but then you said how much fun you had and I got sick again."

"Sorry."

"It's okay," he shrugged. "Made me realize I was feeling stuff for you that I didn't feel with Bella. Hell, I _told_ her to go out with other guys, she just didn't want to, and if she did, it never bothered me. But you with someone else, even just as a friend…."

Smiling, I went to him, my hands on either side of his legs as I crawled up him. In the dim light of the lantern, his eyes filled with desire as I leaned toward him.

"And now?"

"If someone else touches you, I'll fucking kill them," he mumbled right before I pressed my lips to his. He lowered himself onto the blanket and I lay on top of him, our lips connecting in a lingering kiss before I moved mine over his jaw to his ear.

"You're fucking hot when you're jealous," I encouraged. "But you don't have any reason to be. You're it, baby. I don't want to scare you, but there won't ever be another for me."

Pulling back, I looked at him, half expecting him to push me off and run away. Instead, he smiled and curved his hand around my neck, bringing me in for another kiss.

"Me either. Ever," he promised.

We made out, our hands wandering more than they ever had before, brushing over jean-clad cocks, under cotton tee shirts, over pebbled nipples and smooth backs. When our breaths grew shallow, I pulled away and laid my head on his chest, smiling when I felt his fingers sorting my curls.

"Fuck, I love your hair," he sighed, fingering the ends before going back for more. "Just like silk."

I purred in pleasure, completely content, and ran a hand up his side, enjoying the shiver he gave me in response. His body felt so strong and sure under mine, like nothing could separate us.

"Are you mad I don't want to come out yet?" he asked suddenly, wrapping my hair around his finger, then letting it go only to do it again. I lifted my head and looked up at him.

"Not at all. I don't think I'm ready either."

"I just… I don't want to let my parents down. Especially my mom, she'll be devastated. And how can I tell Bella? What do I say? Sorry, you were nice and all but you were missing a cock?" I snorted and he glared at me. "I'm being serious."

"I know you are and I get it. Well, the parents part anyway. As for Bella, I have no idea, but she cares about you. I think she'd be ok with it."

He shook his head adamantly, "No, she can't know. You have to promise me you won't tell her."

"Of course. I won't say a word."

Relieved, he smiled.

"Baby, if you want to stay quiet, I will. If you want to scream to the world, I will. Whatever you want, I'll do it. I want to be with you, in or out."

"Thanks," he sighed and leaned in for another kiss. He tasted so good, strawberries and cream with extra sugar. There seriously needed to be an Edward Cullen flavored lip balm. I'd totally buy that shit. Then again, I had the real thing to balm my lips with.

I wondered if it was only his lips that tasted like strawberries and cream.

I shifted against him, moving only slightly but enough for him to feel my growing erection. Immediately, his hands went to my hips, keeping me pressed to him as he bucked up toward me. Groaning, I ground into him, rubbing my erection along his cock.

"Fuck," he moaned, arching his head back, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed a long groan. Every part of me wanted more, I wanted to see him in that moment of pure ecstasy, I wanted to see him hard, naked. I wanted to touch him…desperately.

Instead, I pushed myself up on my hands and looked down at him, our hips still moving against each other. When I looked at him, I realized he wanted it all too, the exact same things I did, but it had only been a week since his lips had kissed a boy for the first time. Physically, his body was ready for more, but I didn't think he was mentally prepared for seeing or touching another boy's cock. As much as I yearned for more, we didn't have to rush.

After all, we had forever.

"Dance with me?" I asked him, pushing back to rest on his thighs, putting some much needed space between our cocks. It took all my willpower to not look at his crotch, to not look at the outline of his erection pushing against his zipper.

He looked so beautiful lying under me, his shirt half undone from my wandering hands, a sexy as fuck smile on his face and his half-lidded eyes glazed over. He held his hands out to me and I took them, tangling our fingers together. Time stopped as we just stared at each other. Perhaps he was committing me to memory for a jerk off session later. Or maybe he was rethinking our relationship, or maybe like me, he was just simply overwhelmed with what he felt, how his heart warmed and pounded, how his breaths quickened and got lost whenever we looked at each other.

"I can't dance with you if you don't get off me."

"Oh, yeah, sorry," I laughed, getting up and pulling him with me. Just as he held out his arms for me to step into, the song changed. John's voice soared around us as I laid my head on his shoulder, my lips pursing to press a kiss to the exposed skin where his shirt was open.

In a sweet, perfect voice, he sang to me.

_If I give my heart to you  
I must be sure  
From the very start  
That you would love me more than her_

My fingertips grazed along the nape of his neck, tucking under the collar of his shirt before weaving through his hair.

_'cause I couldn't stand the pain  
And I would be sad if our new love was in vain  
So I hope you see that I  
Would love to love you  
And that she will cry  
When she learns we are two  
If I fell in love with you_

Even through a song, he was asking me to keep our secret, to keep what we had to ourselves and not share it with the world. Selfishly, I agreed. As proud of being with him as I was, I wanted to keep him to myself. Closing my eyes, I felt nothing but his arms around me, his warmth under my cheek. I heard nothing but his voice singing for me. The world beyond the tree line kept going but there in a meadow, two boys realized they felt more for each other than they ever thought possible.

They fell in love as they danced beneath a starry sky.

Of course, it was too soon to say the words, but we both knew it. We felt it every time we looked at each other, and every time we were apart.

We held each other in a loose embrace, our bodies swaying as we moved in a small circle, flattening the grass under us. There was no talking, only the occasional happy sigh or moan when our hips moved together just right. We danced through the entire playlist. When faster songs came on, we moved apart, holding hands, attempting to do spins and dips. It was cheesy and completely girly and we laughed at ourselves, but I'd never had more fun. When the playlist started over again, we finally parted.

"Desert?" I asked when I sat down. He lay on his side, propped up on an elbow. I held up a bag of grapes.

"Oh, yes, please," he said, opening his mouth wide. I took one out and tossed it up in the air, impressed when he quickly leaned forward and caught it on the tip of his tongue.

I groaned. He had talented tongue.

"Wow, I'm impressed. My boy has got skills."

"Your boy has game," he countered.

I tossed another higher in the air. "Go get it, boy!"

Leaning back, he tilted his head and caught it with perfect precision.

"Huh. You make it look easy." Hanging my head back, I tossed a grape up a few feet. Keeping my eyes on it, I watched as it fell and bounced off my nose and onto the blanket. "Fuck."

Edward fell back onto the blanket laughing.

"Shut up. I don't have time to sit around and play 'catch the grape' like you apparently do."

"Or you're just uncoordinated."

"I'm coordinated where it counts," I winked. "Someday you'll find out."

After a few seconds, he reached for my hand, taking it in his as he looked up at the sky.

"I love it here."

"Me too," I agreed, smiling at him, amazed that such a simple gesture of reaching for my hand could cause the butterflies in my stomach to take flight. "We can be ourselves here. No parents or friends to worry about."

He turned his head to the side, giving me a crooked smile that melted me. "Imagine the possibilities," he teased.

My cock twitched as I quickly imagined those possibilities.

"Breathe, Jasper," he chuckled when I gasped. Blushing, I looked down at our hands. Holding his hand was eventually going to lead to so much more. "I'm not ready for that yet," he said honestly, knowing what I was thinking about, "but there are other things I'd like to try. Pretty fucking soon too."

"Anytime you're ready, no rush." I leaned forward and kissed him. "We've got forever."

"Forever," he murmured into the kiss.

We talked about starting school in a few weeks. We discussed classes, teachers and the upcoming basketball season. If we hadn't been holding hands the entire time, we could have just been two best friends hanging out. When it was time to go, I packed up our stuff and we headed down the trail using the lantern to light our way.

We reached his car and I set the bag on my seat and went to get in but Edward grabbed my wrist.

"Can I have a kiss good night?" he asked, a blush deep on his already flushed cheeks.

"Hmmm," I debated. "Tough decision, whether or not to kiss my hot boyfriend."

He shoved my shoulder and then leaned in. Holding my body to the car with his weight, his lips met mine in a gentle, but passionate kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck, tilting my head to allow him to deepen the kiss, hoping he'd make some of those delicious sounds again. He had one hand buried deep in my hair while his other rested on my hip, his thumb pushing the hem of my tee shirt up, lazily rubbing circles on my skin.

I could have stayed there forever, and I told him that.

"I think they might miss us after awhile," he sighed. "We should go."

The drive home was too short. I didn't want my first date to be over already, and even though we'd been together for almost six hours, it had gone by way too fast. His hand rested on my thigh, mine covering his, with "Got to Get You into My Life" playing as he pulled into my driveway.

"Thanks for the ride," I said, but made no move to leave. "Want to sleep over?"

"That's pretty dangerous, don't you think?"

I shrugged and looked out the window. "You've slept over before."

"And I'll sleep over again, but I'm not sure seeing you in nothing but your briefs right now would be a good idea. Besides, I was dating Bella, not you, the last time I slept over."

"I just don't want the night to end," I said sadly.

"Me either, but I'll see you tomorrow and I'll call you in few minutes. Give me enough time to get home. My parents will freak if I don't get their precious car home soon."

"Tonight was amazing," I smiled. His fingers tightened around mine.

"It was. I loved dancing with you. I could do that forever with you," he said wistfully.

"Me too," I almost giggled. "Okay, I'll talk to you in a few minutes." Looking around us, I leaned in and kissed his lips very quickly before grabbing my bag and bolting from the car before anyone saw me. He waited until I was inside the house before pulling away.

I practically floated up the stairs and into my room.

Licking my lips, I smiled when I recognized the faint taste of strawberries and cream.

"Jasper?" His voice was quiet and raspy from his sobs, but I heard it clearly. I opened my eyes slowly, scared about what might happen now that he'd had time to think. His head was turned toward me; the smile he had worn in his sleep was long gone. When his ran his hand through his hair it gathered in dirty clumps, sticking up in every direction. His eyes darted around the room before finally landing on me.

"You stayed," he acknowledged softly.

I moved my feet from his bed and sat up, immediately regretting the sudden movement when the pain ripped through me.

"I told you I wasn't going anywhere. I meant it," I replied in a hushed tone. I swear one corner of his lips lifted ever so slightly.

"Are you okay?" he asked, barely lifting a hand to point to my chest. Not taking my eyes off his, I nodded, hoping the pain didn't show on my face.

Sighing, he turned his head away from me, his eyes falling heavily on the opposite wall. He was completely silent and still except for the steady rising and falling of his chest. I had no idea what to do, what to say. I thought the hard part was over, I had gotten through to him, but I realized the hard shit was only just beginning.

There was fucking long and winding road ahead.

"Baby?"

"Don't call me that," he growled suddenly.

Shocked, I sat back, my eyes growing wide at the hard edge in his voice. More uncertain than ever on what to do or say, I just sat there, staring at him as he stared at the wall.

"Every night," he began, his voice hushed and softer than before. "Every night my dad has to put me into bed. He has to lift me from the chair, change my clothes and then straighten out my legs. Then he gives me some pills to help me sleep." He paused, taking a deep breath. "I fall asleep like this, fucking crippled and useless, but in my sleep, I'm not. I can do anything I used to. The other night I even dreamed I was playing basketball. Can you believe that?" he scoffed. "As if I'll ever do that again."

Overwhelmed, he stopped talking, a hand swiping across his red, swollen cheeks. I leaned forward, desperately wanting to climb onto his bed and gather him into my arms, offering what little comfort I could. I even laid my hand on his bed, reaching out to his only a few feet away. When he ignored it, I slid my hand back to my lap.

"I wake up every morning and realize that my dream of walking was just that, a dream. When I remember I can't walk, it hurts all over again, worse than the day before. But it's worth it, because for a few precious seconds when I first open my eyes, I'm normal again." His words were choked up, a gasp catching in his throat as he finished.

There was no way for me to imagine what he was going through; to not be able to stand, or walk, to go wherever he wanted whenever he wanted. Edward was reliving that nightmare, that realization, every time he woke up.

It was literally the worse kind of hell.

And Edward was in it.

"You need to go," he said coldly.

I shook my head in refusal, but he couldn't see me.

"Do you really want me to go?" I asked hesitantly, afraid of his answer.

"Yes."

Slowly, I stood up, one arm protectively around my ribs as I used the other to push myself up. After grabbing my sweatshirt off the end of his bed, I put it on, clenching my teeth through the pain the entire time. I walked over to him, kneeling next to him, forcing him to look at me. Even though he tried to hide it, the sadness in his eyes gripped me.

"I'll be back tomorrow."

"Don't."

"I'll be back tomorrow," I repeated, gathering more confidence. "It's Saturday, I'll be here early." I leaned forward and kissed his hand before standing up. "I love you."

I didn't wait to hear the words back. I knew they weren't coming.

The house was quiet as I made my way down the hall and out the front door. The walk home was long and cold, the icy air burning my lungs. I tried jogging a few times but it was too painful. Halfway home, I realized I had left my bag at Edward's. My body was shivering uncontrollably by the time I walked in my front door. Each shiver was more painful than the last. When I closed the door, my mother walked out of the kitchen and found me practically doubled over in the living room.

"Jesus," she muttered, rushing to my side. "What happened?"

"It's just really cold out," I said through chattering teeth. She helped me upright, and I hissed when her hand brushed over my ribs.

"Jasper?"

It was times like this when it sucked to have a nurse as a mother.

"It's nothing. Just some bruises."

"Bathroom, now," she demanded before retreating to the kitchen for a minute. Following her instructions, I went into the bathroom and waited for her. When she came in, she had a small bag in her hand, one she had used often with me through the years to bandage up whatever latest injury I had. She gripped the bottom of my sweatshirt and tee shirt together.

"Up."

Tentatively, I lifted my arms for her to pull my shirts off. Once they were clear and she saw my bruises, her eyes grew wide for a split second. Reaching into her bag on the counter, she pulled out some new gauze and a bottle of something.

"Well, there are no lacerations, just contusions, but this," she ran a few fingers over my rib. "That's cracked, but it's not broken. Hold your arms out."

I did as she asked, watching her work in the mirror. She was efficient and clinical but her touch was tender and motherly.

"You did a good job with the wrapping," she complimented as she began to unwrap the bandage. I didn't ask how she knew I had done it and not someone else, I just nodded.

"Exhale for me." Gritting my teeth, I hissed through them as she pulled the new wrap around me. It was tight and hurt like a motherfucker. "Sorry, it's got to be tight for support."

She continued to unroll the gauze around my chest before finally pulling back to look over her work.

"How's it feel?"

"Fine," I lied. She raised and eyebrow and reached for the pills, handing me two.

"Take these, they'll help."

I put the pills in my mouth and drank the water she handed me.

"I'm not going to ask what happened. I trust you've resolved whatever issue it was, but if you need my help with it, you will let me know, right?"

"Yeah," I lied again, reaching for my tee shirt.

"Take a couple deep breaths every hour and no running for a two weeks, but you should be okay in time for spring track. It's going to hurt for a few days but should feel better after that." She picked her bag up off the counter and went to the door. "Next time tell Edward to aim lower and hit less hard."

I went into my bedroom and gently lay down on my bed. The last thing I remembered was Edward and I dancing in the meadow, his arms around me, my head on his shoulder as he sang to me.

"**~~**"

"Jasper," she greeted when she opened the door. "Great to see you." She sounded unusually happy.

I was later than I wanted to be, but I had fallen asleep, completely dressed, and hadn't woken up until after eleven the next morning. Apparently those weren't just pain pills my mother had given me. After unwrapping the gauze from my chest, I showered and then rewrapped the tape before getting dressed and heading downstairs. My mother was in the kitchen sipping her coffee and offered my father's truck when I had told her I was going Edward's for more schoolwork. After grabbing his keys, a bagel and telling her I'd be back later, I had driven to Edward's.

"Hi, Mrs. Cullen," I said as I stepped inside. She closed the door and ushered me into the kitchen for the ritual hot chocolate.

"I see you have the truck today. Your father took mercy on you, huh?"

"My mom actually," I said, taking the offered mug. "How's Edward today?"

"Actually, he's with the physical therapist right now. They should be done soon," she smiled.

That explained her mood.

"Really?"

"Yep. He and I talked last night and I made a phone call this morning. We got lucky, and he volunteered to come over today to start."

_He_.

"Oh, that's good," I mumbled, my mind already reeling with scenes I didn't want to see.

"You can head down. They should be done in about ten minutes."

"Okay, thanks," I put my mug down and walked down the hall. Edward's door was partially open, and I stopped when I heard a deep voice.

"That's it, give me three more, Edward. Good, two…one. Great job."

I heard grunting right before something heavy hit the floor.

"How do you feel?"

"Tired as hell," Edward answered.

"I bet," the man chuckled. "Now lay back and let me do a few things with your legs, just some basic movement, we'll save the big stuff for Monday."

Against my better judgment, my hand pushed the door open a bit more and I could see Edward lying on his bed. The physical therapist's back was to me and Edward's calf was in his hands. Supporting Edward's leg with one hand behind his knee, he moved Edward's leg toward and his chest and then straightened it out again. The guy was huge, well over six feet tall with the widest shoulders I'd ever seen. It was like he had football pads on under his shirt.

"So you want to tell me what happened with Maria?"

I saw Edward's eyes close and he shook his head.

"She's pretty hot. I don't know why you wouldn't want her doing this instead of me."

Edward shrugged.

"You sure are talkative today," the man chuckled. "It's okay, I get it. This isn't easy shit to deal with."

I watched as he placed Edward's leg down and picked up the other, repeating the exercise. Edward laid completely still, his eyes just staring blankly at the ceiling. Shifting uncomfortably, I realized I didn't like watching, I wanted to be in there touching him, helping him move and get better. I didn't want to stand outside his world, I wanted to be in it, a part of every minute he lived.

"Do you think I'll ever walk again?" he asked quietly.

"I'm not going to bullshit you, Edward. You might get full sensation back, but it's unlikely. It's more likely that you will get some sensation back, and maybe even walk with assistance, but it's not going to be easy."

"Assistance?"

"Braces, walker, crutches."

Edward sighed just as the guy put his leg down.

"Edward, you're a nice kid with a great future ahead of you whether you can walk or not, you just need to work for it a bit more than anyone else."

"I can't," Edward choked out. "It's too hard."

Outside his door, my heart shattered when I heard his weak, defeated voice. My beautiful boy would have never given up, he had more fight in him than anyone I knew, and I had the bruises to prove it.

He truly thought his life was over, that he had no future besides sitting in that chair. Hanging my head, I bit my lip to keep my emotions in check.

The bed creaked when the guy sat down next to Edward.

"Don't give me that whiny shit. Listen, I'm not going to even pretend to know what you're going through. I had a broken leg once but that's been it. But I have a friend who was hurt a few years ago, car accident just like you. He just did the Paralympics last year, won a bronze medal. It can be done, Edward, and_ you_ can do it. You will need help and it won't be easy, but have some faith in yourself. Don't give up, okay?"

His hand rested on Edward's thigh and I felt my heart sink. The reasonable side of me told me that Edward couldn't feel his hand, but the boyfriend side of me wanted to burst in the door and remove the hand myself.

"Okay," Edward sighed, his voice lighter than before.

"I gotta go, but I'll be back on Monday. We'll do some exercises and a full body massage after. Tomorrow, I want you to do three reps of ten with those weights, both arms. Do all the exercises I show you. Got it?"

"Yeah."

I watched as the man stood up and then proceeded to easily lift Edward from his bed and gently place him in his chair.

"All set?"

Edward nodded, and I jumped back from the door when the man moved toward it. Opening it all the way, he saw me and smiled.

"I'm Emmett McCarty," he said holding out his hand. The name sounded familiar. "Hey, aren't you Peri's kid?"

"Yeah. Jasper," I shook his hand.

"Cool, cool. Take care of him, will ya?" he said motioning to Edward and releasing my hand.

"I will."

"Nice to meet ya," he said as he went down the hall.

Once he was out of sight, I turned and walked into Edward's room. I was so eager to see him again, to talk about us, to hold him and kiss him again. I knew it was too soon to discuss our future and the changes that might be necessary, but we could still hold each other.

He was sitting with his back to the window, a scowl on his face as I sat down on his bed. Edward looked beat, but I noticed his hair had been washed and his clothes were different from the day before. Beyond his exhaustion and weary eyes, I saw a glimpse of my Edward, of the boy who owned my heart. The glimpse was faint, but it was enough, it was all I needed.

"What are you doing here?"

"Are we back to this?" I sighed as my entire body went weak. The happy reunion I imagined wasn't going to happen.

So much for the one step forward.

Averting his eyes, he turned his chair and faced the window. Once again, I was staring at the back of his head. After some very long minutes, he spoke.

"Listen, you can come and help me study, but that's it. I can't…I can't give you anymore."

My chest tightened.

"Okay," I replied slowly.

I didn't understand. I was there for him, I wasn't going anywhere and I had proven it to him. The bruises on my body were proof I was there to stay but I wasn't going to argue with him. Whatever he wanted, I was going to do. Bending over, I picked up my bag off the floor and pulled out our history book. With tears brimming on the edges of my eyes, I began to read our homework.

He sat in the chair, half listening to me, staring out the window at the pool while I tried to control the quiver in my voice.

Two hours later, I left, saying a weak goodbye to Mrs. Cullen and Alice on the way out before getting into the truck and backing out of the driveway. Half a mile later, I pulled over onto the side of the road, the tears having blurred my vision too much to see. At home, I got online and opened up my email. Typing furiously, I wrote a long email to Jake, the guy whose boyfriend was also paralyzed. We had emailed back and forth a few times, he told me about his boyfriend's paralysis, how it had happened and a lot about their relationship. At first, it helped to know another couple had been through exactly what we were facing, but it also hurt to hear how happy and satisfied they were. Their relationship had withstood their accident, but I was beginning to wonder if ours could survive.

All I knew was that I wanted it to.

I spent the rest of the day in my room, even going on WoW to distract myself, but less than ten minutes later I was logging off. Just as I lay down on my bed, there was a knock on my door and my dad entered.

"I expected you to have the truck longer."

"We went over some history and calculus, but he was getting tired so I came home."

My father sat on the end of my bed, absently looking around my room.

"I'm proud of the way you have stuck by Edward. You've been a good friend," he said, giving me a smile.

_Friend._

Little did he, or anyone else, know that I breathed for Edward. Sometimes I wasn't even sure if Edward knew.

"Thanks, Dad, but I'm just doing what any friend would do."

He shrugged and brushed some non-existent dirt off my bed. "That may be. Regardless, I'm proud of you. " Standing, he ruffled my hair. "Dinner will be done soon."

"Thanks," I whispered as he closed the door. Lying back down, I buried my head in my pillow, using the cotton to stave off the tears.

At dinner, I sat in front of an empty plate.

"You need to eat," my mother demanded, handing me a plate of chicken and rice. Sighing, I took it and scooped some onto my plate. We all began eating and my father told us about the work he was doing on the Cullen's. He was proud of his workers donating their time before work, and some after work to get the house wheelchair friendly.

"Mom, do you know a guy named Emmett?"

She put her drink down and nodded. "He's a nurse at the hospital. We usually work the same shift. Why?"

"He's Edward's PT," I shrugged. "He asked if I was your kid."

"Emmet's great. He keeps the nurses laughing and he's not exactly hard to look at," she smiled. "I knew he had taken some PT classes for his certificate, but didn't know he was finished. He'll be good for Edward. He won't take any crap, but he's as sweet and understanding as they come."

I finished dinner as quickly and went back upstairs. After putting in my earbuds, I turned on my old playlist, feeling uncomfortable when Lynyrd Skynyrd starting playing instead of The Beatles. I barely made it through one song before I switched playlists and closed my eyes when George's began to sing.

The next day I got up and went to Edward's again. We worked on an English essay and went over some physics. He was quiet, but answered the questions I asked, and even wrote in the answers himself. I typed the essay for him, but he told me what to say. After three hours, he yawned and I left.

There was no hug, no kiss, no I love you.

While we weren't what we once were, and some of his comments were cold and mean, but there was no punching, so I looked at it as progress.

Every day was a repeat. I woke up, sat through school, went to Edward's to work on homework, came home, went to bed, avoided sleep for seven hours and then started all over again. My world was limited to school, home and Edward, and not necessarily in that order.

Edward clearly came above all else.

It broke my heart to not touch him every time I walked into his room, or tell him I loved him every time I left. When I walked out of his room, I left my heart behind, in his care for him to watch over until I returned the next day. Sometimes while I was gone it felt like he ripped it out and crushed it before stomping on it. Our relationship had gone back to being platonic, like it had been before he was my boyfriend. Back then, it had been okay to not touch him because I didn't know what I was missing, but now I knew another way. I knew what it was like to hold him. I missed the caresses, the words of love, the looks. I even missed the banter.

More than anything, I missed his smile.

But I refused to walk away. I wouldn't leave him no matter how shitty or platonic our relationship became. I wanted to be in his life, in whatever capacity he'd let me, a friend, nurse, punching bag…I'd be all of it.

Over the next week, our relationship continued to deteriorate, barely becoming anything more than tutor and student. The good news was that he was putting effort into the work and actually catching up.

"No, that's not what I said. You're wrong," I huffed, slamming my hand down on the book. "Jackson defeated Banks in the First Battle of Winchester."

"You_ said_ the Battle of Front Royal," he argued, tilting his head to the side in the condescending way he did.

Maybe I had. I couldn't even remember anymore. Hanging my head, I closed the book and sighed.

"You still wear that?" he asked, motioning to the braided leather bracelet on my wrist. Nodding, my fingers self consciously fondled the leather. "Why?"

"I promised you I'd never take it off, and I won't," I reminded him, staring at the leather wrapped around my wrist.

"It's just a shitty bracelet," he shrugged casually. "Doesn't mean anything."

"It does to me," I argued in a shaky voice. Daring to bring my gaze to him, I saw him roll his eyes at my words. "I gotta go," I mumbled, pushing myself off the bed. Sitting in his chair, he rested his elbows on the armrest, his hands dangling over his lap. He watched me as I packed up my bag and grabbed my sweatshirt. When I glanced at him, I saw his face fall as I packed up my stuff.

He had been pushing me for over an hour, arguing with everything I said, pointing out every single mistake. I was making a lot of them too, I knew it, but I was barely functioning, much less paying attention to anything to do with school.

Looking at him one last time, I gave him one more chance to stop me from leaving, to reach out and take my hand.

He didn't move.

"I'll see ya tomorrow, Edward," I muttered as I closed his door and left.

The next at school, I was sitting at lunch, scribbling down last minute answers on my homework that I hadn't done when Bella plopped down in the seat across from me.

"So when is he coming back?" she asked, opening her milk. Glancing up at her, I shrugged. "Have you been helping him with school?" I nodded, keeping my eyes on my book. "Did someone steal your vocal cords?"

Sighing, I looked up at her.

"What?" I snapped. Startled, she jumped back a bit. Immediately, I felt like shit. "Sorry. Just really fucking tired and I need to get this shit done before fifth block. I don't know when Edward's coming back, a week maybe? Yes, I've been helping him with school. He's catching up."

Smiling victoriously, she twirled her spaghetti on her fork. "I was going to go visit him last week but I don't know what to say when I see him. It's just so…surreal."

"Tell me about," I sighed. "Just be yourself. Don't ignore what happened but don't focus on it either. He'd probably like to see you. Probably like to see anyone besides me."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because seeing me means homework," I partially lied.

"Maybe I'll try next weekend. Will you go with me?"

"I think it's best if you go alone. You'll be fine, Bella. It's not like you guys aren't friends."

She seemed to accept my answer. I knew how she felt, and the awkwardness that the chair he was in created. We finished lunch and I went through the rest of the day in my usual numb state, preparing to return to Edward's for more punishment as soon as classes were done.

When I arrived Mrs. Cullen's car was gone but there was a strange one in its place. As I walked down the hall, I heard Emmett's voice. Edward's door was open, and I stood in the hall, neither of them noticing me. Edward was lying on his stomach on his bed, naked except for a towel over his ass. Emmett was rubbing Edward's bare back, his large hands kneading the muscles as he worked down one side and up the other, concentrating a lot on Edward's shoulders. Edward moaned when Emmett's hands ran down the length of his arms, groping and squeezing his biceps, before moving to his neck. Edward moved his head, allowing Emmett more room. Any other time seeing Edward naked would have made me excited, but seeing someone else's hands on him only made me sick.

"God that feels so fucking good," Edward sighed happily.

Since Edward and I had gotten together, I had never considered the possibility of a future where we weren't each other's everything. Witnessing another man touching him, his fingers grazing Edward's pale skin, made me realize that maybe Edward and I wouldn't always be; maybe someday he would want someone else.

My stomach lurched and I thought I might vomit right there in the hallway. My world was crashing down around me. Day by day I was losing more of my life, and no matter how hard I tried to hold on to it, it was slipping through my grip. Clutching an arm around my stomach, I continued to watch. It was like a train wreck as Emmett removed the towel and his hands palmed and massaged Edward's ass before moving down the backs of his thighs and calves. He even did Edward's feet.

"Have you ever thought of becoming a masseuse?" Edward chuckled. "I can't remember the last time I felt this good."

Had he forgotten how I had made him feel?

Sick, I turned and went into the bathroom, closing the door quietly, barely making it to the toilet before my stomach was dry heaving. Twisting and churning, it emptied. The door opened.

"Oh, shit, sorry," Emmett apologized. "I thought the house was empty." He stepped back and closed the door, leaving me kneeling on the floor in front of the toilet. When there was nothing left, I wiped my mouth with my hand and stood up. After a few deep breaths, I opened the door and stepped into the hall again. Edward's door was closed tightly and my mind rushed with images of what was going on behind it. Picking up the bag I'd dropped, I went to go down the hall when Edward's door opened and Emmett stepped out in front of me.

"Oh, hey, you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine," I snapped.

"I'm just about finished with Edward. We'll only be a few more minutes and then you can go in."

"Take your time, I'm leaving anyway," I scowled as I pushed by his huge body. I think his shoulders touched both sides of the hall.

"That's too bad."

Sighing at my stupidity for doing it, I stopped and turned around. Emmett was facing me, his tree trunk arms folded across his chest.

"Why?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Because I think he was looking forward to seeing you."

"Yeah, right," I scoffed. "I'm sure it's the highlight of his day. Probably about equal with taking a shit." Shaking my head, I turned around and headed for the door.

"You make him smile."

I stopped short, my chin dropping to my chest as I exhaled at Emmett's words. That time, I didn't turn to face him.

"He was in a bitchy mood when I got here, but after we started working I asked about you…and he smiled."

Biting my lip, I dared to turn around. Emmett was grinning and his eyebrows rose challengingly.

"It's not the first time either. He smiles whenever your name comes up. Every damn time you're mentioned, I see a smile or a sparkle in his eyes." He paused, letting his words sink in. "But if you gotta go, you gotta go. Tell Peri I said hi." He turned and went back into Edward's room.

I made Edward smile.

Though I hadn't witnessed it in over a month.

When Emmett came out a few minutes later, I was still there, standing like an idiot, in the living room, my bag still slung over my shoulder. I hadn't moved a fucking inch.

"Change your mind?"

"I've got homework I need to leave with him."

"Well, he's all set. I'll be back tomorrow." He patted my shoulder as he walked by. "Don't stay late, he's tired."

Then he was gone.

Hesitantly, I walked down the hall and opened Edward's door. He was in his chair next to his bed with a textbook open on his lap.

He was waiting for me.

Steeling myself, I took a deep breath.

"So, did the massage come with a happy ending?" I snarled, satisfied at the way my lip curled up.

"No. I won't ever have a happy ending," he returned calmly, glancing up at me. I sat down on the bed and opened my bag.

"Where did we leave off?"

"Battle of Chancellorsville," he replied quickly.

We spent the next hour discussing Lee's defeat of Hooker's army and the mortal wound of Jackson. For the first time since he'd hit me there was a comfort between us, we talked calmly and worked easily together. We were about to start on calculus when Edward's cell phone alarm went off. He stopped it and then closed his book.

"What's that for?"

"I have to change my catheter every three hours so I don't get an infection," he replied flatly. Tossing the book on his bed, he backed his chair up and wheeled it over to the table stacked with his medical supplies. I noticed how he moved his chair with much more skill than before. He grabbed a box off the top, sending the ones below it tumbling onto the floor.

"FUCK!" he yelled, suddenly outraged. I jumped up and rushed to his side. Sighing heavily, he leaned back in his chair.

"I can get them," he growled when I began to pick up the boxes for him. He ripped the box open and yanked out a clear bag with a plastic tube coming from the end.

"It's no big deal." I piled them up on the table. "Do you need anything else?"

"No," he snapped, pushing himself backwards and out his door. He returned a few minutes later, bumping into his bed when he entered. Parking himself in front of the window, he stared out it, never acknowledging my presence. The tension was palpable, crouching in a corner waiting to pounce as soon as one of us spoke. I heard his breaths as they matched my own, but he didn't move. Even his eyes remained fixed on the same spot outside. I don't know how long we sat like that, both of us staring out at nothing.

"I don't want to live like this. I don't want to be a burden to anyone," he said softly.

"Like who?"

"My parents," he swallowed. "You."

"You're not a burden to anyone, Edward. You're their son, and my forever. Neither of those are a burden."

His head fell forward, his entire upper body slumping in the chair.

"I'm poison, Jasper. Just leave and stay away," he attempted to say with conviction, but failed. I heard the desperation.

I felt it.

I pushed my book aside and stood up, towering behind him in his chair. Unable to look into his eyes, to see the defeat and rejection, I knelt in front of him and laid my head on his lap. My heart pounded in fear against my sore rib and I closed my eyes. Resting my hands on his hips, I gathered the hem of his tee shirt in them, hanging on for dear life.

He'd said I was the dreamer, the one who took leaps of faith without fear of the consequences. He was wrong. I was fucking scared to death of the consequences of what I was doing then, but it was a leap I had to take. I had no choice.

He could yell at me, beat me, kick me out of his room, but he wasn't forcing me out of his life. Completely still, his hands remained on the armrests of the chair, his eyes on the window in front of him.

"Say whatever you want, I'm not leaving. Not this time, not again," I promised. I refused to be pushed away any longer. He was where I belonged. Wheelchair or not, no one else could ever give me what he did.

He sighed and I felt his breath wash along the nape of my neck. "I'm not good for you."

"Let me decide what is and isn't good for me."

The room was silent and we were still. Just like on our first date, time seemed to stop for us as he considered my words. His thighs felt warm beneath my cheek, the flannel of his pajama pants soft against my skin. Gripping his tee shirt, I pulled myself impossibly closer. I was about to give up hope, thinking I had failed us again, when I felt long fingers tentatively weaving through my curls, caressing the ends gently. Remaining completely still, my breath caught when I felt his hand leave my hair, but it returned a second later. He separated the waves, twisted them around his fingers and let them slide through, always gentle and light.

"Just like silk," he murmured.

My heart began to pound again, but for an entirely different reason.

It now pounded with hope.

A hope I was beginning to think long since dead. A hope I hadn't felt in weeks.

Perhaps being a dreamer wasn't so bad after all, maybe it was what had kept me coming back all those bleak days.

"Why do you still wear it?" he asked, and I knew exactly what he was talking about. The bracelet was still clasped on my wrist, regardless of what had happened, it wasn't going anywhere.

"Because I promised you I'd never take it off," I quoted myself from the day before.

"Stupid asshole," he whispered above me. "I'm nothing but a broken body housing a black soul."

When I lifted my head to look at him, his fingers stayed buried my curls. Tears sat on the rims of his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. Broken body or not, he was stronger than before, maybe even stronger than he had been before the accident, and he had absolutely no idea how fucking brave he was.

How much of a hero he was in my eyes.

"You're everything, Edward," I told him, my hands moving to his thighs. He shook his head, closing his eyes as he fought his emotions. I captured one of his hands and brought it to my face, placing his palm flat on my cheek. "Baby, if I thought there wasn't something worth fighting for I would have left long ago."

When he opened his eyes, I saw the battle that had been waged. They were dark and stormy, turmoil and anguish flooding them until it spilled onto his cheeks. There was no sobbing, no wailing, or even sniffling, just silent tears falling as he let a slow smile cross his face. Beneath my hand, his thumb began to stroke my cheek.

"I'm tired of trying to stay away from you," he admitted softly.

I returned his smile.

"Then don't."

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

There is a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise.

A great website for teenagers with paralysis http:/www DOT spinal DO co DOT uk/page/teenagers-sci-young-people

A few readers have requested a playlist for WN…is that something you'd be interested in? Let me know and I can post it on my profile, or provide a link to xcel sheet or something (songs used by chapter perhaps?) Btw, songs this chapter…If I fell (sigh), Something and Alone Again, Naturally


	10. The Wild and Windy Night

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- The boys are back with some clean tissues and Epov. It's a long one (sorry!) I've said this before, but I hate recapping in different povs, but I felt it was very important for us to hear Epov while Jasper isn't around. He's making progress and I think it's important to hear about it. So while a few scenes are from the last chapter, we get to hear what Edward was thinking during them, as well as picking up where the last chapter left off…thus the length.

The list of 'no read zones' is getting longer, we can add a doctor's office to the list, though rumor has it they provided tissues! Also, we have at least one reader who reads cuddling with her cat next to her snoring husband.

Thanks to OfTheTurningAway for her beta on this chapter.

Hugs to Dannie, who helped me work through the very difficult timeline, listening to me review it over and over even though she has way better things to do.

Now Edward pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night he hadn't had the strength…_

"**~~**"

_The air was heavy with the fragrance of the wildflowers surrounding us. Jasper's head was on my shoulder, his hair tickling my chin, his breath moist on my neck. Our embrace was loose, his arms slung over my shoulders, my hands gripping the hem of his shirt at his waist as we slowly swayed back and forth in a small circle. _

_I had danced with other people before, Bella and a few random girls in junior high school, but no one had ever had the effect on me that Jasper did. It wasn't just something in the way he moved, although my cock stirred every time he was near, but it was something else, something in his eyes, his voice…his heart. _

_Sometimes it scared the shit out of me. I was straight, I had touched a girl, kissed a girl, brought a girl to orgasm, but none of those things began to compare to the way I felt when I was with Jasper. I thought I had loved Bella, and maybe in some way I did, but it wasn't the right way. _

_Jasper was the right way._

_He was everything that was right in the world. I felt so fucking girly when I would wake up in the morning and my first thoughts were of him, his hair or smile, and instantly my mood was lighter. There was a way about him that just made everything okay. If he was an angel, his halo would be made of hope because he had an endless amount of it._

_It was like his superhero power or something. _

_I began singing to him, my voice barely above a whisper, not wanting to share our moment even with the wildlife around us. The sky was dark with a scattering of bright stars, but my world couldn't have been any brighter. With each song I sang, his body moved closer to me, his fingers twirling the ends of my hair, his lips pursing and leaving wet kisses along my collarbone. I was sure he felt my growing erection, as I felt his, but it wasn't about sex with Jasper. _

_It was about something else entirely._

_In my arms, he was strong and solid and warm, his contented sighs and gentle fingers soothing me in ways I never knew possible. Closing my eyes, I pulled him even closer as my mind drifted off to a future of us together, kissing, making love, going to college._

_Of everything that might be possible for us. _

_Lifting his head, he looked at me, a silly, stupid smile on his face and a sparkle in his eyes as he whispered the words I had longed to hear. _

"_Together forever," he promised. _

"_Forever," I returned before leaning in to kiss him. _

Opening my eyes, I felt that hope he carried around with him. It was thick in the room, hanging in the air, caressing me briefly, chasing reality away before it crashed over only a few seconds later. My eyes fell on Jasper, sitting in my wheelchair, his feet propped on up the end of my bed and his head slumped to the side resting on his shoulder as he snored loudly.

He hadn't left me.

No matter what I had said, or the blows I'd forced on his body, he had held me. I had hit him, yelled at him, and he let me do it all. The last thing I remembered was him singing to me, rocking us back and forth like we'd done so long before. When I realized he had put me into bed, any hope I'd had about him staying quickly disappeared.

It wasn't supposed to be like that. He wasn't supposed to be lifting me into bed. He was supposed to be laying next to me in it. I stared at him, the way his arms were folded over his chest with his hands tucked in his armpits, the way his hair fell across his face, shielding his eyes from me.

He just kept coming back for more.

The anger still simmered in me, but I was beginning to lose focus on who it was directed at.

A nameless face that had destroyed my life in a night or the boy who loved me beyond words and had just wanted to make love to me.

Before I realized it, I was calling out his name, his eyes opening to greet mine. Nervous, I ran a hand through my hair, repulsed at the way it stuck in clumps and the stench of body odor surrounding me, but none of it mattered.

He'd stayed.

When he moved his feet off the end of my bed and I saw him flinch, I knew what I had done. It probably wasn't broken, I hadn't struck him that hard, but the rib was at least bruised.

I had hurt him, and he had let me.

"I told you I wasn't going anywhere. I meant it," he replied in a hushed tone. Both disgusted and satisfied with myself, one of the corners of my lips curled up.

"Are you okay?" I asked, barely lifting a hand to point to his chest. Not taking his eyes off mine, he nodded, the pain clearly showing on his face. Sighing, I turned my head away from him, my eyes falling on the opposite wall.

Then he called me baby.

The frustration resurfaced and I told him about my dreams, about how I went to sleep only to wake up over and over again to the reality of living nightmare. How in my dreams, I played basketball or went jogging with him, or held him in my arms for a dance in our meadow, only to wake up and remember that none of those things would ever happen again.

It all came back to the chair and me being stuck in it for the rest of my life.

"You need to go," I told him coldly. He put on his sweatshirt and then kneeled next to the bed, promising to come back the next day even when I said no. Then he leaned forward and kissed my hand before standing up.

"I love you," he whispered before opening the door and leaving, not even waiting to see if I would say it back.

I wouldn't have.

Even though I did.

Clenching my eyes, I held my breath until I knew he was out of the house. His presence was overwhelming, suffocating even, reminding me of everything that was and never would be again. It hurt to see him, to hear him, and more than anything it hurt to feel his love.

As soon as he left, my mother came in, offering dinner. I refused. She offered to help me bathe. I refused. She offered to clean my room. I refused.

I didn't want help from her or anyone else. I wanted to be able to do all the shit I had done before. I wanted to fucking shower alone, I wanted to dress myself, change my own God damn catheter.

I wanted to be left alone.

After placing my sleeping pills on my table, she left my room, saying she'd be back to check on me later. When the door closed, I banged my fists on my bed, growling under my breath as all the muscles I could control tensed. I felt like I was going to explode.

I was so fucking sick of it all.

I was sick of numbly moving along, ignoring life as it continued on around me. If I was going to have to stay in a fucking chair for the rest of my life, I was at least going to be able to do some shit on my own. But in order to do that, I had to…

"MOM!" I yelled as loud as I could. Seconds later, my door flew opened, both and her my father looking at me frantically.

"What's wrong?" my father asked, pushing his way past my mother and into the room to bend over my still body.

"Nothing, I'm fine," I shoved his hands away. Furrowing his brows, he backed off and they both looked at me expectantly. "I want out of this fucking room. I want to take a shower. I want to do physical therapy."

My mother smiled. "I'll call Maria-"

"No, I don't want her. I want Emmett," I demanded. "The nurse from dad's hospital."

"Edward, I don't know that Emmett is qualified," she countered, glancing at my father.

"I don't care if he is or isn't, I'm sure he'll be fine. He's a nurse. He knows what he's doing," I countered quickly.

My father turned my mother. "I know he was going for his PT certificate to make some extra money on the side. I'm not sure how many classes he's had, but I think if that is who Edward wants, we should see if Emmett would be willing."

My mother agreed pretty readily and I smiled in satisfaction. "Can he be my OT too?"

"Edward," my father sighed. "He has a full time job at the hospital, he can't do everything."

Discouraged, I closed my eyes.

"Let me see what I can do," he finally said, patting my arm. "I'll talk to him in the morning, but for now let's get you ready for bed so you can get some rest."

My mother changed my catheter then my father changed my clothes and put me into bed. I took my pills, closed my eyes and thought about my future.

Only it was different now, it was not the future I'd thought about on our first date. Jasper was no longer a part of it; his warm golden hair was absent, replaced with solitude and loneliness.

"**~~**"

"This shower is a perfect size for you. Huge stall with a nice wide door," Emmett said as he opened the shower door so I could pull my wheelchair into it. He tested the bars on the walls to make sure they were sturdy enough to hold my weight. "Who's doing the work?"

"A friend of my father's owns a construction company. He and his workers are donating their time and the tools but my dad has to buy the materials."

"Seriously very handy shit to know someone who can do the work. It's expensive as hell."

"Yeah, it's taking awhile because they come over when they can and work some odd hours but it will be worth it."

Whenever Mr. Whitlock had been there working, he had poked his head inside my room, smiling and commenting on how great I looked. I thanked him for all his work on the house, telling him how much it was going to help me out. Uncomfortable with the compliment, he shrugged and looked away, shaking his head to get his shaggy blond hair out of his eyes. It was a move I'd seen Jasper do a thousand times.

After Emmett had made me push myself into the bathroom, he had helped me undress, showing me tricks on the easiest way to get clothes off. "Never know when you need to undress quickly for the ladies," he'd grinned.

Once I was naked, he showed me how to use the bars on the wall in the shower to move myself from the wheelchair to the shower chair. It was hard and I felt awkward doing it, but I succeeded and smiled up at him when I was sitting in the plastic chair. Leaning over, I pushed my wheelchair out of the shower but kept it within reach.

"Remember, just because you can't feel your legs, doesn't mean you can't use them."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"You can use them like a crutch of sorts. They will hold your weight for a few seconds, you just can't move them. Try it."

I was amazed when I was able to lean forward in the shower chair and grab the bar, supporting my weight on my feet even though I couldn't feel a thing.

"See? You can do that when you're transferring from chair to bed, it will allow you to sit on the bed rather than flop onto it like a dead fish."

I looked around the shower, everything had been put at my level. The self for shampoo and body washes ran along the wall with a few hooks for sponges or a towel. There was even a mirror suctioned cupped to the wall so I could shave in there if I wanted to. The shower head had been lowered to shoulder height for me and had an extra long cord that didn't tangle and would retract into the wall when I was done.

"Remember what I showed you about washing before?" he asked as he pulled off his shirt and tossed it onto the floor. I nodded, averting my eyes from his well-built chest and pebbling nipples. I had seen my fair share of naked guys before, mostly in the locker room at school or on the those sites I wasn't old enough to be on, but no one I had ever seen had the impressive shoulders and chest that Emmett did.

For once, I was actually thankful I couldn't get hard.

"Can you reach everything?"

"I think so," I said as I leaned forward and grabbed the shower head.

"Make sure you clean everywhere," he said from behind me. When I looked back, Emmett was standing in the shower with me in nothing but a bathing suit. I glanced at the suit, then up to his face and he shrugged. "Didn't want to make you jealous," he winked. "I'm just going to stand here and watch in case you need any help, but you're on your own."

Under his watchful eye, I bathed myself for the first time since New Year's Eve.

He chatted about work, gossiping like a girl about the young doctors sleeping with nurses, and one particular nurse on the fourth floor that he had his eye on.

"So what have you been up to?" he asked, finally taking a breath.

"Nothing," I sighed heavily.

"That doesn't sound good. What's up?"

I leaned my head back to rinse my hair and saw him looking down at me. I closed my eyes and let the water run over my head.

"I'm never fucking alone anymore. My mother is constantly checking on me, bringing me shit or offering to do stuff. They haven't left me alone in the house, too paranoid about my safety or something. Before this, I used to be home alone for hours, hell even a night here and there."

"The lack of privacy sucks," he sympathized.

"Lack?" I scoffed, "More like none at all. I used to be able to do shit in my room, read, listen to music, surf the web and-"

"Jerk off," he nodded, filling in the blank. Blushing, I moved the spray of water down my chest and shook my hair out a bit.

"Yeah, that too," I agreed.

"Well, we're going to get you doing a lot of stuff on your own so you won't have to rely on them as much. Maybe once they see you can handle things yourself they'll be more likely to leave you alone. "

"I hope you're right."

"Speaking of jerking off, anyone special in your life?" he asked with a raised brow. Blushing, I shook my head and quickly closed my eyes. "I find it hard to believe a nice looking guy like you is single." When I didn't reply, he nodded his head knowingly. "Ah, so there is someone, you just don't want to say. That's cool, I get it. Very old fashioned of you," he smirked. I finished my hair and shook it out.

"All done? Ready to dry off?"

"Yep," I replied, looking around the shower. "Ah, Emmett?"

"Yeah?"

"Where are the towels?"

"Oh shit, my bad," he laughed as he opened the door and grabbed a towel from the shelf. "Gotta remember that next time."

I took the towel from him and dried off everywhere I could reach. Outside the stall, Emmett had his back to me as he pulled off his bathing suit, exposing his very pale but firm ass to me. When he put one leg on the toilet to dry off, I saw a glimpse of his cock hanging between his legs and felt my body warm all over.

Even in places I shouldn't have felt.

I look away while he finished drying off. As soon as his clothes were on, he opened the shower door and moved my chair back. Doing the same thing he had showed me earlier, I dragged myself back into my wheelchair.

"Time to show you how to use a catheter. Now, I am usually doing this to people, not myself, but I can explain how I do it and then you can try it, okay?"

Blushing, I nodded. I was completely naked in front of him as he grabbed a new catheter kit off the counter and kneeled in front of me.

"First, you need to avoid a UTI at all costs, because you're not going to feel it and if it happens and you don't know it, it could affect more than your bladder. So, always wear gloves." He snapped on a pair, then in great detail, he showed me how to hold my dick, how to squeeze the head so the slit opened up, and swipe it with the iodine. He explained that the tube was already lubricated and that the bags were one time use and disposable.

"Now, you're going to slide the tube inside about an inch at a time until you feel a slight resistance. That is when the catheter reaches the bladder. It's completely normal. Keep inserting until urine starts to flow."

He handed me some gloves and I put them on. "You try it."

Hesitantly, I took the bag from him. Following his instructions, I gripped my dick, squeezed the head and put the tube at the slit. I glanced up at him and he nodded. Holding my breath, I slid the tube in about an inch, relieved when it went easily.

"Keep going," he said, his eyes watching my every move. Slowly, I inserted it further until I hit the resistance he told me about. I pushed past it and immediately, urine started to travel down the tube. Fucking excited as hell, I grinned at him. "Fucking alright," he laughed. "Keep it there until urine stops flowing, then pull it out about an inch or two and see if anymore comes out."

I did as he asked and watched more urine flow.

"I think it's done," I said. He showed me how to remove it, empty it and throw it away.

"Now, what is your bathroom routine?"

"My mom does it in bed, my dad carries me in here and I go. When I'm done, I call for him," I said quietly, keeping my eyes firmly on my gloved hands in my lap. I wasn't sure I'd been in a more awkward situation, sitting completely naked and helpless in front of another guy as he touched my cock and talked to me about going to the bathroom.

"Well let's change that, okay? You don't want to have to rely on anyone else for shit like that anymore," he said, then chuckled at his own pun. "Get it? _Shit_ like that?"

I laughed in spite of myself.

Emmett certainly had a way with breaking the tension.

"Do you use a suppository?"

"I have some but I haven't had to use one yet."

"Not bulking up too much on the fiber, eh? Great, because suppositories can be nasty," he cringed. "Okay, you need to move yourself to the toilet just like you did to the shower chair, same technique. Use that bar on the wall for leverage."

Our toilet hadn't changed but there was a padded seat on top of the regular seat that helped prevent sores and made it a little easier to move on to. Biting my lip, I focused my movements, making sure I had a good grasp on the chair and the bar on the wall before moving my upper body over, my legs trailing behind. When I was sitting on the toilet, I exhaled and then without waiting for Emmett, reached down and moved my legs so they were untangled and spread wide.

Even as I sat there in front of Emmett bare assed with my legs spread, my cock hanging limply, I didn't feel nearly as exposed as I had been naked in front of my mother.

"You stroke right or left?"

I blushed and mumbled, "Right."

"These come in one time packs but you can buy a bottle, makes it easier." He grabbed a small packet of lube and opened it, then handed me a new glove. After putting it on, I held out my right hand and he poured the lube on my middle finger.

"Then hold the bar with your left hand and reach down with your right. You won't need to insert it much, just to about the first knuckle, then try to circle it around about half a dozen times. Then pull it out and wait about ten minutes. If you haven't started to go, do it again, same way. Once you start a routine, it will probably take you about half an hour to complete, so be sure to leave yourself enough time. They say you should do it the same time every day to get into the routine. Your body will actually learn the schedule and become pretty regular."

Nodding, I reached between my legs and felt for my hole. I braced my other fingers against the inside of my thighs as I circled my entrance and then slowly inserted my finger. Emmett's eyes were watching my hand the entire time and I felt my cheeks heating up.

"You can't feel it, so be sure to not go too far, don't want to hurt yourself."

I almost wanted to tell him I'd had a hell of a lot more than the tip of a finger in my ass, but I remained quiet. I wasn't sure he was ready to hear about the dildo had in my bottom drawer. I wiggled my finger back and forth before sliding it in and circling it a few times.

"Will I have… um…accidents?" I asked quietly.

"You mean will you shit yourself?"

Looking down, I nodded.

"Probably, but it won't be often," he answered honestly. "There are going to be times where your body doesn't follow your schedule."

I sighed.

"I know it sucks, Edward. It _really _sucks, but all you can do is be prepared for incidents like that. Keep extra clothes with you at school. Have access to a bathroom so you can clean up."

"But how will I know? I won't feel it," I worried.

"No, you probably won't. But you'll smell it, see it. You'll know."

"Sounds like fun," I mumbled.

"You'll be fine. Just do everything you can to avoid them by watching what you eat and keeping up with a regular routine. Why don't you pull your finger out and let's see what happens."

I took my finger out and pulled the gloves off as Emmett stood up.

"I'm going to go wait outside, give you some privacy. Want a newspaper or something?" he joked as he opened the door and left.

I sat alone on the toilet, looking around the bathroom and changes that had been done to it. The mess was worth it, the changes were giving me some of the independence I was beginning to crave. Sighing, I began to hum to "Eight Days a Week" to myself. About twenty minutes later, I thought I was finished

and after cleaning my ass with the moist wipes, moved myself back to my chair and went to the counter to grab my clothes. It seemed like it took me an hour, but after much struggling, I was dressed.

I had done it completely alone.

When I called Emmett back in, he opened the door with his hand over his eyes. "You decent?"

"More than decent," I said proudly. He dropped his hand and grinned when he saw me sitting there. I was still breathing heavy and my legs were tangled, but I was fucking dressed.

"Well, all right," he laughed. "Now let's go work out."

Grabbing the handrims, I rolled my eyes. "I think getting dressed was enough of a workout for me."

My dad had said he was going change our dining room into a place where we could do physical therapy but until then I had to do it in my room. Emmett showed me a few exercises for my arms using dumbbells.

"So tell me about yourself. Got any friends? What do you like to do?" he asked while I lifted the weights.

"I play the piano."

"Really? Huh, didn't see you as the piano type. What else? Any sports?"

"Not that it matters, but I played basketball," I sighed as I moved the weight to my other hand.

"You can play again."

"Yeah, right," I scoffed.

Ignoring my self pity, he casually asked, "Who's your best friend?"

"Jasper," I blurted out reflexively.

"Interesting name," he chuckled. "Tell me about him."

I didn't answer right away, but I felt a slight heat on my face as I thought of Jasper and what he really was to me. Shrugging, I tried to contain the smile when I remembered Jasper as my best friend and not my boyfriend, the one who told me stupid jokes when I was stressed or argued Lennon versus McCartney with me simply to get me upset long before he was making playlists for me.

"He's…um…a cool guy. Kinda geeky, but really smart," I stammered to get through even the most basic of description. Emmett nodded while he watched me work, occasionally correcting my form or showing me another exercise. Later, he had me lay back on my bed while he worked my legs, bending and straightening them. I saw his hands on me, but I felt absolutely nothing.

He asked about Maria and answered me honestly when I asked if he thought I'd ever walk again. Never promising me with a fake 'if you work hard enough, it'll happen'. He was truthful about my future, as bleak as it was. When I whined about all of the work, he sat down and told me about a friend of his who had been hurt and did the Paralympics. Finally we were done and he helped me into my chair and said he'd be back on Monday.

When he opened the door to leave, I was shocked to hear Jasper's voice. They spoke for a minute, Emmett recognizing Jasper from the hospital. After Emmett left, Jasper came in and shut the door.

Even though he had told me he was coming back, I was still surprised to see him. Standing there, he looked so worn and lost. My chest tightened when I saw the bags under his eyes and heard the disappointment in his voice when I asked what he was doing there. I spun the chair around to face the window. It was easier to look out at the ghosts of the past haunting me then it was to face a hurting Jasper.

His pain was too real, too visible.

If I was going to try to move forward, to try and not be such a burden to everyone, I needed to do it alone. The emotions he coaxed from me when he was near started to emerge: anger, resentment, fear, pity, hate and love.

I hated that he had asked me to come over that night.

I loved him….more than he'd ever know.

But love or not, he deserved better than the empty person I had become, and even though I knew this, I was selfish. I needed him to help me find myself, parts of the person I had lost on that road, the one who had been left behind in the mangled car. With what effort I had left in my drained body, I keep my eyes on the window and spoke.

"Listen, you can come and help me study, but that's it. I can't…I can't give you anymore," I told him in a quiet, shaky voice.

"Okay," he replied slowly.

It was a simple word, but the anguish behind it was staggering, stealing my breath from me. Somehow, he drew enough strength and stayed to help me, his voice hushed and trembling with pain as he read over our work. It was about two hours later that he couldn't take anymore and left with a mumbled goodbye.

That night, my father came in to help me get ready for bed and found me already dressed and under the covers. He actually smiled, giving me a pat on the shoulder as he left the pills behind. After he closed the door, I glanced at them and then turned out the light and closed my eyes. The house was silent except for the muffled sound of music coming from Alice's room and my parents' footsteps on the stairs as they went up to their room. Unable to sleep, I stared at the ceiling, the lines and dots weaving together to become images of Jasper and I, dancing, talking, kissing. No matter how many times I opened and closed my eyes, the images were still there, taunting me with their happiness. Sighing, I laid an arm over my eyes, closing them tightly, enjoying the momentary darkness until a faint image of Jasper sitting in the meadow crept in.

Reaching for my iPod, I scrolled through the playlists. I had one for each mood but realized I hadn't made a 'fuck my life' one yet. Each song that I clicked on brought a different memory of Jasper with it, his smile or wink sitting in the edges of the lyrics.

"Fuck," I sighed, tossing my iPod onto my bed. When I turned my head, I saw my chair. Eyeing it, I pushed myself up onto my elbows. Forcing myself upright, I reached for it, pulling it next to me. Using the technique that Emmett had taught me, I held onto the armrest with one hand while my other stayed on the bed as I used my upper body to push myself onto my feet long enough to move my ass into the seat. It was messy, but I did it. After catching my breath, I grabbed each leg, placing my feet on the foot rests. As gracefully as possible, I opened my door and wheeled myself down the hall to the living room. I hadn't been outside of my room or the bathroom almost since I had gotten home. Keeping an ear out for my mother, I steered the chair toward my piano. Shoving the bench out of the way, I pushed my chair up to the keys.

My breath caught in my throat as I reached out, my fingers hovering above the keys, hesitating before finally resting lightly on them. Exhaling, I closed my eyes and began to play. The familiar notes surrounded me, enveloping me in their simplistic beauty.

It was the first song I'd ever played for Jasper.

The song that meant the world to me, that said all I had wanted to say to him.

We hadn't been dating at the time, but we both knew something was happening between us and I had just wanted to tell him it was okay, just...let it be.

Let us be.

Let us happen.

He had listened to me, although it was a month later before he acted on it.

I played through the song, ignoring the tears on my cheeks, letting my body feel the music, swaying back and forth. The accident had taken so much of my life from me; my ability to walk, play sports, even my privacy but it hadn't taken away my love for music or my talent to play it. Hitting every high and low like I had played it only the day before, I began to sing along with the song, my voice barely above a hushed whisper. As my fingers pressed and released the keys, I thought about all the times Jasper and I had sat on that bench together, Christmas parties of my parents', the first time I'd played for him, and the day I had used it to apologize to him.

Jasper and I had only had one fight during our relationship, and it had been over Bella. Her family had a reunion coming up and I had promised her that I would go with her because she hadn't told her parents we weren't dating anymore even though we had broken up three months before.

"What the fuck, Edward? Maybe she needs to grow a pair and let them know instead of pretending to play house with you," Jasper snarled at me before turning away and looking out the window in our living room.

Sighing, I hung my head. I knew he was going to be upset. He had asked me to drive to Seattle with him to visit his aunt and I had said yes, until Bella came to me and reminded me of her family get together.

"I promised her months ago, Jasper, before we broke up. I have to go. It's the right thing to do," I tried to reason. His eyes were wild as he turned to face me.

"Right thing to do? The right thing to do would be for her to let you go and move the fuck on. But no, she has to keep your in her grasp in some way."

"It's not like she knows about us, Jasper. She thinks I'm single."

He raised a brow, not saying anything but he didn't have to.

"No, I'm not telling her. Not yet, it's too soon."

"Fine," he growled. Folding his arms across his chest, he flopped down on the couch.

"I don't know what to do, I don't want to let either of you down," I sighed, sitting on the bench in front of the piano, keeping a good distance between us. Even through his waves hanging in front of his face, I saw him roll his eyes at me. "Jasper, don't be like this, please."

"You can't expect me to be happy that you're blowing me off, your _boyfriend_, to spend time with an ex _girlfriend_, who apparently still thinks you're dating."

"She doesn't think we're dating, she just hasn't told her parents. She's had already told them I was going and they're expecting me. She's going to tell them after the party."

Exhaling heavily, he let his head fall back on the couch and closed his eyes.

"I know you're not ready to come out, Edward," he began, his eyes still closed, "and I get it, I really do, because I'm not sure I'm ready either, but it'd be nice to not have to pretend. I hate everyone thinking we're just friends."

"I know, love."

"Especially Bella," he spat.

"Are you jealous?" I couldn't help the corners of my lips when they curled up at the thought of him being jealous. He was kind of hot when he was all fired up.

"Fuck yes I am." He lifted his head and glared at me. "She's done things with you I have only imagined. Touched you in places I haven't even seen. She gets to bring you home to the family and introduce you as her boyfriend while I have to hide with you in a closet."

I let a silence fall between us.

He was right. I should have told Bella when I broke up with her what had happened, but at the time, I wasn't sure of it myself. All I had known was that she and I weren't right.

And that Jasper and I were.

When I glanced at Jasper on the couch, I looked at it as a small victory he was still there. Even though he was pissed, he hadn't stormed out yet. Wanting to apologize but absolutely fucking clueless on how to, I began to play the cheesiest song I could remember the notes to, one of my mother's favorites. I played the first verse without the words and then started it again, trying to remember the lyrics.

_Why do birds  
Suddenly appear?  
Every time you are near  
Just like me  
They long to be  
Close to you_

Daring to peek at him, I saw him desperately trying to contain a smile. Encouraged, I continued.

_Why do stars  
Fall down from the sky?  
Every time you walk by  
Just like me  
They long to be  
Close to you_

_On the day that you were born  
The angels got together and decided  
To create a dream come true  
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair  
Of gold and starlight in your eyes of blue_

By the end of the third verse, he sighed and stood up. Walking over, he straddled the bench next to me, his forehead dropping to my shoulder as I played.

_Just like me  
They long to be  
Close to you_

I held the last note for a few extra seconds until I finally ended it and lifted my hands from the keys.

"That is the fucking corniest song I've ever heard," he said. Reaching up with his hand, he turned my face toward him. "Thank you, baby," he whispered before pressing his warm, soft lips to mine. We kissed the argument away.

That weekend, I went to Bella's and Jasper went to Seattle. When he got back, I met him at his house and we immediately headed to the meadow. We were both in need of some time together. He told me about his visit with his aunt, I told him about the party. We hugged and kissed a lot, our hands never leaving each other.

Two days later, Bella told her parents we had broken up. Jasper was almost giddy when I called him. He celebrated by inviting me over to help him study anatomy.

"Jasper, we took anatomy last year," I reminded him, confused.

"Your point?"

I was at his house in less than ten minutes.

I ended the song and instantly started playing it again.

"Edward?" my mother said from behind me. I had known it was only a matter of time before someone heard the piano and came to investigate, but I had hoped it was going to be my father.

He wouldn't question it like my mother would.

Ignoring her, I finished the song for the third time, the tears having dried on my cheeks before I sang the last words. As I held the last note, I sighed.

"Is everything all right?" she asked from closer behind me.

_Nothing will ever be all right again_.

"Yeah, just couldn't sleep. Sorry if I woke you."

"I've missed hearing you play," she admitted and I shrugged.

I missed a lot more things than playing the piano.

"Did you take your pills?"

"Not tonight."

"Edward, you really need to-"

"Mom, just don't, okay? I'll go to bed in a few minutes," I sighed, closing my eyes.

"Do you need any help? I can get your father."

"No, Mom. I'm fine. Go back to bed."

She hesitated and I knew she was standing there watching me, judging if I was really fine or not. Finally, she turned.

"Don't stay up too late."

"I won't. Night, Mom."

"Night, sweetheart. I love you."

"Love you too," I replied softly.

Once I heard her footsteps on the stairs, I pushed away from the piano and slowly wheeled down the hall. In my room, I closed the door and dragged my body from the chair to the bed. Letting out a huge breath, I lay down and pulled a blanket over me. The room was dark except for a sliver of moonlight coming in through the slit in the curtains. My eyes didn't return to the ceiling but landed on the picture of Jasper and me on my dresser, the one he had left standing before he had gone.

"Let me be, Jasper," I whispered into the darkness before sleep finally coaxed me into the numbness.

"**~~**"

Jasper came back every day, just like he said he would, even showing up one day with his sweatshirt soaked from the sleet that he had walked in to see me. I knew the push and pull I was doing to him was slowly chipping away at his heart hour by hour, word by word. He looked like shit each time, his hair was dirty, the circles under his eyes darkened, and there was no smile.

Ever.

Jasper used to laugh at his own stupid jokes, smile when he would tease me mercilessly, and every time I passed him in the hall at school, he'd grin and wink at me. He had the most beautiful smile in the world. It was wide and full, lush lips spread over white teeth to deepen the dimples on both sides.

Every day he came over, he sat on my bed, practically reciting our schoolwork, his voice as low and monotone as our teachers. I knew it killed him to be there, to be so close and yet so far away, but I let him do it.

I _wanted_ him to do it.

While I got stronger, Jasper got weaker.

And I let him. I fed off of him. His strength became mine, each of his words, no matter how bland or useless propelled me further into a form of recovery. While everyone else in the house was overprotective, Jasper never treated me any different. With him, I almost felt normal.

Except I was far from it.

The anguish I was causing him was written on his face every day, but I did my best to ignore it. I was selfish and used him, taking from him what I didn't have, but every time he left, he took a piece of me with him, and left his heart. If he could have ripped it out of his chest and left in on the table, he would have. He trusted me with it that much.

He shouldn't have though because I wanted to crush it while it was in my care. I wanted him to feel as much agony as I did. I wanted him to suffer with me, and the fact that he willingly sacrificed himself began to erode some of my anger and resentment.

Until we were suffering together.

Each time he came over, the harder it became to not want to touch him, to not brush his dirty hair out of his eyes or not hold his hand. It broke my heart every time he left with his head hung low, barely mouthing a goodbye before he closed the door behind him. I knew he was hanging onto his life by a thread, a thread that was straining under my weight. Something was going to have to give soon or he was going to be pulled under with me and he deserved better.

I needed to set him free.

I was scared shitless, but it was time to take the next step. My life had become nothing but scheduled appointments with Emmett and I was ready to get out of the house, to do something. Emmett and I had been going over everyday tasks as well as increasing the exercises to build my upper body, and I was beginning to feel confident that I could handle more.

The next day, I pushed myself out into the kitchen where my mother was cooking dinner. It was still in the process of being remodeled for me, so I stopped at the doorway and look in at her. She buzzed around effortlessly, opening cupboards, setting the oven, stirring something in a pot.

"I want to go back to school," I told her defiantly. She stopped cooking and turned to me.

"Edward, it's only been four weeks. Don't you think it's a bit soon to be thinking about returning to school?"

"No. The doctors said four weeks. It'll be five on Monday. I want to go back. I need to get out of this fucking house."

My swearing didn't shock her anymore, she had learned to accept my new colorful language. Being in a wheelchair allowed me certain privileges I never would have had otherwise and I took advantage of them.

She shook her head. "It's too soon. You only started PT a week ago. You're not ready for a six hour day."

"Let me decide that. Let me try, damn it," I snapped, my fingers gripping the handrims on my chair.

"I'll talk to your father about it," she offered. Snorting, I turned my chair and returned to my room. Pulling up to the window, I looked out it, letting the memories of Jasper I saw outside wash over me.

An hour later, my father knocked on my door and entered. My back was to him, but I heard my bed creak when he sat on it.

"I want to go back," I said, knowing he'd already talked to my mother. "I need to get out of here, and Jasper can't keep coming over every day. He has a life he needs to get back to."

"I know, but I think your mother's right. You haven't had enough PT to be in shape for a school day yet," he sighed. "If you think Jasper is taking on too much, we can find someone-"

"No. Only Jasper."

"Edward, do you realize how hard going back will be? Not only the physical demands on your body, which is still healing, but the mental pressure as well? Paying attention, dealing with all your friends and their questions."

"Friends," I scoffed under my breath. "All the friends who have been by?"

"Just because they haven't come by doesn't meant they aren't still your friends. It's difficult for them too. They don't know what to say to you."

He couldn't see me but I rolled my eyes.

"Let's get through next week, then we can talk about you going back to school," he suggested. I agreed and even gave him a small smile before he opened the door and reminded me of dinner as he left. After he closed the door, I turned back to the window, immediately seeing Jasper's lithe body sitting on the edge of the pool, smiling and waving up at me.

My heart broke even more.

"**~~**"

Behind me, I heard my door opening.

"Hey."

He sounded as tired as I was, and it was my fault. I was draining him, he was giving me everything he had and then some and I just kept taking it. I turned the chair around and saw him emptying his bag onto my bed.

"History, right?" he asked, grabbing his book and handing mine to me.

"I can fucking get it myself," I snarled at him, regretting it when I saw his eyes lose even more of their sparkle.

For an hour, we went back and forth. I scowled at him when he made mistakes, grinding the one subject he could kick my ass on into the dirt. He knew the material, I think it was ingrained in his fucking DNA, but he was overtired and I couldn't stop myself from pointing out every error he made.

"No, that's not what I said. You're wrong," he huffed, slamming his hand down on the book. "Jackson defeated Banks in the First Battle of Winchester."

"You_ said_ the Battle of Front Royal," I argued. Hanging his head, he closed the book and sighed. On his wrist was the bracelet I had given him for Christmas only a month before. Something inside me grew, my heart tightened and my eyes narrowed. I felt a battle in me between wanting to keep him there or set him free. As much as I knew the second one was the right thing to do, I couldn't deny my selfish

need. I also knew he'd never walk away on his own. It just wasn't who Jasper was. He would never leave me.

I had to make him.

He was weak, his mind warped from exhaustion, and like a predator, I moved in for the kill.

"You still wear that?" I asked, motioning to the braided leather bracelet. He nodded, his fingers self consciously fondling the leather. "Why?"

"I promised you I'd never take it off and I won't," he softly reminded me, and my heart swelled even as it broke.

Just as I needed him, he needed me to do this. Forcing back my emotions with every ounce of strength I had, I pretended to not care.

"It's just a shitty bracelet," I shrugged casually. "Doesn't mean anything."

"It does to me," he argued in a shaky voice. I rolled my eyes when he dared to bring his gaze to me. "I gotta go," he mumbled, pushing himself off the bed. Sitting there, I watched him pack up his stuff and put his sweatshirt on. He looked at me one last time, giving me one more chance to stop him from leaving.

_Just go._

I didn't move.

"I'll see ya tomorrow, Edward," he muttered as he closed the door and left.

I didn't bother to stop the tears. I was fucking used to them by then; I just let them fall until there were no more left.

"**~~**"

I was sitting at the window, thoughts of Jasper churning in my mind when there was a knock on my door.

"Come in," I said as I backed away from the window and turned the chair around. My mother walked in with the phone in her hand.

"Bella's on the phone."

Surprised, I reached out and took it from her.

"Hello?" I said into the receiver.

"Edward?" she whispered. "I was going to come over and see you but I.."

"Hey, Bella," I tried to smile but failed. On the other end of the phone I heard her begin to cry. "Hey, it's okay, don't cry."

"I'm sorry," she sniffled. "I didn't want to but …"

"I know," I sighed. "Ssshhh, it's okay," I kept repeating until she took a deep breath and could continue. "So…" I began, "what's up?"

Not able to help herself, she laughed through her sniffling.

"Are you okay, Edward? Are you in any pain?"

"I had some phantom pain at first, which sucked, but since then, it's been pretty manageable."

I purposely avoided answering the 'are you okay' question, because how could I tell her that for as long as I lived, I'd never be okay again.

"I want to say so much, but it sounds so stupid when I say it in my head. Just know that I'm sorry this happened to you. You don't deserve this and my father is going to be sure that fucking asshole shrivels up in jail."

"Thanks," I sighed. "This fucking sucks, I hate it. At first, I refused to believe it was true and now…now it's just my life I guess." I fingered the bottom of my tee shirt, finding the cotton soothing as I tugged and pulled at nervously. She was the first person I had talked to outside of my family, Jasper or Emmett. Even though we had dated for months, I felt like she was a stranger, someone sitting on the outside of my world with no fucking clue what was really going on the inside.

"I've missed seeing you at school. Everyone keeps asking Jasper about you."

"They do?"

"Yeah, how you are and what happened. He ignores them most of the time. I swear if Newton asks about you one more time, Jasper is going to fuck him up."

I almost smiled.

"Jasper has been looking for an excuse to hit Newton since he moved to Forks," I reminded her.

"Jasper is…" she stopped.

"What?"

"He's barely hanging on, Edward. I see him every day at lunch-"

"He sits with you at lunch?" I asked, surprised Jasper was that outgoing. Since Bella and I had broken up, Jasper had been more cordial with her, keeping most of his sarcastic comments to me or himself, but rarely had he sought her company on purpose. Over the past year and a half, they had become pretty friendly and would joke and tease each other, but I was almost always there with them. The three of us had even gone to the movies and dinner a few times. When Jasper and Bella were paired for a science project, they surprised me by easily working together. By then, Jasper felt Bella was no longer a threat to him and me. Bella even sat with us at lunch a few days a week but I doubt Jasper ever expected her to keep it up when I wasn't there.

"Not exactly. He's usually there when I get there so I sit with him. He didn't like it at first, but I think he's gotten used to it now."

I could just see Jasper rolling his eyes or burying his nose in a book to avoid her.

"He looks like shit. I haven't seen him eat lunch in weeks. He just…sits there with his headphones on."

"He won't talk to you?"

"No, he does. I'm not sure it's willingly, but he does talk. He did tell me he was helping you with schoolwork."

"Yeah, he comes over and reviews what was done in class and then we do the homework together."

"You know him better than I do, does he seem okay to you?"

_No. _

"Yeah," I lied. "I think he's just tired. He's been helping his dad out too." I couldn't tell if she bought it.

"Do you think that's all it is? That he's tired?" she asked.

"What else could it be?"

"I don't know. He just seems more than tired. There is this look in his eyes. He seems so…"

_Lost._

_Broken._

"I'm sure he's fine, Bella. Don't worry so much. Jasper's a big boy."

Accepting my word, she proceeded to catch me up on the gossip at the school that didn't revolve around me. I told her about my plans to return to school and about Emmett, but I couldn't tell her much more, it was still too raw, the wound in my heart was still too fresh. We talked for about an hour before she said she had to go.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," she whispered. "I'll see you next week maybe? You need anything, let me know, okay?"

"I will," I lied. How could I tell her what I needed was nothing she could provide?

"Take care, Edward," she murmured.

"Bye, Bella," I returned before ending the call and putting the phone on my table. Turning my chair around, I returned to the window. I watched the sleet falling outside, the pellets bouncing off the cement around the pool.

Only that time wasn't Jasper who I saw out there.

It was Bella.

"I wish you'd tell me what's going on, Edward?" she sighed. We were sitting on the edge of the pool, our feet dangling in the water. It was late spring and it had only been uncovered for a week. "You've barely talked to me all week."

She didn't try to hide the sadness in her voice. I sat next to her, my hands on the cement as I stared at the crystal blue water. The cold water had numbed my feet, much like how the rest of me felt. Whenever she was near, I felt nothing more than a contentment and comfortableness. I knew I should have felt more, if not a flame then at least a spark, something that made me feel awake when we touched.

I should have felt for her how I felt whenever Jasper touched me.

About a week before, Jasper had come over for dinner. He came into my room and fell onto my bed, complaining again about how Jessica had flirted with him in gym class. I was sitting in my desk chair while he spilled the details. I teased him about her, offering my half hearted suggestions on asking her out.

Though the more he told me about her, the stranger I began to feel.

When he refused to ask her out, I pushed him, threatening to tell her that he liked her, and even grabbed his phone to text her. He got off the bed to come over to me and I stood up, backing myself into a corner. I stared at him as he neared, at the intense look in his eyes, how they darkened with something unknown, the way his body seemed tight and ready, the way his breaths grew heavier. As soon as he was close enough, I moved the side and bolted for my bed, jumping on it with the phone, pretending to type.

I was strong, but Jasper was fucking fast and he was on my bed with me, on top of me, pinning me down with his body.

When he looked down at me with those eyes, I realized him being on top of me wasn't about his phone anymore, there was something else there. It made my heart skip a beat, it made my breath still, it made my body feel alive with the shock of electricity that coursed through it.

It was the most amazing few seconds of my life.

Just having Jasper on top of me for that brief time was better than any kiss or handjob I had received from Bella. It was then that I knew she and I were wrong. It wasn't her that I was meant to be with.

It was him.

Jasper was off me as quick as he had been on me, running his hand through his unruly hair and mumbling an apology for something he hadn't even done. Silently, I handed him his phone and he ran to the bathroom to 'wash up for dinner'.

He was in there for twenty minutes.

"It's been a busy week and my parents have been on my case about spending more time with them," I lied to Bella.

I was full of shit. I knew it, she knew it, but she nodded anyway.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" she offered, leaning against me and laying her head on my shoulder.

"Yeah. It's nothing, really," I promised. We sat and watched our feet swirl the water around while the sun set. When it came time for her to leave, she kissed me, her tongue never meeting mine.

A week later, we broke up.

The world outside the window stilled as I stared at it from my chair. There was no sun, no breeze, no falling snow or sleet, there was just nothing. It was as dark and numb as I was. Talking with Bella on the phone had only confirmed what I already knew.

Jasper was in his own living hell, and it had been me who put him there.

"**~~**"

"I'll just wait outside until you're ready," Emmett offered, handing me a towel. I took it and nodded. I should have been used to getting naked when he was around but I still felt embarrassed. The look of my body hadn't changed. I still had great muscle definition and it wasn't like my cock had shrunk or anything, but being naked in front of someone who wasn't Jasper would always make me uncomfortable. Emmett left the room and I began to undress. After doing it on my own all week, I was starting to get the hang of it. It still took a shitload of effort and I was out of breath by the time I was finished, but I had done it.

When I called him in, I was laying flat on my back with the towel lying over my hips covering my cock. Emmett returned with a brownie he'd grabbed from the kitchen.

"Think you're mom will mind?" he mumbled around the chocolate.

"Nope, she'll be thrilled. I still can't believe she left me alone with you."

"Why? Does she think I'm going to pop in a porn video and corrupt her innocent little boy?" he said, finishing the brownie and wiping his hands on his shirt before grabbing some oil.

Laughing, I shook my head. "No, but she hasn't left me alone in the house since I came home."

"I think your sister might be here too. I saw someone in the hall who ran like hell when she saw me, Short? Black hair?"

"Yeah, Alice."

He rubbed his hands together to warm them up. "Let's loosen up these muscles, shall we? Just sit back and relax, let the master do his work."

Closing my eyes, I concentrated on his touch as he began at my fingertips and worked his way up my arm, across my chest and down my other arm. Then I felt…nothing.

Opening my eyes, I saw him still standing over me, his hands on my thigh, groping and pulling the muscles, gradually moving down my calf before doing the same to the other leg.

"Okay, time to flip," he said. Stepping back, he let me do it on my own, only helping when the towel slid from my hips, holding it until I had turned over and then laid it over my ass. Following the same route, he began at my arms and worked toward my back, where he spent a long time. I felt completely relaxed. I hadn't realized how sore I was from the exercises I had been doing.

"Even though you're not using all your muscles, the massage helps keep them loose," he explained as he worked down my back toward my hips. "Is your friend coming over today?"

"Jasper?"

"Yeah, Peri's kid."

I nodded, clenching my eyes at the mere mention of his name. "I think so. It's nice when he comes over because my mother usually leaves us alone. I'm hoping to go back to school next week."

"Will he be there to help you? Make sure you can get around?"

_Of course he will. _

"Probably."

"How long you guys been friends?" he asked as his hands gripped my shoulders.

"A little over two years."

"Seems like a nice kid."

He was so much more than nice.

"Yeah, he's pretty cool," I sighed.

"What do you guys like to do?"

_Just be together._

"I don't know. We just hang out. We used to swim a lot," I answered hesitantly. Describing what Jasper and I had been was difficult.

"Yeah, I saw the pool. Pretty nice. Do you play video games or anything?"

"Yeah, Jasper's a big geek, he loves video games and shit. He's a great runner though. I know he's going to win State this year," I boasted without hesitation. "He's just…always been there for me."

"Sounds like a good friend. Loyal."

"He is," I sighed even as a smile spread across my face. It both warmed me and hurt to talk about Jasper. My eyes closed and I moaned when Emmett concentrated on the nape of my neck, always a sensitive spot for me. As he worked his way back down my body, I felt less and less. I knew he'd taken the towel off because I saw it lying next to me, but I couldn't feel his hands on my ass. The longer he continued, the more relaxed I felt.

"Have you ever thought of becoming a masseuse?" I chuckled. "I can't remember the last time I felt this good."

"Thanks, but I think I'll stick to nursing," he laughed. "I have to go wash this oil off my hands. I'll be right back and we can go over a few more things."

He was back much sooner than I expected.

"Jasper's here," he told me in a hushed voice. "I just found him getting sick in the bathroom."

I lifted my head and turned to face him as much as I could, holding the towel to my hip. "Sick?"

"Yeah, as in praying the porcelain god. I didn't know he was in there and I walked in on him."

"Is he okay?"

"He was getting sick," he repeated flatly. "I left, gave him some privacy."

I felt a rush of blood through me, my heart speeding up as the hand holding the towel began to tremble.

"Can you go check on him? Please?" I asked anxiously, my eyes darting to my door.

"Sure," he smiled and left the room. I pushed myself up and reached for my clothes. I had pulled on my tee shirt and was working on my underwear by the time Emmett returned. He immediately came to help me.

"Is he okay?" I asked worriedly.

"Yeah, I think so. He's leaving though."

My heart sank.

"Leaving?" I stopped dressing.

"Yep." Emmett continued to move even though I had stilled, kneeling in front of me to put my legs in my pants. When I stopped helping him, he looked up at me. "Something wrong?"

_Yes. _

_Everything._

"No," I mumbled. He continued to help me dress and then moved the chair next to the bed. He held it while I maneuvered myself into it and then placed my feet on the rests.

"You all set if I head out? I've got a shift in an hour," he asked as he picked up his things.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Alice is here if I need anything."

"Okay, see ya day after tomorrow," he said, holding out his fist for a bump. I returned it unenthusiastically and then let my hand drop to my lap. He closed the door behind him and I looked around my room. In a glimmer of hope, I grabbed a textbook off my desk and placed it on my lap.

When my door creaked opened, I held my breath.

"So, did the massage come with a happy ending?" he said scowling as he entered.

"No. I won't ever have a happy ending," I returned calmly, even though my heart was racing because he had stayed.

He was there.

He sat down and opened his bag. I was tempted to ask him why he'd been sick but I couldn't bring myself to say the words. I think I was afraid of the answer.

"Where did we leave off?"

"Battle of Chancellorsville," I replied quickly, almost happily. For the next hour, we worked together seamlessly, like we had done before the accident. We went over useless homework while I pretended to not care about him and he pretended to be okay with it. There was no sarcasm or cruel words. While I hoped it was because it was just the way we were, I suspected it was something else.

He had given up trying to be anything more than my tutor.

He was doing what I had asked him to do.

We were just about to move onto physics when my alarm went off.

"What's that for?" he asked, glancing up from his book.

"I have to change my catheter every three hours so I don't get an infection," I replied flatly. Spinning the chair around, I went to the table to get a new catheter. When I grabbed the box off the top, the others beneath it fell to the floor.

"FUCK!" I yelled, frustrated. He jumped up to help me and I sighed. "I can get them," I growled as he began to stack the boxes back up. I opened the box and pulled a catheter kit out.

"It's no big deal. Do you need anything else?"

"No," I snapped, pushing backwards and out the door. I went into the bathroom and lowered my sweatpants around my cock. After putting on some gloves, I swiped iodine over the head and then followed the routine I had developed. I tried to focus on what I was doing, slowly inserting the tube until I felt the resistance and it entered my bladder. While the bag filled, I closed my eyes and thought of him in my room.

I hated it.

More than I ever thought possible, I hated having to rely on someone for help. Something as simple as picking up boxes and I couldn't fucking do it alone. My parents had raised me to be independent in mind and body, to think and do for myself, and I had up until a month ago. I didn't want Jasper, or anyone else, to follow me around for the rest of my fucking life picking up after me.

I just wanted to be able to clean up my own fucking messes.

When I was done, I tossed the empty bag away and went back into my bedroom. Ignoring him on my bed, I went to the window and parked in front of it. I felt him behind me, his eyes looking out the window with mine, silently begging me to show him what was inside me.

"I don't want to live like this. I don't want to be a burden to anyone," I said softly.

"Like who?"

"My parents," I swallowed. "You."

"You're not a burden to anyone, Edward. You're their son, and my forever. Neither of those are a burden," he whispered with conviction.

_Forever._

He deserved a better forever than what I could give him.

"I'm poison, Jasper. Just leave and stay away," I sighed. I heard him stand and walk toward me. Without a word, he kneeled in front of me and laid his head on my lap. Resting his hands on my hips, he gathered the hem of my tee shirt in them.

More than anything I wanted to feel the weight of his head on my legs, I wanted to feel the warmth of his skin, the wetness of his tears. I often imagined our future together, but Jasper was the real dreamer. He was the one who took the chances, the leaps of faith without fear of the consequences, the ones that always moved us to the next level. Without even asking me, he always knew the push I needed.

"Say whatever you want, I'm not leaving. Not this time, not again," he promised quietly.

I had thought he had given up on us, that his earlier calm was his acceptance of what we had become, but I couldn't have been more wrong.

He was refusing to be pushed away any longer.

"I'm not good for you," I whispered, looking down at him.

"Let me decide what is and isn't good for me," he replied in his typical defiant way.

Time just stopped.

Hope and love clung to each breath we took and I felt my heart beat for the first time since he'd held me more than a week before. I closed my eyes, reveling in his presence. I might not have been able to feel his head on my lap, but there was something I could feel.

Silk.

Gripping my tee shirt, he pulled himself impossibly closer to me as my hands left the armrests of my chair, my fingers hovering right above his head. Exhaling, I lowered my hands and let my fingers weave through his curls, caressing the ends.

Nothing had ever felt more perfect.

Scared, I pulled my hand away and immediately missed the feeling.

Unable to resist, I returned my hands to his hair, separating the waves, twisting them and letting them slide through. It was by his honey strands between my fingers that I held onto to him for life.

"Just like silk," I murmured absently, repeating the movements through his hair. He remained completely still except for a hitch of his breath and then a soft sigh. Glancing down at his hands fisting my shirt, I saw the bracelet still on his wrist.

"Why do you still wear it?" I asked.

"Because I promised you I'd never take it off," he quoted himself from the day before. My eyes watered, his persistence and devotion and…love was stronger than anything I'd ever experienced.

"Stupid asshole," I whispered. "I'm nothing but a broken body housing a black soul."

Hesitantly, he lifted his head, but I didn't let his curls go. He just stared at me, looking into so much more than my eyes. He saw my soul and attempted to heal it with his love. He may have been tired and worn, but he was also the strongest person I knew.

He was my angel.

"You're everything, Edward," he told me. Closing my eyes, I shook my head and felt his hand grab one of mine, placing it flat on his cheek. "Baby, if I didn't think there was something worth fighting for I would have left long ago."

Inside me, a battle waged. His love versus what I thought to be the right thing to do. Blame, guilt and anger were the emotions that inhabited me daily. I blamed him and felt guilty for it. The anger I had seemed endless and it was directed at anyone in my path, including those I loved most. Anguish rolled through me, along with want and need and love for the boy before me. All I had to do was admit it, admit that even though I pushed him away, that at times I hated him, that I still loved him with more than I was.

The tears rolled freely down my cheeks and I opened my eyes.

Staring at him, I saw us in his shades of blue.

Not images of our future, but of what we were. There were clasped hands, meeting tongues, whispered words of love, and promises of devotion no matter what.

I was tired of everything, of what my world had become, but most of all, I was tired of being away from him, of trying to deny him my life. No matter how angry I was at him, at me, or how much I wanted him to not sit by my side me while his life passed him by…I still loved him.

A slow smile crossed my face and I began to stroke his cheek with my thumb.

"I'm tired of trying to stay away from you," I admitted softly.

He returned my smile.

"Then don't."

"It's…just so hard," I sighed, looking away. "Everything is so fucking hard."

"I know it is, baby, but it will be easier if we do it together. Remember we can get through anything together?" he offered, his voice quiet but filled with hope. Heat flowed through me, his words warming me more than any touch ever could.

"Nothing is easy anymore, Jasper." I returned my eyes to his. "Even the easy stuff is so fucking hard now. Forget walking, just something like getting dressed takes me forever. I hate having to…" My voice deepened with frustration and I motioned to the boxes he had picked up for me. "Rely on someone else to get something for me or pick up after me. I can't even get into my own fucking kitchen right now."

He released my hand on his cheek and without him holding it there, I let it fall to my lap.

"My dad is work-"

"I know," I snapped, and then sighed when I saw his eyes widen, then immediately drop to my chest. "Sorry," I apologized, my fingers threading through his hair. "I know he's working on it and it looks really nice but I just want to be able to get something from the fridge or cook something in the microwave."

"Maybe if I helped him after school, he'd be done quicker," Jasper suggested, but I was shaking my head before he was finished.

"No, you're already doing too much."

His brows furrowed and I could tell he wanted to let me have it. He hated being told he couldn't do something, it only made him more stubborn than usual. Biting the inside of his cheek, he remained quiet, but his eyes darkened with his unspoken words. He was holding back for me.

Jasper would have never kept silent before. He would have spoken his mind, told me to fuck off and let him do whatever the fuck he wanted. He never would have let me have the last word unless he was trying to push me toward something.

I let go of his hair and immediately saw the fear on his face. Those thin pieces of silk had been what were tethering him to me. When I released them, that connection was lost.

His back straightened a bit and I knew he was preparing himself for what he knew was coming; the anger, the rage, the hate.

"Bella called yesterday," I stated flatly.

His eyes drifted closed and he dropped his chin to his chest.

"What did she say?" he whispered, already suspecting he knew.

"She said you're barely hanging on, you haven't eaten lunch in weeks and look like shit," I relayed to him. He opened his eyes but he didn't raise them to mine. Instead he looked at my chest. I knew Jasper well enough to know he was feeling betrayed.

"Anything else?" he snarled. "Did she tell I skipped gym or that I almost fucking punched Newton last week?"

"She said that you always have your headphones on," I told him. When he lowered his head even more and his hair fell in front of his face, my fingers itched to brush it back for him, but with great effort, I kept them in my lap. "What do you listen to?"

I hoped I knew the answer.

Slowly, he lifted his eyes to mine, pale blue behind the wisps of wheat covering them.

"Your playlist," he admitted quietly.

My heart sighed.

"And...um…"

"What?"

"The CD you gave me for Christmas, the music you composed? I made it into a MP3 file so I could listen to it on my phone. I listen to it every night."

"Oh, Jasper," I murmured. Tentatively, I raised my hand, my fingers reaching for those locks of hair obstructing his view. I heard his breath catch as soon as I made contact, his chest expanding quickly to accommodate his thundering heart. Brushing his hair back gently, I looked at him.

Really looked at him.

The circles under his eyes had grown darker, his cheeks were sunken and missing the natural blush he always had and his lips were dry and cracked. More than any of those, his eyes were a void of everything except me. It was more than my reflection in them, there was frustration and guilt and love, enormous amounts of love. Missing were friendships, family, schoolwork…himself. He was giving so much to me, for me, that he had lost himself in the process.

That wasn't what we were supposed to be about. Our relationship had always been equal, give and take evenly divided. I helped him when he needed, and he helped me when I did. Neither of us minded, it was unquestioned that we would always be there for each other.

Forever.

But I couldn't let him be there for me anymore. I was consuming too much of him, and he was letting me. The energy he had provided me with for the past few weeks, what I had fed off of, was dwindling and I had barely left enough for him to sustain himself.

I refused to let him give up his life for me.

"Jasper?"

He brought his eyes to mine slowly. Before I even continued he was shaking his head, tears sitting at the edges of his eyes.

"Don't you say it, Edward," he whispered. "Please don't say it."

"I have to. You have to take better care of yourself, you can't keep this up. You've got a life and you need to get back to it. I need to let you get back to it."

Clenching his jaw, he tried to refuse the tears but they began to roll down his cheeks anyway.

"How many times do I have to fucking tell you?" he said in a harsh whisper. "You _are_ my life."

"Not anymore, I'm not. I can't do this to you, Jasper. I can't commit you to a lifetime of…" I looked around the room at the medical equipment, the messy bed and the clothes everywhere. My eyes finally settled on my portable prison. "This. You need to have your own life. It's time."

"No," he growled, his chest heaving with shallow breaths. I ran a finger down his cheek, tracing his lips as they quivered.

"It's for the best. Look how much I've worn you down in just a few weeks? You haven't been sleeping or eating. I know you're behind with your own homework, but you've caught me up with mine. If you're like this after only a few weeks, can you imagine a lifetime of it?"

"Yes," he answered unequivocally. "Edward, a lifetime with you would be a dream come true."

"This isn't a dream, Jasper. It's a nightmare, and one I need go through alone. I refuse to keep you in it any longer."

"You can't make me go," he murmured defiantly and I had to smile.

My beautiful, stubborn Jasper.

Looking down at my lap, I saw his fingers digging into my thighs. "You can't just toss me away because you think it's for my own good."

"Please don't make this any harder," I sighed, closing my eyes as I tried to stop my own tears. I felt his warmth and then his cheek was against my chest.

"I need you," he mumbled into my tee shirt. Against my better judgment, my hand went to his hair, caressing it as he lay against me. We stayed like that for a few minutes before he lifted his head. "Do you trust me, Edward?"

I nodded.

_With my life._

Without warning, he stood up and looked frantically around my room. I watched him as he grabbed one of my sweatshirts and tossed it at me.

"Put this on."

Then he bent over and picked up my sneakers, dangling them in front of me. I nodded to his unasked question and he kneeled before me again. He slipped my foot into one sneaker and tied it before doing the other. When he looked up at me, I was still holding the sweatshirt on my lap. "Put it on," he repeated. "Where's your jacket?"

"My closet I guess," I mumbled through the cotton as I pulled it over my head. "Jasper, what are you doing?" I asked but he was gone and I heard his footsteps as he ran down the hallway.

"Jasper?" I called out as I wheeled myself to my door and tried to peek down the hall. There were sounds in the kitchen, dishes clattering and the microwave running. I was just about to turn down the hall to find him when he turned the corner. Backing the chair up, I let him in the room and watched as he emptied his backpack onto my bed and filled it with a sweater, gloves, a hat, socks and a thick fleece blanket from the bottom of my bed. Once he found my jacket, he threw it at me.

"When is your mom coming home?"

"I don't know, a few hours maybe? She had some errands to run."

"Good. Put on your coat," he smiled as he put on his own sweatshirt. "Ready?"

"For what?" I turned the chair, following him as he headed for my door. Sighing, he turned around.

"You ask too many questions, Edward. Some things never change. Now let's go," he demanded and I had no fucking idea why, but I pushed myself out the door and followed him down the hall. He popped into the kitchen for a minute but was walking out of it by the time I reached him. When he opened my front door, he looked back at me. "Coming?"

I peered through the open doorway. I hadn't been outside since I had gotten home. The winter air hit me with force and I shuddered. The roads were clear, but there was an inch or two of snow covering the yard and ramp. I had no idea what he had planned, why he was taking me outside, but I knew deep down it didn't matter. I'd go anywhere with him.

Just as I was about to push the chair over the threshold, I heard her behind me.

"Edward?"

"Fuck," I muttered before looking over my shoulder at her. "What?"

"What are you doing?"

I glanced up at Jasper for help.

"Just taking him outside for some fresh air, he's been cooped up too long," he replied, giving her one of his dimpled smiles. She moved closer, her sweatpants so long they covered her bare feet, the thermal shirt she had on did nothing stop the cold air and she folded her arms across her chest. I saw her eye Jasper, more than likely judging the honesty of his answer. Jasper had the ability to charm the pants off just about anyone, and while he didn't take advantage of it, he used it when necessary. A bit more depth to his natural drawl, sparkling eyes and a hint of bright white teeth cradled by dimples was usually enough to send anyone, especially girls, into a dazzled haze.

Alice seemed immune to his charm.

Raising an eyebrow at him, she tilted her head. "Bullshit," she countered.

Sighing, I hung my head and closed my eyes. "Alice, please…just let me do this. I need to get out of here," I pleaded. I couldn't see what she or Jasper were doing but I was sure they exchanged looks, more than likely a hopeful pout from Jasper and a glare from Alice. Whatever he did, it worked and she exhaled.

"Fine, but you better take care of him, Jasper. If something happens…"

"I will," he promised.

"Be careful," she said. I spun the chair around to face her.

"Thanks, Alice." I gave her a small smile before turning back to Jasper. "Think this thing has snow tires?" I asked him seriously.

"Let's find out. Come on," he encouraged. Holding the door open, he waited for me as I wheeled through it, guiding the chair slowly down the ramp. My heart raced with the fear of slipping on the sleet covered wood, of the chair tipping over.

"I'm right here," he said from behind me, placing his hand on my shoulder. Easing my way down the ramp, I reached the driveway and stopped to wait for him. He walked by me to his father's truck and opened the passenger door. "Let's get you inside."

"Whoa, Jasper, I don't know about this. I can't leave the house. My mother will freak."

"No she won't, now get in."

Sighing, I went to his side and looked up into the truck. I'd never realized how high it was. Until then I had only moved myself from the chair to my bed or the toilet. I wasn't ready for something like this. Biting my lip, I looked up at Jasper.

Had he always been so tall?

"I don't think I can," I whispered. Jasper looked at the seat in the truck and then to me. He tossed the bag onto the seat and then curved one arm under my knees and he snuck the other behind my back. I stopped him before he lifted me. "No, I mean, I don't think I _can_."

He released me and stood up, glancing inside the truck and then back to me. When he realized what I was saying, his eyes closed and he shook his head. "Shit, Edward, I'm sorry. Fuck," he sighed. "I wasn't fucking thinking…again."

He berated himself even more under his breath, using words like idiot and fuck up.

Reaching out, I grabbed his wrist. "Stop it. Why would you think of something like that? Hell, I never even thought of it until I got out here."

"You haven't been in a car yet?" he asked, confused.

"Just to come home but I was pretty high on pain meds, I don't remember too much except the neighbors staring at me when I got out."

"Fucking asses," he muttered, leaning against his truck. Sighing, he reached up and ran his hand through his hair. "I'm so fucking sorry, Edward. I just…I wanted…fuck, I don't know what I was thinking. It was a stupid idea."

"It's okay, Jasper. I just don't know if I can do it. The last time…" I trailed off when the images of bright lights and shattered glass clogged my mind. What sucked was I had wanted to get out of the house for days and there I was with a perfect chance. No parents to stop me, to tell me no, it was too soon or I wasn't ready.

I _was _ready.

"Let's just go back inside," he said as he reached in the truck for his backpack. The look on his face broke my heart. Not because he was sad from giving up his plans, but because he wasn't. He didn't mind that I was preventing us from doing something he'd planned. Instead, he felt like shit for not having thought that getting back into a car might bother me.

"No," I said, surprising myself. He turned and looked down at me.

"Edward?"

I glanced inside the truck, the long bench seat, the dirty car mats, and the faded dashboard. It was undamaged and intact. The truck was also twice the size of my Volvo, higher off the ground, and had deeply thread snow tires on it.

"I want to try it," I whispered, returning my gaze to him.

"Are you sure?" he asked and I nodded.

"Yeah."

He gave me a smile and tossed the bag back inside before bending over to lift me again. With a heavy exhaled breath, he straightened up, and I was in his arms. My body rested against his automatically, he felt so solid. Using his foot, he pushed my chair away and then gently placed me in the truck on the seat. Once I was in, I was able to scoot across it and drag my legs inside. Reaching down, I moved them in front of me. Exhaling, I leaned back in the seat and saw Jasper was gone. I jumped when I heard the tailgate of the truck close. Turning my head, I saw my wheelchair in the back of Mr. Whitlock's truck.

Jasper opened his door and climbed in. "Let's get some heat going for you."

He started the truck and The Beatles started playing.

"I might have made an Edward playlist CD," he mumbled sheepishly. Biting my lip, I glanced around the inside of the truck. I saw the ease with which Jasper shifted and then turned to look as he backed out, his body moving habitually. Once he was on the street, he shifted into drive and looked at me. "Are you sure?"

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and nodded. Then I felt his hand curl into mine sitting on the seat between us, giving it a squeeze.

"I wasn't there for you that night, Edward, but I'm here now. I swear I'm not going to leave you alone again," he vowed.

Leaning my head against the seat, I let it roll toward him and I opened my eyes.

"I'm scared, Jasper," I admitted softly.

_About so much more than being in a car again._

"Me too," he whispered with a smile, "but I know we can do this."

We both knew we weren't talking about the car anymore.

Slowly, he pressed the gas and we moved forward. I was actually okay until we came upon a car in the other direction. My throat tightened, and I might have even whimpered out loud.

"Oh, God."

"It's okay. Watch me, Edward, not them. Concentrate on me, my touch. I'm here, not going anywhere," Jasper soothed me as the car approached us. I felt the truck slow down, Jasper had let up on the gas and then he pulled toward the right, leaving plenty of space between us and the other car. When they got close, I clenched my eyes and gritted my teeth, waiting for the impact that would forever change my life.

But it never came.

I opened my eyes to find Jasper glancing at me, concern written all over his face. The car had passed and I released a breath, my body relaxing. His hand gripped mine and I hadn't realized how strongly I was clutching his until I eased my hold.

"You okay?"

Heavy breaths escaped me, but I nodded and forced myself to look around outside. I watched buildings and bare trees pass by us, and while I tensed up when we came to parked cars, I quickly relaxed. The next time a car came at us head on, I clutched his hand again, digging my nails into the flesh of his palm and forcing my eyes to remain open. I didn't watch the car though, instead I stared at Jasper. The way his hair moved from the breeze of the heater, the way his eyes narrowed in worry, the way his lips pulled into a smile when he saw me watching him.

The car passed and I felt the tension flow from me.

"Better that time?"

"Yeah, I think so. Not sure I'll ever be able to face a car coming at me without freaking out again," I said defeated.

"You will. It will get easier each time and eventually you won't remember."

"I hope you're right."

"I always am," he chuckled. It might have been my imagination but I swear the circles under his eyes had lightened. He continued to drive and I continued to watch him, only cringing when a car pulled out in front of us. Jasper glanced at me often, making sure I was okay, occasionally giving my hand a reassuring caress. I was so nervous about other cars that I hadn't even paid attention to where we were until he pulled over to the side of the road.

Realizing we had stopped, I looked around and immediately recognized the spot.

"Are we-"

I didn't finish because Jasper was already out of the truck and undoing the tailgate to get my chair out. Only seconds later, he was opening my door. Moving the chair close, he leaned in the cab, sliding one arm under my knees and the other around my back before lifting me out of the truck with apparent ease and sitting me in my chair. Once I was in it, I adjusted my legs and moved back so he could reach inside the truck. Opening the backpack, he handed me a pair of gloves and a hat. I put them on without complaint, watching while he grabbed his jacket and put it on before slinging the backpack onto his back. He shut the door and locked it.

Finally he spoke. "Ready?"

I wasn't sure. I was confused, but I nodded anyway and followed him as he headed for the start of the trail. Pushing the chair through snow was easier than I expected and I got farther into the trail than I thought I would. I knew Jasper's pace was slower than it would have been if I had been walking next to him. Fuck, sometimes we had even _raced_ up the trail, the winner getting a blowjob first. I should have known better than to challenge a track star to a race, but I never minded being the loser.

He walked purposefully, looking back to make sure I wasn't falling too far behind, asking me if I was okay a few times, but never coddling me.

It was refreshing.

The snow crunched under his heavy steps and I grunted with the effort of pushing the chair through the deeper snow. My hands gripped the handrims but surprisingly the gloves never slipped on the stainless steel. When I looked down at my hands, I saw why. Jasper had thought enough to give me gloves with small rubber dots on them for traction instead of the thick nylon ones he wore.

He never ceased to amaze me.

The big things went over his head, but the small things were always close to his heart.

We were silent except for Jasper's humming. The songs changed, though they were always Beatles, and I found myself joining him for a few songs. Occasionally we had to stop because the leaves under the snow got caught in my wheels and I had to lean over and pull them out. Not once did Jasper complain or rush to help. He let me work it out, waiting for me to tell him I was ready to continue.

The trail thickened and it got harder for me to push the chair. My arms ached, and my lungs and biceps burned from the uphill battle. Sweat had gathered on my forehead and my hands began to cramp. Desperately, I tried to keep up, to keep as close to him as I could, but I fell further behind, my body exhausted. I finally rolled to a stop.

"Jasper," I panted, shaking my head. "I can't."

He stopped immediately and returned to me, kneeling. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I gasped. "Just really tired. I haven't done enough PT for this yet."

I looked at him as he cupped one of my calves in his hands and rubbed up and down really fast before doing the same with the other. Then he moved to my thighs. Lifting my hand from the rim, he kneaded my arm, massaging it much like Emmett had done. He repeated the process on the other arm.

I had no idea where he had learned it but it felt amazing.

"I'm sorry," I whispered while he took off my gloves and warmed my cold hands in between his. He rubbed them furiously before slipping the gloves back on.

"What for?" he asked, confused.

"I can't make it to the top," I told him.

"The chair can't make it, _you_ can," he corrected me. Just as I went to ask what he meant, his arm was under my knees and his other was behind my back. I wrapped my arm around his neck, trying to help him as much as possible. With a soft grunt, he stood upright holding my broken body in his arms.

"Jasper, put me down I'm too heavy. You can't do this."

I knew he was as exhausted as I was, I knew he was pushing his body well beyond its limits. Turning toward the top, he took a few tentative steps, his memory of the trail and good sense of balance helping him navigate through the snow and leaves. I knew the trail as well as he did, every inch of it, and I knew we had a little more than a quarter of a mile to go.

Uphill.

"You'll never be too heavy for me, Edward," he whispered, placing his forehead to mine. "Never," he repeated under his breath.

I laid my head on his shoulder, stealing his warmth as it seeped through is sweatshirt and jacket. I watched his moist, panting breaths escape his body, cooling the second they hit the winter chill. Sweat beaded on his face and the hat he had put on flattened his hair, leaving only the ends of his waves sticking out. Quiet except for his heavy breaths and the occasional grunt when he shifted my body, Jasper continued carrying me up the trail.

I'd never felt lighter.

Finally, we reached the end and I felt his sigh of relief as he took the first steps into the meadow. Long gone were the wildflowers and grass that had often tickled our skin as when we had lain in it. Marred only by the marks of the wildlife that had gone through it, a few inches of pure white snow covered the grass. Jasper trudged through until he reached the middle of the meadow, what had become known as our spot. When he stopped, he looked at me and the most beautiful smile graced his face, lighting every dark crevice I felt inside me.

"We did it."

_We._

"Yeah, we did," I sighed.

"Can you reach the backpack?" I released my hold on his neck and reached for the zipper on his bag. When I nodded, he continued. "Can you get the blanket out? I don't want to put you down on the snow."

Awkwardly, I unzipped the bag and felt for the fleece blanket, yanking it free. Without letting me go, I felt Jasper begin to shift his weight back and forth and I realized he was using his feet to clear the snow as much as possible. Satisfied it wasn't going to get any better, he nodded to me and did my best to spread the blanket when I dropped it onto the ground. It was bunched up on a few corners but there was enough for him to lower us down. Slowly dropping to his knees, he tenderly set me on the blanket. Once I was sitting, he rocked back on his heels, twisting side to side to work out the kinks in his back.

"You okay? Warm enough?" he asked, reaching his gloved hand out to caress my face. His eyes were clear and his cheeks were flushed a dark red from the cold of the air and heat of his body.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I told him as I straightened my legs out so they stretched in front of me. He sat next to me, our bodies touching from shoulders to feet. His legs along mine and I knew he was trying to keep me as warm as possible. It didn't take long before I felt the wetness seeping through the fleece blanket to my hands, but it didn't matter.

We were in the meadow.

I'd thought I would never see the meadow again.

Reaching into his bag, he pulled out a thermos and his iPod.

"Have some, we need to keep you warm or your mother will definitely kill me," he chuckled. Opening the thermos, he handed it to me and I could smell the hot chocolate.

"What? No peanut butter and Fluff sandwiches?"

"Are you hungry? I didn't think to make any," he murmured.

"I was joking," I said, trying to reassure him. "This is wonderful, but my mother _is_ going to kill you."

He shrugged. "Death is a small price to pay to see you smile again."

I hadn't even noticed that for the first time in weeks, I was genuinely smiling. Something that had felt so foreign and forced for the past month suddenly felt so natural there with Jasper. I took a sip of the hot chocolate, not minding the scalding fluid as it traveled down my throat and heated me from the inside out. After a few long sips, I handed it to him and he drank, flinching when it hit his lips. He replaced the cover and then scrolled through his iPod, hit play then set it on his backpack.

_Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time  
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you  
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you pulled me out of time  
And hung me on a line  
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you_

Jasper sighed and rested his head on my shoulder, letting_ me_ support _him_, his fingers curving into mine. My eyes welled up as I followed his gaze into the sky. The overcast gray made it feel darker than it was, but my life had brightened so much in just a few precious moments.

It was all because of him.

"This is…perfect," he whispered. Overcome with emotion, I was unable to reply, just nodding instead. While Paul sang to us, I gripped Jasper's hand, wishing I could feel his skin and not the nylon of his glove.

"Remember the day we decided on this as our wedding song?" I asked quietly as memories that summer day a lifetime ago came back to me.

"I remember everything, Edward. Well, that's not true," he half smiled. "I can't remember shit for school, but I remember every second I've ever spent with you."

A few tears rolled down my cheeks and I took a deep breath.

"Jasper, we've got so much to talk about," I began with a shaky voice.

"Not now. Later," he sighed.

Whispering, I asked what I was most afraid of. "Will we have a later?"

He lifted his head from my shoulder and then moved to straddle me, his knees on either side of my thighs. Taking off his gloves he dropped them to the blanket and took my face in his hands.

I felt his skin instead of the nylon of his gloves.

"We don't just have a 'later', we will have an always, baby," he whispered right before hesitantly leaning forward and lightly brushing his dry lips along mine. My heart skipped just like it always did when we kissed, then it proceeded to pound in my chest. It wasn't just the hot chocolate warming me anymore.

I wanted to scream at him to run far away from me and I wanted to cling to him, begging him to never stop kissing me.

Our lips moved together like nothing had ever happened. It was as if I'd never been in the accident, it was as if we'd never been separated.

It was as if I could still walk.

The kiss was lingering, soft caresses of lips as they swept along each other until he pulled away with a smile on his face.

"Dance with me?" he asked without hesitation. Listening, I heard the song had changed to "If I Fell".

"Jasper, I can't," I mumbled. "How am I going to dance…ever?"

He paused for a beat before he was climbing off my legs and squatting next to me. Before I could protest, his arms were under my knees and around my back. Not wanting to be dropped, I wrapped my arm around his shoulders, fisting his jacket. I was amazed at how effortlessly he lifted me. As tired and weakened as he was, he still had the strength to hold me. Putting my head on his shoulder, I let him sway us back and forth as he sang quietly with the song. With my free hand, I pulled the collar of his jacket and sweatshirt down enough to place a kiss on his neck. A shudder went through him and he sang the note too high.

"Are you warm enough?" I asked worriedly.

"Never been warmer," he replied quickly and honestly.

He spun us in a small circle in the snow to the side of the blanket. Resting his cheek on my head, he continued to sing with the songs. No matter how fast or slow, his pace never changed.

There was no twirling or dipping.

Like Jasper, I remembered everything, especially our first date, but what I recalled with perfect clarity was how I had felt in his arms, in his presence. I remembered the way my heart had raced, the way he smiled, the way he just loved me so easily without doubt or fear. After I had dropped him off at his house that night, and he had snuck in one last kiss, I went home and collapsed on my bed with a stupid grin on my face. Lying on my back, I had stared at the ceiling and saw us walking onto the stage at graduation hand in hand, I saw us moving into a college dorm together and getting our first real jobs.

I saw us standing before our friends and families vowing to love until death do us part.

Smiling, I had shaken my head at my ridiculousness. It had only been our first date and I was already dreaming of a long life together. I wanted to tell myself to slow down, that we might not last, but I knew better.

I knew we were forever.

"Let It Be" began and I felt Jasper sigh. He lifted his head and looked at me.

"When you were in the hospital, they let me go in to see you a few times. I played this for you. I put an earbud in your ear and played it over and over. Your father told me I should talk to you, that you might hear me. Did you hear it?"

I tried to recall the hospital, but the drugs had left the memories hazy at best. I did remember feeling something though.

"No, but I felt you there with me," I replied. "I could feel the nurses, my parents…you."

Intrigued, he raised an eyebrow.

"The nurses felt cold, technical, brief. When my parents were with me there was a heavy sadness but with you, I felt a warmth…" I stopped, not wanting to mention the guilt or anguish I had felt from him as well.

He smiled and then put his cheek back on my head, continuing to sway us.

I laid my free hand on his chest, over his heart, feeling it beat so sure and true.

There was so much to talk about, not the least of which was what futures we might have together or apart. It was going to be a long, painful talk, one I had never expected to have with Jasper. I knew I couldn't have him give up his future for me. I refused to hold him back, to stunt his goals and possibilities.

Closing my eyes, I felt nothing but his arms around me, his body heat under my cheek. I heard nothing but his voice singing for me. The world beyond the tree line kept going but there in a meadow, two boys realized they felt more for each other than they ever thought possible, but like our first date, neither of us said the words.

The song changed, Jasper's body grew weary. I knew his arms were aching, probably screaming in pain, but he never complained or faltered his step. His voice became slightly louder when he began to sing again. When I heard the first line, I lifted my head from his shoulder and looked at him. Reaching up, I traced his lips as he sang, and even with a few tears rolling down my cheeks, I sang with him.

_Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter  
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here  
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun  
and I say it's all right_

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces  
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here  
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun  
and I say it's all right

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...  
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...  
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...  
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...  
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting  
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear  
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,  
and I say it's all right  
It's all right

As the song's notes faded, I looked into his beautiful blue eyes.

"Is it really going to be all right?" I whispered softly, wanting nothing more than for it to be true.

"I promise with all that I am, baby, everything will be all right," he vowed.

He said it with such conviction, such strength, that I had no choice but to believe him.

"I want to believe that," I murmured, "but…"

"It will," he almost demanded. Resting his forehead to my temple, his sweet breath washed over my cheek when he exhaled, warming not only my skin but my heart, rescuing it from the stone fortress I'd put it behind.

He would always be the savior of my heart…of my life.

"Thanks, love," I sighed.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

I posted a link to the playlist on my profile. It provides links to all the songs via youtube as well.

No SCI links this time. Instead, let's celebrate with Edward on The Beatles being available on iTunes! Go listen to a few songs…I've had quite a few readers say they can't hear The Beatles without thinking of our boys. *sigh* You guys all rock.

I'd like to announce the BANC (Blackberries Are Not Computers). It's a fund we are starting to raise money to purchase Dannie (my BFF and soulmate as well as the brains behind M&A) a new laptop. She has been without one for months now and has been writing M&A longhand then typing it on her Blackberry to email it to me for editing etc. She also uses the Blackberry for all her email and prereading WN as well. There is no light at the end of her tunnel and while I'd love nothing more than to just buy her one, I can't afford it on my own. A few M&A/WN readers have begun the BANC fund, and we are taking pledges to see if we can get a few hundred dollars to purchase a Netbook for Dannie. We've got 75$ so far, which is a great start but not enough. No pledge is too small (even 1$ is appreciated!) If you are interested in supporting the cause, please PM me or email me at masterjasperwhitlock AT gmail DOT com. You can also find me on twitter under theslashawards.

If you have any questions, please contact me.


	11. I Feel Like that Ice is Slowly Melting

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- So let's find out what happened after that wild and windy night. We left our boys dancing in a meadow…

The list of 'no read zones' is getting longer, Chick fil-A (during Cowboys game) and your child's community awards are the latest additions. Epic A/N at the end.

As always hugs to Dannie for her prereading, hand holding and knowledge of all things WoW.

Thanks to OfTheTurningAway for her beta on this chapter.

Now Jasper pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night he hadn't trusted me …_

"**~~**"

Our hands were tightly clasped on the seat between us.

His skin was soft and warm, his thumb absently stroking the back of my hand while he looked out the window. The wistful look on his face gave away the sadness that always hovered around him.

"Shit," I mumbled as I pulled into his driveway and parked behind his mother's Volvo and next to his father's. "This isn't going to be fun, is it?"

"I'm thinking no," he sighed, resting his head against the seat.

"I thought we'd be back before they got home," I groaned.

After one last dance to "Here Comes the Sun", we had decided it was getting late. I could have stayed all night, but I felt Edward tremble and I knew the cold was starting to seep through his layers of clothes. After setting him back down and making him drink more hot chocolate, I packed up the bag and put it on.

"Can you carry the blanket?" I asked him and he nodded. While he fisted it with one hand, I squatted down and picked him up, bringing the blanket with him. Once I was upright again, he pulled the fleece up, bunching it up on his legs. My body screamed in protest at his weight, the cracked rib had begun to heal, but I winced when I felt the pressure of his body against it. My mother would have killed me if she knew what I was doing. Turning, I headed for the trail. Daylight was quickly disappearing and I hoped we would make it to the truck before it got too dark.

Edward held me onto me, relaxing into my arms completely, trusting me with his battered body. His head rested on my shoulder, bobbing against me with each step I took. He had wrapped both arms around my neck, trying to help support himself as much as possible. I felt his gloved fingers playing with the ends of my hair sticking out from under my hat and my heart leapt at the tender caress.

Even though my body ached and cramped, I felt as if I could carry him forever.

"You warm enough?" I asked him just as I turned onto the trail and began down the hill. The snow had soaked through my sneakers and I hoped I wouldn't trip over anything with my numbing feet. Glancing down at him, I saw he had closed his eyes and had a slight smile on his face. I could feel his warm, moist breaths on my neck, sending a shiver down my spine. He nodded, his cheek rubbing against my shoulder and I swear he snuggled even closer. He actually seemed comfortable.

Walking as fast as carrying him would allow, I continued down the trail, my lungs burning from the cold air I inhaled in panting breaths. I had been exhausted before we'd even left Edward's, I was certainly too tired to carry him up and down a hill, but nothing, not even the pain it caused my body, would have stopped me. I felt stronger when I held him, like I could take on the world even though I knew I'd collapse as soon as I was alone. The look on Edward's face when we took our first steps into the meadow had made every single second of despair during the past month worth it.

I would have carried him up that hill every day for years on end if I got to see him smile like that every time.

By the time we reached his wheelchair, night had fallen. I was used to being able to make the trip in less than ten minutes without effort but carrying Edward had slowed me down more than I had expected. Carefully, I lowered him to his chair and he sat back to look up at me.

"Do you want to keep the blanket on your legs?" I offered.

"I don't need it but I'll keep it so you don't have to carry it. It's pretty wet," he answered as he folded it up and placed it on his lap.

"Are you okay? Warm enough?" I asked, twisting my back to relieve some of the soreness I knew I would be feeling for days.

"I'm fine, Jasper," he sighed, frustration leaking into his tone.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "I just want to-"

"I know."

He adjusted his knit hat and then slowly turned his chair toward the bottom of the hill. Unlike the trek up the trail, I stayed behind him on the way down, making sure he didn't slip on the packed snow. I admired the way he guided his chair over the uneven terrain, his hands gliding along the rims of his wheels quickly before reaching back and repeating the motion. I hadn't really paid much attention to the chair lately, it was as if it had already become an extension of him. Over the past month he'd gotten better at maneuvering it around corners and into smaller spaces.

Although there would always be places he couldn't go.

Going down the trail was easier for him, gravity easing his workload, but I saw his breaths become heavy as he pushed through the brush and leaves and snow until we finally reached the end and saw the truck. I walked ahead of him and opened the passenger door. When he pulled up to me, I lifted him from his chair and into the cab. I handed him the keys and he reached over to start the truck while I put his chair in the back.

When I got inside, he already had the heat on full blast and was rubbing his hands together before cupping them to his mouth and exhaling on them. I took off my gloves and turned to him, taking his hands into mine. Not only were my gloves thicker and warmer than his knit ones but his hands had been holding freezing stainless steel for half a mile. Putting his cold hands between mine, I rubbed them furiously until I felt them begin to warm. He watched me curiously the entire time, never saying a word, just a slight turning up of the corners of his mouth. I focused on his hands but I felt his gaze on me and I glanced up at him quickly before looking back at his hands.

"If you rub them much more, you're going to start a fire," he joked, trying to pull his hands from mine. Refusing to let them go, I brought them both to my lips and placed a kiss on each one, my eyes meeting and never leaving his. Finally, I released his hands and did up my seatbelt before pulling out onto the road. Reaching across, Edward took one of my hands from the steering wheel, weaving his fingers with mine.

On the way home a few cars had approached us from the other direction. Each time, Edward tensed gripping my hand with a strength I didn't realize he had, but his eyes had grown less wide and frantic, his breaths less rapid and shallow.

In his driveway, I turned the truck off, silencing "Here Comes the Sun", and sighed.

"Time to face the firing squad," I said. Slowly, his hand loosened in mine and he nodded. I undid my seatbelt and got out, stopping to get his chair from the back before going to his side. Positioning his chair, I opened his door. Without hesitation, he reached out to me, running his thumb over my lips, his eyes watching the movement.

"Here comes the sun," he whispered to me.

"I say it's all right," I murmured the next line. He released his seatbelt and I slid my arms under his knees and behind his back, lifting him. With his arms around my neck, he clung to me.

I clung right back, holding him with what remaining strength I had. We both knew something powerful happened in the meadow, something we didn't want to let go of quite so soon, and as long as we were in each other's arms, we wouldn't have to.

"I don't want to go in there," he admitted, his face buried into the crook of my neck.

I knew Edward, perhaps even better than I knew myself, and I felt his desperation for a sense of normalcy. He'd been growing weary of his house and his parents. He was strong willed and independent. Each time he was forced to accept help from his parents, my father, his physical therapist and even me, it shaved off a piece of him and he was wearing thin. Our rebellious trip to the meadow had given him a taste of his old independence and he was hungry for more.

I nuzzled his mussed hair with my nose. "Me either, but if we don't they are going to come out here and find us like this."

Closing his eyes, he nodded and I bent over to place him in his chair. He pushed it back and I closed the door, following him as he turned to head up the ramp. I went to open the door and he grabbed my wrist.

"No matter what they say…" he began, looking up at me pleadingly.

Did he really think I would let them keep me away from him?

"I promise I'm not going anywhere," I repeated my vow from earlier.

Relieved, he took a deep breath and then motioned for me to open the door. I held it open for him as he wheeled himself inside and immediately came face to face with his parents sitting on the couch. His mother stood up and practically ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck in a hug. Biting my lip, I closed the door and stood behind Edward.

"Oh my God, you're freezing!" she scolded as she stood up. "Where have you been? Why didn't you answer your phone?"

"I'm fine, Mom. We just went out for a ride. I told you the other day I wanted out to get out of here," Edward replied with a hard edge to his voice. "I didn't answer my phone because I left it here."

"Jasper," his father began, "come have a seat."

Glancing at Edward, I walked around him and sat across from Mr. Cullen. Edward moved his chair around his mother to join me.

"Edward, why don't you get changed out of those wet clothes while we talk to Jasper for few minutes?" his mother suggested.

"No," he answered defiantly, staring at his mother. "You're not going to be pissed at him for something I asked him to do."

Edward was taking the blame for me.

His father cleared his throat. "Edward, no one is blaming anyone," his father said. Edward hung his head in defeat.

"Fine," he muttered under his breath. Looking at me, he silently asked if I was all right without him and I nodded my head. I saw the pleading in his eyes, his lips almost mouthing the words 'no matter what'. "But I'm coming back out when I'm done."

Turning his chair, he glared at his mother for a few seconds before pushing himself past her and down the hall. Once he was in his room, Edward's mother began.

"What were you thinking, Jasper? Alice said you were taking Edward outside for fresh air and the next thing she knows, you're both gone. How could you just take off with him like that? It was irresponsible and risky." Her voice had taken on a very distinct motherly panicked tone. It wasn't one I had heard often. My mother's career often prevented her from panicking, her voice always seemed to be calm no matter the situation.

Edward's father looked at his wife. "The boy needs to warm up. Why don't you get Jasper some hot chocolate, Esme?" he asked her pleasantly. After a glance at me, she went into the kitchen. "She's just concerned for Edward. We both are, but she tends to get more heated up about things. Mind if I ask where you went?"

"Just out for a drive," I repeated Edward's lie from earlier. My leg bounced nervously and I kept my eyes on my hands in my lap. "We were studying and Edward got frustrated and said he needed to get out of the house. I offered to take him for a ride because I had my dad's truck."

"Do you always bring a backpack when you go for a drive?" he asked with a quirked brow, pointing the bag at my feet.

_Fuck._

"I just brought some extra stuff in case it got cold."

"Cold in the truck?" he countered quickly. Glancing up at him, I shrugged. "Jasper, I understand Edward wanting to get out of the house, but you have to remember a few things. Physically his body is still healing from a very a severe trauma. He's had some physical therapy but he has a long way to go before he is capable of the things he wants to do. Because of the trauma, his immune system is weakened and it will be easier for him to get sick. A simple cold could lead to something more serious for him. Do you understand?"

"I kept him warm," I muttered quietly. "I swear."

He leaned forward and patted my knee. "I know, son. I know you want to take care of him and be the friend he needs, which hasn't been easy. His mother and I both appreciate everything you've done. When he goes back to school, he'll be able to pick up right where he left because of you. But until he gets stronger, you've got to clear things like this with us first. I know Edward can be very convincing-"

"It was _my_ idea," I interrupted. "He didn't even know until we got outside to the truck."

Mr. Cullen leaned back against the couch and tilted his head. "How was he in the car?"

"Nervous at first. He didn't like other cars coming at us, but he was better after awhile."

I didn't tell him that Edward trembled and closed his eyes, that the thing that helped him focus the most was staring at me.

"That's to be expected. I'm sure it will be quite some time before he is okay with driving again."

"Will he be able to drive again? I was online and saw a lot of things about converting a car so a paraplegic can drive and I wondered if…" I stopped when I saw a smile on his face.

"You've been doing research?"

"A little," I admitted.

"You're a good friend, Jasper," he sighed. "As for a car, Edward's car was obviously totaled, but we should be reimbursed by the insurance company for that. However, converting a car for him is costly at best, but when the time comes and he shows an interest in it, we can look into getting him something."

"I think he'd like that," I agreed, feeling more comfortable. Mrs. Cullen returned with two mugs of hot chocolate and handed one to me. "Thanks," I mumbled as she went to sit next to her husband.

"Esme, I think Jasper understands the risks of taking Edward out without checking with us first. Right, Jasper?"

Looking at them both through my lashes, I nodded and apologized. "Sorry."

"I appreciate you wanting to help him, Jasper, but he's just not capable of the same things anymore," Mrs. Cullen said.

Her comment angered me. She had no idea what her son was capable of doing. I wanted to tell her how he had pushed himself up hill through half a mile of snow and leaves until his arms ached so bad he couldn't go any further. How he'd caught up on a month's worth of schoolwork in only a few weeks. How he let me hold him to dance even though it killed him to not be able to hold me back. How he just kept fighting even when he wanted nothing more than to give up. Instead of telling them all those things, I sipped my hot chocolate.

"Why don't you go say goodbye to Edward?" Mr. Cullen hinted. Nodding, I stood and went to turn toward Edward's room but stopped.

Sticking my chin out a bit, and hoping I wasn't doing the wrong thing, I spoke. "Edward's a lot stronger, physically and mentally, than either of you are giving him credit for."

Mrs. Cullen's eyes widened a bit but she remained quiet. Mr. Cullen just gave me a small smile and slight nod. Before anything else could be said, I turned and practically ran to Edward's room. Glancing down the hall to the living room to see if they were coming after me, I knocked on Edward's door. After a muffled 'what' I opened his door and entered, closing the door behind me and dropping my bag. Edward was lying bare-chested on his bed, gasping for breath as he struggled to pull his pants up.

When he saw me, he stopped, leaving the Star Wars pajama bottoms I'd given him for his birthday bunched around his knees, and looked at me with concern.

"I was trying to hurry. How'd it go?"

"Okay, I guess. Your dad just said I had to check with them before I took you anywhere because you could get sick easier and stuff."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that. I wanted to be there but-"

"It's okay, it was worth it."

"It was?"

"You smiled in the meadow. It was definitely worth it," I whispered honestly. "I would have faced a thousand Murlocs to see that smile."

"Dork," he said, rolling his eyes. Then just for me, he smiled again, and I swear I saw his cheeks flush as he lowered his eyes and fell back onto his back. "Fuck," he mumbled. "They just don't get it? They don't get how much it sucks to need help or have to ask permission to fucking leave the house. We used to go out all the time before, I never had to ask, I just went."

Sitting next to him on the bed, I couldn't help but look at his legs. His skin was as pale as ever, his bare thighs still looked muscular and firm and my fingers twitched with the curious need to touch him. Propping himself up on his elbows, he stared at me.

"They look normal, don't they?" he asked, his eyes following mine to his legs. I nodded and glanced at his face. His permanent sadness was there, etched into his eyes and skin, hovering around him like an aura, but there was something else keeping it company. It was a passive acceptance of his new reality, one that certainly didn't help him understand why him, why he was chosen to fight this battle, but that gave him some strength to continue to fight it.

"You can touch them," he mumbled, staring at me. Tugging my lip firmly between my teeth, I lifted my hand from the bed and held it above his leg, close enough to feel the heat rising from him. Slowly, I lowered my hand to his thigh, grazing the tips of my fingers over his flesh. I watched myself touch him, running my hand lightly up and down his thigh. Normally the action would have had him writhing and begging for more while his cock twitched to life. Now it just had him staring blankly at my fingers as they caressed him.

"Nothing?" I asked, amazed that I could see myself touching him, I could feel _him_, and even though he was watching me do it, he shook his head and sighed.

Bringing his eyes to mine, he tried to smile. "I really fucking want to though." He sat, watching my face as I continued to stroke his leg, my fingers kneading his flesh in a little massage. "Where did you learn to do that stuff you did on the trail?"

"What stuff?" I asked, never taking my eyes off his leg.

"The massage stuff, when you rubbed my legs and arms."

"Your circulation might not be as good as it was, especially when you're cold, so I did it to keep you warm, make sure blood still flowed." I finally glanced up at him and saw a curious smile teasing his lips.

"But how did you know that?"

"Umm…Google."

"You've been Googling about me?"

I nodded and quickly averted my eyes back to his legs. No matter how hard my fingers gripped his flesh, his body showed no reaction to my touch. In my heart, I knew this was his new reality, to be an observer of his own body, to watch from the outside in. He could still live a full life, actively participate in things but he would always view his body as a stranger now. I just wanted to take it all away for him, turn back time, make his life about him again and not his disability.

"If I could…"

"I know you would," he sighed.

I moved my hand from his thigh to his cheek, cupping it. Leaning toward him, I went to kiss him again, to assure myself that our kiss in the meadow wasn't hadn't been a hallucination of my exhausted body.

"Don't," he whispered just as my lips were about to touch his. "Please, don't."

I pulled back, removing my hand from his cheek.

"I just can't right now, Jasper…I just…"

"I understand," I lied. Sitting back, I look at the small R2-D2s and C-3POs on his pants and remembered a time seeing Edward half naked would have had me barricading the door and crawling on top of him. "Do you need help?" I asked motioning to his legs.

He shook his head and reached down with one hand while using the other for balance and tugged one side up before switching arms and doing the other side until the elastic was under his ass. Rolling onto his side, he pulled them up the rest of the way.

"You're getting pretty good at that," I said, watching as he grabbed his tee shirt and put it on. Reaching to my bag, I opened it and unpacked the extra clothes and thermos. When it was empty, I stuffed my books back into it and zipped it up.

"Don't have much choice," he uttered in a defeated acceptance.

We had so much to talk about, and there was so much I wanted to say to him.

"Edward," I began hesitantly.

"Not tonight, Jasper," he pleaded quietly. My chin dropped to my chest and I closed my eyes. I felt his hand in my hair, his fingers threading through the waves as he brushed them off my face. Opening my eyes, I saw him gazing at me. "It's not like that, love. I'm just so tired. Our little excursion took a lot out of me. We can talk tomorrow after school."

"Okay," I agreed. "But I'm not going to let you push me away anymore, Edward."

"I'm counting on it," he smiled. Tugging on my waves, he pulled me to him for a soft kiss. It was too brief, but it was long enough to taste the remains of hot chocolate on his cool, dry lips. His hand curved around my neck, drawing me in even closer. Brushing my lips across his, I felt myself trembling, a combination of exhaustion and relief. Breaking the kiss, he released a sweet breath that washed over my face. "Jasper?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for tonight."

"You're welcome."

"Tomorrow?"

"Definitely. I'll be here right after school." With a small smile, I stood up and grabbed my bag. "Get some sleep, Edward."

_Be safe, baby._

"You too, Jasper," he replied as he pulled himself toward his pillows.

_See ya soon, love._

I opened his door and looked at him one last time, watching him as he sighed and settled back onto his pillows, his body weary and fatigued.

Hoping his parents weren't in living room anymore, I walked down the hall and peered into the kitchen. Thinking I was safe, I headed for the front door.

"Jasper?"

_Shit._

Stopping, I sighed before turning around.

"How is he?" his father asked from the corner chair in the living room.

"His mood seems okay but he's tired," I admitted, my cheeks even blushing a bit.

"That's to be expected. He got outside, fresh air will do a body wonders. But you do understand why his mother and I were worried, right?"

"Yes, sir," I mumbled.

"I know you meant well, but until he's stronger, we need to keep an eye on him."

_Stronger._

There was that word again.

Even his own father had no idea how strong his son was, how much he'd accomplished. If only he'd seen Edward on the mountain, breathing heavy behind me, forcing his chair up the path until his body gave out. The pride he had given up to let me carry him the rest of the way.

"Mr. Cullen?"

"Yes?"

_Believe in your son. Let him do these things on his own. Let him fail and fall down. He will pick up himself up again and again. Let me love him._

"Night," I sighed.

"Night, Jasper."

The cab of the truck was cold when I climbed in and as I waited for it to warm up, I turned up the radio, smiling when "Here Comes the Sun" picked up where it left off.

Edward and I had planned to lose our innocence together a month before, we shared our hearts and were ready for that final step of sharing our bodies. Our innocence was lost that night, but not in the way we had intended. Edward's accident robbed us of almost everything we had known. Before that night, we had woken up every day, knowing exactly what to expect. We did well in school, we had friends and our sports, we had our futures planned and knew without a doubt we'd be together forever. Then in the matter of one night, we were both suddenly traveling down a path neither of us knew how to navigate. Life had thrown us a challenge, a test of sorts, and while there were days I definitely felt like I was not up to it, that I wanted nothing more than to give up, I never would. This new path of our lives was confusing and we were lost, blindly searching and reaching for an end we weren't sure existed, but as long as we were lost together, I knew we would find the way hand in hand.

And it would be as fulfilling as anything we'd ever dared to dream of.

No chair was going to stop me from making his dreams come true. It only meant I was going to have to work harder. I heard my phone ring from inside my backpack and I fumbled to get it out.

"Everything okay?" I asked, panicking.

"Yeah, I just wanted to say good night again," he mumbled, the sleepiness heavy in his voice.

"Night, baby," I chanced the nickname. There was a pause and I immediately yelled at myself for letting the nickname slip.

"See ya soon, love," he whispered before hanging up. Putting my phone on the seat, I wiped the one tear that rolled down my cheek.

I had been waiting to hear those words since New Year's Day.

I felt Edward's presence sitting next to me and holding my hand the entire ride home.

At my house, I went right to my bathroom after a quick hello to my mother. Stripping out of my wet clothes, I got into the shower, letting the hot water slowly thaw my frozen body and soothe away the aches I felt. There wasn't one part of me that didn't hurt in some way. My legs were unsteady and shaky, my thighs burned even just standing still. My arms were so weak that I dropped the shampoo bottle when I grabbed it. Then there was the constant throbbing in my lower back and the tenderness I felt developing around my rib again. As I stood under the stream of water, I closed my eyes and thought back to Edward lying on his bed in the Star Wars pants, how seeing him struggle with them was so different to how it had been a few months before when I'd given them to him.

"What is it?" he asked, shaking the hastily wrapped box. Rolling my eyes, I let out an exaggerated sigh.

"Always with the questions, just open the damn thing," I scolded him with a smile.

"I just have a curious nature," he shrugged.

"Yeah, and what did the curiosity do to the cat?"

"What you're going to do to me if I don't open this now?" he smirked.

"Ding, ding, my smart boy. Now open it."

"If I'm a cat, do I have nine lives?"

"If you don't open that box you will be down to eight lives in about thirty seconds," I threatened.

Sitting cross-legged on his bed, I watched him as he ripped the paper off the box. With one last mischievous glance at me, he pulled off the top and then started laughing.

Really, really hard.

Like falling onto his back and holding his stomach laughing.

Frowning, I peeked into the box to be sure it was what I had wrapped. Inside was the pair of perfectly folded Star Wars pajama bottoms I had bought him. They were a dark blue with tiny R2-D2s and C-3POs all over them. I thought it would be a good way to break the ice for my Halloween costume suggestion for a party we were going to in a few weeks.

"What's so funny?" I growled, folding my arms across my chest. Stifling the last of his fits of laughter, he wiped the tears from his cheeks and sat up. He pushed the box off his lap and leaned toward me. I let his lips press against mine, tasting the saltiness of his tears on them, but when his tongue asked for entrance, I stopped him. "Not until you tell me what's so funny."

"Jasper, love, you are the most beautiful dork ever," he grinned and shook his head. "I'm gonna put them on."

Jumping off the bed, he pulled down the old plaid pants he was wearing and then paused to make sure his door was shut tightly. I turned to face him, shivering when I put my feet on the cold floor. Standing in front of me with in nothing but a Beatles tee shirt and his boxer briefs, he gazed at me as he hooked his thumbs under the elastic of his underwear. My eyes grew wide and I was torn between watching him take them off and watching his eyes as he did it. Not even caring if his door was locked, he slowly lowered his underwear, sliding them over his growing erection. Once it was freed, he let the briefs fall to the floor before he kicked them off.

"Edward?" I choked out, peeling my eyes from his beautiful cock to his fuck-me eyes.

"I want to feel the soft cotton against my cock," he murmured. I swear his fingers twitched with eagerness to touch himself but he resisted and put a hand on my shoulder for support as he reached to his bed for the new pants. Bending over, he put one foot in, followed by the other, and pulled them up until his hard on was pressing against C-3PO.

"How do they look?" he teased, jutting his hips toward me. Swallowing thickly, I glanced up at him before grabbing his hips and pulling him to stand between my parted legs. "Mmmm," he approved.

Arching his back, he ran a hand under his shirt along his abs and I moaned. I yanked him closer, pressing my face to his cock, inhaling the scent of the cotton as I ran my nose along C-3PO, feeling Edward's cock bulging behind it.

"I need you," he moaned, threading his fingers through my hair as he ground his cock into my face. I lifted my head and nodded, moving back so he could get onto the bed. We didn't like to give head when his parents were home, it was too risky, but we had given plenty of hand jobs. If we got interrupted it was easier to explain us lying on the bed next to each other, where hands could easily retreat and blankets could hide erections. Being caught with his cock in my mouth would have been more difficult to explain.

Eagerly, he climbed onto his bed, moving up so he was half sitting against his pillows. Once he was settled, I moved next to him. Propping myself up on an elbow, I ran my hand under his tee shirt, gathering it to expose his abdomen. Placing a kiss on his stomach, I dipped my tongue into his navel while my hand rubbed his cock through the cotton.

"Oh, fuck," he groaned loudly, not even containing his excitement.

"Sssh, baby, they'll hear you," I reminded him quietly. Instead of crying out when I slipped my hand under the elastic and into his wiry curls, he bit down on his lip and fisted the blanket on his bed. I left random kisses over his chest and stomach, pausing to suck and tease his nipple and trace the lines of his abs. When my fingers grazed along the underside of his cock, his hips thrust off the bed, reflexively seeking more.

"Gonna make you feel so good," I whispered to him. He watched me with half-lidded lusty eyes as he reached up and brushed my hair off my face. He tucked the strands behind my ear, leaving his fingers tightly weaved in my curls while I wrapped mine around his rigid erection and began to stroke him as much as I could under his pajamas. Whimpering, he clenched his eyes and released his hold on the blanket to grab his pants and yank them down over his cock until it was free. Without any restrictions on my movements, I pumped him harder, my fingers holding his cock firmly as my hand slid up and down. I continued to kiss his body, leaning down to suck on his hip bone and lick along his 'v', leaving a trail of saliva behind.

"Oh, Jesus, yeah, love. More," he begged, his slim hips bucking up to fuck my fist. Knowing just what he wanted, I moved my mouth to his ear.

My baby loved dirty talk.

"I want to see you come, baby, I want to see your cock shoot your load for me," I whispered. "I want to feel your hot cum on my hand. I want lick it off and taste you. Would you like that?"

"Yeah," he gasped, trying to open his eyes.

"Fuck my hand, baby, make yourself come."

He moaned.

There was no rhythm to his hips, his thrusts were erratic and frantic. I felt his cock swelling in my hand, his precum seeping from the slit, traveling over the flared head. His labored breaths were loud, and I realized even if someone walked in right then, there was no way Edward could stop; he was too close to his climax. Kissing along his jaw, I quickened my pace, attempting to match the jerky movements of his hips.

"Close, baby? Gonna come for me? Jesus, I can't wait to fuck you, feel your ass around me," I murmured along his jaw line.

"Shit, gonna come," he warned just as I felt his cock pulse in my hand. Enthralled, I watched his face as his tongue darted out to lick his lips repeatedly and his eyes opened to meet mine the second his cock exploded in my hand, releasing streams of warm cum onto his abs as his body tensed when his orgasm washed over him.

He was so beautiful when he came.

Leaning up, I kissed him, my tongue plunging into his mouth. Moaning, he pulled me even closer, deepening the kiss while the remnants of his climax still flowed through him, his hips still moving his sensitive cock into my loose fist. Beads of sweat had gathered on his upper lip and I kissed them away before moving my lips back to his ear.

"You're so fucking hot," I mumbled before dropping my head to his shoulder. Chuckling, he finally stilled his hips and loosened his grip on my hair, running his fingers through the twisted curls. He sighed and I lifted my head to see a lazy smile on his face. Releasing his cock, I brought my hand up to my mouth and I lapped it clean of his climax, my eyes never moving from his.

"Jesus," he moaned as I finished and kissed him again, sharing his musky flavor. "Fuck that felt so good," he announced happily. "Can you get me a towel?"

Nodding, I sat up, my eyes drawn to his softening cock resting against him, cum still dripping from the slit, and I paused. Raising himself to his elbows, he quirked a brow.

"What's wrong?"

"You got cum on R2-D2," I frowned.

"Dork," he laughed, falling back onto his bed. "I'll make it up to you."

"How?" I asked as I reached into his laundry for a towel.

"You'll see," he promised.

Ten minutes later, we disregarded our no blow job rule when my back was pressed against his locked door, my cock buried his throat while my hands were buried in his hair, I found out how he was going to make it up to me. After grunting and coming in his mouth, I slid down the door and pulled him to me for a kiss.

"Apology accepted?"

"Fuck yes," I moaned, kissing him again. "Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"I have another present for you." I crawled out from his grasp, not bothering to put my cock back into my pants, and reached into my bag. Pulling out another wrapped present, I sat back against the door and handed it to him.

Of course, he shook the damn thing.

It was a long, irregular shaped package as poorly wrapped as the pajama bottoms. I had apparently missed out on the gay gene that contained good wrapping skills. Excitedly, he ripped the paper, tossing it aside. When he saw an image on the box, he stopped and looked up at me.

"Is this what I think it is?" he whispered.

"Open it and find out," I returned. I sat with my legs out in front of me, parted a bit, with my sated cock in my hand, stroking it gently.

"Holy shit," he murmured when the last of the paper was gone, revealing a flesh colored, flexible, seven inch long dildo, looking exactly like a cock. His cheeks flushed a deep rose and heard his gasp. "Is this for…"

"Practice," I filled in for him with a lazy smirk.

"You're bigger than this," he said, biting his lip. I smiled, he knew my cock so well.

"But not as wide," I corrected."Open it, touch it."

He opened the box and pulled out the fake cock, gripping it firmly in his hand.

"Jesus, it feels heavy," he said, stroking it.

I moaned.

I wasn't sure when I'd seen something as hot as Edward stroking a dildo. Well, besides stroking his own dick.

"You look pretty fucking hot right now," I whispered leaning forward for a kiss. Instead, he ran the head of the dildo over my lips and I parted them, letting him slide the head in. The silicone didn't taste nearly as good as Edward did, but I loved the weight of it on my tongue.

"Fuck," he groaned, sliding the toy in and out of my mouth a few times, watching the saliva gather on it. "When can we use it?" he asked, withdrawing it from my mouth.

"This weekend? Why don't you sleep over and bring it with you? My mom's working the nightshift but my dad will be home."

"This isn't going to fit in my ass, love," he said worriedly.

"Babe, don't worry. We won't rush it, we've got time. I think it'll be good for you to know what to expect before we make love. You trust me, right?"

"Of course," he replied without hesitation. "I just don't want to disappoint you. I want it to be good for you."

"Are you shitting me? Edward, it is going to be amazing because it's you."

His blush deepened and his smile widened. "You always say the right thing."

"My Jedi Master taught me well."

"Now I'm Yogi?"

Shaking my head, I dropped my chin to my chest. "Yoda, baby."

"Oh, right. Sorry."

He put the dildo back into the box and went to his dresser. Opening the bottom drawer, he hid it under some clothes.

"Hey, Jasper?" he said as he moved back to me and pulled me into his lap, pushing my hand off my cock and replacing it with his own. My hips bucked up into his fist. Edward could make me hard so fucking fast.

"Yeah?" I panted, looking at him.

"I love you," he murmured.

"I love you, too," I replied just before his lips met mine and his hand quickened its pace.

In my shower, I rinsed my hair, feeling my cock twitching at the memory of Edward coming so hard and his hand stroking me. Sighing, I reached down and wrapped my fingers loosely around my erection. I hadn't jerked off since the morning of the accident. Even on the rare days when I woke up with morning wood, I ignored it. Prior to the accident, I usually wanked twice a day. I always had to take care of it in the morning or I would go through school with a hard on all day. There was no way I could sit through classes with Edward's scent nearby and not get hard. Then I would usually jerk off later at night before I fell asleep or for Edward after school. He loved watching me touch myself, and I loved him watching me because it usually led to him touching himself.

And there was nothing fucking sexier than Edward masturbating.

Bracing one hand against the shower wall, I began to pump my cock efficiently, knowing how to bring myself to orgasm quickly. My mind settled on images of Edward lying on his bed with his Star Wars pajamas around his thighs while he stroked himself. As his orgasm approached, I kissed him, murmuring words of love until I felt his body shudder as his climax spread throughout his body.

"Edward," I cried out as my own orgasm hit me, my cock spraying cum onto the wall only to be washed away by the hot water. Panting, I leaned my head onto my arm and slowed my strokes until my cock softened. Physically drained, I turned the water off and got out. I dried off quickly, tying the towel around my waist and bolting to my bedroom where I put on a pair of sweatpants and fell onto my bed. I put my phone in the iHome and selected Edward's playlist, putting "Here Comes the Sun" on repeat. My eyes drifted closed, a smile on my face.

I slept, really slept, for the first time in a month, dreaming of two boys dancing in a meadow.

"**~~**"

I bit into the apple as I scanned the last chapter of our English assignment. I'd had enough of George and Lenny and their problems. I'd meant to do the reading the night before but Edward and sleep had taken priority. The cafeteria was loud, but I blocked out the mindless chatter with Edward's music. The highs and lows were soothing, each note flowing seamlessly into the next, reminding me of just how brilliant and talented he really was.

I ignored her when she sat down across from me, slipping her tiny frame into a seat and sliding her bag off her shoulder and onto the chair next to her. Chewing on her lip, she pretended to be interested in her food. I kept my head down, my hair shielding my eyes. Reaching across, she tapped my book. I sighed and pulled out an earbud.

"Edward told you," she assumed correctly. I raised an eyebrow and returned the earbud to my ear. Ever persistent, she tapped my book again.

"What?" I snapped, yanking the buds from my ears.

"I'm sorry, but I had to tell him, Jasper."

"You could have lied," I countered quickly. "Not eating? Looked like shit? Won't talk?"

"I was worried about you. I knew if anyone could help you it would be him."

I couldn't argue with her there.

"Worry about him, not me."

"You're my friends, I worry about both of you."

Sighing, I held the apple up. "I'm eating. Happy now?"

"Yes," she beamed.

"You betrayed me, Bella."

"I know," she whispered, keeping her eyes on her food as she pushed it around with her fork. I noticed she didn't apologize for it.

"Don't do it again," I growled under my breath.

"I won't," she promised eagerly. "Did you see him yesterday?"

"Yeah, after his PT, we did some homework."

_We danced. _

_We kissed._

_He smiled_.

"I really wanted to go over but I just feel so weird."

"He's still Edward, Bella," I smirked. "Same guy he always was."

"Can I ask you something?"

I shrugged, knowing she would ask it regardless of my answer.

"Do you feel…I don't know…strange when you're with him? Like because you can walk and he can't?"

"Honestly? At first every step I took, every time I ran, I thought about how he couldn't anymore. It pissed me off that I could still do all that shit and he couldn't. It's different now though. Now I think if I can walk, I am going to help him."

"How?"

"I don't know yet, but I'll figure it out." I tilted my head, shaking the hair from my eyes and watched her. "Are you worried about seeing him because you think he won't like you anymore because you can walk?"

When I saw her bottom lip go between her teeth, I knew I was right.

"Bella, he's not going to hold the fact that you can walk against you. The only thing that has changed about him is his ability to use his legs, and he tends to get frustrated easily."

"That's nothing new," she scoffed.

"True," I agreed, taking another bite of my apple. "Just go, Bella. It'll be fine. I think he'd really like to see a friendly face. He's pretty tired of seeing me and his parents all the time."

"When I talked to him, he mentioned his physical therapist. Um…"

"Emmett," I supplied for her.

"Yeah. He sounds pretty cool. Edward seems to really like him," she began to eat in earnest. Shrugging, I returned my attention back to my book, trying to focus on it and not on the memory of Emmett's hands on Edward's ass.

"Have you met him?"

Sighing, I gave up and closed the book. It was only a quiz anyway, failing it wouldn't make much difference on my grade, which was already shit due to the essay I forgot to turn in and the test I had failed the week before.

"Yes," I replied flatly. "He's a nurse, works with my mom at the hospital."

"Is he nice?"

"Jesus, Bella, I don't know. We talked for like two minutes. I guess he seemed nice."

_You make him smile._

"Yeah, he is nice," I corrected myself. I couldn't help but be jealous of Emmett. It wasn't that I thought he was after Edward or got off on touching Edward's body. I knew how technically nurses viewed everything; they had to in order to get through their days. I was jealous because he_ could _touch Edward.

Freely.

Openly.

He could touch Edward's naked body with his parents in the next room and not have to worry about being caught. And deep down, I didn't like seeing anyone's hands on Edward. I wanted to be the only one who knew the feel of his muscles and smooth skin. I wanted to be the only one who knew how to make him feel good. From my research online, I knew how important massage therapy was to paraplegics and the strain they put on their shoulders and arms from the repetitive motion of constantly pushing their chairs. It also helped relieve and prevent muscles spasms. I had been reading about them when I was supposed to be doing my homework.

"That's good." She took a few bites and I thought it might be safe to go back to reading. "Jasper?"

"Mmm?"

"Do you think he'll ever be able to walk again?" she asked quietly. Looking at her through my hair, I watched her sadden quickly.

"I don't know," I answered honestly. "I hope so."

"Me too," she sighed. "I think I'll stop by his place tomorrow."

"I think he'd like that." Finally quiet, she finished eating while I attempted to finish my chapter.

At home, I walked into the empty house and dragged my sore body upstairs. I tossed my bag on my bed and fell into my chair, booting up my computer to check my email. I leaned my chair back while I waited and clicked my TV on, not surprised when a music video channel came on. I watched the mindless shit until my computer was up and running. Opening a browser, I logged into my email and began scrolling through the spam I had from registering at the porn sites I had visited. I had just spotted an email from Jake when he pinged me in a chat. We had chatted for a few times, usually only a few minutes or when I had a question.

thebigbadwolf: Hey Jas how's it going?

ForeverDusk: ok. you?

thebigbadwolf: not too bad. Totally bailed on work today though. How's your boyfriend? Is he talking to you yet?

ForeverDusk: yeah I think we made progress last night. I took him to a place we like to go to. His parents were pretty pissed though.

thebigbadwolf: why?

ForeverDusk: because we left without letting them know.

Thebigbadwolf: bad boys ;)

ForeverDusk: You should've seen him though. He was so strong but sometimes he just shuts down and idk what to do.

thebigbadwolf: Give him time. It was months before Embry finally adjusted. They'll be good days and really fucking bad ones but hang in there.

ForeverDusk: Thnx Jake. hope you're right.

thebigbadwolf: I always am! I gotta run but anytime you want to talk or have any questions, give me a call. I'll email you my number.

ForeverDusk: Thanks Jake ttyl

thebigbadwolf: Ttyl Jas

Less than a minute later, his email with his phone number arrived and I entered it into my phone.

"**~~**"

Taking a deep breath, I knocked on the door, feeling pretty fucking uncertain.

I was uncertain about what Edward's mother might say without Mr. Cullen around to stop her. She'd been pretty upset with me the night before, and I understood why, but honestly when I had the idea to take Edward to the meadow, his condition was the last thing on my mind. Getting him back to a place where he could remember what being us was all about was all I had been thinking about.

I was also worried about seeing Edward again. I tried to cling to the memory of the meadow, the dancing, his smile, the kiss we'd shared after so long. Every day for weeks, I had known what to expect when I saw him, the disheveled appearance, the outbursts of anger and frustration that he wore daily.

Our relationship had become one of push and pull, of a step forward and many more steps backwards. I was constantly playing catch up, my mind confused on the next move I should make. I knew Edward needed to be pushed, but I feared the wrong one at the wrong time would be the end of us. The eggshells I'd been walking on since the accident were weakening by the day, crunching and cracking under my weight.

As I stood on their doorstep waiting for Mrs. Cullen to answer, I hoped that the talk that I knew Edward was going to make us have didn't leave me without a heart.

"Jasper," Mrs. Cullen greeted as she opened the door and let me inside. "Your hot chocolate is on the counter."

So far, so good.

"Thanks, Mrs. Cullen." As quickly as I thought was polite, I bolted for the kitchen to get the mug and then headed to Edward's room. She caught me on the way out of the kitchen. I stopped midstride and sipped my hot chocolate to avoid saying something I shouldn't.

"About last night," she began, looking up at me with that stern motherly look. Kids always thought it was the fathers that they should fear, but nothing scared me more than a protective mother with a disappointed look on her face.

"I'm sorry I got a little…excited over you taking Edward out. It's just that, as corny as it sounds, he is my baby, Jasper. He and Alice are my life, and we came so close to losing him…" she paused, taking a deep breath to control her emotions. "If something happens to him after all he's been through, I don't know if either of us would ever recover."

"I know," I agreed softly, "but Mrs. Cullen, you know he's been working hard with his PT and he can't be in that room all the time. He can't even get into the kitchen right now. It's frustrating him to not be able to do all the same shi-stuff he did before."

"I know and I realize that is something I need to work on. I'm a mother, and watching your child suffer, physically or emotionally, is the worst kind of pain. To sit by helpless as they struggle…there are no words. I guess what I am trying to say is, I don't want him to struggle or hurt anymore than he has to, and to prevent that, I might be a little overprotective….sometimes." She sighed and folded her arms across her chest. "You never think it will happen to you or your family but when it does, you realize that you love them even more than you ever thought possible. You'll realize this someday, Jasper."

I wanted to tell her I already did.

"Anyway, I apologize for yelling at you last night, but I hope you can understand why I was so worried. Especially when we couldn't reach him."

"I understand," I nodded.

"Why don't you go down there. He's been quiet today, I think he's tired."

My fault.

"I'll try not to stay too long then," I offered as I walked by and down the hall. My heart pounded anxiously in my chest when I knocked on his door. When he didn't answer, I slowly opened it.

He was on his bed, his Star Wars pants still on, lying on his back propped up by his pillows as he slept. Setting my bag down, I moved to the edge of the bed and stood over him. His Abbey Road tee shirt was pulled up a bit, exposing a few inches of his abdomen, of the 'v' in his hip. One arm rested across his stomach while the other lay by his side. His head was tilted, his mouth open as he snored lightly. There was a serene look on his face, something I hadn't seen in a long time. Long lashes fanned over slightly flushed cheeks and his hair looked as if his hands had run through it many times.

Something he did when he was nervous.

After I closed his door, I gently sat on the edge of the bed. Edward flinched when it shifted under my weight, but he remained asleep. He was obviously exhausted and I debated on leaving, but I didn't want to leave without at least saying hi.

Resting my hand on his thigh, I shook him. "Edward?"

Nothing.

I moved my hand with more force. "Baby?"

I began to worry when my shaking didn't wake him and was about to call for Mrs. Cullen when I realized my hand was on his leg.

He couldn't feel it.

Hanging my head in shame, I sighed.

I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to get used to his paralysis anymore than he would. Moving my hand to his, I grabbed it and called his name again. That time his eyes fluttered opened and I witnessed those few precious seconds he'd told me about, the ones when he first wakes up and believes he can walk but then realizes he can't. I saw his eyes fill with such enormous hope at seeing me, at thinking his life was like it had always been, then the hope emptied, replaced with the anguish of his reality.

"Hey," he mumbled, reaching up to run a hand through his hair. "How long have you been here?"

"Only a few minutes."

"Sorry," he sighed, closing his eyes again. "Really tired today."

"Because of last night," I stated, not asked. Prying his eyes opened, he gave me a shrug.

"Maybe. It was good PT though," he tried to smile.

"You're too tired to do work. I'll go, but I wanted to say hi and let you know I was here."

"No, stay," he said firmly. "I'm too tired for work, but don't go yet. We need to talk."

"Edward, it's not a good idea if you're tired." I didn't want his exhaustion to affect his ability to think about us clearly.

Rolling his eyes, he shook his head disbelievingly. "Not you too."

Frowning, I knitted my brows and removed my hand from his. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"They got to you last night. They gave you the fucking 'he's fragile' speech and you bought it," he almost growled.

"Not even fucking close," I shot back. He raised a brow to challenge. "It's not that I don't think you can handle it, fuck, you pushed yourself up a fucking mountain yesterday, but I don't want to have this…talk when you're obviously fucking tired because I'm afraid you won't be thinking straight."

"Thinking straight as in I will try to tell you to leave?" he asked, his voice softening. Looking down at his bed, I nodded. "Even if it is for the best."

"But it's not, you fucking know it."

"Jasper," he began, trying to sit up straighter, but failing and letting himself fall back against the pillows. He reached for my hand, entwining our fingers. While his eyes watched our clasped hands on his bed, he spoke in a trembling voice. "I'm not sure I am the same Edward you fell in love with. I'm not sure he exists anymore."

"That's okay," I answered quickly and without doubt. His eyes shot to mine.

"It is?"

"I will love you no matter what," I replied.

"But someone else could love you better. Give you so much more," he sighed, looking away. I squeezed his hand.

"But I could never love anyone else," I reminded him firmly. "First, you are the same person you were before. Your heart is still generous, your mind is still brilliant. Nothing has changed. So you can't walk. Big fucking deal. Your legs were nice, but they weren't the best thing about you. It wasn't your legs that I fell in love with."

"I know," he sighed sadly. "Sometimes I just feel so…lost."

"I know, baby, me too. We can be lost together," I promised.

"I get angry, I strike out without thinking. I never used to do that shit and now I can't stop myself."

"That's all completely normal. I've been reading and it turns out that going through something like this is like grieving for the loss of a loved one. You go through stages."

"Stages?"

"Yeah, like denial, anger, acceptance."

He shook his head violently. "I will never, _ever_ fucking accept this," he spat.

"I think you've already begun to," I responded quietly, remembering the look on his face the night before.

"Never," he repeated. I liked the fight that awoke in him with his words. He was going to need it. This was the Edward I knew. We were quiet for a few minutes, our hands still gripping each other, his thumb occasionally stroking my skin. "I blamed you for the accident."

"I know."

"If you hadn't wanted me over that night because your parents were going away, then I would have been going home."

"I know." My voice grew quieter even though I began to steel myself for the battle I suspected was coming.

"Then I realized I wanted to be at your house as much as you wanted me there," he whispered. "Maybe even more."

"But-"

"Jasper, I wanted to make love with you desperately. I was driving too fast for snow. I wanted to get to you by midnight. I should have fucking known better. If I'd been going slower, maybe I could have avoided him and-"

"Don't you fucking dare blame yourself, Edward," I growled. "This was not your fault. I felt the same way. I would lie in my bed at night and think 'if only he hadn't been coming to see me'. I did it for weeks, and I believed it. I believed _I_ was to blame, and honestly, I still do. Partially anyway. But you, you are not at fault. It was some fucking asshole too fucking stupid to know better."

"Doesn't change this though, does it?" he asked, glancing down at his motionless legs.

"No, it doesn't."

He pulled his hand from mine and reached up to touch my hair, fingering the ends briefly before letting his hand fall.

"Just like silk," he tried to smile. "Come 'ere," he said quietly, spreading his arms. Kicking off my shoes, I moved up the bed. Curling into his body, I rested my head on his chest as his arm wrapped around my back. I laid my arm over his stomach and closed my eyes. He felt so warm and solid and...normal. I heard his heart beating, steady and courageous. He really had no fucking idea just how strong he was.

"When I was at Forks General, did you ever come see me?"

I hesitated, wondering how pissed he was going to be when he found out I had disobeyed his demand to stay away from him.

"Because one night I imagined you were there. I saw you leaving my room, there was a glow around you. I thought you were an angel coming to save me."

Guilt swept through me and I closed my eyes. "Promise not to get mad?" Beneath my ear, his heart skipped a beat, but he nodded. "I was there every night but one," I admitted quietly. "There was a nurse who knew me, she let me in to see you, but she only let me stay for ten minutes."

"You drove down to see me for ten minutes?"

"I wanted to stay longer but Mrs. Fuller wouldn't let me."

His hold around me tightened and I felt him press his lips to my head. "You weren't my imagination," he mumbled into my hair. "What are we going to do, Jasper?"

Lifting my head, I rested my chin on his chest and brought a hand up to his face. Running my forefinger along his jaw line, I stared at him. He thought he'd changed, that he wasn't the same boy anymore, and I think in some ways, he was right.

But in so many ways, he was wrong.

"Edward, I don't care about…this," I began, motioning to his legs. "It doesn't change who you are. You're still the same beautiful, perfect boy I fell in love with. Nothing will ever change that. Nothing."

The words had barely left my lips and I was wiping a tear off his cheek.

"How do you always know the right thing to say?"

"Because I learned from the best…you," I smiled at him. His face saddened and he sighed.

"I don't know if I can do this, Jasper."

"What?"

"Us, spending my life in a chair…all of it," he whispered softly.

"You can, Edward."

"What about school? I want to go back because I want to get out of this fucking house, but how am I going to face everyone? What if they look at me funny or say something?" He didn't bother to hide the fear in his voice. I heard it quiver and pulled my body closer to his in support.

I sighed, my finger traveling up his jaw to trace the dark circles under his beautiful eyes. "Fuck them, Edward."

"I'm not like you, Jasper. I grew up with these people. For years I've been the quiet guy, the smart kid who plays the piano and happens to be good at basketball. Now I'm nothing more than a cripple in a chair."

"Edward-"

"Don't say I'm not because that is all they are going to see. A fucking chair. A cripple in a chair." He looked away, his eyes settling on the far corner of his room. I felt his heart pounding against his chest as his frustration and worry grew, feeding off each other. Nothing I said was going to convince him.

And he was right.

Some of the kids would see nothing but a chair, but they didn't matter. The ones that honestly cared about him would see past his disability.

"You got me," I murmured. He tried to smile, but his lips refused to turn up.

"I know."

Laying my head on his chest again, I let his rhythmic beat soothe me. Even more soothing than his heart were his long fingers threading through my curls.

"Jasper?"

"Mmm?"

"I can't have sex," he whispered sadly. "I can't do anything like that."

I remained completely still, clenching my eyes at the pain in his voice, anguish for missing something he'd never had the chance to experience. Being physical was important to us both. I loved his body and the way it made my heart race and cock twitch. The chemistry we had was unmatched and amazing, but it wasn't his body that I had fallen in love with.

Lifting my head again, I looked up at him.

"You know that doesn't matter to me, right?"

"It does to me," he countered. "I'm not…a man anymore. I can't get hard, I can't come, I can't satisfy you."

If I had to live with only hand holding and kisses from Edward for the rest of my life, I'd do it, but I knew we could do more. I'd done my research, I knew there were other ways besides intercourse to enjoy each other. Looking into the saddest eyes I'd ever seen, I saw the future that he was going to miss. I saw our limbs eagerly entwined as he thrust his hips into me, as our hands roamed freely and our mouths communicated the intense love we felt. It was all there in the facets of emerald and forest, the fractured life of possibilities that would never come to be.

"Your cock doesn't make you a man," I sighed, wishing there was a way to make him understand. He looked away again, unable to hold my gaze, to face the reality of us in a sexless future.

"I really wanted to make love to you, Jasper."

"Someday we will," I vowed.

He rolled his eyes, ignoring the few tears that escaped them. "Yeah, right," he scoffed.

We stayed like that for a few minutes, him staring at the corner of the room, me staring at him, willing him to look at me. I was comforted that his hand never left my hair and I found myself leaning into his touch.

"Do you remember the day you gave me these pants?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah." I felt myself blushing at the memory of him writhing under my touch and how I'd jerked off to it in the shower only the night before. "Do you remember why I gave them to you?"

Then a miracle happened.

He laughed.

It wasn't loud and full, it barely qualified as a giggle, but his chest vibrated under me and his lips curved into a smile.

It was music, pure and clear and full of hope. If it could happen once, it could happen again.

"Yeah, Chewie, I do," he chuckled, finally bringing his eyes back to mine.

I shook my head. "I can't believe I let you talk me into that."

"Me? It was _your_ idea."

"Yeah, to go as them, not to be Chewbacca," I argued.

The day after I had given him the pajamas, I had gone by his house after school, ready to break the news of my Halloween costume suggestions to him. Not even knocking on his door, I walked into the house and found him sitting on the couch with his feet on the table watching something about The Beatles on TV.

I sat next to him, mirroring his position and sighed.

"What's wrong?" he asked, turning his head.

"Well, I was thinking about the party that Newton is having next weekend."

"The Halloween one?"

"Yeah. I think we should go in costume. It'd be really fun," I suggested, easing my way into the tough part.

"No, I am not dressing up as that."

I raised a brow. "I haven't even said anything yet."

He smiled. "You don't have to, love. I know that mind of yours just as well as I know my own."

"Fine," I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest and turning away. We each held our ground for a few long minutes until I finally caved. "But it was a fucking awesome idea."

He raised both brows.

"Just saying."

"Okay, what's your idea?" he sighed, giving in like I knew he would.

And he claimed he knew me better.

"Well, I was thinking that we should go as the ultimate dynamic duo."

Wide green eyes stared at me as he shook his head. "No fucking way are we going as Batman and Robin."

"Pftt, as if they are the ultimate dynamic duo? Please. Give me some credit, Edward. I have taste, you know," I brushed off his insult. Actually, I didn't have anything against Batman and Robin, they had their cool tool belts and cod pieces, but the pair I had in mind was much better.

"Okay, so who is the ultimate dynamic duo?"

"Han Solo and Chewbacca," I announced proudly. His reaction was similar to when he had opened the pajama pants. Throwing his head back, he laughed until he had tears in his eyes and was gasping for breath.

It had gone a little better than I had expected.

Waiting out his fit of laughter, I stared at him, watching the way his body shook, the way his lips curled over his teeth.

Fuck, I wanted to suck his cock right then.

Well, I always wanted to suck his cock, but then more than usual.

He stilled when he saw the uncontained lust in my eyes.

"My room. Now," he demanded as he stood up, practically dragged me up the stairs. We turned the corner and ran right into Alice. Edward's hand slid from mine and I turned my body to hide my straining erection. "Jesus, watch where you're going."

Alice looked up at him and put her hands on her tiny hips. "That was your fault. Why such a rush to get to your room?"

"Whatever," he mumbled and pushed past her. She nodded to me and I returned it, almost running her over to get into Edward's room. He barely closed his door before he was undoing his pants and pushing me to my knees. I shoved his hands out of the way, my own working faster to free his cock. I could already smell his arousal, thick and musky when I inhaled it.

"Mmm, yeah," he moaned when I held his cock in my hand, dragging my tongue along the vein that ran on the underside of it. "Please, love, take me in," he begged.

I could never resist Edward's begging.

Watching him through my lashes, I parted my lips and wrapped them around his erection, relishing in the feel and taste of his velvet soft skin as I began to slowly take him in. One of his hands curved behind my head to hold me firmly in place while his other hand pulled his tee shirt up over his head, exposing his tensing abs as his body flexed with my movement. Moaning, I bobbed my head a few times, slickening his cock before stopping and letting him take over. Holding my head, he began to thrust shallowly into my mouth. Lolling his head back, he groaned. I reached up and placed my hands on his hips, my thumbs resting on his hip bones briefly before moving around to his ass. Desperately pushing his pants lower, I groped his ass, kneading his firm flesh.

"I love your mouth, especially when it's around my cock," he mumbled, sucking on his bottom lip and watching me through half lidded eyes. Relaxing, I let him thrust deeper, feeling him strike the back of my throat. Holding off a gag, I released his ass with one hand, moving my fingers to his balls, where I tugged on the hot, wrinkled skin and was rewarded with a sharp buck of his hips.

"Fuck, Jasper. Shit, ahh, love…" His words were barely coherent as his hand fisted the waves on the back of my head. "I want you so bad," he smirked at me. Right as my finger slipped behind his balls, seeking out his entrance, he grunted. "Coming," he warned, his hips thrusting one last time before his cock pulsed and released his warm cum into my mouth. I swallowed around him, earning a loud 'fuck' from him as his cock continued to empty down my throat. With one last swirl of my tongue around the head of his cock, I released him and looked up at my sated boy proudly.

"Fine," he sighed, completely content. "But I'm Han."

Grinning, I stood and drew his lips to mine in a deep kiss.

A week later, I stood in that very same spot in his room with my hands on my furry hips.

"I can't believe I let you talk me into this," I growled, looking down at the reddish brown costume I had on.

"Me?" he asked as he ran his hands through his hair, attempting to style it. As much as I hated to admit it, he looked pretty fucking hot dressed as Han. His black pants were a size too small and hugged his ass perfectly, the white shirt clung to his chest while the black vest hung loosely over it. A leather holster was slung low on his hips. "As I recall this was your idea."

"But why am I Chewbacca?" I pouted.

"Because you're taller and have shaggy hair already."

"Shaggy?"

He turned to me with a fucking sexy as hell crooked smile, his eyes lighting up with a glint before he spoke again. "Sexy, just got fucked by my hot boyfriend, shaggy hair. Better?"

I licked my lips and felt my cock jerk behind the fake fur.

Stepping forward, he dropped his hand to palm my growing erection. "At least you can hide this all night. If I get hard, everyone is going to know." He tilted his head, his eyes searching mine. "Jasper, did you get the wrong size on purpose?"

I wished I'd had my mask on to hide the smile. "If I am going to suffer dressed in this all night, I am going to at least enjoy the view," I admitted with a shrug.

"Jasper?"

"Yeah?"

"You look beautiful tonight," he teased with a smirk, his eyes hungrily roaming over my furry body.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Fuck you."

With a grin, he leaned in and kissed me.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked as he broke the kiss and adjusted his confining pants. I reached around him and grabbed my mask off his bed. "I wish I had a lightsaber though."

Sighing heavily, I opened his door.

"Baby, I love you, but your knowledge of Star Wars sucks. Han didn't have a lightsaber, only Jedis had them. Han had a blaster."

"That's why I have you, to keep me straight on all the dorky things I don't know," he grinned.

"I'm going to bookmark Wookiepedia on your computer for you. I want you to study it…nightly," I said firmly.

"Anything for you, love," he chuckled. "Do we have everything?"

"I think so…oh, shit."

"What?"

"I should have made a C-3PO to carry around on my back," I groaned, frustrated.

"Geek."

"Your geek."

"Always. Let's go."

I sweat my ass off in the car and insisted Edward keep the windows rolled down the entire drive to Newton's. Once we were there, he parked on the side of the road and turned the car off.

"You sure you want to do this?"

"Yeah, we never do shit like this, it might be fun," I said, grabbing my mask. "Should we have a safe word?"

He quirked a brow. "You're not even tied up."

"Shut the fuck up, you know what mean. A word in case either of us needs to get the fuck out of there."

"Yeah, good idea. How about 'I really need you to suck my cock'?"

"Nah, too long," I grinned. "Umm…nerfherder?"

"Huh?"

I sighed. "Forget it. Ya know, baby, someday soon you and I are going to have a Star Wars marathon."

"As long as you're there to explain them to me."

"Oh, I got it!" I almost bounced in the seat. "Fluffernutter!"

"Sounds so dirty when you say it like that," he moaned. Edward snuck in one last kiss before I pulled the mask on over my head and got out of the car. He led me up the walkway to the front door, which opened before we even knocked.

"Dudes! Come the fuck in." A half drunken Newton dressed in nothing but a red silk robe greeted us. Edward and I looked at each other and I shrugged. "Welcome to the Playboy mansion."

"You're Hugh Hefner?" Edward asked with a slight tilt of his head.

"Yeah, can't ya tell?"

"Umm, sure," Edward smiled as he walked past.

"Hey, Cullen, where's your lightsaber?" Mike called out from behind us. Edward whacked my arm.

"Told ya."

"Newton doesn't know shit," I replied, shaking my head.

Once we entered, I began to rethink my idea about going. The house was filled wall to wall with teens gathered in every corner talking or dancing, their hips bumping and grinding. A few were drinking but not everyone had a beer in their hands, though just about everyone was costume, ranging from Jessica's Playboy bunny to Eric's Clark Kent. Next to me, Edward shuddered and I looked at him.

"Just picturing Eric in spandex. Not a pretty sight," he told me with a smile. We turned to head into the kitchen and Jessica spotted us. Hopping over in her tight pushup white corset, she flung her arms around my neck, throwing her barely dressed body against mine.

"Jasper!" she slurred. "I'd recognize your fantastic body in any costume."

"Hi," I mumbled from behind the mask. Behind her, Edward rolled his eyes at me and then headed into the kitchen.

"Come sit with me?" she purred with a finger under my chin, tugging on the fur.

"Maybe later, I'm going to get a drink with Edward first." She pouted and batted her eyelashes. "I promise I'll find you later."

Unable to stand the heat inside the mask, I took it off and carried it under my arm as I followed Edward. "You can't just leave me with her like that," I growled at him when I found him grabbing a bottled water from the fridge.

"You're a big boy, you can certainly handle a girl," he smirked at me over his shoulder.

"Not a half-dressed one throwing herself at me," I complained. "Unlike you, that's not exactly something I have experience with."

"At least you've got all the fur between you and her," he offered handing me a water. While Edward and I had gotten drunk before, it had always been at his house when I was sleeping over. Edward was too responsible to even consider having a beer when he was driving.

We walked around the house, socializing with just about everyone, and I was actually having a pretty good time until the doorbell rang and Newton answered it. Bella stood in the doorway in what seemed to be a white sheet with her hair in two buns around her ears.

She was Princess Leia.

Han's soul mate.

I glared at Edward with narrowed eyes and he shrugged. Tensing my jaw, I looked away, but felt his hand pulling on my paw. He led me into one of the bedrooms at the end of the hall and closed the door.

"Did you tell her?" I accused lowly, my heart already pounding.

"No, I swear, I never said a word. I didn't tell anyone what we were wearing."

"So this is pure coincidence?"

"Yeah."

"Fucking great," I sighed, sitting on the bed.

"Why is that bad?"

"Because now she will think it was fate that she was dressed as Leia and you're Han."

"Love, you need to speak English please."

My boy and his lack of knowledge all things Star Wars. "Han and Leia were destined for each other, they fell in love. Soul mates."

"Oh," he replied flatly. Standing in front of me, he reached out and brushed my hair back. "I didn't tell her."

"Just sucks, ya know? At least she's not in the slave costume." I sighed, looking up at him.

"Slave?"

There was a knock at the door and we both jumped. I stood and Edward moved away from me.

"Come on, fucking come already so the rest of us can have a turn," someone said from the other side.

"Fuck," I moaned. "Come on, let's go."

I opened the door to find a surprised Angela and Eric. "Hey man, do ya mind, I want to get some before the night is over." He shoved by me to find Edward standing behind me, but he was too drunk and too horny to give a shit. We heard them moaning before the door was even closed.

Even fucking Eric was getting more than I was.

"Hey, Edward," a sickly sweet voice said from behind us. He turned and smiled at her.

"Hey, B."

Unable to deal with them together, I headed into the living and sat on the couch. Jessica found me only a few seconds later, holding out a full beer to me.

"Drink this, gorgeous," she said as she sat on my lap.

I pulled off my paws and set them on the table before taking it from her. I downed it in one long gulp. The effects of the alcohol warming my blood were almost immediate. When I looked back at her, she seemed fuzzy around the edges.

When I felt her hand high on my thigh, I moved to get up but she pushed me back down, her breast pushing against my chest. "I need to find Edward," I told her.

"I think Edward is just fine," she replied, nodding toward Edward and Bella in the corner dancing. His arms were loose on her waist, hers were draped around his shoulders while her head rested on his chest.

I felt sick.

I knew I had no reason to be. I had no doubt Edward loved me, not her. I knew that. I really did.

But it didn't stop the sinking feeling in my stomach.

I watched them turn in a small circle until Edward was facing me and his eyes met mine.

They were apologetic.

After that our eyes never left each other. I saw him try to pull away, to put some space between their bodies but Bella pulled him close again. I saw his hands barely holding her, I saw him lick his lips when he saw my drunken gaze.

Jessica began to stroke my thigh and I let her even though it did absolutely fucking nothing for me.

"Jess, aren't you and Newton together?" I asked her. Resting against me, she ran a finger down my cheek.

"Nah, we just fuck sometimes. You're the only boy in the school I really want," she admitted her in the drunken state.

_Lucky me_.

"Don't you want me, too?" she pouted.

_Not even if you had a cock._

"I'm not really into the dating thing. Just concentrating on school and track, ya know?"

"Oh, Jasper," she giggled. "We don't have to date." She put her lips right at my ear. "We can just fuck," she murmured wetly.

My eyes widened and even though I couldn't see around Jessica's big hair, I felt Edward's presence near.

"Need help?" he chuckled, sitting down on the chair across from me. Jessica sighed and leaned back, allowing me to see Edward. I almost moaned when I saw the white shirt stretch tight across his chest when he leaned back in the chair. Bella sat next to him on a table, staying as close as possible.

She wasn't ever going to give up.

As gently as I could, I picked Jessica up put her on the couch.

"Edward," I said sharply as I left the room. He followed me, just as I knew he would. I walked through Newton's kitchen and into what appeared to be a laundry room. As soon as I turned around, Edward entered. The small room was dark, the only light filtering in from the kitchen.

"What?" he whispered. I didn't answer. "Are you drunk?"

"Not yet," I warned him right before I pushed him against the wall, my lips on his, forcing my tongue into his mouth. He returned the kiss, deepening it as he tilted his head and moaned. His hands went to my hair, separating the damp waves as he breathed heavily into the air between us when we parted. I pushed his vest aside, running my hands over his tight shirt, pinching his nipples through it. When he arched his back, he groaned and I covered his mouth with mine, swallowing the sound. There was no door, anyone walking by could easily see our entwined bodies by the shelf of detergents or hear our moans coming from the dark corner.

Breaking the kiss, my lips moved along his jaw to his ear. "I saw you dancing with her. I didn't like it."

He tried to shake his head but ended up just angling it to allow me to reach his neck.

"I brought you in here to remind you of something, Edward," I growled. Holding him against the wall with my weight, I pressed my hips against his, grinding in a slow circle.

"What?" he gasped.

Pulling away, I looked into his lust crazed eyes. "That you're mine, baby. Not hers, not anyone else's." I punctuated it with a sharp thrust of my hips. "Mine," I whispered. "All mine."

Breathless and desperate, he fisted my hair.

"Are you hard, baby?"

"Fuck, yeah," he replied.

"Good because your cock is mine later," I told him just as I put some space between our bodies. He grabbed my hips and pulled me back to him, fusing his lips to my neck, sucking on the tender skin. "Someone might see us," I reminded him.

"Don't fucking care," he mumbled against my neck.

"Aw, fuck it," I sighed, moving us further into the shadows, partially hiding us. "Wanna suck you so bad, baby."

"Then do it," he encouraged, his hands leaving my hair to undo his pants. I heard the zipper lowering and then he was pushing the material out of the way, freeing his reddening cock. With one last glance over his shoulder, I kneeled before him. I couldn't even imagine what would happen if someone had caught Chewbacca giving Han head. "Need you so fucking bad," he moaned as I licked my lips. Burying my nose into his curls, I took his cock deep into my mouth, wrapping my lips tightly around it.

In Newton's dark laundry room, I sucked off my boyfriend, watching him writhe before me, attempting to contain himself as I began to pull his orgasm from him.

"Fuck, yeah, right there. You're so fucking good at this," he said huskily. Soft whimpers and loud grunts escaped him as I fondled his balls and took his cock as deep as I could. "Jasper, God, fuck, fuck…more."

A few bobs of my head later, I paused with him sitting low in my throat and swallowed hard.

"Fuck," he groaned and shot his load, filling my mouth with his salty cum. His body twitched and jerked until he was empty and sated. "Jesus," he sighed as I licked him clean and stuffed his cock back into his pants. After I stood up, he drew me into a kiss, his tongue twisting with mine, tasting his excitement.

"We should get back," I whispered as someone walked by the room.

"Yours," he said, kissing me one last time before he turned and left me, hard and panting alone in the room.

When I returned to the couch, Jessica was still there, waiting patiently. Edward had sat back down on the chair, barely glancing at Bella. I couldn't help the satisfied smile I wore as his eyes fell on me, not her.

Jessica climbed back into my lap, wiggling as she turned to them. "Are you two back together?"

"No," Edward replied sharply and quickly. Bella laughed and shook her head.

"Nah. Although it is pretty funny we're Han and Leia and didn't even plan it."

"A riot," I snarled. Edward shot me a glance and I looked away. Angela and a very happy Eric joined us, flopping down on the other chair.

"Edward, where's your lightsaber?" Jessica asked her in her heavily flirty tone. "I bet Bella would like to see it again."

"Solo didn't carry a saber," Eric chimed in. "Only Jedis."

"Thank you!" I almost yelled. Edward tried not to smile.

"Are you two back together?" Angela asked Bella.

"Nope, just coincidence," Bella responded quietly.

"Cool."

We sat there and talked about all the gossip in the school and even with Jessica sitting on my lap, and Bella touching Edward every chance she got, I actually had a good time. Perhaps it was the buzz I had going on from the beers Jessica kept handing me, or maybe it was the wink Edward gave me when no one was looking. Whatever the reason was, I felt relaxed and smiled and laughed. Turned out Eric played WoW too, so we had a heated discussion on the most recent update while the rest of them talked about school shit. A few more kids came up and asked if Edward and Bella were back together, and I had to admit, Bella was as quick to deny it as Edward was.

I tried, really tried, to keep my eyes off Edward's crotch, and I succeeded.

A few times.

If other people hadn't been around us, if he'd been teasing me with those tight pants at his house, I would have had his cock in my mouth again in a second. My heart began to race.

"You're hot," Jessica said, pressing her hand to my sweaty forehead.

"It's the fur," I lied, my eyes on Edward as Bella leaned toward him and whispered something in his ear. He laughed and then licked his lips. When Edward caught me watching him, he gave me his crooked smile. Shifting my body, I eased the tension on my cock, letting it twitch hidden behind the fur. He noticed the subtle movement and began gnawing on the inside of his cheek. Knowing he was as affected as I was, I let my eyes freely roam his body, allowing him to feel my gaze on him, crawling up his skin, undressing him as I went. Anxiously, his hand went to his hair, running through the thick strands a few times before he moved his hips and casually covered his cock with his hand.

I knew it was beginning to strain against the tight black pants.

I wanted nothing more than to free it again.

Taste it again.

Suck it again.

A few minutes later, Edward stretched and yawned.

"I could really go for a Fluffernutter," he said casually and my ears perked up.

"Me too," I said, almost knocking Jessica over when I stood up. "See ya, guys," I mumbled, already heading for the door. I heard Edward saying goodbye to everyone just as I walked out of the house.

The night air was cool, refreshing me, even sobering me up a bit as I stumbled toward Edward's car. Leaning against the Volvo, I waited for him, smiling when I heard his footsteps behind me. He pressed his body to mine, pinning me against the car. Reaching around me, he palmed my cock and kissed the nape of my neck.

"Get in the car," he whispered.

Didn't have to tell me twice.

Opening the door, I got in. Unzipping the costume before I even had the door closed, I climbed out of it until it rested on the floor at my feet. I had worn a pair of basketball shorts and a tee shirt under it. Edward started his car and pulled out, concentrating on the driving as he hummed along with "Come Together". As soon as we reached a more deserted stretch of road, he pulled over. Long fingers were pulling at the elastic of my shorts, yanking them down over the erection I'd been sporting for an hour.

"I've been waiting to do this all fucking night," he moaned as he leaned down.

I buried my hand in his hair just as his lips embraced the head of my cock. Sucking hard and fast, he bobbed his head up and down my rigid length. An endless stream of obscenities mixed in with his name and praise to his mouth flowed from me. His skill quickly had me on the edge of my orgasm. Sitting in his dark car on the side of the road, I cried out his name, bucking my hips up as my body was flooded with the warmth and tingling of my climax. My cock emptied in his wet, hot mouth and after swallowing and licking me clean he sat up and grinned.

He drove us home with very satisfied smiles on our faces.

His fingers twirling my hair brought me back from the memory and I purred under his touch.

"For the first time in a long time, I was jealous of Bella that night," I told him.

"You had no reason to be."

"I know, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to be able to flirt with you like she did. Dance with you like that."

"But I left with you, that is all that mattered."

"You looked hot in those pants," I recalled with a smirk. Reaching up, I pushed his hair off his forehead, running my fingers through it before letting it fall back down. It was the most beautiful, crazy hair ever. It never did was it was supposed to do and still always managed to look perfectly fucked.

"Jasper?"

"Yeah?"

He swallowed and closed his eyes, summoning courage before continuing. "I'm really scared."

"Of what, baby?"

"Everything. Going back to school, my future…losing you."

"You won't lose me."

"Jasp-"

"No, just fucking no, Edward. You. Will. Not. Lose. Me," I said firmly.

"Why do I feel like someday I will?" he asked in a shaky, honest voice.

"I don't know, because I'm going to be with you forever."

"I can't ask you to live this life."

I dropped my forehead to his shoulder and sighed in frustration. "Jesus fucking Christ, Edward. You're not asking me, I _want_ to live this life with you. I don't care if it means not having sex or pushing each other around when we're a hundred and ten, I want to be with you. I'm not going anywhere. No matter how hard you try to push me away or think I am going to leave you, I'm not. I won't. Don't you know you are everything to me, Edward? That day I kissed you in the pool I risked our friendship because I had to. I knew in my heart that you would be my everything."

His hand in my hair tightened and he lifted my head, forcing me to look into his eyes. They were stormy, clouds of uncertainty obscuring their normally brilliant green.

"Edward, I know you're scared, baby. I am too. Terrified honestly, but I know we can do this. I know it won't be easy, but please, just let me help."

He considered my offer, his eyes studying mine as our hearts beat in time with each other.

"Do you know what this means? Being with me? You're going to be the closeted boyfriend of a fucking cripple who can't even have sex with you."

"I'm going to be the boyfriend of Edward Cullen. The most wonderful, beautiful person ever."

"What if it doesn't work out?" he asked in a hushed whisper, the tremor in his voice fading.

"It will," I replied.

He shook his head. "So fucking stubborn," he muttered. Sighing, he closed his eyes for a second. When he opened them, I saw them begin to clear, the turmoil behind them beginning to calm. His breath caught in his throat and a tear slid down his cheek.

"No regrets," he whispered desperately. "Promise me, Jasper, no regrets."

"I could never have any regrets where you're concerned," I assured him.

With his thumb tracing my lips, he waited for me to promise.

So I did.

"No regrets, Edward, I promise," I vowed to him with all that I was.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

Sometimes I think I could write these boys forever. I want to write every second of their lives, even the most mundane…color me obsessed. *I* know that Edward can/might be able to have sex (sustain an erection) however HE does not, and while Jasper might, he isn't going to tell Edward that now, it's not the right time. (Jasper doesn't want to tell Edward, a 17 yr old boy that he might need Viagra to get an erection) Thank you for the messages about parapelegics having sex, but remember this is in their pov-they might not know what we do. There is more story to tell, including how they will deal with being physical again.

You guys freaking rock! We received enough donations to purchase Dannie a full size laptop. It has been ordered and should arrive between December 10-18. We are planning a little something special for those that donated because we can't begin to thank you all enough. Seriously, thank you, thank you, thank you!

The very generous kaytes made a banner for this story. It's beautiful and so fitting for them. The link is on my profile. Thank you, kaytes!

The average handicapped van can cost 35k new and 25-30k used. There are two types of ramps, rear and side entry. They must also be equipped with hand controls for gas and brakes. If you already own a van, it can cost about 14k to convert it to be wheelchair accessible.

Have questions about the boys? Follow me on Twitter theslashawards or visit the M&A thread on Twilighted http:/www DOT twilighted DOT net/forum/viewtopic DOT php?f=44&t=9674


	12. Speaking Words of Wisdom

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- This story won't be updating before Christmas (I am aiming for New Year's weekend but we'll see) and I wanted to say thank you to everyone that has read, reviewed, recommended, and tweeted this story. You continue to amaze me with the support the boys have received and I seriously can't thank you enough for giving a boy with a love for The Beatles and his geeky, stubborn boyfriend a chance. I get so much pleasure from writing them and to know that they are enjoyed and loved by others means the world to me. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all!

As always hugs to Dannie for her prereading, hand holding and ability to make a decision for me when I can't.

Huge thanks to OfTheTurningAway for her beta on this chapter.

Now Edward pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's I hadn't let it be …_

"**~~**"

He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

Ever.

Especially when he was sleeping with his arm draped over my stomach and his head resting heavily on my chest. When I opened my eyes and he was the first thing I saw, my heart swelled, heated and full, in my chest. Looking down at him, I saw his lips parted while he snored and occasionally mumbled something unintelligible. I used to imagine those barely audible sounds were him reciting vows to me, or throaty murmurs of forever devotion. Realistically, I knew they were probably neither, especially now. My hand rested on his wrist, my fingers lightly tracing the braided leather clasped there. The bracelet itself was a symbol of my never ending love for him, the fact that he wore it every day was a symbol of his devotion to me. I felt his warm breaths washing over my chest through the cotton tee shirt I was wearing. I swear every time he exhaled, he breathed life into me, igniting my cold soul, willing it back to him. He looked peaceful in his sleep, but I could tell he was worn and weary. It had only been a few weeks and Jasper was already reaching his limit.

The arm that lay under his body and wrapped around his back had fallen asleep and I could feel the sensation of pins and needles, along with a dull ache, when I moved it to pull him even closer. Unconsciously sensing my need, he burrowed further into me, his arm tightening around me as his leg moved between mine, effectively pinning me down. I couldn't help but smile a bit as I closed my eyes and reveled in having his body so lovingly close to mine again.

He was serious when he said he wasn't going to let me go.

After facing the wrath of my overprotective mother and concerned father, Jasper had sought refuge in my room, catching me in the middle of my struggle to get changed. While I was getting better at it, getting dressed was still a challenge. I refused his offer of help, instead encouraging him to touch me, to feel the useless limbs I now dragged around. Normally, his touch would have had me squirming and pleading for more, but I just stared at his hands on me, fingertips grazing over my numb muscles.

When he admitted he'd been researching about me, my condition, I felt conflicted. It excited me that he wanted to learn about my injury, but it worried me as well. What if he found out I couldn't have sex? What if he found out I couldn't even get hard? What if he found out there was no hope of me walking again? He would definitely leave me if we couldn't be physical with each other. After all, we were young, touching each other, sucking and stroking, was important to us. Not that I only loved him because of the physical highs he gave my body, but honestly, sex was something we both thought a fucking lot about. If we weren't having it, we were wanting to have it.

So when he went to kiss me, it scared the shit out of me. Kissing for us often led to other things and I didn't want to raise false hope for either of us. Jasper deserved better than someone who could only kiss him. He tried to hide the look of disappointment on his face when I pulled back, claiming he understood, but I saw the hurt and lie in his eyes. What had happened in the meadow had been extraordinary, everything from him carrying me up there to holding me while we danced to the kiss we shared.

It had been magical.

It was not reality.

My reality was a metal and rubber and leather chair. It was catheters and shower chairs.

It wasn't dancing and kissing and holding.

But then he told me he wasn't going to let me push him away, and I wanted to chase away the anguish and worry in his eyes. Before I could think about it, I tugged on his waves and pulled him in for a soft kiss. I couldn't resist the feeling of his warm lips over mine and drew him in even closer. Feeling him tremble under my touch, knowing I still affected him like that, made my heart soar. Moments later he was gone. With my fingers still tingling from the feel of his hair, I picked up my phone and called him.

"Everything okay?" he asked, panicking.

"Yeah, I just wanted to say good night again," I mumbled.

_I needed to hear you again._

"Night, baby."

I was surprised when he'd used the nickname I had told him not to say. I could almost see him in the cab of the truck, his breath swirling out of him into the cold air as he bitched at himself for his slip.

"See ya soon, love," I whispered, letting him know it was okay. I hung up and closed my eyes, the taste of Jasper still strong on my lips when I licked them. Sleep came quickly and, as always, my last conscious thoughts were of him.

The next morning, my mother woke me up with a hand on my shoulder, asking me if I wanted anything to eat. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I nodded and she left, appearing only a minute later with a tray of eggs and sausage.

"I could have gone out there to eat," I mumbled as she set the tray on my bed. I went to lift my arm to eat and a sharp pain radiated through my arm and shoulder. Hiding the wince, I reached for the food, almost hissing as the ache increased when I brought the fork to my mouth.

"It's no problem," she said happily. When she paused before leaving, I knew what was coming. "About last night…"

Sighing, I turned my head to her. "Mom, I'm fine. I don't care what Jasper told you. It was my idea. I asked him to take me for a ride and he did. It wasn't a big deal."

_It was one of the best nights of my life._

"He said he offered."

"He did, after I asked him if he had the truck."

"Regardless, you should have asked us or at the very least, let us know you were leaving. Do you know how panicked I was when I got home and came to check you and found you gone? Alice heard me calling for you and came out to tell me you had left with Jasper."

"I'm sorry I scared you, but I'm not sorry I went." It was her turn to sigh and she came and sat on the edge of my bed. Before she could speak again, I said, "I want to go to school on Monday."

"Edward-"

"Mom, I'm ready," I snapped. "I've been working with Emmett, I'm strong enough."

_I pushed myself up a fucking mountain._

She gave me a faint smile. "If your father gives his okay, then it's okay with me."

"Thank you," I exhaled.

"But Edward, I think you should talk to someone," she hedged.

"What do you mean?"

"A therapist."

I shook my head. "No."

"You've been through a traumatic event, you're trying to adjust to this new life and it might help to talk it over with someone. Someone besides me or your father."

"I don't need to talk to anyone."

_Except Jasper._

Ignoring me, she continued, "Peri gave me the name of a good therapist at the hospital, if you want I can give him a call."

"I said no, Mom."

Eyeing me, she weighed my words, and then after finding what she needed, she patted my thigh and stood up. "Well, if you change your mind…" She never finished, she just gave me a smile. After she closed the door, I put the tray of food on my table, suddenly not hungry anymore.

I slept on and off for most of the day, unable to keep my eyes open for much more than an hour at a time and only getting out of bed to change my catheter and use the toilet. My weakened arms trembled, barely able to get me into the chair.

When I wasn't sleeping, I was reading homework, trying to keep my mind occupied while I waited to see Jasper again. My hands constantly ran through my hair, cringing when I felt the dirtiness I didn't have the energy to wash away. I was nervous about seeing Jasper, worried that once he'd gone home and had time to think, he would change his mind about being with me and realize a future with me would be too difficult. I feel asleep after lunch, not waking up until I sensed I wasn't alone. Opening my eyes, I felt those first few seconds of normalcy and I found him watching me with a look of vulnerability on his face. He offered to leave, but I wanted him to stay. We needed to talk.

And we did.

I told him I wasn't the same person.

He told me he would love me no matter who I was.

I told him I felt lost.

He told me we could be lost together.

I told him I couldn't have sex.

He told me he didn't care.

I told him I was scared.

He told me he was too.

Every argument I had, he countered, not with facts but with love and devotion and honesty. I listened carefully to his voice for the doubt I knew I would find. I searched deep in his blue eyes for the hesitation I was sure he had.

I found nothing but utter conviction and faith.

Faith in me, in us.

Sometimes I wondered how he did it, how he had absolutely no doubt about us. Then other times, I knew exactly how he felt. When Jasper and I had become friends, I never considered falling in love with him, but in the end, it hadn't been a choice. It wasn't something I couldn't turn off or ignore.

It was something unpredictable, uncontainable.

It was something beyond the two of us.

But I needed to hear it, I needed him to promise that he wouldn't regret staying with a cripple. That one day in our future, he wouldn't look back on our time together and wish it had never happened, wish that he hadn't wasted his time with me and left me sooner for someone who could give him so much more.

"No regrets," I whispered to him desperately. "Promise me, Jasper, no regrets."

"I could never have any regrets where you're concerned," he tried to assure me. My thumb traced his lips as I waited for him to say the words. "No regrets, Edward, I promise," he vowed to me.

Then he moved his body forward and rested his weight on my chest as his lips met mine gently. With a brief kiss, he showed me the promise he'd made. Pulling away, he'd put his head back on my chest, his eyes drifting closed. Without even thinking about it, and too wrapped up in him to care, I closed my eyes as well.

I wasn't sure how long I'd slept. It might have been ten minutes or thirty, but I woke up to find him still there, still on me, still loving me. Releasing his wrist, I reached up and fingered the very ends of his silky hair, enough to stir, but not wake, him. I knew I was lucky to have him in my life in any capacity, but I couldn't help the nagging feeling deep inside that someday he was going to leave.

And I'd be alone.

Just as I went to bury my hands more thoroughly into his hair to wake him, my door swung open. Jerking my head to the side, I saw a very surprised Alice standing there. Her jaw dropped and her eyes widened as she took in our position; Jasper's body curled intimately with mine, his head and arm laying on me, my fingers tangled in his hair. Swallowing, I stared at her, too stunned to speak and unable to physically move. Had it been before the accident, I would have moved so quickly I would have dumped Jasper right off the bed, but now I was stuck there, right where I wanted to be. I went to speak, to explain, but she spoke first.

Glancing over her shoulder, she closed the door so only she could see inside. "Sorry, I didn't realize he was here." A deep pink flushed her cheeks as her eyes traveled over Jasper's long body. My arm around him had caused his shirt to rise up, exposing a bit of his back and side. Biting her lip, she quickly brought her eyes back to mine and without another word, before I could say anything, she closed the door.

"Fuck," I mumbled under my breath. I had been careless, letting us fall asleep with our bodies affectionate, entwined like the lovers we were. Over the year we'd been together, we had usually taken great care to not get caught. I was used to be able to move quickly should something like that happen. Normally, I would have been listening for approaching footsteps on the stairs, but my bedroom had moved and there were no more stairs to warn.

"Jas," I said, shaking him. "Wake up." Slowly he lifted his head, his eyes fluttering open and his lips twitching to a smile when he realized he was still lying on me. "Alice caught us."

"Huh?" He blinked.

"Alice. She just walked in on us. Like this," I whispered urgently. He bolted upright, his eyes suddenly large with fear.

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit," he chanted, still confused in his sleepy state. He rubbed his hands over his face and looked around the room but I wasn't sure what for.

"She left," I told him, thinking maybe he was looking for her.

"Oh shit. What do we do? D you want me to go talk to her?" he offered as he climbed off my bed. "I can talk to her. I don't know what I'll say, but I can talk to her. "

"No, not tonight," I said.

"I'm sorry, baby, I shouldn't have fallen asleep," he apologized with downcast eyes. "At least not lying like that."

"It's not your fault. I fell asleep too," I admitted.

"What are we going to do?"

_We._

"I don't know," I said quietly.

"Shit," he muttered. I could sense his nerves but knew they weren't for him, they were for me. "Are you going to be okay? Are you going to talk to her?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine, I'll talk to her. But you should go before something else happens."

He nodded and grabbed his sneakers. Standing on one foot, he shoved his other in the sneaker and then switched feet. Then he bent over and picked up his sweatshirt off the floor before pulling it on over his head. His movements were so casual, so effortless.

"You make that look so easy," I mumbled, motioning to his sneakers. "That's like a ten minute job for me."

"You'll get quicker," he flashed me a smile when he reached for his bag. "Oh, Bella mentioned she might come over tomorrow."

"You talked to her?" Jasper nodded. "Everything okay?"

He sighed as he set his bag on my bed. "I let her know that I wasn't happy about her talking to you about me, but I guess we're fine."

Jasper usually held grudges, but I knew he would forgive Bella for my sake if nothing else. Sleep began to claim me again and as my eyes drifted closed, I began to lose sight of my angel.

"Edward," he whispered. "Can I kiss you?"

My eyes opened and I stared at him. After everything that had happened, after all that I had said, the words of doubt and hurt, and getting caught, he still wanted to kiss me. Even so shortly after his promise, I looked for the regret in his eyes, his subconscious telling him to run away, but I didn't find it. All I saw what was I always did, unconditional love.

Swallowing thickly, I glanced at my closed door and nodded. Placing one hand next to me, he leaned toward me and I felt his dry lips sweep over mine, my heart halting for a beat just like it always did when we kissed. My hand came up to rest on his shoulder, my fingers digging into his flesh as I resisted the familiar urge to deepen the kiss, to taste his velvet tongue. Keeping it brief, he pulled away and smiled.

"Thank you," he whispered, resting his forehead to mine.

Before I could reply, he was grabbing his bag and leaving. A few minutes later, there was a light knocking on my door.

"Come in."

Hesitantly, she opened the door until she was sure I was alone, and then came in and closed it behind her. In typical Alice form, she walked around my room, her hands reaching out to touch everything. My eyes followed her around, noticing how she paused in front of the picture of Jasper and me for a few minutes. I could feel the energy reverberating off her, bouncing off the walls of my room like a laser beam. Sometimes I thought she could power a small house with the energy she emitted. Keeping her back to me, she picked up the photo.

"This is so embarrassing and I can't believe I'm telling you this, but I have a bit of a crush on Jasper," she giggled, turning to face me with the picture in her hands. "Guess there's no use in wasting my time anymore, huh?"

I knew exactly what she was talking about, but I raised a brow at her anyway.

"Oh, come on. I might be your little sister, but I'm not stupid…or blind for that matter," she said quietly but without doubt. Nervously, I looked away, dropping my gaze to my still feet.

"He loves you," she said simply as she stared at the photo. I couldn't help the blush that crawled over my cheeks as I barely nodded. She put the picture back on my dresser.

"I've suspected for awhile."

I remained quiet while she continued moving around my room, occasionally picking up medical equipment or books off my floor.

"Alice," I began but stopped, having really no fucking idea what to say.

Pausing in front of my window, she looked at me and tilted her head, her green eyes boring into me. "How long?"

"His birthday, summer before last," I admitted.

"What happened?" When I hesitated, she folded her arms across her chest defiantly, reminding me so much of my mother.

"He kissed me," I said quietly.

"Is he why you broke up with Bella?"

It was a legitimate question, one I had asked myself many times.

"Actually, I broke up with her before anything happened between Jasper and I. Things just weren't right between us."

"I wonder why," she scoffed. "Maybe because she doesn't have a-"

"Alice!" I growled and she stopped, rolling her eyes.

"So are you…gay?" she asked curiously.

"Honestly, I don't know. I think so. I just know I…that I…um…"

"Love Jasper?"

Gnawing on my lip, I ran my hand through my hair again and nodded. Besides Jasper, she was the first person I had ever admitted that to.

"This sure explains a lot." Finally completing her inspection of my room, she came and sat on my bed. "Like Jasper's little Say Anything moment a few weeks ago, the strange sounds coming from your room, and all the times I heard you guys running down to get in here. I mean, you said you were going to play Call of Duty, but no kid is that eager to play a video game. Then there were the looks." She reeled off the evidence like it was on a list somewhere. Had we been so obvious all along?

"Looks?"

"Yeah, ya know those little stolen moments when you don't think anyone is watching," she smiled. "But I saw them."

"Saw them?"

"Yeah, like at the Christmas party a few weeks ago when you were playing the piano for everyone, Jasper was watching you like the sun rose because of you. Then at dinner sometimes I see you staring at him. No boy stares at another boy like _that_, Edward."

"Like how?"

"Hungry. Like you wanted to devour him and not the food on your plate. Now that I think about it, you probably wanted to eat his-"

"Enough," I snapped, putting my hand up to stop her.

Suddenly, she looked sad and her eyes began to well up with tears. "I don't get it though."

"What?"

"Why didn't you tell me? Didn't you trust me?"

"We didn't tell anyone, Al. I'm too afraid. No one knows. Well, now you do, but no one else." When she realized she was the only one, she seemed to forgive me and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "We need to keep it that way too, okay, Al? You can't tell anyone, not even mom and dad. This would kill them and they've got enough to deal with." She nodded, but just like with Jasper, I needed her to say the words. "Promise me, Al."

"I promise," she whispered.

"You can't make remarks about it when mom and dad are around or say anything to your friends, nothing to anyone, got it?" I told her, my voice quiet but desperate.

"I got it," she sighed, exasperated. With a mischievous flare in her eyes, she looked up at me. "So, is he a good kisser?"

"Alice!"

"Okay, okay, I'll go. I was just curious. Gotta go write this in my diary anyway," she teased as she stood up and went to my door. "See ya tomorrow."

"Night, Alice."

The door clicked closed and I let out a long breath. I needed to go change my catheter one last time before I went to bed, so I sat up and reached for my chair. Painfully moving myself into it, I opened my door and pushed myself into the bathroom. I worked slowly but efficiently, inserting the tube to drain my bladder, gradually pulling it out as my bladder emptied. Once I threw the bag away and cleaned myself, I went to brush my teeth. The drawers and cupboards had been removed and I was able to push my chair right up the counter. When I was done, I went back to my room and dragged myself onto my bed, getting under my covers before I turned on my stereo with my remote. Once Paul's voice came through the speakers, I closed my eyes but my mind was busy with what had happened with Alice. I was partially relieved that someone finally knew but it also scared me. What if she slipped at the dinner table, what if she told her girlfriends who told their boyfriends? What if it got out at school that we were queer? Exposing our relationship had always been my fear, not Jasper's, but he understood my reasons and left it up to me to decide where and when. I knew he wasn't nearly as concerned about Alice finding out was as I had been. If it were up to him, he would have yelled it to the world a long time ago. It wasn't something we talked about often. In fact, we rarely mentioned it, maybe not since the day in the meadow when we planned it out.

It was almost my birthday and we had been together for about three months when Jasper and I had decided to spend the day at the meadow. It was an exceptionally warm day of Indian summer in October and we wanted to spend it alone. After racing up the trail, Jasper unbuttoned his jeans, yanking them down over his ass enough for me to give him his blowjob for winning the race. He returned the favor as soon as he regained his senses.

"Five letter word for happiness?" I asked, holding my pencil at the first square. The sun beat down on us as we lay naked on a large quilt in the middle of the meadow. We were on our backs, Jasper's head resting on my thigh, his cheek just inches from my sated cock. Next to us on the blanket, Jasper's iHome played "Hard Day's Night."

"Cocks," he replied quickly with a proud smirk, his eyes never leaving the book in his hands. I counted the letters and then looked at the down question.

"Nope, needs to start with a 'b'."

"Butts."

"Well, it fits, but I don't think that's it," I chuckled, lightly writing in the word anyway. The breeze lifted the wisps of his hair and they tickled my cock. I felt it twitch and I moved my crossword book so I could look down my chest at him. He was in deep concentration, his lips moving as he read. "How's your comic book?"

He sighed heavily, a sigh I knew all too well, and glanced up at me. "Graphic novel, babe," he reminded me before returning his attention to his _graphic novel_.

"Oh, right, sorry." I reached down and nudged his shoulder with my book. "So how is your _graphic novel_?"

Turning toward me, he smiled at my interest, his eyes growing animated. "It's awesome. Okay so, the Night Owl just got home and found Rorschach there. He's not happy, right? But then Rorschach is actually there to warn him because the Comedian was killed and now Rorschach thinks that there is like this plan to kill former superheroes," he finally finished, his excited breath brushing over my cock.

"Babe?"

"Yeah?"

"You lost me at Night Owl."

Returning his eyes to his book, his laugher was contagious, full and true.

"Think there is such thing as dork tutoring?" I asked him, half serious.

"I'll tutor you," he offered.

"I have to let you know, I am a hands on learner," I smirked.

"Works for me," he nodded. I lifted the crossword book and looked at the next question. I had filled in about half of all the down answers when I felt his wet tongue flick over the head of my cock.

"Fuck," I groaned, wanting to buck my hips that were held down by his weight. The pencil fell from my grasp, bouncing off my chest to the blanket. The book soon followed, my fingers much more eager to have his hair between them than anything else. He turned onto his side, his tongue teasing me as he swirled it around my dick, which began to grow under his attention. One of my hands fisted the blanket beneath me while the other weaved through his hair. I groaned with every lap of his tongue, moaned with every nibble of his teeth, and cried out with every suck of his mouth. Jasper hadn't been giving head for very long, but he was fucking one quick learner. What had taken Bella forever to accomplish, Jasper did in minutes. Shifting his weight, he took me in deeper and I looked down at him when I felt my cock strike the back of his throat. Wheat colored curls hung in front of his eyes but didn't hide the desire I saw in them as he stared up at me.

My boy liked to watch me come undone.

Which was exactly what I did. From his new position, he bobbed his head while his fingers tugged my sac. Suddenly, he released my cock and moved his lips lower, taking in the hot, wrinkled skin of my balls. Drawing one between his lips, he sucked and my hips lifted off the ground.

"Fuck, fuck, more," I groaned through ragged breaths, spreading my legs for him. Dropping one ball, he moved to the other, lavishing it with the same attention and my world exploded. "I want you so bad," I murmured, my fingers so tangled in his hair I wasn't sure they would ever come out.

"Fuck, you smell good," he groaned as he inhaled my scent, leaving my soaked balls and returning his perfect mouth to my cock.

"Yeah, take it," I moaned. He rested the palm of his hand over my heart, his fingers splayed, while he worked me, his gaze holding mine the entire time. When I pulled his hair and he moaned around my cock, I felt the warmth spread and my hips jerked up. "Coming," I whispered breathlessly just a second before my cock emptied into his mouth and my body quivered and trembled and my orgasm flooded me with euphoria. He kept his mouth on me while the cresting waves of my climax had ebbed. Releasing me, he let my cock fall from his lips, his eyes watching it intently as it rested against my stomach, cum still dripping from the slit and onto me. With a satisfied smile, he crawled up my torso until he was hovering over me, gazing down at me with the hungriest eyes I had ever seen.

"Wanna taste?" he asked as he lowered his lips to mine. The kiss was long and deep, tasting of my bitter musk. I ran my hands down his back, feeling his muscles as they rolled under his tanned skin when he moved. Groping his ass, I pushed his hips down into mine, moaning into the kiss when his erection brushing along my overly sensitive cock. He broke the kiss first and panted as he laid his forehead on my chest and his eyes open and looking down the flat planes of my stomach to watch our cocks rub together.

"Fuck," he whispered as he rocked his hips forward against me. Planting my feet on the blanket, I steadied my body against his, letting him use me to get off. I kept my hands on his ass, encouraging him as he continued to grind on me. "Feels so good, your cock feels so fucking good."

I licked his ear and then murmured in it, "So does yours."

"Always so fucking hard for you," he admitted, his breaths even more labored and shallow and I knew he was close. His hips lacked rhythm and his body began to shake while the cords in his neck strained with the effort of holding off his orgasm. There was nothing more beautiful than seeing him in that moment, when he was beyond control, when he could think of nothing but his release. Other than feeling his lips on my cock, watching Jasper masturbate was probably my favorite thing. We had spent many afternoons after school and a few early mornings after sleepovers with our cocks in our hands as we watched each other jerk off.

"I want to see you come for me," I whispered. He lifted his head off my chest and bracing his weight on his arms, he thrust toward me while he captivated me with his rapt stare. Sweat dripped from his forehead onto my lips and I licked it off. He groaned and clenched his eyes shut.

"Only for you," he whispered just as his cock twitched and he released a strangled cry, louder than he ever allowed himself to be at either of our houses. His cock erupted between us, releasing his cum in short bursts until it painted me in blobs of white, even pooling in my navel. His body collapsed onto me, his weight heavy and relaxed. I moved my hands from his ass up his back, feeling the goose bumps my touch created, until they reached his hair where I fisted the long waves. Resting his head in the bend of my neck, and he left kisses there before he moved up to my mouth and captured my lips with his.

In our meadow we could kiss and touch and love without fear of being caught. We went there when we felt we needed to, to reaffirm what we were. We also went there when we were horny as fuck and needed to be naked and touching. Being with Jasper like that, so free and open, was absolutely pure bliss.

_Bliss_.

A five letter word for happiness.

I started chuckling and Jasper lifted his head. "What's so funny?"

"Bliss."

"Bliss is funny?"

"Bliss is a five letter word for happiness."

"And I'm the dork?" he laughed before rolling off me and onto his back. "Did you bring anything to clean up with?"

"No, but there's always your tongue?"

He rolled his eyes and I saw his hand begin to stroke his softening cock. "I was thinking more along the lines of a towel."

"Not nearly as much fun," I shrugged, closing my eyes against the bright sun. Seconds later, I felt the rough flat of his tongue along my stomach, dipping into my belly button to scoop out his cum before running along the divots of my ab muscles, cleaning me of every last drop of his climax. Groaning, I watched him bath me and then work his way up my chest and along my neck until his lips were at mine. His tongue plunged into my mouth, meeting and chasing mine before retreating. Pulling away, he returned to his back.

"Breakfast of champions," he chuckled as he closed his eyes. His laugher at his own joke faded and I knew the conversation was about to get serious. Jasper was an open book to me. I could read his emotions as if they were coursing through my own body.

"Baby?" he asked, rolling over onto his side and propping himself up on his elbow.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think we should come out? I mean, it's been a few months now and I don't know, but it might…maybe it'll be easier?"

"Easier how?" I turned to mirror his position so I could look him in the eye.

"I just… I want to touch you all the time and sometimes I have to remind myself that I can't touch you when there are other people around." His voice held a hint of sadness, of hesitation.

"I know, me too, but I'm not ready yet. This is all still new to me. You've had time to accept who you are. You've known for awhile that you're gay. I had no fucking doubt I was straight until you walked into my life and, well, here I am." I paused, looking down at our naked bodies so close to each other. "I need to consider other people too."

"Like?"

"My parents…Bella."

His eyes widened. "Bella?"

Nodding, I looked down at the blanket, avoiding his gaze like I often did when she was mentioned. "I don't want to hurt her. I care about her and I hurt her when we broke up and I don't want to do it again, especially so soon."

"Fine," he mumbled, flopping onto his back and staring the sky.

"Jas, don't be like that. We've been through this. I don't want her to think I broke up with her because of you. I mean, in a way that's true, but I didn't know it then. If we come out now, she is going to question everything she and I ever said and did with her."

"Are you ashamed of me?" he asked softly.

"What? No, no, I'm not ashamed of you or what you mean to me. It's not about that," I replied, stumbling for the right words.

"We could come out just to our families," he suggested.

"I'm afraid I'll disappoint my parents."

"And I'm not?" He returned to his side. "Listen, Edward, I'm scared too. Really fucking scared, but I know that I love you a lot more than I am scared. I just want to be able to be myself around other people and not pretend to just be your friend."

"What would I say? Hi, mom and dad, is dinner ready? Oh, and I'm madly in love with Jasper and we've been dating for the past few months," I mocked myself.

The corners of his lips turned up and his eyes flickered. "Madly?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, Jasper, madly. Irrevocably, unequivocally, absolutely, completely, head over heels, crazy in love."

"Me too," he whispered. Reaching out, he brushed his fingers down my cheek.

Sighing at his touch, I closed my eyes. "Can we wait until we graduate? Then we can come out, move to college and never have to see the people in this town again."

"You'll still see your family."

"But they'll have time to adjust while I'm away. At college, you and I can be ourselves. We will be out and there won't be any more hiding."

"That's over a year away," he realized sadly.

"I know."

He was quiet for a few minutes, considering my suggestion. When he spoke again, his voice was soft. "Okay, we can wait, but I'm doing this for you, not Bella, or even your parents. I'll wait because you want to wait."

I leaned toward him, capturing his lips in a lingering kiss. "Thanks, Jas." When I pulled away, I saw a look of worry on his face. "What's wrong?"

Looking down at the blanket, he tugged his bottom lip between his teeth, gnawing on it. Finally, he released it and looked up at me. "What if I fuck up?"

"Fuck up?"

"I don't want to mess up. I don't want to accidently out you. Like what if I forget and touch you by accident? Or call you baby or something?"

"Then we'll deal with it," I promised him. I rolled onto my back and spread my arms for him. Eagerly, he moved into them, his body melding with mine the way that it always did. Wrapped in my embrace, he laid his head on my shoulder and sighed.

"Graduation?"

"Yep. It'll be here before you know it."

"I fucking hope so."

I kissed his forehead. "I love you, Jasper."

"I love you, too," he said, lifting his head so he could kiss me. We spent the rest of the day filling in crosswords and eating Fluffernutter sandwiches. He even read his comic book to me, acting out all the voices while I danced my fingers along his back and ass, smiling in satisfaction when his voice would rise as my fingers skimmed over the ticklish spot on his lower back. Being in the meadow wasn't always about sex. Sometimes we would go there to watch the stars and just be able to hold hands, other times we couldn't keep our hands off each other. We would nap and talk, sing and dance, eat and drink. We just…were.

The sun had set before I finally nudged my sleeping boy awake.

"You're drooling on me," I laughed when I felt a wet spot where his head was resting on my stomach. After one last round of blowjobs, we had both passed out, tangled, sweaty limbs securing us to each other. Mumbling, he raised his head and yawned.

"Can't we just stay here forever? Just you and me."

"You'd get bored of me real fast."

"Never."

"We told them we'd be home by dinner," I reminded him and he sat up and sighed. Silently we dressed and packed up. After he slung the backpack over his shoulder, he held out his hand for mine. We didn't race down the path, we took our time, walking slowly, trying to delay parting for as long as possible.

I drove us home and he held my hand.

When I pulled into his driveway, his father was working on his truck and waved to us. I waved back and Jasper sighed.

"Time to put on the mask," he mumbled. I squeezed his hand on my seat.

"Just for a bit longer. I promise."

"Love you," he whispered before opening his door.

"Love you, too."

I watched him walk over to his dad, a perfect Jasper smirk in place. He might not have liked wearing the mask, but he did it well.

"Edward?" the voice was deeper than my mother's and I tried to pry my eyes open. Rubbing the sleep from them, I saw Emmett standing beside my bed. "Well aren't you a ray of sunshine in the morning," he grinned.

"What time is it?"

"Eight. We're not scheduled until ten but I'm going into work to cover for someone so I needed to come early. I've got time if you're up for it?"

I rolled my eyes. "You talked to my mother."

"Maybe," he laughed. "She may have told me a few things."

"It wasn't that big a deal. I went for a ride with Jasper."

"Why don't you go do your routine, then you can tell me about it while I give you a massage."

"Massage? No working out today?" I asked a bit too eagerly.

"Judging by your looks, you need a massage more than a workout. We need to keep your muscles flexible and they might stiffen up after the other night."

"It was just-"

"A ride. Right, they might buy it but I don't. I can tell you're exhausted and sore, and it's not because of a ride in a truck."

Gulping and looking a lot like the fucking cat that got caught eating the canary, I nodded and reached for the chair when he moved it closer. Trying not to show him just how sore I was, I maneuvered myself into it and headed for the bathroom. I really needed a shower but decided to wait until after Emmett left. After emptying my bladder and bowels as quickly as I could, I brushed my teeth, grabbed a towel and went back to Emmett. He was sitting on my bed reading something on his phone when I wheeled in. He stood up and moved out of my way.

"Let me know when you're ready," he said as he left me alone to change. Slowly I moved back to my bed and began to undress, tossing my clothes on the floor until I was naked. Lying on my back, I put the towel over my hips.

"Ready," I called out. I heard him coming down the hall, then knock on my door before pushing it open.

"All parts hidden," he teased as he shut the door. He had three cookies in his hand and brushed the crumbs from a fourth off his shirt. "So fucking lucky. You're mom is a great cook."

"Yeah, she loves to bake. We always have pies and cakes and shit. Jasper used to eat dinner here almost every night just for the dessert."

"Speaking of Jasper," he began as he opened his bag and pulled out his massage oil. He warmed it between his hands before he began to working on my calf, his movements precise and methodical. "Tell me what happened."

"I hate it here," I mumbled. He kept working but looked up and quirked a brow at me. "Fine. I don't hate it, but I hate being stuck in here. This isn't even my room. My real room is upstairs. I hate sitting in here doing nothing. I've been going your exercises but sitting around is just fucking-"

"Depressing?"

"Yeah."

"So you left?"

"Jasper was here and we were talking. He was trying to cheer me up so he took me to this place we go sometimes."

"Details," he insisted as he worked on my thighs. I sighed, knowing what I was about to say, if not said right, was going tell Emmett a lot more than I wanted to. If Jasper had been there with me, he would have looked at me and nodded, encouraging me to confide in someone. But Emmett worked with Peri and Peri was friends with my mother, so telling Emmett meant that…

"Edward, I need to know what you did so I know what kind of muscle injuries to look for."

I closed my eyes, not able to bear looking at him as I spoke. He was next to me, his hands kneading my upper arms.

"We have this place we like to hang out. A meadow near the top of a mountain we found a few summers ago. There's a trail that leads up the mountain, but if you veer off at one spot, it leads to this open field. He helped me into his truck and drove. When we got there, he helped me out but then I pushed myself up the trail as far as I could. I made it about half a mile before I couldn't go any further. There was too much snow and the leaves kept getting stuck in the wheels."

"You pushed yourself half a mile uphill through snow?"

"About half a mile, yeah."

"Impressive. You're a lot stronger than you look. So did you get to the field?"

"Yeah, he carried me," I whispered, finally opening my eyes. His hands halted for a second, then he moved to my other arm

"How far?"

"About a quarter of a mile."

"Jesus. Is he fucking Superman?"

_Yes._

"No, just really fucking stubborn. We hung out for awhile then he carried me back down to my chair."

"Edward, I'm certainly all for you getting out, but that was a really stupid thing to do. Your immune system is shot to hell right now and being out in the cold-"

"He kept me warm," I blurted out and then felt my cheeks heat up. "I mean, he made me dress warm with hat and gloves and he made me drink hot chocolate. Then he did this thing to my legs and arms before we left."

He paused and motioned for me to turn over, holding the towel up as I flipped onto my stomach, and then laying it back over my ass. When I felt his strong hands on my back, I moaned out loud. The tension and ache I'd felt since the meadow began to fade under his professional touch.

"What thing?"

"Kinda like what you do. He massaged my calves and arms, rubbing them really hard."

"He was trying to keep the blood moving," he said almost absently. "Sometimes if a paraplegic gets too cold, the blood flow slows, especially to their lower legs and arms. You're body goes into panic mode and forces your blood to your vital organs to keep them warm. It's why your lips turn blue when you're really cold, but it tends to happen quicker with paras. He knew after being still for so long that he needed to get your blood flow back, especially to your legs. Someone's been doing their research."

I buried my head into my bed, trying to hide the blush that deepened.

"After he warmed you up did you push yourself down the mountain?"

"Yeah, but going downhill was easier."

"Were you sore after?"

"Yeah, my arms and shoulders killed the next day but they're a little better today."

"I'll focus on those areas then," he said, moving his hands to the middle of my back. "So besides your trek up K2, what's new since I saw you a few days ago?"

"My mother wants me to see a therapist," I blurted out. The only way I knew he was still massaging me was because I saw the towel that had been covering my ass sitting on the bed next to me. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw him working on my right leg.

"What do you want?"

"I don't want to talk to some stranger."

"Do you want to talk to anyone?"

_Jasper._

I shrugged. "Not really. I mean I like talking to you and you can answer most of my questions, but I don't need to talk to anyone else."

"In your mother's defense, it might be helpful to talk to someone who understands."

"Well, unless they are in a wheelchair, they aren't going to understand."

"True, but they are trained to understand. You have other options, ya know. You could go online and check out on some forums or something. You might find someone in your situation on there," he suggested before grabbing his bag and sitting on my bed.

"I don't know if I can do that," I admitted softly.

Wiping the oil off his hands with a moist wipe, he looked at me. "Why not?"

"Because I'm afraid of what I might find. What if I find out there's no hope for a normal life?"

"There's always hope, Edward. Remember, everyone is different, everyone has different abilities and injuries. Just because some other guy won't ever walk doesn't mean you won't be able to. It might help to find someone else who can relate to what you're going through. The same frustration and shit."

My fingers picked at my blanket while I considered his suggestion. I had tried to go online once but ended up stopping when I saw some statistics. I was already depressed as fuck, I didn't need to make it worse by reading about how many don't recover, never find a job or go bankrupt because of medical bills.

"Just think about it," he said as he stood.

"Do you think I can handle going back to school? I want to go back on Monday."

"Wow, you must really want to get out of the house if you're willing to go to school to do it." He grinned. "Physically I think you'll be fine. You will get more tired than you think but you're young and strong so you should be able to make it through the day. It's going to be hard to see everyone again though, be prepared for a lot of questions and shit."

"I will," I replied quickly, but even as I said it, I knew seeing everyone was what I feared the most.

"I hate to massage and run, but I got to go to work. Try school on Monday and if it wears you out too much, skip Tuesday. Try every other day at first if you need to. Give your body a day to recover. I'll call on Monday to see about a setting up a time for Tuesday. Be sure to do the exercises this weekend and if they seem too easy, up the weight and add five reps." He stood with his bag in his hand, his size almost completely blocking daylight from the window behind him.

"Okay. Thanks, Emmett."

"No problem, Edward. I'll probably see ya Tuesday."

"Bye."

As soon as he closed the door, I reached for my pajama bottoms so I could go take a shower. I was looking forward to sitting in the steam and letting the hot water soothe the soreness away.

Once I was showered and dressed in sweatpants and a plain black tee shirt, I sat at my desk with my laptop open to Google, trying to convince myself to take Emmett's advice and do some research about my injury. Hell, Jasper knew more about what was going on with me than I did. I took a deep breath and was just about to type when someone knocked on my door.

"Come in," I said as I closed my laptop and went to turn my chair around. My heart raced when I realized it might be Jasper. The door slowly creaked opened and I heard her take a deep breath before she stepped inside. Soft, large brown eyes fell on me and I saw them immediately fill with pity and sorrow.

I hated it, but knew it was a look I was going to have to get used to.

"Edward," she whispered, her eyes welling up until the tears spilled over onto her cheeks. "Oh my God." With her bottom lip firmly between her teeth, she took small steps around my bed to where I sat in my chair.

"Hey, Bella," I tried to smile, but seeing the sadness on her face, I felt the grief that was always simmering inside me ignite. Openly sobbing, she stood in front of me and leaned over, wrapping her arms around my neck and hugging me. "Hey, don't cry again."

She sniffled into my shoulder. "Seeing you…like…"

I sighed, rubbing my hand down her back. "It's okay, I'm okay," I said until she felt strong enough to pull away. Sitting on the edge of my bed, she wiped her cheeks and smiled at me. "How are you doing?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that question?" she laughed.

"I'm fine," I shrugged. "At least as fine as I'm going to get."

Reaching out, she took my hand into her small one and squeezed it. "It'll get better," she assured me.I wanted to yell at her, to ask her just how it was going to get better and when. I hoped it was pretty fucking soon.

Instead of snapping at her like I did everyone, I just sighed, "I hope so. So what's up since we talked? Anymore gossip?"

"Not really. Mike and Jessica are fighting, but that's not news. It's been pretty boring."

"I'm sure once I get back, there'll be plenty of gossip about the cripple."

"Don't say that," she scolded me.

"Why not? It's true," I challenged her quickly. She looked away, confirming she knew I was right. I was going to be the subject of many rumors when I returned. What had really happened, who had caused the accident, had I been drinking, smoking, speeding? I was sure everyone had already formed their opinions.

"When do you think you'll be back?"

"Actually, I want to go on Monday. My mom is going to ask my dad and if he says okay, then I'm going."

"Jasper will be happy to have you back. He doesn't like sitting with me at lunch," she stopped, her bottom lip finding its way between her teeth again. "He wasn't happy with what I'd told you."

"Yeah, that was my fault. We were talking and it just came out. Sorry."

"I told him I was worried about him because he was my friend."

"He just felt a little betrayed I think, but he's fine now."

"He's scares me sometimes," she chuckled.

"Join the club. He can be pretty intimidating," I smiled. "Sometimes he won't take no for an answer."

She was quick to nod, her long, loose hair flowing over her shoulders and in front of her face, giving her a curtain to hide behind.

"Did he tell you I told him I was scared to see you?"

"Scared to see me? Why?"

Looking down at hands, she shrugged. "Because I didn't know if it would be hard for you to see someone that can still…"

"Walk?"

She nodded and angled her head so her hair fell forward, covering even more of her face.

"Honestly, sometimes I wonder why me and not someone else. What did I do to deserve this, ya know?"

"You don't deserve it, that's what makes it so wrong."

"No one deserves it I guess, but I must have done something."

"No, you didn't," she said firmly. "Don't even think like that." Leaning forward, she wrapped her arm around my shoulders and pulled me to her as she moved closer. Burrowing her head in my neck, she gripped my hand in my lap. "This isn't your fault, you didn't deserve this," she tried to reassure me. Just as I put my free hand on her back, rubbing it gently, my door opened and Jasper walked in.

"Hey, ba-oh, sorry," he quickly changed when he saw her in my embrace. Bella leaned back, but faced me and kept her hand on mine. "I'll go."

Since we had started dating, Jasper had tried to get along with Bella and they usually did. The longer Jasper and I had been together the more tolerant of her he became. However, he would never get used to seeing Bella and I touch. Even something simple as a casual fist bump or high five had his blue eyes turning green. He'd told me it wasn't because it was Bella but rather because she was free to touch me so easily when he wasn't.

All he wanted to do was be able to touch me in public the same way he touched me in private.

Well, maybe not _exactly_ the same, but with the same freedom.

I saw the twinge of jealousy in his eyes before it faded and was replaced with hurt. He took a step back, his hand still on the knob.

"Don't," I called out sharply and he paused, looking at me, unsure what to do.

"It's okay, I can come back later," Jasper said.

Bella sighed and stood up. "Stay, Jasper. I have to go anyway. I promised my dad I'd meet him for lunch."

I reached up and pushed her hair behind her ear, smiling sadly when she covered my hand with hers and kissed my palm.

"Maybe I'll see you Monday. Take care, Edward," she murmured as she stood and then leaned down and kissed my lips lightly. Standing, she took a deep breath before turning to face Jasper. His chin was lowered, but he was watching us through his lashes. When Bella turned, he averted his eyes to a spot on my bed. Bella walked around my bed to Jasper. "See you Monday, Jasper."

"See ya, Bella," he said as she brushed by him and left. "Awkward," he sighed, closing the door behind her. He put his bag down on my bed and walked the same path Bella just had and sat on the edge of the bed in front of me. Giving me a slight smile, he reached up and ran a finger down my cheek and over my lips.

The lips that Bella had just kissed.

I trembled, slowly bringing my gaze from his pink lips to his sapphire eyes.

"Let's try this again," he said. "Hey, baby."

I barely got out, "Hey, love," before his lips were pressed to mine. It was soft and quick, but enough to wash away any remains of the feeling of Bella's lips on mine. Pulling back, he scowled and ran the back of his hand across his mouth. "What's wrong?"

"I can _taste_ her," he growled. "Ew…that's just gross, Edward. How can you kiss that?"

My boy was literally disgusted by the taste of her lip gloss. His reaction was so real and honest, I couldn't help it.

I started laughing.

It wasn't just a stifled laugh or a small giggle, it was a full, honest rumbling. After weeks of not hearing it, Jasper's eyes widened at the foreign sound and then he just tilted his head and grinned at me, even laughing a bit himself. The longer he watched me, the harder I laughed.

"Not sure what's so funny, but hearing you laugh…" he stopped, his voice cracking and I saw a tear slide down his cheek. I stopped laughing, my sides already sore and my breaths short. Cupping his cheek, I wiped his tear away. "It's beautiful. I never thought I'd hear it again." He shook his head, feeling foolish for crying over laughing.

"You made me laugh. No one else. You," I told him. "Can I tell you something?"

"Anything," he nodded. Sitting before me, he leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees, his hands falling between his slightly parted legs.

"It's always been you. Even when I was barely conscious, you were the only one that I wanted near me. Just you."

I wasn't saying it outright, I didn't need to with Jasper, but he knew exactly what I meant.

It had never been Bella, no matter how much she might have wished it was her, it wasn't.

It was him.

Just like he always did when I said sweet shit like that, he blushed and looked down at my lips. His eyes swam with the desire to kiss me again, but as much as he wanted to, he resisted.

"So," he said, blushing harder. "How was seeing Bella?"

"It was okay. She cried when she saw me. I hope I don't get that reaction from anyone else when I go back to school."

"You might. I mean, not from like Mike or any of the guys, but the girls might get overly emotional. They tend to do that." He smiled as he said it, knowing damn well the emotion he had just showed me. "When are you going back?"

"If my dad gives his okay, I am going back on Monday."

"This Monday?"

"Yeah."

"I can see if I can get the truck and drive us if you want."

"My parents might want to drive me in the first day. I think they want to meet with the principal, but maybe I can go in with you and then have them meet me there."

"Speaking of your parents, I just saw Alice in the hallway," he almost whispered, his cheeks darkening.

"What happened?" I asked worriedly. What if Alice had said something to him and my parents had overheard her?

"She…um…she just…well-"

"Jasper?"

"She winked at me," he whispered harshly. I tried not to laugh, I really did, but it bubbled up and out of me again anyway.

Leaning in, I returned his whisper. "She told me she has a crush on you."

Blue eyes grew wide and he jumped back from me like he'd been electrocuted. "What? She has a what…wait, what? Are you serious?" he stuttered.

"Completely serious. She told me last night."

"You talked?" His voice still high pitched from my revelation.

"Yeah, she came back after you left. She said that she suspected we were in love because of some 'stolen moment looks'."

"What the fuck are those?" he asked, furrowing his brows.

"I don't fucking know. Some looks we give each other when we think people aren't looking."

"Huh. That's it? I looked at you so that means we're in love?"

"I guess," I shrugged.

"Well, fuck, if that's the case then everyone must know."

"I don't think so. I think Alice is pretty intuitive. Plus, she is around us a lot. She said she has seen us running to my room and shit. Oh, and she mentioned catching you in a Say Anything moment."

"Oh. That." The flush returned to his soft cheeks as he looked away. "I was desperate and the movie was on TV. I got inspired by Lloyd."

"She asked how long we'd been together and if I'd broken up with Bella because of you."

"What did you tell her?" Putting his hands behind him, he rested his weight on them. His sweatshirt rode up, exposing a small sliver of skin and a dusting of hair above the waistline of his jeans. I couldn't feel them but I knew if I looked down, I would find his knees touching mine because that was just Jasper. I don't think he even knew it but if we were alone, his body was always in contact with mine in some way, usually something simple, casual, like our feet brushing each other while we lay on the bed or his elbow bumping me while we ate at the lunch table. It was like a gravitational pull.

"I told her that I had broken up with Bella before anything happened between you and me. Which is true, but I knew when I broke up with her that deep down it was partially because I had feelings for you."

"Did you tell Alice that?"

"Jesus, no." I shook my head. "But then she asked if I was gay."

"And?" he tilted his head. He knew he was, he was confident in it. Hell, he thought girls tasted bad. I had been with Bella and the physical shit with her had been nice but it hadn't been anything compared to what it was like with Jasper. It was something Jasper and I had never really discussed. I guessed he assumed I was and I knew he was.

"I told her I think I am but that I knew I loved you." The corners of his lips twitched, but he remained quiet. "She was hurt I didn't tell her before, but I told her we hadn't told anyone. Then I made her promise to keep it a secret."

"Did she?"

"Yeah, finally."

"Then she asked me if you were a good kisser," I added just to see him blush again.

"I hope you told her I was a fucking awesome kisser," he replied quickly but the pink still tainting his skin.

"Of course. I had to make her jealous," I teased him. The blush faded from his cheeks and I saw him gnawing on his bottom lip. "What?"

"Do you think it's time that we came out? I know we've planned on doing it after graduation, but now that she knows, maybe we should. Maybe others already know. I mean, if _Alice_ suspected…"

"Yeah, but she's got nothing better to do than watch us. Plus she had a crush on you, so she was paying attention, especially to you. Our parents and other friends aren't. They're busy with their own lives."

"Maybe we should tell them. At least our parents," he said quietly. "It might make things easier."

"Not after this," I began, motioning to my legs. "It's bad enough that I'm going to be the freak in a wheelchair, I don't need to be the _queer _in the wheelchair too." My voice had began to take on the hard edge I'd had grown familiar with. Pushing himself forward, he glanced over his shoulder at my door before taking my hands in both of his. Gazing at me with the intensity he always had, he gave me a smile. It was small, but it lit up the dark shroud around me.

"I understand. You know I'll do whatever you want, right? If you want to wait, we wait."

"I want to wait," I said firmly.

"Then I do too," he agreed. I felt his thumb stroking the back of my hand and my heart, which had been racing at the thought of coming out, began to slow.

"It's just my parents have enough to deal with right now. The scholarship from U of W will surely be revoked now, and there is the cost of the changes to the house, the hospital bills. They don't need to deal with a gay son on top of all that. It'd be pretty fucking selfish of me to come out now, to drop that in their laps, just to make it easier on us."

He nodded. "I get it, baby. I do."

Sighing, I looked away. I refused to get upset again, it seemed it was all I ever did anymore. I wanted to enjoy that he was back in my life rather than argue over coming out. I wanted him to take me to the meadow, hold me and dance with me, make all the confusion and pain go away.

He was the only one who could.

"Babe, when do you think I'll hear back from U of W? What if I don't get in?" His lowered his chin and I could hear the fear in his voice.

"Probably early March. I don't know if I'll get in now, they might revoke more than my scholarship. They're not going to want me if I can't play basketball for them."

For as long as I could remember, I'd wanted to go to the University of Washington to play basketball with the Huskies and study music. My dream became a reality when in early fall, a recruiter had approached my basketball coach, asking to meet me. After providing my transcript and spring SAT scores, they offered me a full scholarship to play ball for them. While Jasper had fretted over his application essay, I sat around and worked on my jump shot. While he filled out the online application, I had rubbed his back, resting my head on his shoulder and smiling when he clicked submit.

"There's just one problem with this school," he'd said to me seriously.

"What?" I had asked, lifting my head.

"Purple isn't my color."

"Dork," I had whispered as I carded my fingers through his hair and turned his head to me, capturing his lips with mine in a long, languid congratulatory kiss.

Reaching out, I pushed his hair off his face so I could see the eyes I knew so well. "Of course you'll get in. They'd be fucking stupid to not want you."

"My GPA isn't as high as yours."

"You run like the wind."

"I don't play the piano."

"You can draw anything you see."

He sighed, shaking his head. "How do you always-"

"Know the right thing to say?" I finished for him. "Same way you do. Listen, if we don't get in, we'll try someplace else. I just have to make sure I can get into their dorms."

"Don't they all have to be wheelchair accessible now?"

"To get inside them yes, but there's other stuff besides getting inside, like bathrooms and shit."

"You know I'm not going anywhere without you, right?"

As if I ever questioned it.

"Me either," I said, glancing down at my chair. "Literally."

Leaning forward, he put his forehead to mine. "Edward?"

"Yeah?" I said breathlessly, my pulse already racing from his touch.

"I...I think…that…weshoulddohomeworknow." He grinned and I pushed his shoulder so hard he fell back onto my bed.

"You're an ass."

"You like my ass," he reminded me with a sexy smirk. It was the first sexual thing he had said to me since the accident. The flirting between us had been nonexistent, but Jasper just fell back into it, into us, so easily and comfortably. We still had a lot to work through, there were going to be some really fucking horrible days and there was going to be yelling and probably more fucking crying, but there was a light at the end of my long, dark tunnel.

It was a light of wheat and blue.

Shaking my head, I backed up and pushed myself over to my books. I struggled to reach them and he let me. While Jasper pulled out his history book, I contorted in every direction to pick mine up off the floor. Finally, I got it against my foot, which allowed me to reach it with my fingertips and pull it up to my lap.

"That was easy," I said sarcastically as I pulled up the bed and put my book on it. Jasper smiled and opened his book to the chapter we needed. "Hey, Jas?"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks."

Smiling, he looked up at me and just nodded, knowing I didn't need any more acknowledgement than that. I was going to have a lot of struggles ahead, probably every day, and Jasper was going to let me struggle, he was going to let me fail, let me fuck up, because he knew it was the only way I was going to get better and move into this new reality I'd been forced into. He also knew that sometimes I was going to hate him for it, resent that he could walk and I couldn't, hate that he pushed me to do something and then watched me fail at it. He was letting me take my broken wings and learn to fly. At the same time, I knew the second I really needed help, he was going to be there, only a glance away.

Because that's what love was.

I thought I had known that before, what love was, what it meant to be in love, but it wasn't until I witnessed Jasper refusing to give up on me, on us, that I really understood the true meaning of love. It was so much more than a word.

It was unconditional support, knowing when to let go and when to hold their hand. It was pushing and pulling, forcing and yielding. It was knowing when to cry and when to laugh.

It was Jasper and me.

Our relationship had always been give and take and it was hard for me to see what Jasper was going to get out of being with me now. To me, the scales of our relationship had tipped and Jasper was going to be doing all the giving without getting anything in return. I knew he would say that he had me and that was all he wanted, that nothing else mattered, and as much as I wanted to believe him, to honestly believe he meant it, deep down I knew part of me was preparing for the day that he would realize his mistake and leave.

It wasn't that I didn't trust Jasper's love for me, it was that I thought he deserved more than pushing around a wheelchair for the rest of his life, regardless of who was sitting in it.

With one last knowing smile, he told me what page we were on and we began to go over the weekend's homework. I pushed my uncertain thoughts aside and just reveled in the fact that he was in my room, sitting on my bed and smiling.

We spent a few hours going over schoolwork to get me ready to return on Monday. When my dad got home about dinner time, he knocked on the door and came in. I was in my chair with my book on my lap. Jasper was sprawled on my bed, his feet tapping to "Real Love" while he skimmed over the latest calculus assignment. He looked up and gave my dad a nod.

"You're mother and I talked about you going back to school on Monday," he said in his doctor voice.

"And?"

"I think if you feel you're up for it, you should try it."

"Really?" I said, probably sounding more excited than I should.

"Yes, but we are going to meet with the principal that morning to go over a few things. They need to be made aware of your limitations and what you'll need. Your mother called yesterday and told them that you would be in on Monday."

"Thanks, Dad. Um, Jasper offered to drive me to school and I'd like to go with him if that's okay."

My father glanced at Jasper, who quickly looked away. He was still feeling the shame of the night in the meadow.

"That's fine with me, your mother and I can meet you there," he said as he leaned against the door jamb.

"Thanks."

"You look better today, more color in your cheeks. How are you feeling?"

"Okay. Emmett came by and gave me a massage. I think that helped." There was no hiding pain from my dad. From his years of being a doctor, he'd learned to read people's ailments pretty fucking well. He could tell if you were really sick or just pretending to be to get out of an English presentation. He could also tell when you were hiding a strained hamstring because you wanted to play in the semifinal game of the playoffs.

"You want to give the muscles time to recover so try to take it easy the rest of the weekend," he instructed me but then looked at Jasper. "That means no truck rides."

"Yes, sir," Jasper answered politely.

"Esme wants to know if you'll be staying for dinner?"

"No, sir, I'm supposed to meet my dad for pizza. My mom is working the nightshift tonight."

"Okay, then. Please say hi to your dad, it seems I always miss him when he's here."

"I will."

My father nodded and then left. Jasper let out a long breath and dropped his forehead to his open book. We studied for about another hour before it was time for Jasper to leave. He packed his bag and pulled on his sweatshirt before sitting on my bed again.

"I'll come by tomorrow and we can finish this assignment. Then you should be all caught up."

"Sounds good."

Without asking, he leaned forward and brushed his lips over mine twice before pulling away.

"Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow."

He stood and went to the door, his hand on the knob. He spoke without turning. "Be safe, baby."

I saw his shoulders tense as he waited for my reply. If I could have seen his face, I know I would have seen his brows knitted and his bottom lip between his teeth as he waited, hoped, to hear the words.

"See ya soon, love," I whispered just loud enough for him to hear. His shoulders fell and I heard him gasp before he opened the door and walked out.

Love was telling the other person what they wanted to hear.

It was saying what you needed to say.

"**~~**"

The drizzle fell steadily from the thick, gray clouds hovering ominously over the school.

"I don't know if I can do this," I whispered to him, nervously looking out the window at the parking lot as other students parked and got out of their cars. After meeting up with friends, they lithely walked into school, having no idea I was sitting in Jasper's truck with a lump in my throat. "I don't know if I can face them."

They hadn't changed.

They could still walk.

My stomach was in knots and my hands were practically shaking.

I'd been up for hours, barely sleeping the night before. I thought going back to school would be a relief, would get me out of the house, but when morning came, I was so nervous I felt sick. Since I was up, I did my morning bladder and bowel routine, then took a shower and got dressed. The entire process had taken me over two hours. When I was finally dressed in jeans and my green apple Beatles tee shirt, I packed my backpack, making room for a few catheter kits, iodine wipes and gloves. Ten minutes later, while I was putting on my sweatshirt, Jasper had showed up, knocking on my door and asking if I was ready.

I had nodded and then followed him out to the living room where I told my mom and dad I'd meet them at the school. They said okay, but I saw the worry on my mother's face. Jasper held the door for me and I pushed myself outside and down the ramp, waiting at the passenger side for Jasper. The ride to school had been slightly better than the one to the meadow. Every time we were faced with an oncoming car, my heart pounded in my chest and I clenched Jasper's hand tightly.

"Me, baby," he reminded me to look at him each time he felt me tense. He talked the entire way to school, mostly random chatter, but it kept my mind occupied, forcing me to focus on what he was saying and not the other cars.

I felt his warm fingers entwined with mine on the seat between us. "I'll be right by your side. I'm not going anywhere." Looking over at him, I saw his encouraging smile. "You can do this, baby, I know you can."

Taking a deep breath, I nodded and squeezed his hand. He released it and got out, stopping at the back to get my chair before he opened my door. Reaching around me, he grabbed the towel that had been sitting on the seat and then he bent over and wiped the drizzle off my chair so I wouldn't get wet when I sat in it. I couldn't believe he had thought to bring a towel. It was my ass sitting in the chair and I hadn't thought to bring one.

But he had.

He stood up and tossed the towel in the truck and caught me staring at him.

"What?"

"You brought a towel."

"Um, yeah, it's raining," he stated the obvious. "There's no cap on the truck and I didn't want your seat wet."

Once he positioned my chair, he reached for me, sliding one arm under my knees and the other behind my back. Before anyone could see us, he quickly lowered me into the chair and waited while I straightened my feet out on the pedals. When I sat up, I found Jasper holding my backpack for me. I took it and placed it on my lap.

"Ready?"

"I guess so," I shook my head and moved so he could close the door. Spinning the chair around, I saw that the few students left in the parking lot had stopped to look. Their mouths dropped, eyes widened, and breaths hitched. I felt their gazes on me as I began to wheel myself toward the main entrance. "They're staring," I said quietly to Jasper as we passed two kids from our history class standing next to their car. Keeping my eyes on the wet pavement, I avoided looking at them. "They're all staring at me," I repeated.

"Maybe they're just glad to see you," Jasper countered optimistically.

"Yeah, right," I huffed.

We reached the entrance and were faced with the stairs in the middle or a twisting ramp to our left. Jasper didn't even hesitate; he just headed for the ramp, his long strides carrying him easily up the sloping concrete. At the top, he held the door open for me.

"Is there a button here?" he asked as I neared, glancing at the brick wall in either side of the door. "I don't see one. They should have one installed."

"At least they have a ramp," I sighed as I pushed myself over the threshold, still feeling the slight ache from the trek up to the meadow, although soreness had lessened a bit each day. Jasper walked next to me until we reached the principal's office where my parents were waiting by the door. My mother smiled at me as we approached.

"Hey, Mom and Dad."

"Ready?" my father asked and I gave him a slight nod.

"I'll see you in English?" I said to Jasper, looking up at him. I knew he saw it, the fear in my eyes and heard the tremor in my voice that I tried to hide from everyone but him.

He acknowledged it the only way he could. "You bet," he smiled. "Bye, Dr. Cullen and Mrs. Cullen," he said with a wave before heading down the hall. My parents turned and entered the main office while I watched Jasper walk away. When he got the corner, he stopped and turned.

"You can do it," he mouthed before winking and turning away. I heard him break into a sprint to make it to English before the bell rang.

"Edward?" my mother said, holding the door for me. I pushed myself into the office and was immediately faced with the large counter where students and visitors checked in. It was partially blocking the entrance to Mr. Bradshaw's office, leaving no room for me to get my chair around.

"Damn it," my father mumbled as the secretary called the principal to announce we were there.

"It's okay," I sighed, but he shook his head.

"No, it's not. It's not right. You've been here five minutes and already you're been prevented from doing something," he grumbled.

Just then, Mr. Bradshaw opened his door. "Edward, wonderful to see you again, you look great," he greeted me with a smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay," I shrugged.

"He'd be better if he could get into your office," my father announced boldly. Mr. Bradshaw looked at the counter and then to my chair.

"Sorry about that. We can meet out here today, but for future meetings we can use another room," he promised.

I didn't want to meet in the main office. I didn't want kids to walk by and see me in there. I didn't want other people to overhear my parents telling Mr. Bradshaw that I needed longer bathroom breaks so I could empty my bladder by putting a tube in my dick or that I needed extra time to get to classes because I could only use specific hallways that had ramps.

But that was going to be the story of my life, doing shit I didn't want to do.

Keeping my eyes on the backpack in my lap, I followed them to a small couch against the wall. My parents sat in it while Mr. Bradshaw sat across from them in a chair.

"Are you glad to be back, Edward?" Mr. Bradshaw asked as I pulled up to them and stopped.

"Yeah."

"Nervous?"

"A little," I admitted.

My father spoke up. "I hope the rest of the school is better prepared for his needs than this room is."

"Well, we've tried to prepare all your classrooms by making sure that there is a desk without a chair in the front of each room. We've also made sure the doorways are clear. At lunch, you'll have to sit at the end of a table because the stools are attached to the tables. You've been granted permission to go to lunch five minutes early so you can beat the crowds and get through the line easier. Of course all the bathrooms have handicapped accessible stalls."

I cringed at the word handicapped but nodded anyway.

"Your mother told me a bit about your bathroom routine and all your teachers have been informed that you may need extra time. Mrs. Cullen, did you bring in extra catheter bags?"

"Yes, I'll drop them off with the nurse before we leave."

"Very good." He turned back to me. "Your schedule is the same except instead of gym class, you'll have a study block."

"Why?"

He looked at me confused. "What do you mean, Edward? You can't do gym."

My blood heated, but I let the comment slide.

Maybe he was right. I had no business being in gym class anymore.

My parents asked a few questions about the school nurse and her knowledge of paraplegics. I blocked out their conversation, concentrating on looking into the hallway through the frosted glass window above the couch. I saw my fellow classmates walking by, talking and laughing, boyfriends' arms slung around their girlfriends' shoulders. Whenever any of them happened to glance in, I would quickly look away.

Finally my parents stood and shook Mr. Bradshaw's hand.

"I hope next time I'm here there is an appropriate place to meet," my father reminded him.

"Of course, we'll find another office or see if we can't move this counter somehow. Edward, do you want me to walk you to class?" Mr. Bradshaw offered.

"No, I'm fine, thanks."

I backed my chair up and followed my parents out the door. In the hall, my mother bent over to hug me and I swear I heard her sniffle.

"You need to come home, you call me, okay? I have some errands to run but I'll have my cell with me. I can be here in a few minutes. We drove Alice in, she said she would meet you at lunch."

"Okay, Mom." She pulled back and tried to fix my forever messy hair. "Don't worry, I'll be fine."

My father put his hand on my shoulder. "If you have any problems, find Jasper. He'll take care of you, get you whatever you need okay?"

I nodded. "Okay, I'll see you guys later."

I expected them to leave but they just stood there. Turning the chair, I headed down the hall toward the corner. When I turned it, I looked back and saw them staring after me. My mother waved and my dad smiled. I waved back and then continued down the hall until I reached my English classroom.

Swallowing thickly, I reached out and grabbed the knob. I opened the door, awkwardly holding it while I tried to maneuver around it. Our teacher, Mrs. Goddard, stopped speaking and ran over to hold the door.

"I got it," I said as I entered.

"Welcome back, Edward," she said, stepping aside to let me by. I knew when I looked up I would find the room hadn't changed at all in my absence. The three tall windows would still be on the far wall, and the middle one would be cracked opened in the dead of winter. There would be four rows of five desks and a long counter running along the back wall with piles of papers and books on it. Mrs. Goddard's desk was in a corner in the front, sitting at an angle facing the door.

"Thanks," I mumbled, finally looking up from the shiny linoleum floor to the faces of the kids in my class. I knew every one of them; most of them had been in preschool with me. I knew their parents, their brothers and sisters and what colleges most wanted to get into, but as I sat there facing them, I felt like they were all strangers and they certainly didn't know me. Glancing around quickly, I saw their expressions ranged from pity to confusion to shock to…love.

With his book opened before him on his desk, he smiled at me. Since the start of school, Jasper and I had sat in the back row where we could talk and go relatively unnoticed. But Jasper wasn't in the back row.

He was sitting next to the desk that had been assigned to me.

My heart swelled, my body warmed and all the anxiousness I'd had over entering the class and facing everyone vanished. I wheeled over to the desk next to him and put my backpack on it. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jasper smile.

"If you have any questions on anything, Edward, just speak up," Mrs. Goddard instructed.

"Okay, thanks."

She turned back to the whiteboard and Jasper leaned toward me.

"Welcome back," he murmured. Keeping my eyes on the teacher's back, I smiled.

Maybe it would be okay after all.

I made it through class, and thanks to Jasper's tutoring, understood everything discussed. I focused on what she was teaching but found myself soothed more by the angel next to me and his deep breaths, the way he twirled the pen in his hand and scrunched his brows when he was concentrating. It was as if he was emitting a calm that penetrated and eased my nervousness. The teacher assigned our homework and then the bell rang. As soon as the students began to stand, I was surrounded.

"Welcome back, Edward."

"How are you feeling?"

"Does it hurt?"

"Can you walk?"

"Are you still playing basketball? We've got a game on Friday."

Just as I went to run my hand through my hair, overwhelmed by the attention and questions, Jasper stood, his tall frame filling the space and everyone scattered. They filed out the door while Jasper gathered his books and picked up his bag.

"Ready?" he asked me casually, ignoring the fact that he had just scared off about half a dozen kids. Nodding, I backed up from the desk and we left the room and headed to calculus.

The halls were wide but crowded and I was paranoid I was going to run over someone's toes or bump into them. Somehow I made it down one corridor without doing either.

"Edward," she called out from behind me and before I could turn, I heard her running to catch up to us. Even from a few feet away, I felt Jasper tense, just briefly, as Bella got closer. She stopped in front of me, glancing at Jasper with a relieved smile before bending over and hugging me tightly. Burying her face in the crook of my neck, she sighed and then stood up. "It's so good to see you here again."

"Thanks," I replied numbly.

"Will you guys be at lunch?"

"Yeah, sure," I said, looking up at Jasper for confirmation. Then again, I knew he'd be with me because it was going to take an act of God to get him to leave my side…or at least a separate class.

"Are you on your way to calculus?"

Jasper snorted at her obvious question, barely keeping himself from saying something sarcastic.

"Yeah." I turned the chair back around and Bella walked between Jasper and me. When we reached the classroom, Jasper grabbed the door and held it for Bella, tipping his head at her as she walked by and rolling his eyes at me. Bella went to her seat and I wheeled to mine. My heart fell when I saw someone sitting next to it and I glanced worriedly back at Jasper. He stepped around me.

"Hey, Luke, do ya mind if I sit there? Edward and I need to share a book, I forgot mine," Jasper asked him in a friendly, apologetic tone.

Luke looked up at Jasper and shook his head. "Sure, no problem," he said, standing and picking up his book.

Grinning in satisfaction at me, Jasper sat down, his lanky body folding up into the small chair. "These things were not made for anyone over eight," he groaned. Looking over my shoulder, I saw Bella smiling at me and I smiled back.

Jasper tapped my arm. "Hey, can we share a book? I forgot mine."

I almost laughed.

All four classes that morning were a carbon copy of the one before it. A hush fell over the each room when I entered, the teachers welcomed me back with open arms, and I was either pounded with questions or completely ignored. Mostly, I stayed by Jasper's side until I was forced to go to my only class without him.

When I entered my music appreciation class, I was alone and felt the absence of him next to me. The teacher greeted me and asked the same questions as everyone else had, and I gave him the standard answer I had memorized. I sat the desk at the front but without Jasper next to me to focus on, I heard the other students talking in hushed whispers around me.

"I heard he was speeding."

"Really? Someone told me he was drunk."

"No, man, he was getting head from Bella and swerved. Killed the other driver."

Forcing my eyes on my desk, I clenched my jaw, willing away the emotions that threatened to overtake me. My heart raced and I bit down on my lip to keep the tears at bay. I didn't want them to see me any weaker than I already was. Had they been saying shit in all my classes and I hadn't heard them? Had Jasper's presence lulled me so much that I had ignored what was really being said around me?

"I heard the school had to do a bunch of shit so he could come back."

"Yeah, but still, it must suck, ya know? Being stuck in a chair for life? No thanks."

"If he's paralyzed below the waist, can he still get it up?"

"Edward?" my teacher called out to me as I headed for the exit. I opened the heavy wooden door and pushed myself out of it, my chair bumping into it a few times, pinching my hand between the worn wood and my handgrips. "Edward, are you al-"

The door swung shut, drowning out the end of the question.

With my backpack on my lap, I pushed myself as fast as I could down the hall and turned the corner toward Jasper's World War II class. When I reached the end of the hall, I was faced with a huge flight of stairs directly in front of me.

I had gone the wrong way. The ramp was at the other end.

"Fuck," I growled and spun the chair around, slamming my wheel into the cement wall of the corner. By the time I finally reached the ramp, my hands hurt and I was out of breath. Tears streamed down my face as the voices from the kids in my class repeated in my head.

_Really? Someone told me he was drunk._

_Being stuck in a chair for life? No thanks._

_...can he still get it up_?

I forced myself up the ramp and down another long corridor, feeling the soreness in my arms from the abnormal exertion. A few kids passed me, staring at the crying cripple as I wheeled past them with my head down, my tears falling onto my backpack. I couldn't hear my short breaths or the muffled sounds of teachers instructing their classes behind closed doors, all I heard were those voices over and over.

_I heard he was speeding._

…_getting head from Bella…_

_Killed the other driver._

_...find Jasper. He'll take care of you._

Finally, I reached Jasper's class and I knocked on the door, gasping for breath through the sobs. His teacher opened the door and my eyes scanned the room. I had never needed anyone more than I needed him right then.

I needed him to fix it, fix me.

He was sitting near the back, twirling a pencil in his hand while he read. When he lifted his head from his notebook, his eyes landed on me, on the tears on my face. Standing, he threw his books in his bag before his teacher had even spoken.

"Mr. Cullen, is everything okay?" the stout man with gray hair asked. Before I could answer, Jasper pushed past him.

"I gotta go, Mr. Beatty," Jasper said as he exited the room. I backed my chair up, out of view of the other students.

"Mr. Whitlock, you need to come back in here right now."

Jasper ignored him and kneeled in front of me.

"You okay? Are you hurt?"

I shook my head, unable to stop the sobs as they erupted from me.

"Mr. Whitlock?"

Jasper glared at him. "I'll see you tomorrow, Mr. Beatty."

Mr. Beatty stepped back into his room and closed his door.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Jasper hands skimmed over my arms and face, unknowingly taking on some of his mother's nursing traits. In his touch I could feel her practiced skill, only Jasper's hands were warmer, loving, not clinical.

"Get me out of here please," I gasped out. Nodding, he stood and put his hands on the handles of the chair. For the first time since I'd been sentenced to this life, I let someone push me. His strides were powerful as he headed down the hall and toward the ramp. Students passed us, even a teacher or two, but no one questioned my defeated body, my slouched shoulders and hanging head, as Jasper rushed me from the school. By the time he reached the main exit, my cheeks had begun to dry but the tears started again when we arrived at his truck and he reached down for me.

I wanted to hold him, cry on his shoulder, and release everything that was inside me.

He set me down in the cab and put my chair in the back before running to get inside the truck. As soon as he started it, he looked over at me and took my hands.

"Baby, tell me what happened?"

"Just take me home," I sighed, looking out the window. I winced when he took my hand in his and his fingers brushed over my tender skin. He saw me flinch and lifted my hands. Several large blisters had started to form on my palms, the skin swollen and whitened from the fluid gathered under it.

"Jesus," he mumbled. He shifted into reverse and pulled out. Finally feeling safe from the ridicule, I closed my eyes and let the tears fall more freely.

Jasper was quiet on the drive home, but every few minutes he would reach over and stroke my arm. My mother's car wasn't there when we pulled into the driveway and I realized I'd never thought to call her and ask her to get me.

It had been Jasper who I'd thought of first.

Shifting into park, he got out and went to get my chair. When he opened the door, he reached for the towel and dried the leather seat off for me. I felt weak and my head lolled to the side as I watched him. Tossing the towel onto the floor of the cab, he slid his arm under my knees and the other around my back while I wrapped my arms around his neck. With a soft grunt, he lifted me.

I clung to him, burying my face into his shoulder, trying to absorb some of his strength. His nuzzled his nose in my hair, whispering to me the entire time.

"It's okay, baby, it's okay." Suddenly he stopped and raised his head. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah."

"I feel something… wet," he muttered. At first, I assumed it was the rain that was steady falling on us or the puddles that often gathered in the low spots of my driveway.

But it was neither.

I could smell it.

"FUCK!" I growled through clenched teeth.

"What is it, what's wrong?" he asked urgently.

"Put me down now," I mumbled. He did as I asked, but I could still see the concern on his face. Once I was in the chair, his eyes fell to my lap and the giant, dark stain on my jeans. When I looked up at him, I saw a similar mark on his sweatshirt.

"Baby?"

"Just fucking pissed myself," I snapped, pushing the chair back from him. He closed the truck's door and followed me up the ramp. "Apparently that's not bad enough because I pissed on you too."

I opened the door, slamming my hand into it when I tried to hold it and push through at the same time.

"FUCKING SHIT!" I yelled. He appeared beside me and held the door. The smell of urine grew stronger when he was near. My wheel got stuck on the small matt near the front door and I stopped the chair and just started crying again.

Kneeling in front of me, his arms wound around my neck as he pulled me to him, laying my head on his shoulder. I smelled his shampoo from his damp hair and my piss that soaked the front of his sweatshirt. He held me until I pulled away.

"Do you need me to help you?"

"You want to clean up my piss?" I snarled.

"You would do it for me," he shrugged. I laid my head against the back of the chair and sighed.

"Sorry," I said, bringing my eyes to meet his.

"Don't worry about it. Let's get cleaned up."

I went down to my room with Jasper following behind me. Once we entered, I turned to Jasper.

"Can I borrow your phone? I left mine in my bag in your truck."

He handed his to me and I called my mom.

"Hey, Mom, just wanted to let you know that I'm home," I told her waiting for the onslaught of questions.

"What happened? Are you okay? Are you alone? Is Jasper with you?" she asked, just as I had suspected.

"I'm fine. I just…I got to music appreciation and I had to get out of there. Maybe it was too soon, I don't know, but I had to get out. I'm not alone. Jasper brought me home and is here now."

Jasper stood in front of me, piss stained sweatshirt and all, listening to the half lie I was telling my mother.

"I had a few more places to go, do you need me there?"

"No, we're good."

"Have Jasper make you something for lunch," she suggested.

"I will."

"I should be home in a few hours. Do you need anything?"

_My legs._

"No, I'm all set, thanks."

"Okay, honey, see you in awhile."

"Bye, Mom."

"Bye."

I hit end and handed it back to Jasper, who tossed it onto my table.

"What happened, Edward?"

"Later," I sighed. "I want to get out of these clothes."

"Do you have some sweatpants I can borrow?" he asked.

"Yeah, bottom drawer I think."

Transferring myself to my bed, I pulled off my sweatshirt and tee shirt and then lifted my legs up to take off my sneakers. When I unbuttoned my jeans, Jasper took off his sweatshirt and put it in the pile of clothes on the floor I'd started. I glanced away when I saw the urine stain had gone through his sweatshirt and onto his tee shirt.

I had pissed on Jasper.

Did it get any worse than peeing on your boyfriend? Coming in seconds, not able to get it up, drooling in your sleep or even farting during sex were nothing compared to soaking the one your love with your urine.

I was ashamed and embarrassed, but I guessed I should have been thankful it happened at home and not at school. I never would have gone back if I had wet myself at school.

Jasper tugged off his tee shirt and then toed off his sneakers. I was lying on my side pulling my jeans down over my hips when I felt his hand on my wrist. Releasing the hold on my pants, I let him roll me onto my back. Slowly, he tugged my jeans down my body and off. He glanced at my briefs and then up at my eyes for permission. When I nodded, he hooked his thumbs under the elastic and pulled the soaked cotton down. They got stuck under my ass once, but I rocked my body to the side and he was able to free them and pull them off. Then I lay on my bed, naked in front of him for the first time in over a month.

My body looked the same, the muscles in my legs still holding their shape. It hadn't been long enough for them to lose their firmness yet, though it was going to happen. My dick hadn't changed, it was still the same size and thickness, still framed with brown curls as it lay soft against my hip.

He stood before me bare-chested, his jeans resting low on his hips as he gazed at me with deep, honest eyes and I swear I could see heaven in them.

"You're so beautiful, Edward," he whispered, his eyes never leaving mine, never glancing at my limp cock or idle legs. Instead, he looked inside me, into my soul.

"Do you want to take a shower with me?" I asked him, surprised when I heard the offer slip from my lips.

"What about your mother?" he asked eagerly.

"She won't be home for a few hours. Dad works late on Mondays and Alice isn't due home until after school."

His jeans and briefs were off in record time.

Jasper had the body of an athlete. In every sense of the word, his body was made for performing. His long legs were lined with corded muscles while his slim hips and wide shoulders helped balance and center of gravity. Sinewy muscles moved under the smooth skin of his firm chest and his back rippled with tendons and muscles. The crevices of his abdomen, where my tongue had spent so much time, were defined. Due to running, his lower body was well developed and while his arms weren't as big as mine, they were strong and lean. He was truly a work of art.

Tearing my eyes from him, I used my hands to push myself upright and went to reach for my chair to move back into it. He stopped me again, picking me up instead.

We were skin to skin.

He felt so warm. I put my arm around his neck and kissed his shoulder as he left the room with me in his arms.

In the bathroom, I opened the shower door for us and he placed me in the shower chair before stepping into the giant stall himself.

"Hey," he said with a shy smile as he stood naked in front of me, his cock just about level with my mouth. Taking showers together was something that rarely happened for us, we had only done it a handful of times. They had all been rushed, barely having time to get clean and finish the handjobs we gave each other.

"Hey," I replied, tilting my head and looking up at him.

"Fancy meeting you here," he chuckled.

He reached down and turned the shower on, letting it warm up before lifting the nozzle from the handle and spraying himself from head to feet. Once he was done, he handed the shower to me. I wet my feet and legs, working up my body to my hair. Soaking it thoroughly, I let the water run down my head and face before handing the hose back to Jasper. He put it back on the hook and then grabbed the shampoo. I waited for him to reach up to his own hair but he stepped behind my chair and before I could ask him what he was doing, I felt his hands on my head, lathering up the shampoo. My head fell back and I shivered, my entire body, even the parts that couldn't feel shit, reveling in his tender touch.

And I moaned, fucking moaned, when his fingers began to massage my scalp. It was the best thing I'd felt since the accident. My body relaxed under his touch, but I felt my heart beat faster and goose bumps covered my shoulders and arms.

"Jesus, that feels so good," I murmured before closing my eyes, my mind emptying of everything but his touch. There was no piss, no fucking gossiping kids, no offices I couldn't enter.

There was just him and me in the shower.

With each light graze of his fingers, he washed away the day. Every bad thing that had happened went down the drain with the water and soap.

"Tell me what happened, baby."

And all came rushing back.

As much as I wanted to forget the day, he deserved to know. After all, I had dragged him out of his class and made him take me home.

"You said I could do it and I thought you were right, I thought I could too, but in music, there were these kids-"

"Who?"

I already felt the anger rising in him. "I'm not sure. I think it was Karen, Micah, and Steve. Maybe Beth too, I don't know. I heard them saying shit about me. About the accident. They said I had been drinking, that I caused it and killed the other guy. One even said that Bella had been giving me road head and I swerved…"

"Fucking assholes," he snarled.

"There was other shit too, like I took a wrong turn and missed the ramp so I had to turn around and go down the English wing again. Then there was the meeting with Mr. Bradshaw. I couldn't even get into his fucking office and then he fucking treated me like a third grader. The teachers were nice enough but they all sounded so condescending. Like I wasn't as smart anymore. Like the accident took away my intelligence too. Where they fuck did they think I kept my brain? My legs?"

He listened to me rant as he finished my hair. Then he reached for nozzle and rinsed the shampoo out, his long fingers threading through the damp locks easily. When he was done, he leaned over me and grabbed the shower puff and poured body wash on it. Without asking me, he dragged it along my shoulders and down my arms, squeezing the soap out to lather on my skin. His touch was soft but rough enough to get me clean. He worked slowly and with care, covering every spot of my upper body, concentrating on my waist and hip where I had wet myself.

"Then I was so nervous about today that I forgot to use the bathroom at school. My bladder got too full and when you picked me up outside, the pressure on it caused it to empty…all over us. I'm sorry," I mumbled, hanging my head right before the tears started again. Suddenly, he was crouching in front of me, one hand curving around my neck, the other on top of mine in my lap.

"Don't, baby. Don't apologize for something you can't control."

"But I could. If I had gone to the fucking bathroom. I can't believe I forgot."

"Right, because it's not like you had anything else on your mind or anything. Baby, shit like that is going to happen, we just have to figure out a way to deal with it, okay? Let's do this one thing at a time. How often do you need to go?"

Picking up my foot, he braced it on his thigh and then washed my leg, pouring more body wash on the puff when he needed to. He put that foot down and picked up the other, repeating his actions. I watched him as he moved, the way his eyes never left his hands on my body, the way he touched me reverently.

"About every ninety minutes. Two hours is probably good, but not much longer."

"Okay, so how about you set your alarm on your phone to go off every two hours to remind yourself, at least until you get into the habit."

"The alarm would go off in class."

"So?"

Taking a shaky breath, I nodded. He put my foot down and then with a shy glance at me, picked up my cock and held it in his open palm. The tip of his tongue darted out when he licked his lips as he squeezed the lather from the puff onto me. Using his hand instead of the sponge, he rubbed the soap over my cock and then held it up to clean my balls and between my legs. The slight flush of his cheeks was the only hint of his eagerness to do more than wash me.

"Okay, now the assholes in your class. There isn't much we can do about them other than ignore them, but I do have an idea."

"Jasper, no, don't do anything stupid."

"Who me? Stupid? Never," he smirked. "Anything else?"

"My hands hurt," I whispered. Watching me through his lashes, he lifted my hands to his mouth, palm up, and placed a kiss in the center of each one.

"I'll take care of these too."

"How?"

"You'll see."

Taking a deep breath, I inhaled his essence mixed with steam.

"Mr. Beatty is going to be pissed at you for leaving without reason."

"I had a reason."

"He'll still be mad. Maybe give you a detention."

"I don't care," he shrugged casually and I knew he really didn't care. For him, getting a detention for helping me was worth it.

Looking at the darkened leather around his wrist, I traced the intricate pattern while he gazed at me. "Do you always wear it in the shower?"

"I never take it off," he assured me.

"I'm so tired," I sighed. Jasper kneeled on the shower floor in front of me and laid his head in my lap, his hands resting loosely on my hips. "If I can't even make it through a school day, what else am I going to fail at?"

"Probably a lot, Edward," he replied honestly into my damp skin. "But that's okay. We'll just pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off and keep going."

"How can you always be so fucking sure?" I sighed, my fingers finding their way into his wet silk, separating the darkened curls.

Lifting his head, he looked up at me and replied simply, easily, "Because I have you," before putting his head back down.

We sat in my shower, completely naked and drenched with his head in my lap, his nose grazing the inside of my thigh, his breaths washing over me while my cock, completely flaccid and useless, was nestled under his cheek. Slumping forward, I kept one hand in his hair while my arm wrapped around his shoulders and I rested on top of him.

Holding onto each other, we breathed and cried. I released some anger, he released some fears. I clawed at his back while he dug his nails into my hips in a mutual effort to get closer. The longer he was in my embrace, the better I began to feel. Maybe he was right, maybe there was a way to be me in this new life, just a different version of me. It wasn't going to be easy, in fact, it was going to be a fucking long fight, but as I drew from his strength, rebuilding my own, I began to think the fight was possible. I was going to lose battles along the way, but those losses would only make the victory in the end more satisfying.

I wasn't going to let the chair beat me.

It was going to hurt, I was going to fall down and bleed, and it might take me days before I climbed back up again, but I had it in me. I knew I did.

My lips were against his head when I began to mumble the words he'd sung to me that first night I had called him. It was all I had never needed to do, and he'd known it all along. It was what he'd been trying so hard to tell me every day by showing up over and over again.

I just needed to…let it be.

"When I find myself in times of trouble, my beautiful comes to me,  
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.  
And in my hour of darkness you are standing right in front of me,  
speaking words of wisdom, let it be."

Sitting up, I tugged on his hair until he lifted his head and showed me his tearstained cheeks. It was time for _me_ to wipe away _his_ tears.

"We can do this," I whispered.

He smiled at 'we'.

"I just need to figure out who I am in the chair and I need to be that person, not who I was before. There's no use trying to be him because he doesn't exist. Not like he used to. I need to discover this new life."

I wouldn't be the same person I was before, I would be changed, but I realized I could change and still be me. I felt his body shake as he absorbed the words. He gazed at me with such adoration I thought I might burst. I was both the luckiest and unluckiest person in the world.

"Does that include me?" he asked bravely in a quiet voice.

It hurt that he felt he needed to ask. It was evidence of the cruel way I'd treated him and my heart broke at the thought of the pain I'd caused him over the past month. I knew he understood why, and I knew he would withstand it all again if it meant being with me.

He would go to hell and back for me.

And I was going need him to get me through my new hell. I wouldn't make it any other way.

"Yes," I finally whispered.

He grinned, his eyes brightening three shades of blue. Long, damp curls hung in his face, sticking to his wet skin as the tears started to fall again. Only that time they were tears of hope.

Something neither of us had felt in a long time.

And there, soaking wet in my shower, I stared at my boy before me, full of love.

He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

Edward has decided to fight for his life. Just like Jasper knew he eventually would. Now, there is still a long, hard road but the lights in the tunnel are flickering! I also hope this chapter helps explain why they are not out yet, and why Edward, especially now, doesn't want to come out. I can't say I blame him.

For those of you that don't know, the green apple Beatles tee shirt looks like their anthology CD design.

Disabled? Hardly… http:/www DOT aaronfotheringham DOT com

Have questions about the boys? Follow me on Twitter theslashawards or visit the M&A thread on Twilighted http:/www DOT twilighted DOT net/forum/viewtopic DOT php?f=44&t=9674


	13. Still a Light that Shines on Me

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N-New Year's is an important time in the lives of these boys. It was NYE that they had planned to have sex for the first time. It was NYE that their lives changed in a few seconds, two lives forever different because of a guy who made a really bad decision. It was NY Day that they had planned on sleeping in and enjoying the afterglow of their first time by doing it a second and third time. It was NYD that they spent in a hospital, one clinging to his life while the other waited for him in the darkness.

I'm glad to be posting today, given its meaning to the boys. I hope everyone got though last night safely. Needless to say, after writing this story, I'm more than nervous about New Year's Eve accidents. I hope the New Year brings you all lots of love, laughter and good fics to read!

As always hugs to Dannie for her many prereads and beta on this chapter. Also for her knowledge of all things WoW.

Now Jasper pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night he hadn't decided to fight for his life …_

"**~~**"

She knew.

Alice knew.

The cab of the truck was still cold as I pulled up to the stop sign at the end of Edward's street. More than a little paranoid about accidents now, I looked both ways three times before pulling through the intersection. While watching the road, I hit play on the stereo, smiling a little when "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" started.

I would actually be satisfied with just holding his hand.

For awhile anyway.

Hell, I was seventeen, I used to think about sex - having it, wanting it, imagining it - about every thirty seconds, but since Edward's accident, my priorities had shifted. Getting into Edward's pants was much less important than just being with him in any capacity I could. I knew the physical shit would come eventually, and if it didn't, it didn't. It was Edward I loved, not his dick.

I hadn't meant to fall asleep in his bed, in his arms, but I was more tired than I had expected after the meadow the night before and then school the next day. I had found it harder than usual to concentrate at school; the thoughts in my head were not differential equations or Newton's law, but rather fiery hair and a heroic soul. When I arrived at Edward's after school, I found him as tired as I was. Seeing him so…vulnerable on his bed, his eyes drifting closed from exhaustion, I just had to hold him. Not hesitating when he had spread his arms, I had curled up next to his warmth, pressing myself to him as close as I could. My body was forced to stay outside his no matter how hard I tried to crawl inside him, however my soul easily traveled through our flesh and blood and melded with his.

After I promised I wouldn't have any regrets for staying with him, I had kissed him.

And it had been simply incredible.

Then I made the mistake of laying my head on his chest, of listening to his heart beating strong and steady beneath his ribs, and letting the sound lull me to sleep. I woke up to his fingers urgently tugging my hair and his worried voice.

"Alice caught us."

I bolted upright, my hand remaining on his chest as I regained my senses. Edward hadn't moved of course, but his arm was still loosely around my back, his other had fallen onto his stomach when I sat up. One of my legs was over his and my shirt had ridden up a few inches. Our position could only be described as intimate, surely one of lovers and not just friends.

I offered to talk to her right then, but he said no, he would do it. I apologized for having fallen asleep, but he admitted he had too. He was more exhausted than I was; it showed on his face and slow movements and in his eyes that he fought to keep open.

As I shoved my feet into my sneakers and pulled on my sweatshirt, I watched him, fearing he would revert back to pushing me away now that we'd been exposed. Instead, I found him to be calm, even resigned to what had happened. Even so, when I asked to kiss him before I left I had expected him to say no.

But he didn't.

He nodded and I sat on the bed, placing one hand next to his hip, I leaned forward and swept my chapped lips over his. As usual when we touched, my heart skipped a few beats prior to falling into perfect time with his. Before I pulled away, I felt his hand on my shoulder, his fingers digging into my skin as he resisted tasting me. I couldn't help but smile when we parted.

I pulled into my driveway and turned off the truck. Bringing my fingers up to my lips, I traced them, swearing I could still feel the pressure of Edward's against them. Smiling, I got out of the truck and went inside. I didn't even make it to the stairs before my mother called me into the family room.

"Have you eaten?"

I shook my head.

"Here, have some," she said, pushing a half empty pizza box on the table toward me. "How's Edward?"

Sitting down in the chair next to the couch, I picked up a slice of pizza. "Pretty good," I mumbled as chewed. Picking up the remote, she turned down the TV and stretched.

"And Esme? I talked to Carlisle at work today, but I haven't talked to Esme in almost a week."

"They're good. Still worried about everything Edward does."

"Of course they are. I don't blame them, I'd be the same way if it was you," she agreed.

"You would?"

"Definitely. Carlisle and I might be at an advantage because we know what to expect with his injury, but at the same time, we also know how quickly and easily things can go wrong."

"That makes sense I guess," I shrugged.

"Esme's worried because that's what mother's do. We worry about our children."

Watching me pick up another slice, she smiled.

"What?"

"You're eating."

"Yeah, so?"

"You haven't voluntarily eaten since the accident."

I shrugged again and took another bite.

"Edward must be better," she assumed correctly. "How's their place coming along? You're father said they're making good progress."

"It looks really good. Edward's bathroom is done and the kitchen is close. Then they just need to widen a few doorways and add a ramp into the garage I think."

"I feel so bad for them," she sighed. "I mean, beyond what happened to Edward."

"Why?"

"The hospital bills, the work on the house, and all with college right around the corner…"

I stopped mid-chew. "What do you mean?"

Folding her legs under her, she pulled her bathrobe tighter. "Jasper, just because he's a doctor doesn't mean this won't cost them. Edward will probably lose his scholarship to college, so they will have to use the money they had saved for college and the on top of that, they will have thousands of dollars of medical bills."

"Oh."

"You're father has saved them a lot by doing the work for free, but they've had to purchase a lot of the supplies."

"But doesn't Dr. Cullen have insurance?"

"Sure, but it's not going to cover everything, like the work on the house. Even with Carlisle's income, this is going to hit them hard," she explained. Suddenly losing my appetite, I put the unfinished slice back in the box.

"I'm going to go play WoW," I lied. She nodded and I kissed her goodnight before shuffling up the steps and into my bedroom. I changed into a pair of pajamas and then booted up my computer. Opening a browser, I went to a few sites on SCIs I had bookmarked. Scrolling through one, I click on a link on the side and skimmed the page, stopping to read when I found some estimates.

_SCI: Aspects of Specialized Care at the Bronx VAMC, total medical costs for a person with SCI in 2007 averaged about $250,000 per year: renovations to the home cost an average of $20,000; medication and supplies cost an average of $35,000 per year; caregivers cost anywhere from $11,00 to $21,000 per year. Long-term injuries can run to over $30 million. _

I felt sick as I closed the browser. Shutting down the computer, I turned off my light and collapsed onto my bed. I knew the Cullens had saved a lot of money by keeping Edward home for rehab, and my father was saving them even more, but there were still Edward's medical supplies and hospital bills. Sighing, I started Edward's playlist and laid my head on my pillow. It might have been too early for bed but my lids were heavy and I couldn't stop them from closing, and I saw Edward's smile and felt his fingers in my hair as I drifted off to sleep.

"What are they?" he asked as he peeked into the container, pulling back the plastic wrap to reveal a few dozen sugar cookies.

"Cookies."

"You made me cookies?"

"Yep."

"What do you want?" he asked me suspiciously.

Laughing, I leaned toward him and kissed him, lips parted, tongue entering and breaths quickening before I pulled away. "Nothing. I just made them for you."

"Thanks." He picked up the first cookie and inspected it, his head tilting, part curious and part habit. He smelled it and furrowed his brows as he took in the unique shape. "Jasper, this kinda looks like a spaceship."

"That's because it is," I replied, flopping onto his bed and grabbing my graphic novel I'd left there a few days before from his bedside table.

"You made me spaceship cookies?" he asked as he brought it to his mouth and bit into the cookie. "Didn't even know such things existed."

I looked up and sighed. "Yeah, well, you've led a sheltered life, but I won't hold it against you." I flipped open my book. "And they're not just spaceship cookies; they are TIE fighters, X-wings, the Falcon and the Space Station."

"Oh, right. Which one did I just eat?" he asked, crumbs spraying from his mouth as he held up the half eaten cookie.

"You just bit the wing off a TIE fighter."

"They're good," he mumbled surprised and then shoved the rest of the cookie into his mouth.

"Sorry they're not decorated, I tried but it was too hard to get all those lines on the frosting."

He looked through the container again. "I don't see any frosted ones," he said sadly.

"Because I ate them."

"What did you do that for?"

"They were mistakes," I replied and looked up to see him pouting. I rolled my eyes. "Fine. Next time, I will give you the frosted ones even if they a mess."

He lay down on his stomach next me, brushing the crumbs off his blanket when he chewed. Keeping the cookies in front of him, he ate one after the other. "You know I don't care if they're a mess, right? You made them for me, that's all that matters."

Turning my head toward him, I leaned in and kissed his cheek. "Thanks, baby."

"When did you cook them?"

"Last night. I was bored."

"You could have called me, we could have had phone sex," he teased as he bit into a Space Station.

"Jesus, Edward, you can't say shit like that," I warned him with a soft moan as my cock twitched in my pants. "Gets me hard in like one-point-five parsecs."

"That long, eh? Maybe I need to work harder," he offered, wiggling his eyebrows. Even with the crumbs gathered in the corners of his lips, he was sexy as hell.

"Where are you parents?" I asked, swallowing.

"Dad's at work, Mom went to meet her sister for dinner."

"Alice?"

"Not sure, she mentioned going over to her friend's, but I don't know when she'll be back. Why?"

"I think we should…um…practice," I whispered huskily. At first he looked confused, then his eyes widened as he realized what I was suggesting.

"Now?"

I nodded and closed my graphic novel. "Don't you want to?"

"No. I mean, yeah I do, but right now I just kinda want to hang out with you," he murmured, almost ashamed. He moved his gaze from me to his cookies as he pretended to find just the right one.

"Then let's hang out," I said with a smile. "What do you want to do? Watch a movie?"

Slowly, he brought his eyes back to mine. "You're not mad?"

"No," I scoffed. "Why would I be mad?"

"Because I don't want to do…_that_," he finished in a whisper, as if someone would hear him.

"Babe, not everything we do has to be about sex, ya know. I love just being with you. Being with you naked is just an added benefit, but it's not why I'm here."

"I love the cookies," he said softly, blushing.

"I love you," I returned.

"I love you too."

"So, what should we do? It's pretty warm out for November, we could go for a run?"

"Or we could pop in a movie and cuddle," he countered.

"Run, then movie?"

"Deal."

The word was barely out of mouth before he was getting off the bed and pulling off his shirt. I licked my lips at the way his muscles rolled under the skin of his back when he bent over to open his drawer.

"Do you have shorts?" he asked me.

"No, I need to borrow a pair."

He tossed a pair at me without looking and they landed on my head. Resisting the urge to whip them back at him, I got off the bed and began to change. He turned around just as I undid my pants and he paused, watching me intently. Knowing his eyes were on me, I stripped teasingly for him, enjoying that he was just as affected by me as I was him. We continued to undress together, our eyes never leaving each other's bodies. Without touching once, we were both half hard by the time we were ready to go.

"Gonna need a cold shower after this," he muttered as we headed for the door. "How far?"

"I haven't run in a few days and you've got practice tomorrow, so how about three miles?" I said, bringing my knee up and holding it to my stomach. Stretching, Edward put his foot on his porch and brought his head down to his leg.

"Sounds good," he said, standing upright and bringing his arms over his head, twisting his upper body side to side. "Ready?"

"You know I'm gonna kick your ass, right?"

"Oh, really? Should we have a friendly wager?"

"Don't we always?" I raised an eyebrow.

It was our competitive nature that made us the athletes we were. While Edward was a team player, he would often pass the ball instead of taking the shot himself, I was more of a loner, preferring individual sports to teams ones. Even in track, you didn't compete against those in the race with you, you competed against the clock.

"The winner gets head first?"

"Rules?"

"We keep pace the first two miles, the last is all out."

"Got it," I said as I finished stretching. ""Just don't choke on my dust, because you're gonna need your throat to suck my cock later."

"Dork," he answered, shaking his head as he broke into an easy gait.

I matched his stride and we fell into a steady rhythm, our feet hitting the pavement at almost the exact same time. Even though Edward was a sprinter, he kept pace with me, his breaths even as he pushed himself. Distance running was in my blood. My dad had been a cross country runner in high school and ran a marathon or two when he was in college.

For me, running was therapeutic and purifying. My mind always cleared as I outran my troubles, focusing only on my breathing, pace and the rhythmic sound of my feet along ground. The only thing that made me feel better than running was being with Edward. The runner's high I got from a jog was just as easily attained by seeing him.

Edward and I talked casually back and forth, even going over the homework that had been assigned for that weekend. We waved to a few neighbors as we passed them and then turned onto Main Street. The cold had reddened both our cheeks and noses, our breaths became heavy as we subconsciously quickened our pace. When the end of the street was in sight, we knew we had hit the two mile mark.

"You're going down, Whitlock," he smirked at his innuendo.

"No fucking way, Cullen," I argued.

Glancing at him with one last smile, I increased my speed. It was easy, simple, the way my legs carried me over the road, never missing a stride, never faltering no matter how much I asked of them. My breaths were slightly labored, my lungs began to burn and my face was numb from the early winter air, but there was no way I was going to slow down. Sweat ran down my face and my curls stuck to the quickly dampening skin. Pumping my arms, I felt my entire body in sync, every muscle working in a joint effort to propel me forward. There was no stopping me as my strides ate up the ground under me. I sensed Edward about a stride behind me and I glanced over my shoulder at him. He winked at me and then with a burst of speed, caught up to me and was once again by my side.

"It's cute, how you won't give up," I teased him.

"Fuck you," he huffed.

I let him keep even with me for about a quarter of a mile. My heart thudded in my chest, the beats fast but steady. Just before I entered my final kick, I looked at Edward.

"Be safe, baby," I said under my breath and then sped up, covering the pavement in long strides. I never looked back but I knew he was behind me. He wasn't struggling by any means, but he'd just didn't have it in him to keep up with me.

"God fucking damn it," he muttered under his breath and I smiled at his frustration.

Maybe another boyfriend would have let him win, but not me. It wasn't who we were. Keeping my eyes in front of me, Edward's house came into view. Ignoring my body's protests, I took a deep breath and increased my pace even more, leaving Edward further behind. Just as I reached his house, I looked behind me and saw Edward about an eight of a mile away. Racing into his house, I took the stairs to his room two by two.

"Alice?" I called out at the top, waiting for a reply. When I didn't get one, I went into his room and peeled off my sweaty shirt. I heard the front door open and close downstairs and couldn't help but grin as I stood there waiting for him. Breathless, he entered his room and closed his door and glared at me.

"Aw, don't be mad, baby. You did really well."

He pulled off his own shirt and tossed it onto the floor. "Someday, when you least expect it, I will kick your ass."

Ignoring him, I pointed down to my crotch. "I believe you owe me. Down, Edward."

Keeping his eyes on me, he dropped to his knees and waited. I moved to him, running my fingers through his sweaty hair as his thumbs hooked under the elastic of my shorts and he lowered them over my ass. My cock was semi-erect just from him kneeling before me but as soon as his fingers gripped it and his tongue swirled around the flared head, I got hard. Holding my cock in his grasp, he ran his nose up its length, inhaling deeply.

"You smell so good," he whispered just before he dipped the end of his tongue into my slit. Just when I couldn't take anymore teasing, he wrapped his lips around me.

"Fuck," I groaned, letting my head fall back while Edward's bobbed up and down my length. My hands never left his hair and I buried my fingers deep into his thick auburn locks when my hips began to gently pump into his mouth. "So good, baby, so fucking good."

Moaning around my cock, he kept one hand on my hip while his other went between his legs to put some pressure on his own erection. Dropping my chin to my chest, I watched him through a lust laden haze, fisting his hair when my cock tapped the back of his throat.

"You're so hot like this, those lips on me while you touch yourself."

He looked up at me and began stroking himself through his shorts. My eyes dropped from his to the motion of his hand and my breaths became short and heavy. He yanked down his shorts just enough to free his engorged erection and I saw his eyes roll back a bit when he gripped himself again. Edward's hand pumped his shaft in time with his mouth on mine.

"So close," I murmured. His hand was a blur as it moved over himself and I saw his hips thrusting into his fist. No matter how many times I'd watched Edward touch himself, it never failed to make me-

"Coming," I grunted, my hips bucking forward before stilling. Edward swallowed around me and then my cock pulsed and emptied down this throat. Moaning, I watched him as I filled his mouth with my cum and my breath caught in my throat when I saw it dribble from the corner of his lips. Releasing me, he licked his lips and bowed his head, concentrating on his own impending climax. Falling to my knees, our sweaty bodies only inches from each other, I grabbed his wrist.

"Let me," I whispered as I removed his hand, replacing it with mine. With a slight nod, he leaned forward and captured my lips with his, the kiss instantly deep and needy with moans as our tongues met. My cock hung between my legs, used and sated and still seeping cum onto the floor. The elastic of my shorts was stretched tight across my thighs, digging into my flesh. With one hand on his cock, I curved my other around his neck, fingering the ends of his hair. Gasping, he broke the kiss and dropped his forehead to my shoulder, watching my hand work his length. His hips thrust forward, fucking my fist eagerly. Strong fingers twisted in my hair, desperately clinging to me.

"Need you," he growled. Ragged breaths washed over my chest and I gripped his hair tightly and lowered my mouth to his ear to give him what he needed.

As I spoke in a low whisper, my tongue darted out to flicker over his earlobe. "You like watching me stroke you, baby? Like seeing my hand around your cock just like I like seeing my cock in your mouth and my cum running down your chin."

Resting my head on his shoulder, I watched my hand, my fingers curved under his cock, my thumb on top, as I stroked up. On the tip of his head was a drop of precum and I swiped my thumb over it to spread it around his velvet flesh. When I heard him grunt and saw his ab muscles tense, I knew he was close.

"Yeah, that's it, baby, come for me, shoot your load," I encouraged. "Wanna see you come so hard."

The words were working as much as my touch was and Edward groaned just as his cock jerked in my hand. A strangled cry escaped through clenched teeth and Edward came, his cock releasing short streams of cum onto my stomach and the floor.

"Fuck, baby," I moaned, stroking him through his orgasm, watching his body as it contracted and relaxed with each wave of his climax that hit him, I licked my lips. My stroke on him slowed, eventually stopping all together but never letting him go.

"Jesus fucking Christ," he sighed. Lifting his head, he wore a lazy, satisfied smile. "Totally fucking worth losing for."

Nodding, I returned his smile. We stayed like that, our foreheads resting together, his cock softening in my grasp as the last of his cum ran over my fingers and onto the floor. Shared breaths mingled between us as we inhaled the scent of sex and sweat.

"Fuck, baby, that felt so good," I sighed happily. "Wanna watch a movie?"

"Yeah, let's clean up." He lifted his head and stood. Looking down at me, he held out his hand and I took it, letting him pull me up. Bolting across the hall to the bathroom, we took off our shorts and wiped ourselves off with a damp towel before redressing and going back to his room. Edward wiped up the mess on the floor, then put a movie in this DVD player and joined me on his bed. I leaned back against the head board while Edward lay next to me, his head resting on my thigh. As the movie started, my hands found his hair, threading through the satiny pieces over and over until he was purring against me.

"Jas?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you be upset if I told you I was scared of practicing?" He kept his attention on the television.

"No, of course not. I'm scared too."

He lifted his head and looked at me. Stilling my hands in his hair, I waited for him.

"You are?"

"Yes, but we can be scared together."

"Thanks, Jas." He put his head back on my lap, laughing at whatever was happening in the movie.

I don't even know what we watched, but it didn't matter. He was with me and I was with him. It never mattered what we did, whether we were running, giving head or watching a movie, as long as we were together.

"Someday I'm going to beat you, Jasper," he mumbled randomly.

"I'll be waiting," I chuckled. "But until then, I like getting my blowjob first."

My alarm went off earlier than I was ready to be awake and I hit snooze, rolling over onto my stomach and burying my face back into my pillows. It wasn't until I heard the pounding on my door that I actually opened my eyes.

"What?" I said, my voice muffled by the pillows. I must have kicked the blanket off because I could feel the cool air creeping along my back.

"I have to work a double shift today, what are your plans?" My mother opened the door and stepped inside.

As if she didn't already know.

"Edward's," I replied.

"You're father wants to know if you want to meet him for dinner?"

"Sure, I'll call him when I leave Edward's."

"I'll let him know. Tell Esme and Edward I said hi," she said as she closed the door.

I nodded into my pillow and closed my eyes again. It was over an hour later before I dragged my ass out of bed, took a shower and ate a Fluff sandwich for lunch. I had barely finished the last bite before I was out the door with my backpack on. At the end of my driveway, I started to jog, my pace increasing the closer I got to Edward's.

Mrs. Cullen answered the door and let me inside. After telling her my mother said hi, I headed down the hall to Edward's room and found Alice coming toward me. I could see it in the way she looked at me, she knew.

It wasn't just that she had caught us wrapped up in each other but she knew for certain that Edward and I were more than friends. Before I could avert my eyes, she grinned at me and then winked.

Fucking winked, like all knowing and shit.

Too stunned to respond, I stood at Edward's door as she passed me. I watched her as she turned into the kitchen and then took a deep breath as I opened Edward's door without knocking.

She was there, sitting in front of him on the edge of his bed, and a hand in his lap while her head was burrowed into his neck. My eyes went to his hand on her back, slowly moving up and down. I caught myself before letting the endearment slip and I cringed internally seeing them so comfortable. Immediately, Bella sat back, but kept her hand on Edward's. I wanted to leave, I wanted to hide the jealousy I knew that had flared in my eyes, but it was too late. Edward had seen it and stopped me.

I argued with him, but Bella stood up and said she was leaving. Then she did something I'd longed to do in front of someone else. She leaned down and kissed Edward.

On the lips.

It was brief, a kiss between friends, but it was still a kiss.

Keeping my chin down, I tried not to watch them but found myself looking at them through my lashes. Finally, Bella left and I closed the door behind her.

Then it was my turn with my boy.

I sat down on his bed, right where she had been, and smiled at him. Reaching up, I ran a finger down his cheek and over his lips, right where she had been. Then I kissed him. Soft and quick, but enough to taste her on him. Scowling, I pulled away, disgusted by the sickly sweet taste of her on his lips.

Then he laughed.

He laughed so hard and so real and so honest that it made me cry.

I had no idea what he was laughing at but it didn't fucking matter. I hadn't heard Edward laugh since New Year's Eve, and the sound was more beautiful than any Beatles song, or even Edward's compositions. After he told me it was me, and had always been me, I wanted to kiss him again, but I resisted, instead, asking him about his visit with Bella and telling him about Alice winking at me.

Then he laughed again.

It sounded just as beautiful as it had before.

"She told me she has a crush on you."

My eyes grew wide and I jumped back from him in shock. "What? She has a what…wait, what? Are you serious?" I stuttered.

Apparently he was.

After telling me about his talk with Alice, how she had suspected there was something between Edward and me for awhile because of some looks, he told me she asked if he was gay.

I had always known I was, well, at least since a guy had made me hard, but Edward had gotten to the same place via a different route. While my path had been easy and clear, Edward's way had been complicated by a girl that he cared about. Before Edward, I had never kissed anyone, much less touch another's cock, but he'd been physical with Bella and had even enjoyed it. I could understand why he would question his sexuality, but whether he was gay or bisexual made no difference to me.

"I told her I think I am, but that I knew I loved you."

I tried hard not to smile, to let him know how much him admitting that to someone else made me happy, but he knew anyway. Then I frowned when I realized that because one person knew, the odds of others finding out were higher. I thought maybe it was better to go on the offensive than the defensive and tell them before they found out some other way. Edward's eyes grew dark at my suggestion, worry clouding the forest green as he shook his head and adamantly refused.

"Not after this," he began, motioning to his legs. "It's bad enough that I'm going to be the freak in a wheelchair, I don't need to be the _queer _in the wheelchair too."

There was a hard edge to his voice, one that I had grown accustomed to over the past month and I needed to soothe his anger before it festered. Pushing myself forward, I glanced over my shoulder to make sure the door was tightly closed before taking his hands in mine. I smiled at him, letting him know it was okay, we were okay, and that no matter what he decided to, I would follow his wishes.

While I told him I understood why he wanted to wait, I also knew I could stand by his side everyday for the rest of our lives and I would never understand what it felt like to be in his position, to have had the ability to walk violently and suddenly taken away. The least I could do for him was agree to support his decision in coming out. I had just gotten him back into my life, our relationship holding together by the thread of our past, I wasn't going to force him into doing something he felt so strongly against. Graduation wasn't that far away, I could easily make it another six months if it was what he wanted.

"Babe, when do you think I'll hear back from U of W? What if I don't get in?"

"Probably early March. I don't know if I'll get in now, they might revoke more than my scholarship. They're not going to want me if I can't play basketball for them."

For as long as I known Edward it had been his dream to go to the University of Washington and play basketball and study music. His dream had been fulfilled when he had been scouted by the school and following some interviews and try outs, they offered him a full scholarship. Then our future together depended on me being accepted into the school with him.

What if I wasn't? What if they said no and I was forced to attend another college? How would I make it through four years of seeing Edward only during summers and breaks? I had been so worried about it that I had applied to four other schools in Seattle without telling Edward. At least if I didn't get into University of Washington, I might be able to stay nearby. It had been with trembling hands that I had submitted my applications, praying that at least one of the schools would keep me in the same city as Edward.

Sitting before me, he felt my worry, my doubt on being good enough and he pushed my hair off my face so I couldn't hide behind it anymore. Using his superhero power in knowing the right thing to say, he told me he wasn't going anywhere without me and my heart calmed.

He meant it, and not only in the literal sense.

After drawing in long breaths of each other, we finally parted. I teased him and he called me an ass. With a natural ease, I flirted back and just like that, we had fallen back into the way we were. It wasn't the exact same, and it never would be again, but we could make a new us, as long as he willing to try.

Edward maneuvered to his pile of books on his floor and he bent over, his fingers stretching to reach his history book. Keeping my head down, I watched him from behind my waves as he struggled to reach it. I heard him grunt and swear and sigh in frustration.

And I let him do it.

Because that was what love was.

I had thought I had known what love was the second I had seen Edward that first day. Then I thought I knew what it was when I had kissed him for the first time. Then again when we had lay naked for the first time and the words slipped so effortlessly from our lips to each other.

_I love you._

It was so much more than a word, and I knew that now.

Now I knew that love was watching someone try and fail and pick themselves up just so they can try again. And I would stand by him while he did all those things, never more than a glance away if he really needed help. It wasn't until Edward's accident and I was faced with the possibility of losing him that I really understood what it meant to truly love someone.

_Really_ love them.

It was not running away when you were scared.

It was not letting them push you away no matter how hard they tried.

It was standing proudly by them even when they couldn't.

It was knowing when to reach out and help and when to just stand by and watch.

It was Edward and me.

No matter how many times I told him, I knew Edward expected me to get up and walk away any moment. Deep down, I knew he was preparing himself for a day that would never come.

I would never leave him.

He thought I wasn't getting anything out of our relationship, but I was. I was getting him, and that was more than I could ever want.

When Dr. Cullen came in a few hours later, I was on Edward's bed, my head bobbing to "Real Love". I nodded to him, then turned away hoping he wouldn't see the blush on my cheeks when I remembered what had happened after taking Edward to the meadow. I think I held my breath the entire time he was in the room, only releasing it when he closed the door behind him. We studied for about another half hour before I had to leave to meet my dad. I packed up my stuff and then without asking, I leaned forward and brushed my lips twice over Edward's before pulling away.

"Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow."

I turned for the door and grabbed the knob. Gripping it, the words fell from my mouth.

"Be safe, baby."

I tensed, gnawing on my bottom lips while I waited, hoped, to hear the words.

"See ya soon, love," he whispered just loud enough for me to hear.

My shoulders fell and I gasped and then smiled before opening the door and walking out.

Love was saying what you needed to say.

It was telling the other person what they wanted to hear.

"Jasper, can I see you for a minute?" Dr. Cullen called out from the living room as I walked down the hallway.

"Shit," I muttered under my breath before pasting a smile on my face and turning into the room. "Sir?"

"Come sit down for a minute," he said, pointing to the chair across from him. He sipped on his coffee as I sat down. "How are you doing? Everything okay?"

"Yes, sir," I nodded, shifting my weight. He returned my nod as he pulled the mug from his mouth and motioned to my hand.

"I've seen that on you a few times now. It must be important to you."

I looked down at my left hand and saw the cuff of my sweatshirt had ridden up, exposing the leather braid around my wrist. Pulling my cuff down to cover it, I felt my cheeks heat up and I nodded.

"It was a gift," I mumbled.

He let my reply sit in the air for a few fucking long seconds before speaking again. Resting against the back of the chair with his mug in his hand, he began again. "I know how badly Edward wants to go back to school on Monday, and Esme and I are happy he wants to get out of the house, but we still have concerns."

"Concerns?"

"Jasper, most people in his situation go through months of rehab before they attempt something like what he wants to do. We're at an advantage because I'm a doctor and have access to things the average patient wouldn't, but Edward is still behind where he should be for returning to school."

"But he's getting stronger," I argued.

"Yes, and because the location of his injury, he has full use of his arms and hands, which helps tremendously, but he still lacks a lot of coordination in the chair. Then there is the strain of being back at school can have on his body, to say nothing of his mind."

"Like?"

"He's going to be stressed, whether he acknowledges it or not. This stress will make him tire quicker, make him think less clearly. If he gets tired here he can lie down, but there he will have to go through six hours of classes and teachers and kids without a break."

"What can I do?"

Dr. Cullen smiled, as if he knew that was what I was going to say. "I'm glad you asked, because I was going to ask you a favor."

"A favor?"

"You see him through most of the day, right?"

"Yeah, we have four classes and lunch together."

"Stay with him, by his side, keep an eye on him," he requested.

_For the rest of my life._

"What should I look for?"

He took another sip of his coffee. "Signs of physical fatigue, like unable to keep his eyes open, excessively slow movement, slurred speech. Mental fatigue too, like outbursts of anger or…crying."

Hell, he did all those things every day.

"What do I do if I notice something?"

"Get him home."

He was trusting me with his son.

I wanted to smile.

I wanted to burst.

"Also, make sure he goes to the bathroom. I think he's going to be so preoccupied with all the people and getting to classes on time that he'll forget."

I could do that.

"Okay. Anything else?"

"Make sure he eats at lunch, preferably something healthy, and drinks plenty of water. Esme talked to Mr. Bradshaw and he told her there will be an empty desk in the front row of each room for Edward to sit at, although I don't know how they are going to deal with labs in science yet. They are also giving him extra time to get to his classes." He sighed a bit before continuing. "I don't know if he is ready for this, Jasper, but I know he needs to try. I can't be there for him, so I need you to be there instead."

"I will be, I promise."

_Forever. _

"I'm trusting you with my boy, Jasper," he said quietly, his eyes on his mug of coffee.

"I know, sir. I'll take care of him," I vowed just as quietly. Lifting his head, he smiled at me.

"I know he can do this, but that doesn't mean I don't worry about him."

"I know."

"Thank you, Jasper. You're a good friend to him."

"He's a good friend to me too."

_I love him._

"I know he is."

After a few seconds of silence, I stood up and slung my bag on my shoulder. I turned and headed for the door. When I reached it, I turned to face him.

"I won't let you down. I'll take care of him."

"I know you will," he nodded. I opened the door and left, breaking in a slow jog before the end of the driveway.

I smiled all the way home.

"**~~**"

I told him he could do it.

I knew he could. I also knew it wouldn't be easy.

There was fear in his voice as we sat in the cab of the truck, our hands gripping each other's on the seat between us while "Let It Be" played softly on the CD player. I watched him as he stared out the window at the other kids. They were all walking and jumping and dancing and running.

Things that Edward might never do again, at least not in the same way.

With one final squeeze, I let him go and got out, getting his chair from the bed of the truck on my way to his side. After I lifted him into the chair, he adjusted himself and I handed him his backpack. We turned toward the entrance and without looking, I felt their eyes on us, on him.

Edward felt them too.

"They're all staring at me."

"Maybe they're just glad to see you," I said, hoping he'd believe me.

I knew they were curious, after all Edward was the first student in a wheelchair at Forks in many years. Suddenly the boy who had been known for his skill on a basketball court couldn't even stand. We reached the entrance and I walked up the ramp to get the door for Edward, slightly angered when I didn't see a wheelchair button. I knew how difficult getting through some doors could be for him and those buttons made it much easier. His parents were waiting by the office and I left Edward with them. I could hear the worry in his voice even though he tried to hide it, and as much as I wanted to lean down and hold him, I just smiled and told him I'd meet him in English. Turning, I went down the hall, pausing at the corner to look back at him.

He was staring at me, the hope in his eyes fading with each step that put me further from him.

"You can do it," I mouthed, then winked and ran to class.

Skidding to a stop at our English class, I got through the door just as the bell rang and spotted Edward's empty desk in the front row. Relieved to find the one next to it empty, I sat down and took out my book.

Mrs. Goddard was writing on the whiteboard. "Cutting it close, Jasper," she said without turning around.

"Yes, ma'am."

We were just starting to review the reading from the night before when the door opened and Edward fumbled his way inside. The fear that had been in his voice earlier was now in his eyes. I knew everyone was staring at him as he pushed himself toward his desk. I kept my eyes straight ahead, and beside me, I felt him relax and I smiled.

Having him next to me again felt almost normal.

At the end of class, the kids approached Edward, some tossing out questions like he was a lab experiment, others watching him from a safe distance. Stuffing my books into my bag, I stood up.

"Ready?"

The rest of our morning classes went relatively smoothly. Even with the crowded hallways, we made it to all of our classes on time. I didn't even mind Bella stopping us in the hall, or walking between Edward and me on the way to calculus because Edward needed all the support he could get. While I was proud to walk with Edward in the corridors and sit next to him in class, I also felt protective. If I heard kids whispering behind us, I would talk to Edward, drowning out their voices before he could hear them. If I saw someone looking oddly at him in the hallway, I would do something to keep his focus on me and not them.

It worked.

Until we were separated.

I stared at him as he left after physics to go to music appreciation and my heart raced in my chest. I headed for WWII history, watching his back as he pushed himself down the hall with his backpack on his lap. Entering my class, I sat in the back, spreading my legs out before me when I sank into the chair. The other students filed in and took their seats, some nodding to me, others ignoring me all together. Except for one.

Fucking Newton.

He fell into the chair next to me and shook his hair out of his eyes before looking at me.

"So he's back, huh?"

"Yep."

"That's cool. I saw him in the hall, pretty fucking weird to see him all crippled like that. He used to be a cool guy," he finished with a sigh.

My pencil snapped in two when I crushed it between my thumb and forefinger.

He didn't even notice.

My jaw clenched as I tried to keep my mouth shut.

He didn't even notice.

"I feel bad for him, ya know? What kind of shitty future is he going to have?"

Exhaling slowly, I closed my eyes and imagined Edward's smile instead of my hand hitting Newton's nose.

"Newton?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut the fuck up about stuff you don't know shit about."

He leaned back, shocked at my calm, but angry outburst. "Calm down, man, I was just curious."

Glancing at him, I spoke again, somewhat apologetically. "He's still the same guy, nothing has changed except he can't walk. That's it."

"Okay," he finally replied quietly. Turning away, I reached into my bag for another pencil. I had a feeling I was going to need a lot of them to get through the day. Newton eyed me warily before finally turning his attention to Mr. Beatty.

We were just about to read a chapter for the test the next day when there was a quiet knock on the door. Lifting my eyes from my book, they landed right on his and my heart stopped. I grabbed my bag and stared shoving my things into it.

He needed me.

"Where ya going?" Newton asked as I stood up.

"None of your fucking business," I mumbled as I walked by him and up the aisle toward the door.

"I gotta go, Mr. Beatty," I said as I pushed past him to get to my boy. He was slumped over in his chair, trying to hide his face as the tears streamed down his cheeks and fell onto his backpack.

"Mr. Whitlock, you need to come back in here right now."

Ignoring him, I kneeled in front of Edward. "You okay? Are you hurt?"

Sobs erupted from him, his upper body shaking and trembling.

"Mr. Whitlock?"

"I'll see you tomorrow, Mr. Beatty."

As soon as I heard the door click closed, I looked at Edward. "Baby, what's wrong?"

My hands were on him, skimming up his arms to his face. I lifted his chin and ignoring the tears, checked him over for an injury. I checked his pupils, his color and then casually put my finger on his wrist to feel his racing pulse.

"Get me out of here, please," he gasped.

_Anything. Anything for him._

I pushed him out of the school as fast as I could without running and got him to the truck. Once he was inside and his chair was in the back, I got in.

"Baby, tell me what happened?"

"Just take me home," he sighed, looking out the window. I reached for his hand and saw him flinch. Lifting them, I found several blisters beginning to form all over his palms.

"Jesus," I mumbled. I pulled out of the parking lot, listening to Edward cry all the way to his house. I pulled into his driveway and got his chair out. When I lifted him from the truck, he clung to me, his face buried in my neck. I wanted to do so much for him, I wanted to apologize for not being there, I wanted to hold him right back, I wanted to whisper that I loved him.

I wanted all those and more.

Yet all I managed was telling him it was okay when we both fucking knew it wasn't. I was about to try to make it all go away by telling him I loved him when I felt something wet on my stomach. The rain was lightly falling and I was standing in a puddle, but this was different, like a water bottle was leaking on me.

Or Edward was.

As soon as he realized what it was, his darkness returned like a clap of thunder, loud and powerful and intimidating. He snapped at me and wanted me to put him down. I followed him into the house and down the hall, the entire time trying to let him know it was no big deal and offering to help.

"You want to clean up my piss?" he snarled.

"You would do it for me," I shrugged.

He would too. He knew it.

I wasn't really sure how it happened, but somehow we were naked and I was carrying him to the shower. It was only a few steps but he felt so good, so warm and familiar against me. The heat poured from him as I held him tight when he leaned down and opened the shower door for us. After I sat him on the chair, I entered and closed the door.

I washed his hair and he let me, moaning, actually fucking moaning, when I massaged his scalp. His tired body relaxed under my touch and I felt him shiver, his skin covered in goose bumps. Then he told me what happened, what the fucking assholes in his class had said and my heart shattered right there onto the shower floor. All I had wanted to do was protect him but I had left him alone in a class and I had forgotten to remind him to use the bathroom.

I had failed him.

I let him finish his rant, he needed nothing more than to get it off his chest and I began to wash his body, reveling in the fact that he let me. He was letting me help him. Trying to look at things less emotionally and more factually, I began to break down his problems, to see how they could be solved one by one. Sometimes there was nothing fucking scarier than the big picture, but when it was broken down into pieces, it wasn't nearly as overwhelming. Kind of like in WoW when you're facing a new instance with a pug group only to realize that everyone actually knows what they are doing. We just had to take one battle at a time.

Continuing to wash him as we talked, I came to the one spot left. Glancing up at him for permission, I held his cock and squeezed soap onto it before lathering it up with my hand. It had been too long since I'd felt him like that, too long since we'd touched in an intimate way. Wanting to focus on something other than his cock in my hand, I kept the conversation going.

"Okay, now the assholes in your class. There isn't much we can do about them other than ignore them, but I do have an idea."

"Jasper, no, don't do anything stupid."

"Who me? Stupid? Never," I smirked, trying to alleviate his worry. "Anything else?"

"My hands hurt," he whispered. I lifted his hands and kissed them.

"I'll take care of these too."

"How?"

_I have no idea. _

"You'll see."

"Mr. Beatty is going to be pissed at you for leaving without reason."

"I had a reason."

"He'll still be mad. Maybe give you a detention."

"I don't care," I shrugged. His fingers were at my wrist, tracing the braided leather.

"Do you always wear it in the shower?"

"I never take it off," I assured him.

Then he said it. He was tired. Over the past few weeks, Edward had gradually admitted his fears to me, one by one they had invaded his thoughts, haunting his will to reclaim his life. It wasn't until he expressed them all, that he admitted them to himself, that he was going to be able to face them. If he didn't, his fears were going to control his life.

It was okay to be scared.

I was scared too. A fucking lot, but I felt much stronger with him by my side.

Laying my head in his lap, my hands on his hips, I offered what little comfort I could. I realized that as much as I wanted to take it all away from him, protect him from all the bad shit out there, I wasn't going to be able to. All I could do was be there to help him back up and dust him off, and I told him that.

"How can you always be so fucking sure?" he sighed, his fingers finding their way into my wet hair.

Lifting my head, I looked up at him and answered simply, "Because I have you."

His bottom lip quivered and I laid my head back on his lap so he could cry without me watching. I felt his body slump forward, one arm wrapped around me while his other hand stayed in my hair and he rested on top of me. My own tears traveled down my cheeks and onto his thigh. We gasped, sobbed and clung to each other's damp bodies. Willing what strength I had to him, I held him.

Slowly his breaths even out. I swear I felt his soul rebuilding itself inside his broken body, scratching and clawing for the light it remembered from a month before. I knew he had it in him, the resiliency that he was going to need. It was there, deep and hidden and waiting to be discovered, he just needed to look hard enough.

I don't know if I heard his soft voice first or felt his lips moving against my head, but it didn't matter.

It was what he sang that mattered.

"When I find myself in times of trouble, my beautiful comes to me,  
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.  
And in my hour of darkness you are standing right in front of me,  
speaking words of wisdom, let it be."

He just needed to let it be.

Suddenly, his warmth was gone and he was sitting up, tugging on my hair until I lifted my head. Water from the shower ran down my face, mixing with the tears that flowed so freely and unashamedly.

"We can do this," he whispered.

_We._

I smiled.

"I just need to figure out who I am in the chair and I need to be that person, not who I was before. There's no use trying to be him because he doesn't exist. Not like he used to. I need to discover this new life."

He wouldn't be the same person he was before, but he would still be him and he was realizing that now. My body shook at his words, at the fear and excitement they brought. Excitement that he was ready to claim his new life, and fear that his new life might be without me.

"Does that include me?" I asked quietly. Did he know I would do anything for him, that I would do it all again and again to keep him in my life?

I would go to hell and back for him, with him, if I had to.

"Yes," he finally whispered.

Grinning, I began crying again. Only they weren't tears of worry, they were tears of hope.

My boy was going to fight.

And he was going to win.

Staring at me, I saw his eyes had eyes cleared of the storm and filled with determination. I could see and feel the love even if he didn't say the words.

There had been some dark days, some days where I thought all might be lost, and the only thing that had kept me coming back to him over and over again was the glimmer of hope that this moment might happen. That he might feel it to.

There was so much to say.

We were silent.

We were naked and wet in his shower but all I could think of was how much I loved him. His fingers constantly brushed the hair out of my eyes and mine rhythmically stroked his hip. Lips murmured words of wisdom and phrases of apology as we sat and held each other. Our eyes never moved from one another as the water continued to spray down on us until it ran cold. It was hitting my back, covering me in sheets of frigid water and I began to shiver, the chill traveling right down my spine.

"You're shivering," he whispered.

I shook my head. "I'm okay."

I didn't want to leave the shower. I didn't want to risk things changing outside the frosted glass door.

Moving his hand to my back, he felt my rapidly cooling skin. "You're cold. We need to get out of here."

"No," I growled, putting my head back in his lap. "I want to stay here."

"Why?" he asked in a hushed voice. Sighing, I lifted my head again.

"Because I'm afraid that it won't be the same out there."

Tilting his head, he gazed down at me and smiled. "It won't change, I promise."

"Promise?"

"Jasper, I swear, I'm here with you. Trust me," he vowed.

I studied him for a long moment before kissing the top of his thigh and standing up. I turned the water off, then opened the door and got us each a towel. I dried off right outside the shower while he sat on the shower chair, running the towel over his body. His movements weren't efficient, but they got the job done. I put my foot on the toilet to dry my leg.

I barely heard the snap of the towel just before it made contact with my ass, and it fucking hurt.

"Jesus," I yelped and jumped forward. I turned around to find Edward laughing, twisting the towel up for another smack.

"I still got it," he grinned.

_Yeah, you do, baby._

Rubbing my hand over my ass, I glared at him. "Fucking hurt."

"Aw," he mocked, a slight mischievous flare in his eyes. Standing just outside the shower, I started twisting my own damp towel.

"Ya know, don't think that because you're in a wheelchair that payback ain't still a bitch," I chuckled as I wound it tighter.

"You wouldn't," he challenged.

"Oh, baby, yeah, I would," I returned, wiggling my eyebrows.

"You would pick on the handicapped?" he teased.

"Nope, but I would pick on you," I said just as I whipped the towel back and let it loose. The end of it hit the side of his thigh before retreating back to my hands. He didn't move or wince or even fucking flinch. He just looked down at the red mark on his leg and then looked up and me and started laughing.

"Fuck," I groaned.

"Do it again," he encouraged. I did as he asked, hitting him in about the same spot, and again, no reaction except laughter. "What was that you were saying about payback?"

Throwing my towel on the floor, I smiled. "Fuck off. If you're not nice to me, I'll leave you in here," I said even as I went in to lift him from the chair. He was still laughing when I carried him to his room and sat him on his bed. Lying back, he propped himself up on his elbows and gazed at me.

"Want me to kiss it and make it better," he joked, nodding toward my ass.

Licking my lips at his suggestive comment, I couldn't help but let my eyes skim appreciatively over his body. Muscles were still firm and defined, his skin still velvet and pale, and his cock lay framed in his brown curls between his legs. The air between us hummed with a current of energy, and even if he was paralyzed, I knew he felt it because his eyes slowly wandered from my head down my chest and abs to rest on my cock.

It twitched under the weight of his gaze.

"Edward," I murmured reverently, wanting permission to touch him.

To be touched.

Ragged breaths were all I heard as he stared at me and me at him. His eyes traveled back up my body, leaving goose bumps in their wake, and when they stopped at mine, I saw his lust beginning to flourish.

"C'mere," he said, lifting his hand toward me.

Tentatively, I took a step toward him, my knees brushing his as I bent over and put a hand on his bed beside his hip. Hovering over him, I placed my other hand by his shoulder. Watching my lips, his fingers ran up my arm and across my shoulder to my neck, where he curved around it and pulled me toward him. I could feel his shallow breaths just as our lips were about to touch.

The front door slammed and I bolted back from the bed, my eyes wide with panic.

"I'm home, boys, stop making out," she yelled from the living room.

"Shit!" I growled. My clothes were on the floor, still wet and reeking of urine. Amused, Edward watched me dart around the room, finally kneeling in front of his dresser to get a pair of sweatpants. Standing, I shoved one foot in and almost fell on my ass when I put in the other foot.

"Fucking God damn it," I cursed as I slid the elastic over my hips. Pausing, I heard her moving around the kitchen.

"I know you're here, Jasper, I saw your truck."

"Fuck," I gulped.

Edward lay on his bed.

Still completely naked.

"You're not dressed," I huffed as I looked through his dirty laundry for a shirt, settling on Abbey Road. When I pulled it on over my head, I looked at Edward. "You think because she knows, you can lie around naked when I'm here?"

His eyes had watched me move around his room the entire time, a slight smile on his face. "I can't reach my chair to get to my clothes, and besides, it takes me a half an hour to dress anyway, she's going t be in here by then. But above all that, I like watching you panic. It's entertaining."

"Entertaining?" I scoffed and he nodded.

"Very."

Rolling my eyes, I tossed him a pair of sweatpants and then helped him pull them to his thighs. Rolling to his side, he began tugging them up over his ass.

The footsteps in the hall got closer.

"Boys?" She stopped outside Edward's door and I jumped when it opened before slamming it closed in her face.

"Jesus, Jasper, it's not like I didn't warn you I was here," she complained. As soon as Edward's dick was covered, I opened the door. She looked up at me, tilting her head and tapping her foot.

"Sorry, the wind blew it shut," I said, shifting my weight back and forth.

"Through a closed window?" Ignoring me, she looked at Edward. "Mom called me and said you came home. She wanted me to check on you when I got here. So, I'm checking on you."

"Thanks, I'm fine," Edward said, pushing himself upright.

"Why'd you leave school?" she asked, folding her arms across her chest.

"Just a really shitty day," Edward replied. She accepted his answer and moved to me, holding the door open in Edward's tee shirt and sweatpants.

"That's Edward's favorite shirt," she said, then turned to Edward. "Wow, it must be love if you're letting him wear tha-wait," she turned back to me, "why are you wearing Edward's clothes?" I went to reply her, but she put a hand up. "Wait, don't answer that, I don't think I want to know. I'm just gonna go upstairs, but remember these walls are thin. I hear things….oh, and mom said she would be home within the hour. Just warning you."

Without anything further, she left and I closed the door behind her.

"That was weird."

"Tell me about it," he sighed. "I can't decide if I like her knowing or not."

Edward was still propped up on his elbows when I sat next to him on the edge of the bed and took his hand into my, palm up so I could examine the blisters.

"They look a little better."

"They feel okay," he shrugged. "Hey, Jasper?"

"Yeah?" I turned his hand over, pretending to look it over more thoroughly but actually just enjoying the feeling of his hand in mine.

"Kiss me."

My eyes jumped to his, to ask what my lips couldn't.

_Are you sure?_

"Yes," he whispered.

Tangling our fingers together, I put my other hand over his heart and then leaned down and gently kissed him. His lips were soft as they moved against mine. When I felt his hand in my hair, fingering the curls before tightening in a fist around them, I moaned and parted my lips, inviting him in. When he accepted, when his tongue entered my mouth and touched mine for the first time in over a month, my heart pounded.

He tasted so fucking good, cinnamon and mint and fresh.

Lowering his head to his bed, he encouraged me to follow by tugging on my hair. Then he angled his head and deepened the kiss further. My thumb caressed the soft skin of his chest, my fingers wandering to his nipple. Habitually, I tweaked it between my thumb and index finger and he groaned.

Pretty fucking loudly.

Edward has always enjoyed his nipples being sucked, tweaked, pinched, but his reaction then was more intense than ever before. Our lips parted and met repeatedly, our tongues flickering out to meet in the middle before chasing the other into a mouth. Curious, I pinched his nipple again, pleased when his loud groan was accompanied by a slight arching of his back. Pulling away, I watched him as I did it again.

Without my lips to muffle the sound, his throaty moan was long and unbroken, escaping through swollen lips. He lifted his back off the bed, pressing his shoulders into the mattress, his body seeking out more of my touch. There was deep flush to his cheeks and his eyes were half closed, his lids heavy from the increasing desire. Smiling down at him, I released his nipple and kissed him again and again. There was only one way to describe what we were doing.

We were making out.

Long minutes turned into almost thirty of us laying just like that, never going further, but enjoying the intimacy we were rediscovering. My cock had begun to grow in the sweatpants, but never hardened completely, but that didn't mean my desire for him had waned. I wanted nothing more than to let my hands wander his half naked body, or see if he would react the same way to my mouth on his nipple as he did my fingers, but I didn't do any of those things.

We simply kissed, tongue fucking the hell out of each other.

Breathless, I broke away and dropped my forehead to his chest, purring when I felt his fingers carding through my hair. I hoped he wouldn't feel it fall onto his skin, but he did and was immediately lifting my head to see if there were more. Furrowing his brows, he saw the next one roll down my cheek.

"They're happy ones," I sniffled.

"I'm sorry, Jasper. For all the shit I said ove-"

"No, don't apologize. You don't need to, I don't want it," I said, shaking my head.

"I hurt you."

"And I hurt you."

"No. You saved me," he whispered, a tear of his own falling from the corner of his eye and down the side of his face toward his ear. Leaning down, I kissed it away and left my lips at his ear.

"And you saved me right back," I murmured. Taking a deep breath, he nodded and I lifted my head. "No more tears, baby." I wiped his away with my thumb.

"I can't promise that."

"Me either," I agreed. "How about no more tonight?"

"That I might be able to do."

"Will your mom think it's strange I'm in your clothes?"

"Nah, she won't notice."

"Want to watch a movie and do homework?"

Smiling he nodded and I got off the bed so he could move himself around. I went over to his DVDs and chose one.

"My bag is in the truck," he said as he pushed himself up to the pillows, dragging his legs behind him.

"I'll get it. Got to get mine too." Putting my sneakers on, I went outside and grabbed our bags from the cab, bringing them back to his room.

"Want something to drink?" I asked as I put his bag on the bed within his reach.

"Yeah, and mom baked sugar cookies yesterday."

"Star Wars shapes?"

"Sorry, love, just circles."

"Boring," I called out as I left the room to get some sodas and cookies. When I returned, the movie had started and we sat on his bed and began to work.

It was just like it always was.

Except Edward couldn't walk.

We hadn't been working long before we heard the front door close and his mother call out.

"Down here," Edward replied, never taking his eyes off the book on his lap. I was lying next to him, facing the opposite direction, when his mother knocked once and then opened the door.

"Everything okay? How are you feeling?" She walked over to him and put the back of her hand on his forehead.

"I'm fine, just doing some homework."

"I'll call Mr. Bradshaw in the morning and tell him you won't be in until next week."

Edward's eyes shot to hers. "What?"

"I'll just explain it was too soon and you're not quite ready yet. You can try again next Monday."

"NO!" Edward roared and I jumped. "I'm going back tomorrow."

"Ed-"

"I'm going back tomorrow," he repeated firmly. I kept my eyes on my notebook, but I felt the tension between them.

"I'll talk to your father," she finally said after a long minute of silence.

"Fine, but I'm going."

She ignored his defiance. "Dinner will be ready around five. Are you joining us, Jasper?"

"No, thanks. I've got an errand to run," I answered, looking up from my homework.

"Okay then. I'll call when it's ready," she said to Edward. She shut the door and Edward slammed his book closed.

"God damn it, I'm not a little kid," he growled. Closing my own book, I sat up and faced him.

I was amazed at how much the fight in him had grown in just a matter of hours. It was good, he was going to need it. Reaching out, I covered his hand on his thigh. Staring at him, I squeezed his hand. He read my unasked question and sighed softly.

"Yes, I'm sure, Jasper. I need to, I can't let them win. I can't let the chair win," he told me quietly.

"I know, baby."

"You're the only one that does," he scoffed.

"They know, they're just worried about you."

"Yeah, I get that. I am too, but Jesus, let me try." He sighed and closed his eyes. "I don't know what I would do without you, Jasper."

"You will never have to find out," I assured him.

"Thanks," he tried to smile. "You can't stay for dinner?"

"I gotta get the truck home but if you want me to run back, I will."

"No, that's okay. Can you drive me to school tomorrow?"

"I'll ask and let you know. Can I wear these clothes home?" I had to smile when I saw his worry as he looked at the tee shirt. "I promise to take care of it."

He nodded slowly, reluctantly agreeing.

"I gotta go, it's getting late." I packed my bag and put my sneakers on before sitting on the edge of his bed. "I'll call you about school."

"Okay," he said sadly.

"What's wrong?"

He reached for my hand and took it. "I don't want you to leave."

"I'll see you tomorrow morning. If I can't drive us, I'll meet you in the parking lot." I glanced at his closed door. "Can I kiss you again, because I really liked doing that earlier."

"Me too," he almost blushed. I leaned toward him and brushed my lips over his, feeling my heart halt and hearing his breath hitch just as we made contact. Not wanting to risk getting caught, I sat back.

"I'll call you in awhile." I stood and grabbed my bag. "Be safe, baby."

His head turned to the side as he watched me leave. "See ya soon, love," he whispered. With one last smile, I opened his door and left.

"Jasper, can you come here for a minute," his mother asked as I walked by the kitchen. "How was he today? Do you know what happened?"

"He was fine until music class, then he heard some kids saying some shi-" I stopped myself before I swore, "stuff and it upset him. He asked me to bring him home so I did." I purposely neglected to tell her about him forgetting to use the bathroom. Some things she didn't need to know.

"Thank you," was all she said.

"Anytime." I turned to leave but stopped. "I'll take care of those kids in his music class."

"Jasper," she warned but I was walking away.

"Bye, Mrs. Cullen."

I got in the truck and checked the time while it was warming up. There was still an hour before they closed. Shifting into reverse, I backed out and headed to the store.

"Good evening," he said without looking up as soon as the doorbell rang when I entered.

"Hey," I said, walking over the counter where he stood reading a sports magazine. When he finally looked up and realized it was me, he couldn't hide his surprise.

"Hey," Newton replied slowly.

"Um, sorry about today," I said, looking around to see if we were alone. Closing his magazine he shrugged.

"No problem." We just stood there while I shifted my weight back and forth and he wondered why the fuck I was there. "Is that why you're here or did you need sneakers for track or something?"

"Actually, I'm here for some gloves."

"Gloves. We've got some over there," he directed, pointing to his left and I followed his hand and saw the display of winter gloves.

"Not those. I need like, thin leather ones." I made motions with my hands, as if that would help.

"For driving?"

Even though it wasn't his fault, I grew frustrated. "No, like, I don't know, bike gloves? Or weightlifting gloves? They have these padded palms…" Again, I was pointing to my palm and wiggling my fingers uselessly.

"Oh, I know what you mean. Over this way," he said as he walked around the counter and led me toward the back. "We don't have many because it's not exactly biking season, but there are a few here."

"Great, thanks," I said, hoping he would get the hint and leave.

He didn't.

Sticking his hands in his pockets he rocked back and forth. "Taking up biking?"

I picked up one pair and felt the suede palms for cushioning, and then picked up a second pair to compare them. The fingers were only covered to the first knuckle so Edward would be able to grip doors and pick things up easily.

"No, they're not for me." I felt them both again and then checked a third pair. All seemed to have a good grip and enough cushion for his palms. "I think I'll take these." I held up one pair and put the other ones back.

He turned and I followed him back to the counter. Handing him the gloves, I pulled out my wallet from the sweatpants.

"Twenty-three-fifty," he said as he rang them in. I handed him the money and grabbed the gloves.

"Don't suppose you have a box, huh?"

"Actually, we've got some left over from Christmas." He reached under the counter and then slid it over to me.

"Great, thanks, man."

"Sure, see ya tomorrow."

"Yep, see ya."

With the box and Edward's gloves, I finally headed home.

"**~~**"

We were parked in the same spot as the day before. My father had let me have the truck, telling me he could use his work truck, but that he would need his back the next day. The drive to school had gone a little smoother than the day before. Edward tried to hide it, but I saw him wince as other cars approached and he would look at me, my face, my legs or hands, any part to keep his mind occupied until the other car had passed.

As we sat in the parked truck, Edward looked slightly less nervous as he watched the kids mingling around the parking lot. I couldn't help but stare at him a bit. Dressed in his varsity basketball sweatshirt and jeans, his hair was shiny and clean and sticky up everywhere. He'd even shaved.

"What did I think this was a good idea again?" he sighed.

"You can do it."

"Seems I recall you telling me that yesterday too, and look what happened."

"Today will be better. They've all seen you now."

He nodded, but I wasn't sure he was convinced. Nervously, he raked his fingers through his already mussed hair and sighed.

"Did you set your alarm?"

"Yeah, every two hours."

"Good."

"Should we go?"

"Yeah, but first I've got something for you."

"What?" he asked, finally turning his attention completely on me. I picked up the box that was between us and gave it to him.

"A late Christmas present."

"What is it?" he asked just like always. He shook it and then furrowed his brows as he took in the simple shape.

Some things never changed.

"Open it and find out."

Popping the top off, he looked inside and saw the pair of black leather and suede bike gloves.

"Gloves," he murmured as he picked them up. "You bought me gloves." Slipping one on, he stretched out his fingers and wiggled them before turning his hand over and pressing on the cushioned palm. "They're perfect. I…Jasper…I don't know what to say…thank you."

I beamed, fucking beamed, next to him as he put on the other one.

"You're welcome."

"I can't believe you got these for me." He put the box on the seat and then looked at me with a tear rolling down his cheek. "I really want to kiss you right now."

I started laughing and took his gloved hand in mine. "Me too. Maybe later we can," I offered and he nodded.

"Let's do this."

"I'll be right by your side," I reminded him.

"I know."

I walked next to him to the entrance, glaring at anyone that even dared look in our direction. There were still curious glances, but they seemed fewer than the day before. We got inside and headed to English where we took our new seats at the front of the class. I knew if I listened close enough, I could probably hear Edward's heart pounding in his chest, but on the outside, he seemed perfectly calm.

A few kids nodded to him when they entered, one of his basketball teammates came up and slapped his shoulder before asking him about the upcoming game.

"Coach wants to see you," the other player said.

"What about?"

"Something about the game Friday night," he said as he took his seat. Edward turned to me after.

"Will you go with me to see Coach?"

"Sure, we can go at lunch."

We made it through English and then headed to calculus. Bella caught up with us in the hall again and walked with us. Once settled in class, Edward took off his gloves and sat them on his desk.

"Are they helping?"

"Yeah, my hands feel much better," he replied.

Newton walked in and nodded to Edward. "Hey, Cullen."

"Newton," Edward returned. Mike came toward us, walking down the aisle between Edward and me. Glancing down, he spotted the gloves on Edward's desk but knew better than to say anything.

When Edward's alarm went off, he left the room without a word and his backpack on his lap to use the bathroom, returning a few minutes later. Edward even answered a few questions about the homework and talked to one kid on the way out. After calculus we had physics and history, and both went about as well as could be expected. Edward felt a little behind in physics, but seemed to understand what was going on.

Before each class began, I kept his focus on me. Just like the day before, I heard the whispered rumors behind us, but I couldn't say anything to any of them with Edward there. Instead I deflected his attention by asking him a question or just smiling at him, distracting him from anything else. Then there were the looks, the curious stares or awkward glances, but I did my best to make sure that Edward didn't see or hear any of it.

Perhaps I shouldn't have protected him so much, perhaps he needed to hear them and see them and deal with them on his own, but his strength and determination were so fragile, I didn't want anything to sever the progress he'd made. I was going to do anything I could to make sure he continued to see that light at the end of his tunnel and move toward it. One setback was one too many.

At the end of physics, we left the room and Edward spoke. "I need to hit the bathroom," he said. I was grateful he would be gone for a few minutes.

"Are you going to be okay in music?"

Biting his lip, he thought for a few seconds, then looked up at me and nodded. "Yeah, I have to do it eventually."

"I'll meet you outside music and we can go meet Coach, then lunch, okay?"

"Yep."

"Be safe…"

"See ya soon…"

He turned for the bathroom and I turned in the other direction. Sprinting down the hall once I was out of his view, I pushed my way through the crowds of students until I reached his music class. I peeked in the doorway to make sure they were all there. I was going to be late for WWII but I didn't care. Reaching into my bag, I pulled out the four newspaper articles I had printed out the night before. Each one an account of Edward's accident, giving details on the cause and those involved, there were even pictures of his totaled Volvo.

One was on the arraignment of James Veli.

Unfolding them, I walked up to Karen, Steve, Micah and Beth as they sat next to each other. Beth eyed me like prey while Karen kept her eyes downcast. Micah didn't notice and Steve nodded.

"Whitlock," he said.

Ignoring him, I slammed an article on each of their desks. "If any of you assholes can read, you might find these interesting. Next time, before you talk behind someone's back, get your fucking facts straight."

Jaws dropped and eyes narrowed, but I just turned and left. Smiling to myself and whistling on my way to WWII. It was time to deal with Mr. Beatty.

Opening the door, I slanted a quick look at him as he stood in front of the whiteboard with his back to the class.

"You're late, Mr. Whitlock," he said without even looking over his shoulder.

"Sorry, I had to do something," I replied as I sat in my seat.

"To do with Mr. Cullen?" He finally turned to face me and I shrugged.

Throughout the rest of class, I found myself glancing at the door constantly. My body was coiled and tense, waiting for the knock I hoped wouldn't come. Mr. Beatty droned on and on about the invasion of Normandy and when the bell rang, I actually jumped, not realizing so much time had passed. I smiled to myself as I packed my bag, hoping no sign of Edward had meant my little visit to his class had helped. Standing up, I swung my backpack onto my shoulder and headed for the door.

"Mr. Whitlock," Mr. Beatty said right before I was about to exit. I stopped and turned, trying to keep the annoyed look off my face. "What you did for Mr. Cullen yesterday was admirable, so I'm going let it slide, but don't make it a habit."

"Yes, sir," I nodded and even smiled a bit.

"It's good to see him back."

"Yeah, it is," I agreed. "Speaking of…"

"Go, and don't forget the reading for tonight."

"Thanks, Mr. Beatty," I called over my shoulder as I started walking down the hall.

"Hey, Whitlock, wait up," a kid from my class yelled out. Slowing, I let him catch up, but kept on route to meet Edward. "I saw Cullen earlier, damn shame."

I nodded and kept walking.

"He used to be such a great athlete too, ya know?" His voice was full of pity.

"He still is," I corrected him sharply.

He matched me stride for stride even when I began to walk faster.

"Yeah, maybe for the Special Olympics," he laughed.

He didn't even see it coming when I slammed his back up against the row of lockers, sending a loud bang throughout the hallway. Fisting his sweatshirt in both my hands, I held him there, enjoying the look of shook on his face.

"What the-"

"It's the Paralympics you asshole," I spat at him before letting him go and turning. I didn't look back before I broke into a sprint. When I turned the corner, I almost ran into Edward coming the other way.

"Hey, I thought I was going to meet you outside your class?"

"You were late," he said, stopping his chair. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, Mr. Beatty just wanted to talk to me for a minute. How was music?"

He bit his lip and tilted his head back to look up at me. "You said something to them, didn't you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Bullshit. I know you said something to them," he argued and I sighed. When I didn't say anything, he just nodded. "Let's go see Coach."

The crowds in the hall had thinned as most kids were at lunch or their next class. At the gym, Edward knocked on his coach's office and waited. Mr. Griffith, his basketball coach, opened his door and reached out to shake Edward's hand.

"Great to see you, Edward, how are you doing? The last time I saw you, you were unconscious." He smiled and patted Edward's shoulder. "You look great."

"I'm okay, I guess," Edward replied quietly, his mood suddenly solemn. "I heard you wanted to see me?"

"I did, come on in," Coach Griffith said, stepping aside for Edward to enter. Edward peeked into the room before pushing his chair through the doorway. Just before Coach Griffith closed the door, Edward looked over his shoulder at me with worried eyes. Just as I was going to follow him in, Coach Griffith closed the door.

"Fuck," I sighed, falling back against the wall. They weren't in there long, but it was enough time for me to pace back and forth several times and start gnawing on my thumbnail. By the time I ran my hand through my hair for the third time, the door opened and Edward exited.

"Thanks, Coach, I'll let you know," he said as let the door swing closed.

"Are you okay? What happened?"

Edward swallowed and keeping his eyes on the floor, spoke. "He apologized for not coming to see me at my house and he wants me to go to the game on Friday night. It's our last home game and senior night and he wants me there with the rest of the team."

"Really? That's great," I said relieved.

"How is it great, Jasper? People stare at me here in the fucking hallways, but a game will have their parents, the other team, their fans….I don't know if I can handle that…" His voice began to quiver and I immediately dropped to my knees. Without glancing around, I put my hand on his lap.

"Babe, you don't have to go."

Sniffling, he ran the back of his hand across his nose to stave off any tears that were threatening to fall. "I can't stay cooped up forever. There's more to the world than Forks High School."

"Yeah, but you don't have to face all of the world in one week, Edward. This isn't a race or something, you need to do it in your own time and if you're not comfortable with it, then don't go."

"I'm never going to be comfortable doing anything again, I guess I gotta get used to it," he reasoned quietly.

Squeezing his knee, I stared at him, lost in the hurt and fear that were churning up the storm in his eyes. Neither of us heard the footsteps behind him. It wasn't until he spoke that I yanked my hand off Edward like I'd been burned. Lifting my eyes over Edward's shoulder, I saw Newton standing there.

"I said, is Coach Griffith in?"

Blankly, I nodded and Newton eyed me for a few seconds before knocking on the office door.

"Come on, let's go to lunch," I said to Edward. I stood up and walked by his side toward the cafeteria.

"Do you think Newton saw us?" he asked as he pushed himself next to me. Edward had enough to worry about without having to wonder if people thought there was something between us.

"Nah, he was too far away," I said, hoping to alleviate his fear, but I honestly wasn't sure. My heart started racing.

We got to the lunch room and Edward rolled by the rows of tables, maneuvering around trashcans and students until he reached the lunch line. He kept his eyes on the floor right in front of his chair, never rising to meet anyone else's. When someone walked in front of him and he had to stop quickly, his backpack slipped off his lap and onto the floor.

"Damn it," he rumbled, bending forward to pick it up.

Around us I heard the chattering and gossiping. Hundreds of pairs of eyes watching every move Edward made, some with curiosity, some with pity, others just confused or disgusted. Apparently, I had only been able to control a small portion of the Forks High population and my threat in his music class hadn't done shit outside of it.

We finally reached the lunch line and I growled. How the fuck was he supposed to get lunch? Each person had to get a tray and slide it along a railing as they picked out their main meal, side dishes and desert. Sitting in the chair, Edward couldn't even see some of the selections, much less push the tray and his chair simultaneously.

"God fucking damn it," I sighed behind him. "How the hell is he supposed to do this?" I complained to the lunch lady behind the counter, but she just shrugged.

"It's okay, Jasper."

Edward tried to calm me down but it didn't work. I grabbed a tray and slammed it on the counter, making everyone around me jump. Then I grabbed another and did the same thing. I went through the line in front of Edward, telling him everything that was available and then putting the stuff he wanted on his tray, making sure to grab an apple for him so his father wouldn't be mad. At the end, another woman swiped our cards and we went to our table. I carried both trays.

The weights of all the eyes on us began to wear at my patience and by the time we arrived at our table, I was practically humming with nervous energy. I set the trays down and then glared at everyone around us. The looks stopped, but then whispers began. Edward pulled up to the end of the table and I sat next to him. He just stared at his food.

"You gotta eat," I told him.

"Don't really feel like it," he sighed, pushing his tray away. I bit into my apple and scowled at the kids at the next table when they glanced at Edward and his chair. "I thought it'd be easier."

"What?"

"Seeing them all at once, I thought it would get it over with, but it just seems worse." He lowered his head and took a few deep breaths.

"It's not right," I said under my breath. "You're still you, damn it," I slammed my fist on the table, shaking the trays.

If everyone's attention wasn't on us before, it was then.

With one last look at Edward, I stood up.

"Listen, you all need to get a fucking life. It's Edward for fucks sake, he's the same guy he was two months ago, the same guy most you have gone to school with your entire lives. Nothing has changed, _he_ hasn't changed. " My voice was loud, determined and protective. Still standing, I looked from table to table, waiting for someone to challenge me, to dare tell me otherwise, but no one did. Slowly, I sat back down and bit into my apple again. Gradually, everyone turned around and paid us no more attention than they would have any other day before the accident.

"That wasn't necessary," he said, shaking his head.

"Yeah, it was."

Edward looked outside the window at the end of our table for a minute before whispering, "Thanks."

With a mouth full of apple, I smiled at him.

_You're welcome, baby._

"Good thing Bella wasn't here," I smirked.

"No shit," he agreed.

We made it through lunch with little attention paid to either of us. When we were finished, I emptied our trays and walked out with Edward, glaring at anyone that dare glance in his direction. We split up at the door, he went to study hall and I headed for gym.

The final bell of the day rang and I jogged down the hall to meet up with Edward.

"Hey," he said when I ran up to him.

"Hey," I returned, lifting my backpack further onto my shoulder and shaking my head to move the hair from my face. I looked at Edward and saw him smiling at me. "What?"

Still smiling, he motioned toward the door. "Nothing, let's go."

Side by side, just like it should always be, we walked out and headed for the truck. I lifted Edward into it and put his chair in the back before climbing in.

"I can't have the truck tomorrow."

"That's okay. I'd rather ride with you, but my dad can bring me in on his way to work."

Holding his hand, and squeezing when I felt he needed the strength, I drove us to his house.

"Whose car is that?"

"I don't know," he answered as I opened my door and went to get his chair. I lifted him into it and followed him up the ramp and into his house. "Mom?"

Emmett stepped out from the kitchen, a piece of pie on a plate in his hand.

"Hey, boys," he greeted as he shoveled in a fork full.

"Hey, Emmett, where's my mother?" Edward asked as I closed the door behind me.

"Throwing in a load of laundry. How was school?"

"Fine," Edward answered hesitantly.

"Ready for therapy?" Emmett asked and in one more bite, finished off the pie.

"Yeah," Edward replied even more slowly than before. "Can you give me a minute?"

"Sure, I'll meet you in the dining room. See ya, Jasper." He turned and headed through the kitchen the dining room.

"Bye." I looked down at Edward. "Dining room? Do you lift tables or something?"

"No, my dad put some workout equipment in there, moved the table against the wall." He looked down at his lap and sighed.

"What's wrong?" I wanted to kneel, take his hands, but his mother or Emmett could return at any second.

Keeping his gaze fixed on his motionless legs, he mumbled, "I don't want to workout, I wanted to spend time with you."

"Me too, but therapy is more important than me right now."

"Edward, how was school?" his mother asked as she rushed around the corner with a basket of laundry.

"Not bad," he answered and her eyes shot to me for confirmation. Standing behind him, I nodded and she smiled at Edward.

"Good to hear. Emmett's here."

"Yeah, he's waiting for me in the dining room."

"I'm gonna go," I said, turning to leave. He spun his chair around.

"Wait!"

I stopped and he glanced over his shoulder at his mother before looking back at me. "Um…can…can you call me in awhile?"

"Sure," I smiled. "Have fun at therapy."

_Be safe, baby._

"Yeah, right," he snorted.

_See ya soon, love._

His mother returned to the kitchen and I winked at Edward quickly before opening the door and leaving. Not able to contain the smile on my face, I drove home with "Let it Be" turned all the way up, drowning out my voice as I sang along as loud as I could.

"**~~**"

"You look…amazing," I said breathlessly as I sat on the edge of his bed. I just literally gazed at him. There was a color to his cheeks that had long been missing, his eyes nervously flickered around the room, but were bright and clear. Messy, shiny tufts of bronze and copper stuck up everywhere and his lips were pink and soft and looked irresistible.

I had arrived about ten minutes before to drive him to the basketball game. After a few days of debating, he had decided to go and told his coach on Thursday that he'd be at the game for senior night. He told his parents the night before at the dinner, which he had begged me to be present for. Dr. Cullen respected his son's decision but it took more effort to convince his mother. When she finally agreed, Edward asked his parents to meet him there and me to drive him.

The previous two days at school had gone okay. There were still stares and whispers, but Edward kept his chin up most of the time. Lunch still proved to be our biggest problem, but there were smaller problems that happened throughout the day, like the handicapped stall in one of the bathrooms being out of service and Edward not being able to go up the ramp on his own one morning because it was icy and hadn't been salted. Sometimes he grew frustrated and I could see it building behind his eyes but he would take a few breaths before he let his anger control him.

We argued over whether or not to tell his parents about lunch and the difficulty Edward had seeing the food and moving through the line. Edward didn't want to tell them, but refused to go see Mr. Bradshaw on his own. When I threatened to go to Mr. Bradshaw myself, he finally agreed to tell them. Needless to say once he'd told her, she called the school and informed them that other arrangements needed to be made to serve Edward's needs. They claimed they would work on all the issues it right away.

Blushing, he looked down at his jeans and shirt and tie. "Took me forever to shower and get dressed."

"It was worth it, trust me," I sighed, my eyes traveling up every delicious inch of him.

"I hate having to wear a tie." He reached up and adjusted it for the fourth time since I had arrived. "Just going to have my varsity jacket on over it anyway."

Ignoring him, I told him what was really on my mind. "I really want to kiss you right now."

His blush deepened and he glanced at his half opened door. "Maybe later."

He turned his chair toward the window and took his familiar spot, staring out the panes of glass at the darkened backyard.

"Do you think I'm doing the wrong thing by going tonight?" he asked quietly. I leaned back on the palms of my hands and stared at the back of his head.

"No, but I don't know if I could do it," I answered honestly. "You're so brave, baby."

Immediately he was shaking his head in denial. "No, I'm not. I'm scared shitless, Jasper. All the fucking time. I'm fucking petrified about tonight…all those people..."

I got up and moved in front of him and kneeled. "Exactly why you're so brave. Even when you're so scared, you keep going."

"No matter how hard I wish for this to not be true, that I keep hoping it's a bad dream that I'm going to wake up from, this is my life now." Moving his eyes from the window, he looked down at me as he spoke. "I don't want to just fade away, Jasper. I want…"

"What?"

He reached up and softly brushed my hair back and I let my eyes drift closed for just a second before opening them again.

"I want my life back," he whispered.

"Then let's get it back," I mumbled.

Bowing my head, I rested it in the palm of his hand. We stayed like that, his hand on my face and my hands on his knees until it was time to go.

"Ready?" I sighed, standing. He nodded, grabbed his varsity jacket off his bed and turned for the door.

"Not sure I should wear this," he said, holding the jacket.

"Why not?"

"It's not like I'm part of the team anymore."

I stopped at the door. "What do you mean? Of course you are. It's why they want you there tonight."

"It's not the same," he shook his head. "They don't need me."

"They do to win," I corrected him.

Together we headed down the hallway and met his parents in the living room. His father was just putting on his coat.

"You look handsome," his mother smiled at him.

"Very," his father agreed.

"Thanks," Edward mumbled. I stood behind him, shifting my weight as I waited to leave.

"Edward, are you sure about this?"

"Yeah, Mom, I'm sure. I'll meet you guys there," he said and with a quick glance to me, I opened the door and held it for him. "Bye."

I nodded to his parents and then followed Edward down the ramp toward my truck. He positioned himself near the passenger door and waited for me to open it. There was no protest when I bent over and lifted him from the chair to the cab.

"You need a shorter car," he chuckled as he scooted over in the seat and moved his legs inside.

"I'll get right on that," I teased before closing his door and putting his chair in the back of the truck. When I got inside, I started it up and turned the heat on. "Warm enough?"

"Yeah."

Just as I was about to back out of the driveway, Dr. and Mrs. Cullen came out of their house, waving as they walked to their car. As soon as I shifted into drive and we pulled away, Edward reached over and took my hand from the wheel to hold tightly in his. He held it all the way to school on the seat, his soft skin against mine.

"Jasper?"

"Mmmm?"

He kept staring out his window and I glanced over at him, squeezing his hand in encouragement. His other hand went to his cheek to swipe away his worry.

"Hey, baby, it's going to be okay."

Sighing, he nodded slightly. "I hope you're right."

_Me too._

We pulled up to the school parking lot and I found a space as close as I could without cars on either side so I had enough room to get Edward out. I released his hand and leaned toward him, brushing my lips across his once before pulling away and getting out. After I got his chair out, I opened his door. Darkness surrounded us but students and parents were walking by behind the truck. Slipping my arms under his knees and behind his back, I lifted him up, holding him a bit longer than necessary before setting him in his chair. He lifted his feet onto the pedals and adjusted his legs before looking up at me.

"I don't want to go in there," he admitted quietly.

But I knew he would.

"I know."

Turning his chair, he headed for the door and I fell into step by his side. His parents were standing by the door and they both smiled proudly at him when we approached.

"Ready?" his father asked.

"Yeah, Coach said to meet him at the bench and you guys to wait by the bleachers. When they call us, we all go out to center court and they take our picture."

"We're proud of you for doing this," Dr. Cullen told Edward.

"Thanks, Dad."

His parents turned and went inside. Once they were inside, Edward closed his eyes and took a deep breath. A few people walked by us, giving us a few looks before going inside.

"You can do this," I whispered.

"So many people," he said, opening his eyes.

"Focus on me and your parents, not them."

"I wish you could stay with me."

"Me too, but I will stay as close as I can. When you're on the court, just focus on your parents."

He nodded and then I reached for the door. Edward pushed himself over the threshold and then waited for me to get the second door. We could hear the familiar sounds of the cheers and laughing and music coming from the gym as the teams warmed up. Once we were all the way inside, we crossed the hall to the open doors of the gym.

Just outside of them, I felt Edward tense even more, his nerves rolling off him in tidal waves. I wanted nothing more than to hold his hand as we walked in there, give him the only support I could offer. As the Spartans were finishing their warm up and heading toward the bench, we entered.

Simultaneously the music stopped, the crowed grew completely silent and every head in the place turned toward us, all eyes falling onto Edward and me as we stopped just inside the door.

It was like something out of bad movie or dream, only it was really happening. The silence so heavy and sudden, you could hear a pin drop. We both felt the weight of hundreds of pairs of eyes on us and I bit my lip nervously.

"Fuck," Edward muttered.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

Star Wars cookie cutters are available at Williams and Sonoma (I bought some for my brother for Christmas-along with a SW cookbook)

Parsecs: A measurement of speed in Star Wars "You've never heard of the Millennium Falcon? It's the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs"

Wheelchair accessories: http:/www DOT 1800wheelchair DOT com/

Have questions about the boys? Follow me on Twitter theslashawards or visit the M&A thread on Twilighted http:/www DOT twilighted DOT net/forum/viewtopic DOT php?f=44&t=9674


	14. I'm Amazed at the Way I Really Need You

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N-We're back with Edward. Once again, words cannot express my gratitude for those that have read, recommended, reviewed, and learned from this story. The PMs and revs that mention they now see things in a new light, or that they can't hear The Beatles without thinking of these two boys, just warms and inspires me. Thank you all.

Special thanks to Dannie, who stuck by me for so long with this story, if it wasn't for her encouragement and faith in my writing, they wouldn't be here.

This chapter is unbeta'd, all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are mine own.

Now Edward pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night he hadn't known just what I needed …_

"**~~**"

The rubber wheels of my chair squeaked on the smooth hardwood floor as I crossed the threshold and entered the huge gym. Maroon plastic bleachers lined three sides of the court and were almost filled with students and parents, large felt banners claiming our state victories hung high on the walls. The team benches, separated by the official's desk, were opposite the bleachers.

After spending more hours in that gym than I could count for practices, games, classes, I knew every inch of the floor, from the scratch on the floor near the far basket to slippery spot in the lower right corner. I was more comfortable on that court than anyplace else, except with Jasper. We had often talked about how we felt about our passions, his running and my basketball, about the sacrifices we made, the pressure we put on ourselves, the strain we forced on our bodies. While the sports were very different, they affected us in similar ways. I could relate the high Jasper got from running because I got the same feeling from making a game winning layup.

Entering that gym should have been easy, after all, it had always felt like a second home to me.

Until then.

It wasn't my second home anymore. In those first few seconds, it was foreign, unknown, and stifling all at the same time. The hardwood floor would never be my home again. My feet would never feel the greasy feel of a recently waxed floor, my sneakers would never squeal as I stopped hard to set a pick on someone, my legs would never lift me off the ground as I jumped to block someone's shot.

No, the court would never be my home again.

A chair made of metal and rubber and leather had stolen that honor.

I swallowed down the bile that had begun to rise at the sight of all the people. They were watching their teams warm up, talking and socializing. They were walking up the bleachers, standing with friends, jogging out into the corridor to grab a soda before the game.

They were doing things I never would.

Even though he wasn't touching me, I felt him there.

_Jasper._

For about a week, I had been telling myself he was all I needed, that with him I could get through anything. He had told me the same thing, he had promised to be by my side no matter what, but deep down I knew there were going to be things I had to face alone.

This was one of them.

Simultaneously the teams finished their warm-ups, the music stopped and hundreds of heads turned as we entered.

"Fuck," I muttered under my breath.

Even with Jasper beside me, my heart raced as hundreds of people looked at me, each face blurring into the next. I could almost sense the pity hanging heavy in the air as they all stared at me. I glanced around for my parents and found them at the end of the bleachers. My dad nodded and my mom smiled at me. Pushing forward a few more feet, I gnawed on my bottom lip nervously, my eyes firmly on the shiny wood floor beneath me before I came to a stop just a few feet short of the end of the court.

Then something unexpected happened.

The entire crowd began clapping and applauding and stomping their feet against the bleachers, the roaring sound echoed throughout the large gym.

"Holy shit," Jasper mumbled in awe next to me, his eyes wide as he watched and listened. "Not exactly what I was expecting."

Nodding in agreement with him, my eyes scanned the crowd, finally being able to recognize the some individual familiar faces of the other students, even the kids from my music class were cheering.

_For me. _

Unsure what to do, I just sat there stunned until Coach ran over to me.

"Edward," he greeted me with a smile. With a hand on my shoulder, he watched the crowd with me until they gradually quieted down. "Come over to the bench with us."

He led me over to the bench and I glanced behind me at Jasper. He was still standing where I'd left him, his hands in his pockets, his eyes on me the entire time. With a slight nod, he smiled encouragingly. As I neared the bench, my teammates all held out their hands for me to high five as I pushed by them one by one. Each of them saying how great it was to see me back, how much they'd missed me. When I reached the end, I stopped and turned my chair to face the crowd.

"Welcome to Spartan's Senior Night," the announcer said from behind the desk. "Please welcome the seniors of 2010! Will the seniors and their parents come out center court as we call you," he instructed. "Starting center, Matt Sullivan, and his parents Cathy and James."

One by one the seniors went out to the middle of the court to stand there with their parents. Each senior was handed a flower by a cheerleader, which he then gave to his mother. Then they would stand with their arms around each other and smiling for the photographer. After each picture was taken, the boys would kiss their mom's cheeks and shake their dad's hands before heading back to the bench. I sat and watched each one, my eyes constantly jumping from my teammates to my parents and then to Jasper. They would linger on him the longest, tracing the lines of his smile as he watched me intently.

"Here, put this on," my coach said, handing me my basketball jersey.

"But…" I glanced down at my shirt and tie.

"Just put it on over it."

I unbuttoned my jacket and pulled it off before taking my jersey from him, the satin material familiar in my hands as I tugged it over my head. Holding out the bottom of the jersey, l looked down and saw my number twenty-one. The same number I'd worn for four years.

Just when I thought I couldn't do it, that I didn't have the courage to follow through and push myself to the middle of that gym with everyone looking at me and whispering about me, I looked at Jasper again. Once our eyes connected, there were no more crowds.

There was only him and me.

The strength I needed I found in the pale blue eyes gazing at me. They were calm and sure and full of love. I don't know how he did it, I don't think I ever would, but somehow, with one brief look, he gave me everything I needed, everything I could have ever asked for.

"Point guard Edward Cullen and his parents, Carlisle and Esme," the announcer said and I took a deep breath. My mother and father walked toward the middle of the court and a cheerleader handed me the rose for my mother. I placed it on my lap before gripping the handrails tightly and slowly rolling forward. As I reached the center of the court, stopping the wheelchair on the Spartan's logo painted on the floor, one small girl stood in the crowd, her long, brown hair swaying over her shoulders as she began to cheer loudly. Bella's eyes never left me as she grinned proudly. After a few seconds, everyone followed her and stood up as well, their applause drowning out the announcer's words.

I handed the flower to my mother and she leaned down to kiss my cheek. As I turned my chair to face the photographer, I heard my last name being chanted by a group of boys behind me. With my mother's hand on one shoulder and my father's on the other, I smiled at the photographer and waited for the flash. He kneeled in front of us and took the picture before giving us the thumbs up.

"I'm proud of you," my mother said as she hugged me.

"I am too," my father agreed as he held out his hand for me. "We couldn't have asked for a better son."

"Thanks, Dad," I said quietly. The ovation never quieted the entire time I was out there. As my parents stood next to me, I looked over to my boy, and found him hooting louder than anyone. Blushing, I began to push myself back to the bench.

"Congratulations," Coach said as I approached. When I went to take my jersey off, he stopped me. "Leave it on. We want you to sit on the bench with us for the game."

Looking down at the row of my teammates, I saw their smiles. "Okay," I agreed hesitantly. The coach pointed to the end of the bench next to him and I turned my chair, backing it into the spot.

The officials called the captains out to the center of the court and Coach put his hand on my arm.

"That's you. You're a captain, Cullen," he reminded me. When I looked unsure what to do, he nodded and I followed Matt out to where the officials and other team's captains stood. The referees reviewed the rules and we shook hands with other team, wishing them luck before turning and heading back to the bench. Our teammates leapt off the bench and circled around us, just like they always did.

"This one's for Cullen," Matt said and they all began clapping. "Who are we?"

"SPARTANS!"

"What are we?" I asked, picking up the line I always said.

"SPARTANS!" our teammates shouted back.

"Spartans, Spartans, Spartans," we all shouted.

With one last synchronized clap, we parted and all but the starting five returned to the bench. I returned to my spot next by the coach. He instructed the players before sending them out for the beginning of the game.

Standing with their legs slightly bent, preparing to jump for the ball, the center's faced each other. The referee threw the ball up and they both jumped, one's fingers tapping it toward his player before the other. As the game began, my upper body tensed reflexively, my hands readying to pass to the post player as he worked his way under the basket. Instinctively, I read the other team's zone defense, and my team's plays crowded my head, moving through it with blinding speed.

"Run Kansas," I mumbled under my breath and then saw Brent, the point guard that had taken my place, hold up his fist, signaling the same play I had said. He passed the ball right and then cut, surprising the defensive player in the middle before catching the ball and making a layup. I could practically feel the basketball in my hands, hard and bumpy, as I watched what I could no longer do. Bodies moved in and out and against each other as another shot was taken and the teams went after the rebound, only to have the ball fall through the basket. The crowd cheered their approval, all eyes following the players as they ran down the court.

My heart ached as I watched my teammates glide around the court, their feet guiding them effortlessly, their legs strong and sure as they jumped and ran and braked. Overwhelmed, I took a few deep breaths in an attempt to control the emotions that began to flow through me. The longing to be out there with them, sweaty and running, was undeniable and powerful. I watched the players, each basket and pass pushing me toward the edge of something I wasn't sure I could handle.

I needed him.

Looking down the bench, I searched for him where I had left him but he wasn't there. Worriedly, I scanned nearby for his blond waves and soothing eyes. A whistle blew and a foul was called. The crowd grew almost silent as one of our players went to the foul line for his two shots. My attention was not on the player, but looking around for Jasper. Skimming the bleachers, I scoured each row, desperate to find him. With each face that wasn't him, my heart pounded, the ache increasing forcefully and my fingers wrapped around the handgrips.

Finally, I spotted him sitting next to Bella, staring at me, and I knew then that even though he had moved, his eyes had never left me. To him there was no game going on, no people around him, there was just me. When he saw the turmoil storming in my eyes, I saw his shoulders straighten and he tensed. Next to him, I saw Bella follow his stare and land on me as well, then she placed a hand on Jasper's forearm and spoke to him. He ignored her.

"You okay?" he mouthed.

I honestly didn't know.

Physically I was fine, but watching the game had affected more than I had expected. For the past few days I had been worried about seeing all those people, wondering what they would think of me, what they would say, but it had been watching my team play without me that bothered me, far more than the crowd had. My breath caught in my throat when I saw him start to stand, preparing to come rescue me. I knew he would do it. He wouldn't hesitate to leave Bella, walk around the court and come take me away.

He was there for me.

I knew he always would be.

That alone gave me the strength I needed.

I nodded and he slowly sat back down, but his eyes never roamed from mine. I held his gaze for a few moments, concentrating on nothing but the slight curve of his lips and the way his hair fell in front of his eyes. Gradually, my heart began to measurably slow, the pace eventually becoming normal. Coach called a timeout and the players all walked over, blocking my view of Jasper but not the strength I received from him.

The game continued, and when the buzzer went off for halftime, we were up by seven. The team headed for the locker room, but I waited by the bench. Only seconds after the team had left me, I was no longer alone. Jasper sat casually on the end of the bench.

"Everything okay?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah, but it's hard."

"What is?"

"I can't…not here, not now," I whispered.

"Okay," he said quickly. "We'll talk later. I have to get Bella a Coke, do you want something?"

"A Dew, please."

"Be right back."

He stood and walked out with the flow of the people heading for the small concession stand just outside the door. I found my parents sitting on the bottom row near the end of the bleachers closest to me. They both smiled and waved and I returned the gesture. A few other kids came up and said hi, kidding around how the team would be up by 'a fucking lot more than seven' if I had been playing. When Jasper returned, he handed my drink to me and sat on the bench again.

"You can go back to Bella," I told him, watching her as she sat next to Eric and Angela.

"At the end of halftime I will. I'm not leaving you here alone."

I wanted to argue with him, tell him I was perfectly fine alone, but I knew it wasn't true. I wanted him there, next to me.

Always.

"So, how's the team doing?"

I shook my head, knowing damn well he was trying to keep my mind occupied with the logistics of the game so I would think about how much I missed it.

"Defensively, they are pretty strong. Nice shot blocks and rebounds, but offensively, Sully needs to set more picks and Brent has to pass the left quicker. Their post player is reading that pass every time," I answered him, probably with more information than he wanted.

"That's bad, right?" he joked.

After watching of hundreds of games with me, he knew the game almost as well as I did.

"Yeah, that's bad," I laughed. Behind us, the locker room door swung open and the team walked out.

"I'll meet you after the game," he said and stood up. With one last look, he was heading back to the bleachers, but before he reached them, the announcer spoke up.

"Could Edward Cullen please come the announcer's desk?"

Confused, I glanced to my parents and saw my dad shrug. Immediately, my eyes moved to Jasper. He'd stopped and was watching me from the end of the court.

"Edward?" Coach said from in front of the desk, my entire team standing behind him.

Hesitantly, I gripped the wheels and pushed myself toward them. Coach grabbed the microphone from the desk and turned to the crowd before speaking. "Edward Cullen has been playing for me since his freshman year. I remember he came to me, too small and scrawny to play, but he was quick and had natural court vision. You can't teach what he already knew. He tried out for varsity that year and not only did he make the team, he became our starting point guard. Each year, he's improved and I've never seen anyone so devoted, his love for the sport shines down on us all, making his teammates want to be better players. It is with great pleasure and pride that I present this game ball from the last game you all played together signed by the team to you, Edward. Thank you for being the incredible inspiration you are. It is my honor to coach you, and the team's honor to play with you."

He held the ball out to me and I reached up and took it, choking back emotions as I placed it in my lap.

"Thank you," I said quietly. There were a few seconds of utter silence and then the crowed exploded into cheers even louder than before. The photographer returned and took a picture of us all. I was in the middle with Coach behind me, the team spread on both sides. When he was done, my teammates surrounded me, slapping me on the back and playfully shoving my shoulder. Unable to say much more than thank you, I returned their smiles. The officials called the start of the second half and we returned to the pine bench.

As soon as I was settled with my ball safely nestled on my lap, I looked for Jasper and found him next to Bella again. She was sipping on her Coke and waved to me. I waved back to her, but my eyes went to his. He was smiling and relaxed and looked beautiful.

Jasper was always beautiful, even at his sweatiest, dirtiest moment, he was sexy, but sitting there in his sweatshirt and jeans, his body loose and free as he leaned his elbows on his knees with his hair falling over one eye, he looked perfect.

I watched the remainder of the game with as much emotion as before but it was different. I still missed it, and knew a day would never pass that I didn't yearn to play again, but I was able to watch it through Jasper's eyes and not mine. Instead of wishing it was me making the passes, I was able to break down the other team's plays and offer advice to my teammate's as they came off the court. It was with the knowledge that I gave them, that Jasper's had inspired me with, that my team was able to pull away even further and win the game. The final buzzer rang and the game ended. When I went to take the game jersey off, Coach stopped me.

"Keep it," was all he said with a smile.

The bleachers emptied, the students and parents heading out the exits for their cars. Just as he promised, Jasper appeared by my side before I had moved more than a few feet.

"That second half was much better. I saw that Brent started making that pass to the left a little quicker. Someone must have given him some advice," he commented with a coy smile.

Smart ass.

If I hadn't picked up on his strategy before, I would have then.

"Thank you," I said, looking up at him.

"C'mon, let's go," he replied. My parents met us at the door and offered to drive me home, but Jasper spoke up. "Nah, I can do it. I left my backpack there and need to pick it up anyway."

We all walked out together, parting when my parents headed for their car. On the way to his truck, people walked by and said it was great to have me back and congratulated me. I wasn't sure what for, but I nodded and thanked them. At the truck, Jasper lifted me into the cab and put my chair in the back. After he got inside and started it, he turned on the heat. I had set the ball on the seat between us.

"Want to go get an ice cream or something?"

It was such a normal thing for us to do. Often after my games we would hit McDonald's or the local ice cream shop for some celebration junk food. Sometimes we sat with other kids, sometimes we just did the drive thru and sat in the parking lot. Normal was never going to happen for me again, at least not the way I knew it, but Jasper refused to let things change because of my chair.

"Yeah, actually, I do," I said.

"Lago's?"

"Definitely."

While he drove, I took out my phone and called my mother to let her know I was going for an ice cream. Her voice was a mixture of happiness and concern. I assured her I was fine and wouldn't be late. Jasper pulled into the ice cream shop and parked. There were a few other cars around, mostly people from the game.

"What do you want?" he asked, reaching for his wallet.

"Double chocolate coconut with sprinkles."

"Sugar high much?" he teased as he opened his door. "Be right back."

As much as he fought for normalcy, things _were_ different. Normal would have been getting out and walking in with him. Standing next to him line while we debated our choices until finally settling on what we always ordered. Now normal was waiting in the truck while Jasper went inside and got our food. He returned with two huge cones and handed one to me with a stack of napkins.

"My dad will kill me if I mess up his truck," he shrugged when I looked at the napkins. "Do you want to stay here or go somewhere else?"

"Can we stay here?"

"Sure," he agreed as he started the truck and turned the heat on full blast. He brought his cone up to his mouth, dragging his tongue along the ice cream. Then he put his mouth on the top of the swirl, sucking for a second before removing them, vanilla ice cream coating his full lips. Slowly, he licked his lips before earnestly lapping his ice cream, scooping the vanilla and swallowing, just to dive back in for more. Stopping, he looked at me, his brow furrowed.

"Babe?"

My own ice cream was untouched in my hands, chocolate running down the side of the cone and onto my thumb.

"You grip it much tighter, you're going to crush the cone," he smiled before keeping his eyes on me as he teasingly flicked the tip of his tongue along the edge of his cone.

"Jesus," I moaned and licked my own lips.

"Wanna taste?" he asked, holding his cone out toward me.

"Not off the cone," I replied with a shake of my head.

"Off the tongue then?"

"Tongue, lips…all of it."

Grinning, he threw his head back and laughed, exposing his deep dimples. I began to eat my own ice cream, quickly catching up to him and actually finishing it off before he did. We teased each other with fluttering tongues and sugar covered lips. He moaned when I pressed the flat of my tongue and ran it up the length of my ice cream. When we were done, he tossed our napkins in the trash and then drove to my house. After parking behind my dad's car, he left the truck running for heat and turned to me.

"Talk to me, baby," he pleaded, reaching across the seat for my hand.

Sighing, I dropped my head against the seat and closed my eyes. Clenching his hand, I held it as I began.

"I didn't think I'd miss it that much. I mean, I've barely thought about basketball since that accident."

"You've had other things on your mind," he said sympathetically.

"I guess. But being there, watching them play. I…I just wanted to do it too… so bad."My voice cracked, but I continued. "I had no idea I could miss something so much." I paused and opened my eyes, turning to him. "Except you of course."

"Are you sorry you went?"

"No," I answered quickly. "It was really nice to see the guys and to hear the people…" I shook my head, refusing to let the tears fall once again.

"You inspire them."

"How?" I scoffed.

"By getting up every day, by not giving up."

"I want to give sometimes. A lot of times actually," I admitted.

"But you won't. It's not in you. You're a fighter, Edward, and whether you believe it or not, just as fucking stubborn as I am."

His words sat in the heated air of the cab as his fingers stroked my gloved hand. I wasn't sure how long I was lost in his eyes for, how long they swept me from the truck and wrapped me in his embrace of…everything; strength, confidence, love, compassion.

"You okay?" he asked quietly, tilting his head and studying me.

"I will be," I whispered uncertainly. "Jas?"

"Mmm?"

I looked away, unable to hold the gaze of blue. When I went to speak, the words were flittered away and the silence grew.

"I'm not going anywhere," he reminded me in a hushed voice, barely auditable. Snapping my eyes shut for a few seconds, I stopped the tears that were trying to escape. "You know that, right?"

Exhaling heavily, I nodded and opened my eyes. "Yeah, I do."

"Let's get you inside," he said, glancing at the front door. "But first…" He leaned toward me and reached up with his hand, cupping my cheek right before our lips met. Moaning, he ran his tongue along my lips, tasting the remains of the chocolate ice cream. Instinctively, my lips parted for him and I felt his tongue enter my mouth, gently and briefly entwining with mine before he sat back with a smile.

"You taste so good," he blushed and licked me off his own lips. He released my hand and got out of the truck, getting me into my chair before following me up the ramp and holding the door for me. We entered the quiet house and saw my mother and father sitting on the couch watching television.

"Hello, boys," they both greeted.

"Hi," we returned.

"I should go," Jasper said, standing just inside the door.

"You can't stay?" I asked sadly.

"I told my dad I'd have the truck back early, but I'll be by tomorrow. We can work on that history project."

I nodded and he opened the door again.

"Night Dr. and Mrs. Cullen."

"Did you get your backpack?" my father asked and Jasper immediately blushed at his lie from earlier.

"Umm…I…oh...no, I found it in my truck," he fibbed and my father raised an eyebrow. Before my dad could say anything more, Jasper bolted out the door. Less than a minute later, my phone vibrated with a text message.

_Be safe, baby._

I replied.

_See ya soon, love._

I sat with my parents for a few minutes before heading down to my room. Taking off my gloves, I set them on the table, my fingers resting on the suede for a few seconds.

He'd bought me gloves.

Since we had met, I had known Jasper was thoughtful. He was always the one to bake the cookies, or buy me something when he ran to the store. When I would ask why he was giving me a stuffed opossum with a rainbow tail, he would just shrug and say 'Just because'. And that's all it was with Jasper, just because.

Just because he loved me, just because he thought of me, just because he wanted to do things for me.

I returned the favor, usually in the form of a sub that I would personally make for him before leaving work, but he was always the more thoughtful one. The gloves were just proof of what I already knew.

Turning my right hand over, I ran a finger over the healing blisters and roughening skin. The cushioned gel pads of the gloves covered the palms protectively and I could push my chair without pain. I pulled off my jersey and tie and then unbuttoned my shirt before grabbing a catheter kit and going into the bathroom to empty my bladder and brush my teeth. Back in my room, I shifted onto my bed and changed into my pajama bottoms and tee shirt. Using my upper body, I dragged myself up my bed and flipped over, moving my legs by hand, until I was leaning against my headboard.

With a heavy sigh, I set my phone on my table and covered myself with the blanket. Using my remote, I turned on my stereo and started the White Album. If I concentrated hard enough, I could feel him beside me. Soft puffs of air brushing over my chest as held me, chapped lips leaving random kisses on my neck as he worked his way up to my lips. His once tentative moves were starting to fill with confidence. It was as if we had reverted back to when we had first starting dating, when our bodies were still new to each other, when we looked for permission before doing anything more than a chaste kiss.

In the shower a few days before, sex had been the last thing on either of our minds, but after our confessions and my promise to not push him away, to fight for my life, something had changed. I felt a sense of freedom, as stupid as it sounds, a cleansing of my soul. Something had lifted from my shoulders, a weight of a life stuck in a chair that I knew was going to shared by two. When he had lifted that burden from me, my heart felt lighter and I felt…happy.

When he was drying off, it was almost instinct to smack him with the towel. It was something I would have done after any other shower we'd taken. I never expected him to retaliate, but I was glad he did. It only proved to me that he wasn't going to treat me any different. I was still his Edward, in a chair or not.

Back in my room, lying on my bed with Jasper standing before me, I my heart raced. For once it wasn't in fear or embarrassment, it was in excitement. Excitement at seeing my boyfriend naked before me, tall, lean, hung, and _mine_. Silently, I beckoned him to me, and he came, crawling up my body. Suddenly, I wanted nothing more than to feel his weight on me, his lips on mine as our bodies pressed together. Seeing Jasper with the same level of desire in his eyes as he had always had made me forget there was a chair sitting at the end of the bed.

Sometimes Jasper made me forget I was only half a man.

Alice interrupted us and Jasper panicked, racing around my room trying to find clothes while I watched him, amused. After she left, we continued where we had left off, only clothed. Jasper kissed me with the same passion as always, his tongue plunged into my mouth repeatedly. His hands roamed my chest as they always had. What was unexpected was my reaction when he'd absently taken my nipple between his fingers and squeezed. Never had I felt anything so…amazing. It was as if his lips were embracing my cock. My body lifted off the bed, seeking more of his touch, as an electric shock went through my body at amazing speed.

I wanted nothing more than for him to do it again.

He did.

Moaning with a pleasure I'd thought I never experience again, I fisted his waves and tongue fucked him for as long as he'd let me. Everything about it was intimate, even sexually intimate, but it had shifted. Anything below my waist could no longer be included.

When he rested his head on my chest, I felt his tears. He promised they were happy ones, and I knew it to be true. Even though the kissing had stopped, the intimacy had not. Jasper stayed and we did homework, he stayed by my side in his vow to protect me.

Jasper has always had a protective nature. I didn't know where it came from, perhaps it was that his mother was nurse and helped others, or maybe it was something else entirely, but it wasn't something I'd witnessed often.

Until now.

He didn't think I saw them, the glares he gave others that dared to look at me when we walked down the hall. He didn't think I knew he was distracting me with his dimpled smile and hushed whispers just loud enough to cover up the gossip behind us. It wasn't that I ignored those things he did, but rather I accepted them. I reveled in the fact that he wanted to protect me.

Fuck, I needed him to.

I couldn't do it myself. I had no nerve to confront anyone. Hell, I had wheeled away when I had heard those kids in my music class. The next day when Jasper and I parted, I was determined to face them even though my heart raced nervously. When I pushed myself into the classroom, I saw them all sitting at the same desks as the day before, all four of them in a row. Only something was different. They were quiet, pensive even, as they read something on their desks. Moving closer, I saw they were printed out papers of a news article. Micah saw me first and nodded.

"Cullen."

I nodded, squinting my eyes to see what they were all reading, what had enraptured them all so much.

"How ya doing?" Stephen asked, lifting his eyes from the paper.

"Fine," I said slowly, hesitantly. Beth wiped her cheek and then looked up at me, giving me a half smile.

"Hey, man, we're sorry about…ya know," Micah stammered.

"No problem," I replied, unsure what else to say as I turned my chair toward my desk. Not once during class did I hear them say one word about me, or anyone for that matter. I don't know how Jasper had done it, I had only left him a few minutes when I had to go to the bathro-damn, he was fast.

After class, I waited for Jasper outside the classroom but when he hadn't shown up, I headed in his direction, only to practically get trampled by him when he ran around the corner.

Of course, he denied having said anything.

Instead, he walked me to Coach's office. When Coach opened the door and ushered me inside, I glanced over my shoulder at Jasper, pleading him to follow. Just as he pushed himself off the wall, the door closed. Coach walked around his desk and sat down.

"It really is great to see you, Edward," he began. Anxiously, I looked around his office, one I had been in many times over the past four years, but never sitting in a wheelchair.

"Thanks."

"You probably don't remember, but I came by to see you in the hospital a few times."

I shook my head. "No, I was pretty out of it for awhile."

"Understandable. The team came by one night, but you were sleeping. They went in one at a time to say hi, but then we left."

"Thanks," I repeated. I had absolutely no recollection of them ever visiting me.

"We wanted to come by the house, but your mother thought it best that we wait until you were more ready."

"I was ready," I lied. I hadn't been ready to see them. Hell, it was hard enough to see Jasper and my family, I couldn't have handled seeing my able bodied teammates making small talk.

"Anyway, I just wanted you to know that we were thinking about you. The team asked about you all the time."

"That's nice," I mumbled.

"The reason I asked you here is because Friday night is our last home game which means senior night, and we want you to be there."

"Be there?"

"With the team, with us on the bench. Have your parents come, do the picture thing…all of it."

"Oh…um…I don't know…"

"Edward, you're an important part of this team, and we want you there."

"Okay, I'll talk to my parents."

He smile and then held the door for me to leave. As soon as it closed, Jasper was there, asking how I was. When I told him what had happened, he sounded positive.

"How is it great, Jasper? People stare at me in the fucking hallways, but a game will have their parents, the other team, their fans….I don't know if I can handle that…"

He dropped to his knees and put a hand on my lap, he told me I didn't have to go. I told him I had to try.

"Yeah, but you don't have to face all of the world in one week, Edward. This isn't a race or something, you need to do it in your own time and if you're not comfortable with it, then don't go."

"I'm never going to be comfortable doing anything again. I guess I gotta get used to it."

We stayed like that for a few minutes, his hand on my knee as he stared at me and I silently asked him to go with me, to not leave my side, to help me. Silently, he promised he would.

"I said, is Coach Griffith in?" Newton asked behind us. When I asked Jasper if he had seen us, he brushed off my concern. I believed him.

In the lunchroom, the curious look and pitied gazes only added fuel to his already burning fire of protectiveness. What he had been able to pull off in my music class had stayed in music class and I knew he was frustrated, but my calm boy became enraged when he saw the lunch line, slamming his tray down and yelling at the lunch ladies, asking how the hell I was supposed get my lunch. Of course, he helped me through the line, grabbing my food and putting it on the tray, giving each and every worker a glare or snide comment. I followed behind him, mumbling my choices and keeping my eyes off the workers.

At our table, I pushed up to the end while Jasper sat on the first stool. The weight of all the eyes on us began to wear at his patience, he was practically buzzing with energy that I knew he didn't have. He stopped the looks with a warning glare, but then they just started talking instead. When I started at my food and sighed, he growled.

"You gotta eat."

"Don't really feel like it," I sighed, pushing his tray away. "I thought it'd be easier."

"What?"

"Seeing them all at once, I thought it would get it over with, but it just seems worse."

"It's not right. You're still you, damn it," he slammed my fist on the table, shaking the trays and then he stood up. My eyes widened and I went to stop him but it was too late. He was driven by his love for me, and I knew there was no stopping that. "Listen, you all need to get a fucking life. It's Edward for fucks sake, he's the same guy he was two months ago, the same guy most you have gone to school with your entire lives. Nothing has changed, _he_ hasn't changed. "

Waiting for a challenge from someone, he remained standing. When everyone turned back around, paying us no more attention, he sat back down and bit into his apple like nothing had ever happened.

I didn't like that he had to do it, that he felt he had to do it. Before the accident, I could have walked into lunchroom, chatted with friends in line and sat with Bella and Jasper and discussed the homework. That life was gone, it had morphed into Jasper slamming trays and giving people the evil eye just so they would stop staring at me. As proud as I was he stood up for me, literally, I also felt ashamed, ashamed that I couldn't do it myself. I had known I needed him, but each day I was learning I needed him in more ways than I had ever imagined.

"Thanks."

"Good thing Bella wasn't here," he smirked.

"No shit," I agreed.

The next day had gone much smoother. Jasper projected his protective bubble around us and I finished classes unscathed. Using the bathroom was getting easier, there had only been a few times when I had been rushing and had trouble getting the catheter in, but after taking a few breaths, I was able to slide it in and empty my bladder. Jasper drove us home after the second day back and we went inside my house to find Emmett there. I could tell Jasper was disappointed, and I didn't want him to leave. We were just starting to rediscover us after having lost my way on the path. It was like we had been out in a storm, while Jasper had frantically reached out for me, I had always remained one step out of his weak grasp. Willingly, I had prevented him from finding me until I realized I wanted to be found.

Even though we'd been together for over a year, holding his hand felt new. Feeling his warm skin on mine was confirmation of he was where I belonged, but there was something different about it. Perhaps it was just that after all we had been through, something as simple as hand holding meant so much more than before.

Jasper left and I went to the dining room to meet Emmett. The table had been pushed to wall, and workout equipment had been purchased and set up. There was a rack of dumbbells in the corner, along with a shelf of various therapeutic toys, large rubber bands, a medicine ball, boxing gloves, and resistance cables. By the window was what appeared to be parallel bars, like the ones a gymnast would use. I thought they were being optimistic with those. I'd never be able to stand again, much less swing myself around some fucking bars. On the other wall was a weightlifting bench with a weight bar resting above it, and an adjustable pulley stand next to it. The pulley stand allowed me to move under it in my chair and do various exercises with the cables and weights.

"Did you want to change? I can wait," he offered as I put my bag down by the door.

"Nah. I can just shower after." I blushed when I recalled my last time in a shower, and who I'd been with.

"Okay then, let's get going." With a grin, he walked over to the far corner and stood with his back to me for a minute. Confused, I watched him, his wide shoulders blocking my view. Then the music started and his head started jerking side to side as he turned around.

"Let's get physical," he sang with the song, not even stopping when he saw my shocked expression.

"What the…"

"Oh, come on. Don't even try to tell me you don't know Olivia Newton John?"

Even more confused, I furrowed my brows and he sighed.

"Looks like I've got a lot more to teach you. Edward, there is other music besides The Beatles." I went to argue with him but he continued before I could speak. "I love The Beatles too, but honestly, nothing beats the eighties for workout music."

"You're serious," I said slowly, realizing that I wasn't some bad movie. Emmett really was playing "Let's Get Physical" and moving side to side with the music.

"Totally. I even made you a CD for you to use when you work out alone."

"Because alone is the only way I would ever listen to this music," I mumbled.

He ignored me. "Shoulder rotations first."

Slowly, I moved to the dumbbells and picked up the set I normally used and began the exercise. Emmett watched me, correcting my form as he sang along in an alto voice, even higher than Olivia's. The song ended and changed to one I actually knew.

"Might as well jump!" He sang before stopping my second repetition. "Bicep curls now."

We continued like that for an hour, Emmett singing along with his bad eighties music and me grunting through the workout. He pushed me to do more reps than usual, as if he sensed my newly found fight.

"You got gloves," he motioned to my hands, even picking on up to examine it more closely. "They're not wheelchair gloves."

"No, they're bike gloves."

"I didn't think you would need them so soon, but I guess being back to school will do that. Do they help?"

"Yeah, they feel really good."

"Where'd ya get them?"

"Um…I don't know. Jasper got them for me."

Emmett smiled, and he might have even blushed. "Thoughtful of him." Before I could reply, he was singing again. "Hey, Mickey, you're so fine," he hummed.

"Ya know," I groaned through clenched teeth. "If I'd known about your bad taste in music, I never would have requested you."

He laughed loudly, his entire body shaking. "You'll learn to love it too, Edward. Just give in to it, you know you want to."

"No, I really don't," I disagreed adamantly, shaking my head vigorously as I huffed through the last rep of cable flys.

Once my upper body workout was done, he had me lay on the wide bench and he worked my legs. Holding my ankle and the back of my calf, he moved my legs in a bicycle motion, stretching and exercising the useless muscles.

I watched him.

I watched my legs move.

I felt nothing.

"Don't give up hope," he said to me, his eyes watching his own work.

"I beginning to think it's wasted energy," I sighed.

"It's not. Hope is never wasted."

We were both silent after that, although he occasionally hummed along with one of his one hit wonders of the eighties. For the next hour, he continued to manipulate my body and then gave me a shoulder and arm massage. Finally, he was done and picked up his bag.

"I want you to do two reps of ten of each of the exercises we did today. I'll be by on Wednesday."

"Okay."

"Feel free to use the CD I made for ya," he winked and then walked out the door.

The knock on my door yanked me from my memories, and my father came in and sat on the edge of my bed. I could tell he was concerned, his eyes were deep and his brows slightly turned in. His normally perfect hair had the trails of hands running through it.

"How are you doing?"

"Okay," I answered sleepily, barely able to keep my eyes open and focused. It seemed things took much more out of me than ever before.

"We're proud of you, Edward. You did a brave thing tonight."

"Thanks."

"How are you feeling? Everything okay? Any pain? Bladder, bowels?"

"Everything's fine. Tired though."

"That's to be expected, you went to school all week, a lot of stress on your body and mind." He ran his hands down my legs, seemingly randomly squeezing muscles, then he checked my pulse and looked into my eyes with his little flashlight.

"Dad, I'm fine."

Smiling, he ignored me and felt my glands, then worked his way down my arms. When he got to my hands, he turned them over and saw the hardened blisters peeling from my palms, exposing the new pink skin underneath. He examined them closer, glancing at the gloves on my table as he put my hand back down.

"If those get worse, let me know. I've got some ointment you can use to soften them up, prevent infection."

"I will."

"Those gloves help?"

I nodded and looked away.

"Edward, I…" He paused, hesitating, something my father rarely did. Then he smiled and ruffled my hair like I was his little boy again. "I just wanted to be sure you were okay after tonight. I know that must have been hard for you. Facing all those people and watching the game."

"It was. I miss it, Dad. A lot."

"I know, Edward. Not many could have done what you did."

"Thanks."

He gave me one last small smile and then stood and headed for the door. "Get some rest," he instructed before closing it behind him. Following his demand, I closed my eyes and waited for my mind to conjure up Jasper to join me, his body lying next to mine, holding me protectively as I drifted off to sleep.

"**~**"

The next week went by in a blur of physics tests, essays, physical therapy and two doctor's appointments at Forks Hospital. They were routine checkups, making sure that the surgery was still holding everything in the right place. My father had taken me, dismissing me from school and walking me through the MRI I had to have done. While I couldn't read the scans he looked at, he seemed relieved at the results and the other doctors were pleased at my progress.

What fucking progress, I had no idea.

I was still stuck in a chair.

When I wasn't with Emmett or at the appointments, I was with Jasper. He drove me to school every morning he could, and on the ones he couldn't, he met me at the entrance and walked in with me. After the basketball game, there had been a shift in the school. No longer did Jasper have to cover up the whispers in the hallway or stare down those that dared to look at me. Instead, he smiled at kids that passed us, nodding to a few and saying hi to others. My teammates high-fived me on their way to classes, Micah even stopped to ask me a question about homework and Bella sat on my lap as I pushed us down the corridor.

It almost seemed normal.

Until I had to leave class to go to the bathroom and stick a tube in my dick, or look up at someone that used to be shorter than me, or have Jasper get my food in the lunch line because I couldn't carry the tray, or when I had to sit in study hall instead of gym class.

The weekend before, Jasper had been sitting on my bed eating a sub he'd picked up on his way over. In front him was his physics book opened to the reading assignment.

"I still don't get the fucking difference Kepler's laws of gravity and Newton's," he sighed to himself.

"I want to ask Bradshaw to let me back into gym class," I admitted suddenly.

Since the game a few days before, I had wanted more than just sitting in a chair. I got exercise with Emmett, but it was alone and it wasn't the stuff I liked to do, it wasn't basketball or football or baseball.

Jasper didn't stop chewing, but he looked at me with his cheeks puffed out from the sandwich stuffed in them.

"Go for it," he mumbled around the food, brushing the crumbs off my bed with an apologetic look.

"Do you think it's crazy?"

"Not at all," he shrugged. "I think it's crazy for them to think you can't do gym. They've obviously got their fucking heads up their ugly asses."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" I asked, mad that he had thought I could have been in gym along.

"Because it needed to be your decision, not mine. I was pissed when you told me they were sticking you in study but you seemed okay with it."

"I was, but now I'm not. I want to do gym. At least try to."

Jasper swallowed and stared at me, smiling. I knew exactly what he was smiling at but he told me anyway.

"My boy's got some fight."

"Yeah, yeah, shut the fuck up." I picked up my pencil and flung it at him, laughing when it bounced off his head. He reached out and grabbed my wrist, pulling me closer by it until our knees were touching.

"Make me," he whispered before his lips pressed to mine.

Kissing had been something we had easily fallen back into. I think our mouths spent more time attached than not. We had seemed to have rediscovered the joy of a good make-out session, getting each other's hearts racing strictly by our mouths and tongues and lips. Hands wandered and gently explored, but nothing had ever gone beyond hair tugging and nipple tweaking. It seemed Jasper enjoyed the way I would arch my back into his touch when I lay beside him because he would moan as he watched me with his darkened eyes.

As his lips moved over mine, I felt my resolve strengthen and I sighed into the kiss. When we parted, he leaned back on the bed and reached for his sub again.

"You gonna eat yours?" He pointed to the one he had gotten me on the table. "Because if you're not…" he hinted.

I picked it up, unwrapped it, and couldn't wipe the smile from my face as I bit into it.

Some might say the smile was because I was getting better, that I was getting my life back.

But I knew the reason for it was sitting in front of me with breadcrumbs on his lips and onion on his breath.

It was Wednesday before I had built up enough courage to make an appointment to see Mr. Bradshaw. During my study hall, I got a pass and went down the main office. When I turned the corner, I saw Jasper leaning against the wall beside the door. Shaking my head, I pulled up to him.

"What are you doing here? Don't you have gym?"

"Turns out they didn't need me today."

"You skipped?"

"I like to think of it as participationally challenged." He pushed off the wall and shrugged. "I thought you could use some support."

Sighing, I looked up at him and was immediately lost in bright blue eyes smiling encouragingly at me.

"Mr. Cullen?" the secretary called me inside.

"Go kick his ass," Jasper whispered as I passed him.

Mr. Bradshaw came out to greet me and ushered me into his office. The counter that had stood in front of his room had been replaced by a desk that had been placed at an angle to allow me room to get by.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Cullen?" he asked, taking a seat behind his large desk.

"I want to go back to gym class," I blurted out without warning.

"Excuse me?"

Lifting my chin, I repeated myself. "I want to go back to gym class."

I hadn't told my parents what I was doing, I knew my mother would worry and my father would advise me against it. I had only confessed my plan to one person.

"Edward, while I'm pleased with your enthusiasm, I don't really see how gym class is a possibility for you in your…condition."

"My condition, Mr. Bradshaw, has not affected my athletic ability, or my desire to be physically fit."

"No, but it has affected your ability to participate in certain things safely."

"I think I should be allowed to try. If I can't do it, then I will go back to the study hall, but I've been having PT, I'm stronger than three quarters of the kids in my class."

He eyed me and I could practically see him weighing the pros and cons in his head, wondering what kind of battle I, or my parents, would wage if he said no. I ignored the trophies on his bookshelves and the scattered knickknacks and papers on his desk and returned his stare evenly and confidently.

On the inside, I was a nervous wreck.

"Let me talk to the Mr. Foote and see what we can do."

I sighed. It wasn't what I had been hoping for but it wasn't a definite no either. "Okay. I can bring in a note from my PT if you want."

"Let's see what Mr. Foote says, what he has planned for the rest of the year and go from there, okay?"

"Yes. Thank you," I said quietly. Backing my chair up from his desk, I turned it around and pushed myself out. After going around the desk, I reached for the door, but it opened before I could grab the handle.

"How'd it go?"

"Okay, I guess. He said he needs to talk to Mr. Foote first, but he didn't say no yet."

"Ass," Jasper said, frowning at the office door.

"You should go to class. I have to go use the bathroom anyway. I'll meet you after gym?"

"Sounds good. Be safe…"

"See ya…"

Winking, he turned and jogged down the hall toward the gym and I headed for the nearest restroom. Pushing the heavy door open, I entered and wheeled past the urinals to the end where the handicapped stall was. I went inside and turned to lock the door only to find the lock missing. The slider was completely gone and the rest of it was hanging by one loose screw.

"Fuck," I growled, slamming the door shut, only to watch it bang and swing open again. "God fucking damn it."

I tried to close it again, but there was about an inch gap. There wasn't enough time to go down the hall to find another bathroom, so without a choice, I moved to the toilet, my knees pressed up against it as I reached around to my backpack. My mom had ordered a wheelchair bag online to make it easier to carry my books around. Resting against the back of my chair, it hung on the handles and was big enough to hold my books and a few catheter kits.

Grabbing a kit, I laid it on my lap while I unzipped my jeans. Pulling out my flaccid dick, I put the rubber gloves on and opened the iodine swipe. After cleaning the head of my cock, I threw the wipe in the toilet and then broke the seal on the tubing. Holding myself in one hand, I squeezed the slit opened and pushed the tubing inside, slowly easing it up the urethra to my bladder. When the urine started, I stopped and let it empty into the bag.

I hadn't heard the bathroom door open, or the footsteps of someone in the room with me. It wasn't until the stall door swung open that I realized it wasn't alone.

"Oh, hey, shit, sorry, man," Newton stuttered, his eyes wide as they dropped to my dick in my hands and the tube filled with piss coming out of it.

"Do ya fucking mind?" I growled at him when he didn't seem to be leaving.

"Oh, yeah, sorry," he said slowly, taking a step back and letting the door go. Without closing it, it remained about half way open.

"Fuck," I mumbled, pulling the tube out an inch or so until it drained what was left in my bladder. When the bag was full, I tore the top off and poured it into the toilet and then swiped my dick with iodine again. Shoving myself back into my pants, I zipped them up and then flushed the toilet. Turning, I left the stall and tossed the kit and my gloves into the trash can by the sinks before pushing up to a sink and washing my hands.

Newton was leaning against the wall.

"Sorry," he said again, eyeing me curiously. "What were you doing in there?"

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "Translating Latin," I deadpanned, but when he looked confused, I clarified. "It's a catheter. It's what I have to use to go to the bathroom now."

"Oh. Um…the other stalls are disgusting and one doesn't flush."

"You could have knocked."

"I didn't think anyone was in here. You could have locked it?"

"It's broken."

"Damn, guess I better run down to the ones in the south hall." He stood up and headed for the door. Holding it open for me, he waited for me to pass him before he headed down the hall. "See ya, Cullen."

I pushed by the students gathering books and jackets from lockers on their way out the buses or cars, the crowds thinned as I wheeled my way to the gym. By the time I met Jasper, I was raging. He smiled as approached until he saw the scowl on my face.

"What's wrong?"

His entire demeanor changed in seconds, his relaxed shoulders stiffened, his face hardened and his eyes narrowed. Just seeing his protectiveness flare up so instantly for me eased my anger. After glancing around, he kneeled in front of me when I stopped.

"I went to the bathroom just outside the office the stupid fucking door was missing the lock so I couldn't shut the damn thing and then when I was in middle of using the catheter, fucking Newton walked in on me. Just when I start to feel the slightest bit normal, something fucks it up."

"Fuck. Sorry, baby. Did he see anything?"

"Yeah, my dick in my hand, the tube in it and the fucking bag with my piss in it. What he goes around telling everyone?" I sighed and closed my eyes, letting him take the frustration from me. It like conduction, only not of energy or heat.

"He won't," Jasper guaranteed, standing.

"Jasper," I warned.

"What?" he asked innocently.

It would do no good to tell him what to do; he wouldn't listen to me anyway. His stubborn streak was in good company with his selective hearing.

"Come on, let's get you home," he said, starting down the hall. I swear if I listened close enough, I would hear the wheels spinning in his head as he thought about what to do. I followed him, pushing quickly enough to catch up to him, then side by side we went to his truck. He lifted me into it and put my chair in the back before he got in and started it up.

"Fucking cold," he complained, rubbing his hands together. I turned the heat on and aimed the vents at him. "Thanks, baby."

He drove us to my house and then helped me out of the truck, making sure to wipe it from of the flurried snowflakes that were falling. We went up the ramp and into the house, my mother calling out the second the door opened.

"Emmett called, he can't make it today, but he said you'd know what to do," she told me, wiping her hands on a towel. "Staying for dinner, Jasper?"

"No, ma'am. Mom's home tonight, she's cooking."

"Tell her I said hi," she said, disappearing back into the kitchen.

"Want to help me work out?"

"Sure," he said, following me into the dining room.

He'd seen me lifting some weights, but he hadn't seen the transformed dining room yet.

"Holy shit," he chuckled, walking around it. "Quite the difference."

He picked up a few weights, and set them back down, continuing around the room. When he reached the parallel bars, he raised an eyebrow at me and I shrugged.

"They're optimistic."

Smiling, he moved the pulley stand and looked it over.

"Pretty cool. Too bad we didn't have this shit last summer when we were trying to get ready for basketball and cross country."

"Six months too late," I replied. He set his backpack down and sat on the edge of the bench.

Opting for no music instead of Emmett's CD, I went over the dumbbells and began the simple exercises first. Jasper watched me, occasionally smirking as he watched my arms flex or my chest heave as I got out of breath. We chatted as I worked my way through the assigned exercises.

"So what should we do this weekend?"

"I don't know, the usual?" I watched my arm, making sure my form was correct, but out of the corner of my eyes I saw Jasper's face fall a bit. "What's wrong?"

He shrugged slightly. "I don't know, I was just thinking where's it's kind of special, we could do something different."

_Kind of special?_

I set the weight down and switched arms, the entire time trying to figure out what the hell he meant. It wasn't our anniversary, it wasn't either of our birthdays or a holiday.

"You don't know what it is, do you?"

Even if I had lied, he would have known, so I shook my head.

"Saturday is Valentine's Day."

"Seriously?"

He chuckled but nodded. "Time flies."

"I…with…all that's…."

"Babe, I know. Don't worry about it. So what should we do? Dinner? Movie? Both?"

"Surprise me," I offered.

"Deal."

He continued to assist me in my workout, even counting out a few reps for me and bitching at me when I said I wanted to skip the last set.

I did the last set.

"You're hot," he smiled.

"Well, yeah, I'm working out."

"No, I mean you're _hot_."

My eyes shot to his and then fell to his lips when he licked them.

"I'm done."

We couldn't get to my room fast enough, and after moving my chair in front of the closed and locked door, Jasper lifted me to my bed and then we made out for a half an hour before doing our homework.

The moment Jasper left, I began panicking. Valentine's day, a day for lover's to celebrate, was in three days and I had nothing to give Jasper. No gift or card, and no way to go get one. I couldn't exactly go to my mother and ask her to give me a ride to the mall so I could get my boyfriend a present. Even if I asked to go for another reason, she might get suspicious when I went into the gift store and looked at stuffed teddy bears or sexy boxer briefs. If Saturday came and I was giftless, I knew Jasper would understand, he would smile and tell me it was okay, but he deserved so much better than a whispered apology.

My savoir deserved more.

My superhero deserved more.

My boy deserved something thoughtful and loving.

"Damn," I mumbled, throwing my book down onto my bed. The spot on the blanket next to me was still warm from his body, and I rolled onto my side and inhaled the remains of his scent. Dropping my head onto the bed, I wracked my mind with ideas on what I could get Jasper that wouldn't involve me asking my parents.

When "I Want You" began playing on the stereo, I smiled into my rumpled blanket. I could practically feel him there, his breath on my neck as he moved his lips over me, his hands on my sides as he grasped me. I knew from the way he moved next to me, rutting his hips into my thigh, and the way he moaned that he was aroused. Although I still hadn't dared to move my hands below his waist. Even though I knew he was hard, feeling it would have just reminded me of what I could no longer do.

No longer have.

We were slowly reacquainting ourselves with a new intimacy and a new way of learning how our bodies worked, but I knew Jasper wanted more. He was eager to feel my hands on his body, he was eager for more than just kissing.

Maybe there _was_ something I could get him for Valentine's Day. Transferring myself back to my chair, I went to my computer. I started it and opened up a browser. Looking over my shoulder to make sure the door was shut, I went to a site I had bookmarked and then angled the laptop so if someone walked in they wouldn't be able to see the screen. The page loaded, one by one the images of naked men in various positions filled the screen and I swallowed. It'd been months since I'd been on the site. I hadn't felt the need because I had my very own boy to play with, but there had been a few nights when I had been curious.

And horny.

I glanced around at the different men, wondering what would happen if I watched them. Clicking on a sample video, I muted the sound and watched two men, one a lanky blonde and one a husky brunette. They had barely kissed before one was almost bent in half while the other was rimming him. Biting my lip, I looked up at my door before quickly returning my eyes to the screen. They had changed position and one was now blowing the other. I watched the lanky one's cock slide in and out of his lover's mouth. I remembered what it had felt like to have Jasper's dick in my mouth, the salty way he tasted, the musky scent of his balls when my nose was buried in them.

"Jesus," I groaned.

By the time they were actually fucking, my heart was racing and my breaths were short and quick. Mesmerized, I watched them continue to fuck, one slamming into the other while the bottom jerked himself off.

I was excited.

I was scared.

Sex, fucking, making love, all that shit that they were doing, that everyone else was doing, was not possible for me, and even if it was, it wouldn't be like it would have been before the accident. I was afraid of not being enough of, of Jasper wanting so much more than I could give him. I knew he would go slow, fuck, we went slow when I wasn't in a wheelchair, but I wanted to show him how much I desired him.

Even if I could never actually have him.

Hesitantly, I lowered my hand from the desk to my thigh, letting it rest on my jeans as I watched the men. They had switched positions and the bottom was then on his back, silently begging for more. My fingers twitched and I moved them a fraction of an inch toward my crotch. Not letting my attention stray from the video, I concentrated on their asses and the close up the lanky guy's cock as he pumped his partner. These were the types of things that would have had me hard in seconds before the accident. Hell, I probably would have already jerked off and be cleaning up. But it had been different then.

I had been whole.

Not broken and battered and crippled.

Slowly, my fingers worked their way toward my dick until the tips of them were almost touching it. Gulping, I watched the bottom man spray his cum all over his chest.

I imagined Jasper with creamy cum all over his tanned chest.

"Shit," I whispered. "Fucking hot."

Feeling brave, certain that that last image would have me hard as steel, I moved my fingers the last few centimeters and finally brushed them over my cock.

I was limp

Flaccid.

Soft.

I was anything but hard.

Even after watching twenty minutes of guys fucking, imagining it was me and Jasper, I wasn't anywhere near hard. Just the opposite actually.

I exited the browser and then shut down my computer. Sighing, I closed my eyes.

The one thing I'd hoped for since my accident was that I'd still be able to have an erection. It was bad enough that I couldn't walk, run, or play basketball, but not being able to get hard at seventeen…

There would be no present for Jasper on Valentine's Day.

Resigned and depressed, I went to the bathroom and emptied my bladder before bed. As I sat there with my soft cock in my hand, I looked at it and wondered how Jasper could ever be attracted to me again. I couldn't get hard, I had to piss through a tube, and use my fingers to shit. I was about as broken as someone could get. The darkness that had shrouded me for weeks following my accident hovered around me, just waiting to pounce, waiting for the weak moment that I let it back in. Whispering into my ear, it offered to protect me from heartbreak, to keep me safe from Jasper's rejection. It reminded me that my feelings couldn't get hurt if I didn't have them to begin with, if I pushed him away first.

The darkness promised to keep me alone.

Clenching my eyes shut, I imagined Jasper, they way he had kneeled naked before me in the shower, vowing to stay with me no matter what. I saw him in my bedroom, his head on my lap, his hands gripping me as he promised to stand by my side. In my head, I saw the relief in his eyes and tears when I said I wanted my life back.

While the darkness ran its feathery fingertips over my shoulders, readying to grab and yank me back in, I forced my mind to Jasper.

His smile.

His voice.

His hands.

His eyes.

His love.

"No," I whispered, shaking my head. I had faith in my boy, in his words.

I had to.

It was the only thing that was going to save me.

It was with a frustrated sigh that the darkness skittered away, murmuring of its promise of return soon enough.

Feeling a bit stronger, I tore the bag opened and emptied it into the toilet before cleaning up and brushing my teeth. Back in my room, I got into bed and changed, surprised when my phone buzzed on the table.

_Hey beautiful_

I was depressed as fuck, but I couldn't help but smile. Before I could reply, he sent another.

_I've heard you're kinda hot. True?_

_Totally true. _I replied.

_We should hook up. Say tomorrow morning at seven?_

_Sounds like a plan. I'll be the one in the chair. _

_A man with wheels *swoon*_

I actually laughed. He was such a dork, but he was my dork.

_Hey baby?_

_Yeah?_

_I liked tongue fucking you tonight._

Even when he was home, probably lying on his bed just like I was, he knew exactly what to say and when I needed to hear it. I swear he wore tights and cape under his everyday clothes.

_Me too. Are you in bed?_

_Why, Mr. Cullen, are you trying to seduce me?_

_Always. Is it working?_

_Always. Get some sleep my beautiful boy. I'll pick you up at seven. _

_You too, love. _

_Be safe, baby._

_See ya soon, love._

Valentine's Day was in a few days and I had nothing to give the boy who had saved me, who had clung to me, refusing to let me go no matter what. For the boy who would willingly follow me anywhere, even into the darkness.

I stared at the three words he had said to me countless times. Lifting a finger, I traced each letter, feeling the meaning behind such simplistic lines, remembering a time when I'd been able to meet his needs with ease.

They phrases had been our parting words since our first Valentine's Day together the year before. Jasper had showed up with his Star Wars DVDs, prepared for one of many the Star Wars marathons in our relationship. The weekend before we had watched episodes one, two and three, and that weekend were four, five and six.

"Ew, I thought you told me that was his sister?"

"She is," he shrugged.

"She's kissing him," I exclaimed, shocked. "What kind of perverted movie do you have me watching?"

He laughed so hard he shook the bed. We were lying side by side on our stomachs, our feet tangled together and our shoulders pressed against each other. Jasper was in his element, his eyes glazed over as he watched "The Empire Strikes Back" on the television in my room. We were supposed to be watching it to educate me, but I paid more attention the boy beside me than what was happening between the Rebels and the Empire.

"But she doesn't know that's her brother," he said, making an excuse for the incestuous kiss. "She really loves Han."

"But they don't even like each other."

"They do, they are just suppressing their feelings."

"Opposites attract and shit?"

"Exactly."

"Just like us. Beauty," I pointed to myself, "and the beast," I finished, pointing to him.

He rolled his eyes, but never took them off the screen as the Rebels prepared for an attack on Hoth. It was in great detail that Jasper told me everything that was happening.

"Okay, so now Vader knows where they are because of the droids, so he sends down the snow troopers and Imperial Walkers."

"Don't you mean storm troopers?" I asked smugly, proud of my knowledge. He sighed and dropped his head to the mattress.

"No, they're snow troopers, baby. Trained to fight in arctic conditions."

"Oh, right. I knew that," I lied.

"Of course, the Rebels are evacuating and only have a certain time to get out while the Ion Canon fires a deflection blast at the Star Destroyers so the transport ships can make it past them and into hyperdrive."

I watched Luke slice through the bottom of the one of the robot monster things as he dangled from a wire.

"Is there anything a lightsaber won't cut through?"

"Yeah, another lightsaber," he answered quickly.

Rolling to my side, I propped my head up on my elbow and stared at him. Absently, he fed the popcorn into his mouth from the bowl in front of him.

Not even noticing the shift in my position, he continued. "Don't forget Luke had the vision of Obi, and after this battle, he's going to head to the Dagoba System."

"Should I be taking notes?" I asked, quirking a brow at him.

"Yeah, you should, asshole," he smiled, finally turning to me. Our eyes met for the first time in almost and hour, but they didn't stay there long. His dropped to my lips.

Which I licked just for him.

"The movie…" I said as he leaned toward me.

"Fuck the movie," he whispered and pressed his lips to mine. I rolled onto my back, taking him with me, our mouths pressed urgently together. Lying flush on top of me, his hips instinctively began to grind against mine. Lifting his head, he gazed down at me, supporting his weight on his elbows on either side of my head, his fingers buried deep in my hair. "Parents?"

"Out…dinner…movie," I replied breathlessly as I craned my head up to lick a wet stripe along his throat, pleased with the moan he gave me.

"Alice?"

"Don't know, don't care," I answered, frantically grasping at the bottom of his tee shirt and pulling it up. "Off," I demanded.

He submitted, sitting back on my thighs and yanking shirt off over his head and throwing it to the floor.

"Your turn."

He tugged on the hem of my tee shirt. Lifting my upper body off the bed, I let him slide my shirt up and over my arms and head. After tossing it on the floor, he remained straddling me and placed his hands on my chest, rolling his hips forward seductively. Watching his face, I reached up and unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, opening the flaps before palming his growing erection.

"Fuck," he moaned, lolling his head back on his shoulders and rocking his hips forward.

I needed more of…everything.

"Take your clothes off," I suggested daringly. His head snapped up and he stopped moving on me.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'll fucking blockade the damn door if I need to."

Smiling, he climbed off me and shimmied his jeans over his hips, letting them fall to the floor. I followed him off the bed, making sure my door was shut tightly, twisting the lock before sliding my desk chair in front of it. When I turned around, Jasper was standing in his boxer briefs.

His Star Wars boxer briefs.

"Luke is on your cock," I said, pointing to his crotch.

"Actually it's Han."

"Should I be jealous?"

"He's been on my cock all day and hasn't made me feel like you did in less than two seconds."

Satisfied, and definitely not jealous, I smirked.

"Now get on the fucking bed," he growled.

Obeying, I crawled on the bed, lying flat on my back. Without a word, he reached down and undid my jeans, forcefully pulling on them until I lifted my ass off the bed and let him slide them down my legs. He wasted no time before doing the same thing to my underwear. Lying completely naked before him, I didn't once feel vulnerable. I knew he would never hurt me; he would protect me from anything. Hooking his thumbs into his own briefs, he pulled them down his legs and stepped out of them.

"C'mere," I murmured, holding my hand out for him.

He ignored my hand, but climbed onto the bed, straddling my hips again. Resting on my thighs, he reached down and took our erections into his hand, stroking them both slowly.

"Fuck," I groaned, pressing my head into the mattress and trying to lift up my hips.

"Feel good," he said as he released us both. Bringing his hand to his mouth, he licked his palm a few times before dropping his chin to his chest and spitting onto our cocks. Freshly lubed, he took them in his fist again and began a steady pace. The feeling of his moist, velvet skin sliding along my own was intense and within a few strokes, I was begging him to slow down and stop or go faster and never stop.

"Please…more…stop…close…don't stop…" I babbled uselessly.

He wouldn't listen anyway. When it came to sex, even though I had more experience, Jasper usually took control. He had kissed me first, touched my cock first, gave me a hand job first.

Watching me with lusty blue eyes, he let us go once more, and then gripped only my cock in his fist.

"Want me to make you come, baby?"

He teased me with his stroke, fast and powerful until I was sitting on the edge of my climax, then slow and loose until my orgasm had retreated into my body. With one hand on my cock, his other rubbed my chest, stopping to tweak my nipples, flicking the hard buds with his thumb before running a finger along my collarbone and into my hair.

"Come…yes…make me," I rattled, writhing beneath him.

"You sound like Yoda," he chuckled before tugging my hair. "Look at me."

Forcing my eyes open, I looked up at him, along the flat planes of his abdomen and chest to his lips and finally his eyes. I ran my hands up his thighs, briefly digging my nails into his hips before continuing up his chest to his nipples. A slight sheen of sweat covered his heated skin and I licked my lips with the desire to run my tongue along the curve of his pecs and taste him. Crouching behind Jasper's teasing, my orgasm sat just out of my reach. Jasper seemed to know how to bring it out of hiding before shoving it away again. Over and over, I reached the peak, only to have him not let me cross it. Fluid leaked liberally from the slit and his thumb swiped over the head of my cock, gathering some to spread around.

"Oh, fuck," I groaned, thrashing my head side to side at the sensation of his lubed fist gliding along me.

"So responsive," he moaned. "Fucking hot."

"Please, love, please….need it so bad," I begged, fucking pleaded with him to let me go, to bring me the pleasure only he could.

"Need what so bad, baby?"

"You," I gasped honestly.

That answer seemed to please him and his grip finally tightened around my cock, his pace increased steady and confidently. His other hand left my hair and grazed my overly sensitive torso before I felt sneak it between our bodies and fondle my balls. Dropping both hands to my bed, I fisted my blanket desperately.

"Please, please…please…" The words streamed from me, one after the other until they were almost all one never ending word. My body was unraveling nerve by nerve, each reading to explode as the tingling low in my belly began to earnestly spread across my groin and up my spine. It was right_ there_.

I just needed one more thing.

"Come for me," he requested.

And I did.

It was in his touch, and for him, that I came completely and utterly undone.

The spark of my climax was ignited and the sweet fire grew, rushing throughout my body. Jerking in his hand, my cock erupted, shooting my load of cum in thick streams onto my stomach and chest. Spasms wracked my entire body, my back lifting off the bed as I released a strangled cry followed quickly by his name over and over.

Along with a few obscenities.

He continued to stroke me through it, until my cock was sated in his grasp and my body was weak under him. Through heavy lids and a foggy bliss, I looked up at him. He dropped my cock and brought his hand up to his mouth, his tongue lapping my cum from between his fingers. Still in a haze, I blindly reached for him, grasping for any part of him. I found purchase when my fingers felt the silky waves that tumbled loosely around his face.

"Yes," I murmured reverently as the strands slipped through my fingers. "Up here," I said, digging my nails into his hips, his ass smearing my cum as he slid up my body until his knees were nestled on either side of my chest. "Touch yourself for me. I want to watch you."

It was time for me take control, tease him like he had me.

Only we both knew he wouldn't last long.

There was nothing I enjoyed more than watching Jasper stroke himself. I had never been able to figure out why it was so fucking hot to watch him pump his own cock. Perhaps it was the sounds he made, or the sight of his complete abandon, or the way he wantonly touched himself.

Taking his cock into his hand, he wrapped his fingers skillfully around its length, his eyes never leaving mine. Green met blue in a gaze of desire and need. Looking at him was everything, completing me in every way and yet, I always wanted more. Within a few strokes, his head had fallen back between his shoulders, his Adam's apple jutting out when he released a long, throaty moan. Drops of his precum fell from his cock onto my chest and I shuddered. Slowly, almost begrudgingly, my eyes left his face and caressed his shoulders and chest, traced the lines of his abs, finally resting on the motion of his hand as it pumped his cock enthusiastically.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked huskily.

With great effort, he lifted his head and then quickly dropped his chin to his chest, his eyes immediately falling to meet mine. Long lashes spread over flushed skin as he watched me through them.

"Whatya think?" he tried to chuckle but it came out of a gasp.

"I don't know," I teased. "Tell me."

His brows furrowed in concentration as his mind tried to focus on forming coherent words, and not on the pleasure his body was receiving. While one hand worked his cock, his other reached lower to his sac, gently pulling on the skin. The sexy, potent scent in the air was matched only by the sounds Jasper was making. As hard as we tried to be quiet when we were in the house, and unrestrained Jasper was loud, his cries and moans the hottest things I'd ever heard.

"You suckin' me," he panted, drifting into his former drawl.

"More," I requested, my own high having faded from my body, I was ready to share his.

Never breaking eye contact, he continued between shallow breaths. "Your lips…on my cock…sucking hard…deep throating…so tight…" He lost his train of thought when he felt my thump press down on the slit of his cock. "OH FUCK!" he cried out, his hips thrusting forward, his entire body stilling for a second.

Sweat ran down his body, his lips were parted with passion, his dampened hair was sticking to his face and I'd never seen a more naturally beautiful sight.

I told him exactly that.

"My beautiful boy," I sighed, moving my hands to his ass, I pushed him even further up my body until his cock was within reach of my mouth. "Come on my face."

Wide blue eyes watched as my tongue came out and flickered along the head of his cock. My words combined with the wet touch of my tongue unglued my boy and his body heaved as his orgasm rallied inside him.

"Oh, Jesus, oh fuck," he grunted through clenched teeth, and I closed my eyes.

Jasper's orgasm hit him hard, his cock pulsing twice before releasing onto my face. Warm, milky cum painted my cheeks and forehead as his hand stopped and his hips took over, bucking into his slick fist. Opening my eyes, they darted from his cock, to his face, undecided which to watch.

"Fuck, Jesus, fuck…" he mumbled and I found my gaze dropping to his cock, the reddened, flared head shiny with cum. With a tight fist, he choked his shaft, squeezing out every last drop of his climax while spasms quaked his body. Finally releasing himself, he held his fingers to my mouth. Lifting my head, I parted my lips and let his fingers slide between them. Sucking on them, I tasted Jasper, bitter and salty and strong.

"Mmm, like that, baby? Like how I taste?"

I nodded, his fingers still in my mouth, and I gave them one last lap of my tongue before letting them slip from me. Slowly he dragged his saliva dampened forefinger down my chin and along my jaw, trailing a string of cum with it.

"We should get cleaned up," I suggested, but made no effort to move. Instead, I took his hands in mine, entwining our fingers tightly.

"Yeah, we should," he agreed, remaining on top of me. He began to ride me, his softening cock drawing lines on my chest with the fluid still leaking from his slit. Rocking his hips back and forth, he moaned. Enthralled, I watched his cock move along my skin.

Suddenly getting cleaned up seemed much less important.

We stayed like that for some time. Holding hands while he straddled me. Words were whispered and breaths were shared between languid kisses. If the time had stopped right then, I would have been happy for the rest of my life, because there was no where I would have rather been. Perhaps being surrounded by the wildflowers and fresh scent of pine instead of blue paint and the sound of the movie in the background would have been more romantic, but in the end, where I was didn't matter.

It was who I was with.

When I was old and looked back on our time together, I know I would have forgotten the Valentine's Day we spent in my room watching movies, but I had no doubt I would remember how I felt that day. How he had made me feel so wanted and loved.

I don't know which one of us moved first, but the moment was broken and Jasper gingerly climbed off him, his legs slightly unsteady as he stood. After wiping my face with a dirty tee shirt, I put on a pair of sweatpants and bolted across the hall to the bathroom where I cleaned up before bringing Jasper a damp towel.

We finished watching the movie, Jasper easily falling back into the role of tutor in all things Star Wars. He finished off the popcorn and I went to get more, almost skipping with joy to the kitchen and back. It seemed it was hours later that the movie was over and Jasper and I sat on my bed. He had redressed in his jeans and tee shirt, but I had stayed in my sweatpants.

"It's Valentine's Day," he mumbled, handing me a small box wrapped in shiny pink paper.

"A present?"

He sighed and raised an eyebrow.

"What is it?"

For some reason, he just started laughing.

"What?"

"Nothing, just open it."

"Always so demanding," I scoffed even as I eagerly unwrapped the box. Inside was a pewter circle with an etching of a man on it. He appeared to be dressed in a toga and carrying a staff of some sort with leaves or flowers at the end of it. He had long curly hair and a beard. Behind him there was a sun or a moon. Carefully, as if it would break, I picked it up and ran my thumb over the image. "It's neat. Who is it?"

"Saint Christopher."

"Do we know him?"

"Not personally. He is the patron saint of drivers."

When I lifted the disk from the box, I realized it was actually a keychain. Jasper had bought me a keychain with the patron saint of drivers on it.

"Well, he's definitely not sexy, but if he'll keep me safe…" I chuckled and leaned toward him. "Thank you, love. It's perfect."

"Welcome," he mumbled as our lips met. "I just want you to be safe for me."

"Always," I promised without doubt.

"I suppose you want your present now?"

"Hell yeah."

I reached down beside my bed and pulled out the bear I had shoved under there.

"Close your eyes." He did and I sat the bear in his lap. "Okay, open."

A grin plastered on his face as he lifted the bear to look at it. It was about a foot tall, covered in blond, soft, curly hair, he had big brown sparkling eyes, small ears and in his paws he was holding a bright red heart with the word love written on it in an elegant script. It was corny and cheesy and irresistible, and I knew he would love it.

"Oh my God, I love it," he sighed. "It has my name on it." He traced the word. "Well, my nickname anyway."

"And I thought the fur was almost the color of your hair."

"He's awesome, thank you." Holding the bear in his hands, he kissed me, long and tender. "I got you something else too."

"You did?"

"Yeah, it's small though." He reached into his backpack beside the bed and pulled out a smooshed cupcake. "Chocolate with coconut flakes on top." Handing it to me, he grinned. I ignored the red frosting that was stuck to the plastic I peeled off it. Taking the candy from the center of it, I popped it into my mouth and chewed it before biting into the cupcake.

It actually wasn't bad. Jasper at least partially knew his way around a kitchen.

"Delicious," I mumbled with my mouth full. Tilting his head, he watched me devour his present.

"Happy Valentine's Day," he whispered.

"Happy Valentine's Day," I returned just as quietly. With one last lick of my lips, I kissed him and shared the frosting that was left on my tongue. When held hands and talked until it was time for him to leave. I watched him with a longing as he shoved his feet into his sneakers and pulled on his track sweatshirt.

"Don't forget your movies."

"You can keep them for now."

"Will there be a quiz?" I smirked.

"Most definitely," he answered, hoisting his back onto his shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yep. I'll pick you up for school."

"It's supposed to ice tonight, so be careful driving tomorrow. Be safe, baby."

"I will. See ya soon, love."

The door closed behind him and I picked up the keychain, flipping it over. I hadn't noticed the engraving on back before.

_Be safe._

Sitting back against my headboard, I smiled at Saint Christopher, wondering if he would in fact, keep me as he promised.

And so the tradition of our parting words had begun with a keychain and a desire to not be apart for one second, much less one night.

I turned off my light and pulled my blanket up over my legs. Closing my eyes, I smiled at the memory.

The next morning, after showering and going my bathroom routine, I got dressed and headed to the kitchen. Alice was in there already, toasting her bagel and putting one in for me before I could even ask. As of only a few days before the, the kitchen was finally complete. There were a few cosmetic changes, like painting and some new cupboard doors, that needed to be done, but I was able to access just about everything in the kitchen from my chair. The cupboards underneath the sink had been removed so that I could pull my chair right up to it, and if needed to cut anything, I could pull out a cutting board that slid into a slot under the sink. A new refrigerator with the freezer on the bottom had been installed as well as a new microwave that sat on the counter and not above the stove. Between the oven and the counter where the toaster sat was a lowered portion that only held the stovetop, all four burners and buttons easy for me to reach. My mother had reorganized the dishes and food along with other things that I would use often so that they were in the bottom cupboards.

Alice was spreading cream cheese on hers when I saw her glance around us. Then she leaned toward me.

"So what are you getting Jasper for Valentine's Day?" she whispered with a smile.

As odd as it felt to discuss my love life with my sister, it felt strangely natural.

"I have no idea. I can't go anywhere."

She frowned. "I'd drive you if I could."

_Drive._

"I know, thanks."

She nodded and took a bite of her bagel. "Edward, I know Jasper. He's not going to care that you don't have a present, you know that right?"

My bagel popped and I reached up and put it on a plate before spreading some cream cheese on it. "Yeah, I know, but I still wanted to get him something."

"So," she began, turning she lifted herself to sit on the counter, "if you could get him anything at all, what would it be?"

Taking a bite, I thought for a few seconds. "Something meaningful, something unique, just from me."

"You could give him a bl-"

"Alice!"

She shrugged and hopped off the counter. "Just find something that means something to you both. Music, a movie, write him a letter."

There was a knock on the door and without waiting for an answer, Jasper opened it and came inside. "Hello?"

"In here," I called out. He turned the corner, a bright smile on his face, but his cheeks flushed when he saw Alice looking at him knowingly.

"Oh, hi," he greeted, keeping his eyes off hers. He was still embarrassed about the crush thing, and her knowing that when she wasn't around, his tongue was down my throat.

"I still think my original idea is what he wants the most," she said to me, but her eyes low on Jasper's body. "I gotta go, see ya this afternoon. Bye, Jasper."

"Bye."

She left and Jasper put a bagel in the toaster. "Think your mom would buy me the cinnamon raisin ones? Not a fan of the multi-grain."

"Add it to our list on the fridge." Turning, he added his request to the list in his messy scrawl, sure to confuse my mother when she saw it.

"Where is your mom anyway?"

"I think she drove my dad to work, his car is in the shop for a few things."

_Drove._

"Good thing I could drive you today, ready to go?" he asked as his bagel popped.

_Drive._

"Yep."

We went to school and I sat though six hours of classes, but my mind always wandered to Jasper and what to get him. Blowjobs aside, Alice had given me solid advice, it was just a matter of coming up with something that would work. Newton saw me calculus class and did nothing but nod his acknowledgement. There was nothing mentioned of what he'd walked in on, and I didn't hear anyone whispering rumors about Cullen sticking a tube in his dick. After school, Jasper drove us home, hanging out with me in the living room and playing X-Box on the big screen television. My mother cooked dinner, which Jasper stayed for, and as we all sat around the table, my father informed us of their plans for the next day.

"You're mother and I were thinking of going out tomorrow night," he said to me and Alice. "Will you two be okay here alone?"

"Sure."

"We won't be alone, I'm sure Jasper will be here," Alice quipped and my father looked at me. "I'm sure he'll take care of Edward."

I thought Jasper was going to spew his milk all over the table at those words and he began coughing.

"You okay, son?"

Jasper nodded, his eyes tearing up from the coughing.

"We'll be fine, Dad. Just going to hang out."

"What if something happens?" my mother challenged.

"Esme, they've been home alone before."

"Mrs. Cullen, I know how to dial nine-one-one and I have your cell number, but everything will be fine. Go out and have some fun," Jasper reasoned with her, dazzling her with his bright smile and honest eyes. She blinked a few times before glancing at my father and nodding.

"Great, I'll make the plans."

After dinner, Jasper helped clear the table and then said he needed me to show him something my room.

Alice rolled her eyes at his flimsy excuse, but I followed him down the hallway. Once in my room he bent over and kissed me.

Really fucking hard.

"Been waiting all fucking day for that," he mumbled, satisfied. "I should go though. Got to get my dad's truck back, he's driving to Seattle tomorrow to check out a potential client."

_Driving._

"I'll be here by lunch. I've got something special planned for us."

"You do?"

My heart sank, Jasper was planning something special and I couldn't even think of a fucking gift.

"Yep. You'll see."

With one last kiss, he was at my door.

"Be safe, baby."

"See ya soon, love."

_Be safe._

His words resounded in me and suddenly I knew exactly what to give him.

He'd probably barely made it to the truck before I was opening my door and going down the hall. At the bottom of the stairs, I called out for Alice. Her door opened and I heard her walk toward the stairs.

"Can you come here?" I turned and headed back to my room, knowing she would be too curious not to follow. As soon as I was in my room and spun the chair around, she was there. "Do you know what happened to my keys?"

"Your keys?"

"Yeah, to the Volvo, do you know where they are? I got some stuff back from that night, like my phone, but I didn't get my keys."

"Um, I don't know. I guess they could be in mom's desk."

"Can you go check for me?"

She eyed me but left my room. I had the desire to pace but could only rock my chair back and forth in one spot. Alice returned pretty quickly and with a grin.

"Did you get them?" I asked anxiously.

Holding up her hand, she dangled my keys, jingling them before me. Excited, I reached for them but she snatched them back.

"Uh-uh, not so fast."

"What do you want?" I sighed.

"Leah wants me to go over to her place tomorrow for a little coed party for a few hours. Mom would never let me go, so when they're gone, I go over there, you and Jasper have the place to yourself and we keep each other's secret?"

"Deal," I answered quickly. "On one condition."

"What?"

"That you be safe. Don't drink, don't get into a car with someone that's been drinking, and well, don't let anyone touch you."

Her face softened and she sat on my bed. "Edward, after what happened to you, I don't ever want to drive, and I certainly won't ever get into a car when someone's been drinking. As for no guys touching me, that kinda takes the fun out of going."

"Yes or no?"

I really wanted to give Jasper my gift, but I knew he'd understand if I had to sacrifice it to keep Alice safe. She stared at me, challenging me to give in, but I stayed firm.

"Fine. Deal," she huffed, handing me the keys. "Why they so important anyway?"

"They just are," I mumbled as I looked down and ran my thumb over Saint Christopher. "Thanks."

"Anytime," she smiled and left quietly.

Turning my chair, I faced the window and looked out at the pool. Night had fallen and I could barely make out the shed and furniture. I held Saint Christopher tightly in my hand, hoping that Jasper wouldn't be disappointed.

"**~~**"

"We've done the dinner part of the night," he said, pointing to the empty containers of Chinese food on my table. "Now it's time for the entertainment portion of our night. It's like tradition, ya know?" he grinned at me as he pushed the DVD tray in and hit play. "I mean, what's Valentine's Day without Star Wars?"

"Right, because nothing says romance like laser blasts and incest."

"See, I knew you'd agree."

"Why are we starting our marathon with the last one? Shouldn't we start with the first?"

"We never make it through all of them, so we're going backwards this time."

"Oh, because that makes sense." I rolled my eyes.

Jasper had arrived about an hour before, bringing over some takeout Chinese for us and the traditional cupcake for desert. My parents had left shortly after, giving Jasper a list of instructions that made him sound more like my babysitter than my boyfriend. Alice had raced out of the door as soon as they left the driveway. I reminded her of the deal and she promised to be home by ten. Jasper was bouncing up and down as he closed the door.

"Finally alone," he had almost squealed, his jeans sagging on him from the weight he'd lost and his Aerosmith tee shirt riding up as he did a little dance.

After I microwaved some popcorn, Jasper grabbed sodas and we went down my room. I transferred myself to the bed, moving up to the headboard. Toeing off his shoes, he climbed on the bed next to me, placing the bowl of popcorn on my stomach, practically giddy when the familiar music started. I put my arm around his shoulders and he leaned against me, his head on my shoulder as he reached and grabbed a handful of popcorn. Our feet were touching, Jasper's absently rubbing mine. I saw it and stared at it, willing my foot to return the gesture.

Nothing.

Jasper's laugh at something in the movie shook his body and he shoved more popcorn in his mouth.

"This is the life, huh, baby?" he asked, his eyes never leaving the television. "Me, you, Star Wars and popcorn. All the necessities of life." He sighed, happily, content, without a care in the world.

Even though his boyfriend couldn't get hard, could never satisfy him, make him feel wanted or desired.

"Jasper?"

"Hmm?"

_I need you. Don't leave me. Please stay with me._

"Please tell me she isn't going to fuck the big fat guy?"

Laughing, he tilted his head to look at me. "No, she's just his slave…I think." He shuddered and turned back to the movie. Curling his body into mine, he snuggled deeply against me. I felt his warmth seeping through our clothes, I felt his chest rise and fall, and I felt his body tremble when my hand crawled underneath his tee shirt to press against the skin of his lower back.

"Ewoks are just like mini Wookies," I scoffed, feeling rather knowledgeable.

Jasper raised a brow. "You've been studying."

"Every night."

He smiled and then kissed my cheek. "How'd I get so lucky?" he said, almost to himself as he put his head back on my shoulder.

Already he'd been there for a few hours and not once had he mentioned giving me a gift. There were no presents or heart-shaped boxes of chocolate candies anywhere. I held him tightly, running my nose along his hairline, and leaving random kisses along it.

"It won't work."

"What?"

"You're trying to get me to tell you what I got you for Valentine's Day."

"Am not!"

He simply raised an eyebrow and I sighed. "Fine. It would have worked though."

"As your boyfriend, I need to be honest with you. You're investigative skills suck."

"Then save us both some time and just tell me."

"No," he replied with a kiss and smile. I sighed and lay back.

When the popcorn was gone, I put the bowl on my table and handed Jasper his Coke. He gulped it down, his Adam's apple bobbing as he drank and I found myself staring at his throat, its length and color. Leaning over my chest, he put the bottle down and then slowly dragged his arm across me, his fingers deliberately grazing my nipples. My breath hitched and I tensed until his hand was back on his own stomach.

He was teasing me.

It was working.

There was a sudden urge deep inside me, growing from someplace that had lain dormant for too long. I wanted to grab his arms and toss him onto the bed, roll him onto his back and press my body down onto his, pinning him helplessly beneath me.

Of course, as much as I desired it, it was an impossibility.

I tried to focus on the movie, on Jasper next to me, but my eyes kept straying to the drawer of my table and what I knew was inside it. I was anxious, excited, and worried.

"I gotta use the bathroom."

He jumped off the bed and went out my door. While he was gone, I opened the drawer and saw the small box in the corner. I picked it up, closed the drawer and waited until he returned. When he came back in, I closed my fist around the box and watched him get back on to the bed, but before he could lie against me, I opened my hand and held it out to him.

"For you." Grinning, he took it and studied the shiny red wrapping with Santas all over it. "Sorry, we didn't have any Valentine's wrap. At least it's red," I shrugged.

"It's perfect," he replied, tearing at the wrapping. There were no questions, no shaking it, no guessing, just opening. My heart pounded as he tossed the paper aside. I put a hand on his, stopping before he opened the box.

"Wait."

"What's wrong?"

"It's…it's nothing exciting. Maybe even stupid."

He sighed and set the box in his lap before cupping my cheek. "Baby, I don't care if the fucking box is empty, don't you get that it doesn't matter? It only matters that you gave it to me." I smiled and he pulled his hand away. "Can I open it now?"

I had barely nodded and he was picking the box up and pulling the cover off. At first his eyes widened, then his brows furrowed and he looked confused.

"It's Saint Christopher."

"Yes. I'm giving him back to you."

Jasper picked the keychain up, turning it over and smiling when he saw the inscription on the back. Jasper put his finger through the circle and held it up, gazing at it. After Jasper had given the keychain to me the year before, I'd gone online and searched Saint Christopher and found out he wasn't just the patron saint of drivers.

"Edward, why are you giving him back to me? You still need him…"

"Do you know anything about him? Other than he is the patron saint of drivers?" When Jasper shook his head, I explained. "His name was Offero and he was wandering the world when he found a guy who lived by a river. The guy's job was to guide people safely across it. Offero asked to help but instead of guiding the people, he carried them across it. One day, he carried a kid across but the kid's weight crushed him. They got to the other side and the kid told him he was Christ. That the reason he was so heavy was because he bore the weight of the world. Christ baptized Offero Christopher, for Christ bearer, and his patronage was of all things related to travel and people who carry things."

Jasper listened to me intently, his eyes never leaving mine as I spoke, his fingers moving over the silver disc in his hand.

"You carry me," I whispered. "He's your saint now."

"I don't carry you," he denied, shaking his head, almost angry that I would give him that kind of credit. Lowering his eyes, he bit his bottom lip.

"Yeah, you do, love. You carried me up a fucking mountain," I reminded him softly.

"But that was…" he trailed off and sighed.

"Magical."

Lifting his eyes to mine, he nodded.

"You carry my soul every day…in here," I placed my hand on Jasper's heart, "trust me, you carry me."

Leaning forward, he put his hand next to my hip and balanced himself on it as he kissed me. His lips were soft and willing as they moved over mine. Tugging my bottom lip between his teeth, he pulled on it and then immediately soothed it over with a swipe of his tongue. When I darted my own out to meet his, he moaned and pressed against me even more. I tasted salt and butter, and I'd never tasted anything so delicious. Well, at least not since the last time I'd kissed him. Reaching up, I buried one hand in his hair while the other rested beside me on the bed. By the time Jasper pulled way, I found my blanket fisted in my hand.

The things Jasper could to do to me with a simple kiss.

He put his forehead to mine and sighed his popcorn breath over me. Looking into my eyes, deeply and adoringly, he searched and looked and found.

"I love you, Edward," he whispered reverently and without doubt or hesitation.

It was the first time since New Year's Eve that I'd heard those words from him.

"I love you, Jasper," I whispered just as reverently and also without doubt.

It was the first time since New Year's Eve that I'd said those words to him.

I had never meant them anymore than I did then.

There had been moments when I hated Jasper with every fiber in me, moments where I had never wanted to see him again, but in every second of those moments, my love for him had never wavered. As much rage and fury that had sustained my body, there had always been the undercurrent of love and Jasper. He had worn through the emotions on the surface until he reached what was always there.

Grinning, he kissed me again, his relief and love breathing into me with each gasp he took. He moved his body over mine, the movie long forgotten, his attention was devoted to me. When his lips left mine, he moved them along my jaw line and neck, nibbling and biting and driving me crazy. My hands were everywhere on him, unable to get enough of the feeling of his muscles moving under his smooth skin as he began to slowly rock against me. His hand traveled down my side, the heel of his palm resting on my lower abdomen. He put some of his weight on me as he moved himself further up my body. Jumping, I grabbed his hand, yanking it off my stomach. He immediately stopped, and sat up.

"You okay? Did I hurt you?"

"No, no, nothing like that." I was embarrassed and felt my cheeks heating up under his worried stare. "It's just that, well, I was afraid I might have an accident if you put too much pressure on me there."

"Oh, sorry."

"Don't be. It's me, I just don't really want to piss myself, or you," I admitted quietly. "I want to, ya know, be close, but I'm scared."

"How about you go use the bathroom, then you won't have to worry."

"Kinda ruins the moment, doesn't it? 'Hold that thought while I use my catheter'," I mocked myself.

He took my hand and forced me to look at him. "It doesn't ruin anything. If it will make you more relaxed, do it."

He moved to the side so I could grab my chair and pull it to the bed. Moving my legs so my feet were flat on the floor, I grabbed the chair with my hands and stood for a second while I swung my body into the chair and sat down. After picking my feet up by grabbing my pant legs, I put them on the pedals and then headed for the bathroom. It was the first time Jasper and I had really been alone in six weeks, and I was ruining it by having to take a break so I didn't wet myself. Working as fast as I could, I inserted the tube and waited, pleased when I saw the amber fluid start to flow. At least it was going into the bag and not onto my clothes, or worse, Jasper's. Once I was cleaned up, I went back to the bedroom and found Jasper standing by the window, looking out over the backyard. His body was leaner than it had been before my accident, jeans that used to hug his ass now hung loosely on him. Still, his was muscular and tight, his shoulders broad, stretching the tee shirt tight across them. He'd turn the movie off and "Maybe I'm Amazed" was playing softly on my stereo.

Moving my chair up next to him, I followed his gaze to the pool. Realizing I'd returned, he looked down at me and smiled.

"Hey," he murmured.

"Hey. Why'd you turn the movie off?"

He shrugged. "I had the urge to hear our song."

We listened to Paul for a few seconds. "It's beautiful."

"You're beautiful," he replied shyly.

Without asking, he sat on my lap, his long legs bent at the knees and spread lazily as he leaned his back to my chest and put his head on my shoulder. My knees were between his thighs, and his hands rested over mine on the arms of the chair. He sighed heavily, his body rising before relaxing against mine. He weight was heavy, pleasant and warm.

"Now you're carrying me," he chuckled, his fingers lightly running along the backs of my hands. "Remember our first kiss?"

"Of course. Best night of my life," I replied, kissing his cheek.

"Mine too, but…"

"What?"

He lolled his head toward me and brushed his fingers down my cheek. "Every night since then keeps topping it."

Lush lips formed a grateful smile and there was no resisting him. I smashed my lips to his, immediately plunging my tongue into his mouth, seeking out his, surprised when I tasted mint instead of salt. He wrapped an arm up around my neck, fisting the hair on the back of my head to hold me as we kissed. Moving my hands from under his, I put one on his abdomen, right above the waistband of his low slung jeans while the other remained under his. I turned my palm up, entwining our fingers as we deepened the kiss even further. When his mouth left mine and attached to my neck, soft lips languidly sucking the tender skin, I tilted my head to allow him all the room he needed. It was when I released my first long moan that Jasper's hips suddenly lifted off my lap and I pressed him back down to me. He smiled against my neck and began to gently slide his ass long my lap. Had it not been for my hand on his body, I wouldn't have known he was moving. Wanting to taste him again, I moved my hand from his stomach to grab his chin and pull his lips back to mine, drawing him into an erotic, unhurried kiss. Our tongues flickered and teased, moving in and out and around, tasting and exploring skin and lips and mouths we both knew so well. I returned my hand to his hip, easing it under the hem of his tee shirt to rest on his velvet skin and groaning when he responded effortlessly with a sharp buck of his hips.

My boy wanted more.

Ripping his mouth from mine, he let his head fall back onto my shoulder. I saw his slightly parted swollen lips and flushed cheeks and realized he was that way because of me. My heart raced in my chest for him, my fingers trembled with a restrained desire that I was tired of trying to hold back. Releasing his hand, I slid mine under his shirt, finding his nipple and taking it between my thumb and forefinger. A loud moan accompanied the arching of his back as he pleaded for more. Jerking upright, he grabbed the bottom of his shirt and tugged it over his head, dropping it to the ground before lying bare-chested against me. Looking into my eyes, he pushed my hair off my forehead.

"Will you take your shirt off? I want to feel you."

I studied him before nodding. He leaned forward again, bracing his weight on his feet while I pulled my own shirt off behind him, smiling when he groaned as I exposed my chest and arms. The new muscles I had developed from the workouts and pushing the chair bunched under my pale skin. Unable to resist, he turned slightly and ran a hand up my chest and over my collarbone before skimming it along my shoulders and down my strong arms.

"Fucking hot," he murmured before lying back against me and pulling me to him for another lingering kiss.

The lust that had been harnessed for the past week was overpowering us both, refusing to be hidden any longer. My fingers returned to his nipple, twisting and pinching the bud until it was hard and longing for more. Jasper's breaths noticeably quickened and under my other hand, I felt his hips begin to move back and forth. Brushing my fingers through the dusting of blond hair below his naval, I let my pinkie dip under the loose waistband of his jeans and was rewarded with a heavy gasp.

"Please," he whispered, almost absently as his head fell to the side away from me, exposing his neck.

Darting my tongue out, I licked along the pulse in his throat, tasting his skin, his unique flavor of salt and musk and everything else that was my boy. My hand moved over the cordons of sinewy muscle that were defined and tightly wrapped around his abdomen. I knew he was hard, I didn't have to touch his cock to know it was straining against the confines of his jeans, pressing painfully against the zipper. I could tell from his breaths, from the way his eyes rolled into his head, and the way he repeated my name over and over. Turning his head, he kissed me, moaning when he felt me tweak his nipple. I moved my lips along the curve of his shoulder, his muscle quivering in the wake of the kisses I left there. His hips began to move steadily, effectively humping air, his body almost thrashing as I continued to lavish his shoulders with my lips and his nipples with my fingers. There was no keeping his upper body still, he writhed under my touch, his back arching against me, pushing against the hold I had on his chest.

Feeling him like that, so needy, made me feel powerful and in control.

"Baby, please," he begged shamelessly.

Resting my chin on his shoulder, I watched his body, looking down the flat, hard planes of his chest, past the tensing muscles of his abdomen. I saw his pelvis moving, desperately seeking touch of any kind, his ass grinding onto my cock. I wanted to tell him it wouldn't do any good, but I was mesmerized by the seductive movement of his hips as he circled and thrust. The jeans had slid even lower from his motion, his hip bones and the elastic of his briefs both visible above the waistband. Tracing the 'v' of his hips with my eyes, I finally them settle on the one part of him I had been avoiding.

His cock was hard and thick.

Swallowing, I bravely left my fingertips graze over his erection, not surprised when his hips instinctively thrust up, wanting more.

"Oh fuck, Edward… please, more, please," he murmured and I felt something stir deep inside me.

A tingling teased my spine, running down my neck and out my shoulders. It was similar to the excitement I had felt with Jasper many times before, but it was different, focusing on my spine instead of my cock. It was as if he had kissed the nape of my neck, or run his nose through the hair there and had sent a shiver down my back. I noticed small things, like the tips of my ears heating up and the way my fingers felt numb. Beneath the heated skin of his back, my nipples were hard, constantly rubbing against him, and more than once my back arched toward him and his fucking hot body. Turning his head back to me, I saw his lust darkened blue eyes, the facets of ocean and sky merging for a stormy sea of desire. Wantonly, he thrust up into my light touch, his body calling for more, his eyes begging me as much as his words did.

"Please, baby, I need it so bad," he whispered in a hoarse voice.

Opening my hand, I palm his cock, putting enough pressure on it that the zipper was probably leaving indents on his sensitive flesh.

"Oh, fuck, yes," he moaned and began to thrust, his ass rubbing along my cock and thighs.

Had I not been paralyzed, had I been able to feel the friction of his body along mine I would have been hard as rock, my cock pressing eagerly against his ass. The sounds of his throaty groans spurred me on, and I increased the pressure, my heart skipping a beat when he grunted. The rapt look on his face enthralled me, so did the way his cheeks tainted pink and how his eyes kept fluttering closed even as he fought to keep them open to stare at me. The pace of his thrusts increased and I licked along his neck and jaw and shoulder. Using my newfound upper body strength, I kept his writhing body pressed tightly to me, my hand splayed on his chest over his pounding heart. He expelled soft puffs of air with his shallow pants as he maddeningly worked himself against my hand, chasing a release I would never know again.

"Don't stop, baby, please, don't stop," he mumbled before fisting my hair and crushing his mouth to mine in a greedy kiss.

The sensations that had been dancing along my spine increased, the strength of them enticing a shudder throughout my body and I swear he smiled into the kiss. I wanted nothing more than to feel him moving, to feel his ass as it glided along my lap.

I wanted to feel my cock fill with the excitement he gave me.

I wanted to feel like a man.

There were a lot of things I missed, basketball, driving, running with Jasper, but being a man to him was what I missed the most. At seventeen, I would never again know the feeling of his hand on my cock, of his skilled lips embracing my erection, or the way my cock would twitch when he looked at me through wisps of curls over his eyes.

Breaking the kiss, I dropped my forehead to his shoulder. "More than anything, more than walking, I want to _feel_ you," I admitted quietly into his flesh.

His head fell back and he nuzzled his nose along my ear, his breath hot and moist and hungry. "You're hard, baby," he whispered.

I lifted my head and looked at him with wide eyes, not sure I'd heard him right. He nodded, giving me a sexy smirk, and then lifting his hand, he took mine from his chest and put it between our bodies, placing it on my cock.

My hard cock.

It wasn't quite as hard as I would have normally been but it wasn't limp.

Or flaccid.

Or soft.

I was hard for my boy.

"Oh, God," I breathed. I was confused and amazed, I could feel the erection with my hand but I couldn't _feel_ the erection.

"Feel how hard you are for me?" he murmured.

After squeezing myself once, I nodded and removed my hand and put it back on his chest. He hadn't stopped moving, his body still seeking his orgasm, and he was slipping off my lap with each buck of his hips. I kissed him again, a new energy surging through me, the slight tingling had grown to a stronger current, one that I now knew was reaching my cock. Holding him even tighter than before, I encouraged the thrust of his hips, making sure he pressed his ass against me every time, knowing my cock was growing with every brush of his body. Even if I couldn't feel it, it was happening. Somehow Jasper had made it happen.

Jasper's motions lacked rhythm, they were urgent and frantic. They were hot as fuck as his need became carnal and wild. Writhing on me, his chest heaved, his half closed eyes gazed at me. I put more pressure on his cock, almost stroking him open-handed.

"Oh yeah, oh God, oh fuck," he babbled incoherently as he neared his release. I watched in awe as he sat on the edge, wanting to be pushed over, waiting for me to do it. I knew exactly what he needed, but I selfishly withheld it. I wanted to watch what I did to him, how insane I drove him, just a bit longer.

"Please, baby," he said lowly, his eyes dropping to my lips before he moved to kiss me. Our tongues met, my hand pressed, he groaned. Unable to take anymore, he broke the kiss, his hips bucking hard against my hand.

I gave him what he needed.

Moving my mouth to his ear, I sucked on his lobe. "Come for me, love.

"For you, baby," he returned right before his entire body tensed, every muscle stilling.

His orgasm hit him hard, surging through him when the coil low in his belly sprung and released the tension that had been building. Even through the thick material of his jeans, I felt his cock pulse as it emptied warm cum into his briefs. Grunting with each wave and contraction of his body, Jasper lifted his hips into my hand, his cries of ecstasy completely uncontained.

I had made Jasper come, and come hard. I felt…proud.

Finally sated, he collapsed into my arms, his body weak and loose. My hand was still on his cock, and I could feel the wetness beginning to seep through the denim. Ragged breaths gradually slowed as his heart rate eventually returned to normal.

"Jesus," he sighed, a grin plastered on his face. Turning to face me, he kissed me softly. "Happy Valentine's Day, baby."

Then I realized that the present he'd kept guarded all day wasn't a teddy bear or box of chocolates. His present was more thoughtful, something he knew I wanted.

That I _needed_.

Jasper had given me back my sexuality.

Resting my forehead to his, I inhaled the heady scent of his climax and smiled at my beautiful, giving boy who always seemed to know just what I needed and how to give it to me.

"Happy Valentine's Day," I whispered back before drawing him for a long, deep, passionate kiss.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

Some of you may know that Dannie is not currently writing fanfiction. While Dannie didn't write this story with me as she did M&A, she was my personal cheerleader, pre-reader and sounding board. These boys would have never seen the light of day if she hadn't kept telling me it was a story worthy of telling. The words might come from me, but the strength to put them out there came from her. To the person that sent her the email, I hope you're satisfied that your petty issue of jealousy that chased a talented and fun person from the fandom.

Have questions about the boys? Follow me on Twitter theslashawards or visit the M&A thread on Twilighted http:/www DOT twilighted DOT net/forum/viewtopic DOT php?f=44&t=9674

The Big Story is now posted-read here http:/www DOT fanfiction DOT net/s/6652289/1/Big_Gay_Story


	15. Remember I'll Always be True

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N-A lot of you were very happy for Edward, even shedding some tears for his erection (lol) and their first ILYs since the accident. This chapter picks up where that one left off, but we've also got some Jpov on some events that happened in Edward's chapter. Again, I think sometimes we really need to see what the other is thinking, and things like…why _doesn't_ Newton say anything to anyone? What was Jasper thinking at Senior Night? Oh, and I feel guilty this chapter is only 16k…

Thank you to everyone that has read, recommended, reviewed, and learned from this story. Star Wars cookie cutters for you all!

Special thanks to Dannie, who stuck by me for so long with this story, if it wasn't for her encouragement and faith in my writing, they wouldn't be here.

This chapter is unbeta'd, all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are mine.

Now Jasper pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night he hadn't trusted me…_

"**~~**"

Fucking sated.

Relaxed.

Drained.

And every other fucking synonym there was, I felt. I couldn't remember the last time I had come so completely and utterly undone. Lying limp on Edward, I let him support my weight completely as my head rested on his shoulder. Behind me, his chest heaved and his panting breaths washed over my neck and shoulder. Watching me come in my pants had unraveled him as much as it had me. My entire body felt loose as I turned my head toward him, my forehead nudging his jaw. Edward's hand was still resting on my jeans, his fingers lightly drawing circles around my semi-hard cock. With a lazy smile on his face, he kissed my nose and sighed.

"How did you know?" he asked quietly.

"I know your body, baby, I know what makes you hard," I replied softly.

He reached up and pushed my damp hair off my face, tucking it behind my ear before pressing his lips to mine in a gentle kiss. His tongue met mine in between and I gasped into the kiss when his hand left my cock and moved to the fly of my jeans. What breath I had hitched when he popped the button and slowly lowered the zipper. Then his hand was on my cock again, with only the wet cotton of my briefs separating our skin. Instinctively, and well beyond my control, my hips moved against his touch, urging him for more even in its softening state. The kiss deepened when I tilted my head and wrapped my arm around his neck, tickling the hair at his nape. When I raked my fingers through the soft tufts there, his upper body shuddered. While his tongue swept through my mouth to twist with mine, he slid his hand to the elastic of my underwear, and when I sucked in a breath, his easily slipped his pinkie under the band. My cock twitched as he brushed his finger along its length, tracing the vein and curving under the flare of the head before swiping over the slit and smearing the cooling cum.

Then he moaned.

"You came," he said, almost unbelievably.

"Because of you."

"You were so fucking hot," he groaned, his finger moving back and forth along my skin. "Thank you."

My eyes were half closed as I stared at him, my body lulled by his finger grazing my cock. "You're welcome."

We remained like that for as long as we could, Edward's finger moving slowly over me while we kissed and parted and kissed again. His other hand was still on my chest, his palm flattened over my heart as he held me to him. Finally, I broke our kiss and sighed. It was getting late and our time alone was quickly coming to an end. Alice had promised to be home by ten and it was nearing nine-thirty.

"I should clean up," I sighed regrettably.

He nodded but made no move to take his hand from my pants. Instead, I felt a second finger join his first, and he began sliding them over me in tandem. My cock responded with tiny jerks, stirring back to life.

"I like touching you," he admitted.

"I like you touching me," I replied quickly. "A fucking lot."

Smiling, he kissed my cheek. "Alice will be home soon."

I nodded.

We didn't move.

In my undone jeans, my cock began to grow under his caressing strokes and I groaned. "Baby, what are you going to me," I whispered.

It wasn't a question. We both knew what he was doing.

He was trying to get me hard again.

"Nothing," he denied, his fingers stroking harder.

"You're trying for round two," I challenged, spreading my legs to give his hand room. I was greedy, I wanted more just as much as he did. "I want you touch me, baby."

"Alice…"

"I promise, it'll be quick," I gasped, my breaths already shallow from his scarce touches. "Please…"

Reaching down with my free hand, I grabbed my briefs and pulled them over my erection. When the air hit my exposed cock, I flinched. Edward's eyes grew wide and dropped to my dick. I followed his gaze and saw his long, skilled fingers toying with my skin, skimming along it teasingly. Cum was slathered along them and my cock as he spread it around with each touch. I watched his cheeks flush as he wrapped his fingers around me completely for the first time since the accident.

"Fuck, yes," I answered to his touch, my hips already moving into his loose fist. "More, baby, touch me."

Tightening his grip, he began to pump me in earnest, his stroke fast and sure, just like he had done it only days before. Our time was limited, he knew he had to get me there as fast as fucking possible, but coming quickly for Edward was never a problem.

"Yeah, that's it, fuck my hand," he murmured.

I wasn't even sure he knew he'd said it, but his pace quickened and my hips thrust into him. The arm around my chest was like a steel band holding me firmly to him and I released my grip on my underwear and put my hand on his forearm, groaning when I felt the muscles bulging against his skin. My nails dug into his flesh and my breaths became heavy and labored. I wanted to tell him how good it felt, how fucking amazing it was to feel him touch me, to have him play and work my body the way only he knew how, but all I could manage was a steady stream of obscenities as he hurled my body toward my second orgasm in a hour.

Sometimes being a hormonal teenage had its advantages.

Part of me hoped Alice would be late just so Edward could touch me longer. His tongue darted out and flicked along my earlobe before working its way down my neck. Sinking his teeth into my shoulder, he growled and his hand pumped me faster.

"So close, fucking close," I rambled, my body completely focused on my impending climax. The tingling spread outward, my balls drew up tight between my legs and using what leverage I had, I thrust up into his fist frantically while he stroked me. Turning my head, I took his lips with mine, moaning into the kiss when our tongues met again. My body tensed and I ripped my mouth from his, gasping for breath. Under me, his needy cock pressed against my ass.

My boy was hard again.

"Watch yourself come," he barely spoke, his hot breath on my ear.

Looking down through my haze, I saw his right hand on my cock, expertly stroking me. The swollen head poked out from his fist, cum and precum coating it with a slick, opaque sheen. Amazed, I watched the movement, the way my cock responded to him. I licked my lips when the muscles in his forearm rolled under his skin and the veins on the back of his hand stuck out. Flexing his wrist, he put me over the edge and the coil in me sprang wildly.

"I want to see you come for me again."

My body unraveled with his command, my orgasm hitting me, the burning traveling throughout my entire body as it contracted and stilled right before my cock pulsed and released short, weak bursts of cum.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I muttered breathlessly as my cock continued to empty onto his hand and my abs. My eyes had never left the sight of his hand on me, my cock shooting its load onto us both. It was one of the fucking hottest things I'd ever seen. Unable to stand it, I dropped my head to his shoulder as he continued to milk my too sensitive cock, and I shuddered. Reaching down, I grabbed his wrist and stopped him. He obeyed and released me, letting my dripping cock fall against my stomach. "Baby…" I began.

"I know," he finished, his forehead resting against my temple. "Now we really need to get you cleaned up. She's going to be home soon."

With great effort, I rolled my head to the side to see the clock.

9:59.

"Holy shit!" I cried out, sitting up.

"She's always late, don't worry. C'mere," he encouraged, pulling me back to him with his iron arms. "Kiss me."

He didn't need to tell me twice. Twisting my body on his lap, I cupped his cheek and kissed him, softly and gently, barely there whispers of lips over each other before I sighed and leaned back.

"I love you," I whispered.

He smiled, but it was his eyes that told me how happy he was. It had been a long, winding road, weeks of hell, a few more of tentative touches and words to confessions of fears in the shower to finally where we belonged.

In love and together.

The front door opened and closed.

"Shit," I mouthed before jumping off Edward's lap and pulling my underwear up. As soon as I was standing, he pushed himself backwards and shut his door. Hissing, I shoved myself into my jeans and zipped them up.

"Boys, I'm home, put all your junk away," she warned.

"Always late, huh?" I growled as I bent over for my shirt. Edward laughed as he watched me rush around the room. "Am I entertaining you again?"

"Especially with cum stains on your jeans."

I stopped and looked down. There were few large dark spots, with several smaller ones around them, on my jeans right where the head of my cock was pressed against them.

"Fuck. Can I borrow sweatpants?" Without waiting for his answer, I opened his drawer and grabbed a pair, undoing my jeans and pulling them down.

"Boys?"

"Just a minute," Edward replied to her but his eyes never left me as I stood in front of him in my cum stained briefs. Rolling my eyes, I hooked my thumbs into them and yanked them off too, then used them to wipe my dick dry before putting the sweatpants on. Edward moved to his bed, dragging himself up the headboard, where he leaned against it. As soon as I had the sweatpants pulled on, I opened his door and then hopped on the bed with him, sitting next to him, my head on his shoulder. I was out of breath, but next to me Edward the picture of complete calm.

There was a knock before the door creaked open.

"Aw, aren't you two adorable," she smirked, her eyes taking in his bare chest and his hand on my thigh. It stilled seemed strange to not have to move away from Edward, to not hide what he meant to me when she was around.

"Shut the fuck up," Edward shot back at her playfully. "How was the party?"

"Meh, it was okay. Someone made me leave before the good shit," she complained. "When are mom and dad due home?"

"They said probably around midnight."

"What did you guys do? Did you give Jasper what I suggested? Did he like it?" Her eyebrows wiggled at the last words and Edward glanced at me then back to her.

"We watched a movie," he replied, ignoring her other questions.

"Sure you did," she chuckled and motioned to the pile of clothes on the floor. "Aren't those your jeans, Jasper?"

Swallowing, I barely nodded. "Yeah, um…I…I…."

"He spilled soda on them," Edward supplied.

"Right," she nodded. "Well, I will let you two get back to your…movie. Just remember, thin walls. I'm young and impressionable, I don't need to hear you two doing the deed." Before Edward could respond, she was gone and the door was closed. We heard her footsteps as she walked down the hall toward the stairs. "Thin walls," she yelled out right before she went up them.

"That was embarrassing," I sighed, burrowing my head into the bend of his neck.

"Could have been a lot more embarrassing if she had caught us with your dick in my hand."

"True," I laughed.

My entire body shuddered with an aftershock of the two orgasms, the feeling still reeling through me as curled into Edward's side. I ran my fingers up his stomach, around each nipple and back down into the dusting of hair above his jeans. Smiling when I saw goose bumps and the way his nipples hardened into tight buds. It was a reflex, the same as his hard-on, his body had reacted to the stimulation to his cock without him even realizing it. My eyes followed my fingers, watching his skin quiver as I ran them over his hard pecs and down his arm, over his biceps and forearm. Looking up at his face, I saw his eyes drift closed and I continued to let my hand roam him, hoping that I was giving him some small amount of the pleasure he had given me.

Twice.

Bringing my hand back up his arm, I traced his collarbone and then went to his nipple again, taking it between my index and middle finger, tweaking it lightly. Instantly his back arched slightly and he moaned, pressing his head back into the pillow, his Adam's apple bulging. Enthralled, I watched his face as I repeated the motion to his other nipple, he reaction was just as intense. Keeping one between my fingers, I let my tongue out to lick the other.

"Jesus," he groaned.

His hand was in my hair at the back of my head, keeping my mouth fused to him. My tongue flickered, lapped and swirled around the brown pebbled skin. The whimpers that escaped him were quiet and contained, but I knew it was taking effort to control himself. While below his waist was completely still, his upper body was a mess of tremors and gasping breaths. His strong fingers fisted my hair as he tried to lift his chest to me.

"Baby, I gotta admit I am fucking loving this buff look on you," I mumbled between kisses around his nipple.

Edward had always been in shape, lean and lithe, but in the month since he'd started lifting weights, concentrating only on his upper body, his chest and arms were already reaping the benefits. Even in a relaxed state, his biceps and traps were defined and curved around his bones in just the right way. Over the past few weeks I had noticed that his tee shirts were fitting tighter around his shoulders and chest, but it wasn't until I had seen him shirtless that I knew just how much bigger he was getting.

Vaguely, I heard the movie end and the credits begin, but Edward made no move to stop me from lavishing his nipples. Keeping one bud in my grasp, I moved my lips up his neck, smiling when he titled it to the side to give me more room. I nibbled and sucked my way over his skin, feeling the vibrations from the keening sounds he released in his throat.

"Do you know how bad I want to mark you right now…"

He chuckled, a smile on his lips. I continued along his neck and jaw to his ear, blowing my breath in it before working my way back down to his shoulders, teasing the skin by pulling it into my mouth and dragging my tongue along the bites I left behind.

"Feels so good," he groaned, his fingernails scratching my scalp as he sought a better grip on my hair.

"Can I touch you?" His breath caught and he opened his eyes to look at me. "I want to touch you," I whispered.

"I…I can't…not yet…."

I nodded, putting him at ease.

"I'm sorry," he sighed, releasing my hair.

"Don't be, I understand."

Shaking his head, he tried to move from my hold and push me away, but I refused to let him go and he finally gave up, staying in my arms.

"I'm sorry I pushed you," I apologized. "I shouldn't have."

"No, it's me. I just…I can't do that yet."

I kissed his cheek and laid my head on his chest, soothed by his steady beat.

"Jasper?"

"Mmm?"

"I want you to touch me again someday."

"I know."

"I just…it's different now," he whispered. "I was worried you might not be attracted to me like that anymore."

Lifting my head, I took his chin into my hand and made him look at me. "Are you fucking serious? You just made me come…twice," I snorted and he looked away, jerking his chin from my gasp. "Edward, listen to me. I want you. All of you, _every _fucking part of you. Every hair on your head to your toes to this fucking incredible chest you've got going on. From the scar on your lower back to the freckle on your right shoulder to the birthmark on your calf to the incredible mind in your head and heart in your chest. Nothing will every change how much I want you." I laid my head back on his chest, and sighed. "Fuck Edward, I get hard by looking at you, by hearing your voice."

"But there are so many things I can't do," he voice shook. "I tried to get hard the other night watching porn and it didn't work."

It explained why he was so hesitant about being touched, he was thinking he couldn't get hard. I knew that Edward hadn't done any research on his condition, and I couldn't blame him. He was afraid of what he might discover, of having all hope dashed with the click of a mouse.

It was time to admit what I had been doing when I wasn't with him.

"Someday you might, but it might be awhile. It's possible with your kind of injury though. There are two types of erections. Psychogenic is when you get hard by thinking about something, and reflex is when you get hard by direct contact to an erotic area of your body. Right now your body is still adjusting to the injury, still recovering. You need to give it some time, baby."

"How do you know all this?"

I shrugged. "I've done some research."

"How much?"

Lifting my head, I smiled. "I could probably tell you about as much as your father could."

He actually laughed and shook his head. "Why?"

"Because I wanted to know what was going on with your body. Because I love you."

The tenseness that had invaded his body rolled away and he relaxed under me again.

"I love you, too," he said, kissing my head. We were silent for a few minutes and then he chuckled. "I can't believe you came twice. How long has it been?"

"A week."

"Aw, poor guy," he teased playfully.

"Well, you made up for it tonight," I laughed. Moving up his body, I kissed him, slowly and leisurely. His hand returned to my hair while his other ran up and down my back. We remained like that for a long time, my body half on his, our lips meeting in lingering kisses until I finally pulled away.

"My parents are going to be home soon," he complained.

Nodding, I sat up, and leaned over him to get the Saint Christopher keychain from the table and my keys next to it. It took me a few minutes to change my keys over to the silver disk, and when I was done I held it up for Edward.

"Thank you for this," I whispered, "and thank you for…ya know."

"The hand job?"

Blushing, I nodded. "Yeah. Both of them."

I climbed over him and off the bed, gathering my clothes to stuff in my bag. Putting an arm behind his head, his eyes never left me as I got ready to go. I didn't have to look at Edward to know he was watching me, if we were in the same room, more than likely we were watching each other. It was something that just happened, and I'm not sure either of us realized how much we did it. When my bag was packed, I grabbed my sweatshirt and tugged it on.

"I wish you didn't have to go," he admitted.

"Me either. Maybe I can sleep over soon? We haven't done that in a long time," I suggested and his eyes brightened.

"Next weekend?"

"Sure."

I sat on the edge of the bed next to him, and hesitantly leaned toward him. Smiling, he curved his hand around my neck and pulled me to him, certain and confident. Our lips met for that last time that night in a soft kiss.

"Thank you for tonight, love," he whispered into the air between us.

"I love you, baby. I'll see you tomorrow. I've got to help my dad in the morning, but I'll be over after. We've can work on the history paper."

He smiled and nodded. "Tomorrow."

Grabbing my bag from the floor, I stood and went to his door, turning to find him watching me. The look in his eyes, a combination of love and devotion and pain, took my breath away, and I swallowed the lump that had risen in my throat.

No matter how beautiful he looked laying there, bare-chested with his newly muscled body, loose jeans on his slim hips and his hair messed from my fingers, he was still different.

No matter how many times I prayed and wished and dreamed, the boy on the bed was not the one he had been in December, and he never would be.

"Be safe, baby," I whispered.

"See ya, love," he replied, his eyes already fluttering closed. "Love you…" his voice faded off as he fought sleep.

I closed his door and headed down the hallway for the front door, hoping to get out before his parents got home. After I got into the truck, I started it and headed for my house. The night had been a risk. I had gone over to his place without a gift, hoping that what I had planned would work, and pretty fucking afraid it might not.

But it had. He had gotten hard, and I had made him that way.

The keys jingled as I drove, swaying back and forth with Saint Christopher. There was no wiping the fucking goofy, schoolgirl grin off my face.

At home, I walked in and found my parents on the couch watching a movie. My mother's head was on my dad's lap as he played with her hair.

"Hey, Jasper," she said, her eyes never leaving the movie. "How was your night?"

_Wonderful._

_Perfect._

_Amazing._

_I'm in love with a beautiful boy._

"Pretty good. What did you guys do?"

"Dinner, then rented a movie."

"Wild night, huh?"

"Always is," my dad deadpanned. "Don't forget you're helping me with the Simmons's place in the morning."

"I haven't. I'm heading up to bed, see ya tomorrow."

"Night," they both replied as I headed up the stairs.

In my room, I tossed my dirty clothes in the basket, took off my sneakers and then fell onto my bed. Rolling onto my back, I opened on my text messages and began typing.

_Night was awesome, thanks for the advice._

I knew Jake was with his boyfriend for the night, so I didn't expect a reply. Then I opened up a new message and typed again.

_Thank you for a perfect night baby. I love you. _

I went to his playlist and selected "Here Comes the Sun", smiling when it began to play. Setting the phone on the iHome, I closed my eyes and let my mind recall the week that had ended in a perfect night with my boy.

The Friday before had been Senior Night for Edward's basketball team, and I don't think either of us had expected the reaction he received when he arrived. I'd seen a fucking lot of games played there, but never had I seen so many kids or heard it so loud.

All for him.

Watching him go out onto the court with his parents and pose for the picture had been one of the proudest moments of my life. He was on his way back to reclaiming his life. It was going to be different, and not the one he had been used to, but he was on his way to living again. His parents beamed with pride, looking at him with such love. To them, it didn't matter if he never walked again, he was their son and he was alive.

Right before the game started, my phone vibrated and I looked at my messages.

_Are going to come sit down?_

Shaking my head, I scanned the bleachers for her and found in her about halfway up the right side frantically waving at me. I glanced at Edward and saw him start to push out to the middle court when the captains were introduced. I walked around the edge of the court, my eyes never leaving my boy in the center. He tried to hide it, but I saw the nervousness in him, the way his hands kept tightening around the hand grips, and the way his tongue would dart out to lick his lips. When I reached the bleachers, I took them by two and plopped down next to Bella.

"Whitlock."

"Swan," I greeted with a nod.

"How's he doing?" she asked, nodding toward Edward as he and the other captain headed back to the bench.

"Nervous as fuck, but he's doing okay."

"I'm glad he came."

"We weren't expecting…all this."

"It wasn't planned, it just kinda happened. Pretty cool, huh?"

"Definitely."

The game started and the players ran up and down the court, but my eyes never left Edward at the end of the bench. Bella commented on the game few times, but I just nodded, not really hearing anything she said. I saw Edward's eyes following his teammates, I saw his hands fisting in his lap and the way he gnawed on his bottom lip. Suddenly, he eyes left the players and he glanced at the end of the bench where I had been standing. Then they grew wide with worry and began to dart around the gym. Even from across the room, I could practically hear his heart pounding.

Something was wrong.

Finally his eyes landed on me, and I saw it, the turmoil and anguish in his eyes. It had been there since the accident but for the past few weeks he had forced it behind other emotions by sheer will. Being there was making him weak, and the agony of what had happened was beginning to stir in him, gathering strength with each beat of his heart. Sitting up straight, I held his gaze, only vaguely aware of Bella's hand on my forearm trying to stop me from leaving.

As if anyone, or anything, could stop me from going to him if he needed me.

Fuck, I'd run across the middle of the fucking court if I had to.

But I wanted to give Edward a chance to do it on his own, he needed it, more than he realized, he needed to reconnect with his team and his other friends. If it were up to me, I would have Edward all for myself, but that wasn't who he was. Edward was social; he had a lot of friends. Unlike me, he was a team player.

"You okay?" I mouthed.

He didn't reply right away, his eyes were still on mine and he swallowed hard. Brushing Bella's hand away, I started to stand, but then he sighed and nodded. Holding his stare, I sat back down. The anguish faded from his eyes slightly, the pace of his heart slowed and I relaxed a little.

"Everything okay?" she asked next to me. I had almost forgotten she was there. Nodding, I glanced at her and gave her my best dazzling smile.

"Of course, everything's fine."

I wasn't sure she believed me, but I didn't care. Warily, she eyed me until she was convinced she wasn't going to get anything more from me and finally turned back to the game. While she watched the players, I stared at Edward. His eyes followed the ball, but they occasionally traveled back to me, as if to reassure himself that I was still there.

When the buzzer rang for halftime, I offered to get Bella a soda and she accepted. Standing, I made my way down the bleachers and along the end of the court before I reached Edward. I sat next to him on the bench.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, but it's hard," he admitted.

"What is?"

"I can't, not here, not now."

"Okay, we'll talk later. I have to get Bella a Coke, do you want something?"

"A Dew, please."

"Be right back."

He didn't have to tell me what was wrong, I knew what it was.

He missed playing.

Running was a huge part of my life, it's what kept me sane, and if I wasn't able to do it anymore, I honestly think I would have gone fucking nuts. For Edward, it was basketball, he lived and breathed it. If he wasn't with me, he was playing or shooting around his driveway, or working out to get in shape for it. It was part of his soul, it coursed through his veins just like his love for me did. Waiting in the concessions line, I debated on what to do to help him. I didn't want to suggest leaving; I knew he needed to see the night through, even if he didn't think so. He just needed to shift his concentration from playing to something else.

When I returned, I sat on the bench next to him again.

"You can go back to Bella."

"At the end of halftime I will. I'm not leaving you here alone," I replied firmly. He wanted to argue but he wouldn't. I was where he wanted me…next to him. It was time to see if my plan would work. "So, how's the team doing?"

He shook his head. My boy was already on to me, much faster than I had anticipated.

But he answered me anyway, using his skill to move the focus of the game from how much he missed the physical aspect of it to the tactical and strategic side. The locker room door opened and I stood up to head back to Bella, but just as I reached the end of the court, the announcer spoke and called Edward to the desk. He glanced at me before moving and I shrugged.

"Edward Cullen has been playing for me since his freshman year. I remember he came to me, too small and scrawny to play, but he was quick and had natural court vision. You can't teach what he already knew. He tried out for varsity that year and not only did he make the team, he became our starting point guard. Each year, he's improved and I've never seen anyone so devoted, his love for the sport shines down on us all, making his teammates want to be better players. It is with great pleasure and pride that I present this game ball from the last game you all played together signed by the team to you, Edward. Thank you for being the incredible inspiration you are. It is my honor to coach you, and the team's honor to play with you."

"Thank you," Edward said quietly.

There were a few seconds of utter silence and then the crowed exploded into cheers even louder than before. It was all I could do to not cry tears of joy for my boy.

I was so fucking proud of him, I wanted to rip the mic from his coach and tell everyone what an amazing person Edward was, and that I loved him. Instead, I went back to my seat with a stupid grin and handed Bella her soda.

"You look happier," she acknowledged.

"Really good Coke," I replied, holding up my bottle of soda.

"So the grin plastered to your face is strictly because of a caffeine high?"

"Yep," I nodded. Smiling, she turned her head and spotted Edward looking at us. She waved at him, shoving me when I teased her about being such a girl.

The game resumed and Edward stared at me for a few long seconds, gathering himself before his attention returned to his teammates. When the game was over, and his team had won, I met him at the bleachers with a sly smile. My plan had worked.

"That second half was much better. I saw that Brent started making that pass to the left a little quicker. Someone must have given him some advice."

"Thank you," he said, looking up at me.

_Anytime, baby, anytime._

It was later, in the dark cab of the truck sitting in the driveway of his house when he told me how much he missed playing that I realized I needed to come up with a way to help him. There had to be something I could do. I told him he was an inspiration to all those people in the gym, and while he denied it, I think he realized I was at least right about one thing.

He was as stubborn as I was.

I was fucking helpless to ease his pain from not playing. All I could do was reassure him I was there, that I would follow him anywhere, even into his darkness if he needed me to.

I was simply his.

That weekend we were doing homework in his room. I had stopped by the sub shop on my way there and had picked up lunch for us. Sitting on his bed eating my spicy Italian, I read our physics assignment. He was in his chair at the end of the bed, his books laid out in front of him.

"I want to ask Bradshaw to let me back into gym class," he blurted.

I wasn't surprised by his revelation, it was a natural progression of his recovery. He had gone to the game, he had seen his friends play the sport he loved so much, and his desire to be physically active again was kicking In, although it was happening sooner than I had expected.

"Go for it," I mumbled around the food, brushing the crumbs off his bed with an apologetic look.

"Do you think it's crazy?"

"Not at all. I think it's crazy for them to think you can't do gym. They've obviously got their fucking heads up their ugly asses."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"Because it needed to be your decision, not mine. I was pissed when you told me they were sticking you in study but you seemed okay with it."

"I was, but now I'm not. I want to do gym. At least try to."

Swallowing my food, I stared at him and smiled. "My boy's got some fight."

"Yeah, yeah, shut the fuck up."

As brave and confident as he had sounded that day in the safety of his room, it was midweek before he had worked up the courage to make an appointment with Mr. Bradshaw. When I picked him up that morning, he asked me three times if he looked okay. He ran his hand through his hair every few seconds until it was standing straight up on its own, and he gripped my hand a bit tighter on the ride to school. During lunch, he was quieter than usual, even Bella noticed and raised her eyebrows at me. Shrugging, I looked away, trying to suppress the urge to put my hand on his. I walked him to class after lunch; the slowness at which he pushed himself along did not go unnoticed.

"It's going to be okay, ya know. You can do this."

He tried to smile. "I'm not so sure. I thought I could."

Fuck, I wanted to hug him so bad.

"Ba-Edward, you can do it."

He rolled to a stop and looked up at me. "Thanks."

"I'll see you after class?"

"Yeah."

"Be safe…"

"See ya…"

As soon as WWII history was over, I ran for the main office and waited for Edward. Shaking his head, he pulled up to me.

"What are you doing here? Don't you have gym?"

"Turns out they didn't need me today."

"You skipped?"

"I like to think of it as participationally challenged. I thought you could use some support."

"Mr. Cullen?" the secretary called him.

"Go kick his ass," I whispered.

Desperately, I wanted to pace while he was in there, the nervous energy traveling through me at dangerous levels. I willed him to have the courage to stick to what he wanted and not let them try to talk him out of it. A few kids passed and nodded to me, I returned their nod and then pushed off the wall. Then leaned against it, and then pushed off it again.

Finally, the door opened and Edward appeared.

"How'd it go?"

"Okay, I guess. He said he needs to talk to Mr. Foote first, but he didn't say no yet."

"Ass," I scoffed, frowning at the office door.

"You should go to class. I have to go use the bathroom anyway. I'll meet you after gym?"

"Sounds good. Be safe…"

"See ya…"

I bolted for gym class, knowing the detention slip would be in my hand as soon as I arrived. It wasn't the first time I had skipped gym, or any class for that matter.

"Decided to join us today after all, Mr. Whitlock? " Mr. Foote said as I entered the gym, the heavy doors slamming behind me.

"Sorry, sir. Intestinal bug or something," I lied with a slight smile. If I was going to get into trouble, I might as well make it worth it.

"Ah, yes, I've heard there is something going around," he returned. "Odd though, I swear I saw you at the office." Sighing, I looked down at the floor and then brought my eyes back to him, jutting my chin out a bit. "I also saw Mr. Cullen."

Glancing around at the other kids, I nodded.

"I'm letting it go this time. Next time, maybe not. Go join a team," he instructed.

"Thanks," I mumbled, and turned to find Bella. The last few classes had been volleyball, and there were four nets set up throughout the gym. She called me over from the far court.

"Want to join our team?" she asked kindly and I nodded gratefully.

The other team served, and the ball went right to Bella, who closed her eyes, swung blindly and ended up hitting someone on the next court in the back of their head.

Bella really sucked at volleyball.

After gym, I meet Edward at my locker, eager to take him home and tongue fuck him. A lot. My smile faded when I saw the look on his face. Putting my backpack over my shoulder, I narrowed my eyes and looked around us.

"What's wrong?"

He stopped in front of me and I kneeled so he could talk quietly.

"I went to the bathroom just outside the office and the stupid fucking door was missing the lock so I couldn't shut the damn thing and then when I was in middle of using the catheter, fucking Newton walked in on me. Just when I start to feel the slightest bit normal, something fucks it up."

"Fuck. Sorry, baby. Did he see anything?"

"Yeah, my dick in my hand, the tube in it and the fucking bag with my piss in it. What if he goes around telling everyone?"

I felt his rage leave his body and seep into mine as I absorbed it from him. It was physics as its best.

"He won't," I guaranteed, standing.

"Jasper."

"What?" I asked innocently. He knew better than to continue. Not like I would listen to him anyway.

I took him home, watched him workout and then after a few hours of waiting, finally got to tongue fuck him.

A lot.

The parking lot was pretty empty when I pulled in and I easily spotted his Jeep off to the side of building. Getting out, I went inside and when I didn't see him at the counter, I scanned the store.

"Fuck," I mumbled when there was no sign of him, or anyone, anywhere. Sometimes I wondered how the damn store stayed in business. I caught some motion in the camping department and then the doors that went into the backroom swung open and Newton walked out carrying box. I strode over to him, enjoying the slight look of fear that flashed in his eyes as I approached him.

"Need more gloves?" he asked trying to hide his shaky voice.

"Nope, I came to talk to you."

"About?"

"What you saw today." I stood tall, shoving my hands in my jean's pockets and trying to look casual and less frightening. He looked legitimately confused for a few seconds, then his eyes widened.

"Oh, Cullen."

"He's just starting to feel okay about going to school, and he doesn't need everyone to know the shit he goes through. So can you keep quiet about what you saw?"

He set the box down on the floor and leaned against a rack of winter coats. "Yeah, sure man, no problem."

Exhaling, I tried to give him a grateful smile. "Thanks." I turned to leave, but he spoke again.

"Why are you asking me and not Edward?"

"He doesn't know I'm here," I admitted. "And I don't want him too. This has been hard enough on him."

"No problem, I won't say a word to anyone. Must suck though, having to piss into a bag," he said, shaking his head.

It took several deep breaths and clenching my hands into fists before I was able to regain control of myself.

"Yeah, it kinda does," I growled and he took an instinctive step back, his fight or flight kicking in. "Just keep what you saw to yourself please." He nodded and I took a few steps back, putting some well needed space between us. "Thanks. I appreciate it."

Turning, I left, hoping like hell that Newton would keep his word, because I didn't know if I could do damage control on the entire school.

But I would fucking try if I had to, I wasn't going to let anything hurt Edward again.

That night, I lay on my bed trying to figure out what to get Edward for Valentine's Day. I wanted something different and special, considering all the shit we'd been through the past month and a half, he deserved the world.

Without a job, giving him the world wasn't in my budget.

I needed something that was just for him and me. I remembered our first Valentine's together, the way he had looked under me as I had stroked him and made him come, and then the way he watched me as I took myself into my hand. His eyes had darted between mine and my cock until I shot my load all over his face.

Edward was beautiful, but with my cum on his face he was fucking hot.

Frustrated and hard, I went to my computer and immediately went to the forums I had been visiting regularly. There was something I wanted to try. I had done the research, I knew just about everything about Edward's injury. I knew it was possible for him to get hard, but I didn't know how to make it happen. Clicking on the sex thread, I skimmed through the topics until I found one from a paraplegic guy whose injury was also incomplete but slightly higher than Edward's. He told his story about how he didn't think he could get hard but he was with his girlfriend who was riding him naked and he got an erection.

Hopeful, I read through the replies and saw others had had similar experiences.

That's when Jake messaged me in a chat box. We chatted for a few minutes about everyday stuff, and then I decided that the best way to know what to do for Edward was ask someone that had been there.

ForeverDusk: Can I ask you a personal question?

thebigbadwolf: Sure

ForeverDusk: For valentine's day I was thinking of trying to get Edward hard, show him that he can still get an erection but Idk how to do it.

thebigbadwolf: LOL you don't know how to do it? *wink*

ForeverDusk: Stfu, you know what I mean. How did you do with Embry?

thebigbadwolf: We were making out, I was on top of him and moving around grinding myself on him. Next thing I know he's hard as a fucking rock. He had no idea, he was as surprised as I was.

I felt my entire body shake with the image of grinding on Edward again.

ForeverDusk: Did you do anything?

thebigbadwolf: Wow you are full of the TMI questions huh?

ForeverDusk: Sorry

thebigbadwolf: Nah, it's ok. Not that night no, but we did a few days later. I jerked him off for awhile. He didn't come tho, but he likes to watch me touch him. Start off slow, get him used to the idea first. He's prob going to be surprised he can even get hard. Embry was. Just make him feel wanted, it'll happen.

ForeverDusk: I will. Thanks for the info

thebigbadwolf: Np. Lmk how it goes. *wink*

ForeverDusk: Lol I will. Ttyl.

thebigbadwolf: Take care jas

ForeverDusk: Bye jake

I signed off and climbed back into bed, just in time for "Maybe I'm Amazed" to start to play. Folding my arms behind my head, I stared at the ceiling and wondered if Jake was right, if I could get Edward hard, and what would it mean if I could. I needed to do more research, but I had decided that for Valentine's Day, I was going to try to give Edward an erection.

There was a knock on my door, and I jumped, my mind still full of thoughts from the night and of Edward, and how he'd looked when I told him he was hard.

"Yeah?"

The door pushed opened and my mother poked her head in. "We're heading to bed. Got your alarm set?"

"Yeah."

"Did you have a good time at Edward's?"

"Yeah, just watched Star Wars."

"Again?"

"Never gets old. He wants me to sleep over next weekend."

"Sure, shouldn't be a problem. Those aren't yours." She pointed to the Spartans Basketball sweatpants I was wearing.

"I spilled soda on my jeans, I borrowed these from Edward," I repeated the lie Edward had told Alice.

"Make sure they get washed before you return them. G'night, Jasper."

"I will. Night, Mom."

She closed the door and I turned off my light and rolled onto my side. I swear I felt Edward behind me, his body still, but his hands exploring below my waist. Those thoughts were quickly followed by my own hand sneaking under Edward's sweatpants and slowly stroking myself until I fell asleep.

"**~~**"

I was earlier than expected. There had been a spring track meeting afterschool and I had told Edward I would be by his house as soon as the meeting was over. I knew he didn't want his mother to pick him up, but he had just smiled and told me to hurry.

I had definitely fucking hurried.

After spending the past few days thinking about nothing but sleeping over his house that weekend, I had been in a constant state of arousal, but had refused to touch myself.

I had failed…twice, but I was still pretty fucking worked up.

On Wednesday, the gym teacher had given his okay for Edward to return to gym class as long as there were set limitations. Edward met with him and agreed to the restrictions they put on him. When Edward told me, he seemed excited, so I hid my frustration at the system for not having faith in my boy, and was just glad he was satisfied. Earlier that day, Edward had entered gym class with a nervous look. He pushed himself over to me and we helped set up the volleyball nets. Edward's newfound upper body strength gave him a killer serve and he got twelve points in a row and we won, even with Bella on our team. It was hard not to stare at Edward as he played. He might have been in a chair, but he still moved confidently, like the athlete he was, and it was mesmerizing.

There was no answer when I pushed the door to his house open, but I wasn't surprised. He had said he needed to work out and his mother had taken Alice somewhere. As soon as I closed the door, I heard it.

A deep bass coming from the dining room that sounded vaguely familiar. Curious, I dropped my bag and headed for the new workout room.

I couldn't believe what I saw…or heard.

Edward was in a black tank top and sweatpants, his back to me as he sat under the pulley machine. I watched the muscles in his upper arms contract and strain as he pulled the lever down, and then relax as he slowly let the lever up. Sweat trickled down the back of his neck disappearing under the edge of the cotton tank where the ends of his hair stuck to his damp skin. Expertly, he added more weight and then adjusted the exercise to work his trap muscles that ran along his broad shoulders. Gripping the handle, his tendons and muscles flexed under taunt skin as he pulled the lever down to his chest before bringing it back up again. Enraptured, I watched his body work to pull the weight down, and my cock twitched at the grunt he released from the effort. I listened to him count to ten under his breath each time he pulled the weights down and then exhale as he released them. Holding his arms out from his body, he shook them, and then grabbed the bar again, huffing his way through another ten repetitions. My eyes went from the clumps of his hair at the base of his neck to the sweat beading along his upper back to the hairs on his forearms, finally settling on his shoulders. I could have stood there and watched him do that motion over and over all fucking day.

So I did what any red blooded boyfriend would do.

I eyefucked him.

In my imagination, my hands were peeling off his damp shirt, one rubbing his hard chest while my other hand slipped into his sweatpants and cupped his ass.

As fucking sexy as he was, it was the music that he had playing, that he was clearly singing along with, that really surprised me. It wasn't The Beatles.

Far from it actually.

My fucking hot boy was working out to "Eye of the Tiger".

And as hard as I tried, I couldn't stop myself. The laughter exploded out of me as I stood in the doorway, and by the time he glanced over his shoulder, I was almost doubled over with my arm holding my stomach to keep it from rupturing.

"What?" he grunted as he pulled the lever toward him.

"Mr. Cullen, fine music connoisseur and Beatles lover, succumbing to Survivor?"

"Fucking only good song on this CD."

"Define good."

"Better than the other shit," he quipped.

"Need a headband to go with your eighties rock, baby? Maybe some leg warmers and a half shirt?"

"Shut the fuck up," he growled behind his smile.

Learning against the door, I folded my arms across my chest and tilted my head, eyeing him closely. "Never knew you were an eighties geek. Seeing you in a new light, it's kinda hot."

"I'm always telling you geek is in," he shrugged.

Pushing off the door jamb, I walked over and stood right behind him. I placed my hands on his shoulders, massaging his muscles as they rolled under his slick skin. He groaned and let his head fall back against me. There was a slight scent of body odor around him, and it only made me want him more. The smell reminded me of all the times we had given each other head after a run, or had dry humped on his bed until we were both sweaty.

"Feels good," he mumbled.

Leaning down, I put my lips at his ear. "What else are you hiding from me, baby? Are you a secret John Hughes fan too?"

A shiver went through him and he looked up at me. "Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

"Bueller."

On to my game, he continued. "I can't believe my grandmother actually felt me up."

"Sixteen Candles."

"May I admire you again today?"

"Pretty in Pink." He raised his eyebrows, surprised at my quick, and correct, answers. My hands never stopped kneading his muscles, I had moved down his arms and back up again.

"Very good, my young grasshopper."

Leaning down, I kissed him, tasting the salt of the sweat on his upper lip as mine moved over his.

"I am very, very good, master," I murmured before pulling away and sitting on the bench next to him. "How's it going? I mean, other than the downward spiral of music."

"Emmett says that the eighties had the best workout music. He said it's inspiring." He pushed away from the machine and then turned his chair easily backing up into the spot he had just left. Reaching around, he added weights and then began a new exercise.

"And you let this man into your house? Eighties music was almost as bad as its fashion was."

"Aw, damn, I guess I can return those parachute pants I got for you."

"I'll only wear them if they match my Members Only jacket," I shot back.

Edward smiled, and continued his workout as I continued to watch him. I helped him with a few things, spotting him when he insisted on lifting heavier weights. We laughed and joked at each new song that came on, but then found ourselves singing with them, my foot even tapping along with a few. When Edward was done with the weights, he moved to the bench and I worked his legs for him. He had shown me a few of the exercises that Emmett did with him, and I followed his instructions. Holding his calf and behind his knee, I moved his leg in a bicycle motion. Then he had me stretch it toward him, almost unnaturally so.

It still amazed me, even after all those weeks of seeing him in the chair, that he couldn't feel my hands on his legs. Tightly I gripped his calves and thighs, but if he hadn't been watching me, he wouldn't have known.

Except for the one spot.

It was on the top inside of his left thigh, every time my fingers ran over it, I felt a muscle twitch. It was slight, barely noticeable under the sweatpants, but I was gripping him hard enough that I could feel it. Purposely, I touched there again, pleased when I got the same reaction. Perhaps it was reflex, just like his erection had been, but it was something. My eyes went to his face when it happened. He was watching me.

"You feel it," I said quietly.

He nodded. "Yeah, it's been happening for a few weeks now."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, hurt that he hadn't shared the good news with me.

"I didn't want you to get your hopes up. I'm sure it doesn't mean anything," he sighed.

"Have you told your father or Emmett?"

"I haven't told my dad. He will drag me in for more tests. Emmett said it's a good sign, but it might not improve."

"A glass half empty kinda guy, huh?"

"Nah, he just wants me to keep realistic."

I ran my hand over the spot again, and his muscle flinched. I couldn't help but smile.

"Regardless, it's pretty fucking cool. We should celebrate."

"How?"

"My dad gave me some money this morning for helping out last weekend, how about a pizza for dinner. What's your mom cooking?"

"Stew."

"Yeah, okay, pizza it is. Sausage and pepperoni?"

"Sounds good."

I set his leg down and then went to help him sit up. He ignored my hand and using only his abs, he sat up. Before he could move back to the chair, I reached over and grabbed the hem of his tank top, sliding it up to reveal his defining six pack glistening with a light sheen of sweat.

"Fucking hot," I murmured, licking my lips. Laughing, he batted my hand away and then took the hem into his own hands and pulled it up and over his head before tossing it onto the bench. I might have gasped.

"Can you get my chair?" I pushed it over next to him. "Thanks."

The muscles in his back rippled under his pale skin as he positioned himself to move to the chair. Grasping the arm of the chair with his hand, his biceps flexed, even his pecs moved as he balanced himself for the transfer. While I watched, he moved easily into his chair, his upper body doing all the work his legs and hips could no longer do.

"Baby, these workouts have done your body good," I complimented, almost drooling.

"Tongue back in your mouth, love," he smirked. "I need to shower…"

"Aw, fuck, baby, why do you have to say shit like that?"

Grinning, he shrugged. "Do you want to join me?"

"Fuck yes, more than any fucking thing, but I can't. I have to pick my dad up from jobsite and drive him home. I'm coming back though. With pizza."

"Maybe next time," he said in a singsong voice.

"Yeah, fuck you," I sighed. "Sit there and fucking tease me and then say shit like that when I have to leave. Just remember, payback's a bitch."

I stood up and waited until he was settled in his chair, then I leaned down and kissed him. I may have let my hand run over the warm skin of his shoulder and down his arm, squeezing it before releasing him. Straightening, I walked to the door and turned around. Edward was putting his feet onto the pedals and looked up at me. Making a 'v' with my index and middle finger, I pointed them at my eyes and then to him in an 'I'm watching you' motion.

"Eye of the tiger, baby. Rrrrr."

I didn't even have time to duck, the sweaty tank top landed on my head.

"Fuck you, Whitlock," he laughed. "I wasn't the one outside your window, Lloyd."

"Be safe, baby," I laughed.

"See ya, love."

And with one last very longing look over his upper body, I finally left the room.

"You see Rocky, be sure to ask him for workout tips," I called out as I picked up my bag and walked out the front door.

"**~~**"

"You spoil me," he said with a mouth full of food.

I had arrived about an hour before and was sitting on his bed while he sat in the chair in front of me. The picnic I had brought was spread between us on a towel. A buffet of Fluff sandwiches, grapes, chips, two cupcakes and some Star Wars cookies complete with frosting.

In my bag was our entertainment for the night.

Picking up a grape, I tossed it into the air, tilting my head to catch it in my mouth. "How so?"

"Pizza the other night, Fluff sandwiches and cupcakes tonight."

"It's a special occasion. I haven't slept over in months," I smiled as I wiped some Fluff from the corner of his lips with my finger. I really wanted to lick it off instead.

Stupid fucking Fluff.

"Remember our first date?" I asked.

"Of course. You fed me the menu of kings," he laughed. "And we danced. Who knew you were such a romantic."

"I had to impress you somehow. What better way than my cooking and dancing skills," I shrugged.

"Actually it was the size of your dick that impressed me," he chuckled, his eyes flashing brightly. He opened his Dew and took a long gulp, then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "So what are we doing tonight? Gonna raise some hell?"

"Of course. And we will do that by staying here and watching movies."

"We are such old men. A Saturday night in the prime of our lives and we're staying in."

"Well, grandpa, it's not really a choice. I don't have the truck tonight."

"I hope you at least have _some_ entertainment planned?"

There was something in the way he said it, the way the words rolled off his velvet tongue that sent a chill down my spine. I wasn't entirely sure what he meant, but I sure as fuck wanted to find out.

"Actually, I do."

I leaned over the edge of the bed to get my bag and he groaned. "No, not Star Wars again."

"Nope."

"Star Trek?"

"Nope."

"X-Files?"

I shook my head. "Not even close. Want a hint?"

"Yeah."

"It's sorta social, demented and sad, but social."

He thought about what I had said for a few seconds. Then he started laughing. I pulled the DVDS out of my bag and lifted them one by one. "I've got Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles, and Ferris Bueller's Day Off."

Edward tossed the last bite of his sandwich into his mouth and rubbed his hands. "Which one first?"

"Let's go in order of release date, Sixteen Candles is first."

"It's kinda creepy that you know that."

"You're not the only secret Hughes fan, baby." I got off the bed. "I'm going to make popcorn and get some drinks. Need anything?"

"No, I'll start it and then I'm going to use the bathroom."

I went to the kitchen and found his dad heating up some coffee.

"Hi, Dr. Cullen."

"Jasper." He pressed a few buttons on the microwave. "What are you two doing tonight?"

"Nothing, just watching some movies," I answered, going to the cupboard where they kept the bags of popcorn. He didn't seem surprised that I knew my way around his kitchen as well as he did. Since Edward's accident, I had spent more time at his house than my own. "How's work?"

"Not bad, I'm actually off this weekend, not even on call. I was going to take Esme out tonight, but we decided to stay in."

Maybe Edward was right. We were old men.

His coffee finished and he pulled it out of the microwave, leaving it open for me to put in the popcorn. Stirring his coffee with a spoon, he watched me for a few seconds before speaking again.

"How is everything at school? Is he adjusting all right?"

"Yes, sir, he seems to be doing much better, especially since the Senior Night. I think that really helped."

I neglected to mention gym class, since I was pretty sure Edward was doing it without his parents' permission.

"It was good to see him smile like that. I'm sure he misses playing though."

"Yeah, he does."

"You know, Jasper, there are options out there for him when he's ready to take them on."

His words were cryptic, but I knew he was trying to tell me something important.

"Sir?"

Taking a sip of his coffee, he looked down the hall, and then turned to me. "You'll know when he's ready, just remember what he loves."

I felt like he was talking in code and I was missing my secret decoder ring.

"And when the time comes, don't mention to Esme. She might not approve at first, but you and I both know what he needs. Just don't rush him. Let his body heal."

"Okay," I answered, completely lost.

Dr. Cullen turned to leave, stopping at the door. "Thanks, Jasper."

"For what, sir?"

"For being the… person you are. He couldn't have asked for a better friend, and neither could we. You're a good man."

Embarrassed, I looked away. "Thanks."

When the popcorn was done, I went back to Edward's room, not surprised when he wasn't back yet. I decided to keep his dad's comments to myself. I had no idea what Dr. Cullen was talking about but if he did suspect something between Edward and I, I didn't want to worry Edward with it. It was too soon. Quickly, I changed into my sweatpants and then grabbed the remote off the DVD player and climbed onto the bed, moving up so I was leaning against his headboard. Edward returned a few minutes later, closing the door tightly behind him and then going over to his dresser he pulled out his Star Wars pajamas. Then with his eyes on mine, he peeled off his Lennon tee shirt. Swallowing, I watched as he positioned the chair next to the bed to transfer over. It seemed not that long ago, he had struggled with moving from his bed to his chair, but now he did it with a practiced ease. Once he was on the bed, he lay back. Still watching me, he undid his jeans and began shifting them down over his hips by rolling from side to side. When he had them around his knees, he grabbed the bottom with his hand and pulled them off, letting them fall to the floor. Lying on his back in nothing but his new buff body and tight, black briefs, he stared at me.

I loved Edward, but I wasn't beyond objectifying him on occasion. Like right then when he was lying there on display for me.

Slowly, my eyes went from his feet that hung over the edge of the bed, up his calves and thighs to his slim hips. The gray band of elastic sat just under his hip bones, wrapping around the flat of his stomach to curve around his ass. There was a clear outline of his cock as it pressed against the thin material, resting on the left side, just like it always did. There were shadows on his abdomen defining the muscles, and my eyes traced each one before moving up to his chest and nipples, then his shoulders and neck. I took my time looking over his unshaven jaw and lips before finally reaching his eyes.

"Jesus," I mumbled. "Do you have any idea how fucking hot you are?"

Even though he was flaunting himself for me, he blushed at my words.

"I think you should stay like that all night. Fuck the pajamas," I suggested casually, breathlessly.

"I don't think so," he chuckled as he sat up and lifting his legs with his hands, put them into the flannel pants. Then he rocked his body side to side and pulled them up until the elastic snapped around his waist. "Tell ya what though, I'll leave the shirt off."

Eagerly, I nodded and patted the bed next to me. "C'mere, baby."

Dragging his lower body, he pulled himself until he was sitting next to me. I could feel the heat from his skin soaking through the thin cotton of my tee shirt.

"Ready?"

Reaching into the bowl for a handful of popcorn, he nodded and I hit play. We sat close, our bodies almost touching from shoulders to feet. Occasionally, I would let my foot fall to the side and rub his playfully. We laughed at the geeks and the panties in the bathroom, and the way Sam drooled over her perfect boy Jake Ryan.

"You're my Jake Ryan," I told Edward, keeping my eyes on the movie. He kissed my head and I snuggled into him, daringly laying my head on his shoulder. "Ya know, maybe now you can get a cool nickname."

"Huh?"

"These geeks have nicknames, we should do. Let's face it, baby, I love you, but Edward is kinda old fashioned. From like the 1800's, right? And Eddie isn't any better."

"Oh, okay,_ Jasper_. What name do you suggest?" he asked curious with a raised brow.

I thought for a long moment. "I don't know. Hot wheels? Speedy? "

His body shook when he laughed and I smiled. For awhile hearing Edward laugh was something I had never thought I'd hear again, and now every time he did, it warmed me.

"Oh yes, because those are so much better than Eddie," he replied sarcastically. "I think I'll stick with Edward for now."

Reaching down, he put his hand on mine, his fingers gently toying with the bracelet on my wrist, spinning it around and tracing the braided leather. When the movie was over and the bowl of popcorn empty, I got up and put in the next movie in.

"Did you want another drink?"

"Yeah," he nodded and I kissed his cheek before opening the door and running to the kitchen. I returned to find Edward eating a cookie, frosting coating his upper lip before he ran his tongue along it. "These are really good."

"I can show you how to make them if you want."

"Yeah?"

"Sure. They're easy."

I climbed back into bed next to him and handed him his drink. Breakfast Club started and I settled next to him again. Closer than before, I ran my fingers back and forth over his thigh, then repeated the movement on his forearm, smiling at the involuntary shiver he had. We watched as Bender told off the teacher.

"I've jerked off to thoughts of John Bender before," he admitted with a chuckle.

"You've always had a thing for the bad boys," I teased. His fingers returned to my bracelet, absently toying with it.

He was quiet for a few moments, then he asked, "Remember the first time you jerked off for me?"

Instantly my cheeks heated up, and keeping my eyes on the television, I nodded. "Yeah, I remember."

In the week since our first date we had seen each other almost every day, but there had been little touching except for the occasional brushes of hands accidently on purpose and the stares we both caught each other in, but we had rarely been alone.

Until then.

Edward was sleeping over for the first time since I'd kissed him in his pool.

I had waited for him to arrive, even cleaning my room all day to remain busy until I heard the familiar purr of the Volvo when his parents dropped him off. Opening the door before he even had a chance to knock, I grinned at him, instantly relieved to see his messy hair and crooked smile. We stood awkwardly in the doorway until I finally asked him down to my room.

It was something we'd done countless times before, but before he hadn't been my boyfriend then.

_He was my boyfriend._

I repeated the word in my head several hundred times.

"Yes, I'm your boyfriend," he confirmed as he walked by me and into my room.

Apparently, I wasn't repeating it only in my head.

"So what do you want to do?" I asked, sitting on my bed watching him as he began to walk around my room. He found it fascinating, always exploring it every time he was there. I didn't know why, it hadn't changed. Long fingers would touch the models on my dresser, the trophies on my shelves, the graphic novels and DVDS on my desk.

He ignored my question and asked one of his own. "Where are your parents?"

"My dad's home, probably in the workshop out in the garage, and my mom's at work."

Nodding, he continued around my room while I just…watched, admired, stared.

He was dressed in the same thing I saw him in ever day, a tee shirt and jeans, but the jeans hugged his ass just right and I couldn't help but notice it as he stood with his back to me. My fingers practically twitched with the desire to touch his perfectly shaped ass. I wondered what he was wearing for underwear.

My cock stirred.

I needed a distraction pretty fucking quick.

Clearing my throat a little awkwardly, I said, "You want to play Fable three? I just picked it up yesterday. So far it's pretty good. The magic system is much easier to use. You haven't played it yet, right? I think you'll like the guns. I like it much better than the second one. Although, nothing can top the first one. It was epic."

Unable to contain my anxiousness, I continued to ramble, not even allowing him time to answer the questions I had asked. Every time I paused, he would glance at me over his shoulder and smile and I would start to ramble again.

"You played it, right? I mean, the quests were just so original. Don't get me wrong, this one is too but it's different, ya know? Well, no, I guess you don't know since you haven't played it, but it's really great. Did you want to play? I can show you all the controls. Though, unlike the second one, this one gives detailed instructions in the beginning. And the first thing you see is this chicken that gets put through hell. I mean, even the opening sequence is better than the entire second game, ya know?"

Biting my lip, I scolded myself for the tirade.

"Jasper?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think of me when you jerk off?" he asked quietly.

Swallowing, I wanted to ask him to repeat the question to give myself more time to answer. Reminding myself it was Edward, my best friend and_ boyfriend_, there was nothing to be embarrassed about, I knew I would tell him the truth.

"Yes," I murmured. Blushing, I couldn't even look at his back anymore, and I glanced away. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw him turn to face me and I brought my eyes back to his, wondering if I'd just scared him.

"I think of you too," he admitted softly with a blush of his own.

"You do?" I squeaked and he nodded.

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course."

"Will you do it for me?"

"Do…"

He took a step closer to my bed, and that was when I saw how dark his eyes had turned, intensifying the same way they had in the pool the night I'd kissed him.

"Jerk off. I want to watch you."

"What? Here? Now?" I stuttered.

"Yeah."

He moved even closer, licking his lips as his eyes dropped to my crotch where my hand had gone to press on my aching dick.

"You're hard," he stated. "It'll feel good."

My mouth was dry and my heart raced, but I knew it would do it. I would do anything he asked. Nodding, I exhaled a long breath.

"But you need to stand in front of my door in case my dad comes," I bargained.

"Okay," he agreed eagerly, moving to my door and leaning against it with his shoulder. Turning on my bed so he could see, I undid the fly on my pants and popped the button. Slowly, I lay back, leaving my feet on the floor. Closing my eyes, I pulled my underwear down over my erection and wrapped my fingers around myself. I pulled my shirt up with my other hand and then slowly began to stroke. Listening to his breathing, knowing his eyes were on me, on what I was doing, it didn't take more than a few minutes until I was grunting, my back lifting off the bed as my cock emptied onto my stomach.

"You were so hot," Edward reminded me. His voice easily slipping me back to him from my memory.

"I'm getting hard just thinking about it," I groaned, casually pressing the heel of my palm into my dick.

"And that's a bad thing how?"

Surprised, I looked at him. Reaching for the remote, he paused the movie and then curved a hand around my neck, drawing me toward him for a kiss. The second our lips met, they parted and I felt his tongue enter my mouth to slide along mine with teasing flicks. I could taste the salt from the popcorn when I deepened the kiss. Shifting, I lay half on him, keeping my weight off his bladder, and running a hand up his other arm into his hair. Just when I thought he might break the kiss, he moaned and pulled me even closer, our lips mashing together roughly as the kiss intensified. Heatedly, we tongue fucked, occasionally pulling away for a second to gasp for breath before moving our lips together again. My sweatpants were loose and my cock had hardened and was pressing into his thigh as I rutted against it in an effort to find relief. One of his hands was still in my hair while the other groped my ass, encouraging me to buck against him. Panting, I pulled my mouth from his and gazed at him.

I had awoken a monster. The lust that had reappeared in his eyes during the past few weeks had increased. Each day it had grown with the confidence he was gaining in himself, us, and my desire for him. Normally pale green eyes were as dark as summer forest as he returned my stare. While watching me, he moved his hand from my ass to my lower back, where he pushed up my tee shirt and let the tips of his fingers dance over the newly exposed skin. Daringly, he moved his hand lower, slipping it under the elastic of the sweatpants.

Then his hand was on my ass, kneading, squeezing, exploring.

"Fuck," I moaned, dropping my head to his chest and moving my hips into him.

I wanted so much, I wanted to touch him, to feel his naked body against mine. I wanted to know what it felt like to have him in me, or be inside him.

I wanted what I could never have.

Tugging on my hair, he forced my head up and his eyes caught mine. "Will you jerk off for me, love?"

"What? Here? Now?" I asked, glancing at his door.

Of course, I would. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do for him.

"Yeah," he replied quietly, threading his fingers through my hair, letting the ends slip through before doing it again.

I nodded, already feeling my cheeks heat up with the idea of him watching me. Usually when we jerked off together, it was level playing field, but this time, like the first, all his attention would be on me. Also, unlike the first time, I wasn't nervous about him seeing my cock. It wasn't like he hadn't seen it hundreds of times before.

Rolling onto my back, I watched him as he turned his upper body onto his side and ran a hand from my waist to my chest, pulling my shirt up along with it. He exposed my torso and then leaned forward, his tongue darting out to flick over my nipple. Immediately, my back arched and my hand went to his hair.

"Jesus," I sighed.

"Will you take your clothes off? I want to see you," he murmured against my skin.

Pushing him off me, I sat up, and grabbing the bottom of my shirt, pulled it over my head and dropped it to the floor. My glace to the door didn't go unnoticed.

"It's late, they're in bed," he assured me.

It wouldn't be the first time I had been completely naked in Edward's room. There had been a few times I had been sleeping over and had abandoned my sleeping back to climb naked into his bed in the middle of night to lie next to him and feel his body against mine. It also wouldn't be the first time I had jerked off while his parents were home. Edward and I had jerked off together in his room before, our hands on own cocks as our eyes were on each other's.

However, it would be the first time I would be naked _and_ jerking off at the same time.

He moved off me as I reached for my pants. Raising my hips, I slid my sweatpants and briefs down my legs, and using my feet, I kicked them off the end of the bed. Already semi-hard, I lay on my back and stared at him. It was his turn to objectify me, his eyes running from my feet up my legs and hips, stopping at my cock before continuing up to my chest and arms. Tentatively, he reached out and ran a finger down the center of my chest, over my navel through the hair around it, the entire time avoiding the area I wanted him to touch the most. I gasped when his fingers finally brushed up the length of my cock. Desire laden eyes gazed at his fingers on me, the way my cock twitched and grew from his caresses. Light touches skimmed my balls and through the course hair framing my cock before swiping along the head. Within a few minutes, my breaths were shallow and quick.

"Tongue back in your mouth, baby," I teased when his eyes never left the sight of his hand on me. Laughing quietly, he looked up at my face.

"Sit on me," he begged.

Obeying, I sat up just as he rolled onto his back again. I lifted my leg over his body and sat on his abdomen.

"Is this okay?" I asked, making sure all my weight wasn't resting on him. He nodded and licked his lips. Watching his face, I made a loose fist around my cock and pumped myself once. "Like this?"

"Yeah, just like that." Reaching up, he fingered the ends of the waves that had fallen in front of my eyes. "Just like fucking silk," he sighed before tucking the strands behind my ear. "I want to see all of you."

My cock hardened even further as I continued to languidly stroke myself, the pace unhurried even though my heart raced in my chest at the thought of being caught. His hands dropped to my hips, fingertips digging into my flesh with his new strength. With his eyes on my hand's movement, he pushed me down his body until I was resting on his hips, his cock directly under my bare ass.

He wanted to see if he could get hard again.

Without further promoting, I began to grind slow, sensuous circles onto his cock. His hard chest began to heave while he watched me. My cock was in my hand as I leaned back and thrust forward, rubbing his cock with my ass.

He moaned really fucking loud at the motion and my eyes darted to the door.

"Nervous?"

"A little," I replied but my movements never ceased. "They might suspect something if they walked in right now."

He smirked at my words but his attention never wavered from my cock. I continued to stroke myself for him, my pace increasing the more I watched him watching me, but as soon as I felt myself too close, I backed off, loosening my grip and easing the pressure.

Slowly he brought his eyes up to mine. "What are you thinking about?"

"I'm not. I'm just watching you. Feeling you under me."

There was a hint of hesitation in his eyes, hidden behind the desire running through him, but I saw it. Sitting on him, I ground my hips and ran my fingers through his hair, bringing him back to me before he could pull away too far, before the hesitation over what we were doing claimed him. Immediately, I felt him relax, even his hold on my hips lightened.

"Can I touch you?"

"Baby, my body is yours, you can touch me whenever you want," I replied, shoving my hips forward and releasing my cock, presenting it to him. He moved his hand from my hip and gingerly wrapped his fingers around me. I swear my fucking eyes rolled back into my head. Involuntarily, my hips bucked and I groaned. I could get myself off pretty fucking fast. I'd had my fair share of five minute shower wanks, but nothing could get me off like Edward touching me. My arousal hung thick and musky in the air, the potent scent of sex floating around us both.

"You smell so good," he said, breathing my scent in deeply. "You look so fucking hot right now."

"I love you watching me, baby. Makes me so hard."

"More," he breathed.

My boy always did like the dirty talk.

"Whenever I jerk off, all I can see is you working out. Sweaty, grunting…fuck, watching the muscles in your arms move is enough to make me come."

That earned me a smile and a slight roll of his eyes.

After a few more strokes, he released me and I returned my own hand, steadily pumping myself in deliberate measured strokes for him. I slid my ass over his covered cock, riding him like I would have any other time, dragging myself up his length. Pressing down onto him, I felt him growing beneath me, his body responding as it should. Not pausing, I continued to move over him, my hand stroking my cock faster. With my free hand, I reached down and cupped my balls, gently tugging on the hot, wrinkled sac. Instantly, my pace increased and I felt my orgasm sitting low in my belly, just waiting to be released. Lolling my head back, I growled in frustration at the sudden need to chase my climax rather than sit on the edge of it for Edward.

"Fuck," he murmured.

Following his eyes, I saw them staring at my cock, and the drop of clear fluid beading at the slit before dropping onto his skin. In a slow, tight rhythm under his rapt stare, I rolled my hips on him, enticing his cock's reflex. His eyes narrowed as they watched our hips together for a minute before he raised his eyes to meet my stare. With one simple look, he let me see everything inside him, his fear and hope, desire and devotion. In his eyes, I saw us. We were made up of all those emotions, and so much more, but in the end, we were just Edward and Jasper.

Two boys in love.

"Am I…am I…am I hard?" he bravely asked even though he was afraid of the answer.

"Yeah, baby, you're hard. Your cock is pressing against my ass," I confirmed in a whisper. There was an instant relief in his eyes, quickly overcome by excitement of possibilities, of knowing that he was still a man even if he couldn't feel it.

I let go of my cock and shifted my weight off him a bit. Keeping my eyes on his, I hooked an index finger into the elastic of his pants, making sure I had his briefs too. Immediately, his hand was on my wrist, stopping me.

"Don't," he begged, pleading me with his eyes."I can't."

My boy was worried about what he might not see.

"I want to feel you against me, baby. Just for a minute. Please," I begged in return. "I need this."

Fear and the desire to please me conflicted in his eyes before he loosened his hold on my wrist and nodded slightly. Gently, I pulled his pants down over his cock, just enough to free his erection before letting them go, the elastic stretching tight across his upper thighs. Unable to help himself, his eyes glanced down at his cock, and he gasped when he saw the head of it poking toward him from between my legs. My own heart pounded at the sight of his reddening cock straining above his body. I moved back over him, sitting right on his cock so that it was massaging my balls and the soft skin behind them with every thrust of my hips.

"Oh fuck," I groaned at the sensation of his velvet shaft sliding along me. "Baby, you feel so fucking good right now. So hard."

Gradually, the excitement returned to his eyes. He returned his hands to my hips, gripping even tighter than before as he forced me down onto him. His need, urgent and wanton, fed my own. Wrapping my hand around my cock again, I began to stroke furiously, shamelessly seeking my orgasm. Each time he adjusted his hold on me, keeping me tightly to him, I was propelled closer to the edge. Grunting with effort, his jaw tightened, eyes clenched and his teeth gritted. He willed himself to thrust up into me, but his hips remained still no matter the bruises he was leaving on my hips.

"Baby," I whispered, calling him back to me. Opening his eyes, he looked up at me.

"I just want to feel you again," he whispered desperately. "Want to feel you so fucking bad."

"I know, baby," I murmured. The white knuckle grip on my hips eased. "I'm so fucking close."

I battled between holding off for him and fulfilling my body's need to come.

No matter what Edward had been through, he was my boy and he knew exactly what I needed. He always knew what I needed.

"Come for me," he demanded quietly. "I can't feel you, but I can watch you."

There was no pulling back anymore, my cock ached, my balls drew up tight and I felt the sweet fire begin to spread, tickling my nerves before it hit my spine and exploded upward. With one last flick of my wrist, my cock pulsed and then heavy streams of cum burst from the slit, landing delicately on Edward's chest. My entire body flexed, my muscles all working to force the climax through my body, making sure nothing was left untouched. My thighs clenched around his hips, and I felt his cock between them, greedily pressing against me. Stroking myself through it, I rocked my hips on him as milked my cock empty. Cum dribbled down my hand, between my fingers, slickening my skin. Exhausted and panting, I released myself, and flattened my palms on Edward's chest.

"Jesus," I sighed, completely content.

Between my legs, Edward's cock was still hard, and I fought back the desire to take him into my hand and stroke him. He wasn't ready for that, and I wasn't going to push anymore than I already had. Hanging my head, I took a few deep breaths until my heartbeat began to even out. Every part of my body tingled as the remnants of my orgasm washed through it. He picked my hand up from my chest and brought it to his mouth, his eyes on me as his tongue licked some of my cum from my fingers.

"Mmmm, I had almost forgotten how good you taste," he moaned.

"Fuck, baby."

"You gonna get hard again?"

"Give me about ten minutes and I will be," I laughed. "But I need to clean us up first."

Instead of getting off him, l leaned forward and kissed him, sampling the heady taste of myself on his tongue. He kept one hand on my hip, but his other went to my hair, fisting it as he deepened the kiss. At some point during the lazy kisses, my hips began to rock back and forth, my soften cock leaving a slick trail on his stomach. Finally, I broke the kiss and sat up.

"Got something we can clean up with?"

"You don't want to run to the bathroom like that?" he joked. "There might be a towel in the laundry basket."

Before I moved, I reached between us and pulled his pants up over his cock. It was still semi-hard and I fought the guilt for leaving him aroused. After climbing off him, I went to the laundry basket and bent over, digging through his dirty clothes.

"Nice view," he whistled behind me. Without looking, I wiggled my ass and then gave him the finger.

"Ah, here we go." I pulled the towel out and wiped off my cock. Edward's head was tilted as he watched me, his eyes glazed over with a sated look even though he hadn't come. One hand was by his side while the other lay on his stomach and my come decorated his chest in white stripes and blotches. I went to him, cleaning off his chest before putting my sweatpants back on.

"I'm going to go wash my hands, do you need anything?"

He shook his head and I left the room, bolting across the hall to the bathroom where I used the toilet and washed up. When I returned to Edward, his eyes were half closed and his breaths were deep. I kissed him.

"Goodnight, baby," I whispered. I went to move away to set up my sleeping bag on the floor next to his bed, but he stopped me.

"Stay with me," he murmured sleepily.

"I am."

"In my bed."

"Are you sure? What-"

"Set an alarm. I want you with me."

Nodding, I grabbed my phone and set my alarm for four in the morning, then I got into bed next to Edward and pulled the blanket up over us both. Laying my head on his chest, I wrapped an arm around his middle and put a leg over his.

"Why is it we never seem to make it through an entire movie?" I asked as he hit play on the remote.

"You're a distraction."

"Me?" I scoffed innocently.

"Thanks for tonight," he sighed before kissing my head. "I love you so much, Jas."

"I love you too, baby."

Sleep hit me before the next scene in the movie finished. Happy, I nestled my body as close as I could get to Edward without actually crawling inside him. His warmth and scent surrounded me as I drifted to sleep. Soft, airy puffs rhythmically hit my head and I was lulled by the sounds he made, and the way his fingers pressed possessively into my back. I fell asleep in his arms, exactly where I should be.

There was no place I would ever want to be then by his side.

"**~~**"

The floor beneath me was hard. I rolled onto my side, groaning at the slight ache in my lower back. I was too old to be sleeping on the floor. My alarm had gone off at four, but it had been almost an hour later before I'd had enough willpower to peel myself away from Edward's warm body. Curled around him, I nuzzled his neck hoping the movement might wake him up. I had also been hoping he might be tempted to take care of the erection that I was pressing into his side, but he slept soundly through my attempts. Grumbling, I had finally moved to the floor, sliding my body in the small, cold sleeping bag.

The sun was right on my eyes and I covered them with my arm. Flipping side to side, I couldn't get comfortable and I gave up with a heavy sigh. Yawning, I rubbed my eyes. When I realized it might still be early enough to have some fun with Edward before anyone else was up, I opened my eyes and looked up at the bed.

Edward was there, awake, with a scowl on his face and glaring at me with a hard look in his eyes. One that I hadn't seen since….

Rising to my elbows, I began to panic. Perhaps we had been caught. After the talk in the kitchen the night before, maybe his father had decided to check in on us, maybe he had come in earlier and had seen my body intimately entwined with his son's.

"Edward?" I whispered.

His eyes narrowed.

There was something in his right hand, and when I looked more closely, I saw it was my phone.

"What's wrong? Did someone see us?"

He shook his head, but the anger around him didn't fade.

"Then what is it, baby?"

"Who the fuck is Jake?"

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

Jasper has done his research. There are two types of erections, just as he described. Because Edward's injury is pretty low on his spine and also qualified as an 'incomplete', he is able to achieve a reflex erection by stimulation, this may change in time as he becomes more comfortable with his new life.

For more information visit http:/www DOT christopherreeve DOTorg/

M&A was nominated for a Golden Lemon Award for "Best Group Sex" (R/J/E DP outtake). Please go read all the entries, and support all the slash fics nominated. Let's show the canon peeps that two peens can have fuckhot lemons too!

Have questions about the boys? Follow me on Twitter theslashawards or visit the M&A thread on Twilighted http:/www DOT twilighted DOT net/forum/viewtopic DOT php?f=44&t=9674


	16. In the Dead of Night

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N-We're back with Edward, and his version of events. Again, I don't want to repeat too much stuff, but what happened between him and Jasper physically was pretty significant and I think we need to hear what Edward was feeling when Jasper was riding him, along with resolving the slight cliffhanger. Thank you for your patience while I try to keep up with the schedule as best as I can.

Thank you to everyone that has read, recommended, reviewed, and learned from this story.

Special thanks to Dannie, who stuck by me for so long with this story, if it wasn't for her encouragement and faith in my writing, the boys wouldn't be here.

This chapter is unbeta'd, all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are mine.

Now Edward pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night he hadn't fought the darkness and won…_

"**~~**"

When I had fallen asleep, he was in my arms. Warm and sated, his body curled intimately against me, his leg slung over mine, holding them down as if I could get up and walk away from him. As he drifted to sleep, and I fought it, I wondered how two bodies could fit so perfectly together. It wasn't just the way his hand felt in mine, or the way our lips matched when pressed together, but the way our heartbeats synchronized, the way his deep breaths somehow instinctively matched my own even in his sleep.

Sometimes, when I was tired or bored or feeling exceptionally sappy, I wondered if other couples felt like we did. Did their bodies yearn for each other so much it ached, did their hearts almost burst when their boyfriends smiled at them, or was it only Jasper and I that had been allowed to feel that way? When I grew too curious, I would ask Jasper and he would roll his eyes, only to kiss me and tell me how sweet I was before agreeing 'of course it was only us, because we were soul mates'.

He was right. We were soul mates.

I could live a thousand years and travel all over the world and I knew I would never find another Jasper. No one would affect me like he did, no one would make my heart race and slow at the same time, and no one else would ever know exactly what I needed and give it to me exactly when I needed it. There definitely wasn't anyone else as stubborn as he was.

Or as beautiful.

We had both been excited about him sleeping over again. It had been months since we had been alone in my room for an entire night, and I knew after Valentine's Day, he was hoping for some physical contact. He would never ask me for it, as much as he wanted my touch again, he wouldn't push me, he would wait until I was ready for more. Physically wanting Jasper both frightened and relieved me. I feared after not having another hard on after Valentine's Day, that maybe it had been a fluke, a one time thing. I wasn't sure I could handle the disappointment if he touched me again and nothing happened. My sex drive had been nonexistent since the accident until Jasper had gradually coaxed it out of hiding, encouraging it slowly with hand holding and kissing, each small step almost reflecting how our physical relationship had started almost two years before. So when I began to want Jasper, to see him naked, to touch him and hold him, I was relieved to feel that desire coursing through me once again. Of course, Jasper took his time with me, never rushing me for more than I wanted.

Jasper might have been stubborn.

He was also really fucking patient.

I don't think he had expected me to ask him to jerk off for me. The look on his face has been one of surprise before his eyes darkened at the request. Agreeing, he had rolled off me to begin, and I let my need for him surge through me, not even trying to control it. I followed his movement as much as I could, running a hand up his body, pulling his shirt with it until I had exposed his nipples. Leaning forward, I took one into my mouth. Instantly his back arched and I felt his hand in my hair.

He wanted me, and I wanted more.

"Will you take your clothes off? I want to see you," I murmured. Immediately, he pushed me off him and yanked his shirt over his head, but then his eyes went to my closed door. "It's late, they're in bed."

He'd been naked in my room before, and I had been naked in his. It was a risk we took when we were feeling brave, or really fucking horny. It was a risk, what we were doing and getting caught was a legitimate fear, but sometimes our need outweighed fear. During the winter getting to the meadow was not easy and we just needed to be together like that, feel each other's skin and warmth and naked weight. We had jerked off together before too, sometimes under the blankets early on the mornings he slept over, sometimes late at night before we fell asleep, even in the backseat of the car a few times when we were desperate.

When he was lying naked on my bed, I couldn't help but stare. Jasper was breathtaking, lithe and lean with sinewy muscles running along his arms and legs. I caressed him, hesitantly at first, but with more confidence as I saw his body reacting to even the lightest of my touches. His cock hardened and I hadn't even touched it, and when I did, and it twitched and grew more, my heart pounded.

He wanted me.

"Tongue back in your mouth, baby," he teased.

Laughing, I peeled my eyes away from the sight of my hand on his body. "Sit on me." I rolled onto my back again and he quickly moved on top of me.

"Is this okay?" he asked and I nodded. Then he made a loose fist around his cock and pumped himself once. "Like this?"

"Yeah, just like that." Reaching up, I fingered the ends of the waves that had fallen in front of his eyes. "Just like fucking silk," I sighed before tucking the strands behind his ear. "I want to see all of you."

Jasper stroked himself slowly, the pace unhurried even though I knew he must be nervous. There would have been no stopping someone from opening the door, even if they knocked it would not have given Jasper enough time to get off me and dressed.

My hands left his hair and went to his hips, gripping them tightly as I pushed him down my body until he was resting on my pelvis, my covered cock under his bare ass. He could have stopped me from moving him, but he didn't. It scared me to have him sitting there, because if having Jasper naked and jerking off on me didn't make me hard, nothing ever fucking would. He knew what I wanted, and he gave it to me. Grinding his ass onto my cock in slow circles, he would thrust his hips forward. I couldn't help it, I groaned, not caring how loud I was, and his eyes went right to the door.

"Nervous?"

"A little," he replied. "They might suspect something if they walked in right now."

Smirking, my attention never moved from his cock, or the way his hand slid across his skin. He edged himself for me, backing off when he felt he was getting too close. He was giving me as much pleasure as possible. I listened to his breathing, heavier as he got closer, and shallower as he slowed his pace. Curious, I brought my eyes up to his.

"What are you thinking about?"

"I'm not. I'm just watching you. Feeling you under me."

_Feeling me._

Feeling my still body under his.

I missed being able to feel him. I could see his movements on me, even guide them with my hands, but I couldn't feel him like he could feel me. How could he want me if I couldn't feel him and couldn't please him like I used to. Sensing my wavering thoughts, he ran his fingers through my hair, bringing me back to him before I strayed too far into the darkness. It was always resting just behind me, waiting for the right moment to strike. When my defenses were down and I had let doubt seep in, the darkness would rear its head, curling a finger toward me as it encouraged me to follow. Jasper was all I had. He was fighting a battle for me that he didn't even know existed. If it hadn't been for his constant presence and reassurance, the darkness would have already shrouded me. Jasper's fingers in my hair, his soft voice in my ear brought me back, and the darkness retreated once again.

Looking up at him, I saw his desire, darkening and filling his eyes.

He wanted me.

Relaxing, I lightened my hold on his hips. "Can I touch you?"

"Baby, my body is yours, you can touch me whenever you want," he replied, shoving his hips forward and releasing his cock, presenting it to me. Releasing his hip, I moved one hand to his cock and gently wrapped my fingers around it. Involuntarily, his hips bucked and he groaned. Empowered, I gripped him tighter and watched the bead of precum drip from his cock onto me. The scent of his excitement was in the air, thick and musky. He smelled of sex and us.

"You smell so good," I said, breathing his scent in deeply. "You look so fucking hot right now."

"I love you watching me. Makes me so hard."

_Makes him hard._

He wanted me.

"More," I breathed.

"Whenever I jerk off alone, all I see is you working out. Sweaty, grunting…fuck, just watching the muscles in your arms move is enough to make me come."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes and smile. I admit I had been teasing him since he had caught me working out. While he had taunted me about the music the entire time, I had seen the way he watched me, lust floating around him as his eyes followed the movements of my arms and back and shoulders. I had always enjoyed working out but it had taken on a new meaning since the accident. Now getting around in the chair depended on my strength and endurance, being in shape made just about everything I did easier, from showering to getting dressed. Even though I was working out almost daily, I hadn't counted on the muscle growth happening so quickly, but Emmett had said it helped being young and having a lot of hormones, as well as already being an athlete.

I continued to stroke Jasper a few more times, feeling his velvet skin slide over his length, before releasing him and returning my hand to his hip. He moved over me like he would have any other time, riding my flaccid cock like it was hard and needy. Reaching down with his free hand, he cupped his balls and tugged on them, pulling them down for me to see the dark pink taut skin.

"Fuck," I murmured, my eyes staring at his cock, so hard and red, clear fluid seeping from the slit.

I felt his fingers tickling the back of my neck, but I knew they weren't. One hand was on his cock and the other was running over his chest. The tickling increased, dancing down my spine and out my arms, even causing a heat to rise and color my cheeks a deep pink. The longer I watched him, the more the tickling increased, even causing a slight shiver from me. I watched his hips move in a tight circle, his hand never stopping. Moving my eyes up his body, over the defined muscles of his abdomen and sweat glistened skin of his chest and shoulders to his neck, I concentrated briefly on his lips before finally meeting his eyes. Words couldn't even begin to express what I felt for him. The emotions tangled together, weaving together like the musical notes from a piano hitting the air, cumulating into a masterpiece of art until you couldn't tell one from the other. I knew he saw it, there was no hiding how he made me feel, even when I wanted to, I never could. But even with all the emotions, the chair, my condition, it always came back to us, Jasper and Edward.

And our love for each other.

That love had grown from trust, the two were mingled closely together. I trusted Jasper with my body and my heart. It was that same trust that gave me enough strength to ask him what I was most afraid of.

"Am I…am I…am I hard?" I stammered.

"Yeah, baby, you're hard. Your cock is pressing against my ass," he confirmed in a whisper.

Instantly, I was relieved, and while I couldn't feel the erection, he did, and right then that was all that mattered. Keeping his eyes on mine, he shifted his weight off me and let go of his cock. Then he hooked a finger into my pants and I immediately grabbed his wrist tightly.

"Don't. I can't."

"I want to feel you against me, baby. Just for a minute. Please," he begged. "I need this."

I was afraid, of what I was sure, but there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for him.

I wanted to please him so fucking much, I wanted to give him that, but the fear swelled inside me, churning in the pit of my stomach even as I loosened my hold on his wrist and nodded. Gently, he pulled my pants down over my cock, just enough to free my erection before letting them snap back into place. No matter how much I feared looking, my eyes went to my cock, the head poking out between his thighs. It was hard and red, and looked completely normal. Sitting back on me, he moved so my cock was pressing against his balls and the soft skin behind them, and every time he thrust, he would run his ass along my length.

"Oh fuck," he groaned. "Baby, you feel so fucking good right now. So hard."

He wanted me.

Excitement grew in me, and I returned my hands to his hips, gripping him tightly. Urgent to feel him, desperate to feel his wanton movements, the way his body writhed, I forced him down on me. The tips of my fingers dug into his flesh, and I knew I was bruising him, but I didn't care. I needed to fucking feel him, I had to feel him. I grunted as I used my new strength to shove him down on me as I willed my hips to move, to thrust, to just fucking budge. No matter how much I clenched my teeth or gripped him, my hips remained completely still.

My cock was right there, against his naked ass, and I felt…nothing.

I just wanted to feel something, any fucking thing, a twitch, a pulse, heat…anything.

Nothing.

"Baby."

Opening my eyes, I looked up at him. "I just want to feel you again," I whispered desperately. "Want to feel you so fucking bad."

"I know, baby," he murmured.

He knew. He didn't know how it felt, the frustration that ran so deep in me that I felt like I might explode from it, but he knew what I wanted.

"I'm so fucking close."

Just like he knew, so did I.

I knew my boy's body as well as my own, I knew what he was waiting for, and I wouldn't deny him any longer. Even if I couldn't do it anymore, he could, and I could still watch and remember what it felt like - the way my body used to tense as the muscles unanimously anticipated the orgasm a second before it actually hit. The way the warmth would start as a tingle low in my belly, then draw my balls up until there was no more holding back and it spread out my hips and up my spine, tickling every nerve right before my cock pulsed and throbbed and released.

Sensations I could no longer feel.

"Come for me. I can't feel you, but I can watch you."

With one last stroke and a gasp, he came, his body riding the high completely as it spread throughout him. His cock erupted, shooting his warm load onto my chest as he gasped and attempted to contain his cries. He kept pumping himself, squeezing every last drop out as his body trembled above me. Enthralled, I watched his cock empty, the dark head shiny from cum as it dripped onto his hand, running over his fingers.

He fell forward, placing his hands on my chest. "Jesus."

Taking deep breaths, he evened them out, occasionally shuddering as the last of his orgasm traveled through him. Looking down my chest, I saw his cum covered hand splayed on me, and I had to taste him again. The bitter, salty, potent essence that was entirely him. Picking up his hand, I brought it to my mouth and licked some cum off his fingers, my eyes holding his as they widened and almost rolled into his head.

"Mmmm, I had almost forgotten how good you taste," I moaned.

"Fuck, baby."

"You gonna get hard again?"

"Give me about ten minutes and I will be," he laughed. "But I need to clean us up first."

He wanted me.

So much that he didn't move off me, but instead, fell forward and kissed me. Tasting himself on my tongue, he moaned and deepened the kiss. As our tongues slid around each other, my hand went to hair, fisting his satiny curls as we kissed lazily. My hand on his hip felt him rocking back and forth as he dragged his softening cock over my stomach, the remnants of his orgasm smearing over my skin.

"Got something we can clean up with?" he asked, breaking the kiss.

"You don't want to run to the bathroom like that?" I teased. "There might be a towel in the laundry basket."

Before he moved, he reached between us and pulled my pants up over my cock. Then he climbed off and went to my laundry basket for a towel.

"Nice view," I whistled. Wiggling his ass, he gave me the finger.

"Ah, here we go." He found a towel and wiped himself off. Lying on my bed, I watched him intently, a light haze, similar to a small orgasm, fogging my mind and relaxing my body. He came to me, gently cleaning my abdomen before putting his sweatpants back on and running to the bathroom. He wasn't gone long, but I felt my eyes closing, barely hearing him when he returned.

"Goodnight, baby," he whispered, moving to the floor where his sleeping back was rolled up. I didn't want him on the floor; I wanted him next to me.

I needed him next to me.

"Stay with me," I murmured sleepily.

"I am."

"In my bed."

"Are you sure? What-"

"Set an alarm. I want you with me."

He set his alarm and then climbed into bed next to me, pulling the blanket up over us both. Placing his head on my chest, his leg over mine, he nuzzled into me.

"Why is it we never seem to make it through an entire movie?"

"You're a distraction," I admitted.

"Me?"

"Thanks for tonight," I sighed before kissing his head. "I love you so much, Jas."

"I love you too, baby."

He wanted me.

I don't know when he left the bed, I vaguely felt him lean over me to turn off his alarm when it beeped, but there was no empty spot next to me. Putting his phone back on the table, he put his head back on my chest, his breaths warm as they washed over me. Instinctively, my arm around him tightened, keeping him to me. Dreams plagued me, ones of watching him ride me, naked and wanton, until he realized I wasn't moving beneath them. Then he got off me, claiming he couldn't be with someone that didn't want him in the same way. No matter how much I told I did want him, I just couldn't get hard, he shook his head and left my room. The actions in the dreams varied, but the outcome was always the same.

He left me.

I was alone.

That was how I woke up to the sound of his phone vibrating on my nightstand. I assumed it was his alarm going off again, as it had every ten minutes for the past hour. Blindly, I reached for it, just wanting to stop the sound and fall back into my restless sleep. Picking it up, I pried my eyes open to turn off his alarm once and for all.

But it wasn't his alarm that was making his phone vibrate, it was a text message from someone named Jake.

_Have fun. I'll keep my fingers crossed that you get some *wink* lmk how it went_

Simultaneously my breath caught, my heart stilled and my chest tightened.

Jasper didn't hide anything from me, including his phone. In fact, I often used his phone and he was always on mine, usually moving music over or playing games he didn't have. I knew he wouldn't mind me looking at his text messages, and however wrong it felt was overridden by the need to know more.

Opening the message, my finger scrolled the screen, the messages going from newest to oldest, and my heart began to pound against my ribs.

_Have fun. I'll keep my fingers crossed that you get some *wink* lmk how it went_

_I'm heading over to Edward's tonight. Sleeping over for the first time since the accident, hoping for a little action, it's been about a week & I'm about to burst -if ykwim? Ttyl _

_It'll take some time before he's comfortable with the idea of being touched again. Don't rush, you've got plenty of time. I think it was about a month after we started doing stuff that Embry finally let me touch him. He loves watching me give him head. Remember they say the brain is the largest sex organ. _

_Yep, as a rock. He was shocked, but I think he was okay with it. I could tell he didn't want me to touch him though._

_Awesome, glad you had fun. Did it work, did he get hard?_

_Night was awesome, thanks for the advice._

Jasper had been texting to some guy about me, about us. The texts seemed familiar and friendly, Jake wasn't a complete stranger. My fingers tightened around the phone as I read the messages again and again while Jasper slept soundly on the floor next to my bed. Clutching his phone so hard my knuckles turned white, I took several deep breaths. Images of Jasper and the boy raced through my mind, Jasper smiling as he text him, or worse, talked to him on the phone.

Glancing to the corner of my dimly lit room, I saw the darkness greedily rubbing its hands as it rose tall, a 'I told you so' smirk forming in the feathery light smoke. Ignoring it, I turned away, my eyes falling to my boy on the floor, his golden halo of hair fanned out on the pillow, his head turned to the side, his mouth opened as he snored. I wouldn't follow the darkness until I talked to Jasper, but every second longer he slept, the more doubt snuck into my mind, and my heart.

Maybe Jasper didn't want me.

Maybe Jasper wanted _him_.

There was nothing in the messages to suggest that, and I kept reminding myself of that. In fact, Jasper seemed to want me in the messages he sent. My eyes concentrated on the name of another boy, Embry. Was he Jake's boyfriend? Was he cheating on him? Why wouldn't Embry want to be touched? The questions filled my mind, making it ache and throb.

On the floor, Jasper began to stir, flipping side to side before rising to his elbows with a sleepy look on his face.

"Edward?" he whispered, his eyes searching mine, finally dropping to my hand and his phone in it.

"What's wrong? Did someone see us?"

I shook my head, still unable to speak.

"Then what is it, baby?"

"Who the fuck is Jake?"

"Fuck," he mumbled, falling back onto his pillow and sighing. "He's a friend…kind of."

"Kind of?" I growled.

He rubbed his face with his hands and sighed again before scrambling out of his sleeping bag and standing. I watched him through narrow eyes as he stretched his long body before sitting on the edge of my bed. I flinched when his hand grabbed mine, but I never moved it from his as he took his phone and put it on the table, not even looking to see what I had seen. He took a deep breath and then looked directly into my eyes, not hiding anything.

"Remember on Valentine's Day when you asked me how I knew what to do?" I nodded, my heartbeat slowing under the soothing touch of his hand. "Well, I knew what to do because of Jake-"

"What the-"

His fingers were on my lips, stopping me. "Just let me explain. Shortly after your accident, I went online and began to try to find out as much as I could about SCIs. When I should have been doing homework, I was reading every site and article I could find. I even printed out some to read during lunch at school. I went to blogs, forums, medical sights, non-profit organizations, anything that had any information. It didn't make me hurt less, but it helped to know what your body was going through, and what we were going to face. I found these forums that had a teen section, and they seemed pretty friendly there. Some of the people there were paralyzed, some were girls with paralyzed boyfriends, or the other way around. I introduced myself in a post, I said was I gay and my boyfriend had been in an accident and was hurt. I asked for suggestions on what I could do to help you." He finally looked away, his eyes going to our hands. I don't know when it had happened, but my hand had turned up and our fingers were now entwined. "You wouldn't talk to me and I was so lost. I just wanted to help you, baby," he whispered in a shaky voice. He paused, letting me absorb his words before continuing.

"A few people replied, welcoming me to the forums, told me their stories and stuff. But there was one reply from this guy Jake. He told me about his boyfriend who had dove into a river and broken his spine at his T7. He also told me that no matter how angry you got, it wasn't at me, and that I could be there for you. Then he gave me his email address in case I had more personal questions that I didn't want to post on the forums. So we began emailing back and forth, maybe a few times a week. He'd ask for updates on you, tell me about his boyfriend Embry, basic everyday shit."

During the time I had forced Jasper away from me, I had missed him, hated him, needed him and loved him all at the same time. I knew he was alone and had reveled in it. I had wanted him in pain and to hurt as much as I did. If I'd had my life taken away, I wanted his gone too. It was selfish, and I knew it, but I hadn't cared. The agony had been in his eyes every day, it was in his weight loss and the way he walked. But he had kept coming back, each and every day, and perhaps it was partly because of Jake.

"What else did he tell you?" I asked quietly.

"Not to give up on you, stand by your side. Show you how much I loved you, and that no matter what, I wasn't going anywhere."

He brought his eyes back to mine and I looked away to the corner where the darkness waited. It was smaller, fainter, creeping back into the depths of me, waiting to prey on me another day.

"He gave me his number because he thought I might want to talk to him someday, and so we could text when we weren't near a computer."

"Have you talked to him?"

"No, just chatting on the computer and texting."

"You told him about…my…erection." It wasn't a question, I already knew he had, but he nodded anyway.

"I know you feel like you aren't a man anymore, and from my research, I knew it was possible for you to get hard, but nothing I read said how, well, some mechanics, but nothing like what we really do. It was all clinical. So I asked Jake what he and his boyfriend did, and one thing led to another."

"It's embarrassing," I sighed, finally bringing my eyes back to his.

Gnawing on his lip, he nodded. "I know, that's why I didn't tell you. I didn't want you to be embarrassed that someone else knew what we were doing, but he understands because he's gay too."

Which was exactly what scared me. If Jake was gay, and his boyfriend wasn't able to perform for him, maybe he was seeking someone that could, an able bodied person like my boy.

"Have you seen his picture?"

"Nope."

"Do you know where he lives?"

"Nope. That's what made it so easy to talk to him, Edward, the anonymity. I don't know anything about him other than his name, he's gay and has a paralyzed boyfriend that he loves. Just like us."

The more he revealed, the more I relaxed.

"You had your parents and Emmett, but I didn't have anyone. I couldn't exactly ask my mom. I didn't have anyone, baby, and I really needed someone to talk to. Chatting with Jake made it a little easier, and he's answered all my questions. He's really nice. Oh, and he likes The Beatles," he finished.

I couldn't help but smile a little, my hand reaching up to curve around his neck and pull him to me. Ignoring his morning breath, I directed his lips to mine, enticing a moan when I swept my lips over his before breaking the kiss.

"It's nice to have someone I can talk to and be myself. I don't have to hide who I am or how I feel about you with him, but if you want me to stop talking to him, I will," he vowed.

I had to admit it was tempting. I believed Jasper without a doubt. We had always trusted each other, it was never really an issue because there was no one else that threatened either of us, but things were different now. There were others out there who were better than me, who could walk and run and make love to Jasper, all things I could never to with him. I couldn't fault him for wanting a life of normalcy when I wanted that myself.

"No, that's okay. I think it's good for you to have someone to talk to. I'm sorry I looked, it's just that your phone was vibrating and I thought it was the alarm, but when I went to turn it off, I saw the message on the screen and…I panicked. I thought I was losing you…"

He shook his head. "You don't have to explain. I should have told you about him sooner but I was afraid you were too fragile and would be too embarrassed. It's still all so new. I'm sorry-"

I drew him to me again, kissing the rest of his apology away. Pulling apart, I put my forehead to his. "Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time," I breathed into the air between us.

Grinning, he continued for me. "Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you."

He sang the rest, and there was no better sound than Jasper whispering our song to me. Paul couldn't hold a candle to my boy's sweet voice.

Releasing my hand, he climbed over me until he was beside me in the same position as the night before. It was early, no one was up yet, and Jasper burrowed into my side, his lips moving steadily along my neck.

"I tried to wake you up earlier, I had a rather large problem I wanted you to take care of for me," he admitted shyly.

"Large?" I scoffed, angling my head to give his lips more room to work. I couldn't resist the throaty groan that escaped me.

"Fucking right it was large. Huge, enormous, biggest hard on ever."

"You should have woken me up."

"I couldn't. You looked too peaceful. But now that you're awake," he hinted. "Remember when we used to jerk off together before anyone got up?"

"Mmm, it was hot."

"Yeah, it was," he agreed, his lips skimming over my collarbone. "I could do that for you, ya know."

"Jerk off?"

He nodded, his eyes so fucking dark when his gaze met mine. "If you wanted me to."

"I do, but I need to go use the bathroom first."

Lifting himself off me, he got off the bed and grabbed my chair, which he had pushed in the corner to make room for his sleeping bag. He picked up his sleeping bag, tossing it out of the way of the chair. I transferred myself from the bed to my chair, and then wheeled over to the supplies and grabbed a catheter kit.

"This takes me awhile, you might want to get comfortable," I warned him as I opened my door.

Jasper was lying on my bed when I left the room and went across the hall to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and washed my hands first, then used the catheter. I had gotten much quicker and was able to push it through to my bladder and empty it in just few minutes. Once I was done and the tube was out, I moved myself to the toilet. I changed my gloves, dripped on some lube, and then lifted my leg to the side, giving me access to my ass. I couldn't feel my middle finger as it traced my hole, or even after I inserted it, gently easing it in and out to stimulate myself. All the nights I had fantasized about touching myself, sometimes actually doing it, I had never imagined it would be in an effort to help me shit.

It had always been much sexier in my dreams.

Chuckling to myself, I moved my finger around a few more times before pulling it out and waiting. The routine still took me about forty minutes to complete, and while I hated leaving Jasper for that long, I knew he understand the importance of maintaining a schedule. My body, and health, depended on it. It wasn't worth having an accident or impaction for a few more minutes of cuddling.

He would be there when I got back.

Over the past few weeks, I had begun to read my body better, recognizing the signs of when it was done. There were subtle flutters in my stomach and shifts when I moved slightly. Looking down, I could see the progress I was making and just had to wait it out. When I was done, I cleaned myself with the moist wipes, tossed everything in the trash and moved back to my chair. I washed my hands again and then went to the door. As soon as I opened it, I rolled my eyes.

My door was open and there were voices coming from my room.

"What did you guys do last night?"

I sighed.

So much for watching Jasper jerk off.

"Watched some movies," his answer was hesitant, and I could almost see him sitting on the edge of my bed, picking nonexistent lint off the blanket as my sister stood there grilling him.

"What movies?"

"Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles."

"Flashback to the eighties, huh?"

"Umm, I guess so," he replied. "I mean, kinda, well, yeah, sorta…"

There was nothing more adorable than a nervous Jasper. I almost expected him to ask her if she played the game Fable like he had asked me the night he jerked off for me for the first time.

"Quite the eloquent speaker, aren't you?" Alice teased him. "Anyway, I came in to see if you guys wanted breakfast, I'm making pancakes and sausage."

"Yeah, that sounds great. Do you need help?"

His offer didn't surprise me, it was who Jasper was. It was that he was offering to help Alice that surprised me.

"Um, yeah, sure, I guess," she stuttered.

"Quite the eloquent speaker," Jasper shot back and I had to smile. I entered the room just as he stood up. "Oh, hey, Alice is making breakfast, want to help?"

"Sure." Alice, who had been exploring the stuff on my dresser, bounded over to the door.

"Come on then, boys!"

"Sorry," I mouthed up to Jasper and he shrugged.

"It's okay, this will be fun."

I followed them both into the kitchen. Alice put on some music before directing us to fetch her different things. Jasper got the pans while I got the griddle. The three of us laughed our way through cooking, splattering each other with batter and making shapes with the pancakes.

"Too bad you didn't have your Star Wars pancake molds," I said to Jasper as he poured the batter onto the griddle.

Alice stopped chopping the cantaloupe. "You have Star Wars molds?"

"And cookie cutters," I supplied.

Jasper glanced at her over his shoulder. "Don't judge me."

It was stupid fun, and I hadn't laughed or smiled that hard in a long time. Jasper and Alice danced around me, he even lifted and spun her when she requested. In another reality, they might have actually made a cute couple. Only once did Jasper dare to touch me the way he yearned, dancing seductively in front of me, he swayed his hips while threading his fingers through my hair, forcing my head back to look up at him.

"Hey, hey, child in the room," Alice reminded us. "Save that stuff for later."

Jasper rolled his eyes, but obeyed.

There was a stack of pancakes, sausage, cut fruit and coffee brewing by the time my parents came down. They found us in the dining room eating and talking about school. My mother stood in the doorway and smiled while my dad went right for the coffee.

"This is wonderful," my mother said as she got a plate for food.

"It was Alice's idea," Jasper confessed. Alice looked at him, all dreamy-eyed.

After breakfast, Jasper got dressed and packed his bag. He had to head home and help his dad but promised to call me later. Bending over, he gave me a long deep kiss.

"I'll call you in a little while. Love you."

"Love you too," I murmured, licking my lips to taste him as he pulled away.

"Be safe, baby."

"See ya, love."

I watched him leave, and then looked at my computer.

Maybe it was time for me to some research of my own.

"**~~**"

"Anything is fine," he sighed, clearly frustrated with me as I looked in my closet for something to wear.

"But you're all dressed up."

Well, for Jasper he was dressed up. Wearing in black jeans, a gray turtleneck and maroon sweater, he looked sharp.

"Just find something, we need to go."

"Where?"

"On a proper date," he answered, "I'm tired of staying in all the time."

"You're tired of being old men."

"Exactly. We're teenagers, we're supposed to go out and raise some hell."

Rolling my eyes, I moved some shirts aside.

The week had flown by, mostly because every second I wasn't at school or doing PT with Emmett, I was with Jasper. He drove me to and from school almost every day, stayed at my house after school, usually ate dinner with us, and then only after a long make out session, would he head home. When I had asked Jasper if he had talked to Jake, he nodded and told me that Jake had been nervous about a surgery Embry was going to have but that everything had gone well.

Gym class went pretty well. I was able to finish the net sports and move on to dodgeball with the class. I got out a lot, I was a bigger, slower target than everyone else, but I also had a killer throw. Using my upper body, I beamed students with the ball, usually wearing a satisfied smile when they would rub where I'd hit them.

Wednesday, the day that my mother had driven me to school, had been the worst day of the week. Jasper had called the night before and after failing to seduce me into phone sex, told me that his dad needed the truck the next day and I would have to get a ride from my mother, which normally, I didn't mind. The next morning, I did my routine and got ready for school, pushing my way down the ramp with a bagel on my lap to her car. I opened the passenger door and unlike with Jasper's truck, was able to transfer myself into the seat. My mother took my chair and put it in the trunk before getting in and starting the car.

I adjusted my legs and began to eat my bagel when I saw it.

The blue rectangle hung from her rearview mirror, swaying as she pulled out of the drive and onto the street. The white symbol on the thin plastic was hard to miss, and I glared at it. Written at the bottom in black marker was my mother's license plate number.

"What's that?"

She looked at me, then followed my gaze. "Oh, it came in the mail yesterday. We ordered it shortly after you got home, but it took a few weeks. The paperwork they require was insane. It will be good once you start driving again."

Refusing to look at it anymore, I turned away and stared out the window. My bagel went untouched, my appetite suddenly gone.

"I'm not handicapped," I growled at her.

"Edward, it's just something that makes your life easier."

That was exactly what she didn't understand, I didn't want to make my life easier, I just wanted it back. Handicapped parking was for old people that used walkers, or had to carry a tank of oxygen to breathe, they weren't for seventeen year old kids.

I was _not_ handicapped.

She pulled into the school, parking in a clearly marked handicapped spot, one of the few free in the crowded lot.

"See? It just makes things easier," she reiterated.

Keeping my head down, I avoided looking at the other students mingling in the parking lot while she got my chair out and opened my door. Quickly, I moved myself into the chair and pushed away from the car and her.

"I'll see ya later," I said, spinning the chair around and heading toward the ramp.

"Bye," she called out.

Frustrated, I pushed myself as fast as I could toward the ramp. The tag was a fucking slap in my face, a symbol of what I could no longer do and the special treatment people thought I deserved because I couldn't walk. I didn't want special treatment, I just wanted to be able do the same things everyone else could, go where they could go. I didn't want a tag to give me that privilege. By the time I reached the top of the ramp, I was gritting my teeth and I reached for the door, only to slam it into my foot.

"Fuck," I snarled, shoving my way past the door and down the corridor to my locker. The darkness followed me, nipping at the wheels on my chair as it attempted to gasp it to move closer.

Kids were everywhere, some saying hi or waving, others just standing in my fucking way. Three bumped into me, none of them apologizing before moving and letting me by. Reaching my locker, I opened it only to have two books fall out onto me. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath. I leaned over for the one of the books and couldn't reach it.

Just as I was about to lose it, a small hand picked it up and handed it to me.

"Here," she said, smiling. "Bad morning?"

"A little," I agreed, stuffing the book into my bag and slamming my locker. She jumped and then glanced around.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, Bella, everything's fine. I just need-"

"Jasper?"

Surprised, I looked at her, and she shrugged.

"It's just when you're upset, he seems to be the only one that can calm you down," she said, completely right. "Are you going to English?"

"Yeah." I backed up from the lockers and turned the chair. She fell into step next to me.

"So I was thinking we haven't done anything in a really long time, and well, I don't know, maybe you want to go out this weekend?"

I rolled to a stop. "Um… I don't…"

"It's okay if you can't, I mean, I understand. It's harder to get around and stuff, but think about it, I can drive. Give me a call." She entered the classroom and went right to her desk.

I sat in the doorway.

Yawning, he rubbed his eyes and then looked at me with a lazy smile. As soon as he saw me, he knew something was wrong. He glanced around and then stood, striding to the door. I backed up and gave him room.

"You okay?" He crouched down in front of me.

I wanted to say yes, I wanted to be okay, I wanted everything to be okay. I didn't want this life anymore.

Game over.

I was done, I wanted my life back.

But I was like a fly caught in a spider's web. No matter how much I struggled to break free, there was no escaping the chair…or my life sentence in it.

"Babe?" he whispered, and I saw his fingers twitch as he stopped himself from reaching out to touch me.

Looking down at my lap, at my fucking legs, I shook my head, desperate to try to regain control. I knew if I looked behind me, the darkness would be there, snickering by the lockers, waiting for me to welcome it back into my useless life.

"Everything okay?" Mrs. Goddard asked as she walked up.

Jasper's eyes never left me, but he spoke to her. "Yeah. We'll be inside in a few minutes."

She walked around us and into the room, "Let me know if you need anything," she said before closing the door.

"Do you need to leave? I don't have the truck, but we can call your m-"

"Do you think I'm handicapped?" I asked quietly, snapping my eyes to his.

"No, baby, not at all," he answered without hesitation. Then he tensed and his eyes hardened as he went into his protective mode. "Did someone say something?"

Clenching my eyes, wanting nothing more than his arms around me, I shook my head.

"Then what's wrong, tell me," he implored.

"My mom drove me in this morning…"

"Did something happen?" he coaxed when I paused.

"She has a handicapped tag on her mirror, one of those things that lets you park in handicapped spots," I sighed. I felt my eyes tearing up as I said the words, but I determinedly forced them away.

"And you think that makes you handicapped," he assumed correctly.

"I don't want to be some cripple, Jasper. I just want to me. Edward. Having one of those is like waving a fucking white flag saying I give up, I'm going to accept this fate and be handicapped. I always thought old people had those, not fucking teenagers," I vented to him, my words rushing out of me one after the other with barely space in between.

And then, in the empty hallway at school, Jasper performed his superhero power and brought me back by knowing exactly what I needed to hear.

"You're not cripple, baby. You're beautiful and perfect. This," he motioned to the chair, "is just an extension of you now, but it doesn't define who you are, and neither does some fucking tag. If it's something she thinks you need, let her have it, but you and I know different. I watched you push your chair up a fucking mountain, I've seen the way you move in gym, I've watched you workout, the weight you lift. You are _not_ handicapped, Edward. You're just you."

I knew I wasn't beautiful or perfect, but in his eyes I was, and that was all that mattered. Even though I had stopped the tears from falling earlier, one escaped and rolled down my cheek. I quickly swiped it away, and exhaled. I swear I heard the darkness skittering further away with each word Jasper spoke. Someday I would tell him about all the battles against the darkness he had won without even realizing it.

"Besides, look at it this way, when we go out and we're running late, we can get a really good parking spot now," he grinned. Sniffling, I laughed. "You okay? Do you want to go home?"

"No, I'm staying," I answered defiantly. He stood up and opened the door and I entered, going right to my desk. Mrs. Goddard glanced at me and smiled, but never paused her lecture. My superhero sat next to me, unknowingly keeping the darkness at bay with his smile and words.

In my bedroom, his foot tapped the floor impatiently as he waited for me to choose something for our date. I was still in the opened door of my closet looking at my options, wanting to dress up if Jasper was.

"Anything is fine," he stressed again. "We're not going anyplace fancy."

"Then tell me where we're going," I hedged, flipping through my clothes, finally settling on a white button down.

"No, it's a surprise. Someday you will learn not to ask s-"

Turning my chair around, I smirked at him as I pulled my Abbey Road tee shirt off. I would never get tired of hearing his gasp when he saw me shirtless. My new upper body gave me some pride. It had taken a lot of work to get it, but the benefits far outweighed the effort.

"You were saying?" I teased as I leaned forward and put the shirt on, buttoning it from the bottom up.

"Um… I was?"

Shaking my head, I stared at him. Even with the drool gathering on the corner of his mouth, he was hot. "Are jeans okay?"

"Jeans are fine. Now let's go, we're going to be late." He stood up, openly adjusting himself in front of me.

"Tease."

"Pot calling the kettle black, isn't it?"

Shrugging, I pushed by him and went down the hall. My mother was folding laundry on the couch and looked up when we walked in.

"We're going out for awhile," I announced matter of fact, as if we did it every night. Other than the night Jasper had taken me to the meadow and Senior Night, we hadn't gone out since before the accident.

"Out where?" I could hear the worry in her voice even if she didn't intend it.

I looked up at Jasper, since he was leaving me in the dark. "Movies and probably some food after," he replied. "Meeting up with some other kids."

"Please be careful," she said to Jasper.

"I will, ma'am," he promised as he opened the door before she could stop us. He closed it behind me and I glided down the ramp to his truck.

"Movies and dinner I believe. The meeting with other kids…"

"Yeah, well, it sounded better."

I rolled to a stop at the door and waited for him. After he opened the door, he slipped an arm under my knees and around my back and lifted me into the truck. I moved myself in while he put the chair in the back and got inside.

"When is your dad just going to give you this truck and buy another?"

"When hell freezes over," he deadpanned as he started it and began to back out.

"Here Comes the Sun" began to play and I relaxed into the seat as his hand grabbed mine. Turning my head, I watched him for a second as he sang along with George. Glancing at mirror, I smiled at the empty place beneath it. There was no blue tag hanging there. I was free of the stereotype, at least while I was with Jasper.

While I was with him, I was just me.

"Little darlin', it's been a long, cold lonely winter…"

"Little darlin'," I picked up where he left off. "It feels like years since it's been here." We sang together for the rest of the song, belting out the lyrics as loud as we could, trying not to laugh.

"So are we really going to the movies?"

"Yep, dinner too."

"Wow, don't I feel special," I smirked. "Where did you come up with the money?"

"Dad paid me for last weekend, ten bucks an hour for helping him on Sundays. Gives me money for gas and shit."

"Are you working tomorrow?"Jasper had planned on sleeping over again, and had cleared it with my mother the day before.

"Nope, just Sunday."

"So we can sleep in?" I hinted, knowing he would understand exactly what I was referring to.

"I fucking hope so. Nothing against Alice, but she's got the worst timing ever."

Jasper pulled into the movie theater and drove up and down the aisles looking for a space, but the only free ones were the four handicapped spaces near the entrance.

"Damn tag would come in kinda handy right now," he muttered under his breath and I laughed.

After stalking someone that was leaving, he pulled into the empty spot and shifted into park. Releasing my hand, he got out and was at my side in seconds with the chair. He lifted me from the seat and put me in the chair, letting me adjust my legs while he closed the door and locked the truck.

"Ready?" he asked, heading toward the cinema.

It felt odd being out with him, doing something we would have done months before without a second thought. Jasper walked beside me, talking about our choices of movies, asking which one I wanted to see. Didn't he know the movie didn't matter? Being there with him was all I cared about.

"I don't care, whatever you want," I replied as we reached the sidewalk. Jasper automatically headed for the end where the ramp was, and I smiled as I wheeled myself up behind him.

"I'm kinda in the mood for an action flick," he said, holding the door open for me.

"Sounds good," I agreed as I went by him.

When we got into line, there were a lot of students from our school, chatting and laughing with each other. A few said hi to us as they walked by, one stopped to ask what we were seeing. When it was our turn, Jasper stepped up to the window and requested the tickets. As I sat next to him, I realized the counter was about chin level for me, and the spot in the Plexiglas that you spoke through was above my head. Sighing, I backed up and waited for Jasper to get the tickets. He joined me in line for the concession stand, where again, the counter was about level with my head.

"One large popcorn, medium Mountain Dew, medium Coke and a package of peanut M&Ms," he ordered, holding out his cash. As the young girl handed him the food, he passed it along to me.

"What, you think because I don't walk, I can carry it all?"

"It's why I brought you," he countered as he paid the girl and grabbed napkins from the dispenser and shoved them into his pocket. Turning, we headed for the line to get into the theaters, I balanced the tray of sodas on my lap while Jasper carried the popcorn. "You're like one of those pack mules. I can just keep piling stuff on you."

"Shut the fuck up," I laughed, until we turned the corner and saw them.

Bella, Newton, Angela and Eric were all standing in line in front of us. Newton nodded at me, then more hesitantly to Jasper.

"Oh, hey," Bella said, completely happy to see us. "Wow, you're all dressed up, Jasper. What's the occasion? What movie are you guys seeing?"

"Sanctum" I mumbled.

"Oh, us too," Bella giggled, glancing Angela, whose hand was attached to Eric. Mike stood next to Bella, his hands deep in his pockets as he rocked back and forth. "You can sit with us."

"Great," Jasper said flatly, looking down at me.

"It's great to see you out," Angela said to me. "Just like the old days."

I knew she didn't mean anything by it, but her comment irritated me. Perhaps it was because I had wanted to be alone with Jasper and we were suddenly in a group of six. We edged our way in the line until the worker tore our tickets and directed us to theater four. Grudgingly, we followed them to the theater where I pushed myself up the incline to the seats. There were would be no back row groping for Jasper and me; I had no choice in seats. I had to sit in one of the three wheelchair accessible spots that were in the wide isle between the first and second sections. The view was fine, until someone walked by me. Backing into the space, I waited until Jasper sat down next to me before handing him his soda. Bella, Mike, Angela and Eric sat in the row directly behind us. Jasper rolled his eyes at me and I smiled.

My boy wasn't happy, but he was going to make the most of it. Setting the popcorn on his lap, he took out the M&Ms and opened them before dumping the package into the popcorn and shaking it up.

"I can't believe you remembered," I whispered.

"Ba-" he stopped. "I remember everything."

"Remember when you saw me do that the first time and you said it was gross? Then you tasted it and said-"

"Fuck, this is good," he mimicked himself. He pulled out a napkin and handed it to me. "Yeah, I remember that too."

The first time we had gone to the movies together Jasper had watched wide-eyed as I had poured peanut M&Ms into the popcorn, and then laughed when I had spread a napkin on my lap. I had told him it was so the grease didn't leak through the bucket onto my jeans.

I smiled as I watched Jasper spread the napkin on his lap under the bucket.

"What?" he asked when he caught me smiling.

"Just realizing how far you've come."

"You mean how well I'm trained?"

"That too."

Bella leaned forward, whispering in my ear, "We're all getting some pizza afterwards if you guys want to come."

I stared straight ahead, if I turned to the side even slightly, my lips would be dangerously close to hers. "I'm not sure what Jasper wants to do."

She turned to him. "You want to get pizza after?"

He glanced at me for an answer, and I just shrugged helplessly. "Sure," he finally sighed.

Grinning, Bella sat back in her seat. Jasper scooped up some popcorn and M&Ms and popped them into his mouth, scowling.

"Damn ex," he growled under his breath, "fucking ruins everything."

Before I could reply, the previews started. Jasper handed me the popcorn, letting me grab a fistful before putting it back in his lap. Then he handed me a pair of the 3D glasses the ticket girl had given him and slipped his on, grinning at me. There was action in the movie, but not between Jasper and me. I spent two hours resisting the urge to take his hand, instead settling for the warmth that seeped through his sweater when he handed me the popcorn. Every now and then he glanced at me, just to let me know that he wanted to hold my hand too. About three quarters of the way through the movie, he leaned toward me.

"I really want to feel your hand on my cock right now," he whispered as if there weren't a hundred people sitting around us. Nodding my head slightly, I blushed.

"Me too."

Smirking, he leaned back, easing his body down into the seat. With no row in front of us, he stretched his long legs out, crossing them at the ankles and I barely contained the groan. It didn't get much better than Jasper's jean clad legs. Resting his head against the back of the seat, he sipped his soda with his perfect lush lips wrapped around the straw.

Sucking really hard.

Gulping, I looked away, trying to focus on the movie.

By the time it ended, I was almost as worked up from just looking at Jasper as I had been if he had been sitting naked on me. My palms were sweaty as I put my gloves back on to move the chair. Jasper stretched unnecessarily, the hem of his sweater rising up to expose a sliver of skin above the waist of his jeans. My fingers yearned to touch the dusting of hair there.

"Edward, did you hear me?" Bella asked, her hand somehow appearing on my shoulder.

"Huh?"

"I said, did you like the movie?"

"Oh, yeah, it was great," I blinked. I had almost forgotten there had been a movie.

"You seem distracted," Jasper smiled at me before he stood up and took off his glasses. "Everything okay?"

"Fuck off," I growled, wheeling my chair past him so I didn't have to hear him laugh at me. Stuck behind the crowd of people exiting, I had no choice but to wait until he caught up, tossed our trash in the bin and returned the glasses. "You can wipe that smirk off your face anytime."

"Now why would I want to do that? This is the most fun I've had at the movies in a long time."

I rolled my eyes. As soon as we were outside the theater, we waited to the side for Bella, Angela, Eric and Mike.

"We're thinking of Ronaldo's for pizza?" Mike suggested and everyone agreed.

"Sounds good to me," Jasper sighed, resigned that his proper date was now a group effort. We headed down the sidewalk to the ramped end while everyone else stepped off the curb and went to Mike's Jeep. Jasper got me into his truck, put my chair in the back and climbed in.

"We can go someplace else if you want. Say we changed our minds," I offered in the dark cab as he started it up.

"Nah, that's okay. We'll go for pizza," he said. "But next time, you're all mine."

It wasn't far to the pizza place, but we sang "All My Loving" as loud as we could the entire way, still laughing when Jasper pulled into a parking spot. Jasper eased me into the chair and I put my feet on the pedals. I navigated the bumpy parking lot full of pot holes and frost heaves, but Jasper had to tilt my chair onto the sidewalk because there wasn't a ramp. We caught up to everyone at the door, Mike held it and we all squeezed by him into the small entryway.

"How many?" the hostess asked.

"Six," Eric answered.

"It'll be about ten minutes," the hostess replied with fake smile and then took Eric's name. Mike sat on the bench next to me while Bella and Angela gossiped in the corner.

"Hey, Cullen, can I talk to you for a sec?" His hands were clasped as he leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees and bit his lip.

"What's up?"

I thought for sure he was going to ask me a question about being paralyzed. It seemed he was always watching me curiously, or asking about how I was going to drive or how I got dressed. Jasper stood beside me, his shoulder resting against the wall. I knew he didn't want miss what Mike was going to say.

After one glance to Bella, he began, "See, I've been kinda thinking lately about maybe asking Bellaoutonadate," he blurted out quickly but quietly.

It wasn't what I was expecting, and my eyes grew wide. Habitually, I looked at Bella, the way she stood near Angela, smiling as she laughed at something Angela said, her long hair swaying over her shoulders. There had been quite a few nights that my hands had been buried in that hair, or felt it as she dragged it down my chest before sucking me off. There was a twinge of jealously at his revelation, one that probably should have been long since dead, but wasn't. Instead, I watched Bella, imagining what it would be like to see her walking hand in hand with Newton. I'd been her first love, and I wasn't sure I was ready for someone else to know her the same way, or as well, as I did. I felt Jasper beside me. He didn't have to say a word for me to know he was there, even if I couldn't see him. The bond we shared, even before the accident, was once in a lifetime, and everyone deserved to feel that kind of connection.

Maybe Newton was that for Bella.

She would never know unless I let her.

Bringing my eyes back to Mike, I stared at him. "So help me, if you hurt her, I will kill you."

"And if he doesn't, I will," Jasper offered.

Mike swallowed at Jasper's warning. "I won't, I swear. I really like her. Thanks."

I nodded, and then looked back at Bella. For almost two years she had hung onto the hope of getting back together. It was time for her to move on.

"Your table is ready," the hostess said, gathering menus off the counter. When she straightened, she saw me. "Are you with them?"

"Yes."

"Oh, I'm sorry, the only tables we have for parties this large are upstairs."

Jasper pushed off the wall, the air around us instantly crackled as his anger ignited.

"Excuse me?" he spoke up.

She held the menus against her chest and looked up at him. "On the lower level we only have tables for two or three, parties of more than four have to sit upstairs."

"Then move tables together down here," he snapped.

"It's full, we can't," she mumbled.

"Fine, where's the elevator," Jasper challenged. Bella, Angela and Eric stood to the side, each looking at Jasper with shock.

"We don't have an elevator," she replied.

"You also don't have a ramp to your sidewalk, and only one handicapped parking space, even though you have a large lot. You do realize that the ADA requires you to have those things, as well as a bathroom and tables that he can use. Granted, exceptions are made for small businesses based on their function and the status of the economy, but considering this place is packed almost every night, I'm assuming it's doing fine and can easily afford to make the adjustments."

The girl stood there, just looking up at Jasper, her jaw on the ground as he towered over, rattling off the various laws.

I think I fell in love with him a bit more.

"You can tell the owner that he can shove his stairs up his ass, and that I will be back tomorrow to drop off a printed out version of the entire ADA for him to look over. Meanwhile, we will go find someplace else to eat and spend our money at." He turned to leave but stopped. "Oh, and by the way, I will tell everyone I know that this place discriminates. You can look for my letter to the editor in the paper next week."

He opened the door, holding it for me as wheeled myself outside, inhaling the cold air deeply. The door closed and I swear he growled.

"Fucking bitch motherfucking assholes," he swore as he marched toward the truck. He didn't even look to see if the others were coming, he didn't care. Reaching his truck, he opened the door for me and then lifted me in without a word. Once he was in, he started it up, but before he could back out, I took his hand. His eyes were still hard and filled with fury when he looked at me.

"It's okay."

"No, it's not," he spat back at me. "Places like this should have the basic shit."

"You don't need to take on the world for me, Jasper. I can do it myself."

Sighing, he dropped his head back against his seat. "I know you can, babe. I just get so…"

"Protective?"

"Yeah. I mean, you've dealt with a lot of shit lately and I just want to try to make everything else easy," he admitted.

"It's never going to be easy again. No matter how much we want it to be."

He turned to me, his eyes softer in the dim light of the cab. "It's not fair."

"Tell me about it," I agreed.

"Well this date was a total fuck up," he laughed. He looked around the parking lot before leaning toward me and pressing his lips to mine in a brief kiss. Sighing, he pulled away and shifted the truck.

"Where are we going?"

"I told you I wanted to take you out to dinner, so I'm taking you to the fanciest place I know."

"Are they accessible?" I teased.

"Definitely."

Twenty minutes later, we sat in the cab of the truck, a Big Mac in his hand and fries in mine. After going through the drive-thru, Jasper pulled into a parking space. "Blackbird" played quietly on the stereo as Jasper reached for his shake.

"You want any of my McNuggets?" I asked, holding the box out toward him.

"Oh, baby, I always want your nuggets," he rasped as he reached for one.

"You take me to the best places," I mumbled around the fries I stuffed into my mouth.

"Only the best for my boy," he swallowed. "Is there anything better than fries, a chocolate shake and The Beatles?"

"No, not really," I shook my head.

Somehow, my boy had managed to take a pretty shitty night and spin it around until I was laughing about instead of dwelling on all that had gone wrong. He still grumbled about the restaurant, and a string of obscenities fell from his mouth, but his eyes soon lightened and he relaxed. Although I had no doubt he was going to follow through with his threat and return to the restaurant the next day.

We finished eating and Jasper threw away the trash and then drove us back to my place. In the driveway, he shifted into park and turned the truck off before studying the house to make sure we wouldn't be interrupted. Then he slid across the seat, a mischievous glint in his eyes as he gazed at me. My breath caught as he curved his hand around my neck and then slowly moved toward me, his head tilting right before his lips captured mine. Instantly, I moaned into the kiss, my own hand going for his hair, digging into it deep before twisting the strands around my fingers in an effort to never let him go. Though it was more than my hands that held Jasper, I held him with my heart and soul as well.

All the same ways he held me.

Jasper deepened the kiss before pulling away, caressing my lips with his wet tongue. I tasted the salt from his fries and the sweetness from his shake, and begged for more by pulling him closer. We kissed through three or four songs, his lips never actually leaving mine until he sighed and finally pulled away.

"Now that was a goodnight kiss," I murmured.

"Does it still count as goodnight kiss if I am sleeping over?" he asked seriously.

"Huh. I don't know."

Shrugging, he gave me one last peck and then got out to get my chair. When we entered the house just as my dad was coming out of the kitchen with a mug of coffee.

"How was the movie?"

"Good," I replied. "We met Bella, Mike, Angela and Eric there."

"Must have been fun," he smiled at me, and then asked Jasper, "Are you sleeping over?"

"Yeah," Jasper answered with a slight hesitancy.

My father nodded. "See you boys in the morning."

"Night," we answered.

Jasper ran into the kitchen and grabbed a few waters and some brownies off the counter and then followed me down to my room. I went into the bathroom to do my nightly routine, leaving Jasper to get changed in my room. I rushed knowing Jasper was going to be in nothing more than a pair of flannel pants when I returned to my room. As I brushed my teeth, I closed my eyes and saw Jasper in his sweater and jeans sitting in the theater seat, I saw him holding my hand and singing while he drove, I saw him angry and knowledgeable as he told off the restaurant.

My boy was amazing in every way.

I opened my door and found Jasper sitting shirtless on my bed. "Be right back," he said standing up. And he was, I had barely gotten my clothes from the dresser and he was back. He watched as I moved to my bed.

"Need any help?" he asked as I unbuttoned my shirt.

Jasper usually let me do everything on my own, and I was going to shake my head no, but when I looked up and saw the hunger in his stormy blue eyes, I found myself nodding slowly. I sat on the edge of the bed and he kneeled in front of me, his hands taking mine and putting them by my side before he began slipping the pearly buttons through their holes. Each time he exposed more skin, he would lean forward and kiss it, until the shirt was completely undone and he was pushing it off my shoulders and down my arms. I held up the tee shirt I was going to wear to bed and Jasper took it from me, only to throw it back at my dresser.

"No shirt," he growled, his eyes not meeting mine but instead roaming my chest and arms. I put my hands behind me, bracing my weight on them as Jasper moved to my pants. He popped the button and lowered the zipper, looking at me for permission. Biting my lip, I nodded, and then watched as he parted the flaps of my jeans and palmed my cock.

Before the accident, I would have thrown my head back and groaned loud enough to wake someone, but now I just watched as his hand rested on me for a few seconds before he removed it and leaned forward. With his eyes on mine, his lips pressed against my cock, only the thin cotton of my briefs separating us. It didn't matter that I couldn't feel it directly, it was an erotic sight and a shiver went down my spine, stopping sharply at my waist, but it tingled through my arms to the tips of my fingers.

"Lay down," he whispered, a hand on my chest pushing me back. I dropped to my elbows, perched up enough so I could still watch him. Snaking an arm under my hips, he easily lifted me while he used his other hand to lower my jeans one side at a time until they were almost to my knees. He set me back down and then reached for a foot. The thud of my sneaker hitting the floor was the only hint that he was taking my shoes off. A second thud and his hands returned to my jeans and he pulled them off my legs.

I lay before him in nothing by my underwear.

Another shiver at the want in his eyes. If I ever doubted Jasper's desire for me, all I had to do was remember the feral look in his eyes as they slowly grazed my body. When he finally reached my eyes, he held my stare and pushed my legs apart.

"What are yo-" I began but stopped when he leaned forward again. I was torn between wanting to see him touch me again, and the fear that mirrored that same desire.

Then I felt it.

Soft, moist, tender.

I gasped as his lips kissed the small spot on the inside of my left thigh that still had sensation. He smiled against my skin, he didn't have to ask if I felt it, he could tell just by the look in my eyes.

"Do it again," I pleaded. The second time was longer, he drew small circles with his tongue, before pulling the skin gently between his lips and sucking.

"Oh my God," I groaned, and could almost feel my legs parting further, inviting him in even more. For long moments, his lips reverently caressed the spot while I watched…and felt.

Never once did his eyes leave mine, eyefucking me the entire time his tongue lapped and licked. When he lifted his head, finally tearing his fixed gaze from me, he grabbed my Star Wars pajama bottoms and put my feet through the holes before sliding them up me. When he couldn't go any further, he lifted my hips again, tugging the pants up to just below my waist before putting me down. Then he stood and pushed my legs together before kneeling on the bed over me. Looking down at me, he licked his lips.

"You have no fucking idea how sexy you are," he stated quietly.

Any reply I had was lost in the kiss, long and deep and intense, I lay flat on my back, bringing him with me and freeing my hands to move to his body, down his back to the delicious curve of his ass. His lips left mine and moved down my neck, nibbling along the way. We made out until both of us were panting for breath, then he rolled off me, onto his back and sighed. I knew he wanted more, but we had already taken a risk with what we had done so far, and unlike the week before, it wasn't very late and there was still a chance of someone catching us.

Knowing that, he moved to the headboard and patted the bed. Swiftly, I pulled myself up to him, dragging my legs behind me until I flipped over and adjusted them. He sat next to me, a dazed, lusty look still in his eyes as he flipped through the channels on the television with the remote. Sometimes I wondered if Jasper had ADD, he went through the channels so fast I could barely recognize what was on one before he was already switching to another. I was just about to complain when he stopped on a NBA basketball game.

"Oh," he said, tossing the remote aside. "Let's watch this."

Not that I had a choice, the remote was out of my reach, but something told me the channel switching hadn't been because nothing was on, but rather him trying to find the game that he probably knew was on. I grew suspicious, but watched the game with him, answering his questions when he asked. All questions he already knew the answers too.

"I just don't get the field goal thing. I mean, that's a football term, and it's three points, not two. It's confusing," he complained as he finished off his brownie. "You shoot just like that guy." He motioned to the point guard who had just made a three pointer.

"I _used_ to shoot like that," I corrected.

"I'm sure you still will when you play again," he challenged casually.

Instantly I tensed, frustration quickly building in my muscles from the way he just assumed shit. I liked when he anticipated my needs, but sometimes, like then, it just pissed me off. The way he just assumed that I would, or even could, play again. Part of me wanted to whack him on the head, tell him to be realistic. I was in a fucking wheelchair, there would be no more basketball for me.

"How the fuck am I supposed to do that?" I snapped.

"You just do. Just because you can't walk doesn't mean you can't play."

"I hate to tell you, but that's exactly what it means, Jasper. No legs, no basketball. It was nice while it lasted but it's not going to happen."

He shrugged. "I think you're wrong."

"That's because your head is always in the fucking clouds. You think I can do shit that I can't," I argued. I was sure the darkness was feeding my anger, using it as fuel to grow thick and black inside me.

He turned to me and sighed. "Baby, it was my head in the fucking clouds that wouldn't let me give up on you…on us."

His voice was calm, his words steady and without doubt. Even though I had challenged him, his faith in me never wavered, and he knew exactly how to bring me back to him.

"You can't make me whole again, Jasper. No matter how hard you want to or try, it won't work. You need to give it up."

"I won't _ever_ give up," he whispered. "Even if you do, I won't."

And with those words, he won.

The anger in me dissipated at his heartfelt honest words, the darkness leaving before it even had a chance to get comfortable, once again it conceded to Jasper. He was stubborn, determined, and a dreamer.

"I love you," I murmured, coaxing a smile from him.

"I know," he winked before turning back to the game. "All you need to do is put your mind to it, believe you can do it."

"You're not going to tell me I have the force in me, are you?"

"Of course not," he scoffed. "You're not a Jedi."

"And you are?"

"Maybe."

Laughing, I turned back to the game.

"Are you really okay with Newton and Swan?" he asked quietly.

The thoughts from earlier resurfaced and I felt the spark of jealously flare up at the mention of their names together. I knew it wasn't jealousy because I loved her, at least not in that way, it was more that for so long her attention had been devoted to me that when faced with the idea that she might focus on another, I got jealous. It was selfish, pure and simple, but that didn't make it any easier. What did make it easier was the warm boy next to me, his eyes on the game but his mind on me.

"I think it's good for her to move on, stop following you around like a little puppy," he answered his own question.

"You just want her away from me."

He shrugged. "Maybe. But I still think it's good."

"You're probably right, but…"

"You're jealous."

I looked down at my lap, away from his knowing eyes. "A little, but it's not in that way," I defended myself.

"Not mostly anyway," he chuckled. "I know you, baby, I saw it in the restaurant. The way you looked at her when he asked you."

"There's a history there."

"Key word…history."

Bringing my eyes to his, I nodded. "She's part of my history, but you're my now."

"And your future," he quickly reminded me. He had no real concerns about Bella and I, he knew damn well he was my future, hell, he knew he was my life.

"And my future."

"Do you think she'll say yes?"

"Yeah, I think she might."

We were silent for a few minutes, Jasper effortlessly turned to his side, moving his body against mine and placing his head on my chest. Instantly my fingers were at the ends of his waves, easing the tangled strands apart. My other hand rested on top of wrist, turning the braided leather around it. The crowd cheered at a shot a player made and I sighed.

I missed it so fucking much.

The crowds, the noise, even the smell.

There wasn't anything about the game I didn't like, even running the lines or the hours of shooting in my driveway all year round, or the physical contact of the game when it got messy under the basket. I thrived on every part of it; it inspired me and challenged me. Basketball was second only to the boy snuggled against me. I used to think nothing would ever challenge me like Jasper did. We pushed each other, physically striving to be the best athletes we could, mentally pushing each other to get the grades we needed for college. Now I faced a challenge bigger than anything Jasper had ever given me. The challenge of living life from a chair, always looking up at people and not feel like they were looking down, of knowing I was just as good as I always was but I a different way. It was accepting that difference that was hard for me. Distinguishing between accepting something and giving up on it was difficult, and something I hadn't quite wrapped my mind around yet.

But Jasper had.

He had often told me to just let it be, but I hadn't realized letting it be didn't mean giving up on what I could have, it meant accepting fate, and then challenge the way I lived it. He knew that acceptance didn't mean I was giving up on hope or life, it just meant I was going to do what I needed to do to live the best life I could. And my life was him and school and basketball. I had two out of the three back, and part of me thought I should settle for that, it wasn't going to get any better. Then the fight in me would begin to grow, the determination to have something more, that I deserved more.

My fingers moved to the skin of his neck under his hair, and I had to smile at his involuntary shudder. "Do you really think I can still play?" My voice was rough and quiet, uncertain.

Without looking at me, he gave me exactly what I needed.

Faith in me.

"I _know _you can," he answered softly.

I leaned forward and kissed his forehead. "Do you want to set the alarm again?"

Lifting his head, he looked at me with a smile. "You think it's okay?"

"I want you in bed with me. I like having you next to me," I said without answering his question. He reached over me for his phone, quickly setting the alarm for four before putting it back on the table. He laid his head back down and I turned off the light and set the timer on the television for an hour.

I don't remember when it shut off, I don't remember Jasper pulling the blankets up over us, or when he had stripped off his pants, but I woke up in the middle of the night to find his naked body curled into my side, his face buried in my neck, his arm thrown possessively over my middle. The room was dark except for a small amount of moonlight filtering through the curtains. The only sound was our breathing, Jasper's heavier in his sleep. My arm was around him, my hand resting lightly on his hip, my thumb moving over his velvety skin. Sighing, he moved impossibly closer and murmured my name. Smiling, I began to run my hand up his back and he moaned. Encouraged, I repeated it, earning another sigh.

"Baby," he murmured in my neck, "whatcha doin'?"

"Nothing."

"Mmm, keep doing it because it feels good."

"You're naked."

"You're smart."

Steadily my hand moved along his back, down his side, just grazing the top of his ass before doing it again. "I didn't mean to wake you up," I lied.

"Bullshit." Then his lips were sucking on my neck, nibbling their way to my scruffy jaw before reaching my ear. "I want you to touch me."

Turning my head, I looked at him. I hadn't really thought much past waking him up. I just knew I didn't want to lay in the dark alone, and having him there next to me, so warm and willing, was too hard to resist. While kissing Jasper was once again familiar and easy and comfortable, doing anything more still scared the shit out of me. Even when he had been writhing naked on me, I had barely touched his cock, keeping my hands firmly on hips. After all he had done for me, maybe it was time to take that next step.

"Okay," I agreed. He shifted so that he was laying flush on top of me, making sure to keep his weight off my bladder.

Smiling, he kissed me and I moved my hands to his ass, kneading the flesh as he began to rock against me. Moaning into the kiss, he began to buck his hips urgently, using the friction of my pants and body to get off. He slid one arm under my neck, but the other ran down my side and back up again, sometimes dancing over my shoulder and down my arm or threading through my hair. The kissing never ceased, they were light and tender and deep and impatient. The skin of his back was sleek as my hand grazed it, feeling the muscles roll as he used his body. The formally silent room was now filled with the cadence of moans from both of us.

"Will you touch me?" he gasped, finally breaking the kiss.

He wanted me.

"Yeah."

"How do you want me?" He looked down at me in the darkness, his eyes sparkling with excitement. My heart pound in my chest at the feral and desperate look he gave me.

"I want to taste you," I whispered.

"Are you sure? It's okay if you're not ready, baby, I understand."

"I want to," I confirmed with more confidence than I had.

After one last kiss, he moved off me, kneeling beside me and loosely stroking his erection. He looked liked a fucking god with the moonlight glimmering off his skin, his hair falling around his face covering his eyes. Reaching up, I tucked one side behind his ear.

"You're so beautiful." He blushed, but never took his eyes from mine. "I want you to sit on me."

My head was propped up by the pillows behind me and he straddled my chest, putting his cock right at my mouth. Eagerly, he looked down at me, his bottom lip firmly tucked between his teeth as he resisted the urge to shove his cock between my lips. Looking up at him through my lashes, I opened my mouth.

Groaning, he lifted himself to his knees and tapped his cock against my bottom lip before tracing it with the head, leaving a trail of his fluid behind.

"Taste me," he murmured. Watching him, I licked my lip clean of his heady taste. "Fuck."

Opening my mouth again, I waited for him. Slowly, he eased his cock into my mouth, his eyes closing when I wrapped my lips firmly around him. I flicked my tongue over the head, running the tip under the flared ridge before dipping it into the slit and forcing out some of his flavor.

"Fuck yeah, baby, feels so good," he encouraged.

Still with only the head in my mouth, I sucked hard and he released a strangled cry. Sliding my hands up his thighs, I moved them to his ass, pushing him toward me more. I heard a thump as he fell forward, flattening his palm against the wall above my head. Panting breaths washed down on me as he darted his tongue over his lips and watched his cock slip between my mine. I began to bob my head as much as I could.

"Oh fuck, baby, so fucking hot. Fuck, I missed those lips," he groaned.

Keeping one hand on his ass, I ran my other over his hip and abs, up his chest to a nipple. When I pinched it, he arched forward, his cock almost slipping from my mouth. In my mouth, his cock throbbed, slickened with my saliva it easily moved between my lips as they lightly skimmed over him. His body trembled from the strain of resisting the urge to thrust into me, to shove his cock down my throat. I felt his muscles quivering under my hands.

He needed more.

He wanted me.

Pressing on his hip, I pushed him away, his cock falling from my mouth. "You can fuck my mouth," I told him. Darkened eyes trapped me in his rapt look, the lust in them obvious, outshined only by the love. He brushed the backs of his fingers down my cheek, then along my lips, inhaling sharply when I sucked his finger into my mouth.

"Open."

He replaced his finger with his cock, a throaty groan escaping him as he guided it past my lips. Then he began to thrust, gently, tentatively like he was afraid of hurting me. Squeezing his ass, I pushed him toward me and looked up at him. His arm was still above my head, the muscles bulging as he gripped the headboard of my bed. Snapping his hips, his cock glided through my lips and finally down my throat. My nose was buried in his short curls and I inhaled his scent deeply. Looking up at him, I saw his head hanging down, his hair blocking my view. In front of me, his ab muscles clenched with every buck of his hips, the head of his cock striking the back of my throat. Stilling, he kept his cock deep inside me, his shallow breaths broken only by his murmured word as he was lost in his own world.

"Fucking amazing," he whispered. I swallowed around him and he groaned. "Baby…so…fucking…close."

Gradually, his hips began to move again, their pace quick and frantic, lacking all hesitation from before. I could tell he was sitting on the edge of his climax by the sounds he made, the way his breaths sped up and body began to shake as he fought it off, desperately trying to make it last. I released his hip and snuck my hand between us, taking his balls into my palm.

"Oh fucking Jesus, fuck yeah," he babbled as I tugged on the wrinkled sac and swallowed thickly at the same time, literally pulling his orgasm from him. Staggered breaths fell from him as he tensed, his entire body stilling. "Coming," he warned just as his cock pulsed in my mouth, releasing his warm cum down my throat. Above me, his look was euphoric as his climax rushed through him, crashing over him in waves as he grunted with each burst from his cock. His flavor was bitter and salty, and delicious as I remembered.

As his cock emptied, he gulped in air, words of love streaming through his breaths. "Baby, baby…"

I had been so focused on him, and his pleasure, that it wasn't until he had come that I felt the shiver in my spine, the tickling on my neck and warmth spreading down my arms. It had been there all along.

Still hard, he pulled his cock from my mouth, taking it into his hand and running it over my lips again, smearing his cum around. My tongue followed him, lapping off what his cock left behind. Satisfied he had marked me, he sat back on my hips.

"Now that was worth waking up for."

I laughed and he leaned down to kiss me, his tongue running over my lips before plunging into my mouth and meeting mine. Pulling back, he climbed off me and headed for my dirty laundry for a towel. He wiped himself off and then tenderly cleaned my chin, smiling at me. I knew that look in his eyes, the ecstasy that tinted them with a darker blue and filled them with a haze. My boy was satisfied, and it was because of me.

He wanted me.

I beamed at him proudly. "Did it feel good?"

"Amazing. Thank you, baby," he murmured as he leaned down for another kiss. "You've got the fucking hottest lips."

"Maybe that can be my new nickname? Hot Lips."

He scowled, his brow furrowing. "No," he grumbled. "Not in public anyway."

"Mmmm, love when you're possessive."

"Yeah, yeah."

After tossing the towel back into the laundry, he took a sip of his water and then handed it to me. I took a long gulp and then put it on the table just as Jasper's alarm went off.

"Fuck," he growled, picking it up.

"Hit snooze."

He did and then climbed back into bed with me, his sleeping bag spread empty on the floor.

"You should probably put your pants on when you get up," I reminded him.

"I will," he promised before getting back under the blanket with me. "Love you."

"Love you."

As soon as his head was on my chest and my arm was around him, I felt his breaths even out and he was asleep. Seconds later, I followed him.

"**~~**"

It was late Saturday afternoon when Jasper had returned after leaving for a few hours to go home and make an appearance to his parents and shower. Earlier that morning I had woken up to find him sleeping on the floor, his shirtless torso sticking out of his sleeping bag. I had hoped he had remembered to put his pants on, but then recalled the way he had smelled and tasted and looked on top of me the night before and decided I didn't mind if he had forgotten the pants. When Jasper had finally woken up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he climbed into my bed and kissed me good morning, letting me feel his morning wood against my side. I was disappointed he had remembered to put on his pants.

We had lain in bed for about an hour before he said he had to go, he had promised his mom he would meet her for lunch. When he returned, he was excited and telling me to get dressed, he was taking me out again.

"Where are we going?" I said as I pulled the Spartans Basketball sweatshirt on over my head and he waited impatiently by my door.

"You'll see," he smirked mysteriously. He turned and I followed him down the hall. My father stopped us as we went by the kitchen.

"Going out, boys?"

"Yeah."

He looked at Jasper and there was something there, it was faint and quick, but something passed between them and I grew suspicious.

"Call us if you're going to be late," he reminded me.

I knew he and my mother were still nervous about me begin in a car again, and honestly, so was I. Jasper still had to hold my hand, keep my focus on him or music so that I didn't concentrate on the oncoming traffic. It was worse at night, and while each time got a little easier, I didn't ever think it would feel normal again. The fear was still real and living inside me, and I wasn't sure it would ever go away.

Jasper got me into the truck, put my chair in and climbed in. As soon as he pulled out, he reached for my hand, holding it on the seat between us, his thumb rubbing my skin. While he sang along with the music, he seemed distant or preoccupied, but every now and then he caught himself and would glance at me and smile or squeeze my hand. When we passed the town line and he kept going, I looked over at him.

"The meadow?"

It made sense. He wanted to be alone after the fiasco that was our group date the night before, and being with him there would certainly be better than any dinner or movies.

"No, but as soon as it's nicer out, we are going there and staying for days," he chuckled. "So how's PT going?"

"Good," I replied slowly, suspiciously.

"Emmett give you any restrictions?"

"Not really. He tells me to make sure I have a spotter if I do heavier weights, but I can pretty much do just about everything now."

"What about your dad?"

"He said everything is healing well, that I need to listen to my body to know when I've done too much."

"Cardio?"

"I haven't done much, but I'm still in good shape from before."He nodded, never taking his eyes from the road. Watching him, I tilted my head. "What's with the questions, Dr. Whitlock?"

"No reason," he shrugged, "just curious."

I eyed him warily. Something was up, and normally I could read Jasper a mile away, but he was keeping it well guarded. We passed through a few more towns and I began to see signs for Port Angels.

"Jas, where are we going?"

"You'll see," he answered and then continued singing. I trusted him and decided to sit back and enjoy the ride. I took a sip of the Dew I had and sang along with him.

About thirty minutes later, we reached Port Angels and Jasper followed the GPS to the destination, finally pulling into a large parking lot. There were many handicapped spaces, and Jasper pulled in next to one of them in front of a large brick building. I looked around for a sign but saw none. He got my chair and set me in it, shifting nervously back and forth while he waited for me. When I was ready, he led the way toward the building, going up the wide ramp and an even wider sidewalk. I noticed it was smooth and flat, a great surface for the chair. We went up a long metal ramp to the doors that opened automatically. There were a few people around, but it was the other two in wheelchairs that surprised me. It was an older building but the inside looked new, the walls recently painted, the floor shiny and clean. There were a few doors lining the hall, reminding me of an old school. I could hear some cheering and clapping, and my heart instinctively skipped a beat when I heard a whistle blow.

Jasper went down a corridor and then stopped, waiting for me. I pulled up to him, noticing the way he was gnawing nervously on his bottom lip, and when I looked past him, I saw why.

"What the fuck is this?" I growled.

"**~~*"

Thanks for reading~

ADA-Americans with Disabilities Act- Became law in 1990, preventing the discrimination of anyone with a mental or physical disability. This act guarantees anyone with a disability will not be discriminated against for seeking employment, housing or even eating out at a restaurant. For small businesses, the requirements vary depending on the size of the place, the service they provide and the state of the economy, but if a place has the means (money) they are to make the necessary adjustments to their place in order to serve those with disabilities, including making them wheelchair accessible.

For more information on the ADA go here: http:/www DOT ada DOTgov/statute DOThtml

Have questions about the boys? Follow me on Twitter theslashawards or visit the M&A thread on Twilighted http:/www DOT twilighted DOT net/forum/viewtopic DOT php?f=44&t=9674


	17. In Times of Trouble

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N-I'm trying to keep my head above water with these chapters, between this, M&A, my chapter in the BGS and my submission for the Fuck Me Friday, I've done nothing but write for the past ten days. It's a good thing I have no life already. That being said, thank you for being patient, I don't expect huge delays, but you never know.

This chapter might require some tissues...we're back to some angst.

Thank you to everyone that has read, recommended, reviewed, and learned from these boys.

Special thanks to Dannie, who stuck by me for so long with this story, if it wasn't for her encouragement and faith in my writing, the boys wouldn't be here.

Thank you to OftheTurningAway for her beta on this.

Now Jasper pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night I hadn't pushed him…_

"**~~**"

I was fucking nervous as hell.

Holding his hand the entire drive to Port Angels, I tried to convince myself that I was doing the right thing. I knew Edward. I knew that he needed a push in the right direction sometimes, and not only since the accident, but long before. Hell, it was why I had to kiss him first, push him into something that he might have considered, but would never do unless he was sure. He was the realist, the one who planned, and I was the dreamer, one who leapt first, looked later. Sometimes my impulsiveness worked, sometimes….it didn't.

I really fucking hoped this was one of those times when it worked.

Since I had begun doing researching on SCIs, I had known that there were leagued sports for those with disabilities. From school sports to the Paralympics, there were organizations that specialized in providing the coaching and training for those not able to do sports the traditional way. Even though I had known the organizations existed, it wasn't until Senior Night, when in the dark cab of my truck Edward admitted how much he missed playing basketball, that I began looking into it a bit more. It had taken me about a week of exploring websites and sending emails before I was finally able to set something up.

I knew my boy was ready.

I just hoped he thought so too.

"The meadow?" he asked hopefully, interrupting my thoughts.

"No, but as soon as it's nicer out, we are going there and staying for days," I chuckled. "So how's PT going?"

"Good," he replied slowly, already suspicious. He was too fucking smart for his own good, or he just knew me as well as I knew him.

"Emmett give you any restrictions?"

"Not really. He tells me to make sure I have a spotter if I do heavier weights, but I can pretty much do just about everything now."

"What about your dad?"

"He said everything is healing well, that I need to listen to my body to know when I've done too much."

"Cardio?"

"I haven't done much, but I'm still in good shape from before. What's with the questions, Dr. Whitlock?"

"No reason," I lied. "Just curious."

I could do a lot of things well, like suck Edward's cock and run a minute mile in under five minutes, but lying was not one of my strong points. The words were barely out of my mouth and he was eyeing me warily. I kept singing, hoping it would be enough to distract him.

And it was.

Until he saw the signs for Port Angeles.

"Jas, where are we going?"

"You'll see," I answered and then continued singing. Suspicious or not, he trusted me, and began singing along with me.

About half an hour later, we reached Port Angeles, and I followed the GPS directions through the town until I found the building. I had expected some athletic complex, but it was more like an old school, tall and brick with a lot of windows. There were a lot of handicapped spots in the parking lot and I noticed the ramps and wide sidewalks. Wondering how long it would be until Edward noticed the same things, I got his chair and put him in it, shifting back and forth while he adjusted his feet. My stomach was in knots, churning and twisting as we made our way up the ramp and into the building through the automatic doors, neither of us saying a word the entire time. I shouldn't have been surprised to see a few other kids in wheelchairs in the hallway, but I was anyway. Since Edward's accident, I hadn't seen anyone except him in a wheelchair. Following the directions in the email I'd received, I turned down a long corridor.

I knew as soon as he heard it he would know.

There was some clapping and cheering, and my heart skipped a beat when I heard the whistle and saw the look on Edward's face. I stopped at the end of the hallway, tugging my bottom lip into my mouth as Edward pulled up next to me.

In front of us was a full sized gym, complete with shiny lacquered wood floor and bleachers. On the court were ten teenagers dressed in two different colored team uniforms racing up and down the court in wheelchairs. Two referees in their traditional black and white stripes ran alongside the players. On the sidelines, teammates sat next to their coaches while their parents and friends cheered them all on from the bleachers. It was…different.

There was no squeaking of sneakers on the floor or slam dunks, but there were layups and passes and dribbling.

"What the fuck is this?" Edward growled beside me. Looking at him, I saw him glaring at the game through narrowed eyes, his brows furrowed so close they were almost one.

My heart sank.

"Basketball," I said a lot more confidently than I felt. His glared moved from the game to me. "NWBA." He glared harder, and I swallowed, "National Wheelchair Basketball Association. It's the Seattle Junior Sonics versus the Port Angeles Blazers."

"Why are we here?" he said through clenched teeth.

"I thought you might want to play," I admitted quietly, averting my eyes from his.

"You thought wrong," he snapped, returning his edgy stare to the game, but made no move to enter the gym or leave. I glanced up the scoreboard and saw there were only three minutes left in the first half. I just had to keep him there for three more minutes.

"This is stupid," he mumbled, shaking his head, and before I could stop him, Edward whipped his chair around and was pushing himself toward the exit. I glanced at the coaches on the sidelines and then followed Edward. His upper body strength had given him speed he hadn't had before and he cruised down the corridor. Not even having to wait for the automatic doors to open, he pushed himself down the ramp at an incredible acceleration, maneuvering the chair easily around the corners before hitting the sidewalk and wheeling toward the truck.

"Edward, wait," I called out, jogging to catch up with him. He didn't stop until he reached the truck, where he spun the chair around with a blinding swiftness to face me.

"What the fuck did you do, Jasper?"

"I brought you to a basketball game," I stated the obvious.

"You fucking ambushed me," he spat. The air around him sparked from his anger, his upper body tensed while his hands gripped the rims repeatedly.

"It's just basketball," I stumbled for the right thing to say. I had expected he might not be happy, but I hadn't counted on the rage that had quickly enveloped him.

"For handicapped people," he snarled. "The other day you told me I'm _not_ handicapped and now you fucking throw it in my face!"

"I'm not throwing it in your face," I said defensively.

"Tell me, Jasper. All those times you told me that I could it, you meant do it in a chair, didn't you?" he accused deeply.

Unable to hold his cold stare, I looked away, silently admitting he was right. "I'm trying to show you what's possible, that you can still play," I countered.

"What if I don't want to?" he challenged, arching a brow over his stormy eyes.

"Then you don't, but you should at least talk to the guy. You owe yourself that much. You owe _me_ that much." It was a low blow, but I hoped it might work.

"Stop trying to pretend the chair doesn't exist," he scowled, but his voice was calmer.

It wasn't me that was trying to pretend the chair didn't exist.

"I'm not," I sighed. "I'm trying to show you what you're fucking capable of in the damn chair. On Senior Night you said you missed it, I thought if you knew that you could still play, be part of a team again, you would want to."

"Bringing me here doesn't make me better, it doesn't bring me back to who I was before. I told you, you can't make me whole again, Jasper," he argued.

"And I told you I wasn't going to give up."

"Maybe you should," he mumbled.

"Never," I reiterated. "Now will you at least talk to the coach? For me?"

He glanced at the building and then back to me, studying me before silently moving the chair around me and heading back toward the ramp. Relieved, I followed him.

Just as we reached the gym, the buzzer signaled halftime. The two teams went to the sidelines, gathering in circles around one of their coaches. One of the coaches from the Port Angeles Blazers team looked over at me and waved. After saying something to the other coach, he started to make his way toward us. Edward eyed him the entire time, taking in the different style chair, gloves, uniform, and the way the man's legs were strapped to his chair. The coach appeared to be in his late twenties with short black hair and dark skin.

"Jasper?" he asked as he rolled to a stop and I nodded. "I'm Sam Uley, nice to meet you." He held out his hand and I shook it. His eyes were almost black, but they had a friendly sparkle in them.

"This is my friend Edward Cullen," I introduced Edward and he shook Sam's hand.

"Nice to meet you, Edward. So, what do you think?" Sam asked, motioning to the teams across the court. His pride in his team was obvious in his smile and eyes. "Pretty neat, huh?"

"Yeah, pretty neat," Edward finally replied, sarcasm brewing on the edge of each word. If Sam caught the inflection, he didn't respond.

"Jasper tells me that you're quite the basketball player," Sam hedged, trying to remain positive.

"Used to be. I don't play anymore."

"Why not?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Edward scoffed and almost rolled his eyes.

"The chair is just a state of mind," Sam advised. "It only holds you back as long as you let it."

"Actually it's the not walking that is holding me back," Edward challenged sharply.

"That's the wrong attitude," Sam shook his head.

"Sorry to disappoint you but it's the only one I've got. It was nice to meet you," Edward finished and without another word, turned his chair and left.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Uley," I apologized.

"Maybe it's too soon," he reasoned. "Some take longer than others to adjust, and it's only been a few months. Give him some time."

_Give him some time. _

"If he changes his mind, feel free to contact me. I watched some film of him playing, he was phenomenal, and it would be a shame to let a talent like his go to waste. We could use a point guard with an outside shot like his," he offered as he held out his hand. I shook it again and nodded.

"I will, thanks for seeing us."

He smiled and then turned his chair to return to his team, greeting their huge smiles with high fives as he passed them. Sighing, I turned and left. Edward was already at the truck waiting for me. I opened his door, lifted him in and put his chair in the back before getting in the cab. The air inside was thick and heavy with a suffocating silence.

Backing out of the space, I shifted into drive and pulled onto the street, following the GPS back to the highway. I placed my hand on the seat between us. It wasn't long before his hand reached for mine and grasped it weakly, but I couldn't tell if he held it out of habit or because he wanted to feel my skin against his. He leaned his head against the window, his eyes never leaving the scenery as it breezed by us in the darkness. The Beatles played on the CD player, but there was no singing or laughing.

"I'm not like them," he whispered suddenly. I just squeezed his hand.

How could I tell him that he was exactly like them?

They were kids just like him, their ability to use their legs stolen from them just like his. They were kids who went to school, had friends, broken bathrooms, dealt with restaurants that discriminated, and principals who underestimated their determination. They all had parents who worried, friends who cared, and people that supported them. Not one of them walked into their house, stood in their shower, or ran with their boyfriend.

They were exactly like my boy, and he was exactly like them.

It was _me _that wasn't like them.

And it was only a matter of time before Edward realized that.

We arrived at his house without saying another word. I parked the truck and turned it off. When I glanced at him, he was still looking out the window, staring blankly. Releasing his hand, I got out.

There was no goodnight kiss.

After I got his chair, I opened the door and reached for him. He wrapped his arms around my neck as I lowered him into the chair before straightening and closing the door. I followed him up the ramp, then he opened the front door and pushed himself inside.

"Have fun?" his father asked from the couch as we entered. The television was muted and a he had an open book resting on his lap. Edward nodded weakly, but said nothing and headed right for his room. "Too soon?"

Looking after Edward, I sighed. I hated to admit I was wrong, but I nodded. "Yeah, I think so."

He glanced down the hall. "Give him some time."

_Give him some time._

"You said he was ready."

"I said he was _physically_ ready. He's still working on the emotionally ready part. He's an athlete, he used to know his body and what he was capable of, but since the accident all that knowledge has gone away. He questions everything now, and with good reason." Dr. Cullen paused and sipped his coffee. "He needs to want it like he wanted gym class."

My eyes shot to his, and he smiled.

"I know my son, Jasper. He wasn't going to let them keep him out of gym too long."

I wondered if he had already known, or just suspected and my reaction confirmed it.

"Is it okay?"

"Yes, as long as he is careful. Remember, if something happens to his legs, he can't feel it. He could even break one and not know it, but he needs to be physically active. That part of him can't be denied for too long. It's who he is."

"Then why didn't he like the basketball game?"

"Because it was in a wheelchair. Gym class is him and his able bodied classmates, it allows him to think he is still one of them. What you asked him to do tonight was accept the chair, not pretend it's not there."

"But he does accept it," I countered, remembering him in the shower, claiming he was going to fight for his new life.

"Here, with you and his family, and even at school a little, but out there in the real world…he's just not quite there yet."

"I fuc-messed up," I sighed.

"No, you didn't. You've planted the idea, let's see if it grows." He looked back down the hall. "Are you sleeping over?"

"I was going to, but not sure he will want me to now. He's pretty mad at me."

"No, he's not. He's scared, he's not mad."

"Either way, he's not talking to me. He said I ambushed him."

"And you did. But he wouldn't have gone if you hadn't." He set his coffee down and leaned back against the couch. "He needs you, Jasper. Especially if he's scared."

"You think I should stay," I stated, not asked.

"It's up to you," he shrugged. "If you're too uncomfortable, don't. But something tells me you've got some stubbornness left in you."

He was wrong, my will and stubbornness to butt heads with Edward again was quickly fading. I felt bad I had brought him to the game, and I didn't want to make him feel worse by staying when I wasn't wanted. But in the end, I knew I would, I simply wanted to be where he was, no matter if he was mad or scared, or anything else.

"I think it's time for me to head to bed myself," Dr. Cullen said as he stood and turned off the television. "I'll see you in the morning. Night, Jasper."

He already knew I was going to stay.

"Night, Dr. Cullen."

Turning, I headed to Edward's room and found it empty. He was in the bathroom doing his routine. I spread my sleeping bag on the floor, almost certain I was going to need it for the entire night and not only for the few early morning hours I had been using it. When Edward returned, I was sitting on his bed in my pajamas and tee shirt. He looked at me, slightly surprised to see me there, before he went to his dresser for his clothes. Leaving, I went to the bathroom, brushing my teeth quickly before going back to the bedroom. Edward was on his bed, struggling with his pants, and I saw the frustration growing dark in his eyes as he rocked his body back and forth trying to get his pants over the curve of his ass.

I wanted to let him struggle. I wanted him to see he could do it no matter how hard it seemed.

But I didn't.

Instead, I reached out and stilled his movements. He rolled onto his back and stared up at me as I moved his hands to his sides and gripped the waistband of his jeans, lowering them down his legs. When they bunched up at his feet, I pulled off his shoes and socks, and then finished tugging off his pants. Parting his legs, I placed one kiss on the inside of his left thigh before taking his Star Wars pajamas and putting his legs through them, sliding them up to his thighs. Feeling his gaze on me, I lifted him with one arm under him and finished pulling his pants up to his hips. Standing, I watched him as he dragged his legs up the bed until his head was on his pillows. His eyes darted from me to the corner of the room a few times before he finally looked out the window.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, but he ignored me.

I knew we should have talked, but I let him turn the light out. Getting into my sleeping bag, I laid my head on my folded arms and stared up at the ceiling. The room was completely dark except for the slight moonlight coming in through the window. It was also silent…except for Edward's sniffling.

Closing my eyes, I willed him to fight it.

He was my boy, I knew he could, he just had to believe it himself.

_Please, baby, you can do this. Please…._

The words rolled in my head, spinning and tumbling into a long string of pleas to whoever might be listening. My heart ached with each second that passed, each second that he doubted himself, that he fought the battle of acceptance versus hope.

When I heard a sob escape him, I knew my pleas had gone unanswered. Climbing out of the sleeping bag, I moved to his bed, and without asking, crawled under his blanket. I curled my body into his, pressing myself against his side from shoulder to feet. My head rested on the pillow next to his, my arm across his chest. In the faint glimmer of the moonlight, I saw the wetness on his cheeks as the tears continued to roll down them. His eyes were open, staring into the corner as he took shallow breaths.

"You can do it," I whispered, brushing the backs of my fingers down his tear streaked cheek. He frantically shook his head, clenching his eyes shut. "Baby, you can. I know it's scary, but remember, I'm not going anywhere."

_I will always be here to pick you back up. _

_Always. _

"I'm not like them," he repeated from earlier.

"I know, baby," I murmured. Moving closer, I put my leg over his and held him even tighter. I could do nothing more than try to hold him together as he fell to pieces. His eyes opened and looked right to the corner of his room where the medical supplies were. Glancing over there, I saw nothing but darkness. It wasn't too long before his crying faded and his breaths evened out. I watched over him until his eyes drifted closed, unable to fight the exhaustion of his body any longer. Barely above a whisper, I sang to him.

"Golden slumbers fill your eyes  
Smiles awake you when you rise  
Sleep pretty darling do not cry  
And I will sing a lullaby"

Lying there next to his warmth, I gazed at him. I rarely got to watch Edward sleep. He was almost always up later than me, and usually up earlier in the mornings.

He was so beautiful.

His hair was a mess, standing up on its ends from his hands running through it, but the way it fell over his forehead was imperfectly perfect. High cheek bones still glistened from his pain, a faint pink tinting the soft skin. His eyelashes were long and dark and clumped together from the tears. Behind his closed lids were eyes so incredible they rivaled that of a forest on a summer day for shades of green. Looking at his lips alone was enough to make my cock hard, much less their touch or taste or the way they parted when he slept. His square jaw was covered by a little scuff, and I resisted the urge to rub my cheek against it.

Things had been going good, but I wasn't foolish. I knew uncertainty haunted him, lurking around every corner of the long and winding road we traveled together. It was his demon, one he bore the brunt of, refusing to tell me when it had tightened its ugly grasp on him. I hoped I had been saying and doing what he needed in order to help keep the ghosts of his former life away, and until that night, I'd been doing okay.

It was tiring, but I did it for him. I would do it for the rest of my life if he let me.

He was worth the exhaustion and so much more.

However, taking him to the basketball game had done nothing but throw his old life in his face, and with one trip to Port Angeles, the world I had been precariously balancing on my shoulders crashed down around us. I wanted to watch over him all night, fending off anything that threatened his fragile sleep, but my eyes closed against my will. As my lids fell, I saw a slight smile on his face.

"Love you," I barely breathed before succumbing to sleep.

"**~~**"

The sun filtered through the curtains, falling across my empty sleeping bag on the floor and Edward's bed with us entwined in it. Opening my eyes slowly, I panicked when I realized I had never set the alarm and had spent the entire night in Edward's bed.

"Shit," I mumbled, lifting my head from the pillow and glancing at the door, unable to tell if it had been opened or not. I lay there and stared at Edward, not wanting to move and wake him up. Sleeping was the only time he seemed truly at peace. Even when he was awake, laughing and singing by my side, I saw it there around him, a darkness hiding in his eyes that waited for the moment to strike.

His head lolled toward me and his beautiful eyes slowly fluttered open.

Then I saw it.

Those first few seconds of his consciousness when the light that he used to have inside him was in his eyes again before they quickly clouded over with his new reality. There was a tightening in my chest as sadness clawed at my heart. I could be there for him, I could push him into things he wasn't sure he could do. I could love and encourage, but as long as I lived, I could never fix that for him.

I could never give him that permanent light back.

"Hey," I whispered.

"Hey."

"I forgot to set the alarm."

He glanced worriedly at the corner, taking his bottom lip between his teeth.

"Did you sleep okay?"

"Yeah. I need to do my routine though."

I sighed. I knew reality was going to barge in, but I had hoped he would want to cuddle or talk or something.

"Listen, I'm sorry I brought you there last night. I honestly thought you might like to try it. I know how much you miss playing and thought…"

"I do miss it. Every day. But I'm not ready for something like that. It's not for me."

It was like his father had said, being around people in wheelchairs was only a reminder that he was in one himself. As confident as Edward seemed about the chair sometimes, facing a life in it still scared him. He still clung to the day that he might wake up and discover it had all been a bad dream. Surrounding himself with able bodied people was a way of denying the awful turn his life had taken.

"I should go do my routine. Are you helping your dad today?"

He didn't want to talk about it anymore.

"Yeah, in a few hours."

I got out of bed and pushed his chair over to him. He transferred over and then went to get a kit before heading for the bathroom. While he was gone, I dressed and packed my stuff up. It was about half an hour later when he came back in, looking a little better than before.

"You okay?" I asked him, sitting on his bed. He glanced behind him, then to the corner of his room and finally settled on me, giving me weak smile.

"Yeah, I'm good."

"I'll call you after I'm done with my dad," I promised.

"Okay," he nodded. "I'm going to work out and do my homework." He pushed himself closer until our knees were touching. Taking a chance, I wrapped a hand around his neck and leaned toward him, almost anticipating his rejection, but sighed into the kiss as our lips met. Pliable and warm, his lips melded to mine for a long minute before I pulled away.

"I love you."

"Love you too," he murmured. I stood and went to the door.

"Be safe, baby."

"See ya, love," he said right before I closed the door behind me. Quickly I walked to the truck, letting it warm up for a few minutes before backing out and heading home. The drive was routine, allowing my mind to wander.

It had been a week since I had woken up on Edward's floor to find him scowling at me and asking who Jake was. I had been scared to tell him, I didn't want him to worry that I was leaving him or be embarrassed I had talked to someone about his condition, but I went to him. Holding his hand, I told him everything, how I had been alone and just needed someone to be myself with. No one had known the agony I had been in those first few weeks, and having Jake helped save my sanity. Edward listened, and more importantly, accepted what I had done.

When I had run into Dr. Cullen had spoken to me so cryptically about Edward, my guilty conscience had assumed he knew something about Edward and me, and our relationship. It wasn't until I was chatting with Jake a few days later and he mentioned that Embry was attending a friend's basketball game that I began to think that maybe Dr. Cullen had meant something completely different. After a few searches, I had found what I was looking for. There were a few wheelchair basketball teams in the Seattle area, but only one closer to us in Port Angeles. They played other teams in the region and were all part of the NWBA, an organization that had been started after WWII when injured military men returned home from the war and wanted to continue their lives. Immediately, I had sent an email asking for more information about the Port Angeles team. When I found out they had a game on Saturday night, I got directions and asked to meet the head coach, Sam Uley.

A few nights later at Edward's, I found Dr. Cullen alone in the kitchen after dinner.

"Can I talk to you?"

"Sure, Jasper, what's up?"

"Well, I was thinking about what you said last weekend, about options for Edward, and…I started looking into wheelchair basketball."

He smiled knowingly and nodded as he loaded the dishwasher. "And you want to know if he can do it?"

"Yeah. I mean, I know he can play basketball, but is it too soon for him to do something like that? I watched some videos and they can get kinda rough."

"He's has clearance to do what he wants, within reason of course. His endurance might be lacking a little, but his upper body strength is good."

"There's a game this weekend in Port Angeles and I want to take him so he can watch."

"I think that's fine."

"I'm not going to tell him," I admitted.

"Do you really think that's a good idea?"

"No, but if I tell him, he probably won't go. I'm going to try to ease him into the idea."

"Ease him into it how?" he almost laughed.

"I don't know, like mention it, or get him talking about it or something."

"Well, if you're not going to tell Edward, then I'm not going to tell Esme. She doesn't need to be fretting over this until we know for certain he is going to play. So I will keep your secret if you keep mine. Deal?"

"Deal."

He had kept his word, and so had I.

My date night with Edward ended up being something totally different than I had planned. At first when we had run into Bella, Newton, Angela and Eric, I was pissed. I had just wanted one night alone with my boy and suddenly it was a group thing.

But then I saw the look on Edward's face, how…normal he felt.

Meeting everyone at the movies was something we would have done without a second thought before the accident. I had no problem sharing him when I saw a slight sparkle in his eyes. I actually had fun at the movies, teasing him with brushes of my arm and flirty smiles. By the time the movie was over, Edward was as worked up as I was.

It was at the restaurant that things got really fucked up. Bella had asked us to go for pizza, which wasn't nearly as nice as the dinner I had planned, but I agreed anyway. As soon as the hostess said they had no way for Edward to get upstairs, I swear I wanted to punch her no matter how much my mom had taught me that hitting a girl was wrong. It took the cold air outside and Edwards soothing voice to calm me down. His kiss in the truck didn't hurt either. Then we ended up at McDonald's, laughing and singing and eating. Back at Edward's, I put a basketball game on, hoping to finally approach the subject. I asked questions I already knew the answers to while trying to work up the courage to mention him playing again. He got angry, I stayed calm. He accused, I encouraged.

Then I asked another question.

"Are you really okay with Newton and Swan?"

Edward loved me. I knew that with every breath and beat of my heart, but he also loved her, differently of course, but it was there. She was his first relationship, his first kiss and blowjob, the first person he had heard the words 'I love you' from. There was a history there that I could not rewrite. I knew that, especially since the accident, holding onto his past was important to him.

"I think it's good for her to move on, stop following you around like a little puppy," I continued when he didn't answer.

"You just want her away from me."

He was a smart boy.

"Maybe. But I still think it's good."

"You're probably right, but…"

"You're jealous," I filled in the blank.

"A little, but it's not in that way," he defended.

"Not mostly anyway," I chuckled. "I know you, baby, I saw it in the restaurant. The way you looked at her when Newton asked you."

Hell, I was jealous of Bella. I always had been. Not only did she have most of my boy's firsts, she could be close to him in public. No one thought twice or gave a nasty look if she whispered in his ear or ran a hand down his back. There was a flash of his own jealousy when he looked at her in the restaurant, but the way he looked at her was nothing compared to the way he looked at me, and I knew it.

"There's a history there."

"Key word…history."

Bringing his eyes to mine nodded, "She's part of my history, but you're my now."

"And your future," I quickly reminded him. I had no real concerns about Bella and Edward, I knew damn well he was my future, and hell, he knew he was my life.

"And my future."

We were quiet for a long time, his eyes were on the basketball game, watching the players run back and forth. I felt his body relax as his mind began to accept the possibilities of what his future in the chair might hold. He needed to find out there was that there was a full life within his grasp, but like his father had said, he just needed to want it. Sometimes I just needed to push him in the direction of wanting it.

"Do you really think I can still play?" he asked, uncertain.

"I _know _you can," I answered softly.

And I did.

The date might not have started perfect, but it sure ended that way when Edward fell asleep in my arms. Wanting to feel him even more, I stripped off my pants and underwear and lay next to him under the blanket. Hours later, when my naked body was slung over his, I felt his thumb moving over my hip, coaxing me from my sleep. Instantly, I wanted more. Kissing his neck, I told him I wanted him to touch me. Then he said he wanted to taste me, and I just about fucking came from those words alone.

Straddling Edward, feeling his hands on my ass and hips, and looking down at him as he watched me through his eyelashes while my cock slipped between his parted lips was so fucking erotic. He teased me with his mouth, sucking on only the head of my cock, and my body trembled with effort as I resisted the urge to thrust deep into his throat.

"You can fuck my mouth," he told me.

My boy knew what I needed.

I brushed the backs of my fingers down his cheek, along his lips, inhaling sharply when he sucked my finger into his mouth. I replaced my finger with my cock, a throaty groan escaping me as I guided it past his lips. He sensed my hesitation and squeezed my ass, encouraging me. Moving into his mouth, I watched him swallow my cock over and over until I was panting for breath and telling him how close I was. A few thrusts later and my rhythm was gone, the pace frantic and urgent. Then he took my balls into his hand and tugged on them as he swallowed. I came hard, my cock emptying into his mouth in pulses of cum down his throat. Euphoria spread throughout me, tickling everywhere before gradually ebbing away.

After leaving Edward later that morning, I went home and immediately raced upstairs to my computer. I was printing out the ADA when my mother knocked on my door and came in.

"Hey, you vaguely look like the son I used to have," she chuckled, standing in my doorway. "I think his hair was longer though."

"Damn, my evil plot to steal his identity had been foiled," I laughed, never taking my attention of the document I was furiously typing.

"What are you doing?"

"Typing a letter to the editor of the Peninsula Daily News," I replied.

"You're what?"

Sighing, I spun my desk chair around to face her. "Edward and I went out with some friends last night. We went to the movies and then to Rolando's for pizza. We waited for a few minutes and everything was fine until they said the only table they had big enough for a group of six was upstairs."

"Ah, I see."

"I got pis-" I stopped at her raised brow, "_upset_ and told the hostess I would be in today with the ADA and that I was going to write a letter to the editor. Then Edward and I left."

She nodded thoughtfully. "Want me to look it over before you send it in?"

"You'd do that? You don't think it's a stupid idea?"

She shook her head. "Not at all, Edward has the right to eat wherever he wants. I don't know much about the ADA except where government buildings are concerned, but if they are supposed to have accommodations for him, then they should. As for the letter, I see nothing wrong in letting the public know what happened."

"Thanks, Mom."

"Now, are you staying home today or should I take a picture to remember you by?" she smirked.

"I'm home until about five, but then I have to go get Edward. I'm bringing him to a wheelchair basketball game in Port Angeles tonight."

"Jasper?" she said in that way that only mothers can. I looked away, I knew what was coming.

"No, he doesn't know," I sighed.

"That's not very fair of you," she scolded.

"I know, but he wouldn't go if he knew. I'm hoping once he gets there and sees it, he'll change his mind."

"Good luck," she said in a sing song tone. "Leave the letter with me when you're done and I'll look it over tonight."

"Thanks." She left and I turned back to my computer, the words coming out faster than I could type.

When I was done, I printed out the letter, grabbed the ADA and went downstairs. My mother was in the kitchen when I poked my head inside.

"I'm running to Ronaldo's. Here's the letter for the newspaper," I said, putting it on the counter.

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"Nah, I got this. Thanks though."

"Go get 'em," she said, letting a hint of her drawl show through.

Smiling, I nodded and headed to the truck, rehearsing what I was going to say the entire drive and panicking when it didn't take more than a few minutes to get there. I parked, taking several long breaths before getting out. My heart pounded with each step I took. Even with all the anger I had the night before, I was nervous. I opened the door and stepped inside, taking in all the customers that were there for lunch. The same hostess from the night before walked up, her eyes widening when she recognized me.

"Is the owner here?" I asked, glancing around.

"No, but the manager is," she said. "I'll go get him." She turned and went into the kitchen. I paced while she was gone, clutching the papers in my fist. When she returned a few minutes later, she was followed closely by an older man with graying hair.

"Can I help you?" he offered.

I hadn't even spoken yet and I was already trying to keep the anger I already felt rising under control. "I was here last night with some friends, and one of them was in a wheelchair. The hostess informed us that the only tables for parties our size were upstairs, which wasn't exactly wheelchair accessible. When I asked about an elevator, she said there wasn't one. I suggested putting tables together on the lower level and she said it was full. Needless to say, my friend and I left."

"So did your other friends," the hostess cut in. "Right after you did."

I wanted to smile, but kept a straight face.

"I'm sorry we weren't able to accommodate your party last night," the manager began. "If you had waited, we might have been able to put together a few tables down here."

"That's nice, but unacceptable. I don't mind waiting, but not having something available without having to inconvenience others isn't right. I brought a copy of the Americans with Disabilities Act which, as I informed your employee last night, requires all public businesses to have accommodations for the handicapped, including parking spaces, ramps, bathrooms, and tables. There are exceptions, but I'm pretty sure this place doesn't qualify for them." I finally finished, holding out the papers to him.

He eyed me, slowly reaching out to take the papers from me.

"I should also tell you that I've written a letter to the editor of Peninsula Daily News that goes into detail as to why what happened last night qualifies as discrimination."

"I can assure you, sir, that it was not discrimination," he said defensively.

"We had to leave because your restaurant didn't have appropriate seating for my party," I countered. "I'm willing to bet that the small bathrooms you have don't have handicapped stalls either. You don't readily have features of your restaurant accessible to all. That's discrimination."

He didn't reply, but narrowed his eyes at me. My heart still raced and I hoped I looked calmer on the outside than I felt on the inside.

"_If_ I ever come here again, I hope to see some changes," I finished before glancing at the hostess and then turning and leaving. Exhaling as soon as I was outside, I walked to the truck with a satisfied smile on my face.

I was still smiling from the memory when I pulled into my driveway next to my mother's car and got out. I walked in, heading right to the kitchen for breakfast and found my mother pouring coffee.

"Jasper…right?" she smirked.

Rolling my eyes, I grabbed a bowl from the cupboard and dumped cereal into it before pouring the milk on and grabbing a spoon. I pulled out a stool at the island and sat down.

"So tell me, how'd it go?" she asked, taking a bite of her bagel.

Hunched over my bowl, I glanced up at her. "It was horrible. He was even more pis-_mad_ than I thought he would be. It was too soon."

Leaning a hip against the counter, she nodded. "I'm not surprised. It's only been a few months, Jasper. Give him some time."

_Give him some time._

"Why does everyone keep saying that," I mumbled to myself.

"Because time usually fixes everything, or at least eases the pain. You can't rush him into the rest of his life, not when it's so different from what he was expecting. Basketball is in his blood, he wants to play, just give him time to let him figure it out on his own."

I sighed and nodded. I was sure she and Dr. Cullen were right, but it didn't make it any easier.

"He's lucky to have you," she said quietly, chewing her food.

"He's not thinking that right now," I huffed.

"Yes, he is. No matter how mad he gets at you, he knows he's lucky. You both are. To have a close friendship like what you two have is rare."

I glanced up at her, wondering if Dr. Cullen had given her lessons in speaking to me cryptically.

"Oh," she moved from the counter and went to the table behind us, "you might want to tone this down. It's a bit…angry." She slid my letter across the marble island top to me.

"I am angry, it wasn't right."

"No, it wasn't, but you're not going to get anywhere with rage. You make a great point, but make it clearer, confident, use facts to back up your statement. You will get their attention that way and they won't write you off like some hormonal, angry teenager."

"Fine," I sighed. "I'll revise it."

"Good boy," she teased, ruffling my hair as I tried to duck away from her touch. "I've got to run a few errands. Your father said to meet him at the jobsite at ten. It's the one out on Maple. I'll see you at dinner."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye," she called out as she headed out the door with her bag and keys. I followed behind her a few minutes later to go meet my father for work, already counting the hours until I was going to talk Edward again.

"**~~**"

I was nervous about calling him. My day had been spent worrying about him, about what he was facing without me.

"Hey, baby," I greeted when he answered the phone. I had been home just long enough to shower the construction dust off me and change before sitting at my desk and calling my boy.

"Hey," he returned. He was tired, I could tell by his voice, but I could almost see his attempt at a smile. "How was work?"

"Long. I don't know how my dad does it every day. It's tiring as fuck. This job is almost done though, so that's good. What did you do today?"

"Homework, napped and…" He stopped and my heart skipped a beat before pounding its way out of my chest.

"And?" I hedged.

"Umm….I watched some old game film," he admitted softly.

"Oh, baby," I sighed, closing my eyes.

"It's okay. I mean, it was hard, but it was okay," he said unconvincingly.

"I wish you had waited until I was there with you, we could have watched them together."

All I could see was him sitting alone in his chair, his prison, as he watched himself on television, running up and down the court, high fiving his teammates after a good play. He saw himself happy…normal. I knew he had cried, I knew he had closed his eyes a few times, hoping that when he opened them the metal and rubber surrounding him would be gone.

It never was.

"No, it was better this way. I needed to do it. Part of giving up my old life I think," he murmured.

"You don't have to give it up, Edward. You just have to be ready to try a different one," I said quietly.

"And that means no more basketball," he whispered.

"No, but it means a different kind of basketball," I offered. "Just like us. Remember you told me you couldn't get hard and you thought we would never do anything sexual again? But we do, it's different than before, but it's still just as amazing."

"Yeah," he conceded a little. I listened to him breathe for a few minutes while he tossed things over in his mind. When he was ready to talk again, I was there. "Are you driving me to school tomorrow?"

I let him change the subject, I wasn't going to push.

"Yeah, but I can't give you a ride home. It's the first day of track practice," I reminded him. "But I will be by your place as soon as it's over. Probably around five."

"I hate my mother picking me up," he groaned. "I can't wait until I can drive again."

We were both silent, I think we were both surprised at his words. While he had a good reason, since the accident, he hadn't said anything or shown any interest in driving again.

"Tired of being chauffeured?"

"I like being chauffeured by you, but not my parents. It's harder with them."

"How come?"

"They don't hold my hand," he murmured.

"Sorry, baby," I sighed, my heart clenching tightly for him. I was tempted to grab my keys and go to his house right then. I didn't care if it was almost eight, I wanted to hold him, tell him it was all going to be okay.

Even if I wasn't sure that it was myself.

"Are you glad track is starting up again?" he asked, bringing the subject back to me again. I could almost see him on his bed, his eyes darting around his room, trying to avoid the corner with the medical supplies he seemed to hate so much.

"Not really," I admitted.

"Why?"

"Because it takes time away from being with you," I whispered.

"Yeah, but you need to run again. Kicking some ass on the track is good for you."

I laughed. "I'd still rather be with you."

"Me too."

"Will you come to my meets? Cheer me on like you used to?"

"Of course," he answered, but I heard a hint of sadness in his voice.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," he sighed. "It just really sucks sometimes."

"I know, baby."

There was a long moment of just his soft breaths.

"I should go. I'm going to shower so I don't have to do in the morning. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yep, I'll be there at seven. Be safe, baby."

"See ya, love," he mumbled before hanging up.

I wanted to call him back and tell him to fight what was growing inside him, but instead I just stared at my phone, willing my strength to him through it. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop the world and all the bad shit in it to just melt with my boy.

"Come in," I said when I heard a knock on my door, and my mother opened it.

"This sounds much better," she said, tossing the revised letter to the editor on my bed. "I think it's good to send in."

"Thanks," I said, trying to smile.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah."

"Edward?"

"He seemed to be doing pretty good for awhile but since the game, he's been down and I don't know how to help him. What if I can't?" I blurted out before I could stop myself.

"Is he talking to anyone?"

"What do you mean?"

"A therapist of some kind."

"No. He's got his PT guy, but I don't know how much they talk. Right after the accident, Mrs. Cullen suggested therapy to him but he refused."

"Well, it won't do much good to just sit across the desk from someone you refuse to talk to. Then it just becomes a staring contest."

"Yeah, and he's pretty stubborn."

"Sounds familiar," she quipped. "Jasper, you need to accept that there are going to be times that you can't make it right," she said wisely.

"But I'm the reason he's down. I screwed up, I need to fix it," I growled.

"You can't. He needs to make this decision on his own. Let him try to fix it, just be there if he needs backup. That's what your father and I do with you. We let you mess up and try to fix, and just be there if you can't."

I smiled. "Thanks, Mom."

"Anytime. Night."

"Night."

I spent the rest of the night staring at the ceiling wishing Edward was next to me, remembering better times, times when worrying about having sex had been our biggest fear.

It was a few weeks after his birthday, the autumn days were getting shorter and we were getting more anxious for the end of December. Edward had a rare Saturday off and we told our parents we were going hiking. We wanted to be completely alone and not worry about being caught. After packing a bag with a blanket, lube and the dildo, we headed for our meadow. Edward was a nervous wreck the entire way there, but he still raced me up the trail, shaking his head when he realized I let him win. Minutes after walking into the clearing, we were naked and I was on my knees with his delicious cock filling my mouth. The scent of the forest was strong in the wind as it blew over us. Dark clouds loomed ominously in the sky, but Edward didn't notice. I stopped before he came, wanting to keep him on the brink of his orgasm, his body hovering on that line, so he was needy when the time came for the dildo. When I released his cock from my mouth, he swayed backwards and I gripped his hips, gently guiding him to his knees. With a dazed smile, he lay on his back and I crawled over him, staring down at his face as he ran a hand up and down my arm.

"I don't know if I can do this," he admitted in a shaky voice.

"You can. We'll go slow," I promised.

We had talked many times about our first time, where we wanted to be and of course, who would top and who would bottom. I was eager for either one, but Edward always said that he wanted to bottom first because he didn't want to hurt me. I told him I didn't want to hurt him either, but I wanted to make love to him, give him my virginity. We had watched porn together, we'd seen the pained expressions on the bottom's faces as their lovers entered them. We had also seen the expressions turn to ones of desire.

"I'm scared," he said quietly.

"Me too. But I have to admit, I'm pretty fucking excited too," I chuckled.

"Wait until it's your ass, then let's see how excited you are," he countered with a smile.

Lowering myself, I captured his lips in a long, deep kiss, brushing my lips over his and sharing his flavor as my hips began to grind into his. There was nothing better than feeling our slickened cocks move along each other as I fisted his hair and groaned into the kiss. He hands ran down my back, briefly groping my ass before moving to my hips, his nails digging into my flesh. Ripping his mouth from me, he pressed his head into the ground, the tendons in his throat bulging.

"Stop, stop," he cried out, pushing my weight off his hips. "Too close."

I rolled off him, panting as I watched him close his eyes and take deep breaths calm himself. Lying by his side, I skimmed a light touch along his skin, watching the goose bumps rise in its wake.

"Better?" I asked, my fingers threading through the short copper hairs that framed his cock.

"I might be if you stopped touching me," he chuckled, his hand reaching down to grab my wrist and stop my teasing. "You know what goes around, comes around, right?" His gazed at me, even without the sun, there was a light dancing in his eyes.

"I'm counting on it," I challenged, my hand breaking free of his weak grasp and moving to his balls. Tugging on them, I rolled them in my palm before tickling the soft skin behind them. His hand fell to his side, clutching the blanket when I moved my touch to his needy cock.

"Fuck, yeah," he sighed, content when I began a loose stroke, just enough to keep him on that edge. Leaning down, I took his nipple into my mouth, sucking it hard. Long fingers were tangled in my hair, tugging on the waves to keep me fused to his body.

As if I wanted to be anyplace else.

He groaned and arched his back, lifting himself off the blanket. I released his nipple and looked down at him. Even though he hadn't told me he was close, I could tell from the look on his face, the way it scrunched up in effort to hold off. Slowing my pace, I flicked my tongue along his collarbone, tasting the slight hint of pine on him.

"No, don't stop," he complained, clenching his eyes as his hips bucked up to fuck my hand when I paused.

"Baby, you can't come yet," I murmured into his skin. He breathed through the brink of his climax before nodding. I moved my mouth to his, kissing him deeply, our tongues swirling several times before I broke the kiss and sat up. His cock was red and swollen with desire as I released it, letting it bounce against his abdomen.

"Jesus," he growled, clearly frustrated.

I reached for the bag, pulling out the lube and dildo, putting them on the blanket before tossing the bag aside. Moving, I spread his legs apart and kneeled between them. He watched me as I dripped some lube on my fingers and snapped the bottle closed.

"Just my fingers, nothing we haven't done," I assured him as I lowered my hand. Taking his cock into one hand, I traced his hole with my slick finger a few times before pressing against it. He winced for only a second before he was actively pushing against me.

"Please," he moaned, his eyes begging me for more.

I slipped my finger inside him, amazed at how tight he was, and wondering how he would ever stretch to fit something as large as the dildo…or me. Between my legs, my cock ached at the thought of being sheathed by something so tight, so hot and deep.

"Mmm, yeah, more, love," he groaned as I eased my finger into him a few times.

I slid a second finger inside, feeling his muscles clamping around them, simultaneously welcoming and forcing out the intrusion. A few strokes later, he was writhing on the blanket, lifting his ass to meet my hand, silently wanting more. His own hands traveled over his body, pinching his nipples, running a finger over his lips, gripping his balls, even lightly resting on my hand that lazily pumped him. His body was tight with need, his abs flexing as he moved his hips, his eyes were closed and he released a long groan.

"Are you ready?"

Snapping his eyes open, he looked at me. Immediately the lust in them faded to fear, and I pulled my fingers from him, running my hand up and down his thigh.

"We don't have to do this, baby," I told him.

He furrowed his brows for a second before speaking. "It's going to hurt whether it's you or the toy," he reasoned.

"Not if you don't bottom. I'll do it instead," I offered. I was just as fucking scared as he was, maybe even more, but there wasn't any amount of fear or pain that I wouldn't endure to be with him.

"No, I want to, I'm just nervous."

"If you need me to stop, just tell me okay? Should we use a safe word?"

"You mean like Fluffernutter?" he teased.

"I was just trying to help," I said, defeated and looking at a spot on the blanket.

Pushing himself up until he was sitting in front of me, he tugged on my waist, pulling me closer, until my cock was pressed against his ass. Placing a finger under my chin, he lifted it so that I was forced to look into his eyes.

"Hey, don't be like that. I was just trying to lighten the mood. I love you, I want to share this with you. We're both scared, but it'll be fine. I know it will," he breathed into the air between us, and I nodded.

"I love you too," I whispered before leaning forward for a kiss, sweeping my lips over his several times before I reached up to his shoulder and pushed him back to the blanket. Lowering himself, he watched me as I grabbed the dildo and lube. I poured the lube on it, spreading it out with my fingers until it was completely covered. Placing his feet firmly on the blanket, he spread his legs even further. I'd seen him naked many times, tasted him and felt him, but I'd never seen Edward like that, so vulnerable and open for me. It was breathtaking. His body was incredible, but it was the trust that he had in me that made what we were about to do even better. He was giving me something that no one had ever had, and that alone was beautiful.

"Breathe through it," I instructed him as I placed the flared head of the toy at his entrance. I held my own breath as I pushed the dildo forward, watching the puckered skin of his hole stretch to accept the toy. Edward winced, squeezing his eyes shut as he took short breaths through clenched teeth. Every muscle in his body tensed in protest to the pain.

"Fucking burns," he hissed, both of his hands gripping the blanket so hard his knuckles were turning white. Lying on his hip, his cock had begun to soften.

"Do you want me to stop?" I asked, caressing his thigh.

"No, keep going," he gasped.

I slowly eased the dildo into him, pausing after every inch to let him adjust to the new sensation, the more intense pain. Edward groaned a few times, biting down on his lip as he tried to even out his breathing. Once the toy was completely inside him, I stopped, waiting for a sign from him to continue. Gradually I saw his body begin to relax, his hands loosened their hold on the blanket, and he released his swollen lip from his teeth. When he nodded, I pulled the toy until it was almost all the way out before pushing it back in as gently as before.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, it still burns, but it's a little better," he said quietly, his voice deepening slightly. When I pressed the toy in further than before, Edward's eyes rolled back into his head and his cock twitched. "Oh fuck!"

"What, what?" I panicked, stopping. Edward let go of the blanket and took his cock into his hand, stroking it back to life.

"Do that again," he demanded, not answering my question. Watching him intently, I pulled the toy out and steadily pushed it back in the same depth as before. "Oh my God. Right there, Jesus."

Excited by his reaction, I began to slide the dildo in and out of him at an even pace. My own cock was rigid, throbbing between my legs, and I gripped it, hoping to find some relief. I knew fucking Edward with a toy would be a turn on, but I never expected seeing his body's reaction to it to be so fucking erotic.

His hand quickened the pace on his own cock, while his other hand went to a nipple and tugged on the hard bud.

"Does it feel good, baby?" I whispered huskily. The musky scent of our arousals hung thick in the humid air.

Unable to respond, he moaned and arched his back when I struck his gland again.

Then I saw a drop of water land on his stomach. Glancing up to the sky, another landed on my face. The sky was darker than before and there was a clap of thunder in the far distance.

"Babe," I began, feeling another drop on my shoulder.

"Don't you fucking stop now," he warned me with a throaty growl, his hand furiously stroking himself. My own pace increased the more I watched him, and I felt my own orgasm sitting low in my belly.

"You look so fucking hot right now, baby. Your ass is so tight," I murmured. The random drops turned into a light rain, but I never stopped moving the toy in him.

"Fucking close, so close…" he babbled endlessly through staggered breaths until the sound of thunder overpowered him. It was closer, the storm was less than a few miles away, and we were naked in the middle of a meadow. Edward shamelessly moved against the toy, wanting it deeper. I obliged, knowing the tip of it was striking his prostate and sending bolts of pleasure through his body that overrode any pain he had felt before. Desperate to reach the orgasm that had teased him for almost an hour, he frantically stroked himself, his hand moving over his cock at a blinding pace before his entire body stilled.

And then, as the sky opened up and the rain crashed down around us, he came.

"Coming," he cried out. There wasn't a muscle that didn't tighten just before his cock erupted, releasing long ribbons of cum onto his chest and abs. The spasms of his ass embraced the toy, and my own cock pulsed at the sight. I looked up at his face, at the look of pure ecstasy on it, and there was no more holding back. The sweet fire in my balls spread up and out, and my orgasm traveled through me in strong waves that matched the rumbling thunder in the dark sky. Edward lifted his head and looked at me just as I came, my cock spraying cum over him, mixing with his own. Panting, I lolled my head back on my shoulders and felt the rain cooling my heated skin.

"Wow," Edward chuckled, falling back onto the blanket. Lifting my head, I saw him gasping for breath, his chest still heaving from his orgasm.

"I'm going to take it out, baby," I said as began to ease the toy from his body. His used hole pulsed at the absence, lube still shining around it. "You okay?" I asked, putting the dildo on the blanket. Edward was soaked, his hair was flattened to his head when he nodded.

"Yeah," he sighed, and then started laughing.

"What are you laughing at?" I smiled, shaking my wet hair off my face.

"I was thinking it was a good thing the dildo was rubber," he chuckled.

"Why?"

"It meant we were grounded in case there was lightning."

I slapped his thigh. "Dork. Are you sore?"

"A little. It stings, but nothing I can't handle."

Another clap of thunder, even closer than the last, boomed over us.

"We should probably go, huh?" he said, pushing himself up onto his hands.

"Yeah, but not before I do this," I replied, curling a hand around his neck and drawing him to me for a kiss, licking the raindrops off his lips with my tongue. His hands gripped my arms as he lay back and pulled me down with him, my body flush on his, our cocks pressed together. Kissing Edward was enough to make me forget there was a thunderstorm happening, that the sky was streaking with a rare flash of lightning over the tree line as the heart of storm approached. Fingers carded through hair, lips parted and met again and again, and breaths were exchanged as we shared all that we were. Finally breaking the kiss, I lifted my head and stared down at my beautiful, and very wet, boy.

"I love you," I whispered reverently. Tilting his head, he gazed at me with such adoration it stole my breath from my lungs.

"I'm yours forever," he mouthed before kissing me again. When the ground shook beneath us from the thunder over us, I pulled away, resisting the urge to keep kissing his bruised lips.

"We gotta go, babe," I said loudly over the rain. The next round of thunder was even louder and closer and Edward jumped. Laughing, we scrambled for our clothes, struggling to tug the wet jeans and tee shirts on over our soaked bodies. Edward folded up the blanket, cramming it into the bag while I held it open for him. He put the toy and lube in an outside zippered pocket and then we sprinted for the tree line bordering the meadow. Once we were under the cover of the huge redwoods, we slowed to a jog. We shoved and pushed each other down the trail, laughing and jumping over puddles and fallen logs. Edward didn't move as gingerly as I expected him to, but he was slightly slower than usual.

When we reached the car, we were completely drenched and our sides hurt from laughing. Getting into the Volvo, he started it and turned on the heat to take off the chill. Edward rested his head against the seat, his body still shaking from the laughter bubbling up in him. Without warning, I yanked him to me, kissing him hard and deep, my tongue plunging into his mouth and sweeping deep over his. I felt his fingers fisting my tee shirt as he angled his head. It wasn't until we heard clap of thunder that we pulled away, gasping for breath.

"I can't get enough of you," I admitted quietly. Being with him stirred something feral in me, and my greedy body took over. Part of me thought it must be wrong to want somebody so much, with so much passion and love that it clouded everything else. No one could ever know how it felt.

Except one.

"I know. I feel the same way," he smiled.

The rain fell in sheets outside the car, but me and my boy made out, fogging up the windows for close to an hour. When his hand went to my cock, and I felt myself growing hard under his touch, I jerked back. We were well off the road, there was no way anyone could see Edward's car unless they were hiking up the trail, which in that weather, wasn't going to happen. Staring at him, I pleaded, licking my lips as he considered my unspoken suggestion. We got out and opened the back doors and put the seat down, opening up the back for us to lie in. Seconds later, the doors were closed and Edward was lying beside me, fingers fumbling with the buttons and zippers of our jeans. As soon as mine were undone, I pulled my briefs down over my erection and watched as Edward did the same.

"Do you want to…" he trailed off, his eyes glued to my dick.

"Yeah," I swallowed, pulling off my shirt before lifting my hips and pulling my pants down to my thighs. Arching his back, Edward tugged his pants down and yanked his shirt off before moving on top of me. Placing his hands beside my head, he rocked against me so our bare cocks glided along each other. The sound of the rain pounding the outside of the car was deafening. Looking out the window behind him, I saw lightning streak across the almost black sky.

"Fuck," I moaned loudly before pulling him to me for a kiss, clutching at his hair and clawing at his back. "Feels so fucking good, baby. I love way you feel on me."

He nodded, moving his lips from my mouth, over my jaw and down my neck, nipping at the tender skin as I strained to angle my head and give him more space. The once rhythmic movement of his hips soon became impatient.

No matter how much we kissed, how naked we were, or how many times we saw ecstasy in each other's eyes, we could never get close enough. We exchanged guttural moans, soft breaths and words of love as each snap of his hips brought us that much closer. Our bodies melded together perfectly as our cocks massaged each other.

"I fucking love you," I whispered in his ear, his head buried in the bend of my neck. We devoured each other with soft kisses until we were both sitting on the brink of our orgasms again. "I can't wait until you fuck me, baby. I want to feel your cock inside me."

"Fuck," he groaned, his body trembling above me.

"Are you close?"

Because I was really fucking close.

The coil inside me was ready to spring, it wasn't going to take anymore than a few thrusts of his talented hips.

"Yeah," he gasped, lifting his head to look down at me, capturing me in his fixed gaze. "I want to watch you come."

Sweat dripped from his forehead into my face. One hard thrust and my orgasm ripped through me and I grunted as my cock emptied warm cum between us.

"Jesus," he murmured above me. "Gonna come."

And he did. His cock jerked against mine and then I felt his cum warming my abdomen. Edward's eyes glazed over as his orgasm hit him hard. Dropping his forehead to mine, he sighed. Our bodies were sated and heavy.

"Babe…fucking amazing."

"You are one horny guy," he smiled.

"Got a problem with that?"

"Not at all," he denied. "But I do want to dry off before round three. I think I've got a towel." He moved off me, reaching to the back of the car and coming back to me with two towels in his hand. I sat up and peeled my wet clothes off me, using the towel to wipe off the cum.

"Wish there was a way to dry our clothes. Maybe we can lay them out on the defroster?" I suggested.

"That'll take forever."

"So? Not like we can't find anything to do," I winked.

Laughing, he climbed over the front seat and spread our clothes out along the dashboard, hanging them down over the vents before joining me in the back again. His hair stuck up everywhere from my hands pulling on the drying ends. He ran a hand through it and looked at me, his eyes traveling down my bare chest to the towel lying over my hips. As sated as I was, my cock twitched under his rapt stare.

"Babe?" I gulped.

Hesitantly, he brought his eyes back up to mine. The stereo softly played "Come Together" as he leaned toward me, and just as his lips met mine, my breath hitched with anticipation. Every time we kissed, it was like our first time all over again.

I never wanted that feeling to end.

While our clothes dried, we thrust, stroked, kissed, and came two more times while the thunderstorm surged around us.

Sighing, I adjusted my erection tenting my pajama pants, the memory of being with Edward in the meadow, of our time practicing, triggered an ache as well as desire. I remembered the way Edward had smelled, I remembered the way his ass embraced the toy, and the way he looked when the dildo tapped deep inside him. My cock hardened even further and I stood.

I was going to need to hit the shower again for some relief.

"**~~**"

I arrived at Edward's house a little before seven the next morning and went down to his room to find him packing his bag on the back of the chair. He looked up at me with tired eyes and dark circles under them. Whatever he had battled through the night without me had worn him down. Moving to him, I knelt and put my hands on his knees.

"Babe?"

He closed his eyes. "I'm okay. Just tired. I missed you last night."

"I missed you too. Just think, once we're at college, we can sleep together every night," I said, wiggling my eyebrows, earning me a small smile. "C'mon, hot lips, let's go to school."

He followed me outside and down the ramp. When I lifted him into the truck, he clung to me longer than usual before releasing me and moving across the seat. He clenched my hand all the way to school, his eyes always staring out his window at nothing. At school, I parked and got him into his chair. We headed into school, making our way to my locker before going to English.

I walked next to him.

I sat next to him.

I watched him.

He would glance behind his chair, or over his shoulder, sometimes sighing in relief, other times looking even more tired. Scribbling notes down on paper, he listened half heartedly to the teacher while I didn't listen at all. English was not my concern, Edward was. Wordless we went from class to class, splitting up for his music and my history class.

"I'll meet you at the cafeteria," I said as I left him at the door. He glanced inside the room and then nodded before pushing himself through the door. Torn between going in there and getting him and letting him fight it on his own, I stood and watched him as he went to his desk. He looked completely and utterly defeated.

Maybe it was time to step in, maybe he couldn't fight the battle alone anymore. Just as I went to open the door, the bell rang.

"Fuck," I muttered. One last glance to my distraught boy and I turned and left, breaking into a run to make it to WWll on time.

"Mr. Whitlock," Mr. Beatty said as I slipped through the door at the last second. I nodded and went to my seat in the back. I heard none of the lecture on Normandy. I heard nothing but Edward's quiet sobs from a few nights earlier.

The sound of him giving up.

After class, I walked quickly toward the cafeteria.

"So where did you guys end up the other night?" she asked, walking up beside me.

"The fanciest place in town," I smirked. "McDonald's. How about you?"

She raised an eyebrow.

"I know you guys left."

"What? How?"

"I went back the next day to drop off the ADA and the hostess was there, she said you guys left too."

"Yeah, we did. It didn't feel right to stay. The place has great pizza but they suck at customer service. The girl went to lead us to the table and none of us moved. It was like we all had decided what to do without even saying anything. We left and went to Mike's for a while."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, really. Why do you say it like that?" she asked, already suspicious.

"Anything interesting happen?"

"You mean like Mike asking me out?" she quipped.

"Umm, yeah, like that. What did you say?"

"I told him I'd think about it."

I rolled my eyes and groaned. "Bella, that's like the kiss of death. You might as well have said no."

"Well, I wanted to talk to Edward first."

"He's fine with it, don't worry about him. If you want to go out with Newton, just go."

"Mike _is_ a nice guy," she tossed out.

"Yeah, a real winner," I teased and she shoved me. Before we turned the corner to the lunchroom, I grabbed her arm. "I think you should tell Edward that you guys left the restaurant too."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, I think he'd like to know that you guys backed him up."

"Okay."

We met Edward at the entrance. I shrugged when I saw his raised brow at Bella and me walking so close together. Going through the line, I grabbed food for us both, I didn't have to ask what he wanted, I already knew. I left my usual sarcastic remarks for the lunch ladies about their inadequate set up for Edward. They were used to it, I did it every day, but I wasn't going stop until the changes were made. Edward followed quietly behind me, not even apologizing to the workers like he usually did. We went to our table to find Newton, Eric and Angela already there. Bella sat next to Mike and he practically beamed.

"Cullen," Newton nodded as Edward rolled up the end of the table. I sat next to him on the corner to share the tray with our food on it.

"Newton," Edward returned.

Bella cleared her throat. "Jasper said you guys went to McDonald's the other night."

Confused, Edward nodded and then glanced at me.

"We left too," she said as casually as possible.

"You did?" he asked.

"Yeah, fuck that place. I mean, I can see not having an elevator, but they should have that other shit that Whitlock reeled off," Newton said, shifting in his chair. "I won't be going there again."

"Me neither," Angela agreed.

"Me neither," Eric said, backing up his girlfriend.

"Thanks, guys," Edward said, his voice a bit lighter than before.

"There are plenty of other places to get pizza," Bella suggested as she drank her milk.

"Speaking of," Mike began. "I'm thinking about having a birthday party at my place next weekend."

"You're birthday is like a month from now," Eric said.

"Yeah, but my parents are going away this weekend. You guys are all invited," Mike explained. "It's not going to be big like the Halloween party, just some friends hanging out."

"Sounds fun," I said, looking knowingly at Bella. She blushed and looked down at her food. When I looked at Edward, I saw a slight tint to his cheeks as well, and I wondered if he was thinking the same thing I was.

_Laundry room._

After lunch, Edward and I headed to gym class. I changed into sweatpants and a tee shirt in the locker room while he went into the gym. When I walked in, he was sitting at the three point line staring at the basket in front of him.

We were alone and I walked over and stood next to him.

"This used to be my shot. I was almost guaranteed to make it from here. Didn't matter if someone was on me, I'd just fake an upshot, dribble to the left once and shoot."

"You have a beautiful jump shot," I said.

"Had."

It was quiet in the gym, but we could hear the muffled sounds of the rest of the class as they made their way into the locker rooms.

"What if I'm no good anymore?" he whispered, finally taking his eyes from the basket and bringing them to me.

"You won't know unless you try, but I don't think skill like yours just goes away."

Before he could reply, the other kids filtered in and he put on the brave face he wore with everyone else. We made it through a few games of dodgeball without any problems. One might think Edward was an easier target in the chair, but he was getting better at weaving it around people. Edward took out his frustrations on the other team, nailing a few of them pretty fucking hard. After class, I stayed in my gym clothes for track practice and walked Edward out to the parking lot. Mrs. Cullen was there waiting in the handicapped spot and Edward sighed.

"It doesn't mean anything," I said to him. Sighing, he nodded, but I don't think he believed me. "I'll be by when practice is over."

"Okay."

"Be safe…"

"See ya…"

I watched him as he wheeled himself to his mother's car. She got out and went to his side. He moved into her car easily and then she put his chair in the trunk. As she back out and pulled away, Edward looked at me. I waved but he didn't wave back.

Practice sucked.

I hadn't run much distance in weeks, all my running had pretty much consisted of jogging to school or Edward's when I didn't have the truck. A cold drizzle fell and by the time I finished the warm up lap, my lungs burned and my tee shirt was damp with rain and sweat. After a meeting with the team and the coaches to go over expectations and rules, the upperclassmen were all sent off to do our own workouts while the freshmen continued with the coaches. I stretched for a few minutes before starting my run. At first my pace was easy, my breaths even and rhythmic, matching the slapping of my feet against the track. I stayed on the outside lane, pumping my arms as I gradually increased my speed over each quarter mile. Just as I hit the two mile mark, my lungs began to sting in protest as I gulped air into them, and the muscles in my calves and thighs ached with the strain of my strides. Each one was longer and harder than the one before it, and I began passing sprinters who were running along the inside of the track. I'd never been a sprinter, even Edward could beat me in a short race because he was trained for quick bursts of speed for basketball. I was a distance runner, I had a beautiful pace that my body fell into effortlessly, but I also had a nice finishing kick that usually kept me in the top three places.

Whenever I ran, each time my foot hit the pavement, I was reminded of what Edward couldn't do. He would never get out of his chair and run next to me again, I would never hear his laughter as I teased him about being slow, or hear his growl of determination when I began to pull away from him. Never again would he feel the burn in his legs that I felt, that pain that hovered between pleasurable and excruciating.

I used to love running. It cleared my head, made me feel alive and free.

Now all it did was make me feel guilty.

Thoughts weaved in my mind, tangling in each other as they morphed from one to the next, fogging up my head and blurring my vision. I had fucked up Edward by bringing him to the basketball game, I had forced him to face something he wasn't emotionally ready to handle all because_ I _thought he needed it. Regardless of thinking I was doing the right thing, I didn't, and I needed to fix it, fix him. It was the how that I didn't know. My boy's soul was broken, and there didn't seem to be anything I could do to help. The progress he had made over the past few weeks had been wiped clean by me assuming I knew what was best.

Taking heaving breaths, I barely saw the track in front of me as the tears welled in my eyes before spilling over the edge. I pounded the track with each stride, the frosty air bit my cheeks and nose, and the wind blew my hair back, knotting the waves together. I lost track of the distance I had gone, only vaguely aware of the other students running on the track with me. It wasn't until I heard someone yelling my name several times that I noticed my teammates were heading toward the gym.

Gradually slowing to a walk, I followed them, stretching my aching muscles along the way. I wanted to get to Edward's as soon as possible, I needed to see him and be with him. I needed him to tell me how to fix him. Not even bothering to shower, I dressed and jogged to the truck, tossing my bag on the seat before jumping in and starting it. "Let It Be" played on the stereo, and I turned it up, hoping the lyrics might drown out my thoughts as I drove to his house.

There were no cars in Edward's driveway but it wasn't empty. I pulled up to the curb in front of his house and watched the movement through my windshield, not sure if I should smile or not. Taking a deep breath, I got out and walked up the drive.

There was a painted semicircle on the wide driveway that he and I had painted a few summers before when he had decided he needed to work on his outside shot. We had even measured the distance so that it was a perfect three point arc. The wheels of his chair sat right behind the fading white line as he reached up with his arms and effortlessly shot the basketball, swishing it through the net. He was soaked, his hair was flattened and his tee shirt clung to his muscular shoulders.

His arms dropped to his side and he cocked his head as he heard me approach behind him. There was a storm around him, a thick haziness that seemed to envelop him in an opaque cloud. The ball bounced a few times on the wet pavement and I ran over to it, dribbling it before passing it to him. Instinctively, he caught it, his hands barely touching it before he was releasing it into the air again for another perfect shot. Neither of us said a word as I rebounded it again and passed it back to him.

He sank another.

As soon the ball was through the net, he closed his eyes.

I wanted to know what was going to in his beautiful mind, what tortured memories were haunting him as he sat there so still, so quiet. The ball rolled onto the grass as I stood there in the rain and stared at him only a few feet away, witnessing him fight his battle against the dark storm shrouding him.

"C'mon, baby," I mouthed to myself. "You can do it."

As if he heard me, his eyes opened, immediately capturing mine. They were a thousand different shades of green, from the color of moss to the pale petals of a flower, but beyond the facets of color was something else.

They were clear.

The fog around him gradually faded, the storm finally beginning to move on, leaving him exhausted, but the victor of the battle. Holding my gaze, he was completely still, taking from me what strength I offered to rebuild his own. I felt what little I had drain from me and move to him as his eyes brightened ever so slightly. Biting my lip, I waited.

Then I saw a small flicker of hope.

"I want to go back," he breathed.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

The Seattle team for the NWBA is the Jr Sonics (named after the defunct NBA team), however I took creative license with the Port Angeles team because there is none, and I didn't want the boys driving 3 hrs to a game.

I have added two banners made my LostImortal to my profile, thank YOU!

M&A won Best Group Sex the Golden Lemon Awards, (the J/E/R DP outtake) thank you so, so much for those that read, nominated and voted. Riley would be so proud! The banner is on my profile, thank you all again!

So…need to vent? Have theories? Come visit us on the Twilighted tread (we even post pretty boys and teasers to pass the time between updates) http:/www DOT twilighted DOT net/forum/viewtopic DOT php?f=44&t=9674 or follow me on Twitter theslashawards


	18. In My Hour of Darkness

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N-I know I say this every chapter, and I swear I don't really want to repeat everything in both POVs, but some things are just too damn important to them both, and I think we really need to see what was going on in Edward's mind the night of the game, as well as what lead him to decide to want to go back.

There is a lot of basketball terminology used in this chapter, there is a link at the bottom for anyone that wants to brush up on basketball terms. This chapter is unbeta'd, all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are mine.

This chapter might be angsty...at least in the beginning. Oh, and when you get to the italics, put Imagine by John Lennon on repeat. Trust me.

Thank you to everyone that has read, recommended, reviewed, and learned from these boys.

Special thanks to Dannie, who stuck by me for so long with this story, if it wasn't for her encouragement and faith in my writing, these boys wouldn't be here.

Now Edward pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night he hadn't given me everything I needed…_

"**~~**"

I wasn't handicapped.

But Jasper obviously thought I was.

Why else would he have brought me to a basketball game for people in wheelchairs?

I was _nothing_ like them.

Playing a fucked up version of basketball was their lives, not mine.

"I'm not like them," I whispered in the dark cab of the truck. Instead of replying, he squeezed my hand.

He thought I was exactly like them.

Looking out the window, I felt something near me, something besides Jasper, and I shivered, afraid to take my eyes away from the passing scenery. No matter how many times I had coaxed the darkness away from me, it was in control of my life now, not me. I feared if I looked over at Jasper, I would see it driving the truck instead of him, driving me toward the fate of a life sitting down, of watching people run around and do shit I could no longer do.

Jasper's hand was warm in mine, not cold like the darkness, and I chanced to look at him when his thumb stroked the back of my hand. Quickly, I glanced at him and saw him, just him, driving us home. Relieved, I turned back to the window, staring at absolutely nothing for the rest of the drive.

He pulled into the driveway and got me into the chair. Silently, I pushed up the ramp and into the house, barely acknowledging my father as I went straight to my room. Hesitantly, I entered, almost expecting something to jump out at me. I wasted no time in grabbing a catheter kit and heading to the bathroom. I just wanted to go to bed and forget the night had ever happened. In the bathroom, I put on the latex gloves and cleaned my dick before inserting the tube, pushing it into my bladder so it could drain. Even though we had made plans for him to sleepover, I knew Jasper had probably talked to my father for a minute and then left. I was sure he wouldn't admit to driving me an hour from home to see a basketball game.

When the catheter bag was full, I emptied it in the toilet and tossed it into the trash. After wiping the iodine over the head of my cock, I shoved it back into my pants, not bothering to do them up before taking off the gloves, washing my hands and brushing my teeth. I returned my room, surprised to see Jasper sitting in his pajamas on my bed.

I should have known better. My boy was too stubborn.

Barely looking at me, he stood and left the room. I moved to the bed, balancing on my feet for just a second before sitting on the edge of the bed. Lying back, I began to pull my jeans down, but they kept getting stuck on my ass no matter how many times I rocked my body side to side. I struggled, growing more frustrated with each second, and was just about to give up when Jasper returned. He stood in front of me, watching me for a few seconds before he grabbed my wrist and pulled my hand away from my pants. Without asking for permission, he gripped my jeans and tugged them down my legs. I heard my sneakers hit the floor and stared at him as he parted my knees and then placed a kiss on the inside of my left thigh. It was light and brief, an apology of sorts, and I felt his soft lips on my flesh, sending a tremor from my neck down through my arms. Before it had reached my fingertips, he was pushing my pajamas up my legs, lifting me to pull them over my hips. Behind me I heard the blackness, creeping down the wall and in through the window to the corner.

As soon as Jasper was done, I dragged myself up to the pillows, turning onto my back and straightening my legs out. The darkness was louder, snickering in the corner, and I knew just Jasper presence wasn't enough to keep it away, my superhero no longer strong enough to keep it at bay. Glancing at the corner where my medical supplies were, I saw it smirking at me, practically rubbing its ghostly black hands together as it waited to pounce. Yanking my eyes to window, I looked out it, the pool, the night sky, anything but the corner.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, but I ignored him.

Jasper stood by my bed staring at me. Even without looking at him I could tell he was deciding between getting into my bed or the crumbled sleeping bag on the floor. Not giving him the choice, I turned the light out on my table and watched as he climbed into his sleeping bag. Refusing to look at the corner, I gazed at Jasper, wishing him to hear it, to get up and fight it before it reached my bed, because once it touched me, there was no turning back. I wondered how he didn't hear it, the slight sound the shadow made as it eased its way from the corner across my floor toward my bed.

But that was before I knew that Jasper thought of me as handicapped.

The same boy that had told me I wasn't handicapped, that I was normal, that I could do anything I wanted to.

The whispers were faint, barely audible, but I clearly heard them. The words of doubt floating around the translucent haze, telling me that Jasper only meant I could do anything that kept me in the chair. The darkness reminded me that if I wanted to get up and run with him, I couldn't, if I wanted to walk upstairs to my old room, I couldn't, if I wanted to make love to Jasper, I couldn't. For weeks, Jasper let me believe it was all okay, that as long as we were together, everything would just be okay.

He had lied, the murkiness convinced me that Jasper had known all along that it wasn't okay.

When it reached the end of my bed, I gasped. It was larger and denser than usual; the long, smoky fingers wafted over the blanket toward my feet while it smiled sympathetically, tilting its wispy head and promising no more pain if I just let it all go. With the black haze I would never feel the rejection, the agony of knowing what people really thought of me. I could ignore the looks of pity and disgust, it promised protection from it all, it would shroud me in a thick blanket of indifference, of numbness. I would be safe from everything I was afraid of.

As the darkness waited at the end of my bed, pausing while I considered its offer, I felt a tear slid down my cheek, because there was one thing it couldn't offer me.

Jasper.

As much as it hurt to know that he thought of me as handicapped, a cripple, I wasn't sure I could survive anything without him.

The gloomy mist shook its head, telling me Jasper wouldn't always be with me, someday, perhaps sooner than I expected, he would leave. He could get into college while I was forced to stay home, and while he might promise to love me and stay loyal while he was gone, someone would walk into his life, literally, and I would be nothing more than a wasted two years for him. Under the shadow's guidance, there would be no anguish from Jasper leaving me if I left him first.

_No! _

I refused, and it almost sighed, spreading low and even over my bed, only inches from my immobile feet. There was no escape, I couldn't get up and move, I couldn't even fucking twitch my toe to scare it off. I was completely helpless. Even my voice seemed to have been stolen from me as the sneering promises got louder.

It would be easy.

So easy.

It skittered back to the corner as the mattress shifted under my boy's weight. I hadn't even seen him get up or move the blanket to get under it, but I suddenly felt Jasper next to me, curling his body into mine. He laid his head on the pillow next to me and put his arm solidly across my chest. Making no attempt to stop them, the tears rolled freely down my cheeks as I warily watched the ghostly blackness crouching in the corner.

"You can do it," Jasper whispered to me, brushing my damp cheeks with his fingers, trying to will me his strength through his touch. Shaking my head, I clenched my eyes shut. "Baby, you can. I know it's scary, but remember, I'm not going anywhere."

I couldn't. The darkness was there, it always would be, I couldn't keep it away any longer. It was only a matter of time before it seeped into my useless body, my lax muscles absorbing it while it fed my black soul and mind with thoughts of nothing but hopelessness and anger.

Giving up would be so easy.

With what little fight I had in me, I murmured, "I'm not like them." I wasn't sure if I was saying it to Jasper or the darkness. Both of them waited for me to commit, to decide what I wanted.

Live my life with passion and hope, accepting failure and pain with it, or survive through it without feeling any emotions but anger and resentment.

"I know, baby," he replied softly before moving even closer.

He held me while my soul cracked, while my world of seventeen years disappeared from my grasp, my legs transforming from flesh and bone to metal and rubber. My life crumbled and he scrambled to rebuild it with his touch and promises before it fell down around us both. For some reason, Jasper thought my life was worth fighting for. I only hoped he was right. Opening my eyes, I dared to glance at the shadow, relieved when I saw it was smaller and fainter. Having Jasper next to me kept it hovering near my supplies, hatefully leering at my boy, its enemy and my hero, who had unknowingly saved me once again. I stared at the cold corner, feeling nothing but Jasper's warmth, his fingers drawing soothing circles on my chest, his breaths washing over my cheek as he gazed at me in the moonlit room.

Fighting was exhausting.

Gradually the tears lessened, my cheeks still wet as my eyes drifted closed, shutting out the darkness and Jasper. A palm flatted over my heart, feeling the uncertain beat beneath it. It was his, it was always his, but I was too tired to tell him.

Even if he thought I was crippled, I was still his boy.

Just before sleep took me from him for a few hours, I heard his whispered lullaby.

"Golden slumbers fill your eyes  
Smiles awake you when you rise  
Sleep pretty darling do not cry  
And I will sing a lullaby"

_I sat in the front row dressed in a maroon robe with the gold silk valedictorian ribbon lying over my shoulders as I listened to Mr. Bradshaw speaking to the graduating class. My eyes roamed the students around me. I saw Jessica twirling her hair around her finger, and Eric staring at Angela as she listened intently to the principal. A few rows behind me was Bella, her long hair pulled back in the early summer heat. Even though the dress code had stated shirts and ties for the boys and dresses for the girls, I knew Bella probably had on nothing fancier than shorts under her robe. Glancing a few rows over from her, I saw Newton. He nodded and gave me a wave before looking toward Bella. _

_Jasper was sitting in the back row, but his presence was so strong that it felt like he was right behind me with his hands on my shoulders as he laughed in my ear. Looking over my shoulder, I found him easily, his grin wide as he winked at me before wiggling his eyebrows. _

_For days we had worked on my speech, Jasper had listened to it so many times he had it memorized as well as I did. I had rehearsed it as we floated in the pool, lay in bed, even when we had sat in the meadow earlier that day. When I had called him in a panic that morning, he'd come picked me up and we went straight to the meadow. I kept telling him I was scared of going up on the stage in the wheelchair even though there would be a ramp, and he pushed my hair back and shook his head. _

"_Baby, you just have to imagine you can walk and you will," he assured me with bright eyes. "You'll be amazing."_

_I don't know how he did it, I never would, how he just always said exactly what I needed to hear. I rolled my eyes at him, trying to lighten the mood that had taken on a sudden serious tone. We were surrounded by wildflowers and butterflies, the sun beaming down on us as I rehearsed my speech one last time before we had to get home and ready for graduation. Leaning forward, he kissed me, and showed me just how amazing he could be. _

_Mr. Bradshaw finished his introduction and I took a deep breath. "Please welcome the valedictorian of the class of two thousand eleven, Mr. Edward Cullen," he smiled. Everyone clapped and the students cheered, the loudest coming from my boy in the back row. _

"…_you just have to imagine you can walk and you will."_

_Believing him, I took off my gloves, setting them in the empty chair next to me, the chair that I would have been sitting in had I not already been in one. Reaching down, I gripped my pants, lifting each foot off the pedal and onto the ground. Taking my bare hands, I put them on the armrests of the chair and then waited until I felt him. _

_He hadn't left the back row, but he didn't need to. He was there, his hands on me, supporting me just like he always had, and I pushed off the chair with all the strength I had. _

"_...you can walk…"_

_My balance wavered as I straightened and let go of the chair with one hand, then the other. Grinning, I glanced at him over my shoulder and saw my angel bathed in a halo of sunlight as he smiled knowingly at me. Of course he had been right, he always was. _

_Gingerly, I moved one foot, taking a small, unsteady step. Encouraged when I didn't fall, I took another, then another, and then I was walking toward the stage to the sound of even louder cheering. Looking out into the audience, I spotted my parents smiling proudly as they watched their son. Nearing the stage, I ignored the ramp to the side and went right to the stairs, easily going up them. When I reached Mr. Bradshaw, he shook my hand and then sat in his seat right behind me. I saw hundreds of eyes staring at me, but only two that I cared about. Tilting his head, Jasper beamed as our dream became a reality. _

_Standing, fucking __**standing**__, in front of my peers, friends, and the love of my life, I spoke into the microphone. _

"_Congratulations class of two thousand and eleven," I began, and then paused as I gazed at Jasper, lost in everything that he was for a moment. When he nodded I continued, "A brilliant songwriter once wrote that all we had to was imagine a better world and it would happen. He promised there would be no greed or hunger, that we could live in a brotherhood of man. More recently, another brilliant man told me that if I imagined something, it would be true. He was right. I am proof that it doesn't have to all be a dream. So I __**stand**__ before you all today to tell you the same thing. You can achieve anything you imagine, anything you dream about is within your grasp, you only have to want it badly enough and let it be. Imagine it…dream it…live it." _

_It was not the speech I had practiced for hours on end, it was the one inspired by my blond boy sitting in the back row as the sun glistened off the one tear that rolled down his cheek. He stood, as did all the other students as they applauded me, but Jasper moved from his seat, working his way to the isle where he strode up it. The gown swirled around his feet with his long strides as he broke into a sprint toward the stage, taking all five stairs in one leap, he swept me into his arms, swinging me around as he buried his face into my neck and wrapped his arms around my waist. The cheers of the crowd faded until all I could hear was his voice in my ear._

"_You did it, baby, you did it," he breathed. "I love you."_

_I had done it. Just like he had always told me I could. _

_Eye level with him, I pressed my lips to his, and in front of everyone, I kissed my beautiful boy. _

The sunlight was dimming, not nearly as warm as it should have been for early June. Lazily, I turned my head to the side, knowing that my angel would be there when I opened my eyes. I was tired, my body heavy and my mind foggy. I couldn't remember moving inside from graduation to a bed, but then I realized, Jasper was next to me and I must have been tired from making love to him all night, my body was sated and exhausted. Slowly, I pried my eyes open, torn between wanting to see Jasper and having

to face the world outside of our bed, but we had all summer before we moved to college, ready to start our lives and future.

He was there, with sleepy eyes and mussed waves in his face, looking as tired as I felt.

Then it hit me.

The sun was weak because it was March. He was next to me because I had cried myself to sleep and he had watched over me all night.

My body was heavy because I couldn't walk.

It was that way every morning. I would go from the beautiful dreams to the fucking awful reality of my life. No matter how many times I slept and woke up, it never changed.

"Hey," he whispered before I could look at the corner.

"Hey."

"I forgot to set the alarm."

Worriedly, I glance at the door, immediately tugging on my lip nervously. Alice had already caught us in bed once, it was probably only a matter of time before someone else did. It had been because of his weight next to me all night that I'd had the dream. It was worth the risk of getting caught for the unconscious moments of serenity, of being normal again.

That was all it had been. A dream.

There would be no walking onto the stage at graduation for me no matter how much I imagined it. There would be no Jasper swinging me around, no kiss in front of everyone. Graduation would be nothing but the beginning of the end.

"Did you sleep okay?"

"Yeah. I need to do my routine though," I told him quietly.

"Listen, I'm sorry I brought you there last night. I honestly thought you might like to try it. I know how much you miss playing and thought…"

I knew he was sorry, he didn't have to tell me, but it didn't fix what I now knew; that he thought of me as nothing more than those other kids in the wheelchairs. They weren't me. I wasn't them.

"I do miss it. Every day. But I'm not ready for something like that. It's not for me. I should go do my routine. Are you helping your dad today?" I asked, hoping to move on from basketball. I wanted nothing to do with that place or those people that I didn't belong with.

I was nothing like them.

"Yeah, in a few hours," he answered as he got out of bed and moved my chair to the bed.

Quickly, I moved into it, snatching a kit from the table, almost closing my eyes as I reached for it before spinning the chair and going to the bathroom, leaving Jasper alone in my room. I numbly pulled my dick out and put on the gloves, moving automatically, not even noticing as the urine drained from my bladder into the clear plastic bag. When it was about three-quarters filled, I ease the tube out a few inches and waited to see if anymore came out. After a minute, I pulled it all the way out and emptied it before cleaning the head of my cock with the iodine. Taking the gloves off, I transitioned to the toilet and worked my pants down enough to reach myself before putting on some new gloves and drizzling lube on my finger. After I stimulated myself, I straightened and waited for gravity to kick in. I looked around the room, the wider shower with the chair and rails inside it, the lower counter and mirror, the medical supplies piled up on a small table next to the towels. There were small things from my previous life, my toothbrush and shaving cream on the counter, but the bathroom had been transformed into my new reality right along with me. Hell, the entire house had, from the ramp outside to the rearranged furniture to the remolded kitchen. Even my bedroom wasn't where it used to be. I'd been living in the house for months, watching it morph into a new version of my home, all to accommodate me and the chair. I moved around in the chair much easier, but it still wasn't a part of me, it never would be. I refused to willingly let it into my life.

As I looked around the room, I thought I saw the shadows creeping along the handrails in shower and gathering under the counter where the cabinets used to be. Closing my eyes, I pictured Jasper standing in front of me with a smile as he told me I could do it. The vapor's whispers got louder, Jasper's image no longer enough to keep it away.

Part of me just wanted to give in to it.

I kept my eyes closed until I was done, then I cleaned up as quickly as possible and rushed back to the room. When I entered, he was just finishing rolling up his sleeping bag.

"You okay?" he asked me as he sat on my bed with the nylon bag in his lap.

Glancing behind me and then to the corner of my room, I was relieved to find them both empty. "Yeah, I'm good," I sighed.

"I'll call you after I'm done with my dad," he promised.

"Okay. I'm going to workout and do my homework." Pushing closer to him, I brought our knees together. I couldn't feel his, but I saw his jeans against my flannel. Slowly, hesitantly, he leaned forward, wrapping a hand around my neck. When our lips met, he sighed, and then melded his lips to mine with soft brushes across them. He pulled away, a sweet smile on his face.

"I love you."

"Love you too," I murmured. And I did. Even if he thought I was handicapped, and even if I didn't like that he thought so, it didn't change the love I had for him.

Standing, he went to the door. "Be safe, baby."

"See ya soon, love," I replied.

The door clicked closed behind him and I shivered, a chill traveling down my stunted spine, goose bumps rising over my forearms. I didn't have to turn around to know it was behind me, lurking and waiting, sensing my weakness and doubt, but the knock on my door had it scampering toward the corner again.

"Come in."

The door pushed opened and my father leaned against the door jamb, his head tilted as he eyed me. I was still in my pajamas with my bed head hair, and I probably looked as tired as I felt.

"You feeling okay?" he asked with fatherly concern but in his doctor voice.

"Just tired," I said, turning the chair toward him a bit more.

"He was only trying to help," he said quietly. It took me a minute to realize what he meant and my eyes narrowed.

"You knew," I accused.

"He came to me with the idea, yes," he confirmed with a short nod. "He wanted to be sure you were physically able."

"Jesus, I wasn't ambushed by just him, but you too," I growled, suddenly furious that my own father had been in on it. The tag in the car told me my mother thought I was handicapped, Jasper taking me to a wheelchair game told me he thought I was, and now my father was admitting he did too.

"He didn't ambush you," he sighed. Arching a brow, I glared at him until he shrugged. "Okay, maybe he did a little, but would you have gone otherwise?" When I didn't reply, he continued, "Exactly why he didn't tell you." He glanced down the hall, then stepped into my room and sat on my bed. "Edward, I'm not going to pretend to know what you're going through. I might be a doctor, but I can't even begin to understand what you're facing. Honestly, I don't know if I could do what you're doing, but you're much stronger than me. You have something inside you that won't let you give up, and it will be that strength that gets you through this. Plus, you have something else…."

Curious, I relaxed my jaw and sighed. "What?"

"Jasper. Not many people get to have someone that stand by their side no matter what, knowing when to push you, helping you fight the battles."

"You have mom," I argued, then realized that he meant a best friend, not a lover. For me, there was no difference.

"I do, and she challenges me just like Jasper does you. Granted, she challenges me in different ways, like testing my patience," he chuckled quietly. "Don't be so hard on him, Edward. He was only trying to help you see what is possible for you."

"He thinks I'm handicapped," I whispered, looking down at my thinning, lifeless legs. My father reached out, placing his hand on my knee. It looked like he squeezed it, but I couldn't tell.

"Even if he does, you are still the same person, Edward, and he knows that. The chair only defines you if you let it. Even if he acknowledges the chair, he doesn't want you to let it be all that you are," he reasoned.

"I don't want to be handicapped," I mumbled, refusing to look up at him even though I felt his gaze on me.

"I know." He paused, glancing around my room, the pile of dirty clothes on the floor, the half opened drawers of my dresser, the scattered homework on my desk. "Edward, look around this room. Everything in here is you, in a wheelchair or not. You've never been one to pick up your laundry or close your drawers, and I have no idea how you managed straight A's when you can't even seen the top of your desk. Those things, those tiny things, are what define you. That is who you are, not some chair."

I followed his eyes around the room, avoiding the corner. Turning back to him, I saw a small smile on his face.

"Don't be too hard on him, he's feeling pretty guilty right now. He thought he was helping." Hanging my head, I nodded. "And…give it some thought." Standing, he put his hand on my shoulder until I looked up at him.

"I'll try," I promised, but I wasn't sure if I could follow through.

With another half smile, he went to the door, leaving it half open as he walked out. Sighing, I turned the chair and went to the window, stopping in feeble warmth of the sunlight. I stared out at the covered pool, remembering splashing Jasper and Alice on any given hot summer day. The competitive nature of Jasper and I had led to many races down and back the length of the pool, or seeing who could do a better backflip off the cement edge. I couldn't do any of it anymore, swimming, running, backflips…basketball.

Moving to my television, I turned on my DVD player before reaching down to the stack of DVDs on the shelf under it, taking a few off the top and reading the date and title written in marker on each shiny surface. Taking one, I slid it into the player and then grabbed the remote and hit play.

As soon as it started, there was an immediate tightening in my chest, a vise-like grip around my heart that was agonizing. I hit pause, stopping even before the two centers had even jumped for the ball. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath. Watching it was going to be like pouring salt on an open wound, it was going to sting like hell at first, but the sharp pain would eventually fade to a throbbing ache that would never go away. Watching my teammates on Senior Night had been hard enough, but watching _myself_ run up and down the court was going to be so much harder. With the remote clutched in my hand and my eyes still shut, I hit play, listening to the sounds of the game, the sneakers on the floor, the crowd, the whistles, the coaches calling out plays. Each sound added to the ache, building on each other until the pain was piercing my chest. Slowly, I opened my eyes to see myself run down the court for a fast break open layup. I kept my eyes on the television, but I knew I wasn't alone.

It sat next to me with a gloomy, gauzy arm lying across my shoulders, offering a cold comfort as I stared at my able-bodied self moving around the court, darting in and out of players, diving for loose balls, jumping for rebounds. Each move I made was something I could no longer do. There was nothing about the me sitting in the chair that remotely resembled the boy playing basketball except hair color. The dark vapor nodded, leaning toward me and promising no pain if I only went along with it.

_Forget basketball, forget Jasper and your friends, they will only leave you anyway…I will never leave you._

The scores rose while I sat there and watched. It was all I could ever do now, sit and watch, like I had on Senior Night. They included me, they made me feel like one of them, but deep down we all knew it wasn't true, I wasn't a part of that team anymore. The game ended and I put in another, watching myself do all the same things again, each time distancing myself a bit more from the boy on the television to the boy I was now.

_Bitter, angry, hallow. _

Such easy emotions to give in to.

With each minute of game film I watched, the haze next to me thickened, growing in strength and confidence, and without Jasper around to convince me otherwise, I began to give in. At first it was only one or two, but by the end of the third quarter, the tears were steadily rolling down my cheeks. Occasionally, I reached up and swiped at them, but mostly I let them fall, until they landed on my shirt, leaving evidence of their existence behind on the cotton. I barely heard my phone beep, but then it vibrated. Pausing the video, I went to the table and picked up my phone.

_At work with my dad. Miss you and love you _

Reading the words over and over again, I glanced at the paused game to see the smokiness fading, almost sighing as it retreated to the corner, leaving behind a sheer trail of promises to return.

_Wish you were here. I love you too _I replied before setting the phone down.

Hitting stop, I turned the television off and went to my computer. Opening up Google, I stared at the rainbow letters, not quite brave enough to type in the words. Closing it, I grabbed my books and moved to my bed where I spread my work out and began to read. The words blended together, making little sense no matter how much I read them, but I crawled through the homework, scribbling down answers to questions I couldn't have cared less about. Each time I made it through a few successfully, I would pick up my phone and read Jasper's text again. I knew if I scrolled through all his messages, I would find the same thing repeated.

_I love you._

Alice popped in my room, asking what I wanted to for lunch. Mom and dad had gone out to do some shopping and Alice was cooking. When I couldn't think of anything, she shook her head and left, returning a few minutes later with a grilled cheese sandwich and soup. I let it sit on the tray for a few minutes before I finally bit into the sandwich and slurped the soup. Alice appeared in the doorway in her baggy sweatpants and tee shirt.

"Taste okay?"

"Yeah, it's good."

"I think you should do it," she said, entering and sitting on my bed. "It'd be good for you." I stopped chewing and glared at her. She shrugged, "What? I pay attention. Sue me. I still think you should do it."

"You didn't see them. They were all handicapped."

"You're point?"

"I'm not like them," I growled defensively.

"You're in a chair like them, the why part doesn't matter," she countered with a raised brow. Narrowing my eyes, I challenged her. "Whatever. I still think you should do it. Get you out of here and socializing like you used to." She stood and went to the door, but stopped before leaving. "Jasper wouldn't have brought you if he didn't think you couldn't do it." She left before I could argue.

Finishing lunch, I worked out, playing "Eye of the Tiger" so loud the walls shook. I didn't even hear Alice complain when she stood in the doorway yelling at me, finally leaving when she realized I was ignoring her. I don't know how long I was in there, finding the motions soothing, taking small comfort in being able to control half my body, enjoying the ache that constricted my muscles as I pushed them past their limit. By the time I went back to my bedroom, I heard my parents in the kitchen, whispering something as I rolled past them down the hallway to my room. Tired, I moved to my bed and turned the television back on.

"Why you stuck-up, half-witted, _scruffy_**-**_looking, nerf_**-**_herder_!" Princess Leia exclaimed. Tossing the remote on the bed, I leaned back against my pillows. She had barely kissed Luke before my eyes were closing, dreaming of my own scruffy-looking nerf herder.

"_Who's the master now?" Jasper laughed as his shot went through the hoop. Standing on the edge of the painted arc on the driveway, he grinned at me. "Come on, baby, admit it. I am the master," he teased. _

_Shaking my head, I rebounded the ball and went to where he was. _

_Horse was normally my game. I could stand anywhere outside the three point line and sink one after the other, watching Jasper fail at the shots he tried to make, quickly getting all the letters and losing. But he was having an exceptionally good day, and I wasn't. He stood next to me, his hands on his hips as I lined up my shot. Tilting his head, his hair in his face, he arched a brow and waited. Raising my arms, I jumped up and released the ball, sighing when it bounced off the rim. _

"_That's an R for you," he reminded me as he went to retrieve the ball. _

"_Shut the fuck up," I laughed, flipping him the finger. _

"_Aw, having an off day?" He walked to the corner of the driveway and after a wink at me, took his shot._

"_Ohhhhh," he yelled as it went in. "Bow down, baby, bow down."_

"_Fuck off," I called out as I got the ball and went to the spot he had been standing in. "This is how it's done." Jumping, I released the ball, which spun in and out of the hoop. "God damn it."_

"_S," he winked, grabbing the ball and moving to a new spot. He knew better than to shoot anything close, even on an off day there was no way I'd miss anything inside the paint. Standing about four feet past the line, he jumped up and shot. _

_And made it. _

"_I'm not bowing," I glared as I got the ball and he laughed. Standing where he had been, I took the shot, knowing as soon as it left my hands, it wasn't going in. _

"_E!" His victory dance was absurd, first the running man and then his arms stretched above his head as he swayed his hips. I couldn't help but laugh as I walked up to him. He kept dancing, watching me with sparkling eyes as he teased me. "I'm the master."_

"_For an hour."_

"_Now is all that matters," he chuckled. "So do I get my prize?"_

_It was our standard prize, whoever won got head, just like the race up the trail. It was pretty much a given that he was going to win any race and I was going to win any game of Horse. It all evened out. _

"_You just want me to bow."_

"_Fucking right I do. Preferably with my cock in your mouth."_

"_Double or nothing?" I challenged. Not that I didn't want Jasper's cock between my lips, but I needed to redeem myself first. Even if I won the next game, he would still get his prize._

"_Only if I am still the master, win or lose."_

"_You're the master…today."_

"_Works for me," he shrugged as he went to get the ball. I won the next game by one letter, but I still bowed before Jasper in my room, the floor scraping my knees as I sucked his cock until he came, almost screaming my name. As he fell onto my bed, completely sated, I looked at him. _

"_Who's the master now?" _

"_Always you, baby," he finally agreed, his cock still seeping onto his hip. _

My mother shook me, waking me. "Dinner's done."

"What time is it," I yawned.

"A little after six."

"I'll be right there," I said and she smiled and left. I moved to my chair and used a catheter before joining them for dinner. Alice dominated most of the conversation while we ate. My thoughts were never on what was being said, but rather how much I was missing Jasper. After dinner, I helped clean up as much as I could and then went back to my room. I was still wading through homework when my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey, baby," he greeted, sounding exhausted.

"Hey," I smiled, just glad to hear him. "How was work?"

"Long. I don't know how my dad does it every day. It's tiring as fuck. This job is almost done though, so that's good. What did you do today?"

"Homework, napped and…" I paused, not sure if I should tell him everything I had done.

"And?"

"Umm…I watched some old game film," I admitted softly.

"Oh, baby," he sighed.

"It's okay. I mean, it was hard, but it was okay," I lied.

"I wish you had waited until I was there with you, we could have watched them together."

I couldn't tell him that I hadn't been alone, that the darkness had kept me company. "No, it was better this way. I needed to do it. Part of giving up my old life I think," I murmured.

"You don't have to give it up, Edward. You just have to be ready to try a different one."

"And that means no more basketball," I whispered.

"No, but it means a different kind of basketball," he offered. "Just like us. Remember you told me you couldn't get hard and you thought we would never do anything sexual again? But we do, it's different than before, but it's still just as amazing."

"Yeah." The words from Alice, what she had said, ran through my mind a few times.

_Jasper wouldn't have brought you if he didn't think you couldn't do it. _

I held the phone closer to my ear, listening to his steady breaths while he waited for me. The pain in my chest was back, I needed a diversion. "Are you driving me to school tomorrow?"

"Yeah, but I can't give you a ride home. It's the first day of track practice. But I will be by your place as soon as it's over. Probably around five."

"I hate my mother picking me up," I groaned. "I can't wait until I can drive again."

The words were out before I could stop them, even if it was habit, it seemed odd to hear myself say them so casually. I hadn't considered driving again, honestly, I didn't want to drive ever again, but a part of me was curious about whether or not it was even possible.

"Tired of being chauffeured?" he teased.

"I like being chauffeured by you, but not my parents. It's harder with them." Not only did Jasper's truck not have the tag, but I felt calmer with him by side, with his hand in mine as he sang to distract me. With my mother, I clutched at the seat, my eyes constantly looking around for the next car coming toward us.

"How come?"

"They don't hold my hand," I murmured truthfully.

"Sorry, baby," he sighed.

I knew my boy, I could practically see his eyes darting to his keys, wondering how soon he could be at my house, how soon I could be in his arms. Part of me wanted him to give into the urge, not matter the time, and come hold me again. Tell me it was going to all be okay.

Even if he didn't believe it himself.

But it was late, he was tired.

"Are you glad track is starting up again?" I asked, steering him away from his thoughts of coming over, but glancing to the corner I wondered if I could make it through the night without him.

"Not really."

"Why?"

"Because it takes time away from being with you," he whispered.

"Yeah, but you need to run again. Kicking some ass on the track is good for you," I tried to smile. It was good for him, nothing made Jasper feel more alive than running.

"I'd still rather be with you."

"Me too."

"Will you come to my meets? Cheer me on like you used to?" he asked hopefully.

"Of course," I replied quickly, but I couldn't stop the sadness that seeped into my voice. I'd been to all of Jasper's home meets and most of his away ones. Sitting in the stands on the spring afternoons, watching him run around the track passing his competition in long, agile strides used to one of my favorite things to do. Now I couldn't get to the away meets, and I wasn't even sure I could get on the bleachers at my own school. Even if I could, I wasn't sure I could watch so many people doing something I couldn't.

"You okay?" Jasper asked, sensing my worry.

"Yeah," I sighed. "It just really sucks sometimes."

"I know, baby," he comforted.

We were silent, I listened to him breathe, my own falling in sync with his before long. He stifled a yawn, but I heard it. He was doing everything for everyone else, working with his dad, helping me, at the end of the day, there wasn't anything left for him.

"I should go. I'm going to shower so I don't have to do in the morning. I'll see you tomorrow?" I said, hoping he would hang up and go right to bed.

"Yep, I'll be there at seven. Be safe, baby," he replied, containing another yawn.

"See ya soon, love," I replied before hanging up.

I seemed slower than usual, getting my clothes off was awkward and I fumbled with each step, but I finally got into the shower and sat under the scalding spray of water. Letting it run over me, I hung my head, closing my eyes so I didn't have to see my betraying legs, the ones that used to easily move me around the court I had watched in the film.

"Love," I called out to him even though he was miles away. "Please…"

It was useless, I knew that, but it didn't stop my need to have him there with me in the shower, his head on my lap, telling me to just let it be.

"I can't," I replied aloud to his voice in my head. Just like the shadow, I felt his touch pushing my hair back, I could see his sad smile telling me I could, I could do anything. "I can't play…"

He sighed, the water soaking his hair to his head as he told me of course I could, it would just be different. I shook my head. I didn't want it different. Understanding, he kissed my thigh, murmuring that basketball was more than running and jumping. My hands curled his hair, feeling his wet waves tangled between my fingers as I leaned forward, resting my chin on his head.

"Don't leave me…"

A heavy sigh escaped me as he shook his head in my loose grasp before promising he would never leave, smiling when he said the world would end long before we would be separated. Alone in the shower, I battled myself as Jasper whispered his words of wisdom, words of strength, bravery, love. Admiration slipped from his lips in a hushed voice, so quiet I almost didn't hear him. The voice grew faint, his hair began to slide from my fingers and I reached out to grasp at him again, clawing at the air when I couldn't reach him.

He was leaving me.

"I need you," I cried out, clenching my eyes.

The delicate touch was behind me, the voice now in my ear as he told me I didn't need him, I only needed to let it be. Relieved, he was still there, I opened my eyes only to find myself alone. Jasper was not there, he wasn't behind me or kneeling with his head in my lap. Looking down at my legs, I saw the deteriorating muscle. No matter how much PT I had, there was no stopping it. It was only a matter of time before I looked just like the coach of the wheelchair team with his legs strapped to his chair. Fisting my hand, I slammed it down on my thigh, only slightly surprised when I felt nothing. No pain or the water running over it, absolutely fucking nothing. Unless…

I ran my index finger over the small spot on the inside of my thigh, feeling the slight sensation of the touch. Over and over I traced the one area that worked, willing the rest of my legs to do the same. Concentrating, I stared at my toes, just one fucking twitch, a flinch, anything. Defeated, I picked up the shampoo and squirted some on my hand before lathering my hair with it. I washed as quickly as I could, going through the motions and trying to ignore the lack of response when I scrubbed my legs so hard they turned an angry red. When I was done, I closed my eyes again, willing him to be there with me.

His hair was back in my hands, his eyes gazing up at me, telling me he was always with me, he was always in my heart.

It was on that vow that I had the courage to open my eyes again and face the empty shower. Grabbing the towel I had brought in, I dried myself off and moved to my chair, resting the towel over my hips and thighs before going back to my room where I moved to the bed and dressed in clean pajamas. I didn't remember what was on television or what I'd had for dinner, but I did remember Jasper's sweet voice as I closed my eyes and wished for my boy's warmth next to me as I fell asleep.

"**~~**"

Without him by my side, I had slept like shit. My mind constantly haunted by visions of playing basketball and running and walking, and I woke up after each one. Unable to face its growing power, my eyes avoided the corner where the dense blackness dwelled.

By the time Jasper arrived, I had already been up for several hours, most of them spent lying in my bed staring at the ceiling, my mind exhausted and almost numb. When he walked into my room, I looked up at him and he immediately came to me, kneeling in front of me.

"Babe?"

His voice was concerned, soothing, and the way it washed over me was exactly what I needed.

"I'm okay. Just tired. I missed you last night."

"I missed you too. Just think, once we're at college, we can sleep together every night," he said, wiggling his eyebrows. "C'mon, hot lips, let's go to school."

He led the way to his truck, and when he lifted me, I clung to him, resting my head on his shoulder a few seconds longer than usual, taking from him what little strength he had left to offer. On the way to school, I gripped his hand and stared out the window. We passed all the usual things, only I saw none of them. He parked the truck at school and we headed inside.

During class he was next to me, observing me, but he wasn't the only one. I felt the darkness with me as well, its sheer fingers grasping for the wheels of my hair, hovering over my shoulder, whispering words of doubt into my ear even as Jasper watched protectively over me. I worked my way through class, trying desperately to focus on the notes given by the teacher and not what I felt behind me.

We continued through the day like that, Jasper eyeing me intently while I did everything I could to keep ahead of the murkiness following me. Jasper even followed me into the bathroom, claiming he had to go himself, but I know he just leaned against the wall and waited until I was done.

When it came time for my music class, I sat in the doorway, glancing in the room before I pushed through it. I was half way to my chair when I looked back at the door and saw him staring at me. He was torn, he wanted to come inside, he wanted to ask me what I was so afraid of, and then he wanted to take me away from it.

But he didn't.

The bell rang as I pulled up to my desk and glanced at the doorway just in time to see him turn away.

_He left you. _

_I won't leave you. _

Closing my eyes, I pictured Jasper sitting next to me.

"Everything okay, Edward?" the teacher asked. I opened my eyes and nodded.

As the class pulled out their books, Mr. Richards began his lecture. I didn't hear a word, I only heard the murmurs of the shadow behind me, each one convincing me to just give in. Class ended and I felt drained, barely able to push the chair to the cafeteria where I stared down the hall, desperately looking for his wheat curls. I wasn't surprised when I finally spotted him, I was surprised when I saw the long, brunette hair next to him. Shrugging, he approached with Bella by his side. She greeted me with a smile and then I followed them both toward the lunch line, staying behind Jasper while he snapped at the lunch ladies and he pulled food from the counter onto our tray.

Eric and Angela were already eating when Bella sat next to Newton at the table, who grinned and then turned to me. "Cullen."

"Newton," I replied as I took my food from the tray, not really hungry enough to eat any of it. Jasper sighed before pushing his away and picking up the apple instead.

Bella cleared her throat. "Jasper said you guys went to McDonald's the other night."

"Yeah."

"We left too."

"You did?" My eyes shot to hers, and then to each of them.

"Yeah, fuck that place. I mean, I can see not having an elevator, but they should have that other shit that Whitlock reeled off," Newton said. "I won't be going there again."

"Me neither," Angela agreed.

"Me neither," Eric said, backing up his girlfriend.

The night of the date, I hadn't thought about whether or not they had left. In the way that only he could, Jasper had entranced me too much to care. It hadn't been until the next day that I had wondered about what they had done, even considering texting Bella to ask. I wouldn't have felt any different toward them if they hadn't left. They weren't the ones in the chair, they were unaffected.

But to know they had left and supported me eased the ache I felt. "Thanks, guys."

I ate a few bites, glancing at Jasper when Mike mentioned having a birthday party at his house, wondering if Jasper remembered the last part we had gone to at Mike's. After lunch, Jasper and I headed for gym, Bella trailing with Mike behind us. While Jasper changed, I went into the empty gym. The overhead lights weren't on; only the small ones at each end were lit as I wheeled onto the court and stopped at the top of the three point line. It had been the spot where I had scored most of my points, the one shot that always made the crowd cheer. It was that perfect shot that had made the college scouts take notice of a kid shorter than their preferred six and a half feet. It wasn't just that I could shoot from the three point line, but I could easily make it from three feet behind it, even with someone guarding me. Looking up at the basket, I felt the blackness floating around me, ready to cloak me as soon as I let the fear slip through.

The fear never playing again…the fear of playing again and failing.

The door opened and closed, but I didn't need to look up to see who it was, I knew he had rushed to come be with me. Walking over, he stood next to me.

"This used to be my shot. I was almost guaranteed to make it from here. Didn't matter if someone was on me, I'd just fake an upshot, dribble to the left once and shoot," I told him, even though he already knew. He had seen me do it enough. Hell, he had been the one that had fallen for the fake when he guarded me when we played at my house.

"You have a beautiful jump shot," he said.

"Had," I corrected him. "What if I'm no good anymore?" I brought my eyes to meet his.

"You won't know unless you try, but I don't think talent like yours just goes away."

I wanted to ask how he knew, how he was so sure I could do it, but the other kids entered. I tried to smile as Bella neared us, Newton following behind her like a puppy.

"You're going down," Jasper promised her when the dodgeball game began.

Weaving in and out of the people and the balls wasn't easy, but I was determined to not let the chair hinder me. My natural competitiveness came out and I used my new upper body strength to whip the heavy balls across the gym and hit the other team. Part of me wondered if they hit me less because they felt bad hitting someone in a wheelchair, or if I had actually gotten more skilled at moving around in the chair.

Class ended and Jasper and I headed toward the parking lot. My mother's Volvo was parked in a handicapped spot and I sighed.

"It doesn't mean anything," Jasper said. I nodded even though I thought he was wrong. It did mean something.

Something I wasn't ready to accept.

"I'll be by when practice is over."

"Okay."

"Be safe…"

"See ya soon…" I answered as I pushed myself to the car. I opened the door while my mother got out and waited for me. Once I was in the car, she took my chair and put it in the trunk. The back door opened and Alice slid into the backseat as my mother got in and started to back out. I looked at Jasper standing in the light drizzle as he waved at me. Keeping my eyes out my window, I refused to look at the tag mocking me as it swayed from the mirror.

"How was school?" my mother asked, glancing at me and Alice.

"Good," Alice replied.

"Is Jasper excited about track starting?"

"A little," I lied. Wringing my hands in my lap, I focused on taking a few deep breaths, trying force away memories of screeching tires and smashing glass.

"Does he think he will finally beat that boy from LaPush?"

"I don't know," I sighed, closing my eyes.

"Oh, Mom, can you hit the store while you're out? I need some cereal," Alice chirped behind me. My mother's attention easily went from me to Alice, and I looked over my shoulder to see her give me a small shrug.

We arrived home and Alice went inside while my mother got the chair out for me. I moved to it and then backed away from the car.

"I'm going to run to the store for Alice and then I have to drop something off at the hospital for your father and then I'm meeting Jane for coffee. Will you be okay here with Alice?"

"I'll be fine," I called out over my shoulder as I wheeled myself up the ramp and into the house. Entering the kitchen, I saw Alice grabbing two sodas from the fridge. She closed the door and turned around, handing me one.

"Thanks."

"You know she means well, right?"

"Yeah, but…"

"Yeah, I know. Just give her a break sometimes," she replied before grabbing her backpack off the table and heading up the stairs. Alone, I went down to my room, not sure I had the will to face what I might find in there.

The room hadn't changed since I had left it earlier, and before I could even look in the corner, I went to the window. While Jasper was running around the track, something I wished I could do, I sat in my room, which had just become a larger prison than the chair. In the bag on the back of the chair, my phone beeped and I reached around to take it out.

_Can't make PT today. We will double up tomorrow with a work out and massage. See ya!_

Relieved to not to face Emmett and his eighties music, I tossed the phone on my bed, and then taking a deep breath, looked around my room. The pile of dirty clothes, the messy desk, the drawers sticking out were all still there. Maybe my father was right, I might have changed physically but I was still me, the basics were still the same. I loved basketball, I loved competing, but it wasn't all that I made me who I was. I turned on the television and hit play on the DVD player, my breath halting when I saw myself again. Staring at the video, I watched my teammates and I work so well together, so in tune with each other. Our team chemistry had been something that had developed over time, and it had paid off.

Looking on top of my dresser, I saw the trophies lined up, some over a foot tall, all for basketball championships I had won on the various teams I had been on through the years. There was also a collection of medals that dangled from red, white, and blue ribbons. In between the trophies were two pictures, the one of Jasper and I, and the one of my Spartans team. Moving to the bureau, I stretched, barely grasping the picture of my team. Holding it, I stared at the image, the smiles of my teammates, the way Sullivan had his arm slung over my shoulder as the entire team held up their index fingers claiming number one. Closing my eyes, I remembered the game clearly.

We had trudged through the playoffs, barely winning our semifinal game, earning a spot in the state finals for our division. The team practiced for hours every day, working on perfecting our plays and watching film of the opposing team. The day of championship game, I arrived at the school about two hours early and found Jasper leaning against father's truck in the parking space next to mine.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I closed the door to my car and walked over to him. "How'd you know…"

"I know my boy," he smirked, then shrugged. "You're always about two hours early because you like to shoot alone."

He was right of course. He also knew exactly what I needed. Without another word, he opened his door and got in, knowing I'd follow. Inside his truck, I put my bag on the floor and leaned back against the seat.

"I'm nervous," I admitted. It wasn't that we hadn't played difficult teams before, it was the college scouts I knew would be watching from the stands.

"Babe," he said, turning so he was facing me. "Just play."

"Easy for you to say," I scoffed. "That's like someone telling you to just run fast."

"You can do this. You will be fantastic and wow those scouts."

Shaking my head, I closed my eyes. "I just feel like my entire future is riding on this one game."

"They won't judge you on just one game, they've got the film, they've seen what you can do. Just go out there and show them your mad Cullen skills," he teased.

Lolling my head toward him, I opened my eyes and drank him in.

Always so beautiful.

Reaching up, I cupped his cheek, content when he leaned into my touch. "Thank you for coming."

"I wouldn't miss it."

"I mean for coming now, before the game," I clarified. "I needed this." Even if it was only five minutes alone with him, it was enough to calm my nerves.

"I know," he said simply.

He looked around before moving closer and curving a hand around my neck to draw me in for a kiss. The cab of the truck ignited when our lips touched, moving over each other only briefly before I tilted my head, begging him to deepen it. Moaning, he parted my lips with his tongue, tasting me for the first time that day. My free hand went to his thigh, resting high on it, my thumb barely grazing his crotch, earning another moan from him. We melted into each other easily, touching as much as we dared. Panting, he pulled away, putting his forehead on my shoulder.

"Damn, baby," he gasped, then a shudder wracked his body. "We gotta stop or you're going to be playing with a raging erection. Not sure if that's what you should be impressing the scouts with."

My body shook with laughter, but I was so much calmer than I was when I had arrived. He held my hand for a few more minutes before kissing me again.

"If you win, I'll give you head later," he promised with a hungry stare.

"Love, you'd give me head win or lose," I corrected him.

"Point taken. Now go kick ass."

"I love you," I breathed, and he smiled, dimples framing his swollen lips.

"I love you," he whispered. With one last look, I grabbed my bag and got out, waving to him as he pulled out of the space. Then I turned and headed into the gym.

Alone, I stood at the three point line with the ball rack next to me. I shot, immediately grab another ball and shot again until I worked my way through the rack, then I gathered them all up and started again. Moving around the arc, I performed the same move each time, relieved each time I sank one. I shot until I heard the rest of the team arriving, then I joined them in the locker room, where we changed into our uniforms before heading to the gym. The other team had arrived and was running their drills, and the crowd had started to fill the bleachers. Cheering us on, there were posters and signs for each player hanging on the walls and loud music playing as we ran through our warm up. The gym was full of energy and excitement coming from the players and fans.

When Coach called us over the bench, we readied for the game, standing in a circle with our arms around each other as he gave us last minute instructions, reminding us of what we had to do. My heart pounded as I looked at all my teammate's anxious faces. We had been playing together for three years and it was coming down to one game. As we headed onto the court, I felt lightheaded, my nerves getting the best of me. I closed my eyes for a second and when I opened them, they fell right on my personal cheerleader sitting in the bleachers.

The movement of his lips was barely visible, but there was no doubt of the words he mouthed.

_I love you._

Instantly, my heart rate slowed and my mind cleared.

I didn't remember all the details of the game, but I remembered my game winning outside shot with only a few seconds left, I remembered the scouts approaching me after the game, congratulating me on the win and telling me they'd be in touch, I remembered the cheers from the crowd and hugging my teammates, jumping up and down, finally calming enough to take the picture I was holding in my hands.

I remembered how I felt so…alive.

Every year when basketball season ended I missed the practices and team bonding. I would go to Jasper's track meets and watch him with the track team, laughing and joking. I missed being part of a team.

Putting the picture back up on the dresser, I picked up the trophy we had each gotten that day.

State champions.

Whether I could walk or not, winning the state championship was something that no one could ever take away from me. Setting it back down, I turned my chair and headed out of my room and down the hall. There was no ramp into the garage so I had to go out the front door and down the ramp until I was in front of the large white doors. Leaning over as much as I could, I grabbed the handle and pulled up, surprised when it opened easily. Pushing it up, I rolled under it and went to the corner where my mother kept most of my sports stuff.

I ignored the rollerblades and baseball bats and reached for the basketball. Holding it, feeling the small bumps under my skin again, was comforting. Squeezing it to check the air, I put it on my lap and went back out to the driveway. The drizzle from earlier changed to a light rain as I took the ball in my hand and held it out over the chair. It bounced back up when I dropped, and I hit it, experimentally dribbling it next to the chair. It felt familiar and odd at the same time. I had certainly dribbled a ball while sitting down, I used to do it all the time at practices while waiting for the coach, but my mobility was more restricted now. After dribbling for a minute, I stopped and put it back on my lap. Spinning the chair around, I faced the hoop.

It seemed so much higher than ever before.

I moved to the top of the painted white line on the pavement, placing my wheels about where my feet would have been if I was standing. When I looked at the hoop, it seemed ominous.

_Give up._

The darkness followed me, moving lightly over the ground, resting at my still feet, waiting for me to fail, offering to comfort me when I did. Shaking my head, I picked up the ball, holding it just as I would have any other time, and keeping my eye on the hoop, released the ball.

It swished through the net.

Shocked, I moved my chair to block the ball from rolling down the driveway and picked it up. Moving back to the line, I turned and shot again.

Another swish.

I heard him behind me.

The ball bounced and he ran over to it, dribbling it before bounce passing it to me. Instinctively, I caught it, barely touching it before I released it into the air again for another basket. Jasper rebounded and threw a hard chest pass to me. I caught it and shot all in one motion. Closing my eyes, I could practically feel my legs springing off the ground as I jumped into the air. The thick smokiness hovered around me, dancing around my wheels, weaving in and out of the spokes, giggling with excitement at my weakness.

Suddenly, I wasn't in my driveway anymore, I was at gym, a basketball court with players and people cheering. There was no darkness around me there, I was free and happy, even high fiving my teammates as we got in a circle before the game. The coach gave us advice and then sent us onto the court for the game. Just like every other time, my heart pounded until I spotted Jasper in the bleachers, his smile brightening up the room as he mouthed 'I love you' to me. The referee tossed the ball in the air and our center tapped it toward me. I caught it, placed it on my lap and pushed myself down the court, making a quick, easy layup. Spinning my chair around, I saw the smiles of my teammates.

I was part of a team again.

By bringing me to the game, Jasper hadn't been saying I couldn't play basketball, he had tried to show me I _could_ play, I could be part of a team again.

The dark storm that had followed me around for so long sighed in defeat, promising to be back as it crawled away along the pavement. The rain fell heavier as I opened my eyes and saw a drained and drenched Jasper standing there, his clothes hanging off him, his hair plastered to his head. He stared at me with a look of hope on his face. I was exhausted, my mind and heart weak and sore, but I was sure of one thing.

"I want to go back," I whispered.

He tried to suppress a smile as he exhaled a long breath and nodded. "Okay. I can arrange that," he said carefully, like he was afraid if I heard the words I might change my mind.

"Do you believe I'll ever walk again?" I asked him softly. Walking over to me, he kneeled on the wet driveway and put his hands casually on the armrests. We were outside where we could be seen by anyone, he wouldn't risk anything more.

"I think anything is possible," he murmured.

Tilting my head, I gazed into his sea blue eyes, reading them as I had thousands of times before. "But you've done all the research, what has it told you?"

"Edward," he sighed, then dropped his head for a few long seconds before looking back at me. "There is a chance you could regain some of your sensation for pain and touch, but motor function is harder. _If_ you walk, it will probably have to be with a walker and braces, and probably not for a long time."

"I want to walk," I mumbled. "I want to run and stand and jump."

"I know," he said just as quietly.

Reaching up, I touched the ends of his hair, pulling them from his damp skin. Even wet, it was just like silk. "I can't do it without you."

"You don't have to," he vowed. I could tell he wanted to touch me, hold me. It was a look I'd seen on him many times when others were around and he had to stop himself. The skies poured down on us as I fingered Jasper's hair and his hand moved to my thigh.

"Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time," I whispered.

"Baby, won't you help me understand," he returned with sad smile. I shook my head, knowing what he was asking. Someday I might be able to tell him about the darkness, but not then, not when it still lurked so close. Understanding, he nodded. "Let's go inside and dry off."

Standing, he looked around, and then held out his hand. Not hesitating, I took it, using my other to push the chair toward the ramp. It wasn't wide enough to go up it side by side so Jasper released my hand and let me go up it alone. When I reached the top, I turned around and saw him staring at me from the bottom of the ramp.

"Coming?" I asked, holding out my hand. Smiling, he walked up the ramp to me and I swore when he got close, the dampness on his face wasn't only from the rain.

Inside, Jasper followed me down to my room, closing the door behind him. He peeled off his wet clothes before crouching in front of my dresser and pulling out two dry shirts and a pair of my sweatpants. I took off my own sweatshirt and tee shirt and tossed them in the pile on the floor before taking the one of the shirts Jasper handed me and putting it on while he slipped on some sweatpants and shirt. His hair was still dripping when he came over to me and sat sideways on my lap, wrapping an arm around my neck and resting his head on my shoulder. It was almost exactly the same position that he held me whenever he carried me. My pants were wet, probably soaking through his sweatpants but he didn't care. His fingers played with the hair at my nape, twisting the wet locks around while I took his other hand, watching our fingers entwine as he released a contented sigh. Within minutes, his body grew heavy and limp, his fingers, no longer caressing the back of my neck, fell to my shoulder where they rested.

"Jas?"

The only response was a deep breath. His tired eyes were closed, his body secure against me as he slept. Leaning my head against his, I couldn't help but smile. For the first time in a long time, I was the one holding him. My own eyes never closed, I watched over him as he slept in my arms, finally able to briefly share some of the burden he had carried for us both. I never glanced over at the corner, but I knew if I did, it would be empty because my own personal superhero was letting _me_ comfort_ him_.

For almost an hour, I just held him, whispering words from our song into his hair.

"Jas, wake up."

He nuzzled his nose into my neck, his moist breath heating up my skin and sending a ticklish shiver through me. Turning my head, I pressed my mouth to his, the shiver growing to a shudder when I felt his lips move against mine, his free hand slipping under my shirt to graze along my flesh. Before we could get too carried away, I broke the kiss.

"I want to wake up like that all the time," he chuckled. "I'm sorry I fell asleep."

"Don't be. It was nice."

"It was nice," he agreed. "I like sitting on your lap."

He climbed off me and stretched, lifting his arms above his head as he twisted his torso side to side. My eyes never left the sliver of skin showing above his sweatpants when the hem of my shirt rode up his abdomen.

"What time is it?"

"Almost six."

"Shit, I gotta go. I told my mom I'd be home for dinner tonight. She keeps cracking jokes about having to put my face on a milk carton."

"Hey, love?"

"Hmmm?" He picked up his wet clothes.

"Can I go over your place?"

"You want to come over to my house?"

"Yeah. I mean not right now, but we used to go there all the time but since…well, we don't anymore."

"Sure, anytime you want, baby," he said before bending over and putting his forehead to mine. "I'll call you later and let you know about basketball."

"Okay," I said weakly. As much as I had decided to go back, I was still scared. With one last kiss, he went to the door and I spun the chair around.

"Be safe, baby."

"See ya soon, love."

He winked and left. I glanced over my shoulder to the corner.

There was nothing there but boxes of medical supplies.

"**~~**"

It was after dinner before I heard from Jasper.

"Hey."

"Hey," I smiled at just hearing his voice.

"So I emailed the coach and heard back already. He's pretty excited you changed your mind."

"He is?"

"Very. He said there's a practice tomorrow night and we can come watch and you could talk to him, get some more information."

"Okay."

"Practice starts at six, so if I pick you up right after track, we should be there on time."

"Okay, I'll be ready."

"Baby," he whispered. "It's going to be okay."

"How did you…"

"Because I know you. You're sitting there with your shirt between your fingers twisting it around them so hard they are turning white."

I looked down at the hem of my shirt wrapped tightly around two of my fingers and sighed. "Well, of course I'm sitting here," I teased and he laughed.

"You know what I mean. You're amazing, baby, they would be lucky to have you."

"I'm amazing only to you."

"To everyone. I'll be there in the morning," he said before I could argue. "Love you. Be safe, baby."

"See ya soon, love."

Hanging up, I went down the hall to try to find my father. When I heard movement in the kitchen I headed toward it.

"Dad?"

Jumping, he closed the fridge door and turned around holding a glass of milk. "Scared me. You mother doesn't know," he chuckled, lifting a brownie toward me before biting into it.

"I want to try basketball," I blurted out before I lost my nerve. He glanced around before holding a finger to his lips and I looked at him, confused.

"I don't want to worry your mother unnecessarily, so let's not tell her until it's certain you're going to play," he whispered.

"She won't want me to?"

"She's a mother, she doesn't want you to do anything that might hurt you," he answered.

"Driving hurt me," I countered.

"Yes, but it's hard to keep your kids chained to the house. You've got to let them drive sooner or later, but it doesn't mean ever stop worrying."

"Should she be worried? I mean, it is okay to play?"

"Yes, you are physically able to play, but, as with everything, there is a risk involved." He continued when I sighed. "Edward, try it. If it's not for you, then it's not for you, but you won't know until you try."Finishing off the brownie and milk, he put the glass in the sink. "Now this is a stupid question, but is Jasper going to take you?"

"Yeah, there is a practice the day after tomorrow."

"They have practices?" he asked, his brows suddenly furrowing.

"Um, yeah."

"How many?"

"I don't know yet."

He nodded, trying to cover up the concern he had let slip. "Well, let me know how it goes and we can decide what and when to tell your mother." He gave me a smile and then left.

"**~~**"

Emmett arrived at my house shortly after I got home from school the next day. I'd had barely enough time to change into sweatpants before he was knocking on my bedroom door.

"Getting pretty buff, Cullen," he whistled when he opened the door and found me shirtless. "You must be driving all the girls wild."

"Not exactly," I replied sarcastically as I tugged a shirt on. "Ready?" I followed him to the old dining room, groaning when he hit play on the stereo. "Can't we listen to something else for once? Please?"

He padded the bench for me to transfer over to and shook his head. "I think you partially owe this new buff body to Survivor and the Village People for their inspirational music." I lay back on the bench and he lifted my legs for me, placing them on the padding before he picked one up and moved it toward my chest and then back out in a peddling motion. "So how's everything going? You been feeling okay?"

"Yeah, I still get tired easier, but I've been working out on your off days."

"Everything okay at school?"

"Yeah. It's going okay."

"No problems using the catheters? Having regular bowel movements? Any pain?" he asked, never pausing his movements.

"No and yes and no."

"Now all that business is out of the way, what's new?"

I folded my arms under my head, lifting it so I could look at him. "I think I'm going to try to play basketball."

He paused, a grin slowly spreading across his face. "Oh really?"

"Yeah, there's a team in Port Angeles that Jasper found. I'm going to go talk to them tomorrow." I left out the part about having already been there. "You think it's okay?"

"Sure. You've definitely got the upper strength for it, the endurance will come with some time. Just be careful, they can get pretty physical."

"I miss that about playing. The pushing and shoving."

"Well this pushing and shoving comes with chairs attached. Lots of pinched hands and fingers, bruised forearms."

"I can handle those."

He placed my foot back on the floor and picked up the other one, repeating the motion. We finished the hour in the workout room, and then we went to my room for a massage. I still felt awkward being naked in front of him, but Emmett never even seemed to notice. He gave me some advice on playing basketball, and I rolled my eyes when he said he could take me one on one.

"Anytime, anyplace," I challenged as he kneaded my shoulders.

"You got it," he replied. "I'm, not here again until Friday, but instead of doing PT, we're shooting hoops."

"You really want to get your ass kicked by a kid in a wheelchair?"

"Oh, you're sassy," he teased before slapping my back. "And I think you're done."

He picked up a small rag off the bed and wiped the massage oil off his hands while I held the towel to my hips and rolled onto my back.

"You sure basketball is okay?"

"Positive," he answered, putting the rag and his oil in his bag. "I know it doesn't feel much like it anymore, but you're an athlete, Edward. Just listen to your body, just like you did when you played before. You'll know if you're pushing it." Slinging the strap of his bag over his shoulder, he stood by the door. "I'll see you Friday."

"Bring it," I smiled as he closed the door behind him.

"**~~**"

"I'm nervous," I admitted as he turned onto the highway, his fingers laced with mine on the seat between us.

After Emmett had left the day before, I had showered and waited for Jasper to arrive. When he dragged his ass into my room and collapsed on my bed, he looked utterly exhausted. Lying on his stomach, he folded his arms and put his head down on them.

"Hard practice?"

He nodded, his eyes already drifting closed. "But I wanna show you something," he mumbled as he lifted his head and forced his eyes open. He motioned to my laptop on my desk and I went over and got it for him. Sitting up, he yawned as he booted it up and went right to You Tube. After entering a search, he clicked on a video and then turned the computer so I could see it too. I pulled my chair up the edge of the bed and leaned my elbows on the mattress. Jasper moved so he was lying on his stomach again, his arms folded as he rested his chin on them.

It was a wheelchair basketball game, a championship game according to the title.

"It's the junior division for the southwest, not your team, but same idea," he explained, watching me as I watched the video. I could hear the people in the bleachers cheering, I saw the referees, one in a wheelchair himself while the other was on foot, moving along the sidelines. The players were both boys and girls, some were definitely better than others.

"Do you know why the NWBA was started?" he asked quietly and I shook my head. "After WWII, a lot of the men came home injured and were confined to wheelchairs for the rest of their lives. These were all young men in their prime. They had been active before the war and when they came home, they still wanted to be and were frustrated when they couldn't. So they got together and started wheelchair sports like ping pong and bowling, then volleyball and finally basketball and touch football. Basketball became the most popular and the NWBA was born."

Taking my eyes from the screen, I glanced at him. "How do you know all this?"

"Who needs to do English homework," he shrugged with a smile. "I did a little research on it. What I'm saying is, it must be a pretty admirable thing if it was started by soldiers."

Turning back to the screen, I watched the rest of the video with Jasper next to me. "You really think I can do this?" I asked cautiously.

"No."

Surprised, I looked at him.

"I _know_ you can."

Leaning toward, I rested my temple to his as we finished watching the video. It ended and he clicked on another one. We watched a few more, all the NWBA junior division. I paid special attention to the boys, the way they moved so easily and quickly in the chairs. They were all in good shape, their muscled shoulders and arms visible in the tank top uniforms. There was a fast break, and a guy passed it to his teammate who sat on the three point line and sank the ball in the basket.

"Did you see that?" When Jasper didn't reply, I glance at him. His eyes were closed, his lips apart as he slept. I sighed, brushing his hair back, he stirred, but didn't wake. Letting him sleep, I clicked through more videos of not only basketball but other sports. I found one kid doing backflips in his chair, another that surfed, one that skied. All paralyzed teenagers doing what they loved to do.

If they could do it, then maybe I could too.

Jasper slept on my bed until his phone rang. He jumped up to his knees, his hand going to his pocket to dig it out before he mumbled into it.

"Hello?" He listened before answering. "Yeah, I'll be home soon. Okay, see ya." He tossed the phone on the bed and lay back down. "Just my mom." Even as he finished saying the words, his eyes were fluttering closed again.

"Jas, you need to go home. You're tired."

"I'm fine," he mumbled sleepily.

"What if you fall asleep driving? I don't think I…" Before I finished, he had lifted his head was cupping my cheek with his hand.

"Babe, I'll be fine. But you're right, I should go," he apologized as he rolled onto his side. "Did you like the videos?"

"Yeah, they were cool." He smiled. My boy thinks he knows me well, and he does, but I know him just as well and his blue eyes were worn with all that he'd been carrying around. "Go home and sleep."

"I've got some homework to do, but straight to bed after that, I promise," he winked. After a quick kiss, he was climbing off my bed and practically stumbling to my door.

"Text me when you get home please," I requested, knowing I was going to worry about him driving so tired. If he nodded off for just a second it would be long enough to cross the lanes into oncoming traffic.

"I will. Be safe, baby," he said as he opened my door.

"You too, love," I replied, changing the routine for the first time. He gave me his best pout. "See ya soon, love," I sighed, shaking my head. Beaming, he closed the door and left. I turned back to the computer and played more videos until my phone buzzed.

_Home safe mom. *wink* Love you, see you in the morning._

I replied._ Good boy, now do your homework and go to bed. I love you_

The squeeze of Jasper's hand on mine brought me from my memories and back to him, back to the cab of the truck as he navigated it along the highway. My fingers played with the hem of my sweatshirt, I had worn sweatpants and a tee shirt with a sweatshirt over it, hoping the captain's 'C' on my sweatshirt might impress them. It had been a long time since I had to try out for a team; usually it was the teams that wanted me.

"Don't be nervous," he replied.

"Why not?"

"Sam, the coach you met? He's seen some of your game film."

"What? How?"

"I may have told him it was on You Tube," he shrugged innocently.

"Jasper," I groaned.

"What?"

"That's not me. I can't do that shit anymore," I sighed.

"Excuse me?" he mocked me with an arched brow. "That wasn't you sinking three pointers left and right the other day?"

"That was different. We were alone, there weren't people trying to block the shot. I don't even know if can shoot while I'm moving."

"You could shoot while running," he reasoned. I turned and looked out the window. "Babe, it's going to be fine. Just do your thing."

"My thing?" I tried not to smile.

"Yeah, you know, you're basketball thing. The mad Cullen skills," he said, referring to the championship game the year before when the scouts had come.

"Cullen mad skills," I repeated and he nodded.

"You got them, flaunt them," he agreed before turning the music up and drowning out the rest of my fears.

He pulled into the parking lot of the building about thirty minutes later and wasted no time hopping out and getting my chair. Once I was in it, we headed for the sidewalk. Jasper led the way up the wide ramp to the automatic doors. We entered and turned left toward the gym.

"Ready?" Jasper asked as we reached the entrance to the court. Taking a deep breath, I nodded and pushed the chair inside onto the hardwood floor. Jasper stood next to me as we watched Sam approach with a big smile.

"Edward, good to see you back," he greeted, sticking out his hand and I shook it.

"Thanks."

"Decided to try it?"

"Yeah, but it's been awhile."

"Doesn't matter. Talent like yours doesn't fade, it just might take some getting used to. Why don't you come over here and I'll introduce you to the team and then you can run some drills with us?"

"Sure," I said softly.

"Jasper, you can have seat on the bleachers," Sam told him as he turned and went toward the other sidelines. Yanking off my gloves, I handed them to Jasper, and knowing I was scared, he smiled at me. He could probably hear my heart pounding in my chest.

"You can do this," he whispered quietly to me. "Mad Cullen skills."

I almost smiled as I grabbed the handrails and pushed myself across the court to the rest of the team. A few looked up as I approached, some were adjusting their chairs while others were putting on practice jerseys. There were seven of them sitting in a semicircle, all in a different kind of chair than mine. They were more streamlined with a much smaller seat and wheels that were angled in at the top. Even more different was the framework between the wheels that held four smaller wheels on it, two in the front touching the ground, and two in the back slightly raised off the ground. There was also a bar along the front of the chair right above those wheels that resembled a fender. I hadn't gone very fast in my chair yet, but from watching the videos I knew the wheels were to help prevent the chairs from tipping over when turning too quickly or when they were bumped in to.

"Guys, this is Edward, he's here to check the team out," Sam introduced me. I rolled to a stop next to him and looked around at the other players, all boys except for one. She seemed tall, her long legs were strapped to her chair and her black hair was pulled back. The boys eyed me as something between a potential friend or a potential threat. The first to speak up was a boy about my age with straight, light brown hair that fell over his forehead, covering one extremely dark blue eye. He flicked his head, the lock of hair moving gracefully to the side as he smiled bright and wide and friendly.

"Hey, I'm Riley," he said, leaning forward with his hand curled into a fist for me to bump. I mirrored his motion, tapping his fist with my own.

"Edward," I said nervously with my trademark crooked grin. "Nice to meet you."

The rest of team joined in and quickly reeled off their names, and I tried desperately to catch them all.

The girl was Leah.

The boy with freckles and red hair was Collin.

The one with glasses was Brady.

Even though they weren't related, Jared, Paul and Quil all looked alike with black hair, dark skin and brown eyes. It was a good thing their hair was different lengths because it was the only way to tell them apart. They were all friendly, smiling and joking as they introduced themselves and told me what positions they played. When they were done, Riley spoke up again.

"How long?" he asked, motioning to my chair.

"New Year's Eve," I mumbled, not yet comfortable talking about it with a complete stranger.

"That's tough," he sympathized. "Been a little under two years for me. T7 complete." His statistics were like a badge of honor he wore with pride, something he had suffered through and now could easily say without it making him feel bad.

Sam pulled a rack of balls over, dragging them behind his chair as he moved them to the edge of court. "Okay guys, let's get started."

They all pushed away, going right to the rack of basketballs and grabbing one before they split into two lines for a layup drill.

"Everyone's really friendly. They're all in the same situation, just everyday kids that had something happen and now they're in a chair," Sam said to me as we watched the players.

"Are they all paralyzed?"

"No, Brady has spina bifida, Leah can walk with braces and crutches. The rest are paralyzed in some form, not all are completes, the highest we have is Jared with a T2 incomplete. His hand motion is limited, he can shoot but not dribble." I watched them on the court, running the drill just like they would have it they had been standing. "Jasper tells me you're a T12 incomplete?"

"Yeah."

"Any feeling?"

"One spot on my thigh," I shrugged.

"Better than nothing," he winked. "I'm a T12 myself. Complete though. My legs are nothing but added weight now," he joked. He eyed me for a few minutes, watching his team as they switched to another warm up drill. "I've seen you play, you're very good."

"I used to be. I don't know anymore."

"Trust me, I'm a coach, I know," he smiled, and then motioned to the team. "Riley's our captain, he's been on the team since about four months after his accident. Always at practice, always smiling, one of the most athletic kids I've seen in a long time…until you."

While Sam spoke about Riley, I watched him. He moved like an athlete, his coordination was good, smoothly weaving the chair around, spinning and turning sharply. He wore a white cotton tank top, the muscles in his shoulders and upper arms were even more defined than mine, and I found myself watching them roll under his tanned skin. There was never a time he wasn't smiling or calling out encouraging words to his teammates. He seemed so comfortable…so happy.

I wondered if I would ever reach that point.

"What happened to him?" I asked Sam quietly so Riley wouldn't hear me.

"He was sixteen and one of the best competitive mountain bikers in the country. He was in the semifinals of the northwest championship and hit something, sent him over the front of his bike and he hit a rock. They say his helmet saved his life, but it didn't save his spine," Sam explained.

The circumstances of Riley's accident were different than mine, but the outcome had been the same, young, athletic guy who had had his future stolen from him in the blink of an eye.

Just like me.

As I looked out at the rest of them practicing shots and passes, I realized they were all like me. Maybe because of different reasons, but they had been sentenced to life in the same prison I was. Somehow we all shared the same fate, it didn't matter how we got there, but we were in the battle together.

Sam interrupted my revelation. "You can do some things tonight, but until you get a chair, you shouldn't do much more than some shooting drills. Riley," Sam called out, and Riley stopped dribbling and looked over. "Come take Edward down to the other end and go over a few things."

Smiling, Riley motioned to me to join him as he pushed his chair toward the other end, easily dribbling the ball next to him. As I gripped the handrails to move, I looked at Jasper sitting on the bleachers. He was leaning back, his elbows on the row behind him, his long legs stretched in front of him, crossed at the ankles. Tilting his head to the side, he smiled at me, his blue eyes sparkling all the way across the gym. Blushing under his attention, I gave him quick smile and then headed to the other end where Riley waited for me.

"What did you play?" Riley asked as I stopped in front of him. When I looked at him, I realized how odd it seemed to look into someone's eyes and not have to be looking up. It was a nice change.

"Point," I answered.

"Who for?"

"Forks, Spartans."

"Wait, are you Cullen?" he asked, a grin coming to his face as he shook his head.

"Yeah," I answered hesitantly.

"Shit. We've played you before," he chuckled, then continued at my confused look. "The Port Angeles Roughriders?"

"Yeah, we played the Roughriders. You were on the team?

"Yep. It was my junior year, the winter before my accident. I remember you. Hell of an outside shooter, you killed us downtown. You've got fantastic court vision."

"Thanks," I mumbled, the blush from Jasper's grin deepening under the compliment.

_Mad Cullen skills_.

"We're going to be unbeatable this year with you," he said devilishly.

"Don't count on it. I've never done this."

"You'll get the hang of it," he assured me before tossing me the ball. "I'll rebound."

I waited until he was near the basket and I backed my chair up the top of the arc.

_You can do it. _I could practically hear Jasper whisper across the gym.

Without hesitating, I released the ball, my wrist following through perfectly putting just the right amount of backspin on the ball as it swished through the net. Riley reached out and snagged it, quickly bounce passing it to me. Catching it, I performed the same move again, sinking another shot. Shaking his head, Riley grabbed the ball and passed it again. We continued like that, all my shots from the three point line at different spots, and I easily made three quarters of them. Riley rebounded them all, grinning more with each one I made, mumbling to himself about how the team was going to kick ass.

"Try a layup," he suggested, moving his chair out of the way. I looked down at my lap, at my useless legs, the ones that used to run me to the hoop and propel me into the air.

"I don't know how."

"I've seen you do layups, man," he argued and I shook my head.

"I don't know how in the chair."

"Here," he said as he wheeled over to me, "try dribbling just sitting there."

I dribbled the ball next to my chair on both sides while he watched.

"Now, dribble as you push, like this." He took the ball and showed me, making it look effortless as he dribbled, then pushed his chair so quick that he was able to pick up the dribble again after only one bounce. The chair moved smoothly over the floor with a lot of speed considering he had only pushed it once. My chair was heavier and bulkier, there was no way it would be as easy. When he passed me the ball, I tried it, feeling clumsy and slow, losing control of the ball a few times.

"These chairs have less friction, so they move smoother. They also only weigh about twenty-five pounds," he tried to excuse my lack of skill. "We give one good push and we can get going pretty fast. Do you know anything about the rules of wheelchair ball?"

Shaking my head, I kept trying to dribble and then push, trying to time it just right so that I could catch the ball to dribble again.

"There's no double dribble, but we do have traveling. You can put the ball on your lap to push to gain some momentum, but you can only push twice before it's a travel. If you're still, you can only swing to the side twice before it's a travel."

Keeping those in mind, I tried again, failing only slightly less. I was growing frustrated with myself. Something that had been second nature to me before, something I could do sitting, standing, walking, running, hell, even blindfolded, suddenly seemed almost impossible as I constantly fucked up. I kept expecting to hear the darkness near me, giggling at my failure and telling me to give up, but all I felt was the loving weight of Jasper's gaze as he watched every move I made.

"There ya go," Riley encouraged, sitting in his chair he moved it side to side as he watched me move around him. Sweat dripped down my face and I stopped when I felt it stinging my eyes. Putting the ball on my lap, I pulled my sweatshirt off and threw it to the sidelines.

"How's it going?" Sam asked as he rolled up.

"Good," Riley answered. "Turns out, we're former competitors. Course, he kicked our ass."

Sam laughed and then looked at me. "What do you think?"

"I can't dribble, much less do anything like a layup," I complained.

"But he has the most beautiful outside shot," Riley countered.

"Yeah, I've seen it. Be nice to have someone not afraid of the three," Sam offered.

"Hey, I don't mind taking it, it's just I feel better underneath."

"Riley is our post," Sam told me. "He likes to get down and dirty under the basket."

I glanced Riley to see him wiggling his eyebrows. "Did you play post with the Roughriders?" I asked.

"Yep."

He had the bulk of a post player, his wide shoulders would have offered him plenty of room to block out his defender as he turned to the hoop. It would be nice to have someone dependable under the basket to pass to again, the teamwork between the entire team was important, but it was always nice to have that connection between your post and point. Sullivan and I worked so well together that I had always known exactly where he was going to be and when.

But I wasn't going to be playing point if I couldn't dribble the dam ball.

Sam called the other players down and they quickly joined us. "Why don't we show Edward here some basic plays, let's do a three on three."

I moved to the side with a few players while Sam put the whistle in his mouth and toss the ball up. They only used half the court, the six players passing and dribbling and shooting. Chairs banged into each other as defenders collided with offenders, there was a lot of laughing, but they took it competitively too. Perhaps not as much as I did, but they weren't just doing it for fun either, they each had a seriousness about them. They played for about six minutes before Sam substituted Brady in for Collin. Collin seemed to be their point guard, and he was pretty good. Much better at dribbling then I was and he had a nice shot, but his passes were slower than mine. I eyed each of them, dissecting their skill level, learning how they moved, how they defended, but my eyes kept going back to Riley, his beaming smile and fit body as he high fived his Quil after a nice block. Everything he did seemed effortless, his body moved deftly and if I hadn't seen the chair he was strapped in, I never would have known he was a paraplegic. The others moved almost as aptly as him, but none quite the same way. Glancing down the court, I saw Jasper in the bleachers, still in the same position, watching the game with genuine interest. When he saw me look at him, he gave me little wave and I smiled.

My boy was pretty damn perfect.

Jared pulled up next to me. "Do you like it?"

"Basketball was my life, but I kinda at it suck now."

"It'll come back. I didn't play for almost a year and it took awhile to get back into it."

When Sam blew the whistle, Jared went in and Leah came out. She parked her chair a few feet from mine, darting her eyes to me shyly before focusing on the game. Silently, we watched the scrimmage for a few minutes until Sam finally called it. Sweaty and tired, the team headed for the sidelines. I followed behind them, feeling awkward and not really sure what to do. Riley casually rolled by a water bottle on the floor and without pausing leaned over the side of his chair and picked it up as he kept moving.

"Show off," I muttered under my breath. He finally stopped at the bench and picked up a towel, rubbing his face with it before draping it around his neck. When he saw me lagging behind, he waved me over.

"Come on, Cullen" he said, calling me into their circle. Pulling up, I stopped next to him and Sam began to speak.

"We've got the Timberwolves on Saturday, then practice twice next week. If you can't make it, email me. Same time, same nights. Edward, I'll email you a schedule and the forms I need you to fill out."

"But…" I began but my words were lost in the chatter. The team broke up, each kid gathering up their stuff and shoving it in their duffle bags before heading toward the exit. Riley stayed to help Sam clean up and I retrieved a few balls and tossed them back to Riley as he put them on the rack.

"Thanks," he smiled before grabbing his sweatshirt. I reached down and picked up my own, sliding it on. "So you going to play?"

"I don't know why you'd want me," I grumbled as my head poked through the hole of the sweatshirt.

"It'll come," he assured me. It seemed to be a reoccurring theme with them all. "When Sam sends out the email, my address will be listed, feel free to drop me an email if you have any questions or anything."

"Great, thanks," I smiled.

"See ya, Cullen," he said as he spun his chair around and headed toward the exit. Sam pushed the cart aside and picked up his own duffle bag, hanging it on his chair.

"So what do you think?"

"It was nice to shoot again, but I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to do anything else," I admitted.

"You will. Like Riley said, it'll come. You just need to practice. Speaking of, our practices are Tuesdays and Thursdays six to seven-thirty, can you make those?"

I hadn't even considered practices or how I was going to get there. I hadn't really thought much past that first night. "I'll have to find out."

"Do you drive?"

I shook my head.

"You will also need to get a chair. I can recommend a place in Seattle, they're great and give the team a decent discount. There are some other supplies you'll need, the basics like a uniform, bottle, and bag. Then there are fees for the use of the gym, officials, travel expenses to games."

"How much are the chairs?"

"Depends on which one you get, but most are around two thousand."

I swallowed around the lump that had quickly risen in my throat. I'd had no idea they were so expensive.

"So I'll email you the schedule and we'll go from there," he smiled as he put his hand out for me to shake. "I'm glad you decided to come back."

"Me too, thanks," I replied as I backed my chair up and then turned toward the door. Jasper was leaning against it, his hands in his jean's pockets as he pushed off it when I got closer.

"How'd it go?" he asked as we left the gym and went down the darkened hallway.

"Okay, I guess," I shrugged. "I'm not very good. I can't dribble for shit."

"Babe, you're not going to be perfect you're first time."

"I used to be."

"Sure, after years of practice. You'll pick it up," he tried to reassure me. The automatic doors opened and we went out into the chilly night air, Jasper following me down the ramp. We reached the truck and he lifted me inside and then put my chair in the back. He started the truck up as soon as he was inside and turned the heat on, but didn't immediately buckle his seatbelt. Instead, he moved closer to me, putting a finger under my chin, he drew my lips to his for a soft, brief kiss.

"I'm so proud of you, baby," he murmured against my lips.

I couldn't help but smile and I lifted my hand to brush my fingers along the scruff on his jaw line. Closing his eyes at my touch, he sighed and leaned toward me again, his lips meeting mine in a deeper, more intense kiss. Without saying another word, or breaking the kiss, he straddled me, the seat creaking under his knees as he placed them on either side of my thighs. Automatically, my hands went to his hips to help settle him on my lap, my tongue swirling with his.

"I need you to touch me," he murmured, moving his lips down my neck, nibbling on the tender skin before finally reaching my ear. "I need you so bad, baby."

"We're in a parking lot," I reminded him even as I closed my eyes and trembled at the feeling of his warm breath on my skin.

"It's empty."

"It's public."

"Remember what we used to do after your games? You know what watching you play does to me, and I can't wait until we get home."

I blushed, recalling all the times Jasper had practically dragged me to my car after my games, insisting we went someplace where we could be alone. After our clothes were shed and I lay on top of him in the back of the car, he would tell him how watching me play excited him, then he would inhale my scent and groan. I could sympathize because watching Jasper run turned me on just as much.

"I think I shot more loads in my car than anywhere else. Well, besides your mouth," I chuckled. "Remember the night we took the truck to the field out by Emerson's and lay in the back?"

"Mmmm, that was so fucking hot," he moaned. Licking his lips, he gazed at me, his eyes three shades darker than they had been only minutes before. The control he had over me, the way he made me feel, was overwhelming. "Me too," he whispered, replying to the unspoken thoughts in my head.

Sometimes I wondered where he ended and I began.

"We…should…go," I stuttered, completely entranced by his rapture. Just then Paul began singing our song and Jasper smirked at me.

"Baby, we've done this at school during the day before. It's dark, there's no one around and I'm fucking hard as a rock after watching you play."

A tingling went down my arms at thought of him still getting excited by simply watching me. I glanced around outside the truck. He was right, it was empty except for us, and there were no lights near us.

"Just touch me," he begged, dropping his forehead to my shoulder and moving his hips along my thighs. Learning my head against his, his silky hair caressing my cheek, I moved a hand from his hip and palmed his cock through his jeans, immediately earning a throaty moan. "More." He slid his hips back, giving me room to work and my hands quickly popped the button and lowered the zipper of his jeans. His breaths were already heavy as I opened the flaps of his jeans and shoved his briefs down. There was nothing between his cock and my hand. It was hard and red, pleading for my touch.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," I mumbled as my fingers brushed over the head, smearing the fluid that had already beaded there. Jasper groaned loudly, never lifting his head from my shoulder while the tips of my fingers teased the flared head of his cock. "I never knew I had such a slutty boyfriend."

Finally, he lifted his head, his eyes glazed and barely opened as he stared at me. "I can't help it, you're so fucking hot," he answered simply, honestly.

Just as my fingers wrapped around his length, he leaned forward and kissed me, hard and deep, his tongue plunging into my mouth, seeking and exploring everything he already knew but seemed to never get enough of. I couldn't feel his weight on me, but his hips started to slowly move over my thighs, bucking into my grip as much as possible. My nails dug into his jeans as I coaxed him to move even more. Our lips mashed together, noses bumping in urgency as he tilted his head to deepen it even further. Whimpering into the kiss, he pulled away with short shallow breaths, his hips moving in a circular motion as my hand began to stroke him. Suddenly, a shudder traveled through his body and he sat up straight. Never taking his eyes from mine, he pulled his sweatshirt off and tossed it aside before grabbing the bottom of his tee shirt and pulling it up behind his head, exposing his chest and abdomen. Then he leaned back against the dashboard, allowing me to see him better and giving him more room to move. Lifting his hand, he curved it around my neck, fisting the hair on the back of my head as he began to thrust up into my hand. I was filled with the need to strip his clothes off, to see him completely naked and vulnerable on me, but considering our circumstances, I settled for his bare chest and throbbing cock in my hand.

"Fucking hot," I whispered, watching him as his tongue darted out and ran along his swollen bottom lip, the lids of his eyes half closed as he watched me through his lashes. "I love it when you can't help yourself."

The corner of his lip curled up but he couldn't reply as his eyes glanced from mine to his cock on my hand.

"Fuck yeah, baby, feels so good," he barely got out in intelligible words before his head lolled back and he began to thrust harder. Precum slid down his cock, running over the back of my hand and I was tempted to bring it up to my mouth to taste him. I could almost see his ass flexing, the muscles working to lift his pelvis. Releasing his hip, I ran my hand up his chest, enjoying the way his skin quivered from my touch, the way his nipples were pebbled and longing. Bringing my hand down his abdomen, I watched his muscles tense as I lowered my hand further and pushed his jeans and briefs down more. When my fingers skimmed his hot, wrinkled skin of his balls, he arched his back and tried to widen his stance.

"Fuck, please, ba…baby," he babbled.

My boy wanted more.

Holding him tightly, I let him fuck my hand, wantonly and shameless as he chased down the orgasm he desired to so much. The cab of the truck filled with the musky scent of his arousal and the keening sounds that poured endlessly from his mouth.

"I wanna see my slutty boy come," I told him, amazed at the way his cock twitched at the words, as if it knew what I meant. It was no secret that I loved Jasper's dirty talk when he touched me, and while he rarely admitted it, my words turned him on just as much.

"Jesus, so close," he groaned, his Adam's apple bobbing. "Fucking close."

I could already tell he was from the flush over his chest, the panting breaths, and the way his hips had lost all semblance of rhythm. He lifted his hips as I stroked him hard and fast, drawing his orgasm from him. It took effort, but he lifted his head, his eyes meeting mine in a lust induced haze.

"Fuck," he cried out, the cordons in his throat straining just as his orgasm crashed over him. In my hand, his cock pulsed, and then erupted long, thick streams of warm cum onto his stomach. His hand tightened further in my hair, tugging on it so hard it hurt as he was swept away by the sensations in his body, each wave of his climax hitting him only slightly weaker than the one before it. He remained thrusting until his cum was dribbling from the slit and down onto my hand as I continued to milk him, gradually slowing my strokes.

"Babe," he sighed, "that was…fucking wow."

My hand still on his cock, I enjoyed the way his body responded to me, quivering and shaking because of my touch, my words, my looks. It didn't matter if I was paralyzed, for some reason, Jasper still wanted me, his body still yearned for mine as much as it ever had. I could still bring him the same pleasure, the same intense releases, as before. Sated, he smiled at me, his eyes almost rolling back into his head when I stroked his cum slickened cock one last time.

I was still holding his cock when he leaned forward and kissed me, finally easing the hold on my hair, threading his fingers gently through it as he traced my lips with his tongue. His body continued to jerk and tremble with the remains of his climax. Breaking the kiss, he moved his mouth to my ear.

"I love you so fucking much," he breathed softly.

It was my turn to shiver, little bolts of energy traveling down my arms and spine. I didn't know if it was his words or his breath on my ear, but I wanted him.

"I gotta to clean up," he said, glancing around for something he could use. When he didn't see anything in the cab, he took his shirt off. Regretfully, I let go to his cock, letting it fall limp against his pants while he began wiping off his chest and abs. Watching him, I brought my hand up to my mouth and when he realized what I was doing, he stopped and stared me at as I licked his cum off my fingers, twirling my tongue around and moaning as his potent flavor filled my mouth.

"Jesus fucking Christ," he groaned, practically drooling. "You're going to make me fucking hard again." Throwing the shirt aside, he kissed me again, sampling the taste. My hands returned to his hips and he began to move them again.

"We gotta go," I mumbled, trying to push him, chuckling when he sighed as he climbed off me. He put his sweatshirt on and did up his seatbelt as I did the same. Finally, he shifted into reverse and backed out. Once he turned onto the main road, he took my hand in his, bring it to his nose and inhaling deeply.

"Mmmm, smells good," he said, kissing it before dropping them both to the seat. "Thank you. I really needed that."

"My pleasure," I smiled. Instead of watching the passing scenery out the window, I gazed at Jasper the entire ride home, my eyes never leaving his profile, his flushed cheeks and bruised lips.

My eyes never strayed from my boy.

"**~~**"

The next day my mother dropped me off after school, then immediately left again to go get Alice from something she had stayed after for. I entered the house alone and went down to my room, relived to see it was still empty of anything but the furniture and my stuff. Bored, I went booted up my computer to watch more videos and see if I could learn from them. When I saw an email from Sam, I opened it and found the schedule and forms that I needed to complete attached. I printed them out and then read them over, filling them all out, but my parents had to sign a permission and release form. Remembering what my father had said about my mom not knowing, I folded up the papers and went out to the living room where they had moved his office desk to. Looking around his desk, I tried to find someplace to put the papers where my mother wouldn't see them. As I shuffled through the stack of envelopes on his desk, I began to notice they were all from hospitals, doctors, medical supply companies. Curious, I looked inside a few that were opened.

They were all bills.

Not just bills, but bills for thousands and thousands of dollars.

Some of what they said made no sense to me, and they all used codes for procedures, but I could read the numbers at the bottom next to 'total amount due'. One for twelve thousand, one for a little over fifteen thousand, and one for nearly seventy thousand from the hospital I had been at in Seattle where my surgery had been done. There was even a letter from Jasper's dad with a bill attached for two thousand strictly for supplies. And those were only the ones that were opened, there were more unopened ones.

My dad made good money, we had always had enough to take vacations, buy everything we needed and some extras, and pay our bills, but even if insurance paid some the bills I held in my hand, we were still going to owe thousands.

Everything I had cost them, the money, rearranging and remodeling their house, having to drive me everywhere, the appointments, the PT…it all screamed one thing to me.

I _was_ handicapped.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

Edward's dream got me every time I read it…

Basketball terms: http:/www DOT growtall DOT com/basketball-glossary DOT htm

So…need to vent? Have theories? Come visit us on the Twilighted tread (we even post pretty boys and teasers to pass the time between updates) http:/www DOT twilighted DOT net/forum/viewtopic DOT php?f=44&t=9674 or follow me on Twitter theslashawards


	19. The Things That You Do

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N-Yeah, I know…I say I won't repeat and then I do it, but I wanted to show exactly what put Jasper in that frenzied state after basketball practice, and I didn't think anyone would mind the truck scene again. Also this chapter, especially the last third, is dialogue heavy.

This chapter is unbeta'd, all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are mine. Thank you to everyone that has read, recommended, reviewed, and learned from these boys.

Special thanks to Dannie, who stuck by me for so long with this story, if it wasn't for her encouragement and faith in my writing, these boys wouldn't be here.

Now Jasper pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night he hadn't tried to overcome his fear…_

"**~~**"

I was so fucking proud of my boy.

Leaning back against the row of bleachers behind me, I rested my elbows on it and stretched my legs out in front of me, putting my feet on the bench below me. My eyes never left Edward as he sat next to Sam while the rest of the team ran a drill. There was no hiding Edward's nervousness, hell, I had felt in the truck the entire ride, but regardless of how scared he was, he was out there.

He was going to try.

I thought when I had told him that Sam had seen his game film that it would ease his nervousness, but it had only seemed to make him more worried, fearing he couldn't live up to the able-bodied boy that had scored all those points in the videos. He had said that wasn't him anymore, but I knew it was. Even though Edward hadn't changed, he felt betrayed by his body, he was being forced to relearn things that had previously been second nature to him.

"Babe, it's going to be fine. Just do your thing," I had told him.

"My thing?" he had repeated, trying hard not to smile.

"Yeah, you know, you're basketball thing. The mad Cullen skills."

"Cullen mad skills," he had chuckled.

"You got them, flaunt them," I had smiled before turning up the music and making him sing along with "Love Me Do".

As soon as we had entered the gym, Sam came right over to us, greeting Edward with a smile. But before Edward had followed Sam across the gym, he looked worriedly up at me.

"You can do this," I had reminded him quietly. "Mad Cullen skills."

Sam introduced Edward to the rest of team, who seemed pretty welcoming. There had been a few cautionary glances, which was to be expected when anyone new intruded into an already established team. They didn't know who he was, what he was like, or if he was a threat to them.

After Sam and Edward had watched the team for a few minutes, Sam called out to one of the players, who then motioned for Edward to follow him down the other end. As Edward had gone to move, he looked over at me. Tilting my head, I'd gazed at him, telling him I loved him without ever speaking. When the blush danced across his cheeks, I knew he'd heard my silent words.

At the other end, Edward and the other boy talked for a minute and I saw a look of surprise, then familiarity cross the other kid's face. Then he moved under the basket while Edward pushed his chair to the top of the arc. I could almost hear his heart pounding all the way across the gym as he hesitated with the ball on his lap.

"You can do it, baby," I muttered under my breath. Gnawing on the inside of my cheek, I watched as Edward picked up the ball from his lap and then lifted his arms and shot, sighing in relief when the ball fell through the hoop.

While I didn't want to look away from Edward, I glanced at the other guy and saw the look of awe on his face when Edward sank his third three-pointer in a row. Beaming, I watched my boy strut his stuff, the way he instinctually caught the ball and shot without anymore reluctance. Gazing at Edward, I watched his body move, the control he had over his arms and hands, the way he held the ball firmly but briefly before shooting, and the way he fucking flicked his wrist after he shot. I saw the concentration on Edward's face, the tip of his tongue stuck out between his lips as he aimed and made another shot. Swallowing, I shifted slightly, trying to deny the stirring I felt in my groin. Amazed by my boy, the other guy wheeled over to Edward and began to show him how to dribble in the chair. While sitting still in his chair, Edward did fine. He could dribble just about anywhere anytime, but when he tried to move the chair and dribble at the same time, he fumbled and looked clumsy. It didn't take long before I could see the frustration growing around him, but he fought through it just like I knew he could. After he'd tried it a few more times, he stopped and then grabbed the bottom of his sweatshirt, pulled it over his head and tossed it aside, exposing his buff shoulders and arms.

"Fuck," I groaned. Any thoughts I'd had about not getting hard went to hell when I saw Edward's upper body in a clinging, damp tee shirt. Even sitting across the gym, I saw beads of sweat glisten on his biceps and roll down his face and I closed my eyes.

Everything Edward did made me hard, even just breathing in the same room as me, but there had always been something about watching him move and the control he had over his body that went straight to my dick. The slight flush to his already perfect cheeks, the way his hair got messy, and his eyes light up with the fire and energy that coursed through him were such a turn on. Whether it was running with me, playing basketball, or lifting weights in his dining room, watching Edward simply excited me.

Even before we were together, I would go to his basketball games and sit next to Bella and cheer on the team, though there was only one player that I cared about cheering for. For almost an hour I would watch him run up and down the court for fast breaks, pass the ball with deadly accuracy, and weave in and out of the opposing team while running and dribbling. It didn't matter that I was sitting on the bleachers in a crowd of several hundred people, I would get hard. After ever game I would go home and jerk off to images of Edward in his basketball uniform, and imagined him moving around the gym just for me.

I had thought the first game I went to after we had begun dating would be different. I'd touched his body and sucked his cock, so watching him move wouldn't affect me as much because then I already knew what he smelled like after working out, how incredible the cock in his shorts felt, I had already kissed and explored every muscle that rolled under the skin of his back and shoulders.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

After the first game, Edward wanted to go out for ice cream, and we did, but watching his tongue lick and lap his cone when I wanted it lick and lap my cock it only made my erection worse. He dropped me off at my house and I kissed him good night before running inside. Ignoring my parents, I took the stairs three at a time. Slamming my door closed, I undid the button and fly on my jeans, opening them just enough to get my cock out. Leaning back against the door, I stroked myself. I closed my eyes and saw Edward licking his ice cream, knowing his cool tongue would have felt amazing along the length of my cock. Three hard drags later I came, my load shooting from my cock and landing on my floor before the rest ebbed down my hand. Panting, I took a few deep breaths, jumping when there was a knock on the door my back was against.

"Yeah?" I gasped, my heart still pounding from my climax, my cock still seeping cum.

"You okay?" my mother asked from the other side.

"Umm," I glanced down at my semi hard cock and smirked. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Feel okay?"

"I'm fine," I repeated more firmly. "Just remembered I've got some studying to do."

"It's Friday."

_Shit._

"Lots of homework this weekend. See ya in the morning."

She paused, debating on whether or not to push me. I was relieved when she decided not to. "Night," she said before walking away.

It was that way after every game, except for the ones when we were sleeping over the other's house and I got to jerk off with Edward watching, or even better, feel his lips around my cock and his damp hair in my hands.

Seeing Edward play now, even if it was in a chair, affected me exactly same way as before. Every move he made, every smile, every shot, only made me want him more.

Sam joined Edward and the other boy, talking with them for a moment before calling the rest of the team down. While Edward watched from the sidelines, the other players went three on three. There one girl who was pretty good, better than a few of the boys, but not nearly as good as Edward. There were three boys that all looked Native American, and there was a younger looking kid with glasses and another with red hair. The one who had worked with Edward looked comfortable in his chair. He moved it around effortlessly, weaving in and out of the other players while dribbling, he smiled and said encouraging words to his teammates. Glancing back at Edward, I saw him eyeing the boy, and I could see it on his face.

The desire to be just like him.

Edward happened to look up at me right then and I gave him a small wave. He blushed and smiled.

My boy was pretty damn perfect.

One of the other players approached him and they spoke, I saw Edward nod and even laugh once. Sam ended practice, bringing the team back over to the sidelines. I could tell Edward was hesitant to join them, but then the boy with nice brown hair motioned him over and Edward went eagerly. The other players filed out of the gym while Sam talked to Edward. I made my way down the bleachers, casually adjusting myself when no one was looking, and went to the door to wait for Edward. When they were done, he rolled across the gym, his cheeks pink from exertion, sweat still gathering on his forehead.

My cock twitched and I swallowed.

"How'd it go?" I asked as we headed down the corridor.

"Okay, I guess," he shrugged. "I'm not very good. I can't dribble for shit."

"Babe, you're not going to be perfect you're first time."

"I used to be."

"Sure, after years of practice. You'll pick it up," I reminded him.

We reached the truck and I lifted him inside before putting his chair in the back and getting in. Once the truck was running and the heat was on, I moved closer to Edward and kissed him.

"I'm so proud of you, baby," I murmured.

I might have been able to just pull away and drive him home, but then he touched my face so reverently that my breath caught. Before I could stop myself, I was kissing him again, then straddling him, then begging him to touch me.

"I need you to touch me," I admitted, nibbling down his neck. "I need you so bad, baby."

"We're in a parking lot."

"It's empty."

"It's public."

"Remember what we used to do after your games? You know what watching you play does to me, and I can't wait until we get home."

My lips never stop licking along his delicious, salty skin. Even if he said no, I was going to at least tongue fuck him, but when he put the image of him and me in the back of my dad's truck in the middle of the field, my cock throbbed even more and I knew I couldn't leave that parking lot without some kind of relief. Everything Edward did owned me, our lives had collided the day we met, never to separate again, and sometimes realizing that was overwhelming, and I knew he felt it too.

Sometimes it scared us both.

"We…should…go," he stuttered, but I knew his mind was already made up. He just needed one more push.

"Baby, we've done this at school during the day before. It's dark, there's no one around and I'm fucking hard as a rock after watching you play. Just touch me," I begged, dropping my forehead to his shoulder and moving my hips along his thighs. I pleaded for more when he palmed my cock, sliding back on his lap to give him enough room to undo my pants.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," he mumbled even as he touched me. "I never knew I had such a slutty boyfriend."

Chuckling, I lifted my head. "I can't help it, you're so fucking hot," I replied honestly.

There was no more thought after that, once his fingers wrapped around me, I kissed him, plunging my tongue into his mouth, never seemingly able to get enough of him. His hand was still on me while I moved over his thighs, shamelessly wanting more of whatever he was going to give me. As soon as he began to stroke, I felt like I was going to come undone.

I needed more.

Sitting up, I gazed at him as I took off my sweatshirt and hooked my tee shirt over my head. Then I leaned back against the dashboard, giving him more room to stroke me and giving me more room to watch him do it. Needing to touch him just as much as I needed him to touch me, I curved a hand around his neck and fisted the hair on the back of his head, using him for leverage as I began to thrust up into his fist.

"Fucking hot," he whispered hoarsely. Groaning, I licked my bottom lip and watched every move he made. "I love it when you can't help yourself."

"Fuck yeah, baby, feels so good."

He ran a hand up my chest, pinching my nipples. Arching my back, I moaned and felt his hand slide down my abdomen. Anticipating exactly where it was heading, I tried to widen my stance to give him more room as he pulled my jeans down more and cupped my balls. "Fuck, please, ba…baby."

Gripping me tighter, he let me fuck his hand. My orgasm was within reach, I could feel it building low in my belly just waiting to spring loose. I was loud, moaning and grunting wantonly, and I could see it in his eyes.

Edward was turned on.

"I wanna see my slutty boy come," he told me. My cock throbbed at the words. As much as he liked to hear it, Edward rarely talked dirty to me, usually nothing more than how good he felt or that he was coming. But hearing those words coming from his swollen lips pushed me to the edge.

"Jesus, so close. Fucking close."

My hips stilled and I let Edward take over, his hand stroking me hard and fast, literally pulling my orgasm from me. Tearing my eyes from the sight of my cock in his fist, I lifted my head and met his own lust laden eyes. As soon as I saw his desire for me in them, I came.

"Fuck," I grunted as my climax hurled through me. The hour I'd sat on the bleachers with a hard on finally came to an end and my cock erupted onto my abdomen in thick ropes of cum. Gripping his hair, my body tensed, every muscle flexing through each wave of the orgasm until I was barely thrusting into his hand. "Babe, that was…fucking wow."

Shaking, I watched his hand as he milked my overly sensitive cock, squeezing out every last drop. Leaning forward, I kissed him, riding out the last of my climax as our tongues lazily swirled together. Breaking the kiss, I moved my lips to his ear.

"I love you so fucking much," I whispered. "I gotta to clean up." I looked around the cab for something to use, finally using my tee shirt when I didn't find anything else. As I cleaned myself, Edward brought his hand up to his mouth and licked my cum off it. "Jesus fucking Christ. You're going to make me fucking hard again." I kissed him, tasking myself mixed with his own flavor.

"We gotta go," he murmured into the kiss. Sighing, I stuffed myself back into my pants and moved off him. After putting on my sweatshirt and doing up my seatbelt, I finally shifted into reverse and backed out. I picked up his hand and brought it to my nose, inhaling my scent on him.

"Mmmm, smells good. Thank you. I really needed that."

"My pleasure," he grinned. I kept my eyes on the road, but I felt his loving gaze on me the entire ride home.

Like I said, my boy was pretty damn perfect.

"**~~**"

"Hey," I said to my mother as I entered the kitchen Friday morning. "Long night at work?"

She was still dressed in her uniform as she sipped coffee from a mug. "Not too bad. Glad to be off though. What are you doing today?"

"Track practice, then a party at Newton's tonight," I said casually. I grabbed cereal, a bowl and the milk before sitting at the island. Pouring the cereal and milk into the bowl, I hunched over it and began eating.

"Sleeping over Edward's?" she asked with a perfectly raised brow.

"Actually," I shoveled a spoonful of cereal into my mouth. "I was thinking about having Edward sleep over here." I kept my eyes on my bowl, but even without looking I could feel her motherly gaze on me.

"You think that's a good idea?"

"I think he needs to feel normal and having him over here was something we used to do all the time, there's no reason why we can't now, right?" I challenged her more than I intended to.

"Where are you going to sleep?"

"Umm, my room?"

"And how is he going to get up there?"

"I'll carry him," I answered with a shrug.

"Carry him?"

"Yeah, I do it all the time."

"You carry him all the time?"

"Well, I lift him into the truck, and if he needs to go up stairs and shi-stuff." Nodding, she took another sip and eyed me. Returning my eyes to my breakfast, I asked, "So can he?"

"Sure, just make sure he's brings the supplies he'll need."

"I will," I smiled.

"You know, you could always sleep in the living room, put the air mattress on the floor," she suggested.

"Nah, that's ok. I can carry him."

"He doesn't mind?"

"Nope," I replied quietly, shoving more food into my mouth. "I need to check with Dr. C and make sure it's okay with him too."

"If it helps, tell him I'm off tonight and I'll be home," she offered. "Meanwhile, I'm going to go get some sleep. I'll see you after the party."

"Okay, thanks."

"Jasper?" I looked up at her in the doorway. "Be careful please."

"I will."

My parents had never stopped me from doing what I wanted, even going to parties. I had never given them reason to. They had raised me to make my own decisions, trusting that I would make the right choices. I had definitely lied to them. I lied to them every time I let them think there was nothing more than friendship between Edward and me. I had lied to them for Edward, and I would continue to for as long as he wanted me to. But Edward's accident reminded them, and me, that I was far from indestructible and they took every chance to remind me of that.

I was glad Dr. Cullen answered the door when I arrived to pick up Edward a little later that morning. He greeted me with a smile. "How'd it go last night?" he asked as I entered.

"Didn't he tell you?"

"A little. He was pretty tired when he got home, so I didn't press him."

"I think it went really well. He still has a fantastic shot, but it's going to take practice to get the dribbling down."

"Did the team seem nice?"

I blushed, feeling guilty that I hadn't really noticed the team. My eyes had barely left Edward, and then on the ride home I was too busy basking in the afterglow of my orgasm to think of asking Edward about the other players.

"I think so, he didn't say they weren't."

"Well, I'm hoping to talk to him when I get home tonight," he said as he headed toward the kitchen. I shuffled along behind him, the blush on my cheeks heating up.

"Um… about tonight."

Glancing at me, he asked, "What about it?"

"The other day Edward asked me if he could come over my house sometime, and I thought maybe he could sleep over tonight. My mom said it was okay," I paused and then quickly added, "If it's okay with you."

Pursing his lips, he furrowed his brows and I began to think the answer was going to be a quick no, but then he eyed me and tilted his head a bit, his features relaxing.

"He'll need a few catheters. And bring his pain meds just in case. Is your mother going to be home if there's a problem?"

"Yes, sir."

He relaxed further knowing someone with medical training was going to be around, then he looked confused. "Isn't your room on the second floor?"

"Yes, sir. I'll carry him," I answered his unasked question.

"Carry him?"

Confused on why that answer confused him and my mother, I clarified, "Up the stairs."

"I know what you meant," he chuckled. "You've got it all planned out already." Before I could deny it, he nodded. "Okay, just keep an eye on him, make sure you get him to the bathroom before bed and first thing in the morning."

"I will. There's one more thing."

"What?"

"Newton invited us to a small birthday party him, Bella, Eric and Angela at his place tonight."

"And you think it would be good for Edward to go and be with his friends."

"Yes, sir."

"Am I going to see my son at all today?" he joked. "He can go, just…please be careful with my son, Jasper."

_Always and forever. _

"I will," I promised. "Thanks, Dr. Cullen." Before he could reply, I left for Edward's room, sighing when I walked in and saw him.

At school Edward had smiled more than he had in over a week, and I couldn't help but think it was because basketball was back in his life. After school, I walked him to his car, telling him I'd be by about seven to get him for the party. I went through practice eager to get home. It wasn't that I was excited about going to Newton's party, I just wanted to spend some quality time with Edward after it.

As soon as I was home, I went into the garage and rummaged through my father's tools and some scrap wood he had lying around. Finding some that was strong enough to work, I cut it down the size I'd had measured before I had left that morning. I tested it, pretty proud of myself when it lined up almost perfect. Leaving it there, I ran inside to get ready for the party.

To be on the safe side, I jerked off in the shower. It was going to be hard enough to sit near Edward at the party, and I hoped jerking off might alleviate the urge to jump him in front of everyone.

Then again, it didn't matter. Jerking off or not, I was going to want to jump him.

When I walked into Edward's room to get him, he was just pulling on his Abbey Road tee shirt. It fit him tighter than ever, and I might have drooled a little. So much for jerking off in the shower.

"Damn you," I sighed when he covered it up with his basketball sweatshirt. He shook his head and chuckled at me.

"What's the bag for?" he asked pointing to the duffle bag in my hand.

"Nothing," I lied, but then went over to the corner and grabbed three catheter kits and then opened his drawers and stuffed his Star Wars pants, some briefs, socks and a tee shirt into the bag as well. "Where do you keep your pain pills?" I asked, standing up to find him eyeing me suspiciously.

"The drawer in my table."

I grabbed those too, putting them in the small pocket on the outside of the bag. "You ready to go?"

"I don't think I-"

Crouching in front of him, I stopped him. "Babe, if you don't want to go, we won't, but I think it would be good. You had fun on our…date night with them, right?" Staring at me, he nodded. "We don't have to stay long. Use the safe word if you need to, okay?"

"Okay," he agreed quietly. Standing, I picked up the bag and put it over my shoulder. "Now why the bag with my stuff?"

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"You ask way too many questions."

"This surprises you?"

I glanced at him following me down the hall. "Not really, but I'm still to going to answer."

Outside, I helped him into the truck and then put the chair in the back. When I got in, Edward pulled me to him for a kiss. It was brief, but it was exactly what I needed. He pulled away and sighed.

"You okay, babe?"

"Yeah," he nodded and then sat up straight. As soon as I backed the truck out, his hand was already in mine.

We arrived at Newton's house and I got Edward out and we headed up the driveway. There was no ramp, so I turned Edward's chair around and pulled him up the few steps backwards before spinning him around. Newton answered before we knocked.

"Hey!" he grinned as he held the door open for us.

Newton had been right, the party was small, but there was one surprise.

Jessica.

Edward rolled his eyes at me when she came up and kissed my cheek with a perky hello, her hands remaining on my chest a little too long. Moving around her, I led Edward, moving things out of his way to make sure he had enough space to get around the living room. Newton followed behind us, offering something to drink. Edward asked for Mountain Dew and I took bottled water. Newton frowned at our choices, glancing at the bottle of beer in his hand. I sat down at the end of the couch and Edward pulled up next to me. Resting his arms on the chair, his hands hung off the sides, his fingers dangerously close to mine resting on the edge of the couch. My breath hitched when I felt his fingers accidently brushed mine and I had to bite my lip to hold back a groan.

Jerking off in the shower hadn't helped one fucking bit.

Bella bounced over, kissing Edward's cheek and saying hi to me before sitting on a small sofa across from us and folding her legs up. Jessica sat too close to me, almost leaning against me as she laughed and sipped her beer. Eric was on the floor with Angela on his lap, and when Newton returned, he sat next to Bella. His arm resting on the back of the couch around her shoulders did not go unnoticed. The conversation was light, mostly about school, bitching about teachers and catching up on gossip. Edward participated a little, but I knew there was something wrong, something more than being there in the chair. There was a quiet sadness around him, one that hadn't been there during the school day.

Something had happened.

But I wasn't going to be able to find out much at the party. He tried to smile a few times, even almost laughed once, but his small efforts were in vain when I looked into his green eyes and saw the returning storm. Newton got up and went to the kitchen, returning with a cake.

"Bella baked this for me," he bragged as he put it on the table.

"Baking a cake, Bella? Must be love," I teased and she glared at me.

Mike sliced the cake, handing us all pieces on small paper plates. As Edward ate his, a smudge of frosting gathered in the corner of his lips and I swallowed back the urge to lean over and lick it off. His eyes flashed to mine and while he held my gaze, he ran his tongue over his lips, tucking the chocolate frosting into his mouth.

He was going to taste so sweet later.

On my other side, Jessica decided that my thigh was the best place for her hand to oh-so-casually rest. No matter how many times I picked it up and returned it to her own lap, it always seemed to find its my way back to mine. When I looked at Edward for help, he just stared at her long, red fingernails lying on my jeans. The flare in his eyes increased when she leaned over, and using those long nails, pushed my hair aside to murmur in my ear.

"Why don't you take me upstairs, Jasper, and I'll show you a good time," she offered, her drunken whisper loud enough for everyone to hear. Mike's eyebrows shot up and Bella's jaw dropped.

"Spare room is last one on the left," Mike smiled, nodding toward the stairs.

"No thanks," I said, moving my head away from Jessica's wet breath.

"Why not?" Mike asked. "You look like you could use it."

He was right. I could. Just not from her.

"Come on, I promise I'll make you feel real good," she purred.

"I already feel good, thanks," I said, but then I felt her warm tongue on my lobe and I just about leapt into Edward's lap. Squirming away, I glowered at her. "I said no."

Sighing, but not giving up, she sat back and eyed me like prey.

There had been a few times that I had been tempted to out Edward and me. Once at a family barbeque when he was wearing a soaked bathing suit that clung to his cock, a few times when Bella still hinted she wanted him back, and then immediately after the accident. But I had never wanted to out us more than when Jessica was crawling all over me. I tried not to be rude, but she was getting way to fucking touchy.

"Just a kiss then?" she pouted. "I promise if you kiss me, I'll leave you alone."

It was tempting, really fucking tempting, and if I knew for sure she would keep her word, I would have done it, but I suspected that the next time I was near her and she was drunk that she would have forgotten all about the deal.

"I…I…"

It seemed everyone in the room was holding a collective breath waiting for my answer. Jessica angled her head, sticking out her bottom lip to try to entice me.

I blurted out the first thing that came to me.

"I could really go for a Fluffernutter sandwich." I bolted up, wiping my sweaty palms on my thighs as I headed for the kitchen, leaving them all in the living room. Bracing my hands on the counter, I took a few deep breaths. I knew he was behind me even before he spoke. "Sorry."

"For what?"

I turned to make sure we were alone before speaking again. "For all that shit. She's obnoxious when she drinks."

"She obnoxious when she doesn't drink," he chuckled. "You don't have anything to be sorry for."

"Sometimes…sometimes I just want to tell them, ya know? I just want someone to know how much I…" I sighed, afraid even then to say the words in case someone was listening.

"I know," was all he said. It was all he could say. "Why don't we stay for a few more minutes and then head out. I'll say I'm tired."

"Thanks," I said as he turned and I followed him back into the living room. Someone had turned on music and everyone was dancing in the middle of the room. While Edward and I stood off to the side, he watched them move around each other, jumping and swinging.

While I longed to dance with Edward, he longed to just be able to dance.

I desperately wanted to pick him up and hold him like I had in the meadow, but instead I leaned against the wall and watched Newton try to get closer with Bella. Jessica crooked her finger at me as she swayed her hips, but I shook my head no. Finally giving up, she turned and started dancing with Angela.

"Not a single one of them has any rhythm," I said to Edward and he nodded. "You ready to go?"

"Yeah."

I went over to Newton and told him Edward was tired and we were heading out. He waved to Edward and said he would see him Monday. Everyone said goodbye as we headed for the door.

"Wow, that was…" I said as I spun Edward's chair around to ease him down the steps backwards. "Actually I have no words for what that was."

"I agree."

With a solid thump, his chair landed on the paved walkway and he turned it and we went to the truck. Once we were inside, I started the truck and backed out. Edward was quiet, his hand resting loosely in mine between us. He didn't speak until we passed his road.

"Jas?"

"A surprise."

"The last surprise didn't go so well," he grumbled.

"This one will," I promised. We entered my neighborhood and he looked at me, but didn't say anything. He had already put it together, the bag, my street. He knew exactly what was going on.

"But my parents-"

"I cleared it with your dad. And my mom's home." He swallowed thickly and I glanced at him. "Is this okay? The other day you mentioned you wanted to come over so I thought…"

When he looked at me, my heart broke as the anguish on his face. He bit his lip to stop it from quivering. "Where will I sleep? I don't want to be alone."

"Baby, I would never leave you alone. We're going to sleep in my room, like we always do."

"But the stairs?"

"I think I can handle them." Exhaling, he continued to chew on his lip and look out the window. I pulled into my driveway and turned to him. "If you want me to take you home, I will. I just thought since you–" He stopped me with a finger to my lips.

"I want to stay."

I kissed his finger, then leaned forward and kissed his lips before getting out and bringing his chair around. I put him in the chair and then reached in and grabbed the duffle bag. He moved around the truck toward my front door and then stopped. Turning, he looked up at me with pure love and my heart melted inside me.

"It's not as nice as yours, and it's steep, but it should hold you."

He pushed the chair to the edge of the hastily made ramp that covered the steps to my porch. Then he glanced over his shoulder at me before rocking his chair forward and pushing himself up the ramp to my front door. Standing at the bottom, I watched him as he reached for the door and opened it, just as he would have any other time. Smiling, I joined him as he was pushing himself through the door. He was barely inside before my mother was throwing herself at him.

"Edward!" Already dressed in her pajamas, she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tight.

"Hey, Mrs. Whitlock," Edward replied. She released him and stepped back.

"You look great," she smiled at him. "How are you feeling?"

"Pretty good. Still sucks though," Edward answered honestly.

"Yeah, it sure does."

My mother and Edward had always had a good relationship. Sometimes they would sit next to each other during my track meets, and whenever he was over for dinner they would have in depth conversations about The Beatles. They both found it endlessly amusing to tease me.

"I baked some brownies earlier if you guys want some. I also stocked up on the Mountain Dew and I think there's popcorn in the cupboard."

"Thanks," we both replied. When I looked around the living room, I noticed a few things had been moved out of the way, making it a little easier for Edward. Just as I was about to suggest we head to my room, my dad came out of the kitchen.

"Hey, there he is. How's it going, Edward?" He came over and shook Edward's hand before standing next to my mother.

"As good as can be expected I guess."

"Haven't seen you since we finished the house, how's it working out?"

"It's good. The kitchen is much easier now and the bathroom is great."

"Well, if you find anything else you want done, just let me know. Any more ramps or stuff done to the rooms," my dad offered.

"I will, thanks."

"What did you guys do tonight?"

"We went to a party at Newton's," I answered, shifting the duffle bag on my shoulder.

"You're home early, it's barely ten," he said, surprised.

"Yeah, well what can we say, we're wild and crazy kids," I laughed. "We're going to go up to my room, watch a movie or something."

"Have fun," he smiled. "See ya in the morning."

"Night, boys," my mother said, giving Edward another hug before she and my dad both went to the living room. Edward pushed his chair to the bottom of the stairs and looked up them.

"You sure you want to do this?"

"Yep. If it means I get you alone in my room, it's totally worth it."

Bending over, I slipped my arm under his knees and waited while he wrapped his arms around my neck, holding as tight as he could to help me out. Lifting him just like I did when I put him into the truck, I moved the chair back with my foot and then started up the steps. I loved feeling his weight against my body, his heat seeping through our clothes as he rested his head on my shoulder. Reaching the top of the stairs, I turned to the left and entered my room.

"I see not much has changed. Maid's day off?" he asked as we stood in the doorway and looked at the papers all over my desk, clothes thrown everywhere, the dishes on the floor, and books on my bed.

"Cleaning isn't high on my priority list." Leaning over, I set him on the bed and slid the duffle bag onto the floor. "Let me take care of some of this shit."

Moving quickly, I picked up all the clothes and tossed them into my basket, even if they were clean. Then I piled all my papers up on my desk and grabbed my trash and the plates and ran them downstairs. When I came back up, I had sodas and some of the brownies.

"Sustenance," I said, placing them on the table next to my bed.

"You plan on being up there that long?" he smiled.

I sat on the bed next to him, bouncing us a little and then wiggled my eyebrows at him. "Now that I got you here, what do you want to do?"

"Actually, I should probably use the bathroom."

"Oh, right," I said, reaching down for the duffle bag. I pulled a kit out for him and handed it to him. "Do you um…yeah," I stuttered before standing and then scooping him up again and bringing him to the bathroom across the hall. I sat him on the toilet and then went to leave.

"You don't have to go," he said behind me.

Stopping, I turned. "You sure?"

"Not like you haven't seen it before." He undid his pants and pulled his cock out, letting it fall against his zipper. Then he opened the kit and pulled out a pair of rubber gloves and put them on. Next he opened a small square package and pulled out an iodine gauze pad, which he then rubbed on the head of his cock. After, he placed the bag in his lap and snapped part of the tubing and then put the tip of it into the slit on the head of his cock. I actually knew exactly what he was doing. I had watched several videos of it, but seeing him doing it so effortlessly impressed me. These were the new things that were becoming second nature to him now. As he slowly inserted the tube, my first thought was ouch.

"It looks like it hurts," I mumbled, my eyes never leaving his hands.

"I wouldn't know," he answered, pushing in the tube even more before he finally stopped and then waited. A few seconds later urine flowed through the tube and into the bag. "Real sexy, huh?"

"Baby, pissing is never sexy no matter how anyone does it," I grinned, turning around to brush my teeth while he finished up.

"That's true I guess."

I heard him moving around and the toilet flushing. By the time I rinsed my mouth, he'd tossed the stuff in the trash.

"I need to brush my teeth and wash my hands," he said as he did his pants back up. I lifted him and carried him to the counter, sitting him next to the sink. He washed his hands and I handed him his toothbrush when he was done. Back to my room, I handed him the duffle bag so he could get his clothes out and I began to strip out of my own.

"Want to watch a movie or something?" I asked as I kicked off my sneakers and pulled my sweatshirt over my head.

"Sure," he shrugged.

"Or we could just hang out, listen to some music and make out," I suggested. "Whatever you want."

Shaking his head, he chuckled. "I think I know which one you prefer."

"You do know me well." Pulling off my jeans, I hooked my thumbs into my briefs, debating if I should go commando under my pajama bottoms. Ultimately, the less material between us the better and I slipped them off. When I grabbed my Darth Vader pants to put on, I caught Edward watching me, his eyes focused on my swinging cock.

"Need help?" I asked with a slight smirk as I pulled my pants up. He was still sitting on the edge of the bed with his clothes next to him. Not waiting for his answer, I kneeled in front of him and took off his sneakers and socks. Then he lay back and undid his pants for me. I lifted his hips and worked his pants down over his ass before setting him back on the mattress. Once his pants were on the floor, I looked up at him, silently asking him if he would go commando too, but he shook his head.

"Not yet."

Nodding, I leaned forward and kissed his thigh, the one spot below his waist where he could feel my lips. Then I put his legs into his pants and pulled them up. He pushed himself upright and took off his sweatshirt, leaving his Abbey Road shirt on.

"Take it off."

Doing as I asked, he reached for the hem and tugged it over his head, tossing it on the floor with our other clothes. He moved up to the head of the bed, flipping onto his back and placing his legs side by side instead of the contorted position they were in after dragging them. When he looked back up at me, I saw the sadness he was trying so hard to contain. I wondered when he was going to give up trying to hide things from me. Sighing, I put his playlist on the iHome and then straddled him, settling on his thighs. Immediately his hands went to my hips and I placed mine on his chest, tracing light circles and watching his nipples pebble.

"I thought we were going to watch a movie?" he asked, glancing at the television on the dresser behind me.

"Tell me what's wrong first," I said quietly, taking one of his hands that rested on my hip. Instantly, he was shaking his head and clenching his eyes.

"Nothing's wrong," he lied.

"Babe," I exhaled, "you promised to not shut me out. Tell me."

Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes and gazed up at me. There was no more hiding what he felt; it was all there in his shades of green. "Remember I said I didn't want to be a burden on anyone? Turns out that's exactly what I am. One fucking huge burden. I was so fucking selfish for even thinking I could play basketball." He shook his head. "I was too busy worrying about me that I forgot about them."

"Them?"

"My parents."

Reaching up, I pushed his hair off his forehead, running my hands through the short strands a few times. "First, wanting to do something you love isn't selfish. I don't know why you would say that. Second, you're not a burden to anyone."

"You don't understand," he said, frustrated that I wasn't reading between his cryptic lines.

"Then explain." I sat on his thighs patiently waiting for him to start as he internally debated with himself. "We've got all night," I reminded him, and I was going to wait as long as I had to.

Resigned to my stubbornness, he began, his voice hushed, "Sam talked to me after basketball practice. Said he would email me some forms I needed to fill out, like permission papers and the schedule. He also said that I needed a new chair."

"New chair? What's wrong with yours?"

"You didn't notice the different chairs they used?"

"Um, I was busy looking at something else," I admitted coyly.

"They use chairs that are specifically designed for basketball with stabilization wheels so they don't tip over and a fender for bumping. They are much lighter too. Thing is these chairs cost around two thousand dollars."

"Holy shit, you serious?"

"Yeah, and I can't play without one."

"That's expensive, but I'm sure your parents will buy it for you." That was when the tear escaped from the corner of his eye.

"See, that's just the problem," he said with a shaky voice. "I know they would if I asked, because they would do anything for me, but I don't want to ask. Even before the accident I never wanted to be a burden. That's why I worked so many hours, because I knew they were trying to save for college for me and Alice and…" he trailed off, his emotions becoming too much.

"Breath, baby," I soothed, brushing his damp cheek with my hand. "Whatever it is, it's okay."

"No, it's not. I'm seventeen and my future is fucked. I'm stuck in a chair, probably living with my parents for the rest of my life."

"Why would you say that? We're going to go to college and get an apartment together, remember?"

"Jasper, don't you get it?" he growled, his fingers digging into my thighs with his frustration. "I'm not going to college."

Shocked, I stopped stroking his cheek and stared at him. "Why not?"

I was confused because while I was still waiting to hear from the colleges I'd applied to, Edward had already been accepted.

"C'mon, Jasper. You know they are going to revoke my scholarship if they haven't already."

"Okay, say they do, that doesn't mean they revoke your acceptance. You can still go there. You just have to –"

"Pay. Which is exactly the problem," he sighed.

"Just tell me, Edward," I requested softly.

Biting his lip, he stared at me for a minute. "When I got home from school today I checked my email and the forms from Sam where there. I filled them out but I needed my dad's signature. My dad hasn't told my mom about basketball yet so I went to leave the papers on his desk where she wouldn't see them and I found something."

I was almost too afraid to ask. "What did you find?"

"Bills. Lots and lots of bills."

"For you…"

"Yep," he confirmed. "All for me."

"How much?"

"The lowest was from your dad for a few thousand, the most was the hospital in Seattle for about seventy thousand," he murmured. "There were some from a medical supply company, Emmett, Forks General, some other doctors I didn't know."

"Fuck," I sighed. "But won't your dad's insurance pay for them?"

"Probably, but I don't know if they would pay for all. Even if they did, there's still the stuff they won't cover, like the stuff we did to the house. I can't go to my parents and ask for two thousand for the chair plus the money for fees and stuff for basketball when they've got those bills to pay. I…just can't." The tears began to flow more freely, no matter how much I wiped his cheeks, they reappeared. Leaning forward, I put my forehead to his.

"Sssh, babe, it's okay."

"I want to believe that, Jasper. Sometimes I want to believe it so much, I actually feel it and it does seem okay, but then shit like this happens and no matter how much I believe it's okay, it doesn't seem like it ever will be."

"It will."

"But how?" he sniffled. "How can you be so fucking sure?"

"Because I refuse to believe otherwise. We will get through this, you_ will_ get your chair and you _will _play basketball." I waited until his gasps slowed, inhaling what breath he released into me and giving it back to him, stronger than before. "You want to play, right?"

"Yes," he sighed.

"Then you will. I will make sure you do. I won't let money stop you. We will figure something out. I promise, baby," I vowed. "Besides, I need to watch you play basketball as much as you need to play it."

He smiled and took a deep breath. I pressed my lips to his, taking away the rest of his worry along with the salty tears I tasted. Gradually, he calmed and responded to my kiss, his fingers moving gently over my thighs.

"I've got some money saved from helping my dad. It's not much but you can have it," I offered when I broke the kiss. His hand skimmed up my back and into my hair where he fingered the ends of the curls.

"I can't take your money, love."

"You're not taking it, I'm giving it to you," I corrected him. "Besides, I've got nothing to use it for."

"College?"

"Trust me, it's not enough to make a dent in a tuition."

"I've got some saved up too."

"But you're saving for us to have an apartment," I reminded him. "You can't use that. Even with my money, we still need about fourteen hundred. Maybe I can get an advance from my dad."

"Love…you…"

"Don't bother to say it, Edward. You know I won't listen anyway, it would just be a waste of energy."

He actually laughed, his body shaking under me and it was glorious. Grinning down at him, I tilted my head and gazed at my beautiful boy. How was it physically possible to be so consumed by someone that every time you saw them, they got more perfect?

"I love you," he breathed.

"I love you too," I smiled. "Now tell me about the team. Are they nice?" My distraction tactics were well used, he knew what I was going before I had even finished the question, but he let me get away with it, rolling his eyes just enough to let me know he was on to me.

"They seemed nice. Leah, the girl, can actually walk with braces on, and Brady, the one with glasses, has spina bifida."

"What's that?"

"Not really sure but I know it's a birth defect that affects your spinal cord."

"So he's always been in a chair?"

"Maybe. The rest are paralyzed. The kid with red hair is Collin, and there's Jared and Paul and Quinn or Quinton, something like that. They were the three dark haired kids that kind of looked alike. Jared has the highest injury, a T-2 incomplete."

"That's pretty high."

"Yeah, I guess his hand function isn't very good but he can shoot okay."

"And the big kid?"

"Riley. He's the captain, been playing a few years I think. He's a T-7 complete. Apparently, he was a really good mountain biker, like on his way to the pros and then had his accident. He was in a race and fell down the mountain, hit a rock."

"He's just like you."

"Hardly," Edward scoffed.

"He's about your age, excelled at his sport, had a future in it and now he's in a chair. Sounds a like you."

"Jasper, I know you were, um, preoccupied while you were there, but did you see him? I'm nothing like him. The way he handles himself and the chair is amazing. And if you had talked to him, you'd know he's nothing like me." There was a longing in his voice, even more than an admiration for the other boy. "He's just so…"

"What?"

"I don't know. Confident? Comfortable? There's just something about him. Trust me, he's nothing like me."

"Babe, he's been in the chair longer. He's been able to adjust mentally and physically. Hell, your body is still healing."

"I won't ever be like he is though."

"Mmmm, you're as buff as he is."

He raised an eyebrow. "I thought you didn't notice?"

I shrugged. "I might only have eyes for one boy, but I'm not blind."

Smiling, he tugged on my hair, coaxing me down to him. By the time our lips met, his were already parted. We moaned in unison when I swept my tongue through his mouth, tasting him before swirling with his. I made out with my boy until we were both panting and I was hard, my hips gliding along his thighs, only pausing when we heard footsteps outside my closed door. I watched the door carefully, readying to spring off Edward if I had to, though I wasn't sure how I would explain the erection tenting my pants. While I stared at the door, Edward moved his hand to my cock, palming it lightly. With only the thin flannel separating us, I felt the heat of his skin and bucked into it. He ran his thumb over the wet spot at the head of cock and moaned.

"You're so hard," he murmured. Swallowing, I tried to focus on listening for footsteps, but it was pretty fucking hard to concentrate with Edward touching me.

When I felt it was safe, I looked back at Edward, who was smirking up at me. "What are you doing to me?"

"Driving you insane with lust?"

"Definitely." Tucking my lower lip between my teeth, I debated on going further. Unlike Edward's house, my parents' bedroom was only across the hall. While my mother always knocked, she didn't always wait for a reply before coming in, and with Edward there, I could see her wanting to check on him before bed.

"You know you want to," he encouraged.

"Fuck yeah, but I'm worried my mom might come in."

"Then come fast," he said, pressing harder on my cock.

"Coming fast won't be a problem," I chuckled.

He licked his lips. "Then what are you waiting for? Jerk off for me."

"Fuck, Edward. Jesus, when you say shit like that…" I gasped, my cock twitching in my pants.

"C'mon, show me how hard you are."

"Fuck it," I moaned. Lifting my ass up, I yanked my pants down over my cock, freeing it and groaning at the rush of cool air that washed over it. I didn't care if we did get caught, it would be worth it.

"Mmm yeah, fucking hot cock," he mumbled hungrily.

"I'm only gonna last about a minute with you talking like that." I wrapped my fingers around my length.

"The sooner I can taste your load," he whispered, his eyes having dropped from mine to my cock in my fist. "Stroke fast."

My chin dropped to my chest as I watched my hand furiously pumping my cock. It throbbed in my fist, the warmth already gathering in my groin. There was no doubt I was going to come embarrassingly fast, but I really didn't give a fuck, especially when Edward looked up at me with rapture through his lashes.

"I love watching you like this."

"Yeah?" I panted, flicking my wrist on an upstroke. I used my other hand to cup my balls, pulling them down to hopefully delay my orgasm and display them for Edward, earning a throaty growl from him. "What do you like watching, baby? What turns you on?"

"You. Everything about you," he whispered, his eyes undecided between looking at my face or my cock. "The way your abs flex, the way you lick your lips right before you come, your hair in your face, the scent of your cock and balls. The way only I know how they taste."

Every fucking word he said, even the timbre of his voice, so honest and needy, went straight to my dick. My entire body felt heated from the inside out, my skin was flushed, and my breaths were shallow and quick, almost matching the frantic pace of my hand. Edward's hands remained on my hips, his fingers digging into my flesh with each stroke.

"Gonna come for me?"

"Yeah," I gasped. "Gonna come hard for you."

"Mmmm, show me, love. Give me your load. Pretend you're fucking my mouth, feel me swallowing tight around you."

"Jesus," I hissed through clenched teeth, trying to stay quiet. Edward knew I was loud, and he was teasing me with the fucking dirty talk, but damn, it was driving me wild. I didn't know what brought it on, but I fucking loved it.

"Come on my face," he demanded, looking up at me with darkened eyes, behind them a craving that rivaled any I'd seen in him ever before.

I was done.

The warmth boiled out from my belly, spreading low before igniting and caressing every cell in me. Shifting to my knees, my hips bucked forward, my hand gripped my balls tightly as they drew up and released. My cock pulsed and then cum shot from it, landing on Edward's face in thin stripes. His cheek and lips were covered in me, his tongue working quickly to lap my release from his lips. I fell forward, slamming a hand against the wall above my bed to avoid collapsing onto him. My cock was still in my tight grip as I stroked through my climax, my hips jerking forward with each crest that hit me. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to regain some control and stop myself from screaming in pleasure.

My mother would surely come knocking on my door then.

Sitting back on Edward's hips, I gasped for breath, but made no attempt to slow my racing heart. I loved how the pounding in my chest made me feel alive, reminding me that the boy beneath me was the reason it beat in the first place.

"So hot," he murmured.

"Babe," I said, shaking my head.

Moving my hips down his body, I released my cock and put my hands next to Edward's head before leaning toward him, my tongue licking along the milky streaks on his skin, lapping him clean. Then I dropped onto him, letting him feel my weight, my chest pressed to his as I kissed him, my hands fisting his hair while his rested on my ass. With my sated body and Edward's mouth on mine, there was no worry about my mother catching us, because I was too fucking high to care if she did. I pulled away from Edward and climbed off the bed to grab one of the towels I had thrown in the basket earlier. I cleaned off his face and then my cock before pulling my pants up, tossing the towel down and crawling back into bed. Curling up next to him, I kissed along his jaw, rubbing the scruff there with my own until my lips were at his ear.

"I love you," I whispered, smiling when his body trembled at my words.

Turning his head, he captured my lips roughly with his, smashing our mouths together, clicking our teeth and banging our noses. While I had him distracted, I moved my hand down his chest, over the hard muscles of his abs until it was resting on his cock. It had barely taken the movement of my ass before I had felt his erection growing beneath me. Habitually, my hand began to stroke his length through the material. Ripping my mouth from his, I nibbled along his neck, feeling the vibration of a moan in his throat. I returned my lips to his ear, sucking on the lobe and smiling when a violent shudder traveled through his upper body, he was practically writhing just from my tongue tracing the shell of his ear. When I added running my fingers through his hair, he just about jumped out of his skin.

"Feels so good," he groaned quietly.

I moved back down his neck along his collarbone toward his shoulder where I bit him, then quickly laved it with my tongue. By the time I got to his nipple, his upper back was arching off the bed and his hand was tangled in my hair, fusing my mouth to him. I sucked hard, taking the bud between my lips and teeth, nipping gently. The entire time, my hand kept stroking him, and in the back of my mind I kept waiting for his hips to thrust up, to seek more friction, but they never did.

They remained completely still.

With his eyes closed he didn't notice my hand sneak inside the hole of his pajamas; he didn't notice my hand was on his cock with only his briefs separating us. I wanted more, I wanted to feel his heated skin in my hand. Leaving his nipple, I moved back up his chest, finally arriving at his ear again.

"Can I touch you, baby?" I murmured. "Please."

He stilled, his brows furrowing. "I don't…"

"You're hard."

Gulping, he looked down his body and saw my hand disappearing under R2-D2. "I am?"

"Mmm, very. Feels so good. Please, baby. I need to feel you. I'll stop whenever you want me to," I promised in his ear.

Tentatively, he nodded, watching my hand as I pulled it out and then moved to the elastic waistband. I snuck my hand under it, then under his briefs until I was running my fingers through the dusting of hair there. Swiftly, I lifted my hand and slid the front of his pants and underwear over his erection. Laying my head on his chest, I looked at the sight with him as my fingers finally wrapped completely around his velvet cock.

"Fuck," he sighed as my hand pumped him once. Bringing my eyes back to his, I watched him watch my hand.

"Remember how it felt, baby?"

"Yeah," he nodded, closing his eyes to imagine a different time. One where he felt bolts of electricity up his spine, felt his cock twitch in my hand, or the way his skin tugged on each stroke.

I returned my mouth to his ear, my other hand still buried in his thick hair, tugging and fisting before carding through it. The quivering of his body picked up in strength with each movement of my tongue near his ear, with each breath I breathed near him.

"You're beautiful like this, all fucking needy, so fucking hot. Watching you makes me hard."

"More," he squirmed, tilting his head.

"Your cock is hard in my hand, pulsing. You smell so fucking good."

"More," he moaned.

"Someday, I'm going to taste you again. I'm going to suck you off while you watch."

"Fuck yeah…"

I kept working him and he remained hard the entire time. When I swiped my thumb over the slit, I felt the beads of fluid and gathered them. Releasing his cock, I brought my thumb to his lips and traced the seam with it, leaving a slick trail behind. "That's your cum."

He opened his eyes wide and looked down at his cock hovering just above his abs. Gripping him again, I stroked him hard and fast while he watched, and alternated my lips between his neck and his ear. He fisted the blanket with one hand while his other was still in my hair. His upper body was shaking, like he was trembling from the cold, only he was far from cold. I groaned against him, my own hips beginning to rut into his side. Taking the tender skin of his neck between my teeth, I sucked hard, knowing it was going to leave a mark but not really giving a damn. At the same time, I tugged on his hair and he cried out. I felt the veins in his cock pulse a few times but it never emptied. It was like it tried to but couldn't. However, his upper body seemed to be on the high of an orgasm, shuddering and flexing in waves, his eyes clenched as he grunted with the effort. Staggered breaths escaped him as he finally settled back onto the mattress. I slowed my strokes but never stopped as I lifted my head from the crook of his neck.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Did you…"

"I don't know. It was like…weird. I mean, at first, it just felt really good. Everything was really sensitive, but then when I saw you touching me, even though I couldn't feel it, the other stuff you were doing got even more intense. Then I closed my eyes I imagined you touching me like that before and what it felt like and how it felt to come. There was like this weird tickling in the back of my neck and it spread down my spine instead of up like before."

"Did it feel good?"

He turned his head to me, a sexy smirk on his lips and a faint blush to his cheeks. "Yeah, it felt really fucking good."

Leaning forward, I kissed him. "Jake said the brain is the largest sex organ, maybe when you saw me touching you, it triggered a memory and you kinda felt it again."

"I wish I could really feel it," he sighed.

"I know, babe, me too." I kissed him again. "Thank you for letting me touch you."

"Welcome," he smiled lazily. "You can stop anytime ya know."

"Do I have to?" My hand was still languidly working him.

"Probably not a good idea to fall asleep with my cock in your hand," he advised wisely.

"Probably right." Regretfully, I released him and then covered him back up. He caught me warily eyeing his neck and he raised a brow.

"So help me, if you have me a hickey," he warned, already knowing I had.

"It's low and really tiny," I blushed. "Your shirt will cover it up."

I hoped.

"Jas," he sighed.

"What? I couldn't help it. I got carried away. Movie time?"

"Sure," he agreed. I reached over him to the table and grabbed my remote, turning on the television and hitting play.

"I don't know what's in there, it'll be a surprise."

"Doubtful," he joked, then rolled his eyes when the music started. "How did I know…"

"Shut the fuck up."

"It probably never leaves the player."

"Not true. I take it out to put the other ones in." Tossing the remote on the bed, I laid my head his chest. "Are you going to talk to your dad about the bills?" I asked him quietly.

"You think I should?"

"Yeah, I think you should tell him you know about them."

"Think he'll be mad?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, but I don't think so. The bills are about you, it's not unreasonable for you to want to know."

"Will you tell him with me?"

I lifted my head to look at him. I was uncomfortable with the idea of intruding on something personal to the family, but I saw the desperate and scared look in Edward's eyes and knew that no matter how uncomfortable I might feel, I would do it for him.

"Sure. Maybe I can come over for dinner tomorrow night and we can tell him then?"

He bit his bottom lip, the sharp edges of his teeth piercing the soft, pink flesh as he considered the suggestion. Finally, he nodded. "Thanks, love."

I leaned forward and kissed him. "Always, baby."

When my eyes closed, I heard his heart beating in my ear and felt his arm possessively around my back. I was where I never wanted to leave.

The next morning, Edward was awake before me, nudging me with his nose until I opened my eyes. If my parents walked in on us, it wouldn't be the fact that we were in bed together that would have caused them to wonder. My bed was big enough for us to spread out and still not touch. It would have been the way my body was entwined with his, my face buried in his neck, my arm across his middle and my leg slung over his, that would have shocked them. We had fallen asleep watching the movie and hadn't even pulled the blanket up over us.

"I need to do my routine," he mumbled sleepily and I nodded, but never moved. Instead I burrowed myself deeper against him, relishing in his warm, solid body. Just as I was about to fall back to sleep, he ran his hand up my back. "Jas?"

Sighing, I lifted my head and kissed his cheek before climbing off the bed. I stood next to him and stretched, unable to contain a yawn, before I crouched down next to the bag and pulled out a kit for him. He took it from me as I slipped my arms under his knees and the middle of his back and then lifted him with a grunt.

"Jesus, what'd you eat last night?" I teased.

Smiling, he reached over and opened my door and I carried him across the hall into the bathroom. After putting him on the toilet, I left, closing the door behind me and then heading downstairs to use the guest bathroom before getting dressed. Edward called out when he was done about forty minutes later and I went and lifted him to the counter and we brushed our teeth. When he looked in the mirror and saw the small red mark on the bend of his neck, he raised an eyebrow at me. Blushing, I shrugged.

"It's really small," I commented.

Back in my room, Edward changed back into the clothes he'd worn to the party and I packed the bag. Putting it on my shoulder, I picked him again and carried him down the stairs to his chair.

He almost seemed relieved when I sat him in it.

I knew he didn't mind me carrying him, neither of us did, but it take away what independence he had. No one wanted to rely on someone getting them to the bathroom or out of bed.

"Breakfast?" I suggested, heading for the kitchen. It wasn't as wheelchair friendly as his, but he could move around it pretty well. "Eggs? Bacon? Pancakes?"

"You're going to cook pancakes regardless of my answer, so why do you even ask?" he said behind me.

Shrugging, I opened the refrigerator. "My mamma raised a polite southern boy," I mocked with my drawl as I opened the cupboard for the pancake batter and bowl. Edward watched as I blended the water and mix. Turning on the stove, I placed a griddle on it. "Bacon?"

"Definitely," he answered, going to get it. I watched him pull it out and then go to the counter and open it. He reached down where we kept the pans and opened the drawer, banging it into his chair a few times before getting it open enough to pull out a frying pan. After he put it on the stove, I turned the burner on for him and he started putting the bacon in.

"We make a good team, Cullen."

"Yeah, not bad. We're best in bed though," he whispered, then said, "Fucking adorable," when I blushed had to turn away from him.

Edward shook his head when I poured the batter onto the griddle and then pressed the Star Wars molds onto it. The molds were for special occasions only, and having Edward in my kitchen again was definitely a special occasion.

"Don't judge me," I told him without looking at him.

While I flipped the pancakes, Edward finished the bacon and then put it our plates. I tossed a few pancakes on each one and put the leftovers into the microwave. Edward moved to a spot at the table where there was no chair and I sat across from him. We were making our plans for the talk with his dad when my own walked into the kitchen.

"Something smells good. Oh, we haven't had these in ages," he exclaimed as he opened the door of the microwave to see the plate of Yoda and Darth Vader shaped pancakes. He joined us at the table a minute later, thoughtfully asking Edward questions about the house, what was working out best, what he didn't like.

"Well, like I said last night, if you think of anything else you need, just let me know. I'm sure the guys would be more than willing to help out."

"Thanks," Edward replied.

When we were done, we said goodbye to my dad, grabbed the bag and headed out. Edward went down the wooden ramp, smiling as he kept rolling into my yard afterwards.

"Guess I made it too steep, huh?"

"Nah, that was fun," he chuckled as he went toward the truck.

At his house, I helped him into the chair and then leaned against the truck. "What time later?"

"I don't know. I'll find out when dinner is and call you."

"Okay, I'm going to swing by Newton's for a few shirts for track, then I told my dad I'd help him for a few hours. I should be home by early afternoon though." He nodded and looked up at me, squinting out the sun. "I really want to kiss you right now." I gazed at him. "Just saying."

"I really want to suck your cock right now," he murmured lowly.

If it was possible to get hard in one second, I did. "Jesus, Edward. You like to torture me, don't you?"

"More like give you something to think about while you're working with your dad."

"Yeah, working with power tools and a hard on is a great idea. I hope I don't cut anything off." I leaned over, my mouth near his ear. "Because I'm going to take you up on that offer later."

Winking he spun his chair around.

"Be safe, baby."

"See ya soon, love," he called out over his shoulder. I watched him until he was inside, then I got in the truck and backed out.

Newton's was busier than usual, and I spent a few minutes trying to decide between the short or long-sleeved Under Armour. They were expensive, and before Edward had told me about the chair, I might have bought two, but decided that I could do with just one. Thinking the warm weather was coming soon, I chose the black short-sleeved one and picked up a few pairs of socks before going to the counter. Mike was there unpacking a box and he nodded at me when I approached.

"What's up, Whitlock?"

"Not much, just need a shirt for track," I said, putting the shirt and socks on the counter.

"Have fun last night?"

"Fucking blast. I wanted to spend my Friday night fending off Jessica," I answered sarcastically.

Shrugging, he took the shirt off the hanger and reached for the tag. "I don't know why you just don't give in. She's not looking for a relationship, just sex," he answered casually. I glanced around to see if anyone could hear him before narrowing my eyes at him. "Besides, she's got great tits."

"Not reason enough," I sighed. "Bella know you talk about other girls like that?"

"Course not."

"Have you guys gone out yet?"

"Yeah, twice. Well, and the party. Haven't even gotten past first base yet."

"Good," I answered a little too quickly. He finished scanning the clothes.

"Thirty-one dollars and ten cents." I handed him the money and he opened the register, giving me the cash back. "Any plans today?"

"Just helping my dad."

"Hanging with Edward later?"

"Maybe. Why?"

"We're all heading the movies if you guys want to go. Seven o'clock show."

"Thanks, I'll let ya know." When I went to grab my bag a pile of brightly color flyers sitting on the counter caught my attention. "Mind if I take one?" I asked, glancing up at him.

"Go ahead."

I turned and left with the flyer in my hand and a smile on my face.

I knew how I was going to get the money for Edward.

"**~~**"

"Sorry I'm late," I apologized as Edward opened the door and let me in. "Work ran late." I could have left work earlier, but I wanted to try to get in as many hours as I could. The more money, the better.

"No problem, we just sat down," he said as he closed the door behind me.

"You okay?" I asked when I looked down and saw the apprehension on his face.

"Yeah, just a little nervous."

"Don't worry," I mouthed.

"Hey, Jasper," Dr. Cullen greeted as I entered the living room. They had moved the dining room table into there, setting it up in a corner. "Just in time, have a seat."

Covering the table was their dinner; a pan of meatloaf, bowl of mashed potatoes, peas and rolls.

Mrs. Cullen smiled at me. "What can I get you to drink?"

"Milk, please." I sat down in my usual chair across from Edward. There was already a plate in front of me with everything on it but peas. They knew I hated peas. Mrs. Cullen returned with my drink and sat down. "Where's Alice?"

"Sleeping over a friend's house," Edward answered quietly. Normally, I would have tapped his foot under the table to communicate with him or offer support, but that wasn't going to work now. I took a bite of meatloaf and moaned.

"This is really good, Mrs. Cullen." Sucking up to the boyfriend's parents was never a bad thing.

"So, Jasper, I was reading the Peninsula Daily News the other day and saw an interesting letter to the editor," Dr. Cullen stated.

"Oh?" I squeaked. When I had written the editorial, I had never thought his parents, or anyone else I knew, might see it.

"Seems someone was upset over some handicapped discrimination at Ronaldo's. Made some very valid points about the ADA and businesses not adhering to them under the guise of not having to because they are small," Dr. Cullen explained and his wife nodded in agreement. Edward stared at me, his mouth hanging open a little.

"It was very well written," Mrs. Cullen added.

"Than-I mean, that's good. It should be brought to everyone's attention," I flubbed. Sighing, I thought for a second then decided to just tell them. It wasn't like they hadn't seen my name at the bottom of the letter already. "I had one version that was 'angry' according to my mom. She said I needed to tone it down and back up my statement with facts."

"Well, you did exceptional. Had passion and facts," his father complimented. The conversation turned to school and Dr. Cullen asked me a few things about track and I answered them while Edward chewed his lip instead of his food.

"Everything okay, Edward?" Dr. Cullen asked as he cut his meatloaf. Edward glanced at me and I nodded, giving him a small smile of encouragement.

"Not really," he finally answered.

"What's wrong? Are you feeling okay? Are you hurt?" his mother asked, immediately concerned.

"No, nothing like that. But I need to talk to you guys about something."

"Anything," his father replied.

Another glance at me and a deep breath and he began. "The other day I was putting something on your desk and I saw some bills. Bills for me. Big ones."

Dr. Cullen sighed and looked down while Mrs. Cullen looked at him.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"We were trying to protect you," his father answered honestly.

"It's a little late for that, isn't it?" Edward snapped. His mother shot him a warning glance but said nothing. "How much are they?" When his father hesitated, Edward sighed. "I deserve to know. They are my bills."

"But they are our responsibility, Edward, not yours," his father said quietly.

"But they're because of me. You wouldn't have them if I hadn't been in the accident," Edward reminded him.

"We didn't want you to worry," his mother spoke up. "You had enough going on."

"How much?" Edward repeated. Dinner had all but been forgotten except for me. I kept shoveling it in, trying to pretend I wasn't there.

After a glance at his wife and then a clearing of his throat, Dr. Cullen began. "Medical expenses will be around two hundred thousand, and we saved money by having you do your rehab at home. It would have been much higher if we didn't."

"Holy shit," I muttered, immediately apologizing. "Sorry."

"No, that's a pretty accurate response," his father sighed.

"What about insurance? Will they pay it all?" Edward asked.

"Not all, no. Insurance will only cover certain aspects."

"How much will cover?"

"About eighty percent," Dr. Cullen answered honestly. Math wasn't my strong point, but even I knew that was still a shitload of money they were going to have to pay.

"Forty thousand dollars…" Edward mumbled, figuring the amount much faster than me. "And that's only the medical bills."

"Edward," his mother said quietly. "We don't want you to worry. This is something your father and I can handle."

"How? We don't have forty thousand dollars lying around," Edward argued. "What about the guy's insurance? Won't they pay it?"

"He had the minimum coverage. We might get about twenty-five thousand from them. It will make a good dent but it won't cover everything," his father explained.

"Isn't there something we can do? Can't we sue him?" Edward grasped at hope. His fear of being a burden was becoming a harsh reality.

Dr. Cullen took a sip of his wine and thought for a minute. "Your mother and I have already spoken to a lawyer about a lawsuit but it doesn't look promising."

"Why not?" Edward choked out. Each solution he had was quickly being shot down.

"From what the lawyer has found out so far, it doesn't look like James has any assets. No house, no money in the stock market or savings. He's in debt himself. And a lawsuit could also take years to settle. Add to the fact that he will probably be in jail."

"Good," I blurted out.

"Jail?" Edward mumbled.

"He broke the law Edward. If he hadn't hurt anyone, he would have lost his license for a few months but when you injury someone, it's mandatory jail time."

"What about college?" Edward asked, his voice growing quieter with each question he didn't really want to know the answer to. When his father glanced at his wife, something passing between them, Edward already knew. "They revoked the scholarship, didn't they?"

He father never directly answered him.

There was a long silence as Edward tried to absorb the grim news. The guilt built in his eyes, clouding them with the sadness from the day before. I couldn't let him do it, I couldn't let him pull away again, but before I could say something, he spoke again.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, his eyes focused on his plate. I fought the urge to push my chair back and go to him. Even if he couldn't feel it, I rested my foot against his.

"Edward, this isn't your fault," his father spoke quietly. "Your mother and I will take care of this. You need to live your life and not worry."

"How?" Edward asked, his voice quivering. "I can't live my life. I can't go to college, I can't play basketball because I need a new chair."

"You've still welcomed to attend there, we just need to pay for it now. You're mother has already filed for financial aid, and I'm sure we'll get some. Plus we've got some put away for your college expenses."

"That's for Alice too. I can't take it all."

"It will be fine, Edward," his father tried to reassure him.

"What is this about basketball?" his mother asked, putting her glass down and changing the subject.

Once he realized his slip, his eyes closed and I saw his lips moving as he swore to himself.

He sighed. "Jasper found a league for Edward to play wheelchair basketball in. They went and talked to the coach and Edward wants to play."

I wanted to crawl under the table when Mrs. Cullen's eyes darted to me as the guilty culprit for finding the team for Edward.

"And you're okay with this?" she asked her husband.

"I am. It would be good for him physically as well as mentally. It's something he loves and he should play."

"But is it safe?" she asked worriedly.

"They take precautions," he told her. It was a battle he had already won. Mrs. Cullen might be concerned about Edward's safety, but she trusted her husband, she wouldn't question his judgment. "Tell me about the chair, Edward?"

When Edward hesitated, I spoke for him, for us. "Sam…he's the coach. He said that the chair Edward needs is about two thousand dollars. Plus there are some other fees and stuff he needs to pay. But I think I found a way to pay for it." My attention left them and went to Edward. He slowly raised his eyes to meet mine, and I smiled. Both his parents looked at me with curiosity and I continued. "I'm going to raise the money."

"How?" Edward asked weakly before his parents could.

"A race." Leaning back, I reached into my front pocket and pulled out the folded up flyer from Newton's. Unfolding it, I laid it on the table. "I'm going to get donations from people and stuff," I finished proudly, almost beaming at my ingenuity.

"You would do that for me?" Edward swallowed.

"Of course," I smiled.

"Jasper," his father smiled. "I think that's a great idea. I'm sure with my and your mother's connections at the hospital we could get you some decent donations, maybe the hospital could even sponsor you, or match your donations. It would be great for the community to get together and support one of their own," he spurted, listing the possibilities as they raced through is head.

"There's only one problem," I sighed. "The race isn't until the middle of June, which is good because it gives me time to train, but Edward is going to need the chair within a week, but I think if I asked my da-"

Dr. Cullen put his hand up and stopped me. "Esme and I will pay for Edward's chair. If you raise the money, then we can put it toward the expense."

"I've got six hundred I can give you," I offered and Edward's eyes widened.

"Jasper, you don't need to do that," Esme said.

"I want to. I want to help," I countered. Dr. Cullen gave Esme a look, similar to some that Edward and I shared sometimes, the one where you want to communicate with your other half in front of others but couldn't say the words. Esme got the hint and nodded.

"Jasper, you just offered to run a race to raise some money, I think that qualifies as helping," Dr. Cullen said warmly.

"I want to help too," Edwards spoke up. "I've got the money I've saved and I'm going to get my job back."

"Edward, I'm not sure that's a good idea," his father replied. "You've got school and now basketball, plus PT. These things all take a toll on your body. Working would be too difficult."

"So I will only work a few hours a week, just something to help," he said quietly. I moved my foot against his soothingly.

"We'll talk about it." Reaching forward, Dr. Cullen picked up the flyer and looked it over. "A half marathon?" he asked.

"Yep," I answered confidently.

"Thirteen miles?" Edward looked at me and I nodded. While distance was my thing, I'd never run that far before. The most I'd done was around seven.

"I've got time to train," I reminded him. "I already practice every day, I just need to up the distance. This week I'm going to hit a few places and see if I can get some donations. I want to raise as much as I can to help out with bills and maybe car."

"A car?" Edward raised a brow.

"Well, a van," I shrugged. "They cost about thirty thousand used."

"Someone's done their homework," Dr. Cullen chuckled.

"You think you can raise thirty thousand dollars?" Edward asked, shocked.

"I'm going to really fuc-try," I glanced at Mrs. Cullen apologetically.

"I think he can do it," Dr. Cullen nodded and then raised his half empty wine glass. "A toast to Jasper's race and Edward's basketball."

I lifted my milk, Esme her wine, and Edward his soda. The glasses clinked in the middle and my eyes fell on my boy, never leaving him as I took a gulp. Smiling, I licked the milk moustache from my lip.

"Speaking of basketball, tell me more about the team Edward?" his father asked, starting to eat again. Instantly, Edward's eyes brightened.

"Sam is the coach, the captain is a kid named Riley, he's a great post. Then there is Leah, Jared, Quill or Quinn, Paul, Collin and Brady. Leah can walk with braces and Jared has spina bifida, but the others are all SCIs. Brady can't dribble, but he can shoot okay. Leah is really tall with long arms and seems pretty good at blocking. The rest are pretty good and really friendly, but the best is definitely Riley. He was amazing in the chair, the way he moved it around and stuff." Edward's voice grew more excited the more he talked. "Practices are Tuesdays and Thursdays and games are on the weekends. They play in Port Angeles and Seattle, but they also travel out of state to some other teams."

Emse listened intently, trying not to let her worry for her son grow.

"I know Dr. Cullen doesn't get home until late sometimes and Mrs. C has to drive Alice around, so I can bring Edward to his practices. Well, most of them anyway," I suggested before they said no to him.

"In Port Angeles?" his mother asked. "That's an hour each way."

Edward would never be able to get into a car again that they didn't worry that he might not return. It was a reasonable fear. They were barely used to me driving him around town, much less an hour on the highway. But regardless of their fear, I think Dr. Cullen knew the benefits of Edward playing far outweighed their worry, and that while it would never get any easier for them, it was something they were going to have to deal with.

"What about track?" Edward asked.

"It's over about five, if I come right here after, we can make it in time."

"What about homework?" Dr. Cullen asked the typical parent question.

"I'll have it with me, I can do it while he practices," I said, knowing there was no way I would crack open a book if Edward was playing. My eyes would be on my boy.

"What time would you be home?" Mrs. Cullen asked.

"Around nine I think," Edward answered. "I can get my homework done before I go."

"Sounds like you two have it all figured out," Dr. Cullen smiled and finished off his wine. "I think you should do it, Edward, but need to listen to your body, if anything feels off, stop and tell your coach. And you must keep up with your school work," he paused and looked at me. "You too, Jasper."

"I promise," Edward grinned.

Esme sighed, resigned to the worry she was going to have, but she smiled too. "We're very proud of you."

_Me too._

"Thanks, Mom."

"So how do we get this chair for you?" his father asked.

"Well, the place is in Seattle, we can order it and then go pick it up," Edward said, a hint of excitement creeping into his voice. "Sam emailed me a link to their website. He said they give discounts for his team."

I finished off my milk, setting the glass down and watching Edward as he continued to tell them about practice and how hard dribbling was, how the team can improve, and about their plays.

I smiled at the boy across from me, who for the first time in a long time, was proud about something.

After dinner Edward and I were in his room. His arms were around me as I sat sideways on his lap, my legs hanging over the armrest while his nose nudged along my jaw.

"You smell so good," he murmured. Moaning, I tilted my head back for him, giving him more room to explore. "I can't believe you are going to run thirteen miles for me." He stopped kissing my neck and lifted his head. I laid mine on his shoulder and sighed, brushing my fingers down his cheek and tracing his lips.

"Babe, I'd run so much farther than thirteen miles for you."

"You would?"

"Definitely. I'm going to need your help though."

"Doing what?"

"I want you to help me train. The running part I've got but I'd like to build up some muscle on my legs. Think you can help with me that?"

He smiled, his eyes telling me he was onto me already. I really needed to get more creative. If I had an excuse to work out with a sweaty Edward, I was going to take full advantage of it.

"Yeah, we can use my stuff in the dining room. It's mostly for upper body though. But I can ask Emmett for ideas if you want."

"That'd be great. I know of some, but any advice he has would be cool."

"I need you to do something for me too," he said, glancing over his shoulder at his door.

"What?"

"I want you to bring me to work tomorrow. I want to talk to my boss and see if I can get my job back," he said quietly, but firmly.

"But your dad-"

"Yeah, I know. But, Jas, I can't sit around…literally, and do nothing while you all get money. It's not right," he reasoned. "Did you really write a letter to the editor?"

"Yep. I even went back to the restaurant the next day with the ADA. Handed to the manager the next day."

"I can't believe you did that."

I shrugged. "They pissed me off." I paused, watching his eyes flicker, the storm was still there, weaker than before but definitely still there. "You okay about the scholarship?"

He released a long, sad sigh. "Yeah, I guess. I mean, I've been telling myself all along that they were going to revoke it, but it was still kinda hard to hear. I know my parents have some money saved for college, but I don't know if it's enough."

"Well, there's always loans and grants and stuff," I added hopefully. It was how I was hoping to pay for it. I was fucked if I didn't get any financial aid.

"I hope so."

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I pulled it out. "Shit."

"What?"

"It's Newton. He asked me this morning if we wanted to go to the movies with them tonight." I read the message. "Yeah, he's asking if we're going."

"Do you want to?"

"Not if Jessica's going," I huffed. "Whatever you want to do."

"I really just want to stay here with you tonight."

I started typing a reply message. "Then that's what we'll do." When I was done, I tossed my phone on his bed, not caring if Newton replied. I dropped my hand to his chest, feeling the hard muscle under his shirt. "You think it's too early to take up on the offer from earlier?"

"A little. Hell, we probably shouldn't even be sitting like this."

"What? Don't all friends sit on each other's laps?" I chuckled.

He smiled, and then turned serious. "You really think you can raise money?"

"Yeah, I do. I don't know how much, but anything would help, right?"

"Right." He gazed at me, tucking my hair back behind my ear. "Thanks, Jas."

"Welcome, baby. Besides, about time I put these legs to use besides wrapping them around you."

"But that's what they're best at," he moaned.

"True," was the last word spoken for several long minutes while we made out. By the time his hand rested on my cock, I was already half hard, but the time he undid my jeans, I was completely hard and by the time my cock was in his mouth, I was ready to come undone.

"**~~**"

"You sure you want to do this?" I asked Edward before I got out of the truck. I'd picked him about half an hour before, listening to him tell his mom he was going over my place to work on some homework as we headed out his door.

"Yeah, I got to try to help."

"Let's do this then." I got him into his chair and then followed him up the small ramp at the end of the sidewalk to the door. He opened it, using his chair to hold it for me until I grabbed it with my hand. Inside, I inhaled the scent of the baking bread; it'd been months since I'd smelled that on his clothes. A few customers looked at us but most continued eating or standing in line. A girl behind the glass shielding the food smiled at Edward and waved as she took someone's order. I tried to remember her name, but came up blank. When she was done, she took off her gloves and ran around the counter. Leaning over, she hugged Edward.

"Hey, you look great!" she exclaimed as she stood up.

"Thanks, Katie," Edward said. "Been busy?"

"Eh. After the holidays is always slow but it's picking up now that weather is a little nicer. How are you feeling?"

"Okay, I guess. Considering," Edward shrugged.

"Yeah. I was so shocked to read about it. I kept wanting to come over but…

"I know, it's okay."

"No, it's not, I should have, but with work and stuff," she made up excuses.

"Hey, is Mr. MacFarlin around?"

"Yeah, he's out back. I'll go get him." She turned and headed back around the counter and then through a doorway.

"Do you want me to wait in the truck?"

"No, I want you with me." Nodding, I smiled at him just as Mr. MacFarlin walked out from the backroom.

"Edward," he called out with a smile as he approached. Holding out his hand for Edward to shake, he said, "Great to see you looking so well. We've missed you."

"Thanks, Mr. MacFarlin."

"What can I do for you? You boys here for lunch?"

"Actually, I was wondering if I could come back to work," Edward said with a confidence I knew he wasn't feeling. "I could really use the money."

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that, Edward, but we're pretty set with employees at the moment. In fact, I had to let another go in January, we just weren't busy enough."

"Katie said that it was busier now," Edward glanced at the girl behind the counter.

"Things are better, but still slower than normal, but tell ya what. Why don't you boys have some lunch on the house and if I get an opening, I'll give you a call right away. You were a great worker, Edward, I miss having you around."

Edward sighed, a bit of his fight from earlier fading from him. "Thanks, Mr. MacFarlin. I'd appreciate it."

"No problem, now go order something," he motioned to the counter. Edward nodded, pushing his chair toward Katie to order his sandwich. As he worked his way down the line, requesting his cheeses and vegetables, I noticed that the counters were about as high as his mid-chest, the ovens and bread warmers that Katie reached into even higher. I watched him near the end and realized he would have barely been able to reach the cash register, much less the containers of meats and vegetables for the subs. I began to wonder if they were really slow or if Mr. MacFarlin had been too afraid to tell Edward that he couldn't work there because he was in a wheelchair. With a lump in my throat and a sinking feeling in my stomach, I ordered a sub and then followed Edward back to the truck. I helped him in and then placed his chair in the back.

"Do you want to go to your place to eat?" Edward asked as he did up his seatbelt. Biting my lip I nodded and started the truck. "What am I going to do for work?" he asked as I pulled out of the parking lot.

"I don't know, but we'll think of something," I promised.

Although I had no idea what.

"They don't deserve you anyway," I smiled at him.

We sat on the couch at my house. Edward even put his feet up on the coffee table like he would have done any other time. After eating the subs and downing a few sodas, we sat back and played some Fable III. Edward laughed and teased and I fell in love with him just a little bit more.

Later that night, I was in my room finishing up the homework Edward and I had started but never finished. I convinced him that making out and watching me jerk off was a much better way to spend our alone time. There was a knock on my door right before it opened and my mother appeared.

"This came for you," she said, waving an envelope. "I never checked the mailbox yesterday."

"What is it?"

Unable to contain herself, she grinned, "It's something from OSU."

Swallowing, I reached out and took it from her, feeling the weight of the papers inside.

"Are you going to open it?" she asked when I just sat there and stared at the envelope.

My attention was on the logo in the top left corner more than the news that awaited me inside. Biting my lip, I might have nodded before slipping a finger under the flap and tearing it open. My heart pounded, blood rushing through me, breaths speeding up as I pulled out the folded papers.

_Dear Jasper,_

_Congratulations! After careful review of your academic credentials and other accomplishments, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Oregon State University. In addition, we are in the process of reinstating and rebuilding our men's track and field program for the spring of 2012 and would like to offer you a full scholarship covering your tuition and fees for your career at Oregon State University for your outstanding accomplishments in track and field…_

My eyes read the words, but mind comprehended only one thing.

It wasn't the college that Edward was attending.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

So Edward had a ghost orgasm…what is it about these two that they can't keep their hands of each other? Or, maybe it's me that likes their hands on each other? Orgasm are possible in *some* paraplegics, it varies by injury, severity, location etc. What Edward had was not full orgasm with ejaculation, but he did reach a very heightened state of arousal.

There is a new WN banner made by Carolinee81 on my profile. It's beautiful!

M&A has won Best Slash in the Inspired Fan Fic Awards in the Unrestricted Reviews categories. Thank you to everyone that nominated and voted. You can see the list of winners here: http:/inspiredfanficawards DOT blogspot DOT com/

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	20. We Can Do It, Just Me and You

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N-Again, there are some scenes in here from the previous chapter, but I tried to only highlight a few key parts of them where I felt it was important to hear Edward's thoughts, particularly dinner with his parents, and his ghostgasm

This chapter is unbeta'd, all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are mine. Thank you to everyone that has read, recommended, reviewed, and learned from these boys. Let's hope there is less FFnet fail with this chapter than there was with the last.

Special thanks to Dannie, who stuck by me for so long with this story, if it wasn't for her encouragement and faith in my writing, these boys wouldn't be here.

Now Edward pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night he hadn't been distracted by me…_

"**~~**"

Jealousy.

I had never really considered myself the jealous type. In fact, I prided myself on being secure enough in my relationships that jealousy was never a factor. When I had been with Bella, I had no problem with her hanging out with other friends, even guys, and after meeting Jasper, I had encouraged Bella to go out with her friends even more. Looking back I realized that I sent Bella out with others so I could spend time alone with Jasper without feeling guilty about wanting to be with him. I also realized that I was never jealous over Bella being with other people because I didn't love her like a boyfriend was supposed to. Even when Newton had asked me about taking Bella out, the jealousy I had felt then was because I had grown use to her attention and the thought of not having it scared me. It was wrong, and I knew it, but it didn't stop me from feeling it.

The only time I had been jealous about Jasper was before we were even dating, before I knew he was gay. He had only been in Forks for about a month and he'd asked me to go the movies, but I had a date with Bella. Jasper smiled and said he would go with someone else, and he did.

Seth.

My stomach churned the entire time I was with Bella that night, and I didn't know why. I kept telling myself I was just eager to hang out with my new friend, and that the bile in my throat had nothing to do with the fact that he was out with another guy. I was confused and anxious the entire night, I lied to myself, and I lied to Bella. For some reason all I could focus on was that someone else was hearing Jasper's laugh as he told his stupid jokes, someone else was sitting next to him, feeling his warmth and seeing his blue eyes. I rushed through the date with Bella, brought her home and immediately called Jasper, feeling like I was going to throw up with each ring of his phone. It wasn't until he answered that I breathed a sigh of relief. It was only ten and he was already home.

The relief I felt when he answered left as soon as he told me he'd fun. The lump returned to my throat and my stomach twisted once again. When I hung up, I lay on my bed all night, not sleeping, but thinking about what it all meant. Why when I was out with my girlfriend was I thinking about another guy? Why did I care about what he was doing, I barely knew him? Why I was sick about Jasper hanging out with someone but it didn't bother me when Bella did the same thing?

It was that night that I began to think that Bella might not be the one for me, that the one for me might actually be my new friend.

Since that night, jealous hadn't been an issue for me, but it had for Jasper. He never hid his envy over the way Bella touched me, the freedom she had with me in public that he desperately longed for. No matter how many times I reminded him that it was him, not her, that I wanted, he would still look at me with green tinged eyes. The longer we were together, the less it affected him, but sometimes I still think he felt it.

And watching Jessica with him, I finally understood exactly how he had felt.

I wasn't jealous when Mike sat next to Bella and put his arm around her, I wasn't jealous when he brought out a cake, announcing Bella had baked it for him. But seeing Jessica's red dagger length fingernails caressing my boyfriend's jean clad thighs sparked a flame that coursed through me so bright that I thought I might out us both. Then she fucking reached up and pushed my boy's silky hair back and then her lips were at his ear.

"Why don't you take me upstairs, Jasper, and I'll show you a good time," she whispered loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Spare room is last one on the left," Mike offered.

"No thanks," Jasper replied quickly, leaning away from Jessica and toward me.

"Why not?" Mike asked. "You look like you could use it."

"Come on, I promise I'll make you feel real good," Jessica promised. My hands gripped the handrails, my white knuckles covered by the leather gloves.

"I already feel good, thanks," Jasper said, squirming away. "I said no."

"Just a kiss then?" she pouted. "I promise if you kiss me, I'll leave you alone."

Watching Jasper, I saw him considering her offer, but the more intently I watched him, the more I realized it wasn't because he wanted to kiss her, it was because he hoped she might actually keep her end of the deal. My jealousy was irrational, I knew better than to even think for a second that Jasper would be interested. In fact, I saw the panic on his face every time she moved closer.

"I…I…"

We were all staring at him, waiting for his answer.

Then my boy proved just how perfect he was.

"I could really go for a Fluffernutter sandwich," he blurted out as he stood up and practically ran for the kitchen. Everyone's eyes then fell on me, and as I held back a smile, I shrugged. The fire of jealousy that had been so present only seconds before was gone with just one word.

_Fluffernutter._

When everyone started dancing, Jessica beckoned Jasper over to her with seductive sways of her hips. Jasper shook his head, he wasn't going to leave my side. It was me that he wanted to dance with. It was me he wanted to scoop up and hold.

And while I wanted to be scooped up and held, I really wanted to just dance. I wanted to put my hands on the armrests and push myself up and joined my friends, foolishly jumping and spinning around. Before the darkness could nip at my heels, winding up the metal of my chair, evilly reminding me that I would never be able to jump and dance like my friends, Jasper spoke.

"Not a single one of them has any rhythm. You ready to go?"

"Yeah."

After Jasper told Newton we were leaving, we headed outside, Jasper pulling down the steps backwards. We were in his truck, my jealousy long since faded, and I held his hand and rested my temple against the window. It was in the quiet cab by the light of dashboard that I began to let myself remember what had happened earlier that day.

When Jasper had shown up to pick me up for the party, I had been tempted to tell him I didn't want to go. Immediately, he offered me the out I wanted, and I knew he would gladly stay home with me, but as he kneeled in front of me, I heard the darkness in the corner, wafting and snickering around the supply table waiting for me to let it in. The bills had encouraged it, the realization I was the burden I had feared, that college, much less basketball, wasn't going to happen. The only thing in my life that had remained unchanged was in front me, tilting his hand and rubbing his thumb over my hand.

The Beatles were playing on the stereo, but I barely heard them as I stared out at the passing houses. It wasn't until we passed my street that I remembered Jasper had packed a bag for me.

"Jas?"

"A surprise."

"The last surprise didn't go so well."

"This one will."

"But my parents-"

"I cleared it with your dad. And my mom's home. Is this okay? The other day you mentioned you wanted to come over so I thought…"

It was okay, it was sweet and thoughtful, and it scared the shit out of me.

The darkness was near, I sensed it flittering about, waiting for Jasper to leave me alone to pounce on my weakened state. Jasper's bedroom was on the second floor, and I would have to stay in the living room…alone. Turning toward Jasper, I bit my lip. "Where will I sleep? I don't want to be alone," I confessed.

"Baby, I would never leave you alone. We're going to sleep in my room, like we always do."

"But the stairs?"

"I think I can handle them." Less than a minute later, he pulled into his driveway. "If you want me to take you home, I will. I just thought since you-"

Releasing his hand, I brought my finger to his lips. "I want to stay."

After a brief kiss, he got my chair out and helped me into it. I backed out of his way so he could get the duffle bag and then I turned toward the porch and stopped.

Instead of the six steps I was used to taking in two leaps, there was a ramp. It wasn't as fancy as the one that led into my house, there were no rails and it wasn't stained, but I'd never seen a more beautiful ramp. He'd made me ramp just so I wouldn't have to feel awkward about him pulling me up the steps like he had at Newton's. Just so I could feel the slightest bit more normal. Turning, I looked up at him and just melted. I went to speak, to thank him or say something, and nothing came out.

"It's not as nice as yours, and it's steep, but it should hold you," he said quietly.

Slowly, I pushed myself to the edge of the ramp, and then glanced at Jasper before rocking my chair forward. It was steeper than the one at my house, and it took some effort to make it up, but I did it, and at the top, I reached for his door.

It was a simple act, and one of complete normalcy.

By the time I had the door open, Jasper was by my side, and as soon as I entered his house, his mother was hugging me. She had always been nice to me, never treating me like a kid, but more like an adult, and as another son. When she asked how I felt and I said that it still sucked, she didn't answer with the typical 'It will get better', she answered with the honest, "Yeah, it sure does."

Jasper's dad was cheerful as always, constantly offering help on adjustments to my house if necessary. I saw both of his parents in Jasper, the persistence and generosity of his father, and the calm level headed thinking of his mother. They said good night and went to the living room while I went to the bottom of the stairs.

I hadn't remembered there being so many. "You sure you want to do this?"

"Yep. If it means I get you alone in my room, it's totally worth it," he said quietly.

Bending over, he slipped my arm under my knees in a practiced moved and I wrapped my arms around his neck. Straightening, Jasper lifted me and pushed my chair out of the way with his foot before taking the first step. Laying my head against his shoulder, I relaxed against him, letting him support me completely. Even though he was carrying an extra one hundred and eighty pounds of a flight of stairs, he wasn't winded at the top. He pushed his door open and for the first time since New Year's Eve I saw Jasper's room.

It hadn't changed. I swear the same clothes were still on the floor, his drawers were half opened, papers covered his desk, and there was a pile of dishes on the floor and books scattered across his bed.

"I see not much has changed. Maid's day off?"

"Cleaning isn't high on my priority list," he said, setting me on the bed. "Let me take care of some of this shit."

Then in a flurry of movement, he picked up laundry, straightened his desk, emptied his trash and brought the plates downstairs, returning with soda and brownies. He bounced on the bed next to me, an energy vibrating off him as he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, but I told him I needed to use the bathroom. Grabbing a kit, he handed it to me before easily lifting me off the bed and walking across the hall to the bathroom. He went to leave after sitting me on the toilet, but I found myself telling him he didn't have to go.

With him watching, I went through the routine that had become second nature. My gloved hands inserted the tube and watched as piss started to flow. "Real sexy, huh?"

"Baby, pissing is never sexy no matter how anyone does it," he grinned as he brushed his teeth. He turned around to spit into the sink and I watched him perform the simple act. I finished up and then brushed my own teeth before he carried me back to his room. He handed me my clothes but they sat on my lap as I was transfixed him.

I think he asked me what I wanted to do, and I think I replied, but all I could concentrate on was his movements. The way he pulled his sweatshirt over his head, even the soft thud of his sneakers as he kicked them off. His tee shirt followed, revealing his defined muscles that I had mapped with my tongue many times. As I stared, he undid his jeans and let them fall down, stepping out of them and hooking his thumbs under the wide band of his briefs while he internally debated on going commando. He did all this without knowing I was staring, until he reached for his pants and caught me eyefucking him, my gaze obviously focused on his cock. Before I could tear my eyes away, he was kneeling in front of me, his hands quickly taking off my sneakers and socks. Instinctively, I lay back on the bed and undid my jeans, knowing he was going to lift me to pull them down. My jeans were on the floor and Jasper's fire blue eyes were on me, intense in their need but asking first.

Would I go commando with him.

"Not yet," I answered.

Instead of taking off my briefs, he placed a tender kiss on my thigh and I felt a spark ignite before stalling as soon as it attempted to breach that one spot where nerves still lived. Once my pajamas were on, I sat up and yanked off my sweatshirt, throwing it on the floor with the rest of our clothes. I went to move up on the bed, but his hand on my wrist stopped me.

"Take it off," he said motioning to my tee shirt. Holding his gaze, I did as he asked and dropped it to the floor. Flipping over, I dragged myself up to the pillows before moving onto my back and untwisting my deformed legs. My eyes darted to the corners of his room, relieved when I saw them empty of nothing but Jasper's furniture. When I looked back at Jasper, I realized he knew.

I had gone to a party and had blatantly admired him as he undressed, but none of it hid the turmoil that was wrenching through my heart like a vise. And even though I had done those things, he had known something was wrong the entire time, he had just been waiting until I was ready to tell him. When I had found the bills, I had considered calling Jasper and telling him right away. Then I remembered everything he was already doing for me. The bills were something I had decided to try not to worry him about.

I should have fucking known better.

He straddled me, his hands on my chest while my music surrounded us. He asked me what was wrong, I lied. Poorly. He reminded me that I had promised not to shut him out. Closing my eyes, I considered his words, each one said with nothing but love. There was no hint of frustration or anger or weariness, only the desire to help ease my pain. The battle of my new life was mine alone, it was one that I was going to face every day I woke up, it was one I wasn't sure I could make it through unscathed. I wasn't sure I would survive, sometimes I wasn't sure I wanted to. But in all those things I wasn't sure of, I was certain of one thing.

I could only fight the battle if he was by my side.

Without him, the battle would have been lost long ago.

Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes and began to invite him into my newest battle, hoping his armor was tough enough. In confusing, stuttered sentences I told him about the chair and how much it was going to cost. His answer was simple, my parents would get it for me, and that's when a tear slid down my cheek and I continued in shaky voice, telling him about bills I had found, about the guilt I felt for wanting to play basketball when there were thousands of dollars of bills sitting on my father's desk, I told him that college wasn't going to happen. He listened patiently, he asked questions, he assured me that I wasn't selfish, that I wasn't a burden. Even if I didn't believe him, I listened, and my battle became slightly easier each time he gave me a smile or threaded his long fingers through my hair.

"Fuck. But won't your dad's insurance pay for them?"

"Probably, but I don't know if they would pay for all. Even if they did, there's still the stuff they won't cover, like the stuff we did to the house. I can't go to my parents and ask for two thousand for the chair plus the money for fees and stuff for basketball when they've got those bills to pay. I…just can't." The tears began to flow more freely and he leaned forward, his forehead on mine.

"Sssh, babe, it's okay."

I wished it was. I really fucking wished it was.

"I want to believe that, Jasper. Sometimes I want to believe it so much, I actually feel it and it does seem okay, but then shit like this happens and no matter how much I believe it's okay, it doesn't seem like it ever will be."

"It will," his confidence unwavering. The optimism he'd always had shined through more powerfully than ever, even diming my realist's pessimistic attitude. My boy, the dreamer, so easily amazed me.

"But how? How can you be so fucking sure?" I asked him desperately, wanting to know his secret.

"Because I refuse to believe otherwise. We will get through this, you_ will_ get your chair and you _will _play basketball," he assured me in a hushed voice. "You want to play, right?"

"Yes," I sighed, swiping at my cheeks and drying them.

"Then you will. I will make sure you do. I won't let money stop you. We will figure something out. I promise, baby. Besides, I need to watch you play basketball as much as you need to play it."

I couldn't helped but smile, my lips still curled up when he brushed his over mine, kissing away my worry with his gentleness. Before I had realized what he was doing, I was kissing him back, my hands rubbing his thighs. I had been attracted to Jasper on some level since I'd first seen him, but it had taken months of getting to know him before our friendship had grown into love. Since then, I'd loved him a little more every day, sometimes for really simple shit, like remembering a towel to wipe off my wheelchair, or for the more amazing stuff like carrying me half way up a fucking mountain just to dance with me under the moonlight. No matter how small or grand the gesture, my love for him grew.

Part of that love was because of his generosity, but when he offered me the six hundred dollars he had saved up from working with his dad, I think my heart burst from the emotions that swelled inside it. My ribs hurt from the pressure as he did it so casually, as if there was nothing better to spend his money on.

"I can't take your money, love." My fingers were in his hair, the ends slipping through before I recaptured them again.

"You're not taking it, I'm giving it to you. Besides, I've got nothing to use it for."

"College?"

"Trust me, it's not enough to make a dent in a tuition."

"I've got some saved up too." It was only fair I offered mine as well. I had about three thousand saved for our apartment. We'd had done our research and had found out that we could rent an apartment off campus for about the same amount of money as room and board would cost on campus, and it was going to cost about eight thousand for the year. My parents had offered to split the cost fifty-fifty with us. I was only one thousand short of having enough.

"But you're saving for us to have an apartment. You can't use that. Even with my money, we still need about fourteen hundred. Maybe I can get an advance from my dad."

"Love…you…"

"Don't bother to say it, Edward. You know I won't listen anyway, it would just be a waste of energy."

I laughed, actually laughed, because he was fucking right, he wouldn't listen. Tilting his head, he stared at me, his eyes tracing every feature of my face. My heart stopped, literally stopped, for a beat under the heat of his gaze. I wondered how he saw through my flesh and bone inside to my soul so easily. There was so much I wanted to do right then, so much I wanted to say, but only three words came out.

"I love you."

"I love you too," he smiled. "Now tell me about the team. Are they nice?"

I rolled my eyes, surprised he still thought he could get away with such well worn techniques, but I answered his question, telling him about the other players. Then he asked about Riley.

"Riley. He's the captain, been playing a few years I think. He's a T-7 complete. Apparently, he was a really good mountain biker, like on his way to the pros and then had his accident. He was in a race and fell down the mountain, hit a rock."

"He's just like you."

"Hardly," I denied.

"He's about your age, excelled at his sport, had a future in it and now he's in a chair. Sounds a like you."

"Jasper, I know you were, um, preoccupied while you were there, but did you see him? I'm nothing like him. The way he handles himself and the chair is amazing. And if you had talked to him, you'd know he's nothing like me. He's just so…" I couldn't quite say what Riley was. His qualities went beyond his good looks and bright smile.

"What?" Jasper pushed.

"I don't know. Confident? Comfortable? There's just something about him. Trust me, he's nothing like me," I replied, stumbling for words.

"Babe, he's been in the chair longer. He's been able to adjust mentally and physically. Hell, your body is still healing."

"I won't ever be like he is though," I sighed.

"Mmmm, you're as buff as he is." Jasper squeezed my bicep for good measure.

Didn't notice anyone else my ass. I raised my brow. "I thought you didn't notice?"

"I might only have eyes for one boy, but I'm not blind," he admitted without shame and I couldn't help but smile and tug him down to me. His mouth covered mine and we moaned the second our tongues made contact, igniting the simmering under current that constantly flowed between us, touching or not. When we heard footsteps, Jasper stopped and I swear I heard his heart pounding. While he started at the door, fearing someone might walk in, I palmed his cock, feeling the slight thrust of his hips from my touch. With no underwear on, thin flannel was the only thing separating us as I ran my thumb over the wet spot darkening his pants.

"You're so hard," I moaned. His eyes remained on the door, but his concentration was on me and my touch. Knowing I still had that kind of power over him, that he still desired me in the most elemental way, excited me and I suddenly wanted so much more than to tease him. I wanted to see him, touch him, taste him. Bluntly, I asked him to jerk off for me.

It was no secret it was something I enjoyed watching him do, and had spent countless hours watching him do just that. The locations always differed, from the meadow to our rooms to my car, his dad's truck, even under the bleachers at a football game, but the way he got lost in himself for me never did. The glazed look in his ocean eyes, the half closed lids and parted lips, the tip of his tongue peeking out right before he came. Feeling bold, I told him to show me how hard he was, and seconds later, he did, fears about being caught long forgotten.

"Mmm yeah, fucking hot cock," I mumbled.

"I'm only gonna last about a minute with you talking like that." He took himself into his fist.

"The sooner I can taste your load. Stroke fast."

Furiously, his hand pumped his length, already dripping fluid onto me. Licking my lips, I watched his hand, the way he twisted it, the steady, but frantic pace he used, the way his hips bucked forward even though he tried to hold off. My eyes skimmed up his body, the shadowy indents of his muscles, the pebbled nipples, the slender collarbone and neck up to his eyes.

"I love watching you like this."

"Yeah?" His other hand left my chest and moved to his balls, where he tried to pull them down, hoping to delay his orgasm that had already begun to tease his groin. Arching his back, he cupped himself and displayed them for me. I growled at the sight, tempted to have him teabag me.

"What do you like watching, baby? What turns you on?"

"You. Everything about you," I whispered, my eyes darting between his face and his cock. "The way your abs flex, the way you lick your lips right before you come, your hair in your face, the scent of your cock and balls. The way only I know how they taste." My hands were on his hips, clutching him as he stroked. His hair fell in front of his face, and he habitually shook his head to move it, the movement so natural he didn't even realize he did it.

He was close.

Jasper was loud, he liked to scream and grunt and cry out when he came, and having to contain it was hard enough at my house when my parents were on a different floor much less in his house where his parents were less than ten feet away. I wanted to see my boy explode, I wanted to see him shudder and shake with the force of his climax, I wanted to see him lose control.

For me.

"Come on my face," and with one small demand, he did. Thrusting forward, he aimed his cock at my face and I closed my eyes, feeling the warm stripes land on my cheek and lips. My tongue snaked out to gather what it could to bring back into my mouth. Falling forward, he slammed his open palm against the wall as he continued to release on me until his cock finally emptied. Looking up, I saw his eyes clenched shut, his jaw tightened as he held off the screams threatening to break free.

He slid down me, leaning forward to clean me of himself, then sharing his taste with me as he dropped his weight onto me. He was heavy and solid and wonderful. Finally, he broke the kiss and cleaned himself off before climbing back into bed with me, rubbing the scruff that had grown on his jaw along mine until his lips were at my ear.

"I love you," he murmured.

My senses were heightened from watching him jerk off, and I couldn't stop the tremor that went through my shoulders. The need to touch him and kiss him suddenly overwhelmed me, even more than it had only moments before. Arousal surged through me, drugging me as I turned my head and captured his lips with mine in a heated kiss. It was clumsy with need as our noses bumped and teeth nipped at lips, tugging on them before tongues met again and again. One of my hands was in his hair, tangled tightly, while the other gripped his shoulder, my nails marking his skin. Tearing his mouth from mine, he nibbled down my neck and I released a loud, throaty moan. My skin was on fire, everywhere he touched burned and the rest tingled with anticipation. I maintained some control until he took my earlobe into his mouth. A violent shudder hit me, my upper body shaking and quivering as his tongue moved around the shell of my ear, his breaths hot and moist. Then his hand was in my hair, scratching my scalp and tugging on the tufts, and my back arched off the bed, my body seeking more of whatever he was offering.

"Feels so good," I groaned thickly. Before I realized he had left my ear, I felt him biting along my shoulder taking the newly hardened muscles between his teeth, then swiping over the love bites with his warm tongue. Every so fucking slowly he worked his way to my nipples, already sharp points and begging for attention. As soon as he flicked his tongue over them, I cried out, forcing his head to me with my hand and arching my back further. Jasper had certainly sucked my nipples before, even recently, but even that time didn't compare to this. The wetness from his tongue as it danced around my skin sent bolts of pleasure through me. Every sensation was more powerful than the last, my fingertips tingled, my skin seared, my lips burned, and my mind raced with one word.

_More. _

"Can I touch you, baby? Please."

I stilled. I had been so focused on what he had been doing above my waist that I hadn't even considered anything below it. "I don't…"

"You're hard."

Gulping, I dared to look down my chest to my cock and I saw Jasper's hand inside my pants, slightly moving under R2-D2. "I am?"

"Mmm, very. Feels so good. Please, baby. I need to feel you. I'll stop whenever you want me to," he promised in my ear ear.

Desire coursed through me, I _wanted_ him to touch me.

I wanted to _feel_ him touch me.

Nodding, I watched as his hand moved under my pants and he lifted my briefs and pajamas down over my erection. I still hadn't seen myself hard except for the time Jasper had straddled me, but I'd only seen the head between his thighs. But now my cock was hovering over my lower abs like it always did, the same size and swollen with need. Jasper laid his head on my chest and we both watched as he wrapped his fingers completely around me for the first time in months.

I couldn't feel a fucking thing, but it looked hot as hell.

"Fuck," I sighed as he pumped him once.

"Remember how it felt, baby?"

"Yeah."

His fingers were in my hair still tugging and fisting it when he returned his mouth to my ear, running his tongue around it. I felt drunk, the base of my neck tingled, and if I touched my skin I knew it would be scorching. I squirmed from his touch while craving more of it.

"You're beautiful like this, all fucking needy, so fucking hot. Watching you makes me hard."

"More," I begged, tilting my head, hoping he would accept the invitation to continue his path.

"Your cock is hard in my hand, pulsing. You smell so fucking good."

"More," I moaned.

"Someday, I'm going to taste you again. I'm going to suck you off while you watch."

"Fuck yeah…" That vision reeled through me forcefully, Jasper hollowing his cheeks as he sucked and watched me through his lashes. His thumb was on my lips, leaving a salty taste behind.

"That's your cum."

I opened my eyes and looked down at my cock again, just in time to see him stroking me hard and fast, just like he would have before. While I watched, he alternated his lips between my neck and ear, each time his tongue touched me, I arched my back off the bed. I think I was trembling. I heard him groan and saw him pumping me. Closing my eyes, I remembered a time when I had felt the tightness of each individual finger, the calluses on his palm from helping his dad as he dragged it up with each stroke, the ecstasy his touch always gave me. Then the tender skin of my neck was between his teeth and he bit down, marking me as he tugged on my hair.

And it hit me.

The tingling in my neck spread, traveling down my spine and arms, warming all of me in waves as the sensation crested over me. I felt every single thing, Jasper's wet tongue on my neck, his breath, even his fucking eyelashes as he opened his eyes to watch me. Grunting, I lifted my upper body off the bed, my abs clenching, forcing the tickling back up my stunted spine to my head and leave me breathless. It was like waking up from a wet dream, when you don't remember coming, but you sure fucking felt the aftermath of it with the cum stained underwear and the remains of your climax still fresh in your body. Panting, I collapsed onto the bed, my hand still clutching the blanket, and slowly opened my eyes to find Jasper watching, and still stroking, me.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I think so," I sighed.

"Did you…"

"I don't know. It was like…weird. I mean, at first, it just felt really good. Everything was really sensitive, but then when I saw you touching me, even though I couldn't feel it, the other stuff you were doing got even more intense. Then I closed my eyes I imagined you touching me like that before and what it felt like and how it felt to come. There was like this weird tickling in the back of my neck and it spread down my spine instead of up like before."

"Did it feel good?"

Turning to him, I smiled, feeling pretty fucking relaxed. "Yeah, it felt really fucking good."

"Jake said the brain is the largest sex organ, maybe when you saw me touching you, it triggered a memory and you kinda felt it again."

"I wish I could really feel it," I sighed.

"I know, babe, me too. Thank you for letting me touch you."

"Welcome. You can stop anytime ya know." I motioned to his hand still slowly stroking my erection.

"Do I have to?"

"Probably not a good idea to fall asleep with my cock in your hand."

"Probably right." He released me, and tucked my still hard cock back into my pants. I saw him glance at his handiwork on my neck and I already knew what was there. It was one of his favorite things to do after we started dating, something about if he couldn't tell the world I was his, he was going to at least let them know I was taken. I pretended to be annoyed by it, and I was…sometimes, but mostly, I loved how possessive he felt.

"So help me, if you have me a hickey."

"It's low and really tiny," he blushed. "Your shirt will cover it up."

He quickly changed the subject, asking if I wanted to watch a movie. He hit play, claiming he didn't know what movie was in the player and I teased him. With his head on my chest and my arm around his back, we watched the credits and I yawned.

"Are you going to talk to your dad about the bills?" he asked suddenly, but quietly.

"You think I should?" I hadn't planned on telling Jasper much less my father. I didn't know if he would be made that I had gone through his stuff. He replied that I should tell my dad, and I asked if he would do it with me, I couldn't face my parents alone, I couldn't handle all the bad news myself. Of course Jasper said yes and we made plans.

"Thanks, love," I finally said and he kissed me.

"Always, baby."

Jasper was sleep long before me. My mind had filled with numbers while my eyes constantly darted around his room looking for the darkness. Jasper was in my arms, but he was still and quiet, his presence not nearly the force it was when he was awake. Each sweep my eyes made of the room found us alone and I was finally able to close them.

_The music played and the students lined up in two long rows all took one step forward. The day before, we had practiced walking in straight lines for an hour. Well, walking for everyone else. But not for me. I didn't walk with my classmates, I rolled next to them, slowly pushing my chair so I didn't bump into the kid in front of me. We made our way down the paved walkway toward the awaiting rows of chairs that were lined up in front of the stage. Chris, my alphabetical partner in the line, walked beside me, practically bouncing out of his skin. _

"_Can you believe this is finally happening?" he asked and I just shook my head. I really couldn't. For four years we had all waited for graduation and it had finally arrived. Jasper was near the back, but I could practically feel his hand entwined with mine. We all made our way to our seats, except for me. I parked my chair at the end of the front row. My heart was racing in my chest while the rest of my classmates filed in. Anxiously, I looked down the rows of students still walking in, squinting in the late day sun to see my boy. I saw the halo of blond hair and immediately relaxed. When the end of the line walked by, Jasper stepped out of his spot and crouched in front of me. _

"_You're such a rebel," I teased him. _

"_A rebel with a cause," he grinned in his dorky way. _

"_What cause?"_

"_You," he answered quietly and simply. I glanced around us, everyone was too busy with their own excitement to have even noticed Jasper's hands were practically on top of mine. "I know you're nervous about the speech, but you'll do great."_

_My eyes went to the ramp on the side of the stage. "I really wanted to walk up there, ya know?"_

_He titled his head and nodded. "Baby, you just have to imagine you can walk and you will," he assured me before giving me a brilliant smile and then standing. When he was sure no one was looking, he winked at me. Looking over my shoulder, I watched him stride down the aisle, his maroon robe swirling around his feet. As if he knew I was watching, he wiggled his ass before he threw his head back, his hair tumbling around him as he laughed. Shaking my head, I turned to face the stage, swallowing nervously. It was almost time. My parents sat to my left and my mother waved when I looked over at them. They both beamed with pride. _

"_Please welcome the valedictorian of the class of two thousand eleven, Mr. Edward Cullen," Mr. Bradshaw smiled. Cheers erupted from everyone but I heard Jasper's voice above them all. Then suddenly, I heard only his voice, whispering in my ear. _

"…_you just have to imagine you can walk and you will."_

_He would never lie to me, not about something so important. _

_I had faith in Jasper as I reached down and lifted my feet off the footrest, placing them on the solid ground beneath me. Taking off my gloves, I braced my hands on the armrests and took a deep breath. He was beside me, he was behind me, he was in front of me, he was everywhere when I pushed off the chair and stood on shaky legs. Once I was upright, I let go of the chair and took one unsteady step forward before glancing over my shoulder at Jasper. He was grinning knowingly. He'd never doubted me. _

_Step by step, I made my way to the stage, hearing the small gasps of shock as I walked up the steps and shook Mr. Bradshaw's hand. Turning to face the crowd, I felt hundreds of sets of eyes on me, but only one set penetrated to my soul. With my eyes on only him, I began. _

"_Congratulations class of two thousand and eleven," I started, speaking to them all but my gaze never leaving Jasper. "A few months ago, I felt my future had been stolen from me. I lost everything I thought was important, until someone reminded me that I still had everything I needed. I had friends and my family. Every day they faced adversity with me, and every day that I didn't think I would make it, they told me I could. I'm here to tell you all the same thing. When you think you can't make it, when the darkness is shrouding you, reach out and take the hand offered, because it will pull you back into the light. My…" I took a deep breath, "boyfriend taught me that." _

_The last syllable had barely left my lips and he was standing. By the time I tugged my bottom lip nervously between my teeth, he was walking down the aisle. _

"_He's the most important person in my life, and he is the reason I _stand_ here before you all. If you believe in your dreams, if you have someone believe in them with you, they will come true."_

_Then he was sprinting, his robe flowing behind him as he took the steps and swooped me into his arms, swinging me around, his lips at me ear. _

"_You did it, baby, you did it," he breathed. "I love you."_

_I had done it. Just like he had always believed I could. _

"_I love you too," I returned before pressing my lips to his and showing everyone just how beautiful my boy was. _

My eyes blinked open, my heart still racing from the kiss in my dream. The dream I'd been having every few nights.

The dream that would never come true.

Every time I woke up from it, I remembered quicker than the time before that it had only been a dream, a cruel, unrealistic dream.

I heard his parents wake up and use the bathroom, I heard their hushed voices in the hall just outside Jasper's door, but I never woke him. He kept the darkness away, and he made the ache of waking up and having to face each day a little bit more bearable. Peacefully, he slept in my arms, his face buried in the crook of my neck, his arm resting on my torso, his leg draped over mine. We usually slept in Jasper's room when I had stayed over, sometimes we put an air mattress on the floor for me, and sometimes we just shared his bed, even before we were dating. It was certainly big enough for two people to sleep in and not touch. I wasn't sure they would think it usual to find two friends so intimately embraced, but I couldn't bring myself to wake him. Lying there in the morning light, I relished in his heavy weight against me, his hot breath on my skin, the sounds of his snoring.

It was how I wanted to wake up every fucking single morning for the rest of my life.

I didn't care where we were, as long as he was next to me, as long as his heart beat for me.

Glancing over at the clock, I saw I was about an hour past my routine time. It was important to stick to it, especially because I done it so early then night before. Jasper got up and carried me into the bathroom, leaving me to do my morning routine. When I was done, he returned and helped me to the counter where I looked in the mirror and saw the red bruise low on my neck. The most adorable and guilty blush spread over his cheeks.

After I dressed, he carried me downstairs and set me in the chair. As much as I hated my prison and as much as I loved Jasper carrying me, I didn't like having to rely on him for the simplest of things, like getting to the bathroom. It was actually nice to grip the handrims and push the chair toward his kitchen.

"Breakfast? Eggs? Bacon? Pancakes?"

I don't why he bothered to ask. "You're going to cook pancakes regardless of my answer, so why do you even ask?"

"My mamma raised a polite southern boy." He blended the mix and then put the griddle on. "Bacon?"

"Definitely." I went to the refrigerator, got the bacon out and opened it. Then I reached under the stove and attempted to pull out the drawer. It hit me a few times before I was able to move the chair and pull the drawer at the same time. I put the pan on stove while Jasper turned the burner on. It was the same thing we'd done dozens of times before, only with slight changes, like I couldn't reach the buttons on the stove or the top cupboards where they kept the plates.

At the table, I poured maple syrup on my Darth Vader pancakes because Jasper said, "The pancake master, I am," and took most of the Yoda ones.

"You really think I should do this?" I asked him as I stuffed a forkful into my mouth.

"Yeah, I think _we_ should do this," he winked. "Nothing's going to happen if you don't talk to them except you're going to worry even more than you are now, right?"

"Yeah, probably."

"Then better to find out and face it head on."

"But what if they tell me my scholarship is revoked? What if they tell me I can't play basketball because they can't afford it?" I worried.

He covered my hand with his. "Babe, you already think the scholarship is gone, right? Them telling you won't change that, you just won't wonder anymore. If it is gone, I'm sure your parents have already done things to try to figure out how to pay for college. As for basketball, I told you not to worry. I will make sure you play. I promise."

How could I ever doubt him when he spoke with such clarity, such utter devotion and certainty?

He took his hand back just as we heard his father in the kitchen. Jasper gave me one last wink before his dad walked in and joined us.

Jasper brought me home after breakfast, dropping me off before heading to work with his dad. I wheeled myself up the ramp and inside. My mother came out of the kitchen, smiling.

"Have fun?"

"Yeah, we didn't stay long at the party, but it was fun." It was only a half lie. We hadn't stayed long.

"How's Peri?"

"Good. She said hi."

"We should have her and Jason over for dinner soon," she suggested.

"Speaking of dinner, Jasper is coming over for dinner tonight, is that okay?"

"Edward, I count on him being here every night. If he's not, it only means we have leftovers." Before I could reply, she went back into the kitchen and I headed to my room.

Without Jasper by my side, the day dragged. Even my workout seemed boring without him to tease me about the music. Alice stopped in while I was lifting, crinkling her nose at the smell and then recommending I buy scented candles for the room. I tried to stay busy because every time I wasn't, all I could think about was dinner with my parents. Homework kept me occupied for a few hours, as did attempting to clean my room, but by late afternoon, I was sitting in my chair staring out at the pool, remembering when our futures had looked so much clearer.

"You really think so?" he asked me from the pink raft he floated around on, the summer sun glistening off the beads of water scattered on his bare chest and legs. He watched me with one closed and the other squinting at me waiting for my answer.

Sitting on the edge of the pool, I watched him. "Sure, why not?"

"Um, because I don't have you grades or GPA," he challenged.

"Bullshit, you're grades are as good as mine, and your GPA is only lower because I took a few AP classes," I countered. He sighed and looked away. "I'm telling you, Jasper, you can do this. You can get a scholarship for track."

He had just finished the season, finishing second in the state for the eight hundred meter, and breaking the school record for the sixteen-hundred and eight hundred meter. He could also do the high jump and hurdles, but he opted to focus on running.

"What about you? Is UW going to ask you to be a Huskie?

"Of course they will," I replied confidently, but inside I doubted myself. I was fast and had an outside shot, but I was shorter than those colleges typically recruited. Tilting my head, I studied Jasper's lithe runner's body. I'd known I always wanted to be a Huskie, but did he? "Jasper?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you going to apply anywhere else?"

Lazily, he turned his head toward me, using his hand to shield his eyes from the sun as he looked at me. "Why would I do that? I'm going wherever you go."

Guiltily, I looked away. It wasn't fair that my childhood college dream dictated where he chose to go too. He should be able to go wherever he wanted, regardless of me. But deep down, I knew I didn't want to go anywhere without him.

Scholarship or not.

"Because the more options the better," I suggested with a shrug.

"You mean in case I don't get into UW, I should have a back up?"

"Well," I teased, "I'm not sure they have a WoW major, or classes on the Force. You won't see Yoda as a professor there." I'd barely finished before he had slid off the floatie and was under the water, not even surfacing before he yanked on my ankles and pulled me into the water with him. Laughing, we both broke through the surface, shaking our heads. Jasper immediately swung his hand and splashed water at me until I was laughing so hard I was panting. Suddenly, his cool lips were pressed against mine and I moaned and parted my own, welcoming his tongue inside. The sun shined down on our wet bodies as we kissed, our legs sweeping by each other as we moved them to stay afloat. Breaking the kiss, he wrapped his legs around my hips and his arms around my neck, trusting me to keep us above water, which I did by circling my legs and moving my outstretched arms back and forth.

"Kiss well you do," he grinned.

"Fucking dork," I chuckled as I moved to kiss him again.

"Hey, baby," he mumbled against my lips.

"Mmm?"

"I go where you go," he vowed.

And I knew he meant it.

The snickering was faint, barely audible, but it resounded through me, hostilely tearing me from my recollection of a time that seemed so long ago. I refused to look over at the corner, I refused to see it skittering along the floor toward me, eager to cloak me like it always did. Doubt of my future was quickly seeping into me, and with the darkness came a comfort that if I didn't care, I couldn't get hurt. In only a few hours I was going to tell my parents I knew about the bills, and I was probably going to find out if my dream of going to UW was going remain just a dream. Before the darkness could slither out and encircle my feet with its smoky tendrils, my phone vibrated on my bed. Backing my chair up, I grabbed it, smiling when I opened the text message.

_Should I wear the body armor and utility belt or just bring my handsome self?_

_Does the armor have a codpiece? _I replied.

_Of course. A huge one for my…cod. *wink* I'll see u in a few hrs. be safe baby_

_See ya soon love_

I put the phone down and glanced toward the corner.

It was empty.

Relieved, I headed for the bathroom to shower before my boy arrived.

When he did arrive, he was minus the body armor, but he had a twinkle in his eyes when I opened the door. We all sat down at the dining table and the room filled with the sounds of forks scraping plates and Jasper slurping his milk. Jasper started off the conversation by asking about Alice and complimenting my mother on her meatloaf. He was such a suck up.

"So, Jasper, I was reading the Peninsula Daily News the other day and saw an interesting letter to the editor," my father began.

"Oh?" Jasper replied, his voice octaves higher than normal, his gaze suddenly fixed on his plate as if it held all the answers to question he suspected were coming.

"Seems someone was upset over some handicapped discrimination at Ronaldo's. Made some very valid points about the ADA and businesses not adhering to them under the guise of not having to because they are small," my father continued.

Swallowing, I stared at Jasper. He had threatened to write it when we had left the restaurant that night, but he had never mentioned it to me after that.

"It was very well written," my mother added.

"Than-I mean, that's good. It should be brought to everyone's attention," he attempted to lie but gave up. "I had one version that was 'angry' according to my mom. She said I needed to tone it down and back up my statement with facts."

"Well, you did exceptional. Had passion and facts," my father complimented with a bright smile.

My boy definitely had passion.

The conversation easily moved into talk about school and while I answered the question directed at me, I mostly chewed on my lip, trying to figure the right time to bring up what I'd discovered. When my father asked me if everything was okay, it was a perfect opportunity to tell them. I glanced at Jasper for some courage before answering.

"The other day I was putting something on your desk and I saw some bills. Bills for me. Big ones. Why didn't you tell me?"

My father seemed only slightly surprised. "We were trying to protect you," he replied.

Protect me from what? I had already lost my legs, my ability to walk, have sex, play basketball, how much more was there to protect me from? How much worse could it get?

"It's a little late for that, isn't it?" I snapped back harshly. "How much are they?" When my dad hesitated, I tried a different approach. "I deserve to know. They are my bills."

"But they are our responsibility, Edward, not yours," he said quietly.

"But they're because of me. You wouldn't have them if I hadn't been in the accident."

"We didn't want you to worry," my mother spoke up. "You had enough going on."

"How much?" I demanded.

"Medical expenses will be around two hundred thousand, and we saved money by having you do your rehab at home. It would have been much higher if we didn't," dad replied.

He told me that after our insurance, and James's insurance, we would probably still owe about fifteen thousand, and that was only for the medical bills. There was still going to be all the other expenses above medical, and we had probably capped our insurance for the year, which meant anything beyond that was going to be all ours to pay. Desperate, I asked about a lawsuit, and was told that James didn't have enough assets to cover much. Then he told me James would probably end up in jail.

I had a hard time feeling bad for the guy.

"What about college?" I asked, slowly looking up at my dad to see him glance at my mom. He didn't even need to tell me, I already knew, but I asked anyway. It was like pouring salt on the wound. "They revoked the scholarship, didn't they?"

My future, the one that had been so set in stone for as long as I could remember was sliding away from me, like the sand on a beach under your feet when the waves go out. No longer was playing for UW an option, no longer was my dream of being a music teacher or concert pianist a possibility. My dreams, _our_ dreams, were gone.

I'd fucked up our future.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled to Jasper, but my parents assumed it was to them. I knew then, without having to look down and confirm, that Jasper's sneakered foot would be resting against mine. My father told me it wasn't my fault, that they would take care of everything, that I didn't have to worry. I thought otherwise.

"How? I can't live my life. I can't go to college, I can't play basketball because I need a new chair," I said with a shaky voice.

"You've still welcomed to attend there, we just need to pay for it now. You're mother has already filed for financial aid, and I'm sure we'll get some. Plus we've got some put away for your college expenses," he reassured me.

"What is this about basketball?" his mother asked.

My father broke the news to her in the way that only husbands can. I watched with my head bowed, I saw her glance at Jasper who quickly looked away. Of course, she asked if it was safe, and my father answered, but I knew, like all parents, they would be discussing it behind closed doors later that night.

"Tell me about the chair, Edward?" my dad asked but when I didn't speak up right away, Jasper took over.

"Sam…he's the coach. He said that the chair Edward needs is about two thousand dollars. Plus there are some other fees and stuff he needs to pay. But I think I found a way to pay for it." His eyes left my father and went to me and he grinned. "I'm going to raise the money."

Raise the money? Like stand out at the grocery store holding a can with a picture of me in the wheelchair on it, and ask people for donations as they entered and exited.

"How?" I asked.

"A race," he answered confidently before pulling a flyer out and putting it on the table. "I'm going to get donations from people and stuff."

He was going to run a race. For me.

"You would do that for me?" I choked out.

"Of course," he replied quickly, as if it was the most stupid question he'd ever heard.

"Jasper, I think that's a great idea. I'm sure with my and your mother's connections at the hospital we could get you some decent donations, maybe the hospital could even sponsor you, or match your donations. It would be great for the community to get together and support one of their own," my dad supplied, an hint of excitement in his voice too.

"There's only one problem. The race isn't until the end of May, which is good because it gives me time to train, but Edward is going to need the chair within a week, but I think if I asked my da-"

"Esme and I will pay for Edward's chair. If you raise the money, then we can put it toward the expense," my dad offered.

"I've got six hundred I can give you," Jasper said. I couldn't believe he was offering my parents his savings.

"Jasper, you don't need to do that," my mother said, shaking her head.

"I want to. I want to help," he insisted in his usual stubborn ways. My parents were in for one hell of a battler if they even thought they might have a chance against Jasper's persistence.

"Jasper, you just offered to run a race to raise some money, I think that qualifies as helping," my dad smiled.

If Jasper was going to run a race and give up his money, then I was would too, I wasn't completely helpless. "I want to help too. I've got the money I've saved and I'm going to get my job back."

"Edward, I'm not sure that's a good idea," his father began. "You've got school and now basketball, plus PT. These things all take a toll on your body. Working would be too difficult."

"So I will only work a few hours a week, just something to help," I answered quietly.

"We'll talk about it," he sighed before picking up Jasper's flyer. "A half marathon?"

"Yep."

"Thirteen miles?" I gasped, looking at Jasper and he nodded. The most he'd run was seven, I didn't know how was he going to do thirteen.

"I've got time to train. I already practice every day, I just need to up the distance. This week I'm going to hit a few places and see if I can get some donations. I want to raise as much as I can to help out with bills and maybe car."

"A car?" I scoffed.

He shrugged, "Well, a van. They cost about thirty thousand used."

"Someone's done their homework," my dad laughed.

Thirty thousand dollars. Jasper thought he could raise that much money with a race. I thought it highly impossible, but there was one thing that dating Jasper had taught me.

Never, under any circumstances, underestimate him.

He might have seemed quiet and shy, but he was a fucking force to be reckoned with when he wanted to be. He was also charming when he put on his drawl and tipped his head in that way that only cowboys seemed to know how to do. No one was going to be able to resist him when he approached them with his 'aw shucks' manner and asked for money for his crippled friend. The more I thought about it, the more I thought thirty thousand was probably an underestimation.

But he still had to run thirteen miles.

My dad raised his glass. "A toast to Jasper's race and Edward's basketball."

We all drank, Jasper's eyes on me as he gulped his milk and then licked off the moustache it left behind on his upper lip. Then my dad asked me about the team and I told them about Sam and each of the other players. When I mentioned practices, Jasper spoke up again, offering to bring me to each practice after track. My parents thought it was a generous offer, but I knew there was a selfish, and horny, reason behind it. Of course, my father said it was fine as long as we kept up our grades and I listened to my body, stopping if I felt something was wrong. Both Jasper and I promised.

"So how do we get this chair for you?" my dad asked.

"Well, the place is in Seattle, we can order it and then go pick it up. Sam emailed me a link to their website. He said they give discounts for his team." I continued to tell them about the first practice, how much I had sucked at dribbling, how the team had great plays but their left side was weak. As I spoke nonstop for a few minutes, and saw Jasper smiling at me, I realized that for the first time in a long time, I was proud of something again, and it was all because of the boy sitting across from me.

The one with a heart of gold.

We went to my room after dinner. Jasper closed the door and then promptly sat his fine ass on my lap, his legs hanging over the armrest with his arms around my neck as he leaned his head back while I nibbled along his jaw, inhaling his scent of pine and body wash. He always smelled like wood after working with his dad.

"You smell so good," I murmured and he moaned. "I can't believe you are going to run thirteen miles for me." I stopped kissing him and looked at him. Sighing, he put his head on my shoulder and touched my face with his fingertips.

"Babe, I'd run so much farther than thirteen miles for you."

Always with the right words. Superhero powers, codpiece or not.

"You would?"

"Definitely. I'm going to need your help though."

"Doing what?"

"I want you to help me train. The running part I've got but I'd like to build up some muscle on my legs. Think you can help with me that?" he asked coyly, unable to hide the twinkle in his eyes.

Apparently watching me play basketball wasn't enough, he now wanted to work out with me. I told him I would help, but that I needed something in return.

"I want you to bring me to work tomorrow. I want to talk to my boss and see if I can get my job back."

"But your dad-"

"Yeah, I know. But, Jas, I can't sit around…literally, and do nothing while you all get money. It's not right," he reasoned and he nodded. Like me, he knew the battles worth fighting, and he wasn't going to get anywhere on that one. He asked me if I was okay with learning about the scholarship being revoked.

I sighed, long and heavy. "Yeah, I guess. I mean, I've been telling myself all along that they were going to revoke it, but it was still kinda hard to hear. I know my parents have some money saved for college, but I don't know if it's enough."

"Well, there's always loans and grants and stuff," he added hopefully, always the optimist.

"I hope so."

"Shit." He pulled his phone out and told me about Newton and the movies.

"I really just want to stay here with you tonight," I confessed. I wanted my boy all to myself, I didn't feel like sharing. He typed a reply and tossed the phone on the bed before looking at me with some very hungry eyes and asked if it was too soon to take me up on my earlier offer a blow job, then he told me it was about time he put his legs to use besides wrapping them around me.

"But that's what they're best at," I moaned right before I leaned toward him.

"True," he mumbled as my mouth slated over his, taking his breath with it.

I fulfilled my offer from earlier, gradually working my hand down his lean body to his jeans, where I teased him through the heavy material before finally undoing them and slipping my hand inside. He was panting into the kiss by the time my hand was under his briefs, and after making sure the door was blocked by my nightstand, he stood before me with his jeans around his thighs and his shirt pulled up as he watched my mouth glide over his length. To stop himself from crying out, he bit down on his lip when he came and fisted my hair as his cock emptied and filled my mouth.

"**~~**"

Keeping his promise, he picked me up the next morning and brought me to the sub shop. I'd lied to my mother, but only felt slightly guilty about it. If I could help out, I was going to. I wheeled into the restaurant, inhaling the all too familiar scent of baked bread and cut vegetables. Glancing around nervously, I spotted Katie behind the counter, waving frantically at me. Katie was nice, we'd always gotten well. She had trained me when I had started working there and we had bonded over those first few days that I had stuck to her like glue.

As soon as she was done helping the customer, she took off her plastic gloves and ran around the counter. After a hug, she asked how I was feeling, then apologized for not coming to visit me. I knew why she, and all my other friends, hadn't come see me while I was out of school. They were scared, they felt uncomfortable, awkward, useless…all of the above. No one knew what to say to the cripple, and I couldn't blame them.

Before the silence got too awkward, I asked, "Hey, is Mr. MacFarlin around?"

"Yeah, he's out back. I'll go get him." She turned and headed back around the counter and then through a doorway.

When Mr. MacFarlin walked out from the backroom, he shook my hand and then proceeded to tell me he missed me, right before he said they didn't have any openings. All I got out of going there and practically begging for a job was two free subs.

Jasper followed me through the line. I ignored the height of the counter and ovens, I ignored the fact that even if Mr. MacFarlin had let me come back to work, I wouldn't have been to do my job like I had before.

We left and Jasper helped me back into the truck, then told me they didn't deserve me before holding my hand all the way to his house. I couldn't help but smile as I went up the ramp over his steps and into his front door. While he grabbed some sodas from the kitchen, I transferred to the couch, even lifting my legs onto the coffee table like I would have any other time. He came in and flopped on the couch next to me, handing me a Mountain Dew. Jasper turned on the television, leaning back into the couch, his shoulder and arm brushing mine as we ate. We should have been doing homework, but we played Fable III instead, and when I began to kick his ass, I teased him and he shoved my shoulder.

"Fuck off, Cullen," he growled with a smile and a roll of his eyes.

I felt so…normal.

When we finally started our homework an hour later, we made it through about four physics problems before I saw Jasper tapping his foot against mine. Sighing, I looked at him with a raised brow.

"Physics makes me horny," he said, leaning closer, his breath feathering over my skin. "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Like the action of stroking my cock bring the reaction of it shooting my load. Why don't we go upstairs and I jerk off for you?"

"We need to get this done," I reminded him breathlessly.

"I need to come for you," he murmured sweetly.

"Homework can wait," I replied, closing my book and looking into his lust laden eyes.

Yeah, homework could definitely wait.

I didn't even transfer to the chair, he lifted me off the couch and carried me up the stairs of the empty house. In his room, he put me on the bed and I moved up to the pillows while he lay next to me, already undoing his pants and pulling them down to his thighs. I wanted to see him completely naked, but it was too big a risk during the day.

I watched as he pumped himself in long, measured drags, his eyes closing as he licked his lips and shifted his jaw back and forth in concentration. Moving so my body was pressed to his side, I put my lips near his ear, telling him how sexy he was and how I wanted to see him come hard for me. While he stroked, I slid a hand down his side and over his thigh, nuzzling my face into the strained tendons of his neck, I licked his salty flavor with a murmur of appreciation. It only took few sentences before he was lifting his back off the bed as his body tensed and convulsed and he came. Opening his eyes, he gazed at me and I kissed him, muffling his loud cries of ecstasy. The day might have started off pretty shitty but it had gotten a whole lot better as I watched my boy recover from his orgasm, his cock still in his fist.

"Feel good?" I asked, watching his chest heave as he tried to regain his breath.

"Yeah," he exhaled, then lifted his head and looked down his chest with lines of his cum on it. "Kinda messy, huh?"

Bracing myself on my elbow, I pushed my body down his, dragging my tongue along his skin, lapping up his cum. Suddenly the breaths he had caught were quickening again, and his hand was in my hair, directing me to each line until every drop was gone. Raising my head, I looked at him, seeing the fire in his eyes right before he pulled me down to him, smashing our mouths together in a searing kiss. His hands went under my arms and he hitched me onto him. I curled my arms under his shoulders and cradled his head as we kissed.

For once I was pressing him into the mattress, I was on top of him, it was his cock trapped under my hips. He moaned into the kiss and I knew if I released his silky hair long enough I would find his cock twitching back to life. His insatiable appetite for me only fed my hunger for him. To know I still turned him on that much with just a kiss and my hands in his hair was powerful, an aphrodisiac all on its own. Before his cock became completely hard, I lifted my head, looking down at him while I pushed his hair back.

"Tell me again," I whispered.

"It's all going to be okay," he smiled, threading his own fingers through my hair. "I promise."

"College?"

"That too. We will go together, live together, and wake up every morning together," he vowed with such absolute certainty, there was no doubting him.

"Thanks, love," I replied, resting my forehead to his. He kissed me gently.

"Anytime, babe."

A few hours later, Jasper dropped me off at my house, complete with homework not done, and I was barely in my door before my dad was calling to me from his desk in the living room. I pushed around the end table, the couch and chair and went to him in the corner. Our living room was more congested with the addition of our dining room table and my dad's desk.

"Yeah?"

He held up the pieces of paper I had printed for basketball. "Are these the forms I need to sign?"

"Yeah, both of those. The other one is a typical athlete contract. I signed a copy already but that one is ours to keep."

Picking up a pen, he didn't hesitate as he scrawled his signature on the bottom of the two pages, then handed them to me. "There ya go."

"Thanks," I said, taking the papers and folding them back up.

"You sure you want to do this?" he asked softly.

A few weeks ago, I would have laughed at him and said he was crazy if he remotely thought I wanted to play wheelchair basketball, but after being with the team and feeling that rush again, I had to play. "Yeah, I am."

Smiling, he turned back to his computer and clicked the mouse and opened up a browser. "Then let's order this chair for you."

My heart raced as I told him the URL and he brought the site up. "It's that one right there," I said, pointing to the image of an orange and black wheelchair.

He clicked and opened up more images of it, commenting on its streamlined design. However when he downloaded the order form we found out it was lot more complicated than simply picking out the color. Apparently the chairs were custom made and we had to select everything from the seat width to the type of footrest I wanted. It was incredibly detailed and took us over an hour. I had gone back into my room and referred back to the email that Sam had sent me that had a few required specs on it, like color and frame size but the rest was up to me and my personal preference. As my dad and I worked our way through the form, I began to get excited as I saw the chair start to come together, and when the colors of maroon and gray were finally chosen, I realized I was going actually going to be playing with a new team.

"What are you doing?" Alice asked when she walked through the room on the way to her bedroom.

"Ordering me a chair for basketball," I said, recognizing the slight sound of pride in my voice.

"Wheelchair basketball?"

"Yep. I'm going to play on a team in Port Angeles."

"Can I come to a game?" she asked, glancing over my dad's shoulder as he checked out the team's page to show her. "Oh, he's cute!" She reached over and pointed to Riley and I felt myself blush.

"You can come to cheer me on, but you can't come to drool over the other players," I teased her and she frowned.

"I'll think about it," she giggled before picking up her bag and sprinting up the stairs.

"I think it's done," my dad said as he checked over the form. "These specs for the seat and wheels are the same as you have now, so the height of them should be fine. The wheels are slanted so that might take some getting used to. This chair is going to be a lot lighter, so you're going to move faster."

"Good, because I felt pretty slow compared to the other kids the other night."

"Well, you'll have to practice this week in your chair, this new one won't be done until Friday." He entered a few more things, then clicked submit. The total screamed at the bottom of the page.

_Two thousand two hundred and forty dollars._

I swallowed at the number, but my dad never said a word as he entered his credit card information and then selected submit and confirm.

It was done.

I was going to play basketball again.

"Thanks, Dad," I replied, a little choked up at what he had just done for me, his crippled son.

"You're welcome. Now your mother and I want to go to the games and watch you kick some ass," he smiled before reaching up and fluffing my hair.

"I don't think mom will want to go."

He sighed. "Sure she will. Just give her some time to adjust. You're still her little boy and you've gone through a lot these past few months, and now you want to do something she thinks might hurt you even more."

"Will it?"

"Not likely. They take every precaution, I'm sure you'll be fine," he said confidently. "According to this, you can pick the chair up next Saturday. I think that's my weekend to work, but maybe your mother can take you in to pick it up," he suggested.

"Um, I can see if Jasper can take me. I mean if it would be easier for you guys," I countered.

Tilting his head, he eyed me for a few seconds before nodding. "That's fine with me. It's a long way though, are you sure he would be allowed to go that far in Jason's truck?"

"I'll check."

"Do that and let me know. If not, we'll figure something out, don't worry. Now how about we go scrounge up something for dinner, I think your mother is meeting some friends tonight."

"Sure, I'll be right there," I said as he got up and headed for the kitchen. Pulling out my phone, I dialed Jasper.

"What's up, stud?" he answered and I immediately rolled my eyes.

"Stud? Is that a construction joke?"

"Yep. It should be closely followed by 'I want to nail you'," he laughed. Even without him saying it to my face, I felt my cheeks heat up.

"Don't give up your day job for comedy," I teased.

"Fuck you, I'm hilarious," he retorted, fringing hurt.

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"My dad ordered the chair."

"Awesome. When can you get it?"

"The site said it should be ready on Friday. So I was wondering if you could drive me to Seattle next Saturday to pick it up?" I asked him, glancing over my shoulder to make sure I was still alone.

"Sure, let me see if I can get the truck," he answered without even thinking about it.

"Okay, thanks," I said hesitantly.

"Hey, babe?"

"Yeah?"

"It's okay to be excited," he said quietly.

He was right. It had been so long since I had thought about something in a positive way. I might not have realized that I had missed it so much, but Jasper had. I was playing because he knew I had to. At the same time, I was worried that this excitement, on any level, meant I was accepting my fate in the chair. If I was okay with playing wheelchair basketball, then I was okay with being crippled. And I wasn't. I never would be.

Somehow, some way, he'd sensed that.

"Are you sure?" I whispered. "Because I just feel like if I am, then it means…" I couldn't even bring myself to say the words.

"Yeah, I'm sure. It doesn't mean that you're giving up hope, baby, it just means you're playing."

I sighed. "I really want to."

"I know you do, and that's why it's okay to be excited about it. You're not giving up your old team just because you're playing with a new one. It'd be the same at college, right?"

"Yeah, that's true," I agreed.

"So tell me about the chair," he said, and I couldn't help but the let the excitement creep back into my voice. I was in the process of telling him how many things my father and I had to do for the form when my dad yelled out from the kitchen that he had found something for dinner. "I gotta go, love. See you in the morning?"

"Yep, I'll be there at seven. Be safe, baby."

"See ya soon, love."

Hitting end, I put the phone back in my pocket and heading toward the kitchen for dinner. My phone buzzed before I was halfway there.

_Btw, I'm funny as hell damn it._

I wheeled into the kitchen with a grin plastered on my face.

All because a certain perfect boy.

"**~~**"

"Where are your books?" I asked him, motioning to his empty hands as walked beside me on the way into the gym for practice.

So far everything had gone according to plan. I had emailed Sam the day before and updated him on the status of the chair, and he reminded me to bring the paperwork with me to practice. Jasper had come over right after track practice, practically throwing me in the truck so we would have time to hit McDonald's on the way, claiming he was craving a burger and chocolate shake. As he inhaled the burger in three bites I told him it wasn't exactly the diet of Olympic athletes in training, though I didn't exactly mind watching him suck hard on the straw.

"In the truck," he answered.

"You promised my dad you were going to do your homework while you waited for me," I reminded him.

"Babe, if you're out there playing, there is only once place my eyes will be. And it's not in a book," he chuckled.

"Dork." I shook my head.

"Your dork," he said just as we reached the entrance to the gym. I paused at the doorway, looking over at my new teammates on the other side when I heard someone behind us.

"Good to see you back, Cullen," Riley smiled as he pulled up next to me, holding out his hand for a fist bump. I returned it and then motioned to Jasper.

"Thanks. This is my friend Jasper," I introduced. "Jasper, this is the team captain, Riley."

Jasper held out his hand and Riley shook it. "Nice to meet you."

"You too," Riley grinned. "You play?"

"Only for him to kick my ass in his driveway," Jasper admitted without shame.

"He does track," I bragged. "Second place last year in the eight hundred."

"Cool. A friend of mine is a pole vaulter at UW. Scary shit if you ask me," he chuckled.

"Says the guy that used to go down a mountain on bike," I retorted.

"Yeah, well, that was different," he laughed. "I'll see ya over there." He nodded to Jasper and then rolling across the gym. I glanced behind me to find Jasper staring down at me, not Riley as he moved toward the rest of the team.

"What did ya think?"

"Seems really nice," he replied. "Go get 'em with your mad Cullen Skills."

Encouraged, I pushed forward, then looked over my shoulder at Jasper leaning against the doorframe. "Enjoy the show." I winked before turning around and rolling across the parquet floor to the team.

They welcomed me back with smiles. Sam slapped me on the back and said he was thrilled I had decided to play, claiming they were going to kick ass with their secret weapon.

"Riley, why don't you take Edward down the other end and go over our defense with him while I work on a few offensive plays with these guys," Sam instructed Riley after we broke from the pre-practice meeting.

"Come on, Cullen," Riley said as he pushed toward the other end of the court, grabbing a ball from the rack on his way. I glanced over at Jasper sprawled on bleachers, legs stretched, elbows on the row behind him, eyes intently on me. No one else but me caught his wink. Shaking my head, I turned and followed Riley, who was expertly dribbling the ball next to his chair as he pushed. I watched the coordination he had, the speed at which his hands went from the ball to his wheels and then back to the ball before it bounced again. He made it look so fucking easy. I also couldn't help but notice the way the muscles in his forearms glided smoothly under the tanned skin. His tank top showed off the upper body he had developed over time while his shorts revealed the thin legs that were no longer used. I looked down at my own sweatpants, still ashamed to show my legs, even if they weren't much smaller than before. A wide strap cut across his thighs and another around his hips.

"It's to keep my balance," he said, catching me staring at him. "The higher the injury, the harder to keep balance without your core muscles. Your injury is pretty low, you still have abs?"

"Yeah, most of them."

"Then you'll probably only need one across your legs," he said. "Did Sam tell you the classifications or anything?"

"No."

"Players are assigned values one through three based on their muscle control and function. A one has the lowest amount of balance and muscle control while a three has the highest. Threes are usually amputees, polio, stuff that puts you in a wheelchair but you still have muscle function. Two's have limited use of their legs, but still have good core control, like abs and lower back muscles. One's have very limited use of their abs and low back muscles. A team can have twelve points on the floor at one time. So, we could have three threes, a two and a one. Make sense?"

"Yeah, I think so. What are you?"

"I'm a one, Leah and Brady are threes."

"What would I be?"

"You might be a two, but probably a one. Even though you've got some abs, you don't have any use of your legs."

"Is a one okay?"

"Yeah, we won't have any problem staying under twelve." Suddenly, he threw the ball at me. Whipping my hands up from the wheels, I caught it. "Nice reflexes." He grinned and pushed his chair back from me, weaving it back and forth. "So, Cullen, work on your dribbling at all?"

"A little, but I didn't have much time this weekend," I admitted.

"You'll catch on quick enough, but extra practice at home won't hurt. Why don't we warm up with some shooting and then we'll go over defense."

I nodded and moved the chair so I was facing the net head on. I hadn't shot since the last practice and hoped I wasn't about to embarrass myself. With Riley watching me, an easy smile on his face, I lifted the ball and shot, relieved when it swished through the net. Shaking his head, Riley rebounded it and bounced passed it back. I shot a few more times from the three point line, then moved closer and tried some in the paint. Riley gave a few hints on shooting from the chair, and even came over to attempt to block me a few times. I was surprised when his long arms reached up and his fingertips grazed the ball, sending it off enough so that it missed the basket. Laughing, he retrieved it and then passed it back to me.

"Try again," he smiled. Anticipating his block that time, I arced the ball even more and grinned when his hand didn't touch it and it sailed through the net. "Touché." He came over with the ball on his lap. "Okay, so here's the deal with defense. We tend to do our defense depending on the team we're playing. We do both man to man and zone. If we're playing a decent outside shooting team then we'll do man to man, if they're not, then we will do zone and save some energy. It's a lot like when you played before." He spun his chair around and stopped.

"But defense is all about feet," I said, confused on how I was supposed to use my feet for defense now.

"Now it's all about the chair, and positioning it. Using it to block someone. I'll show you. Come at me," he encouraged before tossing me the ball. "I'll defend you." Flicking his head to his side, his damp hair moved off his forehead and exposed his sapphire blue eyes. "Just keep it on your lap, don't worry about dribbling."

Doing as he instructed, I put the ball on my lap and pushed toward him with some speed. He was fast, turning his chair and angling it into mine, bumping me gently. When I tried to spin around him, he twisted his chair and blocked my path.

"You can force people to take the outside shot like this. It's not always this gentle, when you get your chair, you'll see how hard you can bumped. It's what the fender and fifth wheel are for."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," he smiled. He was always fucking smiling. Why was he so damn happy all the time?

"Have you ever gotten hurt?"

He chuckled and looked down at his legs. "Yeah, it's why I'm here."

"I meant playing."

Laughing, he tossed his head back, his hair falling right into place when he looked at me with sparkling eyes. "Nothing more than a few pinched fingers here and there. I've fallen over, but didn't get hurt." He moved his chair closer, then reached toward me and took the ball from my lap. "Now you defend me." Effortlessly, he spun his chair around and headed for the basket. I tried to block his path, but he easily turned around me and made a layup.

"Again," he said, moving back to half court. He breezed right by me, smirking as he made another easy shot.

We did it over and over, each time, he was too damn fast and I missed him. "Damn it," I muttered when he rolled by for what seemed like the hundredth time. Glancing over the bleachers for some support, I found Jasper. His eyes pierced me even from across the gym, his lips curling up into a small smile. I knew what he was thinking, and it had nothing to do with basketball. Shaking my head, I turned back to Riley.

"Again," I demanded as I stripped off my sweatshirt and tossed it to the floor.

Riley motioned to my neck. "Looks like your girlfriend got a little feisty."

The tank top I had on was one I used to wear at basketball practice, and apparently its low neck made Jasper's mark visible. "Fuck," I muttered, resisting the urge to glance at Jasper. "Nah, just a bug bite."

"Right," Riley snorted.

"Come at me again," I demanded, changing the subject.

"As you wish," he teased. "Ya know I never could have gotten by you when we played each other before."

"So this is some sweet revenge?" I challenged.

"Maybe," he winked. "I gotta admit, it's nice to see the all mighty Cullen flustered."

Gritting my teeth, I positioned my chair as he rolled toward me with increasing speed. That time, I watched his hands, not the ball, and I noticed the slight twitch in them. Then it came back to me. Reading the offense was something I'd always been able to hold my own at, I'd learned to watch their feet to see which way they were going to go regardless of where the ball went. Now there were no feet to watch, but there were hands on wheels. As he approached me, I saw his left hand shift slightly, and instinctively, I moved to my right, my wheel catching his fender in time to throw off his direct line to the basket and he spun around to approach me again. Watching his hands again, I saw his right move off the wheel and again I stopped him from pushing by me.

"Hmmm," he said as he turned and came at me again. Concentrating, I focused on his hands and moved my chair in front of him at the last second, catching enough of his chair to stop him completely. Frustrated, he went to shoot and I reached up, the tips of my fingers brushing along the ball enough for it to fall beside my chair and I reached out and grabbed it before he could, effectively stealing it from him. Out of habit, I looked down court for my outlet teammate for a fast break, just as I would have if I'd been playing in a game.

It had taken me close to an hour, but I'd finally stopped Riley. He challenged me, he didn't let me rest on my reputation as a star player. There was no doubt I could shoot, but the rest of it was going to take some time, and Riley was going to make me earn back my reputation.

"You're catching on, Cullen," Riley chuckled. "Want to go again?"

"Yeah," I replied, passing the ball back to him and running my hand through my sweaty hair.

I stopped him again, forcing him to take a long outside shot, which he missed. "Looks like someone needs to work on their outside shooting."

"Hey, I'm a post," he grumbled with a grin. "You're the outside shooter."

We continued going over defense techniques and the more I watched his hands, the quicker I got at knowing which way he was going to go. I stopped him a few more times before we were both panting for breath and wiping sweat off our faces. It was the hardest workout I'd had in months, and I fucking loved it. I loved the exhaustion in my muscles, I loved pushing them until they burned and ached. I loved the sweat on my face and the feeling of my lungs sucking in air until my throat was dry. I was pushing myself to the limit, something I hadn't done since the accident.

Sam called the team over to do a three on three scrimmage. While they went through some plays, I watched with Brady from the sidelines, sucking down my water in large gulps. When Sam stopped it to go over a play, I looked over at Jasper. He was still leaning back, his long legs crossed. A few waves of silk fell across his eye when he tilted his head at me, then teasingly ran his tongue along his bottom lip. I couldn't contain the shiver that went through me at the sensual movement. I think I wanted to get him out the truck as much as he did.

"Okay, time to call it a night," Sam said from center court. The team headed toward the sidelines and picked up their duffle bags. I went to grab my sweatshirt, but Riley whizzed by me, reaching down and picking it up before I could. Putting it on his lap, he spun his chair around, pushing backwards away from me.

"Come and get it," he teased. Rolling my eyes, I surged my chair forward with one large push, almost catching up to him. He raised his brows, surprised at my short burst of speed. "You might have potential yet, Cullen." He rolled to a stop by at the end of the court, and I gently tapped into his chair with mine. Holding his blue gaze, I reached over, snagged my sweatshirt from his lap and quickly spun my chair around, glancing at him over my shoulder.

"Maybe next time you'll be faster," I smiled, and then turned toward Jasper. He was already in the doorway and even from a distance I could see the outline of his erection as he shifted his weight back and forth.

"See ya, Cullen," Riley called out behind me.

"See ya," I replied, but my attention was already on getting my boy off. Jasper turned before I reached him, his strides long and purposeful as he walked down the hallway. I pushed hard to keep up with him, following him down the ramp to the truck. Wordlessly, but with a flush on his cheeks, he got me into the cab and then put my chair in the back. The door had barely closed and he was lifting his hips off the leather seat and unbuttoning his jeans. Enthralled with his desperation, I watched him as he lowered his zipper and sighed in relief when his erection sprung free.

He'd gone commando.

"Jas…" I began but stopped when he looked at me with wild, fiery eyes. After glancing out the back window, he moved across the seat and went to straddle me, but I stopped him. "Have they all left?"

Sighing, he looked around me. "There's a few cars over there," he said, pointing behind us. "But, baby, it's dark. They won't see."

"What if they come over here?"

Groaning, he hung his head. "Fine."

Sexual frustration rolled off him as he stared out the window, his cock in his loose hand while he watched the rest of the team leave, a few getting into Sam's van for a ride home. The last one to leave was Riley, who got into a gray conversion van. He'd barely backed out of the parking space before Jasper was climbing on top of me and pulling off his shirt.

"Off," he demanded, his fingers tugging at the bottom of my sweaty shirt. "Need to see you. Need to touch you." Before I could protest, he was sliding the tank top up my body, and without hesitating, I raised my arms for him to pull it off. He immediately ran his hands over my shoulders and down my arms, squeezing my biceps, which flexed under his attention. "You smell so fucking good."

"You okay?" I asked, slightly intimidated by his feral need. I had seen Jasper eager many times, but never quite as urgent as he was then.

"I need you to touch me, baby. Right fucking now," he commanded lowly. His knees were on either sides of my thighs and I grabbed his hips and pulled him forward so I could yank his jeans down over his ass. His cock twitched, a bead of precum forming at the slit. Holding his hips, I looked at him through my lashes and leaning forward, flicked my tongue over the head before swirling it around once. His hips bucked forward. "Babe, you do that again and I'm going to come."

Smirking, I did it again.

He didn't come, but he moaned, long and loud, filling the cab with his sound and scent. "Please…" Pushing his hips back down onto my lap, I held them with one hand while the other wrapped around his cock. His head lolled back, his Adam's apple jutting out as he began thrusting into my closed fist.

"Only gonna take a few strokes," he warned me. Lifting his head, his eyes captured mine, holding them in the heat of his gaze as he ran his hands over my chest and shoulders and arms. Sometimes lightly, other times he gripped so tight I thought he might bruise me. Then he slid one hand up my arm and shoulders to rest on the spot where he'd marked me. While his thumb rubbed it, his other hand went to a nipple, pinching it. When my back arched forward into his touch, his hips pushed up erratically.

"Faster," he breathed. Obeying, I quickly slid my hand over the velvet skin of his shaft. His other hand traveled to my other nipple, and he worked them both, tugging and flicking and tweaking until I was moaning as loudly as he was. He grabbed my hand from his hip and shoved his between his thighs, curling it around his balls. "Play with me…yeah, just like that," he cried out when I cupped and tugged on the wrinkled sac. He dropped forward, his forehead landing heavily on my shoulder, but his hands never stopped on me. One last hard pump and he tensed. "Coming," he cried out hoarsely.

He was wrong, it hadn't taken him a few strokes, but it had taken less than a dozen before his cock was pulsing and releasing his warm cum in short, strong bursts. The waves of his climax hit him, his body convulsing on me as he grunted. I hadn't seen him come that hard in a long time, his cock still twitching and releasing even after several streams had landed on us. Not even trying to control himself, hot breaths washed over my chest as he gasped for air while strands of silky hair brushed my jaw as he moved his head and kissed my neck.

"Mind telling me what had you so worked up?" I asked, my hand leaving his hip to run up his bare back, pleased when he trembled.

"You."

It was a simple answer, and the raw honesty of it sent a shiver down my stunted spine.

Slowly, he lifted his head, moving his forehead to mine. "Just something in the way you move, baby. When you blocked that kid's shot, I almost came in my pants. Then when you did it again, I was fucking tempted to go the bathroom and jerk off," he confessed.

Smiling, I ran a finger down his cheek. "What stopped you?"

"I wanted you to do it more," he admitted with a smirk, "but it was fucking torture to sit there and wait and watch. Thought my nuts were gonna burst."

"My horny boy, that's what you get for going commando," I sighed. Breaching the space between us, I kissed him for the first time since we'd gotten into the truck, my tongue seeking out his for a long few minutes before he groaned and pulled away.

"We gotta go, huh?"

"Yeah, probably. I remembered to bring one this time," he announced proudly as he reached for a towel on the seat and used it to wipe off my chest and hand, then his own abs and dick before tossing it on the floor of the truck, then he put his tee shirt back on and handed mine to me. He rose to his knees and I pulled up his pants and stuffed his cock back into his jeans, carefully zipping them up. While he moved back to his seat, I put on my tee shirt, then we buckled up our seatbelts and Jasper started the truck. He took my hand and placed them on the seat between us.

"So how was practice?" he asked causally, as if we both couldn't still smell his release in the air or see the flush remaining on his cheeks.

Shaking my head, I looked away. "It was good," I began and then filled him in on the details, watching him squirm in his seat as he recalled what he'd seen, what had gotten him so worked up. He listened intently, occasionally letting go of my hand to palm his cock.

"**~~**"

"You got everything?" he asked as he placed me in the cab of the truck, then tossed my backpack on the floor.

"Yeah, I think so. I've got some kits, pain pills, the forms and," I reached into the bag and pulled out a container full of cookies that my mother had baked, "snacks!"

"God, I love your mother," he sighed happily.

"Dude, that's just gross." He rolled his eyes and closed the door, cutting off a longer rant from me. I heard him put my chair in the back and I buckled up just as he climbed in.

"Did you bring drinks too?"

"Of course. What's a road trip without Dew? You got the cap on the back?" I asked, pointing to the cover on the bed of the truck.

"Yeah, I thought it might be good to have it on for the ride out there. Want to keep the investment safe." Smiling, he reached up and turned on the GPS. "What's the address?" I gave it to him and he entered it. "Looks like just under four hours. Should put us there about two." After hitting play on the stereo, he leaned back and did up his own seatbelt.

I looked out the windshield, confirming my suspicions and finding my mother standing on the porch. She might have baked us cookies and checked to make sure that I had enough of everything several times, but she couldn't hide her nerves over Jasper driving me four hours from home. After a lot of worry from my mother and convincing from my dad, she had finally agreed to let Jasper drive me. It hadn't escaped anyone that I was returning to Seattle for the first time since my accident. The last time I'd been there, I had been strapped to a backboard and had arrived by helicopter in the middle of the night. I couldn't fault my parent's concern, and part of me reveled in the way they cared so much about me. Jasper had an easier time getting the truck as long as he agreed to call his dad when we arrived in Seattle and before we left to head home.

As Jasper shifted into reverse, my mother waved and smiled. Jasper twisted his body, his arm resting along the back of the seat as he turned to look out the window and back up. Slowly, he backed out onto the street and then shifted into drive.

"Sure you're ready for this, Cullen?" he grinned.

"Fuck yeah," I replied, waving to my mother before Jasper pulled away. We were barely a few hundred feet from my driveway when his hand covered mine on the seat between us.

It had been a long week spent in school, doing homework, PT with Emmett, practice with the team and then practicing on my own in the driveway. A few days he was later than usual after having stopped at a few places to ask for pledges for the race, but Jasper still came over every day after track practice, practically collapsing on my bed, his eyes closing before he'd even said hi. He had already raised a little over two thousand dollars after a large donation from Newton's Sporting Goods. Mike's parents had said they would sponsor Jasper, providing him with sneakers and clothing for training as long as he wore something with their logo on it in the race. When they handed Jasper a thousand dollar check, he agreed without hesitation. The other thousand had come from a few stores and restaurants, but he had yet to hit a lot of businesses, the hospital or friends at school. But even after already raising enough to almost pay for the chair, Jasper's pride in his early effort couldn't shadow his clear exhaustion. After updating me on his status, he sat on my lap and we made out for a few minutes. Twice he fell asleep on me, his head heavy on my shoulder as he snored.

But there was something else besides his exhaustion, something was bothering him. I had asked him about it a few times, but he had shaken his and said, "I'm just tired, baby. I'm running more than I'm used to and it takes some getting used to." Then he had kissed me and made me forget what I had been worried about to begin with.

I studied him as he drove, his face was tight and drawn. No easy smiles, or even tired ones. He joked with me, even teased me a few times but he was preoccupied and I could tell.

And I had no idea why, but whatever it was scared me.

We stopped at a truck stop about half way there so Jasper could use the bathroom. When he got back into the truck, I handed him a few cookies and a soda, telling him he looked like he could use it.

We arrived in Seattle a few hours later, Jasper concentrating on navigating the city with the GPS until he pulled into a small parking lot next to Top End Chairs. Jasper pulled out his phone and called his dad, letting him know we had arrived safely, and I called my mom, who breathed a long sigh of relief. I grabbed the order forms and receipt from my bag before Jasper helped me out and we headed toward the store. Several large glass windows lined the front of the store on either side of the automatic doors. The inside was huge and open with a large, wide aisle in the center and rows of chairs on both sides. The walls were covered with accessories like helmets, clothing, bags, and spare parts for wheelchairs. Jasper pointed to a few chairs, ones made for road races, commenting on their aerodynamic design and bright colors. A man with an orange polo shirt approached us in a wheelchair.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, my father ordered a basketball chair and I'm here to pick it up. We got an email yesterday saying it was ready."

"Sure, come over to the counter," he said, spinning his chair around and going behind a counter. I pulled up to it, noticing how low it was. The man typed a few keys on a computer and then asked me my name and order number. I gave him the information and he entered it. "I see an order for a Paul Schulte Signature. Is that all you ordered?"

"Yes."

"Let me go get it from the back, hang on," he smiled and went toward the back of the store.

Jasper leaned against the counter and looked around. "They've got some really nice chairs," he said, scanning the store.

"Really expensive chairs," I muttered under my breath. The man returned, dragging a maroon and gray chair behind him. Jasper jogged over to him, taking the chair for him and pushing it over to the counter.

"Check it over and make sure the specs are what you ordered," the guy instructed and I moved over to where Jasper stood with it. I had to admit, it was sleek looking, the metallic paint sparkled under the store's lights, the tires were a pure black and the seat was thickly padded.

"Gesh, Cullen, you've got the Mercedes of wheelchairs here," Jasper joked as he looked it over. "This thing is sweet."

Laughing, I ran my hand along the wheels and the footrest and compared it all to the specs on the form. Satisfied it all matched, I nodded to the worker. "Looks great."

"Awesome, let me just have you sign a few things and you can be on your way." He moved back behind the counter and printed out a paper for me to sign. Once I had, he took it and gave me a copy. "These are Sam's colors, are you playing for him?"

"Yeah," I nodded as I folded the paper. "Just started."

"He's great. Always has a good team. You'll enjoy it," he smiled. "Do you need anything else? Gloves, helmet, clothing?"

"Nope, this was it," I replied. "Thanks for your help."

"Actually," Jasper spoke up. "I'm running a half marathon to raise money for his medical bills and other expenses, and I was wondering if the store would like to make a donation?"

I couldn't believe the professional, confident voice Jasper had as he outright asked a stranger for money. Then I saw his half smile, just enough so one dimple was visible and his eyes lit up. Both evidence he was a man on a mission.

"Actually, the store does do some sponsorships, but it's the owner you need to talk to. I'll get you his email and number and you can call him," the man replied, grabbing a pen and piece of paper.

"Great, thanks a lot," Jasper smiled. "I appreciate it."

"No problem. I know how expensive it is. Here you go," he handed Jasper the paper. "If you have any questions or problems with the chair, let us know."

"Thanks." I turned to Jasper, who was gliding the new chair back and forth. "Ready?"

He nodded and followed me out to the truck. He lifted me in and then put both chairs in the back. Hearing him move around in the bed of the truck, I looked through the window and saw him using bungee cords to secure the new chair so it would bang around. Once he was satisfied, he climbed out. He got inside and put on his seatbelt.

"Want to get some lunch? I saw a pizza place a few blocks back." He started up the truck and backed out of the parking spot.

"Sounds good. I'm starving."

He turned onto the street and headed the way we had come, pulling over about four blocks later in front of Piecora's Pizza. After helping me into the chair, we went inside, the delicious scent of spices and baked dough hitting us. There were a few booths against the wall and some wooden tables scattered in the middle. There was a counter in front of us with a brightly colored menu hanging above it. There were a few other people in there, one family and a few couples.

"What can I get for ya?" a teenage boy asked with a pen in his hand.

We ordered a large pepperoni and sausage and two sodas. Jasper pulled out his wallet and handed over the money. The boy said he would call us when the pizza was done, and I followed Jasper to a table with four chairs. Before Jasper sat down and opened a soda, he pushed one of the chairs aside so I could pull up the table.

"You know this is the first time I've gone out to eat since the accident," I told him, taking a sip of my drink. "Well, there was Ronaldo's, but that didn't work out."

"Fucking assholes," Jasper muttered, and I couldn't help but smile at his protectiveness. I watched him as he drank his soda and twisted a paper napkin tightly around his finger, only to undo it and then do it again. It might not have been the most ideal of locations, but I needed to know what was going on with him. Lifting my hand, I covered his and stopped his motion. His eyes immediately darted to the counter and the men working behind it, then back to me, questioning my public touch. I ignored his unspoken question and asked one of my own.

"What's got you so distracted lately?"

He lifted his eyes to mine, a smile teasing his lips. "You."

Exhaling, I shook my head. "No, it's not sex. It's something else. What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he assured me.

"Jas?" I pressed him. His stubbornness wouldn't let him give anything up too easily.

He glanced away, and then sighed. "It's nothing to worry about."

"Damn it, you give me a hard time about shit like this. Fucking tell me," I growled lowly so as not to draw any more attention than a boy in a wheelchair holding another boy's hand already did. Swallowing, he eyed me for a long minute, his hand automatically upturning and lacing his fingers with mine.

Lowering his head, he stared at our clasped hands before quietly saying, "The first track meet is coming up next Wednesday."

Jasper had done a lot of meets, and sometimes he would anxious with extra energy right before them, but I'd never seen him nervous about one that was days away, not even the state championship meet the year before. He was confident in his ability, he knew he was fast, he knew hardly anyone could touch him in the three races he ran, unless there was some new track star, I didn't know why he would be worried this time and not others.

"You've never been worried about a meet before."

"It's different now," he answered almost absently, his thumb stroking mine.

"How?"

He shrugged. "I've got more on my mind now than before, I might not be as prepared as I should be."

My boy was pushing himself beyond his limits between school, track practice, seeing me daily, getting pledges, working with his dad, and taking me to basketball practice. So much of what he was carrying on his shoulders was because of me. Before my accident, there were rare days when we didn't see each other after school, but now Jasper was at my house every spare second he had. I gazed at his tired face, even with his downcast eyes, I knew the weariness that fogged them. I was causing his exhaustion, he was so tired because of me. I was the burden I didn't want to be.

Finally, he raised his eyes to mine and gave me a smile, squeezing my hand. "I'm fine, baby, don't worry."

"Is that all there is?"

"Not exactly." I waited for him to continue on his own, knowing he would in his own time. "I was…well, I was kind of hoping that you…that you wouldcomewatchme," he blurted out before chewing nervously on the inside of his cheek. "Ya know, like you used to."

"You want me to come watch the meet?"

"Yeah."

"I wouldn't miss it, love," I said softly.

Grinning, practically fucking beaming, he said, "Really? You'll come?"

"I'll be there with pompoms to cheer you on," I replied.

"I just didn't know with the chair, if you'd feel uncomfortable going," he admitted.

"I don't think I can get to the bleachers, but I can watch from the ground, or up on the hill. I wouldn't miss seeing you kick some ass for anything."

"Thanks," he sighed again, only that time it was with contentment.

I studied him for a moment. "You got some serious balls."

"What do you mean?"

"You just…at the store, you just asked them for money. I could never do that," I explained. "It takes a lot of guts to do that."

"Well, donations aren't just going to appear, I have to ask if I want them. The worst thing they can say is 'no thanks'. I figured if that place specializes in sport wheelchairs, they might support something like what I'm doing," he answered nonchalantly.

"It's still pretty fucking cool," I smiled.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Leaning forward he asked, "Does it turn you on?" But before I could answer, a guy behind the counter called out that our pizza was done.

Jasper got it and returned with the box, some plates and more napkins. I shook my head as he handed me a small stack of them, as he always did when we ate pizza. We both clearly remembered the day we were doing homework in my room when my mother burst in and bitched me out about ruining another pair of jeans from wiping my greasy fingers on my thighs.

"Looks good," I said, opening the box and inhaling the scent of freshly baked pizza. Jasper moaned as he bit into it, and I swear his eyes almost rolled back into his head. "You look like you're coming." His eyes grew wide and he started choking on his food. Leaning over I whacked his back. "You okay?"

With tears in his eyes, he finally swallowed. "Jesus, you can't shit like that in public," he scolded me with blushing cheeks.

"Well, you did. Must be really good pizza to make you jizz," I continued to taunt him.

"Must be the sausage," he tossed back. It didn't take long before we were giggling like girls over our stupid sexual innuendo, not giving a damn who heard in a city where no one knew us. We finished all but two slices, which Jasper had boxed to bring home with us.

"I should use the bathroom before we go, I'm overdue," I said. "But I didn't bring the bag in."

"I'll go grab it," he said standing.

When he returned, I took the bag and went down the small hallway under the restroom sign. Pushing the door the men's room open, I was relieved to see a large stall with a working lock on it. I used the catheter, working quickly, and then washed up and went back out to Jasper. I found him with his arms folded on the table and his chin resting on them with his eyes closed.

"Jas?"

His head snapped up and he yawned. "Ready?"

At the truck, he lifted me in, put my chair in the back and then got in. Before he started, he texted his father to let him know we were heading back toward Forks and would be home about eight. I called my mother and updated her, telling her we had gotten the chair and eaten lunch, and I would see her in about four hours. She told me to be careful and then said she loved me before hanging up. We buckled up and Jasper backed out, turning on the GPS to guide us home.

His hand snuck into mine and that's where it remained.

"**~~**"

"You can't be serious," he exclaimed, shaking his head in obvious disappointment.

"Totally am," I laughed. "I had a total crush on him."

"Edward, I'm sorry, but we're done," he smiled. Gasping, I put a hand over my heart. Of course, my other was still entwined with his on the seat. "We can't see each other any longer." He shook his head disbelievingly. "I can't believe we've been together all this time and I didn't know this about you. It's just…shocking. And sacrilegious."

Laughter bubbled out of me, my upper body shaking with it. The darkness of twilight surrounded the truck as we sped along the curvy one two lane highway less than an hour from home, and while The Beatles played, Jasper and I debated over who was hotter, Batman or Superman. It had gotten quite heated at times.

"Kent has a better body," I argued. "And his powers are real. He didn't need a utility belt."

"Two words for you," Jasper glanced at me with a wink, "leather codpiece."

I countered with, "Black-framed glasses."

He groaned and threw his head back. "Ugh! Wayne had to work his ass off to do what he did. Kent was just 'oh, gee, I'm super strong and can leap tall buildings in single bound'."

"Yeah, but Wayne's abs were only in his suit," I retorted playfully. "Kent's were all natural, baby."

"He was a fucking alien," Jasper cried out.

"A hot one," I grinned.

"Wayne was rich beyond words, Kent was a farmer's son," Jasper tried a different tactic.

"Mmm, all tan and dusty."

"Your unreal," Jasper laughed, the joyful sound filling the cab. I couldn't help but laugh along with him.

My body was turned slightly in the seat as I watched him drive, one hand relaxing on the top of the wheel, the other in mine between us. His window was about half way down, and the wind coming in whipped his hair around his face, sending it blowing in every direction. He didn't seem to care, but I thought it might be distracting. Leaning over, I used my free hand to capture some of his tangled waves and tuck them behind his ear, taking a little longer than necessary with the silky strands. Just then "Maybe I'm Amazed" came on the stereo and Jasper turned to me with his blue eyes bright and clear and just fucking happy. The exhaustion from earlier was gone, the worry I'd seen in him had morphed into nothing but devotion and love. My finger dragged down his neck in a light caress and he smiled at the tender touch. He was so beautiful, the way he slid his eyes to mine and smiled with dimples.

I didn't know how he did it, whether it was his own superpower or fate intervening, but right then I saw our future together. Flashes of us going to classes, cooking dinner, watching movies, and cuddling on the couch. It was a simple life, perhaps not the one I had imagined prior to the accident, but it was one of happiness and love. And after four months of dreading the next day, much less my future, I finally let myself hope that Jasper just might be by my side forever after all. Entranced by his dazzling smile, I tilted my head and sighed. Something in front of us caught my eye.

I saw the blinding headlights coming directly at us just before he did.

"JASPER!"

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

WN was featured in an article on sexuality and paralysis on the PPSS http:/www DOT pervpackssmutshack DOT com/2011/04/we-here-in-shack-love-reading-smut-and DOT html?zx=e0f954fb54e4ed88 (link also in profile)

The Slash Awards Round Three will be starting soon. Categories are up, and nominations will start on April 23rd. Go check it out! http:/theslashawards DOT blogspot DOT com/

Top End Chairs exists, but not in Seattle. I used a wee bit of creative license there. http:/www DOT topendwheelchair DOT com/


	21. Something In The Way He Moves

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N-My apologies for the cliffie last chapter, I hope the why it had to end there is clear here, if not, then please feel free to ask me in a rev or PM. This chapter picks up with them driving home, but does include some flashbacks while they're driving. The boy has a lot on his young mind. Chapter is a bit dialogue heavy.

There's been a rush of alerts and favs for these boys lately, thank you all! This chapter is unbeta'd, all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are mine.

Special thanks to Dannie, who stuck by me for so long with this story, if it wasn't for her encouragement and faith in my writing, these boys wouldn't be here.

Now Jasper pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night I could fight the darkness for him…_

"**~~**"

I was beyond exhausted.

My body was tired from running, driving, and lack of sleep. My mind was worn from the guilt I had been carrying from actually considering accepting the scholarship I had been offered to OSU. I felt I had no choice. I hadn't heard from any other school, and even if I did, the odds of getting the same kind of offer weren't likely.

How could I do it? How could I tell my parents I was turning down so much money for friendship? And if I didn't do that, how could I tell Edward that I was giving up on the dream we had shared for two years, the one that he had worked his ass off to help us reach? The reason he was in the fucking accident to begin with was because he was earning money for_ us_. How could I walk away from that?

But none of that mattered as I sat next to Edward on our way home from Seattle with his new chair strapped safely in the bed of the truck. The highway stretched before us and I let my mind wander to the past week, every second leading me to exactly where I was, exactly where I wanted to be.

After Edward had called to ask if I could drive him to Seattle to pick up his chair, I immediately went to find my dad. He was in the garage loading up his work truck for the next day.

"Hey," he nodded when I walked in. "Can you grab those two-by-fours?"

"Sure." I went over the pile and grabbed a few boards and slid them into the long bed of his truck. "I need a favor."

"What's up?" He leaned against the truck and took off his work gloves.

"Edward ordered a chair for basketball and it's going to be ready on Saturday. He wants to know if I can drive him to pick it up. His dad is working."

"Saturday?"

"Yeah."

"Where?"

I looked down at my feet, unable to stop my toe when it rubbed along the cement floor. "Seattle," I murmured, slowly raising my eyes to his.

"Seattle? As in four hours away?"

"That would be the one," I muttered. He sighed and brushed the sawdust off his jeans. "I'll be careful."

"Oh, I know you will. I know you wouldn't let anything happen to Edward." I watched him, biting my lip, as he thought about it.

"I'll pay for the gas," I offered, trying to sweeten the deal.

"That's a given," he smiled. "Okay, here's the deal. You can go, but you have to call me the second you arrive in Seattle and right before you leave. I also want you home by eight."

"Deal," I jumped to agree. "No problem." I turned to help him finish loading the truck.

"Jasper?"

"Yeah?"

"Be careful."

"I will."

When I called Edward later to tell him, I heard the relief in his voice when he thanked me. I knew spending four hours in a car with his mother was not his idea of good time.

At Edward's practice two days later, I was on the bleachers watching my boy. He was still amazing.

The distraction of watching Edward play had given me a reprieve from my thoughts about college. Since I'd gotten the letter from OSU, I had barely thought of anything else. Hundreds of questions raced through my mind, each one leading to another, and all of them eventually led back to Edward and what it would mean for us. My parents were hard workers, they earned decent money, but college wasn't cheap for anyone, and being able to save a hundred and forty thousand dollars was too much to turn down.

It seemed it was all coming down to which was more important. Love or money?

Unlike Edward, I hadn't yet been accepted to UW, and I worried that if I turned down the chance at OSU, then didn't get into UW or couldn't afford it, that I would have missed the chance of a lifetime. I couldn't do that. Edward wouldn't want me to.

Which was exactly what scared the shit out of me.

If Edward knew about the scholarship, he would beam with pride, and then promptly tell me I should go, it was my chance and I needed to take it.

But how could I take it without him by my side? It wasn't supposed to be that way. We were supposed to be together, taking classes and studying, waking up every morning and cooking breakfast. I wasn't ashamed to admit I needed him by side every bit as much as he did me. Rationally, I knew that four hours apart wasn't much, but it was four hours too far. What if he needed me? Who would be there for him?

Who would be there for me?"

Shaking my head, I forced my focus back to Edward on the court.

There was seriously something in the way he moved that went straight to my cock. If I tried to analyze it, I could break it down into the fluidity and coordination of his muscles and body, the way he looked with a film of sweat covering his pale skin, and even his scent that wafted across the gym. Each factor was powerful on its own, but together they were a lethal combination for me, and my dick stirred to life the second he made his first shot, and was aching by the time he took off his sweatshirt. I attempted to think about something else, anything else, but it was useless. I almost creamed my jeans when he reached up, his long arms extending all the way to his fingertips and they brushed along the bottom of the ball, knocking it to the side enough for Edward to grab.

I smirked at the surprised looked on Riley's face.

My boy impressed him.

The zipper cut painfully into my erection and I debated going to the restroom to jerk off. It wouldn't have taken any longer than a few strokes, but I didn't want it to be my hand doing those strokes, I wanted it to be Edward's.

And less than an hour later it was.

I couldn't remember the last time I'd been so desperate for his touch. It was primal, nothing romantic about it, I needed his hand on my cock and his mouth on mine. He didn't question it, he just gave me what I needed, stroking me hard and fast. After I came and cleaned up, I drove us home, listening to him talk about practice.

"So what did you think about Riley?"

"He seems nice," I shrugged.

"Anything else?"

"Like?" I glanced over and saw his raised brow. "Fine. He's got nice eyes."

"You know what he did with those nice eyes?"

"What?"

"He noticed a mark on my neck."

"Oh. Ah, sorry," I grinned, not the slightest bit sorry that another guy had seen my mark on Edward.

"I don't think you are," he smirked. "He said my girlfriend must have gotten feisty. I told him she had great lips and huge tits."

"Fuck off, you did not," I replied, only slightly worried he was telling the truth. When he didn't respond, I glanced at him. "You didn't really, did you? Though I do have a nice rack."

Edward chuckled. "Nice eyes, huh?"

"Yeah, nice eyes," I repeated. "I admit he fills out a tank top quite nicely, but…"

"But?"

"He ain't no Edward Cullen."

"Dork," he laughed, reaching over to shove my shoulder. "Hey, how much homework do you have?"

"All of it," I sighed.

"When you drop me off, come down to my room."

"For round two?" I asked hopefully.

"No, so you can copy my homework. I've got physics, calculus, and history done. We had to read for English. That only leaves your WWII class."

"Baby?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you," I murmured, then lifted his hand to my lips and kissed it.

"Love you too," he smiled. "But next time, bring your homework."

"Ugh! Watching you play is way more fun."

The next day I handed in all my homework assignments, not surprised when I got everything right. Later that day, Edward and I had just sat down at the lunch table when Bella joined us.

"Where's Newton?"

"He's coming," she said, attempting to open her juice and handing it to Edward when she couldn't. He easily unscrewed the top and handed it back to her.

"Do you want to tell her?" I asked Edward and he nodded.

"Tell me what?"

"I'm on a wheelchair basketball team," Edward announced with an uncontained hint of pride in his voice.

"Seriously?" she squealed, bouncing in her seat. "Where?"

"Port Angeles. A team that Jasper found for me. I've been to a few practices, even ordered a new chair for it."

"Wow, that's so cool!" Her excitement was genuine, she beamed for her ex-boyfriend, a boy who undoubtedly still held a piece of her heart. "When is your first game?"

"A few weeks, I think."

"Can I come?"

That question was one I hadn't expected, but I shouldn't have been surprised. Even when they weren't dating, she had gone to all his Spartan games.

"Sure. Maybe you can ride with us," Edward offered without hesitation. "Right, Jasper?"

"Yeah, sure."

She grinned and nodded. "I can't wait."

Just then Newton, Eric and Angela appeared with their trays. Newton plopped in a chair next to Bella, giving her a smile before he looked pointedly at me.

"You really going to run a thirteen mile race?" Newton asked.

Bella gasped, then tossed me a shocked look. "You are?"

"Damn right I am," I replied, then asked Mike. "How'd you find out?"

"Dude, it's all over the fucking school," he scoffed.

"Seriously?"

"Yep."

I looked at Edward and he shrugged. "Wasn't me."

"I told my coach yesterday to get some advice, he must have said something," I thought aloud.

"Thirteen miles is insane," Eric said, shaking his head and Newton agreed.

"I'm running to raise money for Edward's medical bills and some other stuff, like a car," I announced.

Staring at Edward, Bella tilted her head. "That's pretty great. How much are you hoping to raise?"

"At least thirty thousand." Her juice went spraying all over the table as she coughed at my answer.

"Thirty thousand?" they all asked simultaneously.

"Yep."

"That's ambitious," Bella replied.

Edward finally spoke up. "I think he can do it."

"Me too," Angela agreed, whacking Eric's knee until he said the same thing.

"Thanks, guys," I yawned, then looked at Mike. "Think your parents would donate?"

He shrugged. "I don't see why not. They like to do community shit like that. I think they've held races before. Come by after school, my mom will be there."

"I'll be by after practice," I replied. They continued to drill me about the distance and how it was physically possible for someone to run that far until the bell rang.

At practice after school, I reviewed the ideas I had written down the night before when I had gone online and researched on training for marathons. I had to adjust them to fit the short time I had to train in, and it meant I had to start running at least five miles a day, about twice what I normally ran. It wasn't out of my range, something could do only getting slightly winded, but it was going to take longer than I was used to, and delay me getting to Edward's. Instead of a warm up lap, I stretched for a few extra minutes and then headed out onto the track, closing down all thoughts except keeping my pace and breathing.

As soon as practice was done, I tossed my bag into the truck and drove to Newton's store. He was at the counter when I came in and nodded to me.

"I'll go get my mom," he said before disappearing out back. I leaned against the counter to wait, unable to stop my eyes from closing in the minute it took for his mother to come out.

"Mr. Whitlock, good to see you. How's school?"

I didn't know Mrs. Newton very well. Since most of the parties I went to at Mike's had happened when his parents were out of town, I hadn't seen her too much, but I knew her from the store and I knew she knew the Cullen's.

"Pretty good, thanks."

"Good. Now, what can I do for you? Looking for a job?"

"Actually, no." I picked up one of the race flyers off the counter. "I'm running in this to raise money for the Cullen's medical expenses, as well as the expenses for their alterations to their house and for a car for Edward, and I was wondering if you would be willing to donate?"

"You're running the half marathon to raise money for Edward?"

"Yes."

She pushed her hair off her face, tucking the strands behind her ear. "That's quite honorable."

"Thanks," I gave her my 'aw shucks' voice that Edward often teased me about.

"How are you training for it?"

"Well, I've got track practice every day anyway, so I'm going to start using it to help train for this. I've got a schedule planned out so I'll be ready."

"Will you finish?"

"Definitely," I answered confidently. Though, right then, I couldn't walk a mile much less run thirteen.

"Tell ya what," she began. "We have everything you would need for training here, so I'll make a deal with you. We'll provide you with all the gear you need, including sneakers, and I'll give you a thousand dollar check right now if you agree to let us sponsor you and you wear something from our store the day of the race."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Wow, that's awesome, thanks."

"Do we have a deal?"

"Yes, definitely," I nodded, shaking her hand.

"Let me go get that check. Why don't you have a look around, see if there's anything you need," she suggested. While she went out back, I went over the rack with the UnderAmour and picked out the long sleeved one I couldn't afford before. She returned to the counter and found me waiting there with the shirt.

"That's it? No sneakers or socks or anything?"

"No, this is good, thanks."

She bagged it and then wrote something down and then handed me a check made out to me for one thousand dollars. I'd never held so much money before.

"Thanks, Mrs. Newton. This is great, I appreciate it."

"My pleasure. If you need anything else, let me know," she smiled.

"I will, thanks," I said, taking my bag. Mike was unpacking a box when I turned around and I nodded to him as I walked by. "See ya, Newton."

"See ya," he replied and I walked out.

When I arrived at Edward's later, I fell onto his lap, my head barely landing on his shoulder before my eyes began to close. He let me nap, but woke me up for dinner and to do homework. Quietly sitting on his bed, I tried to concentrate on the work we were doing, but my mind kept jumping around and I lost what little focus I had. He glanced up at me from his book a few times, but it wasn't until I sighed that he asked what was wrong.

I should have known he would notice. Just like I could tell when something was bothering him, I should have realized he would too. Lowering my eyes so they couldn't betray me when I lied, I told him I was just tired. After assuring him everything was fine, I crawled out to the truck and drove home, collapsing on my bed without even undressing.

Thursday went similar, I went yawned my way through school, ran my ass off at track, then went to Edward's to bring him to his practice. I arrived on his doorstep and helped him into the truck, noticing he had his backpack with him, but didn't find out why until we arrived in Port Angeles.

"Got your homework?" he asked as I shifted into park.

"Yeah." Not that I had any intention of doing any of it.

"Good, bring it inside," he said firmly.

"But-" I started to whine, but then saw him digging through his bag, pulling out books.

"Here's our calc, history, and physics homework. You need to read twenty pages for English and be prepared for a quiz tomorrow," he said as he piled the books on the seat. He was letting me copy his homework again.

"Baby-"

"Don't. Yeah, I know it's not right and all that shit, but nothing is right anymore. It's not right that I'm paralyzed, it's not right that you're running yourself into the ground, literally, because of me. Driving me everywhere, getting donations. Helping you out on some homework is the fucking least I can do," he finished with a sigh.

As much as I needed the help with the homework, I knew he needed to give it to me, it was something he could do help me, not the other way around. There was no way I wouldn't accept his offer.

I leaned over his books and curved my hand behind his neck, drawing him to me for a kiss. My lips brushed over his a few times before my tongue entered and swept it over his, filling my mouth with his taste. Sliding his hand up my arm, his fingers twisted in the ends of my hair and I moaned into the kiss when he tugged on them a little. The corner of the books cut into my abs as I moved closer to him, deepening the kiss.

"Thanks, baby," I mumbled against his lips as I pulled away, but didn't break contact. The soft tufts of hair at the nape of his neck slipped through my grasp as I angled his head and kissed him again. Offering no resistance, he returned my need with equal fervor, our noses bumping with the sudden desperation that filled the cab. Tearing my mouth from his, I moved my lips along his jaw.

"Practice," he stuttered between breaths, reminding himself. "Need to go."

Placing my lips at his ear, I outlined the shell before whispering, "You're mine after practice, Cullen." Pulling back, I took in the flush on his cheeks and the growing lust in his eyes. "C'mon, let's get you inside."

I gathered his books and put them into my bag, then slung it on to my back before getting him into his chair. We entered the gym and I took my usual spot on the bleachers while Edward joined the team. While the team talked, I took out my homework and sighed. When I saw Edward and Riley make their way down the other end of the court, my eyes drifted up from the physics problems I was copying and I watched my boy move. It only took a few warm up shots before I was shifting my weight and moving a book to strategically cover up my growing erection. They both took some shots, rebounding for the other, and then they started playing some light one on one. When Edward tossed his sweatshirt off, he looked over at me and caught me staring and shook his head. With a coy shrug, I looked down at the books, keeping my head lowered while my eyes strayed back up and watched Edward through my lashes.

Guilt wracked me then, but not because I was still keeping the scholarship a secret. My first track meet of the season was less than a week away and I wanted Edward there more than anything, but as I watched him moving in his chair, his portable prison, I was at a loss as to how to ask the boy that had lost his legs to come watch me use mine. There was no doubt he would come even if it killed him, and that's what bothered me. He would suffer through the pain in order to support me.

By the time he was done I had gotten most of the homework copied, but none of the reading done. Silently, we made our way to the truck. Without a word, I shoved our bags onto the floor and straddled Edward. Just as eager as me, he took off his sweatshirt, undid my pants and pulled my hard cock out, groaning when his thumb swiped over the slit. We kissed while my hips bucked and jerked with an awkward rhythm into his tight grip, my blunt nails dug into the hard muscles of his bare shoulders when he quickened his pace. My hips pumped erratically as my tongue twisted with his. He swallowed my cries when my orgasm hit me, my cock releasing thick, warm streams of cum between us, landing mostly on his chest. Grunting, I convulsed through each wave of, letting him milk me until I softened in his hands. Using the towel I had brought, I wiped us clean and then kissed him again. Finally, I stuffed my dick back into my pants and moved back to my side. I started the truck and looked at Edward, his head lolled to the side as he stared at me.

"Get your homework done?" he chuckled.

"Thanks to you," I grinned and grabbed his hand.

For the first time in weeks, we spent a Friday night apart. After practice, I had gone to a few businesses and gathered some more donations, then stopped by Edward's for dinner and an intense make out session in his room. It was hard to leave him, his hair mussed from my hands, his clothes rumpled from my body rubbing along his, but with one final kiss, I headed home.

No matter how busy I stayed, the scholarship offer lurked in my mind the entire time. It was only when Edward's hands were on my body that I was able to run from the ache that had settled in me. I dreaded going home Friday night, knowing that being alone in my room was going to lead to thoughts I wanted to avoid.

I was at my desk when my mother poked her head in. "Don't forget, May first is the acceptance deadline."

"Yeah, I know," I snapped, then sighed and turned around. "Sorry, just tired."

"You've got a lot going on," she accepted with a shrug. "Once you make this decision, things will get easier."

No, they wouldn't. I would either worry about telling Edward that I wasn't going to college with him or face making my parents pay for college. Even the dreamer in me wouldn't allow me to think of the possibility of getting a scholarship to UW. Life just didn't work out that way.

"Maybe," I gave her, not wanting to argue either way about it. Instead of leaving, she came in and sat down on my bed.

"Jasper, I know why this is hard for you."

"You do?" I choked out.

"You feel guilty," she said quietly.

Dropping my eyes to my lap, I swallowed thickly. "How can I do it, Mom? What if he needs me? How can I take a scholarship when his was taken away? I feel like it's a slap to his face." My voice was barely audible, but she heard every word. She probably knew my reply before I had even spoke.

"I'm sure he would understand, he's not going to hold an opportunity like this against you. As for him needing you, maybe it would be a good thing for him to gain some independence from you." My eyes shot to hers and I couldn't stop the hard glare I gave her. "I'm just saying he has become very dependent on you, maybe some time apart would be good for him."

"He's my best friend, I don't care if he's dependent on me. I depend on him too," I implored harshly.

She studied me for a few long seconds and then nodded. "You need to make the decision based on what you want, Jasper. Not what you feel you _need_ to do. Opportunities like this don't come around often, and true friendship can survive separation." Reaching out, she patted my knee, then stood and left.

"Fuck," I growled, pushing some books off my desk onto the floor with a satisfying thud.

Her words sliced through me with a logical awareness that my love for Edward often blinded. She wasn't saying it because of money, she hadn't even mentioned that, she honestly thought that Edward might be better off without me, at least temporarily.

And it fucking scared the shit out of me that she might be right.

Sleep was nonexistent that night. I tossed and turned in my bed, the sheets twisting around me until I kicked them off. No matter how tightly I clenched my eyes, or tried to convince myself that my mother was right, all I saw was Edward's tears as I told him I wasn't going to college with him, that I was taking our future away from us.

The entire drive to Seattle, it was all I thought about. Edward chattered next to me, mostly about basketball, and I commented and laughed with him, but it didn't matter. I didn't fool him. He knew something was wrong, just like he had all week. He couldn't stand it anymore and asked me at the pizza place. Unable to escape his knowing eyes, I told him what had been bothering me, at least partially. Just like I knew he would, he said he would be at the meet to cheer me on, and he quickly tried to hide the flash of pain that danced through his forest eyes.

Somehow telling Edward about the meet lightened the weight on me, though part of me felt all I had really done was unfairly transferred it from me to Edward. But when we left, his mood was good, he smiled and laughed as we climbed into the truck and headed for the highway. The sun had fallen behind the tree line as we entered the two lane highway. The headlights on the truck automatically turned on once it had gotten dark enough. The entire drive was filled with nothing but teasing as we debated the hotness of Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne, though in my opinion there was no real debate. Bruce Wayne was clearly the sexier of the two.

"You can't be serious!"

"Totally am," he laughed. "I had a total crush on him."

"Edward, I'm sorry, but we're done," I taunted, smiling when he put his hand over his heart even as he held my other. "We can't see each other any longer. I can't believe we've been together all this time and I didn't know this about you. It's just…shocking. And sacrilegious."

He laughed, free and loud and every inch of the cab filled with a sound more beautiful than anything ever heard.

"Kent has a better body," he countered. "And his powers are real. He didn't need a utility belt."

"Two words for you…leather codpiece."

"Black-framed glasses."

I groaned in frustration. "Ugh! Wayne had to work his ass off to do what he did. Kent was just 'oh, gee, I'm super strong and can leap tall buildings in single bound'."

"Yeah, but Wayne's abs were only in his suit. Kent's were all natural, baby."

"He was a fucking alien," I shot back.

"A hot one."

Perhaps it was time for a different approach. "Wayne was rich beyond words, Kent was a farmer's son."

"Mmm, all tan and dusty."

"You're unreal," I laughed.

Even with all that was going on in our lives, nothing mattered to me more than him, his happiness, his health, his life. I wanted to tell him he was my very own Superman, minus the black framed glasses. He was certainly filling out his shirts just as nicely as Kent did. Half turned in the seat to face me while we argued, he leaned against the door, the seatbelt cutting across his firm torso. My window was half way down, the cool breeze from outside doing wonders to stave off the exhaustion that I seemed unable to shake. After a quiet moment, he reached toward me, his fingers capturing a few waves as they blew around my face and he tenderly tucked them behind my ear before running his hand down my neck, sending a strong tremble through me. Our song came on the stereo and I glanced at my boy and he looked just so…happy.

Edward looked happy.

It had taken months of convincing him his new life was worth living, that I needed him even if he didn't need me, that he could do whatever he did before, just differently. But it was there, buried deep in his jewel eyes was a glimmer of happiness that showed in the flush on his face and the smile on his lips.

In that second, in those very eyes, I saw his vision of us together. The future we had both imagined for the past two years, only altered to make the adjustment for his new body. Instead of us running together, he wheeled and I walked, instead of his hips thrusting into mine, I straddled him, instead of racing up the stairs, I carried him. He would never accept fate's cruel twist, but he might just accept our life together, even if it was different. It wasn't the future either of us had ever expected to have, but it was the one we had been dealt, and it was being handed to us.

We just had to be brave enough to reach out and grab it, and then hold on to each other really fucking tight.

I saw the headlights coming at us right before he screamed my name. Instinctively, I dropped his hand and grabbed the wheel with both of mine, yanking it sharply to the right and swerving the truck out of the path of the oncoming car. The other car's horn blared as it passed us and I pulled over to the shoulder of the highway, my heart pounding so hard that I felt it thundering against my ribs. Every part of my body was pumped full of adrenaline as it rushed through me, feeding my tired muscles with an energy and strength I had never experienced before. It had all been so quick and so slow at the same time. Exhaling, I shifted into park and flicked the hazard lights on before turning to Edward. He was cowering in the seat, both his arms folded up over his face, the sobs he was releasing were muffled by his sweatshirt.

"Oh, Jesus," I murmured. Fumbling, with shaking hands, I undid my seatbelt and slid across to the seat, taking him into my arms. He resisted, pushing me away and twisting his upper body from my embrace.

"No!" he screamed in the most terrified voice I'd ever heard.

Using the strength from the rush I was getting, I forced him to me, my arms holding him tight. He fought me with every ounce of his new strength. Before I might have been able to challenge him, but Edward was stronger than me now. Easing my hold on him slightly, I cupped his face in my hands, the tears streaming down his cheeks dampened my palms.

"Baby, it's me, we're okay, everything's okay," I whispered desperately. He thrashed his head side to side but I refused to let him go. His fingers dug into my forearms as he tried to get me to release him. "Edward, it's Jasper. Look at me, open your eyes." His entire upper body was shaking violently, but his fingers loosened their grip on my arms and his head stopped moving. "That's it, baby. Come back to me," I murmured into the air between us. His hands dropped from my arms and went to my waist where he clutched the cloth of shirt. Ragged breaths wracked him as he slowly opened his eyes. The happiness that had filled them only minutes before had been replaced with sheer terror. "I'm so sorry, this is all my fault."

"Jasper?" he breathed.

Jesus, what had I done? With one look to him, taking my eyes off the road for just a few seconds, and I had put him back into that horrible place he'd barely escaped from the first time. Guilt started to seep through me following in the footsteps of the adrenaline. I'd never had an accident, never even a close call until then. I'd become lax in my driving, as I suppose all teenagers do, though unlike them, I knew I wasn't invincible, I knew exactly what could happened when you were in an accident.

I looked into the eyes of the end result every day.

And yet, I'd still let myself be lulled into thinking it couldn't happen again. Not to him.

Apparently, I was wrong. I could happen to anyone at anytime.

"Yeah, baby, it's me. I'm here. Everything's okay," I assured him. Then his wide eyes snapped to the windshield.

"The car, it was coming at us," he remembered with a quivering voice. "It was going to hit us just like before."

"It didn't. We're fine." With those words, he collapsed onto me, falling against me forcefully as he wrapped his arms around my neck and used his strength to tether me to him. Burying his face into my neck, he cried. I rubbed his back and stroked his hair until I felt his hold on me relax and then I whispered in his ear. "Baby, we need to get back on the road, but I can't bring you home like this. I'm going to call my dad and tell him we're going to be a little late." He nodded and I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone, calling my father with Edward wrapped around me.

"Hey, Dad."

"Hey, everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine, but we're going to get something to eat on the way back so we might be later than eight, is that okay?" I hoped my voice didn't betray my own nerves.

"Sure, don't be too late."

"I won't. Bye."

"Bye."

Hanging up, I put my phone on the dash and grabbed Edward's bag, fishing out his phone. While he clung to me, I brought up his text messages and sent one to his mother, telling her the same thing. She replied almost immediately, telling him have fun. With our parents contacted, I grabbed Edward's arms and untangled myself from them. He resisted the urge to grab me again and let me put his hands in his lap.

"I need to drive. I want to get off the side of the road, are you okay?" He nodded, but the trembling of his body told me otherwise. His eyes were fixed on me and nothing outside the truck. "Do you want to move closer?" Again, he nodded. I undid his seatbelt and put my hands under his arms and dragged him across the seat until he was next to me. After straightening out his legs, I reached over his lap and buckled his seatbelt before doing my own. With him pressed against me, his head burrowed in my shoulder, I turned off the hazard lights and pulled back out onto the empty highway.

With both hands firmly on the wheel.

The truck was eerily silent except for the stereo and Edward's occasional sniffle. I seemed hyper aware of everything going on around us. My heart had returned to a normal rate but I could still feel the adrenaline flowing through me. Taking our exit, I drove through the center of town until we reached the back road, driving a few miles down it before pulling over. Edward never moved from my side, never even lifted his head, but his hand had found its way to my lap, where his fingers bit into my thigh. Shutting the truck off, I pulled the keys out of the ignition.

"Babe, we're here," I said, leaning my head on his. He turned his head and looked out, slowly recognizing the forest even in the darkness. The meadow had been the only place I could think of where we could be alone, where Edward could have some time to calm down. "I'm going to get out and get your chair, okay?"

"I can't make it up the trail, not like this." His voice still trembled and his body still shook as he sat up straight. "I don't think I have the strength to move much less push myself up the trail.

"Then I'll carry you," I said without hesitating and reached for the door but his hand on my wrist stopped me.

"You can't carry me."

"Yes, I can," I defied him.

"Jasper, you're exhausted, you can't carry me a mile up hill," he reasoned rationally even though his voice was broken with slight gulps of air.

"I can carry you anywhere," I argued quietly.

"No, you can't. We can just sit here for awhile," he offered and my hand fell from the handle of the door. Staring at him, I judged if I could push him on it, but he looked so scared and worn that I found myself nodding slowly. I started the truck up again, making sure the heat was on and then undid our seatbelts before wrapping an arm around him. His head immediately went to my shoulder, his breaths warm and moist on my neck. Then he spoke softly.

"I don't remember much from that night. I remember talking to you on the phone, I remember being really excited because of what we were going to do, but I was nervous too. I was thinking about stuff like would it hurt and would it feel okay for you. It was snowing, not hard, but enough to keep the ground coated, and I told myself to slow down. I had music on, I think it was our song but I can't remember, and I was singing really loud. I swear I looked away for only a second to see the time on the dash and when I looked back up, there was nothing but brightness. After that, it's just flashes of lights and sounds. I felt blood running down my face and my horn going off…."

In the four months since the accident, Edward had never talked about it, at least not to me, and all I could do was hold him tightly as he relived the night that changed his life.

"I might have screamed. I could hear a voice at first, and I thought it might be you because all I could think about was getting back to you. When I woke up, I realized it was you, but it wasn't at the accident, it was at the hospital days later," he murmured.

"Were you in pain?"

"I don't think so. I was scared when I felt the blood on my face though…then nothing else. I think I passed out."

"I'm so sorry, baby. I should have been paying better attention. It was stupid of me," I sighed.

"It was my fault," he sighed. I took his hand in mine and threaded our fingers together.

"No, it's not. It's mine, I looked away."

He lifted his head and looked at me. With his free hand, he ran a finger down my cheek. "I thought you were going to die. I had just seen our future together and I thought it was being taken away. I thought you were going to be taken away from me. I don't know what I would have done without you. Who would fight the darkness…" His words were strung together, only broken by the shallow gasps he took between them.

I kissed his finger when it passed over my lips. "Tell me about our future."

He almost smiled and then began in a hushed, still trembling voice. "I was watching you drive and the wind…it was blowing your hair around and suddenly I saw us together doing stupid, everyday things like going to class and cooking dinner. It was just flashes mostly, and they were quick, but I could see every detail, like what you were wearing and how dinner smelled."

My heart ached and my breath hitched at his vision.

"Yeah?" I swallowed.

"Yeah, you were wearing my Abbey Road tee shirt and standing barefoot by the stove stirring pasta. My heart almost burst with how domestic and simple it was, but there was this sense of incredible happiness," he sighed at the end.

"Of course there was. We were together," I whispered in return, searching his eyes for that vision of us. "That's all that matters you know, that we're together."

"I know."

"I don't care where, you know that, right?"

"I know, love."

Breaching the gap between us, I kissed him briefly, feeling the shudders still traveling through him. "Tell me more."

He continued to go into great detail about what he had seen, our night spent cuddling on the couch watching television and eating popcorn. Gradually he calmed, as if the future itself became his sedative. He held my hand, he looked into my eyes, he leaned his head against mine. With each word he said, I began to realize there was no way in hell I could ever leave him, scholarship or not.

He was my boy, and wherever my boy went, so did I.

"Told you it was stupid," he said when he finally finished and I shook my head, kissing him instead.

"It sounds beautiful, and I can't wait to live it with you," I told him softly against his lips.

"Me either." He shifted until his head was resting on my shoulder and our clasped hands were on his lap. We were quiet for awhile, and Edward calmed more each minute we just sat there.

"Feel better?"

He nodded, but remained silent. The Beatles, oblivious to what had happened, still played on the stereo. John began to serenade us with "Across the Universe", telling us nothing was going to change our world when our world had already been changed. I remembered something Edward had said earlier and as much as I told myself to let it go, I couldn't.

"Baby, what's the darkness? You said 'who would fight the darkness'. What is it?" I let the question sit until he was ready to answer it. I wouldn't push him, not on that. Instead, I squeezed his hand and nuzzled his hair with my nose, whispering into the soft strands. "Babe?"

"You're going to think I'm crazy," he sighed.

"No more than I already do," I chuckled, hoping to ease his worry, but then turned more serious. "You can tell me anything, Edward, you know that."

"I know. It's just…this isn't normal."

"I don't care about normal," I reminded him.

Lifting his head off my shoulder, he looked at me. "You have to promise to not tell my parents."

"I won't," I vowed.

"No talks with my dad behind my back like you did with basketball," he frowned.

"Edward, I swear I won't say a word."

Taking a deep breath, he began his second confession of the night. "It started in the hospital, it was something like unconsciousness, as long as I was in it, I didn't have to face that what had happened. It was peaceful and quiet there. But then as I became more aware of what was going on, it became something more."

"More?"

"It became like a thing, a ghost or something that was just always around me. At first, I let it stay there, even welcomed it because when it was around, I didn't have to deal with my life, it kind of made me numb. But then it started to tell me things and I-"

"Wait," I stopped him, "It speaks to you?"

"Not literally. More like I could hear it in my head. It started to tell me that you were going to leave me and that I was going to get hurt, so I needed to leave you first."

"Aw, babe. That would never happen," I told him even as I thought about how much of a possibility it almost had been.

"I know that now, but then I couldn't understand why you wouldn't just leave. You kept coming back and I started to believe you still wanted to be with me, and the darkness faded the more you were around. But it still comes back sometimes."

"When?"

"Mostly when I doubt myself, or when something happens, like when I realized you thought of me as handicapped or when I found the bills."

"It just appears wherever you are?"

"Sometimes, but mostly it stays in my room. In the corner where the supplies are."

The guilt I already felt quadrupled when I realized he had been battling something I didn't even know existed, that he hadn't felt he could tell me about it. I believed every word he said. It made sense that it would live where the reminders of his condition were kept. All those nights he had seemed so scared, that his eyes had kept returning to the corner of his room, was because he was being taunted by the darkness.

"Sometimes it follows me, just waiting for me to let it in. It promises to keep me safe if I just listen to it."

Kissing his head, I mumbled into his hair. "Baby, why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I couldn't. It scared me and I thought you would think I was crazy."

"I would never think that," I assured him, looking around the cab and outside the truck. "Is it here now?"

He shook his head. "It's afraid of you. You usually keep it away."

While I knew what he was talking about wasn't tangible, it was all in his head, it didn't make it any less frightening for him. It was real, it existed, and it was trying to lure Edward away from me. Somehow I had broken him free of it, and intended to keep it away from him if it was the last thing I did.

"Then I'm never leaving alone you again," I whispered into the cab, as much a warning to the darkness as a promise to Edward. We both knew there would be times when Edward would be alone, until we lived together at college I couldn't be with him twenty-four seven, but every second I could, I would be with him.

"You don't think it's crazy?" he asked tentatively.

"Not at all. I think you were brave to take it on by yourself all this time. You never gave into it, you were strong than it was."

"My love for you was stronger, not me."

"Whatever worked," I chuckled. "I love you."

"Love you too," he breathed gently. "We're going to make it, aren't we?"

"Yeah, baby, we are," I agreed. "We sure are."

If possible, he moved even closer and if there had been room, I would have pulled him onto my lap, but I settled for an arm around his shoulder, his head against mine, our hands together on his lap. The tremors in Edward's body gradually faded to occasional shivers and his breaths evened and tears dried up. It was almost nine by the time I nudged him.

"Think you're okay to go? We gotta get you home," I sighed regretfully. I would have much rather stayed there alone with him.

"Yeah, I think so. Mind if I sit here though?" He reached for the seatbelt before I had even replied.

"I don't want you any place else. Eyes on me," I reminded him of how we used to drive right after the accident as I did up my seatbelt. Nodding, he stared at me, and only me, as I shifted into drive and pulled back out onto the road.

By the time we pulled into his driveway, I swear there were bruises on my thigh from his fingers digging into it. Turning the truck off, I peeled myself from him, opened the door and grabbed his chair. Instead of going to his side, I went to mine and found him still sitting where I'd left him.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," he answered, sliding across the seat enough so I could reach in and lift him out. His arms went around me and he kissed my neck before I lowered him to the chair. He waited while I returned to the bed of the truck and climbed in. Undoing his basketball wheelchair, I slid back out, pulling it with me and setting it on the ground. Edward turned and headed up the ramp and I followed him with his new chair. Opening the door, Edward entered and held it for me while I pushed the chair through. Immediately, his mother jumped off the couch and came over, hugging Edward before saying hi to me. His father followed her, smiling as he looked over the basketball chair.

"Looks really nice," he commented. "How did everything go? Any problems?"

"Nope, I just had to sign a few papers and Jasper might get a donation from them."

"Great. Thanks for taking him, Jasper. I'm sure going with you was much more fun than going with his mother," he father chuckled.

"Hey," she chided him, laughing. "Are you boys hungry?"

"No, we stopped to eat on the way home," I spoke up before Edward, being forced to lie because of the text I'd sent her. "But we could go for desert? We finished off the cookies."

"Sure," she said, going to the kitchen and returning with more of the same cookies that we had brought with us and handing them to me.

"I'm tired from the ride, I'm going to head to my room," Edward announced. His mother kissed him good night and then returned to the living room.

"Night," his father replied. Edward headed down the hallway and I glanced at his dad.

"It was a long drive," I excused for Edward. "He was falling asleep on the way home."

"I imagine he was," Dr. Cullen said, looking at Edward as he reached his room. "Was his mood okay?"

"Yeah, actually he was in a pretty good mood."

"I was worried that once he saw the chair, he might start to have doubts."

"No, he seemed pretty excited about it."

"Good. I hope he continues to be. Thanks for taking him, Jasper. I know it meant a lot to him to get out and do something normal again."

"Anytime," I smiled.

_He's my boy, Dr. Cullen._

When I looked down the hallway again, Dr. Cullen motioned toward Edward's room. "I'll see you in the morning, Jasper."

"Night," I murmured before quickly turning and almost running down to Edward. The entire time I had been talking to his father, all I could think of was if Edward was okay in his room, was he fighting the darkness while I chatted? When I walked in, his sweatshirt was already off and he was grabbing a catheter.

"I'll be right back," he said before leaving the room again.

"Wait, is…is it here now?" I asked, scanning his room.

Edward shook his head and left for the bathroom. I sat on his bed, eyeing the corner for anything that looked out of the ordinary. All I saw was a table with boxes of supplies on it, looking the same as always. Taking out my phone, I texted my father.

_Back in Forks, staying at Edward's tonight. Will see you at the jobsite tomorrow_

Then I set my alarm for five in the morning and put my phone on his nightstand before taking off my own sweatshirt and tossing it on the floor. I toed off my sneakers and socks. By the time Edward returned, I was only in jeans.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm sleeping over," I answered, unbuttoning my jeans.

"I thought you were going home tonight because you had to work early tomorrow?"

"I'm not leaving you alone," I replied firmly, attempting to leave no room for argument. "Got some sweatpants I can borrow?" Kneeling in front of his dresser, I pulled a pair out and changed into them. Edward transferred to his bed and I helped him undress, my eyes glancing at the corner a few times. Once he was changed, he moved up his bed, sighing as he lay back against the pillows.

"This is part of the reason I didn't tell you. You don't have to babysit me," he said as I crawled into bed next to him.

"I'm not."

"Bullshit."

"Can't I just want to spend time with you?"

"Yes, but I happened to tell you about the darkness and now you're glued to my side," he argued. I leaned in, putting my lips right at his ear.

"Better get used to it because I'm here for the rest of your life," I vowed.

Turning his head, he looked at me with a hopeful gaze as he searched my eyes for any hint I wasn't telling him the truth. "Promise?"

"Forever." Making sure the door was closed, I curled into his side, my head going to his shoulder, my arm over his middle. He took my hand in his and gripped it tightly as he kissed my temple.

"Thanks, love."

I nodded and after one last glance to the corner, I snuggled closer, guarding Edward from anything that dare to near him. I began to hum to him, the beat of his heart setting the rhythm for me and soon his breaths lengthened and his hand went limp. Closing my eyes, I thought about everything that had happened, everything he had confessed to me.

My mother had been wrong.

Edward didn't need to be away from me anymore than I did him.

"_Something smells good," he said as he closed the door behind him and threw his bag onto the threadbare couch. Even without hearing him enter the apartment, I knew he was home. I just sensed him. It had been something we had always been able to do, but since we had started living together, our ability to do it had gotten better. I stirred the pasta and turned the heat down on the sauce. Shifting on my bare feet, I glanced over my shoulder in time to see Edward enter the kitchen. _

"_Hey, welcome home, baby, how was music comp?" I asked, turning around and bracing my hands on the counter. He pulled up to me and looked up at me with his beautiful woodsy eyes. _

"_It was good, Katherine made some good points about that piece we listened to yesterday. Started a nice debate," he replied as his hands went to the waistband of my jeans. _

"_Did you impress them with your knowledge?"_

"_Damn right I did." He tilted his head and studied me before letting his finger dip under the cotton shirt and graze along the dusting of hair there."I love it when you wear my clothes. Tell me why my Abbey Road tee shirt looks so much hotter on you than me?" He smiled when I visibly shivered from his touch. _

"_Trust me," I began, tunneling a hand through his hair and yanking his head back to look up at my face and not my cock. "It looks better on you." Leaning forward, I captured his lips in a rough kiss, my tongue plunging inside and mating with his before retreating. I stood up and scooped some sauce onto the wooden spoon. Cupping my hand under it, I held it out for Edward. "Taste this."_

_He opened his mouth and let me place the spoon inside before closed his lips around it and I pulled it out. "Mmmm, delicious, but I'd much rather taste something else," he moaned, licking his lips. "When is dinner going to be done?"_

"_About ten minutes."_

"_Just enough time," he smirked, his hands deftly undoing the button and zipper of my jeans. _

"_Babe?" He didn't reply, instead, he yanked my jeans and briefs down to my thighs, freeing my soft cock. Two long licks from the flat of his tongue later and my erection was buried in his throat. "Jesus fucking Christ," I groaned with one hand on the counter for balance while the other fisted his hair to make sure he didn't ever stop sucking. "Feels so fucking good."_

_Without restraint, my hips bucked toward him, my eyes never leaving the vision of my cock gliding between his perfect lips. I hissed when he scraped his teeth along my length, then I begged him to do it again. When he relaxed his gag reflex and let me sink even deeper into his tight, wet throat, I tensed, my orgasm hurling through me. Twitching, my cock exploded and filled his mouth with my seed, and I watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed it all. He didn't release me until I had started to soften. Limp and milked, my cock fell from his mouth and I bent over and kissed him again, willingly tasting my release on his tongue, actively searching out the potent flavor. Breaking the kiss, I put my forehead to his. _

"_I love when I can taste myself on you," I whispered. _

"_I love having it there," he breathed. "But as good as that tasted, I'm still starving. A boy can't live on jizz alone, no matter how much protein is in it." I gazed down at him as he pulled up my underwear and jeans, tenderly stuffing my cock into them before doing them up. Leaning forward, he placed a kiss on my jean covered cock, then grabbed my hips and spun me around. "Cook," he demanded. "I'll get the dishes."_

_Laughing, I drained the pasta while Edward got out the plates and silverware, setting them on the small table in our kitchen. The kitchen, like the rest of the apartment, was handicapped accessible, allowing Edward complete independence when I wasn't home. The apartment was small and worn, but it didn't matter to either of us. _

"_There's a salad in the fridge too," I said and he grabbed it, placing it on the table. Once the sauce and pasta were in bowls, I served us and then sat down across from him. He inhaled the steam from the hot food and moaned. Shaking my head, I handed him his soda and opened my own. _

_He held his can out toward me. "To blow jobs before dinner," he toasted. _

"_They make everything taste better," I agreed, clinking his can with mine. "So, tell me about your day."_

_He did. Well, at least since lunch, when I had last seen him when we had met on campus at the cafeteria. Edward updated me on all his classes and a few assignments he had coming up, then I did the same. When dinner was done, Edward washed the dishes while I dried, then we moved to the couch. Both of us spread our books and laptops out on the table in front of us and studied for a few hours. Around ten, Edward closed his laptop and sucked on my earlobe convincing me to close my laptop too. We changed into our pajamas and spooned on the couch, Edward's firm body behind mine as we laughed our way through some stupid comedy on television. _

_The day had been a repeat of the day before, and the day before that, but each day allowed us fall in love with each other all over again. _

Startled, I woke up, my head bolting off Edward's chest. The room was dark except for a sliver of dim moonlight through the window. Next to me, Edward slept peacefully, his lips parted and his head to the side. Even in his sleep, he was perfect.

My heart skipped, then kept time with his and I exhaled.

How could something as simple as waking up next to someone be what made someone happy? I didn't need anything else but him by my side to hold in my sleep and to wake up with every morning. It was a feeling I wanted every day forever, and I shook my head that I had ever thought, even for a second, that I could go to college without him.

It was simply impossible to be away from him for that long.

Returning my head to his chest, I smiled when his arm instinctively tightened around me and his heart, with its strong and steady beat, lulled me back to sleep.

"**~~**"

I got off the elevators and walked down the corridor I knew well. A few women nodded at me as I passed, some called to me by name and I returned the greeting but didn't stop until I reached the nurse's station in the center where all the hallways met.

"Hey, Mom," I said, putting my clipboard on the counter. She looked up from a monitor, her hair was pulled back messily and her pale green scrubs were wrinkled. "Long day?"

"Yes, but only for another hour. Did you bring the papers?"

"I got everything."

That morning I had gotten up when my alarm went off and I dressed in Edward's dark room, kissing him on the forehead and whispering I loved him before sneaking out of his house and going to work for my dad. He had eyed me as I approached, but never commented that I was wearing the same clothes as the day before. Taking pity on my tired body, he had me do some simple, no brain necessary things and even let me leave an hour early so I could met my mother before she got off work.

"You look tired," she commented as she took the clipboard.

"Just tired from yesterday."

"Hey, Jasper," Carol, another nurse, said as she walked behind the counter and joined my mother. "How's everything going?"

"Pretty good."

"What's that?" she asked my mother.

"Jasper is running a half marathon to help raise money for Edward Cullen's medical and supply expenses, and he's here to see if any of the nurses might like to support him," my mother explained for me, her voice edged with pride.

"Count me in," Carol replied, reaching under the counter for her bag. "Twenty dollars okay?"

"Yeah, that's great, thanks," I smiled, dimples and all, tilting my head in the way that always made Edward sigh with content.

Whatever worked.

If they wanted me to striptease for cash, I would. But not in front of my mother, of course.

Carol wrote the check out and handed it to me and I put it in the envelope on the clip board and wrote down her name and number and how much she donated. As each nurse approached, my mother told them what I was doing and they all donated ten or twenty dollars piece. My mother stepped away to check on a patient right before Mrs. Fuller, the one that had let me sneak in to see Edward every night he had been there, walked up.

"Hello, Jasper, how are you?"

"Good, Mrs. Fuller, you?"

"I'm well, thanks. Here to see your mom?" she asked.

"Sort of. I'm here to see if some of the nurses wanted to support me in a half marathon I'm running to raise money for Edward Cullen's expenses."

She took the clipboard and read over the donation letter I had written and printed out. Without looking up at me, she asked, "I remember how scared you looked when you came to see him." Swallowing, I nodded. "A scary thing for a friend to go through."

"Scary for him too," I added. "But he's playing wheelchair basketball now."

"Really? That's great, good for him. He's a tough one."

"Yeah, he is," I agreed.

"I don't know if you know this, Jasper, but I'm head of the nurses association here. It's an organization that does some fundraising, we also hold parties on the different floors for the patients, help grieving families and stuff."

"My mom's mentioned some of things before."

"Well, this is exactly the kind of thing we like to support. I'm going to give you thirty dollars from me, but then I'm going suggest to the nurses that we donate as an association as well. I could probably get you about five hundred from us."

"Seriously? You'd do that?"

She glanced around before leaning over the counter a little, her brown eyes crinkling at the corners. "I've rarely seen such devotion between friends. If I can support that, I will." Biting the inside of my cheek, I replied with a mumbled thanks. "I'll let Peri know about the association and send a check home with her. Should only be a few days."

"Thanks a lot. It's really great of you."

My mother returned and Mrs. Fuller updated her and my mother nodded, saying it'd be a great idea. Then she directed me a few other floors, where I repeated my speech over and over. On the last floor, I saw Emmett. His wide shoulders blocked out the light behind him as he scanned the clipboard.

"If I'm one of his expenses and I donate, does that mean I'm paying myself?" he asked with a smile.

"Yeah, I think so," I laughed.

"Either way, count me in for fifty. He's a great kid, strong too."

I wrote Emmett's information down and took his check. "Thanks a lot."

"No problem." I turned to leave but he called out to me, and I turned. "Edward tells me you wanted some ideas on building some leg strength?"

"Yeah, I could use a little more I think."

"How far do you usually run?"

"Usually three miles, but I can do five pretty easily."

He nodded. "I've got a few suggestions, I'll go over them tomorrow with Edward and he can pass them on to you."

"Great, thanks!" I gave him a little wave and headed for the elevators. An hour later, I walked out with just under three hundred dollars, and another five hundred possible. Maybe thirty grand wasn't going to be the stretch I thought it would.

Later that night, I lay on my bed and called Edward.

"Hey," he answered, his voice light.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Just came inside from practicing in the driveway, did some shooting and dribbling."

"How'd it go?" I flipped onto my back and scratched my belly with my free hand.

"Shooting was fine, but I still suck at dribbling."

"Did you use test drive the new chair?"

He laughed. "Yeah, I did. It's so much lighter."

"Going to be lightening fast on the court on Tuesday," I chuckled.

"Definitely faster than I was. How was work?"

"It was okay, my dad let off an hour early so I went to the hospital and hit up the nurses for some pledges. Got a few hundred, plus Mrs. Fuller said she might get me five hundred more from the nurses association."

"Wow, that's fucking cool. I still can't believe you're doing this," he sighed.

"Oh, I ran into Emmett, he said he will show you some leg stuff for me tomorrow."

"I'll take notes," he teased. "Hey, Jas?"

"Yeah?" I yawned.

"Why don't you just go home after practice tomorrow?"

"Ed-"

"Don't argue. Go home, get your homework done and then sleep."

"But I don't want you to be alone," I murmured into the phone, my eyes closing even as I said it.

"I won't be. Alice will be around, probably my mother too. I can practice outside. I'll be fine." When I sighed, he continued. "Tell you what, you stay home tomorrow and I'll make it up to you on Tuesday at practice."

My eyes snapped open. "How?"

"I don't know yet, but I will," he promised with a throaty murmur.

"Fuck, babe, you're making me hard." The hand scratching my stomach had already snuck under the elastic of my sweatpants. "How about you talk dirty to me?"

"No phone sex, you need sleep. I'll see you in the morning," he reminded me. "Love you."

"Love you too. Be safe, baby."

"See ya soon, love."

He hung before I did, but I finally let the phone fall to the bed. Seconds later, my eyes were closed again.

"**~~**"

"Cullen," Riley called out after he rebounded the ball. Edward was at the top of the arc, his hands up waiting for the pass. Brady was on Riley, his arms up trying to block the pass but Riley got it off anyway, landing the ball in Edward's hands with perfect accuracy. Edward's fingers barely touched it before he released it, swishing it through the net. Brady took the ball out of bounds to toss it in to Collin while Riley wheeled over to Edward, giving him a high five as they prepared to play defense.

With the new chair, Edward was able to play in the practice scrimmage, and while he still looked awkward dribbling, his passes were dead on and his shots couldn't have been better. Even though it had only been a few weeks, he directed the team for the plays, reading the defense and adjusting accordingly. He moved with ease, quicker than before and with more fluidity in weaving the chair in and out of the other players.

But it wasn't Edward's skill, although that didn't hurt, that had me hard and almost drooling as I watched from the bleachers. They were playing shirts versus skins.

And Edward was a skin.

I swallowed as sweat ran in rivulets down his developed shoulders and firm back, gathering in the dip in the center of his spin. Damp tendrils of hair stuck to the nape of his neck and a deep flush of exertion covered his high cheekbones. When he spun his chair and I saw his chest, I literally gasped. Hard pectorals bulged, dark nipples pebbled from the rush of air over them as he pushed his way down the court. Unlike everyone else, Edward had sweatpants on, but his defined abs and the beginning of his 'v' were clearly visible. Enthralled, I licked my lips as he reached down and gripped the wheels with strong hands, sinewy forearms moving with grace as he smiled at his teammates before spinning the chair around for defense. Then he glanced at me, sliding a barely there wink my way and my cock throbbed. There was no fucking way I was going to make it until practice was over, but there was no fucking way I wasn't waiting for it to be Edward's hands on me. My homework sat unfinished in front of me while my gaze remained fixed on the sexiest thing I'd ever seen.

Practice ended and I watched Edward chat with his teammates before picking up his tee shirt and sweatshirt. He and Riley, both still shirtless, rolled across the gym toward me. Waiting at the door, I kept my bag in front of my crotch. I didn't need to advertise my hard on to everyone.

"Hey, Jasper," Riley smiled at they reached me. "How are you?"

"Hey. Pretty good, you?" I greeted, my eyes never leaving Edward's face…and shoulders and chest and arms. He returned my heated stare, though his eyes dropped to my backpack hiding my erection.

"Not bad, thanks. Good practice, Cullen," Riley said as he pushed past me, "See ya Thursday. Bye, Jasper."

"Bye," I replied absently. Shaking his head, Edward rolled by me.

"Ready to go?" he smirked.

As if he didn't know. If I could have sprinted to the truck and not have had it look strange, I would have.

"So you said you were going to make not seeing you on Monday up to me. I'm thinking an hour of you play basketball shirtless is a fucking pretty good start."

He shrugged. "I didn't plan on it, but when I had the chance to play on the skins team, I thought you might enjoy it."

"More like you thought you might tease the shit out of me, keep me from doing my homework, give me a raging hard on, and make sure I had to mop up the drool after?"

"You could say that," he smiled. Just as we were about to exit the automatic doors, Edward went to put on his sweatshirt and I grabbed his wrist. Not caring who saw me, I looked down at him.

"Don't you dare put that on," I growled.

"But it's cold out," he frowned.

"I don't care," I said, releasing his hand and walking out the doors. At the truck, I lifted Edward, inhaling his heady scent before putting him in the truck and then securing his chair in the back, groaning when my jeans pressed against my straining cock. Opening the door, I climbed in and started the truck, turning on the heat for Edward. Not even looking at him, I lifted my hips and undid my jeans, sighing when my cock bounced free. I went to straddle Edward, but he flattened his hand to my chest.

"Take them all the way off," he commanded. Holding his eyes with mine, I did as he said. Kicking off my sneakers, I slid my jeans and briefs all the way down and onto the floor. While I did that, Edward leaned forward and grabbed his duffle bag, unzipping a pocket on the outside. In the dark cab, I couldn't see what he pulled out and sat on the seat next to him. "C'mere."

Already breathless, I moved to him, settling my knees on either side of his thighs and running my hands over his shoulders, still slightly glistening with sweat. He trembled.

"You're shaking. Are you warm enough?"

"Yeah, I'm not cold," he sighed. Curving a hand behind my neck, he pulled me toward him, his tongue insisting on entrance the second our lips met. My dick throbbed for attention while we kissed. The soft cotton of his sweatpants rubbed my bare ass as I began to slide along his lap, thrusting forward and moaning into the kiss when the overly sensitive head of cock tapped his hard abs. One hand remained tangled in my hair while the other danced down my back, pressing me closer to him before sneaking under the hem of my sweatshirt and pulling it up. Breaking the kiss, I sat up and allowed him to pull it off over my head.

After he tossed it aside, I sat on his lap completely naked. Except for my socks.

His eyes skimmed my body in the low light, his hands following his gaze and I felt thoroughly fucked just from his look alone. Between us, my cock twitched, early pearls of cum beading eagerly at the slit, just begging to be spread or licked.

"Please touch me," I whispered. Obeying, he left one hand on my hip and moved the other to my cock, wrapping his fingers around it. "Yeah, that's it. Stroke me."

He did as I asked, in the fucking slowest, most tantalizing, languid strokes ever. My balls drew up even at the slightest hint that they might find relief. There was no rhythm of my hips as I began rocking into his touch, silently asking for more.

"Kiss me," he moaned, and I did. Unable to control myself, my fingers dug into his arms as his lips left mine and moved over my scruffy jaw and down the tendons of my neck. "So fucking hot."

I never felt his other hand leave my hip, I never heard the cap of the bottle top, but I certainly fucking felt the cool, slick finger rubbing the velvety skin behind my balls.

"Oh fuck," I groaned loudly. "More." I pushed my hips forward, encouraging him. Licking and nipping along my collarbone, he continued to tease me by rubbing his finger back and forth until I was shaking from need.

"What do you want?" he asked me lowly just as his middle finger reached my hole, lightly resting against it. Panting, I angled my head to give him more room and tried to focus on answering his question. Closing my eyes, my entire body's energy went to my cock and ass, leaving none for my brain.

"You, I want you."

"You want my finger in your ass?"

"Yes," I gasped. "Fucking yes."

"Tell me, love, have you done this to yourself lately?" He kept his finger at my entrance, but released my neck and leaned back.

"No, not since the last time with you." It had been only days before the accident when we had been in the back of his Volvo where he had watched me wank and fuck myself.

"My Jasper," he breathed.

Opening my eyes, I stared at him, caught in his rapt look of lust that darkened his eyes to the colors of our meadow under a full moon. Not letting me move from his heavy stare, his finger pressed into me, slowly easing its way into my puckered entrance. Immediately, I clamped down on the intrusion even as I welcomed and begged for it.

"Fuck," I rasped. The burn spread through my ass and pelvis, even my cock stopped aching while I got used to the invasion of his finger. Clenching his jaw, he resisted the urge to thrust it into me quickly, instead, he waited for my body to relax, to breathe through it. After a few long seconds, I let my knees spread further apart, and he worked his finger past the tight ring of muscle. Slick and wet, he forced it inside until the blunt tip scraped my prostate. "Oh fuck yeah, fuck yeah, fuck…"

Skillfully, he began stroking my cock again, timing them with the thrusts of his long finger. I impaled myself on it, taking him deeper and wanting more each time, my body torn between pressing onto one hand and bucking into the other. Our eyes were locked on each other as he worked my body in ways we hadn't often done.

"Yeah, that's it," he groaned when I began to plead him for more. A second lubed finger shoved its way inside me to join the first, and he wiggled them back and forth, stretching my eager hole. "That's it, fuck my fingers."

"Oh shit," I cried out at his words.

Then I did exactly as he asked. In the dark cab, completely naked and wanton, I writhed on his lap and fucked myself with his fingers, constantly pleaded him to add another and grunting through the piercing pain when he did. It was only seconds after that addition, when one brushed along my gland, that the sweet fire ignited and spread up my spine. Tingling sensations reached everywhere, like a live wire, and my cock pulsed as a result. Sitting completely on his fingers, keeping them buried in me, I stilled.

Then it hit me.

"You're gonna make me come," I moaned, then crushed my lips to his, edging his jaw open to brush my tongue along his, moaning once they made contact. We kissed and my orgasm ripped through me, singeing every nerve as my body convulsed and rode the waves of the pleasure. In his hand, my cock emptied on us both.

"That's it, love, give me your load," he groaned against my lips as my seed ran down my cock and over his hand. Shamelessly, I moved against him, drawing out my climax with his hands and body. My ass tightened like a vise around his fingers, forcing them deeper with each crest that hit me until the orgasm gradually ebbed away. Ragged breathes escaped me as I broke the kiss and dropped onto Edward's shoulder. Shudders still wracked me in the minutes after the orgasm while Edward's stroke on my cock gradually slowed. I didn't care that I was naked, or that we were in a truck in a public parking lot, all I had cared about was getting off, and fuck, did my boy get me off.

"This," he murmured, wiggling his fingers inside me and my body jerked, "was your reward for being a good boy yesterday." His soft lips moved along my shoulder, nipping their way up to neck, where he sucked on some skin, teasing me with his teeth.

"Do it," I begged, the sound thick in my throat. "Please."

Needing no further direction, he took my skin between his lips and sucked hard. Trembling, I moaned at the marking, digging my fingers into his thick hair. When he was satisfied, he lavished the same area with the roughness of his tongue before lifting his head to study his handiwork.

"No tee shirt is going to cover it," he moaned.

"I don't care," I whispered. "I want people to see it."

"You'll have questions to answer," he reminded me.

"Bug bite," I chuckled, using Edward's excuse for whenever I had given him a hickey. My cock softened and he released it, placing his hand on my hip to ease me back. I hissed when his fingers slipped from my used hole, which immediately wanted them back inside. We sat like that for a few minutes, my cum drying on us both, my ass already missing his touch, our mouths fused together in lazy kisses. I nuzzled my nose along his jaw, then dipped my head and grazed my lips along his.

"It's getting late," Edward mumbled before he deepened the kiss. It wasn't until a good ten minutes later that we finally parted.

Moving my hips along his lap, I whispered in his ear. "Want me to return the favor?"

What I would have given to have felt his hips buck up into mine at my suggestive words like he would have only four months before. Hell, four months ago, we both would have been naked and in the bed of the truck humping like bunnies.

"It's too late," he sighed. "Besides, I'm probably not hard."

"If you're not, I could get you that way. I'm sitting naked on your lap," I reminded him.

"Maybe this weekend," he offered quietly. Sitting back, I looked at him, running the backs of my fingers down his cheeks.

"You're okay with me touching you, right?"

He shrugged. "Sometimes."

Running my fingers through his hair, I fisted it. "I want to touch you, Edward. It doesn't have to be now, but I still want to touch you. I know you can't feel it, but I like it, it's just as hot as ever, and I want to do it as much as ever did."

"Which was pretty much all the time," he smirked.

"Exactly. I'm just saying…it's not something I feel I should do, I _want_ to. Desperately. A lot. I want to feel your skin, I want to see it, taste it, and smell it."

"Jesus, love," he moaned, "I want to fucking kiss you all night, I want to make you come again and again, and I want to let you touch me, but we've gotta go. They're going to worry."

Sighing, I nodded and reached for the towel to clean some of the cum off us before wiping the lube off his fingers. I dressed, noticing the slight burn still lingering in my ass, reminding me of the pleasure my boy had brought me. Edward finally put on his tee shirt, even though I pouted as he did so, then he slid across the seat until he was next to me. His side pressed to mine, he did up the seatbelt and put his hand on my lap. His eyes never left my profile for the entire ride home, his shaking a little less severe than it had been for the ride up there.

In his driveway, I shifted into park and then kissed him in the truck before helping him into his chair.

"Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow. Don't forget my meet after school," I said.

"I haven't. I told my mom I'm going and that you would bring me home."

"Thanks for tonight," I smiled, still high from his finger fucking.

"My pleasure," he winked.

"Be safe, baby."

"See ya, love," he whispered before turning toward the house. Leaning against the truck, I watched him push himself up the ramp, his biceps expanding with the effort. My sated cock stirred.

Yeah, there was definitely something in the way my boy moved.

"**~~**"

The drizzle fell steadily, but it wasn't anything that I hadn't run in before. Standing on the damp grass of the infield, I raised my arms above my head and twisted side to side, stretching out my torso.

"Gonna kick some ass today?" Hunter asked me as he walked up. He was our best hurdler, third in the state, he also had one hell of a long jump.

"Damn right," I agreed. He pulled off his sweatshirt and dropped it to the ground.

"Worst thing about doing track is all the fucking waiting," he complained.

"Yeah, no shit."

The meet had started on time but after the opening ceremonies, it was a bunch of standing around for the distance runners. I had already done a few warm up laps and then just had to wait until my event. Glancing around the bleachers, I looked for Edward, but didn't see him anywhere. Trying not to feel disappointed, I continued to stretch. I knew it was going to be hard for him to watch, I couldn't blame him for changing his mind. In the middle of a lunge, I saw Bella frantically waving to me from behind the metal fence surrounding the track.

"I'll be right back," I said to Hunter before weaving through the other teams and jogging across the track. The hundred meter was about to start and the kids were lining up for their respective heats. "What's up?"

Grinning, she grabbed my hand and yanked me toward the opening in the fence. "Come with me."

Not like I had much choice. She dragged me to the concession stand where the counter was full of baked goods, cookies, brownies, cupcakes, whoopee pies, and fudge. Standing next to it, she waved her hand over it like she was a game show girl showing off the prizes for a contestant.

"It's for you."

"Looks delicious, but I need to run a mile in about half an hour so maybe later," I said, but when I went to walk away, she stopped me.

"I mean, it's for your race," she attempted, but failed, to clarify. When I looked even more confused, she sighed. "It's for your race for Edward. I baked all day yesterday to sell them here. The money we make is going to you."

I looked over the food again, ignoring my rumbling stomach and sweet tooth. "Seriously?"

"Yep, and not only that but Mrs. Cassidy of the track boosters said they are donating all the money they make on concession sales today," Bella announced proudly. "And if my stuff sells well enough, I'm going to hold bake sales during lunch. I already asked Mr. Bradshaw and he okayed it."

"Bella, I…I don't know what to say…" I looked down at her beaming smile.

"You can start with thank you," she chuckled. "Then maybe a few 'you're awesome's will do."

Weaving a hand into her long hair behind her head, I leaned forward and placed a brief kiss on her forehead. "Thank you," I murmured.

"Welcome," she grinned, she began to speak again, but paused, her eyes drawn to the mark on my neck visible over the neckline of my team tank top. Self consciously, I hand went to it, trying to pass it off as an itch, I scratched it. "What's that?"

"Bug bite," I lied, and not very well, the heat that rose to my cheeks had nothing to do with the running I had done. A huge part of me just wanted to proudly blurt it out 'Edward did it', but I didn't. While I might have been blushing and putting on an offended front, I was secretly pleased that Bella of all people, noticed. While I wanted to claim current, and forever, ownership of her ex-boyfriend, I remained quiet.

"That is not a bug bite, that is a hickey," she countered, squinting and eyeing it closer. I flatted my hand over it and she backed away. "Who's it from? Jessica?"

"Jesus, Bella,_ if_ it was a hickey, give me more credit than that," I growled. "But it's not." My voice apparently sounded stern enough because she changed the subject.

"So, want me to save anything for you?"

I glanced over the buffet of sweets. "One of everything?"

Laughing, she shoved me. "Go run. I'll find you after."

"Hey, you haven't seen Edward, have you?"

"Yeah, he was talking to Mr. Harter from the music department. I saw them on my way down here."

"Thanks," I said, relief creeping into my voice. At least he was still at school.

"Good luck!" She called out as I headed for the gate and back to the infield.

Pacing to keep warm, I watched the shorter distance races, my eyes scanning the bleachers and walkway in front of them the entire time for any signs of Edward. I was unable to stop my eyes from wandering to the La Push team, and the dark skinned kid that had taken my title last year. His hair was shorter, but his body was as sleek as ever. Wearing his team uniform, his long legs easily carried him across the field in a loping stride as he warmed up for our race. He was loose and fit.

He was going to kick my ass.

Again.

Defeated, I look away and shook my head, preparing for the embarrassment of losing my race, the one I was known for, on my home track. I watched Hunter win his heat in the hurdles and cheered my teammates on in the high jump and pole vault. Finally, after what seemed like hours, they announced first call for the eight hundred and I made my way the corral and took off my sweatshirt. There were six heats in my race, the faster the runners, the later heat they ran in. The race before mine finished and the officials recorded the times, then directed the last heat of my race to our lanes. I had drawn the inside lane while Wright, the La Push kid, had the far outside one. While we waited for our numbers to be checked, I glanced around one last time, skimming the bleachers and paved way in front of the concession stand. Finally I looked up the hill on the far end of the track. A relieved sigh left me as my eyes landed on him. I didn't know how he saw me, but he knew I was looking at him and he waved.

He was there to watch and support me. My winning or losing suddenly became much less important.

"Runners, take your mark," the race official said. Tearing my eyes from Edward, I bent over in my stance and stilled, my heart even halting for the beat until the starter's gun went off and my body instinctively responded. Bolting forward, I took the first leap of the race.

Within ten steps, my body settled into my pace, having done the motion so often. My upper body straightened, my arms pumped loosely by my side, my eyes focused on nothing but the track in front of me, though I was acutely aware of exactly where my competition was. Being on the inside lane, they were all ahead of me. The eight hundred was a difficult race to run, too long to sprint, too short to really pace yourself. It was one distance that had taken me a few years to get the hang of. I easily caught the two racers in the lanes nearest to me, and was gaining on the third by the time we reached the end of the first corner. I needed to be ahead of as many as I could so when we came out of the corner and could move from our lanes, I wouldn't get boxed in. My heart was barely working as I lengthened my stride just a bit on the straight side of the track, blowing by two more runners. Wright was in the lead, but there was only one other person between us. We rounded the far corner, and even with my focus on my mission, I heard a very distinct 'Go, Jasper' from Edward on the hill. Then I began to hear the cheers from the crowd and my fellow teammates on the field. There were several calls of my name as I hit the second straight way. With all but two racers behind me, we crossed the line and the gun shot singling the last lap.

The wind blew through my hair, keeping it off my face as I took in the gulps of air and listened to the rhythm of my feet pounding the rubber of the track, giving just enough to absorb some shock. The runner in front of me began to fade, he had gone out too fast, leaving only Wright and me. When we reached the final turn, he was only a few paces in front of me. I heard Edward on the hill, whistling and cheering as I turned it on. My distance running body wasn't made much for sprinting, but I had a decent finishing kick, and I caught Wright within a few meters and matched him stride for stride down the final stretch. His pace was as strong and steady as mine, he was compact and built for sprinting with his bulky body while my lanky one wasn't. I began to think he was going to win, that he was just too damn fast at that distance for me. As we ran in front of the bleachers, the misting falling heavily on us, we neared the finish line.

There was no burning of my muscles or lungs, I thought of nothing but my boy watching, and how I was doing something he never would. My feet slammed the ground with the force of my weight, my calves flexed, my thighs bunched, all things Edward would never feel again.

"This is for you, baby," I muttered under my breath, and then with a surge, I leaned forward and began to pull away by only inches. The crowd went crazy at the close race, our competition left behind, it was a two man sprint. Using every ounce of energy I had left in my exhausted body, I forced myself even faster, willing speed that I didn't really have. The finish line loomed in front of us, and then because I absolutely refused to lose in front of Edward, I lunged forward just in time for my foot to cross the line half a step before Wright's did.

A few strides after the line, I slowed and put my hands on my head, taking deep breaths. The burning that I hadn't felt while running hit me, my muscles tightening as I walked to keep them loose.

"Great race," Wright said as he passed me while cooling down.

"Thanks, you too," I returned.

"You doing the qualifiers this year?"

"Yep," I smiled. There was no way I was going to let him bet me at State's again.

"See ya there," he nodded, walking off.

I walked a few paces, then turned toward the officials to get my time. Up on the hill, Edward was clapping and yelling my name. I grabbed my sweatshirt from the infield and headed for the gate, slapping some high fives of congratulations on the way. By the time I reached the opening, Edward was there waiting for me.

"Hey," he said, looking up at me. He didn't bother to hide his emotions from his eyes, I saw the grief for what he had lost in them.

"Hey." There were words missing after the greeting, but we both heard them.

"You kicked ass!"

"I won…barely. Hardly an ass kicking," I corrected him, tugging on my sweatshirt so I didn't get stiff. I walked down the fence until we were alone. Turning, I leaned on the fence to stop myself from kneeling before him and putting my hands on his lap. "You okay? I understand if you want to leave."

He was shaking his head before I was done. "No, I'm fine, really. I'm not going to say it's easy. I sat up there thinking about last year and how I would sit on the bleachers with your mom and watch the races, but it's okay. Sorry I was late, I was talking with Mr. Harter about something."

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'll tell you later. You need to go run another race."

"I've got about twenty minutes before first call." I motioned to the concession stand. "Are you warm enough?"

He was dressed in his jeans and sweatshirt but the rain was falling a bit steadier, and Edward was getting pretty wet. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"You should see what Bella did."

"What?" He spun his chair around.

"Go see."

I waited while he made his way to the counter, having to stop a few times when people just walked in front of him. Bella leaned over the counter and fluffed his hair, and then I saw her explaining all the treats to him. He pointed to a brownie, and she handed him two. He never gave her any money. Smiling, he set them on his lap and returned to me.

"Pretty neat, huh?"

"Yeah, pretty nice of her to think of that," he agreed.

"She still cares about you, about what happens to you, regardless of who she's dating," I reminded him.

"I know," he sighed. His gaze slid to the runners on the track, then to the people cheering in the bleachers. The sadness that seemed to be ingrained him now, that darkened his eyes so often, was there.

Glancing around, I crouched in front of him. "Do you want to come over my house today, babe?"

"Are your parents home?"

"My dad's on a job in Port Hadlock, so he probably won't be home until around eight. My mom is working three to eleven. Want come over and have some pizza? I was going to order some for dinner, my mom left some money."

Looking down at his lap, he tugged his lip between his teeth. "Would that be okay? You'd have to drive me home later."

If I could have kissed him right then, I would have. "I'd love to have you over, and I can drive you home."

"You sure?"

"Positive." The announcer came over the speaker for first call for the sixteen hundred meter. "I gotta run…literally."

"Kick their ass, love," he whispered.

"I'll try. See you in a few minutes," I smiled. Standing up, I winked at him before jogging across the track to the infield.

Less than ten minutes later, I was lined up at the starting line for my second race, positioned in between a few kids from La Push and one from Port Angeles in the field of ten. The gun went off and my body shot forward, quickly breaking away from the pack and settling into my pace. With the training I had been doing for the half marathon, running a mile was a walk in the park to me, but I didn't want to take any chances by going out too fast. I heard the other runners' feet slapping behind me, but I could tell I had pulled away. Breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth, I let my mind clear and thought of nothing but the rhythmic sound of my feet.

By the time I came out of the first turn, I saw Edward near the gate opening, clapping and cheering. Inspired, I quickened my pace a bit and pulled further away. By the end of the second lap, I was almost half a lap in front of the second place runner. I was running against nothing but the clock now, so I slowed to a comfortable pace and eased my way through the third lap, glancing over my shoulder once to make sure I had enough of a lead. My uniform was drenched with sweat and rain and clung to me like a second skin. The gun singled the last lap and out of habit, I sped up, my legs and arms relaxed, my heart beating only slightly faster than normal. Each time I passed Edward, I heard him, but when I passed him the last time, he was louder than ever before.

For my baby, I pushed into my final kick, and took the last half a lap in a sprint, my strides lengthened and I pumped my arms, crossing the finish line well ahead of the rest of the field. Immediately, I put my hands behind my head and exhaled a few times, quickly lowering my heart rate from the sprint and watching the other runners cross the finish line long seconds after I did. Once my time had been verified, I checked in with my coach and then headed for Edward.

I approached, carrying my sweatshirt in my hand and smiled when he licked his lips. "Good race." In his lap was a plate of Bella's baked goods covered with plastic wrap.

"Easier now that I'm training for your race. Are those for us?"

"Yeah, Bella said you wanted one of everything."

"It all looked good. Ready to go? I need to change in the locker room, but I already told Coach I had to go."

Edward followed me up the hill and into the school to the locker room. He waited while I changed into some dry shorts and tee shirt and tossed my stuff into my duffel bag. Closing my locker, I turned to Edward. We went out to the truck, where I helped him in and put his chair in the back. Edward slid to the middle and waited for me to get in. Once I was in my seat, his already trembling hand went to my thigh and his head to my shoulder as he concentrated on his breathing and keeping his eyes on me and nothing else.

"Okay?" He just nodded.

My boy was so fucking brave.

Each and every day he faced a battle I couldn't imagine. Every morning he got up and lived a life he wasn't meant to, fighting his fear and trying to accept fate. If I told him he was brave, he would deny it, claiming he didn't fit the definition of brave, but he did, in so many ways, he did.

The drive to my place was short, and I got out and wiped Edward's chair off before lowering him into it and we headed inside. On the table in the entry was a note from my mom with twenty dollars on it.

"Why don't you call the order in?" I said to Edward as I put my bags down. "I'll go get us some drinks and we can start our homework."

I heard Edward's muffled voice as I grabbed two cans of soda and then met Edward at the couch. He finished the call and put his phone on the table before transferring over to the couch next to me and putting his feet up on the coffee table next to the plate of cookies and brownies. Pointing the remote, I put on ESPN and lowered the volume.

"Do I stink too much? I don't want to make you lose your appetite. I can take a shower if you want?" I offered.

"Nah, you're fine," he chuckled. "Physics first?"

"Mmm, remember what happened last time we tried to do physics homework?"

"Yeah, it makes you horny, but, Jasper, what doesn't make you horny."

"Good point," I sighed and pulled out my book. Kicking off my sneakers, I let my socked foot rest against Edward's, our bodies touching almost completely from shoulder to toe. Sharing one book, we made our way through the problems and finished without incident. Calculus was next, and we debated on a few problems, but eventually came to an agreement. We worked diligently until there was a knock on the door, and I got up and took the money from the table. After paying the delivery guy, I went into the kitchen for some napkins and then back to Edward. He smiled when I handed him napkins, and he covered his thighs when them and then took a slice of pizza. Sitting back, we watched ESPN and ate.

The pizza was half gone, the sodas empty and my hand was in Edward's on his lap. I dropped my head to his shoulder and sighed.

Being sexual with Edward was amazing, there would never be a time where he didn't turn me on just by breathing, but sitting there with him watching Sports Center and holding hands was just about as perfect as anything I'd ever dared to dream of. It was the sweetest simple contact, innocent and comforting, and it made me just want to stop the world and melt with my boy.

I remembered the first time I had held his hand. The world actually had stopped when our skin made contact like that, on purpose, for the first time. There had been accidental brushes of our hands and bodies for a few weeks, each one sending a charge through my entire body, making me lightheaded with a racing heart. But it was one night, about a week before my birthday and our first kiss, when he was over my place and we were playing WoW. Well, I was helping him play. He was sitting at my desk, logged in as my character, his hand on the mouse moving it around as he played. Standing behind him, I was leaning over his shoulder a little, trying to concentrate on guiding him when all I could focus on was how fucking good he smelled. I didn't know if it was his shampoo or body wash, or a mixture of both, but there was something hovering under his usual honey Edward scent. It took all my fucking strength not to bury my nose in his hair to find out if it felt as soft as it looked.

"So, I just follow this guy here?" he asked, bringing me out of my daydream and pointing to the monitor with his free hand.

"No, that one there," I directed.

"Where? Which one? Fuck, I'm going to get myself killed," he said, clearly frustrated.

"The guild master right there," I motioned to the top corner.

"What the fuck is a guild master?"

Without even thinking about it, I leaned forward more and covered his hand on the mouse, directing it toward the corner where the guild master, a huge green guy in armor, was waiting. At first, it seemed completely natural, easy, but once my brain realized my hand was on Edward's, feeling his warm, smooth skin under mine, my heart skipped a few beats, then began pounding forcefully against my ribs. I was sure he could hear it. Once he was where he needed to go, I released his hand, yanking my own back like I had been electrocuted.

"Sorry," I mumbled when he glanced at me over his shoulder. He turned back to the screen and I exhaled in relief.

For about a month, I had been getting a different signal from Edward. I wasn't getting the 'I'm completely straight because I have a girlfriend' vibe anymore, and it was confusing the shit out of me. One minute I was laughing at something he said, and the next I would catch him staring at me with the most intense eyes I'd ever seen, but a second later, it was gone. Then there were the slight touches that inspired hours of fantasies for jerking off in the shower, or how he stood extra close to me when we walked next to each other. For months he'd made me hard just by being near him, and now with the extra looks and closeness, I was in a constant state of arousal and confusion. Edward's body was hot, his face perfect, and his hair color the most unique I'd ever seen, but it had been the sparkle in his eyes that had grabbed me and had refused to let go.

"Show me where to go again?" he murmured.

_Oh fuck. _

Clearing my throat to calm myself, I decided to use my other hand and just point to the screen. I didn't want my dick telling me he wanted me to touch him again when it could have just been an innocent request. Lifting my left hand, I pointed to the top of the monitor. He mimicked my motion, raising his own hand to mine, his index finger stretched out.

"Right there?" he tapped the monitor and I nodded. I could feel the heat coming off just his finger alone. Then not only did he stop my heart, but he stole my breath. Before I could pull my hand back, he wrapped his around mine, clasping loosely as he moved it from the screen and back to the desktop, where he left his on top of it. Swallowing, I closed my eyes and slowly, tentatively, turned my hand up so we were palm to palm. At first our hands remained like that, fingers spread and shaking, skin barely touching. Then his fingers slipped between mine, and mine curled up around his like it was meant to be.

With his eyes on the screen, and his back to me, we held hands for the first time and my world stopped.

Sitting on couch, we were doing the same thing we had a few years earlier. While now it was common and natural to hold hands, it still made my heart race. We talked about the start of the NBA playoffs, who we thought would go all the way, and debated on James and Bryant. When the sports anchors started talking hockey, I lifted my head and looked at Edward.

"Thank you very much, by the way," I chuckled.

"What?" He looked at me wide-eyed.

Reaching up, I pulled down the neck of my tee shirt so he could see the fading red mark. "Bella saw it."

"Oh," he smirked. "Hey, you can't complain, you begged me for it. What did she say?"

"I told her it was a bug bite, she thought it was Jessica."

Edward visibly shuddered. "I hope you told her it wasn't." There was something in his voice, something I hadn't heard since…Seth. Tilting my head, I gazed into his eyes, watching the green fire ignite into a flicker.

"Babe, are you jealous?" I teased.

"What? Pfft, no," he denied a bit too much.

Grinning, I ran my thumb over the back of his hand. "My baby's jealous," I said in a sing song voice, beaming while he narrowed his deepening eyes and glared at me.

It was stupid and childish, but it made my insides heat up with the idea of Edward being jealous, of the possessiveness I felt coming off him even though he denied it. I stared him down with my raised brow, making sure my hair was falling just the way he liked it, and sharing one dimple with him. Finally, he sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Fine. Yes, I was jealous at the party. I didn't like her hands on you like that, or her propositioning you in front of everyone," he confessed.

"So sweet," I chuckled.

"Fuck off," he returned. "The thought of her and you alone in a room made me sick."

"Me too," I laughed. "I'm not going into a bedroom with anyone but you."

Suddenly, Edward kissed my temple. "Speaking of bedroom, can we go to yours?"

My cock twitched, quickly stirring to life just from the words. Mutely, I nodded and stood up, swooping him into my arms. We left the pizza box open on the table and the television on as I carried him upstairs to my room, his lips already working their way languidly up neck.

In my room, I sat him on the bed and he immediately moved over to make room for me. Kicking my door closed with my foot, I grabbed the hem of my tee shirt and peeled it off, dropping it to the floor before crawling on the bed and lying next to him. He was on his side, but when I went to mirror him, he pushed me onto my back. I watched as he took off his own shirt, and then with those deep green eyes on mine, eased his way down the bed until his face was level with my hips. Reaching down, I carded my fingers through his hair and smiled at him, my heart racing at the close proximity of his lips to my cock. No longer just twitching, it strained against my cotton briefs under my nylon shorts. Ignoring my obvious erection, he lowered himself even further, turning his body so that he was almost perpendicular to me, his head by my knees.

Leaning forward he placed a kiss there, before turning awkwardly toward my feet and pulling off my sock and kissing the top. Giggling at the tickling sensation, I flinched at the wet kiss and felt his lips curl up in a smile against my skin. After reaching over to take off my other sock, he proceeded to leave feather light kisses along the top of my calf, dancing his fingers through the light hair. Once he reached my knee again, he worked his back down toward my foot, only he placed a hand under my knee, coaxing me to bend it. With the back of my calf exposed, he rained kisses down it, his hand following behind, massaging my tired muscles.

"Mm, feels good," I sighed, my body completely relaxing. With every touch, my cock thickened and pushed against my briefs.

Turning so his body was in the same direction as mine again, he began to show my thigh the same treatment. Starting at my knee, he kissed around it, then up the top of my thigh, nudging the cloth of my shorts out of the way with his nose as he worked his way to the crease of my leg. There was no containing the tremors that went through me as a result of his lips delicately teasing me. He curled a hand under my thigh, kneading the ropey lines of muscle in the back while kissing the top. He seemed to notice every detail, every hair and mark, not one spot went undiscovered.

His attention was tender, loving… worshipping.

Edward was worshipping my legs, worshipping what his could no longer do.

Feel.

Move.

Respond.

The body parts that he no long had use of were the same ones I used the most. Their endurance was going to raise money for him, their strength helped us get around, and their speed had gotten me a free ride to college. What he could no longer use had become my ticket to a future.

My hand remained in his hair, constantly weaving in and out of it as he continued to grace my leg with his mouth and hands.

"They're so strong," he mumbled against the hard muscle of my quads. "I don't think I ever realized how strong you were. Watching you run today was amazing. You made it look so easy." He didn't expect a response, instead he moved one hand to my shorts, sliding the silky material up my leg, sending a shudder through me when his fingertips grazed the bottom of my briefs. "You can do so many things."

"So can you," I reminded him quietly.

He shook his head. "Not like you, not anymore." Before I could speak, he said, "Promise me something."

"Anything," I answered honestly.

Kissing my thigh again, he lifted his head and looked up at me. "Don't ever take them for granted."

Tilting my head to the side, I gazed at down at his beauty, not even marred by the pain etched onto his face. Slipping my hand from his hair, I ran the backs of my fingers down his cheek.

"I won't. Ever. I promise, baby," I swore.

His eyes fluttered closed for a long minute, and I wondered if he was battling the darkness, if it had stalked him during my meet and followed him to my house. Biting my lip, I debated on asking, but he opened his eyes. They were clearer, slightly brighter than before. One last kiss to my leg and he shifted himself until he was lying level with me again. I turned onto my side and cupping his chin, drew him to me for a kiss, not waiting for his lips to part, I plunged my tongue into his mouth to seek out his. My hand left his hair and skimmed along his shoulder and down his upper arm and forearm, admiring the sinewy muscles under the skin. Moving his hand from my hip to my thigh, he snagged the hem of my shorts and pulled them up, brushing his hand over the cotton underwear and earning a groan. Pressing my body closer to his, I slung a leg over his and he hitched my knee up to his hip, then groped my ass through the slippery material. Moaning, he angled his head and deepened the kiss until our mutual breath was gone. When I moved to roll him to his back, to straddle him, he stopped me with a hand on my wrist covering the braided leather there. Pulling back from the kiss, I looked at him, my breaths shallow.

"I want to be on top this time," he whispered. He didn't wait for a reply before he was using his strong arms to push me onto my back. Once I was there, my hand resting on his shoulder, he used a hand and began tugging on the waist of my shorts, first one side, then the other, until he had them down my thighs. Then he did the same thing to my briefs, exposing the tip of my cock, already shiny with pearly fluid. Bracing my feet flat on the bed, I lifted my ass and he was able to pull my shorts and underwear down my thighs to my knees. I wiggled until I was able to kick them off.

I lay naked and hard in front him, blushing under his hungry stare as his eyes roamed every inch of me. His hands followed in his gaze's wake, tracing every muscle in my abs and legs, every indentation and shadow so intently I could practically feel it. My erection throbbed and ached for his touch to finally arrive where I desired it most. When he leaned against me to kiss my hipbone, I shuddered at the skin on skin contact and clung to him as he sucked my skin and pulled blood to the surface.

"I don't think anyone will see a hickey down there," I chuckled and he lifted his head and smiled.

"I want to mark you everywhere," he returned in raspy whisper.

Swallowing, I nodded. Without touching my cock, Edward dragged himself back up to my face, kissing me hard and rough. One of my hands went back to his hair, tugging on it, wanting and needing more, while my other wrapped around his bicep as much as possible. Shifting his weight, he was able to slide himself on top of me, my legs parting to make room for his as they clumsily fell between mine. Finally, he was completely on me, our chests pressed together as his hips rested on mine.

"You okay?" he asked me, pushing my hair back. "Am I crushing you?"

"It feels amazing to have you on me again," I murmured and he blushed, lowering his head. Edward had been shy before the accident, but he'd had no problem telling me what he wanted, and getting it, but now, just the simple request of wanting to be the one on top again was enough to bring heat to his cheeks. It was as if he was surprised he wanted it. "Does it feel okay for you?"

"Yeah," he breathed right before lowering his mouth to mine.

The kisses started off lazy as we let our tongues twist and explore well known mouths, outline lips, and flicker against each other. Edward curled his arms under my shoulders, cradling my head in his hands while his fingers tangled in my hair and his blunt nails scraped along my scalp. Earnest, keening sounds were drawn from us both in the form of long moans and whimpers. While his hands remained in my hair, mine wandered his entire back and shoulders, constantly surfing over the taunt muscles, occasionally digging into them as they rolled under his skin. My hips began to move against him, my cock trapped firmly between our bodies as I gripped his hips through his jeans as bucked my hips up into him, but with every thrust of my hips, my cock was scraped by the abrasive material of his jeans and I hissed at the pain. His lips left mine and worked their way over my jaw and then down my neck. Arching my back and angling my head, I gave him as much room as possible. Slipping my hands from his waist to between us, I was able to undo his button and start to lower his zipper. He didn't feel my touch, but he heard the zipper and lifted his head.

Staring at me with fear in his eyes, I pulled one hand out and channeled it through his hair. "The jeans hurt," I explained, "I just want to feel you, not them."

Biting his kiss swollen lip, he debated my request. Even though I had given him a handjob, every time I wanted to touch him was like starting all over again. I think he feared that just because he had gotten hard a few times didn't mean it was going to happen every time, and maybe he was right, but that didn't matter to me.

But it did to him.

"Please," I begged, lifting my head to kiss his chin, "let me feel you against me, baby. Just you."

Finally he nodded, and I sighed in relief, my hand quickly leaving his hair and returning to his pants. To help me, he put his hands next to my head and lifted his upper body off me enough so I was able to yank his pants and underwear down over the curve of his delicious ass.

"Oh fuck," I moaned when his limp cock fell free and grazed my erection. Unable to stop himself, he looked between our bodies, down toward his cock, and sighed when he saw it was hanging heavy and flaccid. Cupping his cheek, I brought his attention back to me. "You're beautiful."

It was the only thing I could think of to say.

"So beautiful, baby," I repeated. Before he could deny it, I pulled on his hands, dropping his weight back onto me. Instinctively, his hands grabbed my wrists to stop me. Gasping at his strength, my breath stalled when he took my wrists and brought my hands above my head, stretching my arms out. Lacing his fingers with mine, he held my hands there.

It felt so dominating, powerful, and fucking hot.

"You like this?" he asked, lowering his mouth to my ear, his moist breath washing over me.

"Fuck yeah," I groaned.

I squirmed under his dead weight as he kissed along my neck, sucking and nibbling, leaving at least one more mark behind my ear. I didn't fucking care if he tattooed 'property of Cullen' on my neck with his mouth as long as he didn't fucking stop. Edward's buff body pressed me into the mattress in the most satisfying way and I writhed against him, my lips capturing his anytime they were near mine, moaning into the kiss. While his hips remained still, Edward's upper body did not. He was constantly moving against me, sweat glistened skin sliding along each other as his lips traveled over my collar bone. Ducking his head, he managed to flick his tongue over a nipple. I arched off the bed so high I almost knocked him off me. The sounds I made only encouraged him to tease me, giving me just enough to keep me on the edge, but never push me over.

He controlled me in every way, and I fucking loved it.

"I love it when you're like this," I mumbled against his lips as I bit his bottom one. "You're so fucking strong."

Squeezing my hands tightly to prove his strength, he lifted his head. Before he could go too far, I lifted my own and nipped his neck, before caressing it with my tongue right after. I felt the vibrations of his groan and matched it with one of my own. With each movement of my hips, my body, against his, I felt his cock begin to grow. It wasn't instantaneous, it took several circles and some grinding, but his length hardened until he was leaking precum as much as I was.

"Love you so damn much," I whispered reverently.

It was then that I felt it. It was slight, it was barely there, but his cock twitched against mine in response.

His head was buried in the crook of my neck while his lips sucked on the tender skin enough to drive me crazy but not mark me. Nuzzling my nose into his dampened hair, I murmured, "Babe, you're hard."Against my neck, I felt his lips curl into a relieved smile. "And you feel so fucking good sliding against me. It's going to make me come?"

Releasing my neck, he smashed his mouth to mine. I wrapped my legs around his hips, holding him even tighter to me. Grinding my hips up against the pressure, my cock rubbing along his, I used his body to get myself off. The smooth, rhythmic undulation of my hips against his weight quickly turned into frantic trusts, desperate in their need to seek the friction my cock yearned for. My fingers grasped his as the coil in my belly began to tighten, and I could feel the heaviness of my sac as it filled in anticipation.

"Fuck…yeah, baby, make me come…fuck, yeah," I whimpered. Tearing his lips away from mine, he raised his head and gazed down at me.

"Come for me, let me feel it," he said softly.

Holding his stare, I clenched his hands for leverage and thrust up three more times before I fell into the bliss that only he gave me. My balls pulled up into my body just as the coil sprung and I felt the fire travel up my spine, tingling everywhere and curling my toes as my climax surged through me.

"Coming," I growled with no control. Trapped between us, never even touched by his hand or mouth, my cock jerked and shot my load, coating our cocks and lower abs with my warm, sticky cum. My instinct was to push up as my cock emptied, but his unwavering weight kept me down and the climax literally overpowered me. The entire time my body shuddered, Edward watched me, his fingers stroking mine, his full lips parted as his staggered breaths escaped him. There was a deep flush to his sharp cheeks and a darkness in his eyes that had nothing to do with the one that followed him. As the last of my orgasm still flowed through me, the ripples of sensation still fresh, my body finally began to still and I sighed in pure contentment.

"You're so fucking hot when you come," he smiled down at me.

"Yeah?" I blushed.

"Yeah."

The steady rise and fall of his body on me synced with mine intoxicated me, lulling me into something I already knew. I never wanted him out of my arms.

Ever.

It wasn't going to be easy. If I got into UW with Edward, I was going to have to get loans that I would pay for years and I was going to have to ask my parents for help, but it would all be worth it when I came home every night to my boy.

"Can we stay like this?" I asked with a raised brow, still trying to catch my breath.

"Your dad might suspect something if he walked in right now."

"I don't know why he would. I'm just naked with my half-dressed hot boyfriend on me and we're covered in my cum. Nothing suspicious about that at all," I chuckled.

"No, nothing," he agreed.

His hold on my hands loosened and he released them, immediately putting his in my hair while mine went to his firm ass. I felt slightly guilty for groping his ass when he couldn't even feel it, but damn, he had a fine ass.

"Do you want me to touch you?" I offered, hissing when his erection brushed along my sensitive, sated cock. "See if you can have one of those…see if you can come again?"

"No, that's okay. I just wanted to be on you again." I nodded, and went to kiss him but he stopped me. "Am I…am I still hard?"

"Mmm, very. Feels amazing against me. Someday, baby, me and you, completely naked debauchery."

He laughed. "Maybe when we can get to the meadow again. Some place where we won't get caught."

"Promise?"

"Yes."

"You'll let me suck you?"

He swallowed at the thought, but I wasn't sure if it was because he was excited or scared by the question. "Yes," he answered, his voice stripped bare.

"Fuck. We're going tomorrow, I don't care if I have to carry you all the way up the trail. I want your cock in my mouth so fucking much, baby," I said quietly, but not leaving any room for him to back out.

He shook his head. "We can't. Practice."

"Soon then. Maybe this weekend if it's warm enough."

Instead of replying, he lowered his mouth to mine and kissed me fucking senseless. It was about half an hour later, just as my cock began to harden again and his softened, that we finally parted. Edward rolled off me and I reached to the bottom of the bed and grabbed my clothes, tugging on my shorts. Edward was on his back, his chest still heaving from our kisses, his jeans still down around his thighs, my dried cum was spread thin low on his abs. My eyes went straight to his length, limp and thick, lying nestled in short, auburn hairs. Self consciously, he reached down and covered himself. Leaning over, I grabbed his wrist and shook my head.

"Don't."

Gnawing on the inside of his lip, he let me direct his hand away. The rest of Edward was just as impression with his flat, defined abs with a dusting of hair gathered in the center that faded as it gave way to his trim waist then firm chest and developed pectorals, and finally, wide shoulders that now bulged with muscles wrapping all the way around them. His pale skin flushed under my attention and as much as Edward tried to hold my gaze, he looked away.

"Stop objectifying me," he chuckled. "Am I nothing more to you than your play toy? I feel so used."

"My life-size toy." Laughing, I leaned over and kissed him. "I'll be right back."

Darting across the hall, I wet a small towel and cleaned myself off, pulling my cock out and wiping it clean. Then I rewet the towel with some warm water, glancing at myself in the mirror as I did.

Even if my father hadn't caught us in the act, the look on my face would clearly give away what I had been doing. There was no mistaking what caused the deep flush on my cheeks, the fresh marks on my neck or the euphoria that still darkened my eyes.

Making love with Edward.

Nothing else would ever give me that high that being with him did.

Grinning like a schoolgirl at my post-coital face, I finished rinsing the towel and squeezed out the excess water. After I turned off the faucet, I walked back to my room, opening my partially closed door.

Instantly, I knew something was wrong. The air in the room was suffocating, and when my eyes dropped to Edward on the bed, my heart stopped. And it wasn't because of how hot he looked.

It was because in his hand he held a letter on heavy ivory paper. Slowly, he raised his confused eyes to mine and I swallowed thickly, my mouth suddenly completely dry.

"What is this?"

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

These boys own me. Completely.

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	22. We Can Work It Out

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N-Yes, there are some repeated scenes in here, as well as some new ones we didn't hear from Jasper on, but they are vital to Edward and I feel we need to hear them from him. The chapter is dialogue heavy.

Thank you to everyone that reads and reviews. I appreciate it more than I say.

This chapter is unbeta'd, all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are mine.

Special thanks to Dannie, who stuck by me for so long with this story, if it wasn't for her encouragement and faith in my writing, these boys wouldn't be here.

Now Edward pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night he hadn't doubted himself…_

"**~~**"

I had done it.

And he was still there.

I had told Jasper about the darkness and he was still holding me, still by my side. Each his caresses soothed my nerves but nothing could stop the shaking. It was like I was cold but I wasn't. Even my teeth were chattering. Seeing the headlights had brought it all back, the crunching metal, the warm blood running down my face, the lack of pain in my legs before I passed out. It had been Jasper that had been able to get me back into a car after the accident, eventually even luring me to feel remotely comfortable. As long as I could hold his hand, I could do it.

We must have sat in the truck for over an hour as he listened, asked questions, and warily looked around the cab, wondering if I was being stalked. When we went to leave, I sat next to him, glued to his side with my hand on his thigh and my face buried in his shoulder.

At my house, he followed me inside with the new chair. My parents admired it and I really wanted to show it off, even sit in it, but I was exhausted and too shaken up to make small talk. I said goodnight and went to my room, entering it anxiously, expecting the darkness to immediately jump out at me. Jasper followed me, standing in my doorway as his eyes scanned the room, concentrating on the corner. It was empty when I grabbed a kit, but I knew as soon as I returned, as soon as Jasper was gone, it would haunt me. But when I got back to my room I didn't find the darkness, I found a half dressed Jasper. He told me he was sleeping over, even though earlier we had decided he wouldn't sleep over because he had to work at five-thirty in the morning.

"I'm not leaving you alone," he replied when I reminded him about work. "Got some sweatpants I can borrow?"

Without waiting for an answer he pulled out a pair of my sweatpants and put them on while I moved to my bed. I couldn't decide if I was frustrated that he felt he had to babysit me, or thankful that he was staying. Honestly, after what had happened, I didn't want to be alone. I needed to be with him, but I didn't want him to feel like he had to stay. When I told him he was only there because he knew about the darkness, he said I better get used to it because he was there for the rest of my life.

His words weren't practiced or rehearsed, they were honest and real and came from his heart. Over the two years we'd been together, we had made a lot of plans, some were really stupid and silly, like backpacking in Europe after graduating college, some were more realistic, like what our majors were going to be in college. Although, Jasper seemed to change his mind a lot on that. We knew the real plans from the ones we dreamed about doing someday, but the words he spoke then weren't a dream. They were definite, undeniable, and concrete. Jasper was going to be with me forever. The darkness might try to tell me otherwise, but I had no doubt that the vow that he made in my dark room was one he intended to keep. After four months of staying by my side even when even when I had pushed him away, hit him, yelled at him, and refused to believe him, he was still there, lying in my bed next to me with his lips at my ear.

"Promise?" I asked, turning to look into his eyes, to see if his words were a reality for him too. I saw nothing but his never ending devotion. How the hell he had so much of it, I will never know.

"Forever."

"Thanks, love," I sighed, my eyes already closing under the watchful security of his embrace.

That night I dreamed of graduation, of walking and kissing my boy. The excitement was still in my heart when I woke up in the middle of the night. Jasper was still next to me in the same position he had fallen asleep in, snoring with his head on my shoulder, his arm still on me. There was only one difference.

At some point in our sleep, my hand and found his and our fingers were threaded together.

Looking at our clasped hands on my belly, I smiled. Even in our sleep when our bodies were already connected, we sought each other out. Like magnets, there was no keeping us apart.

Sunday I woke up to an empty bed. There was a note scribbled on my nightstand and I smiled as I picked it up and read it.

_I love waking up with you in my arms. Will call you tonight. Miss you._

Even when he wasn't with me, he knew exactly what to say.

I spent the day catching up on a few things for school and working out. After, I went to my room, quickly grabbing my laptop from my desk and moving to my bed. I put on some music and then opened a browser. Rarely had I done any searches on my condition. I was afraid of what might see. Thinking I might not walk again was difficult enough, but to see it splashed across my monitor was something I wasn't sure I could handle. After clicking on many different links, I found my way to a forum where they talked about research for SCIs. It was mostly centered on stem cell research, but there were a few other things mentioned as well. Feeling overwhelmed by not having Jasper there with me, I bookmarked the site for another day and turned off the computer.

There was some information I couldn't handle reading alone.

Deciding I need a distraction, I went out to the living room to my basketball chair. It sat near the door where Jasper had left it and approaching it, I sighed. I knew I should be excited about having it, and I was, but I couldn't deny I would rather have never needed it. Moving my chair in front of it, I transferred into the basketball chair. I opened the front door and went down the ramp, immediately noticing a change. The chair was much lighter and easier to push, and the wheels were angled. My father had said it was so that fingers didn't get pinched when chairs collided in games. Then there were the extra wheels in the front and one in the back for stability, and seatbelt that fastened around my thighs. Going to the garage door, I struggled to open it. The seat was higher than I my other chair and I had to bend over even more to reach the handle on the door, but I finally did and yanked it open. After I found my basketball, I returned to the driveway. Bouncing the ball next to me, I dribbled while sitting still before trying to dribble while moving. I was able to do it a few times, although it still seemed awkward. More often than not, I lost it and had to chase it down. The chair was more fluid than mine, and I could see why Riley wheeled so effortlessly at basketball.

Determined, I kept dribbling up and down my driveway, bouncing the ball, then pushing to catch up with it. When I got hot, I pulled off my tee shirt and kept going until I could circle my driveway once without losing the ball. Satisfied I wasn't going to get any better right then, I parked on the faded arc and shot. It barely went in, so I adjusted my next shot for the difference of height in the seat and it swished through the net. I continued shooting for awhile, rebounding my own shots and dribbling back out to the line. If I hadn't been sitting in a wheelchair with my legs strapped to it, I would have said it was pretty much like any other Sunday. It wasn't until my mother came to the door and told me dinner would be ready shortly that I realized I'd been outside for almost three hours. I put the ball away and closed the garage doors before going inside and eating dinner.

"You stink," Alice said, scrunching her nose up at me.

"Sorry," I shrugged, but I really wasn't. My mother asked a few questions about the chair and basketball, and I answered carefully. Without Jasper or my dad there to back me up, I didn't want to say the wrong thing and worry her. As soon as I was done eating, I showered, sitting under the spray of hot water until it went cold.

My day was complete when Jasper called later that night. The exhaustion in his voice was clear even from across town. He'd drive eight hours in a day, then spent the night watching over me only to crawl out of bed before sunrise and go work with his dad. Then he went the hospital and got donations for the race. He had begun to call it 'our' race, but when I corrected him and said he was the only one running, he shook his head and said that I would be there right next to him every step even if I couldn't feel it. Because of me, his words were soft and mumbled as he updated me on his long day. He needed time off from his life, even if only for a few hours.

"Hey, Jas?"

"Yeah?" he yawned.

"Why don't you just go home after practice tomorrow?"

"Ed-"

"Don't argue. Go home, get your homework done and then sleep." I knew what his reply would be even before he said it, so I had my counter argument ready to go.

"But I don't want you to be alone."

"I won't be. Alice will be around, probably my mother too. I can practice outside. I'll be fine." He sighed, not happy with my suggestion. I decided to try a different tactic. "Tell you what, you stay home tomorrow and I'll make it up to you on Tuesday at practice."

"How?"

"I don't know yet, but I will," I promised.

"Fuck, babe, you're making me hard. How about you talk dirty to me?"

I laughed. "No phone sex, you need sleep. I'll see you in the morning. Love you."

"Love you too. Be safe, baby."

"See ya soon, love."

I hung up, set my alarm and closed my eyes. Alone in my bed, I was aware of the slight snickering in the corner, but I kept my eyes shut and imagined Jasper next to me, watching over me, and soon the sounds faded and I fell into a light sleep.

"_I can't do it, I'm too nervous," I sighed. He shook his head and cupped my cheek. _

"_Why, baby? They're going to love you."_

"_Says you," I groaned. "What if I get up there and they laugh at me? What if I can't get up the ramp or I run into some wires or something? What if the microphone is too high?" _

_Kneeling in front of me, he looked up at me. "Babe, none of that is going to happen. You're going to go up there, wow them with your speech, and they will cheer you like they should." _

_Hanging my head, I felt his hand move from my cheek through my hair until it rested on the back of my neck. "You can do this. I know you can."_

"_I want to walk up there, Jasper. Not wheel."_

_He shrugged. "Then do it. Walk."_

"_Yeah, right," I scoffed. "You been sniffing glue or something?"_

_He smiled. "Babe, all I know is you can do whatever you set your mind to. You believe you can do it, you will."_

_We were next to Jasper's truck in the parking lot outside the school right before we had to be with the rest of our graduating class for our march. Well, everyone else was going to march, I was going to push, down the hill and onto the field. _

"_Come on, we're going to be late," Jasper said, standing. I pushed, admiring his long strides as he walked next to me. At the top of the hill, we had to split up to go alphabetically. With a side wink and a 'you can do it' mouthed before 'I love you', he turned and went to the back of the line while I took my spot with the rest of the 'C' kids. Pomp and Circumstance began to play and we headed to our seats. Jasper's hand brushed mine as he turned the corner to walk down the center aisle toward the back. My heart skipped at the light touch, the spark we shared ignited and my faith in him, in his beliefs, grew. _

_When I was called to the stage, I looked behind me at Jasper. He was sitting at the end of the last row on the opposite side. Grinning, he gave me the thumbs up. Suddenly there was no one between us and I could feel him right behind me, his hands on my shoulder as he whispered how proud he was in my ear. I turned around and reached down to my feet. Lifting one, I placed it on the ground and then did the same with the other. Taking a deep breath, I braced my hands and pushed myself up until I was standing, amazed when I didn't fall. Encouraged, I took a small step forward on shaky legs. Then another and another. There was no mistaking the cheering from the back row. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw tears on his cheeks as he beamed with pride. Looking at my parents, I saw a similar expression. I slowly made my way to the stage, the stairs not the ramp, and joined Mr. Bradshaw at the microphone. Stunned, he shook my hand and stepped aside as I faced my classmates and parents. _

_Standing. _

"_Congratulations, fellow graduates. Together we have faced and preserved through four years of high school. These years have taught us so much more than what you can learn in a classroom, they have armed us for our future. There will be places and people you remember all your life, some will change, some remain the same. All these places had their moments, but in your life, there will be one you will love more. For me, that person has stood by me in the face of tragedy. I honestly don't know if I would be here without…." my eyes fell on Jasper as he stood and started walking down the aisle, "him." _

_Everyone turned and watched Jasper as he broke into a sprint. The long maroon gown flowed around his feet as he ran toward me, taking the steps in two leaps before reaching me, sweeping me up into his arms and spinning me in a circle. Pulling back, he looked at me, the tears still fresh on his cheeks. _

"_You did it, babe."_

"_No. _We_ did it," I corrected him and then, in front of everyone, I kissed Jasper. There might have been shocked gasps or whispered 'I told you so's but it didn't matter. All that mattered was he was in my arms and I was _standing_ in his._

_The boy that had saved my life. _

"**~~**"

"So how are things?" Emmett asked as he set his bag down next to the bench.

"Okay," I said, pushing my chair under the weights. Emmett adjusted them, watching as I began to do a set of shoulder presses.

"I saw the new chair out there. Pretty fly," he smiled."How do you like it?"

"I haven't had a practice in it yet, but I used it yesterday in the driveway and it seemed really nice. Much lighter."

"I bet." Confident I was okay on my own, Emmett crossed the room and put his music on. "I notice you haven't changed the CD yet."

"It's growing on me," I huffed as I lifted the bar.

"Told ya." He kneeled in front of his bag and took a few things out before joining me again. I switched to a different exercise, one he had showed me the week before. "I saw Jasper at the hospital yesterday. He hit me up for a donation to a race he's running."

"Yeah. He is running a half marathon to try to raise money for my parents to help pay for the chair and stuff."

"Thirteen miles? No thanks," he laughed. "He asked for some ideas on gaining some leg muscle. I'll show you some things today and you can pass them on to him."

"Sure."

We continued through the workout, doing a few sets of the shoulder, chest, and arm exercises I had, and then he showed me some squats, lunges, and two strange exercises involving a stool, actually doing them so I could tell Jasper exactly what to do.

"Any questions?"

"Nope, I think I got it."

He had me transfer to the bench and lay on my back. Emmett stood at the end and picked up my right leg. Pushing it toward me, he automatically moved through the motions.

"What are the parallel bars for?"

Emmett glanced at them over his shoulder before answering. "Therapy. People use them for balance when they have braces or straps on."

Turning my head, I stared at the two bars in the corner. "Can I do them?"

"Yeah, but not yet. It's too soon."

"Is it? I mean, why not do it before I lose too much muscle."

His jaw flinched as he considered what I said. "I'll bring some braces next week. We'll try it on Monday, okay?"

Grinning, I nodded. I wanted to call Jasper right away and tell him but I decided to wait until after it happened. Emmett changed the subject, bringing it back to basketball. He teased me about going one on one again. Once he was finished with my right leg, he set it down and moved to my left.

Then it happened.

As soon as he lifted my leg holding my foot in his palms as he bent it and pushed the knee toward my chest, I cried out as a sharp pain radiated through my thigh. Instinctively, my hands went to my leg, gripping my thigh.

"It hurts," I screamed in both pain and shock.

Immediately he straightened my leg, placing it on the bench. Gritting my teeth, I lifted my head and watched his hands massage my thigh, his brows knitted in concentration as he slipped from joking Emmett into nurse mode. The pain ceased, but it left my gasping for breath.

"What the fuck was that?" I sighed, laying my head back down, taking in gulps of air to calm my heart.

"A muscle spasm," he answered. I couldn't feel his hands on me, but I knew he was still massaging the muscles. "It's not uncommon for paraplegics to have them."

"But I felt it," I lifted my head and looked at him. "I _felt_ it, Emmett."

He nodded. "Do you feel anything now?"

Looking down at my leg, I willed the pain to return, but I there was nothing. Then under his hands, my entire leg started twitching, jerking off the bench.

"Damn it," he mumbled. He held my leg tight enough to keep it on the bench but not stop it from moving. Amazed, I watched with wide eyes.

My leg was moving.

On its own. It was moving.

I wanted to call Jasper and tell him. "Oh my God," I murmured.

Emmett glanced up at me. "Edward…" he started but then stopped, focusing on my leg instead.

"I felt it. It hurt like fucking hell, but I felt it," I was almost smiling. Then as quickly as it had started, it stopped. My leg was completely still, lifeless like before. "What's happening? Where did it go?"

Emmett kept massaging, but began to explain. "These spasms are common, Edward. They don't mean anything."

"What? How come?"

He thought before answering. "It's technical, but I'll try to explain. After a SCI the nerves below the injury were disconnected from the brain, right?" I nodded. "Scar tissue forms around the damaged area and blocks messages from below the injury from reaching the brain. These spasms, called spasticity, don't usually happen right after the SCI because your spinal cord goes into shock. Are you with me so far?"

"Yeah," I sighed. It didn't sound promising.

"Once the shock starts to wear off, these spasms can happen anytime the body is stimulated below the injury, usually stretching or some kind of pain. Because these muscles can't send the signal to the brain anymore, they trigger a reflex, causing it to contract or spasm, though they don't usually hurt. I'm not surprised you haven't had any until now."

"Why not?" He finally stopped massaging my leg, but kept his eyes on it.

"Because one way to prevent them is daily PT. Basically moving around and you do that. Even when I don't come, you work out."

"But I don't always work my legs."

"No, but we do it three times a week and you move from chair to bed to toilet to shower. I know that doesn't seem like exercise for your legs, but it is."

"So this doesn't mean anything?" I looked up at him, forcing to keep the emotions that threatened me away. I refused to let him know just how excited it had gotten.

"I means your body is doing and responding exactly like it should. Which is good. But," he finally brought his eyes to mine, "it doesn't mean anything more."

"Fuck," I let my head fall back on the bench. "It was nice for a few seconds. Even if it did hurt."

"Sorry, Edward."

"It's okay."

But it wasn't okay. I wanted to feel the pain again, I wanted to watch my legs move even if I wasn't controlling them.

"Ready to continue?"

Looking to the side, I nodded. Emmett picked up my leg and began again. Only that time, I didn't pay attention. I didn't talk or watch him. I stared at the corner, waiting until I heard the distinct snickering before I closed my eyes.

After we were done in the dining room, Emmett wanted to do a full body massage, especially after the spasm. I got onto my bed and took off my clothes before I called him. He immediately went to work, rubbing his large, oiled hands over me. I avoided looking at the corner, instead, I tried to concentrate on holding a conversation with Emmett. He returned to his joking self, debating with me on the best basketball play of all time. When he was done, he went to wash his hands and I put on some shorts and waited for him to return. He packed his bag and looked over my leg one last time.

"If it happens again, try moving it to a different position. If that doesn't work, then massage it like this," he told me, using his hands to knead the muscles. "If it doesn't hurt, you can let it continue, but if it does, this will stop it, or at least slow it down. When is your next check up?"

"Week after next, I think."

"Make sure you mention it to your doctor. There are meds you can take for it, but I don't think he will do anything if it only happens a few times, but he will want to keep an eye on it."

"Okay. Do I need to tell my dad?"

"Yes, he should know." He stood up. "We meet again on Wednesday-"

"I can't," I interrupted. "Jasper has a track meet after school and I promised him I'd be there."

"Track meet, huh? Does that kid ever stop running?"

"No. Before his dad got a new truck for work, Jasper used to run everywhere."

"What events does he run?"

"The eight hundred and the sixteen hundred. He used to do a four hundred and high jump, but he doesn't anymore. He focuses on the distance races now."

"I never did track. Football and baseball were my things. Football was better, I got to hit people and not get in trouble for it," he grinned. "Have fun at the meet, tell Jasper I said good luck."

"I will."

"Okay, I got to go, you all set?"

"Yeah, thanks, Emmett."

He held his fist out for me to bump. "Anytime, Cullen. See ya Friday."

After he left, I clenched my eyes shut. I didn't want to see the darkness as it neared me. Hearing it approach was frightening enough. My phone rang and I reached for it, sighing in relief when I saw his name. He didn't even wait for me to say hello.

"So I've been thinking about my reward."

I smiled. "Yeah?" Holding the phone to my ear, I rolled onto my back. "What about it?"

"Can it involve you being sweaty?"

"Sweaty, huh?"

"And naked. Naked is always good."

I couldn't help laughing. "Love?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"Your perfect timing."

"I do what I can," he chuckled. "But I tell ya, this superhero cape is damn uncomfortable."

"Dork."

"Your dork."

"How was practice?" I glanced over my shoulder to find the corner empty. Jasper truly was my superhero.

"Same ole, same ole," he yawned. "How was PT?" I didn't answer right away and instantly he knew something was wrong. "Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Everything okay?"

Again, I paused. Yes, everything was fine and no, nothing was okay. Nothing but him.

I heard movement before he spoke again. "I'm coming over."

"No!" I snapped. "Don't. Everything's fine, love. I'm fine."

"Tell me," he coaxed. I knew him, I knew he was getting me to talk while he got his keys and headed for his truck.

"First, you go back to your room."

"Fuck," he muttered. "How the hell did you know?" I almost smiled when I heard his keys being dropped on his table.

"Because I know you. Now if you sit down, I'll tell you."

"I'm sitting."

"Jasper," I scolded him.

"Fine. Now I'm sitting. Tell me what happened? Did Emmett say something?"

"No, nothing like that. We went through the weightlifting part and then he showed me some things for you."

"Oh cool. Thanks."

"Then I moved to the bench so he could do PT on my legs like we always do. He did the right first and it was fine but then he did the left, and…"

"And what?"

I didn't want to tell Jasper because I didn't want his hopes to be raised like mine had only to be crushed with reality. Jasper was optimistic enough, if I let him know what happened, he'd have me walking in a week. But he'd made me promise him to tell him everything, the good and the bad. Although, I hadn't decided which one this was.

"I had a muscle spasm," I whispered.

"What? Where? In your leg?"

"Yeah. When Emmett pushed it toward my chest, it cramped up and it hurt like hell. Really sharp pain went all around my thigh."

"Edward, that's amazing."

"No, it's not. Apparently it's normal and doesn't mean anything. Emmett explained what was happening and why, then he massaged my leg until it went away."

"Did you feel anything?" he asked softly, hopefully.

"Only the pain for a few second when it happened. I didn't feel him massaging it. Except for that one spot."

"Oh, baby," he sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Then I just watched as my leg twitched like mad, just bouncing up and down and I couldn't control it." I swiped at the stupid fucking tears rolling down my cheeks. "Ya know, Jas, for a few seconds, I got so fucking excited. I thought…" I took a deep breath. "I thought maybe, just maybe, I might walk again."

"Maybe you still will," he murmured.

"Come on, you know I won't. You've done the research. Hell, you probably already knew about these spasms before I did." His silence confirmed I was right.

"Do you want me to come over? I can be there in ten minutes," he offered. Taking shallow breaths, I stopped crying and dried my tears with the palm of my hand.

"No, stay there and get your work done. Get some sleep. I'll be okay."

"I don't like you going through this alone, babe."

"I'm going to have to sometimes. You can't always be with me."

"Wanna bet? Are you alone now? I mean, is the…"

"I'm alone."

Relieved, he sighed. "I want to come over."

"I know you do, but then you won't get your reward tomorrow."

"Naked and sweaty?"

"How about I promise one of two?"

"Mmm," he moaned. "Sounds good. Babe?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you get the answer to number four on the physics homework?" he asked innocently, but it was anything but innocent. Just because I had told him to stay home apparently didn't mean he couldn't talk to me all night. Before I could call him out on it, he spoke up. "You said I had to stay here, you didn't say I couldn't call."

He was right.

"So, number four?"

"Hold on, let me get some shorts on," I said.

"Whoa, what? Wait, are you naked?" He suddenly sounded a little breathless.

"Emmett just left, I've had the chance to dress yet," I explained.

"Ya know, babe, another boyfriend might worry at that comment," he laughed. "You're lucky I'm so understanding."

"I'm definitely lucky, but not only because you're understanding. Now hold on a minute." I put the phone down and grabbed my shorts. Rolling onto my back, I worked them up my legs and over my ass. Feeling a bit more covered, I picked the phone back up. "There?"

"Yeah," he sighed.

"What's wrong?"

"I liked it better when you were naked."

"Jas, you didn't know I was naked. Besides, we're doing physics and we know what physics does to you."

"Exactly why you should be naked," he chuckled.

"Yeah, well, my mom and sister might not understand. Number four, right?" I reached for my physics notebook and dragged it over. For the next two hours, we went over homework, pausing only when he interrupted to offer suggestions for his reward for 'being a good boy'. By the time we hung up, my mother was home and dinner was done. He'd made me promise that I would call him as soon as I was done eating. After I took a shower, I got into bed and called him back. He answered right away and caught me up to date on the past hour of his life. Only Jasper could make cooking grilled cheese sound interesting. It got late, my eyes started to close, but I could still hear him chattering in my ear.

"Love?"

"Yeah, babe?" his voice was so quiet, even dreamlike. I almost wondered if I wasn't imagining the entire conversation.

"Sing to me," I whispered.

"_There's nothing you can do that can't be done  
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung  
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game  
It's easy_

There's nothing you can make that can't be made  
No one you can save that can't be saved  
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time  
It's easy

All you need is love  
All you need is love  
All you need is love, love  
Love is all you need"

He made it all the way through before he yawned again, but before I could tell him to stop, he continued onto our song, singing reverently to me through the phone. My eyes drifted closed and I fell asleep to the sweetest voice ever, my heart full of everything that he was.

"**~~**"

I stuffed my bag on the floor and slid across the seat, waiting for Jasper to secure my chair in the back of the truck. He climbed in a few minutes later, kissing my cheek before buckling up. Once my hand was on his thigh, he started the truck and backed out. With my head on his shoulder, he headed out of town toward the highway and Port Angeles. Even though he had stayed home the night before, fulfilling his promise to me, I had fallen asleep while he was singing to me. I had actually woken up that morning to find the call still connected.

Jasper had never hung up.

Even in his sleep in his bed across town, he watched over me.

When he had arrived to pick me up for school, I told him it was a damn good thing he had unlimited minutes. "I didn't want you to be alone," he confessed with a shrug.

The drive to practice was quick, Jasper talked the entire way, never shutting up about useless stuff, all to keep my mind occupied on listening to him and not on the traffic around us.

"You doing okay?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "Just nervous about practice."

"Nervous? The Great Cullen doesn't get nervous," he laughed. "How come?"

"Because I've got the chair I can do the scrimmage. What if I'm not any good? They are expecting this whiz, but what if I'm not?"

"You will be exactly what they expect. You're not going to be perfect, babe, that will take time, but you will still wow them."

"Sometimes I can see your cape hiding under your clothes," I said, kissing his arm.

"Damn. And here I thought my secret identity was…well, a secret."

"Nope. You don't have secrets with me."

It was barely noticeable, and had my head not been on his shoulder, I wouldn't have felt it, but his body tensed right then. Slightly and quickly, but it did. I brushed it aside, telling myself he was tired, his body was stiff from running, that it was nothing more than that.

"So what's my reward?" he smirked.

"You'll see after practice," I answered, glancing down at my bag. I wasn't sure he'd be okay with what I had planned. I was going to do an intimate thing in a very public place. It'd been months since I had fingered him, since I'd seen that look on his face that only happened when I hit that sweet spot deep inside him. Nothing was more beautiful then Jasper on the edge of coming while my fingers were inside him.

"You're a fucking tease," he sighed. "How about a hint?"

"Umm, it involves you and me."

"Naked and sweaty?" he asked, eagerly.

"You're not getting any more from me."

"Ugh," he groaned.

"And you say I ask too many questions."

When we arrived at practice, Jasper helped me into the chair and I wheeled it across the parking lot, noticing how much easier just getting up the long ramp was in the lighter chair. "I'm counting the minutes until this is over," Jasper winked at me before heading to the bleachers.

Smiling, I rolled over the group, high fiving Brady and Collin when they saw the new chair. Sam was thrilled I would be able to do the entire practice because he announced we had our first game coming up that weekend.

"It will be Saturday at noon here against the Seattle Junior Sonics. If anyone can't make it, let me know so I can adjust the team accordingly. I'll have the starting five at Thursday's practice. Let's warm up with some layups and then a three man weave."

Still a bit nervous, I got in line and began the warm up. Leah passed me the ball and I bounced it beside me and dribbled to the basket. I still felt awkward as hell, but I didn't lose it and was able to reach up and shoot a halfway decent layup. We continued through a few drills, then went over the offense plays Sam had showed us the week before. Once we had a good grasp on them, Sam called us to the middle.

"With Edward, we've got enough for a four on four scrimmage. I left the pennies in my van so let's do shirts versus skins. Riley, Edward, Jared and Quil, you guys are skins. Brady, Collin, Leah, and Paul are shirts."

Looking to the bleachers, I saw Jasper leaning forward, his homework spread open on the bleacher in front of him. His eyes were not on the books but rather on me as I reached for the hem of my tank top and dragged it up my torso and over my head. I tossed it to the sidelines with the rest of the shirts. Jasper swallowed. Really fucking hard.

Everyone else was in shorts, but even though the atrophy hadn't set in yet, I was still too self-conscious to show my legs, so I had sweatpants on. From across the gym, I felt Jasper's eyes on me, devouring every inch of my chest, arms, and shoulders. I swear I felt his tongue licking along the curves of my new muscles.

"Ready, Cullen?" Riley asked and I nodded, pushing my chair to the outside of the circle where he was tipping off against Brady. Sam tossed the ball up and Riley tapped it to me. I caught it, quickly looking down court to see Jared on his way to the net. Whipping the ball, I timed it so it landed about three feet in front of him. He caught it, did one dribble and made a layup.

"Hell yeah," Riley cheered.

With her long arms, Leah had a few nice blocks, but Riley and I were quick with the passes. If he didn't have a clear shot, he passed it back to me and I took the shot myself or found another open man. As the scrimmage continued, sweat ran down my face and chest, and it felt good. I got out of breath, I pushed myself, concentrating on dribbling and moving the chair in a synchronized motion. Sometimes I did okay, other times I felt like I'd never dribbled a ball before.

"Jared, backdoor," I called out, motioning behind Brady, who caught on and stopped him. But it freed Riley on the other side and I passed him the ball for an easy layup.

Grinning, he wheeled up to me, fist bumping me as I pushed my chair backwards to get back on defense. Paul ran the other team's offense from the top of the arc. He called out to Leah but his eyes went to Collin. Like I had with Riley, I concentrated on Paul's hands, watching them to show me which way he was going. When his left hand slid back, I knew he was cutting right and pushed into him, jarring his chair. He got the pass off but missed Collin's hands. Jared grabbed it and passed it back to me as he started down the court again. Riley and Quil were already half way down there.

"Quil, run Texas," I yelled. He went around his player and I threw the ball to him. Catching it, he lined up his shot but it was too hard and bounced off the backboard, but Riley rebounded it.

"Cullen," he called out, trying to avoid Brady, who was guarding him. Reaching around, Riley bounced passed it to me. I had barely caught it before I shot, swishing it through the net. Satisfied, Riley high fived me and we moved back on defense. "Nice move."

While I waited for the other team to set up, I glanced over at Jasper. He hadn't moved from his position, his elbows on his knees as he intently stared at me. It was like there wasn't a basketball game going on for him at all. Smiling at him, I turned back to the game. Sam finally called practice when my team was up by ten. Riley pulled up next to me as we headed for the sidelines.

"How do you like the chair?" he asked with what had become his trademark head toss to get the damp hair out of his brilliant eyes. There was no tank top to hide his upper body and now that practice was over, I let my eyes appreciate it with a lingering glance. There was a thin film of sweat covering his sculpted shoulders and upper chest, which bulged with his tired muscles. His skin was evenly tanned and completely smooth. The guy could have been a swimsuit model if he wasn't in a wheelchair.

"It's great. So much faster."

"Told ya." A wide smile exposed perfect teeth as he tilted his head at me, his hair falling strategically back over his eyes. "Are you excited for our first game?"

"More like nervous."

"You'll be fine. If you want to go over anything, let me know. I'm less than an hour from you, I can drive down Forks. Got any courts in town?"

"Yeah, a few. That'd be great, thanks."

It was a good suggestion. I wouldn't mind going over things one on one, asking any questions I had on plays. Plus he could fill me in on past games and other teams. I used to watch other team's game film before games so I knew what to expect.

"Tomorrow good?" he asked as he reached down for his tee shirt. Instead of putting it on, he swiped his chest with it and then laid it on his lap. I glanced over at Jasper who was already packed and waiting excitedly by the door.

"No, I've got plans afterschool, but I can do Friday," I suggested and he nodded. I picked up my duffel and shirt, setting them on my lap.

"That works for me. What time?"

"I get home about two-thirty."

"Three work?"

"Sure. Thanks, I appreciate it." I upped his trademark hair flip with my own trademarked crooked smiles.

Sam gathered us in a circle, made a few comments on the practice then sent us on our way. After saying goodnight to Sam, Riley and I headed across the gym. Jasper was practically bouncing up and down, his eyes filled with nothing but lust, and it had nothing to do with the cute boy next to me.

"Hey, Jasper," Riley smiled at him. "How are you?"

"Hey. Pretty good, you?" Jasper returned in a slight drawl, telling me he was already pretty fucking turned on. The boy used his accent to his advantage, usually when he had to convince someone to do something for him. I called it his 'aw shucks' voice, but sometimes he just slipped into it, usually when he was really turned on. He might have been talking to Riley, but Jasper's eyes never strayed from me, they continued to roam over me until I was almost trembling in anticipation.

"Not bad, thanks. Good practice, Cullen," Riley said as he moved past Jasper, "See ya Thursday. Bye, Jasper."

"Bye," Jasper replied absently.

"Ready to go?" I swear he would have sprinted to the truck if he could have.

By the time we reached the truck, I was already shivering from the cold drizzle that was falling from the night sky. He was barely in the cab before he was turning on the heat and undoing his jeans, sighing in relief as his erection bounced free. When he moved to straddle me, I put a hand on his chest.

"Take them all the way off," I told him before reaching for my bag on the floor and pulling out the lube I had put in there earlier. "C'mere."

Jasper put his knees on either side of me, sitting on my lap. He ran his hands over me, sending shudders through me, as I did the same to him. "You're shaking. Are you warm enough?"

I was plenty warm enough. With Jasper's perfect body sitting on me, I was bordering on hot.

"Yeah, I'm not cold," I told him. Then we kissed, our tongues quickly meeting again and again as he began to writhe on my lap. It was only seconds later that I yanked his sweatshirt off. Jasper might like my more muscular body, but there was nothing like his lean, runner's body and the tight muscles that roped around his chest and abs. They held a strength that was deceptive. Jasper didn't look nearly as strong as he was, nor as fast, but I knew otherwise. I took the time to openly adnure at him, the way his body responded to just my eyes was amazing, but it was his cock that drew my attention again and again.

He begged for my touch, and unable to resist anything Jasper wanted, I gave it to him. Slowly, teasingly, lazily. We kissed again, our mouths smashing together urgently, my stroking never ceasing as I grabbed the lube and popped it open. The second my slick finger ran along the velvet skin behind his balls, he was shoving his hips forward, wanting more. I licked and kissed along his shoulders while he worked his body over my finger until he was trembling as much as I was. As if I didn't know, I asked him what he wanted, needing to hear him say it.

"You, I want you."

"You want my finger in your ass?"

"Yes," he gasped. "Fucking yes."

"Tell me, love, have you done this to yourself lately?"

"No, not since the last time with you."

I remembered the time well. We were in the back of my Volvo, having just gotten out of the movies. It was too late for the meadow, but we were both horny as hell so we drove to the trail and parked on the side of the path. We couldn't crawl into the back fast enough. Stripping out of our clothes, we lay naked next to each other, both of us stroking ourselves, our eyes on each other's cocks. I asked him to finger himself. It was something we hadn't done often, but both of us loved to watch. He bit his lip but nodded. After wetting his finger in my mouth, he slipped it inside himself and I watched in awe as his back arched and he cried out, my name falling from his lips repeatedly. He kept telling me how he imagined it was my cock in him, which made me impossibly harder. He came a few minutes later, his chest was still heaving when I climbed on top of him, straddling him as I continued to stroke myself and shot my seed on his beautiful face.

That had been only a few days before the accident. We would have made love that night if we had known that we never would have the chance again. But we didn't. Now putting my fingers up his ass was about as close as we were going to get.

"My Jasper," I breathed as I slowly slid my finger into him, pausing and waiting for him to adjust. Gradually, his knees fell apart and he began to push down, inserting my finger past the tight ring of muscle. Once he had a rhythm going, I began stroking him again. His blue eyes, filled with lust and greed and love, held mine as he continued to move. A second finger joined the first, and I wiggled them to stretch his entrance. "That's it, fuck my fingers."

Naked and unashamedly, he thrust on me, fucking himself with my fingers, pleading for a third and grunting when I gave it to him. Sinking them in deeper, I brushed his gland with the tip of my middle finger and his entire body jerked, followed by a strong shudder. His ass clenched around me and I knew he was coming.

"You're gonna make me come," he moaned the five fucking hottest words every said to anyone. There was nothing more powerful than making someone come, giving them that natural high, a euphoria they couldn't reach themselves. It was addictive. Just as our lips met in a bruising kiss, his orgasm hurled through him, leaving his body shaken and convulsing on my lap and in my arms.

"That's it, love, give me your load," I groaned as his cock pulsed and exploded. With each wave that hit him, his ass clenched around my fingers and I kept stroking him and milking his cock. "This," I murmured, wiggling his fingers inside him, "was your reward for being a good boy yesterday."

Leaving wet kisses along his shoulder, I nibbled my way up his neck, occasionally sucking and teasing with my teeth. He knew what I wanted, what I yearned to do to him as he had so often done to me. Jasper was mine and I wanted the world to know it. Even if they didn't know who had claimed him, who his body belonged to, who pleasured him wildly, they would know he belonged to someone.

He was mine.

"Do it," he begged with a throaty murmur. "Please."

He wanted it as much as I did. I had always scolded him for doing it to me, it was hard to hide it, especially from those at work or school. I didn't often do it to him, and when I did it was where no one would see him. Needing no more encouragement, I took the skin between my lips and sucked hard, tasting his sweat and skin as I drew his blood to the surface. He moaned, fisting my hair and tilting his head, giving me all the room I needed to feast on his delicious skin. Knowing the mark would last for days, I lapped it with my tongue, soothing the teeth marks left behind before lifting my head and eyeing the spot proudly.

It was higher than I had thought. There was no way he was going to be able to hid it, and fuck, that turned me on. "No tee shirt is going to cover it."

"I don't care. I want people to see it." He always knew what to say.

"You'll have questions to answer," I reminded him, all too familiar with the questions myself.

"Bug bite," he smiled, repeating the excuse I always used when I was asked about hickeys he left on me. Releasing his cock, I gently slipped my fingers from him and pulled him to me for a kiss. It was languid and erotic. His nose nuzzled along my jaw, his mouth found mine over and over while my hands traveled up and down his able spine. When he offered to return the favor, to touch me, I stiffened.

"It's too late," I sighed. "Besides, I'm probably not hard."

"If you're not, I could get you that way. I'm sitting naked on your lap," he promised, as if that was all it would ever take. How I wished that to be true.

"Maybe this weekend," I suggested. Instantly he sat back, gazing at me as he ran his fingers down my cheek.

"You're okay with me touching you, right?"

_Yes._

_No._

_Maybe._

Before the accident, we couldn't keep our hands off each other's cocks. Each time we were together, we discovered something new about the other, and after almost two years, we knew each other's bodies as well as our own.

Except now.

I didn't know my body anymore.

Desperately I wanted him to touch me, explore my body with his mouth and hands. Desperately, I wanted him to never touch me again. I didn't want to disappoint him when I wasn't hard or when my body didn't react to his the same way he was used to. How could someone have a boy like Jasper naked on their lap and _not_ be hard? What kind of blow would it be to his ego to rub his bare ass over my cock only to have it not be interested? I couldn't do that to him. I didn't want Jasper to feel obligated to touch me, to try to please me when I didn't feel anything he did.

"Sometimes," I answered, meeting some place in the middle of yes and no.

Running his fingers through my hair, he fisted it and forced my eyes to his. "I want to touch you, Edward. It doesn't have to be now, but I still want to touch you. I know you can't feel it, but I like it, it's just as hot as ever, and I want to do it as much as ever did."

My perfect, beautiful boy.

"Which was pretty much all the time," I smiled.

"Exactly. I'm just saying…it's not something I feel I should do, I _want_ to. Desperately. A lot. I want to feel your skin, I want to see it, taste it, and smell it."

All the right things fell effortlessly and honestly from his soft lips. How could one person understand another so well, so intuitively, that it was frightening? His words sent a tremor down my stunted spine and a weak warmth spread down my arms.

"Jesus, love, I want to fucking kiss you all night, I want to make you come again and again, and I want to let you touch me, but we've gotta go. They're going to worry."

Regretfully, he sighed and cleaned us off. I laughed watching him dress in the small space, rubbing his head after he banged it on the roof. He pouted when I reached for my tee shirt, but I put it on anyway. Once we were dressed, I scooted across the seat until I was pressed to his side. I did up my seatbelt and gripped his thigh as he backed out of the space. Keeping my head on his shoulder, I stared at his profile, smiling possessively at the red mark on his neck.

"**~~**"

"Edward," Mr. Richards my music appreciation teacher began, "Mr. Harter wants to see you after school today, can you stop by his office?"

"What about?" I asked, looking up from my desk.

"I don't know."

"Um, okay, sure," I answered. For the rest of the day, I was curious what Mr. Harter, the head of the music department, would want with me. He had been my piano teacher from my first lesson at six until I was fourteen. In high school I'd had him as a teacher for two classes my freshman and sophomore years, but hadn't had him since.

Jasper met me after class and we headed to lunch. Figuring I'd wait until I knew more, I didn't tell him about my meeting with Mr. Harter. I followed Jasper through the line, shaking my head when he bitched to the food service ladies about the accommodations. Some day one of them was going to reach over the counter and slap him.

"You know you're just pissing them off, they probably spit in your food," I told him as we went to the table. He glanced down at his sandwich on the tray, relived when he saw it was wrapped.

He sat down and handed me my food. Bella was next to join us, then Eric and Angela and Mike. I was laughing at something Eric said when I heard Jasper mumbled "Oh, shit," under his breath. Following his gaze, I glanced behind me and saw Jessica approaching. She stopped behind Jasper and put her hands on his shoulders, her long red nails rested on his sweatshirt. Bending over, she put her glossy lips at his ear. I fisted my hand so I wouldn't reach and smack her across the head. Biting my lip was the only way to keep me from telling her to get her hands off my boy.

"I hear you're running a race," she murmured. "That's so cool. You must have really strong legs."Jasper's eyes went to the table and he shrugged. "Imagine what you can do with those legs. I bet you'd be able to hold me up."

Jasper had had enough and he shrugged out of her hold. "Are you here to donate to it?"

"Maybe," she purred. "I'm coming to your meet today to cheer you on."

Encouraged by his silence, she sat down next him. For the next ten minutes, she smiled and flirted and flipped her hair. Jasper was polite enough, answering her questions, but he never responded to anything else. I smiled when he shrunk away from her advances. The bell couldn't ring soon enough.

In gym we played tennis. Jasper and I played doubles and lost because he was saving his energy for the track meet. As soon gym was over, Jasper changed into his track uniform in the locker room. I might have glanced at him a few times while he changed, sighing when he pulled his silky shorts up over his fine ass. When he was done, he barely had to time to give me a smile before he was jogging down the hill to the track to start warming up. Watching him leave, my heart sank a little and I thought I heard the darkness. Spinning my chair around, I headed for Mr. Harter's office in the music department.

"Come in," he called when I knocked on his door. Pushing the door open, I hoped I would fit into his office. "Edward, good to see you."

"Hi, Mr. Harter. Mr. Richards said you wanted to see me?"

"I do." Standing he pulled one of the chairs in front of his desk away so that I could move my chair in its place. "How are you doing?"

"I'm okay."

"Adjusting back to school all right?"

"Yes."

"Good, good. Are you still playing?"

"Basketball?"

He smiled and shook his head. "No, sorry. The piano, do you still play?"

"Not as much as I used to, but yeah, I play a few times a week." It was a slight exaggeration but I felt guilty when he asked.

His smile widened. "That's very good news. Care to show me?"

"Excuse me?"

"Will you go down to the music room with me and play a piece for me? I miss hearing your talent."

"Um, sure, I guess," I shrugged. Still smiling, he stood and walked out of his room and I followed him down the hall, hoping I wasn't going to be late for Jasper's meet. We went a few doors down and Mr. Harter held the door while I pushed inside. He walked by me and moved the bench out of the way so I could pull my chair up the piano. It'd been over a year since I had played the piano at school, but as soon as my fingers touched the keys, I remembered it clearly.

"I can't do the pedals," I said.

"No problem."

"Anything particular you want to hear?"

"Whatever you feel like playing," he answered. Biting my lip, I debated on what to play. There was some sheet music sitting in front of me but it wasn't anything I liked so I glanced around the room. There were instruments, posters of Mozart and Beethoven, a few desks and a lot of chairs and yet all I could think of was…Jasper.

Before I even knew I was playing, my fingers were moving over the keys. It was a song I knew well, a song I had played and heard and sung more than any other.

A song that meant everything to a very special boy.

Mr. Harter stood next to me, smiling when he recognized the song. My body moved with the notes, swaying a little back and forth as my fingers stretched and reached over the keys. Closing my eyes, I could feel Jasper next to me, singing the words that were only in my head.

_Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way You Love Me All The Time  
Maybe I'm Afraid Of The Way I Love You  
Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way You Pulled Me Out Of Time  
And Hung Me On A Line  
Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way I Really Need You_

When I hit the last note, I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. Mr. Harter was still smiling.

"Still a Beatles fan, I see?"

I nodded. "Always."

"How's your classical? Rusty at all?"

Instead of answering, I flawlessly began a Chopin piece I liked. I made it about a third of the way through before he stopped me.

"Okay, okay, you proved your point. And without sheet music, I'm impressed," he shook his head almost disbelievingly. "Are you still majoring in music at UW?"

"Yes. I was thinking about maybe being a music teacher," I blushed.

"Funny you should say that because that is what I wanted to talk to you about," he said. Turning, he grabbed a chair and pulled it up to me before straddling it and sitting down.

"College?"

"Teaching." He paused, as if trying to decide what to say. "My wife is taking a sabbatical next semester and she wants to do some traveling to Europe to visit family this summer. However, she didn't tell me this until I had already made arrangements to teach this summer. I've got over twenty students lined up for piano lessons and no one to teach them. So I was wondering if you would be willing to help me out and take my students off my hands for the summer."

"You want me to teach the piano?"

"I do. Some are beginners, have never touched a piano before, a few are intermediate, but no one is at your level. Not even close. You would get the pay of course. It would really help me out. I trust you, I know your skill, and at the end of the summer, we can catch up on where they are and I can take over."

I was shocked, and excited. "Would I do it at my house?"

"Yep. I can pay for a tune up if the piano needs one."

"No, it's fine."

"So what do you think? Are you interested?"

My mom always told me when one door closes, another opens. Sitting there in that room being offered a summer job that would make up for losing the one at the sub shop was proof she might be right.

"It will pay twenty dollars an hour," he offered, as if that would sway me. I imagined the apartment Jasper and I would have in Seattle. That would definitely be enough to make up the other thousand I needed.

"Deal," I said smiling.

"Fantastic! I will get in touch with all the students and let them know. I know some eager to start before summer if that is okay."

"I've got basketball on Tuesday and Thursday and some games on the weekends but other than that, I'm free."

"Sounds good. I will be in touch. My wife will be happy."

I backed up from the piano. "Thanks, Mr. Harter, I really appreciate you thinking of me."

"There's no one more qualified, Edward. You'll do great."

"Thanks," I said, turning my chair to leave.

"Edward, wait." Stopping, I spun the chair around. "You said music teacher, right? Have you applied for the scholarship the music department offers?"

"I don't think so."

"It's not much, I think about four thousand, but it helps a little. You should definitely apply."

"Thanks, I will." With one last smile, I headed out of the room and down the hall. Reaching the doors, I pushed through them and went down the long ramp. I could already hear the cheers from the stands and worried I was late for the meet.

There was a light rain falling as I reached the bottom of the ramp and stopped at the top of the hill looking down over the track. At the far end, I saw Jasper getting ready to run his eight hundred. Pushing forward a little, I saw him move to the inside lane and I sighed. Jasper loved the inside lane, he liked seeing his competition in front of him so he knew exactly how hard he needed to work to catch them. All the way on the outside was the kid from La Push. Jasper looked calm but I knew inside he was nervous, it was the first meet of the year and he was so tired. I saw him looking around for me, and when they finally fell on me, I waved and mouthed 'I love you', though at that distance there was no way he could see it. All our other friends were in the bleachers cheering on the team, but I couldn't even get onto the bleachers.

He bent over, preparing for the starter's gun. It went off and Jasper lunged forward, quickly easing into his pace. I'd seen Jasper run countless times, in meets, jogging with me, in races against me up the trail, and while I had always admired his endurance and stride, I had always done so while being able to match it myself. I had always been able to run next to him, laughing and teasing before he would pull away from me and my sprinter's body.

Before we had always been even, on a level playing field, but not anymore.

As I sat in my prison, watching my boy effortlessly pass his competition, I watched his legs pound the track, his feet hitting it again and again. Never once did his body falter on him. His muscles worked in perfect synchronization as he moved around the track on strong flesh and bone. Jasper would never cease to amaze me, from the beautiful and unique way his mind thought to the unending devotion of his heart, to the way his body just…worked.

It was as simple as that.

As much as I tried to look away, tried to look at anything but his legs, my eyes were dragged back to them every time. It wasn't that I didn't want to watch Jasper run. I loved watching him run, but every step he took was a reminder of something that I no longer could. I would never feel the ache in my legs or feel my feet forcibly hit the pavement. There was a flare of jealousy in me as I witnessed him do something I dreamed about doing every fucking night. There was a flare of grief for something I had once been able to do as easily as he could. There was a flare of anger for having that ability taken away from me. But above them all, more powerful than any of them, was pride.

I was simply proud of my boy and what he could do. How talented and fast and beautiful he was as he ran and passed every racer but one. As he neared the turn by me for the second time, I clapped and whistled as loud as could. The leader was a few strides ahead, and Jasper would have to make his move soon if he was going to have a chance to win.

"You can do it, Jas," I mumbled to him just as he slipped into his finishing kick. In awe, I witnessed his lean body speed up, his long legs reaching out further ahead of him until he had caught the leader. The kid from La Push and Jasper ran side by side, matching each other stride for stride. Even at that distance, I saw the determination in Jasper's face. His exhaustion wasn't an issue when his stubbornness took over. The mist was heavy as they headed down the straight side in front of the bleachers and cheers erupted from the fans at the close race.

Then, as I watched proudly, Jasper surged ahead and crossed the line half a stride before the other runner.

My boy had won.

I had never cheered louder than I did then.

As he cooled down, I moved my chair to the paved path and started heading down the hill to meet him. I reached the gate a few seconds before he did.

"Hey," I greeted. When he looked into my eyes, he saw everything I had gone through and felt on the hill. There was no hiding from him anymore. I was sure he wondered if the darkness was there with us.

Sweat ran down his face and he wiped it with his sweatshirt. "Hey."

"You kicked ass!"

"I won…barely. Hardly an ass kicking," he denied as he pulled on his sweatshirt. He walked past me and I followed him until he stopped away from the crowds. Instantly, he was on his knees with his hands on my lap. "You okay? I understand if you want to leave."

_Yes._

_No._

"No, I'm fine, really. I'm not going to say it's easy. I sat up there thinking about last year and how I would sit on the bleachers with your mom and watch the races, but it's okay." It was a lie, he knew, but he let me tell it anyway. "Sorry I was late, I was talking with Mr. Harter about something."

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'll tell you later. You need to go run another race."

"I've got about twenty minutes before first call. Are you warm enough?" Always so concerned with my wellbeing.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"You should see what Bella did." He pointed to the concession stand behind me.

"What?"

"Go see."

Spinning the chair, I pushed toward the concession stand as Bella waved to me from behind the counter. "Edward!" she called out as if I hadn't seen her practically jumping up and down.

"Hi," I said, rolling to a stop. She reached over the counter and fluffed my hair. "What's all this?"

"I baked it for Jasper. Well, for his race. The money we make here today we are donating to the race he's running."

"Seriously?"

"Yep. It's been pretty busy too, I think we'll make a few hundred dollars."

"You baked all this for Jasper?"

"Technically, I baked it for the people to buy…but so I could give the money to Jasper, yeah. I wanted to do something to help, and this seemed like a good thing."

I shook my head. All the times I had thought they disliked each other. All the snide remarks and narrowed glances and yet, here she was supporting his efforts. "This is really great, Bella, thanks."

"I'm going to hold bake sales at lunch too," she beamed. "Want something? Jasper wants one of everything."

"A brownie sounds good." Bella had made me brownies a lot when we dated and they were always moist and thick. "Thanks. I should get back before Jasper's race."

"Tell him I said good luck."

"I will." With the brownies on my lap, I returned to Jasper. By the time I reached him to find his stormy blue eyes looking at me I had forgotten to wish him luck.

"Pretty neat, huh?"

"Yeah, pretty nice of her to think of that."

"She still cares about you, about what happens to you, regardless of who she's dating."

"I know," I sighed. My eyes kept drifting to the other runners, every one there was able to do something I couldn't. I kind of hated them all. Then Jasper was in front of me again, drawing my attention back to him.

"Do you want to come over my house today, babe?"

How did he always fucking know exactly what I needed? Moments alone with him, just him. I didn't care if we were talking or sleeping or just sitting. I just needed to be with him.

"Are your parents home?"

"My dad's on a job in Port Hadlock, so he probably won't be home until around eight. My mom is working three to eleven. Want come over and have some pizza? I was going to order some for dinner, my mom left some money."

I felt like a foolish and needy boyfriend. Looking at my lap, I bit my lip. "Would that be okay? You'd have to drive me home later."

"I'd love to have you over, and I can drive you home."

"You sure?"

"Positive." Before he could say anything else, they announced his race. "I gotta run…literally."

"Kick their ass, love," I whispered, resisting the urge to lean forward and capture his lips with mine.

"I'll try. See you in a few minutes," he said, the stood and winked before jogging across the track.

I sat there and watched him warm up and prepare for his sixteen hundred meter race. I looked away a few times, closing my eyes and taking deep breaths. Internally, I scolded myself for being such a wimp and horrible boyfriend. Jasper sat and watched every one of my practices and I could barely stand to look at him when he ran. It was different though. When he watched me, he could easily trot down the bleachers and join the game, I could never again jog across the track and fall in step with him.

An ache in my chest grew, making the shallow breaths I took sharp and painful. Nothing would ease it, watching him, looking away, it didn't matter. The gun went off and my eyes immediately went to him, and remained on him every step of the way, every stride he pulled further and further ahead. He was simply amazing, and no amount of pain or jealousy was going to stop me from thinking that. By the time he passed by me, I was cheering as loudly as could.

Because regardless of what torture it was to watch, I was fucking proud of every step he took.

Later at his house, I ordered the pizza while he got us some drinks. When he returned, I moved to the couch next to him, grabbing my jeans and lifting my legs onto the table in front of me. Jasper turned on ESPN and sat back, his foot falling to the side to rest against my numb one. He laid his physics book on our laps and we began the homework. We worked as easily together as we ever did, which included debating over the answers. I remembered the first time we had done homework together. He'd only lived in Forks for a week before I was inviting over my house to do homework. I had had no idea what had possessed me to ask him. I was dating Bella and I had never asked her to do homework with me, but there was something about Jasper that made me want to spend more time with him, to get to know him.

"Are you sure this is okay?" he asked nervously as he sat down on the edge of my bed, his leg bouncing up and down as he glanced around my room. I had no idea what the hell he was so anxious about. Trigonometry wasn't that hard.

I flopped into the desk chair and spun it around all in one smooth motion. "Of course. My dad is at work, and my mother won't care."

With his lip tucked between his teeth, he nodded. "Okay."

I swear his hands shook as he opened his backpack and pulled out his books. "Page one-fifty, right?"

"Yep." I mimicked his movements, pulling out my own book and setting in on my bed between us. I should have been reading over the problems, but I couldn't seem to tear my eyes away from the way his hair fell over his face. It was the longest hair I'd ever seen on a guy, almost down to his lips. It looked soft, even silky, and I wondered if it felt as good as it looked. Swallowing at that thought, my heart skipped a beat. Why would I notice or even care how his hair looked or felt? My next thought wasn't how awful that was, but rather, what his reaction might be if I reached out and touched it. There were so many shades of blond in it, dark, light, honey, wheat, each one complimenting the other. Then there were the slight curls. I bet when it was wet, it was really curly and I thought about asking him to swim in my pool later that summer so I could find out. At the image of Jasper wet and in my pool, a warmth rushed through me, like after I'd masturbated or come with Bella. Suddenly the room was really fucking hot, stifling, and my body tingled all over.

Jasper in a swimsuit. A wet clinging swimsuit. Bare-chested and dripping with water.

Licking my dry lips, I stared at my very new friend completely clothed in front of me, and imagined him there on my bed…naked.

Fuck.

"You okay?" he asked, bringing me out of my wet dream. "You looked a little red."

"Um, yeah," I nodded, hoping the motion would clear my head. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just hot." His lip curled up a little and instantly, I imagined them on my lips, pressing against them as he pushed me down onto the bed.

"So then what did you get for number five?"

Number five? What the hell was he talking about? I heard him, but all I saw were his lips moving. Lips that looked softer than Bella's, and I bet they tasted better too.

Jesus.

"Edward? Number five?"

My name. Number five.

I wasn't shy. I had friends in school, I was pretty popular and had a girlfriend. What I'd always lacked was a best friend, one that knew all my deepest, darkest secrets.

But what if my strange feelings for my new best friend were my deepest, darkest secrets?

Until Jasper had walked into school I had just never clicked with anyone like that, never had the desire to hang out with anyone that much. These thoughts about him, about any guy, were new. I might have looked at another guy and thought he was nice looking or something, but I'd never looked at any of them and wondered the things I was thinking about Jasper. All I knew was that I didn't wonder those things about Bella.

"Dude, do you need a drink or something?" Jasper asked from my bed.

"No, I'm fine." I got up and went the window and opened it, letting in the cool March air and taking in deep breaths. He eyed me, but never complained as I sat back down, a little clearer headed. "Number five?" I asked, picking up my pencil.

"Yeah, I think it's twenty, what did you get?"

Looking down at the problem, I solved it quickly, agreeing with his answer. Then I glanced back up at him, seeing him shake his head to move his hair out of his eyes. My hand shook with effort as I resisted doing it for him. I didn't know what the fuck was going on, but I knew I wasn't scared. I had never felt anything more right or real before. I knew I had to get to know him better. In every way.

I felt the couch shift as Jasper got up to get the pizza, returning with it and napkins. When the pizza was half gone, I took his hand in mine and held it on his lap. He sighed and dropped his head to my shoulder.

My legs didn't work. I had dreams that terrorized me every night. My life was confined to a chair. But I had a beautiful boy by my side for the rest of my life. One that was going to be with me no matter what. Even if it was only just to hold my hand and put his head on my shoulder.

"Thank you very much, by the way."

"What?"

Reaching up, he pulled down the neck of my tee shirt. "Bella saw it."

"Oh. Hey, you can't complain, you begged me for it. What did she say?"

"I told her it was a bug bite, she thought it was Jessica."

I shuddered. I'd had enough of her hands on him. He saw the jealousy and teased me. When I saw the twinkle in his eyes, the same possessive one I felt, I had an urgent need to have Jasper, have him the way I used to.

Kissing his temple, I asked, "Speaking of bedroom, can we go to yours?"

In seconds, I was swooped up into his arms, my weight resting against his as I kissed his neck while he carried me up the stairs. He sat me on his bed and took off his tee shirt while I moved to lie on my side. When he was next to me, I took off my own shirt and holding his gaze, moved down his body. His hand went to my hair, running fingers through it as he smiled down at me. He expected me to suck him, but I skipped over his bulging erection and moved to his legs. Turning to my side, I pulled off his sock and kissed the top of his foot. My ticklish boy giggled and I smiled.

Not stopping with his foot, I kissed along his shin bone, the light hair caressing my lips as I moved up to his knee, then back down again.

To someone else, what I was doing might have looked strange, but to me, now, it seemed perfectly natural. Just as he did me, I admired everything about Jasper, his mind, heart, and his body. It would never fail to excite me, but it had taken on a new meaning since my accident. Mine no longer worked like his. I felt like…I felt like we shared his now. That his legs had somehow become mine. When he ran, he ran for us, when he carried me, he carried us, when he walked next to me, he walked for us.

His legs, strong enough for us both, needed to be appreciated as much as any other part of him did. Putting a hand under his knee, I bent his leg and kissed along the firm, thick muscles that formed his calf. Using my upper body, I twisted around and started to lavish his knee. It was bumpy and a little rough, but it was perfect. His thigh wasn't massive like a sprinter's, it was full of sinewy muscle that roped and curved along the bone and tendons. Nudging his silky shorts with my nose, I kissed all the way up to his hip, my hands kneading in the wake of my wet kisses. Every inch of flesh was touched by either my lips or my hands, not one soft, smooth piece of skin was missed. While his hands moved through my hair, I worshipped his strength, speed, endurance and sheer ability that his legs possessed.

All those things had worked for him today, allowing him to beat his opponents and win his races. Hard, tight muscle allowed him to do many things.

"They're so strong," I mumbled. "I don't think I ever realized how strong you were. Watching you run today was amazing. You made it look so easy." Lifting my head, I left a hand on him, sliding it up under his loose shorts. "You can do so many things."

"So can you."

"Not like you, not anymore. Promise me something."

"Anything."

I knew he meant it. If I asked for the moon, he would immediately try to figure out how to get it.

What I wanted was much simpler. I wanted him to promise me that not a day would go by that he wouldn't appreciate what he could do. That he could not only run around a track, but that he could jump out of bed in the morning, that he could stroke his own dick and feel it, that he could sway his hips and dance. Every day things that were no longer within my grasp. I needed to know that he would always appreciate that he could do every one of those. But I didn't need to tell him all that, I didn't need to go into great detail about the how and why.

"Don't ever take them for granted."

Running the backs of his fingers down my cheek, he stared at me. I knew he saw it, he always did. My need for him, the pain that I felt every fucking second of every God damned day, but it was because of him that I could face both those things. It was because of him that I not only faced them, but even sometimes smiled and laughed through them.

"I won't. Ever. I promise, baby," he vowed.

My eyes closed at the words, they were all I needed to hear.

When I opened them, he was still watching me and I kissed his leg one last time before pulling myself up to his face. We kissed and our hands began to roam over shoulders and up shorts, breaths drew short, our hearts raced, his cock throbbed. His body writhed next to me, eager for me to touch the one spot I'd been avoiding. In his impatience, he went to roll me onto my back, but I gripped his wrist and stopped him.

I wanted to have him. I wanted to _feel_ him under me, as much as I could anyway. Before the accident, it was usually me on top of him, loving the flat plans of his hard body under me, feeling his back arch up only to be pushed back down by my weight.

"I want to be on top this time," I whispered. A minute later, his shorts and briefs were on the foot of the bed and Jasper lay nude next to me. The urgency suddenly gone, I slowed down and gazed at every perfect inch of him. My hands teased him with light caresses, tracing his abs, dancing through the short blond hair framing his erection, and tweaking his nipples. A steady stream of fluid dripped from the slit in his cock and he moaned and started to thrust up into air, desperate for some kind of touch.

"I don't think anyone will see a hickey down there," he laughed as I sucked on his hipbone.

"I want to mark you everywhere."

And I did.

I wanted everyone to know that he was taken, whether or not they could see it, that boy was mine.

Then I was kissing him again, hard and rough enough to bruise both our lips, but there was a hunger I needed to feed. Bracing one hand next to his shoulder, I used it to pull myself onto him. My legs fell between his parted ones, and they were probably tangled with each other, but right then I didn't care.

His naked body was under me again.

Our chests heaved against each other as he looked at up me with those incredibly clear eyes. I wasn't a light guy, in fact, I weighed more than Jasper did, but before I had been able to use my knees to keep all my weight off him. Now, I was on him completely.

"You okay?" I asked, pushing his hair back. "Am I crushing you?"

"It feels amazing to have you on me again," he murmured and I blushed. "Does it feel okay for you?"

"Yeah," I breathed right before crushing my lips to his. My arms curled under his shoulders and I buried my fingers in his waves, scratching his scalp when I became too eager. Sounds from both us filled the room, reminding me a bit of a porn movie with the grunts and whimpers and whispers for more. Jasper's hands were all over me, my arms, back, hair, digging into flesh. I didn't have to feel to know his hips were moving against mine, but it wasn't until I heard my zipper being lowered that I realized his hands had left my back and were undoing my jeans.

He was trying to take my pants off.

Jasper wanting to touch me and want me…sexually was still something I was getting used to. Every time he wanted to, I was afraid I wouldn't be hard or be able to get hard, and not being able to come. I knew it frustrated him, but it frustrated me to see him touch me and not have an end result of cum coating his hand or flowing down his throat. Lifting my lips from his neck, I looked down at him. He paused his work and tunneled his hand through my hair to soothe me.

"The jeans hurt. I just want to feel you, not them."

Of course they hurt. I hadn't even thought that his cock was rubbing against the dead weight of my hips.

"Please," he begged, lifting his head to kiss my chin, "let me feel you against me, baby. Just you."

My fears released with his soft spoken words. He wanted to feel me, hard or not, he just wanted to feel me. How could I deny someone the need to feel when I couldn't do that very thing? I'd barely nodded and his hands were back on my jeans. Lifting myself for him, I felt nothing as he pulled them down. I wasn't even sure how far down he got them.

"Oh fuck," he moaned suddenly, his body shuddering powerfully. Curious, I looked down his body to where my cock hung.

Limp.

Sighing, I felt his hand on my cheek and I slowly brought my eyes back up to his.

"You're beautiful. So beautiful, baby," he whispered lovingly before pulling my hands out from me. I collapsed onto him and grabbed his wrists, dragging them above his head where I entwined our fingers tightly. His body settled under me, his heart pounded and his breaths were short and excited.

"You like this?"

I knew he did. It was no secret that sometimes he like being overpowered.

"Fuck yeah," he groaned, squirming uselessly under me. With his hands solidly in mine, I kissed his neck, tasting and licking everywhere I could reach. What part of me I could move, I did, rubbing my upper body along his sweaty one, our nipples grazing each other into tight nubs. Dipping my head, I flicked my tongue over one of his hard nipples. His reaction was instant as he arched off the bed the almost through me off balance. Every move of mine was done to keep him on that edge, keep his cock throbbing and his heart racing.

"I love it when you're like this," he murmured as I bit his bottom lip. "You're so fucking strong."

Instinctively I squeezed his hand and lifted my head, giving him room to bite my neck. I could tell from the way his upper body moved that his hips were thrusting against mine, that our cocks were rubbing along each other, his hard, mine not. The fog that floated into the blue of his eyes, darkening them slightly, was one I had seen often.

"Love you so damn much," he confessed.

Before the accident, those words would have made me come as easily as any dirty ones he whispered in my ear. I dropped my head again, sucking on his neck.

"Babe, you're hard. And you feel so fucking good sliding against me. It's going to make me come."

I couldn't help but smile.

He'd done it again. He'd made me hard.

I smashed my mouth to his, my tongue plunged into his mouth, seeking his to taste and tangle. He was using me, my body, to get off, and it was hot. Above his head, his fingers grasped mine and I felt his body tense.

He was close.

"Fuck…yeah, baby, make me come…fuck, yeah," he whimpered deep in his throat. He was so hot when he lost himself in that moment of bliss. Breaking the kiss, I looked down at him to witness it.

"Come for me, let me feel it," I encouraged. By the way my body was rocking on his, I assumed he was bucking up against me, that his cock was pulsing against mine.

"Coming."

As his body gave way to the rush of his orgasm, I watched him, holding his hands. There was a flush to his cheeks as his eyes clenched shut and his lips parted. The look that crossed his face was almost one of pain, but I knew better, I remembered the euphoria that coursed through him. Sated, we continued to kiss and tease about getting caught. His hands weren't on my back, so I knew they were below my waist, probably on my ass. I ached to feel him grope me again.

"Do you want me to touch you?" he offered. "See if you can have one of those…see if you can come again?"

"No, that's okay. I just wanted to be on you again." I paused, almost afraid to ask. "Am I…am I still hard?"

"Mmm, very. Feels amazing against me. Someday, baby, me and you, completely naked debauchery."

Laughing, I shook my head. "Maybe when we can get to the meadow again. Some place where we won't get caught."

"Promise?"

"Yes."

It was so easy to say yes to my boy.

"You'll let me suck you?"

I shouldn't have been surprised he wanted to give me a blowjob, but it scared me as much as it aroused me. Could I sit and watch him with me in his mouth when I couldn't feel it, when I couldn't thrust into him like I used to.

"Yes," I finally answered.

"Fuck. We're going tomorrow, I don't care if I have to carry you all the way up the trail. I want your cock in my mouth so fucking much, baby," he replied quickly.

"We can't. Practice."

"Soon then. Maybe this weekend if it's warm enough."

I kissed him, inhaling his desire for me and how amazing he made me feel all the fucking time. I don't know how long we were together like that, my body on his, his cum drying between us, our lips constantly meeting over and over, but I finally rolled off him. Breathless and with my jeans still down my legs, I watched as Jasper grabbed his shorts and put them on. His eyes were on me, looking at me, at my cock that had softened while we kissed. I covered myself with my hand, but he stopped me.

"Don't."

I let him pull my hand away, I let him unabashedly stare at me. I tried to return it, but I got embarrassed and looked away. "Stop objectifying me," I teased, trying to lighten the intensity. "Am I nothing more to you than your play toy? I feel so used."

"My life-size toy." He kissed me. "I'll be right back."

He left the room and I sighed, already missing him. Jesus, sometimes I felt like such a fucking girl. Soon I would be writing our initials on my notebooks with a heart around them.

Jasper was gone for a few minutes, and I was undecided if I should do up my pants or keep myself exposed for him. Worried someone might come home, I reached down and buttoned and zipped my jeans. Wanting to appear as casual as possible in case we were surprised by his dad, I twisted to my side and opened the drawer on Jasper's nightstand, knowing that was where he kept the remote to the television.

But my fingers didn't feel the hard plastic, they felt paper. Thinking it was a love note to me or homework, I pulled it out. The folded paper fell open, exposing anything but a love note.

In his room, with the scent of his arousal still heavy in the air, I read the words that would define our future.

_Dear Jasper,_

_Congratulations! After careful review of your academic credentials and other accomplishments, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Oregon State University. In addition, we are in the process of reinstating and rebuilding our men's track and field program for the spring of 2012 and would like to offer you a full scholarship covering your tuition and fees for your career at Oregon State University for your outstanding accomplishments in track and field…_

I read the words, I even repeated them in my head, and I stared at the name of the college. It wasn't the University of Washington. Suddenly I couldn't breathe. My chest constricted painfully, my heart tightened with the realization of what had been bothering Jasper for the past week. It hadn't been the track meet at all. It was this.

The darkness had been right.

Jasper was leaving me.

"Oh God," I mumbled. I felt sick as my stomach churned. There was no bucket to throw up in and I couldn't make it to the toilet. Swallowing the bile that had risen in my throat, I took a few shallow breaths trying to keep the nausea away. My fear quickly morphed to anger, anger that he hadn't told me that he had applied to someplace else without telling me, anger that he had gotten in and hadn't told me.

There was no mistaking the look of happiness on his face when he returned, his cheeks were still red, his eyes were still bright and hazy. The second they fell on me and the letter in my hands, he knew.

"What is this?" I spat at him, my eyes narrowing as he swallowed thickly. "No, you know what, don't even bother to answer. I can read, I can see what the fuck it is. My question is were you going to tell me or just let me think we were going to college together all summer, then pack your bags in August and leave for Oregon?"

"Edward," he said calmly, "it's not like that."

"Oh really? Fuck you, Jasper. I'm crippled, not retarded. I know exactly what it's like," I growled at him, my lip curling up over my teeth.

"No," he shook his head, "you don't. You think you do, but you don't."

I threw the letter at him, but he let it fall to the floor. I pushed myself up so I was at least sitting. "Then by all means, please explain it to me," I sneered.

Bravely, he sat on the edge of the bed with his head down, his chin resting on his chest. The letter that had destroyed me still lay on his floor. "I've always admired you, Edward. Everything about you, but mostly your ability to think things through. You make plans and then work at it until they become reality. I never could. I dreamed of a doing bunch of shit, but that's all it was. Dreams. Not for you though."

As pissed as I was, I listened to him. It wasn't until I looked down at my leg that I saw his hand resting on my thigh. He didn't move it off when I noticed it, in fact, I watched him squeeze my leg.

"Going to UW was going to happen for you. There was no doubt in your mind. I knew that every time you talked about it, it was going to happen. Then you got the scholarship." He stared into my eyes as he said his next words. "And your dream to be a Huskie became mine."

Had it? Had I just assumed it was where Jasper wanted to go? That he wanted to go to UW as much as I did? He always seemed so excited about going, talking about our futures as much as I did. But the more I thought about it, the less I could recall him talking about the university itself, it was more the living together that he dreamed about.

"If you didn't want to go there-"

"It wasn't that at all. I did. I mean," he sighed heavily, "I didn't care where I went, Edward. As long as I was with you, I didn't care."

The anger slowly began to diffuse inside me. Maybe it had been me that had driven him to another college. Regardless of what he had just said, maybe he wanted time apart. "I thought…"

"Don't. Don't even think I didn't want to go with you. Because I did. But it wasn't that I wanted to go to UW as much as I wanted to be with you wherever you went. Every breath I take is for you, Edward, you know that. Making the decision to go to UW was easy. If that was where you were, it was where I wanted to be."

It was my turn to sigh. What he said sounded beautiful, but it didn't answer my question. "Then why do you have an acceptance letter from OSU?" I growled softly.

He bit his lip for a few seconds, then replied, "Because I don't have one from UW."

"They didn't take you?"

"I don't know. I haven't heard yet. Let's face it, you're smarter than I am, you get better grades." I went to argue with him but he put his hand up. "Let me finish. When you applied to UW, you were guaranteed to get in, but I wasn't. So after I applied there, I applied to a few others schools around Seattle just in case. I figured if I didn't get in to UW, then we would at least be in the same city. Maybe we could live in a place off campus close enough to both colleges. I still had my dreams of living with you even if I didn't get in to UW. I never told you I applied to other places because I was hoping I'd get into UW and the other places wouldn't matter."

"OSU isn't in Seattle, Jasper," I reminded him harshly.

"I know. They were a last minute addition for me. I'd been doing some research online for colleges in the Pacific Northwest and found them. Then I remembered they had sent me a few things, so I dug through the pile of mail I had from colleges and found them. They wanted me to apply, even waived the application fee. So I did. But I honestly never thought anything would come of it. Certainly nothing like this."

My piercing pain heart had slowed only to ache. For months he'd walked around with the secret of applying to other schools because he didn't think he was good enough. He had applied at other places to stay close to me. How could I fault him for that? Reaching down I covered his hand on my leg with mine and he tugged his lip between his teeth.

"Why didn't you tell me you got in?"

"Because I wanted to decide what I was going to do first. If I wasn't going there, then I wasn't going to tell you I had gotten in."

"And if you decided to go?"

"I never would have. I just didn't know that until I got the letter." His palm turned up and his fingers threaded with mine. "Until the chance of me going became a reality, I hadn't thought about it much. It wasn't even a factor to me. I applied and that was the end of it. But these past few days, I've realized I knew all along even I got in, I couldn't go. I couldn't be that far away from you."

"Because I'm in the chair?"

I had to ask. I had to know if my being crippled was holding him back from the future he was supposed to have.

"No." His answer was definite.

"Then why?" I asked with a shaky voice.

He gave me a half smile and reached up to touch my cheek with his other hand. "Because I love you."

He meant it. Our plans for college had been made long before the accident, long before I was in a wheelchair. He wasn't going to college with me because he pitied me or because he thought I couldn't function without him. Above all, Jasper knew what I was capable of doing. Since the accident, he was the one that had never coddled me, he had always pushed me, letting me do things on my own.

The first tear fell before I could stop it and he wiped it away for me. What had I done to deserve him in my life? Before I could stop myself, I was asking that very question. "What did I do?"

"Do?" He tilted his head.

"To get your attention, what did I do?" The tears had stopped but my voice still trembled.

"Honestly?"

"Yeah."

"You were sitting in biology," he shrugged.

"I'm serious," I frowned.

"So am I." Leaning forward, he swept his lips across mine. "That's all it took for me, baby. You were breathtaking in every way. You still are."

"And you're a dork," I whispered.

"Your dork," he chuckled. Exhaling, I tightened my hold on his hand, as if that would keep him near me, because what was coming next was even harder than what we had discussed already.

"A full scholarship is huge." As I suspected he would, he shrugged. "Your parents must be relieved."

"Doesn't matter."

"Why not?"

"Weren't you listening?" He grew frustrated. "I told you I'm not going to OSU. I'm going to wait until I hear from UW and go there with you."

He stated it so matter of factly, that I had a hard time comprehending what he was really saying. He was giving up over thirty thousand dollars to go to school with me. I needed to challenge him, I needed him to think. It was going to hurt, but it had to be done. "What if you don't get into UW? What if you tell OSU no and then can't go with me anyway? What then? You've wasted a chance to go for free and you're still not at the same school as me."

I could tell by the turmoil in his eyes that he had already thought about that. It had been the very thing that had kept him up at night and quiet during the day.

"Then I hope I get into one of the other places in Seattle I applied to."

"Are any of them as good as OSU?" Shrugging, he looked away. He knew damn well what he was risking. "You can't do this, Jasper. You can't give up this scholarship for me. I won't let you."

He glared at me. "It's not your choice."

"No, it's not. But do you want me to feel guilty that you gave up a chance like this for me? Do you think that will make me feel good?"

Instantly, he let go of my hand and was standing. Pacing back and forth in front of his bed, his hands went to his hair and he fisted it. "This is exactly why I didn't fucking tell you. I knew you would try to pull some shit like this. I fucking _knew_ it. I knew you'd tell me to go, asshole."

I pushed myself up higher to confront him. "I would be an asshole if I let you give up a chance like this for me. What kind of person would that make me, huh, Jasper? What kind of guy lets his boyfriend give up a chance of a lifetime?"

Rubbing his face with his hands, he still. His chest heaved with his tensioned breaths. "So you're telling me I need to go so you don't feel guilty?"

"Yes…I mean no."

"Which is it?" he snarled.

It was my turn to get frustrated. "Fuck, Jasper. Up until five minutes ago, I didn't even know this was an option. Give me some fucking time to get used to the idea, okay?"

Sighing, he lolled his head back. "Can we just pretend you didn't see the letter?"

It almost made me smile. It was such a typical Jasper thing to say. "Afraid not. We've talked about college a lot, but now I realize we really didn't. I talked about UW, you talked about living together."

"I told you, I don't care where I go."

"That's just it. You should care. It's your fucking future too, Jasper. I love you, I want to be with you, but I can't be responsible for you going to a school you don't want to go to."

"Damn it, I told you I only applied to OSU because it was free and the campus looked nice."

There was more, I felt it. He wasn't telling me everything. "Are you sure about that?" Guiltily, he turned away, not able to face me as he shook his head. He was still shirtless, his muscles coiled and bunched under his skin. "Then why did you apply?"

With his back to me, he spoke quietly. "I want to run, Edward."

He was so ashamed that he wanted to do something I couldn't that he couldn't even look at me while he explained.

"You're good at so many things, but running is all I'm good at. I'm not the best by any means, but I love it." His sniffled and I knew if he turned around, I would see tears. I yearned for my legs so I could get off the fucking bed and comfort him. "In Texas, running kept me sane when I was so confused about liking boys. Up until your accident, running made me feel so alive and strong. Now…it's different now. But I still want to do it. It's part of who I am. I can't stop."

"Then don't," I murmured. He was silent, his shoulders slight shaking as he considered my words. Even though he couldn't see it, I lifted my hand to reach for him, willing him to turn around.

"I shouldn't want to run."

"Why? Because I can't?" He shrugged and I sighed. "Jas, you can't do this to yourself. You can't give up your life for me. I won't let you."

"You can't stop me," he challenged, almost daring to glance at me over his shoulder.

"So fucking stubborn," I muttered, sighing. "You said you want to run. You can't run at UW?"

"Not like I can at OSU. In the 1980's, they had some really big budget cuts and had to cut some of their athletic programs. One of them was track and field. They've got more money now, so they have started to reestablish the sport. They started with the girls' team and now they are working on the boys. Spring of next year will be their first team since then. The scholarship is for that."

"They want you to run for them?"He nodded slightly and as confused and upset as I was, I smiled. Proudly. They wanted my boy. "Jasper, that's…awesome." Still not facing me, he shook his head in denial. "Do you have any idea how special that is?"

"What do you mean?" he mumbled.

"They are putting together a new program, they want to get the best they can find to start it off, right? And they picked you, Jas. They think you are one of the best."

"I didn't even win states last year."

"You were coming off a fucking broken ankle, and you came in second by less than a second. Don't you get it? OSU thinks you are worth taking a thirty thousand dollar chance on, and trust me, they're right."

It was the exact same thing everyone had told me when I had gotten my scholarship. When I was afraid of competing at that level they told me that UW wouldn't have picked me if they didn't think I could do it. They had more faith in me than I did.

"Maybe it means they're desperate," he suggested.

"No. After you applied and told them you ran, they checked you out."

"It doesn't matter anyway. I'm not going."

"Jesus fucking Christ, I could kill you sometimes. Turn around," I demanded. Why did I love such a stubborn ass again?

Slowly, he turned, the damp streaks on his cheeks confirmed the tears I had suspected. "I'm not going, Edward."

"Love, you have to."

"What I have to do is be with you. UW will take me, I know it."

I decided to try a different tactic. "Jas, answer this honestly, okay? If it were me, what would you tell me to do? Say I got offered a scholarship to a school for wheelchair basketball. If our roles were reversed, and it was me that would be going further away, what would you want me to do to?"

His reply was barely audible but I heard him. "I'd tell you to go."

"Then why won't you listen to me when I say the same thing?"

"Because it's different. You don't need me as much as I need you."

Shaking my head, I closed my eyes. "You're so wrong. But it doesn't matter. Do your parents know?"

"My mom does."

"What did she say?" I asked, opening my eyes.

"She said I shouldn't make my decision based on you. That maybe you needed space from me."

Well, she was partially wrong. I didn't need space from him. That was the last thing I needed. "Does she know you're not going?"

"Not yet. I need to let OSU know by May first. I should hear from UW within the next week or so. I looked online and their letters go out this week."

It was only a few weeks away. "What are the odds of running for them?"

"Not likely. Unlike OSU, UW already has a very established team. They recruit from other colleges and stuff. Not kids like me."

"So you probably won't get a scholarship from them?"

"No."

Even if he got into UW, he couldn't give up the scholarship. "Jas-"

"Don't fucking say it, Edward," he warned. He came to the bed and sat down on the edge again, staring at me. "I'm. Not. Going."

"It's the chance of a lifetime, love. You have to," I told him. Reaching out, I took his hand in mine, lacing our fingers together. "We can do it. How far away is it?"

"Four hours."

"That's not too far."

"It's four hours too far. Edward, sometimes I feel like I can't breathe when you make me stay home for a night. How am I supposed to do it for weeks on end?"

"We'll figure out a way. There's webcams and we can text and talk all the time."

Resigned, he looked down at our hands on my lap, fingers so meshed together it was hard to tell where one of us ended and the other began. "But what about our dream of living at college together?" he whispered.

"Maybe I can transfer after the first year. Maybe all we have to do is get through one year. We'll see each other on holidays and some weekends. Then next May, we'll be together."

Exhaling heavily, he dragged his eyes back up to mine. "I don't want to be apart from you for a year."

"Me either, but I'm not letting you give this up. It's too good an offer."

Understanding, he nodded. "Are you still mad I didn't tell you?"

"Hell yes. I can't believe you were going to make this decision without asking me."

"Because I knew you would tell me go to," he confessed softly, his eyes dropping to our clasped hands. It was the simplest sign of affection, one we did naturally and easily, one that I would miss.

"And you knew you would listen to me," I assumed correctly and he nodded, a few tears slipped from his eyes. "Jasper, you know whatever happens, whether we are five feet apart or four hours, wherever tomorrow brings us, I'll be there."

When his eyes caught mine again, they were glistening. "Who's going to cook you pasta?" he asked, referring back to the vision I had told him about in the truck.

"You can cook it when you visit," I smiled, although inside I was frightened about being without him for a night, much less a year.

"Who will fight the darkness?" he asked quietly.

Lifting my hand, I fingered the ends of his silky hair. "I'm sure it'll be gone by then. It gets tired of fighting you all the time."

"But what if it comes back? I can't let it get you," he said softly.

So fucking devoted. So determined.

"As long as you love me, it won't. I swear. You gotta go, love. We need to let it be and see what happens." Sniffling he nodded. Releasing his hand, I shifted myself back to the headboard of his bed and held out my hand. "C'mere."

Moving he stretched out next to me and curled into my arm, draping his around me. His breaths were moist on my neck as he exhaled. I didn't care if we got caught. I didn't care if my own father, or hell, half the town, walked in right then. Jasper needed me to hold him and that was exactly what I was going to do. I wasn't sure I had convinced him to go. I knew he still had huge doubts about what I was suggesting, but he was at least going to think about it, and with Jasper that was all I could ask.

"Babe?"

"Yeah?"

"You know I'm all in, right? Like, for life?"

Turning my head, I nuzzled his hair and inhaled his scent, still strong from his races. "Me too, love, I'm all in too."

The letter that had changed our futures, that had turned our already fragile lives upside down, remained on the ground by his bed.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

I was very proud of the boys for working through that as well as they did. Sometimes they surprise me. Think they can be away from each other for a year? I had so many favorite parts in this chapter: E waking up and they are holding hands, the phone call that lasted all night after E's spasm, how E knew J was leaving to come see him, and then a frustrated J finally giving in and knowing E was right at the end...like I've said, they OWN me.

The Slash Awards will be open for voting soon. Details here: http:/theslashawards DOT blogspot DOT com/

FFnet is currently in fail when it comes to reviewing via a mail client, which is how I do it. There is a way around it but it is time consuming, so bear with me if you don't get a response from me right away. I've got a busy month coming up and am desperately trying to get ahead in both M&A and WN. Also, if you don't have PMs enabled I will be unable to respond to you directly, but please know I appreciate the review!


	23. Real Love

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N-I started this chapter thinking it would be 10k max. It's a bit longer. These boys just get talking and I can't stop typing!

Thank you to everyone that reads and reviews and supports this story.

This chapter is unbeta'd, all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are mine.

Special thanks to Dannie, who stuck by me for so long with this story, if it wasn't for her encouragement and faith in my writing, these boys wouldn't be here.

Now Jasper's pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night he hadn't insisted we change our future…_

"**~~**"

Edward always challenged me.

Even when he didn't realize he was doing it, he challenged me to run faster, get better grades, and just simply be a better person. And I welcomed every challenge he brought to me.

But right then in my bedroom as he lay half dressed on my bed, his cheeks still flushed from what we had just finished doing, the last thing I wanted was for him to challenge me. Every argument I made for why I needed to go to UW with him, he countered.

What sucked was he countered really fucking well.

When I had first walked back into the room and saw the letter in his hands, my heart literally stopped. I think it missed several beats before I realized he was yelling at me. I didn't think I was going to be able to get him to listen to me, but somehow, he calmed enough to pay attention to what I was saying. It never dawned on me when I put my hand on his leg to make sure he didn't leave that not only could he not leave that room without me, but he couldn't even feel my hand on his leg.

He often said I was the most stubborn person he knew, but there were days where I thought that title easily belonged to him. No matter how many times I told him I wanted to go to college with him, I knew he was still thinking I had applied to those other places because I didn't. But it hadn't been that at all, it had been exactly as I said. They mailed me an application waiver, I checked them out online and applied. Nothing more, nothing less.

I had never thought about getting in, much less getting a scholarship.

"Why didn't you tell me you got in?" His hand covered mine. Instantly mine flipped and our fingers automatically laced. It was as natural as breathing.

"Because I wanted to decide first. If I wasn't going there, then I wasn't going to tell you. I didn't want you to worry."

"And if you decided to go?"

"I never would have. I just didn't know that until I got the letter. Until I got the letter and the chance of me going became a reality, I hadn't thought about it much. It wasn't even a factor to me. I applied and that was the end of it. But now, these past few days, I've realized I knew all along that even if I got in, I couldn't go. I couldn't be that far away from you."

"Because I'm in the chair?"

"No."

"Then why?"

Smiling, I reached up and ran a finger down his cheek. Even after a few years together, after sticking by him after the accident, it amazed me he still didn't know. "Because I love you."

It was the simplest of all reasons. One that our parents would probably scoff at, telling us we were young and foolish and making life altering decisions based on emotions and not logic or reason. But I didn't give a fuck. I loved Edward. I wanted to be with him every second of every God damn fucking day that I lived, and if that meant giving up my own dream and paying for college, then I would.

It was Edward that wouldn't let me.

My finger was still on his cheek when the first tear rolled down it. Catching it under the pad of my thumb, I wiped it away. He asked what he had done to get my attention and I almost laughed. The answer was so stupid he would never believe me, but it was the truth.

My first day at Forks High I had walked into my third period biology, dreading the introduction to the class the teachers had made me do. The day had been long already and I wasn't looking forward to being alone when all the other kids were already paired off into lab partners.

All except one.

He was sitting on a stool at a lab table, the kind with the thick, black tops and a couple of drawers and doors underneath. With his head down, he was busy furiously writing something on a notebook as I approached. At first, all I had noticed was the unique color of his hair. It reminded me of the late summer sunsets in Texas.

But then he looked up and I stopped in my tracks.

Not only did he have the unique hair, but he had the most incredible eyes, dark and light and perfect with so many shades of green, framed in long lashes to go with it. If I had looked out the window at the field and the forest surrounding it, I wouldn't have found as many shades of green as were in his eyes. Then there were his sculpted cheeks stained pink, like he'd just come in from the cold. His jaw was square and clean shaven, and his lips…his lips fucking killed me. Full, slightly wet, and delicious.

Well, I didn't know if they were delicious but I vowed to someday find out.

He motioned for me to sit down next to him and I swear my cock twitched. I'd seen cute boys in Texas but none of those tanned southern boys had anything on the pale God from Forks. Glancing at the notebook in front of him, I saw what appeared to be music notes scrawled in the margins. I choked out in an embarrassingly squeaky 'hey' as I sat down and let my bag fall to the floor. Then he spoke to me and I realized his voice was as incredible as the rest of him. It was velvet cake and creamy icing.

I was completely, utterly taken.

"You were sitting in biology," I shrugged. It sounded stupid when I said it aloud.

"I'm serious."

"So am I." To convince him, I leaned forward and swept my lips over his. "That's all it took for me, baby. You were breathtaking in every way. You still are."

"And you're a dork."

"Your dork."

"A full scholarship is huge. Your parents must be relieved."

"Doesn't matter."

"Why not?"

He was maddening. "Weren't you listening? I told you I'm not going to OSU. I'm going to wait until I hear from UW and go there with you."

"What if you don't get into UW? What if you tell OSU no and then can't go with me anyway? What then? You've wasted a chance to go for free and you're still not at the same school as me."

His words had been my fear. What if the first of May passed and I didn't accept OSU's offer, and then I got rejected by UW. It had kept me up late at night, it plagued my thoughts when I ran, along with just about every quiet moment I had.

"Then I hope I get into one of the other places in Seattle I applied to."

"Are any of them as good as OSU?" I looked away and he continued. "You can't do this, Jasper. You can't give up this scholarship for me. I won't let you."

Bringing my eyes back to his, I glared at him. "It's not your choice."

"No, it's not. But do you want me to feel guilty that you gave up a chance like this for me? Do you think that will make me feel good?"

No, he wasn't going to pull that. No fucking way.

Dropping his hand, I bolted off the bed and began pacing back and forth. Frustrated, I tugged on my hair to stop myself from shaking some fucking sense into him. "This is exactly why I didn't fucking tell you. I knew you would try to pull some shit like this. I fucking _knew_ it. I knew you'd tell me to go, asshole."

"I would be an asshole if I let you give up a chance like this for me. What kind of person would that make me, huh, Jasper? What kind of guy lets his boyfriend do that?"

Taking a few deep breaths to calm myself, I rubbed my hands over my face. "So you're telling me I need to go so you don't feel guilty?"

"Yes…I mean no."

"Which is it?" I asked, raising a brow. I was pushing his buttons, I knew, and I still pushed them.

"Fuck, Jasper. Up until five minutes ago, I didn't even know this was an option. Give me some fucking time to get used to the idea, okay?" he spat back just as frustrated.

I wanted to rewind time and go back to us humping on the bed. I wouldn't have left the room, he never would have found the letter. Hanging my head back, I sighed. "Can we just pretend you didn't see the letter?"

"Afraid not. We've talked about college a lot, but now I realize we really didn't. I talked about UW, you talked about living together."

He was right. If I thought back to our conversations about college, we rarely talked about the same things. He focused on UW, what it would be like to play for them and bragged about their music program. For me, it wasn't about where I went, the campus, or the professors, it was about being with Edward. The location was secondary to having him by my side.

"I told you, I don't care where I go."

"That's just it. You should care. It's your fucking future too, Jasper. I love you, I want to be with you, but I can't be responsible for you going to a school you don't want to go to."

"Damn it, I told you I only applied to OSU because it was free and the campus looked nice."

It was true, that had been why I had applied, but then once I'd received the scholarship, something had changed. It was slight and I often forced it away, but I honestly couldn't deny its existence. I had begun to want something else. Something that felt so wrong, I didn't even admit it to myself. It wasn't right. It was the last thing I should have wanted.

Edward knew I was holding back and he called me on it. "Are you sure about that?" Unable to face him, I turned away. I couldn't see the hurt look in his eyes when I told him the truth. "Then why did you apply?"

"I want to run, Edward," I admitted for the first time to anyone, even myself. "You're good at so many things, but running is all I'm good at. I'm not the best by any means, but I love it. In Texas, running kept me sane when I was so confused about liking boys. Up until your accident, running made me feel so alive and strong. Now…it's different now. But I still want to do it. It's part of who I am. I can't stop."

"Then don't," he murmured softly.

It was easy to say that, it was easy to tell myself I shouldn't stop running because of him, but every time I did it and I thought about him not being able to, guilt overwhelmed me. It was wrong to want to run when he couldn't. Before I could stop them, a few tears escaped.

"I shouldn't want to run."

"Why? Because I can't? Jas, you can't do this to yourself. You can't give up your life for me. I won't let you."

"You can't stop me," I shot back, glancing at him over my shoulder.

"So fucking stubborn," he sighed. "You said you want to run. You can't run at UW?"

"Not like I can at OSU. A few years ago they had some really big budget cuts and had to cut some of their athletic programs. One of them was track and field. They've got more money now, so they have started to reestablish the sport. They started with the girls' team and now they are working on the boys. Spring of next year will be their first team in a few years. The scholarship is for that."

"They want you to run for them?" Still refusing to face him, I nodded and he continued. "Jasper, that's…awesome. Love, do you have any idea how special that is?"

"What do you mean?"

"They are putting together a new program, they want to get the best they can find to start it off, right? And they picked you, Jas. They think you are one of the best."

"I didn't even win states last year," I reminded him.

"You were coming off a fucking broken ankle, and you came in second by less than a second. Don't you get it? OSU thinks you are worth taking a thirty thousand dollar chance on. Trust me, they're right."

When Edward had gotten the scholarship for basketball, he'd had doubts on whether or not he was good enough to play at that level. Every time he questioned it, I reminded him that the school wanted _him_, they scouted _him_, they sought _him_ out. They wouldn't have chosen him if they didn't have faith in his ability.

He was throwing my words, my encouragement to him, right back at me.

"Maybe it means they're desperate," I suggested.

"No. After you applied and told them you ran, they checked you out."

"It doesn't matter anyway. I'm not going."

"Jesus fucking Christ, I could kill you sometimes. Turn around," he demanded.

I turned around, trying to look defiant even with tears on my face. "I'm not going, Edward."

"Love, you have to."

_No._

"What I have to do is be with you. UW will take me, I know it."

"Jas, answer this honestly, okay? If it were me, what would you tell me to do? Say I got offered a scholarship to a school for wheelchair basketball. If our roles were reversed, and it was me that would be going further away, what would you want me to do to?"

I would do and say everything I could to get him to go. He deserved it, he earned it, he needed to take advantage of it. "I'd tell you to go."

"Then why won't you listen to me when I say the same thing?" he asked quietly.

"Because it's different. You don't need me as much as I need you."

He asked if my parents knew and I told him what my mom had said, but neglected to tell him about her saying Edward and I needed time apart because he had grown too dependent on me. She was wrong anyway. Then he asked if I thought I might get a scholarship from UW like I had OSU and I told him it was unlikely. UW already had a team, they had people begging to run for them.

"Jas-"

No. I couldn't hear him say the words. It would make the possibility of going without him too real. "Don't fucking say it, Edward," I warned as I sat down on the bed. "I'm. Not. Going."

"It's the chance of a lifetime, love. You have to," he said softly, taking my hand into his again. "We can do it. How far away is it?"

"Four hours."

"That's not too far."

"Four hours too far. Edward, sometimes I feel like I can't breathe when you make me stay home a night. How am I supposed to do it for weeks on end?"

"We'll figure out a way," he assured me. "There's webcams and we can text and talk all the time."

There was not one hint of doubt in his voice. It was as if he knew it would all work out. Somehow, someway, it would work out and we would still be together, just not at the same college or the same apartment. I looked down at our hands, so comfortable in each other's. Could I handle going a day when I didn't hold his hand? Could I handle it for weeks on end?

"But what about our dream of living at college together?"

"Maybe I can transfer after the first year. Maybe all we have to do is get through one year. We'll see each other on holidays and some weekends. Then next May, we'll be together," he explained.

He had an answer for everything, but it wasn't going to make time go by faster. Bringing my gaze back to his, I saw all the same questions in his woodsy eyes, they were as confused as mine, but above all else, I saw his love. "I don't want to be apart from you for a year."

"Me either, but I'm not letting you give this up. It's too good an offer."

He was doing exactly as I knew he would. He was telling me to go. He was insisting I leave him.

"Are you still mad I didn't tell you?"

"Hell yes. I can't believe you were going to make this decision without asking me," he said with an edgy hint to his voice.

"Because I knew you would tell me go to," I whispered.

"And you knew you would listen to me," he murmured and I nodded.

Of course I would. I would do anything he said. He was the voice of reason in my dream filled mind. Regardless if I knew he was right, if he was telling me what I already knew he would, it still hurt like hell.

"Jasper, you know whatever happens, whether we are five feet apart or four hours, wherever tomorrow brings us, I'll be there," he promised.

It was our future he was risking. Not only the big things like finding an apartment together, but the little things too. The things I'd been looking forward to, like waking up in his arms and walking to class with him by my side.

Or cooking him dinner.

"Who's going to cook you pasta?" I asked, feeling another tear slid down my cheek.

"You can cook it when you visit."

If he was alone, if I wasn't there, then how was he going to battle the darkness when it shrouded him? Who would be there for him if I wasn't? "Who will fight the darkness?" I asked quietly. Sighing, he tilted his head and lifted his hands, his fingers twisting the ends of my hair.

"I'm sure it'll be gone by then. It gets tired of fighting you all the time." He countered every fucking argument I gave with reason.

"But what if it comes back? I can't let it get you." Now that I knew about it, it was my job to fight it off. Nothing was more important than protecting Edward, making sure he got to lead the life he wanted.

"As long as you love me, it won't. I swear. You gotta go, love. We need to let it be and see what happens."

I hated he was right. Fucking hated it, but I nodded anyway. Releasing my hand, he used both of his to push himself further up my bed so that he was resting against the headboard. He held out his hand to me. Accepting it, I curled into his side, fitting my body perfectly to his as his arm wrapped around me and mine went over his middle. I would miss cuddling with him whenever I wanted to, but the more I considered what he was suggesting, the calmer I became. Not that I wanted to be apart from him, I didn't, but I also knew that nothing would diminish our love. Not time or distance.

For the rest of my life, I was his.

"Babe?"

"Yeah?"

"You know I'm all in, right? Like, for life?" I breathed, watching the pulse jump in his neck at my words of devotion. He turned his head, his nose nudging my hair as he took a deep breath.

"Me too, love, I'm all in too."

Relieved, I closed my eyes and held him just a little bit closer. Suddenly, I looked up at him and found him staring at me with a silly grin on his face. "What?" I rested my chin on his chest.

"You're like magic or something," he chuckled.

"Huh?"

"I was so pissed at you when I found that letter. Pissed you hadn't told me, pissed you were leaving me, and now…"

"You love me?" I grinned, dimples and all.

"Very much."

Edward and I had our share of arguments. Early in our relationship, they tended to center around Bella, but as time went on, they were usually stupid and small and sometimes I think we only had them so we could have make-up bjs. Before the accident there had only been one time I'd been so mad at him that I had stormed off and refused to answer his phone calls all night. The next day I found myself on his doorstep with black circles under my eyes silently pleading with him to forgive me. As soon as he fell into my arms, I knew he already had. I never doubted we could work through just about anything, but what we had just done, what we had just talked about, was life changing. Suddenly the dreams we'd shared for two years were no longer going to be a reality. I wasn't as set on the idea of being separated as he seemed to be. His reasons and logic made sense, but my heart was telling me I'd never survive.

I think my heart was right.

Edward sighed and kissed my temple. He was silent, his breaths steady, and I my throat began to constrict when I tried to imagine a time when a day would go by and I wouldn't touch him. I wasn't ready for that day yet. Not even fucking close.

Reaching over, he put my phone on the iHome and his playlist started. I burrowed into his neck when the mp3 of the music he'd composed for me started playing. It was such a girly thing to do, and yet it made me smile every time I heard it. Hearing the piano reminded me of something he'd promise to tell me.

"Tell me what happened with Mr. Harter."

His fingers were grazing up and down my bare spine and I trembled. "He's doing some traveling in Europe this summer, but he had already taken on students for piano lessons before he found out he was going. So he asked me if I would teach them while he's gone."

"He wants you to take over his students?"

"Yeah, for the summer. He had me play for him. I must have passed," he smiled.

"Babe, that's awesome. You'll be able to save up enough money for us to-" I stopped short when I realized I was about to say for us to live off campus. If we were at different schools, there would be no living off campus. Not for me anyway. I would be stuck in some random dorm room with some annoying roommate while Edward would be in an apartment alone.

For nine months we would be apart.

It was doable, right? Not for me, not when Edward wasn't with me.

Instead of saying something, he nuzzled his nose in my hair. Closing my eyes I sighed. "So what did you tell him?" I asked, bringing the subject back to music.

"I said yes. He's going to pay me twenty dollars an hour, which is what he charges for a lesson. He said it would easy with me because he knew how I played and when the summer was over, I could tell him what level everyone is at."

"That's really great. I'm so proud of you."

"I should probably practice a little, brush up on some sheet music. I haven't played much since the accident. He said some might want to start before summer."

"You'll be busy," I sighed, worried he would have little time for me.

"Don't even think that," he whispered, reading my thoughts.

"At least we've the meadow this weekend," I reminded him. "The weather is supposed to be nice on Saturday." Before he said anything, I knew something was wrong. "What?"

"About that…at practice last night, coach announced that our first game is Saturday."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I was a little preoccupied with my fingers in your ass," he quipped and I blushed. "Then I just forgot."

"So no meadow on Saturday?" I pouted.

"No, but maybe Sunday?"

"Okay," I groaned.

"Not sure I've ever seen you so eager to go to the meadow."

"It's not the meadow I'm eager for, it's your cock." It was his turn to blush as he rolled his eyes. "You promised."

"I know, I know," he nodded.

"Are you excited about the game?"

"More like nervous."

I rose up onto my elbow and leaned forward enough to capture his lips in a light kiss. We were both still shirtless and I was clearly wrapped in his arms. If my father walked in, he would definitely have some questions, but there were some things that were way more important than whether or not our parents knew about us. One of those things was calming Edward the only way I knew.

"I feel better," he chuckled.

"See? This is why you need me around next year," I said trying to convince him that he couldn't survive without me even though I knew the opposite to be true.

"I will need you, and I will talk to you every day." He stared at me before asking, "Can I ask you something?"

"Yes, I will suck your cock right now."

His chest rumbled with his laughter. "Good try, but that wasn't it."

"Damn, losing my touch." Laying my head back on his chest, I asked, "What is it?"

"We've talked about college a lot and you've always known where I wanted to go and what I wanted to major in, but you never really decided. One time it was history, another it was English, one time I think it was Nija studies…"

"That was when I was under the influence," I said, hitting his shoulder.

He was right. My thoughts on what I wanted to do for the rest of my life changed from month to month. When I was a kid in Texas, I had wanted to be a cowboy, but after I witnessed firefighters saving my neighbor's house, I wanted to be a fireman, then a vet, and for awhile I thought it would be cool to be in a circus. By the time I hit eighth grade, I knew history and English were my best subjects, but I wasn't sure how I would go about getting a job as Indiana Jones. My imagination always guaranteed me an 'A' on papers in English class and I considered being an author. But as all those had entered and fled my mind, one thing had always remained constant.

I was a runner.

Once I had started doing it competitively, and realized I was pretty good, I wondered if I could do something with running for work, but had no idea what.

"You must have looked when you applied to these other places."

"Not really. I mean, they all had English or history, and those are my best subjects, so if I got in, I could just do one of them, but…"

"What?"

"You're going to laugh."

"Never," he laughed.

"I've always kind of wanted to do something with running, but I wasn't sure what. Like a coach or something?"

"You'd make a great coach, love."

"Well, I've changed my mind, and after getting into OSU, I think I've finally found my major," I admitted. When I had applied, a month before Edward's accident, I had listed English as my preferred major, like I had with them all, but since New Year's Eve, things had changed and with them, my interests.

"To what?"

Looking down at his chest, I traced a nipple, smiling when it perked up and his upper body shuddered. "Since…since the accident, I've been doing all this research, ya know? And well…I find it really interesting and I think I want to continue it. Maybe do something in sports science. Maybe PT or researching paralysis or SCIs or something…"

He was quiet and I began gnawing on my lip, my eyes firmly fixated on the pulse in his neck. His hand left his side and brushed the hair back from my face. "Jas?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

Relieved, I gave him my dimples again." I love you too."

His fingers still held the ends of my hair, sending shivers down my spine. "Does OSU have that?"

"Yeah," I nodded shyly, hating to admit that I had looked after I'd been accepted.

"The spasms I told you about, you already knew about them, didn't you?"

"Spasticity? Yeah," I nodded, "a little."

"Bullshit. You know more than a little."

"After a SCI, the nerve cells are cut off from the brain because of scar tissue around the injury. Right after an injury the spine goes into shock, and can take a few weeks to a few months to recover. Once the shock wears off, the natural reflex of the muscle reappears. Spasticity is an exaggeration of the normal reflexes, but it usually only occurs when something brings it on. For me, it would be like if I was pinched. The nerves send a message to the brain up my spine and my brain tells my muscle if it is dangerous or not. Basically, if my brain senses no danger, it sends a signal to tell my leg to not move. But for you, it's different. That signal to not move is blocked so the natural reflex to move continues anyway, contracting the muscles. Lots of things can cause it, including bladder and kidney infections. Some say it's a good thing because it might show an infection when you wouldn't normally feel one. Anyway, normally if you workout and stretch, you don't get them often, but they can still happen. You having one is a sign that your spine is no longer in shock and now maybe you can start doing more physical things. It's also good because it can improve functions like transferring when you stand on your feet for those few seconds…"

When I finally looked up, he was beaming. Fucking beaming.

"I just babbled, didn't I?" I sighed.

"And I fucking loved it. Jas, I love that you know this stuff because honestly, it scares the shit out of me. I get online and last about a minute because I can't handle reading it. I don't want to know all the awful things that might happen. I'd probably never leave my house if I knew. But having you know…it means I don't have to know and that makes it so much easier, trust me."

"Really?"

"Definitely. I also think that you will make an amazing PT or researcher."

"Do you honestly think so? You don't think it's a stupid idea?"

"Fuck no. You've always been good at anatomy."

"Well, your anatomy anyway," I chuckled. "Seriously though, I don't know if I'm smart enough. A lot of biology, anatomy and physiology…some really hard shit. If I get into the research aspect of it, I'd have to find an area to concentrate in."

"Is there a lot of research on it? Like that's going on right now?"

"All the time. It's amazing how far they've come." Edward sighed and turned his head to the side, but still held me tight. "You okay?" When he didn't answer, I grew worried and kissed his neck, feeling the heat radiating off him. "Babe?"

When he spoke, his voice was so quiet I barely heard him. "Remember I told you that I wake up in the morning and for a few seconds I forget I can't walk?"

Unable to say anything, I just nodded. I remembered seeing that happiness in his eyes quickly morph to sadness.

Keeping his turned away from me, he continued as softly as before. "For the past few weeks, maybe a little more, I've been having the same dream almost every night. We're at graduation. My parents are in the stands, all our classmates are around us. I'm always scared about giving the valedictorian speech, but you calm me down every time. You tell me…you tell me…." He stopped and took a few breaths. Not wanting to push him, I waited for him to continue on his own. Reaching down, I took his hand in mine and entwined our fingers again, then kissed his shoulder.

Long moments passed, a few songs played on the iHome before I finally spoke. "What do I tell you, babe?"

Closing his eyes, he imagined the dream in his head. "I tell you that I'm nervous and you tell me that they will love my speech. Then I tell you I want to walk to the stage and you tell me that if I just believe in it, it will happen."

I tried to wipe the tear before it fell from my eye onto his chest, but I knew he felt it anyway. There were things in my life I wanted to change or do better, things I could always attempt if I wanted, but what Edward was dreaming every single night was something that probably wasn't going to happen. There were no miraculous cures for SCI. There was therapy and surgeries and equipment, but there wasn't anything that would make him just stand up from his chair and walk. Not even the strength of my love for him could do that.

How does someone tell their boyfriend, someone they've watched struggle daily, that their dream was just that…a dream. That it would probably never be reality.

The answer is they don't. They let him have the dream. The few minutes of peace when their body feels whole and alive and complete again.

"Then you go sit down and Mr. Bradshaw calls me up. I look back at you and you're always smiling or winking at me or something. I reach down and take my feet off the pedals and put them on the ground. Then I look back at you and push myself upright. I feel awkward and clumsy but I walk to the stage and go up the steps. I see you sitting there, and I know I was able to walk because of you. You gave me the courage and the strength. I give my speech and watch you the entire time. The speech changes each time, but in the end, you always do the same thing."

Lifting my head, I put my fingers under his chin and force his wet eyes to mine. "What do I do?"

He smiles. It's small and sad, but he smiles and I see the world in his eyes. The greens fill with our history and our future. I see every time we held hands and kissed, and I see us holding hands in front of our parents and friends. I see nothing but joy with no hint of the sadness that surrounds my boy so much.

"You run up the aisle and jump onto the stage. Then you hug me and spin me around, then," he took a deep breath, "then you kiss me. Right there at graduation in front of everyone. Our parents, our friends…everyone."

I grinned. "Well, you will look irresistible in a maroon gown."

The tension was slightly relived and he gave me an earnest smile. "It is my color."

"Babe, every color is your color. Do you get mad at me for outing us?"

"No." He shook his head. "That's just it. In the speech I give, I out us before you even get up. By the time you reach the stage, everyone already knows I'm in love with you."

I kissed him, feather light and brief. "That sounds like a beautiful dream."

"It is. One that I desperately want to come true," he confessed. "Jasper, do you think with all the research they're doing that maybe it could come true? Maybe there is something they can do for me so I can walk up there?"

Edward's logic and my dreams usually balanced each other out. He was reasonable, I wasn't. But right then it was as if our roles had reversed. He was the one having the hope and daring to dream about something while I was the one holding back and not wanting to get him excited about something that was unlikely.

I couldn't tell him what he didn't want to hear.

I loved him. He was my life and I wasn't going bring him down. Instead, I would lift myself up to his dream, I would live it and hope it with him.

"You never know, they make progress every day," I answered as best I could. Relieved, he exhaled and drew me in for a grateful kiss. Edward was a brilliant boy, he knew as well as I did that his dream probably wouldn't happen, but after feeling the spasm, his hope had been raised.

"I really want to walk," he murmured against my lips. "I want to dance with you again."

Before he could stop me, I was off the bed and standing next to it. His wide eyes watched me as I bent over and slid my arms under his knees and shoulders. Grunting, I lifted him and he fell against me, wrapping both arms around my neck and putting his head on my shoulder. "Real Love" started to play and I shuffled…our feet back and forth. They were no longer my feet or my legs, I shared them, just like I shared everything else, with Edward. My heart already belonged to him, and he'd owned my body since the first day I saw him.

Resting my head on his, I hummed along with the song while Edward's fingers toyed with the curls at the nape of my neck. The heat from his bare chest seeped through my skin and warmed my blood. There was never a more perfect feeling than his body against mine. I didn't care how well it did or didn't work, none of that mattered.

"This isn't what I meant," he whispered into my neck, "But thank you."

Smiling, I kissed his forehead, encouraging him to lift his head so I could kiss his lips. A spark shot through me the instant our tongues met. The small, raised scar low on his back rubbed against my arm, a reminder of why I was holding him to begin with.

I thought about his dream. It might be impossible, but I was going to do everything I could to make it happen for him. As we danced, as I held my boy in my arms, I vowed to myself that somehow, someway, Edward would walk on that stage.

The song changed, but we didn't.

We just danced and kissed and loved.

It was all I knew to do.

"**~~**"

The sound of my feet hitting the pavement was rhythmic, calming, soothing. It always had been.

Until Edward was hurt.

Now each step sounded like guilt. Instead of listening to the slap of my feet on the track, I popped my earbuds in and hit the playlist Edward had made for me.

The night before we had danced to a few more songs before Edward insisted he was too heavy and made me put him down. Knowing my father was going to be home soon, we put on our tee shirts and sat a respectable distance from each other. We got talking about training for the race and then Edward's eyes brightened. Without telling me why, he told me to get his cell phone from his bag downstairs. When I returned, he took it from me, along with mine, and dragged himself across my bed to my desk chair. I watched in awe as he easily moved from the bed to the chair and then pulled it up the desk. Sitting on the bed, I watched over his shoulder as he did a few things in iTunes. It was several minutes later that he was done and handed my phone back to me with a coy grin.

"What did you do?"

"You'll see."

My father had arrived home about twenty minutes later, talked with us for a few minutes, and then I drove Edward home. After a long kiss in the truck, I helped him into his chair and then watched him go into his house. Jumping back in the truck, I scrolled through my phone and found a new playlist called

Totally Awesome Music For Sure.

"What the fuck did you do, Edward," I mumbled as I plugged it into the radio and hit play. "Oh, you did not." By the time the song started, I was already laughing.

_Risin' up, back on the street  
Did my time, took my chances  
Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet  
Just a man and his will to survive_

Edward had transferred his eighties music that he used for working out to my phone. Shaking my head, I backed out of his driveway and headed home.

With Survivor playing the entire way.

When I picked him up the next morning, he pretended to know nothing as he rolled down the ramp. In the truck, he kissed my cheek before putting his head on my shoulder all the way to school. Neither of us had slept much the night before. After I had gotten home, I'd called him and once again spent the night on the phone with him, sleeping with mine on speakerphone next to me on my pillow. Just hearing him breathe on the other end seemed to be enough to calm me and lull me into a sleep. Throughout school, it took every bit of restraint I had to not talk to him more about college. Instead, I had to listen to him tell everyone about his first basketball game, and he even invited Bella to ride with us when she said she wanted to come. He knew I was still upset, he could see it even if no one else could. When he looked at me at lunch, I tried to smile but ended up just looking away. I didn't want to be without him. He was right, I knew it, but I didn't like it.

It just hurt.

While he made plans with Bella, I sulked. While he ate, I pouted. While he talked, I remained silent. On the way to gym, he pushed his chair next to me, almost close enough to brush my leg. When I glanced down, I saw the mirrored pain in his eyes. It wasn't easy for him either.

He hurt too.

With the music playing in my ears, my breaths evened out, my arms pumped loosely and my stride steadied. I let my mind wander to an easier time, a time when our love was unborn, long before I had realized that I had anything more than a physical attraction for Edward.

After the first time I'd gone over his house to do homework, it quickly became a regular thing. I was all for spending as much time as possible with him, sometimes I tended to forget he had a girlfriend.

Edward was sitting in his computer chair while I was on his bed with a few books sprawled between us. We were putting the finishing touches on a biology lab we had done. The Beatles were playing in the background as we debated over the lab results.

"I don't think that's right," I said, questioning his answer.

"It's right, I did it both ways and I get the same answer," he argued. He had to have been the most frustrating person ever. He was also the most gorgeous. Especially when he was mad and his brows lowered and his eyes darkened. "Well, then what is the answer?"

"Seventeen."

Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair and looked down at his paper again, studying the numbers for a minute. I stared at the tip of his tongue peeking out between his pink lips as he concentrated.

"Fuck," he murmured and shook his head. "You're right, it's seventeen." He changed his answer and then sat back in his chair. "Do you want something to eat?"

Keeping my head lowered to hide my satisfied smile, I replied, "Sure, that'd be great."

He put his notebook down and left the room. Once I was sure he was out, I reached over for his sweatshirt sitting on the edge of the bed. Glancing over my shoulder at the door, I brought it up to my nose and inhaled his faint scent, letting it fill my lungs. It was better than air itself. When I heard footsteps on the stairs, I tossed his sweatshirt down and pretended to be deep in thought when he walked in with a plate full of cookies and two sodas.

"You like Coke, right?"

"Sure." I didn't care if had brought me a prune juice, I would have drank it. Handing me the coke, he put the plate on the bed between us as he sat down in his chair again. Picking up a chocolate chip cookie, I bit into it. "These are really good," I mumbled, spraying cookie crumbs onto my homework. Sweeping my hand over it, I brushed them away. "Did your mom bake these?"

Edward opened his Mountain Dew and took a long swallow. Mesmerized, I watched his Adam's apple bob up and down. When he was finished, he wiped the back of his hand over mouth and nodded. "Yeah, she bakes…a lot. Like all the time."

"I can tell they're homemade and not store bought," I said, finishing off one and starting a second.

"How?"

I shrugged. "Texture mostly."

He tried to stop the smile, but the corners of his lips curled up anyway. "Jasper, do you bake?" My gaze dropped to a spot on the bed. "Oh my God, you do. You bake."

"Sometimes," I confessed. He barely contained his giggling. "What? It's relaxing."

Picking up a cookie, he looked at me curiously. "What else do you bake?"

"I don't know. Brownies, cakes, muffins. Oh, I've done an apple pie," I bragged.

"I like pie. And cookies," he hinted.

"Maybe I'll make you some."

"That'd be cool." The lab report forgotten, he leaned back in his chair and put his feet up on the bed. "What else do you like to do?"

Not wanting to sound too geeky and scare him off, I skipped over WoW and opted for a straight guy, and slightly less geeky approach. "I run."

"Run?"

"Yeah, run. I did cross country and track in Texas. I've run a few five k races too."

"That's cool. How did you do?"

"I won my age group a few times."

"I play basketball," he announced proudly. "But sometimes I run before the season. Maybe we can run together sometime."

I sat up straighter and eyed him. "Sure, that'd be cool."

"Not sure you could keep up with me though," he smirked as he reached for another cookie.

My body instantly accepted his challenged. "I think I can handle you just fine."

"Care to find out?"

"Now?"

He shrugged. "Why not?"

If I said no, I would look scared, but I wasn't exactly dressed for running. "You're on," I grinned, pulling off my sweatshirt. Edward finished off his soda and burped before going to his dresser. He pulled out a pair of running shorts and threw them to me. Then he started to undo his jeans and was pulling them down his strong legs before I'd even registered what he was doing. Trying really fucking hard not to stare at him, I took off my own pants and put on the shorts. I followed him out of the house to the driveway.

"To the end of this road and back is a mile. Can you run that far?"

"Are you kidding?" I snorted. A mile was a walk in the part for me. He gave me a once over as I did a few stretches. "Any rules?"

"No tripping," he smiled.

"What does the winner get?"

"Bragging rights. Ready?"

I nodded and then at the exact same time, we both started off in a slow jog. Side by side we ran along the edge of the road, both of us going slow as we tried to sense what the other was capable of. My pace was easy, my breathing not anywhere near heavy as we neared the quarter mile mark. Edward still seemed pretty steady, his legs matching me stride for stride. I wanted to impress him with my running and my competitive nature was telling me to win at all costs, but at the same time I wondered if I should let him win. Even though I didn't know him very well, I could tell he wasn't the type of guy to just let someone win.

And neither was I.

Edward was going down.

We hit the half mile turn and crossed the street. "What's the farthest you've ever run?" he said, starting to get a bit breathless.

"Seven miles," I grinned, even showing off my little used dimples.

"Fuck," he groaned.

"Want to call it a draw?" I asked, taking pity on him as he began to pump his arms a bit more.

"No fucking way," he snapped and started running faster. To give him a boost of confidence, I let him run ahead of me, even putting some distance between us. Glancing over his shoulder, he winked at me. "Running out of steam?"

Instead of answering, I inhaled a deep breath and took a few long strides and then I was next to him again. "Not even close."

His house was in sight, there was less than an eighth of a mile left. Before I could stop myself, I went into my finishing kick and pulled away from him each time my feet slammed the road. By the time he reached his yard, I was sitting on his porch steps waiting for him. Gasping for breath, he leaned over and put his hands on his knees.

"You suck," he huffed and I laughed.

"You wanted to run," I reminded him.

Straightening, he walked over to me. I couldn't look away from his glistening skin or the color on his cheeks. "And I want to again."

"Huh?"

"When basketball season rolls around, I need to run to get in shape. Want to run with me?"

Every fucking day of forever.

"Sure," I answered casually, hoping to not betray my inner excitement.

"Oh, and next time? You and me, one on one basketball," he said as he passed by me into his house.

The music still played in my ears as I ran around the track. Sweat dripped down my forehead and stung my eyes, but I didn't bother to wipe it. If I concentrated hard enough, I could almost feel Edward running beside me, his feet hitting the ground in time with mine, his breaths slightly more labored as he struggled to match my pace.

I missed running with my boy as much as he missed running.

The more I thought about our future, the one that had suddenly gotten so fucked up in one day, I knew that there was no way I could do it. He was stronger than me, he depended on me less than I did him. There was no way I could make it a year without him. Web cams and phone calls were great, but they were a poor substitute for his fingers in my hand or his lips against mine.

Going to OSU on a scholarship might have been a chance of a lifetime, but Edward was the one I wanted to spend my lifetime with.

Barely winded, I finished my six miles and headed for the locker room where I showered and changed quickly before rushing over to Edward's. He was waiting for me, his duffle bag on his lap as he pushed down the ramp to greet me.

"Hey, love," he smiled.

"Hey, babe," I returned his smile. The worries and fears from just an hour earlier faded as he neared. He was like a deep, cleansing breath of air. Opening his door, I lifted him into the cab and put his basketball chair in the back, securing it with bungee cords before getting in the truck. "Mind if we hit McDonald's? I'm starving."

"Sure." After we went through the drive thru and I had my shake and burger, we headed for the highway, Edward's hand on my thigh and his head on my shoulder. "How was practice?" His voice was muffled by my arm.

"Pretty good. I ran six miles pretty easily. I'm going to up it to seven this weekend."

"That's great. Did you listen to anything?" I didn't reply, I just hummed "Eye of the Tiger" and felt him laugh next to me. "Emmett would be proud."

There had been a shift between us, a resignation or acceptance of sorts. It was like we both knew what was happening, and as much as we both hated it, it was unavoidable. All in or not, things were changing for us. I kept reminding myself that we still had all summer. We would see each other as much as possible, maybe even go camping again so we could be completely alone in the meadow for a few nights.

We arrived at practice and I went to get Edward out and realized he didn't have his backpack. "No homework?" I pouted. I had been hoping to copy our physics and calculus…and maybe English.

"Oh, um. No, I haven't done it yet."

Holding him in my arms, I eyed him. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just didn't have time."

I put Edward in his chair and followed him up the ramp. Inside, he joined his team while I went to the bleachers and started my homework. My eyes wandered up from my books several times to watch Edward as went through the warm up drills. He glanced at me several times, catching me watching him but he only smiled. When they scrimmaged, I gave up on the homework and just enjoyed watching my boy. He and Riley made a good team, and I was glad Edward had someone to fill in the post spot that he depended on so much as a point guard. Sam had remembered the practice pinnies, so there was no shirts versus skins, but I enjoyed watching him clothed almost as much. He was so much faster in the new chair and his confidence had increased. I could tell in the way he called out plays and directed his team, proving himself to be the leader he had always been. I watched as he made some great passes to Riley and Leah underneath, and groaned when he blocked Brady's shot and then made a layup of his own.

When my phone vibrated in my pocket, I pulled it out, surprised to see a text message from Jake. Tapping it, I smiled.

_Hey you alive?_

_Yeah. At basketball practice with E. what's up?_

_Not much. Embry is doing pretty good. His last surgery went ok and he's home but not back at school._

_Any progress?_

_They fixed the problem, but it won't help his paralysis. _

_Sorry_

_It's ok. I think he's accepted it. Anything new with you?_

I told him about the fundraising and college. He seemed excited and congratulated me. Embry was graduating that June, but Jake still had another year. I typed with one eye watching Edward.

The ninety minutes flew by and before I knew it, Sam was calling the team over to the sidelines for their after practice talk. I packed my bag, sighing when I saw I'd only gotten about halfway through physics. It was going to be a late night. I waited for Edward at the door and he pushed across the gym with Riley by his side. I almost moaned when I saw Edward's hair damp with sweat and his tank top sticking to his firm chest.

Edward reached me first and looked up at my pouting face. "What's wrong?"

"No shirts versus skins," I murmured just as Riley neared. Edward rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Hey, Jasper," Riley greeted. "How's it going?"

Barely able to pull my eyes from Edward, I managed to look at Riley and give him a smile. "Good, thanks. How about you?"

"Same," he returned. He looked at Edward before he spoke again. "Congrats again, Edward. I'll see you tomorrow. Three, right?"

"Thanks, and yeah. You got the address, right?"

"Sure do. See ya, guys," he said to us both as he pushed away.

"Congrats?" I raised a brow.

Edward motioned toward the door. "Let's head to the truck."

He was quiet as I walked next to him, but I could see a smile teasing his lips. He wasn't anxious or upset, he was happy, but I wasn't sure why. At the truck, I got him inside and took care of his chair before getting in. When I looked over at him, he was practically bouncing with excitement.

"Spill."

"I'm the starting point guard on Saturday," he almost squealed.

"Serious?" He nodded and I slid across the seat and wrapped him in my arms. "Babe, I'm so proud of you!" Pulling back, I kissed him, deep and hard and passionate. He returned the frenzied kiss, our noses bumping as he went to deepen it, but before I could move to straddle him, he stopped me.

"Not tonight. I need to show you something," he said in a shallow breath. Ignoring him, I pushed his hand aside and straddled him anyway, my arms loosely around his neck while my hands played with his sweaty hair.

"First, tell me about starting."

"The starting point guard used to be Brady, but Sam has me starting because Brady is good at passing but he doesn't really have an outside shot and Sam said the team we're playing plays zone defense, so we're going to need to shoot outside." He shivered, but I wasn't sure if it was my finger tickling the nape of his neck or because he was excited.

"Was Brady mad?"

"He seemed okay. Sam explained his reasoning, saying it was best to have me out there because of my outside shot."

I sighed, "Mm, I love your outside shot. Now tell me about Riley?" I asked, kissing along his jaw. "How is he going to see you tomorrow?"

"You caught that, huh?" My lips were tugging on his lobe, so I just nodded. "He's coming to my place so we can practice more, go over some the plays we've barely covered in practice. He's played this team before, he might have some insight to their players and stuff. I'm used to watching game film, but there isn't any. Riley is as close as I'll get to game film."

"He's coming to your house, huh?" I murmured in his ear, "Should I be jealous, baby?" There was no doubt that the shiver that traveled through him then was because of me. Groaning, he tilted his head to the side and let me have his neck. "Do I need to mark you again? Let Riley know his basketball partner is taken?" To tease him, I sucked some skin gently between my lips.

"He already saw one hickey," he reminded me, almost purring when I bit gently. "Why is it so hot when you're like this?" he moaned.

"Like what?"

"Fucking possessive."

Tugging on his hair, I angled his head for me and kissed down his throat. "Mmm, you like me possessive?"

"Fuck yes. So fucking hot."

"You like me owning you?"

"Yeah," he breathed. His hands, which had been sitting loosely on my hips, moved up my sides under my shirt and over my heated skin. Splaying his hands, he grazed his thumbs over my nipples and then it was me that shivered.

"Jesus, the shit you do to me," I mumbled right before I kissed him, plunging my tongue into his mouth and over his own as it eagerly met mine as we succumbed to our base desires and made out.

We probably should have been talking about college or his practice or even Riley coming over, but right then all I wanted to do was connect with him physically. Wiping any memories of our problems away with our bodies, my hips moved on his lap and his fingers continued to tease my nipples until I was grunting. My cock throbbed in my pants, pressing painfully against my zipper and begging to be touched. Edward had me so fucking worked up I felt my balls already tightening. With frenzied motions, I thrust toward him, our lips parting only slightly to take a breath before we were kissing again. We lost track of time as I continued to rut my contained erection into his abdomen and he continued to tease me with his hands on my nipples and in my hair. Having taken off our shirts long ago, our bare chests were pressed together as his dragged his nails down my back, leaving marks behind. My name fell from his lips like a mantra, as if repeating it would tell him everything he needed to know. I knew the feeling. The one of never being able to say it enough, get close enough, love enough.

"Fuck, I need you to touch me, please," I begged, unashamed in my desperate need for him. When one of his hands left my back and I anticipated where it was going next, I pulled back slightly, putting my forehead to his and waiting, just fucking waiting, for his hand to stroke me.

"Am I yours?" he asked and I nodded.

"Always mine," I gasped. "No one else's." He responded with a long moan just as his fingers ran up my thigh toward my crotch. "Oh God, oh God." The backs of his fingers brushed over my erection and I lost it. Grunting, I clenched my eyes and thrust my hips toward his hand, my cock pulsing and emptying in my jeans.

"Fucking hot," he whispered before kissing me fiercely as my climax overcame me. My body convulsed on his lap while my load warmed my pants. I couldn't stop my hips from jerking forward a few more times until the last of my cum was coating my briefs.

"I just jizzed in my pants," I chuckled.

"I was going to jerk you off but you were too quick," he smiled, brushing the hair that fallen in my face back. "I love it when you lose control."

"I hadn't planned on that," I confessed. "I thought we might talk more instead."

"Speaking of, I've got something I need to show you."

"Oh oh," I sighed, lifting my head.

"It's not bad, I promise." Trusting him, I sat back a little and let him reach into his bag. When he pulled his hand out, he had his phone in hand and he was tapping the screen, but before he showed me what it was, he looked at me. "I lied earlier. I didn't do my homework today because I was online."

"Okay," I said tentatively. Had he found out some bad news?

"I was online researching."

"SCIs?"

"No." He shook his head. "OSU," he said quietly, hesitantly, knowing my reaction.

Lulling my head back, I closed my eyes and groaned. "Why?"

"Love, look what I found," he said and then tapped his phone and a video on You Tube started. It was of a track meet. "This is the Olympic trials a few years ago."

Putting my temple to his, I kept my hand around his neck, my fingers still buried in his hair at his nape, letting the silky pieces fall through before doing it again.

Curious, I watched and listened. The announcer named all the runners as they prepared in their lanes. They were bouncing up and down with energy and nerves. I knew the feeling well. Finally, they stilled and the gun went off. They all shot forward, staying in their lanes until after the first turn when they all moved to the inside. I watched the front runners, but it was one in the back that caught my attention. He was shorter than the typical middle distance runner, and had an all American look about him. Behind him, in last place, was a tall lanky runner who didn't look like he had a chance, although he never fell far behind. They finished the first lap in a pretty tight group, and as a whole they sped up.

"Look at that guy," Edward said, pointing the one I'd been watching.

Out of nowhere, he found a hole in the crowd and worked his way through it, then shot to the outside. With a little over a hundred meters left, he sped up, passing everyone like they had stopped. Right behind him was the tall lanky runner. They ran past the field and crossed the finish line first and second. The third place runner had to dive across the line but beat out the runner next to him and the crowd went wild. The top three hugged each other and held up flags and waved to the fans as the announcer said it was an 'Oregon sweep' and those three were now moving onto the Olympic team for the summer games.

"You have to go, Jasper," Edward begged softly. "An Oregon sweep. How can you not want to be a part of this? The history this college has is amazing. They produce Olympic athletes."

"I'm not Olympic quality, baby," I reminded him.

"Maybe not, but you can run and they want you. They believe in you and so do I. You can't pass this up," he implored.

Turning my head so I could see him, I looked into his blurry eyes. "I don't think I can do it without you. I've been trying to imagine it all day and…I just can't."

"Of course you can, you just need to use your mad Whitlock skills," he smiled, dragging a finger down my cheek. "I'm not letting you give this up, Jasper. You are getting the chance that was taken away from me. How can you give that up knowing how much I wanted it?"

Sighing heavily, I closed my eyes, unable to face the pain in his. He was hitting below the belt, but he was also right. "The guilt thing again?"

"I'm not letting you throw away your future for me," he whispered firmly. "You have to go."

"I have to be with you."

"You will be. Just because we at different schools doesn't mean we're not together. Just think of how horny you'll be when we finally see other? Think of the webcam sex we can have, think of the phone sex."

"I want to be able to touch you," I murmured. "I want to sit on your lap and hump you until I come in my pants."

"You will. Just not every day."

I hated he was reasonable. I hated he was right. I hated I was actually considering it.

"I fucking hate you right now," I growled and opened my eyes.

"As long as you love me tomorrow."

Lifting my head, I looked at his leafy green eyes and stained cheeks. "I love you always." I brushed my lips over his a few times before sighing and pulling back. "I'm really scared, babe. I'm scared I won't be good enough. I'm scared of being without you."

"I know, me too. But, Jas, we've got all summer, and I'll only be a phone call away. Can we try? All we need is nine months, then we'll go from there."

Nine months.

Thirty-nine weeks.

Two hundred seventy-three days.

Too many days without Edward, but I could see him on some weekends and vacations. I could call him every day and talk to him all night. My roommate would hate me, but I didn't give a fuck. If my life was going to be four hours from me, then I was going to be in constant contact with him.

"I can all anytime?" I asked with a shaky voice.

"Anytime," he promised. "You can do this, love. You'll meet new people, you'll be running for a college team, you'll have classes and studying. The time fill fly by, you'll see."

"Babe, time will drag without you."

He smiled. "I love you so much, Jas, but please… I need you to do this for me. For us. Take the chance I don't have anymore."

There were so many things I was uncertain about, but my love for Edward wasn't one of them. There wasn't much, if anything, I wouldn't do for him, and if he wanted me to go, if he thought we could do this, then I had to at least be willing to try.

Pressing my lips to his, I cupped his cheek. "I'll do it for us," I breathed into the kiss and I felt his upper body relax at his victory and he deepened the kiss. When I pulled away, I lifted his hand with the phone still in it. "Can I see this again?"

"Sure," he smiled. The video replayed and I watched it closely. After it ended, I looked at Edward.

"Babe?"

"Yeah?"

"They're from University of Oregon, not OSU," I told him, trying to hold back a smile. He looked at the video again.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. That's Andrew Wheating, he ran in the 2008 summer games. He didn't make the final heat, but he's one hell of a fast eight hundred meter runner."

His face fell and he pouted, his full bottom lip sticking out. "My bad. I just saw the Oregon and got all excited."

Shaking my head, I sucked his lush bottom lip in between mine. "I fucking love you."

He tried to mumble, but I kissed away his answer. The cum in my pants had dried before we finally parted from our lazy kisses.

"We're going to be late."

"I'll tell them practice ran late," Edward said, drawing me back in for another round, his tongue tracing the seam of my lips before pushing between them. "God, I love the way you taste."

"You trying to make me come again? Because I think my cock is stuck to my underwear."

His shoulders shook when he laughed. "We should go, huh?"

It was after nine before I finally slid off him and put my shirt back on. Starting the truck, I buckled up and waited until he was settled by my side before backing out and heading for home.

With my boy next to me, I wondered if it was physically possible to survive when your heart was four hours away from your body. Between now and the time we left for school, I was going to spend every second with Edward. "All You Need is Love" began playing and Edward started to hum along.

I hoped The Beatles were right. I hoped all we needed was love.

Because we definitely had that.

"**~~**"

I had just flopped onto my bed, my eyes closing before I could even think about opening a book to finish my homework. When I'd dropped Edward off, I held him a little longer than necessary before putting him in his chair. Before he rolled away, he looked up at me.

"I need a favor."

"I'm already going to OSU, what more can I do," I teased, rolling my eyes.

"You can film me playing the piano tomorrow. I promised Mr. Harter I'd give him some video and it'd be good for me to review it too."

"Sure, I'll be by after practice. I'm sleeping over right?" A wide, crooked smile graced his beautiful face. "I'll be by around five-thirty. I might do an extra mile if I'm up for it. Be safe, baby."

"See ya, love."

Debating on whether or not to skip the whole homework thing, I wondered if not passing it in would be that big a deal. The extra sleep was sounded much better. There was a knock on my door and my mother opened it.

"You're late tonight."

"His practice ran late. Their first game is Saturday," I replied, not even opening my eyes.

"He must be excited."

"He is, he's starting too," I mumbled into my pillow.

"That's great. Anything else going on?"

She was about as subtle as an elephant. Sighing, I rolled onto my side and pried my eyes open. "You mean have I decided?"

"At least thought about it?" she asked hopefully.

"Yeah. I have," I sighed, thinking of being away from my boy, and what I was doing because he couldn't.

_You can't give up this scholarship for me. I won't let you. _

_I also think that you will make an amazing PT or researcher._

_I want to dance with you again._

_You have to go._

_I need you to do this for me. For us. Take the chance I don't have anymore._

"I'm going to take it."

_For Edward._

Her grin was quick and wide and really fucking relieved. "Are you sure? Have you talked to Edward about it?"

"He's the one telling me to go. Said he might be able to transfer there next year."

"I'm sure he could. Do they have music?"

"I don't know, I haven't looked. I assume so."

"If you want to sign the papers tomorrow, I'll send them back for you."

"Okay."

"I'm proud of you, Jasper. Not only for getting in and the scholarship, but for going. I know it's not where you want to be, but I think you'll see it will work out."

"I hope so," I mumbled.

"How about fundraising? Any luck?"

"With the nurses' association and the places I hit Monday, I've got a little over three thousand. I'm going to go more places this weekend."

"Good start," she smiled.

"Thanks. I've got homework I need to get done so…"

"I'll see you tomorrow. Night."

"Night."

She left and I rolled onto my back, digging out my phone from my pocket. Typing, I sent Edward a message.

_Sweet dreams, my beautiful boy._

He replied a few seconds later. _Only if they are of you. Love you_

"Fuck it," I growled, hitting his number.

"I knew you'd call," he said as he picked up.

"What can I say, you're irresistible," I yawned. "Are you doing homework?"

"Nope. Too tired."

"Me too. Sleep with me?"

"Always." I undressed while he waited and then climbed into bed, snuggling under the covers with the phone to my ear. Our talking gradually faded into yawns and eventually sleepy breaths.

"**~~**"

"So what time are we leaving tomorrow," Bella asked as she sat down next to Edward at the lunch table the next day. He glanced at me with apologetic eyes before answering. Without me telling him, he knew I wasn't happy he'd offered for Bella to go with us. Not only did it mean she would ride up with us, probably in between us, but she'd be sitting with me on the bleachers and I'd have to entertain her and answer all her questions.

"Game is at noon, I need to be there by eleven, so probably around ten." He looked at me for confirmation and I nodded.

"Perfect. I'll be ready to go by then."

"Are you working?" Edward asked me.

"No, I took the weekend off. I do need to run though." Yawning, I put my head down on my folded arms and watched Newton come over, followed closely by Eric and Angela. The conversation quickly turned to an upcoming physics test and my eyes started to close. Just as I was about to drift off, I felt Edward's hand on my thigh, his thumb rubbing back and forth. Too tired to lift my head, I pried my eyes open and gave him a lazy smile. His caress was soothing and could have easily put me to sleep. When I tore my eyes from his, I found Newton making faces at a bad joke Angela was telling and Eric listening intently like a good boyfriend. Then my glance went to Bella. She wasn't paying attention to Newton or Eric or Angela.

Her eyes were darting between Edward and me.

Furrowing my brows, I closed my eyes again.

Edward never stopped touching me.

The rest of the day went slowly, but I was finally running around the track. I ran an extra half mile at the end, putting in over six miles before I was changing in the locker room, eager to get to Edward's.

I kept telling myself I was eager because I hadn't seen him in a few hours, but it was really curiosity. I wanted to see if Riley was really there. But first, I had to run by my house and pick up the forms I needed to sign. Pulling into my driveway, I went inside and up to my room. I tossed in some clothes for that night and the next day into my duffel bag before grabbing the papers I needed from OSU. Before I left, I picked up "Phantom Menace" because you never know when the urge to watch might strike. Jogging down the stairs, I went into the kitchen to get something to eat. After making a Fluffernutter sandwich, I turned and saw the mail sitting on the table. My heart stopped when I saw the envelope on the top.

University of Washington.

Swallowing, I picked it up, wondering if I could tell what it was just from holding it. Chewing on my lip, I tossed it into my bag. I couldn't open it. Not then. Not without Edward.

My heart was still racing when I pulled up in front of Edward's and saw a gray van parked on the curb. Pulling up behind it, I shifted into park and looked up to find Riley and Edward in the driveway. There were some small orange cones on the ground and Edward was dribbling around them while Riley watched him with a smile. The second my eyes fell on my boy, my heart immediately slowed to its normal pace. There was nothing different about him. He was dressed in some jeans and a tee shirt, his hair was messy and his eyes were focused on the ball, but just knowing he was near, he was there, was enough to reset the rhythm of my heart. No matter what was in that envelope, he and I were still the same. If it was a no, then the decision to go to OSU was made for me. If it was an acceptance, then Edward and I had some talking to do.

Leaving my stuff in the truck, I got out and headed up the driveway. Edward stopped dribbling and smiled at me.

"Hey,"

"Hey," I said to him first, but then looked at Riley. "Hey, Riley, how's it going?"

"Pretty good, thanks. Just telling Edward he's worried about nothing, but he's not listening."

"Welcome to my world," I mumbled under my breath but they both heard me. Laughing, Riley threw his head back, his hair falling perfectly back into place. The guy could have done shampoo ads or something. Bright, perfect teeth flashed between his lips as he grinned. Like Edward, he was dressed in jeans and a tee shirt that stretched tightly across his wide chest and shoulders. Having seen him shirtless, I knew exactly what kind of body was under his clothes. He was tall too, probably close to my height if not an inch taller. No wonder he'd been a post player.

"No ganging up on the guy in a wheelchair," Edward pouted. "Hey, lo-Jasper, will you rebound for us?"

He had caught himself before he said it, but my eyes went to Riley to see if he noticed. Seeming oblivious to Edward's almost slip, Riley rocked his chair back and forth and smiling.

Always fucking smiling.

Like the cat that ate the canary or some shit.

"Sure," I replied and walked between them toward the hoop. Riley turned his chair and grabbed the ball from Edward's lap with a wink.

"Let's run Texas to the left," he said, backing up. I waited under the hoop while they ran the play and Riley took the shot, missing by inches. Snatching the ball, I passed it back to him and they ran it again. I rebounded for them both, grinning when my boy made his shots and complimenting Riley when he made his. For almost an hour, they ran some plays while I watched and rebounded. Riley smiled and laughed the entire time, but he never stopped talking about basketball and the other team. By the end, Edward seemed more comfortable and was returning Riley's smiles. My eyes may have strayed to Riley's arms a few times, his biceps straining against the sleeve of his tee shirt, his forearms tan and sinewy.

Edward's movements were much more fluid than before. Time had given him the chance to grow comfortable in the chair. Riley still owned him in the dribbling and quick turning, but Edward was catching up. My cock remained semi-hard the entire time, pressing against my briefs as Edward blocked shots and made baskets. If Riley hadn't been there, I would have dragged Edward to him room a long time ago.

"C'mon on, Cullen, you can make that shot," Riley teased with a shake of his head as Edward tried to shoot around Riley's long outstretched arms. Pushing back, Edward quickly reached up and shot, making the basket. "Told ya."

He wheeled his chair forward and high-fived my boy. It was a simple team bonding move, one I'd done a hundred times, but I still narrowed my eyes in warning at Riley.

And thought maybe I should have marked Edward the night before.

Mrs. Cullen came home and Edward introduced her to Riley. He was a perfect gentleman, shaking her hand and calling her 'ma'am.' She invited him to stay for dinner, but he said he had to get home. As she walked by me, she said, "I've got one of your favorites tonight, Jasper."

"You staying for dinner?" Riley asked me.

Edward snorted, "He practically lives here."

Riley laughed and looked at me. "Can't pass up free food, huh?"

Beaming, I nodded to them both. "The Cullens will start charging me rent soon."

Riley chuckled and tossed the ball to Edward. "One last time."

It was actually three more times before Edward felt comfortable enough with the plays they had. He took the last shot, swishing the ball before tossing it on the garage.

"So what do you say, Cullen? You ready for tomorrow?" Riley asked as he pulled his chair up to Edward's.

Edward furrowed his brows as he thought. "I've got the plays down, it's dribbling I'm still worried about."

"You'll be fine. This team won't press and you pass so well they won't have a chance to get on you for a steal."

"I hope you're right," Edward sighed.

"I am," Riley answered confidently. "I should probably go. The roommate will wonder where I am. I'll see you tomorrow at the game."

"Thanks for coming over, it helped a lot," Edward said, holding his fist out. Riley bumped it, and of course, fucking smiled.

"Anytime. See ya, Jasper," he glanced at me. "Thanks for rebounding."

"Anytime," I quoted. "See you tomorrow."

"Bye, guys," Riley said as he spun the chair. Edward and I watched him get into the side of his van with the electric lift.

"Pretty fucking cool," I muttered and Edward nodded. Riley pulled away with one last wave and Edward tilted his head back and looked up at me. Sweat beaded on his forward and his damp hair was gathered in clumps. I really wanted to kiss him.

"Ready to film?"

"Let me get my stuff from the truck. I'll meet you inside."

Nodding, he went to the garage door and closed it as I headed for the truck. After grabbing my duffel bag, I went inside and found Edward in the kitchen with his mother.

"Dinner will be ready in about half and hour," she announced just as I walked in. "Spaghetti and meatballs."

"Garlic bread?" I asked hopefully.

"Of course," she replied. Edward opened the refrigerator and took out two sodas.

"Mom, we're going to get some stuff done, call us when it's ready."

"Sure."

I followed Edward to his room and watched as he went to his desk and grabbed his phone. I sat on his bed and he handed it to me.

"What's this for?"

"To film."

"You want me to record you on your phone?"

"Yeah. It's much easier to email it to him. I can upload it to You Tube and send him a link if I need to. The quality should be fine. I need it to be about eight minutes."

"Wow, he's rather specific on his time, huh?"

Edward shrugged and then suddenly pulled his shirt over his head. The phone fell from my hand to the bed as I watched him bend over and get a new shirt. The muscles in his back, tight from playing with Riley, bunched under his skin. My eyes traveled over his shoulders down his spin to the scar at the base and then out toward his slim waist and back up his sides.

"Stop drooling," he chuckled with his back to me.

"Not a chance." Glancing at me over his shoulder, he winked and shoved his arms through the sleeves of a blue button down shirt. When he turned his chair, I could see his chest. I might have moaned. Loudly. "Kind of formal for Mr. Harter, isn't it?"

"Just want to look presentable in case he shows it to someone else."

Tilting my head, I watched as he gradually covered up his body button by button. "You definitely look presentable." Lifting his head, he smiled at me and finished doing up his shirt.

"Does my hair look okay?"

Growing more suspicious, I nodded. "Perfect."

He ran his fingers through it a few times anyway and asked if I was ready. I nodded and followed him down the hall to the living room where his piano sat in the corner. It was more squished than usual with Dr. Cullen's desks and the dining room table, but he was able to pull up to the bench and transfer over to it.

"Where do you want me?"

He looked around before pointing to a spot a few feet away. "Can you start there and maybe pan around a little? Not the back, just the side and front. Zoom in on my hands a few times."

"Okay."

"Let me warm up for a minute though," he said just as his fingers touched the keys. Sitting on the arm of the couch, I watched in awe as he immediately lost himself in the music. His eyes focused on his hands as they floated over the keys, barely pressing one before moving to another. I could see his long fingers working to reach the notes, the veins in his hands bulging at the effort. I didn't know much classical music, but he was playing one I did recognize. It was one he played often.

Claire de Lune.

There was no sheet music in front of him, he played strictly from memory. His body remained still with the quiet melody, except for his tongue peeking out between his lips in concentration. I felt someone in the room with us and turned to find his mother standing in the doorway watching Edward. There was a look of pride on her face. I saw the way he became one with the music, how he brought it to life was feeling was amazing and powerful.

Edward loved basketball, but music…music was his life.

Without telling him, I lifted his phone and started to film. His eyes crested with the emotions of the highs and lows of the song. Standing, I slowly moved around toward the front and watched his body sway slightly from side to side as the notes grew in strength. His mother was still watching as Edward reached the end of the song, hitting the last few notes softly and letting them fade away. With a sigh, he looked up at me and I hit pause.

"That was beautiful," his mother smiled. "It's so nice to hear you playing again."

Edward turned toward her. "You're going to hear it more because I think I've got a job teaching piano this summer to some kids."

"Really?"

"Mr. Harter can't do it and he asked me to take his place and I said yes," Edward told her and her smile only got bigger.

"That's wonderful." The oven beeped from the kitchen and she turned and went back to dinner.

"Ready for more?" he asked me as he dramatically stuck his hands out and wiggled his fingers over the keys.

"Always." I winked and held the phone up and hit record. I had assumed his next song would be another classical one, but it wasn't. The first few notes hit me and I gasped.

What it was and what he did took my breath away.

Even though it was our song, Edward rarely played it on the piano, and even rarer was to hear him sing it while he played. When we sang in the car for fun, Edward's voice was in tune and simple, but with the strong notes of the piano around him, his voice took on a deep husky quality that easily competed with Paul's. My heart raced as I tried to keep the phone still in my shaking hand as Edward played and sang our song. No longer still, his upper body swayed side to side, his eyes rarely leaving the motion of his hands.

I loved watching Edward play basketball, getting sweaty, making shots, commanding his team, but nothing he ever did on the court could rival how incredible and beautiful and fucking hot he was playing the piano and singing our song.

To me.

Pulling myself out of shock, I remembered to walk around, holding the phone as steady as I could as I moved to his side and zoomed in on his hands for a few seconds before pulling back out and getting his entire body. Moving toward the side of the piano again, I kept recording. Lifting his eyes from his hands on the keys, he looked at me, into me, as he sang the last verse.

_Maybe I'm amazed at the way you're with me all the time  
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I leave you  
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you help me sing my song  
Right me when I'm wrong  
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you_

I was amazed. At every fucking single thing he did, I was amazed. There was no maybe about it. It was scary, it was comforting, it was wrong and so very right, and I never wanted to feel anything else. That last verse had never meant more to us than it did then, when we were faced with parting in a few months.

Nodding his head to the beat, he finished the song, letting the final notes drift away. I hit pause and glanced at the doorway to make sure we were alone. Walking to the bench, I sat down next to him and kissed his cheek.

"That was beautiful, baby," I whispered for his ears only.

"Yeah?" He leaned into me. Not obvious to anyone that might walk in, but I felt his weight pressing warmly against my arm.

"The way you sang it was…I didn't realize you could sing that well."

He shrugged. "Some songs. That happens to be one of them. Did you film it?"

"Yeah. I got some of Claire de Lune and all of that, but," I whispered in his ear, "babe, if anyone sees it, they're going to know."

"Know what?"

"That you were singing it for whoever was filming. The way you looked at me…"

"Is that a bad thing?" he asked, chewing on his lower lip.

"Not to me."

"Then me either," he said with a short nod. "I think we should get one more. I'll do some Chopin. Maybe some Nocturne Op. Nine Number Two?"

"Sure," I agreed. It sounded like a foreign language to me. Standing, I took my position and began to film him playing. Music filled the air and I just melted.

My talented boy owned me.

After that song, he seamlessly continued into the music he had composed for me and I just kept filming, trying to alternate between his hands and wider shots. When he was done, he exhaled a breath and then looked up at me and gave me the widest smile I'd seen on him in a long time.

It was free.

It was full of life and the joy of rediscovery, like a part of him had woken after being dormant. The emotion from his music remained in his eyes, skittering along the edges of his love for me, which shone almost as brightly.

Yeah, there was no doubt about how he felt about the person that was holding the camera. He was just as owned.

I hit pause and lowered the phone. "How was that?" he asked quietly.

"Fucking perfect," I sighed. "You're amazing." Blushing, he closed the cover and scooted along the bench to transfer to his chair. "What now?"

"Now I need to go upload it," he said as he spun his chair and headed for his room. I followed closely, inhaling the scent of dinner from the kitchen as we passed. In his room, Edward took the phone and connected it to his computer to transfer the file. I lay across his bed behind him. "Want to watch?"

I nodded eagerly. He hit play and we sat and watched him play and sing, laughing at the occasional shaky camera work. When it finished, he turned his chair a little.

"You're right, they will know."

"Do you want to redo it?" I asked, sitting up.

He shook his head, a small smile gracing his lips as he leaned forward and put those delicious lips at my ear. "No," he breathed warmly over my ear. A shiver went through my entire body, even my toes tingled.

"You sure?" I choked out, not sure if he realized what he was saying. If someone saw that video, if they knew I filmed it, he would be outing himself.

"Yeah, I'm sure, love." He turned back to the computer. "But I need to edit out Clair de Lune." I rolled onto my side and propped myself up with my elbow as Edward ran the program and edited the video. A few minutes later, he was done. "It's a lot longer than I thought, should I cut out more?"

"No," I snapped. "Don't you dare. The more he hears, the better."

Agreeing, he saved the file and then opened up You Tube and uploaded it. Then he emailed the link to Mr. Harter and closed everything out.

"Babe?"

"Yeah?" He turned his chair to face me.

"What's going on?"

Edward knew me. He knew when my phone calls masked as help for homework were really to check on him, and while I knew he knew, he never called me on it. He let me get away with it, even went along with it. Well, I knew him just as well, and there was something else going on besides music lessons.

Sucking his bottom lip between his teeth, he glanced at his half open door then back to me. "When I talked to Mr. Harter the other day, he asked what I was going to college for and I told him to be a music teacher. He mentioned that the music department has a scholarship for students majoring in music. It's not very much, only about four thousand, but it's better than nothing. I checked into it and they need a video of the applicant playing their instrument or singing."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

He shrugged. "I didn't want you to get your hopes up that I would automatically get it. There are some good musicians at our school."

"Good, sure. But you're the only one that is amazing, incredible, and talented beyond words."

"We'll see what the committee thinks. It's up to them. I've got a paper I need to fill out for it too, maybe we can do that after dinner?"

My eyes immediately dropped from his to a spot on his blanket. With my free hand, I picked at imaginary lint while avoiding his eyes.

"Jasper?"

The whole knowing each other too well fucking sucked sometimes.

Sighing, I looked up at him. "I have a paper to sign too."

"Boys, dinner," his mother called from the kitchen.

"We'll talk after dinner," Edward promised as he backed his chair away from the desk.

Nodding, I climbed off the bed and followed him to the dining room table. I helped his mother carry in a large bowl of pasta and then took my seat across from Edward. Under the table, my foot rested against his. Alice bounded down the stairs and sat down, giving me a smile.

"Jasper, what a surprise," she smirked. I was about to reply when Dr. Cullen walked through the door.

"Just in time," Mrs. Cullen said, serving him as he sat down and greeted us all.

Dinner was full of conversation, mostly Alice catching us all up on the last bit of gossip at school that none of us really needed to know. I twirled my fork and ate my spaghetti and garlic bread, moaning when I bit into and making Mrs. Cullen blush when I told her she made the best garlic bread I'd ever had.

"How is the race going, Jasper?" Dr. Cullen asked as he sipped his wine.

"Pretty good," I mumbled around a meatball. "Training is going okay. I've got three weeks left and I'm up to six miles and I have a little over three thousand for donations."

He almost spit his wine out. "Excuse me?"

"Three thousand so far," I repeated hesitantly.

"I'm impressed, Jasper. That's great."

"I hoped to have more by now, but I've been busy and haven't had much time to go to many places yet."

"Do you have anything for people to fill out? I can bring it to the hospital if you want, hit up some my colleagues."

"Yeah? That'd be awesome. I've got a flyer and stuff but it's at home. I can bring it over this weekend though."

"Sure, no rush."

When we were finished, I helped clear the table and then followed Edward. But instead of going into his room, he went into the dining room. I closed the door behind me and wiggled my eyebrows at him.

"We gonna work out?" I asked hopefully. Anything to see Edward shirtless and sweaty. "You gonna get sweaty for me?"

He shook his head. "Not exactly. I was going to show you those exercises that Emmett showed me on Monday."

"Oh," I said, slightly disappointed. Chuckling, he began to describe the exercises to me and then had me do them. Some were ones I already knew but Emmett had put a different twist on them.

"Don't you dare," I warned when Edward went to the CD player. Holding my stare, he defiantly hit play and "Everybody's Working for the Weekend" began. I desperately tried not to laugh but Edward started bopping his head to the beat and I couldn't help it. The same boy that had played the most emotional and incredible classical music only an hour earlier was now dancing to Loverboy.

Then he played the air drums and began singing.

I was a goner.

My sides ached from laughing and my stomach twisted with the enormous amount of spaghetti in it. He didn't care, dressed in his button down shirt he kept waving his hands, shaking his head back and forth. The weights I'd been using ended up on the floor as I fell forward on to a bench, my arm going around my middle to ease the cramps I was getting. When a Michael Jackson came on, Edward began singing in a hitch pitched voice and pushing his chair backwards.

"Hey, Jas, look I'm moon walking," he giggled.

It was moments like this I loved him the most.

I loved when we were physical, I loved that he knew me so well, sometimes, I loved that he would give me anything, but it was the simple things, like holding his hand and doing homework and singing stupid songs, I loved the most.

I remembered the first time I had realized I was in love with him. About a month after we started dating, I knew I cared deeply for him but I hadn't named it love until one day when he was driving us in his car. I don't remember where we were going, but the music was playing, the windows were down, and my arm was sticking out, waving up and down as it rode the wind. Edward was laughing at something I said and had reached over to put his hand on my lap. I covered his hand with mine own, smiling when his turned up and he laced our fingers. It was a simple gesture, but it screamed of intimacy.

Suddenly, he slammed on the breaks, brining the car to a screeching halt. I lurched forward a little and looked at Edward to find him slightly breathless. Shifting into park, he opened his door and got out.

"Edward, what the…" I trailed off. He couldn't hear me anyway as he walked to the front of the Volvo and crouched down. Curious, I undid my seatbelt and leaned forward but could barely see the top of his head. Just as I went to open my door, he stood up with a grin on his face.

In his hands was a turtle.

Edward had slammed on his breaks and left a few feet of rubber treads to avoid hitting a turtle.

Proud of himself, he carried the turtle to my window. "Can you move the car to the side of the road?"

Sliding into his seat, I shifted into drive and pulled the car over, then got out. "We need to find a place to set Tommy free."

"Tommy?"

"Tommy the turtle," he clarified as if I was the crazy one for not knowing the turtle's name. Glancing around us, he motioned to a ditch across the street. "I think there's a stream over there." After checking for traffic, he headed in that direction and I followed him as he marched down the hill. Sure enough, there was a small stream at the bottom of it, complete with bubbling water and rocks.

"Do you want to say goodbye?" he asked me, holding the turtle up to me. It didn't seem to be very afraid. It's head and legs were out, his little feet searching in vain for some solid ground. Reaching out, I patted its head with my finger.

"Bye, Tommy."

Smiling, Edward held the turtle up to his face. "No more crossing the street. Not everyone stops." Then he gently placed Tommy in the water and watched as Tommy very slowly made his way toward a rock.

It was then that I knew that I loved Edward.

It was probably a stupid moment to realize such a life altering emotion, but it was then that I really saw his generous heart, his protective nature, and his love of life. All things that helped make him the boy that my heart yearned for. Still standing by the brook, he stood and turned toward me all satisfied and shit with that crooked smile that took my breath away. I didn't know how he did it, but he immediately saw the change in me and his head tilted as he eyed me.

"Jas?" he prompted when I hadn't moved. "You okay?"

I held his gaze for a few long seconds, debating on telling him what I'd discovered. But our relationship was so new, and while the realization wasn't exactly a surprise to me, it might be to him. He might not be ready to hear that another boy was in love with him. There was a difference between sucking a boy's cock and having him say he loves you. One was sex, the other was commitment.

Exhaling a long breath, I nodded and answered with a racing heart. "Yeah. Never better."

It was the fucking truth.

Then there were all the times when he just fucking let loose and his hidden child came out to play. Edward was smart and talented but he was just a kid. We both were. And sometimes it was easy to forget that with all the shit we had going on. It was nice when Edward acted like the teenager he was, and of course, I never hesitated to join him.

That was exactly what I did when the next song began.

In his chair, Edward swayed his shoulders back and forth seductively and began to sing while he played his air drums. The leg exercises forgotten, I danced around him, bouncing up and down and spinning in dizzying circles. Stopping in front of him, I put my hands on his shoulders and circled my hips. Reaching out, he loosely rested his hands on my hips and followed their movement. Tilting his chin up, he looked at me through his lashes and sang to me.

_Don't drink don't smoke - what do you do?  
Don't drink don't smoke - what do you do?  
Subtle innuendos follow  
There must be something inside_

It wasn't the same way he had sung to me earlier. It wasn't full of love or emotions, it was strictly fun and sexy. It was doing stupid shit like that I was going to miss while we were apart.

"I'll show you what I do later, baby," I murmured to him, thrusting my hips toward him. Leaning forward, he buried his nose in my crotch and I bit my lip to stop the loud moan building in my throat. Pulling back, he gave me a devious wink just as the song ended.

"So you got all those exercises down?"

At first, I was confused, but then I remembered why we were there and I nodded. "Yeah, I'm good."

Back in his room, I closed the door behind me and flopped across his bed, my eyes on Edward as he began to unbutton his shirt.

"Should I take mine off too?"

"I need to change and use the bathroom," he said as he slipped the shirt off his shoulders and down his arms.

"Fuck, baby," I groaned hungrily. Shaking his head, he grabbed a tee shirt and put it on before picking up a kit and leaving for the bathroom. While he was in there, I changed into my Darth Vader pants and Halo tee shirt, keeping my eyes on the area where his supplies were the entire time. "You fucking stay away from him," I growled to the empty corner. "I'll kick your ass if you touch him again."

"You okay?" Edward asked behind me and I jumped, blushing.

"Yeah, just talking to myself," I hoped. He closed the door and pushed over to me, gently bumping his chair into my legs and looking up at me with his woodsy eyes.

"Hey."

And with one word, the mood shifted from the fun of earlier, returning to the heavy seriousness that weighed on us both.

"Hey."

Without asking, I sat on his lap, hanging my legs over the arm of the chair and wrapping one arm around his neck. Leaning forward, I met his lips halfway in a soft lingering kiss. Neither tongue entered the other's mouth, but it was as passionate as any kiss we'd ever had. His free hand searched blindly for mine, finding it and entwining our fingers. When we pulled apart, I left my fingers buried in the hair at the nape of his neck and laid my head on his shoulder, smiling when I heard his heart racing, matching my own.

"You going to tell me what was bothering you before dinner?"

Fuck. He hadn't forgotten.

Kissing my temple, he left his lips there and mumbled, "You can tell me, love."

"I have the papers I need to sign to accept the scholarship in my duffel bag. I couldn't… sign them alone."

"You wanted to give me a chance to change my mind," he assumed correctly.

"You might when I tell you something."

"What?"

Lifting my head, I kissed him. "You know I love you, right? That I would do anything for you?"

"What's going on?"

"When I went home after practice to get my stuff, I saw the mail on the table. There was a letter from UW."

"What did it say?" he swallowed, but his eyes remained steady on mine.

"I didn't open it. I wanted to be with you when I opened it."

He exhaled a long breath. "Then let's open it."

Nodding, I climbed off him and opened my duffle bag, pulling out both letters. I returned to Edward's lap, resuming my position from before. Turning the UW envelope over, I put my thumb under the flap but hesitated and looked at Edward. His green eyes swam with love and certainty.

"You can do it." Chewing on my bottom lip, I slid my thumb across and opened it, slowly pulling out the folded letter. "Go on," he encouraged when I stopped.

Opening the letter, I read it aloud for him.

_Dear Jasper,_

_We are pleased to inform you that after great review of your academic career, we would like to offer you admittance to the University of Washington for the fall of 2011. We are excited you have decided to further your education and know that you will find our university the best choice for you. Enclosed please find the necessary forms to be signed and returned to us to hold your place for the upcoming semester…_

His arms wrapped around me so tightly I felt crushed. "You did it, love," he whispered in my ear. "You got in."

"I got in," I repeated disbelievingly. "Oh my God, I got in."

Suddenly, my future with Edward was back in place and all seemed right with the world. Edward kissed me, smashing his lips to mine. Unlike before, it wasn't a tender kiss, it was a bruising and powerful release of emotions. Clutching his hair with my hand, the letter fell to my lap and I concentrated on the congratulatory kiss. Gasping, he tore his lips away.

"Does it say anything about financial aid or a scholarship?" Picking the letter back, up, I skimmed it. Then I flipped to the other two pages included in it. When I looked back at Edward, his question had been answered. "Fuck," he sighed sadly.

"It's okay. It's only twenty-four thousand. I'm sure I'll get some grants and I can get loans and stuff."

"No."

It was only one word, but it was firm and definite and left no doubt.

Frowning, I glared at him, but he shook his head. "Not this again. Edward, I got in. We can live together."

"You will have to pay and you won't be running," he reminded me.

"Schematics," I countered. "I'm sure they have a running club I could do. As for paying, loans aren't a big deal, I'll be able to-"

He clamped his hand over my mouth. "Jasper, I can't do it. I won't let you give up OSU. If you had gotten a scholarship to UW and could run for them, sure, but not like this. You have to go to OSU."

Unable to speak, I looked into his eyes and watched them get blurry as a tear slid from my own. Removing his hand, he replaced it with his mouth as he brushed his lips over mine.

"I love you so fucking much, Jasper. You've got no idea how much. You need to do this for you, for me and for us. Please. I'm not very strong and the more times you offer to go to UW the more likely I am to agree, and I don't want to. I want to go on You Tube and watch my boy running for a college and brag to everyone that you're mine."

"I'm yours," I mumbled.

"Even if you're at a different college, you're still mine. It's awesome you got into UW, but, love, UW isn't your dream, running is."

"You still don't want me to go to UW," I sighed. I had thought if I had gotten in, if he had just seen it in writing, the images of our future together at college would have changed his mind, but I'd been wrong. He was still telling me to take the scholarship. To live four hours from him. If only he hadn't found that fucking letter, I could have gone to UW and he never would have known about OSU.

"Where are the papers?"

He didn't have to specify which ones, I knew what he meant. Putting the UW letter on his bed, I revealed the OSU envelope under it. I pulled the letter out, along with the form behind it. It was a simple form, basically saying I accept and agree to the terms of their offer for admission and the full scholarship. At the bottom was a line for me to sign and date. Edward read it and smiled.

"I'm so fucking proud of you." Letting me go, he moved his hands to the wheels and backed his chair up. Pushing us both over to this desk, he reached around me and snagged a pen and a book, handing both to me. Taking them, I put the letter on the book and held the pen over the line.

But before I signed, I looked at him.

He was so beautiful, so fucking perfect. I couldn't imagine not waking up to his face every day like we'd planned for the past two years. I didn't want to wake up with some strange roommate, I wanted Edward. Staring into his eyes, I searched for any doubt to what he was suggesting we do. There was none. This was what he wanted.

"I'm sure," he whispered, taking my free hand into his. "This is the right thing."

I hoped he was right.

I looked down at the paper and with a shaky hand, I signed away the next four years of my life to OSU. Once they received it, I would be officially enrolled.

As I finished writing the date, Edward's lips met mine in a tender kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too," I sighed. I put the pen and book back on the desk and then folded up the letter and put it back into the envelope. Edward wheeled us back my duffle bag and I put it inside. Then he reached for the UW letter, reading it over once more before folding up our dream of living together and putting it in the envelope and handing it to me for me to put away.

"Let's get into bed and we can do my scholarship application," he suggested.

"Ya know you say all those words but I didn't hear anything after 'bed'."

He rolled his beautiful eyes and shoved me off him. Edward gracefully transferred to his bed and lay back. I watched as he undid his jeans and began to work them over his hips and ass and down his thighs. He'd become skilled at it and was quickly tugging them off his feet. Before he could put on his pajamas, I took them from him and kneeled between his legs. Easing his feet through the pant legs, I pulled them up to his knees and paused. Looking up at him, I leaned forward and kissed the inside of his left thigh. When I saw his upper body tremble, I knew he'd felt my lips.

"No more spasms?"

He shook his head. "Not since Monday."

"Have you seen Emmett?"

"Not since Monday," he echoed.

"So you haven't had a massage all week?"

"No." Standing, I leaned over his legs and gripped his thigh, kneading the muscle from hip to knee before doing the same to his other leg. Up on his elbows he watched me. "How do you know how to do that? You've researched it, haven't you?"

"I wanted to know how to take care of you when we lived together."

Kneeling, I moved to his calves and repeated my actions on each one, moving the pajamas out of the way. Both legs done, I pulled his pants up his thighs and then stood and lifted him to get them up over his ass. Once he was dressed, he rolled over onto his stomach. Joining him, I lay down next to him and mimicked his position. Draping his arm over the edge of the bed, he reached for his bag and then pulled out a folded piece of paper, a book and a pen.

For the next half hour, we lay on his bed reviewing the scholarship application. Most of it was pretty forward, but there were some questions we had to think about. Edward answered honestly and when he was finished, I had no idea how anyone could not give him the scholarship. His answer to the question of what music meant to him was enough reason to pay his entire way through college. With my shoulder pressed to his, my foot rubbing his still one, I watched him fill in the questions and offered suggestions when he seemed stuck. When he was done, he folded the papers up and put them back in his bag.

"I'll give those in to Mr. Harter on Monday," he said, turning onto his side facing me. Before he could resist, I pushed him onto his back and climbed on top of him. He smiled as I took his hands in mine and pulled them above his head so we were completely pressed together.

"Hey."

The same word from earlier but with the lust growing in his eyes and the raspy quality to his voice, it took on a whole new meaning.

"Hey," I purred, dipping my head to run my nose along his cheek.

"Mmm," he moaned and angled his head to give me more room. I inhaled his scent, kissed his eyelids, nibbled his earlobe, and sucked gently on his neck. "Jas?" he warned when he felt me getting too ambitious with the sensitive skin.

"What?"

"What are you doing?" His fingers tightened in mine and his thumb ran over the back of my hand.

"Having desert."

Even without looking I knew he was smiling. "Taste good?"

"Delicious. Sweet, salty, mmm mmm good."

"Dork."

"Your dork."

"Love?"

Sighing, I lifted my head and looked at him. "Babe, you're making the whole seduction thing I've got going on here difficult with all the talking."

"Sorry, I was just going to ask if you minded Riley here today."

"No," I answered immediately, "but I do wonder why he's always smiling." Edward's chuckle vibrated through his chest and into mine. "I mean no one is that happy all the fucking time…and…"

"And?"

"What's with his Justin Bieber hair?" His chuckling turned to laughter and he shook us both.

"Jealous? Wish you had hair like that?"

"Maybe. Think I should cut mine like that?" I teased, knowing what his answer would be.

"NO! You're not touching a hair on your head. It's so silky and amazing."

"You know what else of mine is silky and amazing?" I nudged his jaw with my nose so I could resume my work on his neck. I kept writhing on him, rubbing our clothed cocks along each other. Mine was throbbing and Edward's stirred.

"What?"

"My cock," I replied, grinding it into him for effect even if he couldn't feel it.

"I hate having a boyfriend with such low self-esteem," he moaned as I neared the skin under his ear. "Oh Jesus."

Putting my lips at his ear, I whispered, "I want you to suck me."

"Then put your dick in my mouth," he murmured. If I hadn't already been hard, I would have been with those words.

"Jesus, Edward," I groaned and released his arms. Rolling off him, I pulled my shirt over my head and dropped it on the bed. Pressing my shoulders into the mattress, I raised my hips and slid my pants and briefs down my legs, kicking them off my feet. Naked, I turned back to Edward, pleased when he grabbed me and pulled me back on him. Using his strength, he moved me up his body until his mouth latched onto a nipple. "Oh, fuck."

I arched into his touch, my head dropping and hair falling in front of my eyes, blocking my view of him. After that nipple was a wet, pebbled nub, he moved to the other one, lavishing it with the same attention. I tried to stay still for him, but my hips rocked into him anyway. His hands spanned my ribcage as he easily held me above him.

"I want to try something different," he said as he released me.

"Anything," I squeaked. With an open palm, he spanked the flesh of my ass and I jumped.

"Turn around," he directed. Edward's head was the edge of the bed and when I turned and straddled his head with my knees on either side of him, my cock lined up perfectly with his mouth. Falling forward, I braced my hands by his hips on the mattress. If lowered myself, Edward's cock would be within reach of my mouth. Taking a deep breath, he inhaled my musky scent. "I love how you smell when you're turned on."

"Suck me, baby, please," I begged.

Ignoring my request, he ran his hands up my legs, then I felt them between my thighs forcing me to slid my knees out further. "Sit on me."

"Oh Jesus, oh fuck," I breathed as I lowered my ass to his face. Strong fingers parted my cheeks and exposed my hole to him. I almost screamed when I felt the wet of his tongue along the inside of my thigh and tracing the puckered skin around my entrance. "Yeah, fuck, yeah. "

Warm, moist breaths coated my flesh, fingers pried at my hole, spreading me until he was able to insert the tip of his tongue. I became lightheaded as pleasure surged through me, igniting every nerve in my body. My cock, swollen with need, ached and twitched every time his tongue explored more. Just when I thought I might collapse on him and grind my ass into his face, I felt his tongue dancing along the skin behind my balls, leaving a slick trail as it made its way to my sac. Heavy with cum, my balls hung low, waiting to be lavished. His tongue began to trace the soft, wrinkled skin and I just about came undone. He slurped one ball into his mouth, sucking so hard I thought I might burst and explode all over his chest. Throaty, gravelly streams of obscenities and begging fell from my lips as he released one ball and moved to the other, paying it the same attention and sucking it between his lips. His fingers never stopped playing with my hole, one was constantly pressing against the entrance waiting for the moment to slip inside.

I began to beg for that too.

A string of precum dripped from my slit to his chest, tethering us together in the most fragile of ways as he licked and nibbled his way over my balls.

"Babe, much more and I'm gonna come. I can't…" I couldn't even finish the sentence. He scooted down the bed a few inches until his mouth was level with my cock. The talented tongue that had already sent me to the edge ran along the bottom of my length, outlining the veins there with the tip before following with the rough flat of it. Reaching up, he took my cock by the base and directed it into his mouth and I fell apart.

Suddenly there was something in his mouth besides my cock. Realizing it was his finger, and what he planned to do with it, I groaned loudly. He scolded me, but it was muffled by my erection in his mouth. I was only dimly aware that I was naked and straddling Edward's face with my cock in his mouth. Getting caught was the last thing on my mind even though I hadn't moved the table in front of his door like we usually did.

"Sorry, can't help it," I hissed through clenched teeth. His finger left his mouth and returned my hole, immediately easing inside. "Oh fuck, babe, babe…fuck…."

I babbled, I gasped, I swayed back and forth and began to fuck his sweet mouth with shallow pumps. Timing the thrusts of his finger with those of my hips, he used other hand and spread my cheeks. He inserted his finger until it met the resistance of the tight ring of muscle. I wanted to relax, to let him in further but my body was humming with the need to come, every muscle tense and waiting. Overwhelmed by the sucking of his mouth on my cock and his finger in my ass, I panted for breath and screwed my eyes shut. There was no rhythm to my movements, my hips were erratic, my breaths labored, and all I could think of was more, I wanted more. Pleading to both come and not at the same time, sweat beaded on my forehead and I licked my lips before biting down hard on my bottom one when his finger plunged deeper. The tip barely brushed over my prostate, but it was enough to hurl me into euphoria.

"C'ming," I barely warned him with a gasp as my body jerked forward, sinking my cock deeper into his hot, tight throat. His middle finger remained in me, tickling my gland with teasing touches as my cock swelled and released cum into his mouth. Edward swallowed around me, drinking every burst shot from me and then milking me after. My strangled cries were stifled when I fell forward and buried my face in his cock. Rocketing through me, my orgasm was extended by Edward's finger inside me, stroking me deeply enough to keep my body on that heightened plateau for a long minute. The shudders that wrecked my body gradually faded to trembling and Edward slowly slid his finger from me. His mouth remained firmly on my cock, still lapping and flicking his tongue over every inch and I wondered if he was trying to get me hard again.

Because in about a minute, I would be.

"Babe," I heaved for breath into his flannel pants. I couldn't help but run my nose along his cock. "Wanna suck you so bad…please."

My cock was released and it fell half hard from his mouth. "I..."

I looked between our bodies, seeing the head of my cock resting against his chin. His eyes were closed. "I know you're scared. How about a lick, just one, I promise." While he debated, I nuzzled him and inhaled the scent of him through his clothing.

"Just one."

Before he'd even finished giving me permission, I had his pants and briefs down over his cock. It was soft and heavy. Darting my tongue out, I flicked it over his head, tasting his flavor for the first time since before the accident. It was delicious as the rest of him. Swirling around the head once, I dipped my tongue into the slit. His hands were on my hips trying to pull me back and I reluctantly let him, tugging his pants back up.

"That cock is mine at the meadow," I reminded him as I lifted one knee and spun around so I was lying next to him.

"You're awfully eager."

"Duh." Turning his chin toward me, I kissed him, meshing my lips to his, seeking out his tongue to tangle with mine. The faint taste of my cum coated his mouth and I moaned when his fingers grazed down my bare back and settled in the dip just above the curve of my ass. Breaking the kiss, I sighed and reached for my clothes. Edward watched me through half lidded eyes as I pulled on my shirt and pants. "I'm going to set my alarm for seven. I need to run tomorrow morning before we go and then I need to shower."

"Can I go with you?"

"You want to run with me?"

He raised a brow.

"You know what I mean," I sighed. He looked away and I forced his eyes back to mine. "Babe?"

He sighed heavily, as if I was dragging the biggest secret out of him. "I'm nervous about tomorrow. I thought going with you might burn off some energy."

"You can certainly come, but why are you still nervous? I thought after Riley…"

"I feel better about the plays, but not my dribbling and shots and not my…not my legs," he finished barely aloud.

"What about your legs?" I glanced down at them.

"I don't want to wear the shorts. I don't want people to see my legs. They're useless anyway."

"Aw, babe, they're not useless. You use them to move from your chair to stuff, you can balance on them pretty good. Their still muscular and firm."

"They are?" he asked, completely surprised.

"Edward, don't you touch yourself at all?"

"No. Other than going to the bathroom, I try to avoid it. I don't want to see me touching myself and not _feel_ me touching myself."

Leaning forward, I kissed him. "Trust me, you're legs are beautiful. Don't be ashamed to show them off tomorrow." Biting his lip, he eyed me to see if I was bullshiting him, but he finally nodded. "Speaking of tomorrow, you know Bella is probably going to ride between us, which means no hand in my lap."

"Yeah, I didn't think of that when I offered the ride to her. She might get suspicious if she saw my hand on your thigh, huh?"

"Yeah, probably a bit," I smiled. "Not that I mind."

"Maybe I'll be distracted with the game enough that it won't be so bad."

"If it gets too bad, tell me. I'll stop and move you next to me. I don't care what she thinks. Okay?"

"Okay," he finally agreed. "We should sleep, huh?"

"Yeah, it's late." After one last kiss, I got off the bed and ran to the bathroom. When I returned, Edward was laying on the pillows, the blanket pulled back in invitation for me. I crawled on and took my position by his side. I glanced over to the corner, a satisfied smirk on my face as I saw nothing but medical supplies. For another night, I was with my boy, protecting him from his personal demon. He kissed my forehead.

"Jas?"

"Mm?"

"I'm proud of you for getting into UW but I'm more proud of you for signing those papers," he yawned. Holding him tighter with my arm over his middle, I kissed his chest, right over his heart. I was nervous about being away from him, but it was nothing compared to the unwavering love that came from him.

"I don't like going without you."

"I know you don't. Love you."

"Love you too, baby."

They were the last words spoken before sleep took us both, catapulting us into our separate slumbers.

_Gasping for breath, I laced my fingers on the back of my head and sucked in deep breaths of air. My lungs stung and my legs burned, but I was on such a high I didn't care. _

"_Great race," the guy next to me said as he walked by mirroring my position. The sun beat down on the track, creating little visible waves of heat to rise from it as the race official came over to gave me my time and record my name and number. _

"_Congratulations," he smiled as he walked off. Once I was released from the race, I jogged across the track, ignoring the protest from my body, and went through the gate. _

_He was there of course, looking fucking sexy as hell in his black OSU tee shirt and jeans. What really turned me on was how sexy he looked in the dark sunglasses that covered his amazing eyes. Tilting his head back, he gave me a dazzling, knee-weakening smile. _

"_Hey, love," he said. There was no whispering or murmuring, no glancing around to make sure were alone. He didn't care if we weren't. We were in public and he was calling me 'love'. "Congratulations."_

"_Thanks," I smiled at him, bringing up the bottom of my tank top to wipe my face. "That guy almost caught me though."_

"_But he didn't," Edward replied. "You have just one more, right?"_

"_Yeah, the fifteen hundred. Why?"_

"_Because you look fucking sexy and I want to take you home and ravish you," he purred and I melted. _

"_Don't you have a test tomorrow?"_

"_I do, but my music history was cancelled today so I went to the library and studied. Tonight, we celebrate your first college track meet. Pizza, Dew, ESPN, and sex. Not necessarily in that order."_

"_Mmm, sounds perfect. Are you going to stay for my next race?"  
_

"_I wouldn't be anywhere else," he said honestly. "Wherever you are…"_

"_Is where I'll be," I finished our phrase. It had started a year earlier when we were dealing with the thought of being at two separate schools. "I've got to see my coach real quick before I warm up. I'll meet you here after the race."_

"_Deal," he nodded. Not bothering to look around us, I curved a hand around his neck and angled his head back as I leaned down and swept my lips over his in an innocent kiss, a promise of the fun naked times later when we were alone in our apartment. Straightening, I licked my lips. "Good luck, love. Kick their asses."_

"_I'll try. See you in about twenty minutes, baby." Winking, I turned and head toward the infield and my teammates. I cheered on a few racers and then warmed up for my own race. Things were more organized than the high school meets I was used to and they moved along smoothly. Time came for the fifteen hundred and I ran it, hearing Edward's cheers all the around the track. I came in a close third behind two upperclassmen from UW and Arizona State. I wasn't pleased with the race, but my coach was thrilled that a freshman held his own with the 'big boys'. _

_As soon as I walked off the track, my baby was there waiting for me. We headed toward the gym together where I changed while Edward waited. A few of my teammates came over and congratulated me and said hi to Edward. They all knew he was my boyfriend and not one of them cared. Once I was in my sweatpants and a tee shirt, we headed across campus toward our little apartment a block away. We laughed and joked along the way. Edward teased me about my last race and I made him carry my duffle bag. _

"_Pack mule," I chuckled. _

"_Dork."_

"_Your dork."_

"_Always," he grinned as we reached the ramp going into our apartment. It was small, it was simple, but there was a bed, kitchen, and bathroom, and most importantly it was handicap accessible for Edward. We spent the night eating pizza, drinking soda, watching ESPN, and then finally going to bed where we made love for hours. _

_It was a perfect life for two boys. It was all I'd ever dreamed of. _

My eyes snapped open and it took a few seconds for them to adjust to the darkness. Excited, I quickly scanned the room, but then I made out Edward's desk and dresser and I sighed. I was in his room in Forks, not our apartment at college.

"You okay?" he mumbled, his voice thick and full of sleep. Lifting my head, I saw his eyes open, their sparkling green visible even in the low light.

"Yeah. Sorry, didn't mean to wake you." I kissed his chin and laid my head back on his chest, running my fingers down his forearm.

It was his turn to sigh. "You didn't. I've been awake for awhile. That must have been some dream. You were twitching and moaning like mad."

"Really?" He nodded. "It was pretty cool…we were at OSU together. At a track meet, then we went home to our apartment."

Under my ear his heart skipped a beat before pounding viciously. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. It was really nice. We were really happy. Why were you awake?" I asked, lifting my head and resting my chin on his chest.

He hesitated and glanced away, his eyes darting to the corner before meeting mine again. When my hand reached his, he grabbed it and threaded our fingers together. "I couldn't sleep."

"Why?"

"Because I'm nervous about tomorrow."

"How come?"

"Because I don't want to fuck up, Jas. Because everyone's going to be watching the new guy. Because I'm used to being a superstar and in the spotlight and handling the pressure and now…I don't want anyone to look at me. What if I fuck up? What if I don't protect the ball and it's stolen from me? They are expecting this amazing outside shooter, but what if none of my shots go in? What if I let them down?" He reeled off in a quiet, shaky voice.

"Babe, that's not going to happen. None of it."

"How do you know that? How can you be sure?" he whispered worriedly.

"Because I know you. You're much better than you think. Even Riley said so."

"I'm not as good as he is."

"No, you're _better_ than he is. He's just been playing longer, he's just more at ease." His chest rose up and deflated with his deep breath and I just stared into his anxious eyes.

"I just wish..."

"What?"

"I don't know. That I had more time? That I wasn't starting? That they didn't know who I was before I was this way?"

My heart clenched for him. There was so much on his weary mind, giving up the dream of us living together next year, pressures of the game, the scholarship he applied for. There wasn't much, if anything, I could do to relieve any of it, but I could try. While I didn't think I had ever felt the amount of pressure he was, there had been many times I had felt unprepared and overwhelmed. It was running that soothed me, and more than once I had been unable to sleep and had climbed out of bed and put on my sneakers. It wasn't until my feet were rhythmically pounding the street that I began to feel better. The fresh air would coat my lungs, clearing my body of all the fears and worries that dragged it down.

Running was my antidote, my therapy. And basketball was Edward's.

Releasing his hand, I pushed myself off him. "Get up."

"What? It's two in the morning." He furrowed his brows as he watched me get off his bed. I stuffed my bare feet into my sneakers and pulled his chair next to the bed.

"C'mon. Get up," I repeated. Slowly he sat up, eyeing me curiously as he moved to the edge of the bed and into his chair.

"Jas, what the hell are you doing?" Ignoring his question, I put his shoes on his feet and then opened his door, glancing both ways down the hall before walking quietly toward the living room with Edward behind me. When I opened the front door, he stopped.

"Are you crazy?"

"Maybe," I mumbled. Pausing, I turned to him. "Trust me, baby."

"I do, you know that." Smiling, I walked out the front door and down the ramp, thankful it was warmer, and not nearly as dark, as I had expected. I heard Edward close the door softly behind me and by the time I was opening the garage door enough to bend under it, Edward was at the bottom of the ramp watching me curiously. When I reappeared with his basketball, he shook his head disbelievingly. "You want to play now?"

"You said you wanted more time. No sense wasting it lying in bed when you could be out here practicing," I reasoned hopefully. Biting his lip, he glanced at the basketball in my hands, then up to me.

"You are insane, you know that, right?"

"It's one of the many things you love about me," I shrugged. "So, what do say? A little one on one, babe?"

He looked up at me, the moonlight illuminating his face with an angelic glow. Brightening, slightly mischievous, but loving, eyes held mine as he debated just how crazy an idea this was. Even sleepy in rumpled clothes, he was breathtaking.

Then a small smile dawned across his face and I grinned, tossing him the ball. "You take it out first."

With the ball on his lap, he pushed out the arc where he began to dribble it next to him. Widening my stance, I readied for him to go by me. I might have been the one standing, but under no circumstances was I going to underestimate my boy. He went to turn the left and I went to my right, but he spun the chair and shot, swishing the ball.

"Fuck," I muttered as I retrieved it. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea." I dribbled the ball back to the arc and he spun his chair to face me, his eyes were trained on my feet, not my hands. I faked right, but went left, running into him on the way. I got the shot off but it bounced off the backboard and into Edward's hands.

"Oh, I think this was a great idea," he smirked, dribbling back out.

We continued to play, Edward kicking my ass, sometimes shooting outside, sometimes dribbling around. I put pressure on him, never easing up and he never once lost control of the ball. And as much as I tried, I was never able to steal it either. The teasing continued the entire time, as did some laughter and smiles. When it was my turn I stood at the arc waiting for Edward to set up and a movement in a window on the second floor caught my attention. I wasn't sure I'd seen it, but when I squinted my eyes, I saw a curtain falling back into place. I didn't tell Edward. He didn't need something else to worry about.

Determined to get by him, I dribbled to my right, spinning and shooting a fade away. The ball went through the net and I did a running man victory dance.

"Who da' man?" I asked him.

Shaking his head, Edward rebounded the ball and went to the line. "That makes it what? Twenty to ten?"

I stopped dancing. "Wow, way to bring a guy down, babe. That hurt." Edward made an incredible outside shot and I shook my head. "Why were you worried again?" I asked, carrying the ball over to him.

Then he looked at me with his intense eyes and the air shifted, thickening so much it was difficult to suck in a breath. Dropping the ball, I moved to him. Standing in front of him, his feet against my shins, I gazed at him. Taking his hand, I held it as I climbed into his lap and wrapped an arm around him before kissing the warm skin of his neck.

"This okay?" I breathed in his ear.

"Yeah, definitely okay," he sighed, resting his head against mine. "Thanks, love."

"This is why you need me with you next year," I whispered, still hoping to change his mind. Until that signed paper was in the mail, I could still say no to the scholarship.

Lifting his head, he put his fingers under my chin and drew me to him for a kiss. And there, in the middle of his driveway in the middle of the night, we kissed. His tongue met mine briefly before retreating back into his mouth. Sucking my bottom lip between his teeth, he tugged on it, then ran his tongue over it.

"Don't you know?" he murmured as he pulled away, replacing his lips with the tip of his finger as he traced my lips and stared into my eyes.

"Know what?"

"Jas, it doesn't matter if you're in Forks or Seattle or at OSU, wherever you are-"

"Is where I'll be…" I finished quietly for him. He didn't even seem surprised that I knew what he was going to say, and I wasn't surprised he had quoted my dream.

"Exactly. With us, distance doesn't matter. All in, remember?"

"All in," I vowed, moving my lips against his finger. "All in forever."

"Forever," he whispered reverently before kissing me again.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

These boys…*sigh*

Andrew Wheating and Nick Symmonds. They run an amazing race, watch what happens with less than 300 yards left. http:/www DOTyoutube DOT com/watch?v=49Fwxo50ZiI


	24. Strawberry Fields Forever

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N-I ended up cutting almost 3k from this chapter, however I left the activities from Friday (piano playing etc) intact because I really wanted to hear Edward's thoughts that day. The beginning of this chapter goes a bit back in time. Oh, and this chapter is dialogue heavy.

Thank you to everyone that reads and reviews and supports this story.

This chapter is unbeta'd, all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are mine.

Special thanks to Dannie, who stuck by me for so long with this story, if it wasn't for her encouragement and faith in my writing, these boys wouldn't be here.

Now Edward's pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night I hadn't been willing to give up on a dream…_

"**~~**"

"I've got some homework to do before practice," I said to my mother as I pushed past her and headed down the hallway to my room.

"Do you want anything to eat?"

"No, I'm good," I called out over my shoulder as I entered my room and closed the door.

Not even glancing at the corner to make sure I was alone, I tossed my backpack onto my bed and wheeled over to my desk. My bottom lip was firmly between my teeth as I opened my laptop and booted it up. Jasper was going to be by to pick me up for practice in a few hours, I didn't have much time.

I sighed at the just the thought of him. I felt foolish, girly, stupid, and utterly in love. It was that love I knew he returned with equal passion that had lifted us up and helped us through the hard times. It seemed the world had been against for the past few months, staring with New Year's Eve, but somehow we had made it through all the obstacles that had been thrown at us.

All except one.

Attending college four hours apart.

It could easily be solved if Jasper was accepted into UW, but if he didn't get a scholarship, if he couldn't run for them, it wouldn't matter. My talented boy deserved to run on a team, he deserved the opportunity he'd been given, and there was no way I was going to let him refuse it. Talking, even fighting, about him going to OSU wasn't something I was going to shy away from. No matter the topic, no matter how difficult the conversation, I never doubted we would come out on the other side together, hand in hand, and as strong as ever. And that was all that mattered, that we were together even when we were apart.

I thought back to the night before, how adamant he had been about going to school in Seattle. How frustrated he quickly grew with me when I didn't accept his reasoning. Deep down he knew I was right, and that was what scared him.

And me.

Then he told me what he wanted to do for a career and, if it was possible, I fell more in love with him. I was proud of him for finding his mission, something he was passionate about, but to know that his passion included helping others like me…he just simply took my breath away.

Jasper and I had always supported each other's interests. I went to his meets, he went to my games. Clueless about classical music, he listened to me play the piano as he read his comic books on the couch. For hours, he would play WoW while I studied. We might have been in love, but we kept our own interests, neither of us ever got so lost in the other that we lost ourselves. Until my accident. Our world had been tipped on its axis since then, and suddenly our level ground was level no more. This tipping meshed our worlds more closely together than we'd ever thought possible. Before the accident, we had been able clearly define each other, but since that night, we had become one, a united front against fate. We struggled to remind each other of our interests, of what made us Edward and Jasper. Jasper's running brought him guilt, my basketball brought me pain. Jasper put aside his games and focused on research for me, I put aside music and focused on surviving. We would never again be the boys we were before that night. Those guys were only part of who we had both become together, as one. The accident had brought on more than just changes in interests. Suddenly the shy quiet one was exposing his protective nature that I had always knew existed. And I let him. I relished in the fired up Jasper that got angry at the unfairness of it all before he would turn around and sweetly kiss me. Since New Years, Jasper had become my advocate. He had been the one who pushed me, challenged me to do things for myself, who fought for my access to restaurants and through the school lunch line. I knew that a determined Jasper was a force not to be fucked with, but the rest of the world had no idea what was about to be unleashed on it.

There was the Jasper who everyone else saw, and there was the one who I knew.

And I loved them both.

During school that day, I'd seen him withdrawing. I knew he was battling the decision we had come to the night before, questioning and waiting until the right time to tell me he'd changed his mind and that he was going to go to Seattle anyway.

After witnessing Jasper struggle all day, I watched him walk out of gym class to the locker room to get ready for practice. I saw his defeated stance, his slumped shoulders and hanging head, and hated knowing he felt like that because of me. I stopped by my locker and then headed to the parking lot, sighing when I saw my mother's car parked in a handicapped space.

As we pulled away, I looked at the track in the distance, easily able to make out Jasper as he ran.

He was doing what he loved to do. What he dreamed about doing.

His dream of running, one he'd never really spoke about, was becoming a reality, just like mine of playing basketball for UW almost did. A dreamed he'd shared with me.

Something in me clicked and suddenly I knew what I had to do. I knew what might be able to save us.

Anxiously, I looked out the car window, focusing on what we were going by instead of what was passing us on the other side. I hated driving with anyone except Jasper, but explaining to my mother why I was clutching my backpack until my knuckles turned white wasn't an option. So I concentrated on my breathing and hoped the few miles to my house would go by quickly.

The laptop dinged, signaling it was ready. My hands shook as I typed Oregon State University in the search bar of Google. Clicking on the top result, I opened a page with their logo at the top and filled with information, news, and pictures. From there I clicked on the academics button and then the undergraduate degrees and scanned the page.

It was there. They had it.

Music.

My heart raced at the word and all the possibilities that went with it. Skimming the description, I clicked on programs, which listed the different options for music majors. Not only did they have music education, they also had piano performance.

Within seconds, with just a few words on a webpage, my dream began to shift.

Before I got too excited, I went back to the main menu and went to the admissions section to find their application deadline. My eyes welled up when I saw the date.

Two days.

I had two days. It was irrational of me to apply so late, but when it came to Jasper, I didn't care about irrationality. I only cared about him and being where he was. Not hesitating, I selected the 'apply online' button and waited while it loaded. Then my new future was sitting in front of me, just waiting for me to fill it in and send it off.

Could I do it? Could I give up my dream just like that? For as long as I could remember, I wanted to wear purple and yellow and be a Husky, could I wear black and orange and be happy about it? Since I had told Jasper my college plans, he'd supported me, shared my excitement and made it his own. Over the years my dream had become his. He'd been willing to put his desire to run aside for me. Now it was time for me to my dream aside for him, to share and pursue his dream with him. To take his dream and make it mine. Instead of him sitting at my basketball games and cheering me on, I would be sitting at his track meets cheering him on.

Taking a deep breath, I began to fill in the form. I was vaguely aware of time ticking away as I entered information about my grades, references, and future plans. There was a short essay required on an important event in your life. Scoffing to myself, I began to tell my story about the car accident and the boy who helped me through it. It took well over an hour before I finally reached the last page and realized I needed to pay a fifty dollar application fee.

"Fuck," I muttered. Closing my laptop a little, I backed my chair up and left my room. My mother was in the kitchen making dinner when I rolled in. "Can I borrow your credit card? I need fifty dollars."

"For?"

"Basketball," I lied. "I'll pay you back when I can get to the bank."

"Don't worry about it. It's in my pocketbook."

Relieved, I went grabbed her wallet from her purse on the table and took her card from it. Back in my room, I entered the credit card information and then paused.

All I had to do was click submit, and then his dream would become ours.

Jasper had done so much for me, particularly in the past five months, and while he claimed he needed me more, it was me that needed him. Jasper was my one piece of sacred ground. If I'd thought for a second I could survive with him four hours away, I'd been foolish. It was about time the tables turned and I did something for him.

I was going all in for my boy.

Oddly enough, as nervous as I was, my heart was beating steadily and my hands were no longer shaking. Closing my eyes, images of us flashed through my mind; me watching Jasper race around a track, Jasper eating pizza next to me on worn couch as we watched TV, our lips meeting in a goodnight kiss that would surely lead to more, waking up in his arms in the middle of the night, excited simply because he was next to me.

It was the right thing to do. It was what he wanted, and now what I wanted.

Opening my eyes, I focused on the button for a second before I finally clicked it and officially applied to OSU to be with Jasper. Encouraged, I returned to the music major page and read over the information more closely. The links on the side listed the faculty, programs, and room scheduling, but it was the scholarship auditions that caught my attention first. There were two ways to apply, in person in front of a committee or via a CD or DVD of a performance. It needed to be eight to ten minutes long and consist of two types of music styles, singing optional. Swallowing, I continued to read the details, and then printed out the necessary forms. The odds of getting a scholarship were unlikely, all their money had probably already been given out, but receiving a scholarship in any amount would only be icing on the cake. Going there with Jasper was the real goal.

My heart skipped a beat when I read through the athletics page and how they were reestablishing their men's track program. Curious, I went to You Tube and searched for Oregon college eight-hundred meter races and after watching a few, ended up on an Olympic Trials video. In awe, I watched the guys race around the track, my heart beating as fast as theirs when one of them came from behind and flew by everyone with his finishing kick. He was so fast and determined. Then the announcer said it was an 'Oregon sweep'.

My boy could be a part of that. Someday, he could be one of them, he could be part of an Oregon sweep while I watched him do it. Jasper would deny he was good enough for anything more than college level track and field, but I dreamed enough for the boy of us. If anyone could make it to the level of these guys, it was Jasper. After skipping a beat, my heart caught up to my thoughts and pounded with possibility.

Whether or not I was there with him, it could all happen. But I knew we were stronger together, if I was at college with him, he could be more focused on his studies and running and not worrying about me being so far away. I just needed to get in to OSU.

I was pretty confident I would be accepted, but I Googled their acceptance information anyway. According to the website I found, my GPA and SAT scores were above what they required. Relieved, I closed the browser and began looking at the scholarship papers I'd printed out. They wanted to know my music history, lessons, accomplishments, references, and a brief essay on why I was applying.

Because I wanted to be with my boy.

Because we had a dream and I wanted to see it come true.

I already knew what I wanted to play for the audition, I just needed to film myself doing it. To some, music was lyrics and notes and melodies, but to me it was so much more. It was more than I could write on an application, but I could show it. If I played for Jasper, I would express what music meant to me without even trying. I needed Jasper to film me, but he couldn't know why. I could also send the CD I'd made for him at Christmas. That had been some of my best composing.

Since my basketball scholarship had been yanked, my parents were already planning on paying for college, but because it was in Oregon, I would be out of state. Instead of going to UW for twenty thousand, OSU was going to cost more like thirty thousand. Several thousand more than my parents were expecting. I was going to have to tell them I had applied.

I was going to have to tell them why.

With a smile, I closed the laptop, leaving behind one dream and beginning another.

I dug through my bag and pulled out my phone. I sent Emmett a text and let him know I couldn't do PT on Friday because my basketball teammate was coming to my house. He replied, asking if I'd had anymore spasms and if I had told my father. Sighing, I told him no to both questions. Then he scolded me and said I had to tell my father and he would see me on Monday for our scheduled appointment. His last text wished me luck at the game. Tossing my phone aside, I began to get ready for practice.

I had barely finished changing when I my heart suddenly sped up. He was close. Picking up my duffel bag, I put it on my lap and after a quick goodbye to my mother, opened the front door to find Jasper just pulling into the driveway. He got out of the truck and gave me a relieved smile.

And every doubt I had about what I'd done earlier disappeared.

It was that smile I wanted to wake up to every morning. Those eyes, that hair, all of it. I wanted it all, I wanted him, I wanted us.

"Hey, love," I greeted as I went down the ramp.

After putting me in the cab and securing my chair, he hopped in and waited for me to move over before backing out. There was a silence for most of the ride to practice. It wasn't uncomfortable or awkward, but it was unusual. Not that we weren't ever quiet, we were, but it was a different kind of silence. Jasper was still worried about college and all it was all I could do not blurt out what I'd spent the past few hours doing. I was afraid to tell him. I didn't want his hopes raised unnecessarily.

No, until I heard back from OSU, I couldn't tell Jasper I'd applied.

Instead of talking, I put my head on his shoulder and my hand on his thigh. For the moment, everything was as it should be.

I felt guilty at practice when he pouted about my homework, but he grabbed his bag and brought it inside. While Jasper made his way to the bleachers, I joined my teammates that were there already. Everyone seemed excited for the first game and Sam went over the practice schedule before sending us off to run through warm up drills. The scrimmage went well, I felt a bit more confident in using the chair for defense, but I still felt uncomfortable dribbling. Maybe it was something I would never get used to. I glanced over at Jasper a few times, finding him either watching me or texting on his phone. Rarely was he actually doing homework. After the scrimmage Sam called us all over to the sidelines where we gathered in a circle.

"Game is at noon on Saturday, I'll need you all here by eleven. If anyone needs a ride, let me know and I can swing by and pick you up. We're playing the Sonics, and those that played last year remember they've got that huge post player and will probably play zone defense." He paused and glanced at me before turning to Brady. "We're going to need an outside shot, Brady, so I'm going to start Edward."

I swallowed the lump that instantly rose in my throat. Start me? I wasn't ready to start. Hell, I felt like I barely ready to play much less run the offense. There were still plays I was uncertain of, much less my dribbling. Looking for Jasper, I found him leaning against the door waiting for me.

Brady nodded. "No problem."

Sam gave him a thankful smile and continued. "The starting five will be Cullen, Biers, Leah, Colin, and Paul. Any questions?"

Yeah, is it too late to quit?

We all shook our heads. He released us and I began packing my bag. "Congratulations," Riley said quietly as he pushed over to me.

"Thanks," I sighed.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just feel bad about Brady. He's been playing longer."

"Maybe chair ball but not basketball. Sam made the right call," he confirmed. "We still on for tomorrow?"

"Yep. Three o'clock okay?"

"Works for me."

I headed toward Jasper with Riley by my side. When I reached him, I saw the pout on face, his full bottom lip sticking out. The lust was already storming in his eyes as they raked over my sweaty hair and shoulders. After Riley and Jasper greeted each other, we headed for the truck, Jasper eager to know the reason behind my smile. Unable to contain myself, I couldn't stop moving while I waited for him to put my chair in the back and get in.

"Spill."

"I'm the starting point guard on Saturday," I almost yelled.

"Serious? Babe, I'm so proud of you!"

Then I was in his arms, his lips on mine, his tongue in my mouth. However when he went to straddle me, I stopped him.

"Not tonight, I need to show you something," I said, half hoping he would ignore me. He did and climbed onto my lap. Fingertips brushed the nape of my neck as he toyed with the ends of my hair, sending a shiver down my broken spine. By the time he asked about Riley coming over, his lips were sucking on my earlobe as my head rested against the seat. My hands were gripping his hips when I felt his teeth on my neck, threatening to mark me.

"He already saw one hickey," I reminded him, whimpering when he bit down. God, I fucking loved it when he was that.

Moving my hands up his sides, I slid them under his shirt and let them glide along the heated skin that covered his ropey muscles. Reaching his chest, I ran my thumbs over both his nipples and he arched toward me. We were barely touching each other, but the spark between us was burning bright even at the slight touches, igniting into something neither of us could ever contain.

"Jesus, the shit you do to me," he murmured right before smashing his mouth to mine, forcing his tongue into my mouth as mine eagerly met his.

Yeah, there was no way I would ever make it with him four hours away. It might have been raw and primal, but I needed him, and judging by his keening sounds and writhing on my lap, I was pretty fucking sure he needed me too. Keeping one hand on his chest, I returned the other to his hips to feel them grind onto my lap. When his head dropped to my shoulder, I looked down between us and saw his covered erection rubbing along mine in an unmatched need. Seconds later, our shirts were off and the contours of our chest were pressed together. Our lips barely parted before meeting again and again. Reaching up, I took his hair into my hand and pulled his head back, allowing me access to his delicious neck. When his hips bucked forward and I felt the vibration of his groan, I ran my hand down his back, leaving marks from my nails in their wake. There was no space between us, but I needed him closer, my fingers were digging into his flesh, but I needed him more. There wasn't enough of us, I wanted more.

"Jasper," I breathed into the air between us. "Jasper, Jasper…"

It was all I could think of, he filled me.

"Fuck, I need you to touch me, please," he begged, bucking his hips forward. Silently obeying, I slowly dragged my hand along the tense muscles of his back and around his side. With his forehead to mine, his breaths covering me, I asked him if I was his.

"Always mine. No one else's."

My responding moan was accompanied by the grazing of my fingers along his thigh toward his erection.

"Oh God, Oh God," he cried out just as the backs of my fingers brushed over his cock. Tensing, he grunted and thrust forward, coming hard in his pants.

"Fucking hot," I whispered hoarsely before capturing the rest of his moans with my mouth as he convulsed and shook on me.

"I just jizzed in my pants," he admitted shyly with a beautiful blush creeping over his cheeks.

"I was going to jerk you off but you were too quick," I chuckled, brushing back his damp hair. "I love it when you lose control."

After he caught his breath, I reached around him into my bag and pulled out my iPhone. I told him I didn't do our homework because I had been researching. I opened the video of the track meet I had found earlier and showed it to him. His temple rested against mine while his fingers played with my hair as we watched the video together. As his eyes followed the runners around the track, I watched his reaction. There was no hiding the excitement that flared in his sky blue eyes.

"You have to go, Jasper," I said quietly when the runners crossed the finish line. "An Oregon sweep. How can you not want to be a part of this? The history this college has is amazing. They produce Olympic athletes."

"I'm not Olympic quality, baby."

With moisture brightening his eyes as he confessed what had been on his mind all day. "I don't think I can do it without you. I've been trying to imagine it all day and…I just can't."

Determined to not let him give up, I whispered, "I'm not letting you throw away your future for me. You have to go."

"I have to be with you."

I wanted to tell him he wouldn't be with me, but I would be with him, but I clenched my jaw and swallowed the temptation. He said he wanted to be able to touch me and sit on my lap. When I reasoned further, he sighed and closed his eyes. His words were a salve on my worried soul, the one that had sat in my room and given up my dream. Knowing how devoted he was to us, how much he needed me, made the decision so much easier.

A storm brewed in his eyes as he considered the pros and cons, weighing his options and debating how much our love was worth. Finally, without taking his eyes from mine, he cupped my cheek and brushed his lips over mine.

"I'll do it for us," he agreed softly and kissed me. Our tongues had just met when he pulled away and asked to see the video again. I hit play and watched a smile bloom across his face. Then he told me the runners weren't from OSU, but University of Oregon.

"My bad. I just saw the Oregon and got all excited." I blushed at my stupid mistake.

Taking my bottom lip between us, he mumbled. "I fucking love you."

It was over half and hour later that we finally separated enough to put on our shirts. Jasper started the truck and I dragged myself next to him and buckled up before he backed out of the space. The ride home was just as silent as the one up there but for an entirely different reason. Jasper's sated body was relaxed next to me, the tenseness from earlier no longer contained in his muscles. Humming with The Beatles, he squeezed my hand briefly before murmuring all we needed was love.

We certainly had plenty of that.

"**~~**"

At school the next day, Jasper tried to be upbeat about our decision but I knew he was still weary about it. It showed at lunch the most. He ignored the conversation going on at the table and laid his head on his folded arms, his eyes drifting close under the weight of his thoughts. To ease his mind, to remind him we were in this fight together, I placed my hand on his thigh. His eyelids fluttered open at the slight touch and then he gave me the most amazing lazy smile.

It said nothing and everything, but most importantly it said 'I love you', and that was all I needed to know. No matter what, he loved me.

He held my gaze for a few long seconds before his brow knitted and he glanced at Bella next to me. Normally my gut reaction at his warning look would have been to whip my hand back, but right then covering up what we meant to each other was the least of my concerns. Comforting Jasper in the only way I could was my priority. I don't know if she saw anything or not, but she never said a word.

After school I was shooting around when I heard the van pull up and park in front of my house. Spinning my chair around, I saw the side door open and a ramp unfold out before Riley wheeled onto it rolled to the ground. Once he was off it, he pressed a button and the ramp automatically folded up and the door closed.

Riley had an independence I wondered if I would ever achieve. He lived on his own, he went to school, and he drove. I didn't think there was anything he couldn't do if he wanted to. God knows he certainly wouldn't hesitate to try something new. Had he always been so confident and comfortable with the paralysis? Would I ever be like that?

Part me thought I would never accept it like he had.

"Hey, Cullen," he smiled as he pushed up my driveway. "Nice place."

"Thanks." I went over to him and fist bumped his extended one.

"I brought some cones for dribbling drills. Then we can go over any plays you're not sure of. Sound good?"

"Sounds great. Jasper's coming over after his practice, maybe he can help," I said, offering my boyfriend's assistance.

For the next hour, Riley ran me through different drills, working on my balance in the chair as I bounced the ball next to me. He was patient even when I got frustrated, laughed when I made a mistake, and always smiled. While we practiced Riley talked about the other team, their players, which ones he knew were back on the team and how we could defend them. When I heard Jasper's truck in the distance and my heart began to beat the slightly faster rate it did anticipating his arrival.

He parked by the curb and watched me for a second before getting out and striding up the driveway. Jasper's eyes were on mine as he said 'hey' in only the way Jasper could before he greeted Riley. Jasper agreed to rebounding for us as we ran through all the team's plays. We'd been going over them for almost an hour when my mother came home and I introduced her to Riley. He politely refused her offer to stay for dinner, seeming slightly surprised when my mother automatically included Jasper in our dinner plans. After running through the plays a few more times, Riley said I was ready and he needed to get home, promising to see me at the game the next day. Jasper and I watched as Riley used the electronic ramp to get back into his van. He waved as he drove off.

Then Jasper and I went inside to film.

After changing into a nicer shirt, we went to the living room and I moved to the bench and instructed Jasper on what I needed him to do. I tried to stay calm but my stomach was churning. My entire future could be riding on the video. Even if it didn't mean a scholarship, they would see it before they decided to accept me into their music program. If they didn't think I had any real talent, they wouldn't take me, no matter how good my grades were.

I began warming up with a favorite of mine, one I played so often I could do it in my sleep. Focusing on my hands, I played Claire de Lune, using the familiar notes to warm up. I knew the next song would surprise Jasper. Not so much the song as what I was going to do with it. Hitting record, Jasper held my phone up and I began. As soon as my fingers struck the first keys, he knew what it song it was and I swear he gasped. Watching my hands, I began to sing.

The music flowed around us as I swayed back and forth, playing our song for him and only him as he moved around the piano to get different angles. Right before the last verse, I raised my eyes to his and sang directly to the boy behind the camera. Holding his gaze, I finished the song, letting the last of the notes fade away. He swallowed thickly and hit pause. By the look on his face, I knew I had been successful.

I didn't just want to play the music for the audition, I wanted them to feel what I felt. If Jasper felt it, so would they. At least, I hoped they would. What worried me was the lack of pedal use. The paralysis didn't allow me to play the way I was used to, it was harder to fade in and out of notes, to hold them like I wanted to. Jasper's untrained ears couldn't hear a difference, but I knew the audition committee would be able to. I would have to be sure to make a note of it on the application somewhere. They would know I was paralyzed from my application already, I just hoped they understood.

Jasper sat next to me and kissed my cheek. "That was beautiful, baby," he whispered before telling me that whoever watched the video would know I was singing to the person filming. I chewed on my lip. Maybe Jasper was uncomfortable with others knowing. These people were strangers to us, they would have no idea that I had sung to a boy, and even if they did, I was sure I wasn't the first gay music major.

I began to play the classical piece, losing myself in the music as Jasper filmed. Playing basketball was incredible, it gave me a physical high I yearned for but it was music and my piano that fulfilled me more than anything. There were no words to describe how I felt when I played. A sense of freedom rushed through me, filling me with happiness. When I played the piano, I forgot I was paralyzed. Playing basketball in a wheelchair was a constant reminder of my situation, but sitting at the piano wasn't. It was just me and the music.

Smiling, I looked up at Jasper. "How was that?"

"Fucking perfect," he sighed. "You're amazing."

Closing the cover, I blushed and slid along the bench to the chair. With Jasper following, I went back to my room to upload and edit the video. Jasper flopped on the bed as I opened the program and connected my phone. Together we watched the video and I agreed with Jasper. Whoever watched it would know I was singing to someone I loved, but they wouldn't know if it was boy or girl. Once I was done, I emailed the link to Mr. Harter to get his opinion and then closed everything out. I should have known that Jasper suspected something was up but his question about what the video was for still took me slightly off guard. I decided to tell him about the scholarship that Mr. Harter wanted me to apply for, perhaps it would enough to satisfy Jasper's curiosity. Understandably, he was hurt I hadn't told him, and I felt guilty knowing he was going to feel a lot more hurt when he finally found out why I was really doing it. I didn't like lying to him, but I didn't want to tell him until I knew for sure. I still had to tell my dad.

I told Jasper I had papers to fill out and suddenly his eyes dropped from mine and stared at the bed.

"Jasper?"

Something was up.

He sighed and looked at me. "I have a paper to sign too." I didn't have time to ask what he meant because my mother called us to dinner.

Dinner went quick. Jasper inhaled his garlic bread and spaghetti, answering my dad's questions and updating everyone on the amount of money he'd raised. After clearing the table, Jasper followed me to the workout room and I showed him the exercises that Emmett had given me. Working out ended up becoming dancing to Emmett's CD. Jasper laughed and danced, bouncing and spinning in circles around me while I played my air drums. Then he was in front of me, his hands on my shoulders as he circled his hips.

It was moments like that I would miss the most if we were apart. Just being stupid with someone and not caring.

He thrust his hips forward and in a brave moment, I buried my face in his crotch before giving him a wink. We couldn't stay in there much longer, something was bound to happen. Not wanting to risk getting caught with my face pressed against his cock, we returned to my room. While Jasper changed, I used the bathroom, quickly inserting the catheter and emptying my bladder before washing my hands and brushing my teeth.

"…ass if you touch him again." I heard him say as I pushed my door opened.

"You okay?"

He jumped. "Yeah, just talking to myself."

Closing the distance between us, I bumped my chair into his legs and looked up him. The desire from dancing and the emotions from playing flooded me.

"Hey."

"Hey."

That was all it took before he was folding himself onto my lap and pressing his lips to mine in a soft kiss. Our hands found each other, clasping as our lips met repeatedly. Finally pulling apart, he laid his head on my shoulder and I asked what was bothering him. He was afraid. I didn't know why or from what, but it was obvious he was scared.

"You can tell me, love."

Keeping his head on my shoulder, he whispered, "I have the papers I need to sign to accept the scholarship in my duffel bag. I couldn't… sign them alone."

"You wanted to give me a chance to change my mind."

Then he showed me the letter from UW. My heart pounded so hard I thought it might bruise my ribs. My brain swam with the possibilities of what that letter might contain. Maybe my dream was still intact.

Nervously, I told him to open it. Jasper got the letter from his bag and fingered the envelope, turning it over a few times. It took him a few minutes before he finally put his thumb under the tab. Looking at me, he swallowed.

"You can do it."

Our hearts raced in tandem as he pulled the letter out and unfolded it.

_Dear Jasper,_

_We are pleased to inform you that after great review of your academic career, we would like to offer you admittance to the University of Washington for the fall of 2011. We are excited you have decided to further your education and know that you will find our university the best choice for you. Enclosed please find the necessary forms to be signed and returned to us to hold your place for the upcoming semester…_

My boy had done it, he got in.

Wrapping my arms around him, I crushed his shaking body to me. "You did it, love. You got in."

"I got in. Oh my God, I got in," he said disbelievingly.

Lifting his head, I captured his mouth in a deep, intense kiss. Our tongues darting around while his hand fisted my hair and he angled his head to let me have more of him. Everything was right, he had gotten in. We would be together at UW. All my worrying earlier had been for nothing. Then I remember the money…and more importantly, the running.

Breaking the kiss, I asked him if the letter mentioned a scholarship. Still breathing heavily, he silently read it over and I could tell by the look on his face, there was no mention.

"Fuck," I sighed.

Jasper tried to tell me it didn't matter, but it did. He glared at me. "Schematics," he argued. "I'm sure they have a running club I could do. As for paying, loans aren't a big deal, I'll be able to-"

No, it was all wrong. He was supposed to go for free, he was supposed to run.

Reaching up, I slammed my palm over his mouth. "Jasper, I can't do it. I won't let you give up OSU. If you had gotten a scholarship to UW and could run for them, sure, but not like this. You have to go to OSU."

Saying it aloud made it more real. The tear sliding down his face told me he knew I was right. Pulling my hand away, I brushed my lips over his. I needed him to be strong for us because I was a heartbeat away from agreeing with him.

"You still don't want me to go to UW," he sighed.

It wasn't that at all. I wanted him at UW, but only if he had the same opportunities as OSU, and he wouldn't. Instead of him following me, I was going to follow him. I needed him to sign those papers. Putting the UW letter on the bed, he pulled out a paper from the other envelope. I scanned the letter, smiling when I saw the words "full scholarship".

"I'm so fucking proud of you."

With Jasper on my lap, I pushed over to my desk and handed him a pen and a book. The pen hovered over the signature line.

He was so beautiful, so fucking perfect. I couldn't imagine not waking up to his face every day like we'd planned for the past two years. I didn't want to wake up with some strange roommate, I wanted Jasper. He stared at me, searching for doubt. He wasn't going to find any. As terrified as I was, this was how it was supposed to be.

"I'm sure," I whispered, taking his hand in mine. "This is the right thing."

His hand shook as he signed his name on the line. Once he finished the date, I swept my lips over his. "I love you."

"I love you too," he sighed.

He was scared , so was I.

Picking up his UW acceptance letter, I read it over again before folding it up and putting it away.

It was done.

Jasper was going to OSU, and hopefully, I was too.

"Let's get into bed and we can do my scholarship application."

"Ya know you say all those words but I didn't hear anything after 'bed'."

Shaking my head, I shoved him off me and moved to my bed. I took my jeans off, letting them fall to the floor, and went to reach for my pajamas. Jasper dropped between my legs and began putting my pants on for me, asking if I'd had anymore spasms. When I told him I hadn't seen Emmett since Monday, he stood up and began to knead my left thigh.

"How do you know how to do that? You've researched it, haven't you?"

His answer was full of sadness and resignation. "I wanted to know how to take care of you when we lived together."

He continued to massage both my legs from hip to foot, pulling my pants up once he was done. A few minutes later, he was helping me fill in the scholarship application for Mr. Harter. I wanted his help on the other one too, but the OSU logo in the top corner would have given it away. Stuffing the finished paper in my bag, I rolled onto my side and looked at him. Immediately, I was on my back and he was on top of me, our hands clasped over my head.

"Hey," I breathed.

"Hey," he returned, running his nose along my cheek.

Moaning, I tilted my head and shivered when he sucked on my skin, warning him and chuckling when he said I was his dessert. We talked as he held my hands, moved on me, and then whispered in my ears.

"I want you to suck me."

"Then put your dick in my mouth," I murmured.

Within seconds, he was stripped and lying naked on me. Holding him above me, I craned my neck and lifted my head to lavish his nipples into tight buds. When I suggested he turn around, he responded eagerly, trembling as he lowered his cock until it was resting against my lips. He panted for breath when I began to run my tongue around his entrance and slurped one of his heavy balls into my mouth. Constantly teasing his hole with my fingers, I released his balls and moved so his cock slid into my mouth. I wet my index finger and eased it deep inside him. A few short thrust of his hips later, he came. His warm, salty seed filled my mouth and I swallowed around him as he jerked above me until he was spent.

"Babe, wanna suck you so bad…please."

As much as he wanted to do it, I was still nervous. The thought made my stomach clench for so many reasons. His cock fell from my mouth. "I…"

"I know you're scared. How about a lick, just one, I promise."

"Just one."

My eyes were closed and I felt nothing, I wasn't even sure he was touching me until I opened my eyes and looked down to see his tongue swirling around the ridge of my limp cock. Instantly, I tugged on his hips to stop him. We kissed again, sharing his essence between us. Just when my fingers grazed over his ass, he broke the kiss and reached for his clothes. He told me he wanted to get up early and run. When I asked to go with him, he dragged the reason why out of me in only the way Jasper could. I had to tell him I was nervous about the game, about showing my legs, about fucking up and not being what they all expected. He soothed my fears, promising everything would be okay. While Jasper ran to the bathroom, I shifted until I was lying on my pillows. He returned and coiled his body to mine. Sleep came to us swiftly.

_It was so loud I could barely hear the announcer as he called the start of the race. My eyes were focused on one runner in particular, standing tall in lane two waiting for the gun. I unconsciously leaned forward with him as the gun went off and he bolted from the starting line. Unlike at Forks High, I was able to wheel the chair up a ramp on the bleachers to watch his race unobstructed. _

_Behind me hundreds and hundreds of people were hollering and applauding. When I glanced over my shoulder, all I saw was a sea of black and orange. The school colors matched Jasper's uniform Jasper and the tee shirt I was wearing. The runners reached the second turn and Jasper was exactly where he wanted to be. As the racers approached the grandstands, I started yelling and clapping as loudly as I could. _

_It was barely visible, and unless someone had seen him run a thousand times they probably missed it, but I saw it. The determination that suddenly filled Jasper's stride, his arms moved slightly faster as he readied for his final kick at the last corner. Sure enough, half a dozen strides later, Jasper was passing the two people in front of him, and by the time they exited the final turn, Jasper was pulling away. _

_Screaming, I cheered him on. _

_Watching him run didn't hurt like it used to. There was still a twinge of ache in my chest with each step he took, but it was accompanied by so much pride that I barely felt it. Jasper might be able to run like the wind, but I was working on my own thing and maybe in time I could at least stand next to him. _

_He crossed the finish line, his hands going behind his head as he gulped in air. Backing my chair up, I made my way down the ramp to the gate where he would exit. I waited there as he walked through the crowd of athletes to me. Once blue met green, every sound around us faded away. I heard his breaths and his heartbeat, but nothing else. _

"_Hey, love," I smiled, tilting my head up when he stopped in front of me. "Awesome race."_

"_Thanks, baby," he murmured before fingering my hair and leaning down to place a sweet kiss on my lips. "I could hear you screaming my name."_

"_That must have been your other boyfriend," I teased. _

"_Oh, right. I forgot he was coming. I was thinking of inviting him to our place tonight, maybe a little threesome action," he teased right back. _

"_I'm all for it," I shrugged. "As long as I get some one on one later."_

"_Always," he promised. "I've got one more race, then I'm yours."_

"_Good because I want to fuck you senseless," I said boldly, proud of the blush that tainted his cheeks. "We're celebrating tonight. No mac and cheese. Tonight, we get pizza."_

"_Take out or frozen?"_

"_Take out."_

"_Mmm, baby, you do know the way to my heart," he laughed and kissed me again. "Meet me here with my other boyfriend after the race. Dinner is on him."_

_I was still laughing as he walked back out onto the track. Back in the bleachers, I watched his race, cheering him on as loudly as before. Regardless of my support, Jasper didn't win, but he did come in a respectable third against older runners. By the time I made it down the ramp, he was already there waiting for me. I could see the disappointment on his face and reached up and took his hand with mine. _

"_You did awesome," I said. _

_He shook his head. "I lost. I should have at least had second," he growled, looking toward the track through squinty eyes. _

"_You hardly lost. They're older, they've been running longer," I reasoned, squeezing his hand. Sighing, he dragged his eyes back to me. _

"_Can't you let me wallow for a few minutes?" he chuckled. _

"_Nope. This is a no wallowing zone." With my other hand, I gripped the wheel of my chair. "Come on, we've got a pizza to order and ESPN to watch." _

_At our apartment, I called in the pizza while Jasper took a quick shower. By the time he got out, I had sodas on the table and some cookies he'd baked for a marathon study session I'd had the night before. Dressed only in shorts, he plopped down on the couch, stretching out and putting his head in my lap. I stroked his hair while we talked and watched television. The knock on the door roused him and he answered it, paying for our pizza. Then he grabbed some napkins and brought the pizza over to me. We ate and debated over the upcoming NBA playoff game. _

_Hours later, Jasper carried me to bed and stripped off my clothes. With a nightly hunger in his eyes, he crawled up my body, lying and writhing on me until neither of us could wait any longer. He quickly readied himself while I stroked my cock and watched him. His hand took mine as he impaled himself completely on my bare cock, the pleasure that crossed his face immeasurable. Leaning forward, his mouth was everywhere on me, pulling on my nipple rings, my hair, my ears, and my neck as he sucked and marked me at will until I felt the orgasm I had grown used to wash through me. They were weaker than the ones I remembered from before the accident, but it didn't matter when I looked up into his eyes and saw how much pleasure my excitement gave him. He rode me with abandon until he was grunting and calling my name and coming over my chest. _

_Collapsing on me, he licked me clean before rolling to the side. I wrapped an arm around him and pulled him even closer. _

"_This is perfect," he sighed. "I could stay here forever."_

"_Hmm, we might get hungry at some point. Might miss showering too," I laughed. _

"_How about I could stay in this apartment forever with you?"_

"_That'll do, but you know it doesn't matter, Jas."_

_Unable to resist, his tongue darted out and flicked the silver ring through my nipple. "What doesn't matter?"_

"_Our location. It doesn't matter where we are because wherever you are-"_

"_Is where I'll be," he finished. _

_Of course he finished my sentence, because it was just how we worked. Kissing his forehead, I closed my eyes. _

"_Love you," I whispered before yawning and glancing at the corner of the room. Against the table of medical supplies leaned the braces and crutches I used for walking. It was still difficult, but I could walk across a room with them on and Jasper holding me. He promised me that someday, I would do it on my own. _

"_Love you too," he murmured before snuggling impossibly closer. With his head over my heart and my arm around his back, we fell asleep. Just like every other night. _

_Perfect and in love and together. Just like it should be. _

Except for the slight beam of moonlight through the curtains on the window, the room was completely dark when I opened my eyes. Remnants from the dream still coursed through me when I touched my nipple, almost expecting to feel a ring. The snickering in the corner was faint, but I heard it. Refusing to look at it, I stared at the window, forcing my thoughts away from my fears about the game. Instead, I thought about the dream I'd had. Jasper and I were together at OSU. He was running for them and working hard to find a way for me to walk.

But it had just been a dream.

It wasn't reality. I probably wasn't going to walk even with braces, and I hadn't even gotten into OSU yet. Refusing to look at it, I felt the darkness edging slightly closer and knew with a few more negative thoughts it would be hovering at the bottom of my bed waiting to pounce. I kept my eyes averted as my mind raced between the dream and reality, and the upcoming game.

Suddenly it stopped. The snickering was gone, and when I dared a glance to the corner, I found it empty. Next to me, draped over my body, Jasper trembled and then moaned. He stilled for only a second, then began shaking and moaning some more. Blue eyes finally blinked open and darted around my room.

"You okay?" I asked him sleepily.

"Yeah. Sorry, didn't mean to wake you," he apologized, running his fingers down my arm.

"You didn't. I've been awake for awhile. That must have been some dream. You were twitching and moaning like mad."

"Really?" He nodded. "It was pretty cool…we were at OSU together. At a track meet, then we went home to our apartment."

My heart skipped a beat. It was impossible. There was no way he could have known what I had dreamt. Before I could wonder what it meant, he asked why I was awake and I told him the truth. In typical Jasper manner, he promised that none of my fears would become reality.

"I just wish..."

_I could walk. I could run. I could be normal. _

"What?"

"I don't know. That I had more time? That I wasn't starting? That they didn't know who I was before I was this way?"

Maybe if the expectations were lower, I would be less nervous. The team was expecting a superstar, they were expecting me to be their secret weapon, and I wasn't sure I could be.

Then there was the dream I'd had. Jasper and I at an OSU track meet. Obviously we were going to there and living together. Was my dream nothing more than my graduation dream, an unattainable fantasy that would forever remain in my nightly dreams, or did it mean something more? There were so many what ifs in our lives right now. It seems everything hung in the balance of something else. Everything except our love for each other, that remained unwavering, something I could count on being there no matter what.

Before I could say anything else, Jasper was climbing off the bed and telling me to get up. Next thing I knew, I was coasting down the ramp outside.

"Jasper?" I called out in a quiet whisper. He reappeared from under a half opened garage door with my basketball. "You want to play now?"

"You said you wanted more time. No sense wasting it lying in bed when you could be out here practicing," he said convincingly.

"You are insane, you know that, right?"

"It's one of the many things you love about me. So, what do say? A little one on one, babe?"

He wanted to play basketball. At two in the morning. It had to have been one of the craziest things we'd ever done, but as I looked up at him standing there with a hopeful look and holding the basketball, I felt anything but crazy. I felt loved and grateful he was in my life, crazy or not.

As soon as I smiled, he tossed me the ball.

Jasper didn't go easy on me. He guarded me as toughly as he would have if I was standing eye level with him. He blocked a few of my shots, ran into my chair, and shoved me out of the way when he was on offense. The competitive nature in us came out, and wheelchair or not, he was out to win. I didn't want to tell him he didn't have a chance in hell. Besides, he was too cute when he made a basket, giving me a different victory dance each time. Being out there with him gave me extra practice on dribbling with someone on me trying to steal the ball. His long arms would reach for it and I had to react quickly to protect the ball. Part of me hoped that if I could keep it away from an able bodied person, I could keep it away from someone in a wheelchair.

Jasper had the ball. I watched his feet as he dribbled, debating on left or right. Decision made, he stepped left, and just as I moved to block him, he stepped back and shot a fade away. The ball went through the basket and Jasper broke into a running man dance.

"Who da' man?"

"That makes it what? Twenty to ten?"

"Wow, way to bring a guy down, babe. That hurt," he feigned pain. Going back out the arc unguarded, I shot and it went in. "Why were you worried again?"

Jasper rebounded the ball and returned to me. When I looked up at him the spark that was between us, the chemistry, the fire, whatever you want to call it, suddenly ignited. I was vaguely aware that he dropped the ball as he took the few steps separating us, stopping when his legs were against my feet. Reaching down, he took my hand from the wheel and climbed onto my lap. It was something that was becoming habit, him sitting on my lap. I think he was in my lap as much as I was in his arms when he lifted me. He asked if it was okay we were sitting like that in public.

Coming out scared me. A lot. But I thought less and less about it. My focus had shifted from coming out to just wanting to be with Jasper. I still actively hid our true relationship, but there were things that were more important than whether or not people knew we were in love. At the moment, letting Jasper sit on my lap and kiss me was one of those things.

The ever stubborn Jasper tried to tell me that doing stuff like middle of the night one on one basketball games was why we needed to be together next year. Before I could reply, he drew me in for a lingering kiss, sucking firmly on my bottom lip. My mind was hazy when he pulled away.

"Don't you know?" I asked him.

"Know what?"

I thought back to the dream, the one that we had apparently shared in our sleep. "Jas, it doesn't matter if you're in Forks or Seattle or at OSU, wherever you are-"

"Is where I'll be…" he finished quietly. I knew he was going to fill in the words I was going to say, I don't know how, but I knew.

"Exactly. With us, distance doesn't matter. All in, remember?"

"All in," he promised. "All in forever."

"Forever," I repeated before leaning toward him for another kiss. His lips were soft and plump and wet from my tongue running over them. Blunt nails dug into my forearm as he tilted his head and deepened the kiss. I felt the tugging on my hair as he tangled his hand in a desperate need to be even closer. Panting, he tore his lips away and just stared at me.

His blue eyes never looked more brilliant as they did in the moonlit driveway. Under the blanket of stars in the cool of the night air, we gazed at each other silently. I didn't wonder what he was thinking about, I already knew. I knew because I was thinking the same things.

How is it possible to feel this way about someone? Is it healthy? Would it always be like this? So intense and amazing?

"Yes," I mumbled an answer to his unasked questions. The corner of his lips curved up a little and he shook his head.

"We should probably go back inside, huh?"

"Yeah," I sighed, although I was content to just stay there until the sun rose. I wheeled us up the ramp and opened the door. Inside, Jasper got off my lap and tiptoed down to my room. We didn't even bother taking off our shoes, we just crawled into bed and resumed our position from before.

"**~~**"

"Down to the end and back?" Jasper asked as he stretched his hamstrings on my front steps. I was rocking my chair back and forth, my gloved hands gripping the handrims while I waited.

When Jasper's alarm had gone off, I woke up finding it hard to breathe. As I blindly reached for his phone on my table, I realized why my chest felt so heavy.

Jasper 's body was completely draped over me, his face burrowed in the crook of my neck as his snores grazed my skin like I was his own personal warm, live mattress. Nudging his side a few times, I woke him up and couldn't help but smile when he stretched like a cat and then snuggled back into me. I swear he even purred in contentment. It was a few minutes later I was actually able to get him to open his eyes and move off me.

While he used the bathroom upstairs, I used the one across the hall from my room. There were dark circles under both our eyes from the lack of sleep, but the cost was worth it as we shared one more secret between us, pulling us even closer together.

"That's only a mile, I thought you wanted to go longer?" I asked him.

"Babe, you have a game later. You're going to be going up and down a court for an hour, I'm not letting you go seven miles with me. You can't possibly have that much nervous energy to burn off."

"But-"

"We're going a mile. I'll run later after the game," he said with a definite end to the debate.

"Fine," I grumbled following him to the end of the driveway.

"Usual prize?" he asked as he twisted his torso side to side. My heart flipped that he was not going to go easy on me. Just like the basketball game the night before, Jasper was racing to win.

"Yep." I nodded curtly. "But we can do it until tomorrow."

Jasper smirked as he motioned he was ready and we moved to the street. It was cloudy but there was no rain as he stepped into a slow jog. I pushed along next to him, keeping even with him as he tried to judge the speed of the chair. There were early morning spring sounds around us, birds chirping, dogs barking, a few people outside as they retrieved their newspapers. Then there was the sound of Jasper's feet hitting the ground. A sound I'd heard hundreds of times, but there was something missing. It took me a few minutes to realize the missing sound was that of my own feet. It was the first time I'd 'run' with Jasper since the accident.

With the exception of one hill, the road was pretty level and the increase of muscle in my upper body allowed me to do about two pushes for every four strides of Jasper. Beside me, Jasper kept an even pace, his strides long and sound as he ran with his head up and looking ahead. His was no more out of breath than I was.

I'd always been amazed at Jasper's ability to run distances, but seeing his legs up close, watching the way his feet slapped the pavement, the way his calf muscles propelled him forward, the way his thighs bulged with each stride was even more impressive. He was so strong. As Jasper increased the speed, I matched it easily.

"Okay?" he asked me without looking at me.

"I'm good," I said, only just starting to get slightly out of breath. As we reached the turnaround point, Jasper glanced over his shoulder to make sure the road was clear before we crossed it and headed back toward my house.

"I can't wait to suck you off tomorrow," he said, looking down at me.

I shook my head. "Your distraction technique isn't going to work this time, love. I'm going to kick your ass," I huffed.

He laughed and increased his pace. We reached the bottom of the hill and I knew he was going to have an advantage going up and be able to pull away. A burn grew in my biceps as I gripped the wheel and slid my hands down it, repeating the motion over and over. My breaths got heavier, but I kept going. Next to me, Jasper looked like he was barely working and he was putting distance between us.

"Fuck," I growled. Determined to not let him win, I pushed faster. I just had to make it to the top of the hill, then it would be easier. At the crest, Jasper was about four strides in front of me, but as soon as we made it over the top, the chair began to speed up. I caught up to him easily and began passing him with a few surges forward.

"That's cheating," he called out from behind me as I coasted down the hill an increasing speed. My arms couldn't even keep up with how fast the chair was going, so I just tucked my upper body low to cut back on the wide and coasted down the hill. The wind blew through my hair, cooling me off, and for a few seconds I almost forgot I was in a chair. It was freeing. My house was in sight, and I had the win within my grasp, I just had to last another few hundred yards. I could hear him behind me as he ran faster to try to catch me. I reached the bottom of the hill and began pushing again, glancing behind me to see how far back he was.

He was gaining ground.

Putting everything I had into it, I gripped and pushed, gripped and pushed, willing myself to go faster. Tears from the wind rolled down my face, but I didn't take the time to swipe them away. Before I realized it, Jasper was only a stride or two behind me.

Only it wasn't just the sound of his feet I heard. There was something else, something familiar.

Jasper was singing.

_So many times, it happens too fast  
You change your passion for glory  
Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past  
You must fight just to keep them alive_

Laughter bubbled out of me in panting gasps. My arms burned like hell and I was out of breath, but it felt great. His breathless singing continued as we battled it out until we reached my house where Jasper leapt over the sidewalk and into my yard while I had to go up the driveway.

"Totally not fair," I bitched at him as he lay flat on my lawn, his chest heaving for breath.

"Oh? And coasting downhill was?"

"Not like I had a choice," I countered.

"True," he said, lifting his head and raising himself to his elbows. "Call it a tie?"

"Until we can have a rematch," I agreed. "Ready to shower and get some breakfast?"

He bolted to his feet. Nothing made Jasper move like the promise of food or sex. "If it's okay, I want to leave early for the game today. I'll text Bella and let her know."

"Sure, why?"

"You'll see." He headed toward the door, taking the steps to my house in one leap. "Now about food…"

"**~~**"

"Are you sure you have everything?" My mother asked me for the tenth time.

"Yes, Mom, I'm all set," I sighed. Jasper was waiting by the door, my duffle bag slung over his shoulder and he smiled at me from behind her.

"I packed you some brownies, I gave them to Jasper," she said, kissing my forehead.

"Okay, thanks. I'll see you and dad there."

I pushed past her to Jasper and he opened the door and said goodbye to my mom as I rolled down the ramp to his truck. After I was in the cab, he put my chair in the back and slid behind the wheel. My mother stood on the porch watching us as Jasper backed out the truck. I remained on my side, gripping the handle on the door as I tried to wave calmly to my mother. Jasper drove down the street about half a mile before he pulled over.

"Do you want to ride next to me to Bella's?"

"Yes, but I should probably stay here in case she's outside or something."

Nodding, he checked his mirror and pulled back onto the street. His right hand left the wheel and he reached for mine. My racing heart slowed as soon as his fingers laced with mine.

We had showered after the run earlier, although Jasper pouted when I insisted we do it separately. When we were done, he met me in my room, licking his lips when I entered with nothing but a towel over my lap. Before I could go to my dresser, he stopped me. Already dressed in jeans and tee shirt, he told me to move to the bed.

"We don't have time for that," I smiled but he shook his head.

"Not that," he said.

Once I was on the bed, he had me lay face down and then he began the most fantastic massage. His strong hands griped the muscles in my shoulders, arms, and back as he quickly worked his way from one side to the other. Relaxed and tired from the race, I closed my eyes and enjoyed his skillful touch.

"I thought you could use this before the game," he mumbled as he kneaded my back. I just moaned in response. As soon as he was done, he let me up and handed me my game uniform. I put on my briefs and the uniform tank top before taking the shorts from his hand. Biting my lip, I looked up at him.

"Your legs are beautiful, babe," he murmured. Sighing, I put on the shorts before covering them with the warm-up pants I had. We grabbed bagels with cream cheese and some orange juice before gathering our stuff for the game.

It was a good thing we stayed apart in the truck because as Jasper pulled into Bella's driveway, she stood from the front steps and jogged over. Jasper got out and held his door open for her as she climbed in. She greeted me with a big smile and hello as she settled into the middle seat, she practically bounced around as Jasper backed out of her driveway.

"Oh my God, this is so exciting. Aren't you excited?" she asked, looking back and forth between Jasper and me.

"We are," Jasper said. My heart was thundering and I fisted my hand on my lap as I stared out the window, following the same routine I did when I was in a car with my mother.

"Who are you playing?"

"Seattle Sonics," Jasper supplied. "They're pretty good, but not as good as Edward's team. What's new with you, Bella?"

It wasn't like Jasper to make small talk with her, at least not without being forced, but he was trying to keep her focus on him and not my panicking. If she was busy answering his questions, she might not notice I looked like I was going to be sick. Bella sat slightly closer to me than Jasper, but she looked at him or out the front windshield as she spoke. I was tempted to take her hand, to see if that might help ease my fear, but I knew it wouldn't. Jasper's touch was the only one that could make me calm me.

They continued to chatter the entire way, and while I answered some of the questions asked, I mostly stared out the window and focused on breathing. Jasper glanced over at me worriedly often, catching my eyes a few times. A short silence hovered in the cab and Bella leaned forward to change the radio station but Jasper slapped her hand away.

"We listen to The Beatles in here," he scolded her.

She chuckled and looked at me. "Is he as big a fan as you are? I remember when we were dating you never listened to anything else. It was adorable." Her words were innocent but Jasper cringed at her memory.

"Yeah, he's a pretty big fan," I replied quietly. The muscles that had been so relaxed after Jasper's massage were tense and stiffening up. "He likes all kinds of music. Even eighties."

Turning to Jasper, she asked, "Eighties? Really?"

"Got a problem with that?" he said gruffly and she shrugged.

"No, just always pictured you more as the classic rock kind of guy."

"I'm just full of surprises," Jasper deadpanned. I almost smiled.

Their music debate continued until it was heated with friendly teasing. On more than one occasion I wanted to tell Jasper to pull over so I could switch places with Bella, but I managed to make it all the way to Port Angeles. Once we were off the highway, I relaxed a little and exhaled a long breath when Jasper finally shifted into park. Jasper and Bella got out of his side and I waited while Jasper crawled in the back and grabbed my chair. Bella stood to the side while Jasper opened my door and reached for me. His eyes meet mine and an entire conversation was silently spoken in seconds.

"_You okay, babe?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Her chatter drives me nuts."_

"_I know, she's just excited."_

He rolled his eyes as he slid an arm under my knees and lifted me out of the truck. Lowering me into the chair, Jasper grabbed my duffle bag from the floor of the cab. As I spun the chair around, I realized we were the only ones there. Bella grinned at me while Jasper closed the door and locked the truck. I led the way up the ramp and into the building, surprised to find it was unlocked. The corridor inside was dark and quiet except for the sound of their footsteps and the wheels as we headed toward the gym.

"Wow, this is really nice," Bella said as we entered. "It's huge."

The skylights in the ceiling lit up the dark court enough to see. Bella wondered toward the end of the court. Jasper took my bag off his shoulder and unzipped it, pulling out my basketball.

"Go shoot," he smiled, handing it to me and motioning to the basket.

That's why we were early. He remembered I liked to shoot alone for awhile before my games. There was a slight ache in my chest as it swelled with all that was Jasper. Holding the ball, I looked up at him. "You remembered?"

"Course," he scoffed as the ridiculous question.

I pushed forward, but rolled to a stop and looked over my shoulder at him. "Rebound for me?"

"Thought you'd never ask."

Bella leaned against the wall watching us as I went through my pregame routine shooting from specific spots in an order. Jasper was familiar with it, he knew exactly what I needed to do and he anticipated my actions. Other than asking a few questions and telling me I was shooting really well, Bella was quiet as she studied us. To my relief, my shots were sailing through the net with ease and I began to feel slightly less nauseas. Jasper loped over to the ball and passed it back to me.

"Ten minutes," he said, letting me know the time left until the others were due to start showing up. Nodding, I shot two more shots and then stopped. Jasper walked over, dribbling the ball next to him.

"Good?"

"Yeah, I think so." Looking up at him, I whispered, "Thanks to you."

"I didn't make the baskets," he grinned.

My fingers twitched with the need to reach out and take his hand, to curl mine around his and hold it, even if only for a few seconds. To prevent myself from doing just that, I gripped the wheels tighter. My gaze fell from his eyes to his clenching hands by his side. He was fighting the same urge.

"Hey, Cullen," a voice called out from the entrance. "You're here early." Riley wheeled over to me wearing his team uniform and trademark smile. "What's up, Jasper?"

"Not much. Ready for the game?"

"Damn right," Riley grinned. "How about you, Cullen? You ready?"

"I hope so," I answered quietly. Suddenly the overhead lights flickered to life and I looked over and saw Sam by the doors.

"Hey guys," he waved.

"I'm going to take Bella and find a seat," Jasper said softly. Riley pushed his way toward Sam and Jasper looked at me. "You can do this, babe. Just use your mad Cullen skills."

My superhero's job was done, as least for awhile.

Spinning the chair, I went over the bench where Sam and Riley were and set my bag on the floor. Leah and Jared arrived a few minutes later, followed closely by Paul, Quin, Brady, and Collin. Sam opened his ball bag and gave us a few basketballs to warm up with. Riley called out the drill and we all took our positions. For the moment, Jasper was sprawled out on the bleachers with Bella next to him, her arms wrapped around her knees as she watched. Sometimes when I would look over, I saw them talking, other times they were quiet. We had just finished our first drill when the other team started filing in. I watched the players push across the court. My chair was bumped and I looked at Riley, the wheels of his chair against mine.

"They're huge," I whispered. Riley glanced at them, but quickly brought his eyes back to me.

"Size doesn't matter much in chairball, you know that. Besides, we've got you," he said with a wink.

Sighing, I rejoined the drill, but I couldn't help stop myself from occasionally look at other team as they ran their drills. People began to enter the gym and fill up the bleachers. We were in the middle of a layup drill when I saw my parents and Alice walked in. My mom and Alice waved to me and my dad smiled as he directed my mother toward the stands and Jasper.

The sounds in the gym were the same as any other basketball game; dribbling balls, coaches calling out to their team, players talking to each other, but there was one sound noticeably missing.

Feet.

There were no feet hitting the floor, no sneakers squeaking on the parquet, no slapping of rubber soles as players ran.

Each time I checked the other team and saw them make a hard shot or dribble with no problem, my nerves increased.

"You're going to do fine," Riley said, placing his hand on my forearm. "Don't worry."

"I'm trying not to, but I don't want to let you guys down," I confessed.

"Impossible," he chuckled. "C'mon, let's get these guys ready."

We finished the drill and went back to the bench. In the time we'd been warming up, the bleachers had filled about halfway and the referees had arrived and were standing by the officials table. I was surprised to find they weren't in wheelchairs.

Everyone took off their warm-up jerseys, and I noticed a white C on the top corner of Riley's tank top representing his captain status as he began unsnapping the shiny nylon pants covering his legs. Chewing on my lip, I reached down to my feet to grab the snaps and started undoing them, working up my legs to my waist. Shifting in the chair, I slid the pants off and tossed them onto my bag, purposely not looking down at my pale legs sticking out uselessly from the maroon shorts.

Riley went to center court with the other captain and shook the official's hands. After Riley rejoined us, the national anthem played and everyone stood. Everyone but the players. The announcer at the desk introduced the starting players on each team and the crowd applauded for each of us.

Before we went onto the court, Sam gathered us in a circle. "You guys got this. Just remember, have patience with the plays, and if you don't have a shot under the basket, pass it back out to Edward and let him shoot the three. They aren't expecting him, but as soon as they figure out what he can do, they will cover him heavier, which should open up one of you two under the basket. Team on three," Sam said as he put his hand in the middle. We all did the same as he counted down. "One, two, three, team!"

My heart raced when the refs called us out to the court. Grabbing the handrims, I looked across the gym to Jasper. Staring at me, he smiled. The movement of his lips was barely noticeable, but I saw it.

_Love you._

Taking a deep breath, I nodded and made my way to the center of the court. The ref tossed the ball up and Riley and other team's center both stretched for it. Riley's fingertips brushed the bottom of the ball enough to send it in my direction. Reaching out, I snagged it and immediately looked down court. Just as she should have been, Leah was on her way to the basket. With a well time throw, the ball bounced in front of her and she caught it and made a layup. The cheers got louder in the stands and I let out a relieved breath. Backing up my chair, I went on defense, eyeing their point guard as he approached half court with the ball. Intently, I watched his hands as he called out a play. I went to go left with him but he stopped short and passed the ball to a teammate who made a shot.

"Damn it," I mumbled, catching the ball as Colin inbounded it to me.

Nervous and feeling clumsy, I dribbled down the court. It was a good thing they didn't challenge me because they probably could have stolen it. I called out a play and my teammates moved into position. The guy guarding me was smaller than their other players, but he was quick. He kept his distance, waiting for me to make a move. As soon as I did, he slammed his chair into mine, sending me rolling backwards as I passed the ball. Paul caught it and passed it to Riley, who made the shot. Relieved, I turned and went back on defense, determined to not let the guy get by me again. Spinning my chair, I waited for him, concentrating on his hands more closely than before. That time, I called it right and was able to reach up and block his pass, sending the ball into Colin's hands. He dribbled down court and scored a basket.

The other team scored on their next play and the ball was ours again. Sitting at the arc, I called out the play and watched my team move. The guy guarding Riley was good. He kept hitting Riley's chair, pushing Riley just out of reach of where he needed to be. I made the pass to him but he didn't have a shot. Glancing at the shot clock, I called for the ball and he passed it back. Reaching up, I took a shot and watched as the ball hit the rim and bounced out.

Defeated, I turned and went back up court.

Even though we were up by six points, I felt like I couldn't do anything right. Riley rolled up next to me.

"You're doing fine," he assured me. "Just take your time and don't worry so much."

He moved past me and guarded his player. When they missed a shot, we had a fast break and scored again. On our next offense, we ran a newer play and it worked except Colin missed the shot, but Riley rebounded and put it back up. His arm was slapped as he shot and the ref called a foul. Riley shot his foul shots and put us up by ten. On the next play, I was chasing down a player and someone slammed into me from the side, sending me off course. There was constant bumping of chairs, the sound of metal hitting metal filled the gym as players vied for position. I couldn't help but worry about tipping over. I knew it was part of the game, and I couldn't get much more hurt than I already was, but it was something I was paranoid about. So far only two people had been knocked over and they both pushed themselves upright and immediately got back into the game.

At the end of the first period, we were still up by eight. Sam called us over and we all guzzled water as he spoke to us.

"Things are going good. Edward, you're doing great, don't be afraid to keep shooting. Riley, keep getting fouled, they're calling them on that guy each time. I'm going to put Brady in and give Edward a rest, Jared, go in for Paul."

The next period started and I sat on the sidelines and watched. My eyes drifted to the stands where I saw my parents smiling proudly. Jasper was gnawing on the inside of his cheek as he stared at me. Bella was watching the game intently, occasionally tapping Jasper's arm to get his attention and ask him something. Never taking his eyes from me, he answered her. My gaze flickered to the game and I watched the teams go up and down the court, players calling out to each other, chairs hitting one another.

It was so different, and yet the same, as what I had done for so many years. I had yet to feel the calmness that came with the confidence I had for doing something I knew I could. Now I wasn't so sure anymore. Especially after missing my first shot. I hadn't attempted another since then. It was irrational, I knew that, but I couldn't help it, my nerves were getting the best of me. I had been worried I wouldn't live up their expectations, and it was coming true.

The second period ended with my team up by four, and the teams went to the ends of court. Sam held a whiteboard and went over a few changes he wanted to make. We all listened and then he let us go shoot. I wasn't surprised when I turned the chair and Jasper was standing in the corner waiting for me.

"I'll be right back," I said to Riley and headed toward Jasper. When I reached him, there was no hiding the frustration on my face.

Crouching, he looked at me. "What's going on, babe?"

I sighed heavily. "I don't know. I just can't shoot, or dribble, or do any fucking thing without fucking up."

"Bullshit. This is all in your head. You were shooting eighty percent before the game. You're letting your nerves get to you. You're your own worst enemy right now. It's not that the other team is better, because they're not."

He was right, I knew he was right, but it didn't solve the problem.

"Just let it go. Go out there, do your thing and don't give a shit. Pretend it's just you and me shooting in your driveway like last night. Remember? When you kicked my ass?"

"Yeah," I sighed again.

"You can do this, babe. I know you can. Just relax and have fun." He smiled as he stood. "Now I have to get back to Miss Chatterbox over there. Oh, and your legs look fucking hot."

I almost laughed. "Thanks, love."

"Good luck." Then he turned and walked back to the bleachers, using his long legs to make his way back to my parents and Bella. I rejoined my team on the court, already feeling slightly better.

The very first play of the third period, I had the ball at the top of the arc. Jasper called it my sweet spot, usually giggling when he said it because we both knew where my real sweet spot was…and it wasn't anywhere near a basketball court. I passed the ball to Leah, who made a nice pass to Riley. He didn't have a shot so he threw it back to me.

The gym grew dark except for the moonlight above me. A cool night breeze messed my hair and grazed my skin. Jasper's arms were everywhere trying to anticipate my shot. With one push the right, I was in the clear and heard him mumble 'fuck' as the ball left my hand. There were no wild cheers from fans when the ball sailed into the net, only Jasper's chuckle when he ran to rebound the ball. Each shot I took increased my confidence that Jasper was right. Maybe I could do this after all.

Before my guy could get on me, I took a breath and shot.

Just like in the movies it seemed the ball was in the air forever but it finally went through the net and the ref raised his hands for three points. It was the first three-pointer of the game. Riley high-fived me on our way down the court. The game picked up in intensity, I was bumped and shoved and pushed, but I managed to keep the ball in play and not lose it, although I thought I was going to a few times. I made two more three point shots in a row and their coach started yelling at his team.

"Somebody get on that guy!"

After my third three-pointer, I took a chance and glanced up at the bleachers. Jasper was beaming, his dimples deep on either side of his grin.

He just loved being right.

The third period ended with us up by seven. The other team had made some adjustments on their offense and began to score a little more. Still, they had no outside shooter. They began to double team me but it only freed up Riley and he was able to get some easy shots. Just like with every other game, there was some trash talking going on. I heard happy-go-lucky Riley swear at his man a few times when he got bumped too hard and didn't get called on the foul.

The fourth and final period began. Sam pulled me for the first few minutes to let me rest. Brady was better at dribbling than I was, but his shots were off and when there was only six minutes left, Sam called a timeout and the team came over. Everyone was sweaty and out of breath. Riley's shirt was sticking to every inch of him, and Colin's hair was slick with sweat. Sam gave us final instructions and put me back in the game.

"Let's do this," Riley said to me with his confident smile.

Colin tossed the ball in and I dribbled down the court. The guy guarding me reached up as I shot, but the arc on the ball was too high and it sailed over his reach and into the basket. The crowd clapped and whistled. One was especially louder than them all.

On defense, I was able to bump my player's chair and throw him off enough so he missed his shot. The game went back and forth until there was under a minute left and we were up by six. Each team had one possession left. My arms burned, my hands were cramping, and I had sweat dripping down my face. The game was ours as long as we didn't screw up. I read the other team's defense and called out a play. It was one Riley and I had practiced many times the day before. Like a well oiled machine, he moved around the players and ended up where he needed go, but his player was right with him. It wouldn't work. Catching his eyes and without saying a word, I told him to move. He spun his chair and went backdoor on his player. The ball was in his hands a second later and he made a layup.

The other team still had time for one last shot but they didn't even bother, they just threw the ball up the court.

We'd won.

Relieve, I smiled and looked at the bleachers, my eyes immediately falling on my boy. He was grinning proudly. Next to him, Bella was looking at him and then followed his gaze to me, giving me a shy smile and wave. Then Jasper said something to her and she nodded, but her eyes didn't leave me.

Sweaty, I joined my team and got into a line, one behind the other, and high fived the other team as we wheeled past each other. Sam was grinning as he hugged Riley and ruffled his hair, and then fist bumped everyone else. I was picking up my water when Sam came over to me.

"You are definitely our secret weapon," he laughed. "I knew they wouldn't have an answer for you. You did great, Edward."

"Thanks," I smiled, relieved. "I had fun, thanks for letting me on the team."

Riley spoke up. "Are you kidding? We're glad you're here. We're going all the way this year."

Everyone nodded and congratulated me on my first game and the team's win. I picked up my bag and began stuffing my things into it, keeping my water out. Setting my bag on my lap, I turned my chair and crossed the court for the bleachers. Jasper and Bella were standing next to my family. Before I even reached them, my mother came over to me and was hugging me, telling me how proud she was. My dad was behind her as soon as she let me go, he took her place and hugged me.

"How do you feel? Anything hurting?" he asked in his doctor voice when he straightened.

"No, my hands and arms are sore, but other than that, I'm okay."

"Good," he said with relief. He might have pretended to not be worried about me playing but deep down I knew he had been. "I assume you're riding home with Jasper and Bella?"

"Yeah."

"We'll see you at home then."

"Good game," Alice piped in. Always on the lookout for cute boys, her eyes were not on me but on my teammates, especially Riley and Brady.

"Okay, see you guys in awhile, thanks for coming," I said, and after one more hug, they followed the other people out the doors. When I looked back at Jasper, I found him shifting his weight back and forth nervously. His hands were shoved in his jean pockets and his head was dipped low but his eyes were raised, watching me through his lashes. He almost looked embarrassed.

Bella stepped forward and hugged me, crinkling her nose when she got a whiff of my sweaty body. "Congratulations, Edward."

"Thanks, Bella."

She smiled as she stood, running her fingertips over my shoulder and down my arm to my hand. "It was nice to see you play again. Tough sport too. I didn't expect it to be so physical."

"I guess there isn't much to lose," I shrugged. "They're hurt already."

Jasper was extraordinarily quiet for a after a game, and I knew seeing my sweaty body in a tank top and shorts was probably driving him insane. It must have been uncomfortable to sit next to Bella and hide his erection during the game. Then again, he didn't look aroused.

He looked…anxious.

"Hey."

"Hey," he returned. "Ready to go?"

"Sure."

As we made our way to the door, Riley came over. "Hey, guys. Great game, Edward. Sam is right, you're our secret weapon."

"Thanks," I smiled back at him. It was hard not to smile at Riley. His own was contagious…and directed at Bella. A blush covered her cheeks as she stared at Riley, the flick of his head and curling of his pink lips.

"Is this your girlfriend?" he asked.

"Umm…no, just a friend," I mumbled.

"You're a fool," Riley laughed.

"Bella this is Riley, our team captain. Riley, this is Bella," I introduced.

Riley put his hand out and Bella took it. "Nice to meet you."

"You too," she giggled. Apparently Jasper and I weren't the only ones that thought Riley was good looking.

"I hope to see you at more games."

"Definitely," she nodded.

"We should go. Good game, Riley, congrats on the win," Jasper said, pulling on an entirely smitten Bella.

"Bye, Riley," she purred as Jasper dragged her backwards.

"Bye, Bella," he chuckled before turning to me. "She's cute."

"Yeah, she is. I gotta go, I'll see you on Tuesday."

"You bet."

"Thanks again for yesterday, I think it helped a lot."

"My pleasure," he said, tilting his head and letting his hair fall over his deep blue eyes.

Swallowing, I pushed toward the door. Bella were already in the truck and Jasper was leaning against it when I arrived. I felt the tenseness in his body when he lifted me into the truck. Inside, Bella hit me with a ton of questions about Riley.

"Gesh, Bella, let me answer one before the next," I complained when she didn't slow down.

"She was like this all during the game. I kept telling her I didn't know anything about 'the super hot guy that Edward kept passing the ball to'," he mimicked her voice almost perfectly. She laughed and hit him, finally pulling a smile from his worried face.

The ride home was more difficult than the ride there. Without the distraction of the game, I was more aware of what was going on outside the truck, but Bella's questions forced me to focus on her and not the oncoming traffic. Jasper looked over at me a few times, making sure I was okay. Remembering the brownies, he had Bella get them from his bag and then she handed us each one, but I refused mine. The last thing I wanted to do was throw up in the truck with Bella there. My stomach remained in knots the entire ride home.

By the time Jasper pulled into Bella's driveway my nails had left permanent marks on my palms from fisting my hands. Jasper got out and waited for Bella to unbuckle. She gave me a kiss on my cheek and congratulated me again on the game before sliding across the seat and out of the truck. What she did next surprised me. Instead of just brushing by Jasper with a quick goodbye, she stood on her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down to her. Glancing at me over her shoulder, he curved his arms around her waist and gave her a light squeeze. She must have said something to him, because his eyes closed and he nodded in response. She held him for a long few seconds before letting him go and giving him a smile and moving past him toward her house. Jasper climbed back in and buckled up, purposely ignoring my raised brow.

Something was up.

But I could tell by the look on his face, he wasn't going to willingly tell me.

"Jasper?" I prodded as he backed out.

He just shook his head, ending the conversation before it started. As soon as we were out of sight of Bella's, Jasper pulled over. He didn't have to say what he wanted. Undoing my buckle, I gladly dragged myself across the seat until I was pressed against him. When my palm flatted on his thigh, I felt him relax. My heart that had been pounding the entire way home finally slowed.

Silently he drove us back to my place.

After he shifted into park, I lifted my head from his shoulder. "Is it bad?"

"No," he answered, knowing exactly what I was referring to, but not telling me anything further.

"Will you tell me someday?"

"Someday," he agreed, then kissed my forehead.

I knew my boy, he would tell me sooner than later.

"Can you stay for dinner? My dad wants to celebrate. I'm going to see if he'll cook on the grill."

Jasper glanced at my house and sighed. "I want to, but I need to run and I promised my mom I'd be home tonight."

"You okay, love?"

He gave me a sweet smile. "Of course, just tired. You're probably tired too, huh?"

"Yeah, a little."

"You did awesome today, babe. I'm so proud of you," he whispered. "I knew you could do it."

"I did it because of you, last night, this morning."

"Nope, I'm not taking any credit. I didn't shoot any of those shots, you did," he countered with a shake of his head, the ends of his curls brushing over my cheek.

"But I was able to shoot them because of you." Before he could argue anymore, I asked, "What time tomorrow?"

"Seven," he grinned. "I want all day with you. Just you and me. No parents, no Bella, or Riley."

"Make it nine and you've got yourself a boyfriend for the day," I compromised.

"Deal. I'll be here at nine." Turning his head, he gave me a quick, innocent kiss before opening his door and getting the chair. "Be safe, baby."

"See ya, love." I watched as he got into the truck and pulled out. There was a storm hovering around my boy, and I was pretty sure I knew what it was, but I couldn't be sure until he told me.

I showered and changed into some sweatpants and tee shirt. It felt good to sit under the hot spray of the water and I let it run over my back and shoulders for a long time. I wished Jasper was in there with me to massage me like he had after the race that morning. My stomach still churned slightly with worry over what was bothering him. I hoped at the meadow, when it was just us, he would tell me.

My father easily agreed to grill some steaks. It'd been two days since I had applied to OSU and I had to tell him about it, let him know about the additional cost and the scholarship. While my mother was inside making a salad and vegetables to go with the steak, I offered to help my dad.

I joined my father on the patio. He was standing in front of the grill wearing his 'Chef of the Year' apron as he tossed the steaks on. Rolling to stop next to him, I watched the flames come up and dance around the edges of the steak.

"Jasper's not staying for dinner?" he asked, clearly surprised.

"Not tonight. He wants to go on a long run and he promised his mom he'd be home early tonight."

"I imagine he is probably pretty tired," he said, then glanced at me from the corner of his eyes. "You too."

"Yeah, the game was tiring."

"Actually," he cleared his throat, "I was referring to your late night one on one."

The lump in my dry throat was thick and large, and no matter how many times I tried to swallow, it wouldn't go away. How much had he seen? Had he just seen the basketball, or had he seen the kissing afterward? No matter how much I pretended to be okay with it, I wasn't ready to come out. I didn't want to be the gay cripple kid. I told myself being with Jasper was more important than anything, but when faced with the thought that my dad knew about us, I felt sick.

"Don't worry," he began, looking up at the kitchen window, "I won't tell your mother."

Tell her what? That her only son was gay? That the Cullen name was going to end with me? That her only hope for grandchildren was Alice? Of course, I asked him none of these questions. Instead, I stared at him blankly, hoping that the shock and fear on my face was somewhat hidden.

"Tell her what?" I finally choked out.

Flipping the steaks, he looked at me. "That you and Jasper were outside at two in the morning playing basketball. She'd be worried about you not sleeping, and waking the neighbors. I just happened to be up to use the bathroom and heard the ball bouncing."

Relief swept through me so fast I felt lightheaded. "I was nervous about the game and couldn't sleep. Jasper suggested we got play so I wouldn't be so nervous anymore," I explained in a shaky voice.

"Did it work?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Good, but let's try to keep the games to daylight hours, okay?"

"Sure." I watched him for a few minutes as he turned and checked the meat. "I need to tell you something."

"What's up?"

I debated on where to start. "I had a muscle spasm during PT on Monday," I began and his eyes narrowed a little, telling me he was familiar with what I was talking about. "It hurt, a lot. But Emmett massaged it away and then I was back to… back to feeling nothing. He explained what had happened."

"He told you they're normal?"

"Yeah. He told me what causes them. Jasper told me a lot about them too. He said it's a good sign because it means my spine isn't in shock anymore."

A slight smile crossed his lips and he nodded. "Jasper would be correct. It is a good sign, but I know that's not what you want to hear, is it?"

"I want to hear I'm going to walk again," I admitted softly.

He looked away for a second before bringing his eyes back to mine. They were glassy. "I know. And I wish I could tell you that for certain."

Lifting my chin, I announced, "I told Emmet I want to start using the parallel bars. Jasper said if I'm not in shock anymore, I can do more physical things."

"And what did Emmett say?"

"He said I could start them."

"Then I agree. When we have your checkup next week, we will tell Dr. Sullivan about the spasms and your PT progress. Have you had any more spasms?"

"No, just that one."

"Let me know if you do, if they get too severe there are meds we can put you on, but I don't think it will be necessary. You're very active, apparently even at two AM," he chuckled, "and that will help."

Staring at my lap, I tugged on my bottom lip, my heart still pounding from the thought of being discovered. "There's something else."

"Oh?"

"I applied to Oregon State University," I blurted out before I could stop myself.

There was no hiding his surprise when his eyes widened and his lips formed an 'o'. "What brought that on? I thought it was UW or nothing at all?"

_Jasper._

_I love him, Dad. He's my life._

Trying to act as casual as possible, I shrugged. "Jasper got accepted to OSU on a full scholarship for track-"

"He did?" He grinned proudly as if Jasper was his own son. "That's wonderful."

Suddenly, I worried that my dad would tell Jasper, and I had to stop him from mentioning it to Jasper. "He hasn't told anyone yet, so don't say anything to him, okay?"

"Sure, sure. I understand. So you applied to Oregon so you two could still go to college together?"

I nodded. "I checked them out, and they have both music education and piano instrumental for majors. They also have music scholarships, but I missed the deadline for them. I'm going to apply anyway, but I probably won't get anything. Is…is that okay?"

"That you applied there?"

"Yeah."

He tilted his head and stared at me for a few seconds before speaking. "Of course. Where you go to college is your choice, Edward, it always has been. If you want to go to Oregon, and they have your major, then I'll support that. Although we never toured the campus, I'm not even sure where it is."

"It's about six hours from here."

Something crossed his face, an acknowledgement or realization of some kind, and he smiled as if he had figured a puzzle out. "I see. That's pretty far. We'd have to set you up with a doctor and PT down there."

"Well, I have to get in first."

"I'm sure you will," he smiled. "I think this is a good idea, Edward. I like the thought of Jasper nearby in case anything happens. As long as you're sure this is what you want."

_Without a doubt._

"It is. The problem is because they are out of state, it's going to cost more than UW," I said worriedly. "And if I don't get a music scholarship then…"

He put a hand up to stop me. "Let your mother and I figure that out. You just get into the college and we'll deal with the tuition when the time comes."

"It's just with all the medical bills, and now a more expensive college...it just seems like a lot," I sighed.

"We'll figure something out. Just keep me updated on the application, let me know how it goes."

"I will."

"Can you tell your mother these will be done in about five minutes?" he asked, flipping the meat one last time.

"Sure," I said, backing the chair up.

We ate dinner outside at the round table on the patio. The conversation centered on my game and Alice's questions about my teammates. It was a nice celebration dinner. The only thing missing was my boy. More than once, my eyes wandered to his empty chair.

After dinner, I helped clear the table and then went to my room. I transferred to my bed, bringing my laptop with me. I don't know why I did it, maybe it was too reassure myself that I had done the right thing, but I opened the OSU website again and read over all the information they had on their music program. Curious, I went back to the athletic pages and found a list of teams and clubs. I scanned through it, stopping about halfway down.

They had adaptive sports, including wheelchair basketball.

Excited, I clicked on the link that brought me to a webpage devoted to the team. There was a schedule and pictures of the team.

_They had wheelchair basketball. _

I kept repeating it over and over. Until the night of the accident, my life had been pretty easy with few bumps along the way, but since that night it seemed everything had gotten in my way. Sometimes literally.

Until now.

Now it looked like things might actually work out just like Jasper and I'd always imagined. I could play ball and study music, he could run and study PT, and most importantly, we could live together. Honestly, it felt too good to be true and it scared me. I held back my excitement, expecting something to go wrong, like not getting accepted. I had never been a pessimistic person, but when my easy life had suddenly become filled with catheters and ramps, my outlook had changed. Tempted to call Jasper and tell him everything, I bookmarked the site and closed the laptop.

I had just rolled over and was staring at the ceiling when my phone rang with Jasper's ringtone. He'd kill me if he knew I'd changed it to "Eye of the Tiger".

"So, I was thinking about tomorrow-"

"Of course you were."

"—and I think we should leave earlier."

"How early?"

"I'll be there at eight," he said.

"I'll be ready."

"I can't wait to be alone with you," he sighed.

"Me either," I agreed.

"So…"

"So…"

"Whatta wearing?"

Leave it to Jasper to take any and all fears I had and sweep them away with just two words. He had an uncanny sense of timing, and innate way of making me smile.

"I love you," I blurted.

"I was expecting sweatpants and a tee shirt, but I'll take it," he chuckled.

We spent the rest of the night on the phone. He even insisted I take him into the bathroom with me when I did my nightly routine. Once I was in bed, I turned onto my side so I could lay the phone on my ear while we talked and eventually we fell asleep together. It wasn't as good as having his body pressed to me, but it was the next best thing.

_The chairs slammed into each other and the crowd applauded. I could barely hear my own teammates as they called for the ball. The other team was guarding us closely, their hands seemingly everywhere. Looking to my left, I saw an open man as he headed toward the basket. I bounced pass it to him, timing it perfectly, but his shot was off and the ball came back at him. I called for it and he lobbed it back out to me. As soon as I caught it, I shot and made it. _

_Backing my chair up, I glanced at the people in the stands. Without having to scan the crowd or guess where he was, my eyes immediately fell on him. He was smiling, leaning forward and cheering. I should have been concentrating on the game, but all I could think of was how hot he looked. At the other end of the court, the other team ran their play but fumbled a pass and it was intercepted by our wing player. He passed it up to me and I caught it, dribbling it effortlessly by my side as I pushed down the court and made an easy layup. The fans got even louder and I looked out at the sea of orange and black that surrounded Jasper. _

_The lead went back and forth right up until the last few seconds. I was at the arc with the ball waiting for my post player to get his spot. The other team's defense was good and they were covering my players well. Watching the shot clock, I knew I had to make a quick decision. I was sitting past the three point line, taking a shot would be risky, but if it went in, we would win. _

_Glancing to my side, I saw Jasper. He was alone. There was no one around him. He mouthed, "You can do it". Turning back to the basket, I raised the ball over my head, took a deep breath and shot. _

_It sailed through the air and into the basket. _

_The crowd rushed down onto the court, congratulating me as they neared, but it was Jasper I wanted to see. _

"_Told you," he smirked as he reached me. _

"_You know everything," I teased and he laughed. "Ready to head home?"_

_He nodded and followed me to the bench, waiting while I packed my bag with my team gear of a black warm up shirt and pants. Jasper followed me outside and down the ramp, stopping when people came to congratulate me. _

"_I think we need to celebrate," he said. _

"_Yeah?"_

"_Def. I think we should get some subs, watch a movie, and then have lots of sex."_

"_That sounds like a perfect night to me." _

_We reached the parking lot and I unlocked the van, waiting for the ramp to lower before pushing up it. I transferred to the driver's seat and started the van. Backing out of the space, I drove out of the lot and turned onto the street. At the sub shop a few miles away, Jasper hopped out and went inside to order. _

_At home, we went inside and I moved to the couch while Jasper got us some sodas and brownies he'd made. We spent the night watching a movie and spooning on the couch. Before it was too late, I went to take a shower, not refusing when Jasper offered his help, which usually consisted of him sitting on my lap and writhing while I soaped him up and jerked him off. Then he would turn around and work me with his lathered ass until I was rock hard and wanting in. He would apply a little lube to his hole before straddling and impaling himself on my cock. As I watched his pleasure, the pleasure I was giving him, I wanted nothing more than to feel how tight and hot I imagined he must be. He would tug on my nipple rings and suck on every inch of skin he could reach until I shuddered with a ghostgasm. Of course, my horny boy was hard again and while my cock was still buried in his ass, I jerked him off again. After his cum was rinsed from my chest, he carried me to bed, curled up into me and sang in my ear until I fell asleep. _

"**~~**"

"Wow," I exclaimed as we breached the forest line and entered the sunny meadow. It was filled with tall grass and flowers of just about every color. Jasper used to joke and call it our very own strawberry fields, and even searched for a strawberry bush once, insisting there must be one there, but he'd never found it.

My chest was still heaving as I took in deep breaths. Unlike the last time we'd been there, I had pushed myself up the entire trail alone. Jasper had to move a few things out of my way and help out of a rut once but he never had to carry me.

I think he was disappointed.

Standing next to me dressed in jeans and an AC/DC shirt, he carried a backpack and small cooler. My own duffle bag was hanging on the back of the chair.

Jasper had shown up right at eight, almost bouncing with energy as he rushed me out of my room and to the truck. However instead of going directly to the trail, he'd taken me to a diner in town and bought me breakfast. While I was trying to decide what to order, he grinned and told me I'd better eat lots of protein because I was going to need my strength. He ate more than a humanly possible amount of pancakes and bacon while I had an omelet and home fries. We took our time eating, talking about the game the day before and gossiping about a few people that walked by. It was mid morning by the time we left.

Jasper inhaled the fresh scent of the grass and forest and flowers with a deep breath. "Smells so good. It's been too long."

"Yeah, it has."

"Our strawberry fields forever," he said, winking at me.

Stepping forward, he blazed a trail for me to follow, squishing down a path wide enough for the chair. The grass got tangled in the wheels a few times and I had to reach over and yank it out, but I eventually made it to the middle where Jasper was already slipping his bag off and pulling out the quilt he'd brought. Rolling to a stop, I waited until he spread the blanket out before tossing my bag on it. He came over to me and lifted me from the chair and sat me on the blanket. Sitting next to me, he pulled out his iHome, a sweatshirt, and a few comic books. After setting up his phone, he started my playlist and moved it to the edge of the blanket. Then he turned to me with a primal look in his eyes.

"Hey," he murmured right before his lips brushed over mine.

Every part of me that still worked shivered when his hand curled around my neck and into my hair, pulling me closer. No matter how many times I felt his tongue against mine, that I tasted his sweetness, or swallowed his moans, it would never get old. Each time we kissed was like the first time all over again, right down to the butterflies in my stomach. Though, sometimes not kissing Jasper was almost as hot. There was something about the anticipation of knowing what was coming that was such a turn on. Feeling his breath on my face, seeing his eyes darken, knowing his heart was racing like my own, it all excited me as much as the actual feel of his lips on mine. After a few long minutes of kissing, he pulled away and kissed along my jaw and down my neck.

"Finally, I get you alone. You're all mine today," he smiled against my skin.

"I'm all yours every day," I reminded him as he bit down. Running his tongue over the bite mark, he lifted his head.

"I brought a surprise for you," he said, reaching behind him for the comic books. "Lay down."

He bunched up his sweatshirt and handed it to me. Once I was lying down, Jasper lay on his back, using my hips as his pillow. He lifted the colorful book and began. I listened carefully to every single word that came out of his beautiful mouth about the Green Lantern and Sinestro. Jasper even did different voices for each character and held the book at an angle so I could see all the pages. He was very description with his fight sounds and when I giggled, his head would bounce with the movement. Reaching down, my fingers toyed with his hair, occasionally twisting and catching the waves as the wind blew them. Sometimes the wheat colored strands distracted me, but Jasper caught me each time, clearing his throat and bringing my attention back to the battle he was reading to me. The sun rose higher in the sky as Jasper continued to read the entire book, never wavering in his character voices.

Jasper was the dreamer, the romantic. It was always him that did these grand gestures. If he knew what I truly thought about us, if he knew that he was my star, my other half, my heart, he would probably blush and then laugh it off. I kept such embarrassing things to myself.

Mostly.

But there were sometimes when I would look at him, just look at him, and I knew he knew. He knew he was my everything. He would catch me staring at him, hold my gaze, his eyes filling with all the same stuff that was in mine before he would look away.

In those moments, those few seconds, my boy knew he was what made my life worth living.

When he finished, he sighed and put it down next to him. Turning his head to me, he squinted in the sun, one eye almost completely closed.

"Did you like it?"

"It was awesome," I smiled at him.

"Yeah?"

"It's like comic books are your version of reading romantic poetry," I chuckled.

"Graphic novels, babe," he chided.

I brushed his hair out of his eyes. "Ya know you don't have to woo me anymore. I'm kind of yours already."

He grinned. "Just want to be sure you stay that way."

"And reading _graphic novels_ to me will do that?"

"That, and sucking your cock." I couldn't help but laugh. He rolled onto his side and stared at me. "Speaking of…."

The time had come. He really wanted to give me a blowjob even though I couldn't feel a thing.

"Was reading that your idea of foreplay?"

"It was like porn for geeks, didn't you see the guys in tight pants with huge bulges?" When I didn't speak, he sighed. "Babe, I want to do this, a fucking lot actually, but if you don't want to, if you want to wait, we can."

"You'd do that for me?" I swallowed thickly.

"Wait? Fuck yeah, of course. I'll wait as long as you want."

I ran my hand along his unshaven jaw and looked into eyes that matched the cloudless sky above us. "I'm just scared."

Shifting, he rose up a bit so he could study me easier. My hand never left his hair. "Of what?"

"Everything," I confessed shyly. "Not feeling you, you not liking it. Not getting hard…"

"You don't have to be hard for me to give you head, baby. And c'mon, me not like giving you a bj? That's just crazy. But I can understand about not feeling it. I can't even begin imagine what that's like. But…" He looked down at my crotch, then back to my eyes. "You remember, right? What it felt like?"

"Sometimes I think so, other times, I don't know."

Tilting his head, he judged my resolve. I could see him wondering just how much I didn't want to do this, how much he could push me before it was too far.

"How about we try it. If it bothers you, I'll stop." He wiggled his eyebrows. "And you can do me."

The stubborn streak that I both loved and hated in him reared its head. He wasn't going to give up trying. Sighing, I considered his offer before finally nodding. I'd never seen Jasper move so fast. Within a blink of an eye, my jeans were unbuttoned and unzipped and he was tugging them down my hips. Even with nerves churning my stomach, I laughed at his eagerness.

"Tee shirt off," he demanded and I obeyed. Lifting my upper body, I grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head, shivering when the air danced over my chest, hardening my nipples. Jasper looked at me, and like a kid in a candy store with too many options, he just stared. "I don't know what I want first."

Lying back, I rested my head on the folded sweatshirt and watched as he took off his own shirt. Standing, he undid his jeans and let them fall down his legs before he toed out of his sneakers and stepped out of his pants. Kicking them aside, he dropped to his knees and looked at my cotton covered cock like a starving man.

"You warm enough?" he asked.

"Yeah."

It was probably close to noon, the sun was almost directly above us, almost blinding if we looked up at it. Reaching out, the tips of his fingers skimmed over my chest in the lightest of touches. I arched up, already wanting more and he smiled.

"I fucking love how responsive you are. I'm barely touching you," he murmured in awe. He spent a few minutes teasing me with those lingering touches before he brought his eyes to mine. "You sure?"

Instead of answering, I grabbed his wrist and pushed his hand down my abdomen to my cock, placing it on the soft bulge in my briefs. Letting his hand go, I watched as he slipped his hand under the elastic and palmed me. He moaned at the feeling of me in his hand and I saw his hand begin to move up and down, the cotton stretched tight over it. It looked hot, and I imagined it might have felt the same way. He watched his movements for a minute before he leaned over and latched onto a nipple without warning.

"OH FUCK!" I cried out. When my back lifted off the blanket, he snuck an arm under me, supporting my weight as he held me up, closer to his mouth as he lavished my skin before dragging his scruffy jaw over my chest until his mouth reached the other nipple and he showed it the same care. "Jesus, oh, God."

My head rocked side to side. His tongue felt rough and soft and fucking amazing, so much more than I ever remembered. When I moaned and it vibrated through me, he returned the sound with a deeper one of need. Clenching my eyes, I focused on the incredible sensations running through my chest and arms and neck. A tingling swirled around me, traveling at great speed from the tips of my fingers to the base of my neck. I felt the tickling teasing my spine as it worked its way down until it could proceed no further. Finally regaining some muscle control, I lifted my hand from the blanket and ran it up the knots in his back, knowing they still worked for him. He groaned and shifted to allow me to reach him better. Running a hand down the muscles in his back, I reached the elastic of his underwear and stuck my hand inside to grope his ass.

Gasping, he released my nipple and put his forehead on my chest. "Fuck, babe."

Encouraged, I continued to knead the flesh of his ass, angling my head for him as he kissed along my collarbone and landed on my earlobe.

Having set me back down on the blanket, his freed hand went into my hair, tugging enough to send bolts of pain coated with pleasure through me.

With his lips at my ear, he whispered, "So fucking hot. Feeling you in my hand, feeling you move under me, for me." Each word was broken up by the tip of his tongue tracing the shell of my ear before his breaths made me shiver. For a few long seconds all I could hear was our shortened breaths. Then he said the words I wasn't sure I would hear.

"Babe, you're hard," he murmured.

I was tempted to open my eyes and look for myself, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. When Jasper's mouth left my ear, it was to return to my nipples and kiss along my chest. My hair was still wrapped tightly in his hair and he began to move against my hand in his pants. The more he moved, the more he groaned, the more worked up I got. Every touch was heightened in way I'd never felt before; the wetness of his lips, the sandpaper roughness of his jaw, the feather of his lashes, the tender and urgent touch of his hands. The tingling increased when he bit down on my nipple, taking it between his teeth and twisting it hard. It seemed like his mouth was everywhere at once, and then I was floating as the ghostgasm hit me and the tingling rushed through me. I didn't know he'd pulled his hand from my underwear until I was aware of it pinching my other nipple as I whimpered and trembled. The feeling went down my back, courting outward before settling as a warmth low in my belly. His lips returned to my ear, nibbling on the lobe.

"Fucking hot when you come," he said quietly.

I might have smiled, I couldn't tell, but I know I was repeating his name over and over as he continued to worship me while the remains of the pseudo orgasm continued through me. Finally, he released my ear and lay down next to me, his heated skin pressed against mine. My eyes were still closed, but I knew I wore a silly grin.

"Feel good?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "Really good."

"So…can I…."

Opening an eye, I looked at him all eager and shit as he bit his bottom lip waiting. When I nodded, he planted a brief kiss on my lips before sliding down my body. As soon as I couldn't feel him anymore, I closed my eyes again. I couldn't watch.

I was vaguely aware of him lifting my hips to pull my briefs down over my ass, but then I felt nothing except the sun on my torso. My hands fell to my sides, unconsciously gripping the blanket. His hand was on mine, prying my fingers loose from the quilt until I willingly turned up my palm and laced my fingers with his.

"Open your eyes, baby," he said softly. I shook my head. "Please. I want to see you."

Sighing, I opened them, but refused to look at him. His hand tightened in mine.

"Look at me," he clarified. As slowly as possible, I lowered my eyes until I was looking down the newly muscled slopes of my chest and abdomen.

The head of my hard cock between the beautiful lips I loved to suck and kiss. They were firmly wrapped around the head and I imagined that his tongue was tracing the ridge, swirling over the top and even dipping into the slit to coax out some precum. Blue eyes in a shade I never seen before watched me reverently through long lashes. Moaning loudly when our eyes meet, he began to slide his mouth down my length, taking it inch by inch into his wet heat.

"Fuck," I mumbled as I watched my saliva coated cock disappear between his lush lips. "Holy fucking shit."

Moving his mouth back up, he released me, and holding the base of my cock, lapped his way up and down it with his tongue like he was eating an ice cream cone. His eyes never left mine as he flicked the tip of his tongue over the satiny head, groaning when he licked a bead of fluid. Still holding my hand, he took my cock in his mouth again, taking me deeper and deeper until I knew I must be hitting the back of his throat. His Adam's apple lowered as he swallowed around me, creating a tight grip of suction.

It was one of the most erotic things I'd ever seen, except I couldn't feel a fucking thing. Desperately I wanted to feel the rough of his tongue, his spit slickening my skin, and his lips stroking me as his head moved. He must have sensed I wanted to look away because his fingers gripped mine even more, pulling my attention back to him. He let my cock fall from his mouth, but he didn't move. In fact, he held the base while he ran his nose down it, inhaling the scent deeply, until his mouth was at my balls. Pushing my dick forward against my abs, he looked up at me while his tongue darted out and ran along the wrinkled skin of my balls. While I'd handled my cock a lot to insert catheters, I only touched my balls in the shower. They were useless now. Even if they were full of seed, they couldn't empty it. I kept expecting to see my hips to begin thrusting up, to fuck his mouth like I used to, like I wanted to.

But my hips never moved, my legs remained completely still and lifeless.

I was tempted to reach down with my other hand and stop him, but his rapt gaze held mind and I was transfixed by him, by his desire for me even though I felt nothing. Using the flat of his tongue, he lifted a ball into his mouth and then I heard the noises; suckling, moaning, and the slight sound of his hips as he sought friction against the blanket. His golden waves fell in front of his face and his eyes closed as he reveled in his work. Lifting my hand, I stretched out my fingers and pushed his hair to the side, tucking it behind his ear so I had an unobstructed view of his face. His eyes fluttered opened as he released one ball and moved to the other. By the look of sheer desire and need on his face, there was no doubt he was enjoying himself.

The longer I watched him, his head moving, his ass lifting and lowering as he dry humped the ground, the more I felt the tingling beginning again. It was fainter than before, but it made me quiver none the less. Jasper's hand stroked my cock with long, deliberate drags, pulling on the skin with each one. My love does it good.

I was still hard.

Dropping my sac, his mouth returned to my cock, slowing engulfing it as his free hand slid up my abs, outlining the defined muscles before continuing to my nipples, where he tweaked one so hard my upper body rose off the blanket. The weak tickling grew in strength and the second I looked down and saw Jasper's moist lips pressed against the short hairs framing my cock, the tickling spread through my body again. Powerful convulsions wracked me repeatedly as my eyes screwed shut and I grunted as the waves washed over me.

"Jasper, fuck, coming," I groaned and gave into the sensations wrenching me.

They were words I'd never thought I would hear myself say ever again. And even though I said them, they probably weren't completely accurate, at least not in the way I was familiar with. I never felt my balls draw up tight to my body or my cock pulse, but I did feel a euphoria flood my body, reaching all the working nerves in surges.

Gasping for breath, I slowly opened my eyes and lowered them to find Jasper's forehead resting on my hip. Blond curls shielded him from me, but I saw the muscles in his back twitching under his smooth skin and I felt his nails digging into the palm of my hand. His hips were erratically bucking forward as he rutted his cock into the blanket.

Jasper had come too.

Lifting his head, he wore a satisfied smile and his eyes were bright with bliss. "Wow," he chuckled. Lazily my hand fell from his hair that I'd been fisting and I let my head drop back onto the sweatshirt. "That was hot."

I nodded, taking a deep breath to slow my heart. Jasper crawled up my body until he was lying flat on me and his lips smashed onto mine in a claiming kiss that rocked me. His hands buried themselves in my hair while mine went to his ass, pushing him down on me until he was grinding his spent cock against mine. Moans wafted from us, filling the air along with the chirping of birds and crickets, the wind blowing through the grass and flowers, and John and Paul crooning to us. With no worries about being caught or being late, we made out in drowsy kisses until our lips were bruised. It seemed hours later that he finally ripped his mouth from mine and gave me the most amazing grin.

"I'm hungry," he announced, rolling off me. Pushing myself up onto my elbows, I dared a glance down my naked body. My pale skin was blinding under the bright sun, my cock was still hard and hovering just above my abs. Jasper sat up and began going through his bag and the cooler. While he wasn't looking, I reached for my briefs he'd taken off me.

"Don't even think about getting dressed," he warned without turning around.

"You're not naked," I challenged. Instead of agreeing, he pulled his underwear down his legs and kicked it aside.

"Now I am," he said. Sitting down, he opened the cooler and pulled out two sodas and paper plates, handing one to me. Then he proceeded to pull out grapes, chips, two Fluffernutter sandwiches and homemade cookies. "Lunch is served."

It was all the same food as our first date.

Smiling, I picked up a sandwich and put it on my plate, then took some cookies and a small bag of chips. "Our first date."

"Minus the pesky clothing," he grinned as he bit into his sandwich. We ate, completely naked, with the flowers and trees around us. Jasper sang along with the music and I laughed at him. When a bee landed on the edge of the blanket, he motioned to it and warned, "Protect the goods, babe."

There was only one bite of his sandwich left when he suddenly held it a few inches above my now soft cock. "Jas?"

He was quiet, occasionally glancing up at my raised brow and waiting patiently until his overfilled Fluff slowly dripped from the bread to my cock. Jasper's head snapped up.

"Aw, damn. Sorry, babe. Let me clean that up for you." Before I could stop him, he leaned over and began licking the Fluff off my cock. I tugged on his hair until he finally stopped and sat back up, coyly licking his lips. "Sweet," he groaned. I shoved his shoulder and he fell onto his back laughing.

Jasper continued eating, which included accidently dropping crumbs on my cock that needed to be licked off, and losing his grapes between my legs, which needed to be searched out by his mouth. When we were both done, he put everything away. I reached over him and grabbed my bag.

"Whatcha doing?"

"I brought something for you," I answered, unzipping my backpack. Intrigued, he tried to look in my bag. When I pulled out the toy, his eyes grew wide. "My turn."

"Baby…"

In my hands was the dildo he'd gotten me for my birthday the year before. We'd only used it once, the night he used it on me in the meadow during a thunderstorm. I might not be able to make love to Jasper in the traditional way, but I could do this. If he'd let me.

"Do you want to? It's just I can't make love to you, this is as close as I can get," I explained nervously.

"It's so big," he mumbled.

"I know. I remember."

He was quiet as he just stared at the thick, silicone cock. I was just about to give up hope when he cupped my cheek with his palm.

"I want to," he murmured as he leaned forward and kissed me.

Parting, he lay down on his back, his legs spread around me. Wary eyes watched me as I poured some lube on my fingers and then rubbed them around his hole, slicking it up before gently pushing a finger inside him. He groaned and pushed down for more. His body was loose and relaxed as I pumped my finger a few times before adding a second to stretch him. There was a few seconds of tenseness with the additional finger, but he soon relaxed again, even asking for more. Curling them inside him, I brushed his glad and smiled when he screamed and craned off the blanket. When his whimpering was constant, I slipped my fingers from him and drizzled lube on the dildo, smearing it until it was completely covered.

"Just breathe," I whispered, taking his hand into mine.

He used his other to grip his knee and bring his leg up, further opening himself up for me. I stared at his tiny, pink hole, wondering just how the hell the toy was going to fit. Putting the head of the dildo against his entrance, I brought my eyes to his and held them as I slowly pressed it forward.

"Aw, fuck, fuck, fuck," he chanted, his knuckles turning white as he clutched his knee.

I saw the muscles in his forearm straining against his skin while he fought for control over the pain as his body tried to reject the intrusion. I paused, the head of the fake cock not even in him yet, and let him take a few deep breaths. When he nodded, I continued. I was torn between wanting to watch the toy enter him and watch his face as it did so. He looked so beautiful with a mixture of pleasure and pain etched onto his features. Easing it in further, I met the resistant of his tight ring and stopped again.

"It fucking burns," he hissed through clenched teeth. "Splitting me in two."

"Want me to stop?"

"No!" he demanded.

Obeying, I pushed the toy in past the barrier of muscle, pausing every few seconds for him to breathe through the pain. Finally, the dildo was seated deeply in him and I tore my eyes from his face to look at his ass. His tiny entrance was stretched to accommodate the toy, holding it snug in place. My eyes traveled up his limp cock, taut abs flexing with his breaths, over the sculptured planes of his chest, to the cords in his throat. Jasper was simply a work of art.

"I'm going to move it," I warned him.

Our hands were still clasped low on his stomach, his gripping mine to tightly it hurt. As gently as I could, I pulled the toy out and then slid it back in again in one consistent motion. After a few times, I noticed his body began to relax, his breathing quickened to shallow, excited breaths. Tilting the dildo, I hoped I was striking the right spot inside him, and when he released his knee to grab his hardening cock, I was pretty sure I had.

"Fuck, babe, right there. Jesus," he said, lolling his head to the side.

"Does it hurt?"

"Yeah, burns but…aw fuck!" He cried out, his hand began furiously pumping his cock. "Shit, feels so full…so full…"

While we had planned for me to be the first one to bottom, we'd always known that we would share the bottoming duties. As I watched him stroke his cock, I missed the urge to want to do the same. My own dick hung flaccid between my legs. Before the accident, seeing Jasper shameless and vulnerable would have made me come even without touching myself, but now…it did nothing for my cock. Sex had changed. It wasn't about getting off _with_ him anymore, it was about getting him off, watching the pleasure I could still bring him.

His body began to respond to the toy, his hips started thrusting to meet the dildo, precum dripped from his slit, and his lips were parted as he groaned, his keening sounds uncontained in the meadow. Wantonly, he begged for more as his stroked hard and fast to match the pace of the dildo. Before he said the words, I knew he was close to coming. The way his breaths grew labored, the arching of his back, the curling of his toes, and the way his eyes rolled back into his head.

I squeezed his hand, forcing his eyes to mine and held them while a guttural groan escaped him and he lifted his shoulders off the blanket. Two more hard pumps of his cock and his cries pierced the air around us. His cock erupted, shooting thin streams of milky cum and painting his chest in stripes. His ass clenched around the toy as he rode out his orgasm until he finally fell sated onto the blanket, gasping for breath. Releasing his cock, now shiny with his cum, he brought his hand back to his knee to hold his leg. Almost as slowly as I had inserted it, I pulled the toy from him and set it on the blanket. His hole fluttered a bit, still slightly stretched, as he released his leg and let it drop next to me. Holding his hand up for me, I took it and let him pull me forward until I was lying on him.

A strong hand wrapped around my neck and he slanted his mouth to mine in a sweet kiss before running his tongue over the seam of my lips. Ragged breaths filled the time when our lips parted, and I was dimly aware of the cum adhering us together. My dead legs lay between his, but he didn't seem to care as he kissed me over and over.

"That was amazing," he whispered softly. We continued to do nothing but stare at each other until the corner of his lips turned up in a wicked smirk. "When can we do it again?"

"You liked it?"

"Mmm, like might be an understatement."

"Are you saying I've got a slutty bottom boyfriend?"

"I think I am," his confirmed, his eyes sparkling mischievously. "Don't tell me you don't fucking love that."

"It's fucking hot," I agreed. Laughing, I rolled off him, reaching down to lift my legs over his. Immediately, he felt we were too far apart and he rolled onto his side and coiled into me. He sighed heavily as he laid his head on my chest, his thumb circling my nipple. He was well aware of the shivers traveling through my body with each loop of his thumb.

"What's the sigh for?"

"Just thinking," he mumbled against me.

"About?"

He put his chin on my chest so he could look at me. "Spending last night at home was awful. I mean, it wasn't awful, but it felt like a week not seeing you all night. I was just thinking if one night fell like fucking forever, how the fuck am I supposed to make it weeks on end?"

_Hopefully you won't._

"It's not like you won't see me, love. We'll have the webcam." I felt like I was lying to him, but I had to let him think this was how it was going to be just in case I didn't get in to OSU.

"Yeah, yeah, and that's awesome, but babe, I want to feel you, like this. I want to roll over in bed and find you next to me no matter what time it is."

"I know, me too," I sighed as heavily as he did. "I want that a lot."

"Then—"

"No."

He sighed again. "Fucking stubborn boyfriend."

"Yep."

Closing his eyes for a few seconds, he seemed to be considering something, probably trying to think of another tactic. The song changed to "My Love" and his eyes opened. There was a clarity in them, the kind that comes from a decision made. Gone was the lust from earlier, only love was left in its wake. He licked his kiss-swollen lips anxiously as I reached up and brushed the waves blowing across his face. His skin was warm from the sun.

"Edward?"

"Mmm?"

"I want to guarantee you're going to be there every day, even when we're apart. I know we're young, and I know, well I know we've mentioned it before but we've never…ya know done anything more than talk about it, and it was even really serious, but…um…" He stuttered and I could feel his heart pounding hard against my side.

"What, love?"

Exhaling, he pushed himself up until he was on his knees with his ass resting on his calves. He picked up my hand and held it in one of his own as he stared down at me. He was starting to make me pretty fucking nervous too. Looking down at our hands, he watched as our fingers effortlessly wove together before dragging his eyes back to mine.

"Edward, will-will you-will you marry me?"

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

Edward especially owns me right now, giving up his dream to be with his boy.

The next installment of WN might be delayed. I've got two more chapters of M&A to write and I want to focus on them until M&A is complete. In addition, there is a lot of RL stuff coming up the next two weeks. Meanwhile, I will try to write WN as well, but I would rather take my time and get it right than rush.

Dannie's story "The Claiming" has been published! Go here for details and to purchase. http:/www DOT torquerebooks DOT com/index DOT php?main_page=product_info&cPath=74&products_id=3176

Winter's Night won a few Slash Awards; Best AH J/E, Best Geeksper, Best Friends to Lovers, Best WIP, and Best Handjob and was recommended on A Slice of Lemon http:/lemonsliced DOT blogspot Dot


	25. When I Get You Alone

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N-Sorry for the delay in posting, but it was nice to be able to concentrate on M&A and then write 3 chapters of WN in a row. I don't anticipate another delay, but RL is going to get very hectic soon and I'm working on several projects at once, including an original fiction. Please know if there is another delay, I will never abandon this story and it _will_ be completed.

Now let's see what those boys have been up to. This chapter goes back in time to just before Edward's game, but it's nice to recap what's been going on with them. I probably should have split this into two, but thought you guys might not like that (you all want to hear the answer to the big question). So hopefully, you will like a long chapter, it's almost 25k. I could have cut some smut out, but where's the fun in that!

Thank you to everyone that reads, reviews, and supports this story.

This chapter is unbeta'd, all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are mine. Special thanks to Dannie, if it wasn't for her encouragement and faith in my writing, these boys wouldn't be here.

Now Jasper's pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night he hadn't said yes…_

"**~~**"

Wheelchair or not, I wasn't going to let my boy win.

Besides, he'd kill me if he thought I'd let him win. It wasn't how we worked. I loved him, I breathed and lived for him, but I wasn't going to let him win. After all, he'd kicked my able-bodied ass at basketball the night before. He hadn't held back then and neither would I.

We'd gone inside after our little impromptu one on one basketball session and immediately collapsed onto the bed completely clothed. When I woke to an insistent nudging in my side, I found myself draped over Edward's still body. He was so warm and solid, and after a long stretch, his heartbeat lulled me back to sleep. Life didn't get any more perfect than waking up with him under me or next to me or on me. It was something I craved, and not just for that morning, but for the rest of my life.

I could go into all the details about why and how and where, but it all came down to one simple thing.

I loved and needed him.

Originally, I had planned to run seven miles before leaving for his game, but there was no way in hell, no matter how much he argued, I was going to let him push his chair for seven miles, especially not when he had a basketball game to play. After dressing, I loosened up while he watched, and when I told him we were only doing a mile, he grumbled but finally gave in.

A few hundred yards ahead of us, the halfway point loomed in the early morning clouds. His new upper body strength allowed him to do one push for about every two strides of mine. It was hard to stop my eyes from glancing down next to me, from watching the way his gloved hands gripped the handrims in the same practiced rhythm. The tee shirt he was wearing showed off his developed arms and the muscles that flexed under his pale skin with each forward motion. Tearing my eyes away from him, I chided myself.

I refused to get hard while running.

Though it wouldn't be the first time.

I vowed to myself the next time we raced, I was going to wear blinders like a horse. My pace was even and he matched it easily and was barely winded by the time we reached the end of the street to turn around. I felt his eyes on me, the skin on my legs crawled as he stared at them while I ran. No matter how hard I tried to deny it, guilt started to flow through me. I might not have wanted to let him win, but that didn't mean I didn't wish like motherfucking hell he was running right next to me. I would have given anything, including my own ability to run, to just hear the slap of his feet hitting the pavement along with mine, or look at him as he stood eye level with me.

_Anything._

We were heading back toward his house, and with half a mile to go he was moving along pretty easily. It wasn't going to be an effortless win. I thought back to all our other races, how many times I'd beaten him over and over, but he never once refused to race me no matter how many times I'd won. Then again, I always seemed to be on the losing end of the score whenever we played basketball. I knew once we went downhill he was going to have a huge advantage. The wheels of the chair were going to allow him to cruise down the hill much faster than I could run. Perhaps breaking his concentration and rhythm would be helpful.

"I can't wait to suck you off tomorrow," I announced, glancing down at him to see sweat beading on his arms. My cock stirred in my shorts.

Fuck, I shouldn't have looked at him.

"Your distraction technique isn't going to work this time, love. I'm going to kick your ass," he countered and I couldn't help laughing.

God, I fucking loved my boy.

Reaching the bottom of the hill, I increased my pace, keeping about one stride in front of him. I probably could have pulled away even further because we were going uphill, but I wanted to stay close just in case something happened. It was the first time we'd done something like this and while I knew he could physically handle the distance, I wasn't sure on the mechanics of the chair. It wasn't made for racing, and if he hit a rock or a bump, I didn't know if it might fall over, trapping Edward under it. My eyes were on the pavement. Knowing he was following me and probably not paying attention to the ground, I watched for any bumps or dips that might send him and the chair reeling. The last thing I wanted was to carry home a bleeding Edward in my arms with an expensive broken chair in tow. If anything ever happened to Edward, his father would kill me. But he knew as well as I did Edward needed to do certain things in order to feel normal, to feel like his life wasn't as fucked up as it sometimes seemed.

Like playing basketball. One of my last thoughts before I had fallen asleep in Edward's arms had been of the upcoming game and what I could do to help ease his anxiety. When he played for the high school team, he used to like to shoot alone for awhile before the rest of the team arrived. I remembered meeting him there before big games to wish him luck. His first wheelchair game wasn't going to be any different. I decided we should leave early so he could practice alone in the gym just like he used to.

I put about six strides between us, close enough that I could hear his breaths becoming labored and heavy as he pushed himself up the hill. Arriving at the top, I could almost feel his relief. The rest of the race was easy for him. It was my turn to work now. We crested the hill and the six strides I'd gained going up were eaten by one giant push of his as he flew by me, coasting down the hill at an incredible speed.

"That's cheating," I yelled out as he pulled further away.

I smiled as I saw him lean forward and tuck his body into a ball to have as little wind resistance as possible. His hair blew wildly in every direction possible and I swear I heard him laughing in early victory. He was out to win just like I was. My heart pounded, not from the exertion but the worry of not being able to keep up with him, and if he fell over at that speed he was going to do some serious damage. Maybe letting him go with me hadn't been a good idea, but when I heard his laugh, I knew I'd made the right decision. He needed the act of normalcy.

Instinctively, my competitive nature flared and I surged forward, increasing my stride to final kick mode. There was only few hundred yards from the bottom of the hill, where Edward was, to his house. I had some serious ground to make up. As soon as the road leveled out, his hands returned to the wheels and he looked back to see where I was. He had about fifty yards on me but I was gaining fast.

Within a few seconds I was right behind him, my eyes once again falling on the motion of his arms. There was something so fucking hot about the way the veins bulged against the skin with each push of the wheel. My cock twitched, having past the stirring stage already, and started to lengthen. It wasn't Edward I needed to distract, it was me. Before I could stop them, the words from an inspirational song began to run through my head. It wasn't The Beatles, or something just as epic. No, it was corny and stupid and perfect.

I began singing "Eye of the Tiger" under my breath.

It was either that or "The Wind Beneath My Wings", but even I had my limits on cheesiness. Usually.

With the wind rushing by his ears, he didn't hear me until I was even with him, and as soon as he recognized what I was singing, he began to laugh. It was such a beautiful sound, free and light and just fucking happy. Stride for push, we battled it out for the next hundred yards. My lungs began to burn with from singing, but I didn't stop. Edward's house was across the street, and I checked for traffic before darting across with him hot my heels. When I hit the sidewalk, I leapt over it, landing ungracefully on his yard before falling forward and rolling onto my back. Lying there, I panted for breaths, feeling as though I'd just run one of my track races.

"Totally not fair," Edward complained from the driveway.

Staring at the sky, I replied, "Oh? And coasting downhill was?"

"Not like I had a choice."

"True. Call it a tie?"

"Until we can have a rematch," he nodded. "Ready to shower and get some breakfast?"

My stomach chose that second to growl, probably loud enough to wake up a few neighbors. I jumped up and brushed the grass off my butt. "If it's okay, I want to leave early for the game today. I'll text Bella and let her know."

"Sure, why?"

"You'll see." I took his porch steps in one jump and opened his door as he came up the ramp. "Now about food…"

He was still shaking his head as he crossed the threshold. Closing the door behind us, I followed him down the hall to his room. He went to the bathroom across from his room while I grabbed clothes and went upstairs to use their second bathroom. I had hoped we would be early enough to shower together without anyone knowing, but even though I'd promised to behave and keep a strict 'hands off' policy, he refused. Even my pout didn't work.

Instead, I stood under the spray alone debating whether or not to jack off. It felt deviant to touch myself in someone else's bathroom, but if I didn't, I was going to be sitting at his game with a throbbing erection. Fuck, even if I did wank, I would still get hard at his game.

"Fuck it," I mumbled and began stroking. Lolling my head back and letting the water spray on my shoulders, I closed my eyes and saw flashes of Edward, each one progressively hotter than the last. I saw him during our run with his muscles flexing, I saw him playing basketball and commanding his team, I saw him lying naked under me, and finally I saw his straining cock as I took it in my mouth. I couldn't fucking wait to taste his heady flavor again. My tongue licked my lips in anticipation and my cock pulsed in my hand, erupting in short bursts onto the tiled floor. Lifting one hand, I braced it against the wall for balance as I rode out the orgasm.

"Jasper?" a female voice called out from the other side of the door.

It was not his mother.

"Yeah?" I squeaked out, pumping my sensitive cock as the last of my cum shot from it, my body still riding the high of my climax.

"You almost done? I need to shower before we leave," Alice said.

"Um, yeah, sure. I'll be out in a minute," I said quickly, releasing my cock as if she'd actually been able to see me. Turning off the shower, I shook my head to rid the excess water and opened the door, grabbing the towel off the shelf. Stepping out, I wrapped it around my hips and went to the door. When I opened it, I found her leaning against the opposite wall, her arms folded across her chest and her head tilted as she eyed me.

And my wet body.

Her eyes started at my feet and went up until they settled on my face. Taking in my flushed cheeks, she raised an eyebrow.

"That's just gross," she said with a crinkled nose. "And I supposed you were thinking of my brother? I hope you at least rinsed it down the drain."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I lied and practically bolted past her and down the hall, holding my towel with one hand as I took the stairs as quickly as I could.

Back in Edward's room, I closed his door and leaned against it, my heart racing more than it had when I'd run earlier. It still freaked me out that Alice knew about us, and talked about it so openly. It freaked me out even more that she could tell what I'd been doing in the shower. A few seconds sooner and she probably would have heard me grunting as I came.

Suddenly feeling exposed, I unwrapped the towel and dried off before throwing on my jeans and a tee shirt. Picking up my phone, I sent Bella a text to let her know we'd be by earlier to pick her up. She replied and said she was ready to go whenever we got there. I was worried about the drive and how Edward was going to be when he couldn't sit next to me, but before I could think about it too much, his door opened and Edward entered. I debated on telling him about Alice, but decided it might worry him rather than make him laugh. Besides, the second he pushed inside and closed his door, any coherent thought I'd had left me.

Edward was naked except for a towel covering his lap.

Naked.

Just the way I liked him.

He went to push past me to go to his dresser for clothes, but I stood in his way. When he said we didn't have time, I shook my head. It wasn't sex I wanted. I directed him to his bed and had him lay face down, resting his head flat on the bed so his arms were out straight above him. Starting at his forearms, I began to massage his muscles. Knowing we were short on time, I quickly worked from one side to the other, trying to ignore the moans of pleasure he released as I kneaded his upper back.

"I thought you could use this before the game," I whispered as I worked the knots in his spine.

When I reached his scar, I rubbed my thumb along the raised flesh. It had faded some but was still red. Even though I ventured below the scar only a few inches, I knew he didn't feel it. Once I was done, I grabbed his game uniform from his drawer while he rolled over. Then it was my turn to moan when his thick cock rested on his thigh as he began to pull his briefs up his legs and shifted his weight back and forth to get him over his ass. He put on the silky tank top and then I handed him his shorts.

He didn't want to wear them. He was embarrassed of his legs, not only of their uselessness, but the way they looked. Edward feared atrophy was already setting in, common with paraplegics. While their upper bodies flourished from weight training and pushing the chair, their leg muscles faded from lack of use. PT helped slow it down, but it still happened. And it was really only a matter of time before it happened to Edward, but he had no reason to worry yet, his legs were only slightly smaller than before the accident, and someone who didn't know his body like I did wouldn't be able to tell a difference.

"Your legs are beautiful, babe," I assured him when he hesitated on taking the shorts. Sighing, he took them and put them on before covering them up with the warm-up pants.

Once he was dressed, he moved back to the chair and we headed to the kitchen for some breakfast. Edward opened the fridge and dug through the contents, handing me cream cheese and a carton of OJ. I popped it open, bringing it to my lips and guzzling.

"We have glasses, Jasper," Mrs. Cullen said behind me and I yanked the carton from my mouth.

"Sorry," I mumbled, closing the carton and putting it on the counter. Edward dropped two bagels in the toaster. "I know what I'm getting you for Christmas, Mrs. C."

"What?" she asked as poured some coffee.

"Star Wars pancake molds. Greatest invention ever," I said, dangling my legs off the edge of the island I was sitting on. Edward rolled his eyes as he opened the drawer to get a knife.

"Oh? I've never heard of such a thing," she replied with her back to me.

I gasped and put my hand on my heart. "What kind of life do you deviants lead?" My comment earned me a deep chuckle from behind me.

"Apparently, the kind who allow our son's friends to sit on our countertop," Dr. Cullen said.

Laughing, I hopped down and leaned against it instead. Dr. Cullen was already showered, shaved and dressed. After kissing his wife, she gave him a mug of coffee. The bagels popped and Edward spread cream cheese on his and peanut butter on mine. Then he grabbed the OJ carton and drank out of it. His mother just sighed.

As soon as he finished his bagel, Edward used the bathroom one more time because he didn't want to have to use it while we were gone. Mrs. Cullen handed me a container of brownies for the road, and Dr. Cullen told me to be careful and they would see us there. I went back to Edward's room and grabbed his duffle bag, tossing the brownies in it and slinging it over my shoulder. When I returned to the living room, Edward was already done and waiting for me. After a quick goodbye, we went outside and I helped Edward into the truck before securing his chair in the back and getting in. Mrs. Cullen was watching from the porch while his son pretended to wave calmly. I backed out of the driveway and was barely out of sight of his house before I pulled over and offered to let him move closer. Worried Bella might see us, he refused. Instead, I held his hand on the seat between us, feeling calming waves from him as he took deep breaths.

He'd made the right decision because when we pulled into Bella's driveway she was waiting on her front steps. I parked next to her dad's cruiser and opened my door to let her get in my side. She was already buckled in by the time I got back in and closed the door. After a worried glance at Edward, I shifted into drive and backed out of her driveway.

She. Never. Shut. Up.

She asked Edward who he was playing, and I answered for him, wanting to direct her attention away from his tense body. It was easy to do, she quickly engaged me in a conversation, and as long as I kept asking questions, she kept answering them. Edward spoke up a few times, but only when directly asked something. Bella didn't seem to notice his hand fisted on his lap so tightly I was sure his nails left marks in his palm, or his other hand gripping the door handle so hard that his knuckles were white. I saw the vivid fear in his eyes when mine caught his a few times, and I lost count on how many times I was tempted to say fuck it, pull over, push Bella out of the way and drag him over to me. It was in those moments I didn't give a shit if Bella saw me hold his hand or caress his thigh. He needed me and I wasn't going to let anyone stand, or sit, in the way.

Except Edward.

He didn't want that. He didn't want her or anyone else to know about us until he was ready, and as much as I wanted to soothe his fear right then, I respected his decision. If he needed me bad enough, he would shove Bella out of the way himself. That image made me chuckle.

During a short lull in the conversation, Bella went to change the radio. Reaching out, I slapped her hand. "We listen to The Beatles in here."

"Is he as big a fan as you are? I remember when we were dating you never listened to anything else. It was adorable." She remembered fondly and I winced at the words 'dating' and 'adorable'. Only _I_ could call anything Edward did adorable.

"Yeah, he's a pretty big fan. He likes all kinds of music. Even eighties," Edward answered tersely.

"Eighties? Really?" Bella asked, turning to me in shock.

"Got a problem with that?"

"No, just always pictured you more as the classic rock kind of guy."

"I'm just full of surprises," I growled.

I felt Edward relax as soon as we exited the freeway. It was only a few more minutes before I was pulling into the parking lot of the gym and getting Edward's chair out of the truck. Bella waited to the side as I opened Edward's door and reached for him. Without saying a word, we spoke to each other. I gave him an extra squeeze of encouragement after I scooped him into my arms. Grabbing the bag from the cab, Bella and I followed Edward up the ramp and into the building.

Inside the gym, I unzipped his duffle bag and pulled out his basketball. "Go shoot," I told him.

It was then he realized why we were early. While I had remembered he liked to shoot around before the game, he'd been too worried about the drive and the game itself to remember. Sitting in the chair in his tank top and shiny pants with the ball on his lap, he looked up at me, surprised mixing with knowing on his face. I don't know why he was surprised. Didn't he know I remembered everything? That I would do anything?

"You remembered?"

"Course," I said, brushing off his emotions so he didn't get embarrassed with Bella there.

He asked me to rebound, and while Bella watched from against the wall under the basket, I rebounded. Edward performed his pregame routine, shooting from the places he liked in a certain order. Instead of watching the delicious way his wrists flicked after he shot or the way he gnawed on the inside of his cheek, or the fucking incredible way his shoulders looked under the maroon tank top, I stared at the floor, or the ball, or even Bella, anything to keep my mind off how hot Edward looked.

Our alone time ran out, and after his last shot, I dribbled the ball over to him. "Good?"

"Yeah, I think so. Thanks to you," he whispered looking up at me.

"I didn't make the baskets."

He didn't reply, but he stared up at me, thanking me in a way he couldn't verbalize. Bella's presence was the only thing that kept me from reaching out and taking his hand. Mine clutched with the effort of resistance. Just before I gave in to my need, Riley entered the gym, saving both Edward and I from exposing ourselves. Smiling, Riley wheeled over to us, greeting us and asking Edward if he was ready. It was time to hand my boy over to his team, hoping I had shown him he could do it. Sam entered and turned on the lights, which was my cue to leave.

"I'm going to take Bella and find a seat," I said to Edward, waiting until Riley was far enough away to speak again. "You can do this, babe. Just use your mad Cullen skills."

Leaving Edward, I went to Bella. "Ready to go sit down?" She stared at me for a second before smiling and nodding, letting me lead her to the bleachers. Being the only ones there, we had our choice of rows. "Where do you want to sit?"

"Um, how about halfway up?" Letting her go first, I followed her up the steps and then down a row. She stopped and looked at me. "This okay?"

"Yep," I said, sitting down. Sprawling out, I put my feet on the bench below us while I leaned back on my elbows on the row behind us. Bella did the opposite of me, bringing her knees up, she wrapped her arms around them and watched as the team began to warm up.

Then the questions began.

She wanted to know who each person was, where they were from, how old they were, and how why they were in a wheelchair. When I didn't know the answers, she would sigh and grow frustrated.

"It's Edward's team, not mine," I reminded her after she huffed when I said I didn't know someone's name.

"Who's the super hot guy Edward keeps talking to? I saw you talking to him too." She pointed to Riley, who was talking with Edward and looking at the other team. "You must know him."

I nodded curtly. "I do."

Tilting her head, she raised an eyebrow, and when I didn't say anything further, she rolled her eyes. "Who is he?"

"His name is Riley. He graduated last year, he lives in this area but I don't know where, and he was in a mountain biking accident," I replied, hoping to answer all her questions in one statement.

"Is he in college?"

I shrugged. "I think so."

She continued to watch Riley closely, which freed me up to watch Edward. He looked our way a few times, quick glances just to reassure himself I was still there. Each time, he would catch my gaze, hold it for a second, then exhale a breath and look away. As they ran a layup drill, Edward's gaze worriedly wandered to the other team, sizing them up, making himself even more nervous.

"Don't worry about them," I muttered to myself when he began chewing on his bottom lip.

"What?"

I had forgotten she was next to me. "Nothing."

Returning her attention back to the teams, she began asking me questions about the other team. Just when I was about to put my hands around her neck to strangle her, I heard Mrs. Cullen. It was then I noticed the bleachers had been filling up and were about half full with fans for both teams. Sitting up, I put my feet on the row in front of me and braced my elbows on my knees.

"Hello, Jasper, Bella," she said as she reached the bench we were sitting on.

"Hi," Bella squealed as she stood and hugged his parents and Alice. I smiled and said hi. I assumed they were going to sit next to us, but they sat in the row behind us, Alice directly behind me. I swear I heard her snickering.

"How do they look?" Dr. Cullen asked me.

Turning to my side a bit, I looked up at him. "Pretty good, they've been shooting well. Edward seems nervous, but I think once he starts to play, he'll get his mojo."

"Mojo, huh? Is that a technical basketball term?" He chuckled. "And the other team?"

I honestly hadn't watched them at all, I'd been too preoccupied with Edward. "They seem okay." It seemed like a fair response.

The teams gathered on the sidelines, some drank water, while others took off their warm-up uniforms. I watched Edward lean down and unsnap his pants all the way up his legs until he could slide them off. Tossing them on his bag, he revealed his beautiful legs, as pale as ever, but covered with a light dusting of reddish-brown hair. He looked so fucking hot in his uniform. Shifting my weight, I swallowed and forced myself to look away.

As the starting five for each team was announced, I had to resist standing and hollering when Edward's name was called. Finally, the teams were called onto the court for the start of the game. I heard Bella say something in the distance, her hand might have even been on my knee, but all I saw were forest green eyes begging me from the other side of the court. He was scared, nervous he was going to fuck up and make a fool of himself and his team. I had no wise words of wisdom, I knew nothing about the pressure he was feeling, I only knew the one thing I said to him before the start of every game.

"Love you," I mouthed barely moving my lips. When he nodded, I knew he'd seen me. I think my heart was beating as fast as anyone's on the team when the referee tossed the ball into the air and Riley's tapped it in Edward's direction. I don't even think he thought before he was instinctively passing it down the court to his teammate, who scored. Twenty seconds into the game and Edward already had an assist.

"Nice pass!" Bella yelled and I cringed.

"Now I remember why I hate going to his games with you," I laughed.

"What? I can't cheer him on?"

"Sure…less loudly."

She shoved my shoulder and promptly told me to shut the hell up. Behind me, I heard Mrs. Cullen drilling her husband on the safety of Edward's chair. Dr. Cullen explained all the ways the chairs were designed to stabilize the players and prevent them from tipping over, as well as avoid pinching and jamming fingers.

I watched Edward's opponent get a pass around Edward.

_Come on, baby. Focus._

"You talking to me?" Bella asked.

Had I said it aloud? I just shook my head, but she was slow to bring her attention back to the game. Mrs. Cullen gasped when the guy guarding Edward slammed his chair into Edward's just as he passed the ball. Riley made the shot and the Blazer's fans clapped.

"He's hot," Bella said with a grin.

The game went back and forth, although I had no idea what the score was because my eyes never left Edward. With Bella and his parents near me, I tried to not be obvious, to be nothing more than a guy watching his friend play, but no matter how many times I ripped my eyes from Edward to someone else, usually Riley, they always found their way back to my boy. Edward missed his first shot and the defeated look on his face was clear even from across the court. His nerves were beating him. Chairs constantly bumped into each other, metal hitting metal filled the gym along with cheering and clapping. Bella asked a constant stream of questions about the game.

Then her questions changed topic.

"Come on, you've been coming to all Edward's practices and you don't know anything about Riley?"

"Bella," I sighed, then lied, "You might find it hard to believe but when I come here, I concentrate on my homework, not the team's personal lives."

"Oh my God," Mrs. Cullen cried when one of Edward's teammates was knocked over. He was upright almost as soon as he was hit, but she covered her eyes anyway. "I don't know if I can watch this. What if he gets hurt again?"

"He won't," Dr. Cullen answered confidently. "He needs to play, Esme. This is good for him, physically and emotionally." Glancing behind me, I saw him take his wife's hand from her eyes and hold it on his lap, forcing her to watch. It was probably a good thing she hadn't seen her son racing down the hill earlier that morning.

The first period ended and the team went to their benches. I watched Edward wipe his face with a towel and drink some water while he listened to Sam's instructions for the next period. Edward sat on the sidelines as his team went back on the court. Nervously, I chewed on the inside of my cheek and held his gaze.

"_I'm failing."_

"_No, you're not. You can do this."_ I assured him with a slight nod.

"_I can't."_

"_Mad Cullen skills, baby."_

Leaning toward me, Bella tapped my arm. "The girl, what is she again?"

"A post," I answered, my eyes never wavering from Edward's. It wasn't until he looked away that I did the same. I could see his frustration, his defeat, on his face and his body. His strong shoulders slumped, fingers loosely gripped the handrims, and his full lips were downturned. The Edward I knew would have been sitting there focusing so intently on the game, he wouldn't have noticed if the gym had exploded. He would have been cheering on his team and calling out plays. But the new Edward was sitting in his prison, barely able to focus on the game he loved so much.

Swallowing, I took a few deep breaths. My body felt like it was on fire, burning with the need to go to him, to kneel in front of him, hold his hand, and tell him he was doing fine and not to worry. I knew he had to do this, I knew he _could _do it, it wasn't me who doubted him.

It was himself.

Edward's life had turned upside down and he was doing what he could reclaim it, to retake control and do what he loved. In order to do that, he had to prove to himself he belonged there with his team.

My boy was worthy.

"Hey," Bella said, putting her hand on my knee that I didn't know was frantically bouncing up and down, "you okay?"

I gave her a half smile. "Yeah, course."

She stared at me, reading my expression and looking into my eyes. Afraid she was going to find what she was looking for, I turned back to the game.

I needed to get to him.

Glancing at the clock, I saw there were two minutes until halftime. I would tell everyone I had to use the restroom, then go to Edward and talk to him. As soon as the halftime buzzer rang, I jumped up, scaring the shit out of Bella.

"I gotta use the bathroom," I announced. Not bothering to use the steps, I went down the benches, almost breaking into a jog when I my feet landed on the court. Hopefully out of sight of Bella and his parents I shifted my weight back and forth while I waited for Edward in the corner. The team was in a circle talking with Sam. When he told them to go shoot, Edward turned around and saw me. He said something to Riley before coming over. I saw everything he was feeling, all the frustration and doubt.

Crouching, I looked up at him as he rolled to a stop. "What's going on, babe?"

"I don't know. I just can't shoot, or dribble, or do any fucking thing without fucking up."

"Bullshit. This is all in your head. You were shooting eighty percent before the game. You're letting your nerves get to you. You're your own worst enemy right now. It's not that the other team is better, because they're not. Just let it go. Go out there, do your thing and don't give a shit. Pretend it's just you and me shooting in your driveway like last night. Remember? When you kicked my ass?"

"Yeah," he sighed.

"You can do this, babe. I know you can. Just relax and have fun." I stood up, stuffing my hands in my pockets so I wouldn't reach out to wipe the worry from his face. "Now I have to get back to Miss Chatterbox over there. Oh, and your legs look fucking hot."

"Thanks, love," he smiled.

"Good luck."

_I love you._

I strode back to my seat, completely unaware of the stupid grin on my face until Bella looked at me. Forcing the smile away, I went up the steps and climbed over her to take my seat.

"Close game," Dr. Cullen observed and I looked at the score for the first time and realized the other team was within four. "There are some good players on Edward's team."

"Yeah, there are," I agreed absently. Mrs. Cullen continued with her questions, and I briefly wondered if it was a girl thing, although Alice stayed pretty quiet except for when she tapped my shoulder.

"Who's the guy with the hair?"

What was it about him? "Riley," I answered.

The third period started and I felt the weight of Bella staring at me with narrow eyes. Not looking her way, I watched as Edward's team inbounded the ball. Edward made a nice pass, which eventually ended up in Riley's hands, but when he didn't have a shot, he passed it back to Edward, who was sitting at the top of the arc in his sweet spot.

"Go on, baby, shoot," I mumbled. As if he heard me, his long arms reached up and with the perfect flick of his wrist, he released the ball into the air. It sailed through the net for his first three points. I gripped the bench to prevent myself from leaping to my feet and yelling out "That's my boyfriend" to everyone there.

Less than five minutes later, Edward had made two more three-pointers and the other coach was calling a timeout to figure out how to deal with the kid who'd suddenly learned to shoot. As Edward left the court, he glanced up at me. The grin I'd been trying to hide earlier was back, dimples and all. My boy was kicking the ass I knew he could.

I loved being right.

"Looks like he's getting his _mojo_," Dr. Cullen chuckled behind me. "Whatever you said to him at halftime must have worked."

Swallow, I just nodded. Apparently I hadn't been as hidden as I'd thought.

The teams returned from the timeout and I leaned forward, as if I could get closer to him. Before I'd been too worried about him to admire the way he skillfully maneuvered the chair, weaving it in and out of other players, using it as an extension of himself to stop opponents and block plays, just as he would have used his body before. I licked my lips when I saw the sweat run down his face and gather in the tasty dip at the base of his neck. Dr. and Mrs. Cullen were talking to each other, cheering on their son while Alice joined in, louder than both of them combined.

It was then my world went still.

"Do you like Edward?" Bella asked so quietly I almost didn't hear her. At some point, she had moved closer and her side was pressed to mine.

"What kind of fucked up question is that? He's my best friend, of course I like him," I replied, shaking my head at her absurdity.

She sighed and put her lips close to my ear. "No, I mean do you _like_ him."

I attempted to swallow the lump that immediately clogged my throat. Between that and my racing heart, there was no air getting to my lungs and I held my breath.

"Like," she glanced behind us before saying, "do you have a crush on him?"

_Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!_

I rubbed my palms along my thighs and chewed on my lower lip.

It would have been easy to say no, to deny I loved the boy we were there to watch. The lie would have fallen effortlessly from my lips as it had many times before, followed by a disgusted look to be sure she got the point. It wasn't that I thought Bella had a problem with gay guys, it was that she was Edward's ex, and second to his parents, the one person he didn't want knowing about us. Alice was the only one who knew, and that had been by accident. If I told Bella, she would be the first person I willingly told I was gay.

Not just gay, but in love with Edward, a fucking lot more than a crush.

If it had been up to me, I would have shouted my love for him from the rooftops long ago, but for him I remained silent. There were days I thought it would be so much easier if everyone knew, but it wasn't only my choice, it was his, ours. And if he didn't want people to know, then it wasn't my right to tell them. But no one had ever directly asked me like she just had.

"It's okay if you do, I won't tell him," she assured me, putting her hand on mine, stilling its movement over my thigh.

For almost two years, Edward and I had been able to fly below the gaydar of our friends, and not entirely because of our ability to pretend we weren't something we were, but mostly because our friends were too wrapped up in their own lives to care about others. It wasn't a bad thing, it was typical teenage behavior, and it worked to our advantage. Hell, I was just as guilty of it. I could care less about Newton's love life, I only cared about Edward and me. We'd probably been lucky to have made it two years without anyone noticing or caring about the looks, slight touches, and the reason we were always together. It'd been easier since his accident, people just assumed I was with him to help, but Bella…Bella had seen me at lunch while Edward was in the hospital. She had been the only one who had dared to sit with me. For weeks, she tried to cheer me up, asked tentative questions and supported me in the only way she could. At the time, she'd been a thorn in my side, I had other things way more important than to answer her incessant questions about Edward's condition. Still, as much as I growled, snapped, and threw dirty looks her way, she remained at the table, never giving up on me.

Maybe I owed her the truth.

Maybe I wanted to tell someone the truth.

But it was going to come at a price. She had to keep quiet, I needed her word not another living soul would ever find out, including Edward. Edward had put his faith in her while they dated, they had remained close after their breakup, and with what I was about to trust her with, I hoped she was the person he always claimed she was.

So in the middle of Edward's game in a crowded gym with his parents sitting only feet behind me, I outed us to Bella. He was going to kill me if he found out.

"He already knows," I whispered softly to her, my eyes on Edward as he rolled back on defense. Bella didn't stiffen or take her hand from mine, but she did follow my eyes and saw my gaze on Edward.

"Oh my God," she mumbled.

"Bella…"

"Oh my God," she repeated as quietly as the first time.

"Bella," I warned her under my breath. Fuck, maybe I'd been wrong. Maybe she couldn't handle it.

"How did I not know? Why didn't he tell me?" she asked me, hurt and confusion weaving in her voice. It wasn't the hurt of an ex being jealous, it was one of a friend not being trusted.

Chancing a glance behind me, I saw the Cullens watching their son and paying no attention the conversation his best friend and ex-girlfriend were having. "Listen, I know this is a lot to take in, but can we talk about this later?" Gnawing on her cheek, she nodded. "I just need you to promise you won't say a word to him, please. He doesn't want you to know. I'll explain everything later, I swear."

"I won't say anything," she vowed, squeezing my hand.

"Thanks." I gave her a weak smile, hoping like hell I could trust her.

"You're right, you are full of surprises," she murmured, referring to my comment in the truck.

Taking a deep breath, I turned back to the game, my eyes tracking Edward like they'd never stopped. The game was getting more physical, there were chairs ramming into each other, players trying to pass and block, and a lot of fouls called. But through it all, Edward was on his game, he was making shots and hard passes. I saw him high five Riley, smile, and even laugh once. My boy was enjoying playing basketball again.

And it was a beautiful sight.

We continued to watch the teams battle it out during the fourth period. The other team tried to make some adjustments to keep Edward covered more but it only freed up another player to shoot. Mrs. Cullen cringed every time chairs collided and Dr. Cullen talked her through it. Alice continued to drool over Riley, and Bella cheered Edward on as loudly as ever. It was all completely normal, just like any other game we'd all attended, except Bella knew our secret.

I watched the last few seconds of the game tick away until the buzzer signaled the end of the game. Grinning, freely that time, I watched as Edward stopped his chair and looked up at me.

He'd won.

He had not only kicked the other team's ass, but his own demon's as well. The darkness that followed him around telling him he wasn't good enough could go to hell. Edward was good enough, he'd just proven it to himself and everyone else in that gym. Even though he was at half court, I could see the relief in his eyes as he glanced at his parents, and then Bella.

"That was awesome," she said, looking at me. When I didn't answer her right away, she followed the line of my gaze and then gave Edward a wave.

"Remember what you promised," I reminded her through my smile.

"I will," she replied.

"He looks so happy," Mrs. Cullen sighed. "I haven't seen him smile like that in months."

I had. Edward smiled a lot when he was alone with me, but it was a smile he didn't grace others with often.

The teams went through their lines and then gathered on the sidelines to pack up their gear. Edward's parents followed Bella, Alice, and I down the blenchers to the court where we waited for Edward to finish up with his team. He rolled across the gym with his bag on his lap, sweat still glistening on his skin and I shuffled my feet and forced my eyes away from his shoulders and to his smile as he approached. Before he reached us, his mother rushed him, hugging him tightly before letting Dr. Cullen do the same.

"How do you feel? Anything hurting?" Dr. Cullen asked with the same tone my mother often used on me. After assuring his father he was fine, there was another round of quick hugs before his family headed for the exit.

Then it was just us. Bella and me and Edward.

And I got nervous.

Shifting, I put my hands in my pockets. It was hard to face him knowing what I'd done behind his back, so I hung my head shamefully but couldn't stop myself from looking at him through my lashes. Bella congratulated him, giving him a hug and telling him how nice it was to see him play again. I entirely agreed.

"Hey," he said and I could feel his desire to bump his chair into me like he had the night before.

"Hey. Ready to go?"

But before we could get far, Riley stopped us. "Hey, guys. Great game, Edward. Sam is right, you're our secret weapon."

When I saw Riley eyeing Bella, I raised a brow at Edward, and almost coughed when Riley asked if Bella was Edward's girlfriend. He introduced them and we watched as Bella giggled and shook Riley's hand. Apparently his charm worked on both sexes. When it looked like their flirting was going to continue, I grabbed Bella's arm and started to drag her unwillingly toward the doors, calling out a goodbye to Riley and leaving Edward behind.

"What the hell was that?" I grumbled to her as we walked through the gym and into the corridor.

"What?"

"The flirting. Don't you have a boyfriend?"

"Mike? We've gone out, but we're not dating _dating_. Besides, are you blind? Did you see him?"

"Yeah, I've seen him, the hair, the smile, the…"

"Eyes," she offered dreamily.

I laughed. It felt nice…and really fucking strange, to comment on another guy to Bella.

"Make sure you behave on the way home," I said to her quieter than I needed to.

"I will, but you better call me tonight," she threatened.

"I have to run, but when I get back I'll call."

"And tell me everything."

"Most everything," I compromised as I opened the door to the truck. "Get in."

She climbed in and I waited for Edward, watching him as he came down the ramp and pushed over to the truck. The ease I'd felt with Bella only a minute before disappeared as soon as him. The guilt returned, and even though I knew I'd had every right to tell her about me I didn't have the right to out Edward or our relationship, no matter how proud I was to be his boyfriend. I didn't want him mad at me, or hurt or disappointed. I knew I could eventually make him understand, but until then, the guilt similar to the one I had when I hadn't told him about OSU, was going to dwell in me.

I lifted Edward into the truck, smiling when he was hit with a barrage of questions about Riley from Bella. After securing his chair in the back, I got in and started the ignition.

"Gesh, Bella, let me answer one before the next," he growled.

"She was like this all during the game. I kept telling her I didn't know anything about 'the super hot guy that Edward kept passing the ball to'," I imitated her, smiling when she laughed and hit my shoulder.

I pulled out onto the street, glancing at Edward before heading toward the highway. He was staring out the window, attempting to focus and answer Bella's questions. True to her word, she behaved no differently on the way home than she had on the way there. If anything, she tried to keep Edward occupied, even soothingly patting his leg a couple of times. I don't think she realized he couldn't feel her touch.

Hungry, I had Bella get the brownies from the bag and ate the two that she gave me. The cab filled with the faint Beatles music and Bella's constant chatter. Brushing crumbs off my tee shirt, I glanced over at Edward and found his hands clenched on his thighs.

_Only a little further, baby, hang in there._

We finally pulled into Bella's driveway and I heard Edward sigh. He seemed to be able to handle local driving better than the highway. Opening my door, I hopped out and waited for Bella to say goodbye to Edward before she scooted across the seat and got out. Before I could move out of her way, she reached up and wrapped her tiny arms around my neck, pulling me down to her.

"Take care of him," she whispered softly in my ear, and I closed my eyes and nodded. "And you better call me later or I'm hunting you down."

Releasing me, she gave me a quick smile and headed for her door. Avoiding Edward's curious stare and raised brow, I climbed in and buckled up. I didn't have to look at him to know he knew something was going on.

"Jasper?"

I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell him in the few miles it was to his house about what had happened, why I'd told her. I knew the distance was an excuse, it was really I was a fucking wimp. Shaking my head, I pulled over to the side of the road out of view from Bella's and waited for him to slide across the seat. Once his warmth was soaking into me and his palm was resting on my thigh, I relaxed and shifted into drive.

In his driveway, I parked behind his dad's car and Edward lifted his head off my shoulder. We'd been silent for the short drive, but it wasn't uncomfortable or tense.

"Is it bad?" he asked quietly.

"No." At least I hoped it wasn't.

"Will you tell me someday?"

I wanted to tell him everything right then, but after the game, the drive, it had been a really fucking long day. It wasn't the time to get buried in a heavy conversation. "Someday," I agreed. His mood shifted when I pressed my lips to his forehead.

"Can you stay for dinner? My dad wants to celebrate. I'm going to see if he'll cook on the grill."

"I want to, but I need to run and I promised my mom I'd be home tonight."

"You okay, love?"

_He_ was worried about _me_.

"Of course, just tired. You're probably tired too, huh?" I gave him a genuine smile.

I told him I was proud of him, but he didn't want to take the credit he deserved. Then he asked what time I would be by to pick him up for the meadow. Given all that had happened, I had forgotten about our little getaway.

"Seven. I want all day with you. Just you and me. No parents, no Bella, no team."

"Make it nine and you've got yourself a boyfriend for the day," he yawned.

"Deal. I'll be here at nine." After a quick kiss, I got his chair and helped him into it. "Be safe, baby."

"See ya, love."

Edward sat at the bottom of the ramp and watched me leave, waving as I pulled away. I'd never been able to hid shit from him and this wasn't going to be any different. The meadow would be the perfect place to explain it all, but selfishly I didn't want anything negative to interfere with our time there.

"Shit," I groaned when I realized I still had to go home and run…and call Bella.

"Mom?" I called out, slamming the front door to my house.

"In here," she yelled from the kitchen. I walked in to find her pulling a casserole dish from the oven. "My son, right?"

"Depends, what's for dinner?" I answered, opening the fridge for a bottle of water.

"Chicken, cheese, broccoli casserole."

I made a face. "Then I'm definitely _not_ your son."

"How was the game?"

"Great, they won. Edward played really good."

"Well."

"Huh?"

"He played really well, not good."

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes, "He kicked as-butt. What time is dinner?"

"Not for awhile, why?"

"I need to run, I'll be back in about forty minutes, but don't wait for me, I can heat it up after I shower."

I didn't wait for her reply, I was already bounding up the stairs and taking off my clothes. I quickly changed into a pair of running shorts and pulled my running sneakers out of my bag I'd brought to Edward's. Once my sneakers were tied, I went back downstairs, drinking my water along the way. Outside, I stretched for a few minutes before walking to the end of the driveway and breaking into a comfortable jog.

As they always do, my thoughts drifted to Edward and to his game. I wished he knew how strong and inspirational he was. The way he faced his fear head-on was amazing and he had no idea. Of course, I could tell him but he would just laugh it off, he'd never believe me. I could walk, I could run, I could dance and move my hips in just the right way but I would never be strong as Edward was.

And he thought I was the superhero, I had nothing on him.

Before I even realized I was doing it, I was humming "Eye of the Tiger" to myself. Lengthening my stride, I kept my eyes on the horizon in front of me.

Only five more miles to go.

"**~~**"

"Hello?"

"Hey, Bella," I said quietly as if someone could hear me in my room on the phone. I leaned against the headboard of my bed and crossed my feet. My skin was still damp from my shower, drops of water running from the ends of my waves down the nape of my neck.

The rest of my run had gone pretty good…well…whichever, averaging just over a five minute mile each of the six miles I'd run. I was exhausted, my body craved sleep but I had a few phone calls to make first. After my run, I had showered and grabbed a quick plate of the mysterious chicken casserole my mother had cooked and a can of Coke before heading to my bedroom. It didn't look appetizing but by that point, I would have eaten anything. My unopened backpack full of homework sat on my desk chair and I dropped it to the ground before sitting down and booting up my computer. I checked my email and replied to one from Jake as I ate. Pushing my plate aside, I closed my email and picked up my iPhone. Might as well get it over with. As the phone rang, I moved to my bed.

"Hey." I could hear her moving around, probably getting comfortable like I had. "How's it going?"

"Pretty good, I just got back from my run and ate dinner. I need to call Edward but wanted to call you first."

"Before you say anything, Jasper, I want you to know I won't say a word to him, I swear. I know he and I have past that you and I don't, but I still consider you my friend, and if you ask me to keep a secret, I will."

"Even from Edward?"

She hesitated but finally said, "Yes."

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything. When, how…"

"Not sure I have time for all the gory details, but I can tell you nothing happened between us while he was with you. It was months after you'd broken up. He didn't cheat on you."

"I know," she sighed. "He would never do that. So when…"

"My birthday that summer. I was at his place. We were in the pool and I… kissed him," I said so quietly I wasn't even sure she could hear me.

"You just kissed him?"

"We'd spent a lot of time together, and there had been some signs, but neither of us ever said anything. I just hoped like fucking hell when I kissed him that he wanted me to."

"And he did, huh?"

"Yeah," I sighed happily , "he did. We went out on our first date a week later."

"But no one knows?"

"Alice knows because one morning she caught us—"

"Caught you?" she interrupted.

"Yeah, I'd slept over and she came in his room the next morning and saw us-"

"I don't need details, Jas."

"Sleeping, Bella, we were just sleeping, but it was the way we were sleeping. We were…close."

"Why doesn't he want to come out?"

"We've talked about it. Before the accident we'd always planned to come out after graduation because we would be going to college and it didn't matter if people in Forks didn't accept us, but then the accident happened…and now he says it's bad enough he's the crippled kid, he doesn't want to be the fag in the chair. He feels it would be a burden to his parents, and after all they've gone through, he doesn't want to put them under more stress," I explained softly.

"I'm sure they'd be fine with it. He's their son."

"I know. I agree, but he doesn't want to, so we haven't."

"But why didn't he tell me, Jasper? He used to tell me all kinds of stuff," she pressed gently.

"Because he didn't want to hurt you. He didn't want you think he'd never loved you or had lied to you. You know Edward, he's considerate like that."

"He thought I'd be mad?" She sounded more hurt over that than the thought of Edward and me dating.

"Maybe. Mad, hurt, upset. He felt bad enough he broke up with you, but then to tell you he was gay and dating me just seemed like salt in the wound to him."

"Jesus, all those nights I dreamt about getting back together with him, he was actually out fucking you," she sighed. The words were harsh but she said them calmly.

I didn't deny it. I was willing to open up to her about him and me, but some things were off limits, and our sex life was one of them. "Bella-"

"Don't," she snapped, stopping me, "just let me deal for a minute, okay? This is kind of big news."

"Okay," I said, nodding even though she couldn't see me. There was a long silence and if I hadn't heard her breaths I would have thought she hung up, but then she sniffled and spoke again.

"You've been together for almost two years?"

"Yeah."

"So it's love then, huh?"

I didn't think she was clinging to hope Edward and I were some fling or experiment, but I thought she needed to hear it directly. "Yes. I love him and he loves me."

"Don't take this the wrong way, Jas, but I still love him too. Not in the creepy stalker ex-girlfriend kind of way, but in the my-first-real-boyfriend kind of way. He'll always be important to me."

"I know," I answered.

It was in every look she gave him, every time she cheered him on at a game, or walked with him down the hall. Her friendship with him didn't mean she hadn't moved on, it meant she was mature enough to keep him in her life in a different capacity. Something very few girls her age were capable of doing. The more I got to know Bella, the more I understood why Edward had dated her, she and he were a lot alike.

"Are you sure he didn't tell me because he didn't think he could trust me to keep his secret?"

"I'm sure. He just didn't want to hurt you. Believe me, Bella, we've talked about it, even fought about it. I wanted to come out and he refused, but in the end, I'm going to do whatever he wants when he wants."

"You're whipped," she teased.

"I am," I admitted.

"When did you know you were gay? God, that sounds so weird to ask you," she chuckled.

"Right before I moved here. There was a guy in Texas I had a crush on for a few months. Whenever he was close, I …well, ya know, so I kinda figured it out."

"Is Edward you're first boyfriend?"

Boyfriend seemed like such an insignificant word to describe what Edward was to me. He was so much more than a boyfriend. He was the light and dark, breath and heartbeat.

"Yes. How did you know anyway?"

"About you liking him?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know. A bunch of little stuff. Mostly the way you look at him. Like at lunch the other day, you looked really tired and you had your head on your arms and your eyes were closed, but then suddenly they opened and you just looked at him and smiled at him like he was the only person in the room."

"His put his hand on my knee," I confessed before I could stop myself. "That's why I opened my eyes."

"It was stuff like that. And you're very protective of him, scary protective. Then today at the game, I don't know, just the way you watched him, and I heard you talking to him under your breath. Not many guys call their friends 'baby'."

"Sorry," I mumbled. I hadn't meant for her to hear me, hell, I hadn't meant to say anything aloud.

"It's okay. I admit it's wigging me out a little, but I'm glad I know."

"Do you think other kids suspect?"

"If they do, they haven't said anything to me. Besides, they're stuck in their own dramas. Thanks for trusting me, Jasper. You could have lied but you didn't."

"Welcome," I replied, relieved she didn't think anyone else knew. "Anything else?"

"Tons, but I know you want to call him. Can we talk again sometime?"

"Sure, just not when he's around. He can't know you know, he's dealing with so much since the accident, I don't want him worried about this too."

"I won't say anything to him or anyone else," she sighed, growing frustrated with my repetitiveness.

"Thanks. And for what it's worth, Bella, I'm glad you know. Though it is irony at its best."

"That the ex of the boyfriend is the first to know?"

"Yeah. We haven't exactly been close." I remembered the times I'd wished her to move far, far away.

"Maybe not, but I think we got closer since his accident."

"I should go, I need to call Edward."

"Okay, I'll see ya Monday. I won't say a word," she promised one final time.

"Thanks. See ya Monday. Bye."

"Bye," she said quietly before hanging up. I tossed my phone on my bed and exhaled. She seemed to take the news pretty good, but I felt bad she found out from me and not Edward. My eyes were closed when there was a knock at my door and it opened before I could say anything.

"You're not working tomorrow, right?" my mother asked, standing in the doorway.

"No, I'm hanging out with Edward. We've got a physics project we need to get done for the end of the year. I already told dad," I lied, opening my eyes and yawning. My vision was blurred from the long day, and I had to squint to see what was in her hand, and my breath caught in my throat when I realized what she was holding.

"You left them in the kitchen, I didn't want you to lose them," she said, letting my keys hang from her index finger. I was too tired to bother hiding the fear I was sure crossed my face. It wasn't the keys themselves that were a big deal - it was the keychain they were dangling from.

Saint Christopher.

I reached up and snatched them from her grasp, curling my fingers around the silver disk and fisting it in my hand. "Thanks."

"Who's the guy in the toga?"

Shit. She'd seen it.

"Saint Christopher," I replied.

"It's nice," she smiled. "Better than that spaceship you used to have."

"It wasn't just a spaceship, it was the Millennium Falcon, Mom," I corrected. Hadn't she grown up with Star Wars?

"Oh, right. God, Han was cute. I had the biggest crush on him."

"Ew, Mom, he's old enough to be your father. Go, I need to sleep," I said, shaking my head to rid the images from my mind.

"I work day shift tomorrow, dinner will be late."

"No problem, I might be late too."

"Night," she said, closing my door.

"Night."

Relieved, I opened my fist and saw the medallion in my palm, the edges of it having left an impression from my tight grip. Rolling onto my side, I leaned off the bed and fished blindly underneath it until I felt the fur I was searching for. Pulling it out, I lifted the Teddy bear and couldn't help but smile. It was dusty from its hiding spot, but I had to keep him there to avoid the questions he would surely bring. I wanted to put him on my dresser or on my bed and show him off proudly like everyone else who got something for Valentine's Day did. Instead, I kept him safely tucked under my bed, but always within reach. Brushing the dust off his blond fur, I cleaned him before kissing his nose and then setting him on my nightstand. Then I put my keys and the medallion in front of him.

If my mom had seen the picture on the front, she'd probably seen the engraving on the back. But she hadn't said anything, didn't even seem suspicious. Maybe she hadn't seen it, or didn't realize it meant anything. Maybe she thought it'd come that way and wasn't done on purpose. Maybe I was overreacting because I was so fucking tired. My sore body groaned as I returned to my back and picked my phone up again. It was a little after nine and I was due to pick Edward up in twelve hours.

Twelve really fucking long hours.

I needed to see him sooner. Hitting his speed dial number, I spoke the second I heard him pick up. "So, I was thinking about tomorrow-"

"Of course you were."

"—and I think we should leave earlier."

"How early?"

"I'll be there at eight," I answered. I really wanted seven, or hell, leave my house right then. I'd give just about anything to go to the meadow and spend the night there with him. Soon, I vowed to myself.

"I'll be ready."

"I can't wait to be alone with you," I admitted freely, as if I was saying 'hey, it was nice out today'.

"Me either."

"So…"

"So…"

"Whatta wearing?" Nothing would be better than rubbing one out to his attempt at dirty talk and then falling asleep to his heavy breaths.

"I love you," he sighed.

"I was expecting sweatpants and a tee shirt, but I'll take it," I laughed.

It wasn't the kind of dirty talk I was looking for, but it would do. For the next few hours, we talked about anything and everything, the details of his game to the Mariner's schedule. I never mentioned Bella or the conversation she and I had had, and he didn't ask. When it was time for his nightly routine, I made him take me to the bathroom with him and put me on speakerphone. I had an insatiable need to be with him even when apart, it was crazy and girly and all that shit, but I didn't care. A little after eleven, knowing I was going to succumb pretty damn soon I told him in a sleepy voice I loved him. He said he loved me too, right before he yawned and his breaths grew heavy.

Miles separated us, but that night, like all others, we slept together.

"**~~**"

It was more beautiful than I remembered.

Maybe it was the rare spring sun or colorful flowers swaying back and forth in the breeze, or more likely it was the boy next to me, but the meadow seemed even more magical than ever before. Sweat beaded on Edward's forehead and his chest heaved from pushing his chair up the path, but he'd done it. It was a good thing I'd led the way because if I'd been behind him, watching those arms work to push the chair, we would have never made it to the top without a pit stop or two along the way. Even though I wouldn't have minded carrying him, I was proud of him for making it.

I'd gotten up early, even before my alarm went off, and went for a three mile run. As soon as I was home, I quickly showered, ignoring my erection in order to save it all for Edward. Dressed, I packed my bag with stuff I thought we would need; my iHome, a blanket, a sweatshirt in case it got cold, and a few graphic novels. Carrying my bag, I went to the kitchen and made some Fluffernutter sandwiches, tossing them in a small cooler with grapes, sodas, cookies, and chips. Then I squished paper plates and napkins on top and zippered it up.

Fluffernutter sandwiches and graphic novels.

I was totally going to romance my boy.

Slinging both bags over my shoulder, I went to the truck and headed to Edward's. When I pulled into his driveway and my stomach growled, I realized I'd forgotten to eat breakfast. I could have grabbed something at the Cullen's, but instead, I rushed Edward out of the house and took him to breakfast at our favorite diner. Because of his chair, we sat at a table instead of a booth like we used, and ordered enough food for a family of four.

"Make sure you get enough protein," I reminded him as I poured maple syrup on my pancakes. "You're going to need it later." I winked, biting a piece of bacon. When he smiled, rolling his eyes, it lit up the entire diner and I knew it was going to be a perfect day.

Inhaling the scent of the flowers and surrounding woods, I said, "Smells so good. It's been too long."

"Yeah, it has," he agreed.

"Our strawberry fields forever."

Taking wide, crooked steps, I pressed down as much grass and weeds and even flowers as I could so Edward could follow me in the chair. I heard him pause a few times behind me to pull grass from his wheels, but he eventually reached me in the middle of the field, at our spot. Lifting him from the chair, I sat him on the blanket I'd spread out and then plopped down next to him. As soon as I started his playlist on the iHome, I turned to him, ready to ravage him over and over.

Kissing him, feeling his pliable lips so willing against mine, made my heart beat as fast as any race I'd ever run. My heart skipped the second his hand curled into my hair and when I moved my lips down his neck, the butterflies fluttered wildly around us and in my stomach. Finally, we were alone and he was all mine.

"I brought a surprise for you. Lay down," I said, handing him the sweatshirt to use as a pillow.

He did as I asked, and then I lay perpendicular to him, using his hip as my own pillow, and picked up one of the graphic novels I'd brought. Being sure to hold the book so he could see all the artwork, I began reading it, using the voices I always imagined in my head for the different characters. His fingers were my hair, seeking the purchase they always found there as he twisted the tangled waves. I could feel him drifting away from me, getting lost in the sensation of my hair against his skin and sighing in contentment, but with a clearing of my throat, he would mumble an apology and give me a coy smile. I continued to read until the sun was high in the sky and warming us with brilliant rays. Edward's hand never wavered, he never asked questions about the story, he just listened and touched.

The days we had left at the meadow were already diminishing. Graduation was only a little over a month away, and then we only had the ten weeks of summer before we would be going our separate ways. I would never dreaded the end of summer as much as I would then, not even when I was a kid and spent all day outside playing with my friends. When I let myself think about it, which wasn't often, I didn't know if I could go through with it and move to Oregon while Edward went to Seattle.

Forcing the thoughts from my head, I reminded myself we were there to celebrate, to spend time alone, and to give him head. When I was done with the book, I put it down and asked if he liked it. He chuckled and said comic books were my version of romantic poetry.

"Graphic novels, babe," I scolded him.

"Ya know you don't have to woo me anymore. I'm kind of yours already," he returned, brushing the hair out of my squinting eyes.

"Just want to be sure you stay that way."

"And reading _graphic novels_ to me will do that?"

"That, and sucking your cock." I rolled onto my side and looked down at him. "Speaking of…."

"Was reading that your idea of foreplay?" He was trying to delay it, distract me with conversation but while my mind might be distracted, my cock never would be.

"It was like porn for geeks, didn't you see the guys in tight pants with huge bulges?"

He was silent, avoiding my eyes while his doubt filled his own. The nerves had returned, filling his body with an irrational fear. Didn't he know it didn't matter to me? It wasn't about whether or not he got hard, it wasn't about him coming, or even me tasting him again, it was about his trust in me to let me touch him freely like we used to. I understood his worry, his embarrassment, and honestly, if he was touching me and I didn't get hard, I would be embarrassed too, but for Edward it was different. It was medical, physical. It wasn't like he didn't desire me, his cock staying soft wasn't a sign of him not wanting me, it was simply his body's inability to react to the stimulation. Regardless of what his cock did, I knew his mind and heart wanted me, all of me.

And that was all that mattered.

But if he was too nervous, too scared, then I would wait.

"Babe, I want to do this, a fucking lot actually, but if you don't want to, if you want to wait, we can."

"You'd do that for me?"

"Wait? Fuck yeah, of course. I'll wait as long as you want."

Even forever.

Running his hand long my jaw, he admitted he was scared. I pushed myself onto my elbow so I could see his face better and asked what he was afraid of. His long fingers never left my hair as they parted the waves and tucked them behind my ear.

"Everything. Not feeling you, you not liking it. Not getting hard…"

Just as I had suspected.

"You don't have to be hard for me to give you head, baby. And c'mon, me not like giving you a bj? That's just crazy. But I can understand about not feeling it. I can't even begin imagine what that's like. But…you remember, right? What it felt like?"

"Sometimes I think so, other times, I don't know."

Angling my head, I studied him, looking into those grassy eyes that often enraptured me for hours, I judged his stubbornness. It wasn't he didn't want me to touch him, it was he was afraid of me not enjoying it if he couldn't get hard. But I knew Edward, as well as I knew myself, and I knew he was curious as well as scared. I knew he wanted to watch even if he couldn't feel, but I still wasn't sure if those desires outweighed his fear.

"How about we try it. If it bothers you, I'll stop." Pausing, I grinned, "and you can do me."

Before he'd was even finished nodding, I was straddling his thighs and undoing his jeans. He was laughing easily by the time I was tugging them down his hips. He might have been laughing at my eagerness, but the second I revealed his briefs outlining his cock beneath them, my own twitched and I licked my lips.

"Tee shirt off," I demanded and he obeyed, lifting his upper body and pulling his shirt over his head.

Jesus, he was fucking gorgeous.

Edward had always been hot, lean and slightly muscular, but his PT had added muscle to his muscle. His chest had expanded and tightened, defining his pecs. Shoulders that had been slim and average before were now wide and thick, each movement showcasing the muscles rolling under his skin. My gaze tracked down his chest to his abs. After years of basketball, they were in shape, but since he relied on his core strength so much more now, the lines between the small squares were deeper and sharper. Under his navel, a light trail of hair led to the elastic of his briefs, teasing me by going under them to where I wanted to be. Hungrily, I watched him as took off my own shirt before standing over him and undoing my jeans. Kicking off my sneakers, I stepped out of my pants and pushed everything aside. He stared up at me as I quickly stripped, his eyes drinking in every part of me as I bared it, but falling on my contained erection the longest. Dropping to my knees next to him, I stared at his cock.

The black cotton might have been covering it, but it hid nothing. I could see every line of his length, the ridge of the head and the thick vein running along the bottom. It looked fucking delicious. Unable to wait any longer to touch him, I let the tips of my fingers skim over his chest. He arched off the blanket,

already wanting more regardless of his nerves.

"I fucking love how responsive you are. I'm barely touching you," I murmured, continuing to tease him before bringing my eyes to his. "You sure?"

Instead of answering, he held my stare and grabbed my wrist, pushing it slowly down his abdomen to the soft bulge in his underwear. In a final act of permission, he released my hand and watched as I slipped my hand under his briefs and wrapped my fingers around his cock. He felt amazing, silky and thick and heavy, as I began to stroke him under the cotton. Wanting him to enjoy it as much as I was, I leaned down and took his nipple into my mouth.

"OH FUCK!" he cried out in surprise, lifting his back off the blanket to give me more access.

Before he lowered himself all the way, I slipped an arm under him, using it to hold him up so I could reach his nipples easier. The pebbled bud tightened under the attention of my tongue and teeth as I pulled it. Edward's head lolled back, having given into my ministrations along ago, he moaned and I felt it vibrate through his chest. Licking along the way, I dragged my unshaven jaw over his skin, scraping him in the best way until I reached his other nipple. Repeating my actions from before, I bit and licked. My hand never stopped moving over his cock.

The longer I lavished him, the more his head thrashed and the deeper his moans. Every part of him was tuned into what I was doing, focusing on the one inch of skin I worked, heightening his arousal. Against his back, I moved my fingers as much as possible, pressing into the taut flesh with my nails, earning me throaty growl. I was still trying to get used to my boy's new body and how it worked, and while I knew he liked what I was doing, it was hard to judge what was going on inside him. Before the accident, his cock would twitch, his legs would tremble, or his toes would curl, and I knew he was close to coming. It was different now, I had to pay more attention to the smaller details, the licking of lips, the way his eyes screwed shut, or how his breaths quickened. As I sucked his nipple, I felt a warmth on my back, lightly running up and down the dip of my spine. The simple touch, the fact he did it while I was touching him, turned me on and I groaned. Shifting my weight, I gave him better access.

"Fuck, babe," I gasped when he stuck his hand inside my underwear and groped my ass. My focus momentarily broken, I put my forehead on his chest while he kneaded my ass. Even if I'd wanted to, there was no stopping the moans I released.

I'd done my research on Edward's condition. I knew there were two types of erections, brought on by either thought or touch. While Edward's incomplete status didn't make it impossible for him to have a psychogenic erection, it wasn't as easy as before. More likely he would get hard from direct stimulation, by hand or mouth or…ass. I'd read pages and pages on websites and books explaining it was more difficult for a man with an incomplete SCI to become hard simply by seeing a sexy image or thinking dirty thoughts. They could still excite him, just in a different way. But once again, my boy went against the odds, because the second he ran his finger along the crease of my ass, his cock grew in my hand until it was completely hard.

Since I'd begun touching him, his cock had twitched a few times and even lengthened slightly, but it wasn't until he touched me so intimately, and heard my carnal reaction, that he become hard. I was pretty sure the images that went through my mind as his finger reached my hole were the same ones in his.

Me riding him.

My cock throbbed with the light touch of his finger on my ass and I realized I was panting for breath already. Kissing his warmed skin, I gradually moved my lips along his collarbone, licking the sweat shining on it, before reaching his ear. Sliding my arm out from under him, I buried my hand in his hair, gripping a fistful and tugging on it.

"So fucking hot. Feeling you in my hand, feeling you move under me, for me," I whispered huskily in his ear. My hand was still stroking him, even faster now he was hard. His eyes were still shut, he had no idea of the impressive erection he was sporting, he couldn't feel the pulsing or ache as it filled with need. "Babe, you're hard."

His eyes remained closed, almost as if he was worried about seeing but not feeling it. Leaving his ear, I returned to his nipples, biting and salving each one. I couldn't stop my body from rocking against his hand and spreading my knees further to let his finger reach the spot he was seeking. He was so close, the rough pad of his middle finger stroked the skin just behind my entrance. Groaning in both excitement and frustration, I took his brown bud between my teeth and twisted it hard. Encouraged, I released his cock and moved my freed hand to his other nipple, tugging on it roughly.

That did it. He fell over the preverbal edge and climaxed.

"Jasper, Jasper, fuck, Jasper…" he whimpered, his upper body trembling as he rode out the orgasm. I got harder hearing my name fall softly from his ripe lips as he came.

"Fucking hot when you come," I sighed as I moved to lie down next to him as he gradually returned to me. "Feel good?"

"Yeah. Really good," he smiled lazily.

"So…can I…" I bit my lip, internally pleading for him to say yes. Once he nodded, my body suddenly hummed with anticipation, I pressed my lips to his in a brief kiss before moving down his long body, settling between his parted legs. His hips were still as I lifted them to pull his underwear down over his ass. His cock hovered lowly over his abs as I ran my tongue over the vein along the bottom, just enough to let his musky flavor gather in my mouth. As much as I wanted to look at him, my eyes involuntarily closed as I lapped his length from base to tip, worshipping what I'd been denied for five very long months. The brief touches he'd allowed me since the accident were nothing compared to the freedom I had to touch him, lick and taste him at will right then. I laid both hands on his hips, even after all that time, still expecting them to buck up wanting more, and continued to flick my tongue over him. My own erection ached and I thrust my hips against the ground trying to get some relief. Opening my eyes again, I looked up the slopes of Edward's body and found his eyes closed tightly as his hands clutched the blanket. I reached up and pried his fingers loose until he turned his palm up. Threading my fingers with his, I ran my thumb over the back of his hand.

"Open your eyes, baby," he requested quietly but he shook his head, squeezing his eyes in defiance. "Please. I want to see you."

As eager as I was, I could feel his fear emanating from him, clashing with my own excitement in the air above us. He had no idea how fucking beautiful he looked lying there naked on the blanket with the sun sparkling off the thin layer of sweat on his skin. Sighing, he opened his eyes, but kept his gaze fixed on the blue sky above us.

"Look at me," I whispered before taking the head of his cock between my lips, wetting it as I took him deeper and reveled in the full, potent taste of him again. It seemed to take forever for his eyes to work their way from the sky to me, but they finally reached mine and we moaned in unison. While he continued to stare at me, I swirled my tongue over the head and dipped it in the slit, forcing out what fluid he had to offer. Firmly wrapping my lips around his cock, I filled my mouth with him.

"Fuck. Holy fucking shit."

Still holding his hand with one of mine, I grabbed his cock with the other and lapped up and down him, my eyes never leaving his. A bead of precum seeped out and I swiped it with my tongue, groaning as his essence flooded my taste buds. He watched as I released his cock and dragged my nose down it, inhaling his sweet scent mixed with sweat and nerves, until my lips were taking one of his balls into my mouth. I'd never tasted anything better, and I wanted to tell him but my own needs were overwhelming me as I continued to grind my cock in the blanket. Sucking on his sac, I tugged on the hot, wrinkled skin and closed my eyes. My hips were constantly moving, the coil eager to spring. When his fingers brushed my hair aside, I lifted my lids and found him watching me so intently I thought I might come. The fear from earlier had been replaced by wonder and desire, a look I'd longed to see fill him again. Then I noticed his body trembling again, the fingers he'd left in my hair began to tug on it. I was outright fucking the ground, lifting my hips and slamming them down as I devoured his cock. Dancing my hand up his abs, I reached for his nipple and tweaked it, knowing it was what he needed now. My mouth on his cock might be nice to watch, but it didn't do much for him physically. His erogenous zones had shifted, and it was his upper body that needed the attention to make him climax. I deep throated him, feeling the head of his cock slide past my gag reflex, and he shook.

"Jasper, fuck, coming," he grunted, pulling me over with him.

His orgasm plummeted through him everywhere above his waist. It was strange to see the pleasure on his face and know he was climaxing, but not feel his warm seed shooting down my throat. I swallowed reflexively as I would have if he'd come, but there were no more than a few drops of fluid that escaped him. Letting his cock slip from my lips, I dropped my forehead to his hip, gasping for breath. Two thrusts of my pelvis later, while he was still in the middle of his orgasm, my own rocketed through me, setting my insides on fire while my cock emptied in short, strong bursts. Tethering myself to him, I clutched his hand, gripping it as I came. Weak, I took in a few deeps breaths, the tingling from my orgasm still flowing through me, and lifted my head.

"Wow," I smiled. He returned it, and let his head fall back onto the sweatshirt as his hand fell from my hair to his thigh. "That was hot."

I crawled up him, and soon as I reached them, I captured his lips with mine in a possessive kiss. Not that he had any doubt who he belonged to, but a little reminder was always good. Lying flush on his torso, I threaded my fingers through his silky hair and ground my used cock against his. It was still hard and felt incredible along my overly sensitive one. We kissed for what seemed hours, until our lips were swollen and bruised and our moans grew louder. Breaking the kiss, I grinned and announced I was hungry. Rolling off him, I grabbed the cooler and unzipped it. I didn't have to look behind me to know he was feeling self conscious lying there naked and hard, and wanted his briefs back on.

"Don't even think about getting dressed," I warned.

"You're not naked."

Easily problem to remedy. I yanked my underwear off, wet cum stain and all, and kicked them aside.

"Now I am." I handed Edward a plate, then opened the cooler and pulled out the food I'd brought. "Lunch is served."

"Our first date."

I sighed. He remembered. Sometimes it was the small stupid stuff that made me love him more.

"Minus the pesky clothing," I teased.

We laughed and smiled and I attempted to sing. The sun warmed our skin, the food filled our stomachs, and the looks we gave each other melted our hearts. It was one of the most perfect days in a long time. The freedom of just being alone with him, touching him and being naked with him was amazing, and it made me feel sad. Having that freedom was something I'd been looking forward to when we lived together. But I needed to enjoy him right then and not to worry about the next day, much less the next year. My overstuffed Fluff sandwich was oozing from the crusts of the bread and with a wicked smirk, I leaned forward and held it out over his limp cock. He watched me with a raised brow while I waited not so patiently for the white marshmallow to fall onto him.

Stupid fucking Fluff.

"Aw, damn. Sorry, babe. Let me clean that up for you," I apologized when it finally landed on him. Leaning over, I licked the sweet stickiness of the head of his cock. I loved Fluff sandwiches, but I loved them even more with a hint of Edward to them. Laughing, he tugged on my hair until he was able to pull me off, and promptly pushed me onto my back. Sitting back up, I grabbed a cookie and handed him one.

"Did you make these?" he asked.

"A few days ago."

"They're really good," he said, crumbs spraying from his mouth as he spoke. He brushed them off his thigh and gave me an idea. Breaking off a tiny piece of the chocolate chip cookie, I held it over his lap and crushed it, dropping the crumbs onto his cock, still shiny from my licking off the Fluff.

"Oh, will you look at that? I'm awfully clumsy today," I giggled before bending over and lapping up every crumb off him. His hand found its way to my hair and I nuzzled his cock aside to make sure no cookie fell on his balls. When I straightened, he tilted his head.

"Done?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said innocently as I grabbed a grape and threw it into the air, catching it with my mouth.

"Sure you don't," he chuckled. "I think you've licked more food off me than you've eaten with your hands."

Leaning forward, I snuck a kiss. "Don't you know everything tastes better ala cock?" I tossed another grape up and it bounced off my nose and landed between his legs. My eyes shot to his. "Complete accident, I swear."

"Sure," he said, nodding knowingly.

"But since it's there, I better go find it. Don't want to waste a good grape."

"Jasper…"

I ignored him and searched for my lost grape, pushing his legs apart while I licked along the velvet of the inside of his thighs, paying close attention the one spot he felt, until I found the grape almost near his entrance. Groaning, I picked it up and bit it before kissing my way back up his leg.

"You could have used your hand," he suggested as I sat up.

"Where's the fun in that?" I pouted.

Once the sodas were empty and our sandwiches and snacks were gone, I packed up the remains. When I turned around, Edward was reaching over me for his duffle bag, telling me he brought something for me. Almost giddy with excitement, I tried to peek at what he was getting. I'd forgotten how huge it was until he pulled it out of the bag and I saw its length and fucking huge width.

"My turn," he said with a glimmer in his eyes as he held up the dildo.

"Baby…"

"Do you want to? It's just I can't make love to you, this is as close as I can get," he confessed quietly.

I hoped like hell he was wrong, that some day he could make love to me.

"It's so big," I mumbled, my eyes taking in the lifelike head and ridged length.

"I know. I remember."

Then it was me who was nervous, whose heart was racing. Before the accident Edward and I had planned on both bottoming and topping, wanting to experience everything. But when and if we ever made love, I was going to have to bottom, and it was something I was going to want to try sooner or later. He'd already taken a risk with me that day, shown me the trust I wanted, and I would do the same for him.

"I want to," I finally replied, cupping his cheek and kissing him.

Lying down in front of him, I hooked my legs over his and moved closer until my ass was tucked between his thighs. I felt completely vulnerable and exposed and wanton. Just lying like that and seeing the way he looked at me made me hard and he hadn't even done anything yet. Still, I was nervous as he dribbled lube on his fingers and slicked up my hole. When he inserted the first finger inside, I groaned and pushed down for more. Soon he'd added a second and was curling them inside me, brushing across my prostate. My upper body lifted off the blanket while I begged for more. Slipping his fingers from me, he readied the dildo with lube. I'd never had anything more than three of his fingers in me before.

"Just breathe," he whispered as he held my hand.

I used my other to grip behind my knee and lift my leg, exposing myself more. He held my eyes as he placed the silicone head at my hole and began to press it forward. "Aw, fuck, fuck, fuck," I cried out, digging my fingers into the tender flesh behind my knee.

It burned like nothing I'd ever felt, like I was being split in two. I swear I could feel every nerve ending as my entrance stretched and widened to accommodate the toy. Edward paused, waiting for me to give him the signal to continue. As slowly as possible, he eased the dildo in until he hit the resistant muscle. The pain increased, spreading through my entire pelvis. I tried to relax, but failed, my body instinctively resisting the intrusion.

"It fucking burns," I hissed through clenched teeth. "Splitting me in two." Remembering when I'd done the same thing to Edward in the same place, I exhaled long breaths.

"Want me to stop?" he offered.

"No!" I was going to do it, I wanted to do it. It was an experience I wanted to share with him, only him. I kept waiting for the pleasure to kick in. I'd watched porn, and while the bottoms sometimes looked like they were in pain, they always begged for more. It must feel good eventually. Another stinging pain rushed through me as he pushed the fake dick in further until there was nothing left. He left it still for a few minutes while I breathed through the sharp waves of pain.

"I'm going to move it," he said.

Our clasped hands rested low on my abs right above my limp cock. I was sure I was hurting him but I couldn't bring myself to loosen my hold. As he told me he loved me, he slid the toy out and then back in again. He repeated it a few times, always slow and gentle, as I began to relax under his soothing words. The burn remained, but faded to something different, and just like with the pain, the pleasure it gave way to was unlike any I'd known before. Then the tip of the dildo caressed my gland and my body exploded. My breaths quickened from the controlled ones and my cock hardened. Again and again, a sweet fire ignited inside me with each pass of the toy over my prostate.

"Fuck, babe, right there. Jesus," I groaned.

"Does it hurt?"

"Yeah, burns but…aw fuck!" The toy filled and stretched me so much more than his fingers ever had, and it made me desire to feel his cock inside me more than ever before. Letting go of my knee, I pumped my cock impatiently, each stroke bringing me closer. "Shit, feels so full…so full…"

Instinctively, my body began to respond just as it should, and I began thrusting my hips up and toward him to meet the dildo.

"More, baby, faster," I begged, barely conscious of doing so as I stroked furiously to meet his pace. Free to be as loud as I wanted, I groaned, pleading for more in a constant stream of airy words. I was so fucking close to coming, my cock ached with each pump. He angled the dildo again and struck me deep and I lost it. Holding his gaze, I squeezed his hand and grunted as my body gave in and my climax violently hurled through me. Never had I come so hard. In my hand, my cock erupted, emptying onto me as my ass clenched around the toy. It was still buried in me, and when my ass clamped around it, it was pulled in further and hit my sweet spot again and again, milking my orgasm. My entire body flexed and released with each wave of bliss until I fell back on the blanket gasping for breath. I was dimly aware of Edward pulling the toy out, but as soon as he did, I took his hand and pulled him onto of me, his legs tangling awkwardly between mine. Speechless, I just kissed him as deeply and securely as I could, moaning when our cocks rubbed and his hands found my hair as he rested his weight completely on me. I loved seeing his face look down at me, I loved seeing him above me.

"That was amazing," I whispered, breaking the kiss.

It had hurt like a motherfucker at first, but nothing could compare to how incredible it felt after. While the pain never entirely went away, the pleasure brought on by it far outweighed the discomfort. The only thing that would ever be better was the real thing and having Edward's cock buried deep inside me hitting my prostate in the same way. I now understood the looks on the faces of the boys in the porn I'd seen, the mix between pleasure and pain, and how it was all fucking worth it. I'd just come, my body was tired and used, and I still wanted more.

"When can we do it again?" I smirked up at him. He called me his slutty bottom boyfriend and I laughed and confirmed he might be right.

He rolled off me onto his back, untangling his legs from mine. I followed him, curling into his side and laying my head on his chest. Unable to resist, I let my thumb graze his nipple and smiled against his skin when he shivered.

It was utterly perfect. Everything about the day was perfect, from the sun shining to the lack of bugs flying around. Selfishly, I wanted more time like that with him. The freedom to be us, to lie naked and covered in cum, to not care how loud we were, or worry about getting caught if we fell asleep in each other's arms. I mean, wasn't that where we belonged? Forever in each other's arms? It was where I wanted to be, and hoped he did too. I hated that soon there would be a day when he would not only not be in my arms, but he'd be six hours away.

There had to be a way to keep him close even when we weren't together. We would have video chat and talk all the time, but it wasn't the same. Nothing could replace touching him. My eyes fell on the bracelet on my wrist, faded and worn from all the showers and daily abuse. The leather was soft and frayed in a few places, making it even more valuable. The simple braided band had seen a lot. It was a symbol of all Edward meant to me, all we'd been through together.

Edward lifted his hand to rest it on mine, and when our skin touched, I swear I saw the glint of gold around the base of his ring finger. My breath hitched in my throat as I blinked and focused on his hand again, finding no ring there. It had been in my imagination, but it didn't have to stay there. My stomach flipped with the thought, and I sighed.

"What's the sigh for?"

"Just thinking," I mumbled.

"About?"

I lifted my head and put my chin on his chest so I could see him. "Spending last night at home was awful. I mean, it wasn't awful, but it felt like a week not seeing you all night. I was just thinking if one night fell like fucking forever, how the fuck am I supposed to make it weeks on end?"

"It's not like you won't see me, love. We'll have the webcams."

"Yeah, yeah, and that's awesome, but babe, I want to feel you, like this. I want to roll over in bed and find you next to me no matter what time it is."

"I know, me too. I want that a lot."

"Then—"

_Why can't I go to UW and be with you…_

"No."

"Fucking stubborn boyfriend."

"Yep."

Closing my eyes, I sighed. Wearing rings on our hands meant something. It wasn't like the gift of a bracelet. To wear a ring meant to be married. Edward was mine, I was his, we knew that, and after graduation so would everyone else, so why not make it official? Why not show our commitment to each other in the form of wedding bands to let the world know we were spoken for, we were loved by another? I wanted to be guaranteed Edward was mine forever.

If we were going to be so far apart, knowing he was wearing a symbol of our love comforted me. I had thought about marrying Edward before, probably more than I would care to admit. I wasn't all girly in dreaming of the perfect wedding dress, but rather how it what it would be like to know he was mine in every way, and that he wanted it too. We'd talked about getting married, but neither of us had asked the other, we had just assumed it would happen. I wanted to make it official. I wanted him to know before we were separated for a year that he was undoubtedly mine and I was his. I realized I wanted it more than I'd ever wanted anything.

I wanted to be Edward's husband.

Opening my eyes, I licked my lips. "Edward?"

"Mmm?"

"I want to guarantee you're going to be there every day, even when we're apart. I know we're young, and I know, well I know we've mentioned it before but we've never…ya know done anything more than talk about it, and it wasn't even really serious, but…um…" I babbled uselessly.

"What, love?"

Pushing myself onto my knees, I rested my ass on my calves and took his right hand into mine. The sun shone on us, glinting off his burnished hair and curious green eyes as he stared up at me, growing leery with each second I didn't speak. In order to get him to be my husband, I had to ask him to marry me…and he had to say yes.

"Edward, will-will you-will you marry me?" I stuttered, but not because I was uncertain. I had never been more certain of anything it was what I wanted. It was his response I feared.

There was a second or two of shock, but he quickly smiled, the delicious crooked one that made me hard. "Love, I know that was an amazing orgasm, but…"

I shook my head. "It's the not orgasm talking, Edward. It's me. I want to marry you. I want to be your husband and know you're mine forever. I want to be able to kiss you freely, anyplace anytime I want and not feel guilty or ashamed about it. I want to know when we're six hours apart and you're sitting in a classroom full of hot pianists, that it's me you belong to. I want them to all know it too. I'm all in, baby."

Reaching up, he brushed back the hair that fallen in front of my face. "Jasper, we have all that now."

"I can't kiss you freely. People don't know you're mine, or I'm yours," I reminded him more sharply than I intended to. "We're coming out after graduation, right? So why not?"

"Jasper—"

"Don't say it," I warned him. "Don't say we're too young. You know age doesn't matter with us, not after all we've been through. It's about getting to spend the rest of my life with my best friend. All that matters is being together in every way we can. If not physically, then by marriage."

"Jasper, you don't have to marry me to know I'm yours," he said softly.

"I know, but I want to. I want to call you my husband. When I'm at school and people see the ring on my finger, I want them to know I'm taken by the most beautiful boy in the world," I whispered, my eyes searching his. His words spoke of practicality, but his eyes told me something else. They shined with excitement and possibility, a slight fear in hoping it might come true.

Tilting his head, his crooked smile turned into an amazing grin, slightly lopsided as his lush lips spread wide. "That does sound nice."

Exhaling, I bit my lip and repeated my question. "So…will you marry me, Edward?"

Then with one word, he made life worth living.

"Yes," he breathed.

I flung myself down onto him, pressing my lips to his through my smile. Happiness bubbled out of us both and our hearts raced in unison against each other. One of his hands went to my back, rubbing along it while the other went to my ass. Flush on him, I kissed him madly between burst of laughter. I don't think I'd ever been so happy in my life.

He'd said yes.

Fiancé. Edward was my fiancé. It sounded so fucking girly, but giving my giddiness over the thought, over one silly word, I was already acting like a girl anyway. Breaking the kiss, I lifted my head and sighed. "I want to get married this summer, before we leave for college."

"Okay," he nodded, "but there are a few problems with that."

"What?"

"Washington doesn't allow gay marriage, neither does Oregon."

"I'm not going to let that stand in my way," I challenged.

"My rebel," he murmured, kissing me.

"Damn right." I pulled back, putting so little space between us that I could feel his breaths on my wet lips. "They really don't allow it?"

"Nope. In fact, they don't even recognize it. We could get married legally in another state, but if we moved back here, they wouldn't accept it. Both states have domestic partnerships, but that's it."

Apparently, Edward had been doing his own research.

"You said a few problems, what's the other one?"

"I won't be eighteen until October."

"Fuck," I groaned, dropping my head. "So even if we did a road trip to someplace else to get married, you couldn't do it anyway."

"Not until October thirteenth." Defeated, I closed my eyes. He brushed the backs of his fingers down my cheek. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah." Not being allowed to get married didn't mean he didn't want to marry me. It wasn't like he said no. It was the government, people who didn't know or care about us, who said what we had was wrong and shameful. How little they knew. I refused to let some stranger stop me from marrying the boy I loved. "Let's get married anyway," I suggested.

"Where, love? No one will marry us."

"Then we'll get married here, in the meadow. Just you and me."

"Here?"

"Yep, right here. Our spot."

Smiling, he teased, "I was thinking someplace with running water might be nice."

"There's a stream on the other side of those pine trees," I reminded him.

"Not exactly the kind of running water I meant," he chuckled.

"C'mon, baby. Just us, here, saying our vows. Then you can sing our song and we can dance…" I trailed off, daydreaming a bit more with each suggestion. "We can buy rings and put them on each other. It might not be legal by the law but it will be for us. I can still call you my husband."

He stared at me for a few long seconds, his fingers tracing every line, every inch of my face before twirling the strands of hair around. "Okay, we'll get married here. Just you and me."

"All in?" I asked excitedly.

"All in."

"Dance with me?" I asked, pushing off him and standing up.

"Now?"

"Yep, I want to celebrate," I said as I squatted next to him. Before he could protest, I slid one arm under his knees and the other under his back and lifted him. Once his body fell against mine and his arms went around my neck, I stood, stumbling back a step on my post orgasm weakened legs. Edward's naked body rested against my chest as he let his fingers linger in the curls at the nape of my neck. The music changed to "All You Need is Love", and I began swaying us back and forth, singing as I did so.

He put his temple to mine, singing with me, although he actually sang in tune. My fingers rubbed the skin on his side and his knee as I held him tighter to me. My cock reacted to having his body pressed so closely.

"All you need is love…"

"All together now," I laughed, mimicking Paul in the background.

The song ended and changed to "In My Life", one of Edward's favorites. Laying his head on my shoulder, he kissed my neck, occasionally nibbling as I continued to move us in a small circle. The fragrance of the flowers floated around us, but all I could smell was him. The more his lips worked my neck, the harder I got.

"Babe, you better stop that."

"Why?"

"Because it's making me hard," I admitted.

"Do you want to fuck my mouth?" he mumbled brazenly against my neck. My knees almost buckled and my cock twitched at his offer. Right then, I wanted nothing more. "Hmmm, love? Maybe come down my throat, or on my face?"

"Fuck, baby," I groaned. His lips continued up my jaw, along the scruff there and then back to my ear where he sucked on the lobe.

"Wanna come again?"

"Yes," I gasped.

"Put me down," he said in a husky, demanding tone. As slowly as I could, I crouched down again and leaned forward, almost dropping him onto the blanket. He moved so his head was on the bunched up sweatshirt and motioned for me to sit on him. "Come fuck my mouth, love. Give it me."

"Jesus, where's this coming from?" I asked as I straddled his chest.

"What? I can't want to suck my future husband's cock?" he said, his eyes burning with a fire. Edward didn't talk dirty often, and when he did, he was usually embarrassed and blushed.

He lifted his arms, letting me get closer to his face, and put his hands on my hips. Gripping my erection, I guided it into his waiting mouth. Dark green eyes laced with desire gazed up at me as I pushed my cock passed his parted lips. Falling forward, I braced my hands above his head, giving me some leverage to thrust. Looking down my body, I watched him swallow my cock as I bucked into him. He sucked me hard when I paused inside him, his tongue licking everywhere before I pulled out again and began a steady rhythm. While one hand stayed on my hip, his other went to my balls and he tugged on them, trying in vain to hold off my climax. It didn't work, because the second his finger wandered to the skin behind my sac, my cock swelled. Jerking my hips back, I yanked my cock out of his mouth and watched as it twitched and emptied on his face, painting warm, milky stripes across his cheeks, nose, and lips. Moaning, his tongue darted out to lick along his lip, gathering my cum. I grunted with each burst while his fingers still teased my entrance. Edward was fucking sexy, but marked by me made him even hotter. With the last thrust of my hips toward his face, I collapsed, twisting myself to the side to avoid falling on him. Landing on my back, I put a hand on my pounding heart and took in gulps of air.

"Jesus, baby," I panted. Edward moved until his body was level with mine, his cum covered face looking at me with a very self satisfied smile. Reaching up, I swiped some of it from him with my thumb and placed it his lips. Promptly, he parted them and took my thumb inside, swirling his tongue and licking it clean. I repeated the action a few times until there was none left. "Why is so hot to see my cum on you?"

"Because you like making me yours," he answered simply, as right as ever.

"Mmm," I moaned.

Chuckling, he flipped onto his back, using the sweatshirt as a pillow, and closed his eyes. Like a magnet, I followed him. Rolling onto my stomach, I stretched out perpendicular to him and laid my head low on his abdomen, making sure I wasn't putting pressure on his bladder, my mouth and nose at the base of his soft cock. I could smell his manly scent as my eyes drifted closed. My hand rested on his thigh as rubbed his sensitive spot, and my elbow dipped between his legs. Just before a sated sleep took me, I felt his hand in my hair, holding it loosely as his breaths evened out.

"Love you," I mumbled.

"Love you too…"

I'd never been more comfortable in my life as we both fell asleep in our bed of clover.

"**~~**"

The sun had moved low in the sky when I felt a warm hand stroking my back. Fingers lightly grazed up and down my spine, and under my ear, his body vibrated with the song he was humming.

"You awake?"

I groaned, his scent filling my nostrils, then unable to resist, darted my tongue to flick along his limp cock. I felt high, my body drunk from the orgasms and sleep, and his one word answer of 'yes'.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked, his fingers, having never left my hair, toyed with the edges.

"Very," I said as I turned to face him. "Did you?"

Looking down his chest at me, he nodded. "I had a dream."

"A sexy dream?" I wiggled my eyebrows.

"Sort of," he replied cryptically.

Curious, I lifted my head. "Tell me. I want details."

The sun was pinking his skin. Having Texas blood in me, I only darkened in the sun, but Edward's pale skin tended to burn after a few hours. One thing I'd forgotten to bring was sunscreen. Maybe he needed to put his clothes back on, I didn't want any of his important parts getting burned. Then again, I could just lie on top of him and protect him from the sun with my body.

"Okay, but first I need to…um…I need to use my catheter."

"Oh, shit, I forgot, I'm sorry," I mumbled, bolting upright.

"I did too." He pushed himself up and reached for his bag.

"How did you want to do this?"

He opened his bag and pulled out a kit. "I can do it here if it doesn't bother you."

"Nothing you do would ever bother me."

Efficiently, he yanked on some gloves and attached the tubing to the bag. After cleaning the head of his penis with an iodine pad, he easily inserted the tube, pushing steadily with practice fingers. I wanted to give him privacy but I couldn't help but watch as his urine began to flow through the tubing and into the bag. It looked so uncomfortable but he didn't flinch once. The bag filled to about halfway and he pulled the tubing out a little before pausing. More urine traveled into the bag, and after a few minutes, he pulled it all the way out and clamped the bag closed.

"I don't know what do to with it," he said, looking around. "I'm afraid it will burst in my bag."

"Want me to empty it? I can take it over there," I offered, pointing to a wooded spot.

"You sure?"

"Yeah." I kissed him. "But tell me how to do it."

He explained the clamp and how to take the tube off, and then I took the bag filled with warm urine and walked over the edge of the woods. Doing as he showed me, I squeezed the bag toward the ground until it was empty. Returning to Edward, I handed it to him and he put it in his backpack.

"I marked our territory for us," I said with a laugh and he rolled his eyes. "Now about that dream."

He lay back down and I took my position again before he returned his hand to my hair, the strands slipping between his fingers several times before he spoke again. "I've had it a few times now. The little details change but the main part doesn't."

"Then tell me about the one you just had," I encouraged, sneaking a hand out to rest on his nipple. When I pinched it, he flinched and sucked in a breath.

"I was playing in a basketball game… wheelchair basketball," he clarified, "and you were there watching. The gym was crowded, there were lots of fans in the bleachers. I had a chance to make the winning shot, so I looked up at you and you mouthed 'you can do it'. So I shot and made it."

"See? I'm always right," I reminded him with a wink.

Smiling, he continued, "Then you ran down and kissed me in front of everyone, my teammates and all the people there. You said we needed to celebrate, so we left and went out the parking lot."

"Did I ravage you in the truck?"

My head bobbed up and down with the movement of his laughter. "Actually, no. We got into a van, my van, and I drove us home."

"Home?" I asked, confused. "Yours or mine?"

"Ours," he answered wistfully, brushing my waves off my face.

"Mmm, I love the sound of that."

"We were living together. We made dinner, then watched TV and took a shower-"

"It's getting better and better," I interrupted.

"After the shower, we went to bed—"

"Did I ravage you there?"

"Yeah, you did," he answered quietly.

"Did we…"

"Yeah. I was on my back and you rode me. We watched each other and I jerked you off until you came. Then I came and you didn't even get off me, you just collapsed on my chest and we fell asleep like that," he said. The pink tinting his cheeks wasn't just from the sun. Taking my fingers from his nipple, I moved them to his flushed cheek.

"That sounds like a really good dream."

"It was."

"That can happen, ya know. If you just let me go to UW with you," I scowled.

"It can happen in a year when I transfer to OSU," he retorted.

"And you say I'm stubborn? I've got nothing on you."

He only shrugged. "It'll go by quickly, I promise."

"Gonna be the longest fucking nine months ever," I sighed heavily.

He drew me to him for a kiss, pressing his lips to mine gently before murmuring against them. "We can do it."

I trusted Edward with everything I was, and if he believed we could do it, then I had to as well. We made out for a long time, soft, lingering caresses of lips and tongues with shallow breaths in between. My pelvis thrust forward when he wrapped his fingers around my growing erection. Using his free hand, he braced it behind him and pushed himself upright, placing my head in his lap. Gazing adoringly down at me, he swept my hair out of my eyes and pumped me once. My body responded with a whimper as my hips lifted to fuck his loose fist.

"Love, remember the first blowjob I gave you?"

"I came in about thirty seconds," I recalled. I remembered it like it had been the day before, the innocence in his green eyes as he took my cock into his mouth, the scrape of his teeth when I forced myself deeper. His mouth was so hot and wet and tight.

"Not sure you even lasted that long," he laughed, his hand tightening his hold on me. "Want me to make you come again?" Staring up at him, I nodded, bucking my hips up, and he smiled. "I love how shameless you are, how you just lie here letting me jerk you off."

Moaning, I bit my lip. Even though his hands were only in my hair and on my cock, it seemed like he was touching me everywhere, my body became a livewire with his words. He knew exactly what wanted, because he was good like that.

"I was so nervous giving you head that first time. I remember kneeling and looking up at you as I undid your pants. I was so embarrassed, but I couldn't look away. The way you stared at me was so fucking hot, made me so hard my cock ached. I remember thinking your cock would never fit in my mouth. Then while I watched you, I stuck my tongue out and lick the head. It was salty and soft and smooth like velvet."

I was trembling by then, pleading for more between gasps. His pace on my cock was steady, deliberate drags enough to get me to the edge, but not push me over.

"I pulled down your pants and made sure you were leaning against the door. We were worried someone was going to catch us. Then I licked your cock, and you begged for me to suck you. Your voice was so hoarse and sexy. I had no idea what I was doing, but I put my hand on your hip and held your cock with my other, and then opened my mouth…"

"More," I said in part growl part plea from his lap, looking up into his eyes as he worked me. His lips were swollen from all our kisses, and each time he spoke and I could see his tongue, my cock twitched in his hand.

"I leaned forward just a little, and you were so eager you jerked your hips and shoved your cock into my mouth, apologizing as soon as you did it. Like you couldn't control it, which was hot. I liked knowing I turned you on so much you couldn't control yourself. I remember thinking you tasted different, but really good. I let my tongue touch you, lap along the bottom, and then your hands were in my hair, and oh my God, it felt so amazing. I swallowed, and then you practically screamed you were coming and I felt your cock move and my mouth filled with so much cum so fast, I started choking. Remember?"

"Yeah," I said breathlessly. I remembered looking down at him through my haze and seeing my cum running down his chin with my cock still in his mouth. Maybe that was when I had become fascinated seeing my cum on his face. Without me having to beg him, he began stroking my cock furiously with a firm fist, giving me the hot friction I craved.

"Come for me, show me how hard you can come, my…fiancé," he murmured the last word reverently and it sent me reeling. It was almost the most perfect word ever, second only to husband.

My body contorted through the waves of the climax as they crested over me, cum jettisoning from my cock in long, thin streams, decorating my abs and his hand until there was nothing left me. The muscles that had been tense as I had neared my orgasm relaxed and I sank into his body and the blanket. Edward continued to milk me with a lazy rhythm, and I shuddered until I finally had the strength to reach down and grab his wrist to stop him.

"Had enough?" he smirked.

"Never, but need a few minutes," I rasped.

"I'll never get tired of seeing you come."

"Good thing, because I plan on doing it a lot." Raising my upper body, I curved a hand behind his neck and forced him to meet me half way in a heated kiss. When he finally lifted his head, he glanced around, noting the setting sun over the tree line.

"We should head down before dark," he said.

"I don't want to go," I whined.

"Me either, but we've got school tomorrow, and I'm pretty sure you haven't done your homework yet."

I sighed and shook my head. "It's just been too perfect to leave. I want it like this forever."

"Me too, and someday it will be. But for now, we should get dressed and head home."

I hated his practical side, but nodded and sat up anyway. It took some time to get dressed and pack up our things. When I lifted Edward into his chair, he kissed my neck.

"We smell like cum. They're going to smell it on us when we get home."

"I don't care," I replied, setting him in the chair.

We still had a half mile walk down the path, I had more than enough time to tell him about my mother finding the keychain and Bella, but I didn't want to. It had been beyond a perfect day without any thoughts or distractions of the outside world. Until then, I hadn't thought of anyone besides Edward, and I wanted him to have thought of no one but me. I wasn't going to tarnish the day with a possible argument. There would be plenty of time to tell him another day.

Slinging the bags over my shoulder, I looked down at my beautiful boy, his cheeks still colored from the sun and love making. "Ready?" I asked, holding out my hand. He took it and let me hold it a few strides before he had to let go to push.

It seemed far too soon before I was pulling into his driveway under the darkening skies and helping him into his chair. When I went to follow him inside, he stopped me.

"Go home, get your homework done," he instructed, leaving no room for debate. Leaning against the truck, I pouted, giving him my sad eyes, but it didn't work. The corners of his lips curled up, but he shook his head. "Love, you need to get it done. I'll see you in the morning."

"Fine," I grumbled, then bent over and leaned close. "Thank you for letting me suck you again. I love you."

"Mmm, welcome. I love you too," he murmured.

"I'll call you later."

"After your homework is done," he said as he pushed toward the ramp.

"Yeah, yeah. Be safe, baby."

"See ya soon, love."

I got into the truck and waited until he was inside before turning the key in the ignition and pulling out of the driveway.

Shifting into park in front of my house, I got out and grabbed my bag and cooler from the back. My legs were still weak from the orgasms, remnants of them still trickling through me as I went inside.

"Jas?" my father called out.

"Yeah," I said, walking into the living room to find him sprawled on the couch watching television. After Edward had said they would be able to smell us, I made sure to stay several feet away.

"Did you get the project done?"

Apparently my mother had told him. "Yeah, mostly. I've more to write up tonight, but the hard stuff is done." I should have felt guilty for lying, but I just accepted it as part of my life now. Keeping Edward a secret, keeping my sexuality, part of who I was, a secret. "Where's mom?"

"She got an OT shift tonight, someone called in sick. I ordered pizza for dinner. There are leftovers in the fridge if you want some."

"Thanks, I'm starving."

He looked at me, his eyes roaming up and down me in a different way and I shifted side to side. "Are you feeling okay?"

_Way more than okay._

"Yeah, why?"

"You look a little flushed."

"Oh, yeah, um, we were outside by the pool at Edward's. Probably just from the sun." More lies. My cheeks were red because I'd come four times with my boyfri-fiancé. Even though my dad's eyes narrowed at my lie, he nodded. "I'm gonna grab that pizza and go get that paper written."

"Okay, have fun," he chuckled and turned back to the TV.

Bolting to the kitchen, I took the pizza box and two Cokes from the fridge and went to my room, closing the door behind me. I tossed the food into my bed and dropped my bags on the floor before falling onto my mattress.

I spent the next two hours doing my homework like Edward had told me to, while finishing off the pizza and two sodas. By the time I crawled off my bed to take a shower, I was constantly yawning. My shower was quick, washing my hair and rinsing cum off me before I got out and dried off. It was almost ten by the time I picked up my phone to call Edward.

"Hey," he answered sleepily. "Get your homework done?"

"Yep. I've got some reading left, but fuck it, I'm too tired."

"Me too."

"Hey, Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for saying yes," I said, wearing a silly grin as I laid my head on my pillow.

"Thanks for asking me," he whispered happily.

"Fiancé. Have to admit it sounds hot, doesn't it?" I giggled.

"Not as hot hearing my fiancé is naked in bed."

"I am in bed but not quite naked."

"Want a bedtime story?"

"Yeah." I snuggled down into my pillow and braced the phone against my ear and listened as Edward got comfortable. "Okay, I'm ready."

"A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away there were these two boys who were madly in love…"

Edward continued with the story in a sweet, tired voice, and I shivered with happiness when I realized it a voice I would get to hear every night for the rest of my life. My heavy lids covered my eyes and I smiled when he went into detail about how one boy saved the other. His words grew fainter as sleep took me from his grasp, promising to return me the next morning.

"**~~**"

"You look hot, fiancé," I whispered in his ear as I sat him in the truck. Blushing, he stuffed his bag on the floor before moving over to the middle. After his chair was in the back, I got in and buckled up. "Another exciting day of school. Yippee."

"Not many left though."

"Thank God."

He kept his hand on my thigh until we reached school. Then he moved over as I pulled into a parking space. Once he was in the chair, we turned to head inside and found Bella leaning against the back of her old truck watching us. Our eyes met, and I hoped she heard the silent warning I was sending her. I fucking hoped like hell she was going to keep her word. Edward was observant and would notice immediately if something wasn't right. Bella bounced over, a smile on her face as she greeted us, her eyes meeting mine for a bit too long. The three of us walked in together, my heart pounding more with each step.

The morning went by pretty fast, I was able to partially focus on my classes, though every other word I heard was 'fiancé'. After my WWII class, I headed to meet Edward for lunch.

"Hey," I grinned as I approached him in the corridor just outside his music class. It didn't take much to make me happy, just the way his eyes brightened when he saw me was enough.

"Hey." He gave his chair a push when I motioned toward the lunchroom. "I was thinking in class."

"Good as place as any to think," I teased, giving him an amused glance.

"And I don't think you should come over today," he announced coolly. I stopped short and the kid behind me bumped into me. I snarled at him and he ran off.

_Fucking freshmen. _

"Why?" I growled at Edward.

"Because I've got PT and it will be a long session. I also have a shitload of homework, and I know you do too. I should practice on a few pieces on the piano because my first lesson is in a few weeks."

"I can watch or do homework or something."I said, following him when he rolled away.

"I'll be really tired, Jas, and regardless of what you say, I know you're tired too. It's just better this way."

I was tired, I wouldn't deny it, but I was always tired, that wasn't going to change, it was just something I needed to learn to live with. "Fuck, no it's not. Baby," I said softly, trying a different approach, "we're kind of on borrowed time here. I don't want to spend a second, much less another night, away from you. This will make three nights in a row."

"I know you don't, neither do I, but it will give us a chance to get some stuff done, and if PT runs late, you won't be stuck waiting for me."

Didn't he know I'd wait a thousand years for him?

"Fine," I snapped, walking faster toward the cafeteria. I knew I was acting like a spoiled child, but I didn't give a shit. The day after I'd asked him to marry me, he tells me not to come over to his house. How could he think I didn't want to spend every free second available with him? I didn't care if I had to wait for PT, I just wanted to be near him.

We reached the lunch line. Edward was right behind me and we went through like usual. I filled our tray with stuff, glaring at the lunch ladies as I did so. "You'd think after five months, you would have been able to figure out how to solve this problem," I bitched to them as I walked by. Behind me, Edward cringed. There was a tension in the air that followed us to our table where I slammed the tray down. Newton and Angela jumped.

"Everything okay?" she asked.

"Fine," I replied curtly.

I sat in my spot, ignoring Edward as he reached for his food. Opening my milk, I drank it in one gulp and wiped the remainder off my lip before setting the carton down. Bella came over, sitting next to Mike and opening her juice.

"How'd the game go?" Newton asked Edward, but before he could answer, Bella spoke up.

"Oh my God, it was awesome. Edward was amazing…"

She continued to fill them in on all the details of the game while my stomach clenched with each word she said. I was so fucking afraid she was going to slip and say 'and they're in love', but she never did. When she was done, her eyes fell on me in a long, knowing look. Narrowing mine sharply, I returned her stare, warning her once again. She glanced at Edward, who was looking down at his food, before turning back to the other kids. Newton asked Edward a few questions about the game, and Edward answered politely, but I knew it was the last thing on his mind.

Lunch ended and I picked up the tray to empty it before we left. When I looked down at it, I realized neither Edward nor I had touched our food.

"Fuck," I mumbled to myself. I returned to the table and found Edward and Bella waiting for me. Heading out of the lunchroom, I let Edward wheel a head of us before grabbing Bella's elbow.

"Stop with the looks," I warned her coldly.

"What looks?" she asked, yanking her arm from me.

"The ones like you know something no one else does."

"Fine, no more _looks_," she said under her breath. "I said I wouldn't say anything and I won't." Then she sped up to catch Edward.

Was there anyone I wasn't going to piss off that day?

We jointly suffered through gym and the baseball game we were supposed to be playing. Edward barely looked at me, and I tried to pretend I wasn't hurt about it. It was my fault, but I was too mad to do anything about it. I wanted to wallow in some teenage angst for a few hours. I was his fucking fiancé, and I didn't like being told not to come over when he knew how much I needed to see him, especially after what had happened in the meadow.

Gym ended and Edward didn't follow me into the locker room like he usually did. Instead, he gave me a little nod and a glance of his sad eyes before he turned and pushed toward the exit. In the locker room, I smashed my fist into the metal lockers as I walked by them, making everyone around me jump and stare at me. I changed for practice and went down to the track, barely stretching before I broke into a fast run.

By the time I hit two miles, my lungs were burning and my legs were throbbing in protest. I wasn't pacing myself at all, I was at an all out sprint the entire time. Pumping my arms, I pushed myself even faster, wanting the sharp pain that invaded my entire body. The more I ran, the angrier I became. Edward thought whatever he said was how it was, but that was bullshit. I had a say in whether or not we saw each other. If I wanted to skip my homework or not sleep, that was my decision, not his.

As I neared four miles, I became lightheaded. Slowing to a walk, I locked my hands behind my head and took in deep breaths to gradually ease the sting in my lungs. Spotting my coach, I went over to him.

"I'm going to head out, I just finished a little over four miles."

"Okay, see you tomorrow. Oh, don't forget the meet on Thursday changed time," he said.

I'd completely forgotten we had a meet that week. "To what?"

"We're leaving for Elma before last period."

The look of panic must have been on my face, because my coach asked me if I was okay. I mumbled a reply and turned to leave. I wasn't even a few steps away before I broke into a sprint to get to the gym. Not even bothering to change, I grabbed my bag and headed for the truck. Tossing my bag on the seat, I got in and turned the key, shifting into drive and pulling out of the parking lot before I'd even buckled up. I drove too fast, letting the frustration fester in me, and even ejected his CD and put on a classic radio station, turning it up loudly. I was halfway home when "Maybe I'm Amazed" came on the radio.

"FUCK," I yelled in the cab, slamming my fist down on the steering wheel. Coming to a stop sign, I looked both ways before turning the wheel tightly and doing a U-turn. Sweaty, hungry, and breathless, I headed to Edward's. I needed to see him, even if it pissed him off.

After breaking several speeding laws, I pulled into his driveway only a few minutes later and parked next to Emmett's car. I was going to have to wait until Edward was done with PT to really talk to him, but at least I could see him, let him know things were okay. Getting out, I bounded up the steps to his house. I smiled when I heard the eighties music as I entered and quickly headed through the kitchen to the dining room.

Pushing the door opened, I gasped in shock, my tired gaze automatically going to my boy.

There was something very different in the room. It wasn't the strange bag on the floor or the new equipment in the corner, or even Emmett's arms around Edward. What was different was Edward himself.

My boy was _standing_.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

Did you miss them?

Winter's Night won a few Hopeless Romantic Awards: Best Kiss, Best Daddisle, Best Original Storyline, and Best Title. M&A won Best Swinger (non canon pairing sex sequence), Best Original Character (Spencer!), Best Adapted Twi Character (Riley), and Best Non Canon pairing.

Banners are on my profile, a full list of nominees and winners can be seen here http:/hopelessromanticawards DOTblogspot DOT com/

Thank you to all that nominated and voted, congratulations to all the other winners as well. It's to see slash represented with het fics!


	26. Take These Broken Wings and Learn to Fly

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N-Sorry for the delay in posting, but the original fiction I'm working on sucked me into its world and I didn't dare climb out long enough to play with these boys. Please know if there is another delay, I will never abandon this story and it _will_ be completed.

This chapter will once again go back in time to the meadow- we need to hear what E thinks of marriage, and goes from there forward, spanning a five days. Again, this should have been two chapters, but hopefully you all don't mind much. I don't recommend skimming, a LOT happens in this chapter.

Thank you to everyone that reads, reviews, and supports this story.

This chapter is unbeta'd, all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are mine. Special thanks to Dannie, if it wasn't for her encouragement and faith in my writing, these boys wouldn't be here.

Now Edward's pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night he hadn't asked me…._

"**~~**"

Marry him.

Jasper wanted to marry me.

At first, I didn't think he was serious. Like every other young couple in love, we'd spoken about it in the past, even picked out a song, but neither of us had ever officially asked the other. Even if he was joking, my heart still raced at the thought. Jasper had no idea how much time I'd spent daydreaming about this very moment, about the time when we would agree to become one in every way. Still, as well as I knew Jasper, I couldn't tell if he was being completely serious or not, and until I did, I had to play it cool.

"Love, I know that was an amazing orgasm but…" I gave him the crooked smile I knew always melted his insides.

He was shaking his head, halting me before I could finish. "It's the not orgasm talking, Edward. It's me. I want to marry you. I want to be your husband and know you're mine forever. I want to be able to kiss you freely, anyplace anytime I want and not feel guilty or ashamed about it. I want to know when we're six hours apart and you're sitting in a classroom full of hot pianists, that it's me you belong to. I want them to all know it too. I'm all in, baby."

I brushed the hair off his face, sticking it behind his ear. "Jasper, we have all that now."

"I can't kiss you freely. People don't know you're mine, or I'm yours. We're coming out after graduation, right? So why not?" he challenged.

"Jasper—" I went to stop him, to make him think about what he was asking, how big a step it was. It went beyond the daydreams of what we would wear and what song we would dance to, he was asking for a lifelong commitment…with a paralyzed husband.

"Don't say it. Don't say we're too young. You know age doesn't matter with us, not after all we've been through. It's about getting to spend the rest of my life with my best friend. All that matters is being together in every way we can. If not physically, then by marriage."

Didn't he know I was his already? That nothing could come between us? "Jasper, you don't have to marry me to know I'm yours."

"I know, but I want to. I want to call you my husband. When I'm at school and people see the ring on my finger, I want them to know I'm taken by the most beautiful boy alive," he whispered.

His words resounded inside me, swirling around with the love I knew we shared. I looked into his eyes, darkened from his excitement. Jasper, the dreamer, the romantic, was performing the grandest gesture of love. I was supposed to be practical and rational, and while my words were just that, inside my heart raced and swelled with possibility. Could I say yes? Could I have a husband, get married, and live a life with him? It wasn't just going to college with Jasper, it was waking up with him in my arms for every day of forever. We would have rings, buy a house, have careers, and grow old together.

There was never a more beautiful dream or perfect future.

Angling my head, I grinned, confessing quietly. "That does sound nice."

Squeezing my hand, he bit his lip and repeated his question. "So…will you marry me, Edward?"

I was in a wheelchair. My legs were useless. I couldn't have sex, I couldn't walk or run or jump, and he still wanted to marry me, he still wanted to be my husband. How could I say no to a future with Jasper? How could I say no to my boy?

"Yes," I vowed softly.

He lunged at me, lying on me as he kissed me and we laughed between our lips meeting again and again. Our hearts pounded against each other as giggles escaped him. Running my hand up and down his back, I pressed him to me, disappointed when he broke the kiss and lifted his head.

"I want to get married this summer, before we leave for college."

"Okay, but there's a few problems with that."

"What?"

While the dreamer side in me had dared to hope one day we would get married, the practical side in me had done some research. Only six states allowed gays to marry, Iowa being the closest to us. Washington wasn't one of them, neither was Oregon. In fact, neither of them would recognize our marriage even if we got married legally in another state. But there was something else stopping us besides the government. I was only seventeen. While he didn't always act like it, Jasper was actually three months older than me, but wouldn't be eighteen until July.

"Washington doesn't allow gay marriage, neither does Oregon."

"I'm not going to let that stand in my way," he grinned.

"My rebel," I murmured, brushing my lips over his.

"Damn right. They really don't allow it?"

"Nope. In fact, they don't even recognize it. We could get married legally in another state, but if we moved back here, they wouldn't accept it. Both states have domestic partnerships, but that's it."

"You said a few problems, what's the other one?"

"I won't be eighteen until October."

"Fuck," he groaned, dropping his chin to his chest. "So even if we did a road trip to someplace else to get married, you couldn't do it anyway."

"Not until October thirteenth." He suddenly looked so sad. The happiness that had been exploding out of him a few minutes earlier was gone. He closed his eyes. "Hey, you okay?" I asked, brushing my fingers down his cheek.

"Yeah." He was quiet as he just stared down at me, and if I looked closely enough, I could see the resolve rebuilding in his eyes again. That was my stubborn boy, not giving up on what he wanted.

"Let's get married anyway."

"Where, love? No one will marry us," I reminded him, fingering the end of his hair. He felt so heavy and warm on me, his sun-kissed skin turning a beautiful russet color before my eyes, making his own blue seem even lighter than normal.

"Then we'll get married here, in the meadow. Just you and me," he suggested as if it was already fact.

"Here?"

"Yep, right here. Our spot."

"I was thinking someplace with running water might be nice," I teased him. Actually, marrying at the meadow had been in a few of my daydreams too.

"There's a stream on the other side of those pine trees."

"Not exactly the kind of running water I meant," I laughed, kissing his nose.

"C'mon, baby. Just us, here, saying our vows. Then you can sing our song and we can dance…" He paused, letting his daydreams fill both our imaginations. "We can buy rings and put them on each other. It might not be legal by the law but it will be for us. I can still call you my husband."

Love was more than holding hands and sex, love was commitment, supporting each other no matter what. Moving my hand from his hair to his face, I traced his features, the thick eyebrows, the slope of his cheekbone, the curve of his lush lips, the square of his scruffy jaw. Somehow, as they always do, my fingers found their way back to his hair, where I twirled the ends. I still couldn't believe he wanted to marry me, and all the trouble I would bring with me. It would be a hard life for him, one I wouldn't wish on anyone, but one he was volunteering for. If he wanted to marry in meadow, then I did too.

"Okay, we'll get married here. Just you and I," I agreed quietly.

"All in?" He grinned.

"All in."

"Dance with me?"

He didn't even give me time to respond before he was pushing off me and standing up. I barely had time to fling my arms around his neck before he was scooping me up into his arms and forcing himself upright. I fell against his body, holding him tighter when he stumbled backward a step. Finding his balance, he began to sway us back and forth, his feet moving in a small circle as he began singing "All You Need is Love". Curling my fingers into the softest hair at the nape of his neck, I sang with him. He rested his temple to mine while his fingers rubbed my side. The songs changed, but our position didn't. I put my head on his shoulder and unable to resist the column of his neck and the pulse beating so quickly under the delicate skin, I darted my tongue and pressed on it before nibbling. He tasted of salt and fresh air and sun. His scent filled my lungs when I inhaled deep breaths of him and moved my lips further up his neck, tempted to mark him with each bite. There was no hiding his reaction, and while I couldn't feel his hard on, I knew he had one from the way his jaw clenched and breaths grew shallow.

When I asked him if he wanted to fuck my mouth, he almost dropped us. I smiled against his skin, proud I still had that kind of effect on him. Then I offered to the choice of coming in my mouth or on my face, never once easing on his neck and jaw. The stubble was abrasive on my lips as I swept them over it a few times, enjoying the sandpaper feel. By the time I put my lips to his ear, I had tingling the base of my neck.

"Wanna come again?"

"Yes," he gasped.

He lowered us onto the blanket, and I turned so my head was back on the sweatshirt. "Come fuck my mouth, love. Give it me."

He straddled my chest and I lifted my arms so he could get close to my face. "Jesus, where's this coming from?"

"What? I can't want my future husband to fuck my mouth?"

He was beyond an answer as he placed his hands on the blanket above my head, giving himself some leverage and sinking his cock into my mouth. I devoured him inch by inch until he paused deep inside me, then I swallowed around him. Using my tongue, I lapped along the bottom of his length, then over his head before he pulled back out again. After a few shallow thrusts, I could already feel he was close to coming, and tugged on his sac to hold off his orgasm. I watched his abs flex right above me, quivering each time his cock struck my throat. Sliding my middle finger behind his balls, I stroked the velvet skin behind them, and his cock swelled. He let out a guttural cry before yanking his hips back and pulling his cock out. Closing my eyes just in time, I felt the warm streams of cum land on my face, hitting my cheek, nose, and lips. Wanting to taste him, I dragged my tongue along my lip, gathering his seed and bringing it into my mouth. With grunts of pleasure and obscene murmurs, he fell to the side of me, landing on his back.

"Jesus, baby," he panted as I dragged my body until I was level with him. I loved that I could still make him come so quickly, so easily. Still breathing heavily, he reached up and wiped some of his cum from my cheek with his thumb and then laid it on my lower lip. Sucking it inside, I swirled my tongue around it and licked him clean. He continued to wipe it off me and I continued to lick it off him.

"Why is so hot to see you with my cum on you?"

"Because you like making me yours." Same reason I'd lain in bed many times jerking off to the image of Jasper looking up at me through hooded, desire-filled eyes with my cum painting his face.

"Mmm, do I ever."

Flipping onto my back, I laughed and stuffed the sweatshirt under my head. Before my eyes had closed, he turned and placed his head low on my pelvis. If I could still feel, I know I would have felt his warm breaths washing over my cock. My hand went to his hair, tangling in it loosely around my fingers, keeping him to me in our impending sleep.

I wasn't going to let him go.

Ever.

A breeze blew over us, cooling our heated skin. I heard Jasper sigh in content as he mumbled, "Love you."

"Love you too…" I barely got out before sleep took me.

"_Cullen!" _

_I spun my chair in the direction of the voice, my teammate calling out to me. He was under the basket, blocking the guard next to him. Whipping the ball to him, I watched as he caught it, dribbled once and shot. The ball bounced off the rim, but his position allowed him to rebound it, and he immediately passed it back out to me. _

_The last seconds of the game were ticking away as I caught the ball. I was a several feet passed the three-point line, a little out of my range, but because I was so far out, the other team was guarding me loosely, and I had plenty of room to shoot. Still, I wasn't within my usual range…_

_We were down by two, a shot from there would win the game. Unsure, I looked to the stands, not even having to scan through all the people there, my eyes instinctively landed Jasper. Everyone around him faded away as he nodded and mouthed "you can do it." Turning back to the basket, I exhaled, and then lifted the ball. With a flick of my wrist, I released it and it sailed through the air. My opponent swore under his breath when he realized I was going to shoot and came to block me but was too late. It seemed a minute later before the ball dropped into the net and we won. Relieved, I turned toward Jasper, only he wasn't in the bleachers anymore, he was already making his way down the stands to me. _

"_You did it, babe," he said as he neared me. Without hesitating, he curved a hand behind my neck and I tilted my head back to accept his kiss. It was soft and brief, but as perfect as any other. _

"_And you were right," I smiled. "Let me get my stuff together and we can head out."_

"_Definitely. We need to celebrate. Tonight, it's burgers." He gave me his irresistible smile. He waited while I went to the bench and packed my bag, accepting the congratulations from my teammates and coach. When I turned around, Jasper was by the exit, leaning all sexy casual like against the doorjamb, his hair covering his eyes as they watched me. _

_Jesus, he was fucking hot._

_Shaking my head, I pushed across the shiny floor to where he waited. Winking, he turned and walked next to me as we headed out the gym and to the parking lot. I stopped at the maroon van, pressing a button and waiting for the side door to open and the ramp to lower. Jasper climbed in the passenger side as I transferred from the wheelchair to the driver's seat and pressed a button to put the ramp up. _

_It was a short drive to our small apartment, but once we were inside, Jasper headed right for the kitchen. "Cheese and bacon on yours?"_

"_Yep." _

_A few minutes later, I joined him in the kitchen. Jasper had the iHome on with his classic rock playlist on. My breath caught when I saw his slim hips swaying to the deep beat. _

"_You staring at my ass?" he asked without turning around, but wiggling his butt for me. _

"_I am. Got a problem with that?"_

"_Not at all." He gave me an amused glance over his shoulder. Rolling next to him, I helped him cook dinner, flipping the burgers while he cooked the bacon. We worked easily together, moving around each other like there was no chair in our way. _

_We ate dinner on the couch watching a track and field event that Jasper had recorded. When were done, I took his hand and led him to the shower where he cleaned every inch of me before taking me to bed. He laid my naked body on the mattress and placed himself on top of me, kissing and rubbing and grinding until he couldn't stand it anymore. After I prepared his entrance with slick fingers, he lowered himself onto my cock, moaning as he sank down and took me inside. With my hands on his hips, I watched him move up and down me. He told me how I felt inside him, how I filled him. I couldn't feel his movement on my cock, but I liked to feel it through my hands, the way his muscles strained to go slow, and the way they trembled when he neared his climax. He took my left hand from his hip, bringing it to his lips and kissing the gold band circling my ring finger. Smiling at him, I pulled my hand from his grasp and stroked him, pumping until he came on me, coating my chest as he ground his hips and squeezed his ass around me. I followed him, shooting a weak load inside him. He fell on top of me and we fell asleep just like that. _

As usual, I woke before Jasper did, but I didn't mind. Looking down the slopes of my chest, I smiled when I saw his hair still wrapped around my fingers. Even though he was looking away from me, I'd watched Jasper sleep enough to know his lips were parted, perhaps even smiling, and his eyes were moving back and forth under his lids. The small details, like the way his thick lashes fanned over his cheeks or the way his forehead was free of worry creases, were my favorite things about watching him sleep. My eyes lingered on his hair, the different shades of wheat and amber threaded around each other in the sunlight, before moving to his shoulders. Jasper's runner's body had always been thinner than me, but he didn't lack muscle. Under his tanned skin, muscles rippled even in his sleep. My hand followed the track of my eyes, skimming over the smooth skin down the dip of his spine to the curve of his ass. In his sleep, he shuddered when my fingers reached the dimples above his ass, dancing around them before returning up his back. I stared at his spine, amazed at how it worked, how it allowed him to do things so easily. I admired Jasper's body for all it was, not only sexy and beautiful, but a work of functional art.

Jasper didn't know what I was planning to do at PT the next day, and I should have woken him and told him. As much as I wanted to share the possible event with him, I didn't want to disappoint him, and if I wasn't able to stand, I would disappoint both of us. So for awhile, Emmett and I would be the only ones to know.

He was functional, but I was not. And I hadn't emptied my bladder since that morning, and Jasper's head was so close, the last thing I wanted was for me to accidently piss on his face. I needed to wake him.

The ihome began to play "Penny Lane" and I hummed quietly along with it, my fingers constantly moving over his back and shoulders. There was the smallest shift in his hips and I knew he was awake. I smiled when I asked if he was awake and he groaned, as if he had no energy for anything else, but I was pretty sure if I touched him in just the right way, he would have eagerly come again.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Very." He lifted his head and faced me. I almost gasped when I saw how intense his eyes were, and smiled at the imprint of my dick on his cheek. "Did you?"

"I had a dream." I don't know what made me admit it. I knew he would want details, and I couldn't tell him about OSU yet, it was too soon, but I wanted to share the dream with him.

"A sexy dream?"

"Sort of."

"Tell me. I want details."

Just like I thought.

"Okay, but first I need to…um…I need to use my catheter."

"Oh, shit, I forgot, I'm sorry," he apologized, sitting up.

"I did too."

Placing a hand behind me, I sat up and unzipped my bag, pulling out a kit and gloves. He sweetly gave me the option of privacy that I didn't really have with him sitting next to me. While he watched, I put on the gloves and opened the kit, attaching the tubing to the bag before gripping my dick in my hand and wiping it with iodine and squeezing the head to widen the slit. It didn't shock me anymore, to hold my dick in my hands and not feel anything. I inserted the tube, sliding the lubricated plastic through my urethra and into my bladder. It was only a few seconds before urine started to run through the clear tube and into the bag. When it was about half full, I pulled the tube out a little until the flow started again. Once it stopped completely, I slipped it all the way out and clamped the bag closed.

Then I looked around.

The bag was pretty thick, but if I put it in my bag, I would risk it leaking. Jasper offered to take it to the edge of the meadow and empty it. I was hesitant, but then gave him the gloves and showed him how to empty it, and then watched as he carried my piss to the trees and dumped it out. The things he did for me would never cease to amaze me. He returned and I put the empty bag into my backpack. Jasper didn't forget about the dream, because as soon as I was done, he was pushing me back down and lying next to me, his body filling in every crevice of mine like he was made to.

I proceeded to tell him about the dream, leaving out the details of where it was or what team shirt I was wearing. Jasper could fill in those blanks with his own active imagination, interrupting a few times with his sexual innuendos. Then I told him how he'd rode me, how we stared at each other, how he came on my chest and then I came inside him. I knew I was blushing when he cupped my cheek and his skin felt extra hot.

"That sounds like a really good dream."

"It was."

"That can happen, ya know. If you just let me go to UW with you," he frowned.

I had never been so tempted by anything ever before. The admission of applying to OSU almost burst from me, but I bit my tongue and snapped a quick response instead. If Jasper knew I'd applied, he would already be picking out an apartment, and it wasn't that easy. Just because I'd applied didn't mean I was accepted, and I couldn't get his hopes up only to squash them with the reality that seemed to always come crashing down on us. All I could do was promise it would go by quickly and hope I wasn't lying.

"Gonna be the longest fucking nine months," he sighed heavily.

He was hurting, the separation was weighing heavier on him than he was letting on, but right then, there was little I could do about it. Tugging on his hair, I drew him up my body for a kiss. Jasper trusted me, and when I told him we could do it, I knew he felt it too. We made out for what might have been hours or minutes, in our meadow time had a different meaning. Hands carded through hair and rubbed nipples. Soft moans were exchanged along with lingering, wispy breaths and kisses. Curving my hand around his neck, I forced him closer to deepen the kiss, then ran my hand over his shoulder and down his side, feeling him shudder under the light touch. I let it rest on his hip, stroking his jutting hip bone with my thumb before moving it through his wiry curls to his cock. The second his hips thrust forward, I pushed myself upright and placed his head in my lap. Sweeping the hair from his eyes, I gazed at him, at his gorgeous, trusting face and eyes so blue and full of us. When I pumped his cock, he whimpered and lifted his hips.

I wasn't sure he knew how beautiful that simple action was. How many muscles and nerves had to speak to each other, how the brain had to tell his hips to seek the friction his entire body desired. The surging arousal went through him, reaching his toes that curled and his eyes that fought to stay open. It was an instinct to him, something that felt amazing and incredible and wanton, and yet, it was a miracle of the human body to respond and move like that.

His eagerness, the shameless want on his face, reminded me of the first time I'd given him head. God, I'd been so fucking nervous.

My parents had gone out for dinner and while Alice was roaming around the house somewhere, Jasper and I were mostly alone. His long body had been stretched out on the bed next to my own as we made out. Our tee shirts had been shed in a mass of groping hands and tangled limbs. His sandals made a thud when they landed on the floor as he climbed on top of me, pressing me into the mattress. It'd only been two weeks since our first kiss, less than that since our first date, and I was still trying to understand how the flat planes of his body made my heart race and cock hard. When he moved his lips down my jaw, I forgot all about the why he turned me on and just let myself enjoy how he made me feel. Dragging my nails down his back, I deepened the kiss and thrust up. Rolling his hips, he rubbed our contained erections together and I moaned into the kiss. He made me feel amazing, more than amazing. So much better than I'd ever felt with Bella, and I while I loved kissing his full lips and feeling his hands on me, I was ready to give him more than the hand jobs we'd been sharing several times a day.

Breaking the kiss, I looked up at his flushed face. His hips never stopped moving as he stared down at me through the waves that had fallen in front of his face. "I want to suck you off."

His eyes widened, and then his gaze dropped to my lips as he shook his head no. Brushing the curls out of his face, I forced his eyes back to mine.

"You don't have to…"

"I know, I want to." And I did, but I was nervous as hell about it.

Biting his lip, he pushed off me, letting me up. I scrambled off the bed and stood in front of him, my own hard on straining against my underwear. "Are you sure?" he said as he sat on the edge of my bed palming his ejection in his shorts.

Unsure, I nodded. "Yes."

I kneeled in front of him, putting my hands on his thighs and parting them to make room to move between then. Then I glanced at my door. It was closed, but with no lock anyone could walk in and catch me with Jasper's dick in my mouth. Quickly, I stood and held out my hand.

"I don't want to get caught," I said as he took my hand and I led him to the door. Turning him, I placed him in front of it, making sure his back was against it before I kissed him. His hand wrapped around my head as he tilted it to plunge his tongue into my mouth. He tasted so fucking good.

I ground my hips into his, our bare chests fused together, until we were both whimpering. Tearing my lips from his, I kissed down his neck and chest and abs until I was on my knees in front of him. I put my hands on the button of his khaki shorts and looked up at him. He captured me in a rapt gaze as I slipped the button through the loop and lowered the zipper. I knew I was blushing, I could feel the heat on my face, but I couldn't look away. Hooking my fingers into his briefs, I pulled them down, along with his shorts, until they were twisted around his knees. I'd held Jasper's cock in my hands many times, but when it was level with my mouth, it seemed much larger. As nervous as I was, there was no way I was backing out. My desire to taste him, to feel him filling me, far outweighed any anxiousness or embarrassment I had. The way he looked down at me, so full of want and need for me, and only me, was erotic. Holding the base of his cock in my fist, I darted my tongue out and flicked it over the head.

It was the softest thing I'd ever felt, and then the hint of salt and musk coated my tongue and I wanted more. Moving my hand to expose more of him, I watched him as I licked along the vein running underneath his entire length, then traced the ridge of the head and lapped down the side, earning a loud groan from him. I'd briefly forgotten how loud he was. More of his taste and scent filled me with something I'd never realized I was missing until I'd met Jasper. My heart pounded not only because I was horny as hell, but because I was making him tremble and look at me with a mixture of adoration and arousal. I'd never felt like that with Bella, it had been nothing more than going through the motions because it was what I thought I was supposed to do.

"Please, Edward, please suck me. I wanna feel it…" he begged in a deep, raspy voice.

Unable to deny him anything since we'd met, I put one hand on his hip and parted my lips. As soon as I leaned forward, his hands were locked behind my head as he thrust into my mouth.

"I'm sorry," he whimpered apologetically, but didn't stop thrusting. "Feels so fucking hot…wet…oh my God I'm…"

The rough of my tongue ran along the bottom of his cock as he snapped his hips. His taste was different than anything I'd ever had, but so familiar and right at the same time. Jasper usually came pretty fast when we gave each other handjobs, and I knew he probably wouldn't last long, but I was still surprised when I felt his cock already pulsing inside me. Unsure of what I was doing, or even if I was doing it right, I swallowed around him, and he fell into the abyss.

"Coming," he grunted, holding my head still. Even if I had wanted to pull away, I couldn't. Jasper filled my mouth with warm, salty, thick cum and I had no fucking idea what do with it. I tried forcing it down my throat around his cock, but there was too much, he was too big, and I ended up choking. Some of his cum slid down my throat when he forced himself deeper, the rest spilled out around his cock, and dribbled down my chin. His chest heaved and regret filled his eyes as he pulled himself from my mouth, still semi-hard. Long fingers were still threading through my hair when I reached up and wiped his cum off my chin.

Our eyes never left each other the entire time.

"Edward, I'm sor—"

Before he could finish, I was standing and kissing him hard, tongue fucking his mouth as he had mine. I was overwhelmed with what we'd just done, the line I'd crossed that only a few months earlier I hadn't even known existed. When he moaned, I knew he tasted himself on my tongue, and it only made me harder. Gasping, I broke the kiss.

"Did it feel okay?"

"Baby, it was the most amazing thing I've ever felt…for about ten seconds," he chuckled embarrassedly and blushed.

"More like twenty," I teased before kissing him again. "Now about this problem I have…" I jerked my hips toward him, "how about you give me a hand?"

Reaching between us, he yanked my shorts down and did just as I asked.

"Love, remember the first blowjob I gave you?" I asked as he looked up at me with the same look he had in my bedroom a few years before.

"I came in about thirty seconds."

"Not sure you even lasted that long," I laughed. His body, so eager and willing to come again, squirmed in my lap. "Want me to make you come again? I love how shameless you are, how you just lie here letting me jerk you off."

With a nod of his head, I knew what he wanted. He wanted me to tell him about the blowjob. So I did. In a husky voice, I told him how nervous I'd been, how hot he was and how much I'd wanted him. With each word, his body hummed with excitement and impatience. Whenever I paused, he pleaded for more, more words, more touch. Fisting his cock, I pumped steadily. It was a practiced stroke, after two years together, I knew exactly how he liked it, and could have gotten him off much faster, but instead, I taunted his sleek body. The corner of his lips curled up in concentration as he tried to hold off his orgasm. When it seemed he would explode from the maddeningly leisurely pace, I bent over and got as close to him as I could.

"Come for me now, show me how hard you can come, my…fiancé," I whispered.

In the end, it hadn't been my hand in his hair or even on his cock that had pushed him over the edge, it'd been just one word.

_Fiancé._

His head and shoulders lifted as his abs flexed. Grunts of pleasure fell from his lips right before the first steam of cum splashed onto his tanned flesh. I milked him until he was empty, watching in awe as I did every time his body responded to me to effortlessly.

And just like his first blowjob, our eyes never left each other.

I didn't stop until he wrapped his fingers around my wrist. "Had enough?"

"Never enough, but need a few minutes," he panted. Jasper might come quick, but he had zero recovery time.

"I'll never get tired of seeing you come."

"Good thing, because I plan on doing it…a lot."

Then he pulled me downward, meeting me halfway with fiery kiss that last for a long minutes. My fingertips smeared his cum around his abs muscles, and had long cooled by the time I lifted my head and realized just how late it was. He whined when I told him we should leave, and frowned when I reminded him of the homework I was sure he hadn't done yet. He said he wanted to stay, that it was perfect.

I wanted to stay too, I wanted everything he did, and hoped we would have it much sooner than he thought. With a final pout, he rolled off me and began to pack up.

The sun was behind the trees by the time he lifted me into my chair. When my nose was close to his neck, I could smell the sex on him, the potent musk scent that would be easily recognized.

"We smell like cum. They're going to smell it on us when we get home."

"I don't care," he shrugged. I knew he didn't. He didn't worry about getting caught for himself, he worried about it for me. He suddenly seemed distant, as if the thought of going home was a burden on him, and I wondered what he was so worried about, but then he flashed me a smile and all my worries faded. The meadow was our sanctuary from the world, school, our families, everything. It was where he and I could just be ourselves, leave everyone else and everything behind us and focus on only each other. That would never change.

"Ready, baby?" he asked, holding out his hand.

I wasn't anymore ready to face the world than he was, but it was unavoidable. Reaching up, I took his hand with my gloved one and pushed with one other until I needed both. I didn't follow him down the trail, he walked right next to me, kicking rocks and sticks out of the way for me. He was quiet most of the way, probably dreading going home more and more with each step. Keeping my eyes on the uneven path in front of me, I resisted the urge to reach out for him, to tell him whatever he was worried about would work out. The thought made me smile. It wasn't long ago he had been telling me the exact same thing.

We reached his truck, having barely spoken on the way down the mountain, and he tossed his bag and cooler in the back before helping me. By the time he was buckled up, my hand was already on his thigh and my head on his shoulder. Before I could even blink, we were pulling into my driveway and Jasper was nudging me as he unbuckled to get out. He set me into my chair, kissing my temple before straightening. I pushed my chair backward and he followed me. Putting a hand up, I stopped him, telling him to go home and do his homework. When he stuck out his lower lip, I smiled, but kept my resolve.

"Fine," he growled, kissing my forehead. "Thank you for today, thank you for letting me suck you again. I love you."

Didn't he know it should be me thanking him? He'd asked me to marry him, he still wanted me. After all I'd put us through, even with the burdened future I was giving him, he wanted me. "Mmm, welcome. I love you too."

"I'll call you later."

"After your homework is done," I reminded him as I headed toward the ramp.

"Yeah, yeah. Be safe, baby."

"See ya soon, love."

I reached the door and opened it, glancing over my shoulder to find Jasper in the truck waiting for me. After giving him one last wave, I closed the door and listened to the truck back out of the driveway. Already missing him, my heart fluttered.

"Have a good time at Jasper's?" my father asked from behind me, scaring the shit out of me.

I didn't know where it came from, but something in me stirred, a desire to tell him how incredible and beautiful and loving my day had been, and that his son, his crippled son who had no future, suddenly had one because he was engaged to the most perfect boy ever.

_Dad, Jasper and I are engaged._

Those words sat on the tip of my tongue, just ready to burst from me and change my life forever, change how my father looked at me. It seemed like minutes passed before I finally spoke.

"Umm…yeah, it was fun."

"Good. Emmett called, he said he'll be by earlier than scheduled tomorrow and your session might run long."

"Okay, thanks. Where's mom?" I looked anywhere but his eyes, afraid of the knowing I might find in them.

"She went over to her sister's but left some food for you in the fridge if you're hungry."

"Okay." Remembering I probably smelled like Jasper, and his cum, I pushed my chair backwards. "I'm gonna shower, then do some homework," I mumbled guiltily before turning and going to my room.

Closing my door, I tossed my bag onto the floor and then transferred to my bed to strip before taking a shower. With each piece of clothing I removed, the more I could smell Jasper all over me, I was coated with his scent, and I didn't want to wash him off. After moving back to my chair and grabbing a towel to cover up with, I crossed the hall to the bathroom and closed the door before pushing my chair into the stall. Using my feet for balance, I shifted to the shower chair and pushed my wheelchair back so it wouldn't get wet. Turning on the shower, I let it spray down on me, regretting each drop that rinsed Jasper off me.

My fiancé.

I'd gone to the meadow nervous about getting a blowjob and I came home with a fiancé. The more I thought about him, the more I smiled. Jasper's essence ran through me, not just on my skin, and I realized it was going to take more the soap and water to wash Jasper off me. I washed my dick and sac, remembering what it'd been like to watch Jasper suck me, his lips once again wrapped around me. I had been able to get hard for him, because of him. It seemed even though I was broken, my body still responded to his like no other.

I turned off the water and rubbed a towel over me before moving back to my chair and using a catheter. Back in my room, I changed into some pajamas and a tee shirt. Deciding to take my dad's offer of food, I went to the kitchen and opened the fridge, cringing when I saw the leftover pork chops. Instead, I grabbed peanut butter and Fluff, smiling as I smeared it on the bread. It certainly took longer than it would have before, but I was able to make my own sandwiches, and even clean up after.

"See ya in the morning, Dad," I called out as I rolled out of the kitchen and down the hallway.

I set my food on the table and transferred to my bed. Clicking on my TV, I booted up my laptop and went to YouTube and searched for videos to prepare me for the next day. Emmett had finally agreed to let me try the parallel bars. I hadn't told Jasper because I knew he would want to come over, and I didn't want him there.

I didn't want him there because I didn't want him to see me fail.

I couldn't handle seeing a look of disappointment in his eyes when I wasn't able to move or stand. Emmett had warned me how difficult it was going to be, but I'd insisted on trying until he finally gave in. Like Jasper, I should have been doing homework, but I watched a few videos instead. Some of them made it look easy, others were crying out with the sheer effort it took. Nervous, I closed the browser and went to a forum for SCI teenagers I'd found. Skimming the new topics, I stopped when I saw 'miracle cure for SCI'. Curious, I clicked on the thread and read through the posts the members had made to the posting. I saw several mentions to stem cell research and shark cartilage, and some guy in China. Making sure my door was closed, I clicked on a link someone provided and it took me to a site about Dr. Hongyun Huang, a doctor in Beijing who used cells from the inside of aborted fetuses' noses and injected them into the spinal cord. Biting my lip, I read about the treatment, how he discovered it, and who it had worked for.

Was it possible? Was there really someone out there who could help people like me?

I found articles and sites on clinical trials, all promising at least partial recovery. Maybe it would work for me, I deserved a miracle, didn't I? I was a good kid, did my homework, respected my parents, didn't steal, cheat, drink, or do drugs. My practical mind let my imagination and hope take over. I knew it was stupid to even entertain the idea a cure existed, but when faced with the rest of my life in a chair looking up at people, dependant on others, a miracle wasn't so hard to believe in anymore. After bookmarking a few sites, I closed my computer, and opened my books for homework. Miracle cures or not, I still had physics to do. But each word I saw on the page, each problem I tried to solve, all led me back to the same place.

Jasper had asked me to marry him and I'd said yes.

I didn't have some flashy ring to show everyone like a girl would, in fact no one would ever know, but Jasper and I knew. The next morning I was going to get up and go to school engaged to the boy I loved.

The second I slammed my book closed, "Eye of the Tiger" played on my phone. Instantly, I smiled and picked it up. "Hey, get your homework done?"

"Yep. I've got some reading left, but fuck it, I'm too tired."

"Me too," I yawned.

"Hey, Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for saying yes," he whispered.

"Thanks for asking me," I returned softly.

"Fiancé. Have to admit, it sounds hot, doesn't it?"

"Not as hot hearing my fiancé is naked in bed."

"I am in bed but not quite naked."

"Want a bedtime story?"

"Yeah."

I could hear him moving around, and I did the same, shoving my books to the other side of my bed, I dragged my body up to my pillows and rolled onto my back. Picking up the remote, I turned off my TV, letting the darkness of the room settle over me. Instinctively, I glanced at the corner, relieved when I saw it empty of anything other than my medical supplies.

"Okay, I'm ready," he announced.

"A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away there were these two boys who were madly in love…" I began, smiling when I heard him giggle. Before even the second line, my eyes were drifting closed. "One was tall with hair every shade of blond. This boy was a hero to his lover, and saved him every day in the smallest of ways without ever even knowing it."

I continued until I knew he was asleep, and then I skipped to the end. "And they lived happily ever after," I murmured to myself before I let the phone rest against me. "Love you, my fiancé."

No sweeter words were ever spoken.

"**~~**"

I was already nervous about PT when Jasper picked me up the next day, but smiled when he called me his fiancé. Even though I was tired from the meadow, I had been plagued with weird dreams and hadn't slept well. I missed Jasper's warm body beside mine, which was going to make telling him not to come over even harder. But I had tom, I didn't want him there, I couldn't fail with him watching.

When he pulled into the parking lot, I moved over in my seat and waited for him to get my chair.

After months of performing it, the routine was quick. In the beginning it had taken a few minutes and was awkward, but now he could get chair and me in it in less than a minute.

Maybe someday he wouldn't have to.

I spun the chair around to go inside and saw Bella leaning against the back of her old red truck. As soon as our eyes met, she came jogging over, stumbling only once. "What did you guys do yesterday?"

"What makes you think we were together?" Jasper snapped, glaring at her. After their little moment outside Jasper's truck on Saturday, I'd thought maybe they would get along better, but apparently I was wrong.

She shrugged, falling in step with him but on the other side of me. "Because you guys are always together."

It was a reasonable assumption, and probably one made by a lot more kids her.

"We worked on a project," Jasper answered, the lie falling from his lips as easily as it did mine. It was something we were both used to. Unlike with my dad, I didn't have the urge to tell Bella about being engaged. For a while, I wanted it to remain secret, one I treasured.

"Oh fun," she chuckled sarcastically. "I had to work."

Jasper didn't answer her, but I saw him glance at her once more before holding the door open for both of us. After Bella walked through ahead of me, Jasper looked down at me and winked.

I sighed.

He was going to be pissed when I told him not to come over.

Through my morning classes, I debated on how to tell him. It took a lot to make Jasper mad, but after already being apart two nights in a row, he wasn't going to like being told to stay away for a third. I felt guilty every time he looked at me in English, his eyes sliding over to me while he faced forward. It wasn't until he met me after music that I had the courage to tell him.

"Hey," he grinned as he neared me. As worried as I was, I smiled at the way he sauntered down the hall like we were the only two kids there.

"Hey," I greeted and then rolled next to him. "I was thinking in class."

"Good as place as any to think."

"And I don't think you should come over today," I blurted. When a freshman slammed into him and he snarled at the kid, I realized he'd stopped.

"Why?"

"Because I've got PT, and it's been a few days, so it will be a long session. I've got a shitload of homework, and I know you do too. I should practice on a few pieces on the piano too, my first lesson is in a two weeks," I babbled the excuses. They were all true, it was just they normally wouldn't be reasons enough to prevent Jasper from coming over. We could do homework together, and he never minded listening to me play the piano. Before he could see the worry settle in my eyes, I pushed ahead of him.

"I don't care about fucking homework. As for PT, I can watch or do homework or something," he growled beside me.

"I'll be really tired, Jas, and regardless of what you say, I know you're tired too. It's just better this way," I reasoned.

"Fuck, no it's not. Baby," his voice softened apologetically, "we're kind of on borrowed time here. I don't want to spend a second, much less a night, away from you. This will make three nights in a row."

"I know you don't, neither do I, but it will give us a chance to get some stuff done, and if PT runs late, you won't be waiting for me," I repeated firmly. Looking up at him, seeing the confused expression on his face, I wanted nothing more than say okay, and have him over to console me when I failed.

"Fine," he snapped. Within a few strides, he'd pulled away from me and I was pushing my chair to even keep him in my sight. He was more hurt than mad, he thought I didn't want to spend time with him, and he had no idea why. Guilt already started to grow inside me.

We entered the cafeteria and he went directly into line, assuming I was behind him. He grabbed a tray and started tossing stuff on it. The lunch ladies flinched when he glared at them, bitching about how it'd been five months and they still didn't have a way for me to go through the line alone. Following at a safe distance, I went to the table, feeling bad when he slammed the tray down on the table and Angela jumped.

"Everything okay?" she asked.

"Fine," he answered gruffly.

Everything was far from fine. My boy was hurt, and I felt bad, but the lunch room wasn't the place to get into it with him. I took my food off the tray and set it in front of me. Bella arrived, sitting next to Mike and answering him when he asked how the basketball game had gone. I barely heard a word she said, my attention was on the mess of blond hair tumbling in front of the face I adored as he hung his head low and stared at his food, occasionally, tossing Bella a hard look. Newton asked a few questions about the game, and I answered him quietly. My stomach twisted when I heard Jasper sigh and push his plate of untouched food away. His eyes never met mine, but I knew what I would find in them if they did.

When the bell rang, he stood and went to empty the tray. His entire body spoke of defeat and weariness. Jasper and I didn't fight often, barely at all, and while we weren't exactly fighting, there was an undeniable tension between us.

"Everything okay with Jasper?" Bella asked me while we waited for him.

"Sure," I lied.

He returned and I looked up at him, not surprised when he averted his eyes quickly. With a heavy sigh, I gripped the handrims and pushed the chair forward. I could hear them talking quietly behind me, and from the tone of us voice, assumed Jasper was bitching at Bella for something. Then I heard her light footsteps and she was next to me, giving me a smile as we headed into the gym. After everyone else was changed, we went outside and played baseball. I tried to give Jasper the space he needed, and barely glanced his way. Perhaps I should have just let him come over, or told him to come over extra late, but I didn't know how long PT would run.

After class, Jasper headed for the locker room to change for track practice. Instead of following him inside and talking to him while he changed, I sat by the exit, waiting for him to realize I wasn't behind him. When he did, he looked longingly down the hallway at me. His face was contorted into pain and worry. I wanted to race over to him, to hold him and tell him it wasn't what he thought, but when a veil of anger clouded his eyes, I decided to wait. I could explain it all later on the phone. He would understand. I gave him a reassuring nod, and then turned to head out the door.

My mother was waiting in the car and I opened the passenger door, moving to the seat while she got out and put the chair into the trunk. She asked how school was and I grumbled a reply.

"Where' Alice?"

"She's staying after, I have to pick her later."

Keeping my eyes out the window, I clenched my hands on my lap and wished Jasper was next to me. Chatting all the way, my mother asked me a few questions, but I wasn't sure if I replied to any or not. My body was in the car, but my mind and heart were running around the track at school. She pulled into our driveway and I waited while she fumbled with my chair. She wasn't nearly as fast as Jasper was. When she went to grab my backpack from the floor of the car, I stopped her.

"I can get it," I snapped. Hurt, she looked at me, but took a step backward. Immediately, I felt like shit and turned away. "Sorry."

Tossing the bag on my lap, I rolled up the ramp and opened the door. I ignored her when she asked if I was hungry and went straight to my room.

"God fucking damn it!" I growled through clenched teeth and threw my bag on the floor with a loud thud. Lifting my fisted hands, I brought them down onto my legs. "Why can't you fucking work!"

I hit myself over and over, feeling nothing each time and only frustrating myself even more. My eyes darted around my room, looking for something else to hit, something that would give me more satisfaction. Spotting the catheter kits in the corner, I pushed my chair toward them, bumping into the corner of my bed and jamming my hand.

"FUCK!" I screamed. Forgetting the catheters, I began punching my mattress, doing nothing but making it bounce each time I pounded it with both hands as a stream of obscenities flew from my mouth. "Fuck you, Jasper. Fuck you for being mad at me, fucking asshole. It's not my fucking fault. God damn you. You don't have any fucking idea how much I want you here right now, how much I need your support, but I can't…I just can't."

My anger and frustration was irrational, and if I'd stopped to think about it, I would have realized it, but it coursed through me, fueling me, enraging me. My chest was heaving and I was sweaty.

"Might want to save some of that energy, you're going to need it," a deep voice said from my doorway. Startled, I spun my chair around and looked at Emmett.

"How long have you been there?" I snapped.

"Long enough to know you're not in a good mood," he replied with an arched brow. "Put the anger to good use, get changed, and let's do this."

Nodding, I waited until he closed the door before dropping my head back and closing my eyes. A sinking feeling enveloped my heart, but I didn't have time to dwell, Emmett was waiting for me. As quickly as I could, I changed into a pair of sweatpants and joined him in the dining room. The music was already on and Emmett was sitting on the bench digging through his bag. I noticed some new equipment in the corner and my heart began to race, but for a totally different reason than anger.

I was afraid.

"Why don't you warm up with shoulder presses, but only do one set of ten. By the time we're done today, your arms will be begging for relief."

Following his orders, I moved to the shoulder press, backing the chair in before putting on my gloves and adjusted the bar. Exhaling, I lifted it, and then pressed it in the air ten quick times before setting it back down.

"Any more spasms?" he asked and I shook my head. "Good. I was thinking we could reduce PT to twice a week, but let's see how today goes first."

"Okay."

"Bicep curls," Emmett instructed. Picking up a twenty pound dumbbell from the rack, I put my elbow on my knee and curled my hand up toward me. My eyes kept wandering to the new equipment of straps and metal in the corner that resembled some sort of old torture device. "How was your weekend?" Emmett asked, straddling the bench.

"Good, yours?"

"Fantastic. This sweet little nurse at work finally went out with me." He got up and went to the door, glancing out before closing it tight and returning to the bench. Then he leaned toward me and lowered his voice. "I got laid. Been too fucking long," he groaned. "How about you, get any action this weekend?"

_Yes._

"Yeah, right. Like this?" I glanced to my legs.

He shrugged. "Remember what I told you. Sex is just different for you now, doesn't mean it can't be done. Have you touched yourself or had your…girlfriend do it to see if you can get hard? Some guys use Viagra to get—"

"I can get hard," I interrupted, blushing as I switched arms.

"With stimulation?" Sometimes he spoke like a teenager, and other times the nurse in him came out.

Embarrassed, I nodded. "That's great. Were you able to keep an erection?"

"Umm, yeah. Until I stopped… ya know. Then it took a few minutes to go away."

He winked. "Oh, I know. Trust me, Edward, I'm a professional at self love. Though I hope after this weekend, I will have do it less." I dropped the weight onto the rack and waited for his next instruction. "Ten pull downs." Reaching up, I grabbed the pulley and lowered it to my waist. "Did you ejaculate?"

My blush deepened and I shook my head. Then I quickly gathered some courage and asked quietly, "Can I?"

"Possibly. Some don't ever recover the ability, others can without too many problems, others do but have complications. It depends on your location and severity of your injury"

"Complications?"

"The semen might back up into your bladder," he explained. "It's not life threatening or anything, but it can cause a few issues that would need treatment. You haven't come at all?"

I'd never a had a more embarrassing conversation, but other than Jasper, I had no one to talk to about that kind of stuff, and I wanted to take advantage of Emmett's medical knowledge. "It kinda felt like I did, like the contractions and hazy feeling, but nothing came out."

"Maybe not enough stimulation," he chuckled. "Seriously though, keep trying, you're injury is low, but there's hope." I kept lifting the entire time, trying to keep my eyes away from his while we discussed the possibility of me being able to come. Then he asked something I wasn't expecting. "So want to tell me who you were so angry at?"

"No one," I grunted as I pulled on the weights.

"Didn't sound like no one. Sounded like you're pretty pissed at Jasper."

I let go of the bar and the weights slammed down with a loud crack. Emmett had heard me.

He knew.

My eyes closed and my chin fell to my chest.

"Edward, can I ask you something? I mean, you can tell me it's none of my business and to shut the fuck up, I'll understand." His voice was soft and accepting. Opening my eyes, I nodded, but refused to look at him as I gripped the bar and pulled it down again. "Is Jasper just your friend?"

"What do you mean?" I tried to concentrate on the weights, but my heart began pounding so hard it hurt, and I became slightly lightheaded.

"Is he more than your friend? Like is he your boyfriend?" he asked casually.

My heart stopped pounding and ended up in my throat. I gasped for breath. "Boyfriend?" I squeaked out as I pulled the weights down. It wasn't a heavy amount, and it should have been easy for me, but my body was suddenly weak with nerves.

"I mean, it's totally cool either way. I was just curious because…well, you seemed pretty pissed at him, and guys usually don't get that pissed at their friends. Not like that anyway." When I didn't answer he continued with his theories. "Then there's the way you smile when he's mentioned, and even though you're obviously mad at him, as soon as I said his name, you visibly relaxed. There was the day he was here sick, he carried you up a fucking mountain and is running a race for you. Jasper seems like a pretty great kid. I don't know him well, but I've heard Peri talk about him." He was silent for a long moment, letting his words sink in. "So is he…your boyfriend?"

It all came down to one little word. A simple 'yes' would reveal to Emmett I was gay. That Jasper was gay. That we were a couple. Together. Boyfriends. In love.

A 'no' would keep us in the closet, it would continue to hide what Jasper and I were, what he truly meant to me. Denying what Jasper and I were by not purposely outing ourselves to our parents or friends was one thing, directly lying when asked was different. Alice hadn't asked, she had caught us, lying to her hadn't been an option. There was no explaining the intimate position Jasper and I had been in when she found us. But Emmett hadn't caught us, he just suspected. He was a friend, and I didn't want to lie to him, but I was afraid of someone else finding out.

"Can I ask you something first?" I slowly released the weights, keeping my eyes trained on the floor in front of me.

"Sure."

"You're my physical therapist, right? So do we have doctor-patient confidentiality?"

"Sometimes I forget you're the son of a doc. PTs don't technically have binding confidentiality legally like you do with a doctor, but I can assure you, Edward, anything you tell me stays between us."

I felt his gaze on me as I took a deep breath and finally brought my eyes to his. "Yes," I whispered, barely aloud.

"Yes?"

I licked my lips nervously, then said something I'd been longing to admit to someone for almost two years. "Jasper's my boyfriend," I confessed even quieter than before. "We're in love."

_Engaged._

"I won't say anything, Edward," he promised. "This is between you and me."

"Thanks," I replied, trying to smile but settling on gnawing on my lip.

"It's no one's business anyway, including mine, but it's helpful to know."

"Why?"

He shrugged and stood up. "I know he'll take care of you. Like carrying you places you can't go and making sure you're drinking and eating enough. Plus, it's good for you. To have someone you can confide in about all kinds of shit." When I didn't respond, he asked, "Hey, you okay?"

"You're not freaked out?"

"Nah," he scoffed, "my older brother is gay. It's not the team I bat for, but that doesn't mean it's the wrong team."

"Your brother is gay?"

"Yep. He and his boyfriend live in Seattle. He's an interior designer." He stood up and moved to me, putting his hand on my shoulder. "This doesn't change anything between us. Just don't let my awesome ass distract you, okay?"

I laughed and shook my head. "No worries there."

He frowned and then looked over his shoulder to his ass. "What do you mean? I have a hot ass." My silence worried him. "Don't I? I do, right?"

I smiled. "Totally."

"I thought so," he grinned. "Okay, you ready to do this, Cullen?"

Exhaling a breath I think I'd been holding since he'd said the word 'boyfriend', I nodded. I couldn't believe I'd just come out to someone, Emmett of all people. Before I had time to think about the consequences, Emmett was picking up the torture devices from the corner and bringing them over to the bench.

"Come here."

I rolled over to him as he sat on the bench in front of me. Picking up a brace, he put it on his lap. "These are knee-ankle-foot orthosis, or KAFOs for short." Showing me the bottom, he said, "This part goes under your foot, this here," he tapped a strap in the middle, "goes around your calf, and this one goes around your thigh. They're lighter than they look," he said, handing one to me.

The foot part resembled a sandal, flat on the bottom with a crisscross strap along the top. The metal holding it all together was light, like titanium or aluminum. The other straps were leather and Velcro. I touched it all, not believing they were going to help me.

"How can they support my weight if they're so light?"

"Well, your upper body is going to support your weight too. These will support your legs, keep them straight."

"What this lever here?" I asked, pointing to a strap with a ring on the end.

"A release. These KAFOs are made to be put on while you're in your chair, then you stand and the brace locks, but if you pull the release, it unlocks and you can sit down. This is a pretty standard one, but if you decide to get some, you can have them custom made to fit your legs perfectly. They even mold it to your calf."

I raised a brow. "Are they expensive?"

"This pair is about $1,700."

"Holy shit," I mumbled.

"When you see what they do, you'll understand. Ready?"

"Yes." I was more than ready.

He kneeled in front of me. Taking my left leg, he lifted it from the chair and straightened it, putting my foot on his knee. Then he undid the straps on the brace and slid it behind my leg. I watched as he maneuvered my leg into it, strapping in my foot first, then my calf and finally my thigh. The brace wasn't locked, so he was able to bend my leg at the knee to set it back down. While he put the other brace on my right leg, I reached down and ran my hands along my bracketed leg.

I looked like Forest Gump.

_Run, Edward, run!_

"What are you laughing at?"

"Nothing," I answered, shaking my head.

He finished strapping in my right leg and stood up. "I should be doing this with another person, so I'm going to need you to help me out, okay? Pull up to the end of the bars and then reach up and grip them as tight as you can. Use your feet just like you do when you transfer from the chair to your bed. I'm going to be next to you, help you upright, then push your chair away so I can move behind you, understand?"

"Got it."

Bending down, I wrapped my hand around the back of my calf and lifted my braced foot off the rest and let it fall to the carpeted floor, repeating the action with my other one. Once both feet were on the floor, I took a deep breath and reached up for the parallel bars, which were about level with my head when I was sitting. I glanced at the door. I didn't want Jasper to see me fail, but I would have done just about anything to have him there with me right then.

Emmett was right beside me, his hands hovering inches from me in case he needed to grab me. Using the upper body strength I'd been working on for the past five months, pulled myself upright. There was an immediate flurry of motion as Emmett kicked the wheelchair out of the way and quickly moved behind me.

"You did it!"

It was a good thing he was there because I swayed backwards into him. "Shit," I cried out, scared I was going to fall over.

He wrapped an arm around my waist and put the other on the bar behind my right hand. His lips were right at my ear. "I've got you. You won't fall, but you're off balance. You're upper body is too far back. I need you to move your hands in more and lean toward them."

Nodding, I did as he told me and slid my hand on the bars a few inches, shifting my weight forward.

"Good. Let's just stay like this for a few seconds, let you catch your breath."

I didn't even realize I was out of breath until he said it. Exhaling slowly, I tried to regain control. My arms were already straining, veins bulged from my forearms and hands as I gripped the bars tighter. "It's really hard."

"Now you know why we do so much strength training first. I won't have you up here more than a minute."

I still felt off balance, but then I remembered it'd been five months since I'd been upright.

Oh my God.

I was standing.

Fucking _standing_.

It was messy and uneven and I looked like Robocop, but I was standing. An uncontrolled sob of emotion escaped me and I tilted backwards again.

"Whoa, you okay?" Emmett asked and I nodded.

"Yeah," I sniffed as I readjusted my hands.

"Are you ready to sit back down?"

Before I could answer him, the door swung open and while my head turned toward the door, Emmett's attention remained on me. I was worried it was my dad. I hadn't told him or my mother what I was planning on doing, and knew they would be upset I hadn't consulted them first. But it wasn't either of them.

It was Jasper.

I heard his gasp even above the music playing. His jaw dropped and he blinked incredulously a few times, as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing. There was no anger in his eyes when they met mine, instead I saw confusion and surprise and a whole lot of love. I wanted to speak, but I was already out of breath again.

"Oh good," Emmett said, "reinforcements. Close the door and come here, Jasper." Not hesitating, Jasper slid his bag down his arm to the floor and in a few long strides was at Emmett's side. "Get in front of him and hold his hips for me."

Still dressed in his track clothes, Jasper nodded and ducked under the bars and kneeled in front of me. Following Emmett's instructions, Jasper placed his hands on my hips and I immediately felt steadier.

"Better?" Emmett asked me once Jasper was in place.

"Yeah, much." I dared to glance down at Jasper. He was staring up at me, there was wonder in his wide eyes, but they sparkled with pride. He was proud of me. Giving me a half smile, he waited for further instruction from Emmett.

"Jas, I'm going to set him down, let him rest for a minute and then we can try again. Can you stand and hold him up while I get the chair?"

"Yes," Jasper replied, standing. Stepping closer, he replaced Emmett's arm around my middle with his own, almost like we were dancing.

For the first time in months, I didn't have to look up at Jasper. His incredible blue eyes were level with mine, and he was so close his breaths were warming my face. Suddenly the strain on my body didn't matter, the ache in my arms and core, all I wanted to do was breach the few inches separating us and kiss him. I wanted to kiss him standing. Like we used to.

Emmett moved swiftly and the chair was once again behind me. "Edward, I'm going to pull the release on your left leg, it will collapse. Just let it and fall backwards. I've got your chair and Jasper won't let you go. As soon as the back of your right knee hits the chair, it will release the brace. Got it?"

"Yep."

I heard a click and felt myself falling backwards, but I didn't. Jasper had a firm hold on me and he slowly eased me into the chair. Just like Emmett said, the right brace released and I was sitting down again, and panting for breath.

"I need a drink. You guys want anything?" Emmett offered.

"Dew."

"Water?" Emmett suggested, ignoring me.

"Sure."

"Me too," Jasper said, his eyes tracking Emmett as he left. As soon as the hulking figure was out the door, Jasper kneeled in front of me, his hands on my knees, he murmured, "Baby, why didn't you tell me?"

"I was afraid I wouldn't be able to do it," I confessed.

"This is why you didn't want me to come over, isn't it?"

I nodded, looking down at his hands. "I didn't want you to see me fail."

"Aw, baby," he sighed, cupping my cheek. "Even if you failed, I don't care, you know that. We're supposed to be all in, good or bad, remember?"

"I know," I sighed, "I just…I don't know, love, I just had to do it first. Then I thought I could surprise you."

"Edward, I'm sorry about today. I was upse—"

"We'll talk later," I promised him when I heard Emmett's footsteps clomping down the hall. The man could never sneak up on someone. Jasper hesitated before standing up and taking a step back.

"Knock, knock," Emmett warned as he entered and threw a water to Jasper, who deftly snagged it out of the air. Emmett approached and handed me mine. "Two minute break, then we do it again."

I unscrewed the top of the water bottle. "I didn't think it would be this hard."

"You're standing on legs you can't feel. You're balance is off, so you try to adjust and use your upper body to make up for it, but it's hard to judge too far forward or backward. It's not like you can put a foot behind you if you feel yourself falling. Add in the fact you weight about one-eighty and that's a lot of weight you're asking your arms and abs to support," he reasoned.

I took a long drink, glancing at Jasper to find him staring at me, still in shock.

"Gotta admit, hard or not," Emmett smiled, "it's pretty fucking cool."

Jasper choked and almost spewed his water over me as he coughed in response to Emmett. I laughed and recapped my water. "Yeah, it most definitely is pretty fucking cool."

Emmett put his water down and wiped the back of his arm across his mouth. "Ready, Jasper?"

"Yep." He recapped his bottle and set it down. "Do I get paid for this?" he teased. It wasn't like Jasper wouldn't do it all night for free, but it was nice to hear him banter with Emmett. It gave me hope he wasn't too pissed at me.

"I'll donate another fifty for the race," Emmett bartered.

"Deal," Jasper agreed. "What do you need me to do?"

Emmett explained the technique he'd used to get me standing to Jasper, only now he was going to try to get me to take a few steps. "He won't be able to do more than a few minutes before he'll be too tired, but let's see how it goes. He's going to lift himself up, once he does, I want your hands on his hips, I'll get him from behind."

"Okay, got it," Jasper said. Ducking under the bar again, he waited until I was ready. Placing my hands on the bars, I took a deep breath and looked at my hopeful boy. He gave me a slight nod and mouthed, "You can do it."

With a loud grunt, I pulled myself up, swaying even more than the first time. My arms were already burning when I slipped my hands forward a little to keep my weight even. I heard Emmett move the chair and then felt his firm chest against my back and his arm around my waist. I couldn't feel Jasper's hands but I knew he was holding my hips as tightly as I was the bar.

Once I was steady, Emmett spoke to Jasper. "I'm going to put my hands on his hips and my legs against his. I need you stand up and keep him from falling forward, and when I push one leg forward, adjust his weight. Understand?"

"Yes," Jasper nodded. Immediately he stood, his hands still on my hips. Emmett slipped his arm from me and when I couldn't feel his hands anymore, I knew they were on my hips replacing Jasper's.

"It's been awhile since your hips have done this motion, so I'm going to help them. Eventually, you will be able to use your abs to swing or throw your leg forward," Emmett said behind me.

"Okay," I huffed.

"Here we go," Emmett said.

Then, as I watched in awe, my left leg moved forward. Rationally, I knew it was because Emmett was behind me, using his hands to swivel my hips and his left foot to push mine. But to see it move, even if it wasn't on its own, was amazing. Staring down at my feet I willed them to move. Maybe being on them again, maybe the motion, they would remember and do it on their own. Knitting my brows, I concentrated all my willpower and strength to my legs. While I watched, my right foot slid forward, the brace stuttering across the floor until it was even with my left.

I was panting for breath, sweat beaded on my forehead, and my arms ached more than when I pushed myself up a fucking a mountain. When I tilted to the side, Jasper was there to catch me, pushing me upright.

Emmett pushed my feet head three more steps, talking the entire time about what he was doing and asking if I was okay. I could see his foot behind mine, pushing mine forward a few inches at a time. Jasper remained extremely close, his eyes darting from my feet, to my hands, to my face, as he focused on following all the directions Emmett barked out. What we were doing wasn't without risk, and while Emmett was as strong as fucking bear, I wasn't light and if I fell, he'd have a hard time catching me. But with Jasper there, Emmett was able to concentrate on getting me to walk.

My sweaty hand slipped on the bar and my right side collapsed. Before I could even yell for help, Jasper's arm was around my waist hauling me back up. Once I was upright again, he leaned over the bar and grabbed a towel hanging on the weight equipment.

"Here, wipe your hands," he said, putting the towel on the bar. Jasper still supported me while I dried my hands and put them back in place. Releasing my waist, Jasper kept a hand on my side as he wiped the bar before tossing the towel to the floor.

Emmett whispered in my ear. "That's why it's good for me to know."

My eyes snapped to Jasper to see if he heard, but he was too focused to have noticed.

"Okay, Jasper, we're going to head back toward the chair. I need you do the same thing you did last time."

"Okay."

Excruciatingly slowly, Emmett maneuvered my body backwards by manually dragging my feet backward until I was almost at the end of the bars. I was thankful I was going to sit down and give my arms a rest.

"Grab him, Jasper. I'm going to get the chair."

As he had done before, Jasper pressed his body to mine and wrapped and arm around my middle, supporting almost all my weight because I was too tired to anymore. Awe swelled the love in his crystal eyes and I gave him a smile.

"Baby, I'm so proud of you," he murmured, barely aloud.

Overwhelmed by emotion and not caring we weren't alone, he curved his free hand around my neck, his long fingers threading my damp hair as he broke the tiny distance and brushed his lips across mine. The world faded away. There was no Emmett or cheesy 80's music playing. There was no ache in my arms or paralyzed legs. There was just my boy and me, standing eye to eye for the first time since New Year's Eve, and his soft lips on mine. It wasn't a long or deep kiss, in fact, I barely felt the sweep of his pink flesh along mine, but when we shivered in unison, there was no doubt we were kissing. The argument from earlier was forgotten, the frustration and hard glances were replaced by a tender touches and cherished gazes. Breaking the too brief kiss, he put his forehead to mine, his arm still wound tightly around me as he gazed with pride at his standing boy.

Behind me, Emmett cleared his throat. "We need to him in his chair before he collapses." If I hadn't already come out to Emmett, he would have most definitely figured it out.

Nodding, Jasper took a half step back, but kept his arm around me. "What do you need me to do?"

I smiled as Jasper's voice adopted the same tone as his mother and my father, clinical and official. He was already stepping into the shoes of his chosen career.

"Same as before," Emmett instructed. "On three. One, two, three."

Emmett released the left brace and my knee bent, sending me backwards. Just like he did before, Jasper lowered me into the chair, the right brace clicking as it also released and bent with my leg. I was heaving for breath, but I wasn't sure if it was from the effort of walking or the fact that Jasper had knowingly and willingly kissed me in front of someone.

How had he known I wouldn't freak out? Did he just not care or did he think I wouldn't mind? Did he suspect Emmett already knew?

I was exhausted. My entire upper body was sore, my abs hurt just to take a deep breath. Hanging my head, I took in shallow breaths.

"That's enough for today," Emmett announced.

"No," I said, jerking my head up. "I want to do it again."

I _had_ to do it again.

I had to do it again, I had to stand face to face with Jasper again.

Emmett was behind me, but I knew he looked at Jasper because Jasper nodded question him silently. "Okay, one more time, then that's it. Drink some water." He picked up my water and handed it to me before going over the music. After pressing the skip button a few times, he stopped and looked at me with a wicked smirk. "YMCA" began to play and he lifted his arms above his head in the dance motions.

"Emmett," I growled.

"What? I thought you'd like this one," he chuckled as he lowered his arms and walked over. Jasper was still standing in between the bars, resting his hip against one as he looked between Emmett and me curiously.

"Don't be mad at Edward," Emmett said to Jasper. "I asked. He didn't just blurt it out or anything."

"Asked?"

"If you were my boyfriend," I murmured, looking at the floor.

"Oh," Jasper mumbled surprisingly, as if he hadn't just kissed me in front of Emmett. When he didn't speak again, I brought my eyes to his.

"Are you mad?"

"No, I'm just surprised."

Emmett snorted, "It's not like I wouldn't have figured it out when you laid one on him, kid."

Jasper blushed, the corners of his lips pulling up. "Sorry. Couldn't help it."

"Don't apologize on my account. Kiss him all you want as long as he does what he's supposed to do." Emmett drank some water before tossing it onto his bag. "Ready for more?"

"Yep," I said, although I wasn't sure I could do it again.

It was even harder than the last time. Jasper and Emmett had to support me more than before, but I stood again, and Emmett pushed my feet ahead a two steps. Jasper's hands never left me, but his concentration was on Emmett and following all his directions. I was gasping for breath by the time they sat me back in the chair. As I rested, drinking my water, Emmett showed Jasper how to take the braces off, explaining the adjustments that could be made on them. Jasper listened intently, asking a few questions and nodding as Emmett answered. Emmett removed the right brace, then watched as Jasper did the left. I watched his hands on my legs, letting them linger on me as he undid the straps and lifted my leg to get the brace off. Emmett stuffed them into a large bag he had and zipped it up.

"I need to give him a massage, if it's okay with Edward, I can show you how do it," Emmett offered to Jasper.

"It's okay with me," I replied, finishing my water. "As long as Jasper wants to."

"I do." He almost jumped up. "I've done research on it and seen videos, but it would be nice to see it in person."

That was my Jasper, thinking of the learning experience he was going to get and not the fact he might get hard doing it.

"You've done research on therapeutic massages?" Emmett asked, picking up his bag. "And here I thought you'd be like any other teenage boy and watch porn."

Before Jasper could answer, I spoke up, "He's going to college for PT or SCI research."

Emmett couldn't hold back his grin even he wanted to. "That's great. Where?"

"Oregon State," Jasper answered. I was sure Emmett missed it, but I heard the slight sadness in Jasper's voice.

"Great school. A few kids I went to high school with went there. Well, let's get this done," he said, opening the door and walking toward my room. I went to push the chair, wincing when the ache radiated up my arms, across my shoulders, down my chest and even to my abs.

"You okay?" Jasper asked.

"Yeah, just sore."

We followed Emmett into my room, where he set his bag on the floor. "Jasper and I are going to raid your kitchen while you undress. Call me when you're ready." Grabbing Jasper's arm, he dragged him out of the room.

When the door clicked closed, I transferred the bed, groaning at the dull pain my entire upper body was snared by. I couldn't believe after all the working out I did and all the muscle I'd gained, that standing and taking a few steps would exhaust me as much as it had. It took longer than usual for me to strip my clothes, letting them fall to the floor in a pile. To make Jasper feel more comfortable, I left my underwear on and grabbed the towel Emmett had left on my bed and laid it over my hips before rolling onto my stomach.

"I'm ready," I called out, listening for the sound of their footsteps. The door opened and I looked over my shoulder to see a tentative Jasper and grinning Emmett.

"We found sustenance," Emmett said, holding up a cookie.

"I think you eat more of my mom's baking than I do," I chuckled.

"Very funny," he said, moving to my right side. "Ready, Jasper?"

Jasper nodded, and after a long glance at him, I closed my eyes and laid my head on the bed. I heard them talking, but I was so sleepy they sounded far away. Then strong hands were on my arms and shoulders and back, kneading the tense, tired muscles with expert skill. There were smaller hands on me as well, more caring and softer, still unsure in their movement, but relaxing me more than the professional ones did. When I could no longer feel their comforting touch, I knew they'd moved below my waist, massaging the thinning muscles of my legs. The room was warm, the voices soothing, and the hands rubbed the ache from my body. I let myself drift away, floating on a cloud of accomplishment and love. My mind returned to Jasper walking in, how he'd come to me even though I'd told him to stay away, how his eyes filled with pride, how he helped Emmett.

How he'd kissed me in front of someone.

Groaning at the techniques they were using on me, I smiled to myself right before I fell asleep.

"Babe?" his voice was distant, but close. There was a hand in my hair, tenderly brushing it off my forehead. "Babe?"

I wanted to reply, open my eyes and take him in, but every part of me felt heavy. Then I was in the air, against a warm hardness that smelled of Jasper. Vaguely I felt the mattress return under me again, and my head lolled to the side where soft lips pressed to my temple.

"Love you," the wonderful voice whispered. A few minutes later, the bed dipped and the warmth coiled into my body, draping itself over me in a protective sleep.

"**~~**"

I was hot, and when I went to take a deep breath, my chest felt heavy. Then I realized there was satin skin under my fingers and moist, steady breaths washing over my bare chest. Strands of hair tickled my jaw line when I turned my head to the left, assuring me it wasn't a dream.

Jasper was there.

He'd come to me.

The fight at school, the way he walked away from me in the lunchroom, the way I'd left him after gym- none of it mattered.

He was there.

More importantly, he'd seen me stand.

By the time he lifted his head from my chest, I was smiling. He returned it, and after a glance to the door, kissed me. He deepened the kiss immediately, plunging his tongue between my lips to seek out mine. The second they met, I shuddered and angled my head to welcome him further. Lifting my other hand from the bed, barely feeling the ache, I buried my fingers into his hair, registering it was wet. My heart raced when my fingers tangled in his messy hair. Jasper moaned and lifted his head, breaking our kiss.

"You know what the best part about fighting with you is?" he murmured lazily as if my family wasn't right outside the door, probably cooking dinner or cleaning up.

"What?"

"The make-up sex," he grinned.

"But we're not having sex."

"Close enough," he shrugged, kissing me again. Pulling his body onto mine, he settled on me, resting his weight on his forearms that he curled under my shoulders. It was then I realized he was dressed in my sweatpants and tee shirt.

"Why is your hair wet?"

"I showered while you were sleeping. Borrowed some of your clothes," he grinned sheepishly.

"I can see that," I smiled. "How long was I out?"

"About an hour. I'm sorry about earlier," he blurted apologetically.

"Me too," I sighed. "I'm sorry we fought."

"Baby," he mumbled, kissing my nose, "fighting is a part of a relationship, but it doesn't matter because I'm all in no matter what. Fighting or not."

"I'm all in too," I reminded him, "but I should have told you."

Then he sighed and put his forehead to mine. "Why didn't you?"

"I didn't want to get your hopes up. I know you, you would have wanted to come, and been excited, but what if I couldn't do it. I didn't want you to see me fail."

"I don't care if you fail. You've seen me fail a lot," he reminded me.

"It's different now. I…I can't explain it," I whispered, frustrated.

I didn't know how to put into words how much doing things, even simple things, meant so much to me. What he might see as a small failure was huge to me. His failure was losing a race, mine was not being able to shit in the morning and having to use a suppository. The difference in our accomplishments and how we viewed them was enormous, and I didn't know if Jasper would ever understand that.

"What made you come over?" I asked.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you, and after practice I was going home and our song came on, and I had to see you."

I nuzzled his cheek with my nose and murmured, "I love you."

"Love you too."

As he stared down at me, he stared humming "Eight Days a Week". Jasper wiggled on me, like he was dancing, and soon had me laughing under him. "We should get up before we get caught."

"We should," he agreed, not moving off me. Instead, he kissed me again, not as intense as before, but just as wonderful. When he parted, he looked down at me thoughtfully. "Babe, why did you tell Emmett?"

"He asked me if you were my boyfriend, and I felt bad lying."

"Because he asked you?"

"Yeah, not telling people is one thing, but lying when asked seemed wrong."

"So if your dad or someone else asked, you would tell them?"

"I don't know, maybe."

"That's good, because I need to tell you something," he said quietly, pushing himself up to sit by my side. My eyes followed his even as he dropped his gaze from mine and stared worriedly at my navel. The joy of him being there quickly faded and I grew anxious. With a shaking hand, I reached out for him. He took it, lacing our fingers together and bringing his eyes back to mine.

Then he said two words that took my breath away.

"Bella knows."

I swallowed the thick lump in my throat and blinked a few times. Panicked, my heart began to race again, pounding against my ribs hard enough to bruise. "How?"

He thought for a few seconds before explaining. "At the game she asked me if I had a crush on you. She caught me off guard, and I didn't say anything. Then she said, she wouldn't tell you, and I told her you already knew," he finished, his voice so quiet, I could barely hear him.

"What did she say?" I choked out around the lump.

"Not much, she was surprised, but seemed okay. She made me promise to call her that night, so I did. She asked when we got together and stuff. I told her you never cheated on her, that you cared for her."

"Oh God," I groaned. I felt sick, my stomach wretched and twisted more with each word.

"She asked if we were in love and I said yes. When I asked how she knew, she said the same thing Alice had about looks and stuff. She said she doesn't think anyone else knows though."

Exhaling a trembling breath, I tried to wrap my mind around what he'd just told me. In a matter of hours, it had gone from one person to three people knowing about us. As confident as I had been in telling Emmett, giving his position with me, I wasn't as confident in Bella knowing.

But Jasper was.

While I knew Bella better than Jasper did, he was the one confident she would keep our secret, and I couldn't discredit his trust. Jasper wouldn't have told her, forced or not, if he didn't think she would keep her promise to stay quiet. My chest rose and fell quickly and I felt my face heating up. Lifting his other hand, he cupped my cheek.

"Babe, I swear, she's not mad or anything," he tried to reassure me.

"I should have been the one to tell her," I said.

"I know. But you couldn't lie to Emmett, and I couldn't lie to Bella. It just felt wrong."

Turning my head away, I screwed my eyes shut. It had been one fucking long day, I was tired on every level, and I just wanted to forget it all. But it wasn't that easy anymore.

"Don't be mad at me," Jasper sighed. "Please."

I opened my eyes and looked at him. "I'm not mad. I just wished you'd put her off until I could tell her."

"And when would that have been?" he challenged.

"I don't know," I admitted. "I guess after graduation, like we planned." I narrowed my eyes. "Why did you kiss me in front of Emmett?"

He gave me a small smile. "Because I was so fucking proud of you, so happy for you, that I didn't give a shit who saw us. Hell, I probably would have kissed you in front of your dad." He held my gaze for a few seconds. "Besides, I knew he wouldn't say anything to anyone."

"He won't."

"Are we okay?" he asked, brushing his fingers down the side of my face.

"Yeah, we're okay," I nodded, my eyes on his lips as he lowered them to mine in a soft kiss. My hand had just weaved into his hair when he broke the kiss.

"I've got more bad news."

"Jesus," I groaned. "I don't want to hear it."

"I can't drive you to practice on Thursday, I've got a track meet, and I can't miss a meet or else I don't qualify for States. Can your mom drive you?"

Relieved that was all it was, I let out a long breath. "Probably."

"Sorry, baby," he whispered.

"It's okay, don't worry about it. Any other bad news?"

"Edward," my mother called out from the other side of my door, "is Jasper staying for dinner?"

He moved away from me and looked at me hopefully. "Yeah," I replied to her and he grinned. When I heard her footsteps walking away, I said, "It's probably something gross."

"I don't care what it is as long as I'm with you."

And he was for the rest of the night.

After I got dressed, he followed me out to the kitchen where he helped set the table for my mother. My dad was working late, so it was just Jasper, Alice, my mother, and me. Alice chatted uselessly about some project she had coming up. Jasper and I didn't pay attention, we exchanged a few smiles and glances, and I knew if I looked under the table, I would find his foot resting against mine. When I asked my mother if she could drive me to practice, she said she would have to check.

Dinner ended, and Jasper went back to my room with me. We sat on my bed and did our homework, our knees touching when he crossed his legs. Music played while we debated physics problems and heatedly discussed our calculus homework. When it came time to read the chapter for English, Jasper laid his head in my lap, and holding his book up, read it aloud for us while my fingers played with his hair.

When there was a knock on my door, Jasper bolted upright, resuming his position from before but with a bit more space between us.

"Yeah?"

My mother opened the door. "I've got an appointment on Thursday. I can see if your father can drive you."

"Okay, thanks."

She closed the door and I sighed. "What if dad can't? I don't want to miss a practice."

"Why don't you ask Riley," Jasper suggested. "It's out of his way but he might do it."

"Good idea," I said. Picking up my phone, I sent Riley a text message telling him Jasper wasn't able to give me a ride and asked if he could. Then I put the phone down and patted my lap for Jasper to lie down again. He'd just started reading when my phone vibrated.

"What did he say?"

"He said 'sure, no problem, we can talk time at practice tomorrow.'" I sent him a reply and put my phone down.

"Sweet." Jasper snuggled back into me and waited until my hand returned to his hair before he spoke again. "Will you be okay with him driving?"

"No, probably not, but I don't have much choice."

"Just don't hold his hand," he warned with a raised brow and smile.

"Never," I murmured before bending over and kissing him.

It was several hours later before I was able to convince Jasper to leave my side. He kissed me feverishly, devouring and savoring every time our lips met in the hard kisses. "You gotta go," I groaned when he moved his lips down my neck.

He left an hour later.

I had just finished my nightly routine and climbed into bed when Survivor began to play on my phone. "Hey, love," I yawned.

"Hey, babe. Tired?"

"Very. That totally wore me out today."

"Want me to sing you to sleep?"

"Yeah." I wanted nothing more. My eyes were already close before the first words left his lips, but I smiled drowsily at his choice of song.

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night  
Take these broken wings and learn to fly  
All your life  
You were only waiting for this moment to arise._

"**~**"

"Jesus, you're so fuckin' hot," he groaned as his fingers squeezed the muscles of my shoulders. I loved when he got so worked up his accent wrapped itself around his words. Straddling my lap, he lazily slung his arms around my neck and moaned as our lips met.

Practice had finished only about fifteen minutes before, but the second Jasper had closed the door to the truck, he was climbing on my lap, yanking my shirt up my chest and kissing along my jaw. My body was still sore from the day before and I had felt every ache at practice. When Riley arched a brow at my third missed shot, I shrugged. I never would have thought walking a grand total of seven steps would exhaust me into the next day.

At school, I had eyed Bella, watching her closely for any slips she might make, but there were none. She glanced at Jasper once, confused by the grin he was wearing. The day before he had been slamming lunch trays around, but then he was smiling, and even talking to Newton.

My head fell back against the seat as my hands ran up his back, over his smooth, heated skin, feeling it quiver.

"Got so fuckin' hard watching you," he mumbled with a husky purr. Closing my eyes, I parted my lips and swept my tongue over his.

"What do you want?" I rasped against his lips.

"Touch me," he begged, his lips never leaving mine. Keeping one hand on his back, the other wandered down his sleek side to the waistband of his Levi's. Dipping my thumb behind the thick band, I ran it until I reached the button. As I tugged his lower lip into my mouth to suck on, I slipped the button through the hole. "Yeah, that's it."

His voice was heavy with need. The second button popped and I moved to the third. Short, wiry curls brushed against my finger and my eyes shot to his.

"Commando?"

"Just trying to save some time, babe," he said with a sheepish smile. His hips writhed on my lap, and he fused his mouth securely to mine once again. One more button and he would be mine. He shook with anticipation and excitement. "Please…"

The honk of a car horn scared the shit out of us, and Jasper jumped, practically all the way to his seat. His jeans were half undone, his erection peeking out and straining against the remaining buttons, and his shirt was ungracefully bunched up around his nipples. My heart had skipped about three beats and I ran a hand nervously through my hair and slapped Jasper's hand away when he went to pull my shirt down my chest.

"I got it," I growled at him. Taking a deep breath, I rolled down my widow before I dared to glance outside and see who it was.

"Well, hello," Riley chuckled from the driver's seat of his van. He had one arm draped over the steering wheel as he leaned forward a little. Next to me, Jasper lifted his hips and buttoned his jeans.

"Hey," I greeted breathlessly, "what's up?"

He laughed to himself, the corner of his lip curling up crookedly. "Seems like I should be asking you that question."

Fuck.

Now four people knew.

Sighing, I licked my swollen lips and stared out the front window, refusing to look at Jasper.

"I was just checking to see if you were okay. You seemed off at practice." His voice was concerned, sympathetic.

"Yeah, just sore. I'll be fine by Thursday," I excused.

"Sure thing," he stilled smiled. "I'll be at your place about five."

"Sounds good, thanks," I replied, having begun to calm down.

Riley leaned forward so he could see around me. "Night, Jasper."

"Night," Jasper mumbled.

"See ya, Cullen."

"Bye." He backed up the van. "Shit, shit, shit…shit," I grumbled as I rolled up the window. "Shit."

"Babe, it's fine. He won't say anything."

I shot Jasper a glance. "You don't know that."

"You're right, I don't. But I know he's your friend, and as your friend, I think if you asked him not to say anything, he wouldn't."

I knew Jasper was right, but I sighed in frustration anyway. "We're getting too careless."

"We're getting married," he argued. "You're my fiancé, I want to be able to touch you when I want."

I turned my head toward him and reached across the seat for his hand. "I know, love. I know you hate this."

"I don't hate it," he said, running his free hand through his hair while his other clasped mine. "I just don't mind people knowing I'm in love with you. I'm proud you're mine, baby, I want to show you off, but I'll wait until you're ready."

"Thanks." He gave me a smile, then took his hand from mine and started the truck before patting the seat for me to move over. Dragging my legs, I slid my ass across the fabric and pressed against Jasper. "It's going to be an awkward ride to practice on Thursday."

"Maybe not," Jasper said as he put an arm on the back of the seat and twisted his body to look out the back window. "He seemed pretty cool with it."

"Fuck, I hope so." Resting my head on my boy's shoulder, I put my palm on his thigh and looked out the window.

"**~~**"

"Four-fifty?" I asked as I pressed the buttons on the oven.

"Four-twenty-five," Jasper corrected. Standing beside me, he scooped the last of the cookie dough onto the metal sheet and then held out the spoon to me. "Wanna lick?"

"Mm," I moaned before parting my lips. He placed the spoon on my tongue and then groaned as I licked and sucked off all the dough.

"Jesus fucking Christ, how the hell do you make baking cookies sexy?"

Releasing the spoon, I shrugged. "We need to waste time until it's preheated, got any ideas?"

"Fucking dangerous question," he returned with a wink. Tossing the spoon into the sink, he turned to me. "We're alone, right?"

"Until eight."

He wiggled his brows and climbed onto my lap, his lips instantly going to my neck. "This is a perfect way to spend the time." Nibbling along the scruff on my jaw, he leaned against me and flung his legs over the arm of the chair.

After getting caught by Riley the night before and complaining we were taking too many risks, I should have tossed him off, but the more I thought about it, the more at ease I became. Not that I wanted my parents to walk in and find Jasper's teeth marking my neck, but maybe other people finding out wasn't as horrible as I thought.

Like Jasper had said on the way home, Riley was in a wheelchair too, so the 'fag in the wheelchair' wouldn't be an insult Riley would use. I didn't know him well, but he seemed pretty easy going and he was always smiling, especially considering all he'd been through, and maybe he wouldn't mind having a gay friend. He had still offered to give me a ride even after he knew about Jasper and I. Before I could work myself up too much, my phone played "Eye of the Tiger", and suddenly, things were better.

School was okay, Jasper yawned a lot, but when I even thought about suggesting he not come over after practice, he glared at me. So Jasper walked into my house after his track practice, having run less because of the meet the next day, and suggested we bake cookies. He pilfered my cupboards until he found all the ingredients, then he turned on music and taught me how to bake homemade chocolate chip cookies.

Jasper and I had just begun kissing with the buzzer on the oven went off and Jasper groaned. He got off me and while I held the door to the over open, he slid the tray of cookies inside. I closed the door and he set the timer.

"Now we've got twelve minutes. That's enough time to get me off," he grinned and sprinted for my bedroom. When I rolled into my room, his shirt was already off and he was undoing his pants. "Shut the door."

I pushed it with my hand hard enough to close it and then swallowed as he slid his pants down to his thighs. "C'mere."

In a daze he induced, I wheeled to him. Turning, he sat on my lap, leaning his back to my chest and putting his head on my shoulder. Without waiting for further instructions, I yanked his briefs down over his swelling cock and smiled when he gasped. It only took a few pumps of my hand to make him completely hard. Biting his bottom lip, he thrust his hips into my fist, not holding back his moans of pleas for harder and faster. Obeying, I stroked him just how he liked it, and pushing his hair aside with my nose, put my lips to his ear.

"How do you get so horny?"

"It's your fault," he panted, wantonly moving his pelvis. His jeans were around his knees, his underwear was bunched under his cock, and he was shirtless and sitting on my lap getting a handjob. Yet, he seemed as relaxed as ever with no fear of getting caught.

"You like me touching you?" I asked, already knowing answer.

"Yes," he gasped, his eyes rolling into his head when I swiped my palm over the head and smeared the beads of cum gathered there.

He cried out, and to muffle his moans, I kissed him. He had a more difficult time making sound when my tongue was down his throat. My pace remained steady, but his hips jerked erratically as he neared his climax. Our tongues met frantically just as his cock twitched and spilled warm cum onto my hand and his abs. Grunting, he tore his mouth from mine and clenched his eyes shut as his body stilled and flexed with each wave of his orgasm. Cum ran down my fingers as I continued to milk him, smiling at the way his cheeks flushed and his lids slowly drifted open.

"Thanks, babe."

"Welcome, love."

Kissing his cheek, I gave him one last pump before releasing his cock. Just then the oven buzzed and Jasper leapt off me. "Shit, don't want them to burn."

"You stay here, I'll get them." Backing the chair up, I opened the door and went to the kitchen, running my cum-covered hand under water before putting on a pot holder and pulling the cookie sheet out. Jasper joined me, pulling his shirt over his head, just as I closed the oven door.

"Oh, they look good," he said, touching one with the tip of his finger.

"Can we eat them?"

"They need to cool for a few minutes, then we can." Taking the spatula, he moved the cookies to a wire rack and then put the dishes in the sink. While we waited, Jasper grabbed sodas from the fridge, and after gulping half of his, he jumped up on the island and sat on the marbled top.

"Can I ask you something?"

"What?"

"The braces on Monday. Usually SCI patients have to until after their sixth month check up before they get the okay to try what you did. Why did you do it so soon?"

"I told Emmett a few weeks ago I wanted to try and he said he'd think about it. He gave me the okay last week."

"But why now?" Bracing his hands on the edge of the counter, he swung his legs back and forth.

"Remember I told you about my graduation dream? About wanting to walk on stage?"

"Yeah."

I decided to show Jasper what I'd found online. "Come with me." He followed me to my room and I went to my desk and booted up my laptop while Jasper sat behind me on the bed. Before I clicked on the bookmark, I looked at Jasper. "Promise you won't laugh?"

"I swear," he said solemnly.

Gnawing my lip, I clicked the link and opened up the miracle worker site. His eyes quickly scanned the page as he read the promises of walking for paraplegics and a life without pain for chronic sufferers.

"A miracle worker?" His voice a mixture of confusion and surprise.

I looked away and closed the laptop. My heart sank. He didn't even have to say anything more. Jasper didn't believe it was going to happen either. It had been stupid and foolish to even entertain the idea of thinking I could fly to China or Mexico for some operation and then walk a few hours later. I was smarter than that, but what the site promised was so much more enticing than intelligence.

Hope.

Staring at my useless legs, I spoke quietly. "I need to try everything, Jasper. I'd give anything to be whole again." Immediately, his face fell and he sighed, but I continued before he could stop me. "Since this happened, I've dreamed of one thing, walking on the stage at school to get my diploma, and that isn't going to happen. Fuck, they probably won't even have a ramp for me to fucking wheel myself up."

Jasper got off the bed and dropped to his knees in front of me, putting his hands on my thighs. "I know, Edward, but you know this isn't the way."

"I just thought…I don't know, maybe I deserved a miracle. I'm a good kid, right?"

His eyes brightened with moisture that he blinked it away. "Aw, baby, you're a wonderful and perfect, and if anyone deserves a miracle, it's you." Leaning toward me, he kissed me before sitting back on his calves.

"Do you think things happen for a reason?" I sniffed, wiping the lone tear on my cheek.

"Yeah. If things didn't happen for a reason, then how would we explain my parents moving from Texas all the way up here, and you and me in biology together, and falling in love? We were destined to find each other."

"Then why did this happen to me? What's the reason? I was on this forum and there was a story about a kid who was in a car accident and brain damaged. Under that post were others that said maybe he deserved it because he was gay."

"Edwa—"

"Maybe I deserved this too," I finished quietly.

"Baby, why would think that?"

"Because I'm a sin. I mean, our families aren't big church goers, but we know the basics, we believe in God, and what you and I are is wrong."

"It's not wrong and you know it. Some people might think so, but I believe in a God who made us all different for a reason. He made us like this, he must accept it, and if some people don't, that's their problem." His words were soothing, confident, like he'd thought about it before.

"Then why did this happen to me if I'm a good person?" It was an unfair question. I knew Jasper didn't have all the answers, he was just a teenager, but he was all I had to ask.

"Baby, you're a beautiful person. You're not a sin, and neither am I. But I don't know why this happened to you. I wish I did so I could fix it, but don't you dare think for one second you did anything to deserve this. Sometimes things just happen. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"I just want to be a man again," I sighed, bringing my wet eyes to his.

"You are. You're more man than anyone I know. Look what you've accomplished already. This new body, playing basketball, standing and taking few steps, and it's only been five months. Just imagine what you will be doing in another five." Reaching up, he traced my lips with his thumb. "You're amazing, Edward. You were amazing before the accident and you're more amazing now. If it'd been me, I never could have done what you have. You deserve a miracle, but you know you won't get it by flying to some doctor in China."

"I know," I admitted sadly in a mumble. "After the other day, I just want to walk on that stage so bad."

"Maybe you can with the braces."

I snorted. "You saw how hard walking fucking three steps was. And that was with two guys holding me. Graduation is only a month away. I'll never be able to walk that far by then."

Rising up again, he wrapped his arms around my neck and pulled me into a hug. "I'll do whatever I need to do to make sure you walk on that stage, baby," he vowed softly.

Burying my face in his silky, golden waves, I sighed. I knew he would keep his word no matter what. Jasper would break himself, and possibly me, to make sure my dream came true, and while I doubted it ever would come true, I didn't doubt how much he would try.

Because that was what Jasper did.

If he wasn't there to catch my fall, he was there to pick me back up again.

"Love you," I sniffled into his hair, nuzzling my nose into him.

"Love you too," he whispered. "Ready for some awesome cookies?" Sitting up straight, I wiped my damp cheeks and nodded, trying to smile. He stood up and walked around my bed to the door. "You know there's nothing that chocolate chip cookies and ice cream can't solve."

"Yeah?"

"Yep, proven fact."

"Oh really?" I gave him an earnest smile.

"They are orgasms for the mouth. Nothing anything better."

I followed him down the hallway, watching his cute ass in the jeans.

"Oh, I can think of something better…."

"**~~**"

"You sure you're going to be okay going with him?" Jasper asked as he walked out of the cafeteria next to me. "If not, I can skip the mee-"

"No, you need to go because of States. I'll be fine," I said pushing alongside him. I wasn't entirely sure that was true, but it was what he needed to hear. He didn't believe me though because he sighed heavily as we worked our way through the mingling people.

Bella had left early to go to the guidance office before gym, leaving the rest of us at the table. Jasper had been quiet at lunch, a combination of focusing for the upcoming meet and the guilt of not driving me to practice.

"You okay with this?"

"What?" he asked as he stepped to the side to avoid a couple kissing against the lockers. "Riley giving you a ride?"

"Yeah. You're not jealous, right?"

He gave me an amused glance, "Should I be?"

Gripping the rims and pushing the wheel, I shook my head. "Course not."

"He is cute," he said lowly, winking.

"Those eyes…"

"That hair…"

"That body," we both said.

Reaching the locker room, Jasper turned to me before he went inside. Leaning against the wall, he motioned for me to come closer. My feet were almost touching his shins when he bent over. "I know where your heart lies, baby, and I won't ever doubt that."

Before I could say anything, he straightened and went into the locker room to get ready for his meet. I should have gone to gym, I was going to be late, but I didn't care. The closer it got to Riley picking me up, the more nervous I became. It wasn't only the drive, but what he might say after catching Jasper and me the night before. The conversation with Emmett had been awkward and I'd known him for five months, I barely knew Riley.

When the door swung opened and Jasper walked out, I immediately relaxed. He gave me an easy smile and shook his head to get the hair out of his face. A large duffle bag in the school colors was strapped over his shoulder.

"You waited."

"Of course." I looked up at him, holding the rims tightly to avoid reaching out and taking his hand. "I wanted to wish you luck."

"Thanks." Glancing down the hall, he crouched down in front of me. "I know you're worried, but you'll be fine today. Riley's cool, he won't care about us."

"I hope you're right."

"I always am," he said confidently. "Seriously though, just pretend I'm there, focus on your breathing and looking out your window, okay?"

"I will." When I saw my jeans moving, I looked down to see his index finger stroking my calf.

"Call me after practice."

"Okay."

"I really want to kiss you right now," he said with a grin, then mouthed. "Be safe, baby."

"See ya soon, love," I said as quietly.

Standing, he gave me one last look before turning and pushing the door open to go to the waiting bus. I watched him until he was out of sight, then spun my chair and headed to gym class. I suffered through it with Bella stayed close to my side. Part of me wanted to let her know I knew, but I never did.

My mother was waiting in the usual handicapped spot, and after I got into the car, she put my chair in the trunk. Alice was already waiting in the backseat, her headphones on and her head moving to the music she was listening too. The ride home was long considering the short distance, and I was anxious to get inside and change for practice.

"Don't forget I've got an appointment, but your friend is coming to get you, right?"

Looking out the window and fisting my hands, I nodded.

"Can you just eat a sandwich for dinner?"

"Sure."

When we pulled into the driveway, Alice climbed out and went inside. My mother brought my chair to me and I moved into it and pushed toward the ramp.

"I won't be too late," she said, getting back into the car.

"Bye."

I was inside the house before she was out of the driveway. Pushing into the kitchen, I found Alice there with the fridge open staring in it.

"Who's your friend?"

"I thought you had music on?"

"Exceptional hearing," she shrugged, finally deciding on chocolate milk and an apple. "So?"

"Jasper has a track meet so Riley is giving me a ride to basketball practice tonight." I held out my hand for an apple. Opening the door back up, she grabbed one and tossed it to me.

"He's hot," she said dreamily. "Jas doesn't mind?"

"Course not. It was his idea actually."

"Well, tell the hottie basketball player your sister says hi," she laughed and walked out of the kitchen before I could reply.

I started my homework and checked my email, anxiously hoping there would be something from OSU but there wasn't. However there was one from Mr. Harter letting me know he got the scholarship application and had submitted it to the committee and I should know in a few weeks. Disappointed there wasn't anything else, not that I expected there to be so soon, I closed my computer and grabbed a catheter kit.

In the bathroom, I emptied my bladder, staring into space while my urine ran through the small tubing into the bag. What I wouldn't have given to have been able to take a piss like every other guy. Sighing, I pulled the tube out, dumped the bag into the toilet and flushed it. After tossing the gloves and kit in the trash, I washed my hands and returned to my room to get dressed.

The day before Jasper had been in my room only a few seconds before he was almost naked, but for me getting changed was a twenty minute process. With the exception of one small spot, my legs were dead weight. That hadn't been more apparent than it had been on Monday when it had taken two people to hold me upright.

But I had been upright.

I'd looked Jasper in the eye, I had kissed him without him kneeling or bending over or lying on me.

While I changed into clothes for practice, my thoughts continued to swirl and race and tangle. By the time I was putting on my sneakers, I was exhausted. Mentally and physically it'd been one of the longest weeks I'd had in months. Moving back to the chair, I gripped my sweatpants and lifted each leg, placing my foot on the metal footrest before making sure my basketball bag was packed. After tossing a bottle of water in it, I zipped it up and headed outside to wait for Riley.

Leaving my bag on the ground, I shot the basketball for a few minutes before I heard Riley's van pull into the driveway. Spinning the chair around, I was relieved when he waved and gave me his trademark smile from behind the steering wheel. I watched as he went out of view, only to then see him on the ground on the other side of the van.

"Hey, Cullen," he grinned as he approached. "Ready?"

"Yeah." I tried to answer confidently but I sounded weak and unsure.

Cocking his head to the side, look at me with concern. "Everything okay?"

Reaching over to avoid looking at him, I grabbed my bag and hauled it to my lap. "Yeah," I sighed, "it's just riding in a car is still hard for me."

"Aw, shit, I forgot man. You sure you want to do this?"

Lifting my chin, I answered definitely, "Yeah, I'll be fine."

"I promise I'm a really good driver. I don't want to get hurt." He winked, lightening the mood.

Turning his chair with ease, he glided across the driveway to the side of the van. I followed him, seeing the ramp extended from the opened side door.

"Guests first," he said, motioning for me to go up the ramp. With one good push, I was inside the van. "You can put your bag in the back and then move to the passenger seat. There's a button on the side that will push it back so you can get in it."

The charcoal gray interior was empty with only his bag on the back seat. Unlike most vans, there was no middle seat, only the very back bench seat and the two front captain's chairs. Those two chairs sat in a metal track that ran a few feet behind them. When I pressed the button Riley had mentioned, the passenger seat slowly moved backward on the track until I could pull my chair up next to it. I transferred to the seat and then pressed the button again and it moved just as slowly forward until I heard it click into place. When I went to reach for my seatbelt, I saw the driver's chair moving and realized Riley was already inside the van. He'd moved my chair out of the way and transferred to the driver's seat much like I had. I watched as his chair eased him toward the steering wheel and controls. Once his seat stopped, he reached down and effortlessly moved his legs so his feet were crossed.

When he caught me watching, he explained as he buckled his seat belt, "It gives me more space for the controls, plus I have some spasticity and this seems to help ease it."

I nodded, and then watched in awe at the way he confidently started the ignition and shifted into reverse. His side of the van looked like any other except for the knob protruding from the steering wheel and the black metal bar extending from the pedals toward the steering wheel, where it turned left and became a rubber lever. As his right hand grabbed the knob, his left went to the lever and he pushed it down toward his thigh. Using his mirrors, Riley guided the van out of the driveway with ease and shifted into drive. Suddenly, we were moving forward, but instead of looking out the window, I watched him.

He had a nice profile with a straight nose and strong jaw, and lashes so long they could be seen a mile away. The eyes they framed never stopped moving as he glanced from the road before us to all of his mirrors while the wind from his open window blew his hair into his face. He shook his head to move it, but it didn't do any good. Already dressed in his tank top and shorts for practice, his muscles rippled under his skin as he spun the wheel to turn. When we came to the first stop sign, his left hand, which had never moved from the lever, pushed it forward and we rolled to a stop. The radio was on, playing some classic rock, but I was too enthralled with watching him to notice what song.

Or to worry about other cars or what he knew about me.

When he caught me staring, he glanced at me. "You doing okay?"

Pulling me from my thoughts with his flashy smile, I nodded. "Have you ever seen a handicapped equipped car before?" I shook my head as my eyes dropped to the handle right above his legs. "You haven't driven since your accident, have you?"

Finally looking away, I shook my head again. "I don't know if I can."

"You will someday. It's part of getting your independence back, and you'll want it back, trust me." His smile widened. "I can teach you some day if you want."

"That'd be great, thanks," I answered automatically.

There was so much to admire about Riley.

The way he was so comfortable in his chair, his van, hell, his life. He'd been in a chair longer than me, but I couldn't imagine I would ever reach the same acceptance level he had. Riley had that independence he spoke of, he was in college, lived in an apartment with a few other guys, had a part time job, drove, played basketball. Things I could only dream of accomplishing.

Then there was his comfort with who he was and how he looked. My eyes went to his shorts and his legs coming from them. There was a light dusting of hair on them, but the muscle was weak and thin, yet he didn't cover them up. He had intense eyes and styled hair and a smile that could melt ice, and he used his all American boy-next-door good looks to draw attention away from the fact he was paralyzed.

Riley wouldn't consider himself handicapped or disabled, it just wasn't how he thought. His mind was too positive for those negative thoughts. He was who he was, and others could take it or leave, but he was going to live his life regardless and not let anything stand in the way, including his paralyzed limbs, of what he wanted to do.

"Do you remember your accident?"

His face fell for just a split second and I regretted having blurted it out, but then he nodded and his smile returned. "I remember just about all of it." When I didn't ask anything more, he continued on his own. "I was sixteen and had been riding for about nine years. I was on my bike so much it was like an extension of me. Hell, I think I felt more comfortable on it then off it. When I was fourteen, I got my first sponsor, a local sporting goods store, and by the time I was fifteen I had a dozen sponsors, five bikes, and my own crew. On my sixteenth birthday, I was picked by Dirt Rag Magazine to be the winner of the Northwest Championships, which would put me on a national tour with the pros." He sighed. "At sixteen."

"You must have loved it."

"I did. There was nothing like the feeling of going down a mountain at crazy speeds, going over the jumps, hearing the people cheer when you landed on the other side. It gives you a natural high. You ever seen it?"

"Not really, just on TV."

"Hard to capture the rush with video, but it's amazing. Most courses are designed with all natural jumps, leaving in the rocks and shit. Sometimes you landed the jumps on rocks before it turned back to dirt. It was the second day of the Northwest Championships and I was in the semi-finals. The trail was pretty narrow so you raced alone, and they take the top eight times for the finals. I nailed the first half of the course, hit all the jumps perfectly, turning great, I was easily going to have one of the fastest times. I was a little over half way through when it happened."

He paused as he merged with traffic. I'd been listening to his story so intently, I hadn't noticed we were already getting on the highway. Keeping my focus on him, I took a deep breath.

"I hit this blind corner, people were on both sides and there was a huge tree on my right. I'd raced the course a few times, I knew it pretty well, but for some reason, I forgot when I hit that corner I needed to swing wide because there was a steep hill after it. I don't know what happened, I've spent hours and hours analyzing what I did wrong. I might have shifted my weight too far to the left and my front tire caught the side of the rock and before I could react I was sailing through the air. I flipped over the handlebars, heard my bike crash right before I hit the ground."

"Jesus," I mumbled.

"The second I landed, I knew something wasn't right. I could hear footsteps and people around me gasp, but when I tried to turn to see them, I couldn't move. The helmets we wear are pretty big, like motorcycle helmets with shields and stuff, and they restrict your movement. Then I heard a guy telling me to keep still and not move, and I remember laughing and telling him I didn't have a choice. Then I looked up and saw the look on his face. Jesus, I'll never forget it. He was fucking pale and there was a panic in his eyes. He held my head completely still while we waited. I didn't really feel any pain, except for my shoulder and my head throbbed, but I could tell I wasn't lying right, that I was in an awkward position. I wanted to move, but when I tried, nothing happened. I couldn't feel myself lifting my leg. I heard people saying stuff about a rock and that surely I had broken bones. The race EMTs got there and asked me to squeeze their hand and move my feet. I started to fade in and out then, but I know they strapped me to a board and carried me to the ambulance. Next thing I remember, I woke up in a hospital bed with a halo on my head and a doctor telling me I was paralyzed."

His last memory was one I could relate to, although I never had to wear a halo, I clearly remembered my parents, my doctor father telling me I wouldn't walk again.

I couldn't believe how easy it was for Riley to tell his story, it was almost more like fact than a horrible accident that had happened to him and taken away everything he'd known. It was hard enough to be paralyzed, but to have been conscious the entire time, to know something was wrong and not be able to fix it must have been scarier than what had happened to me.

"You're a T7, right?"

"Yep, T7 complete. The part that sucks the most is I don't have use of my upper ab muscles, so it took me awhile to get my balance in the chair, transferring was pretty hard at first but because I was an athlete, my core strength was really good and that helped a lot. How about you? Remember anything?"He asked so casually, like he was wondering what I'd eaten for dinner the night before.

"Not really. I was driving home after work, I looked away from the road for a second and then nothing but bright lights, crunching metal, screaming…a guy came into my lane. It was New Year's Eve, the guy was drunk. Hit me head on"

"Fucking drunk drivers. I don't know which is worse. Not remembering or remembering everything.

"They both suck."

He laughed and then switched lanes on the highway. With great coordination, he pushed the lever down, turned on the directional, and glanced in all the mirrors.

Wanting to keep him talking, keep my mind busy with his voice and not the highway, I asked, "What are you studying at college?"

"Sports and business. I can't decide if I want to own a sports store or be a coach, or maybe do something with disable sports." He gave me a roll of his eyes. "I'm not really sure, but I figure I'm young, I've got time to figure it all out."

"How do you do it?" I blurted out. I was suddenly curious about how he lived his life, and wanted to know everything about him.

"Do what?" he chuckled. "I need specifics."

"Live." It was as specific as I could get.

He shrugged. "I've got two really cool roomies. We share the cooking, cleaning, and errands. They do the housework I can't. I work at the campus bookstore part-time, so I have plenty of time to get my studying done. My parents are great, they help out with money if I need it, but so far, it's been awesome. How about you? Where are you going next year?"

I wanted to tell him about OSU but feared he might let it slip in front of Jasper. "I've been accepted to UW. I had a full scholarship until the accident. I'm still getting some on merit but not nearly what I was getting before."

"That sucks."

"Sure does," I sighed.

"You'll be fine. Moving away from home is scary, and doing in a wheelchair is even harder, but you can do it. You're roommate will help if you need it, and you'll get so caught up in classes and life on campus that you won't have time to miss your old life."

"I hope so."

A silence fell over us, but I noticed his fingers tapping to the beat of the song on the steering wheel. He was completely at ease driving, no fear of the other cars or the fact his feet weren't touching the pedals.

"Have you ever tried to walk with braces or something?"

It was a few seconds before he answered. "I tried them once. Harder than hell," he admitted, "Haven't really tried them since. I don't know, I guess I don't mind the chair. I've accepted my life in it, I don't try to fight it."

Again it was quiet, then he asked something I'd been trying preparing myself for since after practice Tuesday night.

"So, what's the deal with you and Jasper?"

"He's my best friend," I habitually gave him my standard answer. To everyone else it was the expected answer, but Jasper and I knew it went far deeper than friendship.

"Friend with benefits?" He raised a brow.

Blushing, I looked away. Talking about Jasper, about being intimate with Jasper, with someone else was still new to me. "No, he's a lot more than that."

"Boyfriend?" He glanced at me, the corner of his lips curling up at my confirmation. "Known him long?"

Shifting, I leaned against the door and chewed on my lip as I debated on answering. I could have easily said I didn't want to talk about Jasper like that and hope Riley understood, but like I had with Emmett, part of me wanted to tell someone about Jasper, all he meant to me and our history together. I wanted to share what we had, and maybe Riley would be cool with having a gay friend. Releasing my lip, I looked directly at him.

"He moved here three years ago from Texas, but we've been together only for two," I answered proudly.

"Oh, a cowboy," he laughed.

"Something like that," I replied. More like my superhero. "He's pretty fucking awesome. Especially with all this," I motioned to my legs, "shit."

"It's nice to have someone you can depend on."

"How about you? Got a girlfriend?" His laugh was hearty and loud, and I liked the way his night blue eyes glimmered when he looked at me and shook his head. "How come? Because you're in a chair?"

"No, it's not the chair, I get plenty of attention from the ladies," he chuckled, the sparkle brightening in his eyes.

"No time?"

"I'm busy with classes and basketball, but I would always make time for some loving." He was grinning mischievously by then.

"Then how come?" I found it really hard to believe that a guy as hot as Riley couldn't find a girlfriend if he wanted one.

Taking his eyes off the road for only an instant, he glanced at me with a crooked, knowing smile. A smile I knew. Just as it dawned on me, he spoke.

"Because I'm gay."

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

A huge thank you to C for his reassurance on this chapter! He just posted his first story, it's beautiful! http:/www DOT fanfiction DOT net/s/7358323/1/Bones#

So, lots in this chapter…thoughts?

A link to mountain bike racing video youtube DOT com/watch?v=Du3Iap2F9ps&feature=related (Riley has balls!)


	27. Love Me Til I'm Satisfied

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N-Time for Jasper! This chapter goes a bit back in time and then beyond where we left Edward and Riley. Sorry for the long delay, I've been debating on whether or not to complete WN before posting it again, and I really wanted to get the next chapter done before this one went up. If there is another delay, it is because I am completing it before posting.

Thank you to everyone that reads, reviews, and supports this story.

This chapter is unbeta'd, all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are mine. Special thanks to Dannie, if it wasn't for her encouragement and faith in my writing, these boys wouldn't be here.

Now Jasper's pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night he hadn't been so brave…_

"**~~**"

He was standing.

Really fucking standing.

Even though I was on my knees with my hands on his hips, even though I'd done the research and knew it was possible for him to do it with aid, I still couldn't believe I was looking _up_ at my boy _standing_ in front of me. Any frustration I'd felt during the day rushed from me with one breath, and my hurt had been replaced by pride. Him telling me not to come over made sense. It had nothing to do with homework or being tired or not wanting to see me at all, it had been because he was going to try something new, something he was afraid of doing.

I'd barely been inside the dining room before Emmett was barking out instructions to me. After closing the door, I joined him and followed everything he asked me to do.

"Better?" Emmett asked Edward.

"Yeah, much," Edward replied in a strained voice, glancing down at me.

What he was doing wasn't easy, in fact, it was pretty fucking difficult. While he was able to use the flat of his feet for a bit of stability, the rest of his body was being supported by his own arms and Emmett's body behind him. Edward's forearms bulged, his knuckles were almost white from gripping the parallel bar. Sweat was already beading on his forehead and the tiny muscles in his jaw clenched as he gritted his teeth in effort. The strength training Edward had been doing for five months was put to use when he wobbled side to side and had to force himself back upright. Our eyes met and I gave him a half smile.

I was so fucking amazingly proud of him.

"Jasper, I'm going to set him down, let him rest for a minute and then we can try again. Can you stand and hold him up while I get the chair?"

"Yes."

Keeping my hands firmly on his hips, I stood and slid an arm around Edward's waist, taking the place of Emmett's as he removed it. Edward and I were touching at the hips and almost touching our chests, but it was his eyes, and the wonder in them, that grabbed me and took flight.

Edward was looking in my eyes.

I wasn't lying on him or next to him, or kneeling in front of his chair or sitting on him in the truck. We were standing, eye to eye, nose to nose, and mouth to mouth. Holding him more securely than I ever I had, I returned his hopeful gaze with one of pride. There was movement in the room as Emmett grabbed the chair and moved it right behind Edward before explaining what to do next.

"Edward, I'm going to pull the release on your left leg, it will collapse. Just let it and fall backwards. I've your chair and Jasper won't let you go. As soon as the back of your right knee hits the chair, it will release the brace. Got it?"

Damn right I wouldn't let him go. Not in a million years.

"Yep," Edward replied with a quick nod.

There was a click and then I felt Edward slipping from me as he fell back toward the chair. Keeping my tight hold on him, I moved with him, bending over and easing him into the chair as gently as possible. There was another click, and then he was completely seated and gasping for breath. Emmett offered to get drinks for us, and once he was out of hearing range, I dropped my knees in front of Edward.

"Baby, why didn't you tell me?" My hurt returned, although in less force, because he hadn't wanted me there with him the first time he stood. After all we'd been through together, all I'd supported him doing, for some reason he didn't want me to see him do the bars.

"I was afraid I wouldn't be able to do it," he admitted.

"This is why you didn't want me to come over, isn't it?"

His eyes dropped to my hands on his knees. "I didn't want you to see me fail."

Reaching up, I cupped his cheek. "Aw, baby, even if you failed, I don't care, you know that."

"I know. I just…I don't know, love, I just had to do it first. Then I thought I could surprise you."

"Edward, I'm sorry about today. I was upse—" I began to apologize for how I'd behaved at school. I'd been an ass.

"We'll talk later," he said, shutting me down before I could get too far.

I heard Emmett walking down the hall but it wasn't until he was just about to walk into the room that I stood up and put some space between Edward and me. Emmett tossed me a bottle of water before handing one to Edward and said we were going to try again in two minutes. When Edward said he was surprised how hard it was, Emmett launched into an explanation.

"You're standing on legs you can't feel. You're balance is off, so you try to adjust and use your upper body to make up for it, but it's hard to judge too far forward or backward. It's not like you can put a foot behind you if you feel yourself falling. Add in the fact you weigh about one-eighty and that's a lot of weight you're asking your arms and abs to support. Gotta admit, hard or not," Emmett smiled, "it's pretty fucking cool."

I coughed, spitting some water out and sending the rest down the wrong way in my throat. Emmett was a nurse like my mother, but I'd never heard her say that to a patient. Before I could apologize for spewing my water, Emmett asked if I was ready, even offering me another fifty dollars for the race when I teased him about getting paid.

"To get him standing earlier, I stood to the side and had him pull himself up. As soon as he was upright enough, I pushed the chair out of the way and moved in behind. He won't be able to do more than a few minutes before he'll be too tired, but let's see how it goes. He's going to lift himself up, once he does, I want your hands on his hips, I'll get him from behind."

Moving under the bars again, I kneeled and put my hands up, readying to catch Edward. Sitting in the chair in front me, he looked more determined than I'd ever seen him as he reached up and gripped the bars.

"You can do it," I mouthed to him right before he released a deep grunt and pulled himself upright.

Emmett was a blur behind Edward as he kicked the chair out of the way and replaced it with his own body. Mirroring Edward with his huge form, Emmett wound an arm around Edward's waist. My hands were already splayed on his hips, my thumbs digging into his flesh just above the elastic band of his sweatpants.

Looking over Edward's shoulder down at me, Emmett said, "I'm going to put my hands on his hips and my legs against his. I need you stand up and keep him from falling forward, and when I push one leg forward, adjust his weight. Understand?"

"Yes." Standing, I waited for Emmett to get into position before removing my hands from Edward's hips.

"It's been awhile since your hips have done this motion, so I'm going to help them. Eventually, you will be able to use your abs to swing or throw your leg forward," Emmett explained to Edward.

"Okay," Edward panted.

"Here we go."

Edward's eyes were trained on the same place as mine.

His feet.

Inch by inch, they moved forward with the help of Emmett's behind them, pushing on them as he swiveled Edward's hips in a stepping motion. Edward's eyes narrowed and his lips pinched in concentration as he focused on the movement. His heart was willing his legs to move, but no matter how much Edward wanted to do it, how much willpower he had, his brain couldn't send the signal through to his legs. No matter how many times the energy went through his spinal cord and nervous system, it was abruptly stopped at the scar on his lower back.

At an incredibly slow pace, Edward moved forward, his toes stuttering on the floor when Emmett pushed from behind. When Edward tilted to the right too much, I put a hand on his side, up righting him again. Emmett never stopped talking, explaining everything he was doing to Edward. His huge hands, which looked like they could easily hold Edward up on their own, spanned Edward's hips as Emmett basically picked up one side of Edward's pelvis and swung it. It would propel Edward's weight forward until Emmett pushed Edward's foot ahead enough to get it back under his body. My hands were constantly on Edward, either resting lightly on his chest or side for extra support. Soft, gasps escaped Edward and washed over my face as he took in shallow breaths. He was getting tired but he wasn't going to tell either of us.

Suddenly, his right hand slipped on the bar and he fell to the side. Before he caught himself with his armpit, I had an arm around him and was hauling him back up.

"You okay?" I asked him and he nodded. Reaching over the bar, I snagged a towel hanging on a piece of equipment and laid it over the bar. Here, wipe your hands."

He moved slow and deliberate, but he wiped his right hand and I moved the towel to his left. When he was done, I dried off the bar and tossed the towel back onto the equipment.

"Okay, Jasper, we're going to head back toward the chair. I need you do the same thing you did last time," Emmett spoke.

I moved with Edward as Emmett moved him backwards, always supporting Edward's body with his own. The amount of strength and effort and energy it took for my boy to stand and walk those few steps was incredible. I don't think he would ever know just how fucking proud and amazed I was of him. He'd come so far from the weeks following the accident when he refused PT or to do anything for himself, to wanting to return to school, to returning to basketball and fighting for his life back.

My boy wasn't giving up.

Determined to regain his life, even if only in part, he was refusing to accept defeat and a life in the chair. He knew as well as any of us he would more than likely never walk on his own, but that didn't mean he couldn't imagine the possibilities, and grab what he could take. My heart swelled as I looked at him, so exhausted and worn, practically trembling with effort as he held himself up. He often said I was his superhero, but he had distorted view of heroism, because it was my boy who was the hero.

"Grab him, Jasper. I'm going to get the chair."

Pressing my body more completely to Edward's, I wrapped my arm around his waist. Letting him rest completely against my body, I gazed at him with admiration.

"Baby, I'm so proud of you," I murmured.

Unable to resist, I curled a hand around his neck, feeling the damp ends of his hair, and then leaned forward and brushed my lips over his in feather-light touches. I could feel his sharp intake of breath as he remembered we weren't alone. Honestly, Emmett was the least of my worries. He was a nurse, and Edward's friend, he wouldn't say a word. I wanted to give Edward something he'd desired since the accident happened…to kiss standing. I wasn't even concerned with someone walking and catching us. Right then none of them mattered.

All that mattered was that Edward knew how amazing he was, and how proud I was of him.

Pulling back slightly, I put my forehead to his, and just listened to his heart race. I didn't know if it was because of my closeness, Emmett seeing us, or the fact he was standing, but regardless of the reason, it was a beautiful thing to hear. Alight with fire from the kiss, Edward's eyes held no anger or fear. I barely saw a hint of surprise as sighed softly.

Finally, Emmett spoke. "We need to put him in his chair before he collapses."

"What do you need me to do?" I asked, keeping Edward flush to me.

"Same as before. On three. One, two, three."

Repeating the motion we'd done before, Emmett and I lowered Edward into the chair, and he leaned back, panting for breath. He looked more exhausted than I'd ever seen him, even pushing up the mountain hadn't worn him out as much, but when Emmett said it was enough for the day, Edward adamantly refused. Emmett dragged his eyes to mine, meeting them for the first time since he'd witnessed me kissing his patient. Only there wasn't judgment or disgust in them. Instead I found him silently asking my opinion on whether or not Edward could do it again.

I knew he could, and I nodded to Emmett. He shook his head, as if he couldn't believe I'd agreed with Edward, but gave in and said Edward could do it one more time. Then with a mischievous glance at us, he walked over the CD player and pressed a button a few times. Curious, I leaned against the bar and waited. At first, I didn't recognize the song, but as soon as he spun around with his arms above his head, I knew it. Immediately Edward growled at him, but Emmett only chuckled.

"What? I thought you'd like this one. Don't be mad at Edward," Emmett said to me. "I asked. He didn't just blurt it out or anything."

"Asked?"

"If you were my boyfriend," Edward clarified quietly, keeping his eyes from me.

Emmett knew. He'd known even before I'd kissed Edward.

"Oh."

"Are you mad?"

"No, I'm just surprised."

Shocked actually. Edward had always been so against other people knowing about us, and he'd voluntarily told Emmett.

"It's not like I wouldn't have figured it out when you laid one on him, kid," Emmett snorted.

My face heated up, and unable to stop a smile, I let it spread. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize on my account. Kiss him all you want as long as he does what he's supposed to do." He said before tossing his water into his bag and turning to a bright red Edward. "Ready for more?"

"Yep."

Using more guts and determination than physical strength, Edward once again stood and took another three steps with our help. There were teasing words mixed in with Emmett's instructions, but he never eyed my hand resting intimately on Edward, or the way I laced our fingers together once Edward returned to his chair. If I had the freedom to touch him in front of someone, I wasn't going to hold back. It was a great learning opportunity for me, not only to find out how I could help Edward but in my thirst of knowledge about PT in general. Emmett was a wealth of information, answering my questions patiently, even quizzing me a bit before we were done. He even taught me how to remove the braces. Then he offered to show me how to massage Edward, as long as Edward was comfortable with me being in the room. I almost laughed. I'd seen Edward naked a lot more than Emmett ever would.

"I do," I answered eagerly. "I've done research on it and seen videos, but it'd be nice to see it in person."

"You've done research on therapeutic massages?" Emmett asked with a raised brow. "And here I thought you'd be like any other teenage boy and watch porn."

"He's going to college for PT or SCI research," Edward supplied before I could.

"That's great. Where?"

"Oregon State," I replied.

"Great school. A few kids I went to high school with went there. Well, let's get this done." He opened the door and walked out while I waited for Edward. I saw the grimace on his face when he went to push the chair. He was sore, and would be for days.

Emmett set his bag on the floor of Edward's bedroom and then grabbed me arm. "Jasper and I are going to raid your kitchen while you undress. Call me when you're ready."

Releasing me, he closed the door behind us. "I know he wouldn't mind you in there. Hell, I'm sure it's nothing you haven't seen before, but I don't want to make him uncomfortable because I know about you two."

Blushing, I nodded and followed him into the kitchen and tried not to think about Edward taking off his clothes. Normally when I saw Edward naked, I was free to touch him and my body was allowed to react naturally to seeing and feeling him. With Emmett in the room, I was going to have to contain my cock, and stop my eyes from roaming to places on Edward's body they shouldn't roam in the presence of someone else.

Like he lived there, Emmett opened the fridge and rummaged through it. Once he'd found the milk, he pulled it out and went right to the cupboard where the glasses were. Then he found the cookies on the counter and grabbed a few. After he returned the milk to the fridge, he turned to me.

"You're not mad at him, are you?"

"Mad?"

"For telling me about you guys."

"No. I'm surprised he did though. You're the first person he's ever told."

"Really?" He grinned. "Now I feel special. How long you two been together?"

"Two years."

"Holy shit. Long time." He tilted his head and eyed me. "You're mom doesn't know, does she?"

"No. I haven't told anyone," I lied. "He doesn't want anyone to know yet. We had planned to come out after graduation."

"Yet you kissed him in front of me. I'm not Einstein, but I was kind of bound to figure it out after that."

"I couldn't help it. I just wanted to show him how proud of him I am."

Emmett smiled and nodded. "He did great in there. It's nice to know you got his back. You'll push him, but help him. You'll be there for him."

"Always," I answered honestly. "Except…"

"What?"

"College. I'm going to OSU and Edward's going to UW. He's going to try to transfer after freshman year but for a year, we'll be apart."

"That'll be hard, but I'm sure you'll both do fine. He's strong." I nodded and stared at the floor. "You're here for him now, that's what matters."

I was about to ask how it mattered when I wouldn't be with him in a few months, but Edward called out from his room. Emmett brushed the crumbs off his shirt and motioned for me to follow him.

We entered Edward's room to find him face down on his bed with a towel covering his ass but I saw the gray band of his briefs peeking out and knew he'd left them on for me. Silently thanking him, I walked to one side of him while Emmett went to the other. Edward laid his head on the bed and before either of us had touched him, his lids were drifting closed. Emmett tossed me a small bottle.

"Lube up, sunshine," he chuckled. Blushing more than I ever had in my life, I drizzled some of the oil on my hands and rubbed them together.

"I usually start with forearms and work my way in to the center of his shoulders before switching sides. Then I concentrate on his shoulder and focus a lot on his traps, upper and middle especially. When he tenses up, those muscles tend to stay tight. Why don't you start on his right side and work your way to me. Watch how I do it."

We spent over thirty minutes massaging Edward. Emmett showed me his technique and how to tell when muscles were loose or tight, and which ones Edward used for certain motions. When we moved to his hips, Emmett removed the towel, raising a brow but never saying anything when he saw Edward was still in his underwear. I tried to focus on what Emmett was explaining about the glute muscles instead of the feeling of Edward ass under my fingers. We moved lower to his thighs and calves. Emmett's tone never changed, it was always informative and clinical, relaxing me enough that I never once felt my cock twitch even though my hands were gliding over Edward's almost naked body.

Edward moaned sleepily. I knew the signs, I saw him slipping from consciousness before Emmett did, but he wasn't surprised when we were done and Edward was snoring.

"Told you he'd be tired," Emmett said as he wiped his hands on a towel and handed it to me. "Need help moving him?"

"No, I can do it."

Emmett nodded and picked up his bag, placing it on Edward's bed, he zipped it up. "I'm not due back until Friday, but he's going to be sore tomorrow and maybe Wednesday. You might want to massage his upper arms, traps, and mid-back. He used them today more than he realizes."

"Okay, I will." He glanced at Edward one last time before heading for the door. "Hey, Emmett?" He paused at the door and turned around. "Thanks for…thanks for everything," I said quietly.

He gave me relaxed smile. "You're welcome. Take care of him."

"I will," I promised as he closed the door behind him. Turning to Edward, I took in his oil slicked skin, and suddenly wanted nothing more than to touch him again.

"Babe?" I brushed his hair off his forehead. He didn't stir. "Babe?"

Giving up, I put one knee on the bed next to him and carefully rolled him over. He moaned once, but never moved as I slid my arms under him and lifted him up. Letting him fall against me before pushing myself off the bed, I turned so I could lay him down with his head on his pillows. There was a slight smile on his face as he his head rolled to the side and I kissed his temple.

"Love you," I whispered before going to his dresser and pulling out a pair of his sweatpants and a tee shirt.

Making sure he was asleep, I left his room and darted across the hall to the bathroom. Once the door was locked, I stripped and stepped into his shower. Aiming the head nozzles upward, I turned them on and quickly lathered up and washed my hair. The hot water was soothing on my tired body as I stood in front of the spray. Wanting to return to him, I turned off the shower and got out. Using one of his towels, I dried off and got dressed in his clothes before tossing my dirty laundry in the basket and returning to his room.

Climbing onto the bed, I settled next to him, draping an arm over his middle and nuzzling my face into his neck. I watched over him, the exhaustion that had been so evident before disappeared in his sleep. His features relaxed, a serene look covered his face as he lay heavy next to me. I listened for footsteps in the hall signaling his mom or dad had returned home and when I heard noises, I raised my head, laying it back down when I realized it was only Alice. While Edward slept, I thought about what his confiding to Emmett meant. I didn't think he was ready to sit down for a heart to heart with his parents, but maybe he was starting to accept the idea of others knowing about us.

Maybe he would be okay about Bella knowing.

Just as the rhythmic beat of his heart lulled my eyes closed and I let myself recall the image of him walking, I felt his breaths speed up. Lifting my head, I was greeted by his brilliant smile. Leaning forward, I pressed my lips to his willing ones, slipping my tongue into his mouth to find his. When he invited me to deepen the kiss by angling his head, I accepted it, sweeping my tongue over his until we were both moaning into the kiss. His fingers weaved through my hair, which was still dripping onto my shoulders, and I tore my lips from his.

"You know what the best part about fighting with you is?"

"What?" he asked, trying not to smile.

"The make-up sex."

"But we're not having sex."

"Close enough," I mumbled before kissing him again. Moving onto him, I wound my arms under his shoulders and cradled his head in my hands. When his hand tangled in my hair, he pulled back.

"Why is your hair wet?"

"I showered while you were sleeping. Borrowed some of your clothes."

"I can see that."

"I'm sorry about earlier," I whispered.

"Me too. I'm sorry we fought."

"Baby," I mumbled, kissing his nose, "fighting is a part of having a relationship, but it doesn't matter because I'm all in no matter what. Fighting or not, I'm all in."

"I'm all in too, but I should have told you."

"Why didn't you?" I sighed, still hurt he hadn't wanted me to share the big moment with him.

He said he didn't want to get my hopes up only to see him fail, and I had to remind him I don't care if he fails, but he said it was different now, and in a way I couldn't imagine it probably was. Failure for me and failure for him took on two different meanings now, and for some reason he thought failing meant so much more than it did. For him, it had taken on a life of its own, a battle to be won, and he wanted to win it before he shared the victory with me. It was hard to understand, and it hurt a little, but I respected his reasoning.

When he asked why I'd come over, I admitted I couldn't stop thinking about him at practice. Then it was my turn to ask him a question. "Babe, why did you tell Emmett?"

"He asked me if you were my boyfriend, and I felt bad lying to him. It was different than just coming out because he directly asked me. It's not like I just blurted it out."

"So if your dad or someone else asked, you would tell them?" I asked, hoping like hell he was going to understand what I was about to tell him. It was a risk, he could kick my ass out, understand, or freak out entirely. I was hoping after his conversation with Emmett, he was going to be more accepting of Bella.

"I don't know. I guess so."

"That's good, because I need to tell you something," I said softly, sitting up. Unable to look at him, I stared at his bare abs. There was a thick silence filled with his growing anxiousness, and he reached for me, taking my hand in his and drawing my eyes back to his. My heart raced and I licked my dry lips before speaking.

"Bella knows."

His physical reaction was immediate. Worry filled his eyes, his lips parted in surprise, and his face grew tight when his brows met in the middle. I could even see his chest rising and falling quicker as his own heart raced to match mine.

"How?" he choked out.

Chewing on my lip, I tried to organize my thoughts before telling him. "At the game she asked me if I had a crush on you. She caught me off guard, and I didn't say anything. Then she said, she wouldn't tell you, and I told her you already knew." More nervous with each word I said, my voice was barely audible when I finished.

"What did she say?"

"Not much, she was surprised, but seemed okay. She made me promise to call her, so I did. She asked when we got together and stuff. I told her you never cheated on her, that you cared for her. She was hurt you didn't tell her, but she really seemed okay with it."

"Oh God," he groaned. Looking paler than usual, he put an arm around his stomach.

I was already in trouble, so I figured I might as well continue. "She asked if we were in love, and I said yes. When I asked how she knew, she said the same thing Alice had about looks and stuff. She said she doesn't think anyone else knows though."

His hand never left mine, but his thumb had stopped rubbing the back of it as he digested what I'd told him. Letting out a trembling breath, he focused on our hands. I cupped his cheek, hoping the more places were touching, connecting, it would ease his worry. Then I tried it with words.

"Babe, I swear, she's not mad or anything."

"I should have been the one to tell her," he sighed.

He was right. Bella was his ex-girlfriend, and telling her he and I were involved should have come from him, but she hadn't asked him, she asked me. "I know. But you couldn't lie to Emmett, and I couldn't lie to Bella. It just felt wrong," I tried to explain.

My heart broke the second he turned his head away and clenched his eyes. He was beyond tired, and processing the information I'd just hold him wasn't easy when exhaustion wasn't overwhelming his body. Quietly, I begged him not to be mad at me, and he assured me he wasn't, he had just wished I hadn't told her.

"Why did you kiss me in front of Emmett?" he asked suddenly.

I couldn't help but smile. Finally a question I could answer. "Because I was so fucking proud of you, so happy for you, that I didn't give a shit who saw us. Hell, I probably would have kissed you in front of your dad. Besides, I knew as nurse he wouldn't say anything to anyone."

"He won't," he promised. His features lost some of their stress, his eyes were half closed as he looked up at me drowsily.

"Are we okay?" I asked, brushing my fingers down his cheek.

"Yeah, we're okay," he murmured right before our lips met in a brief kiss. As soon as he relaxed into the kiss, I knew he was okay, _we_ were okay, and Bella and Emmett knowing would be okay.

Then it was time to give him more bad news.

"I can't drive you to practice on Thursday, I've got a track meet, and I can't miss a meet or else I don't qualify for States. Can your mom drive you?"

"Probably."

"Sorry, baby," I whispered, leaning over and putting my forehead to his. Just as I went to kiss him, we heard footsteps stop at his closed door and I sat back. His mother asked if I was staying for dinner, and I looked hopefully at Edward. I didn't want him to send me to home so soon. He said yes and I kissed him.

We spent the rest of the night together, eating dinner with his mom and Alice, rubbing my foot along the side of his discreetly under the table as we listened to Alice's stories. After dinner, we did homework. I even read our English homework aloud as he played with the drying waves of my hair. When his mother knocked on the door, I bolted upright, the bed bouncing with my quick motion before she opened it. She announced she couldn't drive Edward to practice, so I suggested Riley. Edward texted him and received a reply just as I started to read again. Even before I asked, I knew Edward would be worried about driving with someone else, someone new.

Hours later, I finally crawled out of his bed and shoved my feet into my sneakers. And finally, after a long kiss goodbye, I peeled myself from him and made my way to the truck, fighting everything in me that was telling me to run back inside. Somehow I made it home, said hi to my parents and rolled my eyes when they pretended to not know who I was. After answering some questions and refusing leftovers for dinner, I went to my room, kicking off my shoes before flopping onto my bed and pulling out my phone.

I knew he would be too tired for much conversation, but I only needed to hear his breaths in my ear. I offered to sing him to sleep, choosing "Blackbird" because Edward had taken his broken wings and learned to fly.

And could my boy fly.

With stupid smile on my face, I sang, listening to his breaths grow heavier with each line of the song. By the time I finished the second time, he was sound asleep, and I rested the phone on my ear and closed my eyes. Still dressed in his clothes, I inhaled his faint scent and feel asleep right behind him.

"**~~**"

The physics book and the paper I should have been writing my answers down on sat on the same bleacher where my feet were perched. Luckily I didn't have much homework, but what I did have would probably remain undone. School had been much better, there was no tension between Edward and me. In fact, I had to fight the urge to touch him every second he was near and wondered if he fought the same battle I did. Bella didn't seem to notice the way Edward studied her more closely, but she did eye me when I had a conversation with Newton and actually smiled. Never once did she let on to anyone that Edward and I weren't what we appeared. So far, she was keeping her word.

Shifting my weight, I watched as Edward shot from his sweet spot. My eyes tracked the ball as it sailed through the air and bounced off the rim. Immediately, I looked back at Edward, but didn't find a defeated look on his face. He knew why his shooting was off. He was still sore from PT, and was to be expected given the amount of effort it had taken for him. At school when he had mentioned his arms ached, I'd offered to push him, but when he glared at me I quickly retracted the offer. His warm body had been pressed to mine for the entire ride to practice, his hand on my thigh, his head on my shoulder until we pulled into the parking lot. Smiling and joking, he joined his teammates and I headed for my usual spot on the bleachers. As soon as I heard Sam call out shirts versus skins, my eyes shot up from my homework and I never looked at it again.

In pain or not, Edward navigated the chair through the warm-up drills and scrimmage. He grimaced a few times, and other than missing his shots, you would never know his upper body was sore. Leaning back on the bleachers, I watched Edward, and occasionally Riley. Normally, my attention was entirely on Edward, especially when he was shirtless, but he and Riley stuck pretty close throughout practice, and where there was one, there was the other. It was all with good reason, Riley was a post and Edward was starting point guard. Edward took advantage of Riley's long arms and passed to him a lot. After Edward's third missed shot, Riley approached him, leaning over and saying something in his ear, but they both came away laughing. While the erection straining against my jeans was strictly as a result of my boy, I had to admit Riley was fucking easy on the eyes. He had that all-American-boy-next-door thing going on that surely got the girls' attention as it had Bella and Alice. Though the more I watched him, I began to wonder if Bella and Alice were just wasting their energy.

As Edward pushed the chair backward across the court effortlessly, I watched the way his new body worked. I used to know everything about him – mentally and physically – but now sometimes he was a different person in a different body, but that was okay, because I loved all of him. Still, sometimes I wondered if someone else could understand those new pieces of him I couldn't yet. Someone like Riley.

Especially Riley.

Like Edward, Riley had been an athlete whose promising future had been cut short.

Hell, everyone on that team could relate to Edward better than I could, understand a part of him I never would. He would forever share a bond with them that we couldn't.

There were the outbursts of worry or frustration or irrational fear over failure that seemed to come from nowhere, and I would have to wrap my mind around his reasoning, sympathize with him without pitying him. It was a line I would gladly walk for the rest of my life, but I couldn't help but wonder if someone like Riley would even have to walk the line, or would he already innately understand everything Edward was going through and felt.

Edward called for the ball, drawing my attention from my thoughts and back to him…and his shirtless body. His arms reached out and caught the pass from Colin, immediately raising his arms above his head, sending the ball toward the net with a flick of his wrist.

My cock twitched and began to ache from pressing against the buttons of my Levi's. I hoped going commando would be worth the marks I was going to permanently have because I swore there were going to be imprints from the buttons on my skin. Practice couldn't end soon enough. I needed to get Edward alone in the truck. I needed his hands on me. Watching the rest of the scrimmage, I counted down the minutes, almost cheering when Sam said they were done for the night. I met Edward by the door, growling at him when he yanked his shirt on over his head as he rolled down the hallway.

"Not sure why you're doing that, I'm just going to make you take it off in the truck," I warned him with a pout. He chuckled, but pulled the hem of the shirt down to his sweatpants. His hair was in damp clumps around his forehead and the nape of his neck as he wiped a towel over his face. Eagerly, I followed him down the ramp and across the parking lot. It was the longest, and most uncomfortable, walk of my life.

At the truck, he opened his door and tossed his bag on the floor. I caught up to him, ignoring his raised brow when he noticed the bulge in my crotch. I threw my backpack into the truck and then slipped my arms under him, lifting him out of the chair. It was a well practiced position, his arms going around my neck, his head on my shoulder, his legs dangling over my arm.

"You smell good," I groaned as I sat him on the seat before closing his door and pushing the chair to the back of the truck. Once it was secured in the bed, I climbed into the cab and didn't waste time starting the engine. I immediately crawled to his side and straddled his lap, feeling like a livewire every time he touched me. Even the feather-light fingertips grazing along the skin of my back was enough to send shivers down my spine. My heart raced, blood flowed from my brain and my cock felt like it was going to shoot without being touched.

It wouldn't be the first time.

I could feel Edward's body vibrate with his chuckle when I mumbled in his ear and realized my accent had slipped. It was normally pretty slight, occasionally the drawl would unintentionally work its way through me, other times I used it because I knew how much he liked it. When he asked in a teasing voice what I wanted, as if he didn't know, I mumbled against his wet lips.

"Touch me, baby."

One of his hands remained splayed on my back while his other slid down my side, leaving goose bumps in its wake. I was shaking by the time he pushed the first button on my jeans through the hole. My breaths were short with anticipation by the time the second one was freed. When he went to work the next button, he felt the lack of underwear and his eyes shot to mine.

"Commando?"

"Just trying to save some time, babe," I excused before kissing him hard. His fingers remained on the third button as I distracted him with my tongue. Moving my hips on his lap, I moaned, pleading him to continue. Just one more button and he would be smearing the fluid from my slit.

"Please…"

I don't know who reacted to the horn first. I couldn't be sure whether he threw me off him or I jumped, but I ended up on the other side of the cab with my chest heaving and the head of my cock poking out from my half undone jeans. Shocked, I looked at Edward with his shirt still bunched up around his chest. Reaching over, I went to pull it down for him but he slapped my hand away. I still hadn't dared to look out his window and see who was there.

After a few deep breaths and running his hand through his hair, Edward rolled down his window. Both our eyes fell on the knowing grin Riley was giving us both.

"Well, hello," he chuckled from his van. He had been in a car, he might not have been able to see me sitting next to Edward, but the van was level with us. Edward and I had been pretty oblivious. Riley could have been watching us for minutes before he's honked his horn.

"Hey, what's up?" Edward asked, desperately trying to sound casual. If his breathlessness hadn't given us away, me pulling my shirt back down and struggling to button my jeans over my erection definitely did. From his position, Riley could clearly see me, and what I was doing.

Riley laughed, "Seems like I should be asking you that question."

And with those words, he confirmed he knew, that he'd seen us. Edward sighed as he realized the same thing I did. Now four people knew about us. Riley said he wanted to make sure everything was okay with Edward because he'd seemed out of it at practice. Gradually Edward calmed and they made plans for Thursday. Then Riley leaned forward, his gaze moving from Edward to me. I saw the twinkle in his eyes as he glanced down at my crotch. Even though I was dressed, I felt uncomfortable and exposed.

"Night, Jasper." He smirked.

"Night," I returned.

"See ya, Cullen."

"Bye," Edward answered, giving Riley a small wave before rolling up the window.

"Shit, shit, shit…shit. Shit," Edward growled.

I wanted to reach for him, but settled for trying to console him. "Babe, it's fine. He won't say anything."

"You don't know that," he snapped.

"You're right, I don't. But I know he's your friend, and as your friend, I think if you asked him not to say anything, he wouldn't."

His chin dropped to his chest and he sighed. "We're getting too careless."

Were we? Was it careless to make out with your boyfriend in parked truck? Would it have been careless if I'd been a girl? We weren't careless, we were in love and excited about being alone and able to touch each other. What was careless about that?

"We're getting married," I argued. "You're my fiancé, I want to be able to touch you when I want." I wasn't angry but my voice was husky from the frustrated arousal still flowing through me. Reaching across, he took my hand and said he knew I hated hiding.

He wasn't completely accurate. It wasn't that I hated it, it was that I loved him more.

"I don't hate it," I sighed, weaving a hand through my still tangled hair. "I just don't mind people knowing I'm in love with you. I'm proud you're mine, baby, I want to show you off, but I'll wait until you're ready."

I patted the chair and started the truck, waiting until his body was next to mine before I backed up.

"This is going to be an awkward ride to practice on Thursday."

"Maybe not. He seemed pretty cool with it."

"Fuck, I hope so."

He was silent almost the entire way home, only answering the questions I asked about homework or if he was sore from practice. By the way he sank into me, I could tell his body was relaxed, but knew his mind was still churning with worry. The more I thought about what had happened, the more a smile teased the corners of my lips. After my possible realization about Riley at practice, I wondered if he'd already known about Edward and me. Maybe him catching us was good. Just in case I was right about him, I was glad he knew Edward was taken.

_Very_ taken.

We pulled into Edward's driveway, and he sighed, not lifting his head. "Babe, I know you're worried about being the fag in the wheelchair, but do you really think Riley would say something like that when he's in a chair himself?" He shook his head. "I think it'll be okay." I tried to assure him.

"He's my closest friend on the team. I don't want to fuck up the friendship because I'm gay."

"I know, baby."

Finally, he lifted his head and looked at me. His eyes were storming, much like they did when he battled the mysterious force I couldn't see. The green darkened from leafy to a forest at midnight as his emotions raged behind them. I kissed his forehead.

"Let's get you inside." He nodded and sat upright to slide across the seat. By the time I opened his door, he was there waiting. Scooping him up, I lifted him and after a short kiss, placed him in the chair. He reached in for his bag and put it on his lap. Before he turned away from me, I took his hand in mine. "I'll call when I get home. Be safe, baby."

"See ya soon, love," he said quietly. Looking up, he gave me a small nod and an even smaller smile, then released my hand and headed for the ramp. I watched until he was in the house and the door closed behind him. It was several minutes later I pushed off the truck and got inside.

The drive home was quick, probably because I sped, and I practically ran inside. The sooner I was changed, the sooner I could talk to Edward. As soon as I was done, I looked at the time and realized it was too soon to call him, he wouldn't be ready for bed yet. Instead, I sat at my computer.

My backpack remained on the floor next to my bed as I checked my email, replied to one from Jake and updated him on Edward's PT. I'd hoped he was on to chat but he was offline. Once I was done, I skimmed my other emails and debated on logging into WOW, but decided not to. Glancing at the time, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed Edward.

"Hey," he answered, already sounding better than when I'd dropped him off.

"Hey, baby," I whispered, "you okay?"

"Yeah. I took a shower and thought about it and if he can't deal, he can't deal. I'll just ask him to not tell anyone. I think it will be okay."

I rolled onto my back, laying my head on my pillows. Ignoring what he'd said, I concentrated on something way more important. "A shower, huh? Do tell. I want all the soapy details."

He chuckled and I heard him settling on his bed. "Well, I started off by turning on the water…"

"Mmm, fucking hot."

"Yeah, it was. Then I poured shower gel on the sponge."

"Oh, baby, you say the sexiest things."

"Just wait until I tell you how I washed my hair."

I groaned and cupped myself. Honestly, he could have read me the fucking phonebook and I would have gotten off to it. I made him repeat the part when he was all lathered up and washed between his legs. I never actually stroked myself, but I'd been tempted to more than once. Eventually, I propped up my phone and listened to his breaths while I sang him to sleep.

The only thing that would have made it more perfect was if he'd been next to me while I sang.

"**~~**"

Resting my head against the seat, I stared blankly out the window. John was blasting in my ears, singing about wanting a revolution as I watched the blur of trees as we passed. My teammates were crowded around me, but after glaring sharply at a few, I'd been left alone in my seat. The bus hit a bump, jostling me in the seat and reminding why I drove myself to school every day. Resting my arm on my duffle bag next to me and wedging my knees up against the back of the seat in front of me, I ignored the warning look from kid sitting in it and closed my eyes. The two hour drive would give me enough time to nap, enough time to remember my time at Edward's the day before.

After getting out of practice early, I went straight to Edward's, determined to spend every second I could with him. Somehow we ended up baking chocolate chip cookies, and while they were in the oven, I had found the best way to spend the time.

"C'mere," I said to him as I shoved my pants down around my knees.

Rolling to me, he stopped when our legs touched and I turned, sitting on his lap with my bare back to his chest. I didn't have to tell him what I wanted, he knew. He always knew. While I writhed, he yanked my underwear over my cock, releasing it in its semi-hard state. I gasped when his warm fingers wrapped around me, and within a few pumps, I was hard and thrusting into his fist.

"Harder," I panted, "faster."

Touching me just how I liked, with a jerk of his wrist so his palm cupped the head every few strokes, he worked me to a frenzied state. Then he put his magical lips at my ear and asked me how I got so horny.

Fucking stupid question but I answered him anyway.

"You," I breathed, bucking up over and over to meet his grip.

"You like me touching you? You like being naked on me?"

Another stupid question.

Unable to contain my groans, I released them, filling the room with wanton sounds. Edward kissed me, sticking his tongue in my mouth to quiet me, and it worked, except it made me come. Lacking all rhythm, my hips met his hand and my cock exploded onto my abs and his hand, coating us both. I broke the kiss, shut my eyes and rode it out as my body took over. Spasms wracked me until I fell stated against him. His hand continued to pump me as I thanked him.

It was muffled, but we could hear the buzzer from the oven. Not wanting the cookies to burn, I jumped off Edward. He went to take them out while I dressed. I met him in the kitchen and moved the cookies to the cooling rack. Grabbing a few sodas, I handed him one and jumped up onto the island. Opening my can, I took a long sip, watching Edward maneuver the chair in the remodeled kitchen. Even with the extra space, he still bumped into the trash can.

I asked him about the braces and why he'd decided to try them. It was sooner than most were allowed to use them, but given Edward's physical condition before the accident, it had taken less time to build up his strength. Before he answered me completely, he told me to follow him into his room where he booted up his laptop. I sat on the edge of his bed, close enough to smell him. Once the computer was running, he glanced over his shoulder at me.

"Promise you won't laugh?"

"I swear," I vowed. Turning back to the computer, he opened the browser and went to his bookmarks, clicking on the last one on the long list. A site opened and I scanned it.

There was a picture of an Asian man in a lab coat in the corner under the title of Miracle Worker of China. Confused, I skimmed the text, and the testimonies of various people claiming they went into the doctor's office in a chair and came out walking. It promised cures for those suffering from paralysis or pain. Like the infomercials on late at night, it was filled with giving people false ideas about what was possible. It fed off their hope and dreams in order to get money.

My boy was smarter than that. He knew lies when he saw them, but…it was different now. He was more susceptible to believing because he wanted to so very badly. Who wouldn't want to find out there's a cure for them, no matter how farfetched it might be. There was nothing more wrong than profiting from the hope of people, and while I knew Edward knew it was a bunch of bullshit, the little boy in him, the one who had believed in Santa until he was thirteen, wanted to believe in this too.

And how could I fault him for that?

"A miracle worker?"

He lowered his head and his eyes, staring at his still legs as he spoke. "I need to try everything, Jasper. I'd give anything to be whole again. Since this happened, I've dreamed of one thing, walking on the stage at school to get my diploma, and that isn't going to happen. Fuck, they probably won't even have a ramp for me to fucking wheel myself up."

Dropping to my knees in front of him, I put my hands on his lap. My heart ached for him, for what he'd lost, what he would never know and experience. "I know, Edward, but you know this isn't the way."

"I just thought…I don't know, maybe I deserved a miracle. I'm a good kid, right?"

Blinking away the tears, I squeezed his legs, willing him to believe in himself as much as I did. "Aw, baby, you're a wonderful and perfect, and if anyone deserves a miracle, it's you." Leaning forward, I kissed him, leaving behind salty tears on his lips before sitting back on my calves.

"Do you think things happen for a reason?" he asked, wiping the tear running down his cheek.

"Yeah. If things didn't happen for a reason, then how would we explain my parents moving from Texas all the way up here, and you and me in biology together, and falling in love? We were destined to find each other," I answered.

He sighed, frustration coating his words. "Then why did this happen to me? What's the reason? I was on this forum and there was a story about a kid who was in a car accident and brain damaged. Under that post were others that said maybe he deserved it because he was gay."

"Edwa—"

"Maybe I deserved this too," he interrupted softly.

"Baby, why would think that?" I took his hand in mine.

"Because I'm a sin. I mean, our families aren't big church goers, but we know the basics, we believe in God, and what you and I are is wrong," he said quietly.

There was no way my boy was a sin, or that what we felt and did was wrong. Love like ours could never wrong.

My parents had raised me to believe in God, we'd attended church pretty regularly in Texas, everyone did, but it wasn't the only thing we lived by. Since realizing I was gay, I'd spent many nights lying on my bed in my darkened room questioning God about my attraction to Peter. I'd heard the sermons on Sundays, I knew what most people thought about homosexuals, but I'd been taught by my parents to have faith in a God who accepted and loved all his children, including me. God never answered my questions, I always woke up the next morning wondering the same thing, but over time I began to realize it was okay.

I wasn't a mistake. I wasn't a sin.

And neither was Edward. He was the most perfect being ever created, he was air and life and the sun all wrapped into one living angel.

"It's not wrong and you know it. Some people might think so, but I believe in a God who made us all different for a reason. He made us like this, he must accept it, and if some people don't, that's their problem."

"Then why did this happen to me if I'm a good person?" His eyes remained on his lap and the tears dropped from them onto our hands.

He was asking questions I couldn't answer, but the desperation in his eyes told me I had to at least try. "Baby, you're a beautiful person. You're not a sin, and neither am I. But I don't know why this happened to you. I wish I did so I could fix it, but don't you dare think for one second you did anything to deserve this. Sometimes things just happen. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"I just want to be a man again," he confessed, slowly bringing his wet eyes to mine.

"You are. You're more man than anyone I know. Look what you've accomplished already. This new body, playing basketball, standing and taking few steps, and it's only been five months. Just imagine what you will be doing in another five." I reached up and touched his lips, his perfect lips, with my thumb. Someone like Edward should never doubt themselves. "You're amazing, Edward. You were amazing before the accident and you're more amazing now. If it'd been me, I never could have done what you have. You deserve a miracle, but you know you won't get it by flying to some doctor in China."

"I know," he mumbled, almost averting his eyes in shame for having considered it. "After the other day, I just want to walk on that stage so bad."

"Maybe you can with the braces," I offered. I knew it wasn't likely, but there was no way I was going to tell him that. The hope that had been dashed with realizing the doctor in China was nothing but scam needed to be rebuilt. Hope for Edward was a fragile thing, something easily crushed and hard to restore.

"You saw how hard walking fucking three steps was. And that was with two guys holding me. Graduation is less than a month away. I'll never be able to walk that far by then."

Moving to my knees, I pulled Edward into a hug. "I'll do whatever I need to do to make sure you walk on that stage, baby," I promised into his ear. He buried his face into my neck, gripping me with what strength he had as he clung to the bit of hope I was offering.

I would make sure Edward walked onto that stage even if I had to sell my soul to the devil to make it happen.

"Love you," he murmured into my hair.

"Love you too," I whispered. I loved him so much it scared me sometimes, but as long as he was with me, I was okay with being scared. "Ready for some awesome cookies?"

Before I could daydream about the second make-out session we'd had that night, or the way he'd smiled at me across the dinner table when I stayed to eat spaghetti with them, my phone vibrated in my hand. Prying my eyes open, I looked down to see a text message and smiled.

_Hey __love, kick ass at the meet_

_Thanks babe__. I was just thinking about you. _

_Was I dressed?_

Like he didn't know.

_Never._

_What are you wearing?_

I snorted at his text and replied. _Don't tempt me bb._

_Take all my fun away. Good luck today. __Love you. _

_Thanks. __Love you too. have a good practice_

_I'll try. __Don't worry, I won't hold his hand. _

_Better not *wink*_

Smiling like the lovesick fool I was, I held my phone a little tighter, hoping it would make me feel closer to him in some abstract way. Returning my gaze to the scenery outside the window, I remembered Edward asking me if I was jealous of Riley.

We'd been on our way to gym when I asked if he was okay going with Riley, and he assured me he'd be fine. Then he asked if I was jealous. It was almost a laughable question, because I had no doubt about Edward's feelings for me. But I had to tease him anyway, and by the time we reached the locker room, we were chuckling over Riley's pop star good looks. I stopped and leaned against the wall, giving Edward my best come hither look. He was like a moth to the flame and pushed the chair until our legs were almost touching. Bending over, I whispered in his ear.

"I know where your heart lies, baby, and I won't ever doubt that."

But I wasn't entirely honest with Edward when he asked if I was jealous. I was jealous, but not for the reason he thought.

I was jealous because someone else was doing my job, someone else, no matter how temporary his part, was taking care of Edward when I had declared myself the only one fit for that position. Rationally I knew that role was ultimately filled by his parents, but there were so many times they weren't around, or didn't understand what he needed. Even if it was only for a few hours, Edward was relying on someone else, and that was why I was jealous. I wanted it to be me he was sitting next to, I wanted it to me he walked into the building with. No one else knew Edward like I did. Riley wouldn't know Edward needed to hear the Beatles to keep him calm, or that he drank extra water after practice but not during. It was the small, stupid details that defined us, that made Edward and I what we were.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I reminded myself I better get used to the feeling, because come September, Edward would be six hours away from me, and some random roommate would be helping him get through his days while all I got was a phone call or text message. I'd never dreaded the end of summer so much before. Stubbornly refusing to think about it, I flipped my playlist to the music Edward had put on there for me and laughed when "Mickey" began to play. Shaking my head, I closed my eyes and listened to the high pitched voice.

Someone was shaking me and I was about to rip their hand off when I remembered where I was. Snapping my head upright, I pulled an earbud out and looked up to see one of my teammates standing in the aisle of the bus.

"Hey, Whitlock, you plan on racing today or what?"

"Yeah," I sighed as I worked out the kink in my neck and stood up.

Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I unzipped it and slipped my phone inside before moving into the aisle and following my team off the bus. I glanced around, taking in the grandstands and new track. The infield grass was the greenest I'd ever seen and the equipment was all new. It was perfect except for one thing.

Edward wasn't there.

Sighing, I marched down the hill to the track with the rest of the team, nodding to a few competitors I'd raced against before. Adrenaline started pumping through me as we made our way to the warm-up area. Even if my mind wasn't there, my body knew what was coming, and what it had to do. Stripping off my sweatshirt and sweatpants, I stretched and then went on a quarter mile jog.

All the teams gathered in the infield for a brief meeting before being sent to their individual events. I cheered on Fork's hurdlers, cringing when someone from Elma tripped and fell near the finish line, blood dripping from their knees when he stood up. With my earbuds in and "Eye of the Tiger" on repeat, I watched a few kids from my team win their hundred meter heats. Then it was time for my eight hundred. Taking off my phone, I put it my bag and walked over to where the other racers were gathered, including the kid from La Push.

There was the typical smack talking and joking going on. I jumped up and down, loosening myself up before we were called to the starting line. I was in the furthest outside lane, my least favorite spot, but I made my way to the lane and waited. The official readied us and the gun went off. Bolting forward, I quickly settled into my early pace. I liked being on the inside so I could see my competition and didn't have to cross the width of the track after the first turn. I could hear distant cheering and closer footsteps behind me. Without looking back, I lengthened my stride and began to work across the track to the inside. Focusing on nothing but the horizon in front of me, I breathed and listened to the slap of my feet on the ground.

We completed the first lap and were halfway through the second when I could tell from the screams of my teammates, someone was gaining on me.

"Damn it," I mumbled and sped up.

As we neared the final turn and last two hundred meters, I glanced over my shoulder for the first time and saw the kid from La Push only about ten meters behind me. His fans drove him forward with loud cheers. Digging down deep inside me, I pushed ahead, somehow quickening my pace. My arms pumped rhythmically, matching my strides as we exited the last turn and headed for the finish line. Twenty meters and I went even faster. Behind me I heard panting, but I refused to look and see how close he was.

Then to the applause of an enthused crowd, I crossed the finish line a few strides ahead. Immediately, I came to a slow walk, lacing my hands behind my head and taking in deep breaths. My heart quickly returned to its resting rate as I checked in with the official and got my time. It was half a second slower than my best, but it was well below qualifying time.

After accepting a few congratulations from my teammates, I sat in the infield and listened to music, watching the other events and missing Edward until it was time for my 1,600 meter race. We were called to the starting line and I surveyed my competition, which wasn't much.

It would be an easy mile for me.

The gun went off and I pulled to the front, easing into my distance pace. By the time the first lap was done, everyone was a few hundred meters behind me, a lead I extended with every lap until I crossed the finish line well ahead of everyone else and under the time I needed to be. My body was so used to running that pace for seven or eight miles at a time that running one was like a walk to the mailbox. As I walked off the track, I felt empty not having my boy there to celebrate with me.

When the meet ended, we all shuffled back to the bus and I sat in my seat alone again. Pulling out my phone, I returned to The Beatles playlist and checked the time. Edward was probably on his way to practice, but I sent him a text anyway.

_Won both races, love you _

I knew he wouldn't reply right away but I sighed anyway and held my phone. We were barely out of the parking lot before my eyes were closing.

Next thing I remembered was my coach waking me up. We were in the parking lot of Forks High and it was almost dark out. Glancing down at my phone, I saw no messages and grabbed my bag, got off the bus and headed for my truck.

At home, I emptied my bag, threw in a load of laundry, took a shower and even did my homework. Each task was a slight distraction while I waited for Edward to get home and call. I even ate dinner with my parents, caught them up on Edward's progress, though I didn't tell them about the braces. That was Edward's victory to share, not mine. My mother, still dressed in her scrubs, handed me two pieces of mail.

Putting my fork down, I picked up the top envelope, confused at the return address. "What do they want?"

"I don't know, why don't you open it," she chuckled.

Ripping the envelope, I scanned the letter.

"Well?" my father asked.

"Dear Mr. Whitlock, I have heard of your quest to run a half marathon event in order to raise money for the Cullen family. I would like to offer my apology to what happened when you were here, please accept my donation of a thousand dollars. I would also like to inform you we've begun to make the necessary changes to our restaurant to assure we can service all our customers. I value the community and want to continue to serve everyone in it. Thank you for bringing it to my attention and I hope you will return here in the future to see the improvements I have made. Sincerely, Ron Brado, owner Ronaldo''s Restaurant."

"Wow," my mother said. "Guess you made an impression on them."

"Or my letter to the editor did."

"Whatever works," my father chimed. "What is your total now?"

"About eight thousand. I'm hoping for a big donation from the hospital."

"Eight thousand? Jasper, that's awesome. When is the race?"

"Second weekend in June I think. I've got to start running more if I want to make it thirteen miles."

"As if you wouldn't," my mother snorted. When I looked at her, she continued. "There is no way you would let yourself not make it, not with so much on the line. You would run yourself into the ground before you would not finish."

She was right, but I still wanted to know I could make it thirteen miles before I actually raced it.

"Open the one from OSU," my father said, motioning to the other envelope.

Biting my lip, I tore it open and read the letter before telling them what it said. "They thanked me for accepting their offer, enclosed a few forms I need to fill out for housing and meal plans and visiting for orientation. They are pleased to have me as a member of the class of 2014."

When I looked up, they were both beaming at me, a combination of pride and relief filled their happy gazes. My mother took the letter and read it over, then looked over the forms as well.

"We can decide on these later," she said as she folded them up and handed them to my dad.

He whistled as he read it. "A full scholarship. Jasper, that is something to be damn proud of."

I gave him a weak smile and nodded. I was proud, it just wasn't what I wanted. Finishing my steak, I pushed my plate aside. "I need to go finish up some homework."

Standing, I cleared my plates and took the letter and check from Rolando's and brought it into my room where I stuffed it into the envelope I kept all the donations in. On the front, I added the amount to the running total.

I still needed about twenty two thousand more in less than a few weeks. I was never going to get it. Defeated, I fell onto my bed and checked the time. Edward would be home in about ten minutes. Turning onto my stomach, I folded my arms up and laid my head on them. It was the longest ten minutes of my life. I had just started to fall asleep when I heard "Let it Be". Whipping upright, I grabbed my phone off the table.

"Hey, baby," I sighed. Everything was quickly okay again.

"Hey, love," he said, and I could hear the relief in his voice. He was just as happy to hear me as I was him. "I got your message. Congratulations. Sorry I wasn't there to see it."

"Me too. How was practice?" I lay back down, moving to my pillows and crossing my feet. With my free hand, I picked at my blanket.

"Tiring. We've got our second game on Saturday, so Sam went over plays to get us ready for it."

"Saturday, huh?"

"Yeah. Can you go?" he asked quietly.

"Just try and stop me," I smiled. "Where is it?"

"Port Angeles, and it's late, not until five. I guess the other team is coming and spending the night."

"Cool. Maybe we can make a day of it? Hang around the city. Maybe I can treat my boy to lunch…"

"Mmm, that sounds really nice. I'd like that."

"Have you done your routine yet?"

"No, I wanted to call you first. Want to come with me while I go to the bathroom?"

"Are you trying to seduce me?" I chuckled.

He was silent as he moved around, probably getting a kit. In the bathroom, he put me on speakerphone while he did his routine. I told him more about the track meet and beating the kid from La Push again. He told me about a new play they practiced. Back in his room, I listened to him as he changed into his pajamas, his soft grunts as he rolled side to side to pull up his pants. Once he was settled in bed, he put the phone back to his ear.

"I've got some good news," I told him.

"What?"

"I got a check today from Ronaldo's for a thousand dollars for the race."

"Seriously?"

"Yep. They sent a letter saying they were making changes to their restaurant."

"That's great. See, love, you're changing the world."

"One restaurant at a time," I laughed. He sighed again, sounding exhausted. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, just tired."

"Ready for a song?"

"Yes, please," he moaned. I waited while he got comfortable, and then began.

_Oh yeah, I´ll tell you something  
I think you'll understand  
When I say that something  
I wanna hold your hand  
I wanna hold your hand _

He sang the second verse with me, making his voice go really high and sending me into a fit of laughter. When we both calmed down, I began to sing "Imagine". He was quiet, his breaths growing heavy as I lulled him to sleep. Finishing the song, I laid the phone against my ear and closed my eyes.

"Love you, baby," I whispered before joining him in sleep.

"**~~**"

"So what do you want for lunch?" I asked as we drove down East 1st Street. Edward was right next to me, leaning forward so he could see the names of the places as we went by. He looked fucking hot with his freshly washed hair and dark glasses sitting on his perfect nose.

He looked less tired than he had when I'd left his house the night before. School had gone as usual and as soon as practice ended, I was driving to Edward's, expecting to find Edward on the parallel bars, but I found him and Emmett both in the driveway shooting basketball. Emmett left shortly after, and Edward and I were completely alone. We found ourselves in the shower, me naked and writhing on his lap as I jerked off, stroking both our dicks until mine exploded.

"A few more inches and you could slip inside me," I murmured in his ear as I shifted my hips, "You're already lubed."

His eyes closed and I thought for a few seconds he might actually be considering my offer. His nails dug into my hips as he eased me closer to his growing erection, stopping just short. We kissed deeply, languidly, tenderly until it was time to get out.

While I'd planned on sleeping over, when it got near ten, I gave him a long kiss goodbye and thanked him for showering with me. He was surprised, but didn't argue with me when I said he needed sleep. I wanted nothing more than to curl up next to him in bed and let his heartbeat coax me to sleep, but we both knew how that would end up.

In a late night of blowjobs and making out.

So instead, I made my way home and fell into my bed alone. I didn't sleep alone though, Edward's sleepy breaths were in my ear all night long.

That morning I'd arrived at Edward's before he was even dressed in his sweatpants and team warm up jersey. We ate breakfast and told his parents we would meet them at the game. Bella was coming, but she was getting a ride from Newton, who was also bringing Eric and Angela. Edward and I had purposely neglected to tell them we were going early. After loading all the stuff into the truck, we got in and headed east.

"Pizza," Edward announced, pointing to a place on our left set back from the road. It was a small stucco building with neon posters plastered in the large windows.

"Sounds good," I agreed and pulled into the parking lot.

Finding the closest space that wasn't marked handicapped, I shifted into park and got out of the cab to get the chair. Lifting him into it, we made our way to the front door, which I held for him, and approached the counter. It was a perfect height for me to rest my elbows on, but Edward couldn't even see the person standing behind it. He didn't seem to mind, and let me order us a sausage pizza and two sodas. I paid and then followed Edward across the red and white checkered floor to a table in the corner. I moved one of the table's chairs so he could pull right up to the table. He took off his glasses and hung them on the collar of his jersey.

"I'm hungry," I said, pushing his soda over to him.

"Me too."

We looked out the window and saw a few people walking by. The town was small, but much larger than Forks. I wanted to reach across and take his hand, but rather than make him uncomfortable, I settled for enjoying when my knee bumped into his. Excited about the game, Edward took a napkin and drew a few new plays for me, showing me how they were supposed to work. I listened while he talked but my mind was entirely on what he was saying.

I had something more important than basketball plays on my mind.

I wanted to ask him to do something with me, and I wasn't sure how he was going to react.

"Hey, baby," I said quietly. He dragged his eyes up from the napkin to my eyes. "Since we're here and out of Forks, I was…I was wondering if," I took a deep breath, "…if maybe we could…lookatrings."

His brows furrowed as he tried to decipher my babble, and when his eyes widened, I knew he understood. "You want to look at wedding rings?" he asked in a hushed tone and I nodded.

"I figure it's safe here because no one knows us. We could just look and see what there is," I said, blushing.

Biting his lip, he gazed at me, capturing me with his eyes that darkened with possibility. He liked to tease me, but with something like this, he wouldn't make m wait long for his answer. "I'd like that."

Relieved, I grinned. "Yeah? I know there's a place about a block from here."

He cocked his head. "How do you know that?"

"Google," I answered with a shrug. Throwing his head back, he laughed. The man behind the counter called our number and I stood to get our pizza. After grabbing some napkins and plates, I returned to Edward.

"Looks good," he groaned when he flipped the top opened, the steam wafting up from the pizza. Taking a piece, I put it on a plate and handed it to Edward before getting one for myself and pushing the box aside. The pieces were large and greasy, cheese still bubbling under the bits of sausage. Edward took a bite, his eyes rolling into his head.

"Oh my God, it's so fucking good," he mumbled.

"Mama, why's that boy in a funny chair?"

The voice was small and questioning. Edward turned toward the counter, and I followed his gaze to find a small boy about four or five staring and pointing at Edward. Tugging on his mother's hand, he got her attention and she glanced over in our direction.

"Because he's crippled, Dylan. His legs don't work and he can't walk," she answered absently, paying more attention to the menu on the wall than her son.

I dropped my pizza onto my plate, but as I pushed my chair out, I felt his warm fingers wrap around my wrist.

"Don't."

"Edward," I growled, "let me go."

"He's just a kid."

"His mother isn't," I countered in a whisper through clenched teeth. "Now let me go."

"No. It's not worth it."

I wasn't sure if his words made sense or it was the rubbing of his thumb on the inside of my wrist, but I softened slightly. "Babe, it's not right."

"I know, but I have to get use to it. It's something I need to deal with for the rest of my life," he said sadly. "It's okay."

"No, it's not, but if you don't want me to say something, I won't." I leaned in closer, "but, trust me, Edward, I want to rip her fucking head off."

He gave me his crooked smile. "I know, that's why I stopped you. I don't have enough bail money"

We finished about half the pizza, keeping the rest to bring with us. When we were done, I emptied the trash, glaring at the woman and her son through narrowed eyes as I did so. Glancing at Edward, I saw him watching me, silently warning me with his eyes, but I couldn't stop myself.

I walked over to her table. Confused, she looked up at me when I stood next to her. "For your information, we're on our way to basketball game where he is the starting point guard. He's also valedictorian of our class and has been accepted to UW. Maybe next time you should take the time to know the person before you go assuming what they can and can't do."

Not giving her a chance to reply, I returned to Edward, almost afraid of what I would find. His face was a mixture of embarrassment and pride.

"Sorry," I murmured, picking up the pizza box. He just shook his head and sighed.

"I can't keep you on a leash," he teased and backed up from the table and spun the chair, doing an agile wheely as he did so. Proudly, I followed Edward to the door, letting him push it open himself.

Outside, I let out a long breath and helped Edward into the truck, not even glancing in the windows of the restaurant to see if the woman was watching us. I put the chair in the back and climbed behind the wheel, relieved to see Edward smiling.

"So, where is the jewelry store?"

Grinning, I buckled up my seatbelt and started the truck, backing out before turning onto the street. I found a parking space on the curb near a ramp. I turned off the truck and looked at Edward.

"Are you sure you want to do this? I understand if you don't," I said, offering him an out.

"Why wouldn't I?" he asked, undoing his seatbelt.

"Because they'll know we're a couple."

"Oh." He paused, thinking about it, then shrugged. "So what."

The grin returned and I got out and helped him into the chair. Edward rolled up the ramp and onto the sidewalk. It was uneven and filled with small holes, but he was able to navigate around them. A few people had to go around us on the small sidewalk, giving him way more space than necessary. I wanted to chase them down and tell him he wasn't fucking contagious. Keeping my eyes on Edward, I watched for any signs of defeat, but he seemed okay, focusing more on the windows we passed by than the people near us.

"Here it is," I said, pointing to the next door with two stone steps leading up to it. Edward spun his chair around so his back wheels were against the bottom step. I went up both steps and opened the door, the holding it with my foot, leaned forward and grabbed Edward's chair. While still holding the door open, I grunted and pulled Edward up and backward over the first step, then the second. Once he was on the top with me, I backed into the store, pulling him with me and letting the door closed. Inside, he turned the chair around.

The store was small with carpeting and long glass-topped cases lining all three walls. There was one older couple on the far end bent over a display case as a worker showed them a few things. Another worker, a woman with a nametag that said Mary was standing behind a case to our right.

"Can I help you?" she greeted us with a selling smile.

"We want to look at wedding bands."

Her smile got bigger. "Which one of you is getting married?"

"We both are." I glanced down at Edward and then put my hand on his shoulder and repeated myself. "_We_ want to look at wedding bands."

In my excitement, I spoke too loudly and caught the attention of the other couple. The woman gave me a disgusted glance that Edward didn't see. I glared at her, my lip curling up in warning until she turned around, shaking her head. Lifting my chin, I stared at the saleswoman, preparing myself for her nasty comments.

"I can help you with that. We've got a wonderful selection over here," she said, motioning to the next case down. "Do you have anything specific in mind?"

Edward pushed his chair and stopped in front of where she stood. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"Titanium, gold, width…"

"Oh, umm," he stuttered, looking up at me. Just happy he was going to be mine, I really didn't care what our rings looked like. Reaching up, he took my hand off his shoulder and laced our fingers together. "Something simple."

Pulling a key from the rubber ring around her wrist, she opened the back of the case and pulled out a blue velvet cloth and laid it on the glass. There were rows and rows of the bands, most had men's and women's versions. She pointed out a few options to us, suggesting we decide on material, then design and width.

"Do you want it engraved?"

"Yes," I answered quickly.

"Then you probably want at least three millimeters thick. This one is nice," Mary said, pointing to a silver band in the middle of a row. Using her long nails, she pried it free and set it on the velvet cloth. Edward lifted his head so he could see it, but case was too high. "You can try it on. We will have it sized of course, but you can put it on and see how it looks," she encouraged.

Reaching out, I took the band, feeling its heavy weight even though it was so small, and handed it to Edward. He let it rest in the palm of his hand and ran his index finger around it. Taking it from him I reached for the ring finger of his left hand and slipped it on. It wasn't a perfect fit, but it went almost all the way down.

And the image took my breath away.

It was simple really. Nothing but a band around his finger, but when he looked up at me through his lashes with such love in his eyes, I gasped.

"It looks beautiful," Mary said.

"It does," I murmured, still holding Edward's hand in mine. "What do you think, baby?" It was so easy to be open with him in public. Especially when I was holding his hand and he was wearing a wedding ring.

"I think it's perfect. You try it," he said, taking his hand from mine and pulling off the ring. Taking my left hand, he slipped it on my finger. My fingers weren't as long or as slim as Edward's and the ring barely made it to my second knuckle, but it didn't matter. It still looked perfect.

Dragging my eyes from the silver band to Edward, I saw him smiling at me. "What do you think?"

"It's perfect," I whispered.

He turned to Mary. "We'll take them."

"Wonderful. Let's get your sizes and go from there," Mary answered. Edward pulled the ring off my finger and I immediately missed it. Mary took it from him and reached for his hand. "Let's see what size you both are." Pulling out a tool that resembled a metal ruler with different sized holes in it, she placed it on Edward's finger a few times before jotting down a number. Then she did the same for me. "Let me go check to see if I've got these in stock."

She disappeared through a door and I glanced at the older woman. When I found her annoyed eyes on us, I sneered at her, then turned it into a smile when I looked down at Edward. He hadn't missed it and glanced over his shoulder.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just small minded people," I said, brushing it off. "Do you really like the ring?"

"It's just like I imagined."

I bumped the chair with my hip. "You've imagined what our rings would look like?"

Blushing, he looked away, but a smile teased him. He was about to answer when Mary unknowingly saved him, returning with two black velvet boxes.

"You're in luck, I've got them in both sizes. Why don't you try them on to be sure." She opened both boxes and placed them on the counter. "This one is yours," she said pointing to Edward. He took out the ring and put it on this finger, smiling when it easily slid over his knuckles. I tried on mine, mimicking his smile when it fit.

"Perfect. Now we just need to fill out a form for the engraving."

"How long does the engraving take?" Edward asked.

"We can have them done by the middle of the week."

"Can you engrave something else too?" I asked, my hand going to my pocket to retrieve my keys. I pulled them out and showed her the medallion of Saint Christopher. "This is already engraved but I want to add to it." Edward looked at me curiously.

She took it from me, flipping it over and looking at the engraving of 'Be Safe'. "I think we can add to it, what would you like?"

"Can you add 'baby' after the 'be safe' and then 'see ya soon, love' under it?"

She studied it, then checked a computer. "The font might not be an exact match, and the additional engraving might be smaller."

"That's okay," I said quickly and worked my keys off the ring so I could leave it with her.

She filled out the form, writing down our names, the ring information and then looked up at us. "What would you like engraved on the rings?"

I looked down at my boy to find him looking up at me. I knew we were thinking the same thing, there had never been a doubt what we would put on them. Taking my hand in his again, he kissed the back of it and answered her without ever taking his eyes off me.

"Maybe I'm amazed."

"Like the song?"

"Exactly like the song," he replied, his moss green eyes still on mine.

Mary cleared her throat. "I need you to pick out the script style you want." Tearing my eyes from Edward, I picked the paper with our options and showed it to him.

He pointed to a simple one. "I like that one."

"Me too."

I gave her the paper and showed her our choice. It was a few more minutes before she finished filling everything out. After some figuring, she looked at us. "That will be three hundred thirty with tax and the engraving."

Not even hesitating, Edward took out his wallet, flipped it open and pulled out his bankcard. He slid it across the counter to her. Before I could give her the cash I had, she ran off.

"I'll give you the money when we get home," I told Edward. I actually had the cash on me, wadded in my pocket.

With a mischievous smile, he shook his head. "You bought lunch. This is my treat."

"Lunch was twenty bucks," I snorted.

"Love," he tugged on my hand. "I can't do much anymore, but I can do this." Sighing, I looked at him. "Please."

Not caring where we were, alone or not, I curved my free hand around his neck and tilted his head back. Leaning down, I softly swept my lips over his. The second they touched, no matter how brief, I felt the fire for him travel through my body. Groaning, I broke the kiss and put my mouth at ear.

"Love you," I whispered.

"You too," he returned quietly. Hearing footsteps behind us, I stood up and turned toward Mary. She handed Edward his card, and dropping my hand, he put it back in his wallet.

"You boys are all set," she said. "Is there anything else you I can get for you?"

"I don't think so," I answered, glancing at Edward to be sure.

"Well, I've got your information, Mr. Cullen, and I'll call you when they are ready to be picked up." She held out her hand. "It's been my pleasure."

I shook her hand and then she leaned over the counter shook Edward's. I followed Edward to the door and opened it, but before I could brace it with my foot to help Edward, Mary was there holding it for me.

"You should really have a ramp," I told her, "Americans with Disabilities Act requires public places with the means to provide wheelchair access."

She nodded. "I'll look into it, thanks."

I went behind Edward and eased the chair down the steps until he was on the sidewalk. Mary waved to us before letting the door close.

"She loves us," I chuckled and he rolled his eyes. He started to push down the sidewalk, glancing in a few windows as we went by. Suddenly, he stopped and I bumped into him. Thinking he'd seen someone, I quickly scanned the streets and sidewalk for someone we knew. "What?"

Glancing down, I saw him lift his hand and point to a building across the street. It was small, painted white with large front windows like the pizza place and jewelry store, only these windows were darkened with curtains, hiding what went on inside. But the sign hanging above the door told everyone exactly what went on inside.

_Loft Tattoo Studio_

"Babe?" I choked out as Edward glanced down both sides of the street before pushing the chair off the edge of the sidewalk and gliding across it. Jogging after him, I called out, "Edward!"

Finally, he stopped in front the tattoo studio and spun the chair around to wait for me. I caught up to him, giving the building a once over before looking at Edward. "What are we doing here?"

I couldn't see his eyes behind his glasses, but his head tilted back as he studied me before speaking. "Remember I told you about the dream I had of us living together?"

"Yeah."

"In it, I…I had a piercing."

"Piercing?"

"Two actually," he corrected. "My nipples were pierced."

I don't think I'd ever gotten an erection quicker. Swallowing, I tried to force myself to think rationally, to not encourage him to get pierced, to not think about how fucking hot he would be with his firm muscled pecs decorated with-

"You hate the idea," he sighed, looking down at his lap.

I crouched in front of him. "No," I began, then clarified when he looked disappointed. Reaching up, I took off his sunglasses so I could see him when I spoke. "Babe, don't get me wrong, it sounds fucking hot, but it's…"

"What?"

"It's not you," I answered hesitantly.

"Maybe it is now," he answered defiantly, firmly. Sighing, he looked away for a moment before bringing his determined eyes back to mine. "Jas, so much has been taken from me, I just want to do something that's just for me, a kind of 'fuck you' to fate."

Angling my head, I squinted in the sun and looked up at him with coy smile. "You've got that wrong. This wouldn't just be for you."

"Maybe my dream was trying to tell me something. And you know," he paused, glancing around and leaning closer before speaking in a hushed tone, "how sensitive they are now. Maybe this might help with…ya know."

Then I was even harder. The image of Edward splayed in front of me, his pebbled nipples marked with silver rings just begging for my tongue to pull and twist. I could almost feel his body writhing under mine, pleading me for more as he came. Stilling leaning close toward me, I could feel his breaths on my face as they quickened. He saw the same image I did, like he rummaged through my head and picked it out, and he fucking liked it as much did. It excited him.

"I'll let you play with them," he promised in a raspy whisper.

"Fuck, babe," I groaned, closing my eyes and taking a few deep breaths to clear my head. I needed to think with my brain, not my cock. "What about your parents? How are you going to explain it?"

He sat back and frowned. "I don't know. It's not like they see me shirtless a lot."

"Swimming?"

"As if I'll do that," he snorted and raised a brow. "C'mon. I need you with me on this."

"What about the game today? It's gonna hurt and then playing…"

"Jas, I can't walk. I think I can handle some pain," he reasoned. He was countering every halfhearted argument I had.

The image of him returned, him naked on the bed as my mouth worked its way down his body, devouring each inch until I reached his cock. Watching him through my lashes, I licked his length, circling my tongue around the head and the ring poking out from the slit with the ball on the tip. I wondered if he would ever do that….

"Can you get a cock piercing too?" I blurted out, then added my distorted reasoning. "I mean, you wouldn't feel it."

His eyes widened as he considered my request. "I'd have to show them my dick. I don't know if I can do that yet," he murmured apologetically.

"It's okay, it was stupid to ask," I said, shaking my head. "You sure you really want to do this? It's kind of a big thing, baby," I reminded him.

"Yeah, I_ need_ to do this. It probably seems foolish to you but I've no control over anything anymore, love. Not even my fucking bladder. I want to do something because I can, not because I have to."

I stood up and reached for the door. "Let's do this then."

Smiling in victory, Edward turned his chair so I could grab the back and pull him up the steps. As I backed us into the shop, I wondered why no one in the town had any ramps. The door closed and we turned around.

The place was small, about the same size as the jewelry store. There was a small waiting area with a few chairs and to the right was an opaque screen divided into squares and covered in artwork that matched pictures on the wall. In front of us was a small counter with a stool behind it. Heavy metal music played though some speakers and I didn't hear anyone screaming. It seemed empty until a door swung open and a guy walked in. He was built like Emmett and wearing jeans and a black tee shirt stretched tight across bulging muscles. The short sleeves showed off intricate, colored tattoos lining both arms. He was almost bald, but had a goatee and wire rimmed glasses on.

"Hey, boys, what can I do for you?" he asked as he approached.

Edward swallowed and glanced up at me before speaking. "I want to get my nipples pierced."

The guy nodded as he shuffled through some papers on the counter. "What are you looking for?" When Edward hesitated, the guy looked up. "Ring? Barbell?"

"Oh, umm…I don't know. Barbell, I guess."

The man pushed his papers aside and took a good long look at the two uncertain teenagers standing in front of him, taking in the way we were dressed and the confused looks on our faces. "Are you eighteen? The state of Washington requires people to be eighteen for body piercings."

Edward sighed. Any courage he'd built up to have it done escaped with his exhale and he slowly shook his head.

"Sorry, boys."

I was about to turn around and walk out, readying my prep talk to tell Edward he could get it done in a few months, maybe on his eighteenth birthday, but Edward didn't move. Instead, he looked directly at the man and spoke in a confident tone.

"Listen, I know I'm not eighteen, but I'm stuck in this chair for the rest of my life. I can't feel shit below my waist, but I can above it, and I…I just want something to do something I can feel."

The guy stared at him, probably judging Edward's resolve. He could have easily told us to fuck off, but he looked at Edward, his eyes traveling from his crooked feet on the pedals to his eyes. I don't know if he pitied or respected Edward, but either way, I could see him start to break down.

"How old are you?"

"Seventeen. I'll be eighteen in October," Edward replied. I stood next to him, my lower lip between my teeth as I worriedly nibbled on it. I kept telling myself I should be stopping him, but then I would think about playing with the piercings and I kept my mouth shut.

"I could lose my license for this."

"I swear, we won't say a word. No one will even see them but us," Edward assured him.

"I must be fucking nuts," the guy sighed. "Okay, I'll do it."

Edward broke into a grin. "Thanks, man, thanks so much."

The guy shrugged. "You look like a good kid. Name's Randy." He walked around the counter and shook Edward's hand before motioning for us to follow him.

"I'm Edward and this is Jasper," Edward said, eagerly trailing behind Randy. He took us behind the screen into smaller room. Instead of artwork on the walls, there were a shelves stocked with binders and books. There were two black leather dentist chairs facing each other and two matching stools and standing lamps next to them. In between was a red toolbox on wheels like my dad used in the garage. A table ran along the wall with various supplies and tools scattered on it, and above each chair was a fluorescent light that could be moved in different directions.

"Nice to meet you." Randy smiled and shook my hand.

"You too."

"Is he you're boyfriend," Randy asked Edward, who blushed but nodded. Randy winked at me. "So these are for you as much as him."

Imitating Edward's rosy cheeks with my own, I answered, "Hell yeah."

Randy laughed and pointed to the chair in the corner. "Can you get him into that?"

I moved to Edward's side. Sliding one arm under him and one behind him, I lifted him. Randy watched us as I turned and gently set Edward on the chair.

He grabbed one of the binders and handed it to Edward. "Pick out what you want."

Gnawing on the inside of his cheek, Edward opened the book and began flipping through it. From where I was, I could see some of the pictures, and from the way his eyes darkened and widened as he looked, some of them turned him on. He pointed to a picture of a simple silver barbell through a man's nipple. "I like this one," Edward said to me.

My eyes skimmed the other choices on the page, each of them coaxing my cock just a bit more when I imagined Edward graced with any of them. "Me too," I squeaked out and heard Randy chuckle.

Edward tilted the binder to Randy and pointed to the one he'd shown me. "This one, please."

"You got it," Randy said. "I'm going to explain the procedure. Feel free to change your mind." Edward nodded. "First, I clean the nipple, then I used these," he picked up a pair of small tongs, "and pinch the nipple erect. Then I mark where the piercing will go. Next, I put the needle through the nipple, attached the jewelry to the end, slide the needle out and then close the jewelry with a ball."

"Does it hurt?" Edward asked, his eyes slightly wide as he listened closely to Randy.

"Yeah, it will hurt, but not too bad. Sometimes second hurts more because people tense up. If you stay relaxed, it helps."

"How long do they take to heal?"

"About three weeks, sometimes longer, no oral contact for at least three weeks," Randy said, looking pointedly at me. "You can lick around them but not directly on them." He turned back to Edward. "There is some aftercare too, but nothing you can't handle."

Edward pulled his eyes from Randy and settled them on me. "What do you think?"

"I think if you want to do it, you should. It'll be a long three weeks though," I sighed, earning a nervous laugh from Edward.

He exhaled a long breath and then nodded and looked at Randy. "I want to do it."

"Okay then off with the shirt."

I watched as Edward leaned forward in the chair and grabbed the hem of the silky short-sleeved jersey, pulling the loose shirt easily over his head and exposing his delicious torso. He bunched up the shirt and left it in his lap before leaning back in the chair again. Randy was facing the counter getting tools ready and Edward watched intently as Randy snapped on some latex gloves, peeled open a sterile kit and gathered small gauze pads. Spinning on the stool, he turned to Edward, his eyes roaming over Edward's muscled chest.

"Nice," he said with appreciation. "You work out?"

"Physical therapy."

"It's paid off," Randy acknowledged. "Ready?"

"Can he hold my hand?" Edward asked.

"Sure. He'll just have to switch sides when I finish this one."

I was rooted in place, unable to move as I blinked and stared leisurely at my boy. Even relaxed, his muscles strained against his skin, molding and shaping him into a work of art. My eyes were drawn to his brown nipples, already pert from the cool air in the shop. Licking my lips, I slowly dragged my gaze up to find him looking at me. There was no doubt or hesitation in his eyes, the green storm had calmed. I couldn't believe he was going to really do it.

"Stop gawking at me and c'mere," he ordered with a flirty tone. Breaking my trance, I stepped forward, bumping into a small table and stumbling before taking his hand in mine and weaving our fingers together. He chuckled at my clumsiness before looking at Randy. "I'm ready."

Randy pinched Edward's left nipple between his index finger and thumb. "I'm going to explain everything as I go. First is to clean it with some iodine." Ripping open one of the small packets, he swabbed Edward's nipple with the brown gauze pad.

"Next, I'm going to clamp it." Holding the nipple, he grabbed a pair of small tongs and replaced his fingers. Edward grimaced but remained still and relaxed. Releasing the clamp, Randy picked up what looked like a Sharpie.

"I'm going to mark it with this and have you check it in a mirror." Edward looked down, watching as Randy marked Edward with two small twin dots. After he put the pen down, he picked up a handheld mirror and held it in front of Edward, giving Edward a perfect view of his own nipple. "Look okay?"

Edward eyed himself for a few seconds and then nodded. "Okay, next is the needle," Randy explained, putting the mirror down. His back was too us and I couldn't quite see what he was doing but when he spun around, he was holding an intimidating needle. Bending over, he placed the point on the outside dot on Edward's nipple. Holding it in place, he spoke.

"Deep breath in, then exhale. Relax."

Edward did as he was instructed. His eyes rose to mine and I held his gaze, smiling at him. As Edward's breath left him, Randy pushed the needle through with the steady hand of a surgeon. Edward's jaw tightened and he flinched, squeezing my hand, but he never made a sound. I tried to watch what Randy was doing but had a hard time making my eyes leave Edward's.

"It's in," Randy announced, releasing the clamp and straightening to reveal the hottest thing I'd ever seen.

Edward was sexy and beautiful in his own right, he didn't need anything to make him more attractive, but seeing the tiny silver bar through his mocha colored nipple, still hard and slightly red, made him impossibly hotter.

"Fuck," I groaned. Edward's chest moved with his laugh, enticing my trance even further. Randy laughed as he motioned to me.

"Time to switch sides, kid." He glided the stool across the floor, pulling a little work table behind him.

Letting go of Edward's hand, I walked around the foot of the chair and picked up his other hand. My eyes never left his chest and my cock pushed against the confines of my briefs. "Does it hurt?"

"Stings, but not too bad," Edward said, dipping his chin to try to look down at his chest. "How's it look?"

"Fucking hottest thing I've ever seen," I murmured in awe.

"Someone's going to have fun in three weeks," Randy teased.

Moving closer to Edward, Randy repeated the same procedure on Edward's right nipple, cleaning it and pinching it before clamping it with the tongs and marking it with the pen. He showed Edward the mirror, making sure the dots were even with the other one.

Picking up the needle, he looked at Edward. "Remember to relax. Deep breath," he said as he placed the needle to the mark, "and exhale." Edward let out the breath and clenched my hand as the needle pierced his skin. "Very good." Randy left the needle in while he grabbed something from the kit, and then I watched as pulled the needle through, leaving the barbell in its place. He screwed the tiny ball on the other end and tightened it. Then he sat up and admired his work.

And so did I.

They looked amazing and perfect and I couldn't wait to play with them and see Edward's reaction when my tongue, teeth, and fingers tugged on them. I wanted to make him moan.

"They look great," Randy said, proud of his skill. He dabbed a gauze pad over them both, wiping away the few drops of blood that had appeared.

"I think you're drooling," Edward smiled smugly at me.

"Babe, I don't know what I was thinking when I tried to talk you out of this," I confessed. Unable to resist, I lifted my free hand and hesitantly drew a wide circle around a newly pierced bud. Edward's skin quivered at the light touch and a shudder ran through him. "Feel good?"

"Yeah," he said quietly, huskily.

"You can put your shirt back on," Randy reminded him, stealing my fun. My hand dropped to my side and I released Edward so he could put on his shirt. "You next?" Randy glanced at me.

"Me?" I asked and Randy nodded. "Oh, um, no, not yet. Maybe someday though. I turn eighteen this summer."

"You'd look great with some rings." Randy peeled off the gloves and threw the kit and gloves in the trash before he pulled a piece of paper out of a filing cabinet. "These are the aftercare directions. Things to watch out for and shit. Check the piercings a couple times a day, wash them in the shower with antibacterial soap if you got it. You don't need to twist them or anything, the natural movement of your body will do that, but you do need to make sure the balls are screwed on tight every few days."

Like the teenage I was, I snickered at the comment.

"Twice a day, mix some sea salt or Epsom salt with some water and soak a towel in it and rest it on them for about ten minutes. Or you could use a shot glass, mix the solution, then hold it over them and let them soak. Got it?" He finished, handing Edward the paper.

"Yep."

Regretfully, Edward's shirt was back on. Randy stepped back and I leaned over Edward, slipping my arms under him, carefully lifting him so he didn't fall against me. Using his arms around my neck, he was able to keep his body slightly away from mine. I set him in the chair and he adjusted his legs, lifting them to put his feet on the pedals. Randy watched with a smile, seemingly satisfied of his decision to give Edward something he wanted.

Once Edward was settled, Randy walked to the counter. "That'll be sixty bucks."

Before Edward could even think to reach for his wallet, I pulled out mine and was handing Randy three twenties. It was a small price to pay for the amount of pleasure I knew we would both receive from Edward's spontaneous decision.

"Thanks," Randy said, smiling. "When you're ready, come back and see me." He winked at me and I blushed, stuffing my wallet back into my short's pocket.

"Do you do cock piercings?" Edward asked. My cock, which was already in a state of arousal, hardened further with his question. He'd been rummaging through my mind again, picking out the images that most excited me, trying to make them reality.

"I do, but you need to wait until you're officially eighteen for that," Randy said.

"Deal. I'll see you in October," Edward agreed. "Thanks so much. I appreciate it."

"_We_ appreciate it," I corrected him.

"My pleasure, boys," Randy purred, his eyes drifting down Edward's body.

Edward and I headed for the door, and I held it with my foot while easing Edward down the steps before the door closed. Once he was on the sidewalk, he went to push his chair and grimaced.

"What's wrong?"

"They're tender," he said, shifting to a more comfortable motion.

"I told you," I sighed.

"It'll be fine."

"I might have some aspirin in the truck. My dad usually keeps some in the glove compartment."

"What time is it?" he asked, pushing his chair slower than usual.

Pulling out my phone, I glanced at it. "Three. Want to head to the gym? Shoot around?"

"Sure."

We made our way back to the truck, passing all the stores again. When we passed a convenience store, I ran inside and grabbed us two waters. At the truck, I helped Edward inside, making sure to avoid his chest. I secured the chair in the back and then climbed behind the wheel and started the truck. We buckled up before I backed out and headed toward the gym.

Edward's hand was on my thigh, his head resting against the seat as I navigated the small streets and pulled into the gym parking lot. I shifted into park and undid my seatbelt, but when I went to get out, Edward stopped me.

"Not yet."

Pulling my hand away from the door, I asked, "You okay?"

"Yeah." He let his head fall to the side to look at me. "I love you."

A grin spread over my face from my dimples to my eyes. Breaching the few inches that separated us, I kissed him, soft and brief, but enough to awaken all the senses only Edward could. "I love you too," I murmured, my lips still pressed to his.

He angled his head and burying a hand in my hair, deepened the kiss, plunging his tongue into my mouth to meet mine. The groan that escaped me when I felt his hand cupping my crotch was loud and reverberated throughout the truck. When he began to stroke me through the shorts, I tore my lips away and gasped.

"Babe, what are you doing?"

"Thanking my boyfriend for supporting me," he answered simply, using his other hand to pull me close so he could kiss along my neck.

"Jesus," I moaned, tilting my head and giving him more access. "What about being careless, it's daylight."

"If you don't get on me and stay really still, no one will ever know," he instructed. I wasn't going to argue with him. The distinct sound of a zipper being lowered filled the cab, closely followed by a string of obscenities from me as his fingers traced my length through the cotton briefs. "No commando today?"

"I…I wasn't expecting…this…"

Dropping my forehead to his shoulder, I enjoyed the ignited fire that surged through me when he pulled the briefs over my cock. When his warm hand wrapped tightly around my aching erection I screwed my eyes shut and groaned. My mind wasn't imagining his hands on me, it was recalling how fucking hot he looked with the piercings, his firm body adorned with silver. Thrusting shallowly into his hand, I panted for breath. It only took a few strong drags of his hand before I was sitting on the edge of an orgasm, and my boy knew just how to push me over the edge.

Nudging my head up, he pushed my hair aside with his nose and put his lips to my ear. "I can't wait for you to suck my nipples. I can't wait to feel your tongue on me. Gonna feel so good and make me come hard."

"Yeah," I breathed. I was incapable of anything more eloquent. His other hand was still in my hair at the nape of my neck and he tangled it.

"Wanna come, love? I bet you want to shoot your load all over my chest, huh?"

"Jesus, fuck, yes."

I felt his lips curl into a smile against my ear and his pace on my cock increased. Just how I liked it, he flicked his wrist and tightened his hold. I tried to delay the impending climax and just revel in his touch, but instead I shamelessly begged for harder and faster. Edward obliged, pumping me furiously. My hips lacked any rhythm, but I fucked his hand anyway, trying desperately to keep my upper body still.

He put his forehead to mine and I tried like hell to open my eyes, to watch him as he made me come, and through half closed lids, I managed to. My balls drew up tight and the contained coil in my belly sprang free. When my cock pulsed and swelled, he knew I was coming before I said anything. Mashing his mouth to mine, he swallowed my grunts as my orgasm rocketed through me and my cock emptied. Long steams of milky fluid shot from me and landed on my abs and Edward's hand. I didn't even realize he'd pulled my shirt up right before I came until I felt cum splash on me. He broke the kiss, his hand still on my cock. Ripples of the climax rolled through me, my heart faltering a beat when I saw the desire in Edward's eyes, the sparks that flared behind the shades of green. It was so intense and real and only for me.

"Do you have something to clean up with?" he asked me in a seductive voice.

"Napkins, pizza box," I stammered. Smirking, he reached for the box and saw the napkins on top. Grabbing a few, he wiped me clean. His pulse raced just under the delicate skin of his neck and I took it into my mouth, sucking on it and making him groan. Tossing the napkins onto the floor, he lifted his hand to my mouth with my cum running over his fingers. He held it still, watching me as I lapped him clean.

"So fucking worth the risk," he said breathlessly, his green eyes turning shades of emerald.

"**~~**"

"Sorry we're late," Bella apologized as she sat down next to me. The bleachers were about half full and I moved down a few feet to make room for Newton, Eric, and Angela, who were behind Bella. Edward's parents had arrived a few minutes before and were sitting behind me. "Mike's not big on following directions from a girl."

Edward and I had gotten into the gym about forty minutes before the rest of his team. Leaving the lights off, he took out his basketball and tossed his bag on the floor. I followed him onto the court.

He dribbled the ball next to him a few times on both sides, testing out the pain. "Do they hurt?"

"Nothing I can't handle," he answered.

Then he lifted his arms over his head with the ball in his hands, and with a wink to me, he shot. I didn't have to turn around to know the ball swished through the net. He warmed up a little slower than usual, wincing a few times when his jersey rubbed the new barbells, but he had taken a few aspirin in the truck and that seemed to help.

When he took off his warm up shirt to change into his game jersey, I dropped the basketball, the sound of it bouncing echoed throughout the empty gym. I'd stood dazed as he gave me a leisurely glimpse of his chest before putting on the tank top. When I asked why he was changing so soon, he said he didn't want anyone to see the piercings. They would know they were new because he'd just played skins on Thursday night.

Riley was the first to arrive, wearing his trademark smile and hair in his face. He coasted over to us, fisting bumping us both. I wasn't embarrassed he'd caught us Tuesday night, but unlike Edward, it was the first time I'd seen him since then and I felt my cheeks heat up slightly when he looked up at me.

"Thanks for giving Edward a ride on Thursday," I said to him as put his bag on the sideline. Edward was taking a shot from his sweet spot.

"No problem. Anytime he needs a ride, I can do it," Riley grinned. It was the same smile he always wore, bright, effortlessly, wide. Then he flicked his head to move his hair, which immediately fell back into place in the charming way it did. "Mind if I shoot around with you two?"

"Not at all."

I rebounded for them both, trying not to scrutinize every move Riley made. Rationally, I knew I was just jumping to conclusions, but there was something…different. Maybe it wasn't something different with Riley himself but rather that he knew about Edward and me.

When Sam arrived, I gave Edward a longing look and mouthed 'you can do it' before making my way to the bleachers. The rest of the team filtered in, followed closely by the opposing team, who looked huge.

The teams were on the court, ready for the tip off. Edward was focused, his hands ready for the ball should Leah tap it in his direction. The ball was tossed into the air, the fans cheered as the teams made their way down the court. Edward's parents were behind me and my friends were next to me, but my eyes never left Edward.

Never left my beautifully pierced future husband.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

I believe there are five chapters, plus the epilogue left. I haven't decided completely on a sequel or not, but if you're interested, lmk. I do have ideas I've outlined but nothing definite.

A vid of someone walking with KAFOs and crutches. E isn't quite ready for this, but you can see the PT supporting the guy, and how unstable he is. http:/www DOT youtube DOT com/watch?v=XtUyAeXCXfI

A huge thank you to C for his invaluable reassurance on the story and the boys. He's posted his first story, it's beautiful! http:/www DOT fanfiction DOT net/s/7358323/1/Bones#


	28. With a Love Like That

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N-Back with Edward, and again, we go back in time a few days to before the piercings. Things are going to start to move along quickly after this chapter!

Thank you to everyone that reads, reviews, and supports this story.

This chapter is unbeta'd, all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are mine. Special thanks to Dannie, if it wasn't for her encouragement and faith in my writing, these boys wouldn't be here.

Now Edward's pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night he hadn't been willing to fight the darkness for me…_

"**~~**"

"Because I'm gay."

He was gay.

Riley was gay.

He was in a wheelchair and he was gay.

Like me.

"You're gay," I repeated, as if hearing the words again would ease the shock.

Tossing me an amused glance, he nodded. "Surprised?"

"A little," I confessed. A lot was more like it.

When I didn't respond, he continued, "I've known for years, but didn't come out until about a year ago."

"How?"

He threw his head back in laughter, his hair swinging wildly before falling back into place. "Not sure I can explain the 'how'," he chuckled, then joked, "Something in my DNA I guess."

Suddenly, I saw Riley differently. The lips that curved up in a brilliant smile I imagined kissing down the flat planes of a guy's body. The hands I had watched push his chair and pass the basketball I now saw stroking another. The hair that was never out of place I pictured sweaty and tangled with long fingers running through it. Then beyond the images, I realized he was even stronger than I had first thought.

The longer I was silent, the more the amusement on his face gradually changed to concern, and I finally shook my head and clarified. "No, I mean how did you come out?"

"Oh," he said with relief before shrugging. "I was sick of hiding. Jared and I were tired of sneaking around. He was a few years older and had already come out to his parents, so we could be ourselves at his place. The more I was there and able to be myself, the more I realized I wanted that at home too. I was tired of my parents just thinking he was my friend."

"Was…was it hard?"

"It wasn't the easiest thing I've ever done, but it was the best thing I've ever done," he answered honestly, even a bit wistfully.

"Did your parents take it okay?" I asked worriedly.

There was a hesitation before he answered and I noticed his grip on the steering wheel tighten. "My mom was okay, my dad…didn't understand. Took him some time to come around."

"How long?"

Pursing his lips, he spoke thoughtfully, "I'm still waiting."

My heart sank. Logically, I knew our parents were different, just because his parents reacted a certain way didn't mean mine would behave the same, but there was a fear in my heart that warned me.

"What about you?"

"What?"

"How did it go when you came out?"

"I…I haven't," I swallowed.

"Jasper?" He raised a brow at me and I shook my head. "It makes sense now," he said with his trademark smile.

"What does?"

"The action in the truck the other night. If your parents are anything like mine, they probably hover a lot since the accident which doesn't leave you too much alone time."

My face heated up at the memory of Jasper on me in the truck, the desperation in his eyes as he begged me to touch him. Riley noticed the blush but didn't say anything. "No, it doesn't."

"Yeah, I remember. We had a lot of phone sex," he chuckled. "It's easier now that I'm out of the house."

"Do you live with your boyfriend now?"

"No," he sighed. "We broke up about six months ago."

"How come?" I blurted before I could stop myself.

"He said he wanted to focus on studying. We go to the same college. But I don't think that was it. Not all of it anyway."

I almost didn't dare ask, but found myself saying the words. "What do you think it was?"

For the first time since I'd met him, I saw a glimpse of sadness on his face. It was brief, but there was a definite flicker of anguish, of doubt, in his dark blue eyes. They lowered to his lap, taking in the still legs, the muscles that were no longer pushing against his skin.

"I think this," he waved a hand over his legs, "got to be too much for him. Not everyone can deal with it forever." Then his face brightened again, the pain was gone and the wide smile returned. It was like for a few seconds a mask had been lifted. "So tell me about Jasper, is he your forever?"

I thought he was. Part of me had no doubt Jasper would always be a part of my life, but my worry over burdening him with my life in the chair strengthened. It had been weeks since I'd last felt it, and while it was always just below the surface, Jasper had been able to keep it at bay with his constant presence and reassurance that he was exactly where he wanted to be. I knew better than to doubt him, and he would be pissed at me for even thinking of it briefly, but it was unavoidable. How could I not wonder if he was making the right choice?

If I was making the right choice…

My eyes finally wandered from Riley's relaxed driving to the window for the first time since we'd left my house. I felt my body tense.

It was near.

Perhaps behind me, maybe beside me, but I felt it there, eagerly floating toward me, ready to envelope me into its welcoming mist again. Closing my eyes, I wished it away, but knew damn well wishing wasn't going to do shit.

I needed Jasper.

I needed to hear him. I needed his voice in my ear, telling me it everything was all right.

There was a hand on mine, an unfamiliar warmth willing the clenched fingers loose until it was flat on my thigh.

"You okay? Need me to pull over or something?" The voice wasn't as sure as Jasper's but it was enough. The darkness skittered away, but not before promising to return.

Slowly, I opened my eyes and exhaled a long breath. "No, I'm okay," I finally replied.

He eyed me warily, judging my words. Had he been Jasper, he would have already pulled over and made me talk, but he wasn't Jasper. He was Riley.

And he was just like me.

His legs didn't work just like mine didn't.

He was in a chair just like I was.

He was gay like me.

"Things won't always been this hard, they will get better," he tried to assure me.

I hoped he was right, I wanted to believe him, believe I could be as accepting as he was.

Riley squeezed my hand before releasing it and giving me a flashy smile. "What do you think about the team this Saturday?" he asked, changing the subject.

"I don't know anything about them," I admitted. Right then, I couldn't even remember their name.

"They're pretty good, had a big post player last year…"

For the remainder of the ride, Riley talked basketball, everything from the upcoming game to the previous game, to practice that night, keeping my attention just enough to keep the darkness away. Before I realized what time it was, Riley was pulling into the parking lot of the gym. He stopped the van in a handicapped spot and turned it off.

"Does it bother you?" I asked suddenly.

"What?" he asked as his chair began to move backward on the tracks in the floor.

"That your boyfriend left you because of something you couldn't control?"

Reaching around, he grabbed his chair and pulled it to him before he lifted his legs with his hands and used his feet to balance while he transferred to the wheelchair.

"It hurt at first, but I don't want someone who can't see me for what I am inside. I had sixteen years of walking, some don't even get that. I'm the same person now I was then. Still gay, still like basketball and biking, still watch stupid reality shows and love my dog. This," he motioned to the chair, "isn't who I am. It doesn't define me. If someone asked me to describe myself, I wouldn't say paralyzed. The chair is merely how I get around."

He looked so young, energetic blue eyes with long hair hanging in them, but the words that came from him were wise well beyond his years.

"You okay from the drive?"

"Yeah, it wasn't too bad," I confessed.

"Must have been my exceptional driving skills," he teased. "Ready?"

He pressed a button next to the door and it began to slide open and the ramp automatically lowered. Taking a deep breath, I grabbed my bag from the floor and moved my seat back, transferring into the wheelchair much like he had. Maneuvering my chair, I coasted down the ramp to Riley and he aimed his keys at the door and it began to close. I followed him up the ramp and into the building. The gym was still dark when we entered but we weren't there long before Sam and a few others showed up.

Practice went okay, I was less sore and made more shots, but it didn't feel right. My eyes constantly drifted to the bleachers, expecting to see Jasper sprawled there each time, my heart faltering slightly when I found them empty.

I was exhausted and sweaty after the scrimmage, and wanted nothing more than for Jasper to lift me into his truck and feel him next to me all the way home. Instead, I wheeled up a ramp, moved to seat and tried to listen to Riley's chatter, but I thought about nothing other than getting home and calling Jasper.

When Riley pulled into my driveway, I undid my seatbelt and moved to the wheelchair.

"Thanks for the ride," I said as the door began to open.

"Anytime," he replied. "See ya on Saturday, Cullen."

"Bye," I mumbled as I rolled down the ramp. He was backing out before I was even on the porch, giving me a wave out the window before driving away.

"How was practice?" my father asked from his desk when I closed the door.

"Good."

"There's leftovers in the fridge," he offered, looking at me in the doctor way he did sometimes.

"No, thanks. Just going to get into bed. Night," I said as I turned the chair toward my room. Nervously entering, I refused to look at the corner, knowing what I would find there. Quickly, I unzipped my bag and searched desperately for my phone, swearing when I didn't find it right away. As soon as I felt the smooth back of it, I pulled it out and tossed my bag on the floor. When it lit up, I saw a text message from Jasper.

_Won both races, love you _

The ache eased, but I needed more. Pressing his button, I put the phone to my ear. He didn't wait long to save me, before the first ring even finished, I heard him.

"Hey, baby," he sighed.

And with two words, the world fell back into place. The doubt that had showered me fell away like rain at the sound of his voice.

"Hey, love," I whispered. "I got your message. Congratulations. Sorry I wasn't there to see it."

"Me too. How was practice?"

"Tiring. We've got our second game on Saturday, so Sam went over plays to get us ready for it," I told him.

"Saturday, huh?"

"Yeah. Can you go?" I murmured.

"Just try and stop me. Where is it?"

"Port Angeles and it's late, not until five. I guess the other team is coming and spending the night."

"Cool. Maybe we can make a day of it? Hang around the city. Maybe I can treat my boy to lunch…"

I could spend years trying to figure it out, but I would never know how he did it, how he saved me time after time without realizing. "Mmm, that sounds really nice. I'd like that."

"Have you done your routine yet?"

"No, I wanted to call you first. Want to come with me while I go to the bathroom?" I didn't want to be apart from him even to go to the bathroom.

"Baby, you say the sexiest things."

He laughed and for the first time since I'd left him at school, I smiled. Keeping my eyes downward, I went to the corner and snatched a kit from the pile, feeling a cool breeze when I placed it on my lap. Spinning the chair around, I crossed the hall to the bathroom and put Jasper on speakerphone while I used the catheter. He chatted about the track meet, filling me in on what I'd missed. After I flushed the toilet, I brushed my teeth and returned to my room. I placed the phone on the bed while I found a pair of sweatpants to change into. It took longer than usual to change, I felt awkward and fumbled with the clothing, but I was finally lying on my pillow with my lifeless legs stretched out in front of me. Jasper's talking never ceased, he filled the silence with his deep voice and sexual innuendo until he suddenly announced he'd gotten a check from Ronaldo's.

"That's great. See, love, you're changing the world," I mumbled softly.

"One restaurant at a time."

I sighed, his velvet voice coaxing my heavy lids closed.

"Hey, you okay?"

I should have known he'd picked up on it. "Yeah, just tired."

"Ready for a song?"

"Yes, please," I breathed, wanting to hear nothing more right then.

Reaching down, I pulled the blanket over my legs and then waited. He began "I wanna Hold Your Hand", and I sang the second verse with him, making him laugh when my voice went high. We barely finished the song with our laughter, but once we did, Jasper seamlessly slipped into "Imagine."

I tried to imagine us, our lives together, our futures as entwined as our pasts. I tried to imagine Jasper not regretting his decision to ask me to marry him. I tried to imagine spending the rest of my life with him. I never heard the end of the song, I fell asleep trying to imagine.

"**~~**"

"Emmett," I growled, "I want to."

"No," he said firmly as I pulled the weights down. "You have a game tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah. So?"

"You'll be too sore. We can try again on Monday."

His tone left no room for debate and I sighed. Recalling how it felt to stand, even if I was assisted and wobbly I'd been waiting to use the braces again since Monday. I was tempted to argue with him, but decided it wasn't worth it, and in the end, he was right. After I finished ten reps of shoulder pulls, I let the weights down. He was standing in front of me, feet about shoulder width apart, large arms folded over an even larger chest. Starting at my feet, he looked me up and down.

"What?" I asked as I wiped my face with my shirt.

Tilting his head to the side, he smirked. "You seriously think you can take me one on one?"

"I know I can," I returned confidently.

"Let's do it."

"Right now?"

"Yep," he said as he headed for the door. "You, me, and some hardcore ball."

Pushing away from the weights, I followed him out the door and down the hall. I swear his shoulders almost touched the walls. Getting around his Hulk-like build wasn't going to be easy, but his size would hinder his speed. He held the door for me and I went down the ramp to the garage. I opened the door and Emmett ducked under it to grab the ball.

"First to twenty wins?" he asked, tossing it to me and I nodded. "You're going down, Cullen."

Lifting the ball, I faked left and when Emmett fell for it, I shot. He watched as it swished through the net. "You sure about that?"

"I let you have that," he huffed. "Just warming you up."

"Right," I laughed.

He shot from the foul line, making it easily before coming out the arc and shooting and air ball. He looked down at me, "I meant to do that."

"Sure you did."

"Should we have stakes, make it worth our while?"

"Like what?"

"If I win, you need to make sure there are brownies when I come over."

"Do you think of nothing else but eating?"

He held his massive arms out, inviting me to look at his body. "What do you think?" When I laughed, he said, "Ok, what are you terms?"

"If I win, you need to teach Jasper everything you can before he leaves for school. I want him to know as much as possible before he starts," I bartered.

"Deal," Emmett said, holding out his fist to bump it with mine. I bounced the ball to him and he tapped it back. "Anytime you're ready, sport. Let the game begin."

While one hand bounced the ball, my other gripped the handrim and I swung the chair to the right. Just as I thought, he shuffled to his left to defend me but as soon as he did, I lifted the ball and shot. He turned just in time to see it sail through the basket.

He jogged over to rebound it. "Lucky shot," he said. "Be prepared to be amazed, Cullen."

With both hands on the rims, I watched him shift his weight side to side. As soon as he went right, he left the ball unprotected and I reached for it, knocking it away.

"Damn it," he huffed. "Do over."

"Do over? We've barely started," I laughed, but handed him the ball.

Focusing more, he kept his body between me and the ball as he dribbled and worked his way toward the hoop. Using the chair, I stayed right on him, giving him enough room to move but keeping between him and the basket. He had a huge height advantage, there was no way I'd be able to block a shot, so I had to steal the ball or throw him off before he had a chance to shoot. He kept glancing at me and I could practically see his mind spinning as he tried to figure out what to do.

"C'mon, McCarty, show me what you got," I challenged him. My eyes never left his feet as he spun for a fade away shot. Sticking my arm straight up, I attempted to block it, but the ball went too high. Before I could turn around, I heard it bounce off the rim. "Do over didn't help."

"Just need to find my groove," he excused as he retrieved the ball.

I inbounded the ball and he passed it back. Instead of playing it safe and shooting from there, I dribbled by him, keeping the ball on the other side of my chair. Shuffling along next to me, he guarded me pretty closely, not letting me get the easy layup I was hoping for. Instead, I faked right, waited for him to take the bait, then shot.

"Did I tell you I had a full basketball scholarship?" I announced as the ball went into the basket.

"Little late," he grumbled.

Passing him the ball, I moved my chair to guard him on the arc, not surprised when he used his body to block me from the ball. Then he turned and ran by me, attempting a layup, but he went to fast and missed.

"Found that groove yet?" I teased as I grabbed the ball.

"Shut up, Cullen," he quipped, wiping the sweat from his forehead as he got in a defensive stance.

Not that it helped him much. I dribble to the left, bumping into him with the chair, but he pushed right back. It wasn't easy getting around him, but just as I thought, he wasn't fast and he fell for a fake every time, giving me the chance I needed to get off a shot. Emmett never gave up, he continued to play hard, even blocking a few of my shots and making some of his. By the time Jasper pulled up in the truck, I was six points ahead. Jasper sauntered up the driveway, standing to the side as Emmett drove for the basket and danced when he made the shot.

"Has he been doing that every time?" Jasper asked me, cringing at Emmett's victory dance. It was only slightly worse than Jasper's running man.

"Yeah, apparently it's his groove," I answered.

"You winning, babe?" Jasper winked at me.

"Hey, you can't call him that unless you've got a name for me," Emmett laughed.

"Loser?" Jasper returned quickly and Emmett pouted. "Okay, okay, Air Emmett."

"Better," Emmett said as he passed the ball to me. The chair was sitting a few feet past the three-point line as I dribbled. "Bet you can't make it from there."

Jasper snorted and shook his head, loose golden curls falling around his face.

"You sure?" I asked and Emmett nodded. "I make this, I win. I miss, we keep playing."

"I can play all night," Emmett said, standing to my side.

I glanced at Jasper one last time before lifting the ball. With the flick of my wrist, the ball arced through the air and into the basket. Emmett's jaw dropped as the ball rolled down the driveway, stopping only when Jasper stuck his foot out in front of it.

"Looks like you won't have to play all night, Air Emmett," Jasper chuckled, suppressing a laugh as he picked up the ball. "I bet he can make two in a row."

Emmett looked at me. "Double or nothing?"

"Sure."

Jasper threw me the ball, mouthing 'you can do it'. I positioned my hands, took a deep breath and released the ball into the air with a follow through. We all watched as it circled the rim and fell in. Jasper's grin couldn't be contained.

"Mad Cullen skills," he beamed.

Emmett sighed and held his hand out to me. "Good game, Cullen. You kicked my ass." Then he looked at Jasper. "Classes start on Monday. Can you be here by three?"

Jasper's brows furrowed in confusion and he glanced at me before quickly answering, "Yes."

"Good enough," Emmett said. "Be right back." He turned and took the porch steps in one leap before going inside.

"Classes?"

I turned the chair toward Jasper. "We bet on the game. I won so he has to teach you everything he can about PT before you leave for college."

"Edward, he doesn't have to do that," he sighed.

"He would anyway. He loves it and you know it."

"But…"

"Don't worry about it, kid, I'd like to give you a head start," Emmett said as he came down the steps with his bag in his hand. "I've had enough embarrassment for the day, I'm heading out. Monday, same time. Good luck at the game tomorrow."

"Thanks." He bumped my fist, and then Jasper's, before getting into his car and backing out. Jasper walked over until his shins were almost touching my feet. Squinting in the sun, he looked around the driveway.

"Where is everyone?"

"Dad is at work and mom took Alice shopping. I've been told I'm on my own for dinner."

"Oh really?" he asked, a mischievous glint in his eye. His hand reached out from his side, his fingertips not quite touching my arm. "You look like you got pretty sweaty playing."

I smiled. "I did."

"Maybe you should shower before they get home."

"Maybe I should." I lifted my hand enough so he could touch it and the charge surged through my body. How could something so simple turn me on so much? "I bet you got hot at practice."

"I did."

"I bet you could use a shower too."

"I could," he agreed. "How long do we have?"

"Probably about an hour, maybe a little more."

"More than enough time to get…clean," he whispered in an aroused voice. Dropping my eyes to his shorts, I saw his already semi-hard cock. Eager, I licked my lips and he groaned. "If we don't go inside right now…."

He didn't need to finish.

Whipping the chair around, I headed for the ramp while Jasper sprinted across the lawn and up the steps much like Emmett had. He reached the door before me, holding it open with his foot as he grabbed the hem of his tee shirt and began pulling it up his torso and over his head. We were barely inside the bathroom when he was kicking the door closed with his foot. He swayed as he simultaneously toed off his sneakers and hooked his thumbs in the elastic of his shorts before lowering them over his ass. Standing before me in nothing but his briefs, he looked at me with darkening eyes.

My gaze lazily tracked down his elegant neck, pausing at his racing pulse, then over his shoulders and collarbone to his pebbled nipples. The small muscles of his defined abdomen tightened in anticipation when my eyes rested on them, outlining the shadows of each one before continuing to dusting of dark blond that dipped under the wide gray band of his underwear. His useful, working legs were covered with muscles he earned from years of running, wrapping around his thighs down his calves, the sinewy lines visible just under his golden skin. No matter how much I stared at him, it was impossible to find a blemish on his body, one part of him wasn't perfect. He would argue otherwise, saying his lips were too big or his toes too long or his hair too wavy.

He would be wrong.

So very fucking wrong.

"Hey, babe," he murmured, stepping toward me. "Easier to shower if you're undressed."

Before I could think to stop him, he was tugging on my shirt. I lifted my arms straight up and he pulled the shirt off and tossed it on the floor. His brows furrowed as he debated on how to take off my sweatpants when I was sitting down. Crouching, he lifted a foot onto his knee and took of a sneaker, dropping it with a thud before doing the other. He was very focused on his work, slowly ridding my clothing one piece at a time, but the erection straining against the cotton of his underwear told me just how eager he was to have me naked. After my socks were off, he leaned toward me, snaking one arm around my back and forcing me forward. I don't know how he did it from that position, but somehow he raised my hips off the seat enough for his other hand to yank the sweatpants and underwear over my hips before setting me back down. Sitting back on his heels, he edged the pants down my thighs one side at a time until he could easily slide them over my knees and down my calves to the floor. Refusing to look at me deteriorating legs, I blushed under the blue heat of his lusty gaze.

"So beautiful," he sighed.

Leaning forward, his hands parted my knees and giving him room to bury his face in my crotch. His back rising as his lungs expanded with his deep breath. My head lulled back against the chair, my eyes closing as my hands found his hair and I tangled my fingers in the curls, feeling the slight movement of his head. Without looking, I knew he was running his tongue along my cock. If the motion of his head wasn't enough to tell me, the wet sounds of his lapping and groans were.

Then I felt it.

The softness of lips, the rough of a tongue, the nip of teeth.

"Oh, God," I moaned, my eyes snapping open.

Whipping my head up, I dropped my chin to my chest and watched Jasper as he worshiped the small spot on my thigh. My fingers gripped his hair as weak tingling began to tease the base of my neck. Suddenly, I wanted his lips and hands everywhere.

"Love," I groaned.

He raised his eyes to mine and I brushed the hair out of his face. Swiftly, all in one motion, he stood and scooped me into his arms. My arms went around his neck for extra support as he walked us into the shower stall. I thought he was going to set me on the chair but instead he nuzzled my head with his nose until I turned to him and he captured my lips in a deep kiss, sweeping his tongue through my mouth. He nibbled on my bottom lip before breaking the kiss and gently sitting me on the chair. I reached around him, turning on the shower and directing the nozzle at us while Jasper grabbed the body wash and poured it on a shower puff. Then he kneeled before me, and with reverent motions, he ran the puff over my chest and arms. There was a look of concentration on his face as he methodically washed me, not missing one inch on my body, even lifting my feet to wash under them. He took his time when he washed my dick, soaping up his hands and cleaning between my legs.

I knew he was doing it because he wanted to, but part of me couldn't help but wonder if this was the life he was meant to have. What able-bodied seventeen year should be bathing their paralyzed boyfriend? He deserved so much more, so much better. But as much as I thought that, I couldn't deny the look of pure love on his face as he worked, as if there was no place he would rather be right then than taking care of me.

He moved to my hair, lightly scratching my scalp with his nails as he massaged the shampoo into a thick lather before using the showerhead to rinse me off. Neither of us spoke except for a few moans, some louder groans, and an occasional contented sigh.

Once I was clean, he quickly washed himself. Standing in front of me, he gave me an amazing view of his wet body as water ran over the contours of his form in white, sudsy rivers. His muscles bunched and flexed and stretched as he reached and twisted to get every part of him. I watched him with a hungry stare, taking in the curve of his ass and his semi-erect cock thick and heavy between his legs.

Finally, he shampooed and rinsed his hair, slicking it back off his face. Then he stepped over to me, his body still soapy, and straddled my legs.

"Hey," he said seductively with a hint of his drawl. As if I wasn't already seduced by him being in the shower with me.

"Hey," I murmured, looking up at him.

His body blocked the spray of water from me and steam filled the stall. Reaching up, I skimmed his thigh with my fingertips, not surprised when his cock twitched. My fingers moved over his hipbone and up his side as far as I could reach before crossing his body and coming down the middle, threading through his trimmed hair and wrapping around his length. He fell forward, his hands landing on my shoulders as he spread his legs apart even more. Biting my lip, I pumped him a few times, earning a loud moan and soft 'fuck'.

He eased himself onto my lap and sat on my thighs. Releasing him, I curved a hand around his neck and drew him toward me for a long kiss. Tearing his lips from mine, he moved his mouth over my jaw, forcing my head back so he could feast on my neck. When I felt his teeth sucking on the delicate skin, I knew he was tempted to leave a mark, and I was tempted to let him, but he continued down along my collarbone.

"What do you want?" he mumbled against me.

"I want to watch you," I told him. Lifting his head, he looked at me as he leaned back slightly and reached between us.

"Oh, fuck," he moaned, his Adam's apple bobbing when his head fell back in delight. My eyes dropped from his face to his cock, surprised when I saw his long fingers wrapped around both of us. Lather coated our cocks as his hand stroked in a steady rhythm.

It was fucking hot.

I wasn't completely hard, but it didn't matter, my dick was pressed against his in his clenched fist, both reddened heads squeezed together. It still seemed strange that I could see him touching me, see my cock rubbing his, but had my eyes not looked, I wouldn't have known. Before the accident, his hand on my cock would have sent saves of pleasure up my spine, but now it was almost as if it wasn't happening. His hips rocked on my thighs in time with his languid pumps. My boy was taking his time. Resting one hand on his hip, I danced the other up his chest to a nipple, tweaking it hard. Immediately, his back ached and he cried out.

"Do you like that?" I asked, damn well already knowing the answer.

Unable to speak, he nodded and slowly lifted his head, his half lidded eyes falling on mine. Putting one hand on my shoulder, he used me as leverage and slid forward on my legs, putting his nipples within range of my mouth. It only took one pleading look from him before I was taking a nipple into my mouth, sucking and biting on it hard. With the amount he moved, it was amazing he didn't slide off my lap. I moved my hand from his hip around to his back, spanning my fingers to give him some support to lean against as he chased his orgasm. There was less room for his hand between us and his pace became erratic. I moved my lips to his other nipple, lavishing it much the same way, tugging on it roughly until he was writing on my lap. His glistening body tasted a little soapy, but I didn't stop exploring every inch I could reach.

"Gonna come," he whimpered breathlessly.

Releasing his skin, I sat back and stared at the furious motion of his hand over our cocks. Little gasps of breath washed my face as he desperately tried to reach his orgasm. It hit him a few strokes later, his cock emptying in short bursts of cum. I was torn between watching his face as he jumped into the few seconds of ecstasy or watching his cock as it pulsed and shot cum onto us, coating his fingers and my own cock. A vicious shudder wracked his body as he milked his cock.

"Jesus, babe," he sighed, his eyes fighting to focus on me.

My hands had returned to his hips, still bucking as the remnants of his climaxed traveled through his body. The air sparked when he looked at me, the dampness around us doing nothing to dull the intensity. Releasing us, he moved even closer, lifting his ass enough for my cock to slide under him.

Putting his hips at my ear, he murmured, "A few more inches and you could slip inside me. You're already lubed."

He hissed through gritted teeth as his slick ass ground my cock. My nails dug into his hips as I pressed him down on me, not feeling any of it, but knowing my cock was teasing his entrance. It would so easy to say yes, to shift his weight and let him impale himself on me. It was what he wanted, what we had both wanted since our first kiss. Neither of us had minded waiting, we knew that someday we would take that last step together, someday we would connect in the most intimate way possible. We didn't mind waiting because time was on our side….

Little did we know our time had been running out, precious seconds and minutes and hours ticking away and limiting our time to be normal kids.

As much as I knew he wanted to make love, wanted me, I couldn't do it, not then, and…maybe not ever.

Groaning, I stopped the motion of his hips and took his lips with mine, sucking and tasting until the water began to run cool. Never once did he complain I had stopped us. Never once did a look of frustration cross his face. No sighs or rolling of his eyes, just his hands constantly toying with the ends of my hair while mine gripped his hips.

"I fucking love you," he whispered in into the kiss, his body trembling in my arms.

I broke the kiss, smiling at him as he looked at me. "I fucking love you too."

Laughing, he put his forehead to mine. "Should we get out?"

"Yeah," I sighed.

After one last kiss, Jasper stood up and rinsed himself off before doing the same to me. While I turned off the water, Jasper opened the door. He lifted me from the chair and walked out of the shower. Instead of putting me in the wheelchair, he walked to the cabinet.

"Grab some towels," he instructed.

I did as he asked, putting them on me. He turned us toward the door and I opened it with one hand. We listened for sounds of life in the house before he darted us bare-assed across the hall to my room, closing my door with his foot before laying me on the bed. I handed him a towel and he dried off, briskly rubbing it over himself. I did the same, but a bit slower.

We were both dry, and naked, caught in each other's gazes. For a moment, I thought he was going to go for round two, the desire igniting in his eyes once again. Just as I was going to warn him we didn't have time, he broke the trance and went to my dresser, pulling out clean clothes. He threw me a pair of sweatpants, a tee shirt, and underwear. For himself, he pulled out a pair of my sport shorts and my Abbey Road tee shirt. He left the room and returned with the chair, leaving it next to my bed.

We spent the remainder of our time together wrapped up in each other's arms on my bed. Jasper draped his body on mine, singing and laughing with me in between kisses. There were opportunities to tell him about Riley, and maybe I should have, but part of me thought it wasn't my place. Riley claimed he was out, but it wasn't up to me to tell Jasper that Riley was gay. Our conversation focused on us, our wedding and our summer together. Assuming he would spend the night, I was surprised when he said he should leave.

"You need sleep," he said, his fingers tracing the dark circles under my eyes, "for the game tomorrow."

I wanted him there with me, next to me all night, but if he stayed, there would be less sleeping and more making out. He kissed me goodbye, told me he loved me and gathered his dirty clothes from the bathroom before sneaking out of the house.

I was debating on doing my nightly routine when my phone rang.

"You can't be home already," I answered. "Even you don't drive that fast."

He laughed, "No, but I missed you."

I don't know how it was possible, but I missed him too.

"**~~**"

"I'm hungry," he said, handing me a soda.

"Me too."

Jasper had been right, I did need sleep, and I had gotten some. He'd kept me on the phone while he drove home and then through my nightly routine. Back in bed, he sang as I glanced at the corner several times to make sure I was alone. There were hints of the darkness, but I closed my eyes and concentrated on Jasper and nothing else.

The phone was still on my ear when I woke up hours later. I could hear his snoring.

He was at my house even before I was dressed, fixing us breakfast while I did my routine and dressed. After everything was packed, we told my parents we would see them at the game and Jasper helped me into the truck. For the entire ride there, I'd sat next to him, my head on his shoulder, my hand on his thigh.

We arrived in Port Angeles around lunch time and picked out a pizza place for lunch. After ordering, Jasper took away a chair at a table so I could pull right up to it. He seemed anxious about something the entire time. I was in the process of explaining a new play to him when I noticed his eyes kept drifting from my sketching to my face, then quickly back down again. When he began biting his lip, I knew something was definitely up.

"Hey, baby," he said softly. My attention went from the napkin to his face and I saw the nervousness there. My heart leapt, skipping several beats. "Since we're here and out of Forks, I was…I was wondering if…if maybe we could…lookatrings."

At first, it made no sense. His words were mashed together, bubbling from him in an excited rush.

But I caught the word 'rings'.

My mind raced and caught up to what he was asking. "You want to look at wedding rings?" I whispered with surprise. Asking me to marry him was one thing, but actually buying rings was something else entirely.

"I figure it's safe here because no one knows us. We could just look and see what there is," he rationalized.

Could we? Could two boys, teenage boys, walk into a store and look at wedding bands? Would we get kicked out? Would it matter? Jasper wanted to marry me regardless, and I'd said yes. Rings were a part of that, the next logical step in getting married.

"I'd like that," I admitted quietly.

"Yeah? I know there's a place about a block from here."

"How do you know that?"

"Google."

The man behind the counter said our pizza was ready. Jasper got it and brought it back to the table with plenty of napkins. It tasted delicious, just the right amount of grease and cheese and sausage. I was enamored with a bit of cheese hanging between Jasper's lips when a small voice spoke.

"Mama, why's that boy in a funny chair?"

I turned, finding a young boy with his mother at the counter.

"Because he's crippled, Dylan. His legs don't work and he can't walk," his mother replied, not even looking at me.

Instantly, Jasper dropped his pizza and began to push his chair out. I grabbed his wrist. "Don't."

"Edward, let me go."

"He's just a kid," I reasoned.

"His mother isn't. Now let me go."

"No. It's not worth it."

Being looked at was something I was going to have to get used to. Ignorance was everywhere, little kids, their parents, my peers, and nothing I did was going to change that. It was sad, but fact. And Jasper would exhaust himself if he tried to take them all on.

"Babe, it's not right," he sighed.

"I know, but I have to get used to it. It's something I need to deal with for the rest of my life. It's okay."

"No, it's not, but if you don't want me to say something, I won't. But, trust me, Edward, I want to rip her fucking head off."

"I know, that's why I stopped you. I don't have enough bail money." I gave him a smile and released his arm when I was sure he wasn't going to bolt up from his chair.

We finished our lunch, never quite regaining the happiness we'd felt after we'd first arrived. Jasper emptied the trash, and before I could call out to stop him, walked over to the woman and her son.

"For your information, we're on our way to basketball game where he is the starting point guard, he's also valedictorian of our class and been accepted to UW. Maybe next time you should take the time to know the person before you go assuming what they can and can't do."

My face heated as he spoke, but I couldn't help but feel proud of him, how protective of me he was.

_My superhero. _

"Sorry," he murmured when he returned.

"I can't keep you on a leash," I chuckled, backing up my chair and going toward the door.

A few minutes later, we were pulling up in front of a jewelry store. Shifting into park, he turned to me, offering me an out, reminding me that anyone in the store would know we were a couple. I couldn't deny it made my stomach churn, but Jasper had been brave enough to ask me to marry him, the least I could do was look at rings with him.

Convinced I was okay with it, he got the chair and helped me into it. The wide birth people gave me on the sidewalk didn't go unnoticed. I didn't know if it was because they were afraid of me running into them, or perhaps they thought paralysis was contagious. Either way, I refused to meet their eyes, I didn't need to see their pity.

At the store, Jasper helped me up the two steps in front of the door before backing me inside until I could turn around. Immediately a woman approached us, offering assistance, and Jasper bravely spoke up while my own heart pounded.

"We want to look at wedding bands."

"Which one of you is getting married?" she asked innocently.

"We are," he repeated, putting his hand on my shoulder. "_We_ want to look at wedding bands."

She motioned us to another case and we moved down in front of it. Then she asked what we had in mind. I could have told her exactly how I'd always imagined out wedding rings, the cut, style, even the engraving, but I wasn't sure that was what she meant. Looking up at Jasper, I took his hand from my shoulder and laced our fingers together.

"Something simple," I replied to her.

Opening a glass case, she began to point out different bands, taking the time to explain the pros and cons with each style. She pulled out a silver band, detailing the weight and size, but it was the simplistic design I liked. Offering to let us try it on, she set it on a velvet cloth.

Carefully, as if it would break in his grasp, Jasper picked it up and placed it in my open palm. I ran my finger over the edge, unable to believe that something so small could mean forever?

Holding my left hand, Jasper took the ring and slipped it on my ring finger. It was hardly a perfect fit, but the image shocked me.

It looked so…normal.

Like it'd always been there, weightless on my hand but its meaning heavy in my heart. A circle to bind us for eternity, entwining our lives and making him mine.

"What do you think, baby?" Jasper smiled at me.

"I think it's perfect. You try it."

He took the ring off my finger and put it in on his. It looked more amazing on him. Jasper stared at it, his eyes lighting up with possibilities as he chewed on his lip. When he finally met my gaze, I asked him what he thought.

His reply mirrored my own. "It's perfect."

That was all I needed.

I told the girl we would take them and she measured our sizes before going out back to see if the rings were in stock. Jasper didn't think I saw the glare he gave the old lady in the corner but it was hard to miss the way his lip turned up in a warning sneer. He brushed off my concern before asking if I like the ring.

"It's just like I imagined," I confessed.

"You've imagined what our rings would look like?" he teased.

Before I could admit just how much I'd imagined our wedding day, the salesgirl reappeared. She had us try the rings to make sure they fit and then asked about engraving. Suddenly, Jasper asked if he could get something else engraved too and pulled out his keychain. She examined it and then said asked what he wanted on it.

"Can you add 'baby' after the 'be safe' and then 'see ya soon, love' under it?" he said quietly, glancing at me.

The girl filled out the form for the keychain and asked what we wanted engraved on the rings. I knew what I wanted, what I had always thought should be on them, but it wasn't until I looked up at Jasper that I knew for sure he wanted it too.

Because I was amazed by him, by everything he did, everything he was, and I was pretty sure he felt the same way about me.

Taking his hand, I kissed the back of it and without taking my eyes off Jasper, answered her question.

"Maybe I'm amazed."

When the paperwork was all filled out, she rang us up. I knew Jasper had the money, but I paid regardless. I wanted, needed, to do something in any way I could. Of course, he argued with me, but when I pleaded with him to let me, he gave in. Curling a hand around my neck, he tilted my head back and then swept his lips over mine briefly before putting his mouth at my ear and telling me he loved me.

The salesgirl returned, gave us our paperwork and receipts and said we would get a phone call when the rings and keychain were done. Jasper helped me out of the door and down the steps onto the sidewalk.

We still had plenty of time until the game so we made our way down the bumpy sidewalk, glancing at storefronts.

I hadn't planned on anything so drastic, I hadn't planned on anything like that at all, but it was fate when I saw the sign. Jasper bumped into me and asked what was wrong. Lifting my hand, I pointed to the small building across the street.

Maybe it was stupid and foolish, but when I saw the sign, images from my dreams haunted me. The way Jasper sat on me, his fingers flicking the hoops in my nipples, the way I moved under his affectionate touches. It would be something for me, well, for us, that I could do. Perhaps it was a rebellion against the chair, against my new life. My legs were gone, I couldn't get them back, but my upper body was all mine, and I could feel it, sometimes more intensely than I ever felt anything.

I barely heard Jasper call out after me as I crossed the street. My heart raced as I neared the building, it was the right thing to do. I needed it. When I reached the steps, I turned the chair and waited for Jasper as he jogged to catch up with me.

"What are we doing here?"

Then I told him about the dream, a detail I'd left out before thinking it wasn't important. It wasn't until then that I realized just how important it was. As soon as I told him, he went quiet, swallowing his words and looking away and shifting uncomfortably.

"You hate the idea," I sighed. If he didn't want them done, I wouldn't do it.

"No," he said crouching in front of me and taking off my sunglasses. "Babe, don't get me wrong, it sounds fucking hot, but it's…"

"What?"

"It's not you," he answered.

Maybe he was right, maybe it wasn't me. But I wasn't me anymore, very little of my old life remained. I got around differently, I ate differently, I pissed and shit differently, I even slept differently. I was stuck, stagnant with little control. There was only one thing about my old life that had followed me into my new….

Jasper.

He was still there, still loving me.

If anyone would understand, it would be him.

"Maybe it is now," I said sharply before sighing and looking away. When our eyes met again, I explained. "Jas, so much has been taken from me, I just want to do something that's just for me, a kind of 'fuck you' to fate."

Giving me a smile, he corrected me. "You've got that wrong. This wouldn't just be for you."

"Maybe my dream was trying to tell me something. And you know," he paused, glancing around and leaning closer before speaking in a hushed tone, "how sensitive they are now. Maybe this might help with…ya know." He unknowingly released a small groan and I knew he was putty in my hands. A few more words, and he would convinced. "I'll let you play with them."

He fought the image and tried to remain rational, wanting to know how I was going to explain to my parents. Right then, I didn't care if they found out, I would deal with that later. He wisely countered with the game, saying it would hurt to play. I had to give him credit, as aroused by the idea as he was, he was somehow managing to put up a good argument. Sometimes I forgot just how stubborn he was, just like he forgot how determined I was when I put my mind to something. Then he shocked me.

"Can you get a cock piercing too? I mean, you wouldn't feel it." He blushed as soon as he said, as if couldn't stop himself from blurting it out.

It had never occurred to me to my dick pierced, it was nothing I would benefit from, but he would. There was only one thing that stopped me. I was embarrassed enough to be naked with Jasper, to let him see and touch me, I couldn't let a stranger do it, not willingly, not yet.

"I'd have to show them my dick. I don't know if I can do that," I apologized.

"It's okay, it was stupid to ask. You sure you really want to do this? It's kind of a big thing, baby."

"Yeah, I_need_ to do this. It probably seems foolish to you but I've no control over anything anymore, love. Not even my fucking bladder. I want to do something because I can, not because I have to."

The battle was won with those words. Not that I ever doubted he would be on my side, he just needed to play his role responsibly before agreeing it was something I needed.

He helped me inside and we looked around as we neared a counter in the middle of the room. It was set up as I expected, a small waiting area and a private area sectioned off with an opaque screen and artwork of every design decorating the walls and screen. Before I had a chance to reconsider what I was doing, a guy walked through a door from the back. He was big and covered in tattoos.

"Hey, boys, what can I do for you?"

I tried to sound braver than I felt. "I want to get my nipples pierced."

"What are you looking for? Ring? Barbell?"

"Oh, umm…I don't know. Barbell, I guess."

The man finally looked at us, really looked at us, and he knew right away. "Are you eighteen? The state of Washington requires people to be eighteen for body piercings."

That was it. All the courage I had left me when I shook my head. He apologized, even sounded sincere, but as Jasper turned around, I took a deep breath. I wasn't going to give up, not yet.

"Listen, I know I'm not eighteen, but I'm stuck in this chair for the rest of my life. I can't feel shit below my waist, but I can above it, and I…I just want something to do something I can feel," I implored to him.

For a long moment, he stared at me through his wire-rimmed glasses, looking me up and down, taking in the metal prison around me before finally asking how old I was.

"Seventeen. I'll be eighteen in October," I answered honestly.

After I assured him we wouldn't tell anyone he did it, he agreed and I couldn't help but grin and thank him. He introduced himself as Randy and then directed us to the room behind the screen where there were two small studios set up, each with a dentist chair in the middle. Randy boldly asked if Jasper was my boyfriend, then teased that the piercings were as much for him as they were for me. Jasper lifted me into the leather dentist chair and then Randy showed me my jewelry options.

The book was full of pictures of every part of the body pierced, lips, nose, nipples, dicks, hips…even places I would have never imagined. I settled on a silver barbell and showed it to Jasper, who squeaked out his approval. As Randy readied the equipment, he explained exactly what he was going to do. I asked a few questions about pain and healing, but no matter his answers, and even Jasper's long sigh about having to wait three weeks to play with them wasn't enough to deter my decision. My mind was made up.

I was going to get pierced.

"Okay then, off with the shirt," Randy said.

Leaning forward, I pulled the hem of my jersey up and over my head before leaning back against the chair. I'd never been shy about my body, but while I hated to show my legs now, I had no problem going shirtless. Five months of lifting weights had its advantages. I didn't even blush when Randy acknowledged my build.

"Ready?" Randy asked.

"Can he hold my hand?"

"Sure. He'll just have to switch sides when I finish this one."

I looked at Jasper to find him staring at me, his eyes freely roaming my chest, arms, and abs. I don't think he was aware of his erection or how many times he licked his lips.

"Stop gawking at me and c'mere," I teased him. Stepping toward me, he bumped into a table before making it to my side and taking my hand. Once our fingers weaved together, I was ready.

I watched as Randy cleaned my nipple, much I like I cleaned the head of my cock when I used a catheter, before clamping it. It pinched at first, but I was relaxed. After Randy put the dots in place, he had me check them in a mirror. I approved the position and he grabbed the needle. Bending over, he placed the needle on the outside of my nipple.

"Deep breath in, then exhale. Relax," he instructed.

My eyes locked with Jasper's as I took in a breath and released it slowly. There was a sharp sting, only a few seconds of pain and I tensed, squeezing Jasper's hand before an ache replaced the pain.

"It's in," Randy announced as he sat back.

Jasper was the first to look, his eyes eagerly dropping to my nipple, a small gasp escaping him at the sight. Following his gaze, I looked down and saw two silver balls on either side of my nipple, which was red with a few drops of blood.

"Fuck," Jasper's groaned and I laughed. Jasper switched sides, taking my other hang and asking me if it hurt.

"Stings, but not too bad," I answered, looking down at it. "How's it look?"

As if I didn't know he liked it.

"Fucking hottest thing I've ever seen," he murmured.

"Someone's going to have fun in three weeks," Randy teased before repeating the procedure on my other nipple. Attempting to stay as relaxed as possible, I still felt myself tense when he slid the needle through. When he was done, Randy admired his work and cleaned up the blood that seeped from the first one.

Jasper hadn't moved, transfixed by two shiny piercings. I think he wanted to play with them right then. Keeping him away from them for three weeks wasn't going to be easy.

"I think you're drooling," I smirked at him.

"Babe, I don't know what I was thinking when I tried to talk you out of this," he admitted.

Then he lifted his other hand, tracing a wide circle around a nipple. There was no controlling the quivers going through me as the fire he controlled sparked at the base of my broken spine and spread outward.

"Feel good?"

"Yeah," I almost moaned.

I put my shirt back on as Randy flirted with Jasper and went over my aftercare directions. Jasper carefully moved me back to the chair and we went to the counter to pay, where Jasper pulled out his money and paid before I could protest.

Then I asked a question I never thought I would hear myself say. "Do you do cock piercings?"

"I do, but not until your officially eighteen," Randy answered.

"Deal. I'll see you in October. Thanks so much. I appreciate it."

"_We_ appreciate it," Jasper smiled.

It wasn't until we were outside and I went to the give the chair a big push when I realized the motion was going to cause some discomfort. At the truck, I took the aspirin Jasper offered and buckled up for the short ride to the gym. Jasper assumed I wanted to get their early to shoot around, but there was something else I wanted more than basketball.

I wanted Jasper.

He went to open his door and I stopped him. Instantly, he asked if I was okay. I was more than okay. I'd just done something spontaneous, I was going to play basketball, and right then, I was with my boy. It didn't get any better than that. Turning my head to the side, I told him I loved him, earning me a kiss and a murmured 'I love you' in return. He wasn't surprised when I deepened the kiss, but he was surprised when I began to stroke him through his khaki shorts.

"Babe, what are you doing?" he gasped, his hips already lifting to press against my hand.

"Thanking my boyfriend for supporting me," I mumbled, forcing him closer so I could kiss along the salty skin of his neck.

"Jesus. What about being careless, it's daylight." His words might have been warning me but his voice held nothing except desire and hope I wouldn't stop.

I glanced around outside the truck. The parking lot was empty and the way he'd pulled it made it hard for anyone on the street to see inside the cab. Telling him to stay still, I lowered his zipper, shocked when I realized he hadn't gone commando. Pulling his briefs over his erection, I embraced it in my fist and began to pump him. His reaction was instantaneous, closing his eyes and groaning as he tried to do as I'd asked and keep still. He was halfway successful, his upper body remained quiet but his hips thrust into my hand as much as the cramped space would allow. Pushing his hair away from his ear, I replaced it with my lips.

"I can't wait for you to suck my nipples. I can't wait to feel your tongue on me. Gonna feel so good and make me come hard."

"Yeah," he rasped.

Twisting his hair in my other hand, I tempted him. "Wanna come, love? I bet you want to shoot your load all over my chest, huh?"

"Jesus, fuck, yes," he groaned before begging wantonly, "Harder, faster."

Quickening my pace, I stroked him just how he liked. I tilted my head to his, our foreheads touching as he tried to pry his eyes open to watch my hand on him. When his cock pulsed and I knew he was coming, I took my hand from his hair and moved it to his chest, holding his shirt up as I smashed my mouth to his, muffling his grunts as he came. His cock erupted, cum running down my hand and landing on his abs. We kissed through his climax, his body weak with shudders until his hips finally stilled. Grabbing some napkins, I wiped him clean while he sucked on my neck. I lifted my hand to his mouth and watched him lick my fingers clean of his cum, his eyes sparkling with the orgasm still flowing through him.

"So fucking worth the risk," I breathed.

"**~~**"

Everything was sideways, the bleachers, my teammates, the wheels on the chair rolling up to me, all of it was horizontal. Air rushed from my lungs as I realized I was lying on my side. Seconds seemed like minutes as my mind raced to figure out why I was on the floor.

"You okay, Cullen?" a voice asked as the wheels rolled to a stop near me.

The game had started, the other team aggressively using their chairs to block us from passes and shots. Everything they were doing was within the rules, they were just hitting harder than other teams. The sheer size of their players put a lot of force behind each slam of their chair.

I'd looked at Riley, and spotting him under the net, went to pass him the ball as I turned to my left to avoid the other team's defense. Just as the ball left my hands, I was hit from behind, jarring the chair so hard I lost balance and tipped over. It wasn't impossible for the chairs to get knocked over, but it wasn't easy either. As I planted my hands on the lacquer floor to upright myself, I saw familiar sneakers on the sidelines, pausing to wait for my signal. Almost as soon as I had fallen, I had seen him jump up from his seat and take the bleachers by two until he was on the floor. He'd even stood before my parents had, my dad concerned while my mom put her hand over her heart.

They didn't need to worry, I was fine. What could happen to me anyway? It couldn't get much worse than being paralyzed.

Raising a hand, I grabbed the one that was held out for me. Clasping it, I used my other hand to push off the floor as Riley pulled me up. Once I was upright, I glanced at Jasper, letting him with know with a slight nod I was okay and he could sit down. After thanking Riley, I gave thumbs up to Sam and the officials and the game continued.

Leary of being hit so hard again, I remained cautious, but played with as much aggression defensively as they did, using my chair to block and cut them off. Sweat rolled down my face, soaking my game jersey as I shot, directed, and passed. It was a hard first half, and I spent halftime on the sidelines listening to Sam while looking at Jasper. Worry etched his face in furrowed brows and pursed his lips, but his eyes were steady and unwavering in support. He might have been the first one out of his seat to help me, but he was going to be the first one who realized I was okay and let me keep playing.

It was going to be more difficult to convince my parents.

The second half began and I eased the chair onto the court, giving my parents an encouraging smile. My mother still looked frightened but my father returned my smile. Paul inbounded the ball to me and I dribbled down court, keeping an eye on all the players, watching and waiting for one of my teammates to be free. We were shooting well, but the other team wasn't making it easy on us and we were working for every shot we got. In the end, our hard work paid off and we won by a few points.

I'd never been more exhausted after a game before. Sweaty and thirsty, I wheeled over the bleachers, managing a tired smile as Bella, Newton, Eric, and Angela approached. There were a few fist bumps and congratulations on the win before they said goodbye. Behind them, my parents patiently waited and I prepared myself for their warnings.

"Are you okay?" my father asked, his doctor eyes roaming over my left side that had been pressed to the floor.

"I'm fine, it's wasn't bad, just tipped over."

My mother hugged me extra tight, and until then I had been so focused on the game I'd forgotten what I'd done earlier, but when I reached up to return her embrace, I felt a stab of pain in my nipple. Wincing, I released her, quickly smiling to alleviate her concern.

"I'm fine, Mom," I said, holding out my arm, "See? No damage."

"We'll talk tomorrow," she warned. Resigned it was unavoidable, I nodded. They gave me one last hug and then said they would meet me at home.

As they walked off, Jasper stepped forward. His eyes didn't share their concern, he knew what I was capable of taking. Instead, the side of his mouth turned up and he tapped my wheel with his foot.

"Didn't think you could fall over in that thing," he teased.

"The guy was a fucking tank," I mumbled. "You would have fallen over too."

Laughing, he motioned toward the door and I turned, rolling alongside him. I glanced over to Riley on the sidelines, giving him a wave before leaving the gym. At the truck, I tossed my bag inside and Jasper lifted me before securing my chair in the back. Opening the door, he hopped inside and buckled up. I slid to his side as he started the truck and backed out of the space. I never remember him entering the highway, my eyes closed and my head lolled to the side, resting on his shoulder. I was only vaguely aware of him singing with the music.

It wasn't until he was nudging me with his shoulder that I realized I'd fallen asleep.

"I think you drooled on me," he chuckled as I lifted my head.

"Sorry." I stretched and sat upright. We were parked in my driveway next to my parents' car.

"Maybe it won't be so bad," Jasper offered before I'd even said anything.

I hoped he was right, but had a feeling he wasn't. I'd worked hard to convince my parents, especially my mother, that basketball was safe and I wouldn't get hurt, and while I hadn't been hurt, the fall was surely enough to scare her into not letting me play. I only hoped my dad felt differently.

Jasper helped me into the chair and followed me with my empty basketball chair. Even with my mother's promise of waiting until the next day to talk, I still expected to be questioned when I opened the door. I was relieved when the living room was empty, but I could hear someone in the kitchen. Jasper parked the chair by the front door and followed me down the hallway. Rolling by the kitchen, I peeked in to see my dad standing at the fridge with the door open. When I went to keep going, he spoke up.

"Did you get hurt?"

"No, I didn't feel a thing," I said automatically, instantly regretting my choice of words.

"Not funny," he said firmly, closing the door. "Not now."

"Dad, I promise, I'm fine. Just embarrassed I let it happen."

Jasper stood behind me and my father glanced at him. Something passed between them but was over before I could glance up at Jasper.

"As long as you're okay. Why don't you get some rest, we can talk more tomorrow," my father said, returning his eyes to mine.

It wasn't even that late, but I nodded. In my room, I rolled over the window. After Jasper closed the door, he walked to me and climbed onto my lap careful to keep his weight off my chest. With his head on my shoulder, he put his arm around my neck.

"I don't know what I'll do if they take this away from me," I whispered to him, my eyes never leaving the backyard and the covered pool that would soon be open again for the summer.

"They won't," he promised quietly.

I wanted to believe him, I chose to believe him, and putting my temple to his, closed my eyes. We remained like that for some time, silent and holding each other. His hand sought mine and our fingers brushed skin and his lips kissed my neck. His head suddenly snapped up and I opened my eyes to find him grinning at me.

"What?"

"We bought wedding rings," he said with a giggle.

"I got my nipples pierced," I added.

He thought for a second before replying, "Yeah, you're right, that wins." Leaning toward me slightly, he pressed his lips lightly to mine before running his tongue over my bottom lip and tugging it into his mouth. His fingers twisting the ends of my hair sent a shiver through me and I angled my head to deepen the kiss before he pulled away.

"Want to go to bed?" he asked, his eyes alight with the desire that always hovered in them, sitting on the outer edges of his irises until something ignited it. As much lust that was swirling in the blue of his eyes, we both knew there wasn't going to be anything but talking and sleeping in bed. He hadn't asked to sleep over, we both just assumed he was.

I nodded and he got off me, stretching from the cramped position of his six foot frame draped over a wheelchair. Pushing over to the corner, I grabbed a kit and then left the room to do my nightly routine. In the bathroom, I used the catheter and brushed my teeth before lifting my shirt and examining the piercings. My nipples were still slightly red, but there was no swelling or blood. Smiling, I let my shirt cover them up again and went back to my room.

Jasper was already changed, a pair of my sweatpants hanging low on his hips as he threw his dirty clothes into a pile on the floor. He watched while I transferred to the bed and began to change, his eyes fixated on my hands as I slowly lifted my shirt over my head. A soft gasp escaped him when my nipples were revealed.

"Can we fast forward three weeks," he murmured. I don't think he was even aware he'd said anything aloud.

Chuckling, I shifted to take off my shorts and Jasper sucked in a breath. "What?" I twisted trying to look at my side. Reaching out, he gripped my elbow and turned my arm inward. A large bruise of muted blues and purples had formed on the outside of my bicep. "Shit," I groaned.

Once my mother saw that, basketball would be done.

"How bad is it?"

"It's pretty high, I think you can cover it with shorts sleeves. Does it hurt?" he asked, studying it with his mother's practiced eye.

"No, I didn't even know I had it."

His lips pursed as he touched around the bruise, judging my reaction when he pressed harder. "Jas, it's fine."

Nodding, he released my arm. "It's not swollen and it might hurt more tomorrow, keep an eye on it."

As if he wouldn't for me, but I promised anyway. "I will."

Jasper dropped to his knees to pull off my shorts and put my feet into the pajama bottoms I'd grabbed from the drawer. After a delicate kiss to my thigh, he let me pull them up and I dragged myself up the bed until my head was on the pillows. Making sure the door was closed tightly, Jasper climbed over me, purposely taking his time to slide his ass over my hips, his intense eyes darkening and rolling back slightly before he settled on the other side of me and placed a kiss on my bruised bicep. Instead of lying his head on my chest, he propped himself up on his elbow and let his free hand draw lazy figure eights around my pierced buds. Each track of the tips of his fingers sent a small shudder through me. I couldn't help but wonder how something so light felt so good, what was it going to feel like when he could really touch me. Feeling his warm chest pressed against my side, I ran my fingers through the ends of his waves.

There in bed, I was stripped bare of everything but Jasper, my world revolved around him, around us. It was a sanctuary of sorts, where secrets and blowjobs had been shared, where we told each other how scared we really were while we pretended for the rest of the world, where we openly shared our love without fear, where we were completely just us.

But there were things Jasper didn't know, most importantly about OSU, but smaller things as well. Once again, I debated on telling him about Riley, but before I could decide either way, he spoke up.

"Can I ask you something?"

I nodded, pleased the patterned of his fingers never altered when he spoke. It seemed to take great effort but he finally lifted his attention from my chest and to my face.

"Do you think Riley is gay?"

Given where we were and what we were doing, it seemed to be the most random question in the world, but I could see on his face it wasn't random for him, it was something he'd been considering. He knew by the way I instantly started gnawing on the inside of my cheek that I was hiding something and his eyes widened.

"He is." It was less of a question and more of a confirmation, but his expression still wondered. "How do you…he told you didn't he?"

Finally, I nodded. "Thursday. How did you know?"

His shoulder lifted slightly. "I didn't really, I just suspected." Then he grinned, "It's the hair I think." When I didn't smile back, he looked at me with concern. "What happened?"

"Nothing," I shook my head, "he was driving and I was asking him questions and asked if he had a girlfriend. He said no, so I asked why. I assumed it was lack of time, or…his paralysis, but he said it was neither. So I asked why, and as soon as he smiled, I knew."

"Was he upset?"

"No," I answered quickly, "not at all. Just the opposite, he had no problem admitting it. Like it was easy for him to just say the words, 'I'm gay'. Then he told me about coming out and his ex-boyfriend."

"Ex?"

"They broke up," I said quietly.

His fingers stopped and he swallowed. "Why did they break up?"

I knew why of course, or at least what Riley suspected as the reason, but saying it out loud to Jasper was harder than I expected it might be.

"Edward?"

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath. "Riley thinks his paralysis got to be too much for Jared. He said not everyone can deal with it forever."

There was no tenseness in Jasper's body, no exasperated exhale of breath in sympathy or understanding for Jared, just his palm flattening over my racing heart.

"Babe." He paused, waiting until I opened my eyes and looked at him. The lust in his eyes had long been replaced by devotion, and it emanated off him in a warmth, encasing us both in its bubble. "I'm not him," he whispered me firmly, but softly.

Reasonably, I knew he was right. He was Jasper, my Jasper, but that was right then…what about a year from then, or two, or five. Would he still be my Jasper then, or would he have grown weary of ramps, catheters, and no sex? And all of the other things that now defined my world.

His hand left my chest and cupped my cheek, his thumb stroking it gently. "All in forever, baby," he reminded me before leaning down and pressing his lips to mine, mumbling the phrase again before his tongue entered my mouth, sealing his words.

He lifted his head, his breaths heavy and hot on my face. The pad of his thumb ran under my eye over the dark circle there like he'd done the night before.

"Been a long day," he said.

Even if I'd wanted to hide how tired I was, I wouldn't have been able to. Instead, I just nodded and tilted my chin up, offering my lips for one more kiss. Jasper obliged, brushing his sweetly over mine before pulling away one last time. Already nestled in the crook of my arm, he laid his head on my shoulder, higher than usual to avoid my nipples. Resting his arm around my middle and a leg over mine, he held me tightly. I reached to the table, turning off the light and hitting play on iHome. Jasper snuggled into me as Paul began to sing about love. Jasper joined him, and I reached down to my side and curled my hand around his.

I don't know how quickly I fell asleep but I barely remember Jasper finishing the song. I did remember how safe and loved I felt as my eyes closed and Jasper enveloped me.

All in.

Forever.

"**~~**"

Just as my eyes opened to discover a weak sunlight filtering through the curtains, Jasper stirred next to me. At some point during the night, he'd shifted, his head now lower on my chest and his lips dangerously close to my nipple. His moist breath washed over my skin, leaving goose bumps in its wake when he inhaled. My blurry vision was filled with strands of silk in every golden color, intertwining into messy waves. The hand that had been on his back when I had fallen asleep had worked its way into his hair, tangling it around my fingers. Even if he had wanted to leave, he wasn't going to go anywhere without me knowing.

There was no doubt by the rise and fall of his shoulders he was at least partially awake. Jasper wasn't one for bouncing out of bed in the morning, he liked to wake slowly, greeting the day with grumbles and complaints before kissing me and smiling. It was several moments of staring at the back of his head before he stretched his long body out beside me. I swear something wet briefly brushed over my nipple as he rose his head and turned toward me. His eyes were half open, but the emotion he carried in them still showed brightly and I gave him a smile.

"Bedhead," he chuckled, pushing my hair off my forehead.

"You're not exactly one to talk."

He grinned and shook his head wildly, messing his hair up further. "Doesn't matter, I'm only going to work anyway."

"How long?"

Disappointment clouded his face as he sighed. "I told him I'd do a double shift today because I missed last week and yesterday, but I'm going to try to leave at three because I need to run."

Jasper was pushing himself, challenging just how much one person could take on, and it was wearing on him. It showed in everything he did, but no matter how much anyone argued with him, he would keep going. His stubborn nature wasn't going to listen to anyone.

"Call me later?" I asked, letting go of his hair.

"I'll call at lunch," he promised with a quick kiss.

Then he was pushing off me and getting off the bed. Unashamedly, I watched as he worked out the kinks in his torso by lifting his arms above his head and twisting side to side. The ropes of muscles that formed his body bunched and flexed with his movement and I licked my lips. Even barely awake with bedhead, Jasper was a feast for my eyes. Stopping, he absently lowered my sweatpants from his hips and bent over to grab his clothes from the day before. When I groaned, he wiggled his ass and laughed.

Once he was dressed, he checked to make sure he had his phone and wallet and then sat on the edge of my bed. Placing one hand on the other side of me, he allowed himself a few seconds of objectifying my chest before giving me a slight apologetic smile and leaning down to kiss me.

"Lunch?" he asked as he pulled away.

"Yeah." I nodded, hoping one day maybe I could bring him lunch at work like I used to.

He stood, and taking his keys from the table, opened the door and winked at me before sneaking out it. Looking at the clock, I saw it was barely six. Even though we'd gone to bed pretty early, Jasper had to be exhausted. Sighing, I closed my eyes and already missed him.

I wasn't surprised when I heard "Eye of the Tiger". Grabbing my phone off the table, I put it to my ear. "Hey," I greeted quietly. "You're not even out of the driveway."

"Actually, I am, but not by much. I thought you could keep me company on my way to work."

"No breakfast?"

"Just the bagel I stole from your kitchen on my way out," he mumbled.

"Should have grabbed two."

"I did," he admitted. "What are you doing today?"

"Sleep for a while, then deal with my parents."

"I don't think it will be bad, baby, your dad understands," he reasoned through a mouthful of bagel.

"I know, but what if my mom doesn't and he listens to her?"

"Babe, you know better. Your dad is reasonable, he can get her to be too. Don't worry," he assured me.

"You're right," I sighed, "maybe it won't be bad."

"Just… umm…"

"What?"

"Wear long sleeves."

At his warning, I looked at my arm. The bruise was still there, still large and discolored. "I will."

Jasper changed the subject, bitching about the sunny weather and random shit until I heard him shut off the truck and sigh.

"You're at work, aren't you?"

"Yeah. I should go. I'll call at lunch. Love you."

"Love you too," I promised before hanging up and looking at the time to see how long it was until lunch.

Setting the phone on my bed, I closed my eyes. Pushing all else from my mind, I concentrated on images of Jasper in the meadow, in his truck, in my bed, each one in greater detail than the last until sleep let me back in.

It was several hours later when I woke up, partially surprised I'd slept so long. I didn't like how things wore me out quicker and for longer periods of time. I wasn't used to feeling weak and tired. After checking the time, I moved to my chair and got a kit to do my morning routine. It still took me about an hour to complete it, but I was lucky my body cooperated with me. After months of doing the same thing, it was easier to make myself shit on command and I rarely had to use suppositories. It certainly wasn't the most pleasant way to go to the bathroom, but as I sat there with my pants around my ankles and my finger in my ass, I reminded myself it could be worse.

It could always be worse.

Once I was done, I cleaned up, brushed my teeth, and then searched the cabinet for some Epsom salt, but didn't find any. Instead, I wet a small towel in hot water and washed my nipples, hissing when I accidently tugged on one. When they were done, I examined my bruise in the mirror. It wrapped almost all the way around my arm. Even though I hadn't even felt it happen, I wasn't surprised it had. I'd been knocked over pretty hard and my arm was smashed to the floor by the weight of my body and the chair. I hoped it wasn't too warm out, I didn't need my father noticing I was in a sweatshirt all day. Returning to my room, I left my sweatpants on and dug one of Jasper's tee shirts out of the laundry. Pulling it on over my head, I inhaled his faint scent.

The Sunday before I'd been in the meadow with Jasper, and he'd asked me to marry him. I'd been engaged for a week. I wasn't sure I'd ever get used to the idea of being engaged, I think partly due to the fear that Jasper might retract his offer when he realized all that it meant.

Before I got too deep into doubt, I put Star Wars into the DVD player and then lifted my backpack and pulled out my books, splaying them across my bed as I studied, wrote, and answered questions as R2-D2 and C3PO argued on the best way to save Luke. Not only did I finish my homework, but I got ahead on a few assignments I knew were coming up. The work kept my mind off worrying about the impending talk I knew was coming from my parents.

When my phone rang on the table, I smiled before answering it. "Hey, love."

"Babe, I'm thinking of skipping lunch and driving to your place for a quickie." Jasper always went straight to the point when it involved getting off.

I leaned back in the chair and closed my eyes. "You were, huh? Not sure you have time for that, but…"

"But what?" he said, a bit breathlessly.

"There is the cab of the truck."

"Jesus, babe, don't tempt me," he groaned and I moaned in his ear. "Stop that. I can't work with a boner."

"You've done it before," I teased.

"And it was painful. I'm working with nail guns, babe. Can't be accidently nailing something…" He paused when my laughing interrupted him.

"No, we can't have that. Don't damage the goods."

He quieted and then asked, "Babe, do I hear Yoda?"

Glancing at the TV, I chided myself for not having turned it down when he called. "It's just an ad."

"Right," he chuckled. "You miss me and you're watching Star Wars."

"You caught me."

"I miss you too."

"Call me when you get home?"

"Always. Love you," he vowed before hanging up.

Setting the phone down on my bed, I finished the reading for physics and packed all the books into my bag. Pausing the movie, I put on a sweatshirt and went to the kitchen to find some lunch, settling on Fluffanutter sandwiches and a bag of chips. Balancing my food on my lap, I spun the chair around to find Alice in the doorway.

"What?"

"Nothing," she shrugged, getting a plate out of the cupboard. "Where's your partner in crime?"

"Work."

"Late night last night?" When I didn't reply, she pointed to my hair. "You have 'just fucked' hair. Might want to brush it before mom or dad see it."

Self-consciously, I ran my fingers through my hair. "It's just messy."

Her laughed told me she didn't believe me. "Right."

"Where's mom and dad?" I asked, curious it was lunchtime and I had yet to see them.

"They went out to brunch with the Martins. Said they would be home a little after lunch. Dad said he went to tell you but you were still sleeping. Why? Thinking of running off with Jasper?"

"Fuck off," I returned lightly as I rolled by her, returning to my room to eat lunch and watch the rest of Star Wars.

Bored more than ever after the movie ended, I went to the dining room to workout. Feeling comfortable enough with the door closed, I took off the sweatshirt and laid it on the bench before starting. As I lifted the weights, my eyes often drifted to the parallel bars. I was both eager and nervous to try them again. My body recalled the achiness that had followed for days afterward. But it had all been worth it, the pain and effort, just to look Jasper eye to eye. I found myself smiling at the memory as I finished the shoulder press reps. Not want to push my body further than necessary after the game the day before and PT the next, I stopped sooner than usual and once again returned to my room. I was just debating on taking a shower when there was a knock on my door.

"Yeah?"

Dressed as casual as he got in jeans and a polo shirt, my dad gave me a smile and stepped inside.

"Jasper left?" he asked, taking in the messy bed and sweatpants strewn on the floor.

"Yeah, he had to work."

When his eyes darted to my arm, I swore under my breath. My father left and Dr. Cullen took his place as he stepped closer and lifted my arm. With an expert touch, he pressed and inspected every inch of it.

"Does it hurt?"

"No."

"It's a nasty contusion, but there doesn't appear to be any damage." Finally releasing it, he immediately stepped back into my father's shoes. "Don't let your mother see it," he suggested.

"She's not going to let me play again, huh?" I asked hesitantly, not sure I wanted to know the answer.

"I took care of her, don't worry," he said as he sat down on my unmade bed where Jasper and I had been together only a few hours before.

"What did you tell her?"

"The truth. That you need to play, that it's good for you even though there is a little risk. I know what happened yesterday won't be the last time, but you need to keep in mind that, while slim, there is a chance you could injure yourself further. It's unlikely because it's been almost six months, but you still need to be careful."

It was hard to believe I'd been stuck in a chair for six months. The passing of that time didn't mean much to most people but to me it was when I would find out if I would be in the chair for the rest of my life. It was when I would either have my hope renewed or crushed completely. I didn't know what to expect, what kind of tests they would put me through, what kind of results they needed to see in order to tell me all hope was not lost.

"What's going to happen?"

His brows furrowed and while I was pretty sure he knew what I meant, he asked me anyway. "What do you mean?"

"Do you think I'll get better?" I asked, searching his face for the answer to the question I knew he'd been dreading hearing since my accident.

"I've been a doctor a long time, I've seen some pretty tragic things, but I've also seen some miracles, and people beating impossible odds. There is always hope," he whispered.

"But is it possible?"

"Edward," he sighed with a slight shake of his head.

"Dad, I need to know if I'm going to be stuck in this thing forever. Could I walk again?"

As he considered my request and how to word his answer, his brows knitted tightly between his eyes. My father wasn't one to sugarcoat things, the doctor in him didn't allow him to be anything but practical. The only time I'd seen him upset was when he'd told me I was paralyzed. I studied his face for the same mixture of emotions I'd seen that night, but only found confusion.

Taking a breath, he spoke. "Medically speaking, it is not impossible, but it's…unlikely. However, we won't know until your sixth month checkup in a few weeks. You've still got a lot of PT in front of you, things could always get better, though probably not without braces and a walker."

"Possible?" He brought his eyes back to mine and nodded. "But not likely…." I supplied for him quietly.

"Edward, you can still live a full, independent life. Once you have the checkup and are cleared, you can begin using braces in PT…" he trailed off.

I was slightly shamed I hadn't told him about working with the braces.

"I've got something for you," he said suddenly, breaking the heavy silence.

"What?"

"Follow me," he said as he stood. He waited for me to put on my sneakers and then I followed him out the door and down the hallway. When he bypassed his desk and headed for the front door, I was surprised, but went outside and down the ramp to find him standing next to my mother's car.

"Where are we going?" I asked as I came to stop in front of him.

"_We_ aren't going anywhere, but you can," he replied cryptically.

Stepping to the side, he opened the driver's door and motioned for me to look inside. Pushing around the door, I found my mother's car newly equipped with a handicapped driving aid. Similar to Riley's, it was connected to the gas and brake pedals and extended to just beside the steering wheel, easily assessable for my hand.

"I thought you might want to start getting around on your own again," my father suggested.

My heart halted and a lump formed in my throat, forcing me to suck in shallow breaths. Even in the cool air, I was sweaty and if I hadn't been gripping the handrims so hard, I would have felt my hands shaking. Swallowing, I bit my lip and tried to calm myself.

"What do you think?" he asked behind me.

"It's…it's great, Dad. Thanks," I forced out.

"I know your mother has the car a lot, but we thought this might work until you get a car of your own. I can show you how to use it?"

_Fuck no._

"I already know. Riley showed me when he drove the other day," I half lied.

"Want to go for a drive?"

Backing the chair up, I looked up at him. "Not right now, maybe later."

He eyed me, but nodded and closed the door. "Okay, anytime."

Attempting to give him a smile, I nodded. "Thanks, Dad, it's really cool."

And it was. It was a thoughtful and expensive gesture, but…

He headed toward the porch steps. "Hey, Dad?" Turning, he raised a brow. "Do we have any Epsom salt?"

"I've some in my bathroom, everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just want to soak my feet." The lies were falling easily.

"I'll leave it in your bathroom," he said and then turned.

Instead of following him, I waited until he was inside before hanging my head and closing my eyes. Immediately I was plagued with flashes of light streaking through dark and specks of cold white. Clenching my eyes tighter, I willed them away until all that was left was me sitting breathless in a chair.

For life.

Forever.

I was nothing more than a scared cripple. My life had been reduced to all the things I couldn't do instead of those I still could. There was no future to look forward to. It might have been daylight out, but it darkened around me, the air became thicker and suffocating. Spinning the chair, I quickly pushed toward the ramp and went up it. At the front door, I shoved it open and entered, not even sure I closed it behind me before I was wheeling down the hall and entering my room.

It was already there.

Larger and darker than ever, it welcomed me, crooking its wispy black finger at me. It was useless to resist its strong pull. The whispered promises of comfort and solace lured me closer. With the darkness there would be no pain, no disappointment in my father's eyes or in Jasper's touch. There was no misery in not caring. Slowly, I rolled in its direction, easing myself nearer to the life it promised to give me. It loomed in the corner, snaking tendrils out toward the wheels of the chair to grip it firmly.

Only a few more feet to go until I would be in its clutches.

The music was faint, far away, but familiar. It continued to play, getting louder with each verse until it broke through the dark fog and registered in my mind.

_Jasper._

It was Jasper.

He was unknowingly throwing me a lifeline, I only needed to be strong enough to grab it. Keeping my eyes on the growing black smoke, I reached onto my bed for my phone, absently pressing accept.

"I took a break to grab a water and call you. Didn't think you'd mind," he greeted with a chuckle.

His voice was confident, definite, real.

When I didn't reply, he asked, "Edward, you there?"

An uncontrolled choked sob escaped me in response.

"Shit, I'm on the way, babe. I'll be right there." His words were a small light in the darkness.

"Don't," I said weakly, not really sure who I was even talking to.

My lids drifted closed, focusing on the sounds I heard through the phone, muffled voices, one more desperate than the other. I should have tried to stop him, but I just listened…waited. A truck door closed, an engine started, a voice of concern returned.

"Are you home?"

Another sob.

"Jesus, babe, I'm coming, please hold on," he demanded. Jasper rarely got upset, and when he did, it was usually anger or frustration. His mother's calm DNA ran through him and in emergencies, Jasper was collected, until it was me who needed him. "I'm only about ten minutes away. Are you alone?"

_No. The darkness was with me. _

I shook my head and whimpered.

"Are you hurt?"

_Yes. Very much._

"No," I managed to squeak out and he sighed in relief.

Jasper kept talking, reassuring me he was on his way, that he would be with me soon, telling me to hang on. His voice unknowingly competed with the force in my room, the one reminding me that Jasper was only temporary, he couldn't fix my broken self.

No one could.

Not even Jasper, no matter how hard he tried.

"I'm here, I'll be right in," he rushed out and the line went dead.

It seemed only seconds later my door was opening and strong arms were wrapping around my shoulders as he lowered himself to his knees in front of me. Without questioning what happened, he comforted me, pulling me toward him and resting my head on his shoulder. One of his hands found the hair at the nape of my neck while the other rubbed up and down my back. Soothing sounds were in my ear as he nuzzled his head against mine, leaving a kiss or two in my hair. It was me who pulled away first, lifting my head and kissing the corner of his mouth. He wouldn't let me go completely, his arms stayed around me, but he moved enough so I could see his face.

"You okay?"

I glanced over his shoulder to the corner, finding the darkness still hovering lowly, biding its time. Jasper couldn't watch over me forever and the blackness had nothing but time.

"Yeah," I sighed. He didn't buy it, I knew he wouldn't, but he loosened his hold and sat back on his calves. Moving his hands to my lap, he held both of mine in his.

"What happened?"

"My dad…he came in and we were talking—"

"About?"

"Being careful at basketball, my checkup in a few weeks, whether or not I'll get better." The fear I tried to hide quieting my voice.

Jasper exhaled, but squeezed my hands. He already knew. I hadn't even had the appointment yet and Jasper knew what the result would be.

"Anything else?"

Slowly, I nodded. "He got me controls for my mom's car."

"Controls?"

I sniffled, "Yeah, so I can drive it."

For a second, I thought he was going to smile, it teased him until he realized that was what had bothered me. "What happened?" he repeated.

"I don't know," I shook my head. "I just looked inside and saw the controls and panicked at the thought of driving again. I mean, I know I can't rely on you forever, but I can't…I can't drive yet."

"You don't have to," he murmured. "I'm here."

"But I want to, Jasper, I just can't." My mind jerked back and forth along with my words. One second I wanted to try, the next, I never wanted to get in a car again.

Cupping my cheek, he gave me the smile he'd held back. "Want to try it with me?"

Staring at him, I blinked. "What about your work?"

"Don't worry about it," he said casually. I should have asked if he was in trouble, if his father was upset, instead, I was just grateful he was there with me. "Do you want to try?"

Jasper was tall, broad, and emendated a strength I no longer possessed. A confidence I would never feel, but he shared it with me, letting it flow from him into my with each breath I took until I was nodding in agreement. I pushed around my bed and out the door with Jasper following closely. As I coasted down the ramp, I saw Jasper's truck parked crooked on the street. He hadn't even taken the time to park straight. The closer I got to my mother's car, the faster my heart pounded. Jasper reached it first, opening the driver's door. Stopping next to him, I looked inside the car and then up at him.

"I don't know how. I mean, I know how to get in, I just don't know how to get the chair in."

"I do. You get in and I'll show you."

"How do you know?"

"Youtube," he shrugged. He wasted no time in pulling out his phone and tapping on the screen. Before I could wonder what he was doing, he was kneeling next to me, holding the phone so I could see it.

"What is this?"

"Just watch," Jasper said.

There was a young guy, maybe in his twenties, in a wheelchair explaining how he moved from his chair to the car. In great detail, he showed how he placed his body and took the chair apart to get it in the car, as well as how he got back out again. We watched the video through one time and then Jasper paused it.

"Want to try?"

Taking a deep breath, I nodded. Jasper moved to stand by the back door as I positioned my chair parallel to the car, and after placing my feet on the ground, I used the steering wheel for leverage and slid my body to the driver's seat much like I did when I got into the passenger side.

At first I was relieved I'd done it, but when I saw the steering wheel in front of me, my heart raced faster. When I looked out the windshield, I saw darkness and headlights instead of daylight and my house. Tires screeched in my ears, crunching metal and my own screams echoed loudly through my head. Even with my eyes wide open and Jasper within arm's reach, it wasn't enough to alleviate my fears. The lightheadedness returned and I could feel the blood pulsing through my veins as everything slowed and I relived what I could recall from that night. Frozen, I screwed my eyes shut, the breath rushing from me when the impact happened. Only seconds early, I'd heard Jasper's sweet voice full of anticipation on the phone, then it was replaced by a horn, panicked cries, and shattering glass. Lost in the flashes, I hadn't noticed Jasper kneeling beside me, his hand on mine as he tried to unclench my fist.

"Babe, you're shaking," he whispered. "Are you okay?"

Was I shaking? I hadn't noticed. I wanted to answer him, but I couldn't, the words wouldn't form.

"Edward," he said more firmly, "are you okay?"

I think I shook my head, my lips moved but I wasn't sure if anything came out. The accident replayed in my head, the surprising cold as the airbag pressed me against my seat, the pain that radiated seemingly everywhere through my body, the warm stream of blood running down my face.

Then it was just black.

"Scared," I mouthed.

"Let's get you out," Jasper insisted, releasing my hand.

"No," I replied with more conviction.

Apparently my answer didn't matter, Jasper was already lifting me from the car. My arms instinctively went around his neck, but I was only vaguely aware that he never put me in the chair. Instead, he was moving and my head lolled against him as he carried me into the house. It wasn't until he was placing me on my bed that I attempted to open my eyes. Jasper was out of focus, blurry no matter how hard I squinted at him. He had me propped on my pillows as he sat beside me, one leg curled up under him.

"Fuck," he mumbled. His hands were in my hair, on my face as he tried to stop the violent shaking wracking my body. It wasn't until he wiped the dampness from my cheeks that I realized I was crying.

"I wanted to do it," I stuttered. I wanted to show Jasper I could do it, that he wasn't stuck with some cripple forever. "It's been six…months…why can't I do…it?"

"Ssshh, baby," he soothed. "Just breathe for me."

I was trying but it was difficult. My breaths were shallow, if at all, and short. Inside me, fear reigned and my stomach churned as I felt bile rise in my throat. Feeling dizzy, I closed my eyes again, hoping to stop the nausea before it hit me full force. Once again, I'd failed, I'd let Jasper and my father down. I should just stop trying, just let the darkness take me, do with me what it will.

It certainly couldn't hurt any more than I already did.

Soft lips pressed to mine in a light kiss, a silent pleading to stay with him, to not give up. I don't know how he knew, maybe he sensed we weren't alone, but somehow Jasper knew the battle that was being waged for my soul and that he was currently on the losing end. Jasper didn't like to lose, he would do whatever he had to ensure I didn't give up him, on us, and most importantly, on myself.

"I'm spending the night," he murmured as he pulled away and my eyes opened.

"You can't," I sighed, "it's a school night."

"Like I care about that."

"What about your homework?"

"Edward, right now nothing is more important than you. I'm staying," he said with determination.

When he stood, I saw him glance at the corner, scanning it quickly before he opened my door and promise to be right back. There was no way my parents would let him stay, not on a Sunday night. The dark smoke would come for me as soon as he was gone.

The snickering got louder, willing my eyes in its direction as it floated around the catheter kits, weaving around them to remind me of what my life had become. Just as my resolve began to crack, my door swung open and Jasper pushed my chair into the room. Leaving it by my bed, he toed off his sneakers and undid his jeans. Picking up the pair sweatpants he'd left on my floor earlier, he quickly changed and crawled over me onto my bed.

"What are you doing?"

"I told you," he said softly. He mirrored my position, propping himself up next to me with the pillows and then patted the space between his spread legs. "C'mere."

Instead of arguing he needed to go home, I clumsily moved closer until he was able to reach around me and pulled me to him, settling my back to his chest. Reaching down, I straightened my legs out and then watched as his legs closed against mine. My head lay on his shoulder, his chin against my temple while his hands took mine and he laced our fingers together on my abs. He smelled slightly of wood and sweat. In his arms, my shaking and tears eventually morphed to occasional shudders and sniffles.

"You don't have to drive, Edward. Not now, not ever," he whispered, the rough pad of his thumb constantly stroking the back of my hand.

"I want to," I countered weakly.

"Then maybe it's just too soon. Just give it some more time."

"It's been almost six months," I reminded him.

"So? Is there a time limit on recovery?" He nudged my head with his nose before sighing. "It won't win," he promised me, "I won't let it win. You're mine."

Nodding when he kissed my forehead, I thought I was his, I would always be his, but what scared me most was that didn't mean he would always be mine.

I had no idea what time it was or how long he'd been with me, I only recalled the songs, one effortlessly flowing into the other as he sang quietly into my ear. The darkness might have remained in my room, but in Jasper's arms surrounded by his warmth and scent, I felt safe, protected from all that might want to hurt me, including my own thoughts.

Sleep eventually came, my body heavy on his, but he never once let me go or even loosened his hold. Keeping his word, Jasper stayed with me, slaying demons he couldn't even see.

My superhero.

"**~~**"

Jasper was kneeling in front of my right leg while Emmett was crouched in front of my left one, now encased in Velcro straps, aluminum bars, and plastic molding. I had already finished some light lifting and now it was time for the hard stuff.

"This part here," Emmett explained to Jasper, "goes around his knee, the release is this ring here."

Emmett would have shown Jasper everything anyway, but because of Emmett's loss to me in basketball on Friday, he was going into great detail to Jasper about everything he was doing.

It had been an interesting day.

Before either of our alarms had gone off, I'd woken up to find myself securely wrapped in Jasper's embrace. I was still lying against him, his arms around my middle, his head turned the side as he snored. Blinking away sleep, I dared a glance to the corner, relieved to find it empty of everything but the kits. Not only had Jasper left work early and stayed with me all night, but he'd slept in the same position with my weight crushing him. He'd skipped his run and I'd skipped my nightly routine. Jasper would say it'd been worth it, that nothing was more important than helping me, being with me, but would there ever be a time when he didn't have to sacrifice something in his life for me.

Leaning to the side, I turned my head to see Jasper. Waves hung in front of his face, his lips were dry and parted and there was a flush to his face. He must have been hot with me pressed against him. Before the accident, I would have felt his morning erection pushing against my lower back, but I felt nothing but the rise and fall of his chest.

"Jas," I murmured. Other than a quiet moan, he didn't acknowledge me. "Love, we've got school."

His moan turned to an annoyed groan. "Don't wanna. Too comfortable."

"You must be sore," I sighed. I was used to sleeping in the same position all night, but Jasper was usually free to move at will, until my body weight held him in place.

"Nope," he mumbled sleepily as he slowly pried his eyes open. "I like having you on me." Leaning forward he kissed me quickly before pulling back and looking at the clock. "Fuck."

"Yeah, I know."

"We need to shower."

"Yeah."

My head was on his shoulder, tilting back so I could see him as he spoke. "You okay?"

Unable to resist, I glanced to the corner and then nodded. "I think so." After he kissed my forehead, I said, "Thank you."

"I didn't do anything," he denied.

He had no idea how incredible he was.

Instead of arguing with his stubborn self, I whispered, "I love you."

A bright smile lit up the room and he returned the words. After a long kiss, he eased me off him and climbed out of bed, getting my chair for me. I transferred over while Jasper rummaged through my drawers for clothes, excited when he found a pair of his jeans. Selecting one of my many Beatles tee shirts, he winked and left to go shower. I grabbed a kit and went to my bathroom to do the same.

I emptied my bladder and did my bowel routine before undressing and moving to the shower. I rushed but made sure to wash the piercings before getting out and drying off. Once I was done, I brushed my teeth and covered up with a towel before returning to my room. Jasper was already done, dressed and sitting on my bed waiting. On the bed next to him was a plate of eggs and toast.

"We skipped dinner last night, thought you might be hungry."

"Starving," I admitted. He helped me dry off and get dressed, then I inhaled the breakfast he'd made me before we left. Jasper drove to his house, ran in and fetched his backpack before we headed to school.

Even though I'd reassured him several times I was fine, with the exception of his WWII class, he never moved from my side all day. He walked closer than normal and watched me more than usual. His mood was light, he even smiled at lunch, but not for one second did his eyes leave me. When we went to gym, he changed and walked by my side to the baseball field.

"I'm skipping practice today," he informed me.

"What? Why? Jas, I'm fine."

He shook his head. "I want to be there for PT. Emmett's going to show me stuff."

I probably should have argued with him, made him stay, but honestly, I wanted him with me. I wanted him be there with me, for me. We suffered through gym together, Jasper changed back into his clothes and we left for my house. He insisted on quick snack and made us both sandwiches that we'd barely finished when Emmett arrived.

I hadn't planned on telling Emmett about the piercings but when he went to touch my chest, I winced in anticipation. Curious, he lifted my shirt before I could stop him.

"Is that the only place?" he asked with a raised brow.

"Yeah, but…" I glanced at Jasper, whose cheeks were pink from his blush.

"But what?"

Swallowing, I exchanged embarrassment for courage. "Could I get pierced there?"

"There, as in…?"

"Yeah."

"You okay talking about this in front of him?" he asked, motioning to Jasper.

"I would do it _for_ him," I stressed.

"Okay then," Emmett cleared his throat. "Medically speaking, the risks you face are no more severe than any other man, infection being the main one, but as long as it's done with sterile equipment and environment and you keep it clean, infection is less likely."

"So, I can?"

He held up his hand. "Yes, but I wouldn't recommend it through the glans for two reasons. First is that it can result in scar tissue, which narrows the urethra. Second, a piercing through the urethra might make it more difficult to use a catheter."

"Oh." Internally I berated myself for not having through of something so basic to my everyday needs. A look of disappointment flashed through Jasper's eyes.

"But," Emmett continued, "you could get a frenulum piercing without it interfering with anything, and still, um, ya know, get, um, enjoyment from it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Suddenly excitement replaced the disappointment in Jasper's eyes as he imagined just what kind of enjoyment he would get.

"Like this?" Jasper asked, still kneeling in front of me, bringing me back to present. Jasper tightened the brace like Emmett had showed him, waiting for Emmett's approval before smiling. Emmett stood up and went to the CD player. Jasper rolled his eyes when the music started.

"Didn't realize bad music was part of the deal," he whispered to me with a wink.

"Okay, Whitlock," Emmett began, "same as last time. You get him from the front, I will support from behind-" He paused, his brows raising before saying, "I didn't mean that as kinky as it sounded. We'll do four steps this time, then rest for a few minutes. Any questions?"

"Do you want me kneeling or standing?"

"And somehow, Whitlock, you just make it sound even kinkier." Jasper rolled his eyes and waited as Emmett thought before answering, "Kneeling until I'm behind him, then standing."

"Got it." Jasper gave him a nod and ducked under the bars. On his knees in front of me, he gave me an encouraging smile. "Love you."

"Oh no, no, no mushy stuff," Emmett groaned and I let out a nervous laugh. "Ready, Edward?"

With a curt nod, I reached up and wrapped my fingers around the bars. After one last look at Jasper, I exhaled a breath and then grunted as I heaved myself upright using only my arms and upper body. As I had before, I swayed, but Jasper was there to catch me. His hands spanned my hips, using his weight to counteract mine. Emmett shoved the chair away and moved behind me, his arm hugging my waist. I'd barely been standing for a few seconds and I was already breathless. My arms strained with effort as I attempted to steady myself. Jasper looked up at Emmett over my shoulder, waiting for instructions.

"Okay, stand and guide him like you did last time," Emmett said as he placed his feet behind mine and gripped my hips with his large hands. "Same as before, Edward, I'm going to move your pelvis for you but what I want you to do is use your abs and tighten them as I swing, use them to move your hips with me."

Jasper quickly stood and rested one hand lightly on the middle of my chest while his other went to my shoulder. Emmett pushed my foot forward and I watched it slide along the floor a few inches.

"Okay, swing your hip," he directed.

Taking a deep breath, I focused all my strength to my core and tightened my muscles as he lifted my hip and swung it forward to be level with my foot. Readjusting my weight, I took another breath and saw my other foot move forward. Jasper was so close to me I could feel his hair brush my cheek when he moved. When I glanced at him, his head was lowered, his eyes trained on my feet. I don't think he was aware of how much he was smiling. Two more staggered steps and I slid my hands along the bars, my knuckles white from holding it tightly and my abs already burned.

"Time to head back to the chair," Emmett said after four steps.

"I want to do more," I complained through gritted teeth. Jasper kept his head down but glanced over my shoulder and nodded.

"Fine, two more, then time for a rest," Emmett conceded.

Jasper lifted his head and his eyes met mine. They were filled with a future he had planned for us, one of days and nights together, learning, laughing, loving, and walking. He had enough faith in me for the both of us and he shared it. In his future there was no darkness around me, only light and joy, joy he brought into my world. Jasper showed me all he knew to be true, all he knew to be possible, and with my promise to marry him, he would make it all reality no matter what it took.

A single tear sat on the corner of his eye as he smiled at me.

I was a mess in front of him, sweaty and trembling with effort, my face contorted in concentration, but he pushed my hair off my forehead and smiled.

"You will never meet anyone more proud of you than me," he whispered reverently.

And for the first time in a long time, I thought he was right.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

WN won Best Overall Slash in the Everything is Bigger in Texas contest. M&A won Best Classic. Thank you to everyone that nominated and voted! A list of all winners can be seen here http:/jaspersdarlins DOT blogspot DOTcom/2011/11/everythings-bigger-in-texas-winners DOT html?zx=60e1522eef336853

For those interested http:/www DOTyoutube DOTcom/watch?v=b7biVXVemdU Next time you're in a rush, appreciate how quickly you can get in and out of it.


	29. With A Little Help From My Friends

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- Things really pick up this chapter. Only a few more to go after this! My apologies for the very long delay, thank you for all the thoughtful messages, for sticking with me and caring so much about the boys.

Happy birthday, Dannie!

This chapter is unbeta'd, all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are mine.

More author's notes at the end.

Now Jasper's pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night I didn't have him in my life…_

"**~~**"

Sighing, I flopped onto my bed.

Twenty minutes until Edward was due home from practice. Longest fucking twenty minutes of my life.

My muscles were sore and swollen in protest of the amount of running I'd been forcing on them for the past three weeks. Not only did I have my track practices and meets, but the extra running I'd been doing in preparation for the race.

_The race._

My heart skipped at the words. For months, I'd been pushing my body far beyond its limits, and I feared when I needed it to pull through for me, for us, it would fail. My mother claimed there was no way I wouldn't finish, that my heart wouldn't allow me to not complete the distance, but I'd seen marathons, and people with bigger hearts and more determination than me dropped out because their bodies couldn't handle it. What if that happened to me? What if I let down those who had donated? Worse, what if I let down Edward?

The fear of failure had been growing inside me more and more as the day of the race loomed closer, and while Edward proved to be a wonderful, sexy distraction, he wasn't with me twenty-four/seven, and it was during the times I was alone that my mind began to crowd with thoughts of doubt. Glancing at the clock, I sighed again. There was still fifteen minutes to go.

Riley had given Edward a ride again because of my track meet in Rainier. Other than to gain points for the school, I wasn't even sure why I had bothered going to the last two meets. For the entire season, I'd run my ass off for the school only to find out it didn't matter. I wasn't going to be able to attend the qualifying meet.

It was the same day as the race for Edward.

There was no choice between them, my mind was made up before I'd even asked myself the question. For four years I'd been running track to get to a state meet and win a championship. Four years of running in the cold winter, the damp spring, and hot summer, devoted to the distance and bettering my time, and after all that work I was only one race away from going to States. But now something else stood in my way, something far more important than winning a state title.

Glancing at my phone again, I groaned when I saw only a few more minutes had passed. Since when did time slow so much when we were apart? Since I'd asked him to marry me it seemed we were together almost every minute, and those we weren't might as well have stilled completely. Making sure my door was closed, I leaned over the edge of my bed, fishing blindly for the fur I knew was there. Pulling the Teddy bear out, I dusted off his coat and then took the bag that was hanging from his neck. Opening the drawstring, I pulled out the matching black velvet boxes. Smiling, I cracked one open, my breath leaving me in a gasp as it did every time I looked at them. Mine was slightly bigger than his, but other than that, they were identical; smooth, polished silver with "Maybe I'm Amazed" engraved inside them arcing around the curve of the band. Biting my lip, I ran a finger around the top of the ring, circling it several times, my heart pounding more each time.

It'd been almost a month since I'd had proposed, almost a month since he'd made me the happiest person in the world with one little word.

_Yes._

It still rang in my ear, the way he said it, the tone, the love, the commitment attached to it. I reminded him almost daily that he'd agreed to marry me, and he always shook his head and mumbled, 'what was I thinking?', and then we would laugh. While it had been a fantastic month since that day in the meadow, it hadn't all been easy.

A week to the day from my proposal, Edward once again faced the darkness I thought we'd conquered. That day I realized there was no beating the mysterious force that beckoned my boy to its clutches, there was only keeping it at bay and preparing for those bad days when it would rear high and once again try to steal Edward from me.

Little did the darkness know, I wasn't giving Edward up.

I never would. He was mine.

The morning after he'd gotten pierced, I'd woken up sprawled over him like usual. While I'd fallen asleep with my head on his shoulder, during the night I had moved and when I opened my eyes, my mouth was dangerously close to his nipple. Edward's hand was weaved in my hair and my arm was slung over his middle as I darted my tongue out for a quick experimental lick before lifting my head. He looked beautiful in the dull morning light. His eyes were still half-closed, his hair was literally sticking up every direction, and his lips were parted in a lazy smile just for me. The bruise on his arm hadn't changed overnight, if anything it was darker. He claimed it didn't hurt, but was worried his mom might see it and stop him from playing basketball.

Minutes later, I was regretfully climbing out of bed to get dressed for work. Edward watched every move I made, his eyes openly roaming over my body. Before I left, I sat on the bed, letting my own eyes feast on his newly adorned chest, resisting the strong urge to touch him. Then after a kiss and promise to call at lunch, I left my tired boy alone his bed hoping he'd fall back to sleep and ease some of the dark circles under his eyes.

As soon as I backed out of his driveway, I called him and talked to him all the way to the construction site. So much for letting him sleep.

Work was work. My dad was remodeling a kitchen and adding a sunroom to it. I spent most of the morning helping him frame the sunroom. The weather was cooperating and we worked hard as he asked questions about track and school and graduation. The subject eventually turned to Edward.

"How's he doing?" he asked absently as he held the two-by-four I was nailing into place.

"Pretty good."

"Basketball?"

"It's going good. He fell over during the game yesterday though, he's worried his mom might not let him play anymore," I answered.

Normally I kept the topic of Edward to short answers, or even lies, but I figured a little information wasn't going to hurt. In the back of my mind, I justified it by telling myself graduation was coming, and we'd be telling our parents about our relationship shortly after anyway.

"Did he get hurt?"

"Just a bruise on his arm." I aimed the nail gun and pressed the trigger, filling the air with a loud snap.

"I think they'll be fine. They're just on edge after what happened, can't blame them for that," he reasoned in typical dad manner.

I pressed the gun to the next marked spot. "Guess not, but they need to let him go soon."

I understood their worry, I had it myself, but I wouldn't let it get in the way of Edward doing something he wanted or needed or loved.

"Do you two have any big plans this summer before you leave for college?" he asked innocently.

_Yes, we're getting married._

"No," I shrugged, keeping my eyes on the wood, "not really. Probably just hang out, swim in his pool, maybe camping, shi-stuff like that. "

"Pick up chicks?" he teased, wiggling his brows.

"Girls, Dad," I corrected with a roll of my eyes, "and no, probably not much of that."

_Ever._

"Too bad, you should have some fun before you're stuck studying all the time."

Oh, I was going to have fun, just not with a girl.

Shaking my head at him, he smiled and changed the subject to things I was going to need to buy over the summer for school. Whenever either of us was quiet, my mind went to Edward and our talk the night before.

Riley was gay.

I'd suspected he was, but it wasn't until I asked Edward that I knew for sure. He told me how Riley had come out to him, how comfortable Riley seemed with who he was, then Edward got quiet when he told me about Riley's ex-boyfriend. As soon as Edward had said ex, I knew the reason, but I asked why anyway, pushing him when he remained silent. Finally, he took a deep breath and told me how Riley's ex-boyfriend had left him because of Riley's paralysis. Edward thought I was going to do the same thing. In his heart, he knew it wouldn't happen, but his rational mind insisted on asking questions and planting doubt. With a kiss I reminded him I wasn't going to do that, I wasn't going to leave him.

I reminded him I was all in.

The sun was high in the sky by the time my father and I broke for lunch. As promised, I went to the truck and pulled out my phone to call Edward. Learning against the door, I pressed his number.

"Hey, love."

"Babe, I'm thinking of skipping lunch and driving to your place for a quickie," I suggested only half-jokingly.

"You were, huh? Not sure you have time for that, but…"

My cock twitched and he hadn't even suggested anything yet. "But what?"

"There is the cab of the truck and speakerphone."

Fuck.

I glanced at my dad. He was inhaling a sandwich as he looked over some blueprints laid out on the hood of his work truck parked a few yards away in the driveway. Swallowing, I wondered if I could get in the cab and have phone sex with Edward without my dad noticing.

"Jesus, babe, don't tempt me," I growled and Edward moaned softly. "Stop that. I can't work with a boner."

"You've done it before."

"And it was painful. I'm working with a nail gun, babe. Can't be accidently nailing something…"

Edward's laughter filled my ear. "No, we can't have that. Don't damage the goods."

I chuckled with him, and then heard a distinct voice in the background. There was no doubt who it belonged to.

"_No, no, there is no why. Nothing more will I teach you today."_

The boy who always complained about it, said he didn't understand it, who rolled his eyes when I wanted mentioned it, was watching Star Wars.

"Babe, do I hear Yoda?"

"It's just an ad," he lied poorly. He was already busted and he knew it.

"You miss me and you're watching Star Wars."

"You caught me."

For reasons I couldn't understand, it was one of the sweetest things he'd ever done. There was something warming about knowing he was watching it feel closer to me. "I miss you too."

"Call me when you get home?"

"Always. Be safe, baby," I mumbled.

"See you soon, love."

Putting my phone back in my pocket, I went over to my dad and eyed his second sandwich. He pushed it to me in invitation and I took it.

"Everything okay with Edward?" he asked without looking up from his papers.

Thankful for the food in my mouth, I could only nod. I would never figure out how parents just knew shit like that. Must be an extra sensory thing they developed when their kids are born. Whatever allowed them that talent was slightly unnerving and I swallowed the food around the lump that had formed in my throat. I kept telling myself it was a good guess, who else would I be calling. It was simply process of elimination.

We tossed the trash from lunch in his truck, adding to the week's previous lunches, and returned to the sunroom. The day continued to heat up and my father and I continued to work until two of the walls were up and framed. Even though I was holding a conversation with my father, my mind remained on Edward, what he was doing, if he'd talked to his parents, what he was wearing…

Wiping the beaded sweat off my forehead, I ran a hand through my hair and offered to get waters from the cooler for us. Focused on his work, my father nodded his thanks and I jogged around the side of the house, reaching for my phone as I did so. Just as I reached my dad's truck, Edward picked up.

"I took a break to grab a water and call you. Didn't think you'd mind," I teased, almost sighing knowing he was on the other end, or at least I thought so. When he didn't answer with a quick reply as I expected, I stilled and listened closely. Perhaps he hadn't answered after all. "Edward, you there?"

Then I heard it. An anguished, frightened sob.

Immediately, I was sprinting back around the house, speaking into the phone as I ran. "Shit, I'm on the way, babe. I'll be right there."

"Don't," I heard him say faintly.

Reaching my dad, I angled the mouth piece of the phone down to talk to him. "I need to go."

His brows drew together and his face fell. "What's wrong, are you okay?"

"It's not me," I answered quietly.

He glanced at the phone and nodded before murmuring, "Go to him."

Giving him an apologetic and grateful half smile, I turned and bolted for my truck, my keys already out by the time I was getting into the cab. I knew Edward was still there from the occasional deep breaths he took as he tried to calm himself. One scenario after another raced through my mind, images of him hurt, bleeding, splayed on the floor alone and cold to the memories of him sitting in front of his window staring out to the backyard.

"Are you home?"

A broken sob was his response.

I pushed the gas pedal to the floor, my truck lurching forward as the huge engine kicked in and I began to speed down the road, driving one handed while my other held my phone, my lifeline to Edward, to my ear.

"Jesus, babe, I'm coming, please hold on," I told him, hoping he could hear me.

Maybe it was growing up with a nurse for a mother, maybe it was instinct, but I began asking him questions to access the situation before I got there. The more I knew, the better prepared I could be. If he was injured, then I would hang up and call 911. Technically, I was about twenty minutes from his house but at the speed I was going, it would be less than ten. "I'm about ten minutes away. Are you alone?"

A weak cry.

"Are you hurt?"

"No," he choked out and I sighed.

"Babe, I'm on the way, I'm on Calawah Way, I'll be right there. Everything's going to be okay." Coming to a stop sign, I barely glanced both ways before cruising through and then speeding up once again. "Hang in there, babe, I'm almost there."

Whipping the wheel around, I took a sharp turn onto Edward's street and then floored the pedal again. He was still on the phone, his sounds somewhere between gasping sobs and soft whimpers. I wanted to ask more questions, get more information, but I knew he was past the point of being able to answer me. I saw his house ahead and pushed the truck faster. Pulling to the curb, I slammed on the brakes and shifted into park. Telling him I'd be right in, I jumped out of the truck, barely remembering to close the door before sprinting to his house. I took the steps all in one leap and then barged through the door.

The house appeared empty, or at least quiet, and I scanned the living room and kitchen for signs of Edward but found none. Running down the hallway to his room, I skidded to stop outside his door and took a deep breath to prepare me for what I might find inside. Finding what courage I needed, I opened his door.

He was in his chair, his back to me as he faced the corner of his room and appeared to be uninjured. His strong shoulders were slumped and his beautiful head hung low. There was an air of inconsolable grief mixed with defeat around him, hovering around his legs and clenching his heart, twisting it into something dark. Walking around to the front of him, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders as I dropped to my knees. Resting his head on my shoulder, he relaxed into me while I rubbed a hand up and down his back and toyed with his hair at the nape of his neck.

"Love you, babe, love you," I kept repeating into his ear as I nuzzled his head with mine.

The time I complained about stopping when we were apart finally stopped for us together. I don't know how long it was before he finally had the strength to lift his head. He tried to sit upright, but I wouldn't let him go that far away.

"You okay?"

The second his eyes glanced over my shoulder, I knew exactly why he was upset. It had returned. The mysterious force that had followed him around for so long was back, and wanted him. While I then knew why he was scared, I didn't know what had caused the darkness's return.

"Yeah," he lied.

I didn't want to, but I loosened my hold and sat back, putting my hands on his lap to cover his. He told me about the talk with his dad, about his upcoming checkup and basketball. The hurt was written on his face, etched into each line and soaking each tear that rolled down his cheeks. Edward knew what the checkup meant, he knew as well as I did that his chances of hearing anything beyond being allowed to do more PT was unlikely. The fragile hope Edward clung to daily was in risk of being permanently crushed. I squeezed his hands and asked if there was anything else.

Keeping his eyes on our hands, he nodded. "He got me controls for my mom's car."

"Controls?"

"Yeah, so I can drive it."

My first reaction was to smile, Edward was going to have some independence back, something he desperately needed in his life, but when I didn't see the same excitement on his face, I knew there was more. "What happened?"

"I don't know. I just looked inside and saw the controls and panicked at the thought of driving again. I mean, I know I can't rely on you forever, but I can't…I can't drive yet."

I wanted to tell him he would never have to drive again if he didn't want to, I would be there, but we both knew that in a few months that would no longer be true.

"You don't have to. I'm here."

His eyes snapped up to mine. "But I want to, Jasper, I just can't."

I could see the battle being waged in his mind, his needed to independence versus his fear of sitting behind a wheel again. Maybe, just maybe…

Reaching up, I cupped his cheek and smiled. "Want to try it with me?"

"What about your work?"

"Do you want to try?" I asked, ignoring his question.

After a few seconds of consideration, he nodded silently as he backed his chair up and turned it around. He followed me out of his room and down the hall to the front door. While he coasted down the ramp, I followed him closely. At the bottom, I passed him and went to his mother's car, opening the driver's door. Edward stopped next to me and looked up, admitting he didn't know how to take his chair apart to get it inside the car. Pulling out my phone, I opened up a video I'd bookmarked. It was one of many I'd watched to learn about Edward's mobility. Kneeling next to him, we watched the video, a young guy showing how he moved from chair to car, got his chair inside and then got it back out again. When it ended, I looked at Edward.

"Want to try?"

Sucking in a gulp of air, he nodded. I moved to give him room and watched as he lined up the chair and transferred to the driver's seat. Glancing up to the house, I saw his father watching us from the living room window. At that distance I couldn't see his expression, but I could see the worry in his stance. Returning my attention to Edward, I thought he was ok, but a few seconds later I saw the panic flash over his face as he closed his eyes. His upper body tensed, his hands fisted on his thighs, and he began to shake. Pushing the chair away, I crouched beside him and took his hand in mine, working to unclench it.

"Babe, you're shaking. Are you okay?" I whispered. His only response was to shake even harder. "Edward, are you okay?"

His head whipped back and forth and screwed his eyes shut as he mouthed, "Scared."

Shifting my weight, I let go of his hand. "Let's get you out."

"No," he said firmly, but my arms were already under his legs and behind his back. Standing, I pulled him from the car and headed for the house. He didn't need the chair then, he needed to be held, comforted, not sitting alone in the chair. Not caring if his father was still watching, I dropped my head to Edward's.

"I got you, baby," I murmured into his hair.

He trembled in my arms, his head on my shoulder and his eyes closed as he held onto me tightly. Pushing the door open, I was relieved to find the living room empty and headed down the hall to his room where I placed him on the bed. Sitting next to him, I stroked his hair, held his hand and tried to wipe the tears from his cheek as fast as they fell. His eyes finally opened and went directly to mine.

"I wanted to do it. It's been six…months…why can't I do…it?" he stammered through shaky, shallow breaths.

"Ssshh, baby. Just breathe for me."

His body was wracked by powerful shudders as he fought for control over the fear that had overwhelmed him. I don't think I'd ever seen him so frightened before. His reaction the car, to being behind the wheel again was more violent and darker than I expected. Not that I had thought it would be easy for him, but I hadn't expected a full breakdown. Just when I thought he was coming back to me, I would lose him again, his body succumbing to the force and he cried and shook and whimpered. It was as if he was reliving the accident over and over again. Looking over my shoulder at the corner, I snarled.

_He was mine. _

I needed to bring him back to me. I needed his attention on me.

Leaning forward, I kissed him. It was the only thing I could think of remind him of me, of us. As I pulled away, he calmed, not completely, but enough to give me faith he was coming out of it. I decided then, I was going to watch over him all night. Every God damn second of it if I needed to.

"I'm spending the night," I told him and his eyes drifted open with effort.

"You can't. It's a school night."

It was a weak argument. Like a school night would stop me. After tell him again I was staying, I stood up, promising to be right back. Walking down the hallway, I glanced in the kitchen for Dr. Cullen.

"Is he okay?" he asked from the living room. Entering, I saw him sitting at his desk.

"Yeah, I think so."

Actually, I wasn't sure. Maybe it was something I needed to tell his dad, maybe Edward needed more help than I was capable of. But maybe he just needed…me.

"The car didn't go well, did it?" he asked with guilt. Looking down at the floor, I shook my head. "I pushed him today, I thought he would want it, but he's not ready."

Lifting my eyes, I saw him with his glasses off and his thumb and forefinger pinching the bridge of his nose. With a sigh, he released it and met my gaze.

Taking a deep breath, I spoke. "I know we've got school tomorrow, but I'd like to spend the night. I think…" I lifted my chin higher, "I think he needs m-the company."

Tilting his head, he eyed me. He looked different without his glasses on, not that he wore them all the time, but I'd gotten used to seeing him relaxed at home, often reading with them perched on his nose. I tried not to shift my weight or bite my lip, but I ended up doing both. I wasn't asking for much, but it was something we'd never done. Just when I thought he was going to say no, he nodded.

"I agree."

Relieved, I exhaled and turned to go get the wheelchair I'd left outside when he spoke again.

"Jasper?"

Stopping with my back to him, I waited.

"Take care of my son," he requested in a soft voice.

Swallowing, I closed my eyes. Images of Edward and I in bed holding each other, leaning on each other, crying and laughing together weaved with ones of us reciting vows and making love and sleeping together clouded my mind in the split second of time I hesitated.

Without looking back, I answered quietly, "Always."

It was one word. One word that could possibly expose so much.

One word I meant more than any other.

Before he could reply, I continued out the front door. Leaping down the steps, I jogged to Mrs. Cullen's car, closed her door and grabbed the chair. Using the ramp, I pushed it into the house and down the hall to Edward's room. Edward was in the same position I'd left him in, his body still trembling slightly as his hands fisted the bedspread. Leaving the chair near the bed, I took off my sneakers and jeans. Leaving them in a pile on the floor, I changed into the sweatpants I'd taken off that morning and crawled into bed.

"What are you doing?" He sounded exhausted.

"I told you." Turning, I propped myself up like him and then spread my legs. It wasn't a usual position for us, but I wanted to be wrapped around him, I wanted to show the darkness who it was battling and I wasn't going to let him go without a fight. "C'mere."

There was no arguing from Edward as he dragged himself to me, falling clumsily against me. I tucked him between my legs and pulled his back to my chest until he completely rested on me. His head was on my shoulder as I took his hands in mine and placed them on his abs. We were quiet as Edward fought the demons plaguing him, and I knew his was winning when his body eventually calmed and relaxed in my embrace.

"You don't have to drive, Edward. Not now, not ever," I assured him.

"I want to."

"Then maybe it's just too soon. Just give it some more time," I tried to reason.

"It's been almost six months," he sighed in frustration.

"So? Is there a time limit on recovery?" When he didn't reply, I nudged his head with my nose, my lips near his forehead. "It won't win. I won't let it win. You're mine," I vowed before kissing him.

For the rest of the night, I sang one song after the other in a quiet voice for his ears only. Occasionally, I rocked us side to side or squeezed him tightly. When his body went slack, I knew he was asleep, finally seeking peace from his turmoil. For as long as I could keep my eyes open, I kept my promise and watched over my boy, not letting anyone…or anything, near him.

"He's mine," I mumbled sleepily as night gradually changed to day and my eyes were too heavy to keep open any longer.

The ring in my hand yanked me from my thoughts, and with a final glace at my door, I slipped the ring from its box and slid it down the ring finger of my left hand. The silver contrasted my tanned skin as it sat on my finger like it was always supposed to be there. Taking the rings out and putting mine on was becoming a nightly ritual. I don't know if was trying to reassure myself it was really going to happen or just checking to be sure it still fit.

As I twisted it around my finger, feeling the smoothness against my skin, I thought of Edward. Not like I ever thought of anything else but him.

Edward still hadn't driven. After that day, we tried a few more times and it got slightly easier for him, he even started the care twice, but he hadn't been able to do anything further. We would work on it all summer, and I hoped by the time I left him for school he might be able to drive.

It was a few days after one of those attempts I was leaving track practice and got a phone call. Opening the door to the truck, I climbed in and hit answer.

"Hello?"

"Jasper, it's Dr. Cullen."

My heart skipped about five beats before he continued. Quickly, I wondered what he wanted, was Edward hurt? Did he know about us?

"Are you coming over today?" he asked cryptically.

"Yeah," I choked out.

"Good. I spoke to Edward about James today and I think he could use a friend tonight," he said quietly.

"James?"

"The man that struck him. James plea bargained his case and Edward isn't happy about it," he explained.

"I'm on my way."

"I'll see you soon then," he said before hanging up.

Putting my phone on the seat, I shifted into drive and left for Edward's.

Dr. Cullen was at his desk in the living room and turned in his chair as I entered. He gave me a nod, which I returned before heading down to Edward's room.

He was where I expected him to be, in his chair facing the window. Walking up behind him, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and kissed his hair.

"Hey, baby. How are you doing?"

"He's getting away with it, Jasper. He put me in this chair for the rest of my life and he's getting away with it. Some jail and a fine. That's all he got for taking my life away from me," he ranted weakly.

Straightening, I walked around him, standing in front of him and forcing him to look at me and not the window. Once he did, I took his hand into mine and kneeled.

"I know, babe," I murmured.

He didn't need to hear anything else. There was no reasoning or bitching, only his need to feel angry and frustrated and sad at the unjust robbing of his life. Laying my head on his lap, I sighed when his fingers tangled in my hair. He repeated the motion over and over, letting it soothe us both.

"You okay?" I asked him.

"Yeah," he murmured, holding my hair tighter, keeping me to him.

Closing my eyes, I gave him what strength I had left.

Twisting the ring, I thought about the past month. It had been full of more than just trying to get Edward to drive and my running. In fact, we'd both been incredibly busy, making us relish in our time together even more.

A few days after finding out about James, Edward had his first piano lesson with a girl named Claire. She was a freshman who had only been playing a few months. Then there was Nate, who had been playing for a few years but had only been taught by his mom, and there was Tony, who played the guitar really well but wanted to learn how to play the piano so he could start a band, and finally Jenna who had been playing almost as long as Edward but wasn't nearly as talented.

Edward had spent hours brushing up his playing while I lay on the couch, my feet crossed on the arm as I pretended to read a graphic novel or do homework. My eyes never stayed true to the book though, they often wandered to Edward sitting on the bench. I studied the way his eyes followed his long fingers as they gracefully skimmed the keys. "Imagine" filled the air as he swayed side to side with the melody, his lips moving as he sang the song to himself, letting himself imagine he was the man he yearned to be again. The song books sat closed on the top of the piano, Edward no longer needed them for himself but he would use them for his students. Under the piano, his still feet rested, unable to use the pedals like they had in the past. I didn't notice a change in the music, but to Edward's trained ear, the lack of pedals was frustrating.

Other than when he was sleeping or had just had a ghostgasm, he looked the most at peace when he was playing music. It was as if it was an extension of him, not just the piano itself, but the notes he played. They seemed to envelope him in their sound, happy or sad, and carried him with them for the length of the song until it was time to return him. Sometimes I thought he forgot I was there, but then in the middle of a song the music would change to "Eye of the Tiger" or "Closer to You" and a smile would appear on his face.

"Any requests?" he asked as he paused and looked at me.

Pretending to be frustrated with his interruption, I lowered my book and smiled. "Play naked?"

"Don't know that one," he teased and rolled his eyes, returning to his task at hand. No longer pretending to read, I openly admired the most beautiful person in the world.

"I'm going to make you play for me every night when we live together."

"Bring it on," he chuckled and winked at me.

"Oh, I will," I promised with a laugh. He shook his head and fell back in his music, letting it once again carry him away.

When Edward wasn't practicing or giving a lesson, he was doing physical therapy. Having not yet been giving the all clear to use the braces or parallel bars, Edward did them behind his parents' back. He scheduled Emmett's visits for when his parents were both out, and I was occasionally lucky enough to be there. Each time Edward stood, no matter how brief or how many of us were holding him up, it took my breath away.

The pride and determination beamed from him as he grunted through each step, struggling to remain upright. He'd gone from seven steps the first time to doing ten at once. It wasn't without help, Emmett still stood behind him pushing Edward's feet along the floor, but Edward was gaining the strength to swing his hips forward by using his abdomen muscles. Since Edward had come out to Emmett, their relationship had changed. Edward didn't hesitate to touch me or be flirtatious, and Emmett teased both of us mercilessly, especially about Edward's piercings. Edward said Emmett was the big brother he never wanted. In the end, their respect for each other grew, as did a trusting friendship. Emmett was a wealth of resource for Edward regarding his condition and physical therapy and he always answered Edward's questions honestly and openly, never judging.

I continued to learn from Emmett. He taught me about the effects of PT on the body, and how to take care of Edward specifically. Then there was the massaging. After the first massage lesson, Emmett had showed me a few more times, going into muscle groups and what each one did.

"These will eventually shrink in size," Emmett said as he kneaded Edward's right calf. "I'm surprised they're not smaller yet."

Edward was face down on his bed, a small towel covering his ass as he laid his head on his folded arms. From his heavy breaths, I knew he was almost asleep.

"They have," I sighed. I hadn't told Edward I'd noticed, it wasn't something he needed to know. When I saw Emmett looking at me, I explained. "They were really big from basketball."

Emmett watched my technique with a skilled eye. I massaged Edward from the knee down, even his foot, and worked my way back up his leg.

"When he works with the braces, he's going to have added stress on his hips," Emmett explained, "from the motion of swinging them, as well as his oblique muscles. "

When I reached the towel, I slid it off, knowing Edward was wearing his briefs like he had every other time I'd helped Emmett. I moved my hands along his glutes and lower back, pressing and forming the warm, pliable flesh before moving up his back. In his light sleep, Edward moaned.

I glanced up at Emmett to find him watching me with an arched brow. "Should I leave you two alone?"

Heat bloomed over my cheeks and I shook my head. Emmett continued to guide me until the rubdown was complete. He tossed me a towel to wipe off my hands.

"I think you're good to take over from here."

"What do you mean?" I asked, handing him his towel.

"You can do his massages from now on. If you can, daily shoulder and upper arms, but more importantly all over on days he uses the braces or does any other strenuous activity…." He paused and broke into a big grin, "well, not_ that_, that would probably relax him just fine."

My blush deepened.

Emmett picked up his bag and put the oil and towel into it. "I don't need to know everywhere you massage," he chuckled as he zipped his bag. "How's everything going with you? The race and stuff."

"Okay," I answered, not really sure Emmett wanted to hear the issues in my life.

"Ready for graduation?"

"Yeah, I guess," I shrugged.

"You guess?"

"It only means it's that much closer to being away from him," I said quietly.

Emmett slung his bag over his shoulder. "Hang in there, Whitlock, you've got all summer." I nodded and he walked to the door. "See you next week. Thanks for the help."

"Thanks, Emmett, see ya."

He closed the door behind him and looked down at my sleeping boy, his pale skin glistening with the oil we used on him. Using the towel, I wiped off the excess oil and then slid my arms under him to turn him so his head was on his pillow. After a kiss to his forehead, I grabbed my backpack and pulled out a few books. Homework hadn't been a priority for me since Edward's accident, but I had only a few more weeks left and then I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. I was tempted to say fuck it and not do any, but I couldn't risk my grades dropping and giving OSU a reason to revoke my scholarship.

Lying next to Edward, I opened my history book and began the assigned reading. The room was silent except for the rain hitting the windows and the soft sounds coming from my boy. Jotting down notes as I read, I worked my way through the chapter, rewarding myself with a kiss to Edward's hand laying right next me. It was all I could do to look at my work and not Edward's chest, the silver barbells practically screaming for attention.

"Focus, Whitlock," I muttered to myself.

No matter how hard I tried, my eyes drifted to Edward's pierced nipples. There was only a week left before I was allowed to play with them. Edward had been very good about keeping me at arm's length, though he had given in once and let me flick them, but no tongue. They had healed nicely and no longer caused him any pain when he moved. So far, he'd been careful and his parents hadn't found out, but I figured it was only a matter of time until they knew.

"Hey," he murmured when he opened his eyes and caught me staring. "Doing homework?"

"Trying to," I laughed, "You keep distracting me."

"I was asleep," he scoffed.

"Doesn't matter." I leaned over and kissed him, whispering my love before pulling back.

"Few more weeks," he promised with a coy smile.

It had become my mantra. A few more weeks until I could touch him, a few more weeks until the race, a few more weeks until graduation, a few more weeks until we would be out as a couple.

It was the long few more weeks of my life.

From that day on, I continued to massage Edward just as Emmett had recommended, making sure he was thoroughly rubbed down after his physical therapy. I admit, on more than one occasion, I received my own rub down from Edward shortly after his. It wasn't easy running my hands over his hot, slick skin without getting horny. Afterwards, we would usually end up on his bed, smiling in my postcoital haze as I gazed at him and wondered how I got so lucky.

When I wasn't spending time with Edward, I was running or trying to get money for the race.

Though I wasn't alone in my efforts, my father had gathered some donations from his crew and even a few of his clients. Bella had continued to do a weekly bake sale during lunch and donate what money she raised, and my mother had arranged a meeting with me and the board of directors of Forks General Hospital.

She'd come home from work one morning, surprising me when I closed the fridge door to find her standing there in her scrubs and a sly smile.

"Guess what?" she asked excitedly.

"It's way too early for guessing," I grumbled, opening the carton of OJ and downing what was left of it.

"I got you a meeting with the board of directors for the hospital," she said.

Putting carton down, I ran the back of my arm over my mouth. "The what?"

"The board of directors, they run the hospital."

"Why would I want to meet with them?" I asked, confused.

Placing her bag on the counter, she leaned against it. "Because they are the ones who can approve a donation to your race. You meet with them, present your cause, and they give you a decision."

"What do you mean 'present'?" I choked.

"Give them a short presentation, tell them why you're asking for the money, stuff like that," she said with a shrug, making it sound so easy.

"I…I can't do that," I stuttered.

"Of course you can," she laughed. "It'll be easy."

"When is it?"

"Day after tomorrow at five. You're the last thing on their agenda."

She seemed pleased with herself, so whatever she'd done must have been difficult, and I knew I should have appreciated it, and I did, I was just also really fucking nervous. Public speaking wasn't my thing.

After a kiss on my cheek, she bounded upstairs for bed and I picked up my backpack and left for Edward's. The entire ride there, I wondered if I could get out of the meeting. I had no idea how to do a presentation or talk to a bunch of old men in suits. Maybe it just wasn't worth it. Then I remembered I was still many thousands shy of my goal, and Edward needed every penny he could get. Meeting with the board of directors scared me, but for Edward, trying was the least I could do.

Pulling into his driveway, I turned off the truck and watched as he rolled down the ramp, his hair still wet from his morning shower. Getting out, I closed my door and walked around the truck.

"Hey, love," he greeted, playfully bumping into me with his chair.

"Hey, baby, sleep well?"

He rolled his eyes. "Like you don't know. You were snoring in my ear all night," he laughed.

"Sorry," I mumbled as I lifted him into the truck. He slid over to the middle while I put the chair in the back. As soon as I was inside, he put his hand on my thigh.

"What's wrong?"

Not that I was one to hide my emotions, I pretty much wore them on my sleeve, but I didn't expect him to have picked up on it quite so fast. Then again, he was my boy.

Squeezing my thigh, he silently repeated his question.

Leaning my head against the seat, I closed my eyes. "My mother got me a meeting with the board of directors at her hospital. I need to do a presentation for them to see if they'll donate to the race." His hand loosened my thigh but he began to run it up and down my jeans. "I don't know how to do that," I sighed and opened my eyes.

"Love, you don't have to," he said soothingly. "It's not a big deal."

"But it is," I argued. "It's for you and you're a big deal. I need to do it, I just don't know how. I'm no good at that kind of shit."

"No good? Then how the hell have you managed to raise eight thousand dollars so far?" he challenged.

"My good looks?"

He exhaled a breath, and without looking toward his house first, leaned over and kissed me, gently pressing his lips to mine all too briefly before he pulled away.

"I will help you," he offered. "Come over tonight, we will put it together and practice."

"Yeah?" I grinned at him.

"Yeah."

"Thanks, babe."

Turning the key in the ignition, I started the truck and backed out. School went as usual except every time I looked over at Edward I found him scribbling furiously into a notebook, occasionally stopping to tap his pencil against his lips before writing more. After school, we said goodbye at the lockers and I went to practice while Edward went home. I ran eight miles before calling it a day and driving over to Edward's.

I found him on his bed with his laptop on his thighs. Sitting open next to him was the notebook he'd been writing in all day. He looked up from the monitor when I walked in, his eyes immediately brightening.

"Hey, love," he said as I closed the door and kicked off my sneakers.

"Hey, babe," I sighed, walking around the other side of his bed and crawling on.

Kneeling next to him, I leaned over and kissed him, pushing his head back against the headboard with a thud as I ran my tongue along the seam of his lips before he opened and I plunged inside. With one sweep of his tongue over mine, my worries about the meeting began to fade away. His hand left the keyboard and wound into my hair, pausing at the ends every time before tugging on it again to draw me closer. Our bodies were parted by the notebook and laptop, but somehow he made my entire body tremble with desire. He didn't even care that I hadn't showered or changed after practice and probably smelled like a locker room, all he cared about was that I was there. Moaning into the kiss, I edged closer until my knees were against his hip and I flattened my palm on the other side of him to avoid putting it where I really wanted to go…his chest. He sighed in contentment when I moved my lips from his mouth to his jaw, tilting his head back further to lick the stubble.

"Been waiting all day to do this," I murmured against him.

"I've been waiting all day for you to do it," he chuckled. "But before we get too carried away, I want to show you something."

"Later," I mumbled, nipping his Adam's apple. There was an insistent hand on my chest, gently pushing me back.

"Making out later, show you this now," he said.

Frustrated, I groaned and sat back with a raised brow of impatience. The sooner he showed me, the sooner we could get back to the good stuff. "Fine, what is it?"

Edward motioned for me to turn around and look at his computer. There was a PowerPoint document open, and I scanned the page he was working on quickly.

_Positive benefits include:_

_Hospital shows it cares about its patients and employees on a personal level_

_Community support for hospital will increase, including larger donations _

_Tax breaks_

Clicking on the pad, I moved to the next page.

_As a young member of this community, I want to show my peers that it is possible for one person to make a difference in a community and its residents. The Cullen family has continuously supported various fundraising events in the schools and town and its time we gave something back. Dr. Cullen is a long time staff member, giving this hospital his skill, time, and energy, often keeping him from his family. Forks General now has a chance to give back to one of their employees in a way that can benefit them both. It's in the best interest of the hospital to support this cause, the community, and the future of its patients. _

I unfolded my legs and picked up the notebook so I could move right next to Edward. Feeling his warmth seep into my side and stretching my legs along his, I clicked on the next page and skimmed it. It was statistics on his injury, including the costs involved over the years of care. When I finally took my eyes from the monitor to look at Edward, he had his bottom lip between his teeth.

"It's for your presentation," he began.

"Edwa—"

Before I could argue with him, he interrupted. "You're there for me, it's the least I can do."

"The least? You did it all," I said with some awe. Looking down at the notebook I was holding and saw some of the facts and notes he'd written down at school. "You've been working on this all day?"

He shrugged. "Not _all _day, just here and there."

"Thank you, babe."

"You think it's good enough?" he asked worriedly, his eyes returning to the laptop.

"Are you kidding? It's fucking amazing," I told him before kissing him.

"You can use my laptop, just bring it there and either read from it or connect it to a screen."

"I'll use a screen. I want them to see it, more of an impact."

"Do you want to practice?"

"Babe, your parents are home," I teased him with a wiggle of my eyebrows and earning a roll of his eyes.

"Not with the dildo, dork. The presentation, do you want to practice on me."

"Oh," I frowned, "not nearly as much fun, but yeah, I should."

I hopped off the bed and Edward turned the laptop so I could see it, and then I spent the next hour practicing the presentation. We laughed when I screwed up and Edward offered suggestions when I got stuck. He guided me through it, and at the end of the hour, I had it memorized almost word for word. Smiling, he closed the laptop and called me over for a long kiss. When he pulled away, he crinkled his nose and looked at my tee shirt and shorts.

"You're going to shower, right? Wear something a little nicer?"

"Fuck off." I slapped his hand away. "What do you mean nicer?"

"I mean you should dress nicely. They will take you more seriously," he explained.

"No jeans?"

He shook his head.

"Tee shirt?"

More shaking.

"A suit?"

He nodded.

"I need to wear a suit," I stated more than asked.

"I know you have one, you wore it to the track banquet last year."

Bringing my eyes to his, I asked, "Do you honestly think I can do this? Get them to give me five thousand dollars?"

"I know you can. Will they hand over five k? I don't know, but I doubt you will walk out of their empty handed," he assured me.

I sat on the edge of the bed next to him. "I wish you could go with me."

"Me too, but you don't need me, Jas. You'll do fine."

We kissed for a few minutes before he pushed me away with a flicker in his eyes. "Homework time."

Groaning, I agreed and we muddled through the small amount of homework we had. When we were done, he granted me the make out session he'd promised, even stroking me through my shorts until I came in them. After changing into a pair of his sweatpants, we joined his parents and Alice for a late dinner and then watched some TV before I finally climbed off his bed, kissed him goodnight, and left. I was barely out of the driveway before I was calling him. He kept me company all night, after singing him to sleep, I let his heavy breaths lull me into my own sleep.

I skipped practice the next day so I could get ready for the meeting at the hospital. I dropped Edward off at his house and went home, rehearsing my speech while I showered. After I dried off and ran a towel over my hair, I dressed in the suit I'd pulled out of my closet. My stomach was in knots, churning even though I hadn't eaten all day. No matter how many deep breaths I took or how many times I told myself I could do it, I still felt nervous. Convinced I looked as professional as I could, I put on my dress shoes and bounded down the stairs. I had an hour before I was due at the hospital, but wanted to swing by Edward's first.

Walking into the kitchen to get a soda, I found my father staring the open fridge. He looked me up and down before asking, "Meeting today?"

"Yeah, in an hour," I answered, reaching around him for a can of Coke.

"Nervous?"

"A little," I half lied as I turned to leave.

"Good luck," he said.

"Thanks," I called out over my shoulder as I walked toward the front door.

Minutes later I was parked in Edward's driveway. Inside, I ignored Alice's obvious stare of curiosity and went to Edward's room. He was on his bed, his head bobbing to the Beatles as his eyes glanced back and forth from his physics book to a notebook he was writing in. Looking up, he gave me a long, appreciative once over.

"Wow, love, you're breathtaking," he whispered.

I spun for him so he could get the full effect, chuckling when he whistled at my backside. "You approve?"

"More than approve. I think you should wear this on our wedding day," he suggested. "Hell, every day."

"Yeah?" I looked down at myself, not seeing anything special.

"Yeah," he agreed. "Come here." I crossed the two steps separating us and sat on the edge of his bed. Reaching up, he took some unruly waves and pushed them behind my ear. "Much better."

I exhaled a breath leaned into his touch.

"You can do this," he assured me. "Don't doubt it, love."

My racing heart slowed the more he spoke, calming under his guidance and touch. I kissed him, lingering sweeps of my lips over his, barely tasting him before sitting back. He smiled, his perfect lush lips curling up to reveal his white teeth.

"You should go, don't want to be late."

I nodded and stood, grabbing his laptop off his desk. One more kiss and an 'I love you' later and I was walking out to the truck. During the short drive to the hospital, I listened to "Maybe I'm Amazed" on repeat until I was pulling into the parking lot.

Following my mother's directions, I went to the fifth floor and found the office of the meeting. Outside the door, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, willing Edward to be next to me.

_You can do this. Don't doubt it, love._

Raising my hand, I knocked and waited for the 'come in'. Opening the door, I saw ten older men, some in suits and some in scrubs, sitting around a large rectangular table.

"Mr. Whitlock, welcome," a man sitting at the end said.

Putting on a smile, I thanked him and entered.

Lying on my bed staring at the ring on my finger, I thought about that day, how anxious I'd been, how once I began, I'd calmed and went through the presentation flawlessly, never once stumbling over their questions. After thirty minutes, I walked out with a guaranteed donation of five thousand dollars, as well as future donations should I run the race on a yearly basis. They agreed on the good public relations that supporting their community, employees, and patients would create.

Their check put my total up to thirteen thousand, and while I appreciated their large donation, the most surprising donation I received was definitely from Forks High School. Not only did teachers I'd never had stop me in the hallway and stuff twenty dollar bills into my hand, but a few days before I'd gotten the biggest surprise donation of all.

I had met Edward in the hall after his music class and walked next to him toward the cafeteria.

"Ya know," I said as I followed him through the doorway, "I will miss bitching at the lunch ladies every day."

"I don't think they will miss you," he chuckled. I gasped, feigning hurt before laughing.

We headed for the lunch line where I grabbed a tray and slid it along the railing. When I lifted my head from the food to the woman behind the counter, I noticed a sly smile on her face.

"Are you counting down the days until I'm gone?" I asked her and she laughed.

"We will all miss your smiling face, Mr. Whitlock," she teased.

"I would have smiled a lot more if this line had ever gotten straightened out," I grumbled and Edward sighed. He was used to my ranting, hell, they were all used to it. Picking up an apple, I held it to Edward and he nodded. I put it on the tray. "Ham or turkey?"

"Turkey," he replied, pushing the chair right behind me.

After a few glares and comments muttered under my breath, I reached the end of the line and handed the woman at the register my card. She swiped it through the machine and handed it back to me. Just as I went to walk away, she reached for my arm.

"For you," she said, holding out a white envelope with 'good luck' scrawled on it, "from all of us."

I glanced down at the envelope and back to at her, then down the row at them all to find them grinning at me. I had no idea how they knew about the race or how much was in the envelope, but it didn't matter.

"Thanks," I choked out quietly. For once, they had silenced me.

"Good luck in the race," one of them said and they all began to clap. I heard Edward thanking them as I carried the tray toward the table, the enveloped stuffed into my pocket.

At the table, I sat down and waited for Edward to move the chair to the table before taking his food from the tray and putting it in front of him. Bella sat down a few seconds later, Newton following close behind.

"Are you going to open it?" Edward asked me.

"Open what?" Bella piped in.

"The lunch ladies gave Jasper an envelope," Edward answered, then looked at me. "Open it."

Shifting, I took it out of my back pocket and tore the flap open to find loose cash inside. Edward craned his neck to see what it is. I flipped through the money, feeling guiltier with each bill I counted. Folding it back up, I put it back in my pocket.

"How much?" Newton asked.

I looked at Edward, telling him silently before I spoke. "Three hundred dollars."

"That's great," Bella exclaimed.

"Guess they like your bitching," Edward said with a smile, "Whitlock charm and all."

He didn't know it, but I rested my foot against his.

It was that three hundred dollars along with the donation from Ronaldo's that made me realize what I was doing might just make a difference, and not to just Edward, but to others as well. Maybe the town was becoming more aware of its members, of accessibility for them all to everywhere. If just one person changed their way of thinking, it was all worth it.

The weight of the silver on my hand brought me back to the present, the minutes slowly ticking by until Edward returned from practice. Even just the small movement sent an ache through my body. I'd been sore before the track meet, and regretted the timing of my training. The miles I'd been running daily had increased, and only two weeks before I'd completed ten miles for the first time.

It was a Sunday morning and I'd woken up in the best place possible, Edward's arms. I stretched and gave him a lengthy good morning kiss before getting dressed in some shorts and a tee shirt. After Edward's basketball game the day before, we measured out a ten mile route through town starting at his house.

"If I'm not back in two hours, send your dad along the route," I said to Edward and I tied my sneakers.

He laughed, stopping when he realized I was serious. "You'll be fine."

"Hope so."

Standing, I looked down at his half naked body, remembering just how hot it had been to come on his chest the night before, and how I'd gotten hard again when he let me lick it off even though it hadn't been three weeks yet. Giving him a quick kiss, I headed out.

It was still early, the sounds of families coming to life were around as I started down his street. Setting an easy pace, I listened the music in my ears and let my mind drift. I ran the route, looking for the mile markers I'd made note of the day before. With each one I passed, I got a little more confident I might be able to make the distance. I hit eight miles, the furthest distance I'd gone until then. My breathing was even but my pace lagged slightly as I hit nine miles.

When I turned the final corner, I heard a basketball bouncing. My body instinctively sped up knowing he was so close. Edward was in the driveway shooting when I reached his yard and slowed to a walk. Spinning the chair around, he grinned at me.

"You lived."

"I'm never running that far again," I panted, "unless there's a zombie apocalypse."

Edward laughed. "If zombies invade, we're driving, not running."

"Or we could join them in a 'Thriller' dance," I suggested, turning my head toward him.

"There is always that option, assuming they are Jackson fans. Breakfast?"

"You know the way to my heart."

"It's no secret that it's always been through your stomach."

My running and Edward's basketball dominated our lives. Edward's team continued to do well, having lost only one of their games. The more they played together, the better they got, learning each other's capabilities. The team trusted Edward, he led them as much as Riley did. There was admiration in each of their eyes as Edward directed them through plays and close games, his knowledge and love for the game showed in everything he did on the court. While I'd missed some practices, I'd been to every game along with his parents.

I remembered his practice the Tuesday after he'd gotten pierced. As usual, I was on the bleachers, my eyes undecided between physics and Edward. I tried to keep them on the book in front of me but when Sam said it was time to scrimmage, I couldn't help but look up.

"Riley, Collin, Paul, Edward, skins. Quill, Leah, Jared and Brady, shirts," Sam announced, dividing up the team.

My eyes shot to Edward and found him already looking at me, the color drained from his face. Sighing, Edward sat up straight and reached for the hem of his practice jersey. He dropped it on top of his bag on the sidelines, and took a deep breath before spinning his chair around to his teammates. Only two people seemed to notice, and they were the two I expected.

Leah's eyes widened a bit, remaining on Edward longer than usual before she turned away. Then there was Riley. Edward purposely didn't look in Riley's direction, but Riley most definitely looked in Edward's. I'd watched Riley a little closer since finding out for certain he was gay, but saw no change between them, Riley was still Edward's go to guy on the team, they still talked and laughed. Riley stared at Edward as he rolled to the middle of the court. As soon as Edward neared him, Riley pushed over to him, tapping into his chair to get Edward's attention.

Reluctantly, Edward looked up. Riley grinned, his eyes dropped to Edward's adored chest before he leaned toward him and spoke. I was too far away to hear what was said, but Edward looked toward me before smiling and giving a slight nod. When Riley sat up straight, he was laughing and playfully pushed Edward's chair.

The scrimmage began and any hope of me doing homework went down the drain. For the next half an hour, my eyes never once left Edward. My cock was throbbing in my jeans, and I bounded down the bleachers when practice was over. While waiting for Edward, I rested against the doorway. Riley winked at me as he cruised by on his way out.

Inside the truck, I climbed onto Edward's lap. With my hands tunneling through his hair, I asked him what Riley had said to him.

Even in the dark cab, I could see his blush. "He asked if you liked them."

"Mmm" I purred, "and what did you say?"

"I said you were counting the hours until you could touch them, and he laughed and said 'I'll bet he is.'"

"Hours? I'm counting the seconds," I corrected him with a chuckle. "But until then, I will have to settle for you touching m—" He cut me off with his mouth on mine and I moaned into the kiss.

I was completely lost in my thoughts when my phone rang and quickly yanked me back. Picking it up, I smiled.

"Hey, baby," I sighed, relieved he was home safe.

"Hey, love," he greeted, sounding just as relieved. "Missed you."

"You too. How was practice?" I held the phone to my shoulder with my chin and twisted the ring around my finger.

"Not bad. I told them I wouldn't be at the game on Saturday."

"Was Sam mad?"

"Nope, thought it was really great and wished you luck," he answered.

"Was Riley mad?"

"Nah. He said the team isn't very good, they might still have a shot at winning."

"Did he behave on the ride?" I teased.

"Perfect gentlemen. Mostly talked about the other team, what Brady needs to work on as my substitute point guard. How was your meet?"

"Boring."

"Did you win?" he asked as if he didn't already know.

"Yeah, both races."

"Love?"

"Hmmm?"

"Are you looking at the rings again?"

I stopped spinning the ring. "How do you always know?"

"Because you do it every night and your voice gets all wishful," he admitted.

"I can't wait, Edward. I want to marry you tomorrow," I confessed breathlessly.

His laugh filled my ears and my heart. "Me too, but not sure that's a good enough reason to skip school. Besides, graduation is only a little more than a week away."

"I can't believe it's finally here." I slipped the ring off my finger and put it back in the box, returning them both to the bag before leaning over my bed and putting Teddy, now dubbed the ring guardian, under my bed.

"Me either. A few finals next week and we're done with Forks High," he sighed. "I need to do my routine, want to come?"

"Like you need to ask?" I said as rolled to my back again.

We spent the rest of the night like we did every other one. Edward went through his nightly routine while I filled him in about the track meet and asked questions about basketball. There was a slight attempt at doing homework but we quickly decided that phone sex was more important. He never even mentioned my cock, all he had to do was talk about how I could play with his nipples in a few days and I was a crying out his name.

After I cleaned up, I sang him to sleep, the lyrics gradually fading away as I fell asleep with my boy's breath in my ears.

"**~~**"

"Do you have everything you need?" he asked as I set my bag down in his room.

"Yep, think so," I replied sounding more confident than I felt. My shirt clung to me in the mid June heat and I tugged it over my head and dropped it on the floor. Edward raised a brow.

"What? It's fucking hot," I complained. "You need a fan or something."

"Love, it's going to be fine."

"Of course it's fine," I snapped, "just fucking hot."

He sighed and patted his thigh. Accepting the invitation, I climbed onto his lap, hanging my legs over the armrest of the chair and leaning against his solid chest. Long fingers parted my sweaty waves, separating them again and again. The gesture was soothing and the muscles I was unknowingly tensing relaxed under his touch. His other hand moved to my thigh, his thumb brushing over the skin below my shorts. Edward's magic touch took affect and I sank into him, closing my eyes and enjoying in being there with him.

"You're going to do fine tomorrow," he reassured me.

The second I'd walked into the room, he'd known what was wrong.

"What if I don't? What if I can't finish?"

The race, the one I'd been training months for, running my ass off and getting donations, was the next day. In little more than twelve hours I was going to be in a crowd of runners waiting for the starter's gun to go off. Not wanting to wear myself out, I'd skipped track and had gone home to pack for Edward's. I was spending the night at his place and driving to the race in the morning.

"Love," he nuzzled my forehead with his lips, "you will finish. You're strong and you've trained for this. You're ready."

Realistically, I knew he was right, I wouldn't let myself fail. I'd already run ten miles, another three wasn't going to make much difference.

"Will Coach be mad you skipped practice today?"

Lulled into comfort, I shook my head. "He doesn't care. Last practice anyway," I mumbled before I could stop myself. He stiffened instantly.

"Last practice? Why is it the last practice, Jas? The qualifying meet is next week," he interrogated.

Biting my lip, I lifted my head and found him glaring at me. He knew something was up, he just wasn't sure what. "I love you?" I said with a chuckle trying to get him to laugh. It didn't work.

"Jas?" he growled.

"The qualifying meet is tomorrow," I confessed quietly.

"Tomorrow?"

I nodded.

"You're missing the meet to run in the race." It wasn't a question, he already knew the answer. "Love, you can't, you need to do the meet."

"No," I disagreed, "I'm running the marathon. I raised the money, I've trained for it, now it's time to finish what I started."

"But the meet…"

"Edward, it's no big deal." I wasn't lying, it wasn't a big deal, not in comparison to what I was doing. Before the accident, the state meet was what I strived for, but all that had changed the night Edward was hurt.

"It's your last chance to beat the guy from La Push."

"I've beaten him all year, Edward."

"You've wanted to be the state champion since you moved here," he countered with a different approach.

I shrugged. "Dreams change."

The rims of his green eyes brightened with moisture as he stared at me with a look caught somewhere between anger and love. The emotions stirred around him as he shifted between them, settling on guilt until it darkened his mossy eyes and one tear rolled down his cheek. Reaching up, I wiped it away.

"Don't," I pleaded softly.

"You're giving up your dream for me, just like you were going to for college," he whispered brokenly.

"I'm not giving up my dream, Edward, just doing something different. Instead of being state champion, I can say I ran thirteen miles and raised fifteen thousand dollars. That's more of an accomplishment than a trophy sitting on my shelf."

He took a few shaky breaths, but his eyes never left mine. I refused to let him turn to away, I wanted him to see the truth in my soul.

"Are you sure?"

Putting my temple to his, I murmured, "Positive."

He gave me a smile before pressing his lips to mine in a salty, wet kiss. His palm was flat on my back, pushing me closer to him to deepen the kiss.

"You are hot," he said as he pulled away.

"Mmm, so are you," I whispered.

"No, I mean you're skin, it's hot," he commented. "You're nervous."

"It's hot out," I denied.

His eyes glanced over my shoulder out the window. "You could go for a swim. The pool guys came yesterday, it's uncovered."

"Tempting," I said, looking around to the pool. The cover was off and the weak rays from the setting sun sparkled off the smooth surface. "But not unless you go with me."

"I can't swim," he snorted.

I turned to him, "You can with me."

"Jas…" He tried to put up a fight but I was already digging through his drawers for his swimsuit. When I held it up, he shook his head.

"C'mon, please?" I begged.

"I can't."

"You can." Standing, I tossed his suit to him. "Get changed."

Leaving no room for argument, I folded my arms across my chest and waited until he transferred to his bed to change. He complained the entire time, but he took off his sweatpants and put on his swimming trunks. After he moved back to the chair, he spun around and pushed down the hallway. Dashing into the bathroom, I grabbed two towels and then followed him through the kitchen to the sliding glass door where Edward opened it and rolled out onto the patio. Closing the door behind me, I passed him and walked to the edge of the pool the steps in the shallow end. Stopping next to me, he looked at the pool. It had been the place he'd stared at for weeks on end following his accident. The memories created in the pool had haunted him, ones he thought never again possible.

I was going to show him different.

I saw his resolve to be out there weakening, and before he could stop me, I bent over and scooped him up. In my arms, he leaned against me and didn't fight me as I walked down the steps and into the pool. The water was cold and refreshing on my tired legs.

"What are you doing?" he murmured with a sigh.

"Swimming, what does it look like?"

I continued until the water reached Edward's feet. Trying to figure out the best position, I stopped and looked around. Spotting a Styrofoam noodle floating near the side, I headed that way. The water rose around Edward's legs but he never once doubted me. When I reached the noodle, I lowered us into the water, replacing my arm under Edward's knees with the noodle. Once it was supporting his lower half, I shifted him until his back was against my chest and I moved my arms to his back. The water immediately soaked the tee shirt he'd left on.

"It's cold," he said with a shiver.

"I can warm you up," I suggested into his ear as his head rested heavily on my shoulder.

"How?" he challenged daringly.

The sun had just lowered over the tree line, the last rays glimmered in his green eyes. Keeping one arm under his back, I wrapped the other around his chest. He was buoyant, light with the noodle's support and easing the strain of his weight off my body. His knees and the tops of his feet were out of the water, but his calves, thighs, and hips were all under it. Spreading his arms, he let them rest on the glassy surface.

"Remember our first kiss?" I asked him softly, "right over there." He glanced to the side of the pool where I'd risked our friendship in the hopes of something more. The risk had paid off. "I was so scared and so sure at the same time. I was more afraid of not knowing how to kiss than I was of you rejecting me."

"Because you knew I wanted it."

"Yeah, I think deep down I knew you did." Slowly, I walked us around the deep end of the pool, gently swaying us back and forth and letting his body float on the water.

"We've done a lot more than kiss in here," he reminded me.

Instantly I recalled the many hand jobs given under water, along with a few wet humps.

"Mmm, we have."

It was quiet except for a few early heat bugs, the water lapping around us as we moved, and a few distant sounds from the house. Edward was relaxed, but I knew inside he was still worried about me, about what he felt I was giving up for him.

_Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time  
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you  
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you pulled me out of time  
And hung me on a line  
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you_

His eyes closed and his head turned toward me. Between verses, I kissed him. Graduation was only a week away, it no longer mattered if we were caught. Edward moaned into the kiss, lifting one of his wet arms to curl around my neck as his tongue tentatively entered my mouth. It wasn't that he was unsure I wanted it there, it was the part of him holding back. For as much as I didn't worry about someone walking out and discovering us, Edward did. After so long of hiding our emotions, touches, and looks, it was going to take some time before he could openly touch me in front of family and friends.

Our tongues met and tangled, and I shuddered.

It was as if we'd come full circle. Two summers before we'd shared our first kiss in the dark of a sunset, and there we were doing it again. So much had happened, our lives had gone from friends to lovers in the span of one that fateful night, and two years later we were engaged.

In little over a month, Edward was going to be my husband.

My body began to react to his kiss, a racing heart, muffled moans, and twitching cock. When his hand fisted my hair, I knew he was feeling it too.

Tearing his mouth from mine, he looked at my swollen lips and smiled. "I thought we were out here to cool off."

I laughed and he turned to face forward again. Continuing around the pool, we swam together until night had completely fallen. When Edward trembled, I headed for the shallow end. Pulling the noddle out, I picked him up and walked up the few steps to the cement where the chair waited. I set him in it, then reached for a towel off the lounger and handed it to him. He dried off his arms and then rubbed the towel in his hair. Kneeling in front of him, I patted his legs dry, even the bottoms of his feet. I looked up to find him staring at me.

"What?" I asked, shaking my own wet hair from my face.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"Just drying your legs, no need to thank me."

He shook his head. "That's not what I mean. Thank you for…for everything, Jasper. For tomorrow, for yesterday, today…for kissing me two years ago."

Reaching up, I cupped his cheek. "Every second has been my pleasure."

I wanted nothing more than to kiss him, to show him how much I meant what I said, instead, I stood up and motioned for the door.

Half an hour later, we were both dry and on his bed, dressed in nothing but pajama pants. Edward was propped up against his headboard while I straddled on his thighs, trying desperately to focus on his face and not his chest.

"Seriously, the fucking hottest thing I've ever seen," I mumbled, my eyes gazing over his torso.

"Yeah?"

Unable to answer, I nodded and forced my eyes up to his. "Ya know, Sunday will be three weeks."

Starting at the light hair above the drawstring of his pants, I dragged a finger up the dip in the middle of his abs, circling his right nipple widely before doing a figure eight around them.

"And since that's only two nights away, do you think I could touch them?"

Glancing down at my finger, he nodded, and then stared as my finger gradually closed the width of the circle until it was outlining the edge of his nipple. Watching him, I slid my finger back and forth over the barbell. It only took that light touch for his back to arch off the pillows as his body pleaded for more. Taking the ends of the barbell between my fingers, I gave it a light tug. He cried out, his eyes screwing shut as he hissed. Biting my lip so hard I thought it might bleed, I let him relax before I did it again.

"Fuck," he groaned. His hands, which had been clenching the blanket, moved to my shoulders where his fingers dug into my flesh.

"Feel good, baby?" I asked, my fingers never ceasing.

"You have no fucking idea," he moaned before a breathless, "More."

Continuing to twist and lightly tug on the barbell, I brought my other hand to his hair, running through the thick locks before fisting it. Pulling his head back, I leaned toward him and licked up his neck to his ear, taking it between my teeth and nipping. A quiet stream of obscenities fell from him as he took short breaths. My hips began to rock back and forth over his flaccid cock while my own grew with each sound he released.

"You make me so hard," I told him. "You're so fucking hot."

There was a sharp intake of breath and then I felt a hand on my hip briefly before it was at my waist, yanking on my pajamas. Lifting myself to my knees, I kept my attention on his ear as I licked the shell of it while he pulled my pants down over my ass and freed my erection. His fingers wrapped around me and he gave me a long stroke.

"Jesus," I breathed, "feels so good." I lightly scratched my fingers over his scalp and moaned in his ear.

"Take my pants off," he murmured.

Not waiting for him to change his mind, I released his hair and sat up. It was rare that Edward asked to be naked with me. He was still embarrassed about his dick, still worried it wouldn't get hard. Moving down his legs, I hooked my fingers into the elastic of his pants. Placing his hands next to him, he pressed his shoulders into the pillows and lifted himself long enough for me to slide his pants down to his thighs. Easing them off, I tossed them aside and took my own off the rest of the way. Crawling back to him, I sat on his hips, capturing his cock under my ass, smiling when it twitched.

Returning my hand to his nipple, I erotically circled my hips on him. He held my dick loosely, barely pumping me, but it was enough to send my heart pounding. Every time I tweaked his nipple, his movement on my cock would stop, as if he couldn't handle both at once. I wanted get lost in his eyes like I usually did, but right then it was his pecs that demanded my attention.

"Can I lick them?" I whispered.

"Fuck yes," he moaned, lifting his upper body and offering himself to me. Bending over, I circled his nipple with the tip of my tongue before flicking it over the barbell. "Oh fuck…."

Encouraged, I latched onto it, sucking and licking, using my tongue, lips and teeth. Edward's ceased stroking me and his head thrashed from side to side. Taking the opportunity of his condition, I put my fingers on his other nipple, lavishing it with the same attention. Edward hissed, his back arching toward me. I could see his body flexing under me, the ab muscles tightening, his forearms tensing, the veins in his neck straining as he fought for control. His cock grew, gradually lengthening until he was completely hard. It would only take a shift of my hips and he'd be pressing to enter me.

The timbre of his sounds grew and I glanced at the door. If he kept it up, someone was sure to hear him. While I was all for coming out, I didn't want it to happen by his one of his parents walking in and finding me straddling their son, but of us naked and hard.

I could talk myself out of quite a bit but even I wouldn't be able to explain that.

Releasing his nipple, I moved my lips to ear again. "Sshh, babe, they'll hear us."

I hated doing it, I wanted nothing more than to hear him groan in pleasure, but it was too risky. He nodded in response, and then moaned long and loud. He was writhing under me, and if I hadn't been sitting on him, he would have fallen off the bed.

"Please touch me," he begged.

There was nothing I wouldn't do for him, and I certainly wasn't going to deny him my touch. "You want me touch you?"

"Yeah."

"You want me to suck your nipples?"

I quickly kissed down his neck until my mouth was taking one of his nipples again. His long fingers tangled into my hair, keeping me fused to him. Aching for relief, my cock hovered above his abs and I began to rock my hips back and forth, gliding my ass over his length. Soon I was gritting my teeth to stop myself from being louder than he was. Lifting my head, I looked at him through my lashes, his closed eyes and parted lips and flushed cheeks.

Fuck, he was beautiful.

"You're hard, babe."

His eyes opened and he looked down his body to where his cock was poking between my legs. I shuddered and my hips automatically starting moving in earnest, rubbing over his captured cock. At the same time, I moved my mouth to his other nipple, teasing it briefly before devouring it, concentrating on the coveted piercing. One hand remained his hair while the other relentlessly twisted the barbell. I feasted on his chest, using his reaction sounds to judge if he liked something more than something else. When his back rose off the pillows and his hand tightened in my hair, I knew he was close.

With the exception of the occasional involuntary twitch of his cock, his hips remained completely still. Keeping both my hands on his nipples, I returned my lips to neck, taking his tender skin between my lips and sucking enough to leave a small mark before continuing to his ear.

"Feel so fuckin' good under me, so hard against my ass," I murmured to him.

"I think I'm gonna come," he whimpered, his eyes closing as it hit him.

His upper body rose toward me and he released soft grunts as the waves of his climax crashed over him. It was more powerful than any other time, his body's reaction more intense. The blunt ends of his nails pressed into my shoulders and between my legs his cock pulsed. It was weak, but I felt it. Not getting my hopes up, I opened my eyes and looked down his chest, not surprised when I saw his dry abs. There was some precum dripping from the slit, but no cum on his body.

I rode out the remains of his orgasm, keeping him there until he finally fell back onto his pillows, his breaths heavy, but slowing. His eyelids fluttered opened and he smiled. Kissing him, I renewed my movements, reaching down with my own hand to stroke myself. Having seen the force of his orgasm in his face and body and sounds quickly brought me to my own. It was only a few long drags later that I was burying my head in the crook of his neck to muffle my cries as I came on him. My body shook and trembled and I clutched at him. Edward whispered in my ear, I heard him say how hot I was and how much he loved me until I finally fell on top of him. His hands were dancing lightly over my back and I shivered in the aftermath of my climax, but found the strength to lift my head.

"How was it?" I asked him tentatively. I wasn't sure if he would be disappointed he hadn't ejaculated, and even quickly debated on letting him think my cum was partially his.

He smiled lazily, his eyes drowsy. "Really good. Stronger than before."

"Yeah? Just wait until we make love," I said with a wink. His laughter shook us both. "We should clean up."

He agreed with a sigh and after one more kiss, I sat up and climbed off him. Grabbing a towel, I wiped myself and then Edward while he watched me with sleepy eyes. Finding the pajamas I'd take off earlier, I put them on and tossed the towel aside. Taking Edward's pants from the end of the bed, I helped him put them on and then climbed next to him, curling into his warm body. Putting my head on his chest, I laid an arm over his middle and entwined my legs with his.

"Still nervous?" he asked tiredly.

"For some reason, not as much," I chuckled.

"Good," he laughed. Turning his head, he kissed my forehead. "Sleep, love."

"Mm, sounds good. Alarm?"

"It's set," he yawned, tightening his arm around me.

Before I could begin to sing, my eyes closed and sleep took me.

"**~~**"

It seemed there were people everywhere, mostly runners, but their families and friends too. The sun was out, but it was still a cool morning, one good for running. Lifting my arms above my head, I clasped my hands and twisted side to side. I'd already stretched a few times, I was doing it more out of nervousness than the actual need to be any looser than I was.

Having woken up wrapped in Edward's far earlier than I had intended, I found my mind already working, going over the route in my head, the pace I wanted to keep over the distance I was going to run.

When I finally opened my eyes, I found Edward watching me. I was warm and secure and I didn't want to leave him. Staring at me, he gave me a half smile and enraptured me with the way his lips curled up and the sunlight caught the greens in his eyes. Lifting his hand from the bed, he pushed my hair off my face.

"You can do it," he murmured.

It was a phrase I'd said to him many times before games or when he needed extra confidence. For months I'd stood behind him, whispering encouragement in his ear and pushing him to try. It was his turn now, he was giving the strength I doubted I had. I wanted to thank him and tell him I loved him, but I didn't move or speak. He knew it all already anyway, he always did.

"I should get going," I finally announced, making no movement. Looking down his chest, I asked, "Will you be there?"

More than anything I wanted him there, but not if it would bother him to see all those people doing what he could no longer do.

"Every step of the way," he replied and grabbed my iPhone from the nightstand.

The playlist.

Kissing him, I got off the bed and got dressed. My stomach churned, my head throbbed and my hands wouldn't stay out of my hair. Picking up my bag, I kissed Edward one last time.

"I'll see you there," he promised.

"Be safe, baby."

"See you soon, love."

That had only been a few hours before, and now I was ready to run the race.

"Ready?" my mother asked from behind me.

Turning, I gave her a nervous smile and nodded. It was a lie, and as a mother, she knew that. But as _my_ mother, she let it pass and handed me a Gatorade.

"Don't drink too much," she warned.

I downed it all and handed it back to her, ignoring her raised brow. "How much time?"

"About ten minutes," she answered, glancing at her watch. "I saw Esme and Carlisle over there."

"Edward with them?" I asked, looking in the direction she motioned.

"Yeah."

My dad appeared at her side and I shook my head at his tee shirt, black with huge white letters.

_Team Whitlock _

Then my mother unzipped her sweatshirt and showed me her matching one.

"Really? And you guys call yourselves adults?"

My dad shrugged. "Not on the weekends."

"I'm going to go find Edward, he will be less embarrassing," I chuckled.

They each gave me a quick hug and said they would meet me at the finish line. As soon as they released me, I was walking toward the patch of grass where the Cullens were. I spotted Edward's hair and picked up my pace, breaking into a jog. He looked up and saw me, a wide grin on his face. Dressed in jeans and his basketball sweatshirt, he looked as gorgeous as ever. Stopping in front of him, I glanced around for his parents.

"They went to get water," he said without prompting. "You ready?" Biting my lip, I nodded. His eyes squinted in the sun and he didn't look around before mouthing, "I love you."

"Love you too," I mouthed back.

Just as I was about to break the rules and brush my fingers along his gloved hand, Dr. Cullen appeared with Mrs. Cullen by his side, both in matching tee shirts.

"Not you guys too," I groaned.

Mrs. Cullen beamed and pointed to Edward. "Blame him, it was his idea."

Turning my attention to Edward, I watched as he pulled off his sweatshirt and revealed a red tee shirt with the Team Whitlock in black letters. His eyes glimmered mischievously and I didn't know if should kiss him or hit him. I settled for a smile and a roll of my eyes.

"There's one for you too," Esme said, handing me a tee shirt. It was red like Edward's and I unfolded it and held it up.

_Team Cullen._

Without hesitating, I pulled off my tee shirt and proudly replaced it with my new one.

"Thanks," I smiled and Edward winked.

The announcer came over the loudspeaker, directing all runners to the starting line.

It was time.

One last look to Edward, a silent 'I love you' exchanged before he said, "Good luck. See you at the finish line."

"Hope so," I mumbled.

Dr. and Mrs. Cullen wished me luck and I gave them a wave as I made my way to the line. As nervous as I was, my heart was oddly calm. It wasn't pounding or racing, it was steady, as if my body knew it could do it. It was my mind that doubted me. I was surrounded by people, mostly twenty-something men and women dressed in everything from old tee shirts and shorts to high-tech running gear. I held my earbuds in my hand, my iPhone was strapped to my upper arm with my music ready to go.

A few days before, I'd gone to Edward's after practice and flopped on his bed in a heap of sweaty exhaustion. Edward was at his desk with the laptop open.

"Hey, love," he greeted without turning around. "What's your pace?"

"Excuse me?" I didn't even bother to lift my head from my folded arms to look at him.

"You per mile pace."

"A bit under six when I run only a mile, but when the longer I run, the slower I go. Probably between seven and eight. Why?"

"No reason," he mumbled. "Can I have your phone?" Not even bothering to ask why, I pulled it from my pocket and held it out to him. He snagged it and connected it to his computer.

"What are you doing?"

"A surprise playlist for you, but you can't listen until the race."

"Why not," I whined.

"Because it's a surprise."

I heard more clicking, but nothing more until fingers were brushing my hair of my face. "Love?" he whispered softly.

Forcing my eyes open, I lifted my head. "Finished?"

"Yeah, about an hour ago," he chuckled.

"Oh, sorry," I yawned. Leaning forward, he kissed my head.

"Want to sleep more?"

"Only if you join me."

He moved to the bed, dragging his legs behind him as he shifted onto the pillow, his arm extended in an invitation I readily accepted. Turning around, I stretched out against him, my head in the crook of his arm. It was only seconds before I was asleep again.

"Ready, set…."

The gun's crack pierced the air, yanking me back to present as all the runners surged forward as one. Stuffing my headphones in, I tapped Edward's playlist he'd made for me and "Eye of the Tiger" began blasting in my ears. I might have been in a sea of people, but I couldn't hear anything but the music. There was some bumping and apologetic looks as we all worked our way over the starting line and began to spread out on the first part of the course.

Everything else faded away except for the music and my breaths. My body did has it had been trained to do and settled into a relaxed, even pace. Staring at the horizon, I waited until the runners were further apart before dropping my gaze to the pavement. I watched my feet hit it, eating it up stride for stride, each one bringing me closer to the finish line.

Thirteen miles away.

As it always did when I ran, my mind drifted and let my body take over. I thought about Edward, about the man he'd become, how much he'd changed and yet remained the same. The challenges he'd faced in six months had almost broken him, beaten him into a dark corner, but somehow he always fought his way back into the light. It was a strength and determination I'd never seen in anyone before and as much as I knew he wanted to give up many times, he never did. The Edward before the accident was kind and caring and loving, but he was sheltered and focused on basketball. The new Edward learned the harsh realities of the world, what the tragic events of one night could do to someone and their loved ones. He was no longer sheltered, and his focus had shifted to one of literally surviving one day at a time.

If anyone knew how fragile life was, it was Edward. He'd come so close to losing his own, and in a way he had lost it, that he appreciated the smaller things more than ever. There were days he was fucking pissed at the world, at the chair and his life in it, and who could blame him? But bookending those bad days were ones of laughter, a sound for a while I thought I might not hear again, and love shared between us. Edward had gone from being ashamed of his new body to showing off his torso with pride and accepting his thinning legs with less hate.

Edward had become the man I wanted to be.

There were people lining the streets, some holding up signs of support, others just clapping and cheering on all the runners. At the first intersection, there were wooden barricades and policeman directing traffic. The runners had broken off into groups from the elite runners to the casual ones. I saw teams, groups all dressed in same colored tee shirts for whatever cause they were raising money. I couldn't stop the smile at the thought of my very own team tee shirt.

_Team Cullen_

Damn right I was team Cullen.

I hit the three mile mark and glanced down at my watch to check my time. My pace was still even and I was on target with the time I'd allowed myself. Relaxing even more into the run, I barely felt my sneakered feet slapping the road as my arms swung lightly. I returned to my thoughts, which were always of him.

Sometimes I felt foolish when I thought about our lives. I didn't know other teenage boys that couldn't wait to get married or were devastated by the thought of being apart at college. I thought maybe I was wrong, different, but then I would look at Edward and realize it didn't matter if I was. He was mine. I had doubts about myself, my ability to be what he needed, to succeed in college, to live up to expectations, but while I doubted myself daily, I never once doubted Edward. I quickly found myself imagining our wedding, everything from what we were would wear to vows to our wedding night. Once school was out, we would have more time to plan it just how we wanted it.

Race volunteers directed the runners along the route with bright orange markers and signs. The music in my ears continued through the playlist Edward had made for me, each song meaning more than the last.

At seven miles, I checked my time again, relived to find I was slightly ahead of schedule. Still feeling strong, I kept the same pace. There was a slight burn in my calves, but nothing I hadn't run through before. When I passed a manned water station, I reached for a cup of water and drank it, tossing the cup onto the ground when I was done. I had no idea how many runners were in front or behind me, but I wasn't running to beat them.

I was running for fifteen thousand dollars.

I was running for my boy.

It was nine miles before I began to feel the strain. The constant soreness from training returned with a vengeance to my legs and the bounce in my stride began to fade. To make up for my tired legs, I used my arms to help propel me forward. My breaths were deepening but still even. Pushing the pain aside, I concentrated on green eyes, bedhead hair, a gleaming smile, and found myself running slightly faster. Paul serenaded in my ear, telling me to let it be, words I'd spoken to Edward many times. They were words to live by. My mother often said, 'worry only about what you can control', and she was right. So much of our lives was out of our hands, left to fate, or God, or something else just as powerful, and while I would give anything to go back and change the past, it was beyond my control no matter how many nights I lay awake praying for it.

Edward was paralyzed, and would be for life.

It wasn't the burden as he saw it as, it was simply a different way a life, a challenge we would meet and overcome together. Using ramps, catheters, or special cars made no difference in how we lived our lives. But I wasn't the one in the chair, I wasn't the one unable to stand to shower or brush my teeth, I wasn't the one lying still while my boyfriend was naked on me. I wasn't the one who wasn't experiencing orgasms in the same way or not feeling his lips around my cock.

It wasn't fair of me to pretend to understand what Edward had gone through, I could never know completely. Only those like Riley, whose promising lives were cut short, could sympathize fully with Edward. I'd be lying if I didn't admit to wondering if Edward would be better off with someone like Riley, someone who understood the things I couldn't. I knew Edward and I were meant for each other, but it didn't ease the pangs when those doubts clouded my judgment.

I hit ten miles and checked my time, finding out I'd added almost an extra minute to my previous mile. My breaths were growing slightly shallow, but still strong. It was the pain in my legs that increased, traveling from the back of my calves to the front of my thighs. Sweat rolled down my face and gathered along the collar of the tee shirt while my curls clung to my damp skin. There was a swell of pride in me as I pass the ten mile mark, having officially run the furthest I had ever had. "Imagine" began to play and I found myself imagining right along with it.

I imagined Edward on our wedding night making love under a starry sky. I imagined college without Edward, I imagined our first Christmas as his husband, and I imagined roaming the campus together after he transferred. Finally, I imagined coming home to him every night, cooking dinner, watching TV and going to bed. It was a simple life.

It was a perfect life.

Eleven miles and I was breathing heavily. My entire body was beginning to tire. I no longer saw any of the individual faces on the side of the road, but I saw arms waving and hands clapping. At the next water station I reached for another cup of water, gulping it down.

Two miles.

Less than fifteen minutes and I would see Edward.

The next mile was hard, my feet began to hurt and my lungs were stinging. I wasn't counting the miles anymore but the steps. A few runners passed me, and I passed a lot more. I saw several walking, a few sitting down, and one limping.

When I hit twelve miles I was ready to stop. Just as I forced my mind away from the soreness coursing through my muscles, I caught a glimpse of a sign someone was holding up.

GO WHITLOCK!

Blinking a few times, I looked again and saw Eric holding the sign. Then I realized he wasn't alone. Angela was on one side of him and Bella was on the other, both jumping up and down as I neared. Then I spotted Newton and a few track teammates, then some kids from my history and physics classes. My English teacher waved and yelled something. Next to Mrs. Goddard were three of our lunch ladies, holding another sign with my name and food all drawn all over it. They were all dressed in Team Whitlock tee shirts.

A warmth spread through me. I'd expected support from our families, but never beyond that, and certainly not from my teachers, classmates, and lunch ladies. The more I looked, the more I saw, the road was lined with kids and teachers from school.

Less than half a mile.

The song changed and "Maybe I'm Amazed" began to play.

I thought back to Edward making the playlist, to his questions about how long it would take me to run. He'd timed it so our song would be the last one I would hear. I was amazed, I was amazed by him and all he was. The finish line was within sight, about a quarter of a mile away. I found myself looking for the red tee shirt, but with the crowds standing it was hard to see him.

Just as the last verse began, I pushed myself and went into my final kick. As tired and sore as I was, I ran even faster. Then I saw Edward. He'd pushed out from behind the crowd a few yards passed the finish line. Keeping his eyes on me, he willed me to him.

Paul sang to me and I ran to my boy.

Taking the earbuds from my ear, I suddenly heard all the cheering for the runners and it gave me a rush. I crossed the finish line, glancing at the huge digital clock to record my time. Immediately, I slowed to a walk and put my hands on my head. Not stopping, I walked directly to Edward.

He looked up at me, a proud smile on his face. Without a word, I crouched in front of him and put my hands on his thighs. Not caring who was around, I rested my forehead on his knees and sucked in gulps of air. A gloved hand moved briefly through my hair. I was sore and exhausted, but I was done. I'd run thirteen miles and raised fifteen thousand dollars for my fiancé.

"I'm never running that far again," I gasped through breaths and heard Edward laugh.

The aches and burn I would feel for days were all for him, and he was worth every fucking second of it. Lifting my head, I gazed at him, his forest eyes and messy hair and full lips.

He was my boy.

And we were all in.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

Three more chapters, then the epilogue.

Thank you to C and S for everything and more.

A friend and I have started a blog called Touchstone's Scales. It's about our journey to lose weight and get healthy. We are doing daily updates including our struggles and accomplishments, tips, reviews, and even a contest with a story written by me as the prize. We'd love for you to join us and spread the word!  touchstonescales DOT blog DOT com/2012/07/06/if-on-a-winters-night-we-decided-to-diet/#respond


	30. I Believe in Yesterday

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- Edward's pov of the race and more, which is probably a good thing considering how long it's been…

My apologies for the delay with this chapter. Thank you for sticking with the boys. This chapter is unbeta'd, all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are mine.

Now Edward's pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night our dream hadn't ended…_

"**~~**"

Loved.

The same emotion I felt every time I woke up with him in my arms. His leg was still over mine, one arm folded under him while the other rested on my stomach, the tips of his fingers languidly brushing my side. As relaxed as he appeared to be, I knew he was nervous, probably already mapping the route of the race in his slowly waking mind. Jasper might be impulsive, but when it came to running, I swear he planned every step. It was the one thing he seemed methodical in the way he went about it.

I loved the weight of him on me, the warmth of his body surrounding me even where I could no longer feel. He was heavy in his drowsiness, muscles limp before they would be asked to carry him thirteen miles. Even though I'd seen him training and gathering money, I still couldn't believe he was going to run for me.

Hell, some days I still couldn't believe he was mine.

In the month since he'd asked me to marry him, our lives been busier than ever. Between track and basketball practices, games and meets, PT, and the piano lessons I'd begun to give, our time alone was more limited than ever. Some activities took more time than others, and Jasper was with me a lot, even if only hovering in the background. For the piano lessons that were in the late afternoon, Jasper would often be on my couch doing his homework. Sometimes lying on his stomach tapping a pencil against his lips as he read, other times sitting up with his socked feet on the table and his book open on his thighs.

The kids I was teaching didn't seem to mind Jasper being around, in fact, I think Claire had a crush on him. She was new to playing the piano but was already showing a lot of potential. Nate, on the other hand, had been playing for a long time but had never had any real lessons and was still green. Jenna was a solid player but lacked emotion behind her notes. Tony, a sophomore, was the most talented of them all. He possessed natural ability, a skilled ear, and unlike Jenna, felt the music. I enjoyed teaching him the most.

Before each lesson, I would practice alone, well, except for my audience of one. He would pretend to study and I would pretend to not watch him. Neither of us succeeded much and eventually gave up. The music filled the room, I would use it to reach out to him, to grasp him and pull him closer. I put us both in the notes, playing songs that meant something to us. He would try to keep his concentration but always ended up looking at me, his eyes filled with everything he felt. Not that he could hide it even if he wanted to. Since I'd said yes to marrying him and with graduation quickly approaching, Jasper rarely tried to hide anything anymore. Physically he still kept his hands to himself in front of others, but if anyone took the time to really look at him, they would know he was in love, and who with.

"You're quite the distraction," I muttered over the music.

"Me?" he asked innocently as he tried to suppress a dimpled grin of satisfaction. With a thud, he closed his WWII book. "I'm just studying."

"Yeah, right," I snorted, my eyes never leaving the black and white keys.

They didn't have to in order to know what Jasper was doing. He was leaning back against the couch, an arm now outstretched along the back as he laid his head on it and stared at me. Jasper was always enamored when I played, but since the accident he was prouder than ever before.

"No, I will not play naked," I answered his unasked request and he chuckled.

"Something else then?" he suggested. Giving him an amused glance, I raised a brow. "I will settle for shirtless."

"Settle?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, well it'll do for now."

"I have a lesson coming in ten minutes," I reminded him.

"Fun sucker," he huffed and opened his book again, but his eyes hardly remained on it.

Seamlessly, I went from our banter into playing "Imagine".

Playing was the one thing I did that still felt like me. With the exception of not being able to use the pedals, which frustrated me, it was as if I wasn't hurt when I played. Everything I did was different now, from getting around to sex with Jasper, but sitting on the bench in front of my piano was the one thing I could still do. And it might be what allowed me to stay with Jasper.

I was expecting the letter from OSU any day and held my breath each time I saw the mail on the kitchen table. Nervously, I would roll over to it, hesitantly flipping through the envelopes and catalogs, partially relieved when there was no letter for me.

Two days later it arrived.

Jasper was at track practice and I'd just gotten home from school and went into the kitchen for a sandwich before Tony's piano lesson when I saw it on the table. It was under a few other envelopes but I couldn't miss the orange and black logo in the top corner. Suddenly losing my appetite, I wondered if my mom had seen it. I'd only told my father that I'd applied, but even though my mother hadn't mentioned it to me, I was pretty sure my dad had told her. My hand shook slightly as I reached out and picked it up. It didn't feel exceptionally thick, but my UW letter hadn't been either. Placing it in my lap face down, I pushed down the hallway to my room, closing the door behind me. Flipping the envelope over, I traced the logo, so different from the one I'd dreamed of wearing for as long as I could remember. But it wasn't the logo that mattered, it was being with Jasper, supporting him while he made his dream come true.

With a deep breath, I slid my finger under the flap and ripped it open. Pulling out a piece of ivory paper, I closed my eyes as I unfolded it. Our entire future, apart or together, was riding on this one piece of paper. Forcing my eyes open, I read the words.

_Dear Edward,_

_Congratulations! After careful review of your academic credentials and other accomplishments, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Oregon State University. In addition, we would like to offer you a music scholarship in the amount of seventeen thousand dollars for your outstanding accomplishments in piano. We look forward to hearing from you…._

I'd been accepted.

Relief powerfully crashed through me as I finished the letter and then immediately read it again.

I was in.

Jasper and I would be together.

On my fourth time reading, I was wiping the tears off the papers so they didn't stain it. My heart raced with excitement and I wanted desperately to call Jasper. Picking up my phone, I paused before pressing his button. As much as I wanted to tell him, as excited as I knew he would be, I slowly put my phone down.

For two years, Jasper had been by my side. Even when I pushed him away, telling him I didn't want him anymore, he refused to leave me. There wasn't a minute of happiness in the past two years that I didn't owe to him. For weeks, I'd been debating what to get him for graduation. There were the standard engraved items, but I wanted something more creative, more us. I'd thought about tickets to something, but that was one night out of many and I wanted my present to show much I loved him, how much he meant to me. Unable to go shopping at the mall on my own, I scoured websites looking for just the right thing, but until I held that letter in my hands, I hadn't realized that what I wanted to give Jasper couldn't be put in a box and wrapped with a bow, what I wanted to give him was something far more meaningful. I'd finally found something I could give him for his graduation present.

Our future together.

After one more read through, I carefully folded the paper and put it back in the envelope. Moving to my desk, I opened the drawer and buried it under some old homework. I would tell my parents after Jasper knew. Keeping the secret wasn't going to be easy, I knew the second I saw Jasper I would want to blurt it out, or he'd see my smile and know something was going on. For once, I hoped he would be too tired to notice.

Graduation was less than two weeks away, then I could tell him we would be at college together. Meanwhile, I would accept their offer and begin the paperwork they said would be coming shortly.

Jasper stirred on me, bringing me back to him. My hand sought his hair, twirling the ends to assure him I was there before letting memories from the past few weeks carry me away again.

As much as I wanted to, I still hadn't driven yet. There had been a few times I'd thought about getting behind the wheel again and even went out to my mother's car, but as soon as my hand touched the door, my heart started pounding and I began shaking. The darkness that Jasper's presence kept away once again swirled near me, beckoning me with promises of no worry or fear. Refusing to listen, I backed the chair up and quickly pushed up the ramp into my house. Instead of going to my room where I would surely face it, I found myself at my piano. After moving to the bench, I played the first thing that came to me, anything to keep my mind off my repeated failure. I hated the thought of relying on someone else to drive me everywhere even though Jasper volunteered. I feared I was just going to have to face that driving might not be something I was ever going to be able to do again.

Perhaps it had been the conversation a week before that had caused my fear of driving to flare uncontrollably.

I'd been lifting in the dining room when my dad walked in. With one glance I knew something was wrong. The doctor face I'd grown used to seeing on him had been replaced by his rarely seen dad one. Letting the weights down, I bit my lip and waited for him to speak.

Many scenarios ran through my mind. Had he seen one of Jasper's looks he wasn't hiding anymore, or perhaps spoken to one of my many doctors and had bad news? Maybe Emmett had slipped about my physical therapy with the braces? Or maybe it was about college…

Sitting down on the bench next to me, he put his hands on his knees. Anxiously and with a racing pulse, I waited.

"It's James."

_James._

A simple, common name that had come to mean everything bad in my life. Before I could speak around the lump rising in my throat, he continued.

"I just came from a meeting with our attorneys. They wanted to meet to discuss how to proceed with the lawsuit. James had his hearing the other day."

I had purposely stayed away from the legalities of what had happened. I didn't understand it much anyway, and it only brought back memories I didn't want to relive. Hell, I'd kept myself so sheltered I didn't even know what James looked like. My father had told me that when the time came, I might be questioned by lawyers about the events on the night of my accident, but he assured me that would be unlikely.

"What happened?"

"The prosecutors offered him a plea bargain and he accepted. The hearing was basically to plead guilty."

"What was the deal?"

"He pleads guilty to vehicular assault and he gets one month in jail, fined five thousand dollars, and loses his license for a year," he explained quietly.

"That's it? That's all he gets?" I growled.

"Afraid so. I spoke with the lawyer about the lawsuit and while they advise continuing with it, they admit it might be years before we see much result. Meanwhile, we're paying for every phone call and meeting. Your mother and I will discuss it, but we might take the insurance company's settlement offer."

It wasn't until I lowered my eyes that I noticed his hands had moved from his knees to mine. "How much?"

"They're offering seventy-five thousand."

Seventy-five thousand was a lot of money.

But to someone facing life in a wheelchair it was nothing. It wouldn't be enough to make a dent in the medical bills, and while it would cover the changes made to the house, it wouldn't last long if I wasn't able to work. All the suffering I'd been through, the sleepless nights, the battles with the darkness, the exhausting PT, was apparently only worth seventy-five thousand. They'd put a price tag on what my life and future were worth, and that was the amount decided.

"It's not enough," I mumbled sadly.

"We'll be fine," my father assured me with a small smile.

A few minutes later, I was alone in my bedroom staring at the pool when Jasper walked in. He came up behind me and wrapped his long arms around my shoulders, kissing my head.

"Hey, baby," he murmured into my hair. "How are you doing?"

I knew what he was really asking, I don't know how he knew, but he did. "He's getting away with it, Jasper. He put me in this chair for the rest of my life and he's getting away with it. Some jail time and a fine. That's all he got for taking my life away from me, Jasper."

Releasing me, he straightened and walked around to the front of me, his broad body blocking my view out the window forcing my eyes to rise and lock with his. He reached down and took my hand in his, and holding it, he lowered himself to his knees in front of me. How many times had he done that, gotten on his knees for me? Not sexually, but to comfort me, to allow me to look at him without feeling small, to put us back on the level playing field I feared we'd hadn't been on since the accident. It was second nature for him now, to lower himself for me.

"I know, babe," was all he said.

He didn't reason with me or explain the pros and cons of the justice system, he simply understood my frustration and let me feel as I did. As he had done months before, he laid his head on my lap and sighed. My free hand went to his hair, weaving in it deeply so as to never let go. With each strand that slid through my fingers, I felt a little lighter. What had happened to me would never be fair, I would never understand why me, but those questions were easier to bear with Jasper near me. It was long minutes later before he spoke again.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," I sighed sadly and he gripped my hand tighter.

My eyes never returned to the view outside the window, they never left my boy's head on my lap.

Much like they were as he kissed my chest and slowly lifted his head, blinking away the morning sunlight. Turning his head, he looked at me, his grumpy morning smile mixing with a nervous one. Lifting my hand, I pushed his bedhead waves off his face.

"You can do it," I whispered.

Words I'd heard him say hundreds of times. It was time for him to hear them, for him to know that I believed he could do it. His lips moved and stopped a few times, as if he wanted to say something but wasn't sure what. No words were necessary, I saw it all his eyes, gratefulness, anxiousness, and most importantly, love. Instead of speaking, he settled on a light kiss and then buried his face in the crook of my neck and moved his body even closer to my side. Gently, I scratched his scalp, tangling his hair further.

I couldn't believe after all his training the day of the race had finally arrived. Jasper had faithfully run and solicited donations for over a month. He hadn't been nervous about any of it until his mother set up a meeting with the board of directors of the hospital she and my father worked at.

As soon as he had climbed into the truck, I knew something was wrong. He told me about the presentation he would have to give if he wanted the possibility of receiving a donation from Forks General. They certainly weren't going to hand over their money without reason. I assured him he didn't have to do it, we would make do without their donation, but as worried as he was, he insisted on going through with it. With a kiss, I promised to help him put something together.

Throughout school, I jotted down ideas and points I thought he should make, not only on my behalf but the community's as a whole. I knew he caught me a few times, but he remained silent, occasionally scowling at me. While he was at practice, I moved my notes to my laptop, fleshing them out into a PowerPoint presentation complete with effects. By the time Jasper walked in, I was almost done and looked up at him with a smile. He wasted no time climbing onto my bed and kneeling next to me to kiss me hard and let me absorb his fears. Each time I ran my hand through his hair, I pulled him even closer and inhaled his manly scent. The parts of my body that could, shuddered when his lips left mine and moved over my jaw. Before either of us found ourselves naked, I regretfully pushed him away and told him I had something to show him.

"Fine, what is it?" he grumbled, sitting back on his calves.

Turning the laptop, I showed him the PowerPoint document. His eyes scanned the first page, then he clicked to the second and read it. His eyes flickered over each page, slightly confused. I began to worry I had overstepped. Perhaps he had wanted to do it on his own. I had intended to help him, not to it entirely, but once I had started, I couldn't stop.

"It's for your presentation," I said nervously when he finally looked at me.

I expected him to argue with me, to once again show me his stubbornness, but he was quickly thanking me with a kiss. At my suggestion, he hopped off the bed and practiced the presentation, often having us in laughter before he completed it. We discussed what he should wear and then did some homework before we were making out again, my hand stroking Jasper through his shorts until he was bucking into my hand and grunting as he came. When we went out to the dining room table for dinner, the scent of his cum mingled with his sweat.

The next day, he dropped me off after school and went home to get ready for the meeting. I was doing physics homework when he burst into my room. The navy of his suit jacket showed off the blue in his eyes while his white shirt contrasted them. His pants fit perfectly, the pressed material covering his long legs as he stood before me and let me devour him.

"Love, you're breathtaking," I mumbled.

"You approve?" he asked as I whistled at his ass when he spun around.

Suddenly we were no longer in my room, but rather standing in a field of tall grass and flowers under a sunny sky, Jasper beaming at me as he reciting vows of love to me. It was so clear, so easy to picture.

"More than approve. I think you should wear it on our wedding day," I confessed, then added, "Hell, every day."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Come here."

When he sat on the edge of the bed, I tucked some curls behind his ear and he leaned into my touch, letting free his worry. I wanted to tell him how proud I was of him, but he knew. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, but he knew. He always knew.

"You can do this. Don't doubt it, love," I attempted to reassure him with my words as much as my touch. Closing the gap between us, he kissed me softly. "You should go, don't want to be late."

Hesitantly, he nodded and left. While he was gone, I tried to concentrate on my homework but found myself thinking of him too often. When I heard his ringtone, I snapped the phone off the table. The second he spoke, I knew it was good news. I had never doubted he could do it, there wasn't anyone he couldn't charm.

The hospital donation might have been the largest he received but it wasn't the most surprising. Only a few days before we were making our way through the lunch line as Jasper teased the lunch ladies about how relieved they would be when he was gone. As he reached the end of the line, the cashier swiped his card and then handed him an envelope. Instantly, he was overwhelmed by the unexpected donation, even without knowing the amount. After six months of listening to him bitch daily, they had finally done something that shut him up. Jasper picked up our tray and they all clapped and wished him luck.

At the table, he opened the envelope and counted three hundred dollars.

"Guess they like your bitching," I laughed.

Like I said, there wasn't anyone Jasper couldn't charm, including grumpy lunch ladies.

As the day of the race got closer, I began to feel guilty. Jasper had been running and getting money for me and I had done nothing. I wracked my brain with ideas on how to help, but beyond offering encouragement, I came up empty handed…until Alice walked into my room one day after school. I don't even remember what she came in for, all I recalled was her tee shirt.

_GO TEAM_

Jasper and I were a team, stronger together than apart. Our families and friends were supporters of our team. We were all for the same goal and for the same person to accomplish it. Opening my laptop, I began to search for something to unite us all. When Bella called and I told her what I was doing, she offered to help and suggested I get extras for our friends. Finding a local shop, I called and placed an order to be picked up the day before the race. They were all the same except for one, the one I hoped Jasper would wear.

Jasper had arrived the night before, his nervousness not only in his eyes but in his rough words and motions. Minutes after walking into my room, he was sprawled on my lap gradually sinking into me with each touch of my fingers on his body. Once lulled into relaxation, he admitted to being worried about finishing the entire thirteen miles. I didn't understand where his doubt was coming from. His body was young and strong, his legs worked perfectly, his muscles were toned and ready. If Jasper could run ten miles, he could run thirteen.

When I asked him if his coach would be mad he skipped track practice, he mumbled it didn't matter because it was the last practice anyway. Before he'd finished, I stiffened. It shouldn't have been the last practice, there was still the state meet. It didn't make sense. Questions tumbled from me as I lifted my head from his, eyeing him warily.

"The qualifying meet is tomorrow," he confessed quietly.

"You're missing the meet to run in the race. Love, you can't, you need to do the meet," I implored softly.

He shook his head, and as I always expected him to, argued with me, claiming it wasn't a big deal, telling me it meant nothing to him anymore.

"You've wanted to be the state champion since you moved here," I whispered.

"Dreams change," he mumbled.

Jasper was giving up so much for me. Every day more of himself was devoted to me and my needs. His college dreams had almost been destroyed because of me, and now four years of practices and running and meets only to not be able to even attempt to accomplish his dream. Guilt flooded me and I didn't bother to try to stop it. It was the least I deserved as payment for his sacrifices. Jasper wouldn't accept it though, and he wiped it from my damp cheek.

"Don't," he begged.

"You're given up your dream for me, just like you were going to for college," I choked out, trying to look away.

"I'm not giving up my dream, Edward, just doing something different. Instead of being state champion, I can say I ran thirteen miles and raised fifteen thousand dollars. That's more of an accomplishment than a trophy sitting on my shelf."

Logically, he was right. What he was doing was far more important than a trophy to collect dust, but it was hard to accept he'd once again given up something for me. Exhaling, I calmed myself as Jasper gazed at me. Eyes bluer than any clear sky held mine, refusing to let me go and forcing me to look inside them, to see he was really okay with what he was doing. Our lips met in a salty kiss and my hand dropped from his hair down his back to press him closer. His skin was on fire, burning up and glistening with beads of sweat.

I suggested he go for a swim to cool off and he said not without me. At first I thought he was joking, but then he was jumping off me and digging through my dresser. When he found my swim suit and tossed it to me, I found myself on the bed and changing, complaining to him the entire time. It wasn't until I rolled out onto the patio and saw the pool, the water lapping the cement edges as it lit up with the last rays of the sun that I quieted. Almost two years before, Jasper had kissed me in it, holding me against the side with his weight. Since then, we'd spent many hours floating, swimming, kissing, giving head, all things I longed to be able to in there again. I saw myself diving off the board, splashing Jasper with water, swimming under the surface the entire length before coming up for a deep breath. Sitting still in the chair, I could almost feel the cool water skimming over me, easing my muscles as they worked.

My heart ached, tightening in my chest painfully. Going out there had been a stupid idea. Just as my hands gripped the wheel to back turn the chair around and return to my room, I was being lifted by Jasper. Part of me wanted to fight him, but I found myself leaning against him as he walked down the steps into the pool.

"What are you doing?" I sighed.

"Swimming, what does it look like?"

Secure in his arms, I watched the water rise higher around us as he walked over to a noodle in the deep end. He slid his arm out from under my knees and let the noodle support my legs, then he shifted so he was behind me, resting my back to his chest. The water slapped gently against me, soaking my tee shirt. Lying back against Jasper and soothed by the sound of the water, I laid my head on his shoulder and let him hold us both up.

"It's cold."

"I can warm you up," he murmured hotly in my ear.

With breathless whispers, he reminded me our first kiss, how scared he'd been, never once ceasing moving us evenly around the pool. He sang our song to me and I turned my head and watched his lips as they moved. When they brushed over mine, I quivered from the mixture of his touch and fear. We were in the open and at any time my parents could have looked out a window or walked outside and caught us. But Jasper didn't think the same way, he didn't care if someone saw us, and on that alone I let my tongue slip into his mouth. The second it touched his, I moaned and pulled him closer. The kiss deepened, his fingers dug into my sides and I fisted his hair. Pulling away, I smiled at him.

"I thought we were out here to cool off," I chuckled.

He continued to guide us around the pool until it was completely dark, but when I shivered he walked us out of the pool and sat me in the chair. While I was drying off my arms and hair, he kneeled in front of me with another towel and dried my legs. I hadn't asked him to, and I was certainly capable of doing it myself, but he wasn't doing because he felt a duty or obligation, he was doing it simply because he wanted to. It was a hard concept for me, to realize it was just how he was wired. I'd never noticed before because we were both healthy and able-bodied, but Jasper just instinctively took care of those he loved, putting their needs far and above his own. Focused on his work, I watched the way his eyes tracked the movement of his hands, his head dipped with his hair covering his face in wet ringlets. With a sharp shake of his head, he looked up at me.

"What?"

"Thank you." It was a stupid response to his question, but it was all I could think of to say.

"Just drying your legs, no need to thank me," he said with a shrug as if every seventeen-year-old kid dried their boyfriend's legs.

He would never realize what he did for me, how many times he's unknowingly saved me just by being there. The darkness I'd woken up to after the accident was strong and sure, but Jasper was stronger. It was his challenge tomorrow, and yet, he was still taking care of me.

"That's not what I mean. Thank you for…for everything, Jasper. For tomorrow, for yesterday, today…for kissing me two years ago," I clarified.

"Every second has been my pleasure. Now let's get you inside and changed," he said as he cupped my cheek.

I turned the chair and followed him inside to my room where we changed into dry clothes and got into bed. Seconds after I leaned back against the pillows, he was straddling my thighs and struggling to look at my face and not my bare chest.

"Ya know, Sunday makes three weeks," he murmured as he ran a finger lazily up and down my torso. "And since that's only two nights away, do you think I could touch them?"

Shuddering in anticipation, I nodded. Honestly, I was surprised he had held off as long as he had. There had been a few times when I found himself kissing too near or his finger grazing them, but never once had he pushed for more. I watched his finger gradually tighten the circle around my nipple. The second his finger danced over the barbell, I lost it. Immediately, my body tensed and I lifted off the pillows, there were the familiar tingles at the base of my neck and I trembled. I gripped his shoulder and groaned, pleading for more. Obliging, he twisted the piercing and brought his other hand to my hair. He gathered it in his fist and forced my head back to give him room to run his tongue up the length of my neck to my ear.

"Fuck, holy shit, fuck…" I panted, moving toward him and away at the same time.

"You make me so hard. You're so fucking hot," he whispered.

Gasping, I reached for his pants, yanking the elastic until I felt it slide over his ass. When he raised his hips off me, I pulled his pants down to his thighs. Once his erection was free, I wrapped my hand around it and began stroking him. His breath was moist in my ear when he spoke to me, his nails scratching my scalp as his other fingers taunted my nipple. I wanted to feel him on me, his warm skin against mine, his hard cock rubbing along my abs, the contours of his ass has he thrust. I didn't want any more barriers between us.

"Take my pants off," I whispered in a moment of rare bravery.

Jasper wasted no time moving down me and taking my pants with him before he took off his and tossed them to the side. He took a moment to stare at me in the darkening room, the moonlight replacing the sunbeams from hours before. Slowly he crawled to me, stalking me like I was prey as he positioned himself over my cock. Grinding his hips onto me, his hand returned to my nipple. I attempted to stroke him with a steady rhythm but every time he pinched my nipple, I lost my control. He gazed at my chest as his fingers easily made me writhe. Licking his lips, he forced his eyes up to mine.

"Can I lick them?"

The thought of it not being three weeks didn't even enter my mind as I moaned yes and arched toward him. Keeping his ass on my dick, he bent over and flicked the top of his tongue over a piercing. The tingling returned with force, expanding out my shoulders while charges of electricity heated up my chest. Suddenly his fingers were everywhere, I could feel the trail of sparks they left behind, I felt the rough pads of fingertips, the wet heat of his tongue, the tickling of the ends of his hair, the pool of precum that dripped from his cock onto my abs. When I groaned, Jasper moved his lips to my ear and warned me to be quiet.

"Please touch me," I whimpered.

He kissed his way back to my nipples, latching onto one. Letting go of his cock, both my hands tunneled through his hair, holding him to me as he lavished and worshipped me. I could feel his body rocking and knew he was seeking relief in the friction of running his cock against me. When he raised his head, my hands went to push him back but he spoke.

"You're hard, babe."

Slowly, I opened my eyes and looked down our bodies. The head of my erection was captured under Jasper and I watched as he thrust his hips, gliding his ass over me while his mouth returned to my chest. He devoured me in every way and I lost myself in the sensations he graced me with. Lips were on my collarbone, my neck, sucking and nipping and licking until they were at my ear again.

"Feel so fuckin' good under me, so hard against my ass," he mumbled.

His words were quickly my undoing.

"I think I'm gonna come," I cried out, holding onto him.

White flashes brightened my closed eyes and my upper body tensed, my fingers digging into his flesh as I hissed. Lifting myself of the pillows, my abs tightened and it hit me. The waves weren't the strength I'd felt before the accident but they were the strongest I'd felt since it. The tingling crept down my spine, around my sides and flooded me with warmth. My upper body jerked and flexed until I fell exhausted onto the pillows. Panting, I kissed him, swallowing his moans as he pumped himself. He came a few strokes later, his cries quieted by my body as he buried his face in my neck.

"So fucking hot when you come like that, love you so much," I whispered as he collapsed on me and I held him.

He redressed us before lying next to me. Unlike when he had first arrived, his body was loose and pliable against mine. Exhaustion quickly took both of us and while there was no singing, his arms were around me and his heart beat in time with mine.

Shifting and sighing, Jasper lifted his head from my neck and looked at me with sleepy eyes, forcing my thoughts back to the current and not the night before.

"I should get going," he mumbled. Even though he had said the words, he made no motion to get up. Instead, he sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and bit down, lowering his eyes to my chest before allowing them to meet my gaze. "Will you be there?"

How could he ever think I wouldn't be?

"Every step of the way," I answered, reaching for his iPhone on the table.

Smiling, he remembered the playlist I'd made. After a quick kiss, he pulled himself away and got dressed so he could go home and change. Pushing myself up onto my elbows, I watched as he gathered his things and ran his hand through his hair a hundred times. Finally, he swung the strap of his bag over his shoulder and leaned over to kiss me the last time before the race.

"I'll see you there," I vowed when he broke the kiss.

"Be safe, baby," he said as he opened the door.

"See you soon, love."

The door closed and I lowered myself back to the pillows. I had a lot to get done before I left for the race, but I turned onto my side and inhaled the scent he'd left behind.

I missed him already.

"**~~**"

"Jasper is going to kill you," his mother laughed as I handed her one of the tee shirts I'd had made. His father was already pulling his on over his head.

"Yeah, probably," I agreed.

Jasper never liked being the center of attention, he much preferred being in the background watching and not being watched. Though with his looks, he was often watched, he just never realized it.

My parents were already wearing their shirts, and Bella had taken a dozen of them to give to everyone who showed up to support Jasper. I had one left and it was sitting on my lap waiting for Jasper. I said goodbye to his parents and returned to mine on the grassy field next to the street. There were a few vendor booths set up, as well as tables for registration and information. Runners dressed in shorts and bright shirts with numbers pinned to them were everywhere. Some were stretching, some chatting with their families, others jogging slowly to warm up. None of them realize how fucking lucky they were just to be standing.

Envious, I watched their legs move effortlessly, muscles working perfectly. They didn't need straps and metal and plastic encasing their legs or bars to hold themselves upright. The warm air chilled around me and I knew I wasn't alone. It was more daring than ever before, coming after with when my parents were near. The darkness knew they were unable to fight it off, it knew there was only one strong enough to fight the battle. Gripping the handrims, I kept facing the same way, but my eyes glanced to the ground next to me, not surprised when I saw wisps of black coasting over the blades of grass.

"We're going to go get water," my mother said.

I found myself nodding in acknowledgement but unable to speak as they turned and headed for booth nearby. My heart raced erratically, skipping and halting as the fight for my soul began. There might have been hundreds of people around, but I'd never felt more alone. None of them were like me, I was different, crippled, useless. I could feel them staring at me, whispering to each other, wondering why I was there. I had no right to be there, I wasn't like them. Any of them. Swallowing, I took a deep breath to calm myself. Raising my eyes, they cut through the crowds to see only his mop of hair flopping as he jogged over.

Relief swept through me as quickly as the dread had, and I found myself grinning. The darkness skittered away before Jasper reached me and he had once again fought unseen forces. Someday I would tell him all the battles he'd faced. He stopped in front of me and glanced around for my parents.

"You ready?" I asked him and he nodded uncertainly. Before I could think about it, I mouthed my love to him and he returned it with a smile.

I knew my parents had walked up behind me strictly from the look of amusement on Jasper's face. He'd seen the tee shirts they were wearing.

"Not you guys too," he groaned.

"Blame him, it was his idea," my mother said as if Jasper hadn't already figured it out.

I pulled off the sweatshirt I was wearing, revealing my Team Whitlock jersey underneath. He shook his head and rolled his eyes.

"There's one for you too," I said as I handed him the one folded in my lap.

He took it and unfolded it, reading the Team Cullen on the front. Seconds later, his discarded tee shirt was on my lap and he was tugging the new one down his chest and pinning his number on the front.

"Thanks," he smiled at me as the announcer called the runners to the starting line.

"Good luck. See you at the finish line."

We shared one last look, his eyes full of love before he waved to my parents and headed for the starting line. The swarm of people waited until the gun went off, then they all moved forward uniformly, hundreds of heads bounced up and down as they crossed the line and began to spread out. Even without Jasper's height, hair color or red tee shirt, I would have known his stride anywhere. I'd spent hours watching it and running next to it, I knew exactly how he breathed and the length of his steps.

My eyes were fixed on him alone as he put the earbuds in his ear and settled into his pace. With each stride, he pulled further and further away and my heart began to ache. While I logically knew why, watching him run away from me wasn't something I ever wanted to see. As I lost sight of him, I sighed and felt my father's hand on my shoulder.

"Should we head to the finish line?" he asked quietly.

Nodding, I turned the chair around and followed them over to the Whitlocks, who walked with us to the car. I got into the passenger side while my mother sat in the back and my father followed the Whitlocks and chatted idly with my mother about the race. A few minutes later, we reached the end of the course and I moved back into the chair. Mrs. Whitlock walked next to my mother and my father spoke with Jasper's dad about a few more changes he wanted to make the house.

I pushed the chair along the edge of the closed road, my eyes scanning the growing crowd for Bella, relieved when I spotted her with Angela, both wearing their Team Whitlock tee shirts.

"Bella," I called out and she turned with a grin. Walking over, she carried a piece of poster board in her hand. "What's that?"

Stopping in front of me, she held it up. GO WHITLOCK was written in huge brightly colored bubble letters. She beamed proudly.

"Like it?"

"He's going to kill you," I chuckled, echoing his mother's words to me earlier.

"Let him try," she shrugged. "How is he?"

"Nervous, but he will be fine. Did you hand out some shirts?"

"Yep, all of them," she replied.

My eyebrows shot up. "I gave you a dozen."

"There's so many people here," she said. Turning, she pointed to the grassy patch across the street. "There some track kids, Mr. Beatty and Mrs. Goddard. Oh, and the lunch ladies."

"Seriously?" I squinted into the sun.

"I know, right? Who knew?" She turned back to me. "Want to wait with us?"

"Yeah, let me tell my parents."

She remained there while I pushed over to where my parents and the Whitlocks were. "I'm going to hang out with Bella and everyone if that's all right."

"Sure," my dad said with a smile. "We'll be around."

"Thanks," I mumbled, turning the chair toward Bella.

She walked next to me over to Eric and Angela, who told us Newton was on his way. They talked excitedly and I sat there thinking about how much I wanted to be with Jasper. He was always there for me when I needed him and when I wanted to be by his side for him, I couldn't.

Jasper hadn't missed a basketball game since he'd met me. He might not always be the loudest one there, though sometimes I knew he wanted to be, but I could feel his heart all the way on the court, the same heart that swelled when he was at my PT sessions.

I had used the braces once a week since the first time. Even though I wanted to use them every time, Emmett didn't allow it, giving me some speech about recovery time and pushing myself. He didn't understand I needed to push myself. There was no way I would ever walk again if I didn't push myself.

Jasper wasn't able to come to every therapy session, but he came to all the ones where I used the KAFOs. Standing in front of me with a hand on my chest and another on my hip, his eyes watched in awe as my feet stuttered forward with Emmett's help. Slowly, Jasper would lift his gaze to me and smile. He listened to every word Emmett said, from directions to advice, Jasper took it all in. More than once, I'd found him writing things down, 'Emmett's words of wisdom' he called it. It might have been Emmett physically pushing my feet and swinging my hips but it was Jasper who helped me walk. It was his strength on loan, his words I breathed in, his looks that didn't doubt me.

"One more step," Emmett warned behind me.

My arms trembled from the strain but I slid my hand along the bar and exhaled a breath. Countering my weight, he pushed against me as I leaned toward him.

"That's it," Jasper murmured, "you got this, baby."

"Tired," I grumbled.

"I know," he acknowledge before shifting to start guiding me backwards with Emmett.

Gradually they eased me to the end of the bars. Jasper's arms replaced Emmett's around me as Emmett moved my chair. Supporting me easily, Jasper gave me a brief kiss before Emmett released the latch and with a loud click, the other release let go and I was sitting down panting for breath. They worked quickly to get the braces off and Jasper immediately began rubbing my legs where the tight straps had been. Ignoring Emmett, I reached up and touched Jasper's hair. Meeting my eyes, he turned his head and kissed the palm of my hand before finishing his task.

I was up to walking ten steps in a row with the KAFOs. It was more than I had been doing a month before but not nearly enough to allow me to walk onto the graduation stage in a week. Like a child, I was clinging to dream I knew wasn't possible, but it didn't stop me from wishing for it nightly. I wanted to show them all I wasn't a cripple.

I was just Edward.

The wind ruffled my hair and swept away the thoughts. I couldn't allow doubt to seep in when Jasper was so far away from me.

"So what is your guess?" Angela asked me.

"What?" I asked, furrowing my brows.

"On Jasper's time, we're taking bets on what time he finishes in," she explained.

I could probably have guessed his time down to the second if I thought about it. "I have an unfair advantage, I know his running."

"Aw, c'mon," she whined.

"Fine. One hour, thirty-seven minutes and ten seconds," I answered.

Angela wrote it down and then asked Newton his. I hadn't even noticed he'd arrived. "Cullen must be close, I'll say one hour forty minutes," he said looking down at me.

Parking the chair next to the sidewalk, I stared down the street waiting for the first of the runners to come into view. Jasper's teammates and teachers stood mixed with our friends as we all waited. Some of them had signs like Bella's and most were in the tee shirts she had handed out. I wasn't surprised by the amount of support Jasper had, but I knew he would be. He'd never expected anyone but me and his parents to be there for him.

Bella had just handed me a water when the first runner turned the corner and headed toward us. Once the crowd saw him, they began to applaud. We all watched as he quickened his pace briefly before crossing the finish line and glancing up at the digital race clock to see his time. About a minute later, another man rounded the turn and crossed the line. They began to appear closer together, the first woman finishing about ten minutes after the first guy.

My father walked over. "How long?" he asked as he looked down the road with me.

"One twenty," I answered without looking at the clock.

"How much longer?"

"Less than twenty minutes," I said, glancing up at him.

"I'm going to go get him a water for when he's done."

He wandered off and I watched as he spoke to my mom before going to the water table. The cheers around us were getting louder as more and more runners finished, some looking like they could run another thirteen miles while others fell to their knees and were helped to the medical tent by volunteers. With each one who finished, I looked harder for Jasper, wishing him to materialize out of thin air in front of me. There was constant clapping and people shouting out names of runners as they passed. Jasper's group was on both sides of me holding their signs for him but cheering for everyone.

The clock hit one hour thirty minutes and my heart began to race. I could almost see him tiring, having to use his arms more as his stride slowed, sucking in gulps of air.

"Aw, Bella you lost," Newton laughed when the time exceeded Bella's guess and started to close in on mine.

I glanced up to see her shove him and before rolling her eyes. Chuckling, I turned my attention back to the runners.

Then I saw him.

Damp blond curls bounced slightly, his stride slightly shorter than usual and his arms moving more as he turned the corner and headed down the last quarter mile. I exhaled the breath I'd apparently been holding.

"There he is!" Bella shouted.

Everyone looked as she pointed to him and then they applauded and yelled out his name. Even at that distance, I could tell he saw them, his face clouding with confusion before surprise. I watched his feet solidly hit the pavement, springing him forward one more stride closer to me. His calf muscles bulged and pushed against his skin as he shifted into his final kick and began to run faster, using what energy he had left.

He was only a few hundred yards away when Bella leaned down to me. "Go to him," she encouraged quietly.

Not even glancing at her, I pushed forward from the crowd and into the street, smiling when his eyes landed on me. I knew what song he was listening too, I'd timed it that way, I wanted him to finished to "Maybe I'm Amazed" because I was amazed by him. Unable to contain a smile, I held his gaze as he reached up and pulled the earbuds from his ear. Less than fifty yards to go and he began to sprint, his eyes never wavering until he crossed the finish line and he glanced at the clock for his time before slowing to a walk. Runners finished around him, but I saw no one else. Ignoring the volunteer who asked how he was and recorded his number and time, Jasper immediately made his way to me. As he neared, my smile grew.

He'd finished.

His legs had carried him thirteen miles, his legs had carried him to me. His Team Cullen tee shirt was marred with dark spots and clung to him, sweat rolled down his tired face, his lips were dry and his legs quivered from strain.

I wasn't sure I'd even seen him look more beautiful.

Stopping in front of me, he crouched down and placed his palms on my thighs. His eyes closed and he dropped his forehead to my knees as he gasped to catch his breath. There were people all around us, volunteers, runners, even our friends and families, but they weren't my concern.

My boy was.

Lifting my hand, the tips of my fingers brushed through his damp, tangled waves and I watched his shoulders and back rise and expand with each deep breath he took. He hadn't run because he had to, he had run because he wanted to.

"I'm never running that far again," he gasped between breaths and I laughed and held his hair a bit tighter. Slowly, he lifted his head and looked at me. I'd never seen his eyes bluer or more intense than they were then. Desire and love and exhaustion all mingled, darkening his normally light eyes to that of a stormy sky.

"Thank you," I whispered, finally releasing his hair.

The words of love were readying to pass his lips when his eyes strayed over my shoulder and I knew we were no longer alone. Slowly, he stood, taking his hands from my legs. Even though I hadn't felt them, I missed their presence and the warmth I was sure they provided.

The second he was upright, his mother was hugging him and he was bending over to return it with tired arms. His father patted him on the back as they both congratulated him. I'd never seen parents so happy for their child, beaming with pride at his accomplishment. There was a hand on my shoulder and I glanced up at my father to find him smiling at Jasper. Once Jasper had pried his mother from him, mine took her place, and I swear I saw tears in her eyes, tears for a boy who could do things her own son never would.

Watching them, I wondered if they would ever look at me like that again, like they had when I had been recruited by UW. There was nothing I could do again that would make them proud, that would make them look at me the way they were looking at Jasper.

I certainly wouldn't ever be able to run thirteen miles.

Or stand on my own. Or walk alone. Or drive.

I would always be their son who had so much potential if not for a on a winter's night his life had all but ended.

Finally, Jasper was released from everyone's hold only to be surrounded by our friends, teammates, and teachers. One by one they congratulated him, and I watched as he accepted their words and thanked them for their posters and support. Jasper wanted nothing more than to go home, shower, and rest but he patiently answered their streams of questions. Gradually, the crowd around him thinned and it was just us and our families.

"Your father and I were thinking about going out to dinner to celebrate, your choice," his mother offered. Jasper glanced at me, then to my father behind me before answering.

"If it's okay, I'm going to hang out at Edward's tonight." Hoping to ease the blow, he gave her a smile, letting one of his dimples show.

She sighed slightly but nodded. "Of course. We can go out another night."

"Thanks, Mom," he said, hugging her quickly again before telling his father, "I'll be at work in the morning."

"Don't worry about it. I can handle tomorrow," his dad replied.

They wandered off and Jasper turned to my parents. "I hope it's okay with you guys."

"I would have spoken up if it wasn't," my father said. "Do you need to do anything before we leave?"

"I need to be cleared by the medical tent, then I can leave."

Jasper walked toward the tent, waiting in a short line before he was ushered inside.

"I can't believe he did it," my mother said in awe.

How could anyone have ever doubted him?

Including me.

"**~~**"

I breathed in his freshly showered scent as he laid his head on my chest while my fingers drew light circles on his upper back, the cotton of his tee shirt still damp from his dripping curls. Purring, he nuzzled his cheek against my bare chest. Like a moth to the flame, the tips of his fingers skimmed the skin around my nipple, leaving goose bumps in their wake.

"This is the life," he sighed in perfect contentedness.

Was it? Was it the life he was meant to have or was Jasper fated for bigger things than cuddling his crippled boyfriend.

"You were amazing today," I said softly into his hair and he shrugged.

"Not sure amazing qualifies, but I did finish," he countered.

"Are you sore?"

"Fuck yeah. I don't think I will be able to get up tomorrow," he chuckled.

Suddenly, his head bolted up and he was scrambling his aching body over me to lean over the edge of the bed. I heard him unzipping his bag and shuffling through the contents before he finally slid back over me, keeping one of his hands tightly fisted around something.

"I brought you a surprise," he announced excitedly. For someone as exhausted as he was, he was practically bouncing next to me.

"What is it?"

"You and your questions," he laughed. Grinning, he held his hand out palm up and opened it. Cradled in it was one of the ring boxes. "Open it."

Doing as he asked, I reached for the box and pried it open, inhaling sharply when I saw the silver band nestled in black velvet. Nibbling on my bottom lip, I tugged the ring out of the slit it sat in. Jasper snapped the box closed and put it on the nightstand. Tilting his head, he studied me as I studied the ring. It was as perfect as I remembered, smooth and shiny with the words that meant so much to us both engraved inside.

"I thought you might want to see it," he reasoned, his eyes flickering between mine and my finger tracing the ring. "I get to look at them every night but you don't."

Peeling my eyes from the band, I looked up at his eager face. "Come here," I murmured and he instantly leaned forward, pressing his lips to mine.

Just as I went to push my tongue into his mouth, he pulled away and returned to his place beside me, stretching out his long, tired body. Laying his head back on my chest, he watched me turn the ring around and around.

"Put it on," he requested. I slipped the band down the ring finger of my left hand and then held it out for Jasper. "Perfect. I can't wait until it's there permanently."

"Me either," I sighed. "We should really start planning."

"What's to plan? Me, you, the rings…." He laughed, his body shaking against me.

"True," I agreed, "but what about vows?"

Lifting his hand, he laced his fingers with my left one. He brought it to his mouth and kissed the ring before placing them both on my chest. "I think we should say our own."

"Me too."

My mind quickly wandered to what I would say to him that day. How could I even put into words what Jasper meant to me? He never gave up on me, he pushed me, loved me, and never left my side even when I forced him to. There were no words for that…

"What about after?" I whispered.

Jasper moaned in response. "Don't worry, baby, I will take care of it."

"But on your wedding night, you're supposed to…and I can't…" I couldn't finish and let the words hang in the dark air.

He squeezed my hand. "Babe, we won't do anything you're not ready for."

Exhaling a breath, I nodded and kissed his head. "We're really getting married."

"Few more weeks," he yawned, his eyes drifting closed.

I felt his body grow heavy as a deserved sleep took him. My own eyes closed shortly after, the ring still on my finger as I joined Jasper in a deep slumber.

"**~~**"

Putting me in the truck, he put the chair in the back and then climbed in behind the wheel. Even if I hadn't noticed how quiet he was, I would have noticed his tense shoulders and furrowed brows. I'd been with him throughout most of the day, and he'd been fine until he asked me to wait for him outside his coach's office. I sat alone in the hallway staring at Jasper's back through the window in the door and watched as his shoulders slumped and he hung his head. With a curt nod, he turned and yanked the door open, a frown on his face. There was anxiousness in his eyes, but he remained silent as he strode down the corridor and I pushed to keep up with him. He pushed through the door and held it open for me. I coasted down the ramp, his footsteps heavy behind me.

In the two days since the race, he walked a little slower, and I'd since him wince more than once when moving too quickly, but he never once complained. We'd spent Sunday together watching movies in my room and he listened to me play the piano for a while. I suggested a swim and he looked longing at the pool. He refused even though I told him the water would feel good on his sore muscles. Instead, we made sandwiches and napped on my bed.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he grumbled.

"Jas," I warned as he put the key in the ignition and sighed.

Keeping his eyes straight ahead, he spoke. "Coach spoke to some of the other coaches at the qualifier on Saturday. They asked where I was and he told them. They said that if I still wanted to qualify I could do it tomorrow. I would have to go to Rainier and run on their track using one of their officials, but if I make the time, I can go to States."

"Seriously?" I grinned. It was almost too good to be true. "That's great."

His frown deepened and his forehead creased. "How is it great?"

"You'll qualify," I scoffed, assuming he was thinking he would be too slow or tired.

"It's not that," he said with a shake of his head. "I wanted to go with you."

Then I realized what he meant. My doctor's appointment was in Seattle the next day and Jasper had planned on making the drive with my father and me. We'd been planning since we knew the date. Jasper had already gotten his parents' consent to skip school and go with me, and then he was going to drive me to practice that night.

"Jasp-"

"Don't" he growled, tossing me a glare. "I'm not doing it."

Reaching over, I put my hand on his thigh, hoping my touch would soothe his quickly fraying nerves. "Love," I began in a low voice, "you need to. You have to do this for yourself."

He was refusing before I'd even finished. "It's not important."

It was my turn to grow frustrated. "So it's okay to do shit for me, but not for yourself?"

Pursing his lips, he took in my words. "It's not like tomorrow it just another checkup, Edward, it's big and I want to be there."

"It won't make a difference," I sighed, "whether you're there or not, they're still going to tell me I'll never walk again."

His hand covered mine. "Then I want to be there if they do."

Leaning toward, I rested my head on his shoulder. "I know, but I want you to go Rainier. If not for you, then for me."

He didn't speak but his thoughts were loud, I could hear him tossing them around in his mind as he started the truck and shifted into reverse. He was torn between doing what he wanted and doing what he should. There was no doubt he wanted to be with me, but he needed to run.

"Love, you can't come in the room with me anyway, and my dad will be with us on the drive there and back. It's not like we can celebrate or..." I stopped there knowing he understood the missing words. If I got bad news at the doctors, I was going to need him, a lot, but with my dad around it wasn't like Jasper would be able to hold me or kiss me or whisper it would be all right.

"But I could just be there," he argued quietly as he pulled out of the parking lot.

"If you're there, I'm going to want to touch you, maybe it's better this way. Plus, you get to qualify for States and kick all their asses."

"What about your practice?"

"Riley can bring me," I answered.

Jasper sighed heavily. It was obvious he didn't want to go, but I knew he would.

"Please?"

"Fine," he mumbled, "but I don't like it."

We pulled into my driveway and I sat up and slid over to wait for Jasper. He lifted me into the chair, holding me a few seconds longer than necessary. Entering the house, Jasper immediately headed or the kitchen, giving me a 'hell yeah' when he discovered the baked brownies on the counter. Grabbing a few sodas, he headed for the couch while I moved to the piano bench to get ready for a lesson with Tony. When my mother asked if Jasper was staying for dinner, he nodded eagerly without even asking what it was. Once dinner was done and the dishes were cleared, Jasper and I went to my room to do homework.

Neither of us opened a book.

Instead we sat in the dark room and listened to music. Jasper held me and I held him. He might have been a dreamer, imagining great things for us both, but Jasper had never once promised me I would walk again. Not once did he say he knew the news would be good. Jasper was smart, he knew better, just like I did. No, we didn't talk at all. While most kids were planning graduation parties, Jasper and I silently prepared ourselves for the inevitable.

The clock hit midnight and Jasper sighed. I knew he wanted to say longer, even spend the night again, but it wasn't an option this time. He needed to get up and go to school and I needed to get up and go to Seattle. Jasper lifted his head and kissed me.

I held onto him tighter.

"I don't want you to leave." The words I'd been thinking for hours finally slipped from me.

"Then I won't," he said easily, as if it was already done.

"They won't let you stay again," I sighed.

"Then don't have to know," he returned. Confused, stared at him and then he motioned to the window overlooking the backyard.

"Jas—"

His lips were pressed to mine, stopping my words before saying, "I'll park the truck down the street and be right back."

"You can't," I argued quietly and weakly.

I wanted nothing more.

"I'll be right back," he promised with a kiss before putting on his sneakers.

He was out the door with his keys before I could think to stop him. Listening, I could hear his footsteps in the hall and the front door open and close, then the start of the truck's engine. Glancing at the window, I realized he wasn't going to be able to get in from the outside. The window was open, but the screen was down and locked. Sitting up, I reached for the chair and transferred to it. Rolling to the window, I opened the screen as high as it would go and waited in the dark. There was movement outside nearby, the rustling of bushes and under the breath swearing.

Jasper appeared in the window, a twinkle in his eye when he said, "Dear Edward, won't you come out to play?"

Shaking my head, I smiled as he placed his hands on the window sill and lifted himself up. Leaning forward, I grabbed his hands and pulled him onto me so he didn't fall onto the floor. He stood up and closed the screen before kicking off his sneakers

"They're going to kill you if they find out," I mumbled as I lifted my feet to the floor and moved my ass to the bed, dragging myself up to my pillows.

"They won't find out. I'll set my alarm and leave before they get up."

Jasper crawled in right behind me, returning his head to my chest and pressing his long body to mine. My arm went under him to his back where I lifted his shirt and stroked his warm skin. Sighing, I kissed his head. Then it all hit me at once, what the next day meant, what I might learn, what might happen.

"I'm scared," I whispered to him.

By the time he raised his head my tears were already falling. He looked on the edge of releasing his own as he stared at me for a moment, his blue eyes, full of nothing but love, mirrored my own. He was as scared as me, he didn't need to say, I just knew he felt the same way I did.

"Let it be," he whispered sweetly.

It was all we could do. Everything was out of our control, we were powerless against what was coming our way, all we could do was hold on tight and hope like hell we could get through it. I knew if I looked at the corner, I would see the darkness lurking, waiting for me to finally succumb to its smoky tentacles. Instead, I closed my eyes, squeezing out more tears. Jasper's lips captured them, pressing against my cheeks and neck in a mad race to stop the sorrow. Images of my past and future flashed behind closed lids, memories of running and playing, of being what I no longer was, wistful ones of a future with Jasper, and darker ones of a future without him. If I was told I would never walk again, I would have to accept my life in a chair, looking up at people while they looked down on me. Jasper tried to console me, resting his forehead on my cheek, his hair absorbing tears as they rolled down. His breath was hot as he began.

_When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me  
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be  
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me  
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be_

With each word, I calmed. I don't know if it was the words, the meaning behind them or his voice, but my body relaxed and the tears eventually slowed. When I opened my eyes, he was still singing, my fingers tangled in his waves when I tugged on them. He looked at me and I gave him a half smile and began to mouth the words with him. Jasper continued to sing, his voice fading in and out as I fell asleep with him in my arms.

The next thing I remember was hearing his alarm in the distance and his muttering as he released my hand and turned off his alarm. His head returned to my chest and he snuggled into me. Once he realized I was awake, he kissed my neck and jaw and lips before I opened my eyes.

"I love you," he whispered reverently, "No matter what they say, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere."

He said the words I needed to hear, the words he honestly believed with all his heart. I should have never doubted Jasper could fix me. He was the only one that could.

"I love you too," I returned.

"All in," he reminded me.

"All in," I returned. "You should go."

Nodding, he got off the bed and put his sneakers on before grabbing his bag. "Call me as soon as you can."

"I will, I promise."

He gave me one more kiss before opening my window and sneaking out. Rolling on my side as best I could, I laid my hand in the warm spot he'd left behind. I wasn't sure when the first tear fell, but I felt the pillow dampening under me.

Behind me my phone vibrated with a text message, but I didn't have to look to know it was him or what he said.

_All in_

Jasper understood me better than anyone, but he couldn't understand this. There was no way he would understand what it was like to have someone tell you that you wouldn't walk again, that the rest of your life would be filled with catheters and ramps. No one but those in chairs like me could understand what it was like, the frustration, anger, the bitterness and resentment for all those around who were normal. They say people eventually accept their fate, and I didn't want to accept mine.

But I had a feeling after that day, I wouldn't have much choice.

"**~~**"

"But will I walk again?" I muttered the words for the third time.

Each of the two times previously they had been ignored, brushed away with a lengthy explanation about autonomic dysreflexia and **Central Cord Syndrome**. It was a simple yes or no answer, but they refused to give me either. I'd been stripped, questioned, prodded, tapped, poked, and yet I still didn't know what was going on. After I'd been allowed to redress, and after refusing anyone's help doing it, I had been told to wait until my parents were ushered back into an examination room to discuss the results.

I shivered. The room was cold. Stark white walls decorated with impersonal paintings and white furnishings didn't help warm it up. Even the daylight filtering in through the small window or the sweatshirt I was wearing did nothing to keep the chill away. But it wasn't those things that made the room so cold, it was something else, it was the unanswered question that remained in the air.

Dressed in a shirt, tie, and slacks with a stethoscope hanging around his neck, Dr. Sullivan looked at me over the rim of his glasses and sighed. Glancing at my father, who sat in a chair next to me, he waited for permission to continue. He apparently received it because he finally dragged his eyes back to mine and spoke.

"Edward, the damage to your spine was more severe than we first thought. Six months ago it was difficult to tell the amount of the damage with the swelling from the injury and operation. Now it's—"

"Dr. Sullivan," I pleaded.

My father reached over, covering my hand with his and drawing my attention to him. Through blurry vision, I looked at him, watching his lips move as they said the words I'd dreaded for six months.

"Edward, you won't be able to walk without assistance," he choked out in his rare fatherly voice. My mother wept quietly as I glanced back and forth between them.

"Are you sure?" I asked, turning back to Dr. Sullivan.

He nodded.

"But the spot on my leg, I can feel there," I challenged thickly, my hand pressing down on the spot, sending bolts of pain through me.

"It's not unusual for some sensory nerve signals to be getting through, but it won't ever be more than that," he confirmed.

It was done.

I was done.

My life as I had known it was done.

The chair was forever a part of me now, as were plastic tubes and MRIs and ramps. For weeks, I'd been preparing myself for this news, but it didn't lessen the blow at all. The boy in me had still hoped and wished and prayed for a miracle, for something that would tell me I didn't deserve this, that it was just some cruel joke.

But it wasn't a joke, it was reality.

My reality.

"I'm sorry, Edward, I wish there was something we could…"

The doctor's voice faded away as my thoughts gained volume in my head. No amount of words were going to comfort. What did he know, he was going to stand and walk out of that room, none of them understood what I was going through. They couldn't.

I pulled my hand out from under my fathers and put it back on the handrim. Not looking at any of them, I backed the chair up and spun it around. At the door, I clumsily opened it and rolled into the hallway, gathering speed with each forceful push of my wheels. Ignoring everyone around me and the calls from behind me, I made my way out of the building. Forgetting where the car was parked, I stopped just outside the automatic doors and hung my head.

"Jasper," I murmured to my lap, my useless, still lap. "I need you." I debating taking out my phone and calling him, but he was in class and his phone would be on silent. All I could do was wait.

"_What? Can't keep up, Cullen?" he teased as he glanced at me. _

_Keeping my eyes on the horizon in front of us, I shook my head. "Fuck off, Whitlock," I huffed, disturbed that even with his long strides and the distance we'd run, he wasn't even winded. It was like he wasn't human._

_While I sucked in gulps of air, he breathed quietly and picked up the pace. The synchronized sound of our feet hitting the pavement was soothing. No matter how many times I ran with him, I would never grow old of the feeling. It was more than the wind in my hair or the burn in my lungs and ache in my muscles, it was sharing something he loved. It was worth every bit of soreness I felt after to run alongside him, watch his body work so perfectly while his heart soured with the freedom running gave him. It was his sanctuary, a place where he was alone with his thoughts. Jasper ran for more than to win, he ran to solve problems, to make decisions, to daydream. There would never be a day we wouldn't run together, even if it was short sprints to help me for basketball or around the track when he needed to figure something out. We would discuss the problem and work out a solution together. _

_That day we were running for fun. Jasper had grown restless at my house, practically bouncing around me room with uncontainable energy. Even the two handjobs I'd given him hadn't calmed him. I should have known better than to suggest a run, but figured it was the quickest way to burn off energy. _

_Big mistake._

_His pace was faster than usual and he never shut up. _

_We passed two miles with no hint of slowing down. Refusing to give up, I matched his pace until I was ready to pass out. Chuckling, he slowed to a moderate jog. _

"_Better?" he smirked. When I didn't acknowledged, he teased, "It's cute how you keep trying to beat me."_

"_Fuck off," I repeated, thanking him in my own way for letting me catch my breath. _

_He threw his head back and laughed heartily. Leaning toward me, he gently nudged my shoulder with his. _

"_Winner gets head first," he reminded me before sprinting head toward my house. _

_Smiling, I watched his body, every perfect inch of it, move further away from me. My eyes dropped to his firm ass in the running shorts. I had my reasons for always finishing behind him. _

Grey clouds filled the sky but no rain fell. It was oppressive, heavy, and suffocating. My breaths were shallow and weak, probably garnering a few looks as people went by, but I didn't care. Let them look at the cripple. I wasn't sure how long I sat there alone, but tears steadily fell until it seemed there were no more left and only puffy, red eyes were left behind. It was then I felt my father's hand on my shoulder and could see my mother's shoes on the ground next to me.

"You okay?"

Not lifting my head I nodded.

"Let's go home."

Nodding again, I waited while he spoke to a young kid in a white shirt and red tie. Minutes later our car pulled up in front of us and I transferred to the front seat. My father took care of the chair while my mother got in the back.

"We'll get through this," my father vowed as he shifted and pulled away from the sidewalk.

Sighing, I put rested my temple against the cool, smooth glass and closed my eyes, imagining it was Jasper's warm shoulder instead. Instead of dreaming about walking again, of standing before Jasper on our wedding day or jumping up and down on the graduation stage, there were images of me coming home to an empty apartment, going to bed and waking up alone, a broken heart shrouded in darkness and bitterness. My father turned on the radio to try to fill the silence but it didn't work, it was still there, still filled with despair and disappointment. I would never again be the son they wanted or deserved. I would never be the lover Jasper yearned for. The motion of the car lulled me to sleep where my dreams were also plagued by images of being alone forever.

I don't know how long the ride took, or what my parents talked about, or even what time we got home, but I found myself in my room already changed for basketball practice. My body had gone through the motions even though my mind was elsewhere. Several times I'd picked up my phone to call Riley and tell him I wasn't going to practice, the words from earlier resonating in my head, but then I wanted to prove them all wrong. Maybe I never would walk again, but I could have basketball. I wasn't going to let them take it away from me.

So I waited by the front door for Riley's van to pull in.

"Are you sure you want to go?" my father asked hesitantly from behind me.

No. I wanted Jasper. I wanted my life back.

"Yeah," I answered.

He never asked again and when I saw Riley, I mumbled goodbye and opened the door. As I coasted down the ramp, I could hear the door of the van sliding open and the ramp extending.

"Get in, Cullen," he called out from inside.

I pushed up the ramp and set my bag down. Riley had already moved the seat back for me, and I moved to it. Once I was buckled up, Riley looked over at me, a trademark smile in place.

"What's up?"

"Nothing," I said with a shrug.

His eyes narrowed for a second but he shifted into a reverse and backed out. The van wasn't as smooth as my father's car so I didn't put my head on the window, but I turned to the side and watched the houses morph to trees as he headed for the highway. Riley chattered occasionally, though I wasn't sure about what. I must have nodded or responded in some way because he continued until we reached Port Angeles.

Pulling into a handicap space, Riley parked the van. "We're early. Want to go in and shoot?"

"Sure."

He moved his seat back and reached for his chair, easily shifting to it. Once he was out of the van, I mimicked his actions and grabbed my bag before rolling down the ramp to the pavement. Pressing a button on his keychain, the ramp raised and the doors closed. With his bag on his lap, he pushed up the metal ramp leading to the building. I followed behind him, watching the practiced movements of his arms as he spun the wheels. Inside, we rolled down the corridor and into the gym. Neither of us turned the lights on, we just went to the sidelines and dropped our bags. I unzipped mine and got my ball out, passing it to Riley.

He dribbled to the hoop and then took a close shot. I followed him, stopping my chair on the three point arc. Riley shot again before passing the ball to me. When I went to lift it my arms wouldn't move. The ball was heavy, like lead, and I was weak. I would only get weaker as time went on, soon I wouldn't even be able to move.

"Cullen?" he asked from a few feet away, his voice cutting through the thoughts. "You okay?"

The ball fell from my lap, landing on the floor with a bounce before rolling away. Staring at the hardwood floor, I shook my head.

"What's wrong?" his voice was soft, calming.

"Everything."

"Like what?"

My cheeks dampened and I bit my lip. Knowing my life was over was difficult enough, but telling someone else was impossible. Then again, it was Riley. If anyone could understand, it would be him. His chair invaded my line of vision, I saw his feet awkwardly resting on the pedals. Then his hand was on mine, prying it from the handrims.

"Tell me," he stated, not asked.

"Today was my sixth month," I sighed.

"Oh," he said with understanding. "The news wasn't good."

"No. Injured more severe than they though, lucky I can move as much as I do, won't ever walk again…" by the time I hit the end, I was sobbing. "Why me?"

Leaning toward me, he put an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into a half hug. "I can't answer that. No one can."

"They don't get it, Riley," I said harshly, though I wasn't sure who I was referring to.

"I know they don't," he sighed, pulling me closer, "but I do."

Tears streamed down my face, soaking his practice jersey as he cradled my head on his shoulder. His other hand reached up and stroked my hair and it only made me cry harder. My heart tightened with grief and my chest heaved with shaky breaths.

"I…just…want…to walk…" I said brokenly between gasps and sniffles.

"Edward," he began softly, but didn't continue, he didn't need to.

Riley had been there, he'd heard the same news I had, he'd had his future ripped from his hands as well. He knew the pain, the embarrassment and humiliation, he knew exactly what it felt like to be sentenced to a life of looking up at others. His body was like mine, broken in the same way, but he'd rebuilt his life one thing at a time, and it was because of him that I knew it was possible. There was the energy in his voice, the bright smile he always wore, the sparkle in his dark eyes, things he couldn't fake, they were real for him.

Riley was happy.

His lips were at my ear, making soothing sounds as he held me as close as he could at the awkward angle with the chairs in the way. It was a different kind of comfort than I felt with Jasper. With Riley I felt a connection on a level I no longer could with anyone else, including Jasper. Riley just simply knew what I was going through.

Keeping my head buried in the crook of his warm neck, I inhaled in his unfamiliar scent and curled my arms around him. My hand found the hair at his nape, lightly fisting the strands to calm myself. A tremor went through him as I desperately clutched at him, unable to get myself close enough. My fingers grazed the exposed skin of his shoulder and the soft wisps of his hair brushed my cheek. Words were lost in my head, and I let them go, satisfied just to be held. Each touch of his fingers in my hair and on my back chased away the fear, leaving behind a unique peace I'd never felt before.

In a dark gym, two broken boys found solace in each other.

"I know how you feel," he whispered, his breath was warm and moist on my skin when he spoke. "It's okay, Edward. It's okay to accept a new future, it doesn't mean it's worse, just different."

His words weaved their way through the darkness in my mind, poking a hole in it to let in a ray of hope. Clenching my eyes, I attempted to gain control over the tears constantly spilling onto my cheeks. Was he right? Was it okay to accept the chair, was it okay to give up my dreams, to change them to something else entirely? Was it okay to still drag Jasper down the new road with me?

There was a wetness of lips to my neck and I shuddered. Lifting my head from his shoulder, I blinked a few times, forcing myself to focus on his sapphire eyes. I'd never noticed how many different shades of blue they contained. Hesitantly, he put his forehead to mine, exhaling when we touched.

"It gets better," he promised.

Closing my eyes I nodded slightly. The tears had stopped, leaving behind streaks and puffy eyes. The ache in my chest remained but had lessened from Riley's touch and words. His hand stilled in my hair and just as I went to open my eyes to ask him what was wrong, I felt the feather light sweep of his lips over mine. Taking a sharp breath, my upper body stiffened, but I didn't move. Not daring to open my eyes, I waited to him to pull way, to say it was an accident.

He did neither.

His warm lips grazed mine again with more instance. Gripping his hair, I tried to force myself to react, to shove him away, ask him what the fuck he was doing.

I did neither.

Remaining still, I let the unfamiliar lips move tentatively over mine. There was no spark, no instant need for more, but there was something else. There was an understanding, an acceptance, and knowledge. Things I craved, things I needed from someone who knew. It wasn't Jasper, someone who had no idea what I felt like telling me it was going to be okay, it was someone who knew, someone who had been there before. With a quiet moan in the back of his throat, the tip of his tongue traced the seam of my lips. Suddenly, it was wrong. It wasn't comforting or consoling, it was a line I didn't want to cross, and yet, I already had. Snapping my eyes open in shock, I released his hair. Breaking the kiss, I sat upright and shook my head as my heart pounded uncertainly in my chest.

There was instant regret on his face, etched in his all-American boy features as arms slid from around me and fell onto his lap.

"Edward…"

I searched his face for the answers to all the questions I had but found none. He was confused as I was, maybe even more. For once, he wasn't wearing his trademark smile. He tugged his lower lip between his teeth anxiously as he eyed me warily through the hair in front of his eyes. Long lashes fluttered closed for a second before opening again, almost as if he'd thought it hadn't really happened.

That he hadn't kissed me.

Reaching for the handrims of the chair, I pushed backwards until I could no longer feel his breath on my skin or the heat radiating from his body.

"I…I'm sorry…I can't….do this." I spun the chair and quickly rolled over the sidelines. Reaching down, I grabbed my bag and set it on my lap. Whipping around, I pushed across the gym to the doors.

"Edward, wait," he called out as I crossed the threshold and into the hallway. "I'm sorry!"

His voice grew fainter as I neared the main entrance. Slamming my hand against the button, I waited until the door opened enough for me to fit through. I pushed down the ramp, gathering speed with each swing of my arms. The fresh air washed over me, but did nothing to clear my mind because it wasn't until I got to the end of the ramp that I realized Riley was my ride. I had no way to get home.

"Motherfucker," I muttered. Digging through my bag, I pulled out my cell phone and pressed his number. It wasn't until I heard his 'hey, baby' that the tears once again streamed down my face.

There were sounds of rustling as he moved before speaking again. "Are you okay?"

I took a few deep breaths before replying, I couldn't let him hear the panic in my voice. "I need a ride home, can you come get me?"

I could practically hear his thoughts, the questions tossing around in his mind while he quickly tried to access why I was calling for a ride. Eventually, I would answer some of them, but right then, I just needed him to accept that I needed him to come get me. There was more movement before he responded and knew he was putting on his sneakers and grabbing his keys.

"I'm on my way," he said. "Where are you?"

"Port Angeles, the gym."

"Baby, it's going to take me an hour to get there," he reminded me and I closed my eyes.

"I know, please hurry," I begged, the shakiness returning to my voice.

"Are you okay?" he repeated.

"Yeah," I assured him, though I was far from okay. I could hear his truck as he started it.

"I'll be there as soon as I can," he promised before finishing with, "Be safe, baby."

"See ya soon…" Unable to say the last word to him after what had just happened, I pulled the phone away from my ear and hung up.

"Is he coming?" Riley asked softly from behind me.

Hanging my head and not looking at him, I nodded. "He's on his way."

"I can give you a ride home, Edward," he said dejectedly.

"It's okay," I tried to add strength to my voice that I didn't feel. "You can go back to practice. "

Sighing heavily, he moved his chair next to me, but I refused to raise my eyes from the cracked sidewalk. "I'm sorry, Edward, I really am. I didn't intend to…kiss you. It just happened."

"It's okay," I mumbled, attempting to brush it off to the unintentional kiss it had been, but something gnawed inside me.

"I don't want it to change things between us, I want to be your friend," Riley offered.

"We're fine," I reassured him, then lied, "It's no big deal."

In my peripheral vision, I saw his hand reach as if to touch me, but it dropped to his lap. "Want me to wait with you?"

It was a brave offer. He didn't know how much I had or hadn't told Jasper, he didn't know what Jasper's reaction would be, yet he still offered to wait by my side. I shook my head.

"At least wait in my van," he suggested. "It's unlocked, just hit the button on the side and the doors will open. I'm sorry," he repeated and placed my basketball on my lap. He watched me for a long moment before turning his chair and going up the ramp.

"Riley?" I never looked at him but I heard the wheels of his chair stop moving. "Please tell Sam I didn't feel well."

He didn't reply, but I knew he would do as I had requested. As soon as I heard the doors to the building slide open, I put my ball in my bag and went to his van and pressed the button. I didn't really want to wait in it, but it was better than sitting on the sidewalk in the growing dark where all the other players could see me. Inside the van, I turned the chair so I could see out the side window. Taking a deep breath, I recognized Riley's faint scent.

That was when the guilt flooded me, hitting me all at once with tears, shallow breaths, and an aching heart. When the waves of guilt ebbed, shame quickly took its place. Riley hadn't kissed me to be mean or steal me away from Jasper, it had been a done in a moment of comfort, but I hadn't pulled away at the first touch of his lips. Nausea crept through me, my stomach churning while my mind replayed the kiss over and over again like a DVD menu. I could practically still feel the pressure of his lips, their softness, and when I ran my tongue along my bottom lip, I swear I could taste him.

I'd never kissed another boy besides Jasper. I had never wanted to.

I avoided looking out the window when my teammates arrived. Having adjusted to the silence in the van except for my sniffling, I jumped when my phone rang.

"I'll be there in five minutes," he said calmly. I was sure he was breaking many traffic laws because it had only been forty-five minutes since I'd called. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I answered stronger than I had before.

"See you in a minute," he vowed before disconnecting.

Rocking the chair forward, I coasted down the ramp and pressed the button again. The ramp lifted before the door slid closed. I had just turned the chair around when Jasper pulled into the parking lot. Pulling into the empty spot next to me, he threw the truck into park and jumped out, leaving his door opened behind him. Immediately, his hands were skimming over me, my shoulders, arms, and head as he examined me for the injury he assumed I had. What hurt me was nothing he would ever be able to see.

"I'm okay," I told him weakly, "just need to go home."

Crouching in front of me, he cupped my chin and forced my watery eyes to his. There was no hiding the evidence.

"What happened? What did they say?" he asked, referring to the doctor's appointment.

"Please just take me home," I sighed.

Just as I knew he would, Jasper did exactly as I asked and lifted me out the chair and into the cab of his truck. While he put the chair in the back, I slid across to give him enough room to get behind the wheel. The door to the bed of the truck slammed shut and seconds later he was next to me, his concerned eyes once again scanning me from head to toe. I knew how difficult it was for him to not ask me any questions, to just turn the ignition and back out of the space.

After wanting to do it all day, I finally laid my head on his shoulder, seeking the strength and comfort I knew would always be there. Closing my eyes, I cried silently and moved my hand to his thigh. He didn't hesitate in curving his own around it.

True to his stubborn nature, he once again asked me to tell him what was wrong but I only shook my head. How could I tell him my life was over, that the lives we had dreamt and planned for were over? How does someone shatter another's future?

Even though he was next to me and I could feel his muscles and heat, I was unable to imagine all the things I normally did for our future. I couldn't see us at collage or married or living together. Things that had ruled my thoughts for years now seemed impossible. I didn't doubt Jasper, or his love or commitment to me, but I did doubt whether or not it was right to burden him with my paralysis for the rest of his life. He would never know the thrust of my hips or feel my cock in his ass.

Our lives had changed so much in the course of a few months. We'd gone from carefree teenagers whose biggest worries were when we could get naked again to one of us pushing his body to the limits to raise money while the other could barely move. He would run while I could only sit and watch. I didn't want to be on the sidelines, I wanted to be running with him. It would never change, our lives were stagnant in that way. I could stand for brief minutes with two people helping me but I could never again stand on my own. There would be no wind in my hair from running, I wouldn't feel my muscles burn or ache or tremble from overuse. I would forever be looking up at people as they looked down on me, physically and mentally. No matter how many times Jasper told me otherwise, I was less of a man.

I would never be whole again.

Jasper's college years would be spent running around a track while I sat in the bleachers.

Was it fair of me to expect him to be my boyfriend and physical therapist? Should he have to care for me just because he was able-bodied? I already knew the answer to that, it was just one I didn't want to listen to.

Months before Jasper had knelt in front of me in my shower, his hair soaked while his tears mixed with the tap water, and as he pleadingly looked up at me, he begged me not to give up, to just let it be. It was time to let it be, it was time to let him be.

Jasper remained silent for the rest of the drive, but his hand never left mine. Ashamed, I kept my eyes closed, I couldn't look at him again, he would see the guilt. Just as my eyes dried, he began to sing. In a sweet, quiet voice, Jasper sang our song to me, and as he did so, the tears began to fall again.

He pulled into my driveway and turned off the truck but made no motion to move. Picking my hand up off his leg, he kissed it and then held it tightly.

"I'm going to get you inside, then we're talking," he said firmly.

Before I could even think about replying, he was out of the truck and pulling out the chair. He returned to the driver's side and scooped me up. Instead of placing me in the chair, he cradled me to him, his lips pursed at my temple. I couldn't resist putting my head on his shoulder and holding him tightly.

"Baby," he murmured, "what happened…"

I didn't answer. Gently, he placed me in the chair and then reached into the truck for my bag and placed the strap on his shoulder instead of giving it to me to carry. Turning the chair, I pushed toward the ramp, my heart clenching each time I heard his heavy footsteps behind me, each one a reminder that he was walking up the ramp because of me. He should be leaping up the steps.

I wanted to tell him not to come inside, I needed to be alone, but any words would be lost on him. He wasn't going to listen to me telling him to go away. Reaching the door, I gripped the handle and decided to try anyway.

"Why don't you go home," I said over my shoulder.

Ignoring me he waited until I opened the door and pushed inside. I didn't notice if there was anyone in the living room as I rolled down the hallway to my bedroom, dreading the closing of the door behind me as Jasper walked in and tossed my bag on the floor.

With my back to him, I stopped in front of the window, my eyes falling onto the pool, moonlight glimmering off the surface of the water. It was where we'd shared our first kiss. Lifting my hand, I ran my finger along my bottom lip, the sensation of Riley's pressed to mine still there. Suddenly my view of the window was blocked.

Jasper stood before me in his wrinkled tee shirt and baggy shorts. I didn't have to look up to know his eyes were full of concern.

I wanted him to leave.

I needed him there with me.

That's when I saw it. The truck's cab had been dark on the way home, and tears and closed lids had blocked my vision so much I hadn't noticed.

Encircling his ring finger on his left hand was his wedding band. The band we'd picked out and purchased together, the one that meant our lives would be forever entwined. He must have been playing with it when I'd called him. While Jasper had been planning our wedding, I had been kissing another boy.

Closing my eyes didn't stop the wealth of tears that appeared and fell down my cheeks, dripping from my face into my tee shirt. The first had barely escaped me before Jasper was on his knees, his hands peeling mine from the wheels to my lap where he covered them with one of his. Fingertips lightly traced the tracks of my tears. Not bothering to even pretend he could keep up with them, he just let them fall. I knew if I looked at him I would see his concern had changed to pity, an emotion I never wanted to see from him. He made soothing sounds and regardless of how much my life was crumbling, I calmed. When the tears had slowed, I felt lips pressing to mine, salty and wet and forgiving. As he pulled away, I finally opened my eyes to face him.

"Tell me, babe," he requested softly, gently. Holding his gaze, I shook my head. "What did they say?"

_That my life was over. _

"I won't—I-I won't-"

My chest heaved as the words weighted heavily in my heart. I'd never thought I would have to tell Jasper our lives were over. Even after I had been told that very thing, I somehow held out hope it would change by the time I got home.

"Babe," he coaxed softly, but didn't pressure me to speak. He didn't want me to say it any more than I wanted to. My eyes closed and his palm framed my cheek, absorbing the tears as they fell.

Once again stealing his strength, I took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. Keeping my eyes closed, I spoke, "I won't walk. Ever."

Even with my eyes closed, I knew his expression. I'd seen it enough times. I knew his brows were pulled toward each other with deep lines above them, I knew his lips were tight and closed, and his eyes were filled with pity. His hand squeezed mine and his thumb stroked my cheek, smearing my grief into my skin.

"Edward," he said and then waited until I finally opened my eyes to see him. He was blurry and wet. "It doesn't change us."

But it did change us. Our dreams were gone, evaporated into the air of some doctor's office when he damned my future. Pale blue eyes gazed at me with so much love and hope, and my heart habitually skipped a beat but it didn't matter anymore. He could love me all he wanted, but he would never understand what it was like. Jasper got out bed every morning and stood on two strong legs. He walked. He ran. He kicked and thrust and danced and jumped.

He did everything I never would.

No. Jasper would never understand.

"You don't understand, but…he can," I mumbled under my breath.

"He?"

"Riley," I whispered, "but then he…ruined it."

Maybe Riley hadn't ruined anything, maybe he'd shown me what I needed to see. Jasper and I would never be on a level playing field again, even if I manage to walk a few steps with braces, but Riley and I already were on that field together, playing for the same team. I wouldn't be a burden to Riley. I would be his equal. Jasper's hands never left me, there was a wet warmth on my face and our hands were tightly gripped. Even with the words I spoke, he never let me go.

His brows drew even closer together and his lips parted in confusion and worry. "What are you talking about? Did he hurt you? How did he ruin it?"

I could have not said a word, I could have lied, Jasper would have believed me. There were plenty of excuses for my behavior, but I didn't do either of those. Instead, I swallowed and held his sad blue eyes with mine.

"He kissed me."

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

Thank you to C for everything.

Two more chapters, then the epilogue.

I am happy, and nervous, to announce that my original fiction story called _Chase the Storm_ is now available for preorder through DreamSpinner Press on both ebook and paperback.  wwwDOTdreamspinnerpressDOTcom/store/indexDOTphp?cP ath=55_860

I also have a new blog, it will contain updates of not only the book, but fanfiction as well, teasers, ramblings, etc.  vmwaittDOTblogspotDOTcom/, and yes, there are more m&a outtakes to come


	31. Broken Hearted People

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- Thank you for the kind words and reviews for the last chapter. I'm not sure if a tissue warning is necessary for this chapter, but it is angsty. Also, it's a bit shorter than usual, but you'll see why. We go back a bit in time to get Jasper's side of events.

This chapter is unbeta'd, all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are mine.

Now Jasper's pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night he hadn't broken us…_

"**~~**"

My pounding strides ate the tartan track, each one longer and faster than the last. Every muscle ached in protest, having barely recovered from the thirteen mile run only three days before. My lungs expanded with each burning breath and yet I still ran faster. It didn't matter how fast I ran, how much I pushed my body, my mind and heart weren't in the run, they were sitting in a cold doctor's office in Seattle. I wanted to be there with him holding his hand. Realistically, I knew even if I had gone, I wouldn't have been to hold his hand, but I could have looked at him, maybe even hugged him.

I could have just…been there.

Deep down, I knew Edward had been right, I needed to try to qualify, but it wasn't where I wanted to be.

I wanted…needed, to be with him.

And up until the day before, I had planned to.

Gym class was almost over when Mr. Foote told me my track coach wanted to see me in his office. After class, I'd changed and met Edward outside the locker room. Just as he turned to leave, I stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

"I need to see Coach. I won't be long."

He rolled next to me down the hall to Coach's office. I knocked on the glass of the door, waiting for the muffled "come in" before entering.

"You wanted to see me?" I asked, glancing around the room. It was as basic an office as you could get, a simple desk, even simpler chair, and a small trophy case filled with victories behind him. Books focusing on sports medicine and philosophy were piled messily on the shelves next to him.

He looked up from his laptop smiling. "Good news, Whitlock."

"Yeah?" I shifted my backpack higher onto my shoulder.

"You were missed at the meet on Saturday, you're absence was noticed," he said.

"How is that good news?"

He leaned back and took off his baseball cap, running a hand through his thinning hair before replacing it. "I was approached by the coaches from La Push and Port Angeles, both of them curious where my wonder boy was."

"Wonder boy?" I scoffed.

Shaking his head, he continued, "I explained your situation, where you were, and they were both impressed. Not only about the distance you were running, but the money you raised and why. Anyway, they offered to let you still qualify for the state meet if you want."

My eyes widened. I hadn't known what to expect when I entered his office, but it certainly hadn't been that. "Really? How?"

"Give you a chance to run, just for time, on a neutral track. Coach Wilson offered his."

"When?" I asked, excitement creeping into my voice.

"Tomorrow after school," he grinned.

My heart skipped forward a beat before dropping. "Tomorrow?" I asked quietly and he nodded.

"At four. We can ride up together, or you can follow me in your own car," he offered.

I sighed, my chin dropping to my chest. It had been nice while it lasted but there was no way I was going. "Can I think about it?"

Shocked, his mouth fell open as he stared at me. "You need to think about it?"

"Yeah. I have something I really need to do tomorrow, I wasn't going to be at school," I told him. He didn't need to know the reason.

"Oh, I see. Any chance you could reschedule?"

"No, sir," I mumbled.

"Well, see what you can do and get back to me, I need to call Coach Wilson in the morning and let him know whether or not to expect us."

"Okay," I said, and giving him a nod, turned and swung the door open, my eyes falling on Edward.

He looked up at me hopefully and expectant, waiting to hear why I'd been summoned. Unable to tell him, I turned and walked down the hall as fast as my sore body would allow. I was completely aware of Edward pushing the chair behind me, I just couldn't face him. I couldn't let him see that for just a second, I'd considered running instead of going with him. When I reached the door, I burst through it, holding it open for Edward before following him down the ramp and to the truck.

Opening the door, I tossed my bag on the floor and then bent over to lift Edward, ignoring the screaming muscles in my lower back as I straightened and placed him on the seat. He settled while I put his chair in the back. Sliding behind the wheel, I dug my keys out of my pocket.

"What's wrong?" he asked softly.

"Nothing," I mumbled as I shoved the key into the ignition.

"Jas," he sighed.

I shouldn't have told him, I should have just gone with him and forgotten about States, but he knew something was wrong and he wasn't going to believe anything but the truth. Staring out the windshield, I told him.

"Coach spoke to some of the other coaches at the qualifier on Saturday. They asked where I was and he told them. They said if I still wanted to qualify, I could do it tomorrow. I would have to go to Port Angeles and run on their track using one of their officials, but if I make the time, I can go to States."

"Seriously? That's great."

Confused, I frowned at him. It wasn't great, it was horrible. "How is it great?"

"You'll qualify," he reassured.

He thought I was worried about not running fast enough. Shaking my head, I reminded him. "It's not that. I wanted to go with you."

As he realized what I meant, his face fell, the brief and rare excitement from a few seconds before vanished, quickly replaced by a resolve and determination I knew well. The small lines on his forehead as he thought, the fading light in his eyes, the tugging on his bottom lip, all signs of what he was going to say next. He didn't even need to speak.

"Jasp-"

"Don't," I growled. "I'm not going." I didn't want him to give me a choice, I didn't want a choice, I didn't want to make the wrong one.

Then his hand was on my leg and my heart immediately slowed and my body warmed. "Love, you need to. You have to do this for yourself."

Shaking my head, I tried to ignore his soothing voice and touch and stick to what was right. "It's not important."

"So it's okay to do shit for me, but not for yourself?" he growled.

_Yes._

Didn't he understand what the next day was? How much I wanted to be with him? It wasn't just his future he was going to find out, it was mine too.

"It's not like tomorrow it just another checkup, Edward, it's big and I want to be there," I explained.

"It won't make a difference whether you're there or not, they're still going to tell me I'll never walk again," he said sadly, already resigned that the news he would hear wouldn't be good.

I moved my hand from the keys to cover his on my lap. "Then I want to be there if they do."

He held my stare for a few seconds before he laid his head on my shoulder. "I know, but I want you to run. If not for you, then for me."

Starting the truck, I shifted into reverse and backed out of the space, my mind leaping back and forth between where my heart wanted to be and where my mind said I should be. Logically, I knew Edward was right, I did need to run. I was being offered a chance to fulfill a dream and I owed it to both us, to all the years of training, to do follow through. At the same time, I couldn't let Edward go through the appointment alone. Even if I had to sit in some boring, uncomfortable waiting room while he was with the doctor, I needed to be there when he got out.

"Love, you can't come in the room with me anyway, and my dad will be with us on the drive. It's not like we can celebrate or..."

He was right. There would be no comforting in the back seat of his dad's Volvo. The closest we could get would be our thighs touching, and Edward wouldn't even be able to feel that. But we didn't have to touch, our bodies could be miles apart and we were still together. I could still support him, talk to him.

"But I could just be there," I countered.

"If you're there, I'm going to want to touch you, maybe it's better this way. Plus, you get to qualify for States and kick all their asses," he challenged lightly.

"What about your practice?"

"Riley can bring me."

He had all the answers. My excuses were running out.

"Please?"

"Fine, but I don't like it," I mumbled, giving in to his wishes.

Arriving at his house, we went inside, discovering freshly made brownies in the kitchen. I spent the rest of the afternoon on the couch watching my boy. While I pretended to read The Watchman, Edward pretended to care about teaching Jenna how to play the piano. Neither of our minds were on our tasks, the glances we stole at each were proof of that. I stayed for dinner, resting my foot against Edward's under the table and our eyes meeting over our plates of lasagna.

I helped clear the dishes before following Edward to his room under the guise of having homework to do. It was the last week of our senior year, we hadn't had much homework for weeks. He transferred to the bed while I closed the door and turned off the lights. Hitting play on his iHome, I crawled into bed next to him, putting my head on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around me. I kissed his neck, I breathed in his ear, I listened to his heart and held him close, but not once did either of us speak. Words would not ease our worry, they would only trivialize it. Right then, he didn't' want to hear it was going to be okay.

Our hearts and souls and bodies were entwined, but our minds were elsewhere, individually dreading the next day. The dreamer in me held onto the sliver of hope Edward would hear good news, that at the very least he would regain some sensation, but the past six months had taught me no matter how much we wish and dream, they don't always come true. I fell asleep every night begging for God to take my legs and give Edward his, and I woke up every morning able to jump out of bed. While Edward dreamed about walking, he woke up to stillness.

Once again two lives were going to be forever changed the next day, but at least we were prepared for it. When Edward sighed, I knew he was imagining the worst, that the news he might hear would lead to the end of us.

It was near midnight when I slowly lifted my head and kissed him. I wanted to stay, I wanted to be there all night, I wanted to protect him from whatever darkness I knew would attack him when I left.

"I don't want you to leave," he confessed breathlessly.

"Then I won't," I whispered.

"They won't let you stay again," he said with defeat.

"They don't have to know." His brows gathered and I nodded toward the window.

"Jas-" he tried to warn but I stopped him with a light kiss.

"I'll park the truck down the street and be right back."

"You can't," he tried to argue but I could hear the pleading hope in his voice.

"I'll be right back," I promised, and kissing his temple, I sat up and put my sneakers on before grabbing my keys.

I made sure to leave heavy footsteps in the hallway and close their front door with some extra force before trotting to the truck and climbing in. Backing out of the driveway, I drove down the road about a quarter of a mile and pulled off to the side. Hopping out, I locked the truck and broke into a jog back to Edward's. Much quieter than when I had left a few minutes before, I opened the gate to his backyard and snuck past the bushes to his window. When I looked in, I found Edward sitting in his chair and the screen already opened.

"Dear Edward, won't you come out to play?" I whispered in the tune of "Dear Prudence".

His smile lit up the dark room and I hoisted myself up and through his window. Edward grabbed my hands and pulled me in so I didn't give us away by falling into a heap on his floor. Standing, I closed the screen and toed off my sneakers again.

"They're going to kill you if they find out," he said as he moved back to the bed, dragging his legs along the blanket as he turned onto his back.

"They won't find out. I'll set my alarm and leave before they get up."

Not even bothering to change into sweatpants, I waited until he was settled and climbed onto the bed next to him. We resumed our positions from before, my head on his chest and an arm around his middle while he curled his around me, bringing my shirt up with his hand and stroking my lower back. Kissing my hair, he sighed into it, trembling when it tickled his lips.

"I'm scared, love," he admitted in a weak voice.

Raising my head, I found his cheeks shiny with the few tears making their way down his pale skin. There was so much I could have said, should have said, so many things he needed to hear and know and believe, but only a few words pushed through all others in my mind. Not 'it's okay' or 'you'll be fine' or even 'I love you'. The words I thought of, the most powerful in my head, were those I'd told him in the shower months before when he was faced with accepting his new life.

"Let it be," I whispered reverently.

No matter the news the next day, good or bad, it was beyond our control to change, all we could do was accept the challenge and face it head on.

Together.

Screwing his eyes shut, the tears escaped out the sides and made their way down his face as I kissed each one away before it fell onto his shirt. Each time they slowed, a new round would appear and he would start again. It wasn't just worry about the next day that poured from Edward's soul that night, it was the past six months, it was the loss of an old life and anxiousness of a new one, it was change and stagnancy, it was catheters and basketball, wedding rings and vows. It was the fear of accepting meant the same as giving up.

Words, all of them, seemed so insignificant, small and useless. It was the feeling I felt when I sat down to write my vows to him. How does someone explain how much they love someone, how much their lives are worth living because of that person? It seemed no matter what I wrote, it was never enough to fully encompass how much Edward truly meant to me.

He was my world.

My boy.

Resting my forehead to his cheek, I let my hair catch his tears and began to do the only thing I could think of to reassure him.

I sang.

_When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me  
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be  
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me  
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be_

By the time I hit the last verse, the tears had slowed and he was sniffling lightly between deeper breaths. Gradually, he calmed and his eyes fluttered opened. His long fingers wound themselves in my hair and he tugged on it. When I looked up, he gave me a small smile, his eyes still bright with moisture as he mouthed the words with me.

I don't know how many times I sang it to him, my voice eventually growing hoarse long after his eyes had closed and sleep had taken his exhausted body. For hours, I continued to sing and watch over him, wondering what he was dreaming about when he smiled. With my head on shoulder, my lips near the tender skin of his neck, I finally fell asleep.

"**~~**"

The alarm woke me as planned, and it took all my effort to pry my eyes open. My body was heavy and warm and held. Not only was Edward's arm embracing me, but during the night our hands had found each other and our fingers were entwined. Peeling the side of my face from Edward's shirt, I let go of his hand and hit snooze on my phone. I just wanted ten more minutes with him.

Laying my head back down, I felt his breathing shift and knew he was awake. I kissed along his neck and worked my way to his lips, sweeping mine over his before opening my eyes to look at him. Evidence of the night before was still there, puffy, blood shot eyes and stained cheeks flawed his face but the grief had eased, leaving behind a cloudiness in his forest eyes.

"I love you," I murmured, "No matter what they say, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere."

"I love you too," he whispered.

"All in," I reminded him.

"All in. You should go," he sighed sadly.

I got off the bed and found my sneakers. Stuffing my feet in them, I grabbed my phone. "Call me as soon as you can."

"I will, I promise."

One more kiss later and I was climbing ungracefully out his window and lowering myself to the ground. Crouching so I stayed below the windows, I made my way to the side yard and when I thought I was clear, bolted through the front yard and headed for the truck in a sprint. Unlocking it, I got behind the wheel and pulled out my phone, typing a text to him before I even started the truck.

_All in._

With only a few hundred yards left, I sprinted as fast as my weakened body would allow toward the coaches standing at the finish line. When I crossed it, they both clicked their stopwatches and I slowed to a walk, my hands went behind my head as I took in deep breaths.

"Four-forty-four. Not bad, Whitlock. Well under qualifying. Looks like you're going to States," Coach Wilson said, stuffing his stopwatch back into his pocket.

I nodded, not able to give him much more acknowledgement then that and a breathless 'thanks'.

"Going to be a busy with graduation and the state meet in the same weekend," my coach added.

"Yeah," I agreed, keeping my eyes on the grass under me as I walked around the infield.

"I'll email you the details, we can figure out where to meet. It's just you and Martin that made it this year," he said, "so maybe we can ride up together."

"Sure." I just wanted to leave. Returning to them, I picked up my bag and tossed it on my shoulder. "Can I go?"

"Yeah, sure, Whitlock. See you tomorrow," Coach said.

I thanked Coach Wilson for his time and track and then jogged through the open gate. I didn't slow until I reached my truck. Throwing the bag in, I started up the truck and backed out, flooring the gas pedal and leaving rubber behind as I sped out of the lot onto the street. Realistically, I knew Edward wasn't home, he's already left for practice, but I would feel better as soon as I was closer. Picking up my phone, I typed a message to Edward.

_I love you. Thinking about you. CU soon_

I set the phone next to me and waited for a reply.

There wasn't one.

"**~~**"

The band was shiny, polished, and perfect. Every time I put it on, it felt more and more like it belonged. Turning it around my finger, I stared at it and imagined all that it represented.

_Forever._

"_Do you think we'll be together forever?" _

_The question slipped from my lips effortlessly and I instantly regretted it. We'd been dating less than a month and I was already asking about forever. Next to me, Edward's shirtless body was relaxed as he lazily turned his head toward me and opened one eye in the bright sun. The meadow flowers were in bloom around us but all I could smell was Edward. _

"_Do you?" he asked, turning the question around. _

"_Yes," I said without doubt. _

_He studied me for a few seconds before his lips curled into a smile. "Me too."_

"_You do?" I asked with relief and he nodded. _

"_It will be you and me always," he vowed. _

_I moved closer, hovering over him, my eyes bouncing between his green ones and his lips as his tongue wet them. "No matter what?"_

_His long fingers reached up and pushed my hair off my face. "No matter what." Tugging on my waves, he pulled me to him, sealing the promise with our lips. _

Sighing, I gazed at the ring. We were forever, I had no doubt. Rolling onto my side, I went to reach for my backpack and some paper. I had wedding vows to write. Just as I went to unzip my bag, "Let it Be" filled my room. Leaning back, I grabbed my phone off the table, alarmed at why he would be calling during his practice.

"Hey, baby," I answered softly.

"Jas?" he sobbed, asking as if he wasn't sure it was me.

My heart halted, clenching tightly right before adrenaline rushed through me. Bolting upright, I asked, "Are you okay?"

Trying to calm himself, he took a few deep breaths, but it was too late, I'd already heard the urgency in his voice. I already knew he wasn't okay even before I had asked him.

"I need a ride home, can you come get me?"

Standing, I shoved my feet into my sneakers and grabbed my keys off the nightstand. I should have asked why, what was wrong, what happened, was he hurt? But all I could think of was, "I'm on my way. Where are you?"

"Port Angeles, the gym," he replied, barely in control.

_Fuck. _

"Baby, it's going to take me an hour to get there."

"I know," he choked, "please hurry."

If he was hurt, and hour was too much time to risk, he needed help.

"Are you okay?" I asked again, hoping to get more information. I was already out the door and sitting in my truck.

"Yeah."

Slightly relieved, I started the truck and began backing out of the driveway. "I'll be there as soon as I can. Be safe, baby."

"See ya soon…"

He never finished.

"Fuck," I growled in the empty cab, tossing my phone on the seat next to me and pressing the gas. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."

The truck lurched forward and I sped down the road, barely slowing for the stop sign before turning to barrel through town and toward the highway. Except for the growing roar of the engine, the only sound in the cab was my pounding heart. Horrible images plagued me, each flash worse than the one before it. Regardless of what he said, I saw him hurt and bleeding, I saw twisted metal and glass, gashes on his head and a twisted spine. I saw him weak, unconscious, and alone. I heard him murmuring 'help me'.

Even worse than the images of Edward physically hurt were those of Edward sitting in an office while the doctor took away all hope of ever walking again. News like that wasn't something anyone should have heard alone, I should have been there with him, for him.

I drove faster.

But no matter how fast I went, it wasn't fast enough, time slowed and my mind filled, clouding with memories and fears.

"Baby, what's wrong" I asked him in the empty cab.

It was far too much time later I pulled off the highway and flew through Port Angeles toward the gym. Picking up my phone, I tapped Edwards's number.

"I'll be there in five minutes," I said as I entered the center of town. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he replied, his voice surer than earlier.

"See you in a minute," he told him just I turned onto the road to the gym.

The headlights flashed over his figure sitting in the chair next to Riley's van. Directing the truck into the spot next to him, I slammed on the brakes, threw the gearshift into park and opened the door. Relived to see he appeared to be fine, I closed the short distance between us and began checking him over, my hands grazing over his upper body.

"I'm okay, I just need to go home," he said quietly.

Crouching in front of him, I took his chin in my hand and made him look at me. The tears I'd heard earlier still stained his cheeks, and fresh ones began to fall.

"What happened? What did they say?" I asked him.

"Nothing. Please take me home," he sighed.

Lifting him, I turned and placed him on the seat of the cab before securing his chair in the bed of the truck. Getting behind the wheel, I looked him up and down one last time before shifting into reverse and backing out. Edward's head fell to my shoulder, his warmth immediately soothing me even as his eyes shed more tears. When his hand moved to my thigh, I took mine from the wheel and covered his, squeezing it reassuringly.

"Babe, what's wrong?" I knew he wouldn't answer but I had to ask him. He shook his head and cried harder.

The haunting images from before returned, and even though I felt Edward beside me, could hear his sniffles, I felt him slipping from my grasp, from my life. It was as if he was reconstructing the wall he had built after the accident, once again surrounding himself with mortar and brick, creating a fortress to keep himself in.

And me out.

I wanted to beg him to stop, to let me inside before it was too late, but I didn't.

Because it was already too late.

Taking one last chance, trying to get through with the one thing that might work, I began to sing our song. I repeated it until we pulled into his driveway. Turning off the truck, I raised his hand to my lips and kissed it before getting his chair out. Lifting him, I held him to me.

"Baby, what happened," I whispered into his hair.

He was silent. Putting him in the chair, I watched as he turned for the ramp. At the door, he paused and told me to go home. When he realized I wasn't leaving, he opened the door and went inside, leaving it open for me. I followed him down the hall and into his room. There was an air of defeat around him, his slumped shoulders and hanging head as he rolled to the window and stared out at the pool. It was a placed that served many memories, it was a place he sat and grieved and mourned.

I stepped between him and the window, breaking his view but he refused to look up at me. Instead, his eyes fell on my left hand.

On the band still encircling my finger.

Before more tears began to darken his already damp tee shirt, I dropped to me knees and took his hands from the wheels, placing them on his lap. Covering them with mine, I reached up with my other and ran it down his cheeks, watching as his tears reached the tip of my finger and split into two. For each one that fell, two more were created. I let him cry. I let him sob and weep. With soft sounds, I guided his emotions back to me until his breaths were regular and his heart no longer pounded. His cheeks were still shiny when I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. A few of my own tears had fallen and melded with his. It wasn't until I pulled away that he finally opened his eyes.

"Tell me, babe." Wet eyes stared at me as he shook his head. "What did they say?" I pressed.

"I won't—I-I won't-" He stuttered through shaky breaths.

"Babe," I murmured when his eyes closed again.

Taking a deep breath, he let it out and then without looking at me, finally told me what I'd feared hearing.

"I won't walk. Ever."

My own eyes closed at his words, words that changed our lives, our future, but not _us_. Edward was still perfect, he was still my boy and I was still his. Nothing would ever change how I felt about him, how much he was my world. Tears that matched his rolled down my cheeks.

"Edward," I said, waiting for his eyes to open. "It doesn't change us."

"You don't understand, but…he can," he mumbled.

"He?" I asked, confused.

"Riley," he answered in a whisper, "but then he…ruined it." He gasped before continuing, "Maybe you're better off without me. Maybe I should be with someone like me…like him."

It all made sense. The tears, the words…the pain.

Edward felt he was a burden on me, on my life and my future.

I gripped his hand, letting him feel the weight, and all that went with it, of the ring on my finger.

"What are you talking about? Did he hurt you? How did he ruin it?" I asked quietly.

Swallowing, his shiny, leaf-green eyes held mine as he said words that would forever change us. It wasn't that he would never walk, or that his dream had ended. The words he spoke were far worse.

"He kissed me."

The time came to a screeching halt right along with my heart. In the seconds it took Edward to say those words, my blood cooled and I broke out into a sweat. I felt nauseous and lightheaded.

"What?" I choked out around the lump in my throat.

"He kissed me," he mumbled.

What breath I had left escaped me in a rush, leaving shaky, shallow gasps in its place. I snapped my hands back from him as if he burned me. Standing upright, I felt weak as I rubbed my hands on my thighs. Of call the things I'd imagined that had happened, kissing someone else hadn't been one of them. Completely still, Edward looked up at me, shame and hurt marring his beautiful face. Pain, a knowing and expected one, flooded his eyes.

"I gotta go," I growled.

Unable to look at him anymore, I lowered my eyes to the floor and stepped around his chair. He was silent as I reached the door. The wedding band clinked on the door knob when I grabbed it.

"Did you make States?" he asked barely aloud.

I opened the door and left without answering. Two strides later and I was sprinting down the hall, passing Dr. Cullen in the kitchen as I raced for the front door, ignoring him as he called out after me. Swinging the door open, I burst through and jumped down the steps, landing on the pavement with a slap before running to the truck. Digging the keys out of my pocket, I got inside, started it and blindly backed out of the driveway.

The tires squealed as I floored the pedal. Cruising through the stop sign, I turned onto the next street and pushed the truck faster. My hands gripped the wheel as tears blurred my vision. I saw nothing but the dim headlights lighting the road before me. I wanted to scream and yell but the only sounds I made were broken sobs. The earlier images of Edward injured became images of him and Riley, smiling, laughing…kissing.

My stomach lurched and I slammed on the brakes, barely getting the truck into park before I was opening the door. Stumbling out of the cab, I collapsed onto the ground onto all fours. Bile spilled from my mouth as my body clenched and dry heaved non-existent contents. The air was still warm from the day's heat, but the pavement was cool and rough on my hands and knees. Only one car passed me, apparently not concerned by the guy throwing up on the side of the road. Gasping, I sat back on my calves and wiped the back of my hand across my mouth. Bracing a palm against the truck, I forced myself to stand and after a deep breath, got behind the wheel again.

Numb, I drove the rest of the way home, parking in the driveway and stumbling inside the house and up the stairs to my room. Kicking my door closed, I fell onto my bed. Rolling onto my side, I reached to turn out the light I'd left on earlier and my eyes fell on the silver ring on my hand.

The most unbearable pain I'd ever felt clutched me, tightening my heart like a vise before ripping it to shreds. Slipping the ring off, I heard it clatter to the floor before the tears began, immediately soaking my pillow. I didn't remember falling asleep, only the agony I felt in Edward's absence.

He wasn't all in.

"**~~**"

"Jasper!" the shrill voice cut through my sleep.

My eyes were sore and stuck shut. An achiness swept through my body, all of it settling it in my heart, which was heavy and empty at the same time.

"Aren't you going to school?" my mother asked from somewhere behind me.

I shook my head.

"Don't you have classes?"

I shook my head.

There was a motherly sigh, as if she wasn't sure I was telling the truth or not, but in the end, it didn't matter because I heard the door click closed. Refusing to let the pain envelope me again, I forced myself back to sleep.

"_I, Edward, take you Jasper, to be my husband, for better for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health…"_

_His lips were moving, I heard every word he was saying, but all I could think of was how fucking happy I was. He was marrying me. He was going to be my husband. _

_Married. _

_Edward and I married. _

_His hands held mine as he recited his vows, the sun gleamed off his bronze hair and his green eyes were the same shade as the grass surrounding us, only brighter. There was no containing either of our smiles as we grinned at each other while the promises of forever hung in the air between us._

"…_forever."_

_Biting his lip, he looked down at my left hand, separating my ring finger as he slipped the silver band to where it would rest remain for the rest of my life. As soon as it was in place, his hand curled around my neck, fingers tucking themselves under my waves, and he pulled me to him, pressing his lips to mine and our first kiss as husband and husband. Our tongues met briefly, but I pulled away when my cock twitched, we had plenty of time for that. And there under the bright sun and surrounded by flowers, two boys in love were wed. _

_Resting my forehead to his, I exhaled a long breath and grinned at him. _

"_I now pronounce us-"_

"_-husband and husband," he finished with me. _

"_Forever…."_

_Forever entwined. _

_Forever all in. _

Every muscle was stiff, I was cold and hot, sick, and needed to use the bathroom. Slowly, I rolled onto my back, groaning the soreness wafting through me. Barely opening my eyes, I forced myself off the bed and across the hall to the bathroom. After using the toilet, I went to the sink to brush my teeth to rid the horrible taste in my mouth. Returning to my room, I walked around my bed and stepped on something. I lifted my foot to find the wedding ring on the floor.

A new wave of grief hit me.

Picking up the ring, I grabbed its box off the nightstand and shoved the ring inside before tossing it under my bed. I climbed onto the bed and curled up on my side, my eyes squeezing shut in a weak effort to stop the tears. All this time he had thought it was me who was going to walk away, leave us, and it ended up being him who left me.

_The sun shined on us, the cloudless sky a blue I'd never seen before. Edward lay next to me, sleeping peacefully with a smile on his face. I brushed the tufts of hair on his forehead so I could see him better and he trembled at the touch. We were both still naked from lovemaking, letting the sun warm us drowsily before we were ready for round two. _

"_What are you thinking?" he murmured sleepily. _

"_How sexy you are," I replied, more content than I ever had been._

"_What else is new," he snorted._

_I laughed and rolled onto my side, propping myself up on an elbow. On his back, he pried one eye open and squinted at me. _

"_I love you," he whispered. _

"_I love you too," I returned, reaching out I traced his lips, lips I wanted to feel sealed around my cock again. _

"_Want me to suck you?" he asked, reading my thoughts. Moaning a reply, I moved to straddle his face and groaned when he parted his rosy lips. _

_Round two could wait, we had all the time in the world. _

The sound of a door closing woke me, my eyes opening enough to register it was still daylight before closing again. The pillow under me was wet and I lifted my head and flipped the pillow over, the cool material comforting on the heated skin of my cheek. The pain in my chest was real and hurt like a motherfucker, but I managed to close my eyes.

_Night had set and we lay side by side on the blanket with only the stars and moon above us. We'd been camping in the meadow many times, no longer worried about creatures carrying us away in the middle of the night. Between us, our hands were clasped tightly, and even though he couldn't feel it, our legs were touching from hip to toes. _

"_That's Ophiuchus" I said, pointing to a constellation of stars. _

"_How do you know?" he scoffed, doubting me. _

"_I was in astronomy club in Texas," I admitted shyly. _

_He laughed and turned his head. "Seriously?"_

"_I thought it would be a good way to meet guys," I shrugged. _

"_Was it?" he asked with curiosity. _

"_If you like geeks," I chuckled. _

"_Love?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_You are a geek," he teased, laughing harder. _

"_Fuck off." Grinning, I playfully shoved his shoulder and more happiness bubbled out of him. _

The next time I woke, it was to the sound of his ringtone. Squeezing my eyes shut, I blindly reached out and tapped my phone until the sound stopped. I couldn't face talking to him yet, I couldn't hear his voice. Everything was still too raw.

Before I could even register it was happening, I was leaning over the side of the bed, my stomach forcing up nothing but clear fluid that burned my throat. Groaning, I eased myself back onto the bed, my tee shirt twisting uncomfortably around me. Burying my face into my pillow, I ignored everything and willed myself back to sleep.

_Everything was dusty. The walls, the used furniture, the table and counters, but it was home. _

_Our home. _

_We stood in the doorway of the rundown apartment, both of us tentatively leaning inside as if someone, or something, might jump out at us. _

"_Is it safe?" Edward asked with a cocky smile. _

"_Totally," I lied. _

_When he went to roll forward, I put a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at me. "What?"_

_Grinning mischievously, I bent over and scooped him up in my arms. Just like always, he fell against me with his arms around my neck. _

"_What are you doing?"_

"_It's tradition for the husband to carry the wife over the threshold," I replied, taking a step forward and entering our first apartment._

"_Then maybe you should have sat on my lap," he joked. _

_Inside our place, we looked around at the worn walls and floors. "I hope my mom packed us a lot of Mr. Clean," he sighed. _

"_No shit," I laughed. "Couch or bed?"_

_He turned to me, his eyes sparkling. "Let's break in the couch first."_

_I spun us toward the couch and we saw the sunken cushions and threadbare back. _

"_Bed," we both said simultaneously. _

_I walked us into the bedroom, relieved to find the bed in much better shape. Still covered in plastic, a new box spring and mattress were on the frame. Leaving him on the bed briefly, I ran and grabbed his wheelchair from the hallway and closed and locked our door. Returning to him, I watched him undress while I stripped off my own clothes. _

"_Did you pack the lube?" he groaned when I crawled to him on the bed. _

_I nodded and lowered myself to kiss him, our mouths meeting for the first time of many nights spent in that room. _

The ache of the happy dream was still fresh in my heart when my eyes blinked open. I didn't want to face the day, or night, and rolled onto my stomach again. With no idea what time it was, I took a few shaky breaths to keep the nausea away and then fell back asleep.

"_Can you believe we're here? In our own place?" I asked him as I nuzzled my face into his the warm crook of his neck. His bare body, still sweaty from sex, was stretched out next to me. _

"_No," he sighed, "but it's fucking awesome."_

"_Mmm, we don't have to worry about being caught anymore, we can fuck anywhere."_

_He moaned and pulled me closer. "Anytime, anyplace."_

"_Perfect."_

"_When is your first class tomorrow?" he yawned. _

"_Ten. Yours?"_

"_Eleven. Meet for lunch?"_

"_Yep. I need to hit the bookstore too," I said, imitating his yawn. "Sleepy."_

"_Me too." _

_Then embraced in each other's arms, we fell asleep. _

His ringtone woke me again and I was tempted to throw my phone against the wall, but instead I fumbled with it until the sound stopped, then turned it off completely. The clenching of my heart had tightened again at the sound. He was either calling to apologize or break up with me, neither of which I wanted, or could, face.

I couldn't live without him in my life. He _was_ my life.

But maybe that was selfish of me, maybe it wasn't about me at all, maybe it was about him.

The tears found the edges of my eyes and spilled over easily as I turned away. For the first time, closing my eyes wasn't haunted by dreams of a happy future that might no longer happen, but complete silence and emptiness and darkness.

The next time I woke it was to gentle shaking and a quiet, clinical, but soothing voice. "Are you okay?"

Slowly, I blinked until my eyes opened enough to see the blurry vision of my mother sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Are you okay?" she repeated, her hand brushing my dirty hair off my face. Some of the strands were stuck to the dried tears on my skin.

"Yeah," I whispered hoarsely. "What time is it?"

"Eleven. You've been sleeping all day. I've checked on you a few times, you don't seem to be running a fever." Even as she said it, she pressed the back of her hand to my forehead. "Are you sick?"

_Yes._

But not in the way she was asking. Regardless, telling her I was ill would buy me the time I desperately needed.

"Yeah, thrown up a few times," I answered weakly. It wasn't a total lie, I had thrown up, just not because of the flu.

"What did you miss today?"

"Just rehearsals, not a big deal. Wasn't even a whole day."

"And tomorrow?"

"Same."

She took her hand from my forehead and moved it to my wrist, where she pushed my leather bracelet up and pressed her first two fingers to my pulse. Staring her watch, she counted the beats and released me.

"Will I live?"

Giving me the motherly version of 'don't fuck with me' look, she sighed. "Have you eaten?"

I shook my head.

"Fluids?"

I shook it again.

Standing, she left the room only to return a few minutes later with a glass of ginger ale. I swear none of us ever drank it unless we were sick, but yet it was always in the fridge.

"Drink small sips, if you keep it down over night, try some toast in the morning," she instructed me. "I'll call school and let them know you won't be there."

"Thanks," I mumbled, bringing the glass to my lips. I expected her to leave, but she stared at me, at my pale face and puffy eyes.

"You going to be okay?" she asked.

"Just the flu," I reminded her, keeping up the guise of being sick.

By the way she tilted her head, I wasn't sure she believed me but she didn't argue. Instead, she stood and turned off my light.

"Get some rest, call if you need me," she offered before shutting my door behind her.

Relieved I didn't have to face anyone the next day, I turned onto my side and folded and arm under my head. I didn't have the strength to talk, much less go to school and pretend to be okay. Exhausted, my eyes closed and I yawned. My body felt lifeless and still, and alone. I fell asleep once again.

_My arm was slung over his middle while my head lay on his chest, my ear over his heart as it beat steady beneath me. I couldn't help but smile, knowing it was beating for me. Our apartment was small and old, but it was ours and wheelchair accessible from the previous tenant. Edward was able to cook and clean and shower without any assistance from me. Our lives were far from perfect, classes were intense and exhausting, and Edward faced some mobility issues with some buildings, but at the end of each day we were together. Some nights we would cook and dance to music in the kitchen while others were just found ourselves in bed wrapped around each other, soothing the day away with touches and sighs. _

_In his sleep, his fingers danced lightly up my bare back and I shivered, my eyes fluttering open at the touch. It was still dark out, probably a few hours before our alarm was due to go off. It was my favorite time of day with him. The rest of the world was quiet, it was just him and me alone with no other sound except the rhythm of his heart in my ear. When his hand reached my hair, he tangled it in the ends and he murmured something. My eyes closed again, my body still sated from our lovemaking only hours before. Physically, he set my body on fire, emotionally he lifted me to places I didn't know existed. _

"_I love you," I mumbled as my body sank further into his. _

_His fingers tightened in my hair. _

"_**~~**"_

The porcelain felt cold against my clammy skin as my stomach lurched once more and bile spewed from me and splashed into the toilet. On my knees, I had both arms wrapped around the bowl until there was nothing left to throw up but my stomach itself. Dragging the back of my hand across my mouth, I sat back and leaned against the tub, my chest heaving as I tried to catch my breath. For the first time in days, my face was dry, but the effects of my misery was still evident. I hadn't dared look at a mirror yet, but I knew I would find puffy, bloodshot eyes, sallow skin, stained cheeks, dry lips and my hair formed in greasy clumps.

I wanted to drink something. I wanted to brush my teeth. I wanted to shower. I wanted to sleep.

I wanted Edward.

Hanging my head, I kept my eyes closed and focused on breathing rather than his face. Before I could hear his voice in my head, I sighed and slowly forced my aching body upright, swaying only slightly as I stumbled to the sink and reached for my toothbrush. At least I could do one of the things I wanted.

Once I was done, I decided maybe a shower would make me feel slightly more human. Still dressed in the clothes from two days before, I managed to wrangle out of the shorts and dirty tee shirt. Absently, I took off my underwear and turned on the shower, stepping under the scalding spray of water and letting it soak my hair and stream down my back and shoulders. I had hoped the sound and feel of the water would wash away the images of Edward that plagued me. They both comforted and tormented me, each one growing blurrier than the one before it. The vibrant, detailed ones were saved for my dreams, but the hazy ones were no less painful, they were just as much soaked in his essence as everything else I did.

When I turned and let the water run over my face, it didn't matter if I cried, the tears were washed away. It was routine to shampoo my hair, to rinse it out before lathering up my body. I felt nothing as my hands followed the habitual motions, finally turning off the water and grabbing a towel from the rack. The terrycloth absorbed the droplets of water as I roughly rubbed it over me, leaving my skin red. Knotting it around my hip, I returned to my room, closing my door before collapsing onto the bed. The simple act of showering had exhausted me. Folding my arms up, I laid my head on them and closed my eyes, promising myself it was only for a few minutes until I had enough energy to get dressed.

My last reasonably coherent thought was wondering how the fuck I'd ever run thirteen miles.

"**~~**"

I found myself in the kitchen dressed in a pair of nylon shorts and holding a glass of ginger ale with no fucking idea how I'd gotten there. It was daylight outside, but I had no idea what time, or day, it actually was. With the exception of the hum of the refrigerator, the house was silent and I assumed my parents were both at work. Even though I tried to avoid it, when I turned to put my glass in the sink, my eyes drifted to the clock on the stove.

My heart sank.

For the first time in two years, I'd gone almost two days without talking to Edward. Even when we had vacationed thousands of miles apart with our families, we had talked for several hours each day.

Now the thought of his voice brought me nothing but pain.

Leaning against the counter, I ran my hands over my face and sighed. I was going to have to face him eventually. I was pretty sure my parents weren't going to let me get out of attending graduation. I knew if I turned my phone back on I would find messages from him, and perhaps from others wondering why the hell I wasn't at graduation rehearsals. What the fuck did it matter anyway, wasn't like I needed to rehearse how to walk and line up.

Air rushed my lungs, squeezed by the same vice that permanently gripped my heart. The walls closed in around me, the air was thick and heavy and suffocating. I sucked in shallow breaths, unable to take anything more, I became dizzy and reached out for the counter to keep my balance.

I needed to get out.

Dropping the glass in the sink, I staggered to the door, using my last bit of strength to yank it open. I stepped into the rain, the heavy drops coating me immediately. Finally able to take in a deep breath, I closed my eyes as my chest expanded with air. Before I realized what I was doing, I had broken into a run, my strides carrying me across the yard and into the street. The rain beat down on me, around me, as my feet landed in puddles, splashing water onto my calves and soaking my sneakers. My tee shirt was already clinging to me, my shorts sticking to my thighs more with each stride.

I didn't have headphones in, but I didn't need to in order to hear the soundtrack of my life with Edward playing in my head. The lyrics screamed, the notes of a piano much louder than I remembered. The damp air burned my lungs with each stinging breath, but the feeling of suffocating had eased. Tears mixed with droplets of rain as I increased the pace.

It didn't hurt enough.

I didn't hurt enough.

I needed the pain, I needed numbness.

Muscles that were already overworked and exhausted and cramped began to ache further. It only made me run faster. I was in a full sprint by the time I reached the end of my road. Habitually my body took over and my mind thought of nothing else but him and the agony coursing through me. Rain drenched me to my bones by the time I found myself on his street. Slowing, I panted for breath, not even glancing around me as I wondered how I had made it the three miles to his house without passing out. For the past few days I'd barely been able to move much less run.

The bark was rough against my hand as I braced against it to keep myself from falling over. Gasping, I didn't even bother to move my wet hair from my eyes as I stared at his house for any signs of life but found none. I was just about to turn around when a flash of his mother's car caught my eye. I watched as she pulled into the driveway. I didn't have to see him to know he was with her. She got his chair out of the trunk and his door opened.

I watched as he struggled to his chair.

Maybe he was right.

Maybe _we_ weren't right.

The tears fell harder as Edward closed the door to the car and pushed toward the ramp, his hands barely moved, his head hung low. There was no emotion on his face, it was frozen in a neutral position. Hard stone, cracked from attempts to break through their impenetrable protection, surrounded him. His heart was safely locked behind the fortress, not even a drawbridge allowing visitors across the long dried up moat of emotions. Only unlike a real fortress, this one hadn't taken years to construct.

It had only taken one night.

One horrific, terrifying night that had left his eyes empty of light, hands empty of mine, legs empty of energy and life.

Watching from a distance, I desperately tried to recognize this new boy behind the walls, wondering if he still had my heart.

Edward reached for his front door, but stilled. His head turned in my direction, his eyes narrowing as they scanned the area. Ducking behind the tree, I placed my forehead against it and closed my eyes. Time stopped but the rain continued to fall.

"Fuck," I muttered before opening my eyes and lifting my head.

Without looking at Edward's house again, I turned and broke into the same sprint that had carried me there.

"**~~**"

"Go away," I groaned at the persistent knocking on my door.

My head pounded with each knock but attempting to burrow further into my pillows was of no use, the sound continued.

"It's my motherly duty to check on you at least once a day," she sighed heavily from behind the door. Before I could answer, the knob was turning and the bed dipped as she sat on the edge of it. Immediately her hand was on my wrist.

"I'm alive," I growled, yanking it away.

"Barely, by the looks of it."

I didn't have to open my eyes to know she was looking me over head to toe, taking in the unwashed hair, dirty clothes, and pungent body odor.

"What's going on, Jasper?"

Prying one eye open, I glared at her, trying to read just how little I could get away with telling her before she would go and leave me alone.

"You're not running a fever, but you've done nothing but sleep," she said in her nurse voice.

Rolling onto my side, I opened my other eye and attempted to put on a 'nothing is wrong' face. I failed miserably. "Nothing," I said to back up my attempt. "Just don't feel well. Stomach bug."

Her raised eyebrow told me she didn't believe me for one second. "Why has Edward been calling the house phone and not your cell?"

Fuck.

My eyes involuntarily closed at the sound of his name, but I snapped them open and answered quickly. "My cell kept waking me up so I turned it off. I forgot to text him and let him know."

"Forgot to text him?" she scoffed. She knew damn well I'd never forgotten anything to do with Edward since the day we'd met. Reaching to me, she brushed my greasy hair off my face and gave me a motherly sympathetic look. "Just call him."

I nodded and she checked my forehead for signs of a fever one last time before standing and walking around my bed.

"Call him," she repeated as she left the room and closed the door.

Sighing, my eyes fell on my cell phone on the nightstand. I couldn't call him, I couldn't talk to him yet, but I found myself picking up the phone and turning it on.

There was over twenty voice mails and about double that amount in text messages. Unable to read or hear any of them, I was about to turn it off again when "Let It Be" played and Edward's picture appeared on the screen. My heart halted, caught somewhere in my throat, cutting off air no matter how many times I tried to swallow around it.

I missed him so fucking much.

My blood warmed, my pulse calmed, and my heart swelled with love and anguish at the same time. I wanted to answer, I wanted to tell him how much I loved him and missed him.

I wanted to understand.

I wanted to forgive.

Pressing the green button, my eyes drifted closed as I put the phone to my ear. It only took his breaths to send my pulse racing again.

"Jasper?" he choked out in a broken voice raw with emotion that matched my own.

_I love you._

The tears that had stopped began once again, streaming down my face in their silent vow of love for my boy. A single flicker of anger ignited into a flame fed by the images of his lips meeting Riley's again and again. I felt cheated, shredded by one action, one moment of thoughtlessness.

The one thing I'd never thought would have separated us, already had.

Right then, it didn't make sense. Edward and I were supposed to be together forever, I had never even considered any other option. All I knew was how much I'd given, how much I'd tried to show him how much I loved him. I would have done anything to give him the world. How did he not know that? I don't know how much time passed, but I finally found the strength to reply.

"I sacrificed everything for you," I spat venomously.

"I never asked you to," he sighed.

He was right. Not once had Edward asked me to not go to my college or run thirteen miles or miss the qualifying meet. In fact, he had told me the opposite.

"No," I whispered softly in agreement, "you didn't. I did it…I did it all because I love you."

Before he could reply, I pulled the phone way from my ear, hit disconnect and turned it off. After putting it on the nightstand, I rolled away from it, away from the temptation of calling him just to hear his voice again. Burying my face in my folded arms, I let the tears soak my skin and wondered if the shattered pieces of my heart would ever find their way back together again.

"**~~**"

The colors that should have been bright, blinding even, were dull, muted beyond all recognition. Flowers that should have been full of life from the early summer weather seemed wilted and forgotten. The sun that should have been shining above me on what was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life was shielded by thick grey clouds.

After waking up, I had habitually gone through the motions of showering and brushing my teeth before I found myself driving the truck. I barely remember telling my mother I'd see her later. The second I'd walked out of the house, I knew where I was going.

Sitting amidst the tall grass, I brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. Fingers fumbled with the leather bracelet around on my wrist, assuring me my time with him hadn't been a dream. For a second, I considered taking it off, maybe tossing it into the tall grass like ashes into the wind, but I couldn't. I had promised him I would never take it off, and no matter what had happened, how painful a reminder it was, the bracelet would forever stay where it was. My cheeks were dry, but I knew it was only a matter of time before the tears fell again. Although I hoped to at least make it through graduation.

Graduation.

The day had finally arrived. Four years of high school was completed, my tests were done, final grades given, our caps and gowns ready to be worn as we all walked onto the stage to receive our diplomas.

Well, all but one of us would walk.

The clenching in my heart that had been constant since the night I had left his house tightened its hold and my breath shortened. It was a feeling I was becoming accustomed to, much how some grow used to knowing when they might have an asthma attack or when their arthritis acts up. I hated it, I hated every second I had spent apart from him, but the thought of seeing him hurt even more. I wasn't ready to look into his eyes, to see what I knew was true.

We were over.

Parted me wanted to fight for Edward, and tell Riley to fuck off. But there was another part of me that had once again been woken. While Edward had his doubts about our future, about his being a burden on my life, I'd had my own fears as well. Fears I wasn't enough, that I could never truly understand his new life and everything that went with it. There would always be anger in Edward, a resentment I could never fully comprehend. I had been angry with people and situations, I knew frustration, but nothing could compare to the strength of Edward's. His entire life had been turned upside down, torn apart at the seams and put back together in all the wrong ways. Like a puzzle with missing pieces never to be found.

While I could relate to the change in our lives, I couldn't relate to what had been ripped from his grasp, all things he would never feel or do again. Walking was only the beginning. No more standing on his own, getting around without a chair, feeling his hips thrust in arousal, feeling cum shooting from his cock, feeling the sun burn his skin or the cold water chilling it. Simple everyday things were no longer simple to him, everything took longer and more effort and planning.

No, the only ones that could truly understand how Edward felt were those like him.

Like Riley.

It had been a thought I'd had a million times since meeting him and hearing his story so similar to Edward's. Riley could understand Edward even better than any of his other teammates. They shared a bond I could never be a part of, and who was I to come between that? I had no right to. From the first time I'd seen Edward, I'd vowed to never hold him back, not in basketball or him going UW, this was no different.

Edward felt the same way…

Dropping my forehead to my knees, the tears I had staved off began and soaked into my khakis, leaving dark circles in their wake. He was behind me, his head resting on my shoulder, the warmth of his skin seeping through my button down shirt to alight my skin on fire. His arms wound around me, taking my hands into his, I could feel his hair tickling my neck as his lips moved against my ear.

"_Yes." _

His whispered answer to my question would forever echo in my mind.

It hadn't been long since I'd asked my boy to marry me in that very spot. Taking a deep breath, I lifted my head from my knees and shrugged my shoulders, monetarily ridding his constant memory from my body. Asking him to marry me at seventeen had been stupid, immature at best. Still, regardless of the fact we'd been foolish, I'd never doubted Edward's love for me, or that he had meant yes when he had said it. I'd seen it in his eyes. During our time together, they had told me everything about him, and while the light in them had been missing since the night of the accident, his emotions in them had returned. Looking around at the trees and grass, I saw every shade of green existing, all shades I had seen in Edward's eyes at one time or another. I'd seen love, happiness, regret, anger, excitement, and pain.

_Pain._

"_Riley, but then he…ruined it. Maybe you're better off without me. Maybe I should be with someone like me…like him." _

_Lashes wet from tears clumped together as he blinked away drops of water cresting on the rims of his eyes. There were roadmaps of tiny red lines in the whites, and his green irises were filled with agony instead of life. _

It'd been there in his eyes the entire time. He could have easily not told me what had happened, he could have lied and said he was hurt or that Riley had been an ass, but Edward had told me the truth because he knew it would hurt.

He knew it would drive me away.

Gasping, I closed my eyes and let the revelation sober me. Edward wanted out of our relationship, he wanted to feel normal and whole and familiar, all things he could feel with Riley but not with me. But did I love Edward enough to let him go, to willingly stand by and let him split us apart? Was I strong enough to even consider giving him what he wanted?

Images flicked through my mind at a blinding pace, like a life flashing before you in an instant. I saw glances between two friends, curious hands fumbling over the planes of each other's bodies, lips endlessly exploring, hearts joining together while souls settled in for a lifetime. There was music and dancing, flowers and picnics, beds and kissing, whispers and promises of lifelong love. Edward and I were what people dreamed about having.

But we were no more.

Edward had been my first kiss, and my last, I didn't want to experience anyone else because no one else would compare to him and the way he make me feel. Letting my boy go was going to be the hardest thing I ever did in my life, but if it gave him the future he deserved, that he wanted, I would do it.

I would do anything for him.

Including this.

Sitting there in our meadow, surrounded by his presence in the vivid memories, I said goodbye to my boy… and our future.

"**~~**"

Thank you for reading~

Thank you to C for everything.

Some of you might not have expected Jasper to react this way, but remember all he's done for six months, how physically and mentally exhausted he must be. One more chapter, then the epilogue.

I am happy to announce that my original fiction story called _Chase the Storm_ is now available for preorder through DreamSpinner Press on both ebook and paperback. wwwDOTdreamspinnerpressDOTcom/store/indexDOTphp?cP ath=55_860

I also have a new blog, it will contain updates of not only the book, but fanfiction as well, teasers, ramblings, etc. vmwaittDOTblogspotDOTcom/, and yes, there are more m&a outtakes to come.


	32. Let It Be

**Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.**

A/N- If you thought the last chapter needed a tissue warning…well, let's say even I got teary with this one. Thank you for sticking with the boys. Songs to listen to….Let it Be, Imagine, Yesterday, Long and Winding Road, Ooooh Child, and of course, Maybe I'm Amazed.

This chapter is unbeta'd, all mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, are mine.

Now Edward's pov

"**~~**"

_If on a winter's night we hadn't found ourselves in times of trouble…_

"**~~**"

It was done.

_We_ were done.

Over.

The second Jasper snapped his hands from the mine, the second I saw anguish flood his blue eyes, I knew it was too late. The words were already out, I couldn't take them back. Instantly, my heart broke into pieces as I witnessed his confusion and shock, varying emotions quickly etching and erasing on his face before settling on agony. At first I thought he wouldn't believe me, that he would shake his head and laugh and ask me if Riley was as good a kisser as he looked, but he knew, my boy knew I was telling the truth.

He just didn't know why.

I wasn't sure I did either. I didn't set out to hurt Jasper, I didn't ask Riley to kiss me, but if it was the one thing that set Jasper free of his burden from a life with me, then any amount of pain I suffered would be worth it. Part of me wanted to explain, tell him why I wasn't good for him, why he needed to be as far away from me as he could get, but before I could speak, he bolted upright, his hands anxiously rubbing his thighs. Looking up at him, I didn't pretend or try to hid anything, I let him see how much pain I was in, the shame I already carried inside me, the regret from having just hurt the most important person in my world.

Fuck, he _was_ my world, and no amount of distance or time would ever make that untrue.

"I gotta go," he mumbled as he looked away and stepped around my chair.

My heart sank at the click of his ring on the doorknob. The tears began to roll faster down my face, but I had to know one thing.

"Did you make States?" I whispered.

The door swung open and his footsteps echoed down the hall as he ran, just like I had wanted him to. I heard the front door open and bang shut alongside my heart. My head hung, my chin on my chest as the sobs began to wrack every inch of my upper body. Useless legs remained lifeless, mocking the rest of my body as it shook uncontrollably. Clenching a fist, I slammed it onto my thigh, waiting, praying, to feel the pain that should have rocketed through me. There would be a bruise in its wake the next day, but the pain still eluded me. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping it would stop the constant flow of tears, but they escaped from the sides, traveling down my cheeks and neck in rivers until absorbed by the cotton of my shirt. Again and again, I hit my legs as hard as I could, not caring about what marks I was leaving behind.

I just wanted to feel the pain

I just wanted to fucking feel _something_.

The door squeaked behind me, and I sucked in a shaky breath. He'd come back.

Everything was going to be okay.

Just as I wiped my eyes, he spoke.

"Edward?"

It wasn't Jasper.

The sobs began again, shaking me so hard I wasn't able to answer my father, tell him to go away, that I was fine. Instead, he was by my side, his hand on my shoulder as the air filled with his concerned silence.

"Why-won't—they- work?" I choked out between shallow breaths. "Why—the-fuck-won't-they work?"

He didn't speak, but he kneeled in front of me like Jasper had, his surgical fingers wrapping firmly around my wrists, pinning them to my thighs. Keeping my blurry vision on his thumb stroking the back of my hand, I continued to let the agony fall. My shoulders shook, my chest heaved and my father held me, attempting to calm me in the only way he knew how. Before I could protest, his arm was under my knees while his other snuck behind my back. Not as swiftly as Jasper, he stood, lifting me with him and taking the few steps to my bed. As he set me on it, I wanted to tell him I hadn't done my nightly routine, but even if I could have gotten the words out, he wouldn't have listened. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he took my hand in both of his again, clamping them around mine.

Heavy and weary, my head relaxed against the pillow. I tried to pry my swollen eyes open to look at him, but I couldn't. Instead, I focused on his even breaths and the feeling of warmth emitting from him. He didn't undress me, but he did cover me with the fleece blanket on the end of my bed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked once my own breaths had ebbed from shallow and shaky to deep and trembling.

I couldn't tell him. I couldn't tell him how I'd hurt Jasper, how he was too good for me. No, I couldn't tell my father I'd broken my boy's heart, and mine right alongside it. I couldn't tell him about Jasper, Riley, or how his only son was not only crippled but gay too. I was broken enough in his eyes, I couldn't make it worse for him.

Within seconds exhaustion hit me. I shook my head, unable to even raise the energy to say no. I wasn't sure how long he stayed with me, but I fell asleep with his hands covering mine.

"**~~**"

The room was dark when my eyes fluttered open weakly. I felt cold and alone.

But I wasn't alone.

Drifting my gaze to the corner, I saw the darkness, its wispy fingers curling in delight and eager anticipation as it grew larger than ever before.

"Please," I begged in a whisper, willing Jasper to be by my side to fight the battle I was surely going to lose. I swear I felt a familiar warmth next to me, fingers tangling with mine, a head leaning against mine.

"_I'm here," he promised softly. _

I watched the shadows twist and turn, working up my bed, nearing my feet. My heart pounded as I waited for Jasper to fend it off, to beat it back like he did every other time, only nothing happened. The warmth was gone, my hand empty. Giving up, I didn't even turn away when the darkness gripped my still legs. I felt it envelope me, surround me. It might as well have me, I didn't have any reason not to give in.

Daylight pierced my closed eyes and I struggled to open them. I felt heavy and weak. Normally, my first few seconds of consciousness were my favorite part of the day, the only part of my life when I thought I could still walk, but that day, walking wasn't the first thing I thought of. Instead, my first thoughts were of Jasper and the horrible dream I'd had. Just as my mind woke enough to call him, I remembered.

The nightmare was my reality.

My phone sat on the bedside table and I reached for it, blindly fumbling I tapped Jasper's number and held the phone loosely to my ear. I wasn't sure why I was calling, I didn't expect him to answer, I certainly didn't know what I was going to say if he did answer.

"_Hey, this is Jasper, you know the drill…"_

Then I knew why I had called. I needed to hear his voice, smooth and velvet, reassuring in its timbre. Even if I couldn't see him, I knew he was still there somewhere. Exhaling a long breath, I disconnected the call and toss my phone on the bed. Sighing, my head lolled to the side and I let my eyes close, returning to a fitful sleep.

Someone was shaking me. Hoping it was Jasper, I used all my strength and opened my eyes.

"Your father said you were staying home from school today, but I wanted to check on you," my mother smiled at me before placing the back of her hand against my forehead. "You don't feel feverish."

"Stomach," I groaned quietly.

"Were you sick last night?"

Not in the technical sense.

Ignoring my lack of response, she looked down my body. "Why don't you go do your routine, I'll get a few things for you."

She left, leaving my door open. The sounds of her movement in the kitchen carried down the hallway and into my room. I could barely move, much less get into my chair, push to the bathroom, and use a catheter on myself. Instead, I closed my eyes, letting the images of Jasper swamp my thoughts and run down my face until I fell asleep again.

"Edward?"

The hand was as gentle as my mother's but more insistent, firm.

"Have you used the bathroom today?"

With my eyes closed, I shook my head. "Can't," I mumbled.

I heard his movement in my room, my eyes vaguely tracking him behind my lids by the sounds he made, footsteps around my bed, opening boxes, tearing paper. There was no resistance when I felt the bed dip. Keeping my face away from his, I pretended I didn't know what he was doing.

He was silent as he inserted the catheter into my dick.

A few minutes later, the bed shifted and I heard him leave the room, then a toilet flushing in the distance before he returned.

"Do you want help changing?" he offered and I shook my head.

I didn't want any help.

"I got you out of school today, but I don't think I can hold her off tomorrow," he told me quietly.

"Tell her I'm sick," I begged weakly.

"She's not going to buy it for more than a day or two."

"Fine," I sighed, not wanting to raise suspicions anymore than I already had. "I'll go."

His warm hand rested on my shoulder for a few seconds before it was gone and I heard the clicking of my closing door. Reaching for my phone on the bed next to me, I ignored the text message alerts and habitually dialed Jasper, tapping speakerphone and letting the ringing fill the empty room before his voice mail answered.

"_Hey, this is Jasper, you know the drill…"_

The tears started fresh when I hit end and silence once again overwhelmed me. Seconds later, the darkness skittered across the floor, weaving around the posts of my bed before floating over the mattress toward my helpless feet. I refused watch it wrap itself around my legs again.

"**~~**"

There were kids everywhere, chatting and laughing, lockers slamming, doors closing, and bells sounding for class, and yet, I barely heard any of it. Everything was far away and too close, the sounds muffled by the thoughts still racing through my head. Even though I knew I wouldn't find him, my eyes constantly scanned for his blond waves above everyone else. Their faces blurred into each other, and I never found the one I needed most of all.

The ache in my chest, the one where the gaping hole was, increased impossibly as I slowly pushed my chair down the wide corridor. There were no classes for seniors that day, we were only there for graduation rehearsals. I could almost feel him beside me, shaking his head.

"_Do they really think we can get ourselves into college, but need three days of learning how to walk in a line?" he asked, his waves swinging in his disbelief. _

"_Well, it is alphabetical," I chuckled and he whacked my shoulder. _

"Hey, Edward," Bella greeted me as I entered the gym for the senior assembly. "Where's Jasper?"

"How the fuck should I know?" I snapped, instantly regretting it when her eyes flickered in surprise.

I should have apologized, but I just rolled away with the darkness by my side instead of Jasper.

I couldn't even say his name aloud, much less talk about him to someone else. Exhausted, I'd barely made it to school on time, even after having skipped my morning shower for the second day in a row. After waking long after my alarm had gone off, I moved to my chair and used a catheter before using my remaining energy to change into clean clothes. I remained silent for the ride to school, barely containing the emotions surging through me. I didn't want to face any of them, I didn't want them to see the guilt surely showing on my face. They would know how I'd cheated, how I'd hurt Jasper, but they wouldn't know it was for his own good. With the darkness next to me, I went through the day, hardly speaking a word to anyone and ignoring the constant looks of worry from Bella.

The day ended early, and I didn't remember any of it as I coasted down the ramp to my mother's car parked in the bright blue handicapped space. Staring out the window the entire way home, I didn't hear a word she said. I only heard the strengthening darkness, its many promises of comfort in the numbness it offered me. It would protect me, keep me safe from heartache and those who looked down on me. It volunteered to build a wall around my broken heart, one that could never be penetrated by anyone ever again. Weakly, I sighed, almost nodding to myself as I agreed to the conditions.

I would simply give myself over to it.

Anything had to be better than the constant pain I felt coursing through me.

Pulling into the driveway, my mother shifted into park and got out. Once my door was open, I transferred to the chair and pushed away from her toward the ramp. My chin rested on my chest as I slowly pushed up the incline. Reaching the door, I paused.

A familiar feeling washed over me, temporarily shooing the darkness away. Hopeful, I turned toward the feeling, squinting in the midday sun as I searched for the source. It had to be him, he was there, but I couldn't see him. No, he wasn't there, the feeling was nothing more than wishful thinking. Turning the knob, I pushed the door open and entered the house.

Within in minutes I was in my room and parked in front of the window. I think it was sunny outside but it was dark in my room. Everything lacked color and meaning. The blackness around me shook its airy head, scoffing at how dramatic I was being. Jasper was nothing, it told me. He had only remained with me out of pity, not because he wanted to but because he had to.

Closing my eyes, I nodded. I knew the smoke was right, I had no doubt Jasper had stayed by my side only out of obligation to our relationship. Of course, part of me knew Jasper would have never stayed with me if he didn't love me entirely, but that part of me didn't matter anymore. That part of me was gone.

The hours blended into each other, I had no idea how many had passed. I'd barely noticed night had fallen outside. I remained in the chair, my eyes blankly staring at nothing. Around the wheels of my chair, the blackness danced and wafted, greedily feeding on my misery, filling my emptiness with doubt. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I called him again.

"_Hey, this is Jasper, you know the drill…"_

And again.

"_Hey, this is Jasper, you know the drill…"_

And again.

"_Hey, this is Jasper, you know the drill…"_

And again and again and again.

Part of me was desperate for him to pick up so I could hear him, maybe, just maybe, I could tell him I was sorry and ask for forgiveness.

Maybe we could…

There was a tightening around my chest, a pressure that stole the air from my lungs and crushed my heart. My eyes looked down to find the darkness wound around me, its sheer tentacles laced together to grip my body, my soul. I clasped the phone in my hand, my lifeline to the one person who could save me. Gasping, I held my breath, waiting for the ache to ease. Gradually, it loosened, but never left. Every breath I took it claimed as its own. It seemed hours before I was able to breathe deeply, freely, without the constriction around me.

The phone fell from my hand and dropped to the floor.

"**~~**"

The day was a repeat of the one before it. I woke a shaking mess, my eyes stiff from the many tears that had fallen during the night and my hair was greasy and plastered to my head. I probably reeked of body odor, but I didn't care enough to shower. Rubbing my eyes, I glanced at the corner, relieved to find the darkness faint and still. Not that it mattered, it already possessed me. Every muscle that could ache did as I sat up and moved to my chair. I barely remembered getting into bed the night before, vaguely recalling my mother coming in and asking about dinner and basketball practice. When I had called Jasper, I'd seen messages on my phone from Riley, but I hadn't been able to bring myself to text him back. It was too soon.

Dressed in the same clothes as the day before, I rolled down the hallway of school once again heading to the gym where the seniors gathered before rehearsals. I felt Jasper next to me, his presence faded but there. If I concentrated hard enough, I was sure I could feel the weight of his hand on my shoulder and hear his chuckle as he shook his head.

I had just entered the gym alone when Mr. Bradshaw approached me, a clipboard in one hand and a pen in the other. "Edward, just the person I wanted to see," he greeted. "I've rearranged the order of speeches, and now you will be going after Mr. Giles"

Confused, I furrowed my brows and looked up at him. "What?"

He wrote something down on the paper. "That's what I like, Edward, a valedictorian with a sense of humor."

_Valedictorian. _

Fuck.

I had to write a speech to deliver to my fellow classmates and hundreds of guests, and I needed it done in a day.

"Mr. Bradshaw, I've been pretty sick and haven't—"

"I'm sure it'll be wonderful, Edward," he smiled, "after all you've overcome."

He walked away before I could say anything else.

"Fuck," I murmured.

"Edward," Mr. Harter smiled as he neared. "I've got great news."

I tried to muster the energy to care, but only managed to lift my eyes to him.

"The committee met and reviewed your application, and have awarded you the music scholarship." He was practically bouncing with excitement.

I should have been too but without Jasper to share the news with, it didn't matter. None of it did.

"That's great, Mr. Harter, thank you," I managed weakly.

He tilted his head, looking slightly confused, but my understated reaction wasn't enough to squash his energy. "I'll email you the details after graduation. Congratulations, Edward."

I shook his hand limply before he walked away.

"… haven't seen Jasper at all, have you?" a voice said behind me. Cocking my head to the side, I listened.

"No, but Mandy saw him running yesterday," another giggled. "He's so hot."

"Why isn't he here? Did he not graduate…"

Whipping the chair around, I pushed it as fast as I could toward the exit, barreling into the bathroom across the hall. Once inside, the cold metal door swung closed. Rolling to a stop in front of the sinks, I burst into tears. Jasper was leaning against them, his image fragile and transparent, but he walked over to me, dropping to his knees in front of me, his smile small as he worriedly pushed my hair back.

"_Babe…." he sighed right before he faded away. "Why are you doing this to yourself?"_

Sobs turned to convulsions as I desperately tried to salvage myself and claw for something to hold on to.

Just then, that something spoke.

"Edward?"

The voice was soft, gentle and coaxing.

"Are you okay?"

_No._

I wanted to shout it, lift my shirt and expose the fresh wound where my heart had formally been. I wanted to show my shattered life. I shook my head and she immediately rushed to me, crouching in front of me with one hand on my lap and the other tenderly threading my hair. Through watery eyes, I could see the outline of her big brown eyes and long hair.

"It's Jasper, isn't it?" she said knowingly, already having put his absence and my devastation together. "Is he okay? Did something happen?"

I couldn't speak, I could scarcely acknowledge she was in the boys' bathroom with me. Quiet, soothing sounds came from her as she attempted to calm me. It was no use. After several moments of telling me it was going to be okay, she took my hands in hers.

"I'm getting you out of here," she said with determination.

I didn't know if she meant the bathroom or the school or the town, and I didn't care, I would have followed her anywhere if she took me away from the pain.

I have no idea how she did it, but I was being pushed down the corridor, the tiles passing quickly under my wheels. At the exit, she slammed the handicapped button, waiting impatiently for the doors to open before pushing me through them and down the ramp. The air was warm and humid, my dirty clothes already sticking to me. Stopping next to her beat-up truck, she opened the passenger door and then looked at me.

"Shit," she muttered.

I outweighed her by at least fifty pounds, there was no way she could lift me into the cab of the truck. She wasn't Jasper.

"Mike? Can you meet me at my truck for a minute?" I heard her ask before shoving her phone in her pocket. "He's coming."

I didn't even care that Mike was going to see my crying, or have to help my feeble body. He seemed to appear only a few seconds later, not so gently lifting me and setting me in the cab. Before I could say anything, he closed my door and Bella was climbing behind the wheel. The darkness sat between us, leaning against me, reminding me she wasn't him, she had no power.

"Fuck off," I snapped quietly at it.

"What?" Bella asked as she pulled onto the main street to my house.

"Nothing," I sighed, closing my eyes and resting my forehead against the cold window.

The ride was rough, Bella was still trying to get the hang of driving a manual shift, but I was grateful to no longer be at school. When we stopped and I heard her door open, I cranked my eyes open just in time to see her at my side opening my door. Placing the chair as close as she could, she waited for me to slide to the edge, then slid her hands under my arms and supported me as I basically fell into the chair, landing with an awkward thud. My arms landed by my sides, too weak to grab the handrails. Kicking the door closed with her foot, Bella pushed me up the ramp, clumsily opening the door and getting me inside and down to my room. I rolled to the window, stopping in front of it, my eyes working to focus on anything outside. Bella closed my door and walked over to me, crouching in front of me once again.

"What's going on, Edward?"

How could I tell her? How could I tell her I had broken Jasper's heart and I wasn't sure why. The darkness told me it had been the right thing to do, Jasper was better off without me holding him back, and maybe that was true. For weeks following the accident I had tried to push him away, forcefully telling to leave me alone, even hitting him, and yet, he'd stayed no matter what I had said or done.

Until now.

What I had done, what I had let Riley do, hurt Jasper far worse than any harsh words or fists. I just…I just hadn't thought it through enough to realize how painful it was going to be. That it would feel as though my heart was being ripped from my chest, twisted and torn and bleeding. The agony was far worse than any I had suffered after the accident. Even being told I would never walk again didn't hurt as much as not having Jasper by my side.

I blinked away the tears that pricked my eyes and kept staring at my lap as Bella patiently waited for me to answer.

"It's over," I mumbled barely aloud. "Jasper and I are done."

Somehow saying the words made it all too real.

"What?" she gasped. "Why?"

"He deserves someone better. Someone who isn't broken," I said in a shaky whisper.

"Edward," she demanded softly, "look at me."

I didn't move.

Her fingers were on my chin, lifting it and forcing my eyes to hers. Tears brimmed the edges of chocolate eyes as she stared at me. I'd dated Bella long enough to know she wasn't going to let it go. She might not have been as stubborn as Jasper, but she had a quiet strength about her that had never let me down. Even though the darkness had claimed she wasn't powerful like Jasper, it had retreated to the corner in her presence.

"You listen to me, you are _not_ broken. You are a beautiful person inside and out. This," she motioned to my legs, "does not make you broken. It makes you stronger than anyone I've ever known, including Jasper. You didn't give up, Edward. You fought to get your life back, and you succeeded."

"I didn't," I choked out, my breaths quickly becoming rough.

She didn't understand. My life was a failure without Jasper in it.

"I don't know what happened, but you can make it right, Edward," she said surely.

"I can't. He's gone," I murmured. At the finality of the words, a sharp pain pierced my heart, forcing the air from my lungs and I panted for breath.

Bella sighed. "Edward, Jasper will never be gone, don't you know that? No matter how far apart or for how long, he's yours for the rest of his life."

"I hurt him," I cried.

"Then you can fix him," she assured me.

I wanted to believe, so fucking much I wanted to believe her, but deep inside my decimated heart, I knew otherwise.

"What can I do?" she offered.

"Just stay," I begged.

Rising up, she kissed my forehead. "Always."

For the remainder of the day, she did as she had promised. Not even changing position, she held my hand and rubbed my thigh. In vain, I tried to absorb her strength like I so often did with Jasper, and while I knew she had it, I couldn't access it like I could with him, but the longer her hands were on mine, the more the ache dulled. She only spoke when my mother came in to check on me, putting on a cheery voice and pretending all was fine. Then she returned to me, giving me a sad smile.

"I think you should call him," she suggested.

"I tried, he won't answer."

Not that I blamed him.

"Have you tried his house?" Pulling my phone from my pocket, she handed it to me and raised a brow.

I found myself pressing the numbers to his house phone and panicking when it began to ring.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mrs. Whitlock…is Jasper…there?" I tried to sound normal.

"He's sleeping, Edward, want me to wake him?"

"No, thanks. I'll call him later," I rushed out, partly relieved.

"Do you want me to give him a message?" she offered.

_I need him._

"No, that's okay."

"Edward," she hesitated before switching to her mom voice. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," I lied again. It was getting easier. "I just called to see if he knew what time rehearsal is tomorrow."

"Okay, I'll have him call you," she said. I could almost hear her mind putting the clues together. "Take care, Edward."

"You too." Pressing disconnect, I dropped the phone into my lap and sighed. "He's sleeping."

"Promise to try him again later?" Bella half asked, half demanded.

Hoping to appease her, I nodded.

"I need to run home, I told my dad I'd make dinner, but then I'm coming back."

"It's okay," I tried to smile. "I'm fine."

"Bullshit," she replied.

"I just need some time," I said, repeating what I'd heard people say in the movies. Bella eyed me, judging my words and taking in my disheveled appearance.

"I'll call you later, and you call me if you need me," she said, cupping my cheek.

"I will," I vowed.

Satisfied, she stood and kissed my forehead again. "It'll be okay."

I don't think Bella had ever been more wrong.

A minute later, the door clicked closed and I was alone with the darkness. My fingers tightly clutched my phone, holding onto it for dear life. I didn't have to look at the corner to know the smoke was stirring to life, readying to crawl to me, to welcome me into its grasp once again. The only way to stop it was Jasper. Barely looking at the phone, I tapped his cell number and lifted the phone to my ear.

"Please help me," I begged in a whisper.

The blackness grew, thickening the closer it got, flittering around the dirty clothes on my floor. Snapping my eyes shut, I refused to watch it engulf me.

One ring.

Nothing.

Two rings.

Nothing.

Then there was a sound, muffled, weak breaths as shaky and defeated as my own.

"Jasper?" I choked out.

_I love you. _

_I'm sorry._

_Forgive me._

There were more breaths, and a sob. "I sacrificed everything for you," he spat suddenly.

The anger shouldn't have surprised me. He had every right to be angry, but I felt my heart break even more. Around my feet, the darkness swirled, encouraging me as it wound up my legs. Jasper was right, he had sacrificed for me, but he'd never asked me if he could. He never asked me if I wanted him to.

"I never asked you to," I sighed weaker than ever.

"No," he agreed in a whisper, "you didn't. I did it…I did it all because I love you."

Love, not loved.

Hope rose in me, a brief swelling inside me that maybe it wasn't completely over, but just as I went to speak again, the phone line went dead. He'd hung up.

With tears streaming down my face, I whipped my phone at my bed. Then I reached for the next closest thing, a book, and threw it at the wall. More books followed, then dvds, pictures, anything I could pick up and throw with force. Each time something shattered against the wall or the floor, I felt a pang of satisfaction. Snickering all around me, the darkness cheered me on, growing denser with each item I broke. Breathless, I continued, tears streaming down my face as I gritted my teeth and threw a basketball trophy, the fake gold pieces snapping from the marble base and cheap plastic stand.

I had no use for basketball anymore.

I had no use for anything.

As I reached for the next victim, there was knock on my door.

"Everything okay?" my father asked through the wood.

"Fuck off," I growled.

At my computer desk, I dragged my arm across the surface, wiping everything off it and watching it fall to the floor. Turning the chair, I went over to the nightstand and picked up my lamp. Lifting it above my head, I smashed it to the floor. My alarm clock was next to meet the same fate. Suddenly exhausted, I fell forward onto the bed. As angry as I was, the tears had never stopped. Sniffling, I crawled from the chair onto the bed and collapsed onto the pillow. Not caring my legs were twisted, I closed my eyes. The storm that had raged through me slowly dwindled, the fury easing into the numbness I'd been promised.

I felt his hand on mine, his sweet breath on my neck, and I clung to it.

"Sing to me," I whispered.

_Baby, I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time,  
and maybe I'm afraid of the way I leave you._

Maybe I'm amazed at the way you pulled me out of time,  
you hung me on the line.  
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you.

Baby, I'm a man, maybe I'm a lonely man  
who's in the middle of something  
that he doesn't really understand.

And to the most beautiful voice in the world and in the mirage of his arms, I fell asleep.

"**~~**"

Early morning daylight struggled to stream through the window. Tired and sore, I slowly opened my eyes. For those first seconds, I expected him to be next to me.

Where else would he be, it was graduation day.

We were supposed to have been up all night planning how we were going to tell our parents about our relationship. Jasper should have been in bed next to me all night, helping me write my speech, reassuring me when I doubted its quality or importance. His head should have been on my chest with his arm around me as he snored.

None of those things had happened, and it was my fault.

Pain collided with guilt, both equally tearing me apart with no hope of putting me back together. Sighing sadly, I rolled onto my side. It should have been one of the happiest days of my life, but instead I found myself unable to move, and I still had a speech to write. Opening the nightstand's drawer, I reached inside for a pen and something to write on. Feeling some paper, I pulled it out.

_Dear Edward,_

_Congratulations! After careful review of your academic credentials and other accomplishments, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Oregon State University…._

It only took a few seconds to tear up the letter and watch my future fall to the floor in white scraps. I scanned the room, destroyed at my hands the night before. Broken pieces of glass, trophies, splinters of wood, along with books and clothing were strewn all over the floor. My alarm clock was upside down, but the red numbers were still readable. It was a little after six. Pushing myself up, I transferred to my chair and rolled over the pieces of the acceptance letter on my way to my door. I opened it and went across to the bathroom, staring at nothing as I went through the motions of my morning routine. I hadn't really had anything to drink, and had eaten even less. After using a catheter but skipping digitation, I debated on showering. There was no way my parents were going to let me get out of going graduation, especially not in anticipation of my speech. Deciding a shower wasn't worth it, I returned to my room and navigated through debris on my floor to the window where I waited to the darkness to join me.

"Edward," he sighed heavily, "what are you doing?"

I tried to ignore him, but he was kneeling in front of me, his blond waves falling over his eyes. His mom had wanted him to get a haircut before graduation, but he refused because I liked his long curls. Tentatively, I reached up and fingered the ends.

"Just like silk," I mumbled, letting the pieces fall through my fingers.

He gave me a sad smile. "Babe, you need to take care of yourself."

"I'm fine," I argued.

"Fine?" he asked, raising a brow. "You call this fine?" His eyes roamed the messy room. "You need to get it together. It's graduation day."

Slowly, I lifted my eyes to meet his. They were shiny and clear and honest. "It was supposed to be our day."

"_Your_ day. You wanted to walk on stage today," he reminded me.

"I wanted to make you proud," I sniffled.

"Aw, babe," he said, cupping my cheek. "You make me proud every day."

"I…" I couldn't speak anymore. My rational mind knew he wasn't there, I was talking to the darkness. It was trying to lure me into its world. Jasper grew faint, his image quickly disappearing. Trying to hold onto him, I reached for his hair again. "Don't go!"

"You can do it, babe…."

He was gone.

Hanging my head, I closed my eyes. I didn't want to watch the black smoke take Jasper's place. As it worked up my legs, I tensed. When it reached my hands, I flinched, waiting for its hold on my chest. It came seconds later, the ache increasing with the pressure. I looked around the room, the torn letter, the broken pictures of Jasper and I, the trophies he'd seen me earn, and the bed where we'd spent countless hours naked and in each other's embrace. I was surrounded by him but I couldn't feel Jasper anywhere. So many things in my room held his memory but with the darkness around me, in me, the memories of Jasper were gone. Sucking in a deep breath, I snapped my eyes open.

I needed to see him.

Before I let him walk away forever, I needed to see him.

After putting my phone in my pocket, I gripped the handrails and backed the chair up, crunching the debris on the floor. Opening the door, I went down the hall to the kitchen. The house was silent other than the coffee maker percolating. My parents and Alice wouldn't be up for at least an hour. Spotting my mother's handbag on the table, I dug around for her keys. Before I could change my mind, I went out the front door and down the ramp, coming to stop at my mother's car. After getting the gas and break control from the trunk, I went to the driver's door and opened it. Moving the seat back as far as it would do, I bent over and attached the controls to the pedals, making sure the washers were tight before transferring to the driver's seat. Then I lifted each leg into the car, crossing my ankles.

"Fuck," I sighed, looking at my chair sitting next to me in the driveway.

Jasper and I hadn't gotten any further because I had a panic attack. I didn't have a choice, I had to get it in the car, I would need it to find Jasper. Twisting my upper body, I reached down and popped off one wheel and while balancing the chair with one hand, put the wheel on the passenger seat. Awkwardly, I was able to take off the other wheel and place it with the first. Then I folded down the back of the chair before reaching under it and lifting it into the car. I pinched my hand between the steering wheel and the metal of the chair but I managed to get it inside and into the backseat. I moved the car's seat forward, pushed the key into the ignition, and exhaled a long breath.

Anxiety raced through me, my palms sweating and my heart racing regardless of the ache holding it prisoner. But none of those things mattered. My fear didn't matter, seeing Jasper did.

Turning the key, the car roared to life. I looked out the back window before shifting into reverse. Relieved when the car didn't move, I slowly let up on the break using the lever until I began to roll backwards down the driveway. When I reached the end, I turned the wheel and backed out onto the street.

Holding my breath, I shifted into drive and pushed the lever to the gas pedal. Slowly, the car crawled forward. I felt slightly light headed and my eyes darted around the road in front of me, looking for anything that might be heading for me. I made it down my street to the stop sign. The lever was awkward but not hard to use. It was just a matter of knowing how hard to press on the pedals to sped up or break. Looking both ways about ten times, I finally pressed the gas and turned onto the main road. If I was going to pass any cars at that early hour, it would be on that road. Keeping my eyes glued to the view in front of me, I gripped the steering wheel with all my strength, surely making indents with my fingers.

Then it happened.

A car was driving toward me.

Unlike when I was with Jasper or my mother, I wasn't on the other side of the car furthest from the oncoming traffic, this time I was right next to them.

"Oh God," I mumbled, fighting the urge to close my eyes. "Please, please, please…"

The black SUV approached me and I swear as it neared, my body tensed for impact, the sounds of shattering glass and crushing metal echoing in my head. The SUV passed without hitting me and I released a breath. Blinking a few times to clear my head, I focused on the road.

I had to find him.

I had to tell him I loved him, that I was sorry. Even if he didn't take me back, I had to tell him how I felt one last time. I didn't bother turning down the street to his house, I knew he wasn't there. Turning left, then right, I pulled out onto the two lane highway, trying not to remember as I got up to speed what had happened last time I'd driven on a highway.

"Look at you," he said proudly from the passenger seat, his long legs curled up around the wheels of my chair. "You're driving!"

"I'm scared shitless," I admitted.

"Nothing wrong with being scared, babe," he reasoned. "Means you're alive."

I couldn't even glace at him to see the pride I knew would be in his eyes. Concentrating, I pulled off the road and shifted into park. Finally able to turn to Jasper, I was sad to see him gone, but at least the darkness wasn't in his place.

I opened the door and then pulled the chair out from the backseat, squeezing it in front of me, swearing when a screw scraped along my chest. Twisting again, I unfolded the back before attaching the wheels and locking them. By the time the chair was reassembled, I was out of breath. Nervous, I transferred to it, unlocked the wheels, backed it up from the car, and closed the door. Spinning, I turned toward Jasper's truck and almost smiled. The fact that I knew he was going to be there on that day at that time was proof of how well I knew my boy.

I pushed between his truck and my mother's car and eased my way down the small incline to the opening of the trail. It wasn't anything I hadn't done before, but in my exhausted state, I wondered if I would even make it halfway up the trail.

But I had to try.

With one big push, I began the accent up the trail, forcing the chair through rotting leaves, new weeds, and fallen branches. Whenever I got stuck, I bent over and pulled out the tangled grass or sticks in the wheel. More than once I felt the chair was going to tip over, but I stayed upright. My arms burned, sweat ran down my face into my eyes and my tee shirt stuck to me.

I ignored it all and continued.

The brush grew thicker as I reached the halfway point. The sounds of the forest were around me, small animals scurrying, birds singing, trees creaking in the wind. My dirty hair clumped to my forehead and I licked salty sweat off my lips as I grunted and pushed the chair, each turn of the wheels bringing me that much closer to him.

It seemed hours before I finally reached the top. Leaning against the back of the chair, I took a few deep breaths. I couldn't quite see the meadow but it was only a few pushes away. My heart was already pounding from the exertion on my weary body, but the thought of seeing Jasper made it pound even harder. I wasn't surprised the darkness hadn't followed me there. After all, it was where the bond between Jasper and I was the strongest, the darkness wouldn't have a chance in the meadow.

Closing my eyes, images of our past visits flashed by, from our first date to lazy summer days of planning, to two reunited boys dancing in the winter's moonlight, and finally to one boy asking the other to marry him. Before I could stop them, a few tears escaped and steadily rolled down my cheeks, mixing with the sweat before dripping down my neck.

I couldn't see him, but I _felt_ him. He was near.

Using sore, tired hands, I grabbed the rims and pushed forward, the wheels crunching the twigs and leaves under them. Entering the meadow, I noticed its dullness. The flowers normally blooming bright by that time of year were lacking life, the green grass was pale. Immediately, my eyes were drawn to him.

My heart stopped.

Sitting with his back to me, I could tell he had his legs drawn up to his chest and his arms wrapped around them. His shirt stretched tight across his shoulders and I could almost make out the muscles I knew so well. The fingers of one hand fiddled with the worn leather bracelet still around his wrist. The breeze blew wisps of his hair, swirling it around his head before letting it fall into its messy place. Even at that distance, I could see his defeat, his sorrow hovering around him in a dark aura. His head moved slightly, and I knew he knew I was there.

Keeping my eyes on him, I pushed the chair through the thick grass until I was only a few feet behind him. Never once did he turn around.

"How did you get here?" he asked quietly, still not looking at me.

"I drove," I answered just as quietly.

He said nothing.

"Jasper, please," I begged. I honestly didn't know what I wanted to say to him. How could I explain that no matter the amount of pain we were both in, he would eventually thank me for releasing him.

"What do you want from me?" His voice had deepened, roughened.

"Look at me," I requested firmly.

He hesitated, then sighed and slowly looked over his shoulder at me. I gasped at his appearance. Normally vibrant blue eyes were lifeless and empty, dark circles marring the perfect skin beneath them. Like mine, his hair was greasy and flat, his curls lacked their bounce and silkiness. Formally soft lips were dry and cracked.

Just like me, he looked broken.

He was as affected by our separation as I was.

Arching a brow at me, he waited for me to speak, only now that I was there with him, I didn't know what to say. I hadn't thought that far ahead. In typical Jasper form, he saved me.

"Don't you know I would go to the end of the world for you?" he whispered.

"Don't you know that's the problem," I sighed.

Shaking his head, he turned away, taking my heart with him.

"Why did you do it?" he murmured. "Was it me?"

"No," I answered quickly, even loudly.

"Then why? I don't…I thought we were forever, Edward," he said in a trembling voice.

"We were, but the accident, it changed me. It changed us," I countered.

Lowering his head, he put his chin on his knees and sighed. "Because you let it."

"How could I not? I'm not the same person, Jasper. No matter how much you love me, I won't ever be that Edward again." Didn't he understand that I had died in that crash? The boy he…loved no longer existed. In his place was half a man, useless and bitter.

He whipped his head around and glared at me, his eyes coming to life slightly. "I don't give a shit if you changed, I love you regardless and you fucking know it," he growled through clenched teeth.

Love, not loved.

Pushing closer, I gaged his reaction, almost waiting for him to bolt like a cornered animal, but he remained in place.

"You kissed someone else," he said with venom as he turned away again.

"He kissed me," I corrected. "I stopped him before—"

"Before his tongue was down your throat?"

Even though he wasn't looking at me, I nodded. "Riley just…"

"What?" Jasper asked harshly.

"He just gets it, okay?" I snapped. "He understands what I'm going through, the frustration, the loss. He knows _exactly_ how I feel. He's been through it all, he's lost his dreams too."

Guilt washed over him, draining what little color he had. His eyes closed and I watched a tear travel down his face. "You didn't lose your all your dreams, Edward," he whispered defeatedly, "you still had me, you had us."

"Did I?"

Opening his eyes, he looked at me, he let me see the anguish he'd been suffering. "How can you ask that?" he asked, sounding more hurt than ever before.

I shook my head. I wasn't sure how I could ask it, how I could have questioned Jasper's reasons for staying with me. But as much as I knew Jasper's heart was pure, I couldn't help but let the darkness's doubt seep into me. Someone like Jasper deserved more than never having sex, or having to carry his boyfriend up stairs, or making sure every place he went was wheelchair accessible. He simply deserved better and I didn't know why he couldn't see that.

"You deserv—"

Narrowing his eyes, his hands curled into fists, containing the sudden rage growing in him. "Don't you fucking tell me what I do and don't deserve. I deserve to be trusted that I know what I fucking want and not have someone else decide that for me," he sneered. "And I certainly don't deserve …."

He couldn't bring himself to say it.

Swallowing, I hung my head, accepting his stinging words as my punishment. My hands loosened on the rims and my aching arms fell weakly by my side.

Shaking his head in disbelief at my silence, he looked away and exhaled, reeling in his anger. Staring straight ahead, he spoke again. "Don't you think I _want_ to understand, Edward? Why do you think I did all that research? Did it ever once occur to you maybe I worry you don't want me because no matter how much I want to, I can't possibly understand what you're going through?"

His sharp words sliced through me.

"What you did, what you say about Riley, it's…" his voice faded and he ran a hand through his dirty hair, "it's my fucking worst fear."

When I didn't, couldn't, respond, he continued, "You're so concerned about what I deserve, but you never stopped to think about what I want."

"What?" I mumbled.

He tilted his head back, his eyes squinting in the sunlight, tears glistening on his pale cheeks. "Your happiness. I only want you to be happy, Edward, and if that means you're with someone who understands, then I'll accept that, but don't you for one fucking second think I deserve better than you, because…" He finally turned toward me, "for me there isn't anyone better than you."

Reaching up, I wiped my cheeks, blinking quickly to try to stop the continuous flow of tears. I stared at him as he slowly stood up. His khakis hung low on his hips, his shoulders slouched as he stood in front of me with his pain visible in every inch of him. A fresh wave of guilt crashed over me. Standing in front of me, his gaze not wavering from mine, he let me have the last of his strength. My fingers twitched with the urge to reach out and take his hand in mine, to feel his warmth and…love one last time.

He tried to smile but failed, settling on biting his lower lip instead. Blue eyes gleamed with wetness, his dark lashes stuck together as he didn't try to hide to wipe away his tears. He looked like shit.

He looked beautiful.

In those few seconds, or minutes, or hours, our past and nonexistent future was shared between us. I showed him the first time I had slept at his house, us running and playing basketball together, our first kiss, and first time in the meadow. Jasper tenderly showed me vows exchanged in that very spot, cooking dinner in the kitchen of our first apartment together, him walking next to me as we crossed the campus, our days as a physical therapist and music teacher. Both the past and future were filled with heat and passion and love, comfort and security.

A love I used to think could have withstood anything.

The constriction in my chest tightened, clamping around my heart, only there was no darkness to blame.

Just myself.

As if to gather himself, Jasper closed his eyes for few seconds before opening them. Leaning down, he curled a hand around my neck, his fingers in my hair. My own eyes closed and I felt his forehead press to mine.

"Let it be…" he whispered softly, a few of his tears dropping onto me. Before I could stop him, he released me and walked away. I couldn't see him leave, but I didn't need to.

I felt it in every fiber of me, including my legs.

Jasper was gone.

My upper body began to shake from the sobs that wretched their way through me more powerful. My chin rested on my heaving chest as tears dropped from my eyes and onto my thighs. The already broken heart exploded in a million pieces, shattering completely with no hope of every being put back together, for what held them together had just walked out of my life. Logic told me it was my fault, emotions told me it was the right thing to do, my heart told me to call out for him and beg him to return. My breaths grew short and shallow and I coughed. Forcing myself to calm down, I closed my eyes and tried to breathe deeply.

How had everything gotten so fucked up? Only a week before we were happy and planning our future, and now there was no future. Our fears had eaten at us both, metastasized throughout us, feeding on slivers of doubt until they consumed our thoughts. I understood Jasper's worry about not understanding how I felt, and he was right, he never could.

But did that have to mean it was the end of us?

I felt him in front of me, his hands on mine, his waves chasing the wind as he grinned.

"Yes," I whispered, replying to his unspoken question, the one that would bind us for eternity.

Looking down at my left hand, I saw the empty finger where the ring would have gone. I would forever feel its absence. Perhaps we'd been foolish, naïve to think we could overcome the odds set before us. We loved each other, we were hot for each other, but we were seventeen, and far too young to know what we wanted for the remainder of our lives. It was far too young to burden Jasper with a lifetime of wheelchair ramps and doctor's visits. Not that I had doubted Jasper's love, or mine for him, I'd seen it in his eyes too many times to doubt what he felt for me. It was honest and real and all encompassing.

"_I only want you to be happy, Edward, and if that means you're with someone who understands, then I'll accept that…"_

Jasper wasn't stupid. He knew I had told him about the kiss to drive him away, to put a wedge between so big there was no hope of him climbing over and saving us again. Regardless of how he felt, of what he said, in time he would realize it was the right thing to do.

Like a film reel, I saw images of Jasper with someone else, perhaps as tall as him with dark hair. I saw them jogging in matching strides, laughing as they sped up together, leg muscles straining. I saw them hiking the mountains, driving in a convertible, swimming in a pool, and finally, a clear image of them in bed. Jasper's lover on all fours, ecstasy on his face as Jasper took him from behind. After, they would fall asleep in a mess of tangled limbs only to wake and do it again. Jasper would lie on his back, his legs spread as his lover pushed inside him, thrusting his hips furiously, making Jasper cry out in pleasure.

He was free to have that now.

Letting him go was the hardest thing I ever did in my life, but if it gave him the future he deserved, that he _should_ have, I would do it.

I would do anything for him.

Including this.

Sitting there in our meadow, surrounded by his presence in the vivid memories, I said goodbye to my boy… and our future.

"**~~**"

"Can you believe we're graduating?" Jessica squealed loudly.

Cringing, I shook my head and backed the chair away from her. My eyes scanned the crowded gym where we all gathered before walking out to the field for graduation. Students dressed in long maroon gowns mingled excitedly. Most of the girls were in dresses and heels while the boys were in khakis and ties, a few rebelled with shorts and sunglasses. No matter how hard I looked, there was no sign of Jasper.

"He'll be here," Bella said with a confidence I didn't share as she put a hand on my shoulder.

After my goodbye to Jasper in the meadow, I had made my way down the trail, not even aware of the time or how late it had become. The drive home was more terrifying because I had no hope of seeing Jasper to focus on. I clutched the steering wheel with an even tighter grip, fighting off the rising fear whenever a car approached from the other direction.

I wasn't surprised when I pulled into the driveway and my father came out of the house. While he walked over, I opened the door and began to put my chair back together. There would be no hiding my red, puffy eyes.

"Are you all right?" he asked, kneeling to help snap a wheel into place for me. I nodded and handed him the other wheel. "Jasper okay?"

Looking away, I lied and nodded.

"I was worried when I woke up and saw the car gone," he chided quietly. "I called your phone."

While he was probably angrier than he appeared, he saw my condition and he wasn't going to make it worse.

"Sorry, I turned it off," I murmured before lifting my legs out of the car so I could transfer over. I hadn't turned it off but I hadn't heard it ring either. "I just had to get out of here for a while." I reached down and grabbed my jeans, lifting my feet onto the pedals.

"Edward, I don't know what's going on, or why we haven't seen Jasper in days, but you know you can talk to me about anything, right?" he offered, his doctor voice nowhere to be found.

I kept my eyes the ground. I couldn't look up at him, I knew if I did, I would tell him everything, all the secrets I'd kept for years and ending with how I fucked up the best thing in my life.

"I'm fine, Dad, just stressed about the valedictorian speech," I lied again.

I hadn't even begun the speech. After little thought the night before, I had decided to wing it, just say whatever came to my mind when I was on the stage. What did I care anyway, it wasn't like I was going to see most of them ever again once I left for Seattle.

I didn't have to look up at him to know he was eyeing me in that way only dads could. "I need to get changed. Bella is getting me in an hour," I said, hoping he would drop the conversation.

He stepped aside, closing the car door when I pushed out of the way. I felt his gaze on my back as I pushed up the ramp and into the house. He was one of many people I had disappointed.

Once inside, I went to my room and pulled out clothes for graduation, then transferred to my bed and stripped out of my dirty clothes before moving back to my chair in only my underwear and darting across the hallway to the bathroom. The hot water pulsed from the showerhead onto my muscles, soothing the soreness from the journey to the meadow but what I really wanted to feel was Jasper's strong hands massaging me. The bruises on my thighs were dark purples and blues, and looked painful. Not that I could tell. As I went through the motions of washing my hair and body, my mind never left the meadow, and the look on Jasper's face.

Pain. Guilt. Love.

The tears had finally run dry when I'd been driving home. Sitting alone in the meadow had given me some closure, the clarity that I was doing the right thing for his sake. While my heart would never be whole again, and would forever ache, I sought comfort in Jasper living a full and happy life. Unlike mine, his heart would heal. As I sat in the shower chair, the water running in rivulets down me, the lather from the body wash gathering around my feet briefly before circling the drain. My legs were thin, the muscles smaller than before, their uselessness obvious. I reminded myself that I was saving him from a life of thin legs and limp dicks. Someday he would understand and be thankful. One by one, our dreams of a wedding, college, and living together for the rest of our lives washed down the drain with the soap until there was nothing left.

Then I realized there was one dream left. One dream I could still make come true. I would make it come true for Jasper, it was the least I could do for him.

When the water ran cold, I lifted my head, not noticing the tears on my face as they mixed with the water. Getting out, I dried off, my hair dripping as I went back to my room.

I had just finished putting on the graduation gown when Bella walked into my room wearing a floral dress and her hair partially tied back. Quickly, I pulled the robe down over my legs. She glanced down, but averted her eyes and didn't say anything.

"You look very handsome," she said soothingly, running her fingers through my damp hair and making it stand on end.

I didn't feel handsome.

I felt clumsy as I moved back to the chair and lifted my legs onto the pedals.

"Ready?" I asked her and she nodded. I followed her down the hall, rolling my eyes when my mother insisted on taking pictures of us. Outside, Bella and I wore fake smiles as she stood next to me and my mother snapped picture after picture. I ignored the questions about Jasper.

"Just one more," she kept saying until my father rescued us.

He helped me into Bella's old truck and said he would see me after the ceremony. Then he leaned in the truck and took me into his arms, hugging me tighter than I ever remembered.

"I'm so proud of you," he murmured before pulling away and closing the door. He waved as we pulled away and for the first time in days, my heart lightened just a bit.

In the gym, I shook the thoughts from my head and tried to focus on Jessica's whiny voice but my mind strayed to him as I constantly searched for his blond curls. Bella's hand gripped my shoulder when I hung my head in defeat.

He wasn't there.

He was missing his graduation because of me.

"There's still time," she reminded me when Mr. Bradshaw called us to line up.

After squeezing my hand, she left for her place near the back of the line and I wheeled up to stand next to Claudia Bertell. We were the first and second highest GPAs in the grade, and she eyed my valedictorian sash with envy, nervously shifting her weight back and forth, her hands constantly flittering through her overdone hair.

Once the graduates were all in line, Mr. Bradshaw waved to Claudia and me and we exited the gym and went outside. Instead of our strides matching each other's to the beat of Pomp and Circumstance, she paced herself with the swings of my arms. When we turned the corner, the guests in the grandstands all stood and began clapping. My heart should have been pounding in excitement and maybe nerves, but I felt nothing. Without him there to share it with, I was empty inside. Following Mr. Bradshaw down the paved walkway, I looked out over the football field covered with rows of folding chairs divided into two sections. In front of the chairs was a large stage, a few chairs and microphone set up on it. The families were sitting bleachers overlooking the field. No matter how hard I tried to look, I couldn't see if Jasper's parents were in the stands.

We neared the field and I pushed the chair across the track that Jasper had spent so many hours running on. The clouds from earlier had cleared and the sun shined bright, and yet my world had never been darker. Numbly, I took my special place at the end of one of first row. The metal stage was low to the ground, only a few steps on both sides where the graduates were to walk up one side and down the other. To the right of the stage was a ramp that had obviously been added for my sake.

Ignoring the twinge of pain my heart, I glanced down at my legs covered by the polyester robe. The square graduation cap sat on my head, the maroon and white tassel swaying with each of my movements. I waited while the rest of my classmates marched in and took their seats. I heard laughter and giggling and joking, a few even kids batting around a blown up beach ball. I wanted to enjoy it, I truly did, but I just couldn't.

Then he was crouched next to me, his robe dragging on the ground as he looked me through the waves captured by his cap. Even though I knew he was nothing more than my imagination, my heart jumped a beat in his ghostly presence.

"Today's the day," he joked, "ready?" I nodded and he smiled. Lifting a hand, he cupped my cheek. "I know you're nervous about the speech, but you'll do great, babe."

My eyes went to the ramp on the side of the stage. "I really wanted to walk up there."

"Babe, you just have to imagine you can walk and you will," he assured me before giving me a brilliant smile and standing. When he was sure no one was looking, he winked at me. Looking over my shoulder, I watched him stride down the aisle. The further away from me he got, the fainter his image became.

Facing forward again, I forced him from my mind, I still needed to deliver a speech. I'd barely realized that everyone had sat and the music had stopped. There was quiet chattering as Mr. Bradshaw began the ceremony. He spoke about ends and beginnings, about friends and families and futures. He introduced a guest speaker who said the same things. Struggling to focus, I bit my bottom lip and waited for my name to be called.

"…class valedictorian, Mr. Edward Cullen."

Exhaling a long, sad breath, I gripped the rims with my gloved hands and pushed forward, turning to the right side of the stage. I felt the weight of hundreds of eyes as they stared at me, my handicap leaving marks in the grass. I reached the crude metal ramp and pushed up and across the metal stage to the microphone. Stopping in front of it, I lowered it to my height. The permanent ache clenched my heart. Closing my eyes, I told myself I couldn't do it, just turn around and tell Mr. Bradshaw. I hoped my parents wouldn't be too disappointed.

"_You can do it…."_ Jasper whispered in my ear.

Slowly, I opened my eyes, expecting them to see the few hundred impatient and bored graduates in front of me.

They didn't.

They fell on my boy.

Sitting in the back row with his cap crooked on his head and his curls hugging his face, his long legs stuck out from under his gown. Stormy blue eyes locked on mine and didn't let go. Silent words passed between in a matter of seconds, everything we wanted to say but couldn't. The ache soothed, my heart calmed. It didn't matter we weren't together anymore, that I had hurt him, none of that mattered as he stared at me. He gave me a slight nod of encouragement, the corner of his lip turning slightly in a sad smile.

Then he saved me once again.

"You can do it," he mouthed and I could almost feel his fingers entwining with mine.

He would never lie to me, not about something so important.

Swallowing hard to control the emotions surging through me, I returned his nod. I knew exactly what to say. Then, with my eyes never leaving the blue haze of his, I spoke from my wounded heart.

"Congratulations class of two-thousand-eleven," I began. "In the weeks leading up to graduation, people have asked me if there is one person who inspires me. For me that person is…" I paused, taking a shaky breath, "the one who stuck my side even when I didn't want him to. Six months ago my future was stolen from me, I lost everything I thought was important. But when I found myself in times of trouble, he came to me, reminding me I still had everything I needed. I had friends and my family. Every day he faced adversity with me, and every day I didn't think I would make it, he was the one who told me I could do it. I'm here to tell you all the same thing. When you think you can't make it, when the darkness is shrouding you, reach out and take the hand offered, because it will pull you back into the light if you let it."

The crowd was quiet, surprisingly paying attention to me, but there was only one I looked at, the one who still owned my heart.

Another deep breath and I continued.

"Together we have faced and persevered through four years of high school. These years have taught us so much more than what you can learn in a classroom, they have armed us for our future. A brilliant songwriter once wrote that all we had to was imagine a better world and it would happen. He promised there would be no greed or hunger, that we could live in a brotherhood of man. I think we are all old enough to know not all dreams come true, but perhaps if you believe enough in your dreams and if you have someone believe in them with you, they will come true. So as we graduate today and face our uncertain futures all over the world, remember your home, remember your family, and above all, remember your friends. For no matter where your dreams take you, your heart lies with them."

I watched as a one sun-glistened tear rolled down Jasper's cheek. He stood, as did all the other students, an applauded. Holding my stare, he didn't bother to wipe the tear. It fell in sadness, grieving for what was and for what could have been had that fateful night not happened. The clapping faded, the graduates and crowds disappearing until there was only him and me. I wanted him to come to me and take me in his arms like he always did, but he didn't move. His hands dropped feebly to his sides and he closed his eyes.

He'd broken the connection between us.

Grabbing the handrims, I backed the chair up from the microphone and turned toward the ramp. One big push later and I was at the bottom of it and rolling in front of everyone again. They were still staring at me, but I didn't care anymore. The one person I wanted to look at me no longer was. I took my place at the end of the row and vaguely listened to the next speaker. When Mr. Bradshaw stood again, two others stood with him and after introducing them, he announced the first name in the class. Mark Andrews stood and walked to the stage, up the steps and to the middle of the stage where he shook the faculty's hands and received his diploma before raising his hands to the crowd and smiling.

More names were called and I dreaded each one.

"Edward Anthony Cullen," Mr. Bradshaw announced.

Immediately, I broke out in a nervous sweat. Swallowing, I pushed the chair, stopping at the side of the stage, the stairs and ramp side by side. Biting my lip, I closed my eyes and locked the wheels on the chair.

"…_you just have to imagine you can walk and you will."_

I had faith in Jasper as I reached down and lifted my feet off the footrest, placing them on the solid ground beneath me. Then I leaned down and straightened my right leg before lifting my robe and locking the brace into place. After doing the same to my left leg, I took off my gloves and braced my hands on the chair. I was going to need all my upper body strength to push myself out of the chair, then turn and use it for balance as I stood. I didn't have the parallel bars or Emmett and Jasper to help me.

I was on my own.

My heart pounded harder than it had any basketball game or race I'd ever run.

He hadn't left the back row, but he didn't need to. He was there, his hands on me, supporting me just like he always had. He was beside me, he was behind me, he was in front of me, he was everywhere.

It felt like hours, not less than a minute before I heaved myself forward and up, wavering as I twisted my upper body to hold onto the chair. My feet were awkwardly facing one direction while I faced another. Bending over, I let go of the chair with my right hand and turned my legs one at the time.

It was time to let go of the chair and take my first step.

"For Jasper," I murmured to myself as I stood stall and faced the stage.

Releasing the chair with one hand, I balanced unsteadily. Encouraged, I took a deep breath and let go with my other hand.

For a few precious, dream-like seconds, I stood on my own without any assistance. It was the best few seconds of my new life. I could look everyone in the eye. For those few wonderful seconds, I had my life back.

Before I collapsed, my last thought was of Jasper, and if he'd seen me. Unable to handle my weight even with the braces locked, my legs gave out and I fell, my legs prone as I reflexively put my hands out to break my fall. My shoulder caught the side of the chair and a sharp pain shot through my wrist and up my arm as I hit the ground with a grunt. I overheard the sound of the braces unlocking over the collective gasp of hundreds of people. Landing on stomach, I rolled onto my side, keeping my face buried in my arm, inhaling the sweet scent of the freshly mowed grass as I took shallow breaths. My graduation cap sat next to me. I heard footsteps, murmurs and gasps, each one more embarrassing. As hard as I refused to let myself cry, I saw the droplets staining the arm of my gown. There was the sound of footsteps on the stage, of wondering what to do. Lifting my eyes from the crook of my arm, I saw the front row of graduates, their feet in heels and dress shoes, but there was one pair that stuck out.

I knew them well.

The gown swirled around his feet with his long strides before he broke into a sprint. Reaching me, he knelt next to me, his hands immediately skimming over me, accessing me for any damage I had done to myself. I was sprawled on the ground in front of all my classmates and their parents, yet all I could see was him.

"I got you, babe," he whispered tenderly.

Picking up my cap, he threaded his fingers through my hair before placing it back on my head. My heart halted at the light touch, the spark we shared ignited, and my faith in him grew.

"I failed…" I mumbled in defeat, averting my eyes from his.

"You _stood_, Edward, fucking stood, how is that failure?" he challenged lowly. "It was pretty fucking amazing."

Slowly, I raised my eyes to his. They were so clear, so certain, not a shred of doubt in him. He was exactly where he wanted to be.

"But I fell," I stated the obvious.

And I didn't just mean right then on the ground. I had fallen when I had doubted us, him. It wasn't an apology, it was a confession.

He tilted his head, the tassel swaying as he did so. "And I'm going to pick you up. Just like I always will. Just like you pick me up."

I was shaking my head before he finished. "I can't pick you up," I reminded him.

"Babe, you pick me up every single day," he said softly, choking back his emotions, "every fucking day."

Then without asking, his snaked an arm under my knees and another under my middle, swiftly flipping me until I was nestled against him. Habitually, my arm went around his neck and I laid my head on his shoulder and gripped his robe with my free hand. I could feel his heat through the layers of clothing, the rough grown scratching my skin. Even with the extra weight of the braces, Jasper stood, easily lifting us both, his pulse beating strong and sure.

There was complete silence as Jasper turned to the stage, and without hesitation, walked up the steps. Everything that had been wrong was righted.

It was in his arms, and only his arms, I felt whole, a complete man even if I was a broken one.

Lifting my head, I saw fresh tears on his cheeks and his airy curls blowing in the breeze. My angel was bathed in a halo of sunlight. It might have been Jasper's legs supporting us, but he shared them with me. I didn't need to walk because Jasper did it for us both. I didn't need to walk for Jasper to love me or be proud of me.

He already was. Every day.

I didn't take my eyes off him until he stopped in front of Mr. Bradshaw. He held my diploma out to me, and releasing my hold on Jasper, I took it.

"Congratulations, Edward," he said, shaking my hand. Mrs. Barnes and Mr. Caldwell also shook my hand.

In Jasper's arms, I was in our bubble and the outside world didn't exist. It was like our meadow. I only felt and saw him, the feel of his body, the strength of his arms, his earthy scent, the silk of his hair, the intensity of his eyes, the deep tone of his voice.

The love in his heart that filled us both.

When Jasper stepped away from Mr. Bradshaw, I reached up and wiped the tears from his pink cheeks. Dipping his head, he rested his forehead to mine. Besides a few gasps, it was quiet enough to hear a pin drop, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was I was in his arms.

"Baby, I'm amazed," he murmured softly.

"I love you," I breathed right before I pressed my lips to his, gently sweeping over them with mine.

His arm around my back tightened, his fingers digging into my side as I coaxed a quite moan from him. My heart raced and my blood heated as it always did in his presence. Everything and everyone disappeared and instead of a metal stage, we were two boys in love dancing alone in a meadow covered with wild flowers. Before his tongue could run over my bottom lip, I pulled back. Heat rose to my cheeks when I remembered we were most definitely not alone.

Turning us, Jasper faced the stunned crowd.

Laying my head on his shoulder again, my arm draped over his shoulders, I waited for the backlash. Whatever we was coming, we would face it together. The journey of the past six months hadn't been about regaining my ability to walk, but about discovering myself in a new way of life, finding a strength I didn't know I had, and a love that, no matter what, would forever be by my side.

There was a single clap and Jasper and I both looked in the direction of the grandstands to find my father standing alone. On his face a smile, the same one I had seen him give Jasper after his race. My father's words from earlier echoed in my mind, and they were no longer just words. The pride I had thought I would never be able to give my father again was clear in his features.

My mother and Alice stood beside him, clapping and beaming. Two more people joined them and Jasper nodded to his parents standing a few rows away from mine.

Then Bella.

Then Newton.

Then…everyone.

The roar of applause and cheering was almost deafening and I couldn't help but smile in awe. I don't know if they were clapping because of what I had tried to do, or what I had done, or that we had just come out to everyone, but in Jasper's arms I was brave enough to finally show them all just how beautiful my boy was.

The boy who saved my life every day.

"**~~**"

Thank you for reading~

Did that make it all better? Epilogue still to come.

Thank you to C for everything.

If this story has entertained you, thank you, if it taught you, even better. If you take only one thing away from this story…please don't drink and drive.

The next time you hop in your car for a quick drive, think of this wwwDOTyoutubeDOTcom/watch?v=cQraE9xrArw


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